instruction stringlengths 1 496 | response stringlengths 1 472 |
|---|---|
Oh look, Jaclyn Smith has her own line of axe heads! | Yeah, it's impressive. But I still haven't found the perfect gift for Marge. Only imperfect stuff for me. |
"Endorsed by the American Carny Association." | Wow! I never thought I'd say this, but you slags are all right. |
All this attention! I feel like a secretary on Administrative Professionals Day! | Marge, you're gonna love my present. It is so thoughtful it makes the kids' gifts look like crap. |
"Kitchen Carnival?" I love it! Thank you, Homie. | Whoa, Marge, get a room! |
"Kitchen Carnival?" I love it! Thank you, Homie. | Hmm, dare I pour caramel over the cotton candy? |
What is that?! | This is eighty-five pounds of tooth-melting sugar. Dig in! |
What is that?! | That's it, kids. Suckle Daddy's sugar ball. |
Homer, are you spooning that snack? | That's my old lady. |
Homer, are you spooning that snack? | Ants! |
Homer, are you spooning that snack? | Birds! |
Homer, are you spooning that snack? | Cats! |
Homer, are you spooning that snack? | Flanderses! |
I think you should get rid of her. Then we can be together... forever! | Maybe you're right, Marge. Or maybe you're right, candy ball. No, Marge. Then again... No, Marge. Definitely Marge. |
Homie! What happened to you? | Marge, please. I'm too upset to talk about it. |
Dad, you got attacked by a bear?! | I did a lot of stuff today. I went to Starbucks, but you didn't see that on tape. |
Yeah, we'd rather have a live sissy mincing around the house than some dead hero any day. | Choke on your candor! |
You can strangle Bart, but you can't strangle your humiliation. | It's a deal! |
I'm an intensive care bear. | Why does a bear need a crowbar? |
Crying in the corner huh? Mind if I join you? | No, go ahead. |
All right. That's enough, Fraidy Sue. Here's what you gotta do: find that bear what whupped you, and whup him back. | Can I fight human-style? By slowly poisoning his environment until he loses his fur and becomes sterile? |
All right. That's enough, Fraidy Sue. Here's what you gotta do: find that bear what whupped you, and whup him back. | You cowardly Swede! You face that bear like a man, or I'll never speak to you again. |
All right. That's enough, Fraidy Sue. Here's what you gotta do: find that bear what whupped you, and whup him back. | But how will I find out what you had for lunch in nineteen twenty-eight? |
It tracks an electronic tag I stuck in the bear's ear. It's the same technology they use to keep tabs on Gary Busey. | Finally, science has joined forces with revenge. |
Oh, dear Lord. | Check it out, ladies. The suit that makes me completely invulnerable to bear attack. |
Homer, there's no rear on that thing. | I know. If I get really scared, I don't want to ruin the suit. |
Homer, there's no rear on that thing. | Rub a dub dub, I'm washin' the blub. |
Now look here, mister. I forbid you to fight a bear. | What kind of an example would I be if I didn't take revenge on things? |
Dad, you can't get revenge on an animal. That's the whole point of Moby Dick. | Lisa, the point of Moby Dick is "be yourself." |
You're not going, and that's final. | Fine. But do you know how ridiculous you look right now? |
You're not going, and that's final. | Marge, you awake? Marge? |
Or dead. | Gentlemen, sometimes a man must put his marriage at risk for reasons that are confusing even to him. |
You're sneakin' out to fight that bear. I wanna go too. | No way. If something happens to me, you have to carry on the Simpson name. |
Screw that. When I grow up, I'm legally changing my name to Joe Kickass. | That is so cool. All right, you can come. |
Why don't you take a bath in the river? This bear tracker stopped beeping a half hour ago. | Suh-weet. |
SKYROCKETS IN FLIGHT / AFTERNOON DELIGHT... | Oh my God! Lenny! Carl! Bart? |
A killer bear is on the loose in Springfield Forest, and local laughingstock Homer Simpson is missing and presumed mauled. | Wrong again, liberal media. |
A bounty has been placed on the rogue bear in the amount of ten thousand dollars. | Don't worry, I'll find you someplace safe. |
You set out to fight an animal and you ended up saving its life. | What can I say? I love nature... |
You set out to fight an animal and you ended up saving its life. | Circle of life. |
I don't know, but whoever's in there is taking their sweet old time. | Son, can I have cuts? |
Okay. | Sweet. |
Maggie's locked inside! | Now calm down. I'll just unlock it with this coat hanger. |
Don't worry, I know just what to do. | Bart! You're not hitting hard enough! |
I tried the coat hanger again. I don't understand why we only try ideas once. | The door? Now I'll never get to pee. |
Oh well, I'm glad you think they're cute, 'cause they're your problem now. | You just lost a box, pal! |
We did -- Homer took him. Didn't you? | Yeah, well uh, funny thing about that... |
We did -- Homer took him. Didn't you? | On our way to the clinic, I decided to give him a night his wang would never forget. |
Three hundred and fifty dollars an hour. | You're on! |
...and so utterly repellant he... | I'm your man! |
Now tonight's guest host... the ultimate place-holder... Homer Simpson! | Welcome to the Homer Simpson Show. I'm your host, Next Card. Homer Simpson it's great to be here in Next Card. Springfield my guests are...Moe Szyslak, local businessman, Carl Carlson, raconteur, and Lenny Leonard, three-time juror. Gentlemen, what's on your minds? |
