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They're right. If the only way to save the whales is to kill another innocent creature, I can't let you do it. | Sharks, innocent? Please. Every year they kill a couple of people who do a series of stupid things. The shark's reptilian brain understands only one thing: the crime of murder... |
Dad! The sharks must think you're a baby whale! | Ooh, a baby whale. My diet is working. |
It'll either make them go away or eat you quicker. | Ooh, maybe the blood will scare the sharks off! |
It's the baby whales' dad! | Thanks, buddy! |
Thanks for not letting me give up, Dad. | Hey, I'd do anything for a sweet intelligent mammal, by which I mean you. |
Do you think they'll be okay? | Absolutely. He's young, he's got two cute kids... he'll be moving in with a sexy lady octopus in no time. They'll have to sell their old place... too many memories. But if I'm not mistaken, there's a little whale-a-puss on the way. |
Now, who wants...beer cozies! A shirt that says "Yo!" Sassy seat cushions! And Flash drives for your P.C. so you can take your data and back it up!!! | I want some of that! |
No. I won't. | Keep guessing... |
No. I won't. | What's it say, boy? |
Ooh. That's a Bingo. | Mmmm. Good mac and cheese. |
I've had better. Down at the train station. | I'll have to check it out sometime. |
Now the best mac and cheese I've ever had is at a bowling alley in Ogdenville. | I am pretty full. |
Breadcrumbs on the top. | I'm on my way! |
Partly sunny! | Golf ball-sized hail! |
A chance of severe thunder storms with golf ball-sized hail! | Woo-hoo! |
Mm-hmm! Now I'm gonna go tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk till you give the money back. Tsk, tsk, tsk. | / |
Mm-hmm! Now I'm gonna go tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk till you give the money back. Tsk, tsk, tsk. | All right! All right! |
Mm-hmm! Now I'm gonna go tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk till you give the money back. Tsk, tsk, tsk. | I'm goin' home. It's not safe in here. |
Boy cheeks!... Fanny!... Derriere!... Hiney!... Backside!... ...Cover up that coin slot! | Hey boy, whatcha doing? |
Experimenting with my butt. | My little Einstein. |
Homer, Maggie has to wear that clown mask for Halloween. What's going on? | Well, uh... The one place the cameras can't see is right here in our backyard so I'm charging people to do whatever they want -- isn't that wonderful? |
I don't see what's so wonderful. | Remember how you wanted me to get that expensive operation? Well, now I can afford a motorcycle! |
De-meat those feet! | Oh no! I don't have to listen to you. If I'm not on camera, you can't see me! |
This used to be just a little part of me. | You see, Ned... your city-wide nagging compressed all of our town's misbehavior into one small place...creating a glittering diamond of super evil. |
I guess I did create this... like God created the devil. | God created the devil? Finally, He did something cool. |
I never wanted to turn into Big Brother. I just wanted to be Little Sister, tattlin' on everyone so the town would be a nicer place. | Well, if you ask me, you were trying to play God. |
That's the worst sin of all for some reason! What can I do to make things right? | You can help me take out those cameras. |
You guys should go on that cruise. You'll have a great time, and you kids can spend the day getting to know your father... | I like beer, hot dogs, and long blackouts on the beach. |
And I can spend my Mother's Day taking care of something I've been putting off for a long time. | Cleaning the gutters? |
That's something you've been putting off. | Cartoons! Everybody be quiet! |
That's something you've been putting off. | So, Marge, what were we talking about? |
Why do I waste my breath? | Sorry, honey. I wasn't listening. And I won't be listening now. |
Hey Homer, what do you think Mom meant by "taking care of something?" | Son, I'm a bit of an expert on the female gender, and I can tell you: women don't mean anything by anything. |
Dad! That's a dangerous attitude for you to take towards your wife. | I hear what you're saying, Lisa -- nothing. |
Special delivery letter for Misters Simpson, Lovejoy and Nahasapeemapetilon! | It's from Moe! |
No battery?! | I got Marge! |
Homer? | Marge! Are you running off with Moe?! |
Homer? I'm-- you! | You're losing me? Or you're leaving me?! |
We're breaking up! | Aw dammit! |
Homer? | Can't talk! Must text! |
Homer? | Marge, have u left me 4... |
Homer my Mother's party's starting any minute. Get busy. | Moe, my in-laws are coming. I need something strong enough that I forget I hate them, but not so strong that I tell them I love them. |
Sorry Homer, I ain't servin' no liquor. Just "O'Glums" non-alcohol beer. | Marge, this is crazy! |
Knock-a-doodle-you! | Flanders?! |
Take our picture. | All right. |
I wasn't smiling! | What the-- |
I had something in my teeth. | Why you-- |
My eyes were shut. | Lousy-- |
Except setting off car alarms with his big fat footsteps. | You take that back! |
...oh, man do I make the soup. My goodness do I make the soup. | I'm doomed. |
