chosen_timestamp timestamp[ns]date 2012-07-26 17:01:55 2022-12-31 14:34:19 | rejected_timestamp timestamp[ns]date 2012-07-26 14:23:36 2022-12-31 12:20:41 | score_chosen int64 14 23.1k | score_rejected int64 10 4.26k | chosen listlengths 2 2 | rejected listlengths 2 2 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
2015-02-12T23:02:15 | 2015-02-12T21:58:33 | 33 | 14 | [
{
"content": "[FF] Write about a feeling with 10 lines, the first one being 10 words, next line 9, so on and so forth.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Happy seeing my kids at the top of the stair\n\nWaiting for their dad to come home from work\n\nThey shout \"daddy!\" and I forget the day\n\nand for at least a few seconds\n\nI remember that the important things\n\nto me are at home \n\nMy dog, my kids\n\nMy beautiful wife\n\ntreasured moments\n\nLife",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[FF] Write about a feeling with 10 lines, the first one being 10 words, next line 9, so on and so forth.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The world is a brutal, selfish cocksucker of a whore\n\nEverything, everywhere, everyone, everyplace, every day is colossal subterfuge \n\nThe willows whip wildly, the earth disgorges filth\n\nDarkness does not equal lack of light\n\nBeings, seemingly human, gape and maw\n\nAnimals, knowing better, scurry away\n\nBrokenness and deep agony\n\nCan slowly evolve\n\nInto something\n\nGlorious",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-02-12T23:02:15 | 2015-02-12T23:01:52 | 33 | 12 | [
{
"content": "[FF] Write about a feeling with 10 lines, the first one being 10 words, next line 9, so on and so forth.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Happy seeing my kids at the top of the stair\n\nWaiting for their dad to come home from work\n\nThey shout \"daddy!\" and I forget the day\n\nand for at least a few seconds\n\nI remember that the important things\n\nto me are at home \n\nMy dog, my kids\n\nMy beautiful wife\n\ntreasured moments\n\nLife",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[FF] Write about a feeling with 10 lines, the first one being 10 words, next line 9, so on and so forth.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You are one of several billion clones in the world\n \nEverybody everywhere living lives you'll never get to see\n\n You can't help but wonder how they live\n\n Somebody somewhere is feeling just like you\n\n Somebody somewhere else is feeling worse\n\n No one can be unique\n\n Millions of other people\n\n Just like you.\n\n It's called\n\n Sonder.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-02-12T22:26:14 | 2015-02-12T21:58:33 | 26 | 14 | [
{
"content": "[FF] Write about a feeling with 10 lines, the first one being 10 words, next line 9, so on and so forth.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Ten years you held my heart locked in a cage.\n\nI strive for calm but begin to come unhinged\n\nYou destroyed our lives with your casual fling\n\nYour heartlessness served to set the stage\n\nDeeply dreaming of my sweet revenge\n\nYour lying throat I'll wring\n\nMy anger to assuage.\n\nBurning to avenge.\n\nHot. Blinding.\n\nRage.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[FF] Write about a feeling with 10 lines, the first one being 10 words, next line 9, so on and so forth.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The world is a brutal, selfish cocksucker of a whore\n\nEverything, everywhere, everyone, everyplace, every day is colossal subterfuge \n\nThe willows whip wildly, the earth disgorges filth\n\nDarkness does not equal lack of light\n\nBeings, seemingly human, gape and maw\n\nAnimals, knowing better, scurry away\n\nBrokenness and deep agony\n\nCan slowly evolve\n\nInto something\n\nGlorious",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-03-26T13:38:58 | 2015-03-26T12:20:39 | 28 | 21 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Close the biggest plot hole in your favorite book or movie",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"I will go to Mordor, though I do not know the way. Gandalf, could we fly?\"\n\n\"Yes, Frodo, let's fly. On an eagle. To Mordor. Let's be miles above the ground and the lone object in the sky passing over mountain ranges towards our nemesis who is a giant eye. Even better, let's make sure that we are clinging to a bird that depends on agility in the air to keep it alive or clutched it its talons, which are literally its only weapon.\"\n\n\"So you would go on foot? One does not simply walk into Mordor\" roared Boromir, rising to his feet in outrage. \n\n\"Better that than caught defenceless in the air by Nazgul! Imagine, Boromir, son of Ecthelion, how long your white city will stand when the ring lies on the broken body of a hobbit fallen in full view of the Dark Lord and smashed upon the plains of Mordor. No, the only way is on foot. We make for the Black Gate.\"",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Close the biggest plot hole in your favorite book or movie",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "*WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (original)*\n\n**CHARLIE:** Grandpa? It says I can take somebody with me. I \nwish you could go.\n\n**GRANDPA JOE:** (struggling to get out of bed) Charlie. \n(Charlie helps him.) Ah, that's good. Now help me up. (He \nstands, then falls back on the bed) Oh!\n\n**CHARLIE:** Are you okay?\n\n**GRANDPA JOE:** Oh yeah, I'm fine, Charlie. (He stands up and \nstumbles.)\n\n**MOTHER:** (*stares at the old man*) Are you fucking kidding me? All this time, I thought you were crippled. We’ve been living in a fucking hovel, I’ve been slaving away at a huge boiling pot of laundry, and you could walk this *whole time*? What? Were you just, like, waiting for an important enough reason to get out of bed? I’ve been changing your bedpans, you fucking shitstain. Fuck this. Fuck. This. Shit. I quit. (*grabs the ticket from Charlie’s ungrateful hands and walks out of the room*)",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-07-03T00:27:19 | 2015-07-02T23:25:51 | 26 | 18 | [
{
"content": "[WP]You're the Interim CEO of a major internet company. Every decision you make seems to just go completely wrong.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "As I stared around the boardroom, I felt the eyes of 8 top-level execs on me. It was my time to shine. I walked over to my PowerPoint presentation, confident in my abilities. As I was about to talk, my throat suddenly seized up. I stood there, in front of a bunch of middle-aged men, who's eyes bored deep into my soul, not knowing what to say. I was now incredibly nervous. However, I stopped myself. I took a deep breath, and finally I was able to say what I wanted to say.\n\n\"I think we should get rid of Victoria\".\n\nThis was my final mistake.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP]You're the Interim CEO of a major internet company. Every decision you make seems to just go completely wrong.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "12 noon. I slowly open my eyes and let out a stifled yawn. I hate waking up so early, but the mailman should be delivering my AOL cd today, and I'm going to get a technician to install the internet off it onto my phone.\nBut first, I have a very important decision to make. One that may change the course of history. I think about the recent changes we have made, and the way those bastard leeches that call themselves rettidors attack my every move. What would they know? They didn't invent the information superhighway! Al gore did. I love that man.\nAnyway, I make my decision, and smile with joy... as I shit the bed again.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-12-07T10:09:17 | 2015-12-07T08:46:53 | 146 | 14 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Don't shoot, I'm Shia not Sunni! How come you westerners can never understand the difference?!\"\n\n\"Oh. I understand the difference, more than you'll never know...\" *blaat* (cut to thug life vine)\n\nAlternative: dearest laquisha,\n\nThe days are hot and the nights are cold in this barren desert of Syria. I opine for these like a crack head who just received their EBT and are on their way to Slick Ricks on Myrtle and Broadway. I dare say that I find the differences between our former enemies, now turned brethren in arms, near inconsequential. A new ally, Jamaal a Blood from Queensbridge, showed me the effective improvement in aerodynamics through bandanas folding. I lament my ignorance for so long. \n\nPlease remember that every time you feel that eastern wind blowing, upon those winds are the whispers of my love for you. You will always be my baby and my baby momma. \n\nAs I crip walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no niggas: for I know that the Lord and your love is with me. \n\nLt. Colonel Mason \"Truth\" Williams\n\nPs please find enclosed my mix tape, which is as fire as the desert sun.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It was one day after setting sail. The charted Carnival Freedom was 300 nautical miles off the east coast of the United States. With over 5000 nautical miles to go until our heroes reach the shore of the Syrian port town of Latakia, terror began to unfold.\n\n“Boss! We’ve run out of our entire supply of coconut shrimp” proclaimed David Davies, a first year kitchen intern at Carnival Corporation. \n\n“Dear God, David. Are you sure? Have you checked the freezer on deck two?” responded head chef Bruno D’Bruno. Bruno is an ex-Italian architect who quit his job to live out his dream of cooking for thousands, albeit he was hoping for a more upscale establishment such as the three Michelin starred La Pergola in Rome.\n\n“No Chef…Mr. Markus and the Green Street Gizmos have captured all of deck two. I even tried to use the staff entrance from below, but they have also cordoned off all staff quarters in the aft of the ship.”\n\nThe second day of the voyage was off to a horrible start. Although the Bloods and Crips have miraculously put their differences aside, there were still kinks to work out in the relationship. More concerning was how the new combined force, now known as the Croods, have decided to make the staff on the ship their primary enemy until they reached Syria.\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-12-07T10:09:17 | 2015-12-07T09:25:02 | 146 | 10 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Don't shoot, I'm Shia not Sunni! How come you westerners can never understand the difference?!\"\n\n\"Oh. I understand the difference, more than you'll never know...\" *blaat* (cut to thug life vine)\n\nAlternative: dearest laquisha,\n\nThe days are hot and the nights are cold in this barren desert of Syria. I opine for these like a crack head who just received their EBT and are on their way to Slick Ricks on Myrtle and Broadway. I dare say that I find the differences between our former enemies, now turned brethren in arms, near inconsequential. A new ally, Jamaal a Blood from Queensbridge, showed me the effective improvement in aerodynamics through bandanas folding. I lament my ignorance for so long. \n\nPlease remember that every time you feel that eastern wind blowing, upon those winds are the whispers of my love for you. You will always be my baby and my baby momma. \n\nAs I crip walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no niggas: for I know that the Lord and your love is with me. \n\nLt. Colonel Mason \"Truth\" Williams\n\nPs please find enclosed my mix tape, which is as fire as the desert sun.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Waves lap at the shore a young Syrian child picks up a stone to throw at the water her eyes are flooded war has ravaged the city and the future is un-certain a hermet crab catches her eye but a loud thud causes the creature to re-enter its shell, the child runs fearing another bombing raid but her gaze is fixated on the open sea as a blue red craft appears on crest of a wave, the hermit is now bouncing from the shock-waves but it soon becomes clear that the harrowing sound is not a form of artillery but very heavy bass.\n\n\"Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?\nHave that nigga in the cut, where the wood at?\nOh, them niggaz actin up?!? Where the wolves at?\nYou better BUST THAT if you gon pull that\".\n\nGleaming chrome jets scream through the water as one of the most pimp vehicles known to man strikes the beach with twerking force of a thousand ho's, the top of the craft appears to be made of platinum as the top starts to rotate a thick cloud of smoke creeps from the gold plated gaps and an african gentlemans face is revealed, smoking a joint worthy of Rick James himself, his eyes narrow as he stares at the fortified mosque over the horizon \"time to roll on these bitch ass niggas\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-12-07T09:53:36 | 2015-12-07T08:46:53 | 76 | 14 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "We thought that the devils of the west only sent us more soldiers for the hounds of Allah to feast on, yet more greedy, rich, decadent American blood to bath in.\n\nWe did not expect this. They moved in, accepting our ways, then they divided us. Drugs were always an issue regarding our warriors, young and boorish, but ours were always clean.\n\nIn months, a blight spread through our ranks, once proud soldiers of god now begged for change. \n\nHashish, cocaine, heroin, all tainted and gradually reduced in their dosages, cut with who knows what. \n\nSuicide bombers detonated early, men went naked into the streets, striking at whatever crossed their path, dancing and crying. \n\nHoly sites, population centers, and marketplaces were marked with red and blue paint. Rotted from within, we were slaughtered with ease when soldiers came, painting white stars amidst the territory symbols, screaming triumph and domination. \n\nI see now the truth of the world, and I want no part of it. Allah is no longer, and Islam is dead. Mohammed shall beg my forgiveness. \n\n*video found near corpse of confirmed ISIS leader. Death found to be self inflicted gunshot wound to the skull.*",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It was one day after setting sail. The charted Carnival Freedom was 300 nautical miles off the east coast of the United States. With over 5000 nautical miles to go until our heroes reach the shore of the Syrian port town of Latakia, terror began to unfold.\n\n“Boss! We’ve run out of our entire supply of coconut shrimp” proclaimed David Davies, a first year kitchen intern at Carnival Corporation. \n\n“Dear God, David. Are you sure? Have you checked the freezer on deck two?” responded head chef Bruno D’Bruno. Bruno is an ex-Italian architect who quit his job to live out his dream of cooking for thousands, albeit he was hoping for a more upscale establishment such as the three Michelin starred La Pergola in Rome.\n\n“No Chef…Mr. Markus and the Green Street Gizmos have captured all of deck two. I even tried to use the staff entrance from below, but they have also cordoned off all staff quarters in the aft of the ship.”\n\nThe second day of the voyage was off to a horrible start. Although the Bloods and Crips have miraculously put their differences aside, there were still kinks to work out in the relationship. More concerning was how the new combined force, now known as the Croods, have decided to make the staff on the ship their primary enemy until they reached Syria.\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-12-07T09:53:36 | 2015-12-07T09:25:02 | 76 | 10 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "We thought that the devils of the west only sent us more soldiers for the hounds of Allah to feast on, yet more greedy, rich, decadent American blood to bath in.\n\nWe did not expect this. They moved in, accepting our ways, then they divided us. Drugs were always an issue regarding our warriors, young and boorish, but ours were always clean.\n\nIn months, a blight spread through our ranks, once proud soldiers of god now begged for change. \n\nHashish, cocaine, heroin, all tainted and gradually reduced in their dosages, cut with who knows what. \n\nSuicide bombers detonated early, men went naked into the streets, striking at whatever crossed their path, dancing and crying. \n\nHoly sites, population centers, and marketplaces were marked with red and blue paint. Rotted from within, we were slaughtered with ease when soldiers came, painting white stars amidst the territory symbols, screaming triumph and domination. \n\nI see now the truth of the world, and I want no part of it. Allah is no longer, and Islam is dead. Mohammed shall beg my forgiveness. \n\n*video found near corpse of confirmed ISIS leader. Death found to be self inflicted gunshot wound to the skull.*",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Crips and the Bloods ally with each other against ISIS. The world laughs as thousands of gang members board a cruise ship and set sail for the Middle East. The two gangs land on the shores of Syria and begin their fight against ISIS.\n\nLet's see how the two gangs fare. \n\nEDIT: These are great, guys! Thanks for all the stories. I've read some, and I'll read the rest later. ",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Waves lap at the shore a young Syrian child picks up a stone to throw at the water her eyes are flooded war has ravaged the city and the future is un-certain a hermet crab catches her eye but a loud thud causes the creature to re-enter its shell, the child runs fearing another bombing raid but her gaze is fixated on the open sea as a blue red craft appears on crest of a wave, the hermit is now bouncing from the shock-waves but it soon becomes clear that the harrowing sound is not a form of artillery but very heavy bass.\n\n\"Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?\nHave that nigga in the cut, where the wood at?\nOh, them niggaz actin up?!? Where the wolves at?\nYou better BUST THAT if you gon pull that\".\n\nGleaming chrome jets scream through the water as one of the most pimp vehicles known to man strikes the beach with twerking force of a thousand ho's, the top of the craft appears to be made of platinum as the top starts to rotate a thick cloud of smoke creeps from the gold plated gaps and an african gentlemans face is revealed, smoking a joint worthy of Rick James himself, his eyes narrow as he stares at the fortified mosque over the horizon \"time to roll on these bitch ass niggas\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2015-12-30T22:31:42 | 2015-12-30T20:45:14 | 70 | 25 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You wake up in a tub of ice with a two insicions on your back and a note that reads \"Why don't you have any kidneys? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?\"",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Santiago de Buille Preshton of Arch Lambert Avenue, Suite 2201, one Mister Francois Marie-Adem Langlois was once a respectable man.\n\n\nNow being found in a place most distasteful to the man of high tastes, he found himself in a rather most uncomfortable position. An apparent ice cold bath with several incisions along his side, Mr. Langlois found a note with a rather disturbing notice, one using the most vulgar and colloquial terms. \n\n\nHe had never considered the thought of having kidneys. It was far too common. It was far more convenient to have mechanical internal organs. He thought of it with greater clarity after finding a pair of trousers in the corner of the room, right beside the toilette. \n\n\nPerhaps he should had considered the customs about visiting earth, this Mr. Langlois.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You wake up in a tub of ice with a two insicions on your back and a note that reads \"Why don't you have any kidneys? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?\"",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Aww fuck this won't be good. I'm in Chongqing so I'm sure this was done by the koruppted boys. The low level bitches who fucked my back up are being chewed out by their Capo right now I bet. He's going to tell his boss and that fat fuck will know exactly who I am. \n\nIt's easier getting lost in mainland China than most of the west but there's one problem. These mother fuckers are superstitious. You get discovered by a gang in the Americas and they have you on a horse taking gun fire from a sherif by nightfall. You get discovered here and all the sudden there's talk of cutting your dick off an eating it. Dick and hearts. These motherfuckers....\" \n\nEdit- no one else is willing to try and write but quick with the downvotes. Guess people don't like monologues ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-03-07T04:38:07 | 2016-03-07T04:31:20 | 256 | 49 | [
{
"content": "[WP] God forgot about Earth soon after Adam and Eve, fully expecting them to die. One of the Angels just informed him they survived, and the population is over 7 billion.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "God leaned back in their chair and made a gentle clicking sound their tongue. They often did this when they were thinking, although it could get a little irritating as they sometimes were lost in thought like this for decades. And what else could the Metatron do. It was his job to record gods thoughts and actions, so couldn't very well wander off could he?\n\n\"7 billion you say?\" god uttered, without moving from its quite relaxed position.\n\n\"Yes my lord\" Metatron answered.\n\n\"Well they have been busy haven't they?\" god chuckled to itself.\n\n\"Actually lord there have been a fair number more than that, but this was the planet where you experimented with limited existence\".\n\n\"This was the death planet?\" God shouted sitting bolt upright, suddenly staring Metatron in the face.\n\n\"Yes, lord\".\n\n\"But how could there be so many then?\"\n\n\"Well my lord, it appears that the limited existence motivated them to reproduce. They also seem to be quite prone to coming up with myths about what comes after death to soften the blow of their existence being limited\".\n\n\"You don't say? Anything particularly interesting?\". God smiled suddenly engrossed. \n\n\"It varies, some call for eternal reward for those who are good to those around them, and eternal punishment for those who are cruel to those around them. Others are similar but limit the punishment to the point where the individual is worthy of reward again. Interestingly some don't even believe in either and base their actions purely on the effects it causes during their existence\". Metatron read from the report he'd been given. He purposely skipped the section about who they attributed these different realities to. There was a mixture of different versions of the god that sat in front of him, as well as other deities. God has never been overly fond of either of these things. The humans had got that bit right at least.\n\nGod went quiet again. Metatron braced for another 2 decades of tongue clicking.\n\n\"So did we do it then?\" God asked, mercifully after only a few minutes.\n\n\"Do what sir?\" Metatron answered.\n\n\"The rewards and punishment thing?\" \n\n\"Well.......no sir. They came up with that well after we abandoned that particular world\".\n\n\"Hmm, ok well I'll get right on that then.\" God declared while settling back into his chair.\n\n\"Just the ones that expire from now sir? Or the ones that have already expired?\" Metatron asked, pulling out another sheet of paper. \n\n\"All of them\" god stated with a finality Metatron hadn't heard out of his master in millenia.\n\n\"Creating an eternal paradise and eternal punishment? I've not created anything like that before. It could be quite interesting\". God grinned, now clearly in a considerably better mood.",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] God forgot about Earth soon after Adam and Eve, fully expecting them to die. One of the Angels just informed him they survived, and the population is over 7 billion.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Like some sort of viral infection on my once beautiful planet. Do they know that no creature of similar size's population even comes close? Yet they continue to breed and multiply. Their persistence is impressive, I'll give them that. They just don't give up. There are skinny ones who don't have any of the liquid that accounts for *71* percent of the surface. \"\n\n\"Sir, well, no offense, but you explicitly made that water undrinkable. Also, when was your planet beautiful? When did it stop?\"\n\n\"The beauty was when it was dark and barren.\" God stomps out so abruptly that there is a disturbance that echoes throughout space.\n\n\"I wonder what's up with him\" one of the guardians asks the other. \n\n\"I think he doesn't know that these creatures adore him for the most part\"\n\n\nGod suddenly appeared back in his seat. He went out to get coffee. \n\n\n\"I don't understand. You think they adore me? Really. Look at all the hatred. Look at all who have turned against me. The ones who do believe in me are constantly angry with me because they misinterpret a promise I made earlier in the day about eternal life or something, and they say I have abandoned them. I forced some set up camps for them to end their time on earth for their true life, but they are shut down and regarded as inhumane. I am God. I know not ' humane '.\"\n\n\" Sir please, they do adore you. The ones who don't don't know how, and the ones who adore you 'wrong' have completly different society.\"\n\n\"Yeah Sir, didn't you make some sort of agreement that all of their faiths are correct so long as they truly believe it in their soul? To some you are one God, to others many, to some you are made of three parts. I'm not sure how that last one works\"\n\n\"We're here to tell you they try to love you with their humanly best, not to criticize their faith. I quite like that last one, they give little wafers and what they call 'wine' out during the service\"\n\n\"You two, I know they love me! I'm not mad at them. I'm mad with you two. Why didn't you remind me about all the promises they thought I had made? I may or may not have made them, but to fulfill the role they believe I have would be a nice way to reward them on their love. Because of me, they have hate. They hate eachother becase I cannot hold my promises\"\n\n\"No sir I'm sure they-\"\n\"Yeah boss, I know that-\"\n\nAnd with a snap of his fingers, God introduced a pall of darkness over all of the Petri dishes he had scattered throughout the cosmos. There would be no more light. All worlds would start anew.\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-03-07T04:38:07 | 2016-03-07T04:17:08 | 256 | 12 | [
