instruction stringlengths 1 496 | response stringlengths 1 472 |
|---|---|
What's so wrong with me? | Nothing, sweetie, nothing! Here, let me explain. |
What's so wrong with me? | She does not want to... turn out like... you... didn't... not until... diplomatic... trapped... help... remember nothing! |
I remember everything. | Well, if you check your purse I think you'll find... the seven of clubs! |
No. Just a picture of Lisa. Who wants to be nothing like me. | I am so sorry, Marge. |
The seven of clubs. | Ta-da! |
Mom, Dad! Please, can I go here? I'll study so hard I'll make the old me look like Bart. | That would be one weird-looking kid. |
Mom, please don't. | Oh, I've seen that look before. That's the "I ate the piece of wedding cake she's been saving in the freezer ten years" look. |
You what?! | Run! |
I have a future! Thank you, Mom! | Thank you, four-eyes! |
Um, eight o'clock. | Thank you. |
That school is so great! Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money, and not in chickens. Is Mom gonna come up and say goodnight? | Your mom's doing laundry, but she authorized me to say goodnight for her. So, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you sweet dreams. |
I'm so glad you two are friends again. | Look what Maggie got! |
Homer? How did you get...? | Up, a father has his secrets. |
They have a vaccine! | All right. We'll get the vaccine. |
Homer, did you know he was in the pile? | I thought he was an old clump of rags. |
No. It's better that they hear it from me. I'll tell them the truth in the simplest way I know how. | Why did Burns make us all come here? |
The truth is... I'm dying. | Hell yeah! |
I hope they use that spit for a good cause, like sealing wedding envelopes. | Or helping a railroad worker grip his sledgehammer! |
Hm, apparently Mr. Burns is in a state of shock from the trauma he underwent. | Oh man, this is great. The most evil man in town is in our power. He will do my bidding... at that fantasy football auction. And anything else my limited imagination can come up with. |
Just because Mr. Burns was mean to you, that doesn't give you the right to abuse him when he's helpless. | Marge, it's the golden rule: treat others the way they mess with you. |
This town can't teach its kids or collect its garbage, but we lead the nation in pointless revenge. | Amen. |
This town can't teach its kids or collect its garbage, but we lead the nation in pointless revenge. | Okay, Burnsie, follow the carrot! |
Dad, you're gonna wreck him for everybody! | Don't worry, boy, another girder always swings in for you to walk on right when you get to the end. |
Dad, you're gonna wreck him for everybody! | Where's the other girder? |
Dad, Mr. Burns is here for you again. | Already? |
A little tired of revenge, are we? | Yeah, I've done all I can do in that medium. |
It wasn't kindness that was keeping me alive, it was bile building up inside! Loathing is my life blood and rage my royal jelly! So yes, thank you, Springfield, for giving me the secret to eternal life -- hate! | You're welcome! |
Homer, are you scaring those kids? | No, I'm no-ot! Yes I am. The Bloody Hangman walks on his stubby bone feet through the plague-ridden streets of London... |
You said it was Boston. | Did I? Anyway, the Bloody Hangman set to his gory work. Bodies piled up like those stackable plastic chairs. |
Like those chairs in the music room? | Possibly! |
That coop looks a little flimsy. | Flimsy? This gentle pat says different. |
Wow, Ray, you have hidden talents! | Is he good at tic-tac-toe like that chicken I played, lost to, and ate at the State Fair? |
No, I was thinking we could use him to send messages back and forth. | Way ahead of you. |
Hey Homer, you ever think about racing that bird? | You can race pigeons? |
Ah, now lay off Detroit. Them people is living in Mad Max times. But I was thinking you could enter this bird in the annual Springfield to Shelbyville Birditarod. Hm? | Hmm... me, the patriarch of a bird-racing dynasty... |
Congratulations, Homer. | Danica Patrick in my thoughts! |
You Brickyard Bimbo! | Ended that a little too soon. |
You Brickyard Bimbo! | What they don't suspect is that I'm into this. |
Dad! Help! | Stupid dog! Let go of that delicious bird! |
Nooooo! | Come on out, birdie! Follow the sound of my voice-voice-voice. |
You haven't earned the right to say that to me. | Dearly beloved. I'd like to open this service with the words of Emily Dickinson: "Hope is the thing with feathers..." |
You haven't earned the right to say that to me. | Stupid dog! |
How can you say a thing like that? | Marge, listen to the man -- he pays Bart's salary. |
No he doesn't! | Why can't you support my gibberish? I'd do it if you were stupid! |
Hey, in this economy, I'll even remove tattoos. | Even my tramp stamp? |
Hey, in this economy, I'll even remove tattoos. | I got the idea from a show where people regret these. |
Homie, why don't you study these? | Oh baby! Well whaddaya know! Oh come on! |
So, Bart, as the one with the larger brain... | Nicely done, boy. |
