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Hey, a big target like you will be home a lot sooner than that. | Woo hoo! Where do I sign? |
Hey, a big target like you will be home a lot sooner than that. | Now where's my parade? Where's my parade? |
We have this issue of Parade Magazine. | Ooh, "Who makes what in America." Army private: fourteen thousand a year. |
At-ten-tion! Ordinarily I would spend the next two hours questioning your sexuality, running down your hometowns, and telling you to drop and give me various numbers. | Are you gonna ask us our major malfunctions? 'Cause mine is I care too much. |
Here's your nicknames: Brooklyn, Hollywood, Kissimmee-St. Cloud Florida, Maverick, Blanket Hog, Newman's Own, Master of Suspense, England's Rose, Nickname Pending, Bram Stoker's Dracula, and Snowflake... | Snowflake?! What happens to me in the summer? |
A troublemaker, huh? You're gonna sit here and eat donuts, while the rest of the unit does push-ups. | I don't understand. How does punishing them teach me a lesson? |
Okay, listen up! | Man, you've got an awesome voice. |
Well, thank you. | Can you say "Side effects may include drowsiness and loss of appetite?" |
Well, thank you. | Hm, sounded better in my head. |
Frontline infantry! | Everyone got an assignment but us. |
Frontline infantry! | I wonder what makes us so special. |
Gentlemen, I'll be frank. Never before has the army accepted recruits with test scores as low as yours. | That's an odd way to start handing out medals. |
I'm not handing out medals. But I am gonna give you a special assignment. The Army is conducting war games and we want you to play the enemy. | Are we that stupid? |
So they're not shipping you overseas? | Nope. I'm gonna stay here and let them test their laser-guided super weapons on me -- like that one! |
Stay crunchy in milk! | I will! |
Stay crunchy in milk! | Stay crunchy, men! Stay crunchy! |
Oh. Guess I'd better do my part. | Bring it on, chumps! |
Oh. Guess I'd better do my part. | Fingers, fingers, fingers! |
That's how it works? I was just drawin' wangs on the numbers. | Moe, Moe, you gotta hide us from the Army! |
The Salvation Army? You got it. | Not that Army, the one from "Stripes!" |
Okay. | Thanks, Moe. How can I ever repay you? |
Hey! They's usin' live ammo! | Well, what have we got? |
Hey! They's usin' live ammo! | Rise my pretties! Find our enemies and capture their image in your filmy fortress! |
I'd give anything to hear Homer's voice. | "H" means "hot"?! |
It's not giant and it's not in the distance! It's small and it's in our room! | Predator drone! |
int. mall - continuous) | Dudes! Wanna make some extra spending money? Get a free pair of boots? Hey baby, you like obstacle courses? |
int. mall - continuous) | Thinking it over, huh? I'm cool with that. |
int. mall - continuous) | Hey, pal. Like the way you handle that mop. You like killing? Hey, ladies. Are you tired of waiting for sanctions to work? I know I am. |
Hustle your bustles, gang! We're going to the Senior Olympics to root for Grampa! | The Senior Olympics? That's what I was supposed to remember?! |
Hustle your bustles, gang! We're going to the Senior Olympics to root for Grampa! | Too late. The deed is done. |
I wonder if the dog thought about us while we were gone. | Oh, I was supposed to take Moe fishing today! Everybody hide! |
Homer, we can't scuttle like crabs for the rest of our lives. | Says you. |
"Dear Pus Bag..." | Whoa, Marge, who'd you piss off? |
What you've got here is poetry! | Oooh, Moe's a poet! He has a soul! Flutter your wings! It's teatime in Buttercup Junction! |
What you've got here is poetry! | Moe's the Princess of Lollipop Land! He lunches on lavender and potpourri! |
What you've got here is poetry! | Seriously Moe, I think you have a gift. |
Thanks, Homer. I love ya, man. | Ooh, you love a man! |
I don't care about my grade. I'm gonna send Moe's poem to "American Poetry Perspectives." | Do not mention that publication in this house! They never published my poem! |
I don't care about my grade. I'm gonna send Moe's poem to "American Poetry Perspectives." | There once was a rapping tomato / That's right, I said rapping tomato / He rapped all day / From April to May / And also, guess what, it was me. |
Lisa, grab your sightseeing shoes! We're going Vermonting! | It's gonna be awesome! |
Lisa, grab your sightseeing shoes! We're going Vermonting! | Man, couples in this state sure like to clink glasses. |
You guys go ahead. I don't think I'd be very good company... | Hey, thanks for the heads-up! We'll see ya when we see ya! |
That was my house, you moron! | Oh I'm sorry. We should exchange insurance information. I have none. |
Lisa, if you could just forgive me, you would make me the happiest man in Vermont. Except for those two dudes I saw gettin' hitched. Not my thing, but I wish 'em well. | Make my daughter cry, will ya! Eat syrup, jerk! |
Homer, would it make you feel better if any of that hit me? | No, not now. |
So what? That's legal in Rolo-Polo! | I thought we were playing Cincinnati Time-Waste. |
Oh, in that case... | What'd I do? |
Oh, in that case... | Hey Marge, want a thousand dollars? |
Come and lick me, Big Boy! I said lick me! | You're not ice cream... faker! |
Come and lick me, Big Boy! I said lick me! | Ice cream man! Wait! |
Homer, there you are! What does my best customer want today? | One butter-crusted choco-rocket, please. |
I wish I had more customers like you. I'm barely scraping by. | Yeah, this economy is tough on everyone. Change a hundred? |
...ninety-nine-fifty... ninety-nine-seventy-five... | Nooooo! |
