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How 'bout that airline food, huh?! They should've called it chicken cordon blecch! | Another good one... |
You are NOT in Oslo. You are in Holland... specifically, The Hague! | Did you say a Hague? |
We don't put "Euro" in front of everything. Euro-guards! Take him away in Euro-cuffs! | Wait! Not so fast! We found something to save Krusty. |
Is it Region One or Region Two? | Uh, what region is America? |
Region One. | Woo hoo! We're Region One! We're Region One! |
First we're visiting Grampa. | No fair! We just went to church! |
I just want to see the look on your faces when I share with you the fruits of a lifetime of labor. | Fifty bucks each?! That's your life savings?! |
Is that the cat in there?! | Well, it's a cat -- I'm not sure it's the cat. |
Don't worry, Homer -- I'll return the handbag first thing tomorrow. | You know what, honey? Just because we can't afford to keep that handbag, doesn't mean that you two can't have one night at the most glamorous place in town. |
You know, a much nicer table just opened up! | After Bart, that bag's the best mistake we ever made. |
You go ahead, I'll stay here. If I get something on this handbag, I won't be able to return it. | Oh, you don't want to wait for that buffet -- Wiggum's making his move! |
Homer! Take me home! | Sure, sure! |
Homer! Take me home! | Let me just grab one more shrimp. |
I'd like to return this handbag. Unused. | I believe this stranger! |
Well, here's your refund. | Check and mate. |
Thank God! I will never do that again. | Wait a minute, Marge. Don't you realize what just happened? |
Thank God! I will never do that again. | You got to enjoy that bag for nothing! We can buy stuff we can't afford, temporarily own the hell out of it, and then indignantly bring it back for a full refund. |
Thank God! I will never do that again. | Hide a sandwich in this hat. "Mary Poppins" myself to work with this umbrella. |
Homie, you know what happens when you push your luck... | Yeah, the luck lasts longer! Thanks to the power of returns, this store is our closet! |
Did you find a mouse head in your Cuppa-Soup? | I wish. What the hell are you doing?! |
With this protective plastic overlay, I can't tell if I'm watching an old "Seinfeld" or an old "Old Christine." | Now, everyone onto the hot tub. |
With this protective plastic overlay, I can't tell if I'm watching an old "Seinfeld" or an old "Old Christine." | Come on on, the cardboard's fine. |
Sir, this suitcase has an airline tag on it, these ping-pong balls have been served and volleyed, and this hot plate's still warm. | Yes... uh... maybe I'll just come back during someone else's shift... Is Claire working today? She's a real sucker. |
Hello, Homer. | How do you know my name? |
I'm Chris Hansen from "To Catch A Credit-Whore". We know you've been returning used items all over town. | It's not what you think... I came here to warn them... yes, to warn them about, um... |
People like you? | Yes! I mean no! I mean... You'll never get me! |
People like you? | I have to sign a release so you can broadcast this, right? |
People like you? | Initial there, and... Never! |
People like you? | Can you tell me when this is gonna be on? I'm thinking of having a party. |
Anything that's the something of the something isn't really the anything of anything! | Hello, Flanders. Don't you have a neighbor on the other side? |
Homie, maybe you could do it. | Sorry, Marge. The last time I stepped on a baseball field, I got tased. |
You know, someday these kids will be out of the house and you'll regret not spending more time with them. | That's a problem for future Homer. Man, I don't envy that guy. |
Hey, Dad. | Hey pal, howya doin'? |
Here's my uniform, since I won't be needing it any more! | Woo hoo! Underpants dinner! |
Cut it out! You're upsetting the gravy boat! | I'll put a stop to this nonsense! |
What about Bart's feelings? | Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles. |
Why do you say such ridiculous things? | They sound good in my brain, then my tongue makes not the words sound very good, formally. |
Brother Bear said "Sister Bear is inconsiderate." | ...dislocating Fosse's shoulder in a meaningless game... |
Brother Bear said "Sister Bear is inconsiderate." | ...He had earned the nickname "Charlie Hustle..." |
It's the most exciting play in baseball! Go, Bart! | If he makes it, that's my son! |
The Isotots lose! Now to begin my off-season job: follow-home robberies. I'll see you in the parking lot, but you won't see me, until it's too late. | You stink! |
Oh Homie, what a great idea to take a cruise in uncharted waters. | Yeah, charts are for squares, baby. |
Homie, help him up! | Fine, I'll get the hook. |
Homie, help him up! | Don't fight it... That's it... That's it, a little more... How's that? |
Homie, help him up! | You're safe now, my friend. |
He's nothing but hard bronze muscle. | O-kay, this guy's taken care of so, uh, you know... |
I'm not really in the mood anymore. | Fine. I'm going for a walk. |
Poor man. You've been through so much. | Hey, I've had a hard trip too. One of the lenses fell out of my sunglasses. |
God, it was horrible! | Marge, can I have a word with you in private? |
