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Coptic Christian. | Noooo! |
Hey, it's only money. And it did make a cool splash. | Marge, you're taking this pretty well. |
Dude, she seemed tense, so we put a little hashish in her meal. | Cool. |
Play?! All plays suck, all the time, and always will, and everyone knows it! | Look, we'll compromise. We'll go see a play...that Lisa doesn't want to see. |
Hoot! Hoot! Hoot! Hoot! | Hoot! Hoot! Hoot! Hoot! Hoot! |
Let's see now... barely finished high school, you've challenged me to fight six times since the interview began... | Make it seven! |
"Crack, smack, uppers, downers, outters, inners, horse tranquilizers, cow paralyzers, blue bombers, green goofers, yellow submarines, LSD mach three, and trace amounts of human urine!" | There must have been a mistake. My body is a temple. |
Guards! Remove this coked-out man balloon from my sight! | But he misread my pee! He misread my peeeee! |
Okay, new meat, you're clean. | I'm not supposed to be new meat. I'm supposed to have your job. |
No Frank Gehry-designed prison can hold me! Ha ha! | Oh my God! That man might be hurt! Guards, there's a prisoner in there! |
Nice nab, Simpson. You did the right thing squealin' on that guy. | Squealin'? No, I just wanted to help him. |
Whatever. How'd you like to be a full-time rat? | Really? You mean eat cheese, gnaw through electrical cords, things like that? |
Now, now, there are perks. A private cell, extra dessert... and this adorable little hat. | Well, I am a sucker for a little hat. |
So we have an agreement? | Well... I don't know. |
It's the only way you'll survive in here. | Well, I would like to survive long enough to see the effects of global warming. I've got an inside tip that it's all a bunch of crap. Okay, you've found your snitch. |
Excellent! Now, what have you got for me? | Homer Simpson has become a snitch. |
Your uh, mother. | Who? Oh, that "my mother." Tell him thanks. |
Haven't you seen what happens to people who rat in prison movies? | Sure, they're on top of the world. Then there's a big riot scene. Then I don't know, I usually doze off. |
The prison snitch is killed! And that could be you! Because you're the prison snitch! | What are you dopes lookin' at? You've never seen bling-bling before? |
Pssst. There's a jailbreak tonight. | How come nobody told me before? |
I sent you an e-vite. You never responded. Nice netiquette, jerk. | There's gonna be a breakout tonight. |
Lis, that place is great! They have a jukebox in the basement! And look at the trick they taught me! | Deal! |
KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. KILL THE RAT. | What happened to the guards?! Okay, okay. Don't panic. Maybe they'll tire themselves out with their chant. |
Homer! Homer, where are you? | Marge! How did you get in here? |
Oh, you must be Michael's dad! | Marge, c'mon! |
Oh, you must be Michael's dad! | We'll be safe in the gas chamber. |
I want you to look into the faces of those poor men -- each one is a life you made worse with your ratting. | Marge, I'm sorry I got you into this mess. Can I snitch on my heart and say... "I love you"? |
Done and done, sir. | Hold on a minute. Governor, I've been using my powers of snitching for evil. But now I want to tattle for good. This prison is a hellhole. They feed us horse meat -- with traces of jockey meat! |
I'll have you know I buy the finest cuts of beef. | The guards are sadistic and cruel! |
No Dad, you fell asleep in front of the TV watching "The Towering Inferno." | How do you know the title of my prophetic vision? |
Oh it's so great. We can do anything now that scientists have invented magic. I'm so proud of you. Lisa, graduating two years early, and Bart... graduating. | What'd I miss? What'd I miss? |
Homer, we're separated now. You can't just walk in without knocking. | Well, maybe I was partying so hard with my single friends last night, I forgot the rules. |
Homer, we're separated now. You can't just walk in without knocking. | Why? Is it messing you up? |
She's really enjoying Alaska. | Stupid wildlife, serves 'em right. |
When I was a kid we didn't show our affection by head-butting. | Oh, Marge... |
When I was a kid we didn't show our affection by head-butting. | Oh, right. Separated. |
All right! You guys are my new best friends. | You wish, loser! |
Watch it with the attitude, Mister. You came from my back fat! | Boy, I think I see my two favorite letters of the alphabet. E-Z. |
Oh please, not this again. | Son, say hello to Edna. |
Oh please, not this again. | Oopsie. |
Actually, Homer, I'm... into your lady. | Hey, man, she's not my lady anymore. We split up, it's all cool, I... I'll kill you! |
Come and get your diploma. | Much better. |
You mean get beaten up by him? | Exactly. |
And I'll admit, it is kinda romantic under the sea. | You don't know the half of it. |
Homer, do something about this leak! | Don't worry, Marge -- Hot Wheels to the rescue! |
Homer, do something about this leak! | The water flows down here, through the straightaway, a couple of wicked S-turns... |
Homer, do something about this leak! | Around the loop of death...And out the mail slot! Then it's the yard's problem. |
That teddy bear survived three safety recalls, but it couldn't survive you! | Aw, that's it. I'm going to Moe's! |
That teddy bear survived three safety recalls, but it couldn't survive you! | It's raining outside. |
FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... | Aw, guys. This is just what I needed. |