{
"content": "[WP] God forgot about Earth soon after Adam and Eve, fully expecting them to die. One of the Angels just informed him they survived, and the population is over 7 billion.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "God leaned back in their chair and made a gentle clicking sound their tongue. They often did this when they were thinking, although it could get a little irritating as they sometimes were lost in thought like this for decades. And what else could the Metatron do. It was his job to record gods thoughts and actions, so couldn't very well wander off could he?\n\n\"7 billion you say?\" god uttered, without moving from its quite relaxed position.\n\n\"Yes my lord\" Metatron answered.\n\n\"Well they have been busy haven't they?\" god chuckled to itself.\n\n\"Actually lord there have been a fair number more than that, but this was the planet where you experimented with limited existence\".\n\n\"This was the death planet?\" God shouted sitting bolt upright, suddenly staring Metatron in the face.\n\n\"Yes, lord\".\n\n\"But how could there be so many then?\"\n\n\"Well my lord, it appears that the limited existence motivated them to reproduce. They also seem to be quite prone to coming up with myths about what comes after death to soften the blow of their existence being limited\".\n\n\"You don't say? Anything particularly interesting?\". God smiled suddenly engrossed. \n\n\"It varies, some call for eternal reward for those who are good to those around them, and eternal punishment for those who are cruel to those around them. Others are similar but limit the punishment to the point where the individual is worthy of reward again. Interestingly some don't even believe in either and base their actions purely on the effects it causes during their existence\". Metatron read from the report he'd been given. He purposely skipped the section about who they attributed these different realities to. There was a mixture of different versions of the god that sat in front of him, as well as other deities. God has never been overly fond of either of these things. The humans had got that bit right at least.\n\nGod went quiet again. Metatron braced for another 2 decades of tongue clicking.\n\n\"So did we do it then?\" God asked, mercifully after only a few minutes.\n\n\"Do what sir?\" Metatron answered.\n\n\"The rewards and punishment thing?\" \n\n\"Well.......no sir. They came up with that well after we abandoned that particular world\".\n\n\"Hmm, ok well I'll get right on that then.\" God declared while settling back into his chair.\n\n\"Just the ones that expire from now sir? Or the ones that have already expired?\" Metatron asked, pulling out another sheet of paper. \n\n\"All of them\" god stated with a finality Metatron hadn't heard out of his master in millenia.\n\n\"Creating an eternal paradise and eternal punishment? I've not created anything like that before. It could be quite interesting\". God grinned, now clearly in a considerably better mood.",
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"content": "[WP] God forgot about Earth soon after Adam and Eve, fully expecting them to die. One of the Angels just informed him they survived, and the population is over 7 billion.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Inside a large lab with sparkling white walls, a man sat in front of a computer. His finger held a small pencil he tapped over and over on the screen. \nAfter tapping the screen a few more times, groaning impatiently once and then running a hand through his beard over and over, he got up from his seat. \n\n\"Oh, my back!\" He said as he got up. A smaller looking human walked up to him and offered him a glass of water. \n\"Oh, thank you, angel uh...#1?\" The man looked down at the figure in front of him, a guilty look on his face. \nThe small figure patted the bigger one gently on the knee. \"It's okay God, I'm angel #666. #1 got deported quite a long time ago. I'm the newest guy.\" \n\"Oh, okay...uh...welcome aboard?\" \n\"Sir, I joined a few thousand years ago.\" \n\"Ah, my memory is not what it used to be.\" \n\n\"Sir, actually there is something related to that.\" \n\"What is it?\" The God said, now leaning over his desk, looking back at the screen, at the numbers scrolling up. \n\"Umm...do you remember the likeness project?\" \n\"The likeness...? Oh yeah! Hahaha\" And saying so God broke out in laughter and his entire body seemed to shake as he did, including his belly. \n\"Oh hohoho!\" He said, wiping a small tear that had formed around his eyes. He pulled his chair towards him and sat down, now quite out of breath. \n\"Oh that was a funny project, wasn't it angel? A male and a female that looked like me. 'In my own image' as Lucie had said. Man, I wonder what happened to that.\" \nThe small figure looked at its feet and wrung his hands in front of him, \"Well, it's about that...\" \n\"Go on.\" God said, still smiling, but his eyes had narrowed at angel #666. \n\"Sir, Lucifer didn't turn the program off...\" \n\"What?!\" God thundered and stood up quickly. The chair shot out from under him and crashed as it hit the wall behind God. \"What did you say?\" \n\"Sir, Lucifer didn't let the program end. He made further copies of Subjects #A-d-a Male and #E-v-e Female.\" \nGod looked across the room, a blank stare in his eyes. \"It was Earth, right? That distant planet?\" \n\"Yes, God.\" \n\"How many?\" God asked, now leaning heavily on the table, looking old.\n\"Seven billion, sir.\" \n\"Oh my Steve.\" God said, and fell down on the floor. ",
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2016-05-20T18:33:29 | 2016-05-20T17:16:29 | 23 | 11 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're a 12 year-old in a world domintated by magic. A small, feeble man appears on your doorstep claiming: \"You're a scientist, Henry\"",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Henry Porter was a normal ten year old boy, though he had an odd, pinprick-shaped scar on his forearm. Raised by his magically talented aunt and uncle, who spent a lot of time casting hexes and jinxes on him for things he did not do, Henry hoped that he would one day manifest accidental magic like his cousin Dougie, who had already figured out how to levitate small objects.\n\nOne day, however, a letter came in the mail, which was odd, because it was not delivered properly by owl, as letters were supposed to be delivered. Henry grit his teeth together when he heard his aunt’s shrill voice call out his name from the magically enlarged front hallway. \n\nHe poked his head out of the tiny room that was more storage closet than proper living space and stared at the precisely typed writing on the envelope.\n\nThe letter was addressed to him.\n\nAunt Chrysanthemum pulled out her wand, dangled the offending letter from the tips of her fingers like a particularly odiferous garden gnome and incinerated it.\n\n“Hey! That was mine!” Henry cried, scowling at her.\n\nStill more letters came, all delivered by a strange small man wearing a mailman uniform. The Dirtleys scoffed at the audacity of a mailman coming to a magical home, but no matter what they did, the mailman would not stop delivering the letters.\n\nFinally, one day, the doorbell rang. Uncle Verne answered the door wearing his best pointed wizarding hat, his walrus-like mustache heaving from the effort of getting up from his chair.\n\n“Listen you!” he snarled as Henry poked his nose out from his tiny room under the staircase. “You will stop this terrible….mundane way of delivering the post! It’s simply...not done!”\n\nWith that, he slammed the door on the old man, who Henry saw wiggling his mustache back and forth curiously before the door shuddered on its hinges and was locked by a particularly strong ward.\n\nFinally, Uncle Verne got so angry about the repeated delivery of letters that he Apparated the entire family, including Henry, to a small cottage in the middle of nowhere on a tiny deserted island.\n\nOne day, they heard a strange flapping noise in the air, and Henry looked out the window, not believing what he was seeing. \n\nA giant helicopter hovered in the air above the cottage, and the small man descended from a wiggly ladder.\n\n“Nothing stops the mail!” he said victoriously as the Dirtleys groaned.\n\nIt was then that the man, Mr. Onestein, told Henry the truth. \n\n“Your parents did not die in a freak magical storm,” he said gravely, “They were scientists, and so are you. You see that scar on your forearm? That’s from the experimental vaccination they used on you to defeat a seriously deadly virus that was being injected in children by the unscrupulous Dr. Morty, who believed that he could create immortal life through the proper recombination of virii.”\n\n“How dare you talk of empiricism!” Aunt Chrysanthemum shrieked, covering Dougie’s ears. “My son has never been touched by your disgusting vaccines and he is as healthy as a horse!”\n\n“Madam, if I may be so bold, perhaps he would be slightly less horse-sized if you stopped feeding him so much,” Dr. Onestein said, looking over his glasses at the obese blond boy who was in the process of stuffing yet another cookie into his mouth. “Though, it’s quite possible it could be an endocrine disorder. Have you considered taking him to a doctor?”\n\nUncle Verne went scarlet and nearly cast an Unforgiveable, so Henry went off with Mr. Onestein, whose helicopter apparently had something called “autopilot” that he’d salvaged from his computer when he’d been expelled from the Academy for trying to create an artificial intelligence system.\n\n“I must say, I do have quite a fondness for Internet trolls. They’re quite harmless if you know how to handle them,” he admitted, winking a wrinkled blue eye, as Henry wondered if said trolls were a newly-discovered species. He hoped that they were small.\n\nHenry touched the small pinprick scar on his forearm and grinned, thinking about how he would finally see the exclusive science academy that his parents had attended and follow in their footsteps.\n\n“Where are we going?” Henry asked, as they flew off into the sunset, nervously looking back out the window every so often and hoping that the Dirtlies weren’t trying to follow them on brooms.\n\n“Why, we’re going to the Academia Scientifica, my dear boy,” Mr. Onestein said, smoothing his wild white mane, which just stuck back up after he was done, “but first, we need to get you a computer with wifi and a lab coat.”\n\n“A...what?” Henry blinked. “...and a what?”\n\n“Don’t worry, you’ll see once we get to Fry’s Electronics.”\n\nHenry’s belly rumbled with hunger, and as he sat back in the plush helicopter seat, he wondered if fried electronics would be tasty.\n\nEdit: I have decided to continue this story a bit on FF.net [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11957826/1/The-Entirely-Believable-Adventures-of-Henry-Porter-Scientist)",
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{
"content": "[WP] You're a 12 year-old in a world domintated by magic. A small, feeble man appears on your doorstep claiming: \"You're a scientist, Henry\"",
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"content": "\"You're a scientist, Henry.\"\n\nThe words still rang in his head, even more so after he was all but rushed out the door by his adoptive aunt and uncle. He had never known his parents, seen their faces. Henry Hoight was simply a boy. He never received his wizarding letter from Woggerts like his cousin. He attended the school for \"plains\" as people called his type. Those without magic. He was okay with being plain, but the scars on his the back of his hands from when he was a baby always brought him stares. Like someone knew more than he.\n\n\"Breakfast time Henry!\" A boy his age, Jim Weaver, ran past his bunk and made Henry look up. The breakfast bell was ringing sharply in the dormitory hallway of Westminster Preparatory. He shared a room with Jim, Steven and William. Henry forced his legs over his bed and slowly moved through the hallways towards the cafeteria, questions still running through his mind.\n\n\"I can't wait for Biology. I hear Professor Quail really lets us dissect pig fetuses the first week!\" Steven was going on and on about how great classes were to be. He felt the crumbled paper in his pocket, it was his list of classes. He didn't have biology with Steven, and the kid got on well enough. He apparently came from a very wealthy family that had endowed a wing to the school. \n\n\"Yeah, that should be really fun I bet.\" Something tugged at Henry's mind, a whisper along the cuff of his neckline that he scratched at. \n\n\"Henry, over here!\" Jim had already gotten them a table and was apparently inhaling a mound of scrambled eggs. \"I got you a plate. I thought you might be hungry, you tossed and turned all night!\" Steven and William departed for the line as Henry sat down.\n\n\"What's your first class then Jim?\" Jim came from a poor family where he had no other siblings, supposedly his father worked for the government. \n\n\"Chemistry! I can't wait to learn all about what stuff we're going to make.\" Jim slurped down the rest of his apple juice. \n\n\"Yes. Mr. Weaver. Mr. Hoight. You will be in my class at 8 a.m. sharp, discipline comes swift to the tardy.\" Henry turned around to see an oily faced man with a seemingly cleft chin that sneered down at them. *Why does he look so familiar?* Henry thought.\n\n\"Oi I heard Professor Snipe was a jerk. But jeez. My dad knew him when they went to school here. I think it's going to be a rough year.\" Jim continued shoveling potatoes and eggs into his mouth. \"Aren't you going to eat Henry?\"\n\nHenry shoveled some food into his mouth quickly and looked at the clock. The burn scars on the backs of his hands trembled slightly as he raised the fork to his mouth. *But why had his voice sounded so familiar?* Recognition suddenly flooded his mind, a buried memory, or perhaps a vision of things to come. \n\n*\"Yes Mr. Hoight. I think things are going neatly as planned.\" Seamus Snipe rounded the table full of beakers and tubes, standing on his toes to get a look into the vat of chemicals. \"I think we will be ready for wholesale soon enough.\"*\n\n*\"Seamus I wish you wouldn't interfere. You handle the buyers, I handle the product.\" Jason Hoight rounded the table and stuck a finger in the mans face. \"This is my recipe and I will not have it contaminated or copied improperly.\"* \n\n*\"Well, I imagine things would go much smoother if you didn't insist on bringing your child to work.\" Seamus looked down at the toddler Henry, sitting in a cordoned off area of gates with a bunch of blocks resembling the Periodic Table, He and Na in his tiny hands.*\n\n*\"I had to. Sarah had to work late and the sitter was sick. You said you wanted this batch completed, right?\"*\n\n\"Henry? Henry! We're going to be late. We gotta go. Here, I grabbed this cereal bar for you.\" Jim was pulling him up by his arm, his eyes lingering on the chemical burns. \n\n\"Yes, sorry. I was daydreaming.\" Henry and Jim ran down a corridor towards Professor Snipe's room, and sat down near the back just before the bell rang, signaling start of the first class of the semester.\n\n\"Right. Now, I do not coddle. Based on your entrance exams you are in Chemistry 201. An advanced class for a group of new youths.\" Professor Snipes accent made his speech somewhat hard to hear, or maybe it was his messed up jaw. It sounded like he said \"Yoots\", which brought a giggle from some of the kids.\n\n\"Now. I want all of you to write down the periodic table and list your three favorite elements from the table. You will work with these three elements throughout the semester specifically.\" He looked at Henry oddly, and without thinking, Henry wrote down three letters.\n\n**C. H. N.**\n\n\"What are those for Henry?\" Jim looked over at his paper.\n\n\"You'll see later Jim.\" A mischievous glint crossed Henry's eyes as he stared back at Snipe, remembering the tussle in the lab that killed his father, and burned his hands. He was left to die in that lab. What happened to his mother then? Why now, had these memories surfaced?\n\n\"Let's cook...\" Henry whispered under his breath. One memory from his father vivid in his mind.\n\n*\"Let's cook, Seamus.\"*",
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2016-05-31T06:38:50 | 2016-05-31T06:25:32 | 184 | 52 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A frog comes up to a man and tells him if he kisses it, it'll turn into a beautiful princess. He's more interested in having a talking frog with him though.",
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"content": "\"Hello, Sir?\"\n\n\"Yes-- wait, who said that?\"\n\n\"Down here. The frog. Beside your foot.\"\n\n\"Holy crap, dude!\"\n\n\"Yes, yes. Talking frog, very cool, I know. But hey, do you want to hear something even better?\"\n\n\"Uh, yeah.\"\n\n\"I'm actually a cursed princess. My name is Rosaline. If you kiss me, I will totally ditch this frog bod and turn back into a super hot naked princess and marry you. You want?\"\n\n\"Seriously?\"\n\n\"Seriously.\"\n\n\"For realsies?\"\n\n\"For r-- Yes, I promise. Totally rockin' princess under all this. But you have to kiss me.\"\n\n\"Oh, okay, that's cool. What's it like being a frog?\"\n\n\"Uncomfortable. Wet. Cold.\"\n\n\"But, like, do you like live on a lilypad?\"\n\n\"No. I live in mud on the edge of a pond. It's pretty shitty.\"\n\n\"Aw, too bad. I always thought it would be kind of awesome to be a frog. Just hanging out on lilypads, eating bugs, swimming around...\"\n\n\"I'd rather be a princess. And you, you're so hot and sexy and I want to touch you...\"\n\n\"Wait, do frogs have hands?\"\n\n\"No, I mean, when I'm a princess. Can you just kiss me now?\"\n\n\"In a minute, in a minute. Do you have hands, though?\"\n\n\"Sort of. I have forefeet that look like hands, but they can't really grip things like hands do. I'd like to have my hands again.\"\n\n\"Oh right, yeah. I like having hands. But I bet frogs have cool hands that can sucker onto stuff, that must be awesome.\"\n\n\"Look, can you just-- I've been waiting a *really* long time--\"\n\n\"In people years, or frog years?\"\n\n\"What?\"\n\n\"People years, or *frog* years?\"\n\n\"I don't know. A long time, okay?\"\n\n\"Hey, I want my friends to meet you!\"\n\n\"Well, what are we waiting for? Kiss me!\"\n\n\"No no, not yet, I want to show them the talking frog. We'll kiss later.\"\n\n\"Later? How *much* later?\"\n\n\"Uh, I don't know, like when everyone has seen my talking frog? Can you just hop in this bag for me?\"\n\n\"Oh, f**k off.\"",
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"content": "[WP] A frog comes up to a man and tells him if he kisses it, it'll turn into a beautiful princess. He's more interested in having a talking frog with him though.",
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"content": "\"If you kiss me, I will make you into a princess!\" the frog croaked from Daniel's shoulder. Daniel narrowed his eyes.\n\n\"I'm...a man, though.\" \n\n\"Ah yes, but don't you wish to be a beautiful princess who can live happily ever after in the fairy tale of their dreams? 'Tis but a once in a lifetime chance, my friend!\"\n\nDaniel looked into the mirror and saw the frog. The frog had eyebrows, which was especially strange since Daniel had never heard of an amphibian having hair. It made a kissy face, its strange lips coming together in a disturbingly human-like gesture. Daniel cleared his throat. \n\n\"Can I be a prince instead?\"\n\n\"No!\" the frog jumped from Daniel's shoulder onto his desk. In its wake it left a sticky residue on Daniel's midterm. The man frowned, looking down on it. \"But believe me, you want to be a princess! You'll spend the rest of your days fawned upon by the masses. You will wear beautiful dresses and--\"\n\n\"That sounds kind of...uh. I like girls, frog man.\" \n\n\"You can still like girls! The kingdom is progressive! A lesbian princess is just what we need!\" \n\nDaniel gingerly picked up the frog and placed it on the floor. It hopped from place to place, looking at him with rather large, human-esque eyes. \n\n\"So you're a talking frog. I mean, I could just let people come see you and make money.\" \n\nThe frog seemed to frown, which was strange for a frog. \n\n\"Wait a second,\" Daniel said as he leaned close. \"The whole thing about a frog is that a princess has to see through the ugliness to the character inside, right? I'm a guy and you're trying to get me to kiss you. How do I know that if I kiss you *I* won't turn into a frog and you'll turn into me and then be free of whatever...I don't now, curse? Was it a curse that left you this way?\"\n\n\"Just kiss me!\" the frog shouted. Daniel narrowed his eyes and then cupped the small green animal in his hands. He carried it over to a glass bowl and placed it inside, sliding a covering with holes over the top.\n\n\"Nice try, bro. But I'd rather have a talking frog than be one.\" \n\n---\n\nFor other stories, check out /r/Celsius232 ",
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2016-08-19T12:57:18 | 2016-08-19T12:19:14 | 53 | 18 | [
{
"content": "[WP] \"You're nothing but skin and bones.\" Little do they know that's exactly what you are. You're an undercover skeleton infiltrating the mortal world.",
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"content": "\"Think about it,\" hissed George. \"There's one *inside every single one of us.*\"\n\nCal clattered politely. He wasn't getting exposed. Not here, not now. \n\n\"Ok George, that's completely correct. Correct, but consider this: You are filled with iron, too. What if the magnets are conniving to kill you?\"\n\nCal didn't care about the magnets. Screw them. His mission was more important. \n\n\"I'm just saying, we should be more careful. Take more x-rays. Break a bone every now and then. Stop taking all those vitamin pills.\"\n\nCal knew what had to be done. He had to get an inside agent to keep an eye socket on George. \n\n\"Coworker, would you care to come take some milk with me?\"\n\n---\n\n/r/translationlostin",
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"content": "[WP] \"You're nothing but skin and bones.\" Little do they know that's exactly what you are. You're an undercover skeleton infiltrating the mortal world.",
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"content": "Bob and Jim sit in the office canteen drinking coffee, while staring at James, the new guy. \n\n\"He's a bit odd\" says Jim nodding towards James. \n\n\"Drinks a lot of milk\" grumbles Bob from his coffee cup. \n\n\"Yeah, lot of milk\", Jim leans back in his chair while still staring intently at James.\n\nJames turns and sees Bob and Jim staring. Giving an overly toothy grin he waves, his skin flaps in the breeze, and returns to his milk. \n\n\"Still\" grunts Bob, turning in his chair to Jim, \"Better than that last guy\"\n\n\"Lucy?\" \n\n\"Yeah, horrible sun burn all the time. Kept trying to make people make deals. I know he's sales, but come on\"\n\n\"Yeah\" \n\nBoth slurp their coffee. \n\n\"Affirmative action I'll bet\" \n\n[Right, I need a different way to say '\"talk talk\" says charecter', anyone got any?\n\nSligtly edited] ",
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2016-10-16T07:24:17 | 2016-10-16T03:22:33 | 104 | 22 | [
{
"content": "[WP]To combat overpopulation At birth, everyone gets the right bear 0.75 of a child. Together, a couple has 1.50. After the first child is born, the couple can sell the remaining 0.50 or buy another 0.50 from another couple to have a second child.\n\nI got this idea from /r/CrazyIdeas \n[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyIdeas/comments/57m4p9/to_combat_overpopulation_at_birth_everyone_gets/?st=iucfyph4&sh=a11ae4a8)",
