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Class all the way. | Marge, could you let it go? You won. She's dead! |
Oh dear. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. | Spare us your medical mumbo-jumbo! Just give us the pills. Clear-cut his brain down to the nub! |
Oh dear. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. | Thank you, Doctor. Marge? |
Why couldn't he give up this like he gives up everything else? | I know -- I'll use that white-noise machine I got you when your father died. |
Why couldn't he give up this like he gives up everything else? | Transport yourself to the shores of Nova Scotia, where cod and halibut frolic in-- |
He's just drumming louder! | So it's a noise war he wants, huh? Then I'll throw in some rush-hour traffic! |
He's just drumming louder! | And a circus fire! |
He's just drumming louder! | Sleep tight, my angel! |
Just make it happen! | Boy, get dressed. You're going to a jazz brunch, as punishment for all the racket you're making! |
I thought you wanted me to drum! | I'm sending you mixed messages! Now get the Hell outta here! |
I thought you wanted me to drum! | I love you so much. Damn you! |
Bart, a rising star like you needs a manager, and Gil's your guy! Oh, I'm a jazz daddy from way back...with the skit-skat skittily boom-de-boom, and the ding-dong daddy... is that jazz? That's jazz, right? Cha-cha-cha with the curly fries! | Oh, son. I like you more, now that other people like you. |
Okay, guys. No one knows you're here, so be quiet. And if you get hungry, there are rats living in the Christmas decorations. | And then today at lunch Lenny and I went to the park and rented a rowboat. Carl sketched us from the bank. Summer days. |
I feel so terrible. I just wanted to save those animals while Bart became a drummer... but I never thought the two stories would intersect. | And what about my new job as a Mexican wrestler? |
I feel so terrible. I just wanted to save those animals while Bart became a drummer... but I never thought the two stories would intersect. | Beware of el Taco Belly! |
I feel so terrible. I just wanted to save those animals while Bart became a drummer... but I never thought the two stories would intersect. | No mas! No mas! |
I guess that's it. These animals are all gonna die. | Not if I can help it, Lisa! |
Do you have an idea? | Uh, no. sorry if it sounded like I did. |
UMA SHANG SHANG / UMA SHANG SHANG / UMA SHANG SHANG. Is like eh, Bruce Springsteen the Boss. Ya? | I guess. |
If you buy now, I give you tooth ache cream. Tooth ache cream. | Deal! |
Uh, that candy's been here an awfully long time. I'd think twice if I were you. | Don't tell me how many times to think! |
You are not bringing that thing home. | Then stand back! |
You are not bringing that thing home. | This doesn't taste like I thought it would. |
Well, if you're through, let's check out that discount book warehouse. | We already own a book! |
"Wisconsin From Above," "Veterans' Day Parades," ooh, "Smiles of Ireland"! Redheaded twins? Their mother must have her hands full! | Cool, a carpenter's library! |
"Wisconsin From Above," "Veterans' Day Parades," ooh, "Smiles of Ireland"! Redheaded twins? Their mother must have her hands full! | This doesn't look easy, but I'll bet it is. |
Well, I like the idea of you as a handyman... and I love the idea of you reading! | Oh yeah? Blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah... |
Homie, don't you want to build something with your new fix-it books? | I did! I made a foot rest. |
Don't you have any follow-through on anything? | What's the point? We're all slowly dying. |
Homer, your butt just gave me a brilliant idea! | Yep, it'll do that. |
Homer, your butt just gave me a brilliant idea! | "Simpsons Manly-Man Handyman" at your service. |
Superlative! Please install a doggie door sized for a teacup poodle. | No problem. Why don't you go inside and stir your flubber while I get to work. |
Superlative! Please install a doggie door sized for a teacup poodle. | Marge, the coast is clear. |
I'm terribly sorry. I thought I heard the sound of a woman measuring. | Oh, uh, that was me. You know that old saying: "measure like a girl, hammer like a guy." |
Yes, but you're holding your hammer backwards. | Oh, uh... you know what they say, "hammer with the wood and it's all good." |
Yes, but you're holding your hammer backwards. | It's allll good. |
Uh-oh, switch! | ...Annnd done. |
Mm-hmm! Simpson, you're a master craftsman. | Listen... what would you say if I told you a woman did most of the work? |
Why did my hypothetical scenario scare you so? | Uh... Like all manly men, I have a vivid imagination. |
Okay, gimme all your peanuts, Goobers and Fluffer Nutters. | Mmm... extra-virgin... |
This is Shirley. Yes, fine, he'll be there tomorrow. Goodbye! | That Shirley is quite a gal. We should fix her up with Barney. |
Homie... I think you're taking a little too much credit for my work. I mean, look at your t-shirt! | Marge, giving me credit was your idea. Now could you rub my butt? I sat on it so much it's a little sore. |
Why does Lenny need a windmill anyway? | He wants to grind his own corn. Maybe it'll finally shut him up about the high price of cornmeal. |
Why does Lenny need a windmill anyway? | Switch! |
And to think you built this whole thing with your own two hands. | Who'd you think would help me, my wife? Heh. |
Homer, it's time people knew the truth: I'm doing the work and I want the credit. | Look, I understand that you're mad. Which makes now the perfect time to tell you the mayor's hired us to fix the old Springfield roller coaster. |
