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Ah, please, everyone, stay away. We don't want anyone to be a hero. A hero. A hero! | Get me Buck McCoy. |
Are you crazy? I'm a movie cowboy. And you're no Howard Hawks. | That hurts. But I just have one question: do you want my son to be disappointed in you? |
Fine. | You don't need that. |
Not to mention this. | Dad! |
Not to mention this. | Whoa. There's nothing wrong with a little hey-hey! |
Buck, you're my hero again. | Aren't you forgettin' someone? |
Well, there's Krusty, Itchy, Scratchy, Poochie, America's firefighters and then you, Dad. | And don't you forget it. |
It's Grampa's smell. "Old Old Spice." | Oh, my Dad never even knew how I felt about him. |
But you were very open with your feelings. | Sure, I said I loved him. But never that I was "in love" with him. |
Me? I ain't dead. It was Stimson down the hall. So much for Mister "I can button my own shirt." | Aw, Dad... We've got what people never get, a second chance. |
Yeah, there's so many things we can... | Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll call you. Or send you some fruit. |
B-6. | You sunk my Scrabbleship! |
This game makes no sense. | Tell that to the good men who just lost their lives. |
This game makes no sense. | Semper fi. |
I wanna drive again! | You? No way. It's too dangerous. |
Well, you're no angel behind the wheel. What about your D.U.I.? | That was a D.W.I. |
Please, son. Driving is my last chance to feel alive. | Well, you brought me into this world, so no. |
Fine, I'm dead. | Dad, get up. |
Woo hoo! And I want driving gloves! | No way. |
I got me a date with Zelda, so I need the car. | Oh, no. I'm not giving you my car. You'll probably drive it. |
Why don't we double date? Then the restaurant will have to give us that booth. | Wow, a booth. If I'm tired, I can just lie down! |
Cut it out. I can work the brakes myself. | No you can't. |
Cut it out. I can work the brakes myself. | You're slow to react, Dad. |
Dude sure got his comeuppance. | In real life he would die. |
Oh, Zelda. | Hey, watch the movie. |
Oh, everybody trusts Lisa. Precious little Lisa, apple of her Daddy's eye. | Lisa doesn't borrow my car and stay out all night with some... hoochie. |
Grampa, I gotta tell ya, she's a stone-cold hoochie. | Straight up, Marge. That hoochie only likes you because you can drive. |
Shut up! You don't know her! Zelda loves me! I HATE THIS HOUSE! | Turn that down! You call that music? I-- I just don't know what to do. |
He used to be such an angel. Maybe you should give him another chance. | No, he's gotta learn, Marge. The way my dad made me learn. |
He is your dad. | Cosmic. |
Death race? | And another thing: no death races! |
Oh my God! We can't let Homer know! | Huh? |
Oh my God! We can't let Homer know! | Oh, that is it! Abraham J. Simpson, you are never driving again! |
Oh my God! We can't let Homer know! | Ever! |
First he wrecks your car, then he steals mine. Your father's out of control. | Oh sure, when he does something bad, he's my father. |
"So You've Settled for Branson." | We've gotta go after them. |
Yay! | Uh, we'll wait for the next one. |
Son, can you forgive an old fool? | Only in public. |
Homer, you got a letter. Hm. It's from the library. | Overdue book?! This is the biggest frame-up since O.J. Wait a minute... blood in the Bronco... the cuts on his hand... those Jay Leno monologues... Oh my God, he did it! |
Here's the book... "Classics for Children?" | Oh yeah, I checked that out when Bart was born. I was gonna read to him every day. |
No Dad. It's an epic tale from ancient Greece. | That mini-van had the biggest cup holders. And change slots for every coin, from penny to quarter! |
Dad, I loved it, too, but it was seven years ago. | Fine. |
Dad, I loved it, too, but it was seven years ago. | "It was the end of the Trojan War. Clever Odysseus had come up with a plan to destroy the Trojans once and for all..." |
Hi-O-diddily-ysseus! | Stupid King of Troy. I think I speak for all the Greeks when I say this war has gone on for too long. |
I'll say. I'd really like to go out and get the mail. | Anyway, over torture, one of your soldiers mentioned that you collect giant wooden animals. We hope you don't have a horse. |
What are you laughing at, Dad? | If I'm laughing at what I think I am, it's very funny. Anyway... "As night fell, the Greek soldiers crept from the wooden horse..." |
Odysseus, do not forget to thank the gods for our victory with an appropriate animal sacrifice. | Forget it. Sacrificing animals is barbaric. Now have the slaves kill the wounded. |
You gonna be askin' that the whole trip? | Gentlemen, I must be wasted, 'cause it looks like that cloud is mad at me. |
THE FETA IS CHEESY / THE SIRENS ARE EASY... | Boy, if they kiss as good as they lure... wow! |
Oh, where could your father be? | Almost home! |
Hey! | Mmm! That's the next best thing to eating Lenny. |