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"content": "Five digits, plus two decimals. Matt and Janie had kept track of every penny. \n\n\"Is that all?\" Kathy asked. \n\nKathy's perfect daughter - her angel, her shining star - sat at the end of the table, coloring a picture of a butterfly. Janie knew that the girl's presence was meant to manipulate her. She would really prefer that her niece be anywhere else at this very moment. But this was Kathy's house, and Janie had to play by Kathy's rules. \n\nWhen Matt and Janie decided that they'd wanted a second child, they knew that their house would be the first to go. They'd bought the three-bedroom ranch in a nice suburb just before their first son was born. But their Sammy no longer needed a nursery, and in retrospect it was an unnecessary expense. Their second - another boy, hopefully - could do without, and when the time came he could take her place in his brother's room. For a little while at least. \n\nSo: they downsized to a condo on the edge of their town. It didn't have a yard, but it was near a park. It needed some work, but both Matthew and Janie knew how to use a hammer and tighten a wrench. It was safer than their last, which is what really mattered. \n\nNext went the car. They kept the baby carrier, knowing from experience that the hospital wouldn't let them leave without one. Now that they were closer to the city, they could do without their own transportation. Both Matthew and Janie had relied on public transportation (mostly) and Uber's self-driving cars (less so) while they were in school. They could do the same again. \n\nThird, were Matt's investments. He'd tried his hand at day trading just after graduation, and he was luckier than most. He'd picked a few winners and set aside some profits in a mutual fund. It was liquidated, and the the money joined their fund. \n\nThey'd asked for money from his family, and then hers. They'd swallowed their fear, sadness, shame, and what was left of their pride and asked from (former) friends. They'd paid off the debts that they had, reasoning that being debt-free would mitigate lingering concerns about their \"fitness\" as parents, and it would save them money in the long term. They'd talked to strange men, forgers, and smugglers. Some had charged them just for the privilege of a consult. Others had simply robbed them.\n\nWhat was left was on the table. And as it turns out, most good, decent, law-abiding people aren't willing to sell half a child, even a theoretical one. Kathy was neither good, decent, nor law-abiding and her half-license was their only hope. Five digits and two decimals was the balance in their account. It was everything they had to offer Janie's estranged, embittered sister. \n\n\"Is that all?\" Kathy said again, breaking Janie's reverie.\n\nJanie noticed when the girl looked up. If she felt the tension in the room, it didn't register. She looked down at her drawing again, humming quietly.\n\nNo, Janie thought. No, that was not all. \n\nJanie had a ring - their mother's wedding ring - which had been passed down in their family from mother to firstborn daughter for four generations. It had to be worth at least a couple thousand. Janie had never worn it, but kept it close. Kathy knew this and had always been jealous. Janie, the oldest, had always been the favorite; Kathy and her limp had been the \"accident.\" Her father never let them forget it, and Kathy never did. But Kathy was a fighter: she recovered emotionally, found her own way in the world, and at the first opportunity she moved as far away from her family as she could. She couldn't believe the reversal of fortune. To Janie the ring was a keepsake; to Kathy it was validation. Something to pass along to her own daughter. A trophy to her victory.\n\nJanie opened the clasp on her bag and placed the ring on the sheet, and slid both across the table. It would have to be enough, because she had nothing left. \n\nFour months later Janie and Matt left her doctor's office, the sound of a child's heartbeat resonating in their ears. They would keep this secret for several months yet, but they stopped by a close friend's house to celebrate the news. They didn't go straight home. Instead, they walked in the sunset, to the grove on the hill where the children's gravestones were, to tell Sammy that he would have a brother. ",
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"content": "[WP]To combat overpopulation At birth, everyone gets the right bear 0.75 of a child. Together, a couple has 1.50. After the first child is born, the couple can sell the remaining 0.50 or buy another 0.50 from another couple to have a second child.\n\nI got this idea from /r/CrazyIdeas \n[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyIdeas/comments/57m4p9/to_combat_overpopulation_at_birth_everyone_gets/?st=iucfyph4&sh=a11ae4a8)",
"role": "user"
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"content": "They say it was to combat overpopulation, but that's a lie. \n\nThe price has gone up again by 75 basis points. To me, this meant nothing. To my sister, this meant everything.\n\nWe had already sold our rights years ago, back in the 2082 depression. Despite being orphans, we were still given our right to bear children. Ironic, isn't it, in a dying world like this, that there were still orphans. In a world where the cost to have children was over $200,000, we somehow ended up being unwanted children.\n\nIn the beginning of the program, it wasn't a big deal. The price would fluctuate a little bit, but usually a 100% right to bear a child could be bought or sold for as little as $500. Back then, there were already so many people who didn't want children. Of course the price would be low when less people wanted children than those who didn't.\n\nI suppose I should back up a bit.\n\nThe worldwide policy was put into place in 2067 with the advent of the world government. Four of the world's superpowers, China, the United States, Western Europe, and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, led what was at the time known as \"World War Three.\" \n\nIt began with \"The Red Seven.\" This was an operation through which North Korea took Russia off the map in 160 hours in the summer of 2055. This sounds like a long time, hell it was an entire week. But Russia was enormous and had phenomenal military might. No one at the time saw it coming. North Korea had made threats and done weapons testing for decades, but all of the threats were at the United States and Japan. Why would they go after someone who they basically remained neutral towards? More importantly, how many years had they been planning this for? The exact details of what happened are hard to come by, but it seems that North Korea had spies in every major agency in the Russian government. I know this: it was a strategic country to wipe out. The territory gave them leverage over Western Europe. It sounds silly, but at the time, that territory supplied Europe with most of its energy requirements, especially natural gas, which heated their homes in the winter. It gave them the basis for war of attrition if they wanted it.\n\nHow they were not stopped immediately and destroyed remains a mystery. Many conspiracy theories have come up over the years but no one really knows. But they remained in their post in world organizations. Tension stayed high but things returned to normal over the next five or so years.\n\nDuring a historic moment in a heated debate in an old organization called the United Nations the representatives of North Korea stood up and just left, and all exports stopped immediately. The borders for their Russian territory were closed, and all communication was halted. No one knew what was happening in the People's Republic, but we know now that they were stockpiling.\n\nNothing happened for two years.\n\nThe next several years were encompassed by nonstop war. While it was the superpowers making the calls, it quickly became a full world conflict. Funny enough, it was Western Europe that declared war in the first place. I think that after two cold winters at the hand of the People's Republic, public opinion swayed so much that war was declared. I think that maybe it had been so long since any real wars that people didn't remember the hell that their ancestors went through.\n\nThis wasn't like any war that the world had experienced up to this point. As tensions tightened and everyone looked for a way to end the conflict, specialized weapons and bombs that aimed at flattening cities were launched.\n\nTo this day, you have to have special clearance to go into the rubble that once was Europe.\n\nEvery country on Earth experienced extreme declines in population in only three years. Entire cities no longer existed. Even the United States, which had been hailed as the leader of the world in previous decades, was reduced to a laughable shadow of its former self. The struggle continued.\n\nIn the end, it was China who came out on top.\n\nBut, for those who had been fortunate enough to escape all of the bloodshed from the 2050s and 2060s and returned to somewhat stable life, the great revolution of 2077 is where things really changed. \n\nOn the ten year anniversary of the world government, at 12:00 UTC, it all erupted. I remember it like it was yesterday. At first I thought it was fireworks. I thought it was a little bit weird, having fireworks go off so early in the morning, but it was a parade, and that's the sort of thing, I thought, that goes on during parades. Besides, I was a child. Why would I expect something bad to happen, days like this were some of the only times I was able to get candy to eat or a hot meal.\n\nThis year marks the 20 year anniversary of the world government.\n\nTBC",
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2017-04-13T05:07:34 | 2017-04-13T04:34:12 | 1,398 | 317 | [
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"content": "[WP] A senile, old superhero still goes out to fight crime. None of the younger heros respect him anymore but all the villains have a soft spot for him.\n\nMaybe he's found himself in the middle of a hero/villain war, or he's just trying to stop a bank robbery. \n\nEdit: wow this uhh... kinda blew up didn't it?\n\nOh man I'm so sad I've got work today and can't just spend the whole day reading each and every story, they've *made* my breaks though! ",
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"content": "\"You sure we won't get in trouble?\" asked Kaaboom, nervously picking at his collar. \"I mean, I'm still on probation, you know. Can't afford to get written up on any more of them charges.\"\n\n\"There's no crime if it's for a good purpose,\" said Vorlax, who as No. 42 on the League's most wanted list, really was the last person anyone should be taking legal advice from. \"Besides, I'm the one with the dummy explosives here, so Chronotron's going to be focusing fully on me. You ready?\" \n\nThe two supervillains took a deep breath, then pushed their way to the centre of the crowded town square. Vorlax hopped onto a bench, threw open his trenchcoat, revealing a neat array of sausages, tightly wrapped in brown paper. The alarm clock which Kaaboom had helped tape to the front dangled precariously. \n\n\"Screw all of you! Damn you all to hell! See ya all in the afterlife, muthaf-\"\n\nVorlax never got to finish his threat. Even before the gathered crowd could react, even before the first screams could rend the air, he had already frozen in place, encased in a shimmering cage of writhing chrono-filaments.\n\nHot damn, thought Kaaboom, so this is what it looks like from the outside. \n\nEnthused clapping rang out as the citizenry acknowledged yet another successful rescue by the hero known as Chronotron, the League's newest poster boy. He hovered in the air, waving at his adoring fans. \n\n\"Fear not, one and all, the threat has been neutralised! It's off to the gallows for this one!\"\n\n\"Wait, wait!\" shouted Kaaboom, remembering the part he had to play. They had flipped a coin for this, because it was never fun to have to explain to the League what they were really up to, plus it wasn't easy suppressing the instinct to run, an instinct they had honed their entire careers. \"Wait, Chronotron! I can explain everything!\" \n\nThe darkening scowl from Chronotron made it clear to Kaaboom that he had only a very short window of opportunity. \n\n\"Kaaboom? You caught up in this terrorist attack too?\"\n\n\"No, no! Wait, I mean yes! But not in that way, those aren't explosives at all, I swear! Just sausages! From the deli opposite!\"\n\nChronotron stretched a hand into the chronocage, poking tentatively. His scowl deepened as his finger pierced into the soft mushiness of a bratwurst. \n\n\"If this is a joke, Kaaboom, it is in bad taste. Causing undue public alarm is also a crime!\"\n\n\"We needed to get to you urgently, that's all! And the League wouldn't take any of our calls, our numbers are all blacklisted! Please, just a minute of your time, in private!\"\n\nChronotron snapped his fingers, and a larger chronocage extended to envelop the two of them. Outside the bubble, the world ground to a halt. \n\n\"55 seconds remain, Kaaboom, before I'm hauling both you and Vorlax in.\"\n\n\"Right, right! See, we think something's happened to Vortex Man, and just in case he needs help urgently, we thought, you know, your powers would come in handy! I swear, that's the truth!\" \n\nA puzzled frown spread across Chronotron's face. \"Vortex Man? Why would anything happen to him? He's been retired for years!\"\n\n\"Well, see... There's this roster we have, all the ones who have been given second chances by him before. We take turns to check in on him, just to make sure the old boy's getting on well...\"\n\n\"How would you know where he lives anyway? His identity's still a secret!\"\n\nKaaboom thrust a sheaf of papers at Chronotron, and said, \"We don't, but look, we know his routine, where he goes for his daily walk, where he gets his coffee... And we take turns staging kidnappings, or hold ups, just so that he has a bit of exercise, you know? We think it keeps him happy, being relevant and appreciated and all...\"\n\nThe first time he had been asked to assist, Kaaboom had drawn the short straw, so the role of a desperate mugger went to him. He had come away from the encounter shaken, not so much because Vortex Man still packed a mean punch, but because he had truly aged, now a mere shadow of the strapping superhero who had first apprehended Kaaboom on the streets so many years ago.\n\nThe sheen to Vortex Man's once thick, lustrous hair was gone, and a certain pallidness clung to his skin like shame to an introvert. His mind too, frail and feeble, couldn't recognise Kaaboom even though he played a kidnapper, then a rapist, then a mugger again, three days in a row. \n\nHeck, Kaaboom even had to pretend to be a cat in a tree once, after Vorlax suggested that variety would help keep Vortex Man nimble.\n\nKaaboom didn't mind helping out more, especially after the other supervillains started excusing themselves from the roster, citing the poor economy, the need to find work in other cities, family commitments... there were fewer and fewer of them on the roster, which meant that some weeks, Kaaboom and Vorlax did double, triple duties.\n\nAfter all, the way that Vortex Man brightened up every time he helped someone... that was enough for Kaaboom to want to come back again, the very next day.\n\nChronotron flipped through the papers, understanding slowly dawning on him. \"And I take it, he hasn't turned up today?\" \n\n\"Yes, you get it now! Nothing! We've been on Evil.net, and no one else has seen or heard from him in two days! So we thought, he's been pretty regular with his schedule, and for him to suddenly not turn up...\"\n\nIf there was one thing Kaaboom had to give Chronotron credit for, it was that he truly had the gumption and decisiveness of a first-class hero. Chronotron handed back the papers, raised both arms in the sky, and shouted as the chronocage grew, slowly at first, then faster, and larger, till it stretched further than the eye could see. \n\nNow, nothing moved, except for the two of them. \n\n\"Come, then, let's go. I have a rough idea of where he stays. If there is any medical emergency, this should buy us some time till we can get help to him.\"\n\n\"Err... Chronotron, if you don't mind, could we get Vorlax to come too? This was his idea after all...\"\n\nChronotron laughed, then inclined his head ever so slightly. \n\n\"... uckas!\"\n\n---\n\n/r/rarelyfunny \n\n---\n\n[PART II](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/65458n/wp_a_senile_old_superhero_still_goes_out_to_fight/dg7qhtx/) is up! Thanks very much for everyone who commented, your support really helped push me to complete this story. =)",
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"content": "[WP] A senile, old superhero still goes out to fight crime. None of the younger heros respect him anymore but all the villains have a soft spot for him.\n\nMaybe he's found himself in the middle of a hero/villain war, or he's just trying to stop a bank robbery. \n\nEdit: wow this uhh... kinda blew up didn't it?\n\nOh man I'm so sad I've got work today and can't just spend the whole day reading each and every story, they've *made* my breaks though! ",
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"content": "\"I'll let you off this time but, you have to promise to try and change your ways!\" Neroman spoke his hands dramatically placed on his hips. \n\n\"Norma- I mean Neroman I'm sorry for forcing you to come out like this, I know you've been busy with your new kid and all\" Shade responded.\n\nThe Supervillan exchanged a treat of gummie lifesavers with Neroman as they walked down the street. Neroman checked both ways before taking one, his wife would kill him if he broke his diet rule. Shade smiled watching this old man scarf down the gummies like an adolescent.\n\n\"It's okay I hope they understand it's part of the job some da- WAIT! No! No! No! We're talking about you young man now you have to promise!\" Neroman said his hands beginning to glow.\n\n\"Put those away Neroman I promise to TRY okay?\" Shade responded his hands up in surrender. They continued walking Neroman walked faster increasing his speed until he was in front of shade walking more dramatic as his towel turned cape blew in the wind. Neroman was escorting Shade to the local precinct after catching him in the dastardly act of J-walking. It must've been an odd sight Shade was easily taller than the old man, and with his reputation he could snap him in half with no effort. Shade's soulless eyes would usually be sucking the hope out of all around him his ethereal mass less shadow head floating on a disconnected cape. However, Shade didn't mind letting this old man and his makeshift cape escort his nightmarish form to a police station. \n\n\"Shade you dastardly, disgusting, deviant!\" A small man yelled from behind him.\n\n\"That can't be grammatically correct\" Shade spoke sarcastically the darkness in his hand returning, burning like the fires of hell ready to snap the upstarts neck. \n\n\"I am PlastoMan, and I-\" PlastoMan started before Neroman ran in front of Shade. \"I've got him fellow Hero don't worry I'll make sure he gets to the proper authorities\" Neroman stated proudly. \"Hero's never change always showing off\" Shade thought staring fondly at Neroman. \n\n\"Move Gramps let the real heroes fight crime okay?\" PlastoMan pushed Neroman. Neroman began to trip before he could touch the ground Shade had caught him helping him up. Plastoman's body had been flung into a near by building both legs shattered. Neroman looked up into Shade's eyes almost embarrassed and, Shade knew the walk was over.\n\n\"Oh thank you sir! Must've tripped, You must be one of those new heroes that I hear about!\" Neroman responded, his hero persona dropping out of him as his mind snapping to another personality almost instantly. The doctor had said something about this happening if Norman kept heroing about. Almost like his mind would shut off his hero persona if it felt his pride was being threatened, like a ego shield.\n\n\"No, Nero- I mean Yes, Norman I am\" Shade hated moments like these. Norman would be here then gone in an instant, with no one knowing for how long. The old man seemingly lost in his own mind like a hamster in a maze. Cerberus had told him about this to take it easy on him and to cherish what was there. \n\n\"I have a son like you, you know? Costume like yours and everything except you know less menacing\" Norman said almost nervous-like. \n\n\"Yeah my old man has been telling me I should try warmer colors\" Shade responded. \n\n\"Good advice sounds like a swell guy, HAHAHA\" Norman laughed.\"...I hope he's doing okay though he doesn't come to see me. I don't blame him it'd break his heart, flaws of a hero right? Care way too much...\" Norman continued walking forward. Shade walking next to him listening silently. \n\n\"Can I bother you for the time young sir? I need to be at the hospital at 6:30 my wife was supposed to take me but, I think I walked off without her! HAHAHA\" Norman spoke chuckling. \"Come to think about it where am I going?\" Norman seemed confused looking around. \n\n\"We were going to Metropolitan on 6th, you asked me to walk you there\" Shade responded pulling out his arm from underneath the cloak checking his watch. \"..and you've got time it's 5:47\"\n\n\"I did? Oh, your right I did! Well I'm sorry my stories I must've gotten us lost\" Norman said drooping his head like a sad puppy. \n\n\"It's okay Norman looking at the signs we should only be a block or two away\" Shade spoke truthfully. Norman immediately perked up happy to know he hadn't wasted a strangers time. The two continued chatting, walking towards the hospital like comrades in arms. Turning the corner they saw a concerned looking woman, her pudgy round frame tucked into a pink sweater and mom jeans standing in front of the hospital. \n\n\"There's my firecracker she's gonna beat me silly HAHA!\" Norman laughed staring fondly at his wife. \"Norman?\" His wife responded almost tentatively turning to her husband. \"Of course, sugarbug who else looks this good in a towel?!\" Norman responded hugging her. His wife hugged him back tightly, happy that she wouldn't have to talk Neroman down and into the hospital. She stared at Shade standing off to the side just out of arm's length, but to her seeming miles away. \n\n\"Thank you, And- I mean Shade for walking this headache back here.\" She said holding Norman's hand. Shade nodded preparing to warp away until Norman stopped him. \"Hey Shade was it?\" Norman spoke to Shade like an old friend he was seeing for the first time in awhile. \"Thank you for walking me here, I just wanted to ask that if you see my kid out there tell him to come by, I'd like that\" Norman spoke a slight tinge of sadness in his voice. \n\n\"Sure old man what's his name? Hero I mean of course can't go yelling his identity all over the city! HA- um sorry....\" Shade said swallowing the laughter. Norman's face lit up his wife staring at shade with eye's that dripped compassion, Shade wouldn't look at her, not anymore.\n\n\"It's fine! He goes by Shadowman, Moon Warrior, or something dark and forbidding like that.\" Norman's scattered mind tried to pull the old memory forward. Flashes of memories whipped past him like a train he needed to catch but, wouldn't slow for him. His son's powers manifesting, the accident that made him use them in public becoming a hero, Christmas a purple bow on a dark box, a young man crying near his bedside, fire cooking his flesh....\n\n\"It's okay Norman I think I know a guy who could help me find him\" Shade broke his thought process seeing the memories almost breaking the old man. \"Focus on your wife and getting better I'll tell your son you miss him.\" Shade waved them away Norman and his wife walking through the doors of the hospital. Shade sighed before disappearing he didn't need another hero running at him in front of the hospital.\n\n\n--\nEdit: Thanks for the editing advice guys I'll try and clean it up my grammar was never good, as you can probably tell\n\nEdit 2: MY FIRST REDDIT GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU REDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!",
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2017-04-13T06:02:27 | 2017-04-13T05:10:16 | 73 | 10 | [
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"content": "[WP] A senile, old superhero still goes out to fight crime. None of the younger heros respect him anymore but all the villains have a soft spot for him.\n\nMaybe he's found himself in the middle of a hero/villain war, or he's just trying to stop a bank robbery. \n\nEdit: wow this uhh... kinda blew up didn't it?\n\nOh man I'm so sad I've got work today and can't just spend the whole day reading each and every story, they've *made* my breaks though! ",
