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At last I have found the yin to my yin. | If anyone knows a reason why these two should not be joined, let them speak now... or forever hold their peace. |
I knew it! You think everyone in the world should have a big dumb man like you! | People please, can we wrap this up? It's gonna rain and I've gotta get the bikes in here. |
Well, I've learned a lesson. Just because you're a lesbian, it doesn't make you less of a bein'. | Patty, I admire your decision. It takes courage to follow your heart and walk out on a non-refundable wedding ceremony. So I'm gonna waive the rose petal removal fee and prorate the cake-handling surcharge. |
Gnoooooo... mes! | Oh, Dad. How I'll miss your cap, your walking stick, your plaster base... |
I'm down here, you idiot! | Dad, where's your base?! |
Don't worry about that! Someone's gotta greet the customers! | Eh, they'll be fine. |
Son, you are on fire! A million times better than that worthless old coot you replaced. | That coot happens to be my father. Please continue. |
How would you like to be a full-time Sprawl*Mart greeter? | Is there a chance for advancement? |
No. | Woo hoo! No pressure! |
Yes. The clerk also gave me this bench warrant for Dad's arrest. | Aw, dammit! Chief, how are we supposed to live with our kids constantly separated? |
How am I supposed to know if I'm twenty feet away? | Don't worry, son -- no one's gonna make you count to twenty. I have a more humane solution. |
How am I supposed to know if I'm twenty feet away? | This twenty-foot pole will make Bart's restraining order oh-so-easy to enforce. And I used my Sprawl*Mart employee discount to buy this fancy pole cover. It'll keep your pole looking great, poke after poke after poke! |
Homer, why did you put the screwdriver at the end? | Show you what it's like in the real world! |
I like eating here with you, Dad. Especially without "Don't have a cow, man." | Yeah, he's all "Cowabunga, dude!" What's that mean? Nothing, I bet. |
Homer, would you be interested in the position of Executive Greeter? | Woo hoo! That's been my dream ever since I heard it existed right now. What do I get? |
You get to work overtime without us paying you extra. | I won't do it. |
If you don't, we'll ship you right back to Mexico. | But I'm a U.S. citizen. |
Uh-huh. How sure of that are you? | Dios mio! |
It's a chance for you to catch up on all the work I'm assigning you now. | I've never worked all night, never! And I worked at an all-night diner for three years! I slept on the grill. |
See this? It's the bathroom key. See you in the morning. | You monster! |
We placed a compliance chip in the back of your neck during the company physical. | That's it, mister. I am disgruntled. And up until now, I was relatively gruntled! |
We placed a compliance chip in the back of your neck during the company physical. | I did it! I pulled it out! And with no brain damage-amage-amage-amage-amage-amage. |
We placed a compliance chip in the back of your neck during the company physical. | Now, we'll get all your chips out, go to the police, and shut this place down! |
Homer, we took our chips out years ago. | Really? Then why do you still work here?! |
I hope you won't judge us harshly... | I'll be back for tall kitchen bags! |
Homer, you forgot to eat your hot dog. | Mmm, hot dog. |
What the hell's menopause? | Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters. |
It's a natural process that women of a certain age go through. | And it's something to be feared -- right, Doctor? |
Don't cry, sweetie. Everything's gonna be all right. | Come on kids, we should go. Goodbye, Selma. |
I'm not dead, idiot. | I know. That was for the other patients. |
I'm not dead, idiot. | My thingies! |
Don't give up, Aunt Selma. China has thousands of baby girls who need adoption. | Great, another job lost to a foreigner. |
Wait till the Drambuie and sleeping pills kick in. | Hey look, a dragon. |
Hello, Homer. Give me your peanuts and you can fly on my back. | I'll give you one. |
Oh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this. | Hey dragon! You fly like a girl! |
Homer, I'm gonna need you to do something for me when we get to China. | You name it, oh wise mountain ape. |
Homer, if you do this one small favor, it could transform Selma's life. | But Marge, I don't want her to be happy. |
Okay, don't do it for her-- | Deal. |
Do it for me. | Okay, I'll do it. Because your sweet love is the one thing that saved my life from being an unmitigated disaster. Ha-ha, now we're even! |
Madam Wu, these are... our children, Bart and Lisa. Yes. | And this is Marge, our surprisingly hot nanny. |
Thank you, Mr. Simpson. | Don't mention it, Miss October. But don't look at her passport, it's different. |
Homer, no stop! You're thinking of Buckingham Palace! | Wha? |
Homer, no stop! You're thinking of Buckingham Palace! | I hope you washed your hands first. |
Boys, you see what I was talking about? The greatest things can happen. | I finally get this play! |
So, Mr. Simpson, what do you do for a living? | I'm a nuclear-- |
So, Mr. Simpson, what do you do for a living? | I'm a Chinese acrobat! |
Homer, we need your acrobatic skills. Only you can prevent this riot, and save our beloved Communist dictatorship. | You guys are commies? Then why am I seeing rudimentary free markets? |
This is Homer, your daddy. Without him, I wouldn't have you. | Awww. She likes my eyes. |
Homer, I do appreciate what you did. How'd you like a little time with "Miss October"? | I would, but Marge would kill me... I mean ohh, right. |
Homer, of all the sneaky, dishonest things you've ever done, playing Selma's husband was by far the sweetest. | It wasn't easy, Marge -- I've missed you so much. |
Okay, one quick snuggle. | Is there any other kind? |
