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You see this watch? It's jammed with so many jewels, the hands can't move. What kind of watch do you have? | Uh, well, I drew it on... See... |
Friends, there's a force that runs through the universe. We used to call that force "God." We now call it "Megatronics: The Forty-eight Tips To Corporate Success." | Oooh, published by Kinko's! |
Do you want to be the ultimate you? | Yes! |
Do you want to yodel at the top of the corporate mountain? | Yes! |
Will you write me a check made out to "cash?" | God yes! |
Sounds good to me. | Go on ahead. I'll just slow you down. |
What's that ruckus? | It's the sound of a go-getter at work, Marge. Look, I installed a key hook so you'll always know where your keys are. |
Uh-oh, that's toxic waste! | And now to see Mr. Burns for the promotion and raise I've deserved since this morning. |
Oh, have you now? Well huzzah, huzzah. I'll just throw back my legs and pollute my britches with delight. | But the book said you would applaud my initiative. |
Would you mind? | Yes, sir. |
Would you mind? | Ahhh, look at the little eels. Electric eels! |
I didn't know Mr. Burns had an electric eel pond. | Well, he does. All my life I've had one dream: to achieve my many goals. Mr. Burns has never given me a thumbs up or a "way to be" or a "you go, girl." No, he just steps all over everyone who works for him, taking pleasure in making us feel small. |
Oh, Homie. Don't let it get you down. So Mr. Burns doesn't take you seriously? Big whoop! Who gives a doodle? Whoopie ding dong doo! | Thanks for trying, but I'll be at Moe's. |
Who's this Burns guy? Somebody you work with? | Moe, we've been complaining about him every night for eight years. |
Well, if this guy's ridin' your rump, why don't you slap him some payback? | Revenge? On Mr. Burns? |
Or give him some face time with sweet lady brick. | No, I think this calls for something a little more cerebral. |
Don't you get it? If you get rid of that bird, Burns is at your mercy. | Get rid of a bird? No way. Their eyes are so expressive. |
Homie, what's wrong? | Why are you looking at me like that? |
Homie, what's wrong? | I have a plan to get to the top, but I have to do some pretty rotten things to get there. I'm not sure I could look at myself in the mirror, or any highly-polished metal. |
Who wants a kiss? Who wants a kiss? | Mr. Burns! The Nuclear Regulatory Commission is here for a surprise inspection! |
Good Lord! That canary was supposed to be my pigeon. I need to find a patsy quick! | Hello! |
Yes, yes, hello. Now, I need to find a patsy. | Hello! |
You're quite the friendly fellow, but right now I'm looking for a patsy. | Hello! |
You bumbling fool, I keep telling you I'm looking for a patsy. | Hello! |
Finally, I would like to add to any nuclear inspectors in the crowd, that the titular head of the power plant is now Mr. Homer J. Simpson. | That's right. And as my first act... Mr. Burns, you're fired! |
That man's mad. Smithers, get this bedlamite an alienist! | No, it's entirely within my power. Furthermore, there never were any nuclear inspectors. Check and mate. Now, king me! |
So, the caterpillar has emerged from its cocoon as a shark with a gun for a mouth. I only have one thing to say to that... bravo. | Huh? |
We clashed lances on the Champs de Mars, and I have been bested. The plant is yours. Treat her well. | Mr. Burns? |
Yes? | Eat crowd, old man! |
HEY-EY-EY, GOODBYE! | Hey, that looks fun! Do me! |
ext. power plant - day - establishing) | Mr. Burns' reign of terror is over. |
Oh, I don't think he was going that way. | Unlike Mr. Burns, I will respect you, the working class slob, because we are all equals. And now, as I ascend this crystal staircase to my office, I say: avert your gaze! |
Ext. nuclear plant - day - establishing) | That is so cool. Bart, open the door. |
Ext. nuclear plant - day - establishing) | Now, open it again and put a walnut in there. |
Dad, please. You're the head of a major corporation. | You're right. Put two walnuts in there. |
Dad, have you looked at this earnings report? | Sweetie, these things are gonna take time. I just found the door-shutting thing. |
Dad, have you looked at this earnings report? | Oh! Oh, yeah. |
If you don't patch the leak in cooling tower two, you will go to jail. | I need a vacation. |
This is your vacation. | Can't I water ski a little bit? |
Homer I'll go over the year-end profit forecast if you'll stop looking at my boobs. | No deal! |
I got a gold star at school today, for my exposé on toxins in gold-star adhesive. | That's great, honey. Hold it up to the camera. |
Homie, I know you've got a lot of work to do. But this really isn't the same as eating dinner with your family. | Look, there's nothing more important to me than you guys. I f... |
Homie, I know you've got a lot of work to do. But this really isn't the same as eating dinner with your family. | ...best quality pork chops. |
Dad, this just isn't working. | Lisa, I deeply resent...with a big bowl of applesauce. |
Hey Dad, you said you were gonna play catch with me tonight. | Well, I have to work, but give the monitor a kiss. |
I don't wanna do that. | C'mon, boy. You're not too old to kiss your daddy's monitor. |