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"content": "**ANOTHER TYPICAL DAY IN CENTRAL CITY - THE CITIZENS GO ABOUT THEIR DAILY BUSINESS, THE BIRDS SING - AND A BANK IS ROBBED!**\n\nBOOM!\n\n*\"Right, let's get out of there, Technofiend!\"*\n\n \"I OBEY, HELLVIXEN.\"\n\n*\"You don't always have to talk like that, Tech.\"*\n\n \"Soz.\"\n\n\"MU-HA-HA-HA! Our evil plan reaches fruition! Soon, we will have the funds to build an army of evil clones - and then, rule the world!\"\n\n*\"Dr. Deviant, could you not monologue until you've got the car going?\"*\n\n\"Alright, alright...\"\n\n**BUT EVEN AS THE VILLAINS TRY TO ESCAPE JUSTICE, A HERO COMES FROM THE SKY!!!**\n\n\"Halt, Evildoers!\"\n\n \"Oh shit, it's Captain Cosmos.\"\n\n*\"What the hell is he doing out at his age?\"*\n\n\"He must have got out of his daughter's house again...\"\n\n \"I thought she got locks put in?\"\n\n*\"He can still break rocks with his fists, you know.\"*\n\n \"Oh.\"\n\n\"I'm going to talk to him...\"\n\n*\"Dr. Deviant - are you sure?\"*\n\n\"I can't believe she let him keep that police scanner!\"\n\n \"Well, it keeps him occupied, doesn't it?\"\n\n*\"Not like this.\"*\n\n**SLOWLY, THE EVIL DOCTOR DEVIANT EMERGES FROM HIS GETAWAY...**\n\n\"Hi, Mike?\"\n\n\"Captain Cosmos To You!\"\n\n\"Yeah, OK, Captain Cosmos. Look, Cassie is probably wondering where you are, and...\"\n\n\"How Do You Know The Name Of My Daughter?\"\n\n\"You told me, remember? The last time you arrested me.\"\n\n\"Did I?\"\n\n\"Yeah. Look, let's drive you back or something?\"\n\n\"NO! Evildoers Must Be Brought To Justice!\"\n\n\"Oh God...\"\n\n**MEANWHILE, IN THE CAR, AN EVIL SCHEME IS HATCHED...**\n\n*\"I have absolutely no idea what we're going to do here.\"*\n\n \"Shall I ring social services?\"\n\n*\"It's heading in that direction.\"*\n\n**BUT CAPTAIN COSMOS HAS NO TIME FOR SUCH PLOTS. IT IS TIME FOR ACTION!**\n\n\"Enough! Surrender, Or Feel My Wrath!\"\n\n\"Careful Mike, you don't wanna...\"\n\n**KAPOW! **\n\n\"Oh shit! Your hip!\"\n\n**POW!**\n\n\"Arrgh!\"\n\n*\"Oh no, has he fallen over?\"*\n\n\"Yeah, can you come over? I'm going to need your help.\n\n \"I'll ring the ambulance.\"\n\n\"Thanks, Tech.\"\n\n\"You Fiends! I Will Not Allow This Villainy!\"\n\n“Calm down, Mike. Let Hellvixen check your hip out.”\n\n*“Does that hurt?”*\n\n“AIIIIEEEEEE!”\n\n*“I’ll take that as a yes.”*\n\n \"The ambulance is coming.\"\n\n\"Right, I'll stay here with him until we get to the hospital.\"\n\n*\"They'll bust you when you get there...\"*\n\n\"I know. Can you break me out of the City Jail again?\"\n\n*\"You'll have to wait until the weekend, I'm afraid.\"*\n\n\"Meh. What can you do?\"\n\n\"You Will Be Brought To Justice, Dr. Deviant!\"\n\n\"Just try to stay calm, Mike. Ambulance should be here.\"\n\n*\"Shall we leg it, then?\"*\n\n\"May as well, Hellvixen.\"\n\n \"I'm guessing we're paying for his treatment?\"\n\n*\"Yeah. He can't afford it, anyway.\"*\n\n \"Ah, what can you do?\"\n\n\"Shit, Cops are coming. See you on Saturday?\"\n\n*\"Yep!\"*\n\n\"Once Again, Captain Cosmos Puts The Villains To Flight!\"\n\n\"Come on, Mike... Let's just get you looked at first.\"\n\n**SOON, THE HEROIC CAPTAIN COSMOS IS BEING RUSHED TO HOSPITAL, FLANKED BY HIS ARCH NEMESIS.**\n\n\"You OK there, Mike?\"\n\n\"Dr Deviant! You - I - I... Where Am I? An Ambulance? What The Hell Did I Just Do?\"\n\n“You fell over and busted your hip. We’d just knocked off a bank, and you were trying to stop us…”\n\n“Oh Shit, Not Again!”\n\n\"You having a lucid moment?\"\n\n\"Right Now I Am, But I Don't Know How Long It Will Last. The Doctor Says It's Getting Worse. I Don't Want To End Up In A Chair Someday, Dribbling Over Myself.\"\n\n\"I'm sorry, Mike.\"\n\n\"For What? You Dirtbags Always Come Through. Not Like The 'Good Guys', Not Any More. They Just Let You Go When You Slow Down. Sometimes I Think They're Ashamed To Even Be Seen With Me.\"\n\n\"There's a very fuzzy line between being a Super Hero and a Super Villain. It's very easy to cross.\"\n\n\"I Know. But I Gotta Question For You Now.\"\n\n\"Yeah, Mike?\"\n\n\"Why?\"\n\n\"My Dad used to tell me stories about you, back in your prime. The good old days. There were real legends then, on both sides. The battles, the evil schemes, the heroic rescues... It all seemed to mean something back then. He was your biggest fan, in a weird sort of way.\n\n\"The Asshole Used To Send Me Christmas Cards.\"\n\n\"It was me that did the crayon drawings of Santa.\"\n\n\"Really?\"\n\n\"Yeah.\"\n\n\"Wow.\" \n\n\"But you know what Dad would tell me, in-between planning to take over the world?\"\n\n\"That I Was His Arch Enemy?\"\n\n\"That and this - you're only ever as good as your opposition.\"\n\n\"We're Getting Near To The Hospital, I Think.\"\n\n\"It's been an honour, Mike.\"\n\n\"Look, I - I Need To sleep. The Painkillers Are Making Me Drowsy.\"\n\n\"Shall I call Cassie?\"\n\n\"Yeah. Number's In My Utility Belt.\"\n\n\"Thanks. Look, I'm sorry. This isn't the way it should have turned out.\"\n\n\"...\"\n\n\"You asleep? Probably for the best.\"\n\n**THE END**\n\nDON'T MISS NEXT MONTH'S EXCITING ISSUE, WHEN CAPTAIN COSMOS GETS SENT TO A HOME!!!",
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"content": "[WP] A senile, old superhero still goes out to fight crime. None of the younger heros respect him anymore but all the villains have a soft spot for him.\n\nMaybe he's found himself in the middle of a hero/villain war, or he's just trying to stop a bank robbery. \n\nEdit: wow this uhh... kinda blew up didn't it?\n\nOh man I'm so sad I've got work today and can't just spend the whole day reading each and every story, they've *made* my breaks though! ",
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"content": "As Anton's whip tightened around Tony's neck, all the while sending huge volts of electricity through Tony's armor, he saw a familiar figure walk towards him. \n\n\"Ms. Carter, please step away!!!\". \n\nPeggy stopped for a second, and then continued walking towards Anton. \n\n\"Stop! You know his father stole my dad's inventions. He will pay for his father's sins.\"\n\nPeggy stood face to face with Anton. Well, technically, her chest was facing his stomach. She didn't hate her old age, but was definitely not too happy about how much effort it took for her to stand up straight. She took a deep breath and straightened her back. Now they were chest to face. Peggy summoned some more strength and lifted her neck and looked into Anton's eyes.\n\n\"Now, Anton, do not pretend that your father was righteous and innocent. I think we both know the things he did.\"\n\nHis eyes dropped, he looked sideways, unable to make eye contact, \"He was no angel, but his father,\" looking at Tony writhing at the other end of his whip, \"reaped the benefits of my father's hard work, and build such a huge business empire. His father,\" he lowered his voice as he increased the voltage that hit the armor, \"sent my father back to Russia, where he spent the rest of his life in a Gulag.\"\n\n\"Anton, is that what your father told you?\" \n\nAnton's eyes met hers, searching for answers. She continued...\n\n\"I was in SHIELD. You want to know what happened? Your father was kidnapped by HYDRA, and then some of the major publications released news stories of him being deported.\"\n\n\"He was a brilliant scientist. You think that if he had been deported, he would've been kept in a Gulag?\" She laughed a little. \"You think Russians would waste a great mind such as your father's in a Gulag\". She said Gulag in a typical Russian accent and really elongated the aa sound to make her point.\n\n\"What do you think the SHIELD did with Arnim Zola? Do you think we threw him in a prison? No, we put him to work, and he worked for us until the day he died.\"\n\n\"He was old, senile, and brainwashed, by the time they let him go, probably he was of no use to them anymore.\"\n\n\"Come on Anton, Tony's not your enemy. Let him go, and hold me hostage so that he doesn't hurt you.\"\n\n\"I am not taking you hostage, Peggy.\"\n\n\"But you're letting him go.\"\n\n\"I am not sure\"\n\n\"Yes you are\"\n\n\"Peggy, how do I know you're telling me the truth?\"\n\n\"Anton, I might be lying to you, but you agree that there is room for doubt in your theory. Right? Then I will go and talk to Tony\" \n\n\"It's going to take you the whole year to reach him, by then his backup will be here.\"\n\n\"You really want to insult me right now?\"\n\n\"Teasing, Ms. Carter, teasing, not insulting... I am sorry...\"\n\nPeggy turned around and thought to herself. Well it's going to be a long walk.\n\nAs she neared Tony, she was grateful that this time she won't have to straighten up, the man was already on his knees.\n\n\"How you doing Tony?\"\n\n\"Listen Peggy, I don't need your help, my armor is protecting me like a faraday cage, thanks to the failsafes I created to save myself from lightning strikes.\"\n\n\"Tony, who is the man you are fighting?\"\n\n\"Peggy, please don't think of this as a teachable moment, I am working over here. I really don't need any 'know your enemy' lessons right now\"\n\n\"What happened Tony, systems are offline, can't run a facial recognition?\"\n\n\"His whip's fried all armor connectivity below my helmet, my network sensors are on my back, and they are offline.\"\n\n\"So you can't even call for backup?\"\n\nTony's voice was very low, as he very sheepishly said, \"No\"\n\n\"And... you don't need my help? Okay, why am I not dead right now?\"\n\n\"Peggy, stop asking me questions, I am busy\", Tony said, annoyed, when it suddenly dawned on him, \"Why aren't you dead, Peggy? Because you know him!!!?? How? Why is someone you know attacking me? What's going on Peggy?\"\n\n\"Because his father was a friend...\" she paused, waiting for his helmet to turn towards her \" of your father and me\"\n\n\"Then why the hell is he attacking me, how the hell does he have my ARC reactor? Oh because his father invented it. He is Vanko's son.\"\n\n\"Finally, you learnt something, do you promise not to attack him?\" \n\n\"He killed so many people here today, how can I let him go?\"\n\n\"I am trying to save your behind, young man!!! At least have some common sense.\"\n\n\"Peggy, I can't let him go...\"\n\n\"Tony, as things stand, I really don't think you're in a position of holding him. I am going to go and make him go away. Catch him next time... Although I'll recommend that you try helping him.\"\n\n\"Why will I help him?\"\n\nPeggy just shrugged, and went back to Anton, \"what do you want to do?\"\n\n\"I don't know, I killed so many people here today\"\n\n\"Anton, that's what you did, what do you want to do now?\"\n\n\"Peggy, they will arrest me...\"\n\n\"Yes Anton, but they will not deport you, you built an ARC reactor yourself, in a garage in Russia. What do you think will happen next? You will go to prison, but you will work on stuff you always dreamed of.\"\n\n\"What about him?\"\n\n\"His suit is offline from the neck down\"\n\nAnton turned off his whip, and Tony collapsed to the ground. Cops surrounded him, \"Stupid old bitch, always thinks she can talk these guys out of things and get them to surrender.\" said one\n\nAntone turned on his whips again, and took the cop by the scruff and said, \"Did you just call Ms. Carter a bad word? You're lucky I don't feel like killing more people today, better apologise to her afterwards.\" \n\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
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2017-04-13T06:23:16 | 2017-04-13T05:12:50 | 44 | 25 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A senile, old superhero still goes out to fight crime. None of the younger heros respect him anymore but all the villains have a soft spot for him.\n\nMaybe he's found himself in the middle of a hero/villain war, or he's just trying to stop a bank robbery. \n\nEdit: wow this uhh... kinda blew up didn't it?\n\nOh man I'm so sad I've got work today and can't just spend the whole day reading each and every story, they've *made* my breaks though! ",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"This plan is stupid.\" Harold stated. \"Of course it is!\" The Boss said, \"that's why we're going to do it exactly that way.\" \"We'll get caught, you've lost your mind.\" Harold retorted. \"No, I haven't,\" The Boss said wistfully, but HE has. He's been after me for fifty years now. I'm old and dying slowly of cancer, and he's going senile. After all this time, all these years, I owe him this.\" \"Wait, you want to let Captain Freedom win?\" Harold asked incredulously, \"Why?\"\n\n\"Let me tell you a story...\" The Boss began. \"Fifty years ago, I'd just started all of this. I was dating the most beautiful women, had everything I wanted, got away with everything.\" The Boss drew a breath from his oxygen mask, and continued, \"We were knocking off banks right and left, when suddenly Captain Freedom showed up. He nearly got us that first day, boy, let me tell you, be was good! The cops weren't nothin', half of them were on the take, and most of the rest were too stupid or too slow to be any trouble, but this guy, he was always THERE!. He actually managed to corner me once, twenty years ago. We was in a burning building, my boys had started the fire as a distraction, the place was supposed to be deserted, see. So anyways, we're in there, and we hear kids screaming. We both ran up there, grabbed two kids apiece and got them out, and ran back in for the last two. Them kids was playing up there, where they wasn't supposed to be, like kids do, ya know? Anyway, we rescue the kids, and I'm standing there panting, covered in soot, with a few bruises and burns, and he says to me: 'I always knew there was some good in you, now get out of here'. I owe him Harold. I built all of this on thirty years of crime, and I was good at it. I quit the bank robbing then, and have watched as new heroes keep showing up, and not showing Freedom the respect he deserves. For the last few years I've been staging little fake crimes around town to make sure Freedom still gets to stop me. Now he gets to catch me, I'll be dead soon and he won't remember who we were, this is important, we'd have been nothing, nothing I tell you, if it weren't for each other, and you wouldn't be here if we hadn't pulled you and your friends out of that building, so goddamit, you're gonna help!\"",
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{
"content": "[WP] A senile, old superhero still goes out to fight crime. None of the younger heros respect him anymore but all the villains have a soft spot for him.\n\nMaybe he's found himself in the middle of a hero/villain war, or he's just trying to stop a bank robbery. \n\nEdit: wow this uhh... kinda blew up didn't it?\n\nOh man I'm so sad I've got work today and can't just spend the whole day reading each and every story, they've *made* my breaks though! ",
"role": "user"
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"content": "\"I don't have time for this Hydro, so let that girl go and I may just spare you the hurt.\" His voice boomed. Mr. Streak, greatest hero of the 1980s, my grandfather's one time nemesis and comrade in arms against the Zorblaxian invasion. Despite his age, the old dreg still looks dapper as he was in his prime, it's a pity this old clock is falling apart beneath that fresh varnish.\n\n\"You have to actually stop me first, Streak.\" I taunted, smirking at him.\n\nTrue to his name, Streak flew at me like a blur of mass, his signature blue lightning trailing behind. His left uppercut lands square on my jaw. I let go of the mannequin and back-flipped into recovery as Pappi had taught me, not that the old slug could hurt me at his current level but otherwise the illusion would be broken. Screaming for a full second to get his attention, I then launch a controlled water jet giving him just enough time to evade. Hardest part of the job, trying to kill an old man without actually killing him. A bolt of blue lightning with enough power to light the city comes crashing down on me, with barely enough time to condense the surrounding vapour into a bubble shield. I fought back the impulse to retaliate with lethal force and do a countdown to when he would drain himself. At the stroke of zero, I dropped to a half kneel as part of the act, but mostly because I can't stop my legs from trembling. Gosh, babysitting this old fogey is a high-stress job.\n\n\"Your powers have grown again, Streak. But I'm not done with you yet.\" I stood up in stance, still somewhat shaky, but I can't leave too early lest Streak throws himself between Morganna and the Force-X. He nearly got himself killed last time. Streak responds in kind and throws the first punch.\n\nWhat was the expression again? Float like a butterfly, Stink like a soiled diaper? Yes, my dear Streak has soiled his diaper. I pray for the all clear to come before his spouts of lucidity comes back, hate to see the old squirt embarrassed in public.\n\nGod must be listening, because right as his next strike was about to land, the telepathic channel buzzed to life with Psych's voice calling for retreat. On hindsight, I think she's the one listening, not god. Psych, you still there? How about that date?\n\n\"I'll get you next time, Streak, until then...\" I turn tail, running into the portal.\n\nEDITED 15/04/17\n\nEnd of part 1 ",
"role": "assistant"
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2017-04-22T21:02:26 | 2017-04-22T20:51:13 | 89 | 22 | [
{
"content": "[WP] All of your pets die in ironic ways. Smokey the dog died in a fire, Sugar the cat died of diabetes, etc. This time you've named your pet something a little... unconventional.",
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"content": "I felt bad, but thought it was kind of funny when Scarface the ferret died by getting into my stash and eating it for some reason. I wondered what the odds were when our dog Diesel got hit by a semi that shouldn't have even been going through our streets. However, Caesar the cat getting attacked by all the other cats in the neighborhood on March 15th was the kicker. \n\nI thought about this long and hard. If I really was some sort of bad luck laden irony-magnet for my pets, then it was cruel of me to have a pet. Well, maybe just cool pet names like the previous ones. What sort of irony could fate invoke on a cat named Michael? Of course, there were other ways to go with it.\n\n\"Okay, sir, it looks like he's all set, and your forms are complete. Congratulations on your pet adoption!\" The vet's assistant smiled at me, before looking down to the paperwork, blinking confusedly. \"I hope you give, uhh... \"Giant Pile of Cash\" a good home.\"\n\n\"Funny you say that, I was hoping he'd give me one!\"\n\nShe laughed politely but awkwardly with me as I spun around to head out the door. ",
"role": "assistant"
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"content": "[WP] All of your pets die in ironic ways. Smokey the dog died in a fire, Sugar the cat died of diabetes, etc. This time you've named your pet something a little... unconventional.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I was convinced that I was cursed. All those other pets.... So, I decided to name my newest pet something hard to die from. I nixed pillow (suffocation) and feathers (hawk) and named my dog the nicest thing that I could think of: Leaf. \nWe were at the park when Leaf started running toward a pile of leaves. \"Leaf, no!\" I yelled, running toward him. He jumped right into the pile. Someone flicked a cigarette butt at the pile. \"No!\" I yelled, throwing myself between the butt and the leaves. \nLeaf emerged, tail wagging. \nThen, a strange man charged into the park with a battleaxe, killing poor Leaf. \n\"No!\" I sobbed. I took comfort in the fact that there was no connection to Leaf's name, though. \n\"For Valhalla!\" screamed the stranger. \n\"... wait,\" I said, sniffling. \"What's your name?\" \n\"Leif Erickson!\"\n\n*If you liked this, check out my [YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfx_qtMKiCpDZYfw3pGr8dA). Each week, I'll be using my most upvoted /r/writingprompts response as a script for a new video. Videos will come out on the weekend. Thanks for reading!*",
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2017-05-12T07:46:52 | 2017-05-12T07:20:02 | 1,871 | 543 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
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"content": "Mr. Winsel blinked. He was no longer in his clean, orderly office. He was in a dingy cave that smelled of mold and slime and... cave stuff. Candles surrounded him. The soles of his shoes rubbed against a hastily scribbled pentagram on the cave floor. A sorcerer, looking quite proud of himself, grinned cheerfully.\n\nThe middle aged, slightly obese, balding HR manager found himself at a loss. A goat was nibbling on a trouser leg. \"What's going on?\"\n\n\"Oh sorry about that. I was going to sacrifice it, but then the damn thing ran away and, well... I did try to catch it, of course, but I'm not exactly the most athletic person in the world, so I just did the ritual without the blood sacrifice.\"\n\nMr. Winsel blinked. His lumpy moustache, trimmed in the impression of a very melancholic slug, *twitched*. \"And who are you? Where am I?\"\n\n\"Ah, yes. You are in the overworld, my good demon, and I am the one who summoned you here,\" he grabbed Mr. Winsel's right shoulder in what he thought was an amiable manner. \"We are going to do some great things together! Just you and me! Master and minion!\"\n\n\"But, I'm not a demon.\"\n\n\"What?\", the sorcerer did a double take. \"Uh. You are from Hell, right?\"\n\n\"I'm from Michigan.\"\n\n\"That's somewhere in Hell.\"\n\n\"No.\"\n\n\"Are you... certain?\", the sorcerer flipped open a tome. \"I am pretty certain I just opened a portal to Hell.\n\n\"Apparantly you didn't,\" Winsel sighed. \"Now, please send me back. I have paperwork to do. Interviews to conduct. Not everyone has the luxury to traipse around in their pajamas, performing 'magic tricks'.\"\n\n\"What did you say? Look. I don't know where you come from, but magic is a highly respectable institution here. You can't just-\"\n\nMr. Winsel took a very deep and noisy breath. \"I want to see your manager.\"\n\n\"My manager? You mean the headmaster? I... He's not really supposed to know what I'm doing this. This is all very illegal and...\"\n\nWinsel grabbed the sorcerer by his flowing black robes. \"Listen here, shithead. I don't know what drugs you had to inbibe to make you think that dressing up like a dutch midwife was a good idea, but if you don't stop jerking your goddamned 'magic wand' for five minutes and run to find your fucking manager, I will shit fury all over the pitiable little thing that is your life. ONE FUCKING PHONE CALL. One fucking phone call and I will have my fucking legal team plowing you in your little shitty fucking rear so hard that you'll be shitting out of a fucking mile wide hole in your goddamned fucking stomach! WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING MANAG-\"\n\nThe sorcerer wiped the spittle off his face with a hankerchief as he stared at where Mr. Winsel had faded away into nothingness, restored to his own reality. He did not know what a 'legal team' was, but surely it was something dark and horrible. It was clear now that he had not summoned a minor demon as he had intended, but some sort of archdaemon of vast cunning and viciousness.\n\nHe took a brief look at the tome of ancient sitting on a nearby rock before setting it on fire with a fireball. Summoning demons was, decidedly, not a good idea.\n\n\n\n\n\n",
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{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"Well, that's why you don't trust Samoans...\" I trailed off as I realize that something is not quite right. I was reasonably sure that I had just been walking down the street, talking to my good buddy Sully on the phone, but I was now decidedly not on a street. \n\n\"This isn't a street at all!\" I exclaimed loudly, as I noticed the ring of candles surrounding me. They sat at the edges of a hastily drawn pentagram. The small room seemed unnaturally hot, and I wondered if there was some sort of furnace near by. I quickly stopped wondering anything of the sort, however, after I noticed the man in purple robes gazing at me fixedly from the far wall of the room. \n\nI sat there, gaping at him, until I realized that I was still holding my phone. \n\n\"Sully? Are you there?\" I asked. No response. I pulled the phone off of my ear and looked at it. No bars. The call had ended. I looked back up at the robed man, who was smiling somewhat smugly. \n\n\"Who are you?\" I demanded, with all the authority I could muster after having been unwillingly apparition-ed. Apparited? I don't know. \n\n\"I am the blue wizard of the north, and I hath summoned thee, in order to use your dark talents.\" the man intoned haughtily. \n\n\"What is this, some kind of nerd convention?\" I inquired. \"How did you get me here? Did you drug me?\" \n\n\"Erhm- no. I hath...summoned thee,\" he repeated, somewhat befuddled. \n\nI looked back down at the pentagram, the candles, and was about to berate the man further, when I heard it. The unmistakable sound of something very large, breathing quietly. I looked hastily to me left, where I noticed the open window for the first time. \n\n\"What in God's name...\" I half whispered. The man flinched slightly, but I was too entranced to notice. \n\nOutside of the window, gazing unperturbed at me like a common house cat, stood the hulking figure of what I could only assume was a living, breathing dragon. \n\n\"Ah!\" I exclaimed, falling backwards. I tried to scurry away, but an unstoppable force seemed to be pinning me to the ground. I looked down, only to realize that I had reached the edge of the pentagram. I looked back up at the man in terror, and then back at the dragon. \n\n\"What are you doing to me?\" I demanded frantically. \n\n\"Nothing...yet,\" the man replied, somewhat lackadaisically. \n\n\"I can tell that you're faking that lackadaisical-ness!\" I shouted back. The man recoiled slightly, and then recovered himself. \n\n\"So it's true...\" he muttered. \n\nIt was at that moment precisely, that I gave up on trying to understand. \n\n\"Oh yeah?\" I asked, still locking eyes with several tons of dragon. \n\n\"Your kind, they can see falsehoods!\" the man announced excitedly. \n\n\"My kind?\" I inquired without looking. \n\n\"Homos.\" \n\n\"Excuse me?\" I demanded, suddenly turning towards him. \"I may have taken a couple looks or two at my fellow man, but who hasn't in this day and age-\" \n\n\"I'm sorry, do you prefer Sapien?\" he asked. \"Or human?\" he added, in afterthought. \n\n\"Oh...yeah, human is good.\" \n\n___\n/r/Periapoapsis ",
"role": "assistant"