Dad, you have to say something. Something meaningful! | Ever notice how seats are too small for normal-looking guys like me? Theaters... airplanes... why even here. Look! |
Yeah, yeah, twins, I get it. Now let's watch something I'm really interested in. | Who has more power? Miss America or Miss U.S.A.? |
Uh, listen Homer. I'd like to raise an issue. | Why so formal, Lenny? You're my go-to guy. |
About that, you know I've been with the show from the beginning and I was uh... I was wondering if I could get a small cost-of-living raise? | Interesting... |
That light's a little bright. Do you think they could move it? | Please welcome my newest panelist, Disco Stu. |
Ah, Simpson, I hate to bother you when you're eating, but you're always eating. Will you sign an autograph for my boy? | My pleasure. |
I eat Legos. | So did I, son. And look where I am today. |
I eat Legos. | Boy, everybody loves my show. |
It's great, Dad. You have tremendous power. And now it's time to put it to use. | Yes, you're right... |
It's great, Dad. You have tremendous power. And now it's time to put it to use. | Duck, Mr. Lincoln! |
I say live fast, die young, and leave a big fat corpse. | Well, I took Bart's advice last week, so I guess it's Lisa's turn. Now, if you'll excuse me... |
I say live fast, die young, and leave a big fat corpse. | You hit him high, I'll hit him low! |
Boobs. Just like what girls got. | Well, that's all over now. From now on, we will focus solely on important issues. |
Boobs. Just like what girls got. | Every year the gulf between rich and poor nations gets larger. Yet, the IMF insists on unrealistic debt-repayment schedules. |
Dad, you blew it. You listened to Lisa. And then you lost your stranglehold on the audience. | I'll audience you! |
Oh, Homie, you may have lost your show, but you went out in the classiest way possible. I'm proud of you. | Marge, I thank God every day you settled for me. |
Oh, Homie, you may have lost your show, but you went out in the classiest way possible. I'm proud of you. | Hey, where's my car? |
Come on, Homie. We'll go to the "Make Your Own Sundae" place. | Will you make my sundae for me? |
... ha.mo.shel be.khol-a.sher-lo sim-na yad.kha ta.khat ... | I'm hungry. Are they married yet? |
They're not getting married! | Then whose garter is this? |
Hey, Homer -- I'm your Secret Santa. Merry Christmas, big guy. | Oh my God! A DVD player. |
And the first season of Magnum P.I. with commentary by John Hillerman. Apparently, working in Hawaii was a pleasure. | Oh Carl, you remembered I like TV! |
I think it's Homer. | Oh yes, I am... your present is right in the other room. |
I think it's Homer. | Come on machine, take my dollar! |
I think it's Homer. | Fine, we'll play it your way. |
I think it's Homer. | Here you go, Lenny. |
I think it's Homer. | May the spirit of Retsin be with you all year long. God bless God, amen. |
Homer, you're the most selfish man I know. | Oh c'mon... Mr. Burns is way more selfish. |
Homer, you're the most selfish man I know. | That evil old bone bag... smelling of death... nose like a vulture... followed everywhere by that kiss-ass Smithers... |
Deftly. | Thank you! Freak. |
This is offensive to Christians and prunes. | Hey, everybody! We're going shopping at the Springfield Heights Promenade! |
It also comes with a notepad and a pen that works upside down. | I'm upside down so much! |
It also comes with a notepad and a pen that works upside down. | Oh, if I buy this, I won't have anything left for a Christmas tree... |
Today is the birthday of comedienne Margaret Cho. | That's the birthday I'm always forgetting. I must have it! |
Can we get our big Christmas tree now? | Uh, sure, you know it. The biggest tree from the finest lot in town! |
Dad, I don't like the looks of this neighborhood. | It's fine. Everyone just relax, lock your doors, don't make eye contact with anyone and listen to the radio. |
Isn't it kind of dry? | Oh, it just needs a little love. |
Isn't it kind of dry? | Why do the things I love always burn? |
What's that? | Uh... Woo hoo! Maggie's talking! |
You wasted our money on something extravagant for yourself! | There's a trickle-down theory here. If I'm happy, I'm less abusive to the rest of you. |
I will be testing my smoke alarm for the next three hours. | Oh, this is sadder than "Tuesdays With Morrie." |
I will be testing my smoke alarm for the next three hours. | C'mon Marge, I'm not the only selfish person. You have to get your hair done at "Supercuts." I guess regular "Cuts" just isn't good enough for you. |
You just don't get it, do you? Christmas is a time to think of others, but today you showed you only care about yourself. | That's not true. I cared what you thought once you found out. |
You can sleep on the couch tonight. | Can't you yell at me now and get it over with? |
No. I'm gonna parcel my anger out over the next few days and weeks, jabbing at you just when you seem the most content. | I don't need her, I've got you, Astrolabe. |
And now back to "Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol." | Mr. McGrew! I love that blind, senile old man. |
I can't find my way back to the home. | I heard you the first five times. |
Sweet, sweet money! | Oh my God! It's like looking at a cartoon version of myself. |
Spirit, surely there is some time to reform my selfish ways. | C'mon, Death. Leave McGrew alone. Take Tiny Tim. |
Nooooooo! | Unloved by Al? Noooooooo! |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.