instruction stringlengths 1 496 | response stringlengths 1 472 |
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Hey, who wants to get rich today? | Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! I said it first! |
"Fourth Notice"... "90 Days Overdue"... "We Break Thumbs"... Homer, what are we going to do? | I don't know, I don't know -- |
Repossessing stuff is the hardest part of my job. | "Dear Marge... By the time you read this, I will be gone. You deserve all the finest things in the world. And although I can give them to you, they will be repossessed and I will be hunted down like a dog. Also, it has become clear that your family doesn't want me here." |
Shut up with that pen-scratching down there! | "I will send you every cent I earn for the baby. But you will not see me again until I am a man." |
That is so sad. | Oh, c'mon, honey. You know how it turns out. After all, you wouldn't be here today if I hadn't become the responsible head of a household. |
Hey Homer, can we have a can of frosting for lunch? | Okay. |
Marge, listen... We just saw... | Big shots with their stainless steel lunchboxes... |
Marge, listen... We just saw... | They get donuts? |
My husband by my side. | You want fries with that? |
Homer? | Marge? |
Homer! | Marge! |
Homer! | Holy cow, you're as big as a house. |
Homer... Come home with me. | No, Marge, I just can't. I mean, look at me. I'm a Trainee... They won't even tell me what's in the secret sauce. But I can't buy you a decent wedding ring. |
Any ring is fine as long as it's from you. | Marge, for you. |
Would you mind if I took it off now? The oil is burning my finger. | Oh, sure. |
Homer, do you know why I married you? | Because I knocked you up? |
Ironic, isn't it. The hunter has become the hunted. Oh God, Smithers, I feel so alive. | You the boss? |
I'll call security, sir. | Step aside! I'll deliver this baby! |
I'll call security, sir. | Well, listen to me, Mr. Bigshot... if you're looking for the kind of employee who takes abuse and never sticks up for himself... I'm your man. You can treat me like dirt and I'll still kiss your butt and call it ice cream. And if you don't like it... I can change!! |
I don't care. I haven't been this impressed since I first laid eyes on a young boot-lick named Waylon Smithers. | You mean? |
Welcome aboard, son. | I got the job. I got the job! Whoo hoo! Only in America could I get a job! |
You're a little late. She's gone to the hospital. | The hospital? |
I'll drive you. | Thanks, mom. |
Right where you left it. | Shut up! |
Hey, listen fatboy -- | No, you listen! This is my wife and this is my kid, and I'm paying for this delivery, so if you want to stay, you better give me some respect! |
Homer, does this mean -- | Starting tomorrow, I'm a nuclear technician! |
Good God. | And tomorrow morning, I'm gonna buy your ring back! Then I'm going house-hunting! |
Doesn't your job start tomorrow? | Eh, somebody'll cover for me. |
Uh, why don't you let me handle it, Homer? | Oh, college boy, eh? |
Homie, isn't he beautiful? | Hey, as long as he's got eight fingers and eight toes, he's fine by me. |
Homie, isn't he beautiful? | Ahh, Bart. Daddy's little angel. |
Homie, isn't he beautiful? | Why you little... He did that on purpose! |
Homer, I'm not pregnant. | Yeah!!! Whoa! Excellent, Marge! |
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT) | Aw, ain't that cute... Hey! |
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT) | Hey! Where in God's name did you learn that kind of... daaaanncciinng! |
Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present? | Mon-ey. |
Dad, this is a hundred and ten dollars. | Oh, sorry. |
WE'RE GONNA ROLL THIS TRUCKIN' CONVOY / CROSS THE U.S.A. / CON-VOY... | That could be Bart! |
Hey good lookin', we'll be back to pick you up later. | He's in for some lovin'. |
You're fired! | Hm... Bart's birthday's coming up. |
But order now, supply is limited. | Limited?! |
But order now, supply is limited. | Do you have any of those microphones left? |
Ehhh... | Bart, I'll bet you think nothin's gonna top that cactus. Well, check out my present! |
Fine. | Bart! I would love to get a present like that. |
Here you go. Enjoy. | Listen, boy, this is a great invention! Watch. |
Here you go. Enjoy. | WE GOT A GREAT BIG CON-VOY / ROCKIN' THROUGH THE NIGHT / WE GOT A GREAT BIG CON-VOY / AIN'T SHE A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT / CON-VOY |
Quit it, Dad! | Hey good-lookin', we'll be back for some dinner later! |
I'll get some at the store tomorrow, Homer. | Mmmmm. Chocolate. |