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2017-05-12T10:38:10 | 2017-05-12T07:53:52 | 427 | 122 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "continued straight from the prompt...\n\n__\n\nNow... Luckily I'm a redditor, and things like being summoned against your will into an unknown world/situation are a common topic so I had thought through this scenario before. Otherwise I would appear quite confused at my situation and not at all in control of the situation.\n\n\"Why have you summoned me?\" I bellowed in my best impression of pompous and evil.\n\nThe sorcerer scrambled back a few steps, \"I have summoned you to make a deal.\"\n\nI was not sure what it was I was supposed to provide, but as this seemed fairly common for magic I hoped it was something I was capable of. \n\n\"You know the price?\" I asked haughtily.\n\n\"Certainly, one talent of gold and my immortal soul.\"\n\nI pondered this silently, I had only heard of talents in bible stories but I remembered someone saying that was about 75lbs. I unfortunately did not trade in gold on a regular basis and my phone probably couldn't access the internet from wherever this was; but I knew it was something like $1000 an ounce. 16 ounces per lb x 75 lbs... screw it I pulled out my phone.\n\nThe mage reacted with alarm, \"What infernal device is that? Know that I am protected by the circle!\"\n\nI held up a finger to shush him as I opened the calculator app and figured out how much money I stood to make on this deal...whatever it was. I whistled between my teeth as the number stared up at me $1.25 Million.\n\n\"Stop! Stop I can't take it!\" The magician screamed. \"The circle should have protected me!\"\n\nI looked back at him dumbly with my face lit softly by my glowing cell phone screen. \"Stop...what?\"\n\n\"That noise! We cannot stand the sound of your chanting and whatever it is you were doing with your voice just now!\"\n\nI once again went silent, not knowing that the otherworldly light of my screen was making me look quite demonic at the moment. \"You mean... whistling?\" I chirpped softly at the end to demonstrate.\n\n\"YES!\"\n\nInteresting... \"So what is the task you have summoned me for?\"\n\nThe mage stood back upright, \"I need you to defeat the army at our doorstep, use your damning tongue to rain down hell and bring madness to the troops.\"\n\n\"You want me to... sing?\"\n\nA tentative nod.\n\n\"Okay... where is this army?\" \n\nThe sorcerer pointed to an arrow slit window in the side of the tower. I could see several dozen burly men in various armor standing outside the gates a dozen feet below... this was an army?\n\n\"This is an army?\" I said intelligently, \"Where I come from, an army is usually hundreds if not thousands of men.\"\n\n\"We are aware of your warlike ways and preference for violence but that is not our way. We only wish to drive away the force below as quickly as possible and make them think twice about attacking again.\"\n\nI looked down at the phone in my hand again and brought up a video I kept on it to send to my friends randomly. I was about to hit play when I turned back to the mage, \"You might want to cover your ears.\"\n\n> We're no strangers to love\n\n>You know the rules and so do I\n\n>A full commitment's what I'm thinking of\n\n>You wouldn't get this from any other guy\n\n\n>I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling\n\n>Gotta make you understand\n\n>Never gonna give you up\n\n\n>Never gonna let you down\n\n>Never gonna run around and desert you\n\n>Never gonna make you cry\n\n>Never gonna say goodbye\n\n>Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you...\n",
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{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "\"Naturally, it's your genetics and evolutionary upbringing that lead to such [TRANSLATION MISSING - Suggestion: sanity curdling bloodlust that all sentient lifeforms would cringe away from in existential horror] among your people.\" The device doing the translating, a slim piece of floating aluminium foil, by the looks of it, certainly took its time cross-referencing that particular idiomatic expression. But perhaps...\n\nThinking carefully, I slowly pronounced each word, striving for the formal language it seemed to understand best. \"Mighty-Kelp-Organ-464, might I possibly help improve your translating device?\"\n\nA small hologram flipped up, revealing a \" :) \", an extremely useful feature, as the Rylonian equivalent was scent based. I could definitely detect it. I could almost taste it. But I still hadn't quite got the nuances of their expression down. Was it slightly more 'wet dog', this time? Or maybe my olfactory cilia were committing hari-kari one by one to defend my psyche from the assault.\n\nI digress. It's been a long 48 hours. \n\n\"Perhaps 'The Human Condition' might be an appropriate substitution.\"\n\n\"Thank you Meat-Friend. Mighty-Kelp-Organ.464 will be pleased to accept such an contribution. Please accept a gift of another of your metric units of P79 N118.\"\n\nHey, it wasn't all bad. The smells, the lack of sleep, the ceaseless barrage of noise and light that the almost blind and deaf Rylonians require to comprehend their tele-screens, sure, not pleasant, but it's much easier to say 'this too shall pass' when small blocks of extremely heavy metal keep materialising at my feet.\n\n\"As I was saying, I in no way disparage your right as an individual to sentience-recognition by the Sector Administration, far from it. You've proven to be extremely [TRANSLATION ERROR - Multiple substitutions available: Relaxed/peaceful/not murderous] throughout your stay. It is simply that,\" Mighty-Kelp shifted slightly, and I pretended not to notice the forcefields flickering. \"Well, as a species you seem remarkably insane. Forecasts give your species another two hundred and fifty seven years before homo sapiens goes extinct in the wild.\"\n\nI blinked at that.\n\n\"Hence, no committee would ever declare your kind, in your current state, a suitable candidate for recognition. Therefore...\"\n\n\"You want me to murder one of your colleagues?\"\n\nMighty-Kelp-Organ.464 flapped around at that. The translation device slide smoothly out of the way, evidently used to the flailing. Lumpy tentacles smeared with some sort of jelly flollopped and glollopped around, spattering fluids. After about a minute of this, it seemed to calm down. I couldn't smell anything though. I think my nose has actually shut down.\n\nOh well. Probably for the best. Rylionian cussing could probably kill a man at a dozen paces.\n\n\"I repeat, Meat Friend, That this would *not* be murder. Murder is a premeditated act by a sentient creature on another. This would be an accident, a terrible, terrible, highly specific accident. I grieve pre-emptively for Mighty-Kelp-Organ.12, but my [TRANSLATION ERROR - Multiple substitutions available: Promotion/breeding rights/spiritual status] has already been trampled on for long enough.\"\n\n\"And afterwards?\"\n\n\"Well, while the lawyers hash it out, you'll need to stay in a secure facility planetside. No doubt about it though, as a known invasive species, they will return you to your natural habitat with not a hair out of place.\"\n\n\"Well... I really don't know. If your legal system is anything like Earth's, I could be stuck out here for years.\"\n\n\"We have the technology to fabricate [TRANSLATION MISSING - Suggestion: Blackjack and hookers.]\"\n\n\"Deal.\"\n\n\n",
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2017-05-12T10:09:52 | 2017-05-12T08:33:39 | 67 | 44 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "At one moment, there was fog. At the next, I find myself standing in a circle of candles, in a darkened room, with nothing but the smell of burning wax and stuffiness, like being inside one of those old military outposts that they keep for posterity. You ever put your hand against a vacuum hose? Imagine that, but going throughout your entire body. That’s the closest I can describe the sensation of being in one place, and then being pulled to wherever this was. \n\n“YES! YES IT WORKED! DO YOU SEE, ASTIEL!? DO YOU SEE?” I turned quickly to see where the voice came from. Standing before me, beyond the candle barrier, was a man, if you could call him that, wearing excessively large dark robes. Protruding from holes in the back of the robes however, was a set of large white feathered wings. Yes, wings. Like the ones you see on depictions of heaven. \n\n“M-master...Do be careful...these demons can be quite dangerous.” Another voice commented, standing beyond the darkness. *Demon? What the hell is he talking about?* As my eyes slowly adjusted from the brightness of the sun to the dimness of this room, I began to see chairs, workbenches, bookcases. The floors were of old stone, and where I was standing did not feel strictly...*level*. \n\n“Quiet, quiet. Ahem...Demon Thomas. I have summoned you here to do my bidding. Do you understand? You will OBEY ME!” The ‘master’ shouted, and thrust an open palm in my direction. I winced, expecting to feel some sort of strange sensation. I felt literally nothing. I stared blankly at him for a moment.\n\n“Erm...Master…?” The second voice behind him spoke with uncertainty. \n\n“LOOK, I…” As I spoke, the very words seem to come out of something that wasn’t me. It was deep, it was dark, it seemed to breathe flame into the very air around me. This shocked me as much as them. I took a step back, and bumped into something that felt hard, but simply wasn’t there. It didn’t make any sense. Kind of like pushing into a trampoline that was a lot less elastic. The master seemed to regain his composure at this point, and stepped forward.\n\n“Thomas. Remain calm or I will MAKE you calm.” There’s only so much talking down to that I can hear before it pisses me off. My blood began to boil. I felt hot. And, as I noted later, that was because fire was coming out of my skin.\n\n“THEN MAKE ME CALM!” I shouted, and the words came out like a shotgun blast. The fire I mentioned? It started flaring out with a fury that smashed into the candle barrier. It was like watching a tree burn in the latest stages of the fire, when all that’s left is an ashen husk with the flames still raging. I know fire’s bad. But I got caught up in the moment. I didn’t care. I punched the barrier. Instead of that hardened elasticity, this time there was a crack. The barrier was coming down.\n\n“SHIT! MASTER SEND HIM BACK, SEND HIM BACK NOW!” The voice cried out in panic, and the flames revealed that he was waving his arms about erratically. The master, at this point, quickly grabbed a nearby tome, and began chanting in a shaking voice a dialect I could not understand. \n\nMeanwhile, I continued to play the part of rampaging demon, because I felt power. Power that didn’t exist in my normal life. Power that made me feel like I could finally grab my destiny and make it what I wanted it to be. No more pushing carts at the grocery store. No more nights of instant ramen. No, finally, I can shape things the way I want them to be. And then I felt that familiar feeling of being sucked through a vacuum hose.\n\n“NO!”\n\nThere was fog. And there I was, standing like I had never left. I started pacing back and forth on the grass, garnering all kinds of strange looks from random patrons in the park. I didn’t care though. When I was there, I had power. I could summon fire from my being. I had the strength of a being far better than my own. There, I was the demon Thomas. Here though, I am nothing. I want it back. \n\nI NEED it back.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Jason dropped the carboard box onto the one he had set down prior, and stepped back. He held his lower back and arched. Fuck, this retail stocking shit is not fun. Time for a break. He walked over to the door, reached in his shirt pocket and grabbed for his smokes. Opening the door, he stepped through into brilliant sunlight.\n\nWhat the fuck? This is night shift. He blinked and held his hand to his brow to shade his eyes.\n\nIn an instant he could see that he was not in the back parking lot of the Northland Mall. He was standing on a giant slab of stone, and the smell of salt was in the air. He turned to where the door he had just passed through should have been and there was met with the gaze of a fat nude woman with red hair.\n\nJason squared up towards her and looked her over. What. The. Fuck. A wave of panic washed over him, and the woman began to move to his left chanting in a language that he did not understand while moving her fleshy arms in circles. That's when he noticed the others in the darkness.\n\nBehind the fat woman was a crowd. Several dozen people. There were men and women, all dressed in shabby clothing that was dirty. Jason noticed one woman near the front holding an infant in her arms. She stared directly at him, her eyes cold and flat. It was then that Jason noticed the baby's limb dangling limply and he knew that something was not right.\n\nThe redheaded woman continued to circle Jason, her gesticulations becoming wilder and her voice rising. Jason shouted back to her. Fuck you! What the fuck is this!? He tried to approach her and his legs felt like iron. Each step felt as if he was pulling a tree's roots from the earth, and when it fell flat against the stone he felt a stabbing pain radiate upward through his leg.\n\nWhat is this? He shouted again. Just then a man stepped forth from the crowd. He pointed at the redheaded woman and yelled. He pointed at Jason and then back to the crowd, all the time speaking a strange tongue Jason had never encountered before.\n\nThe woman stood looking at Jason, and extended her palm toward him. She stared at Jason, and then turned to speak to the man, keeping her hand directed towards Jason. Jason looked from one to the other, and began to feel his knees buckle. His head was growing light, and he was feeling wobbly. What now?\n\nFalling to his knees, he put his hands down and the stone felt like fire against his flesh. He yelled out in anguish. The man's voice rose, and several others stepped forward from the crowd behind him, all facing the redheaded woman. One man was carrying a child, obviously dead, it's lifeless corpse held tenderly in his arms. He pointed a finger at the nude woman, and then towards Jason.\n\nThe redheaded woman stared intently at Jason. He attempted to lift his hands to crawl, but it felt like his hands had become part of the stone, like he was being pulled into it. What is this? What is happening? He looked all around him and saw that the crowd was in a circle around him and they were moving towards the woman, who kept her gaze on Jason. She began to speak, and turned her head toward the advancing mob. Three people in the front of the line dropped to the turf, dead in their tracks. She kept her hand pointed toward Jason, and began to motion with the other above her head.\n\nA light formed over Jason, and he looked up to meet it. Suddenly it felt like rain falling on his face, and the brilliance overwhelmed him.\n\n\"Jason, hey Jason ...\" The voice was familiar. It was Stan. \"Hey man, you OK?\"\n\nJason blinked and looked up. Stan, the heavyset night security guard was standing on his hoverround with his flashlight on Jason's eyes. \"What ... where ...\"\n\n\"Dude, are you OK?\"\n\nJason felt the cool pavement beneath his hand and clamored to his feet. His knees felt uneasy. His head throbbed, and on the ground in front of him was a cigarette. \"Yeah, I, uh, I don't know what happened ...\"\n\n\"OK, bro, I don't know what you're smoking and I don't really care, but just be careful out here. I heard some dudes from West Haven jumped a guy last week.\" Stan looked him over once more before turning around on the hoverround and zipping across the parking lot.\n\nJason watched him, Stan's red pony tail poking out from underneath his black baseball cap. Man, fuck night shift.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2017-05-12T10:09:52 | 2017-05-12T09:56:21 | 67 | 34 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "At one moment, there was fog. At the next, I find myself standing in a circle of candles, in a darkened room, with nothing but the smell of burning wax and stuffiness, like being inside one of those old military outposts that they keep for posterity. You ever put your hand against a vacuum hose? Imagine that, but going throughout your entire body. That’s the closest I can describe the sensation of being in one place, and then being pulled to wherever this was. \n\n“YES! YES IT WORKED! DO YOU SEE, ASTIEL!? DO YOU SEE?” I turned quickly to see where the voice came from. Standing before me, beyond the candle barrier, was a man, if you could call him that, wearing excessively large dark robes. Protruding from holes in the back of the robes however, was a set of large white feathered wings. Yes, wings. Like the ones you see on depictions of heaven. \n\n“M-master...Do be careful...these demons can be quite dangerous.” Another voice commented, standing beyond the darkness. *Demon? What the hell is he talking about?* As my eyes slowly adjusted from the brightness of the sun to the dimness of this room, I began to see chairs, workbenches, bookcases. The floors were of old stone, and where I was standing did not feel strictly...*level*. \n\n“Quiet, quiet. Ahem...Demon Thomas. I have summoned you here to do my bidding. Do you understand? You will OBEY ME!” The ‘master’ shouted, and thrust an open palm in my direction. I winced, expecting to feel some sort of strange sensation. I felt literally nothing. I stared blankly at him for a moment.\n\n“Erm...Master…?” The second voice behind him spoke with uncertainty. \n\n“LOOK, I…” As I spoke, the very words seem to come out of something that wasn’t me. It was deep, it was dark, it seemed to breathe flame into the very air around me. This shocked me as much as them. I took a step back, and bumped into something that felt hard, but simply wasn’t there. It didn’t make any sense. Kind of like pushing into a trampoline that was a lot less elastic. The master seemed to regain his composure at this point, and stepped forward.\n\n“Thomas. Remain calm or I will MAKE you calm.” There’s only so much talking down to that I can hear before it pisses me off. My blood began to boil. I felt hot. And, as I noted later, that was because fire was coming out of my skin.\n\n“THEN MAKE ME CALM!” I shouted, and the words came out like a shotgun blast. The fire I mentioned? It started flaring out with a fury that smashed into the candle barrier. It was like watching a tree burn in the latest stages of the fire, when all that’s left is an ashen husk with the flames still raging. I know fire’s bad. But I got caught up in the moment. I didn’t care. I punched the barrier. Instead of that hardened elasticity, this time there was a crack. The barrier was coming down.\n\n“SHIT! MASTER SEND HIM BACK, SEND HIM BACK NOW!” The voice cried out in panic, and the flames revealed that he was waving his arms about erratically. The master, at this point, quickly grabbed a nearby tome, and began chanting in a shaking voice a dialect I could not understand. \n\nMeanwhile, I continued to play the part of rampaging demon, because I felt power. Power that didn’t exist in my normal life. Power that made me feel like I could finally grab my destiny and make it what I wanted it to be. No more pushing carts at the grocery store. No more nights of instant ramen. No, finally, I can shape things the way I want them to be. And then I felt that familiar feeling of being sucked through a vacuum hose.\n\n“NO!”\n\nThere was fog. And there I was, standing like I had never left. I started pacing back and forth on the grass, garnering all kinds of strange looks from random patrons in the park. I didn’t care though. When I was there, I had power. I could summon fire from my being. I had the strength of a being far better than my own. There, I was the demon Thomas. Here though, I am nothing. I want it back. \n\nI NEED it back.",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "With a heavy sigh I got out of bed. My body ran on autopilot as I got through my usual morning routine: shower, shave, breakfast. I looked at the clock, dreading as it neared 9am.\n\n\"I guess I should get going...\" I said with disdain. \n\nThe walk to the bus felt like an eternity. It was pure torture. Normally people would cherish the time they spent away from their jobs as they would try and enjoy this time for themselves. All I kept thinking was the hatred towards every minute that passed by, bringing me closer to my job.\n\nThe bus got here on time, as usual. Groaning, I walk up to the bus's steps, the driver smiling his goofy smile. How I envy his happiness.\n\nAfter the usual greetings I proceed to my solitary seat in the back. The bus takes off as I close my eyes, resting me head on the window. Just thinking about my job gives me a headache. My supervisor coming in and hassling me in my cubicle. \n\nActually... my head really does hurt. \"OWWW!\" I yell out as I open my eyes. My eyes adjust to the dark room I've suddenly appeared in, the only source of light coming from the candles surrounding me. \n\n'Is... is that a demonic star I'm standing in?' I think to myself.\n\nAs my eyes adjust I notice 2 figures, shaking in fear in the corner. \n\n\"I didn't think this would actually work! I thought it was just a fiction book! He looks tall. I wonder how tall he is.\" I kept hearing from their direction. \n\n\"Umm... I'm 6 foot 2.\" I answer.\n\n\"Ah! H- he can read minds!\" One of the girls yells out. She struggles to find her composure, straightening up as best she can and walks forward, still shaking. \n\n\"I- I am the one who summoned you. You must obey me!\" She yells out, her voice breaking. It sounds like she's near crying. \n\n\"Oh, this was so stupid of me. I shouldn't have done this. I bet he's angry. He's a demon. Of course he's gonna be angry. He won't want to help me at all. Am I gonna for? I dont want to die.\"\n\nShe kept saying all these things but I noticed one thing. Her lips weren't moving. She was still shaking. Ugh. This headache was getting worse. And I could also hear her friend in the back.\n\n\"It was a joke. Maybe if I explain it to him he'll spare me. I didn't believe summoning these demons was possible. Our magic isn't strong enough to summon these demons. I just wanted to make her feel better. Me and my stupid ideas.\"\n\nShe wasn't talking either. I really can read minds.\n\n\"What do you want?\" I bellow out. More because of the headache than the situation as I rub my temples.\n\n\"Oh, well um...\" she stammers out. Struggling to find her words. Her mind is talking clearly however. \n\n\"I should be honest. No... maybe I should just send him back to hell. But if he can help me out it would be useful. Demons are cunning. Or maybe just send him back.\"\n\nMost of the questions I have seem to have been answered already from their minds. I'm a demon from hell and they summoned me to help out. Fitting... I do consider where I come from hell.\n\n\"So you want me to help you out with something?\" I ask simply. \n\n\"Y- yes.... that's right.\" She says. \n\nMultiple thoughts race across both of their heads with the details of what they need help with as she continues to stammer. Ugh. I focus myself and drown them out. \n\n'Hmm.... simple enough. Just like ignoring someone in real life.' I think to myself.\n\n\"I- I know that making a deal requires me to give you something. I don't have much but I can offer you artifacts, money or...\" she continues to stammer.\n\n\"I don't really feel like going back to... where I come from.\" I say, interrupting her. \n\n\"I'll help you out. As for what I want... I'll decide on that when I finish helping you.\"\n\n\"O- ok... I can see why you wouldn't want to go back to hell with your ears and tail ripped off.\" \n\nI raise and eyebrow as the girl takes off her hood, revealing cat ears underneath.\n\nThis is going to be interesting. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2017-05-12T09:29:02 | 2017-05-12T09:10:43 | 65 | 43 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "There were many questions I had, but I wasn't entirely sure how to react. I *was* in my house, but *now* I'm in a budget Lord of the Rings.\n\nThat included the wizard who looked like he'd both just pissed himself and had won the lottery. \n\n\"Good... GOOD... Now, my slave... DESTROY MY ENEMIES! Turn their skulls into paste! Their bodies into ash! Send their souls... TO OBLIVION!\" The mage throatily screeched at me, followed by perhaps *the* most cliche evil laugh in the history of human existence.\n\n\"Uhhhh... Wut?\"\n\n\"You... You're... Not obeying?\"\n\n\"Sorry dude, but who are you again?\"\n\n\"ME? I'M THE LEGENDARY WIZARD SALTHAZAR THE ALMIGHTY, DESTROYER OF REALMS!\"\n\n\"So... Why do you need me?\"\n\n\"I... Um... It's a rest day.\"\n\n\"Uh-huh...\"\n\n\"Don't question me! You're the demon here!\"\n\nYeah... Real funny dude...\n\nWait what?\n\n\"Demon? Me?\"\n\n\"Yes! That's why I summoned you here!\"\n\n\"Uhhh...\"\n\n\"And now that you are here... You shall slay my enemies, and bring this world to its knees!\"\n\n\"Uhhh... Sorry dude... I don't do anything unless it's in writing...\"\n\n\"You mean a contract? Never fret! The mighty Salthazar has one right here!\" He shoved a piece of parchment in my face, the various scribbles were probably words... Right?\n\n\"Uh... Huh... Yeah... This is...\"\n\n\"Now... Destroy, my Demon!\"\n\nThis guy's clearly mad. Time to find my way back.\n\nLooking around, I quickly formed a plan.\n\nI ran around, blowing out all the candles and knocking over as much as I physically could, just generally causing as much damage as possible.\n\n\"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP DESTROYING MY WORKSHOP!\"\n\n\n\"What? You said \"Destroy\". You never said *what* to destroy after signing the contract.\" I shrugged and carried on laying ruin to what I'm guessing is this mans livelihood.\n\nSalthazar sulked and slumped into a corner, \"Now I see why they told me never to trust Demons...\"",
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
