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One month? That's a heavy workload for a fourth grader. | I say this boy needs more homework. |
One month? That's a heavy workload for a fourth grader. | I don't have to do it with him, do I? |
One month? That's a heavy workload for a fourth grader. | Pile it on! I want him to be Korean by the time he's done. |
Thanks for doing the dishes. | No problem. You can unload. |
Y'know -- I think Bart might have too much homework. If they keep overwhelming him, he might be turned off school forever. | Oh my! A child who doesn't enjoy school? Hello? Hollywood?! You want to buy the movie rights to this incredible story? A million dollars? Deal! Now I have to write it. |
Wow, how does this show stay so fresh? | Hey! You're supposed to be doing your homework! No more TV for you! |
Wow, how does this show stay so fresh? | Until your homework is done, the only place your butt is safe from my foot is in that chair. |
Dear Lord, please give my stubborn husband the wisdom to see that I am right as usual. | Too late, Marge. I already used a "prayer block" on your prayer. |
There's no such thing as prayer blocks! | Yeah, right. |
The violence really relaxes me. | You don't get to relax till you get to the bottom of this homework stack. |
Don't contradict me in front of our son! | Well don't be wrong in front of our son! |
Let's have lunch at "Crouching Tiger Hidden Eggroll." | No line... near the men's room... I see no reason to question your choice. |
Smooth move, Mom -- tricking Dad into having lunch at the one place that doesn't serve beer. | What the?! Then I wanna eat at Moe's Express! |
The last time you ate there you spent three nights in the mall jail! | That was last week, and you're still bringing it up! |
Well, you always miss when you throw your underpants at the hamper! | Well how could I ever hit the hamper if you don't let me practice! |
You practiced all day on my birthday! | Fine. I was gonna apologize, but now I'm not going to! |
You were never going to apologize! | I was too! The words were in my brain! |
I don't mind if you pee in the shower, but only if you're taking a shower! | No freedom! I have no freedom around this house! After sex, I'm not talking to you! |
Well then there won't be any sex! | You can't sex fire me, I sex quit! |
I'm sorry we ever fought. | We can't let Bart drive us apart. He's the reason we had to get married. |
Till the two of us are back on track, Bart can fend for himself. | Bart? Bart who? I'm being cute. |
Dad, I know you're gonna say no, but Mom would say... | Whatever. Knock yourself out. |
What do you mean? | You may not realize this, Bart, but your mother and I have been fighting about you a lot lately. And I've realized our marriage is more important than your future. From now on, you're on your own. |
Really? Okay. | Uh, Marge? I don't want to ruin the moment, but you got something stuck between your-- ohhh... |
Oh my God, Homie -- we're having a real conversation! | Yeah. |
You won't believe how I got home. | Don't know, don't care. |
Nope. | I'm saving my yelling for where it does some good. Lisa! You're a wonderful child! Keep up the good work! |
Thanks, Dad. But you're so loud it's hurting my ears. | Sorry! |
And there's a map of the subway system attached. Homer, we've got to stop him! | But Marge, I thought we were chilling out for the sake of our marriage. |
We're going to have to be good parents to our son and work twice as hard on our marriage. | Fine. I'll do both at once. We should both take a role in vacation planning! |
Mister, you are grounded! | And no TV! |
And I'm taking all the exciting colors out of your crayons! | And when you're out of my sight, you must constantly Twitter me exactly what you're up to, even though I don't know what Twitter is and have no desire to find out. |
Turn right in... fifty meters. | Meters? |
Dad, no! That takes us into a construction site! | Stupid kid. Thinks he's smarter than a computer. |
Dad, no! That takes us into a construction site! | Seatbelts, kids! |
Turn right in two-point three kilometers... | Why you... |
Anyway, I'm really hoping you could... Dad? | Hey boy. |
But I need to talk about man stuff! | Talk to Grampa. He used to be a man. |
On the top of the slide. | That's all that happened? And I got to miss work? |
On the top of the slide. | I could kiss you. |
Mr. Simpson, I'm an attorney, and my husband is a federal prosecutor, and neither of us is happy. | Well maybe you guys should look for easier jobs. |
And we will make you regret the day your son was born. | You're halfway home, lady. |
If I talk to Nikki, I'm sure I can-- | No! If you go near her one more time, we'll be sued into the poor house and have to eat garbage forever. |
And it means the world to me. | Well, don't worry, boy. I know a wholesome way to take your mind off girls. |
This is awesome! If only real life was in 3-D. | And the glasses smell like the last guy who wore them had pizza! |
This is awesome! If only real life was in 3-D. | Look at that. |
I'm Bart Simpson. Disruptive fourth-grader. | I finally caught one of Bart's school plays. |
That's not Bart, it's Principal Skinner. Bart's sitting right next to you. | Yeah, now that I look closer, that guy couldn't fool anybody. |
Shut up, fatso. | Why you little... |
Mouse pad! Double click! Skyyype! Uh, Skyyype! Matthew twenty-three: "Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples, saying--" | Hey, my bathing suit came off! |
Mouse pad! Double click! Skyyype! Uh, Skyyype! Matthew twenty-three: "Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples, saying--" | Hey, it floats! |
...man I ever met! | Hold that thought. |
I sense a "but" coming, Reverend... | Here comes the butt! |
Y'know, our bible study group is going to the Holy Land next month. I'd like you and your family to come as my guests. | Hmm, let me think... take my family to a war zone... on a bus filled with religious lame-os... in a country with no pork... in a desert with no casinos... ooh, where do I sign up? |