We have captured your president. He was delicious. | Why, you little... |
We have captured your president. He was delicious. | Wait a minute. Does this mean you like my present? |
Uh-huh. | Aww... |
Uh-huh. | Just promise me you won't play anymore practical jokes. |
Bart! What's wrong with you? | Yeah, that Timmy is a real hero. |
How do you mean, dad? | Well, he fell down a well... and can't get out... |
How does that make him a hero? | Well, it's more than you did! |
So I'm afraid your son is trapped down the well. | You must think we're the worst parents in the world. |
Ow! Knock it off you bald boob! | Hey, don't make me come down there! |
Like to see you fit. | Why, you little -- |
Homer! | Uh, could you edit that last part out? |
Mom, it's too big. | Don't worry, you'll grow into it. |
You know, I've done a lot of bad stuff through the years. I guess now I'm paying the price. But there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do. Smoke a cigarette, use a fake I.D., shave a swear word in my hair... | That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more. I'm gonna get you outta there myself. |
Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums-- | Shh! Marge, he's a good digger. |
Man, I was so scared. | Don't worry son, they're gonna make sure no one ever falls down this well again. |
Now stay tuned for six hours of exciting football action. | Well, bye-bye belt. |
Homer, all those fatty, deep-fried, heavily salted snacks can't be good for your heart. | Pfft, my heart is just fine. |
Homer, all those fatty, deep-fried, heavily salted snacks can't be good for your heart. | A little beer will put out that fire. |
But if you're one of those compulsive types who just has to bet -- well, I don't know... uh... Denver. | Whoo hoo! Denver, yeah! |
Moe's Tavern. Where the peanut bowl is freshened hourly. | Moe, I'd like to bet twenty dollars on Denver. |
Oh, sure thing, Moe. I was just using it as a coaster. | Twenty big ones on Denver. |
Pleasure doing business with you, H. S. | All right, Denver. Justify my love. |
DAAAAAD! You're not listening to me. | Lousy, stupid Denver. |
Ho, look at that score. Moxy! | Why did you do that? |
Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together? | Okay, just don't say anything and sit down over there. |
Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together? | Over. |
Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together? | Over... over... over... |
Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together? | Lisa, please, I can't hear the announcer. |
Well folks, when you're right fifty-two percent of the time, you're wrong forty-eight percent of the time. | Why didn't you say that before! |
I certainly do, Brett. I hereby declare Miami to be Smooth Jimmy's "Lock of the Week." | Oooh, that's a big lock all right. I just don't trust that guy. |
In the Cincinnati - Miami game, I declare Cincinnati to be my "Shoe-in of the Week". | Huh, they both make a good case. |
You want some of this don't ya? | Yeah! |
You have reached the Coach's hot... | Line... |
line. | Yeah, lay it on me, coach. |
In the game of Mi-a-mi... | Mm-hm. |
...versus Cin- | Cincinnati... |
cin- | Cincinnati. |
nat- | Cincinnati. |
ti... | C'mon, c'mon! Don't you realize this is costing me money? |
We must consider many things. The wind... | Doh, not the wind. |
...is blowing out of the west... | Oh... |
at five | ... miles per hour. |
knots... | Ugh, this is ridiculous. What am I supposed to do? Lisa, who do you think's gonna win? The Bengals or the Dolphins? |
knots... | Good, good. Moe, fifty dollars on the Miami Dolphins. |
Touchdown Dolphins! | All right, Dolphins! |
All right, Dolphins! | Whoo-hoo! |
Whoo-hoo! | Fifty big ones! |
Fifty big ones? | Uh-oh. You see, Lisa, Daddy's friend Moe promised to give him fifty dollars if the Dolphins won the game. |
You mean you made a bet? | Well, I wouldn't call it a bet. It's a little thing Daddies do to make football more exciting. |
What could be more exciting than the savage ballet that is pro football? | Well... you know... you like ice cream, don't you? |
See how good things can happen if you make a little effort? | And don't you like ice cream better when it's covered with hot fudge and mounds of whipped cream and chopped nuts and -- oh -- those crumbled up cookie things they mash up... hmmm. Crumbled up cookie things... |
So gambling makes a good thing even better. | That's right. My God, it's like there's some kind of bond between us. |
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