Homer, it's time people knew the truth: I'm doing the work and I want the credit. | By the way, nice job installing this wall-chart bracket. If the kids ask, I did it. |
Mr. Simpson, shouldn't we begin by securing the struts? | Hmm... let me mull that over. |
Mr. Simpson, shouldn't we begin by securing the struts? | What are struts? |
Mr. Simpson, shouldn't we begin by securing the struts? | I don't know anything about struts. |
So what? He's paying us fifty grand. | And I promised these guys money I don't have! And they're gonna be so mad! |
Let's go home. | Maybe I can sneak home without them seeing me. |
Dad, here's a thought: if you just gave Mom credit, maybe she could help you. | Sweetie, you don't understand. If I can do this myself, then all those lies I told will be true. Don't you want Daddy's lies to be true? |
I'd like a Daddy who lived in the real world. | To Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. |
Perfect. | And now I give you... the Zoominator! |
Ooooooooooooooooooooh! | And now to get stinking drunk! |
Dad, put aside your selfish male ego and tell the truth! | Sure, I'll tell them the truth... |
Dad, put aside your selfish male ego and tell the truth! | The truth is that I'm perfect and everything I touch is perfect! |
Oh my God, he'll kill himself! He'll never hear me say "I told you so!" | I've never felt saferrrr! |
Oh my God, he'll kill himself! He'll never hear me say "I told you so!" | Uh-oh. Oh. Why must we preserve America's historic roller coasters? |
Oh my God, he'll kill himself! He'll never hear me say "I told you so!" | Thank you honey! |
Oh my God, he'll kill himself! He'll never hear me say "I told you so!" | Everyone! My stupid male pride made me lie to you. Everything I claiiimed I did was actually built by Maaarge! |
Homer, I was pretty upset with you, but in the end, I... I... I-beam! | Avenge me! |
Look! A shooting star! | Hey, that's great. Let's look at it after. |
That almost tore my head off! | You always find an excuse not to make out. |
That almost tore my head off! | Ooh, a space marshmallow! |
That almost tore my head off! | Where do you think you're going? |
Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel! | If he's so smart, how come he can't stay outta my mouth? |
How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from! | Marge, I ate it, it's over. |
How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from! | Oh no you don't! |
How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from! | If I can keep down Arby's I can keep down you! |
How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from! | Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping. |
Dad? | Son! Let me have a lick at you. |
Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son? | Nag, nag, nag. |
Is that the cat? | Uh, no. Just gas. |
The flames are sealing in my juices! | I'll savor you! |
Oh, right. | Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America! |
I LIKE BIG GUTS AND I CANNOT LIE / DOUBLE CHINS WITH THE CHAFING THIGHS / WHEN A DUDE WALKS IN WITH THE HANGING JOWLS, AND MY STOMACH STARTS TO GROWL / I'M GETTIN' HUNGRY / SO I MASTICATE / CHOMPING ON THE OVERWEIGHT / I EAT FAT PEOPLE FOR DAYS / LIKE POTATO CHIPS BY LAY'S / TRY TO EAT JUST ONE, BUT IT CAN'T BE DONE / ... | I used to think these shirts were just for fat slobs. |
Homer, I need to talk to you. | Dr. Phil McGraw! |
You've got a weight problem, and you know it. | You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner. |
Aren't you? | That's ridiculous, talking fudge. |
Homer, your family's here. And you gotta help me help them help you help me help you. | Marge! I missed you! All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin'. |
Homer, your family's here. And you gotta help me help them help you help me help you. | Well, back to the drawing board. |
I have to be honest with you -- I can't love a four-thousand-ton cannibal. | What happened to "for better or for worse?!" |
Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil! | It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffrey Tambor. |
Food does not equal love! | Marge, to keep you in my life, I'd do anything. There must be some way to turn my problem into a positive for the community. |
Can't you read my writing? I didn't say kick Homer's "walls". | What's goin' on? |
The cure to any man's problems is a good relationship. | Yeah, get him a woman. That'll end his misery! |
The cure to any man's problems is a good relationship. | This hurts so much. |
Just write a scroll, asking him to stop. | Writing's for nerds. |
We interrupt this dance music from the Meridian Room in Capitol City's fabulous Hotel Hitler, to bring you a special bulletin. | Hey, I'm not done dancin'! This bulletin better swing! |
Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor... | Flanders? |
Mars! | So, it's a war of the worlds. Good thing we've got the sun on our side. |
Mars! | Go ahead and hide, you coward! |
You know, Homer, we haven't actually seen these aliens. | That's alien talk! |
Dad! A flying saucer blew up that statue! | Lisa, that was just a radio show. |
What?! Homer! Our son joined the Army! | Eh, big deal -- by the time Bart's eighteen, we're gonna control the world! We're China, right? |
Okay Mr. Simpson, we'll tear up your son's contract. | Sorry, guys. You know, his mother's the one who made me come down here. |
Sounds uh, like you're kind of tired of being bossed around at home. | Go on. |
Would you be interested in, um... I don't know, joining the army? | Wouldn't that take me away from my family for two whole years? |
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