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"content": "\"Save her!\"\n\n\"Wha-?\"\n\n\"I summoned you here to save her! Do it!\"\n\nOn the table lay a woman with labored breath and covered in blood.\n\n\"I can't do it here. You'll have to send me back. I need an ER.\"\n\n\"I have an ear for you right here, demon!\" The man jiggles his own bloody ear in his hand.\n\n\"No, I need an E... R... An emergency room you imbecile. Send us both back and she'll be healed.\"\n\n\"No. No I won't do it. I won't let you make her a demon like you. They never come back the same.\"\n\n\"Of course they don't. You can't take a bite of the apple of knowledge and stay ignorant.\"\n\n\"SAVE HER, DEMON!\"\n\nThe man standing in an arcane circle wearing a long white robe and a strange creature about his neck sighs. \"You are all fools. Damned fools.\" Then he clapped his hands and was gone. So was the woman.\n\nFor the next month, the young sorcerer wept. He had sold his love to a demon. Then, a loud clap and the sound of something solid bouncing on the floor pulled him out of his remorse. When he approached the strange object, he saw her smiling face. Then the object spoke...\n\n\"Hey Joe. Thanks for helping me. It's better here. People are happy. Their babies live past infancy, infections don't kill people, and there's much less war and violence. I've decided to stay with Dr. Hapburn. He's the man you summoned to save me. He's been kind to me and he is wealthier than our king! Good luck, Joe. I don't think I'll ever see you again.\"\n\nThen the object went dark. Joe let out an anguished scream. \"DAMN YOU DEMON!\"\n\n-------\n\n\"Welcome back, Dr. Hapburn!\"\n\n\"Thanks Sally. We need to get this one to the ICU.\"\n\n\"We're on it doctor. Why doesn't Texas just join the Federation of Nations?\"\n\n\"I don't know. King Norris won't let them. It's just good for us that the Global Processing Unit is available for teleportation requests.\"\n\n\"I hear the locals think people who talk to the GPU are sorcerers.\"\n\n\"Yes, that's true. Poor fools.\"",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2017-05-12T13:13:55 | 2017-05-12T09:57:53 | 37 | 27 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"Look man, I don't think you know what you're doing. There's gonna be some serious repercussions for this kind of shit,\" Tom said as he leaned back in his chair, glowering at a sweaty, porcine man across the table from him.\n\n\"I've got to fucking do it, Tom,\" Greg whimpered out, his lower lip quivering ever so slightly. He held out a closed fist, opened it, and a handful of dice scattered across the table. It was almost like a movie, eyes all fixated on the d20 as it clattered to a stop. A natural 20. The crowd went wild and Tom launched out of his chair, hands pressed to his temples in a gesture of supreme existential horror. Once the din of the table died down, Tom finally unfroze from his statuesque position and slumped back into his chair.\n\n\"... No.\" Greg's face scrunched up into a pout.\n\n\"C'mon man, it was a natural 20! I seduced the Lich!\"\n\n\"No, dude. I'm sick of you constantly fucking up my plans with your bullshit amazing luck. I would rather DIE than see you do what you're doing.\"\n\nJust as Greg was about to retort, a crack of lightning shook the room around them and Tom exploded in a gout of black smoke. As the rest of the table did a quick check of the contents of their britches, Greg stammered out the one thing he could think to say: \"Did he just straight up fucking explode?!\"\n\nUnfortunately for Tom, he did not in fact \"straight up fucking explode.\" The next thing he knew, he was falling flat on his ass against a hard stone floor. If Tom, let alone any human being ever, had actually been subject to a demon summoning ritual as he just had, he would know the typical signs and symptoms: candles, maybe a candelabra if his host was fancy, salt circles, and some adorable little munchkin-type people in robes who had just summoned a hellbeast of unimaginable power. As one could expect, Tom was reasonably alarmed and upset. He scrambled back against the wall, knocking over many a tiny chair and smashing a table or two with accidental ease.\n\n\"What the fuck just happened?!\" The summoners, witnessing the wrath of a dark lord, began to scream. Only one of them did not panic. The short little wrinkled creature gazed solemnly upon him, an open book cradled in one hand. Tom's mouth went slack and eyes wide when he truly perceived the creature's face.\n\n\"Oh my god... you've got an adorable little pug face!\" he practically squealed. While Tom immediately regretted his reaction, it was no less true. Every single one of them was an adorable little bipedal pug person. In a little hooded robe. One of them even has a cute little walking stick!\n\n\"Thomas Kinsey!\" the tiny creature belted out in a somewhat squeaky voice, pointing at a bewildered Tom. \"By your true name, I bind you to my will!\"\n\n\"I... I'm sorry, what?\" Tom inquired, squinting incredulously. \"Bind me? Like I'm some kind of demon or something?\" All those years of D&D were finally paying dividends. This seemed to throw the wee sage off balance, now wide-eyed and flipping through the book as quickly as he could, one of his compatriots clinging to his arm and babbling nigh incomprehensibly.\n\n\"I told you we shouldn't have mettled with the dark arts! He's going to fry us in sulfur pits and strip the meat from our bones!\" Tom couldn't help but look fairly disgusted.\n\n\"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you on about? I don't even know why I'm here. Or where here even is. Who ARE you?\"\n\nThe leader of this ragamuffin group stepped forward, looking wary but less terrified of their guest at this point.\n\n\"I am Gynklef, my Lord,\" he said with a proper bow. \"We have summoned you here to strike a dark bargain, if you would hear our terms.\" Tom, once again, glanced at the figure incredulously. This has got to be a dream. Or a stroke. It can't be reality, at the very least.\n\n\"... oooookay. Uh... what are your terms?\" He crossed his arms over his chest, still fairly unsure of what was actually happening. Maybe he was dead and this was some crazy little fantasy in his head as the last of his neurons sputtered out. An aneurysm would make sense.\n\n\"We bring you precious stones and gems to curry favor, in hopes that you will help my people overthrow the cruel oppressors that so long ago usurped the throne from my father's father...\" With a gesture, one of the other pug-monks pushed a battered chest up to the periphery of the circle and opened it, revealing a pile of gold nuggets and raw, uncut gems.\n\n\"We know your kind has a penchant for that which shines and lies within the earth. It is yours, if you will help us.\" Tom stood agog, staring at the chest. He'd be set for life if he could take that back with him. There was an emerald as big as his fist just sitting there! He shook himself from his stupor and sighed.\n\n\"I mean... what can I do? I'm just one guy,\" he muttered, scuffing the heel of a shoe against the grimy stone floor.\n\n\"Perhaps... but one of your kind is required to operate... THE ARTIFACT.\" Hushed whispers among the congregation could be heard. Tom arched a single brow.\n\n\"The artifact? What is it?\"\n\n\"An item of incredible power... it has brought down kingdoms before, broken the wills of those who would seek to stand against it, and brought terror to those who even hear its name.\" The tiny figure gestured to one of his compatriots. \n\n\"Bring it here, quickly!\"\n\nAfter a lengthy pause, the sound of wagon wheels could be heard against the floor, and through the door entered what almost appeared to be an upright and ornately decorated coffin on wheels. Grynklef drew an ancient looking key, inset with bone, and released the locks.\n\n\"Behold! Terrorscream, Render of Kingdoms!\" he bellowed (as well as someone with his lung capacity could) as he flung the door open, revealing...\n\n\"... a fucking vacuum,\" Tom stated flatly. Grynklef nodded solemnly.\n\n\"It is a weapon we do not use lightly, but... times are desperate. More of my people die by the day.\" Tom nodded solemnly for a moment, and stepped from the circle, brushing a hand across the handle of this vacuum that looked like it belonged in the Warhammer universe.\n\n\"Okay, little dog dudes... let's topple a kingdom.\"",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You're happily going about your day when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you're standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, we're the demons, and you've just been summoned.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "It happened as Dan was sat on the old chair in the greenhouse, lazily puffing on a cigertte. He sat, neck arched down scrolling mindlessly through social media. The occassional billows of smoke slowly carried on the draft like a balloon gradually disapeering from existance as it floated away. As the rollie burnt continued to burn a column of smoke carried right up and over his face, he turned away in discomfort, slamming his eyes contortedly shut and letting out a single cough. \n\nIt's not that he felt anything, but when he 'transferred' he was able to feel the difference in temperature. He knew somthing had changed instantly. it was warmer and he now felt inside, It wasn't until he opened his eyes though that it hit him like a lightening bolt. \n\n\"WAHHHHHHHH! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT THE!\" \n \nA man stood infront of him, robed in black with a red satin cord wrapped around him like a harness, he faced him squarely and was bowing his head down toward the ground. The light of the candles gave no detail to the face below the sunken hood. As his eyes danced about the confusing landscape he begin to spin, it might have been an attempt to look around. he might have imagined it, But as soon as he began to turn his knees seemed to drop and his phoned dropped to the floor, Dan shortly followed. \n\n\"Hello\", spoke from the blackness. Dan just concious enough to notice it, realised that the blackness now was only his eyes closed and with that he was back. With a paniced struggle he raised himself on his arms. \n\n\" Who...where am, ummm, dude are you going to hurt me?\" \n\nHe felt the base of his spine press in, almost painful as his adrenal glands kicked in. \n\n\"Why am I here?! How did I get here!?\" He rattled off and he now aggressively tried to stand up. \n\n\"DID YOU BRING ME HERE!?\" He yelled, now striding towards this robed figure who apparently hadn't moved. He glanced left and right as if to check for more threats, noticing that he was in a pentagonal star of candles. His eyes began to widen. \n\n\"You demon!\" The hooded man now looked up. \n\n\"Have been brought here by me to serve me!\" The man threw back his hood to reveal a plump round head and large buttonous nose. \n\n\"For else I shall send you back to that eternal hell that is your home\" as he finished his sentance he gesticulated a arm movement of a bow without bending at the waist as if to the give the impression of self importance. \n\n\"Now I'm confused as fuck, but this is not funny\" exclaimed Dan as he came to stop close enough that the odor of this man was previlant. \n\n\"Why am I here, how did you get me here? And dude this better be some kind of TV PRANK OR IM GOING TO FIGHT YOU AND PROBABLY KILL YOU!\" \nas he spoke his volume and aggresion increased.\n\n\"You have been summoned by me because I wish your dark soul be brought here and better serve me\" the man interupted, now smiling smugly, rasped. \n\n\"Now don't expect me to be fooled for this sharade of a human form. Take your real form beast!\" \n\n\"What the fuck dude?!\" Dan exclaimed, \"Look the pranks over, I want to go home\" Dan adjusted, \"I don't know how you did that, and i'd really appreciate you'd drop the whole act and show me where the door is or tell me how you got me here, did you knock me out?\" Stood arms outstretched in animated questioning. \n\nThe man dropped his smile now, \"you are clever foul demon, but you shall not outsmart me\" \n\n\"Well Im human, soooo if that changes anything. I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?\",\n\n\" I used a spell to summon you from Hell and I wish...\", \n\"But dude, I just told you i'm from the UK for fucks sake, Do I look like a demon to you?\" Dan spoke as his eyes danced around the room looking for an exit. He Looking left and right without ever really taking his eyes off the man then he looked down to the mans arms. A large tome sat accross his palms barely visable in the candle light and what previously was in the shadow of the hood from any other ambient light. \n\n\"I summoned you here, by way of this encantation\" the man offered out his arms while spinning the open tome between his hands to face Dan. \n\n\"Right... So you do magic nutjob?\" Dan mustered, clearly now becoming exhausted with the sitation. \n \n\"Yes, that is correct Demon! See! Read it for yourself and you will understand how you are bound here by me and at my command\", as Dan slowly lowered his eyes disbelieving of any threat from the man. His eyes that were previously starring out the Tome owners face, watched the pages of the tome become bathed in direct candlelight. \n\nThe pages where deep rutted paper that looked now very frail, the Ink was worn thin and faded in other parts. There seemed to be two paragraph to each page. But it was barely disguishable and he reached out to grab the tome on its corner. Tilting it further towards the light. \n\n'Rapture Demon' read the first title. But his eyes glanced over the other titles before he read the rest. \n\n'Sunlight' read below this paragragh.Then on the next page read\n'Teleportation' which was followed by\n'Time slow' \n\n\"Ummm, which page were you reading from dude?\" Dan offered, looking up to meet the man's gaze. \n\n\"The top right spell demon! You know which spell would bind you here! All demons know this, now obey me!\" he excitedly proclaimed, \"this is not my first experience you foul creatures\" he cried as he began to try to turn the book around his neck craning to get a better view. \n\nDan's eyes glanced back to the top of the right page. \n\n'teleportation - self cast or cast on others remotely, range 50 miles before dangerous' the rest Dan didn't bother to read. His eyes shot accross the left page as he scanned the first sentance 'Rapture demon - tear an infernal beast from the underworld otherwise known as Hell' \n\n\"Dude, you know how it's pretty dark in here? I think you made a mistake.....Dude you cast teleportation\"\n\nThe robed mans eyes raised from the page, again to meet Dan's. \"FUCK! I .. am.. so.. sorry\"\n\n\nFirst ever writing prompt, hope you like it, it was written on my phone. Probably going to delete it as soon as I get a downvote haha. Thanks if you read this far. \n\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2017-05-14T12:18:10 | 2017-05-14T12:16:05 | 696 | 59 | [
{
"content": "[WP] It is illegal for people under 18 to talk to people over 21, or vice versa. In between, there is a 3 year period of your life in which you can talk to anybody you want.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I watched the clock as it ticked down the few minutes I had left of being 17. My parents, silent of course, were sitting nearby, watching with a big smile on their face. After all this time, they were finally able to speak to me.\n\nA few decades ago, a lot of people came to the conclusion that young and old people don't mix. The younger generation would always say the old needed to get with the times and live in the present day, and the older generation would say that the young needed to learn respect for their elders and avoid any strange new media or technology. Both sides decided they'd be better off without each other, so there were laws passed. Humans would be divided into three groups: Young, Old, and Betweens.\n\nThe Young were anyone from the age of 0 to the age of 17, and the Old were anyone who was older than 21. The Betweens were just that, anyone in between, so from age 18 to 21. Olds and Youngs were banned from communication with each other, but Betweens could speak freely between any of the groups.\n\nEver since birth, I have never had a conversation with my parents. They had been there, silently taking care of me all my life. Once, when I was 10 years old, my mom almost said something to me when she was tucking me in to bed. Before she said something she couldn't take back, however, she just left the room.\n\nWhenever anyone who is Old needs to communicate with a Young, or vice versa, they enlist the help of a Between. It really helped to pay for college, or to get your first home, or any other thing you'd need when you first move out. Betweens made decent money, being the verbal bridge of the world.\n\nThey were the teachers, the police officers, the doctors, and spokespeople of our society. We needed them to function.\n\nIt was almost time now. 10 seconds. I watched as it ticked down, closed my eyes, and then heard my fathers voice, for the first time directed to me.\n\n\"Son...\" he said, voice almost breaking.\n\n\"Dad?\" I asked, opening my eyes to look at my parents.\n\n\"I've watched you grow, almost as if I were behind a glass wall,\" he told me, \"Now that the wall has been lifted, I can finally make up for all those missed years.\"\n\nI got up and went over to give him and my mom a hug. We sat there like that for a while, not saying anything. But for the first time in all my life, it was because we didn't have to.",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] It is illegal for people under 18 to talk to people over 21, or vice versa. In between, there is a 3 year period of your life in which you can talk to anybody you want.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "He always watched over me. Sometimes, I would catch a smile or a tender glance my way, but most times, he kept a stern face. I didn't really know what to make of it. Our car rides to school were voids of silence, our dinners at home were like two soldiers staring across the DMZ. I had started bringing my food to my room, but whenever I peeked out, he was there at the table eating alone.\n\nI had heard from my friends at school. That man came from a foreign land and could neither read nor write in our language. Rumors claimed he could at least speak it, but I had never heard any recognizable sound from him.\n\nThe silence stayed with us past my sixteenth birthday where, despite us barely being able to afford rent, he had bought an ice cream cake for me and my friends. It smothered us when on my seventeeth birthday my boyfriend had broken up with me because he had finally gotten what he wanted. The man could only yell indistinguishably and pound his fists against the drywall. \n\nHe had looked at me with misty eyes and opened his mouth. My heart had fluttered. *This was it*, I had thought, *he would speak.* But I had been mistaken. He had closed his eyes and resumed punching knuckle-shaped dents into our walls as tears spilled down his chin.\n\nNow, I was getting ready to leave for college with money this man had somehow scraped together. I couldn't imagine how many missed meals that had cost him. And that was all I could do, imagine.\n\n\"Goodbye,\" I told him the morning of my eighteenth birthday, my bags already packed. Tonight, I would begin anew in a state far away. Whether I'd ever see this man again, I didn't know, but it didn't matter. After all, we hadn't exchanged a single word in the eighteen years we've lived together.\n\n\"Sarah.\"\n\nI stopped, my breath caught in my throat. The word came deep and throaty with an accent I did not recognize, but I at least recognized the name. It was the one he had once given me.\n\n\"Sarah.\" The man choked on the word.\n\nI looked back to see him crying, fat cartoon tears dripping off his chin as he struggled to even breathe.\n\n\"Sarah!\" he screamed and fell to his knees, his hands clamped over his face.\n\nMy entire body trembled. My fingertips tingled. Tears swelled behind my eyes and at last, I could stare no longer. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck as my tears finally escaped me.\n\n\"Daddy.\"\n\n---\n\n---\n\n/r/jraywang for more stories.\n\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
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2017-05-24T22:31:19 | 2017-05-24T21:29:43 | 1,753 | 284 | [
{
"content": "[WP]You keep getting kidnapped by the biggest Supervillain on the planet. The Superheroes of the world think it's because you're important, however, it's really because the Villain really likes talking to you. You know this but you can't tell anyone because if you do people will get hurt worse.\n\nYou can take this story in one of two ways; 1) The Superheroes are talking to you about this series of kidnappings and trying to figure out what is actually going on or 2) This is the day when you selfishly try to get out of this situation as cleanly as possible.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Johnny's mom had always told him not to talk to strangers. However, she made no mention of what he should do if a Super Villain burst through the roof of his elementary school, threw him over his shoulders, and took him for a joy ride over the skyscrapers of New York. So all Johnny could do was to cry. After all, this was already the 4th time this had happened.\n\nThe roar of wind stopped and Johnny opened his eyes to find himself in a damp darkness. Water dripped onto the ground from, echoing throughout the building. It looked like an abandoned factory. Johnny sneezed.\n\n\"Hey,\" came the voice of The Pyro Lunatic. Though it wasn't the high-pitched and crazed screeching he had heard from television screens. It came deep and soft. \"Put this on, you'll get a cold.\"\n\nA blanket draped over Johnny's shoulders and The Pyro Lunatic clinched Johnny's nose between some tissues. It always ended up like this. The Pyro Lunatic would crash through the building of wherever Johnny was with crazed laughter, setting afire to everything around him. But in the privacy of whatever hideout he took Johnny to, his voice, his demeanor, even his face would change. No longer would he have his signature wide-mouthed and forced smile. He looked almost normal.\n\n\"How was your day?\" The Pyro Lunatic asked.\n\nJohnny sniffled. \"Good.\"\n\n\"Oh, you're still cold. Give me a second.\" A small fire sprouted between them. \"Is that better?\"\n\nJohnny nodded. He wondered how long it would take this time for the heroes to barge in here, kick some pyro butt and save him.\n\n\"How's school going? Are you doing well?\"\n\nAnother nod.\n\n\"And Cindy? Is she doing well?\"\n\nThat was Johnny's mom. He nodded.\n\nThe Pyro Lunatic returned him a small chuckle. \"That's good to hear.\" His voice faded.\n\nOnly the crackling of the flame sounded between them and the occasional echo of water dripping into water. Through the dancing fire, Johnny could see The Pyro Lunatic's eyes staring, his lips pressed together as he tried thinking of more questions to ask.\n\n\"Mr. Pyro Lunatic?\" Johnny said.\n\nThe Pyro Lunatic eyes widened. This was the first time Johnny had voluntarily talked to him.\n\n\"Why do you keep kidnapping me? Am I special?\" Johnny asked.\n\n\"Of course you are, John. Why? Did someone tell you that you aren't?\"\n\nJohnny shook his head and said, \"I mean like, do I have super powers like Righteous Man and you?\"\n\n\"No!\" The Pyro Lunatic snapped.\n\nJohnny jumped and scooted back. The Pyro Manic's face flushed red and he glanced at the ground.\n\n\"Sorry,\" he said, his voice soft again. His eyes swelled with tears. \"No, Johnny, you're completely normal. You don't have to worry about heroes or villains or any of that. You can live a completely normal life.\"\n\n\"So why do you keep kidnapping me?\"\n\n\"Because...\" The Pyro Lunatic's mouth moved but no words came out. He gave up with a sigh and instead asked, \"are you getting along with Cindy?\"\n\nJohnny nodded. \"Yeah, she has a new boyfriend now. He gives me candy when he comes over.\"\n\nThe fire between them dimmed.\n\n\"A new boyfriend?\" A sad smile spread across The Pyro Lunatic's mouth. He gave Johnny a slight nod. \"That's good. Does she... does she ever talk about her last boyfriend? You know... your dad?\"\n\n\"She said he was a no-good crazy person and I shouldn't talk to him if I see him.\"\n\nThe Pyro Lunatic coughed out a laugh and wiped his eyes. Now, he was the one sniffling. \"She's right,\" he said, \"Cindy's a smart woman and you should always listen to your mother. Don't worry John, the heroes should arrive any minute now, they'll take you back home safe and sound.\"\n\n---\n\n---\n\n/r/jraywang for 2+ stories a day, continuations by popular demand, and more!\n\n\n ",