This ain't for you, sweat stain. It's a surprise party for Lenny, thrown by his closest friends. | So what's Stephen Hawking doing here? |
I live here now. You're looking at the new owner of the Little Caesar's down the street. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza. Sorry. That button sticks. | So why didn't you invite me? |
We couldn't tell you ahead of time, because you'd spill the beans. | I wouldn't ruin a surprise for Lenny. |
Six years' planning down the drain! | I'm sorry. I'll just sit over here until you stop being mad at me. |
Six years' planning down the drain! | Hey, watch what you say about him. I think Ray could be the one. |
Oh great, Homer! I bake a cake shaped like Lenny's favorite barstool, and you wreck it. | Well, I can see I'm not wanted here. |
Read the sign, pre-vert. | I'd like a beer and a sympathetic ear. |
I got my own problems. I just lost this eye last night. | How did it ever come to this? I'm the first man ever to feel depressed in a bar. I don't have a friend in the world. |
I haven't seen this much melted cheese since I left my Billy Joel albums out in the sun. | The sun. |
Hey, you wanna split this? | Wow, it's been so long since I've been with someone who doesn't know what a selfish pig I am. |
Hey, you wanna split this? | Mine. Oh, move your hand. I get this! |
Hey, my name's Ray -- Ray Magini. | Ray, you know me better than anyone. How can I get my wife to love me again? |
Beats me -- I'm no marriage counselor. Just a licensed and bonded roofer. | Ray, will you help me fix my roof? |
Sure, I'll help ya, under one condition -- you gotta help me finish this pitcher of beer. | Wait, did I add that right? |
Now, for my first act as President... | To my new buddy. Now all we need is an awesome theme song. Whatever plays next on the jukebox. |
DO THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME / ONCE IS NEVER ENOUGH / WITH A MAN LIKE YOU... | Next song. / That's what I meant. / Absolutely. |
Homer! I woke up to find an owl eating a mouse on the pillow next to me. | I think that means six more weeks of Autumn. |
It means you have to fix the roof! | Don't worry, honey. I found us a roofer last night, and you'll never guess where. |
Knockers on route 98. | How did you know? |
I'm psychic. Look, I don't know if I want a roofer who hangs out in bars. | You're right, Marge -- I guess I should look for roofers at poetry slams and yoga retreats. |
I'm psychic. Look, I don't know if I want a roofer who hangs out in bars. | High-five! |
Eh, I got standards. I don't hand out high-fives like Chiclets. | Ray would high-five me. |
Hey, Homer. | Oh Ray! You came at the agreed-upon time. |
That's what I like about you, Homer. Everything impresses you. | "Impresses." What a big word! I'm gonna look that up. |
Ah, this is gonna take some work. Tell me, was the roof in good condition when you bought the house? | I didn't really check. I mainly bought this house for the view. |
Ah, this is gonna take some work. Tell me, was the roof in good condition when you bought the house? | Some day that bowl will overflow, and I'll be there. |
No problem. Accidents happen. | One, two, three, four -- I declare a nail war! |
Hey Homer! | Ned, are you okay? |
I was wrong! | That's Ned Flanders. There's one in every neighborhood. |
Oh sorry man, I gotta go. This says my kid attempted something. I hate the way these things cut off. | Goodbye, Ray! Bye! Oh, he turned the corner. Ooh! Now I see him again! |
And why is the hole in the roof even bigger? | Don't worry -- Ray'll be back any minute. |
It's after six -- he's not coming back. He's a lousy roofer and a flake! | My new best friend. We think alike, we act alike, we finish each other's sandwiches... |
I don't want to hear any more about Ray. Tomorrow morning you buy some shingles and fix that roof yourself. | Ray's not gonna like that. |
You're not married to Ray! | Well if I was, we'd have taller kids! |
Hey Homer! Look, I just came down with a case of shingles. | What's in the box? |
Hey, I'm real sorry I never made it back yesterday. I hope we're still friends? | Of course we are! If you wanna be. |
What are you doing? Why aren't you fixing the roof? | I don't have to -- Ray's gonna be here any minute. |
I'm so sick of hearing about that stupid, unreliable Ray! Who, by the way, I've never even met! | All right, then you can just look at the portrait I painted of him. |
Homer, how did you think I'd feel when I saw that? | Something like that. |
Homer, come down for dinner. | Did you make enough for Ray? |
Ray's not coming! | He is too! His truck's gonna come around the corner riiight now. Right now. Right now. Now. Now. Nnnnnnnnow. Now. |
Ray's not coming! | Now. Now. Nnnow. |
Homer, I know where Ray is. | Oh thank God. Where is he? Tell me! |
Sweetheart, your friend Ray is in your head. | Ray wouldn't fit in my head -- he's a human man. |
You have to understand -- Ray doesn't exist. | Yes he does. He's on his way and when he gets here, we'll have ever so much fun! You'll see! |
You have to understand -- Ray doesn't exist. | Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, how we'll laugh! |
Homer! | Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... |
Excuse us for a moment. | What am I doing here? Let me go! |
We'll let you go when you admit there is no Ray Magini. | Fine, I admit it. Help me, Ray! Appear and strike them down! |
Homer, no one has ever seen Ray but you. | But that's not true, Bart saw him at the Builder's Barn. |
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