They took my baby. | Wow, the fortune cookies here really are more accurate. |
Just think about the day you found that Junior Mint in your bellybutton. | Who told you that? |
Madam Wu, we both love the enforcement of pointless rules. But there's a greater joy in bending the rules to help someone who thinks all hope is gone. | I was this woman's husband for a few days, in name only, and beer will soon obliterate that memory. But I don't think this baby could find any greater love on your planet or ours. |
You may keep your baby. But you, drop the panda! | But he loves me. |
You may keep your baby. But you, drop the panda! | Why you little... I'll endanger you! |
Feast on my shorts, stupid father man. | Wait, you're not Bart! Eh, close enough. |
Honey... your near-fatal boo boo today really scared me. What would the kids and I do if something happened to you? | Don't worry. If I croak, you'll marry Lenny. Or Moe -- the winner will be determined by a card game I invented. I got all the rules written down... up here. |
Homie, if you die, I'm gonna have three kids to take care of. I want you to buy some life insurance. Please? | Sure, if it'll give you peace of mind. But I'm not gonna die for many, many years. |
Mr. Simpson, before we can insure you, we need to ask you some questions. Have you ever had a heart attack? | Haven't we all? |
Strokes? | None. No wait, three. Since the last one, I don't remember so good. |
Are you a smoker? | Yes I am. |
You don't smoke! | Sssh! I want her to think I'm cool! |
You don't smoke! | If I sign it, it still counts! |
You don't smoke! | My hemophilia! |
You don't smoke! | Uninsurable?! |
You mean when the big tuna goes belly-up? | Huh? |
Well, I just think we should be building a nest egg. | Way ahead of you, Marge -- I just ordered a series of tapes on saving money. They should get here soon. I paid a bundle for over-night delivery. |
I have a book from the library with the same information! | Okay. I'll just hire a haulage firm to cart them away... at my expense! |
I have a book from the library with the same information! | Directory assistance? |
No more directory assistance! It's not free! | Well, I'll get a lawyer on that. No, a whole team of lawyers. Who will dine on mustard flown in from the Orient. |
Hey, hey, hey. No outside suds! | I'm sorry, Moe. Marge won't let me spend any money -- even counterfeit money! |
Can you help me unload this soup from the car? There was a sale, so I bought four hundred cans. | Marge, your penny-pinching rampage has gone too far. |
Oh Honey, I know it's not easy, but we've got to put money away. | You can't enjoy money when you're dead, so why not have fun now? |
Last year, you spent five thousand dollars on donuts, two thousand on scalp massages, five hundred on body glitter-- | Hey, I earn that money -- while you lounge around here, doing laundry and putting up drywall, I'm at work busting my hump. |
Give us our independence, Homer! | Yes, President Franklin. |
I, uh, was never president. I invented some kind of stove. | Well, I invented a Popsicle made of Mountain Dew. |
Did you spend our savings on a motor home? | No, I spent our savings on the down payment for a motor home. I need a castle where I can be king! |
Well I hope you enjoy it, your majesty -- 'cause I'm not speaking to you! | Dammit! |
I see. You were mad enough to leave our house, but not mad enough to leave our property? That's my half-assed Dad! | Hey, I couldn't leave you kids. You're like my own family. Now check this place out! |
You can wear swimsuits instead of underwear! | We'll have Christmas tomorrow! |
She's a Roam-a-way SilverCoach. Thirty-four feet of walnut-burled freedom. | Boy, I wouldn't mind driving that to the Holland, Michigan Tulip Festival. |
I've never loved you either. We use jokes to mask our pain at the death of our son. Really. | Hmmm. A place to dock, eh? I got room -- I have a back yard that makes my front yard look like an idiot. |
Can I bring the rest of the convoy? | Are you crazy? Let twelve complete strangers live on my lawn? |
Well, we'll give you regional beers. | It's a deal! Woo hoo! |
What are all these recreational vehicles doing here? | These are my new friends. They like me for me... and my plumbing and gas hookups. |
I know another place you can go -- to sleep! | Sorry, Marge. We've got the power now. And you can't turn us off! |
You don't belong on the lawn. You belong in your bed with your wife! | That's no marriage bed -- it's a loveless slab of bossiness! |
Well, you're not perfect either! | Name one way I'm not! |
No, I don't see Dad doing all that paperwork. | I seem to recall you asked me to get this fat! |
Oh boy. Let's get out of here before Dad does a bad impression of Mom. | I'm Marge Simpson. Don't eat off the floor. |
And I'm so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your French fries. It was twenty years ago! | That was my Woodstock! |
You don't take anything seriously. Not even your bankruptcy hearing! | Hey, that judge thought I rocked. Case closed! Although my case is still open. |
"Dear Mom and Dad: We don't want you guys to split up, so we're driving the RV back to the dealer." We've got to stop them. | Oh, this is a parent's worst nightmare! They've stolen a car and they're home alone. |
Oh, I've lost them! I can't see past all the SUVs! | Don't worry about the SUVs. There's a gentle curve up ahead. |
French it up, lover boy! | I'm not a machine -- I can't just turn it on! |
First, raise my allowance. | Why you little...! |
Ah, rats. | Thank God for that Turkish freighter. Now we'll just go get 'em and... |
Help us! | Bring back our children, you Cyprus-splitting jerks! |
Just for that, we keep your children. | Will you raise them Christian? |
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