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Ho-mer! Ho-mer! | Thank you! Thank you! But there was someone else with me on that alley. I'm talkin' about the big man, Carl. |
Mr. Simpson bowled a perfect game without the aid of steroids, crack, angel dust, or the other narcotics that are synonymous with pro bowling. | Thank you, Bart's teacher. You know, kids, my teachers said I would never amount to anything. And until last week, they were dead right. But now I've achieved perfection. |
Mr. Simpson bowled a perfect game without the aid of steroids, crack, angel dust, or the other narcotics that are synonymous with pro bowling. | Any questions? |
Mr. Simpson bowled a perfect game without the aid of steroids, crack, angel dust, or the other narcotics that are synonymous with pro bowling. | Yes, Bart's weird friend. |
Will you be my Dad? | You've got a father. He's just a dud. |
Will you be my Dad? | Next question. |
Will you be my Dad? | Yes, the girl Bart has a crush on. |
Do you think I could grow up to be a doctor? | Um, how 'bout one not touching your ass? |
Do you think I could grow up to be a doctor? | Hey, this was supposed to be about me. Now, any other questions? Pumpkin face? Headgear? Chicken pox? Smelly? Lazy eye? Spikey head? Okay, class dismissed. Rock on! |
Uhhh, Homer... | Yes, Kent? |
According to Redbook Magazine, what is the speed of light? | Well... that would... uh, wait... uh... do I read from the sheet labeled "Jokes" or "Answers?" |
Make me center square, Kent! I'm ready. I can handle it. | Dream on, Drunky! |
Ohh, we've got to stop putting these flavors of the month on. | Flavor of the month? Me? |
Yeah, Homer, you can't just ride one accomplishment forever. Why do you think I stopped acting and became a director? | I 'unno... Because you weren't cute anymore? |
Now to save my partner's life, I'll need complete... | Hello, everybody! |
Now to save my partner's life, I'll need complete... | Did somebody say a perfect game? |
You idiot! You'll ruin everything! | I'm doing a walk-on. It's a show business thing. So how y'all doin'? Let's see... What's in the news today? |
Would you shut up?! | Hey, I thought you never talked. |
He'll do it! I'm not the first Teller! | Remember Springfield, keep on swinging! |
That's right! You are! | Hey, everybody! I'm gonna be on TV again. |
That's right! You are! | That's right. You've got a special daddy. |
Burt Reynolds, class act. Well now, for our segment, "Yesterday's News"... featuring Homer Simpson. Are you as bored as I am with the antics of this warmed-over Fred Flintstone? I say it's time to put this one-trick pony out to stud. | Woo hoo! First stop, Maude Flanders. |
Homer! | But she said I... |
Dad, what she's saying is you've had your moment in the sun and now it's time for you to gracefully step aside. | Lisa, I know what's going on here. They did it to Jesus and now they're doing it to me. |
Are you comparing yourself to our Lord? | Well, in bowling ability. |
Ohhh, Homey, is that what's bothering you? | Mm-hmmm. |
Well the one sure cure for the blues is to talk it over with your life partner. | You're right! |
Geez, Homer. I never seen you so depressed. As your life partner, I'm very worried. | Save your tears, Moe. Save 'em in a shot glass for someone who still has a shred of hope. |
Hey, Mr. S. I didn't know you bungeed. | I wanna live! |
No, no! You're too heavy! | It's a glandular problemmmm! |
Well, except that. | Oh, Lord... you saved me. I guess you had some higher purpose in mind. |
Oh, dumbass, trying to get yourself killed? | Not anymore, Ron. Now, I'm looking for something to dedicate my life to. Something noble, but easy. |
Look, I'd love to help you out, Homer, but I'm taking my kids to the zoo. | That's great. Even big stars take their kids to the zoo. |
Daddy, we're missing the fantasti-potamus. She only sings twice a day! | That's it! Kids are the answer! I'll dedicate my life to my children. |
Really? You have children? Oh, well look, here's some money. | No. I don't want your pity or your money. |
Usually when you say that, you give the money back. | I do what now? |
If you tie a string around your finger real tight, you can make it turn purple. | I can see I'm not needed here. |
Mr. Simpson, you're going to be fine. Although you do seem to have swallowed a number of shark eggs. | Actually, that was before I went in the ocean. |
Well, I don't want to pry into your personal life... | Then don't. |
It's quite simple -- When a parent's life is in danger, a child can summon superhuman strength. | Well, all I care about is that my little girl loves me. And we're gonna spend a lot more time together from now on. |
These Swedish furniture designers sure have some far-out ideas. I mean, a green table! I wouldn't have thought of that in my wildest dreams. | And these bean bag chairs look so comfortable. |
These Swedish furniture designers sure have some far-out ideas. I mean, a green table! I wouldn't have thought of that in my wildest dreams. | Hey, there's someone else in here. |
You put it together yourself. All you need is me, Allen Wrench. | He's named after what he is. |
Hello, Simpsons! | Hey, Apu, Manjula. You guys are still married? |
Oh, yes sir. Quite happily. | Pay up, Marge. |
Mm. On the other hand, monkey see, monkey do! | Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all. |
By chilling my loins, I increase the chances of impregnating my wife. | Whoa, too much information! Thanks for the mental picture. Why don't you tell us what you really think? |
