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Nooooooo! | Unloved by all! Noooooooo! |
Dad? Are you okay? | Children, children, what day is this? |
It's Saturday, December sixth. | Thank God! There's still four more days 'til Christmas. I have time to reform my ways! |
It's Saturday, December sixth. | I just saw the greatest cartoon of all time. It was about a miser who was visited by three ghosts at Christmas. And get this: he learns a lesson! |
That last one looked kinda good. | Marge, TV and nightmares have joined forces to teach me a lesson. From now on, I will stop being selfish and start being good. In fact, I'll be the nicest man in town. |
You've made that promise before. | Yes, but this time I'm sober. Ish. |
Well, the hobos sure will appreciate our old clothes and lima beans. | No need, Flanders. I've already given them my old clothes. |
Well, the hobos sure will appreciate our old clothes and lima beans. | Good-lookin' group. |
These pants smell worse than my old pants. | You're welcome! |
Wow, a photo cube with pictures of us! | And I filed down all the sharp corners. See, your eye is completely safe. |
Oh, your thoughtfulness tastes so good. And tears are the sweetest sauce. | All right, now you're startin' to creep me out. |
Oh, very nice, Ned. But I'm afraid you're a distant second this week. | I'm not looking for glory or wealth. I'm just buying that stairway to heaven Jesus sang of. |
That was Led Zeppelin. | Get back to your bong, hippie. |
Homie, I'm so proud -- you changed more than I could imagined! You're even covering your mouth when you burp. | Just like the Pope! |
Homie, I'm so proud -- you changed more than I could imagined! You're even covering your mouth when you burp. | Being unselfish is a natural high, like hiking or paint thinner. |
Homie, I'm so proud -- you changed more than I could imagined! You're even covering your mouth when you burp. | And here's another act of Christian charity I pulled out of my butt. |
Homie, I'm so proud -- you changed more than I could imagined! You're even covering your mouth when you burp. | I built a skating rink for the whole town! |
Wha? | Here's your skates. Oh, you'll have to take off those boots. |
Those are my feet. | Ewww. |
You just tweezered my wang. | I'll show Flanders. I'm gonna get everyone a car. What's that one good American car? |
Dad, you don't have to out-do Mr. Flanders. Just remember the spirit of the season. | Uh... is it despair? |
Actually, most people now feel Christmas has gotten too materialistic. In fact, as a Buddhist, I believe people would be a lot happier without presents. | Hmm. You've given me a lot to think about. |
I'm not going to jail again! | I've got it... when everyone's asleep, I'll take away their presents. Then they'll be happy! Thanks, Buddha. |
Your behavior, it's like, it's like, not sanctioned by any governing body. You're like, wild. | Um, shouldn't you all be singing carols or something? |
Friends, what Homer did was wrong. But I've been thinking -- maybe I was just as wrong to give you those gifts. | Wait a minute, everyone! There's your Christmas up there! |
You can't pray on city property. | Let's just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic, but others don't, and that's cool. But we're probably right. Amen. |
Amen. | And now, I think the only thing left to do is -- return all your gifts! Ned? |
NINE, TEN, START OVER AGAIN. ONE, TWO, TIE YOUR SHOE.... | Look, Maggie! Funny Daddy! |
NINE, TEN, START OVER AGAIN. ONE, TWO, TIE YOUR SHOE.... | Too hard. |
I got them fair and square and I kept my dignity. Not like Janey's mom. | Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop! Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop! |
That ad makes me look like a criminal. | Then why did you appear in it? |
That wasn't me! | Maybe she was you and you're not! How many kids do we have? |
Three! | Wrong, lady! Oh wait, the baby. |
I try my best. They ridicule me. They mock everything I cherish. | Honey, this marriage is a partnership. When you fall, I pick you up. And when you can't finish a sandwich, I eat that sandwich. |
You're my rock, Homie. | And I promise this rock is gonna weigh you down for the rest of your life. |
Awww... | Honey, no one messes with my Mrs. I'll come down on those guys like the garage door on Bart's bike. |
What are you going to do? | You just leave everything to Homer. And now, I believe you owe me half a sandwich. |
I always keep one near the bed for you. | Here comes my commercial. In six, five, four... |
I probably should have watched it first. | You've probably heard a lot of bad things about Families Come First. |
I probably should have watched it first. | But newspaper writers are a bunch of jerks. Who really opposes "Families Come First?" |
I probably should have watched it first. | Many childless advocates are like Ben Affleck -- famous, successful people from out of State! |
I probably should have watched it first. | They live in fancy houses in other places. |
I probably should have watched it first. | "Families Come First" is supported by lifelong Springfieldians you know and trust like me, Milhouse's Dad, Bumblebee Man, Surly Duff, and that jerk that goes "Yeees!" |
I probably should have watched it first. | For more information, visit our website, www.al-jazeera.com. We're not affiliated. We're just piggybacking on their message board. |
I probably should have watched it first. | I am Rudy Giuliani. Do as I command you. I am Rudy Giuliani. Do as I command you. |
It says "Yes on two thirty-two". We want no on two thirty-two, Yes on two forty-two. | Either way. The important thing is the system works. |
And the bumper stickers misspelled "on". | Great. Let's dump these kids in an R-rated movie while we go someplace nice. |
I need to be alone right now. | Marge, wait. |
I need to be alone right now. | I am Rudy Giuliani. You must forgive Homer. I am Rudy Giuliani. You must forgive Homer. I am. |
