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Hey, Ned! I just read about your park in that horrible Triple-A magazine. | Ooo, Ned, look who's here. It's that girl you don't like... not! |
So, how 'bout a movie tomorrow night? | I think Ned is gonna be all right... |
I know. We'll never see any of you again. | You got that right |
My turn, huh? Let's see... | Pick me! Pick me! I've got hoop dreams, coach. I've got 'em bad. |
Okay. Homer. | Yes! Losers! Lo-sers! Lo-sers! L-- You said "Homer," right? |
Mm-hm. | Lo-sers! |
Willie tickles the twine for two! Oi! Oi! | Okay guys, I've got a secret play I've been saving for the Olympics or possibly the Final Four, and it goes something like this... Uh, Skinner I want you... Moe, you can take ... Homer, you can take Groundskeeper Willie. No way am I taking Groundskeeper Willie. Yes you are. Are you a team player or not? |
Oh my goodness, an untied shoelace. I'll just get down on one knee and retie that. | Eat my dust, mortals! |
Oh my goodness, an untied shoelace. I'll just get down on one knee and retie that. | I'm okay. |
Oh my goodness, an untied shoelace. I'll just get down on one knee and retie that. | Ow! |
Homer, I'm afraid you've torn out your anterior cruciate ligament. | Did you say anterior? |
Now, how did this happen? | Mmmaybe a little morphine would refresh my memory. |
Now, how did this happen? | I don't know, I'm still a little hazy. |
Now, how did this happen? | Oh, yeah. Now I remember it like it was yesterday... |
It happened today. | Hey man, you're harshin' my buzz. Anyway it all started when... |
You go, Homer! | Jet-son! |
We've got to get you into surgery. | Maybe a little morphine would get me there quicker. |
But it will take plenty of time and rehab before you can go back to work. | Miss work? But my life would be nothing without the nucleon plant. |
Oh, you're also responsible for this hefty hospital bill. You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films. | But "Dr. Screwlittle" sounded like a delightful romp. Well, you don't have to worry about the bill. We've never welshed on a... Look, a bear! |
Oh, you're also responsible for this hefty hospital bill. You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films. | Run! |
Now Homer, I want you to stay off that leg for two weeks. | Two weeks?! Well, what am I supposed to do? Just sit on my ass and watch TV? That ain't my style, man! |
Now, Homer, there are people right through that door that have it much worse than you. | No they don't. |
There goes my wagging finger. | I'm so bored. |
Hey, Homer! | Oh, it feels so good to talk to another human being. Stupid Flanders. |
It's gonna be one wholesome evening. So, do you think Marge could take care of rowdy Roddy and Typhoon Todd? | Well, Marge isn't here. She had to identify a body at the morgue. |
Would you mind watching the kids? I'm kinda in a pickle here. | Well, they would keep me company. And this pickle you're offering only sweetens the deal. |
Mr. Simpson, can we have another jelly and candy sandwich? | Sure, knock yourselves out, and call me Homer. |
Daddy said it's rude to call grownups by their first name. | Daddy's not here, is he? |
Pokémon? Pokémon? With the pokey and the mon and the... | That is the darnedest thing! |
He told us how the world keeps screwing him over. | Yeah, well. How was the concert? |
Well, sir, I never heard a preacher use the "m-f" word so many times. Anyway, thanks again. | Hey, it was fun. My kids are sick of all my stories. But they just can't get enough of me! |
Oh, Roddy, he's not runnin' a day care center. | Don't tell me what I'm not doing. |
So you are running a day care center? | Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? |
Well, I sure would. It would give the boys a place to go after school. | Then I'll do it, just to see the look on your face. |
Well, I sure would. It would give the boys a place to go after school. | That's the one. |
Why did you put my name on the sign? | It's just a legal thing, to protect me. |
Is your knee really gross under there? | See for yourself. |
Can I touch it? | Sure. Go for the gusto. |
It's healing over my hand. | It knows you're afraid. |
Yes, whatever, just take them! | Aw, aren't they sweet. Any medical things I should know about? |
Why, Homer, your surgical incision is completely healed. | I owe it all to my rewarding work with children, and not picking at it. |
Ah, yes. How is your day care center doing? | Wonderful. Being with those kids gives me a high only morphine can top. Ya got any? |
I've never seen the baby get tired of it before the adult. | Peek-a-boo! |
Uncle Homer, will you sing that crazy song we love? | Okay. IS THAT ALL THERE IS? / IS THAT ALL THERE IS? / IF THAT'S ALL THERE IS / MY FRIEND / THEN LET'S KEEP DANCING... |