Just stop spouting those hackneyed quips. | Could you be any more...? Hel-lo! Look, just give me some ice cream. |
Just stop spouting those hackneyed quips. | More than I wanted to knoooow! |
You know, Homer, you might want to open those cans before they explode. | But the cans seal in the flavor. |
O-kay. | So, how's the tribe comin' along? Any papooses? |
No, still no luck. Tell me, Homer, did you have to take any special steps when you decided to have children? | Decided? That's classic. Decided. Babies just happen. |
Well, not to us they don't. Oh Homer, we have tried everything! Oysters, gravity boots, Sanjay's bed, every possible position... | Really? On top and underneath? |
Eh, yes. | Well, don't worry, I can help ya. I'm all about ideas. |
Eh, yes. | Kids, come and get it! |
I'm willing to play the high school jock, but did you have to cut the roof off my car? | Up-bup-bup-bup! That's an Apu question. You're "Greg." |
"Loosen up, baby. Tomorrow I'm shipping off to Vietnam." I... I thought I was going to Ivy League State. | My mistake. Stay in the moment. |
"Just promise not to forget me on your dinosaur-bone-digging-up trip..." | And that's my cue to exit. |
Homer! | I just wanted to invite you to the wrap party. And that's my cue to exit. |
You have octuplets. It rolls off your tongue and into your heart: octuplets. | Apu, you shoulda seen your face when they showed you those babies. |
You have octuplets. It rolls off your tongue and into your heart: octuplets. | Yeah. It looked just like that. |
Mm-hmm. Well, that would only account for quintuplets. Did anyone else slip this woman fertility drugs? | Mine tasted like strawberry. |
Mm-hmm. Well, that would only account for quintuplets. Did anyone else slip this woman fertility drugs? | Mmm... Ovulicious. |
Gee, sorry for being born. | I've been waiting so long to hear that. |
You know, I saw Apu today. He's really frazzled. | Boy, that Hansel sure can eat. |
You know, I saw Apu today. He's really frazzled. | My corneas! You were saying? |
Apu told me all eight babies have colic. Although he thinks one or two might just be going along with the crowd. | Eight kids. Hm, I'm sterile, right baby doll? |
Yes, dear. From the nuclear plant. | Beautiful. |
Knock, knock! | Apu? Manjula? Marge, I've got a bad feeling about this. |
Oh look who's here, the family with one baby. How do you manage? | Marge... They've turned into jerks. |
Let's hear it for Dazzle! | She's no Liza, but it works. |
She's waking up! | Don't worry. I brought some chloroform. |
She's waking up! | There... and... there... |
It's not just you prancin' around in a monkey suit, is it? | Not any more! |
We'll do our best, Chutney-Butt. | Okay, okay... don't panic. Release the mongoose! |
We'll do our best, Chutney-Butt. | Stupid mongoose! get the snake! The snake! Do I look like a snake? Ow! Ow! He bit me Show's over! Show's over! Next show is eight o'clock and ten! |
When we come back, we'll show you the contents of a supermodel's stomach! | What an age we live in. |
Hey, remember the fifties? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark? | I remember television! |
Why don't we eat there tonight?! | Nah. We'll go next month. |
It's clever how the names remind you of the fifties and at the same time tell you what there is to eat. | Wow, look at this old-timey gizmo! I feel like I've gone back in a time machine. |
Dad, they have those everywhere. | What an age we live in. |
Dancing! | Oh, no. You're not gettin' me on that dance floor. Don't try and make me. If I have to get a divorce I will. |
Our grand prize tonight is a vintage 1955 Harley-Davidson motorcycle. | That's right, never! |
Our grand prize tonight is a vintage 1955 Harley-Davidson motorcycle. | Oh! I need a dance partner! What about you? |
Well, well, well, I've never seen such reckless disregard for a wife's well-being in my life. You've just won yourselves a motorcycle! | Woo-hoo! |
Well, well, well, I've never seen such reckless disregard for a wife's well-being in my life. You've just won yourselves a motorcycle! | It's mine. Finally, I've won the respect of my fellow... Get away from it! |
Man, you're bending the hell out of that kick-stand, Dad. Why don't you just take it for a ride? | Promise you won't laugh? |
Yeah, I promise. | I don't know how. |
Yeah, you can arrest me, but you'll never defeat the Cobras. Nothing can defeat a motorcycle gang. | A gang! That's the answer. |
Sweet hog, Mr. Simpson. | Remember to rebel against authority, kids. |
Will you turn that engine off? | Quiet, Marge. The motorcycle and I are trying to sleep. |
Will you turn that engine off? | I know, I know. Just tune her out. |
Look what you've done! You've ruined the display! | Yeah, that's the life for me, Marge. Cruisin' and hasslin' shopkeepers. |
Never, pops. | Hey, don't make me hassle you, Lisa. |
Never, pops. | You know, if you want to be in the gang, eventually you're gonna have to get motorcycles. |
Hey, Homer! Can I join? | This gang's for rebels, Flanders, not conformos. |
The Chri... I-I-I don't think you understand my objection... | I'm the president and the decision is mine. We're Hell's Satans. Besides, I've already made our club jackets. |
Hell's Satans, huh? I'm watchin' you punks. | Can't hassle us, pig. We're goin' the speed limit. Oink, oink, oink. |
You'll make a mistake some day. And then you're going straight to juvie. | You can lock us away, but you'll never defeat the Cobras. |
Cobras? I thought you were the Hell's Satans. | Oink! Oink! Oink! |
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