God, it was horrible! | I don't trust that guy. I bet he killed everyone on that boat himself. |
That is so sweet! | Why do pie makers get all the girls? |
Why did you do that? | It was poisoned. |
No it wasn't! | Well, it was rhubarb. |
No, it was berry-peach! | Berry-peach?! That's my favorite! |
The pie was poisoned. You were right! I guess we've got to kill him before he kills us. | Well, we'd better do it quick. Because he's making scones! |
The pie was poisoned. You were right! I guess we've got to kill him before he kills us. | They should call this one "recipe for murder." |
What do you mean, this one? | Never mind. |
Oh Roger, would you hand me the suntan oil? | Ooh, got a text. |
Dear God. We just killed a man. | Yeah, the decent thing to do is bury him at sea. |
Dear God. We just killed a man. | Come 'n' get it barnacles! |
Roger was telling the truth! | This proves nothing. Roger could've been the one that killed them! |
Low sodium! | Then... his story was true! |
Well, if it isn't my saviors. | Hey pal, how ya been? |
Don't you "pal" me. Why did you try to kill me?! | The pie you baked us killed that shark! |
Why did you do that? | We had to kill him, or he'd tell people we tried to kill him. |
Yes, I suspected our host would poison us, so I gave everyone an antidote before dinner. | Looks like you've got a flair for avoiding death. |
Yes, I suspected our host would poison us, so I gave everyone an antidote before dinner. | Oh, come on! Just a second... |
Yes, I suspected our host would poison us, so I gave everyone an antidote before dinner. | Bankers away! |
We'll know. | Marge, what are you doing? That pie is poisoned! |
I can't live with the guilt. | She just wanted to ride bikes through New England. But those seats hurt my ass! |
Edmund's almost here, so PLEASE nobody be themselves! | I know, I know. Don't serve garlic... don't stab your guest in the heart with a wooden stake... don't ask him if he knows Frankenstein. It's racist somehow. |
Dinner is served. I tried to make what Homer said you liked. | I get the drumstick! |
Yes. | Okay, okay. If you bite your tongue, does it become a vampire? |
There they are! | Super-Team -- fly! |
I'm Dracula, not The Hulk. | Hyah! Hyah! |
Too late. The bloodlust is upon me. | Back off, you unholy dreamboat! |
Too late. The bloodlust is upon me. | Pretty ironic -- a cross being used to kill someone. |
Yes, but at least you are safe, my son. | Whoa, you blood-sucking freaks love your kids too? |
His blood! It's full of cholesterol! | And not the good kind! |
His blood! It's full of cholesterol! | Woo-hoo! |
Uh, Dad? They turned you into a vampire. | Yes! I can fly! See you back at the house! |
Uh, Dad? They turned you into a vampire. | Nooooo! |
Don'tcha want her beyond all reason? | Maggie, you can't climb into the TV. If you could, I'd make Alex Trebek answer some questions. |
Dad, I think Maggie's just sad 'cause her set is missing "Baby Must-Have." | No child of mine will go without anything, ever! Except quality healthcare! |
Pick a box -- you get what you get. | You can't tell what's inside! Of all the times not to have x-ray vision. |
Pick a box -- you get what you get. | I'll take... that one. |
Pick a box -- you get what you get. | Aw, this isn't the right one -- she wants the baby! |
I can't give you another toy till you buy another ten gallons of gas. | You're lucky you're behind glass. |
Ain't no glass. | Sure, it's easy to slap people when you're hidin' behind that glass! |
You have a good day. | Drive all the way... get the wrong elf... ain't no glass... I'll show 'em -- I'll buy ten more gallons of their stupid gas! |
Oh Homie, maybe we should call it a day. | Oh I'm sorry, Maggie, but even at your age, I'm sure you understand things can't always go your way, and that's why... I can't believe we didn't get that stupid elf! |
Ooo, everything's changed! That tree used to be a smaller tree. And that food bank used to be a regular bank. | The march of progress. |
Well, stop in and say "hi" to me 'cause I'll still be there -- chillin' in my basement bachelor pad. | Be sure to water the flowers on my backyard grave. |
As long as I can dig you up and stick you on the front porch every Halloween. | Just don't dress me up like a woman. |
Well, as long as we don't have to feed this one. | Tell her "no deal". |
Dad, can I talk to you for a second? | What is troubling you, my son? I mean, my girl son? |
Well, um, I was looking through Mom's old schoolwork, and I noticed her grades went down when she started going out with you. | Hey, if it hadn't been me, it would have been someone or something else. Sooner or later, everyone meets their "Homer." |
No offense Dad, but no boy is gonna distract me from my dreams. | It may not be a boy. It could be anything: scrap-booking, high-stakes poker, or the Santa Fe lifestyle. Just pick a dead end, and chill out till you die. |
That's odd. Lisa just threw her saxophone out the window. | Oh, that's probably because to her, the saxophone is a me, and she doesn't want to end up like you. G'night. |
She doesn't want to end up like me?! | No, she does, totally, but uh... with a happier ending. Goodnight! |
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