Yeah. Hey, Homer, I thought you were only gonna do this day care thing till your knee was better. | Yes, but then I discovered the joys of raising children. |
What about us? | Don't worry honey, you'll have children of your own someday. Then you'll know my joy. |
int. simpsons house - downstairs - continuous) | Huh? |
int. simpsons house - downstairs - continuous) | Aw, what a beautiful frame. Perfect for my day care permit. Sweet. |
int. simpsons house - downstairs - continuous) | Umm-hm. |
I contributed by not objecting too much. | Aw, that's my girl. |
Anyway, this film crew... will shoot some behind-the-scenes footage of your amazing work. | Is there a snack table? |
It's already set up. | Don't film this. |
We're just restin' our eyes. | 'Cause the thing is, there are no bad kids... |
Ow! You stepped on my arm! | Sorry. Daddy thought you were a pile of cable. |
Tell me about the "Homer Cares" program. | My kids wear these hearts to remind them they are always loved. |
Awww. Did you make 'em yourself? | Yes, through the magic of caring. |
This year's winner of the "Saint Who Walks Among Us" award... | Please let me win this, Lord. 'Cause if you don't... |
... Homer Simpson! | Yes! |
... Homer Simpson! | All my love has come back in trophy form. |
And he gambles like crazy. | I'll call. |
Three nines. | I almost had a straight! |
Come to new papa. | Hey, what's the deal? |
We just spliced in some home movies. Whaddaya think? | Well, I'd rather reserve judgement until I... oh my God! |
We just spliced in some home movies. Whaddaya think? | That is completely taken out of context! |
We just spliced in some home movies. Whaddaya think? | Why you little... |
My polite indignation has no bounds. | No! No! No one is taking my kids from me! |
My polite indignation has no bounds. | Run, children! Run! |
Where are we going? | Uh... For frosty chocolate milkshakes. Frosty chocolate milkshakes! |
Where are we going, Mr. Simpson? | I'll tell you where we're not going: jail. |
Then you better turn. | Uh oh. |
Yeah. / Pretty much. | Well, I learned my lesson. From now on you two are the only kids I'll care about. Oh, and Maggie. |
Yeah. / Pretty much. | Now let's all enjoy the snack table while we still have it. |
The Teamsters said they'd pick it up by five. | Yeah, that'll happen. |
The Teamsters said they'd pick it up by five. | Teamsters. |
I can't believe it. We won another contest! | The Simpsons are going to Delaware! |
You're next, Mr. Simpson. | Hey, wait a minute. "Airport tax, five dollars?" |
Sir, it's a standard fee. | Well, we are not boarding that plane unless you waive that tax. Waive it... |
Mornin', folks. | What are you gonna do to us? |
Well, I s'pose I could spin ya a few more yarns... But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy. | All right, but your next story better be worth it. |
Okay, ready for another impression? This is Southside Jake tearin' into Tin Can Tillie. | Oh, this'll be good. |
Dad, you just killed a poor, defenseless buffalo! | A poor delicious buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train. |
And her family changed theirs to "Buffelkill." | I haven't had buffalo in six hours. Marge, how 'bout whipping up some buffalo sausage, huevos buffaleros, and some fresh-squeezed buffal-O.J. |
The buffalo are gone. I think you shot them all. | What have I done? What have I done?! |
Yeah, I suppose you could grind some pills into it. | Aww... |
Ooh, look out there, folks. That's the mighty Mississip. | Big deal. |
And that was Tom and Huck's last adventure. | I liked that story 'cause I was a Judge. |
I believe I told three stories. | I'll meet you in Wilmington. |
You know, I do four hundred sit-ups a day. | Oh, it shows. I was gonna say something, but I thought it might sound you know, weird. |
You know, I do four hundred sit-ups a day. | It-- |
You know, I do four hundred sit-ups a day. | Ew! |
Oh, not at all. I like when people say nice things about my body. | And it's important to feel good about yourself... Okay, spread your toes. Do you know how much glass is in here? |
BABIES, WHO WANTS-A BABIES... | Wait, this is just a shaved puppy. |
I sense you live with much misery. | The perfect crime. Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday. |
I sense I should not take a check. | A fortune teller? Oh, no you don't. This phony gypsy just wants to rip you off. See, this wart is a fake! |
Get out. | So much for the legendary gypsy hospitality. |
Get out. | Beads! |
Get out. | Owww! |
You've ruined me! Oh, why didn't I see this coming? | Hey, that's me. And that's you. |
You stupid, stupid man! I curse you! You will bring bad luck to everyone you love! | What-ever. |
Gee, you strangle him all the time, and that never happens. | Good as new. |
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