I don't wanna do that. | Hey! That's a printer port, not a finger hole. |
Homie? | Hey, honey. Sorry I'm so late. I had to lay off twenty-seven robots. Don't tell me they can't cry. |
Knock, knock. | Mr. Burns! Where's Mr. Smithers? |
He's doing eighty years on an opium bust. I never saw a man take to a Turkish prison so quickly. | How did you ever run this place? You've gotta turn away your family, fire your friends, work until the wee hours of the afternoon... |
Scream all you like, no one will hear you! | I don't know why you're trying to steal the plant back. I don't even want it. |
Brick by brick, I seal his doom. | There you go. |
Hey Dad, pitch to me! | From now on, my only ambition is to be the world's greatest Dad. |
Hey! You nearly hit me on the head! | Quit crowding the plate! |
Hey! You nearly hit me on the head! | Oh, you want a piece of me? |
Y'see? This is the stuff Mom won't do with me. | Yeah. |
Y'see? This is the stuff Mom won't do with me. | Ow! Ow! He bit me! You saw him! He bit me! You little... |
Nelson steals a hood ornament and now he's king of the school. All that's left for me is to become the biggest drunk this town's ever seen. | Talking won't get you there. |
Nelson steals a hood ornament and now he's king of the school. All that's left for me is to become the biggest drunk this town's ever seen. | Lisa, what's bumming you out? They cancel a test or something? |
Dad, my life lacks direction! | It's a concern. A serious concern. |
Oh Dad, look at this one! | Sweetie, Daddy doesn't have enough money for that...unless they take a check. |
We certainly do. | Boi-oi-oi-oinggg! |
Why did you say that? Is your check gonna bounce? | No, of course not! |
Why did you say that? Is your check gonna bounce? | Duh-uh. |
Why did you say that? Are you implying that I'm dumb? | I have to go. |
Dad, that's a moth. | Oh. Well, where do I twist this thing to make funny patterns? |
Dad, that's a kaleidoscope. | You may be a smart kid, Lisa, but you don't know much about not hurting people's feelings. |
Uh-oh -- sounds like some bad eggs are cooking up trouble. | Mmm... bad eggs. |
Boy, this light has really screwed up the animals. | I'll bet somewhere there's a horse drinking coffee. |
Live from New York it's Saturday Night! | Don't you think you're overreacting, talking gumball machine? |
Palm recognized. Access granted! | Aw... my baby's first words. |
It worked -- I got my sky back! Dad, look! | Night... glorious night... |
Thanks, Mom. | I wish God were alive to see this. |
I wonder what Mom came up with for this week's 'Family Wednesday.' | I hope it's as fun as Pictionary was last week. |
Dad, we weren't playing Pictionary -- that was an intervention to stop your drinking. | What? Are you sure? |
Dad, we weren't playing Pictionary -- that was an intervention to stop your drinking. | Oh, that takes me back. |
I'm in. | Oh, I hate this. It's making me use my arms. |
I'm in. | Hey! These two pieces were already connected -- we're halfway there! |
Does anyone have any swan heads? I've got nothing but necks. | Can't help you -- all I got is gray. Anybody working on a cement wall? |
Turn it over, Homer. | Oh, right. Chinese guy, Chinese guy, frisbee dog... |
Homer, no scissors! | It's how the pros do it. |
Oh, I guess he's done with all the fun stuff. | Now let's see. This is either an old coconut... or Tom Hayden. |
I can't believe our family finished a project this complicated. | It's the only worthwhile thing I ever made that wasn't Lisa. |
I can't believe our family finished a project this complicated. | Prove me wrong, Silent Bob. |
Ooh, that's quite a thing-a-ma-jigsaw. But it looks like you're missin' a piece. | Looks like you're missing a wife. |
This awful. It's like listening to Schubert's unfinished symphony! | Or when I messed up taping "City Slickers 2" and cut off the end. Was Curly's gold just a legend? |
I shouldn't have cheaped out on the shelf. | I can't believe how young we looked... in my memory. |
I shouldn't have cheaped out on the shelf. | Hey, there's writing on the back of this. |
I shouldn't have cheaped out on the shelf. | "Dear Homer, I can't believe you're making this the worst night of my life." |
Young man, you've ingested a dangerous amount of alcohol. | The only dangerous amount is none! |
Young man, you've ingested a dangerous amount of alcohol. | Let's go to IHOP! I'm drivin'. |
Young man, you've ingested a dangerous amount of alcohol. | Okay, Burger King! Whatever! C'mon. |
Young man, you've ingested a dangerous amount of alcohol. | Why did she stay with me if she hated me so much? Hey, two days later she had a doctor's appointment. |
Young man, you've ingested a dangerous amount of alcohol. | "Nausea... cravings... knocked-up feeling... She was pregnant with Bart! And that's the reason she stayed with me. |
MOCK... | Yeah. |
ING... | Yeah. |
BIRD... | Whatever. |
Homie, what's wrong? | Marge... did I ruin your life? |
Oh, is this about that billboard my sisters put up? | No, the voters will decide that in November. I was talking about this. |
Oh my God, I forgot all about this. Where did you find it? | More like, where didn't I find it. It was practically everywhere. |
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