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Wow, you can do anything out here. | They're rebroadcasting Major League Baseball with implied oral consent, not expressed written consent! Or so the legend goes. |
Please accept these illegal fireworks with my blessing. Yarrr. | There are no laws. We can do anything we want! Anything! |
Please accept these illegal fireworks with my blessing. Yarrr. | Ow, ow! Oh, real mature, Lenny. |
Well, let's play it by ear. | Pirates! Are you friendly pirates? |
Uh, not really, no. | What have you done with my party guests? |
Uh, not really, no. | Third best for me. |
Aye aye, captain. | Help, pirates! |
Navy Seals are on the way. | Oh, bless you! |
How 'bout a tactical nuclear strike? | Oh, that would be just... You're just yankin' my chain, aren't you? |
Enough! Get in the net. | I don't wanna! |
Some party, Homer. | Shut up, Net Face. |
Hey, you're in the net, too. | I said shut up, Net Face! |
And now we will cut you loose. For liability purposes it is the ocean that will kill you, not us. | Ahhhh! |
Hey, what do you know? It floats. | That was my plan all along. Now relax and the currents will take us home. |
What about the people on the bottom? | They're the greatest heroes of all. Hey, something's clawing at my leg. Okay, it stopped. |
... yes, not bad. | Uh, Mr. Burns, pirates got your yacht. |
Ah, it's good to be home. | I don't know. After living like a billionaire, this place is kind of a dump. |
Bart, stop that! Now, we may not have antique furniture, or priceless art work, but we have everything we need right here. | That's right. Just because we're not rich, doesn't mean that we don't have... Oh, I can't even finish. I wanna be rich! |
Bart, stop that! Now, we may not have antique furniture, or priceless art work, but we have everything we need right here. | Like these guys. And look at all these rich people here. Not as rich as they should be of course. But still rich. All that big money. Look at all of these. Got all this money. I have lots of money. Oh look at all the other people. Oh, look at all the people who can buy and sell me. I should send a list of these nam... |
Shhh. | Don't shush me, you rich bastards! |
Do you have a military I.D.? | I.D.? Man, Charlie didn't ask for I.D. when I fought at La Choy and Chun King. I saw my best friend's head explode at Margaret Cho. |
Homer, give him the fifty cents. | Why should I? Did my country give me a parade? No, man! They spat at me and... |
Just go. | Thanks. This closes the saddest chapter in American history. |
Who are those pleasant old men? | It's B.T.O.! They're Canada's answer to E.L.P. Their big hit was "T.C.B." That's how we talked in the '70s. We didn't have a moment to spare. |
But first we'd like to dip into our new CD... | "Takin' Care of Business!" |
Don't worry, sir. We'll get to that one... | No talking! No new crap! "Takin' Care of Business!" Now! |
YOU GET UP EVERY MORNING / TO THE ALARM CLOCK's WARNING / TAKE THE EIGHT-FIFTEEN INTO THE CITY... | Get to the "workin' overtime" part! |
"Workin' overtime..." | Work out! |
We just did! | What-everrr! |
Homer, Lisa's in that. | I stand by my disappointed groan. |
I can't believe those idiot judges were impressed by glowing plastic tubes. | Look, Lisa. It glows. Oooo. |
Zing! | See, Marge? I told you they could deep-fry my shirt. |
Excuse me. But I believe this family already had a horse, and the expense forced Homer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart with hilarious consequences. | Anybody care what this guy thinks? |
Oh, my. Ooh-hoo. It's going to cost us $500 a week to keep Duncan! | But he'll bring us joy, Marge. Unlike all your silly gewgaws. |
At least you don't have to feed any of the stuff I bought at the fair. Well, except the mop. | Marge, your pro-mop, anti-horse agenda has been clear for some time. But don't worry, I have a way for Duncan to earn his keep. |
He's a diving horse. Maybe he could dive for pearls. | Pearls, eh? |
Hey, Dad. | Huh? |
This horse is pretty fast. Maybe we can race him. | Racehorse, eh? |
Dad, if we're gonna race Duncan, shouldn't we hire a professional trainer? | Son, I learned everything I needed to know from "The Horse Whisperer". Step One: Seduce a lonely housewife. |
Dad, if we're gonna race Duncan, shouldn't we hire a professional trainer? | Ma'am. |
Dad, if we're gonna race Duncan, shouldn't we hire a professional trainer? | Now for the actual horse whispering. |
Dad, if we're gonna race Duncan, shouldn't we hire a professional trainer? | When the race starts, run really fast! |
Really? I thought I was the only one. | Champion horse, coming through! |
What the... | Good horse. Here's one taco and you'll get another when you win. |
What the... | Hey, where do you get those metal dealies for his feet? |
You mean horseshoes? | Hey, what's with the attitude? I just want some dealies. |
You really think that horse can run a mile and a half? | He ran all the way here. |
Duncan's really fast, Dad. He was just intimidated by those other horses. | Well, he's not gonna be intimidated anymore. We're gonna toughen him up -- give him a new badass attitude. All those other horses will be shaking in their horse dealies. |
Is that Duncan? | Not anymore. Ladies, say hello to... |
Ew, you used my bracelet for a nose ring! | Possessions are fleeting. |