Can I bring my laser pointer? | What do I care? |
I ran here as fast as I... | Bart, that creepy kid's here! |
I said no! | I'm confused! Which is it? |
It's no! His old bike is fine! | Yeah, the kitchen lady's right -- no new bike while your old one still works. |
I see. So if my old bike didn't work, I would automatically get a new one? | That's right. No questions asked. |
I know how you feel, Lis. No kid wants to outlive their pet. | There, there. You're both right. |
Can I, for true? | For true, son. |
Your bike is in here. I could put it together right now -- for a small assembly fee. | Here we go. Now it starts with the fees. |
Your bike is in here. I could put it together right now -- for a small assembly fee. | I'll assemble it myself. |
Dad, no! Think of the bike. | I can make a bike. I made you. |
Yeah, great workmanship. | Hey, that's gonna win you a lot of bar bets some day. |
Haw haw! Your dad's not handy! | Son are you okay? I brought my home-made first aid kit. It's spring-loaded for quick access! |
Face it, you're not the most mechanical guy in the world. But you're good at other things: like... eating while driving. That's somethin'... and nobody gets madder at the news. | First of all, thank you. Secondly... |
If you can't build a robot... be a robot! | That's it! |
Awesome! I gotta tell Milhouse. | Oh, the beer's gone. I'll have to suck it out of the shag. |
Oh, Lisa. Honey, it's okay. You're a Buddhist, so you know your cats are now reincarnated as a higher form of life. | Like a dog. Or a snowman! |
"Dear Bart..." | "...I'd love to be with you, but I just remembered an old army buddy has come to town. Will meet you later. Love, Dad. |
What's this? Knockahomer has dropped his hammer. | Doin' it for the boy...doin' it for the boy... pain is love... to bleed is to care... |
...then Knockahomer did three victory laps and pretended to drink a beer! | Pretended. |
Dad, what are all those cuts? | Various bug bites and wounds. Now stop interrupting your brother. |
Dad, it was so great -- Knockahomer really took a pounding but then he won! | I like you, son. |
Dad, it was so great -- Knockahomer really took a pounding but then he won! | Not so rough, Bart. Daddy can't handle so much love right now. |
This robot's the greatest thing you've ever done for me. I can't believe you've never seen him fight. | Well, I've been busy, son. They really need me over at the nuclear plank. |
Well, the next match is Saturday. Can you come then? | I don't think so, son. But on the other hand, I may be closer than you think. |
Well, the next match is Saturday. Can you come then? | So much metal in my eye. |
Our robot can kick that robot's ass! Right Dad? Dad? | Oh no! My recurring nightmare is coming true! |
Our robot can kick that robot's ass! Right Dad? Dad? | There are many people I'd like to thank for this award. My wife, Anjelica Huston -- this is for you, Angie! We did it! |
You guys are just in time. My dad's about to tell me something important about our robot. | Uh... |
You guys are just in time. My dad's about to tell me something important about our robot. | I just installed a chip that makes it ten per cent more bloodthirsty! |
Don't worry, I'll raise him like the mean streets raised me. | I wish I had bullies like you growing up. |
My job was to keep Lisa's hope alive. But instead, she's really depressed. | You think you've got problems, look what I just pulled out of my arm! |
Business, what business? | The business of being a Dad. Can you hand me that magnet? |
Business, what business? | Can you do my back? |
Dad?! | Bart, I'm sorry -- I could never build a robot this awesome. I'm a fraud. |
So, you fought all those robots? | Affirmative. |
That is so cool! | You really think so? |
Yeah! Any Poindexter can throw some nuts and bolts together -- you risked your own life, even though you're the sole provider for a family of five! I am the luckiest kid in the world. | And I'm the luckiest-- |
That robot has given birth to a man! | Hey, what gives? He's not killing me! |
I'll tell you what gives, I'm afraid he is subject to Isaac Asimov's laws of robotics. With the sci-fi and the so many books, not too many good. My robot is programmed never to harm humans, you see, only to serve them. | He knows just how I like my martinis... full of alcohol. |
Go! Go! Go! Now's your chance! | Bart, all that button ever did was send a mild electric shock up my backside. |
Why did you make it do that? | Keep me focused. |
Well, you did disappear a lot, but I have gone whole summers without seeing you. | Yeah, I'm pretty unreliable. |
Well, you did disappear a lot, but I have gone whole summers without seeing you. | Let's see... I'll have sixteen gravy scrape 'ems, a bucket of twisty lard, and two super-choker breakfast burritos with macho sauce. And mega-size it, please. |
Yes, we're well-protected against every threat, from bomb-toting Bolsheviks, to golden-armed jazzbos. | Oh no! I hit the grief counselor! |
Consider yourself fired! | I had a car! |
Okay, here's how it goes: buyers never tell you what they're willing to spend. And when they talk privately, we spy on them through this one-way mirror. | We'll clean out those stupid Americans. |
Okay, here's how it goes: buyers never tell you what they're willing to spend. And when they talk privately, we spy on them through this one-way mirror. | ...you probably want to talk this over, so I'll leave you two "alone." Excuse me. |
Let's get outta here. I'm not shaking that guy's hand. | They'll be back. |
Let's get outta here. I'm not shaking that guy's hand. | He was my best friend. |
Let's get outta here. I'm not shaking that guy's hand. | Cool, an ambulance from the '60s! I bet a lotta hippies were denied care in this thing. Injured hippies! |
Buy me! Buy me! Buy me! Buy me! | I'll do it! |
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