As sure as I am that I'll be billing you for that torn magazine. | Oh, that's pretty sure. Subscription rate, right? |
What about all the other pets you told us went to a farm upstate? | Hmm... Back yard, back yard, toilet, ocean, don't know, back yard, Flanders' mailbox, Lenny's freezer, tire fire. |
Well, "ditching" is a harsh word. | Enough chitchat. Time for operation dog dump. |
It wasn't really a lot of chitchat. | It was still too much. |
We'll take good care of your dog. | I'm sure you will, because you take such good care of your ostriches. |
We'll take good care of your dog. | Maybe we should get going. |
Bart, sweetie... would you like to say goodbye? | Marge, I'm watching a rerun of an important Bowl game. |
I'd like a moment to ourselves. | Ooo, unknown caller! |
I'd like a moment to ourselves. | Hey! |
I'd like a moment to ourselves. | All right, you, gimme back my phone, and nobody gets hurt. |
I'd like a moment to ourselves. | You said nobody gets hurt. Those were your exact words! |
You mean your gingerbread McMansion. | Hey, show some respect. Three gingerbread workmen died making that. |
You mean your gingerbread McMansion. | I'm sorry, but this leg's gonna have to go. |
You mean your gingerbread McMansion. | You're gonna be okay. |
You mean your gingerbread McMansion. | It's almost over. |
You mean your gingerbread McMansion. | Now to take care of the witnesses. |
Hey, Simpson! How come you ain't in combat like a real man?! | I'm too fat to fit in a foxhole. |
Don't dare bring that thing in here! | You don't want a Christmas tree? That's crazy! Next you won't want a Christmas ham. |
So I never want to see another Christmas tree... until Mom comes back, safe and sound. | Sweetie, if your mother was in trouble, they'd tell us as soon as they could. |
Telegram! | Marge is Mia? Oh my God, she changed her name? |
See? Every time we get a tree, Mom disappears! | Why couldn't it have been me? |
It still could be. You just have to go down to the recruiting station and-- | Shut up. |
Yeah. My only sale all year and it's not even a sale. | Whose turn is it to cry? |
Quitcher bellyaching about Marge and let me read the paper. | Look at that picture! |
Yes, but then I learned that there's always hope. Someday this war will be over. Someday our Mom will be back. | Someday TV will be invented, and it will be free. Then it will cost money. |
Now this... is a challenge. | Now remember, pack only necessities. |
We brought you breakfast in bed! | Now we just have to make it. |
...EVERYWHERE YOU GO | YOU'LL BE OH SO PLEASED / WHEN THE O.J. IS FRESHLY-SQUEEZED / AND TOAST IS MADE FROM HOMEMADE |
...EVERYWHERE YOU GO | WE'RE GONNA GO OUT FOR BREAKFAST / WE'LL GO OUT TO EAT / IT'LL BE ANY PLACE YOU CHOOSE / AS LONG AS IT'S RUN BY JEWS / 'CAUSE THEY DON'T THINK THIS HOLIDAY'S SO GREAT. |
...EVERYWHERE YOU GO | ALOHA'OE / ALOHA'OE... Hurry up, kids! We gotta get to the airport! |
Hey, get this off! Hey, get this off! | Now nothing stands between us and sunny Hawa... |
Merry Humbug, everyone! | Ai-yi-yi-yi! |
What's wrong, Homie? | I got the week off by telling Mr. Burns I had a neck injury! |
What's wrong, Homie? | Mr. Burns, why'd you come to see me? |
Wait, what's this? Carpetbags and portmanteaus? Going somewhere, Simpson? | Uh... uh... |
Simpson! Where's your Christmas tree? | Coming! |
Just what's going on here? | Fine, I'll come clean. |
It's a Christmas miraculum! | No, it's not. I just told a lie so we could go to Hawaii. |
We did that one already! | Sh! |
There is only one upside to today. | C'mon, jus' one more drink, Marge. |
I know when the freakin' Fiesta Bowl is! | Sweetie, relax. Let's just watch some TV. |
Well, well, well. Simpson, you've committed Springfield's first crime of the new year. Write him up, Lou. | Huh? What'd I do? |
Failed to separate your bottles and newspapers. | Fifty bucks?! That used to cover two public nudities and a poop in the park! |
That's vandalizing city property! Write him up again, Lou. | What the hell?! |
Mild obscenity before ten a.m. Also illegal. | C'mon, Lou. Gimme a break! |
Sorry, sir, I take no pleasure in it. Oh yeah. | Since when is all this against the law? |
Since today. As of Jan one, a bunch of new ordinances -- with uh, outrageous financial penalties -- took effect. | This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life and it's ruined. |
Since today. As of Jan one, a bunch of new ordinances -- with uh, outrageous financial penalties -- took effect. | Oh, I get it. The government runs out of money, so they pass a bunch of lame-o laws to sock it to the little guy. |
Fine. You're "Tellin' it like it is." Also a crime now. And that one's gonna cost ya. | That's almost a thousand dollars! |
Homer Simpson, you are under arrest for attempted bribery of a public official. | Chief, this is just a big misunderstanding. I meant to write "bride." It's a wedding present. |
Oh, how thoughtful! | My bribe! |
Homer Simpson, you are hereby sentenced to ten years in the Federal Penitentiary! | It's okay, it's okay. I can be out in eighteen months with good behavior. |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.