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Come on Dad, it'd be weird. | All right, I will! Son, I don't think you should let me help you. |
Ah come on dad, if you really want to help, you can clean these paint brushes. | Thank you, Bill Cosby, you saved the Simpsons! |
Ah come on dad, if you really want to help, you can clean these paint brushes. | You know, Marge, that Bart of ours is a little miracle. His winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief... He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit. |
Hey, Simpson, where's your loser-mobile? | Loser-mobile... heh, heh ... wait a minute! |
You didn't hear nothin'. | Are you nervous son? |
Dad... I don't know how to say this, but I don't want to drive your car. It's slow, it's ugly, it handles like a shopping cart... | Bart, the car had a few bugs in it, I admit that. But we're Team Simpson. |
Dad, I love you, but you taught me to win. | When did I ever teach you that? |
Well, I picked it up somewhere. And if I drive Martin's car I can win. I'm sorry, but... | Don't be, no. Go ahead, leave me. Go on, go on and win. No, go on and win without your dad. |
Well, I picked it up somewhere. And if I drive Martin's car I can win. I'm sorry, but... | I'll just sit here in "Li'l Lightnin'" -- which the Simpsons built -- and remember that for one brief shining moment, I had a son. |
Well, I picked it up somewhere. And if I drive Martin's car I can win. I'm sorry, but... | Ow. |
Dad, can you take me to Dr. Hibbert's office? | Why? What's wrong? |
Oh, nothing. I just scheduled a tetanus booster. Maybe I'm being a little anal, but barefoot season's coming up and there's a world of rusty nails out there. | Oh, sure, I'll take you, wait with you, worry about you, and then you'll ride home with someone who has a faster car. This is how you get your kicks, isn't it, Lisa? |
Tell me something I don't know. | Dr. Hibbert, Lisa needs a. You! Homewrecker! |
Dad, aren't you coming? | No! |
Now, don't pout. | I'm not pouting, you are. |
Dad, you gotta come. I just got your hat out of the fridge. | Sorry. |
Don't you at least have something to say to Bart? | No. Can't think of a thing. |
But I guess I was wrong. You are a bad father. | Leave me alone. |
In just minutes, these junior Al Unser Juniors will lock horns. | "Name your son's hobbies." Building a soapbox racer... "Name your child's friends." Martin... Martin! I'll curse that name 'til the day I die... Huh? "Who is your son's heroe?"... |
In just minutes, these junior Al Unser Juniors will lock horns. | Three-time Soapbox Derby Champion Ronnie Beck! |
In just minutes, these junior Al Unser Juniors will lock horns. | Wow, I'm one question away from being a perfect father. "Name another dad you talked to about parenting." |
Hey ho Simpson. | Shut up Flanders. Flanders! |
Hey ho Simpson. | Flanders, Flanders, uh, uh, when should a boy start dating? |
Well sir, there are two schools of thought... | Great, thanks. |
Well sir, there are two schools of thought... | I talked to Flanders about parenting. I'm a perfect father. Hold on, son, I'm-a coming! |
Forget about your father. You're driving for me now! | Do it for your old man, boy! |
Thanks, Mr. Beck. I was alone out there, but someone was riding with me in spirit... This is for you, Dad. | No, son, you earned it. |
Mom, I never won before. I may never win again. Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! | That's my boy. Nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah! |
...We watch Springfield's oldest man meet Springfield's fattest man... | He's not so fat. |
Whoa, T and A. | Bart, why are you still up? |
Who can sleep with those five evil hens cackling and plotting against me? | Boy, they've got better things to talk about than you. Sheesh, what an ego. |
Coming up next, an elephant who never forgets... to brush! | What is it, boy? |
Coming up next, an elephant who never forgets... to brush! | Is anything the matter, my son? Talk to me, young man. |
Coming up next, an elephant who never forgets... to brush! | Say your name? Why should I do that, my lad? |
Ow! What was that for? | You spoke while you were jinxed so I get to punch you in the arm. Sorry, it's the law. Heh, heh. |
There he is! Let's give him a make-over. | Run for it boy! |
Come here, Maggie. | That's it. I'm outta here. |
Hiya, Homer. | What's the matter, Moe? |
Ah, business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the Junior High school next door no one would even use the cigarette machine. | Yeah, things are tough all over. |
Increased job satisfaction and family togetherness are poison for a purveyor of mind-numbing intoxicants like myself. | Could I get a beer? |
Gin and... tonic? Do they mix? | Hey, I know a good drink. Really hits the spot. I invented it myself... |
Aye carumba! | As I stared up at that hairy yellow drumstick, I knew I needed a drink. |
Aye carumba! | Patty, Selma, would you excuse me for a moment? |
If you're going for a beer, this is the last one. | I decided to mix the little bits that were left in every liquor bottle. |
If you're going for a beer, this is the last one. | In my haste I had grabbed a bottle of the kids' cough syrup. |
If you're going for a beer, this is the last one. | It passed the first test: I didn't go blind. |