Hours later, she returned -- smelling of beer and pickled eggs. I know no more. | Uh... I do. |
You do?! Tell me! | I was there when your wife got to Moe's, being my usual effervescent self... |
Then what happened? | I don't know. |
Well... I... uh... | The ferry will be back in ten minutes. It'll take us home... to find out the truth. |
I'm still mad at you from last night. | Today's the first, which means it was last month, which means you're being ridiculous. |
Here it comes. The moment of truth. | She's packing her bag! |
So it is you, Mr. Homer. But let's be honest -- a woman of her age married to a man of-- how old are you? Sixty-five? | Thirty-nine. |
What do you think? | You're not leaving me? |
It's that Patty and Selma. There's something evil about them. Did you know they smoked when I was pregnant? | Oh Marge, you not leaving with Moe is the best thing that never happened to me. |
And I wrote that letter so you three chumps would realize that you have not been treatin' your wives the way they deserve. Think of it as a wakeup call from a man who ain't got nothin' but a blowup doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium. | Moe, I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you... so I'm gonna do both. |
Homie, slow down! | Why should I? The city's broke! They can't afford to enforce their precious laws! |
Oh come on. What kind of big fat moron would fall for... | Cookies... so delicious... must buy house. |
Homer, no! | Marge... get loan pre-approved... offer over asking... waive inspections... two-day escrow! |
Sorry, someone else has bought the house. | But my loan has already been sold in pieces to banks, hedge funds, and municipalities across the globe! |
Side-what-whom? | Man, you're good with the tools when you want to be. |
A lot of people sound like Sideshow Bob, like Frasier on "Cheers." | Or Frasier on "Frasier." |
Sideshow Bob! | Stupid kid, fooled by a silhouette. |
Sideshow Bob! | Ice cream! |
Sideshow Bob! | Nothing is ever boobs or ice cream. |
Good. That'll give me something to do while you're at the game. | Marge, the bathroom scale is lying again. |
I'll prove I'm telling the truth! Bob has huge feet, right? Well, look! | It's like you're a Chinese empress! |
I'm not a writer. | And I'm not a locksmith! |
I'm not a writer. | Man, that dude does not like Bart. |
Yeah I've seen him. He... uh... said he was driving down to Mexico. | Mexico! Andalé! Andalé! Arriba! |
Hey! Hey no! | Help us! Help us, for the love of God! Won't somebody help us?! |
Si? | Uh yes, I'd like... um... how do you say taco in Mexican? |
Taco. | Yes, that's exactly the word I want to translate. |
Homer, can we please find Bart? | Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Uh, just give me one of those crispy shells with meat in it. |
Glad to say it, and now the girls will "yay" it! | Stop! Stop! Stop! |
So, do we have a winner? | Hmmmm. Not ugly enough. I want something that looks like this...had a baby with this...and it got sat on by this. |
I think I've come up with the answer. | Oh my God. |
I think I've come up with the answer. | You never fail to nauseate me, boy. |
Just call me Barf Simpson. | I wanted to, but your mother said kids might tease you. |
Dad, do you realize we've put more time into this than all my schoolwork combined? | But if we win this, we get a gift certificate. |
For what? | It doesn't matter. |
You're home early! | Oh, can't a guy rush home from work to see his beautiful-- |
Moe's is closed, huh? | Yeah. Now what am I supposed to do? |
We can enjoy each others' company. | Okay. |
I didn't see you come in. | Well, since Moe's is closed again, I thought I'd help you cook dinner. |
That's nice. What kind of favor? | I organized the kitchen. I labeled everything with a label maker... |
That's nice. What kind of favor? | And I also mixed all the spices together into one super spice! |
What was the greatest X.F.L. team that never won a championship? | Uh, the Long Island Ice Teas? |
Homie! I thought you were at that sports bar. | Well, that place was for diehard sports fans, not guys like me who are only fans when their team makes the playoffs. So, I decided to take apart the washing machine to see where that penny I left in my pants went. |
Hooked for life... | Marge! You ruined my shot! |
We're watching the Nobel Prize announcements, live from Stockholm! | Oooh, the Nobies! |
Huzzah! I had him in the pool! | Lucky. |
Quiet! It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all: the Peace Prize. | I would kill for that. |
All right, all right, settle down. Homer, you're the easiest laugh I know. | How easy am I? |
Shut up. I'm gonna need you in the audience when I accept the Peace Prize in Oslo. | Can my son come too? He knows what to do when I swallow my tongue. |
THEY FIGHT AND BITE / THEY FIGHT! AND BITE AND FIGHT / FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! / BITE! BITE! BITE! / THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY SHOW! | They fight and bite? I never go to Europe without learning something. |
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