Hey! | I'm still hungry. |
Didn't you eat enough of your friends? | Those were my friends?! |
Yes, I've been saying that for hours. | That's it, I'm going home. Which way to Ithaca? |
YOU'RE MY LA-DY / OF THE MOR-NING... / | This truly is Hell! |
This is the face that launched a thousand ships. The other way! | Honey, I'm home! |
Well, look who the Fates dragged in. | Oh, I'm sorry I was gone so long. But I'm gonna do something I haven't done for twenty years -- take out the trash. |
Well, look who the Fates dragged in. | Sweet Penelope, you're just as beautiful as you were when I left. |
Brave Odysseus, it has been twenty long years. Regale me with tales of your adventures. | Quit suffocating me. I'm going to Moe's. |
Brave Odysseus, it has been twenty long years. Regale me with tales of your adventures. | Oh, here's the story of Joan of Arc... |
It's never Joan Van Ark. | This one takes place in a make-believe kingdom called "France..." |
Victory. | Victory? We're French! We don't even have a word for it. |
Don't burn her! She's just an innocent child! | Burn this guy! He lost our good bucket! |
Well, it's easier to chew than that Bambi video. | Our next story is "Hamlet," by William Shakespeare. |
Cool. Does he get to marry his Mom? | I don't know, but that would be hot. "Once upon a time there was a young prince of Denmark." |
Could that fat ghost be telling the truth? First I've got to get Uncle Claudius to confess, then I've gotta kill him. | It's cold outside. You'll need a sweater. A sweater! |
Are you crazy? I can't believe a play where every character was murdered could be so boring. | Son, it's not only a great play, but also became a great movie. Called "Ghostbusters." |
We've been charged for calls to Brazil that we didn't make. | We are not paying this bill. |
Fine, I'll cut off your service. | Fine, I'll cut off your ponytail. |
Homer! | Marge, it's called negotiating. |
Why must you fight with every utility? | I told you, I have too much time on my hands. |
Homer, we were cleaning out a cooling duct at the plant and found a box of old taco shells! | Why didn't you call me? |
Oh we tried. But a recording said you were a bunch of deadbeats. | That's it. They have awoken a sleeping giant. |
Crazy scheme, crazy scheme, crazy scheme... | Get me tools and beer. |
What call to Brazil? | The one I didn't make and Marge didn't make and Bart didn't make and hence no one in the house made. |
You made that call? But you're the good one. | Yeah, the one we both like. |
Oh, aren't you sweet? Sharing your allowance with a poor Brazilian boy. | Don't you know the boys from Brazil are little Hitlers? I saw it in a movie. Whose name I can't remember. |
He's so adorable. Can we have another baby? | No way. I still haven't lost the weight I put on from the last one. |
He's so adorable. Can we have another baby? | I said forget it! |
I am like sugar to them. | Oh, that poor little boy. We've got to find him. |
I am like sugar to them. | How many people live in Brazil? |
Not if we buy our tickets on the internet. It's really cheap if we change planes in Phoenix, Honolulu, Sun City, and East St. Louis, spend a night in a haunted house and leave right now. | Then it's settled. The Simpsons are going to Brazil. |
Except Antarctica. | The Simpsons are going to Antarctica. Next year. This year, Brazil. |
Okay, here's some travel tips: only drink bottled water... don't get into an unlicensed taxi... and remember, they have winter during our summer. | Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So in August... it's cold? |
That's right. | And in February... it's hot? |
Mm-hmm. | So it's opposite land. Crooks chase cops, cats have puppies... |
No Dad, it's just the weather. | So hot snow falls up? |
Yes. | Woo hoo! |
Ay caramba, que mujer tonta! Veinte horas estudiar por nada! | Forget every word, boy. It's useless. |
Look, it's the giant statue of Christ on Corcovado. | Wow. It's like He's on the dashboard of the entire country. |
It says here we can get anywhere we want by taking a conga line. | Way ahead of you, Marge. |
It says here we can get anywhere we want by taking a conga line. | TAKE ME TO THE HOTEL / MY HANDS ARE ON A GUY'S ASS / BOY THIS DUDE MUST WORK OUT... |
Boy, they sure love soccer here. | Look Marge, I'm Brazilian. |
"How to Loot Brazil?" | I got it, I got, I got it. |
Look, the room came with a fruit hat. | Hey, and a mini-bar hat. |
I'M CHIQUITA BANANA / AND I'M HERE TO SAY... | ...I WILL EAT THIS TOBLERONE / AND I WILL NOT PAY! |
While you're singing and dancing, somewhere out there Ronaldo is waiting to be found. | There he is! It-- Oh wait, you said brown hair, right? |
Yeah, check out the rats. | Ooh, they look like Skittles. |
We're never gonna find him. | Now Lisa, it's not as bleak as that. Can you fly me over town to look for him? |
We nuns cannot fly. | Oh, too much junk in the trunk, eh? |
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