They say everyone can float in the Dead Sea, but Selma sank right to the bottom. | I don't know the scientific explanation, but fire made it good. |
Whoa, sounds like one hell of a drink. What do you call it? | A "Flaming Homer". |
Okay, why don't you make us up a couple of "Flaming Homers"? | Hey Moe, you got any cough syrup? |
It's not without its charm. | Try lighting it on fire. |
Hey, hey, this drink is delicious! And my phlegm feels looser. What do you call it? | Well, it's called a "Flaming... |
I'll be back. | Moe, I haven't seen the place this crowded since the government cracked down on you for accepting food stamps. Do you think my drink had something to do with it? |
Pardon me, are you the genius behind the "Flaming Moe"? | Why yes I -- |
Honey, what's wrong? | I'll tell you what's wrong. That rotten Moe is getting rich off a recipe i gave him! |
Honey, what's wrong? | Take that off this second! |
Homie, why don't you just go down to Moe's and talk to him? I bet he'd be willing to share some of his success with you. | Nah... Marge, I'm too upset to eat -- I think I'll go to Moe's. . |
Can I help you sir? | I need to talk to Moe. |
Your name's not on the list. | I didn't even tell you my name. |
Okay, what's your name? | Homer Simpson. |
Not on the list. | But-- |
AND I TALK TO MY DAD, HE SAY/ HE SAID, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' TILL YOU'RE DOWN ON A MUFFIN AND YOU'RE SURE TO BE CHANGIN' YOUR WAYS/ I MET A CHEERLEADER WAS A REAL YOUNG BLEEDER OH THE TIMES I COULD REMINISCE/ TO THE BEST THINGS OF LOVIN' WITH HER SISTER AND HER COUSIN AND THEY STARTED WITH A LITTLE KISS/ | Barney? |
Hiya, Scrumptious. Do you want to ignite my drink? | You're my kid's teacher! |
Single parent, are we? | No! |
Well, let's pretend you are. | Get away from me. |
Well, let's pretend you are. | Hey, Moe? |
Oh, hiya, Homer. How 'bout a beer? | I'd rather have a "Flaming Homer". |
A what? Oh, I get it. | How could you do this to me, Moe? This bar was going under and it was the drink I invented that saved it. |
A what? Oh, I get it. | If there was any justice, my face would be on a bunch of crappy merchandise. |
Homer, I'm sorry you're mad at me, but this isn't personal. This is business. | Business, eh? Well let me tell you something. You just lost yourself a customer! |
What? I'm sorry. Homer, I couldn't hear you. | I said, you just lost yourself a customer! |
What? | You just lost yourself a customer. |
Homer, you're gonna have to speak up! | You just lost yourself a customer, Moe! |
I lost myself to what? | You just lost yourself a customer. |
Yeah, what do you want?! | A beer? |
Okay, then. | Can I have a clean glass? |
Well Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy. | Oooh! Look at me, I'm making people happy. I'm the Magical Man from Happyland in a gum drop house on Lollipop Lane! |
Well Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy. | Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic. |
I moe, I moe. | Moe... Moe... Moe. |
Of course. All work and moe play makes Moe a moe moe. | Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe... |
What the... | Fools! You poor, pathetic, misguided creatures, choking down your Flaming Moe's. All the time wondering, "How does he do it?" Well, I'm going tell you. The secret ingredient is... |
Homer, no! | Cough syrup. Nothing but plain, ordinary, over the counter children's cough syrup! |
Ah, she left to pursue a movie career. Frankly I think she was better off here. | Moe, sorry I lost you hundreds of thousands of dollars. |
Oh, hey, hey. Maybe some things are too good to be kept a secret. | I guess so. |
Compliments of the house. One "Flaming Homer". | Ahh. Thanks, Moe. You're the greatest friend a guy could ever have. |
Compliments of the house. One "Flaming Homer". | Hey, do you think Aerosmith will be in tonight? |
I'll get that whale song cassette that you like, sir. | It's not fair! |
I know how you feel, Simpson. I've never seen Mr. Burns so depressed. | Uh-huh. |
People think that because he's rich and powerful and cruel, he doesn't have feelings like other men. But he does. And you know what? I bet he wouldn't sell the plant for a hundred million dollars. | Ooh, that's a lot of money. |
People think that because he's rich and powerful and cruel, he doesn't have feelings like other men. But he does. And you know what? I bet he wouldn't sell the plant for a hundred million dollars. | Uh, Mr. Smithers, do you have change for a dollar? |
Good, good. Try to eat something. | Homer Simpson here. |
Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain constitutional rights. | So uh, how much did it go up? |
Wait a minute. Let's not do that yet. The book says we have to make a little small talk before you get down to business. Everybody alive? | Yeah... |
Like any sports? | Sure... |
Ever go dancing? | Not any more... |
We should get together sometime. | That'd be great. |
There. Now we trust each other. | Well... how are you? |
Near death. I'm renewing my notary license on a weekly basis. | Uh-huh. So what's my stock up to? |
Twenty five cents a share. | What should I do? |
Well, let me put it this way. You'll get twenty-five dollars if you sell now. | Sell! Sell! Sell! Woo hoo! Twenty-five dollars! |
Well, let me put it this way. You'll get twenty-five dollars if you sell now. | Ooooh... ooh, hot wax... ooh, hammer... |
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