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Homer, I'm sorry you saw that, but I was very upset that night. | Quit changing the subject. How do you feel about me right now? |
Well, I love you, of course. But a lot of things you do still drive me crazy. | So you mean our whole marriage you've just been resenting me behind my back? |
A little bit, yeah. | Fine. I'll go sleep with someone who does appreciate me. |
Looks like you had a problem with those scrambled eggs. | That was a muffin! |
I'll fix you something. | Oh, I get it. Your stupid husband is too "drunk" to do it right. |
Well, there are a lot of beer cans around here. | Oh, so you don't like it when I drink. What other secrets have you been hoarding to use against me? |
Homer, let it go. It's not always going to be perfect. We've been married for ten years. | Oh, I didn't realize you've been counting the years. Is it that horrible living with me? |
Well this morning isn't a barrel of laughs. | It is to me! Marge, I can't live like this! I'm tired of walking around on eggshells. |
Maybe if you didn't throw 'em on the floor... | Now you're just making up rules. Who made you Judge Judy and executioner? |
Dad, where are you going? | Kids, sometimes when a daddy learns that a mommy always hated him, he needs some time away to think. |
But you're not gonna get divorced like Milhouse's parents, are you? | No, no. This is nothing like Milhouse's parents. Now if you need me I'll be staying with Milhouse's father. |
Welcome to my place. I just have a few rules. If you see a necktie on the doorknob, I'm with a lady. | You don't have a doorknob. |
Uh, Homer, I think you want your house, next door. | Stupid Flanders with his misleading silhouette. Well, I guess I have no choice but to go back home and... hey, I never noticed that newspaper box. |
Uh, Homer, I think you want your house, next door. | "Apartment Finder: We put you in your place." "Roommate wanted for three bedroom apartment. Spacious, river view, only four hundred dollars a month!" Thank you, news box... It's gone! |
Hello, Simpson. | What's the deal with this place? It's so manly, yet scented. |
No. He's nobody! Shut up, Stuart! | Nice to meet you, Stuart. |
Homer, before you move in, you should know that Julio and I have an active social life. | Me too. I'm a member of this club where if I eat one more sub sandwich, I get a free sub sandwich. You probably saw the ads, with this guy who used to be fat, but now he's just ugly. |
Homer, what Grady is saying is that, how can I put this? We might have a cocktails, say, where all the guests are male. | Are you trying to tell me that you guys are those guys that like guys? |
That's right, Homer. We're gay. | You are? Hm, which will win out? My old-fashioned prejudices or the fact that I've already mixed my laundry with yours. I'll have to sleep on it. |
Uch, where'd you buy this? From the guy on the exit ramp? This is disgusting. | Calm down, Picky Ricardo. He made us a great breakfast, and you're just ridin' his butt... and not in a good way. |
Thank you, Homer. It's a pleasure cooking for you. | Well, get used to it, 'cause I'm gonna stay. |
It's either him or that girl who put "Mother Earth" as a reference. And with a male roommate, we can walk around naked. | Way ahead of you. |
That will be one hundred dollars. | I see. |
Your father sure can be thoughtful when he wants to be. | Marge, please. Let's not fight in front of the kids. Just secretly hate me the way you always have. |
Hey, I love watching you guys fight. It's my earliest memory. | Why you little...! |
Dad, your hands feel so soft. | You noticed! I've been using Lancôme. |
Oh, it shows! I haven't had a strangle that smooth since I was four. | Well, I'd better go. But before I do, Marge, there's something I want to ask you. |
Yes, Homie? | How much do you tip a leg waxer? I need to know by tomorrow! |
So, it's over between you two. | Maybe it is. I used to look at Marge and get the same tingle you guys get when you see Rip Taylor. But now, I don't know what's gonna happen. C'mon, let's dance. |
He's gay. He's gay. Gay. Gay. Bi. Gay. Gay for pay. Gay. | Tennessee Williams?! But how did he survive in the world of theater? |
Homie, I tried to tell you how I feel, but I can't find the right words. Maybe he can. | Weird Al Yankovic! |
Homer, Marge wrote me about what happened. And as soon as her check cleared, I was on the first reasonably-priced flight here. | Did you ever get the parody songs I sent you? |
Yes. | Which one was better: "Livin' La Pizza Loca" or "Another One Bites The Crust"? |
They were pretty much the same, Homer. | Yeah, like you and Allan Sherman. |
Now here's a song I wrote for you. A LITTLE DITTY 'BOUT HOMER AND MARGE / HER HEART WAS AS BIG AS HIS STOMACH WAS LARGE / OH YEAH, THEY SAY LOVE GOES ON / LONG AFTER THE GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH IS GONE. | It would take a man of stone with a funny bone of steel to resist that. |
Homer, would you at least let me take you out on a date? | I don't know... date a chick with kids... |
Dad! | All right, all right. |
Well, we've got the cure for that. Margaritas! | Margarita... that's Mexican for Marge. I'll take that as a sign! |
Homer, weren't you supposed to meet your wife half an hour ago? | You guys don't have a gay time machine, do you? |
Hey, Julio: ouch. | I gotta go. |
We welcome Cub Scout troop number 102, we wish a happy birthday to Karen, and congratulations to Marge and Homer Simpson on their reconciliation dinner. | Sorry I'm late -- the Velvet Mafia made me a Margarita I couldn't refuse. |
But it's still not as bad as the first time I treated you for alcohol poisoning. | Oh, yeah. The night that destroyed my marriage. |