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP]You keep getting kidnapped by the biggest Supervillain on the planet. The Superheroes of the world think it's because you're important, however, it's really because the Villain really likes talking to you. You know this but you can't tell anyone because if you do people will get hurt worse.\n\nYou can take this story in one of two ways; 1) The Superheroes are talking to you about this series of kidnappings and trying to figure out what is actually going on or 2) This is the day when you selfishly try to get out of this situation as cleanly as possible.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I don't even know where I should start this story. I guess I could start with my birth, but I feel that's a tad irrelevant. I suppose that it'd be best to start with the day I met Mr. Brain Storm. \n\nI was only 16 or 17 at the time, and being so young, I wasn't really in the habit of knowing one villain from the next. It never really mattered, because I lived in a small town in the goonies. Don't let me cause you to think I didn't care about stuff like that, I mean my uncle's brother-in-law died when The Hundred Son's attacked New York, but I just didn't keep up with all of the bad guys and good guys.\n\nAnyway, one day I was skipping school, because most kids were out at our basketball semifinal game, and I didn't like school much anyways. So I was walking through the middle of the town when I walked into the diner to have a bite to eat. I ordered what I always get, a pulled pork sandwich and a soda to drink. \n\nSo I was just sitting there eating, and this real funny looking guy, like a guy you'd see in the old horror movies who was supposed to be a nerd, walked into the restaurant. He walked right up and tapped me on the shoulder.\n\n\"Uh, 'scuse me,\" he said, \"Where is the chemical decommissioning facility?\"\n\n\"Do you mean the depot?\"\n\n\"Yeah.\"\n\nI didn't know who the hell wouldn't know where the depot was, but I obliged the poor guy. He looked like a dork, and those guys are usually pretty lonely. I'm kind of a dork myself, but not really. I still felt like I'd show him how to get there.\n\n\"I'm bad with directions, so let me just walk you there. It's not far.\"\n\nAnd I showed him how to get there. That was when Brain Storm, just Harold at the time, tried to launch a chemical attack on Atlanta. I had to explain everything to all of those damn heroes. They really wanted me to get in trouble and all, on account of Harold being a known villain. Don't get me wrong, I respect what they do and all, but they were all pains. Even though Harold, Mr. Brain Storm, tried to kill people, he's never a huge jerk. I hate jerks most of all. I mean all those heroes act like they're Jesus Christ or something. \n\nSo every now and then, Harold will kidnap me. I mean actual kidnapping, but I don't really mind. Usually, if I can, I try to talk to him until all of those heroes get there.\n\nJust last time, around a month ago, the reason I'm here and all, we chatted about my college classes. He really knows his stuff, Harold. He was giving me advice on how to deal with a few professors who are real jerks.\n\n\"I can give you a device that will regress their minds to that of a child,\" Harold said.\n\nI had to tell him why they weren't all that bad, and that I'd rather just pass the class. I had to sit there and talk to him until that cowboy bastard showed up and kicked his ass and hauled him off.\n\nThat's what most people don't get though. Harold, and the other guys I've met that people would call bad guys, they're all people like you and me. I mean, of course, the stuff they do is over the top, but if you just talk to them, you'll see they just need some talking to. Those heroes always run in and belt someone in the jaw and then act like God, for god's sake. \n\nSo every time I get \"saved\" I have to kiss their damn asses for doing such a heroic deed, when really it was just someone talking to Harold that saved the day. They feel like I've got some powers I'm repressing since I'm always getting taken, and I just let them think that. If they knew there was nothing special about me there's no telling what they'd do. \n\nAnd who knows? Maybe being able to treat other people like human beings is a power, in its own way. I don't know",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2017-08-28T00:15:26 | 2017-08-27T21:38:39 | 111 | 72 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You never kill the spiders in your home, you just whisper \"today you, tomorrow me\" when you set them outside. Now, in your most dire moment, an army of spiders arrives to have your back.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It started as a small shadow on the ground that glistened and shimmered as it moved. Quickly it swelled, swirled.. pulsed. I was transfixed on the movement.\n\n\nMy shoulder had taken the brunt of the fall but my head had hit the ground with a loud crack. I was too dazed to move... all I could do was watch. The scene played out in slow motion. I tried to concentrate.. fighting against the hazy molasses of what was certainly a concussion.\n\n\nThey quickly grew in number—the shadow growing as more and more spiders poured into the alley. I heard the man with the baseball bat cry out in surprise. It was a horrible scream. The scream shook in the night air. A long, high-pitched howl that quickly turned to gurgle and then suddenly cut short by... something. \n\n\nI could feel them now. Crawling on me. Crawling around me. Under me. I was too weak to put up any sort of fight. Soon I was floating on the rippling, swelling mass of spiders. My head was throbbing but somehow I could hear a voice. Or was I feeling it? The same phrase, over and over. Words that scratched at the inside of my head. A voice that somehow wrapped around me and held me safely, like a close hug. Warm words that lapped over me like tiny waves.\n\n\nIt was a familiar voice, tinged with gratitude. And it was now repaying the debt. The voice repeated back to me what I had told it many times before, as I had held it softly, gently escorting it out of my house, to the hydrangea bush in the backyard. It was the last thing I heard before I lost consciousness.\n\n\n*today you... tomorrow me...*",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] You never kill the spiders in your home, you just whisper \"today you, tomorrow me\" when you set them outside. Now, in your most dire moment, an army of spiders arrives to have your back.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Well, it wasn't easy getting to like them. But it's a tangled web we weave.\n\nBack in the day I used to put spiders outside instead of killing them. It was a habit I got used to. I guess as I got older I also turned into more a pacifist... maybe trying to make up for all the nasty things I had done in my youth. I would mumble a little prayer and toss the little bastards off into the night. My castle seemed to be littered with them. Felt like a magnet for the eight-legged. Maybe it was all the torches outside, attracting all sorts of bugs and the like. \n\nI don't know.\n\nAll I know is today I heard a crier bell swinging loudly in the early morning. There was talks of a large squadron of Barbarians coming through the foothills, plundering all along the way. I gathered my few men, what several I had, and had them armored. I was to go out with them at Dawn. We started our crusade down to meet them. But as the sun began to rise I noticed a strange blackness still enveloping the countryside. It seemed to almost shudder and breathe. Then at once I saw the Barbarian horde on the distance. They were quick approaching, bearing steel with clenched teeth. All of a sudden, the blackness of the countryside moved with frightening speed, followed by hundreds of thousands of spiders through the castle behind me, and within a minute there were bloodcurdling screams of girlish terror sung into the early morn. The barbarians flee'd as quickly as they had advanced, dropping all weapons and belongings in their stead. I shuddered at the thought, but then remembered my old prayer...\n\n\"Today you, Tomorrow me.\"\n\nTangled wed indeed!",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2017-08-31T09:25:49 | 2017-08-31T08:12:15 | 2,248 | 962 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar. Neither is aware of the other's occupation. They talk about \"how to take the perfect shot\".",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"I use a tripod a lot.\"\n \n\"Bipod works, too.\" \n \n\"Huh, never thought of that. Steady is important. Don't want to ruin a good shot.\" \n \n\"Yeah, that's the worst. When your subject moves unexpectedly just before you take it.\" \n \n\"Wildlife?\" \n \n\"Sometimes, but mostly people.\" \n \n\"Yeah, me too.\" \n \n\"There's a lot of similarities though. Blending in, so they are not even aware that you are there.\" \n \n\"Yes, that's a whole skill in itself. And you know it when it happens, when you get that perfectly executed shot. You know it in that instant.\" \n \n\"Yes. So satisfying.\" \n \n\"I love what I do. It's like you capture a life in that one moment. Freeze it. That light of a person, caught in a bottle, their essence frozen irrevocably. Whatever look they had on their face, whatever thought was going through their mind, stopped in that one instant for all eternity.\" \n \n\"I feel you. I know that not everyone thinks much of my job. Maybe it's not world-changing. But day after day, subject by subject, I think eventually I must be making a difference. Someday it will be noticed. \" \n \n\"You're right. I think we're both right. So many people need our work.\" \n \n\"I've taken so many...\" \n \n\"OK, gotta get to a gig. Beer's on me this time!\" \n \n\"Aw, thank you, man!\" \n \n\"No worries, had a couple big jobs lately, doing well. Heading over to do a wedding right now.\" \n \n\"What a coincidence, me too!\" \n \n\"Ha, wouldn't that be a riot if we were booked for the same one!\" \n \n\"Yes, it sure would...\" \n ",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar. Neither is aware of the other's occupation. They talk about \"how to take the perfect shot\".",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "She'd told me she'd shot a few people. \n\nI'd laughed. \n\nI shouldn't have laughed. But... but there's 14 trillion photos due to be taken this year, on average little Jimmy, little average Jimmy, will take 3 and a half thousand shots this year... on his own. \n\nEveryone thinks they're a fucking photographer and it's killing the industry. \n\nI shouldn't have laughed. Especially as I'd asked. But I did, and I told her that it didn't sound like that rough a day. \n\nA couple of shots didn't sound too bad. \n\nShe didn't really react. I mean that was weird. That should have been enough for me to figure something was up. It wasn't.\n\nShe ordered me a drink, shared me some professional-courtesy-world-weary-look that just pissed me off more. \n\nShe'd ordered us drinks though, that was kind of hot. I started on the full force struggles of the artform diatribe I'd used on and off since college with different photochicks. The whole chasing that \"perfect shot\" tale of woe. \n\nShe just nodded. Staring balefully into her drink. \n\nWe talked about life through a lense. I really thought I'd got her, maybe even she'd got me. There was a connection, she had an angle on things I'd never considered. What is the cost of the shots we take?\n\nI really should have figured something was up then; smart, hot, artistically intriguing, working in the same field in the same city and giving me the time of day, I don't know why I didn't see it until she left, telling me she had some Ukrainian Drug lord to get a headshot of before midnight. We laughed over lighting jokes, she had a nightvision \"scope\". \n\nShe wouldn't give me her number, that's when it clicked. Gay. \n\nBloody lesbian photographers. Ruining the industry. \n\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2017-08-31T09:25:49 | 2017-08-31T07:55:09 | 2,248 | 41 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar. Neither is aware of the other's occupation. They talk about \"how to take the perfect shot\".",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"I use a tripod a lot.\"\n \n\"Bipod works, too.\" \n \n\"Huh, never thought of that. Steady is important. Don't want to ruin a good shot.\" \n \n\"Yeah, that's the worst. When your subject moves unexpectedly just before you take it.\" \n \n\"Wildlife?\" \n \n\"Sometimes, but mostly people.\" \n \n\"Yeah, me too.\" \n \n\"There's a lot of similarities though. Blending in, so they are not even aware that you are there.\" \n \n\"Yes, that's a whole skill in itself. And you know it when it happens, when you get that perfectly executed shot. You know it in that instant.\" \n \n\"Yes. So satisfying.\" \n \n\"I love what I do. It's like you capture a life in that one moment. Freeze it. That light of a person, caught in a bottle, their essence frozen irrevocably. Whatever look they had on their face, whatever thought was going through their mind, stopped in that one instant for all eternity.\" \n \n\"I feel you. I know that not everyone thinks much of my job. Maybe it's not world-changing. But day after day, subject by subject, I think eventually I must be making a difference. Someday it will be noticed. \" \n \n\"You're right. I think we're both right. So many people need our work.\" \n \n\"I've taken so many...\" \n \n\"OK, gotta get to a gig. Beer's on me this time!\" \n \n\"Aw, thank you, man!\" \n \n\"No worries, had a couple big jobs lately, doing well. Heading over to do a wedding right now.\" \n \n\"What a coincidence, me too!\" \n \n\"Ha, wouldn't that be a riot if we were booked for the same one!\" \n \n\"Yes, it sure would...\" \n ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar. Neither is aware of the other's occupation. They talk about \"how to take the perfect shot\".",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The woman sighed as she put the glass down on the worn wood of the bar counter. \"Again, Jean?\" she asked with a smile. \n\nThe ancient bartender winked as he obliged, filling her glass with the amber liquid. \"Long day?\" he asked, his cloudy blue eyes sympathetic. \n\n\"Very,\" she answered with a nod. \"I had the perfect shot lined up - sun was just right, the subject positioned just perfect. I took it, but the client shorted me our agreed upon amount.\" \n\nThe man took a seat beside the woman, nodding hello to the bartender. \"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhear... You shoot too?\" he asked her. \n\nHer green eyes flicked to the man, sizing him up. \"I... Do, yes.\" \n\n\"It's so rare to find people who have such a true passion for it,\" the man said after ordering a whiskey from Jean. \"Do you have a preferred subject? Or will you shoot anything?\" he asked. \n\nShe gave him a quizzical look, downing the last of her drink. \"If the pay is good, I'll shoot anything.\" \n\nHe laughed and nodded. \"Fair enough. We need to make a living, after all,\" he said. \"How do *you* take the perfect shot? Practice as I might, I feel I can always be better.\" \n\nShe considered him a moment, impressed by his dedication. \"I have to be in the perfect position. The sun low, behind me. Of course I have to take the weather into account, position of the subject, trajectory. You know.\" \n\n\"Huh... Trajectory. I'll have to keep that in mind for next time,\" he said. He was silent a moment, trying not to stare. He'd love to shoot her. \"I don't suppose I could... Have your number?\" he asked hopefully. \n\nShe looked at him and stood, tossing some bills down on the counter for Jean. \"Sorry, handsome, but I'm trying to focus on my career for now.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2017-08-31T08:12:15 | 2017-08-31T07:55:09 | 962 | 41 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar. Neither is aware of the other's occupation. They talk about \"how to take the perfect shot\".",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "She'd told me she'd shot a few people. \n\nI'd laughed. \n\nI shouldn't have laughed. But... but there's 14 trillion photos due to be taken this year, on average little Jimmy, little average Jimmy, will take 3 and a half thousand shots this year... on his own. \n\nEveryone thinks they're a fucking photographer and it's killing the industry. \n\nI shouldn't have laughed. Especially as I'd asked. But I did, and I told her that it didn't sound like that rough a day. \n\nA couple of shots didn't sound too bad. \n\nShe didn't really react. I mean that was weird. That should have been enough for me to figure something was up. It wasn't.\n\nShe ordered me a drink, shared me some professional-courtesy-world-weary-look that just pissed me off more. \n\nShe'd ordered us drinks though, that was kind of hot. I started on the full force struggles of the artform diatribe I'd used on and off since college with different photochicks. The whole chasing that \"perfect shot\" tale of woe. \n\nShe just nodded. Staring balefully into her drink. \n\nWe talked about life through a lense. I really thought I'd got her, maybe even she'd got me. There was a connection, she had an angle on things I'd never considered. What is the cost of the shots we take?\n\nI really should have figured something was up then; smart, hot, artistically intriguing, working in the same field in the same city and giving me the time of day, I don't know why I didn't see it until she left, telling me she had some Ukrainian Drug lord to get a headshot of before midnight. We laughed over lighting jokes, she had a nightvision \"scope\". \n\nShe wouldn't give me her number, that's when it clicked. Gay. \n\nBloody lesbian photographers. Ruining the industry. \n\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar. Neither is aware of the other's occupation. They talk about \"how to take the perfect shot\".",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The woman sighed as she put the glass down on the worn wood of the bar counter. \"Again, Jean?\" she asked with a smile. \n\nThe ancient bartender winked as he obliged, filling her glass with the amber liquid. \"Long day?\" he asked, his cloudy blue eyes sympathetic. \n\n\"Very,\" she answered with a nod. \"I had the perfect shot lined up - sun was just right, the subject positioned just perfect. I took it, but the client shorted me our agreed upon amount.\" \n\nThe man took a seat beside the woman, nodding hello to the bartender. \"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhear... You shoot too?\" he asked her. \n\nHer green eyes flicked to the man, sizing him up. \"I... Do, yes.\" \n\n\"It's so rare to find people who have such a true passion for it,\" the man said after ordering a whiskey from Jean. \"Do you have a preferred subject? Or will you shoot anything?\" he asked. \n\nShe gave him a quizzical look, downing the last of her drink. \"If the pay is good, I'll shoot anything.\" \n\nHe laughed and nodded. \"Fair enough. We need to make a living, after all,\" he said. \"How do *you* take the perfect shot? Practice as I might, I feel I can always be better.\" \n\nShe considered him a moment, impressed by his dedication. \"I have to be in the perfect position. The sun low, behind me. Of course I have to take the weather into account, position of the subject, trajectory. You know.\" \n\n\"Huh... Trajectory. I'll have to keep that in mind for next time,\" he said. He was silent a moment, trying not to stare. He'd love to shoot her. \"I don't suppose I could... Have your number?\" he asked hopefully. \n\nShe looked at him and stood, tossing some bills down on the counter for Jean. \"Sorry, handsome, but I'm trying to focus on my career for now.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2018-02-05T06:44:34 | 2018-02-05T06:41:53 | 1,306 | 114 | [
{
"content": "[WP] \"You... you, did all of this... for a pun?\"",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I decided, today was the day I was going to fulfill my destiny.\n\nI began sorting out all my belongings , anything I could find to sell to fund my odd fetish. Old books, photos, electronics, anything I could lay my hands on. \n\nI carried my sack of items to every trader in town, any shop who was willing to change my items for some money. Eventually, I managed to get $500. Not too bad.\n\nI walked towards the neighborhood whorehouse, and picked myself a pretty one. She asked if I had any requests, and of course I did. “Put on this habit please, and wear this cross.” \n\nShe obliged. I started tying her up and the rest is history. \n\nMy housemate called me the next day and asked me why my room was empty. I explained everything that happened. \n\n“But why, Jack?” he asked, clearly shocked.\n\n“Because you know me, I’m the Jack of all trades, Master of nun.” ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] \"You... you, did all of this... for a pun?\"",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Oh dear, you are making food tonight?\" Ino asked as she arrived home from work.\n\n\"Yes, today is a special occasion,\" Thomas responded with a grin.\n\n\"Oh? What is it?\" Ino wondered, she walked behind Thomas and put her hands around him, kissing his ears.\n\n\"I have something to tell you. You'll find out soon, I am almost done,\" Thomas said, not revealing what was inside the pot, under the lid.\n\n\"I will look forward to it,\" Ino said as she blinked and left to change clothes.\n\nSoon she came back and took a seat at the table. Thomas came back and opened a wine bottle, poured some wine into her glass and then revealed pasta under the lid.\n\n\"Oh? Pasta? Surprisingly simple after all the hype,\" she said with a surprise, head a bit cocked.\n\n\"Ino. Your father always loved my pasta. He pasta way.\"\n\nThe silence took the room.\n\n\"You... you, did all of this... for a pun?\"\n\n----\n\n/r/ElvenWrites You can't pasta opportunity!",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2018-04-01T21:53:10 | 2018-04-01T20:03:34 | 63 | 14 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Write about a world where whenever somebody writes on their skin, it appears on their soulmate's body as well.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It took a damn long time for my ink to show. As kids, none of us could really make out any writing that showed up on our bodies. But then, most everyone's was at least somewhat legible by the time they were a teen, and almost always completely clear by the time they were 18 or 19. Throughout high school and college I watched my friends use their writing to find their soulmates as soon as they could make out the messages their alleged soulmates were sending. By the time I could read mine though, I was already in my mid twenties, and over the excitement of it all. The messages that would appear on my arms and hands were usually questions about me, doodles, or suggestions to meet up. I ignored them all, and went on with my life. \n\nAfter a year or so, I met Roy. He hated the idea of finding a soulmate though the strange and foreign messages on his body just as much as I did, so we stuck together in our rebelliousness. Weeks went by, and the messages we got from our \"soulmates\" came less and less. They faded, as the months Roy and I spent together went on. Eventually, they stopped altogether. Not once, in all those years we spent together did we ever wonder what happened to the ones who sent the messages. All we needed was each other. Today though, as we send out our wedding invitations, Roy is staring at me, with happy tears in his eyes. His hand is held towards me, with a simple phone number written down in the middle of his palm. The same number, in the same marker, in the same handwriting that I just wrote down on my own palm. \n\nI was never told to love Roy. It wasn't fate that brought us together. We did that on our own. We trusted our love, and in doing so, became soulmates. ",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Write about a world where whenever somebody writes on their skin, it appears on their soulmate's body as well.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can't believe it. On her right forearm is the same tattoo that I have. It's the symbol for fire, not from Avatar. She must've grown tired of hearing that question asked as well. She has the same shoulder scar from my surgery. She must have so many questions. I fell out of a truck, I burned my forearm at the grill at Mcdonald's, don't ask any other questions. I had a strange obsession with cutting, luckily it never got bad. I wanted scars and now I have too many to count. You must have so many questions. I'm sorry, I've been lonely and the solipsism has set in so bad that I'd do anything to get you to talk to me about anything, I like books. Let's talk fantasy or Stephen King. \n\nI approach the woman she's looking at the nutrition facts on a carton of eggs. I turn towards her and make sure my forearm faces her. Don't be weird, be cool, make her laugh. \"Hi.\" I say.\n\nShe looks at me up and down, obviously uncomfortable and looking down at me at the same time. \"Can I help you?\"\n\nI should have did myself up more, like cologne and stuff. \"You got my tattoo, that means...\"\n\nShe cuts me off. \"...I've had this happen a few times. I'm married and I got the tattoo after I watched Avatar.\"\n\nA punch to my gut. Air gone. \"I'm sorry. My mistake. Sorry to bother you.\"\n\nA man walks up behind her and puts his arm around her. They talk, but I don't stay to see anymore. I need to get away. It's not fair, but it's not her fault. I just need to be stronger about my heart, not be like Jim Carrey from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. Nevermind, I'll try another time. It doesn't change the fact that my heart hurts. I'm sorry, I'm just lonely. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2018-04-25T05:48:47 | 2018-04-25T05:35:01 | 888 | 115 | [
{