You must be Homer. | Max told you about me? |
You must be Homer. | This is the most fun I've ever had giving you wood. |
And now I'm left with nothing but my lover and this worthless truck. | Wait a minute. You don't want the truck, I need a job, you need money, I'm flush with severance pay... |
You'll buy Max's truck? | Why, doesn't he need it? Oh, right. |
How can we forget? Mom says now we can't afford to go to the orthodontist. | Well, sink your crooked rotting teeth into this! |
Otto, you totally pimped Dad's ride! | He was following my design. |
Otto, you totally pimped Dad's ride! | And now to get dressed in a most unusual way: |
Eh, what the hell. | You kids like ice cream? |
I'm a unitard! | What's the matter, son? Don't you have enough money for ice cream? |
I do, but I'm lactose-intolerant. | Son, I will not stand for intolerance! |
I do, but I'm lactose-intolerant. | You give this delightful frozen treat the same respect you would give any lactose-free food. God bless America! |
But my doctor says that I... | I said, God bless America! |
Call the number on my bracelet. | Ooh! Thomeone wearth a brathelet. Who'th your boyfriend? Dr. Osterberg?! |
I'm glad someone in this house feels their life has meaning. | You're glad? You don't look glad. Are you sure you know what glad means? |
I just wish I could do something to be remembered by... something that says "Marge was here!" after I'm gone. | Love you! |
Aw, you're shivering, are you cold? Where you goin', Marge? | Honey, I brought you more sticks. |
Well no one's gonna be lonely tonight. | Let me just put on some romantic music. |
Hey, I do more than TV. I had a one-man show on Broadway. That's who showed up -- one man! Long story short, I won a Drama Desk Award. | Marge, everything looks wonderful! |
Hey, I do more than TV. I had a one-man show on Broadway. That's who showed up -- one man! Long story short, I won a Drama Desk Award. | Well, I'm off to pedal my frosty wares! |
You can't go to work! I need you here for emotional support -- plus you make a small crowd look huge! | Sweetie, I can't abandon my route even for one day. If those kids discover the link between eating right and feeling good, I am screwed. But I'll be back in time for your show. |
The show starts at three. You promise you'll be here? | I would never let you down. Our marriage is like soft-serve ice cream. And trust is the hard chocolate shell that keeps it from melting onto our carpet. In cone-clusion, here's the scoop: I love you. |
Hey, give me one of everything! Hey! | Sorry, I'm all out of ice cream. |
Already? It's only thirty-eight seconds to three. | Marge's show! |
See, statements like that are why people think we're gay. | I made it back for your show, honey... |
Well, Homer, you destroyed my artwork and my dreams. Good job. Very thorough. | Marge, let me explain: I had a chance to make a little more money by exploiting broken families... |
Oh, stop. Just stop. You don't care about anyone else's happiness but your own! | Well excuse me for having enormous flaws that I don't work on! |
Mom! Mom! | Marge, where are you? Did you change your name? Is it Kelly? Kelly!!! |
There's Mom! | Oh my God. She's gonna jump. Marge, don't do it! Give divorce a chance! |
Homer, I wanna show the world how I feel about you. | The world's not that interested! |
Homer, you wanted a sign that I still love you, so here it is. | Wow! You made me a sculpture of Magilla Gorilla. |
Now I know that my lega-she is really a lega-we. | I just have one question, my darling: what did you do with all the ice cream that was on all those sticks? |
You're the worst husband in the world! | Yeah? Well I wish I'd married Patty and Selma! |
Don't you spit sunflower seeds at me! | You used to love it! |
Don't you spit sunflower seeds at me! | Recording that fake fight was a great idea. |
Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy. | And, as always, have fun watching. |
Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy. | GOOOO... LOVEMAKING! |
Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy. | And I hate the cutesy way you make Jack-o-lanterns! I like scary Halloween, not funny Halloween! |
Dad, don't make me go! I'll give you a back rub! | Oh, your elbow's like an angel's kiss. But you still have to go. |
Why? | Son, we all have to do things we don't want to. Like have jobs and families and responsibilities, and having to be Mr. Funny all the time -- You think I wouldn't rather be living nude in the forest? Like some ancient pagan! Just dancing around playing the pan flute! And here we are! |
Yeah. | Too late. |
Look at our kids! Playin' like champs! | Yeah. How'd you afford this kick-ass party? |
When you're done putting Lisa to bed we can, uh, finish what we started the other day. | Woo hoo! Marital sex! |
When you're done putting Lisa to bed we can, uh, finish what we started the other day. | Okay, tucked in tight, glass of water, nightlight on, no barn owls, don't do drugs, love you, good night. |
Dad, can't you read me a story for a little bit? | But your mother smells like coconut! |
Dad, can't you read me a story for a little bit? | Okay sweetie, which book should I read? |
"Angelica Button and the Dragon King's Trundle Bed". It's the ninth book in the "Angelica Button" series. | Oh yeah, this is that fantasy book that even grownups like. Broken, lonely grownups. |
"Angelica Button and the Dragon King's Trundle Bed". It's the ninth book in the "Angelica Button" series. | "Chapter One: The RubyStone in the Door-Portal". Are you asleep yet? |
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