Destroyed your marriage? Why, I've never seen a woman look so devoted. Let's look at the tape. | You have that on tape?! |
He's stable now. I'll leave you two alone. | So, she didn't hate me. She married me because she loved me! |
And I still do. | Marge, I never want to be apart from you again. |
Well, you'll never have to. | That is the best kiss I've had tonight. |
Homie, what are you thinking? | Manly thoughts. |
Not true! But you are welcome to sing the many beloved public domain carols such as O Tannenbaum, Good King Wenceslas, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring-- | Those suck. They're worse than nothing. I could write way better songs. |
That's A-flat. | That's it, I'm writing a Christmas carol. If I can make my own clothes, I can do anything. |
Hey Homer, writing a new Christmas carol? | Maybe. |
Oh, I got it -- you want me to stay out here and work on the chorus. | Flanders, I am a patient, reasonable, handsome man. But even I have my limits. Now beat it! |
Why thank you, Homer. It's a popsicle in my favorite flavor -- plain. | How am I supposed to write a song with that stupid jerk bothering me all the time... Wait a minute... |
Why thank you, Homer. It's a popsicle in my favorite flavor -- plain. | EVERYBODY IN THE USA / HATES THEIR STUPID NEIGHBOR / HE'S FLANDERS AND HE'S REALLY REALLY LAME / FLANDERS TRIED TO WRECK MY SONG / HIS VIEWS ON BIRTH CONTROL ARE WRONG / I HATE HIS GUTS AND FLANDERS IS HIS NAME. |
F-L-A-N-R-D-S! | HE'S THE MAN THAT I HATE BEST / I'D LIKE TO SEE HIS HOUSE GO UP IN FLAME! |
Yeah, he wishes. | Hey, Mister? If you like my song so much, would you like to buy a tape? It's already rewound. |
No thanks. But I would like to sing it with you and produce it. | Fine. |
F-L-A! | His name is Ned! |
E-R-S! | Ned's a stupid name! HE'S WORSE THAN FRANKENSTEIN OR DR. NO. |
F-L-A! | Don't yell at Ned! |
D-E-R! | His wife is dead! |
D-E-R! | EVERYBODY HATES THAT STUPID JERK! |
YOU DON'T HAVE TO MOVE YOUR FEET / JUST HATE FLANDERS TO THE DISCO BEAT... | HE'S YOUR PERKY, PEPPY NIGHTMARE NEIGHBORINO! |
Mass dismissed! | Hey, what are we gonna wear tomorrow? |
I am so sick of that song! | Me too -- I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels. |
Why don't we take a vacation and get away from that song for a while? | Well, I guess we could afford one nice trip. |
I still think you should have left that at the motel. | What? It said "take one." |
And there's no radio or TV, so we won't have to hear your song! | Sweet. |
Or we could go to Walter Gropius's Bauhaus Village? | And fight the crowds? Forget it. The Simpsons are going to Bart's idea! |
"On this battleground in 1881, fifty-six Indians lost their lives and four brave Americans lost their hats." | Those poor hats. |
Daddy, I need upsies! | Coming, sweetie! |
Would you like to be photographed in my great-grandfather's headdress? He unified the nations of the western plains. Five dollars, or three for twelve. | Can you shoot one where I'm Rambo and my wife is Betty Boop? |
Unfortunately, the beaver is also our God. In retrospect it was a poor choice. | You people are guests in our country, and the beaver have no right to treat you that way. If I get back your land, will you promise to build a casino on it? |
Sure. And when we do, your breakfast will be comped. | How many decks will your blackjack dealers use? |
Eight. | Three. |
Four. | Deal. My brother... |
I'll save you! | So long, suckers! |
I'll save you! | Stop shoving! The little one isn't getting any. |
Oh no! They're making beautiful music together! | / Let's see move that there... do a flanking maneuver there... Wind should be coming in from the south... Time it to coincide with a beaver holiday... |
Oh no! They're making beautiful music together! | This map is useless! Useless! |
Homie, I'm worried about how fast our kids are growing up. | It's the beef hormones and the fluorescent lights. What are you gonna do? |
They took the bait. Let's go. | Uh-oh! We forgot to empty the mini-bar! |
They took the bait. Let's go. | That's a seventeen-dollar deck of cards! |
Actually, it's Fresca. | Fresca?! |
Homer, those are elk. | I still hate them. Go back to Pittsburgh! |
You, Homie. | Woo hoo! In your face, imaginary guy! |
Can it have a rope ladder you can pull up after you? | Only if it's an affront to God. |
Hey, you passed the lumberyard. | Only losers buy wood. We're going to nature's lumberyard. |
Isn't this dangerous? | It's okay, Bart. This track has been abandoned since nineteen -- uh-oh. |
I'm impressed that you drew up blueprints, but these are for a go-kart track. | Did Frank Lloyd Wright have to deal with people like you? |
Actually, Frank Lloyd Wright endured a lot of harsh criticism. | Look, I have no idea who Frank Lloyd Wright is. |
You said his name two seconds ago. | I was just puttin' words together. |
Gotcha. | Well, two can play at that game. |
Oh, that's it. You are going down. | Stop it! |
The Amish are so industrious. Not like those shiftless Mennonites. | Son, that treehouse is gonna be bigger and better than ever. It really restores your faith in helpful weirdos. |
Very nice. Did you do the wiring yourself? | Heck no, the Amish did it. Who knows more about electricity than the Amish? |
/ Help! | Watch your step... Don't panic... By going down the ladder, you are agreeing not to sue. |
/ Help! | Head burning... legs freezing. Middle... very pleasant. |
/ Help! | Oh thank God, the dog's here! Pull me free, boy. |
/ Help! | Don't be scared, you can do it! |
/ Help! | Hey! Where are you goin'? I'm your pal! I took you for a walk once! |
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