You're quite a trainer, Mr. Simpson. Care to join us for a beer in the Jockey's Lounge? | I've been waiting all my life to hear that. |
These are our real voices! We only talk like this on your surface world. | But you're respected athletes! You own car dealerships and marry beauty queens. |
YOUR RENEGADE HORSE IS MAKING US FROWN! | What do you want me to do? |
YOUR HORSE MUST LOSE! | MY HORSE MUST LOSE? |
JUST LOSE THE STINKIN' RACE! | AND WHAT IF I REFUSE TO LOSE? |
We'll eat your brain. | MY HORSE MUST LOSE! |
You want me to lose the Springfield Derby? But you always taught me that winning was everything. | Oh, it is, it is. But we've been pushing that poor horse too hard. |
Maybe. But if Duncan wins the Derby, he can spend the rest of his days as a stud. | Well, it is a good life, believe me... All right, we'll give it a shot. I'll deal with those murderous trolls. |
Huh? | I mean, I'll deal with those murderous trolls. |
Might this be the start of a terrifying Planet of the Horses? In this announcer's opinion, almost certainly yes. And away I go. | Go, son! Do it for the normals! |
Hey, need any help, Homer? | Nah, we're cool. |
Hey, need any help, Homer? | Marge, now! |
Hey, need any help, Homer? | Son, go get me a trash bag. |
We'll give you gold! | Now that you're a champion, you'll have your pick of the fillies. |
Now remember, we have to leave nature just the way we found it. Everything we pack in, we pack out. | But what if I have to do my business? |
Use this plastic bag. | How come bears can crap in the woods and I can't? |
Ah, we're so lucky to have this untouched piece of paradise so close to Springfield. | Bees! |
They sound angry... and Africanized. | Okay, nobody panic. There's plenty of spray for me. |
The Bird Sanctuary -- they ruined it! | No they didn't. They just surrounded it with something wonderful -- like a raisin covered in chocolate, or a monkey in a cowboy suit. |
Show us your boobs, show us your boobs. | Better do what he says, Marge. |
That's very sweet, but we have a full day of hiking planned. | We can hike anytime. This is our chance to see cars driving. |
Hi-diddly-ho, pedal-to-the-metal-o-philes! | Flanders? Since when do you like anything cool? |
C'mon! Somebody crash! | Be patient, son. A rushed car never crashes. |
C'mon! Somebody crash! | Oh, I missed one! |
Eight seconds! Great job, boys! | Let's go! New tires! C'mon, c'mon! |
We're going as fast as we can, ma -- Hey, who are you? | Oh, how rude of me. My name is... |
We're going as fast as we can, ma -- Hey, who are you? | My bad. |
And now, here's something for the guys... | Finally! |
Well, I guess no one else wants a T-shirt! | That's a damn lie, and you know it! Gimme a shirt! |
You heard him, girls. | Hey, T-shirt- T-shirt-T-shirt! |
Fire! | Oooh, a bobby pin. |
No, I really mean it, though. I mean if it was you that died, I would have been on her so fast... | And poor Ned didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Well, from now on I'm never gonna let you leave the room without telling you how much I love you and how truly special... this is really eating up a lot of time. Maybe just a pat on the butt. Yeah, that works. |
Now Homey, you know, Ned and the boys need us. And you know what that means. | I know. No more being a jerk. |
And now, the good people at Fan-Demonium, as part of a generous settlement, will fire a 21-T-shirt salute. | Finally. |
Now if there's anything, anything at all I can do to help out... | Quit hogging Flanders. I want to comfort him. |
That's nice of you Homer, but I think I'll just go to bed. | Then I insist on walking you home. |
Homer, this really isn't necessary... | Those feelings are normal, Ned. They're part of the process. Watch the sprinkler. |
Hey, that's my sprinkler. | It's natural to feel that way, but the sprinkler is gone. It's time to let go. |
I just bought that... | I know, I know. It's never easy. |
Aw, Homer. You don't have to... | Sleep tight, Neddie. |
No, Homer! I just need to talk. | Okay, be right down. |
I just keep replaying the whole thing in my head. I can't believe my last words to Maude were "No foot-longs." | Yep, it would've been a lot better if you'd said "I love you," or "you're special." You know, something sweet instead of that hot dog crack. |
If I'd only been a gentleman and got the hot dogs myself, she'd still be here. | Now, now, now. Don't beat yourself up. I'm the one who drove her out of her seat. I'm the one who provoked the lethal barrage of t-shirts. I'm the one who parked in the ambulance zone preventing any possible resuscitation... |
If I'd only been a gentleman and got the hot dogs myself, she'd still be here. | But, uh, there's no point in playing the blame game. |
Ah, you're right. I've just got to work through the grief. There's not gonna be an easy answer. | Easy answer, eh? |
Why are you taping Flanders, Dad? | You'll see... |
Do you even have a job anymore? | I think it's pretty obvious that I don't. |
Okay, I finished the gardening sequence. | Okay, from here we star-wipe to a glamour shot of Flanders paying his bills... |
Okay, I finished the gardening sequence. | Then we star-wipe to Flanders brushing his... |
Dad, there are other wipes besides star-wipes. | Why eat hamburger when you can have steak? |
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