Homie, just tell them what they wanna hear! | I can't! Latkes aren't as good as American pancakes. |
Homie, just tell them what they wanna hear! | They're okay with applesauce. |
True enough. | A truckload of applesauce! |
The Old City. Where B.C. turned into A.D.! Let's go! | Flanders, that stuff's been here for thousands of years. But the breakfast buffet at this hotel, which is included in our package, closes in ten minutes! |
Homer, that's not why we're here. We can see the stations of the cross! | After we see the stations of the omelet bar. |
Lord, please help Homer experience the redemptive power of this sacred land. | He's going for the record! He's going for the record! |
Lord, please help Homer experience the redemptive power of this sacred land. | Flanders, you're not supposed to help him. |
Homer, do you think you could show just the slightest bit of reverence? | Ned, I'm an American tourist. I'm just here to see some sights, try goofy new food and spread some shekels with my Carolina Panthers credit card. |
Homer, do you think you could show just the slightest bit of reverence? | Pan-thers! |
Homer, could you at least turn the camera off? | If you say it like Dracula I will. |
Homer... | Please, please, please... |
Bleh. | That is going right on stupidflanders.org. |
Homer, quit playing that back. | I'm not, it's my ringtone. |
Homer, quit playing that back. | Y'ello. This is he. Yeah I wanted to know: do you deliver falafels to the top of Mount Zion? Great. I'd like a large falafel with pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese. Yes, I know what a falafel is. |
Sad. Maybe, if you were Brad Pitt. | Hey boy, we're supposed to be acting religiousy. What are you up to? |
"Dear Lord, don't let Marge find out the hotel leaves chocolates on the pillows at night." | Why you little... |
"Dear Lord, don't let Marge find out the hotel leaves chocolates on the pillows at night." | "Give my Dad another heart attack?!" |
Homer, this is the most sacred spot in Christendom, not your backyard hammock. | I'm sorry. It's just that these tours are so exhausting. You're jetlagged, you're walking around all day... it's so hard to sleep knowing Marge and the kids are all stuck in one small room.... and it's so nice and cool in the tomb of the unknown savior... |
Unknown? This is the tomb of the most famous man who ever lived! | Porky Pig? |
You come all the way to Jerusalem -- the happiest place on earth -- and all the photos in your camera are of funny soda pops?! | Chickpea Fizz. |
Delete! Delete! Delete! | Whatever. It's your camera. |
Homer, do you know why I'm a Christian? | Your parents made you? |
It's because I believe every soul has the possibility of salvation. At least I thought so till now. Homer Simpson, you are not worth saving. | What? But I thought we'd be neighbors in Heaven. Goofing on all the new dead people... |
Rise and listen, my child...yours is a great destiny. | Pickle, carrot, tomato. Pickle, carrot, tomato. Pickle, carrot, tomato. |
Oh Homie, you're alive! | I am more than alive, woman! I am the Chosen One who shall unite all the faiths of the Holy Land! I am... the messiah! |
But you still have our passports, right? | Oh yeah. Gotta keep track of those. |
But you still have our passports, right? | The messiah! Has the passports. |
Dad, are you okay? | I'm more than okay! I am the Messiah, come to save the world! Look upon me and shudder! |
Uh... Messiah... do you mind if I have a word with your wife? | As you wish, but look not upon her with lust. And do not send her friendly emails. That's how it begins. |
Hmm... Dad said he was going to "unite all faiths." And only one site is sacred to Muslims, Christians and Jews -- The Dome of the Rock! | The Dome of the Rock? Messiah, away! |
Hmm... Dad said he was going to "unite all faiths." And only one site is sacred to Muslims, Christians and Jews -- The Dome of the Rock! | This one says "Carolina Panthers!" |
Hmm... Dad said he was going to "unite all faiths." And only one site is sacred to Muslims, Christians and Jews -- The Dome of the Rock! | Messiah says ! |
I'm pushy?! Please. You stay there surrounded by your great enemy, Canada. Try Syria for two months, then we'll see who's pushy. | Attention Christians, Muslims, and Jews. I have come to gather you into a new faith. From now on you shall be called Chrismujews. |
I did it! I reached him! | Celebrate your commonality. Some of us don't eat pork. Some of us don't eat shellfish. But all of us love chicken! |
In a soup you can boil it! | Spread the word! Peace and chicken! |
Homer, my friend, of all the false messiahs today, I think you came closest to the truth. | Well, if I made any sense today, it's because all the stuff you've told me all these years has finally seeped in. |
Homer, my friend, of all the false messiahs today, I think you came closest to the truth. | Can I buy you a twelve dollar turkey sandwich? |
I'd like that. | How 'bout a Greg Norman Executive Putter from the Sky Mall? |
You'd probably get a better deal at a mall back home. | They have malls on land? |
...and so our Employee of the Month is the late Roger Ducette, who tragically died from complications due to union organizing. Moving on. The Power Plant's first annual Fourth of July picnic is this coming Saturday! | Woo hoo! |
Burns -- what an ungrateful jerk! We hoofed our hearts out for him -- with no rehearsal! | I say Burns owes us a party. Let's have one, right now, with his wine! |
That's a regular-sized bottle. I'm drinkin' Jeroboams. | I'm pounding Melchizedeks! |
Homer, that's a sixty thousand dollar bottle! | Woo hoo! I'm drinking my salary! |
Yeah, but don't some of that go to income tax? | Yeah, you're right. |
Yeah, but don't some of that go to income tax? | The government. Taking my hard-earned stolen wine and spending it on that no-good floor. |
And just what might that be? | Uh... this is my lunch. |
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