"content": "[WP] After grazing your child's cut knee one afternoon, you discover you have the power to heal others simply by touching them. You use your new gift to rid a plethora of illnesses and wounds in your community. One day, you exhaust your powers and see a familiar cut form on your knee....\n\n\n\n",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"We, the jury, find the defendant not guilty on all counts,\" said the portly man I knew we had all along. Beads of sweat had formed along his neckline, his whole body sighing as he read. I'm sure he was a good enough man--hell if he was hurting, I'd likely have helped him--but McDaniels had his ways of making money find pockets. And he had plenty of money for a jury of twelve. \n\nThe judge frowned as he brought down the gavel. \n\n\"I don't know if you know this,\" McDaniels said beside me, his pointy little face screwed up in a sneer. \"But we won. C'mon, no reason to look like dogshit. You've made yourself a powerful friend.\" \n\n\"I'm fine,\" I lied. \"I'm happy for you.\" What was I to say, after all? That I was a waterlogged sponge ready to be wrung out? That, just now, I had a malignant mix of five different cancers, a dash of HIV, Crohn's Disease, untold cases of stomach flu, and who knows what else swirling deep in my gut? No, I suppose saying that out loud might raise a few eyebrows. \n\nHe slapped me on the back, hard, and swiveled to admire all the shocked faces in the crowd. Across the room, Rebecca the prosecutor shot me a look that could probably kill faster than anything I'd contracted. *Say goodbye to our tradition of post-verdict drinks*. \n\nShe'd taken this McDaniels case too personally. Hard not to with a child-killer and you're a mother of five, I suppose. We'd been close friends ever since I healed her eldest after his tires spun on I64 and he veered into oncoming highway traffic. The boy'd been plugged to so many machines the hospital staff nearly ran out of room. She'd been red-eyed and splotchy by his bedside, but when I arrived her eyes shone with hope. \n\n\"I didn't know who else to call,\" she'd croaked. \"I didn't know what else to do.\"\n\nShe was embarrassed. \n\nBack then, the word hadn't quite gotten around as to my legitimacy. I was still a wacky lawyer, part-time *witch doctor*. She'd made sure all the nurses were out of the room, that no one was the wiser. \"It's fine,\" I said, laying a hand on her dying boy. \"Everything's fine now.\"\n\nI thought back to my own son's scraped knee, where it all began. All it took as a little willpower--the true and bonifide *want* to make things better. Rebecca's boy was already regaining his color under all those fluorescents. \n\nI'd pay for that one soon enough. \n\nWhen the symptoms of my first \"patients\" began to resurface, I'm ashamed to say I panicked. My knee blossomed into a red rasberry, and soonafter three of my toes broke. I fell to the bathroom tile in sudden pain. *What the hell?* I'd thought, and then I remembered my son and his scooter and that goddamned oak tree with roots that poked through the sidewalk. The memory rang clear as a damned bell. My heart practically melted.\n\nThe first thing to run through my mind had been--if *this*...then, what next?\n\nThen, I thought: *Freddie!*\n\nI'd stumbled towards my boy's room, swallowing down the pain. But, no, his injury had not resurfaced on his own body. It was my own to bear now. \n\nAmong all the others. \n\nRebecca turned in a huff, ignoring the hand I'd lifted as if to say *I can explain*. McDaniels nudged me with his elbow as he admired the view of Rebecca's backside. \"Cost you your piece, huh? Don't worry, I'll make it worth your while.\"\n\nI sighed and gave him a half-hearted smile. \"C'mon,\" I said. \"Time to go.\"\n\nWe shuffled our way towards the double doors of the courthouse. Towards McDaniels's freedom. We were greeted by the flashing of a thousand bulbs. Questions hurled our way--a cacophony of inquisition. In that moment, I felt they were questioning my humanity. *Could you really fight to let such a man go?* *How could you let this be?*\n\nBut really, you see, McDaniels wasn't free at all. \n\nBack that night, standing above my little boy with my heart beating in my ears and my knee throbbing in pain, I'd discovered something more. My mind full of panic, I'd pulled up his Cars bedspread and did something awful. I put a hand on his knee and thought, *Give it back.* \n\nFor several moments, nothing happened. \n\nThen his eyes jolted wide and he shrieked. \n\n\"Oh god!\" I said, wiping away his tears. His sheets smeared here and there with a swipe of crimson. \"Oh shit, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!\" \n\nIt wasn't until we'd both calmed down that I realized what I had done. \n\nI was a waterlogged sponge, full of pain, full of suffering, and I had the power to dole it all back out. \n\nMcDaniels waved to the crowd of cameramen as a black transport pulled up to tote him to freedom. \"It's been a pleasure,\" he said, smug as all get out. I gripped his hand and squeezed it hard.\n\nEvery ounce of suffering poured out of my body. \n\nFor a moment, his smile faltered. I let go of his hand and it dropped to his side. \n\n\"No,\" I said. \"Believe me, the pleasure's been all mine.\"\n\nHe turned, a look of confusion writ plainly on his face. The cameras continued to flash, and he blinked at their light. I watched with a deep sense of satisfaction as his shaky hands went to his stomach. *Yep, that'd be the stomach ulcers you asswipe...or wait, maybe the cancer*.\n\nAn attendant rushed to grab him as he stumbled towards the vehicle. \"I've got it,\" McDaniels snapped \n\nAnd that's when it dawned on me: I was a sort of Robin Hood, taking pain and sickness from the meek and giving it to those who most deserved it. \n\nI was Karma incarnated. \n\nAnd luckily for me, the world was full of ammunition. \n\n\n-------------\nr/M0Zark\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] After grazing your child's cut knee one afternoon, you discover you have the power to heal others simply by touching them. You use your new gift to rid a plethora of illnesses and wounds in your community. One day, you exhaust your powers and see a familiar cut form on your knee....\n\n\n\n",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "(Changed the knee cut to a forehead cut)\n***\n\nI cut my forehead as a child. A deep gash that bled into my eyes. I must’ve been very small, but I still remember the sticky warmth between my eyelids. My grandmother was old even then, but this was before she started having those episodes of mania. Her wrinkly hands held me still – she was stronger than her frail frame suggested. She spoke words I didn’t understand – I always assumed it was Finnish or some dialect of Sami because she’d lived all her life up there in the north of Sweden, in the untamed wilderness near the border.\n\nIt started small. A kitchen knife cut that closed up when I put my hand on it. I did find it weird but didn’t make a fuss about it. I was a child and didn’t know better. \n\nI guess it was only natural that I got a summer job as an assistant nurse in my early teens. I was good, suspiciously so, and I quickly learned to only heal when people weren’t paying attention and before a doctor wrote up the injuries of a patient. Naturally, my choice of career was easy. I worked as an EMT right out of college. My volunteering and good reputation gave me an in even though my grades at med-school weren't amazing. \n\nAs an EMT you see a lot of gruesome things, and even though I loved to help people, I couldn’t take it. And at the age of twenty-three, I had a massive breakdown and quit my job. It was the same summer my grandmother died in the hospital and the gash in my forehead returned. At first, it was just the scar getting red and irritated, but then it started bleeding pus.\n\nI kept drying it and cleaning it. I even tried to heal it without any effect. That was one year ago.\n\n***\n\nIt blinked. Once. Twice. The sore skin on my forehead stretched, accommodating the strange sensation of contracting muscles. \n\n\nA shudder rolled through me. My hand reflexively shot up, touching the new eyelid. It stuck to my fingertips, viscous goo seeping out. \n\nIt was much larger than my other eyes too. A sickly yellow eyeball twitching this way and that, seemingly with a mind of its own. That’s when the realization finally hit me, and I toppled to the bathroom floor hurling into the toilet. \n\nTears blurred my eyes. It had to be the poor lighting of the bathroom. \n\nCrawling across the hard tiles, I made it out into the hallway. It moved in my forehead again. This couldn’t be happening to me.\n\nPlagued by delusions and nightmares, my grandmother had spent the last days of her life in a mental hospital. I had always pitied her. She’d been a kind woman, but she’d been a danger to herself and everyone else. At least, that’s what the doctors had said.\n\nAnything but her fate. \n\nI took a deep breath and ran toward the window. The streetlights twelve floors below glittered like a pearly necklace studded with rubies and emeralds. The strange eye in my forehead strained.\n\nI saw myself crashing through the window, glass splinters filling the air. My nightgown fluttered around my bare legs, and my platinum blonde locks flapped around my head. The nauseating crunch of bones snapping against the concrete ripped into my eardrums. A man in a white rubber suit bent over my lifeless face, slowly carving the third eye out of my forehead with a scalpel. One by one, I saw the doors of my friends and family smash to splinters, and men in rubber masks gunning them down.\n\nI took a deep breath and stopped myself mid-step. The window of my apartment reflected the streets below, unbroken. I felt the eye in my forehead close as I dragged myself over to the window, just to make sure that I’d just imagined it – to confirm that my body wasn’t mangled down on the street.\n\nFor the longest while I just sat there, slumped against the windowsill, trying to make sense of everything. Idly, my fingertips circled the contours of my new eye, feeling the strange folds moist of skin and the tiny new muscles. \n\n“You’re going to be fine,” a soft voice said from the kitchen.\n\nMy heart, which had slowed down the recent drumroll to a steady 4/4 beat, suddenly went into a full-blown heavy metal drum solo. I swallowed hard and inched toward the phone on the counter. Not only did I have a freaking third eye, someone had broken into my apartment.\n\n“Listen to me, closely,” the voice continued as I feverishly mistyped 112 over and over. “If you don’t want to end up like your grandmother, put that phone down.”\n\nA silky visage drifted out of the kitchen. It was a boy in his late teens, entirely see-through like a jellyfish. \n\n“What the hell…” I breathed as the phone slid out of my hand.\n\n“Not quite,” the boy said and leaned against the wall. “I’m Jonas.”\n\n“What the hell…”\n\n“You already said that. Don’t tell me you’ve already lost your wits.”\n\nI shook my head hard. “This can’t be real.”\n\n“Real?” The boy pulled out a translucent box of cigarettes and fished one out with his lips. “Reality is a matter of perspective. Now, are you going to hang that up before you get in trouble?”\n\nI quickly reached for the phone and turned it off. “Who are you?”\n\n“I already told you,” he said and rolled his eyes. “I’m Jonas. And you’re Katarina, by the way, if you’re wondering.”\n\n“I… I’m aware.” I stumbled over to the sink and washed the sick out of my mouth and then gulped down a full glass of water. “Am I going crazy?”\n\nThe boy blew a puff of barely visible smoke in my direction. “Everyone’s a little bit crazy, but you’re mostly fine.”\n\n\n“What… what do you want?” I mumbled.\n\n“You seriously don't remember me? I'm offended.”\n\n“Should I?”\n\n“Well, this is awkward...” he said and exhaled another puff of smoke. “I was your first.”\n\nMy normal eyes narrowed at that statement. \n\n“Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Kat!” A cheeky smile parted his lips. “The first one you saved.”\n\nI crossed my arms. “You're dead?”\n\n“Wouldn't be smoking these if I weren't. Anyway, are you ready to go?”\n\n“Go?”\n\n“To see the Shaman,” he said and shrugged.\n\n\n\n***\nMore at r/Lilwa_Dexel\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2018-04-25T05:48:47 | 2018-04-25T05:48:34 | 888 | 18 | [
{
"content": "[WP] After grazing your child's cut knee one afternoon, you discover you have the power to heal others simply by touching them. You use your new gift to rid a plethora of illnesses and wounds in your community. One day, you exhaust your powers and see a familiar cut form on your knee....\n\n\n\n",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"We, the jury, find the defendant not guilty on all counts,\" said the portly man I knew we had all along. Beads of sweat had formed along his neckline, his whole body sighing as he read. I'm sure he was a good enough man--hell if he was hurting, I'd likely have helped him--but McDaniels had his ways of making money find pockets. And he had plenty of money for a jury of twelve. \n\nThe judge frowned as he brought down the gavel. \n\n\"I don't know if you know this,\" McDaniels said beside me, his pointy little face screwed up in a sneer. \"But we won. C'mon, no reason to look like dogshit. You've made yourself a powerful friend.\" \n\n\"I'm fine,\" I lied. \"I'm happy for you.\" What was I to say, after all? That I was a waterlogged sponge ready to be wrung out? That, just now, I had a malignant mix of five different cancers, a dash of HIV, Crohn's Disease, untold cases of stomach flu, and who knows what else swirling deep in my gut? No, I suppose saying that out loud might raise a few eyebrows. \n\nHe slapped me on the back, hard, and swiveled to admire all the shocked faces in the crowd. Across the room, Rebecca the prosecutor shot me a look that could probably kill faster than anything I'd contracted. *Say goodbye to our tradition of post-verdict drinks*. \n\nShe'd taken this McDaniels case too personally. Hard not to with a child-killer and you're a mother of five, I suppose. We'd been close friends ever since I healed her eldest after his tires spun on I64 and he veered into oncoming highway traffic. The boy'd been plugged to so many machines the hospital staff nearly ran out of room. She'd been red-eyed and splotchy by his bedside, but when I arrived her eyes shone with hope. \n\n\"I didn't know who else to call,\" she'd croaked. \"I didn't know what else to do.\"\n\nShe was embarrassed. \n\nBack then, the word hadn't quite gotten around as to my legitimacy. I was still a wacky lawyer, part-time *witch doctor*. She'd made sure all the nurses were out of the room, that no one was the wiser. \"It's fine,\" I said, laying a hand on her dying boy. \"Everything's fine now.\"\n\nI thought back to my own son's scraped knee, where it all began. All it took as a little willpower--the true and bonifide *want* to make things better. Rebecca's boy was already regaining his color under all those fluorescents. \n\nI'd pay for that one soon enough. \n\nWhen the symptoms of my first \"patients\" began to resurface, I'm ashamed to say I panicked. My knee blossomed into a red rasberry, and soonafter three of my toes broke. I fell to the bathroom tile in sudden pain. *What the hell?* I'd thought, and then I remembered my son and his scooter and that goddamned oak tree with roots that poked through the sidewalk. The memory rang clear as a damned bell. My heart practically melted.\n\nThe first thing to run through my mind had been--if *this*...then, what next?\n\nThen, I thought: *Freddie!*\n\nI'd stumbled towards my boy's room, swallowing down the pain. But, no, his injury had not resurfaced on his own body. It was my own to bear now. \n\nAmong all the others. \n\nRebecca turned in a huff, ignoring the hand I'd lifted as if to say *I can explain*. McDaniels nudged me with his elbow as he admired the view of Rebecca's backside. \"Cost you your piece, huh? Don't worry, I'll make it worth your while.\"\n\nI sighed and gave him a half-hearted smile. \"C'mon,\" I said. \"Time to go.\"\n\nWe shuffled our way towards the double doors of the courthouse. Towards McDaniels's freedom. We were greeted by the flashing of a thousand bulbs. Questions hurled our way--a cacophony of inquisition. In that moment, I felt they were questioning my humanity. *Could you really fight to let such a man go?* *How could you let this be?*\n\nBut really, you see, McDaniels wasn't free at all. \n\nBack that night, standing above my little boy with my heart beating in my ears and my knee throbbing in pain, I'd discovered something more. My mind full of panic, I'd pulled up his Cars bedspread and did something awful. I put a hand on his knee and thought, *Give it back.* \n\nFor several moments, nothing happened. \n\nThen his eyes jolted wide and he shrieked. \n\n\"Oh god!\" I said, wiping away his tears. His sheets smeared here and there with a swipe of crimson. \"Oh shit, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!\" \n\nIt wasn't until we'd both calmed down that I realized what I had done. \n\nI was a waterlogged sponge, full of pain, full of suffering, and I had the power to dole it all back out. \n\nMcDaniels waved to the crowd of cameramen as a black transport pulled up to tote him to freedom. \"It's been a pleasure,\" he said, smug as all get out. I gripped his hand and squeezed it hard.\n\nEvery ounce of suffering poured out of my body. \n\nFor a moment, his smile faltered. I let go of his hand and it dropped to his side. \n\n\"No,\" I said. \"Believe me, the pleasure's been all mine.\"\n\nHe turned, a look of confusion writ plainly on his face. The cameras continued to flash, and he blinked at their light. I watched with a deep sense of satisfaction as his shaky hands went to his stomach. *Yep, that'd be the stomach ulcers you asswipe...or wait, maybe the cancer*.\n\nAn attendant rushed to grab him as he stumbled towards the vehicle. \"I've got it,\" McDaniels snapped \n\nAnd that's when it dawned on me: I was a sort of Robin Hood, taking pain and sickness from the meek and giving it to those who most deserved it. \n\nI was Karma incarnated. \n\nAnd luckily for me, the world was full of ammunition. \n\n\n-------------\nr/M0Zark\n\n\n",
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"content": "[WP] After grazing your child's cut knee one afternoon, you discover you have the power to heal others simply by touching them. You use your new gift to rid a plethora of illnesses and wounds in your community. One day, you exhaust your powers and see a familiar cut form on your knee....\n\n\n\n",
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"content": "## No Good Deed...\n\nIt doesn't hurt, the sliver of fresh pink, not at first. It appears on the unblemished skin of Richard's knee cap right before his eyes, stipling there at first, just some red dots, then a rivulet of blood, then the full cut, a specter from the past. \n\nRichard stares down at it with abject horror at its implications, the full portent of it's appearance striking home even as the mild burning of the wound comes unbidden. \n\nHe goes to the bathroom to wash the ghostly incision and put on some gauze, his mind racing in useless circles, like a terrified antelope with its leg tied to a deep stake. \n\n*What was the next one?* Richard thought hard about what the second ailment he had ever healed was, the second time he had ever used his new ability. He feared it would not be long until he found out.\n\nRichard arrived in the bathroom, grabbing a wad of toilet paper and wetting it with warm water, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror just in time to see the burn appear across his left cheek. Then he remembers the small girl at his son's school, *what was her name, Maria?*, but no matter. She had a mild burn across her cheek from playing with her mother's flattening iron. Richard's son was friends with the girl and Richard removed her burn at his son's insistence that he try, back when Richard was still uncertain his power was real.\n\nIt was real, and it worked, and now the burn was back, searing across Richard's right, stubbled cheek - an angry bright red streak of hot pain that brought with it an overwhelming pang of anxiety. \n\nRichard left the wadded paper in the sink and raced to the phone. As he ran across the tiled floor he could feel a cough rising in his chest, and remembered the dangerous bronchitis his elderly father was suffering with so many winters ago, which Richard was so eager to relieve. The doctor's said the miraculous cure had bought his father a second chance, and he lived another three years after that, with Richard's help of course. \n\nHacking violently now into his shirt sleeve, Richard made it to the phone and reached out, fear infusing every inch of his body, waiting for the first traumatic injuries to appear, knowing where the first would strike, remembering the paperboy who took a terrible tumble off his bike, the unnatural bend of his forearm after it impacted the pavement, the look of relief on his face after Richard's touch.\n\nRichard held the phone in his hand and had dialed three numbers when Richard heard a loud crack, like a bundle of dry tinder being snapped in half inside a cotton sheeth. Richard loosed an animal scream. The phone clattered onto the marble countertop, beside a new smattering of blood. He looked down at his right forearm, bent horribly in the center, the shard of a bone protruding from a small break in the skin. \n\nQuickly, with his left hand, Richard typed in the remaining numbers and hit the speaker phone button, just in time for his left foot to come out from under him and twist into a bizarre, abnormal shape, shrinking in size and curling up almost into a ball. The genetic mutation of a destitute man Richard had seen begging on the subway. It did not hurt but Richards shoe fell away from his foot like a shed leaf and Richard could not put any weight on it. \n\nThe phone was ringing and Richard prayed that his son would pick up. It rang again and again and then went to voicemail. \n\n\"Gary, come to the house. They're all coming back, everything is coming back, I can't walk, I hrrrrererr grrssshrhs. Grrry!\"\n\nRichard instinctually tried to reach for his mouth with his right hand, gave a muffled yell of pain, and then touched the place his mouth had been with his left hand. Where he should have felt lips there was only scar tissue, a terrible, malformed mass of hardened skin. The face of the girl in the hospital came back unbidden - a teenager playing with a boyfriend, accidentally shot in the cheek with her father's Ruger. It was all over the news, as was her miraculous recovery. \n\nInside Richard's mouth he could feel the conspicuous absence of a tongue, the shattered remnants of his teeth. He tried to speak again but only a muffled groan came out. A blazing, acidic pain exploded in Richard's stomach, some ulcer or other gastrointestinal ailment Richard had thoughtlessly cured. As the years went on, Richard had become very free with his power, using it without thinking on everyone and anyone. \n\n*Why not?* Richard had thought at the time. *People need help, and I can help them, so why not?*\n\nThe transformation began at his toes as an itch, a curling, bubbling froth covering his skin, turning it white, revealing the scorched lipid layer for the world to see. Sitting on his kitchen floor, Richard watched the crawling rash of third degree burn encroach up the length of his body, up under his pants, toward his torso. \n\nJeremy Kadrick. Five years old, burned terribly in a fire a couple of houses down from Richard's. Richard knew the family and by that point word of Richard's ability had spread. They begged him to help Jeremy, offered money - but Richard rejected it. Of course he would help, it would be his pleasure. It was the right thing to do. \n\nThe boy had been covered, head to toe, in life ending burns. The burn ward could only watch and change his supperating bandages every hour, and wait for the child to die. Richard remembered fondly the way Jeremy's healthful pink skin returned, inching across his body from the place where Richard's finger had contacted his shoulder, Jeremy's parents watching in amazement, Richard exhulting in his God like power. \n\nNow he watched the same burns return, coalescing under her shirt, up his chest, down the length of Richard's arms, past the shattered bone of his right forearm, and then enveloping his disfigured head, moving up his face like a time lapse photo of a hungry bacteria in a petri dish. Wherever it appeared, the burn brought with it unbridled pain. Richard lay there, his clothes sticking to the pussy remnants of his skin, screaming as best as his formless mouth would allow.\n*******\n\n##### For More Legends From The Multiverse\n\n##### r/LFTM\n\n",
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2018-04-30T10:48:35 | 2018-04-30T10:13:30 | 231 | 78 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Humans blood gets darker the more evil we do. One day you are suspected of murder, they draw your blood to test if you are truely a murderer. You blood is a clear white. You realize that you can get a way with almost everything now, seeing as to how you actually did commit the murder.",
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"content": "Trent had to admit it was a shame that such desperate pleas\nfell on deaf ears. But regardless, he had to go through with the murder of Ms.\nWinthrow. The inheritance was too great, and her death too far away. \n\nTrent was eventually caught and promptly tested. For how the\ncorpse was found his blood should’ve been darker than the heaviest of winters.\nBut as they cut a small incision of his arm, out popped blood whiter than snow.\nEven Trent was trying to hold back his surprise. They were nearly positive he\nwas the culprit, but the test proved otherwise. The blood has never lied, why\nwould it now?\n\nDestruction and misery just seemed to follow Trent whenever\nhe went after such an revelation. They tried and tried again to convict him,\nbut it was just the same result. Test, clear, released. \n\nEventually however, Trent got a little too over his head. He\nmade some drug deal he really couldn’t keep up with, and let’s just say a lot\nmobsters were a bit miffed. \n\nDespite Trent doing his best to avoid capture, he would soon\nfind himself tied up in an abandoned warehouse. His cries were almost as pained\nas Mr. Winthrow, but sadly mercy was no longer an option. \n\nIn the next hour, Trent was no more. \n\nThe mobsters looked around the body, proud of their work. As\nin tradition, they all shared a couple droplets of Trent’s blood in sort of a\ntwisted remembrance of their victim. \n\nAs a few weeks later, they were apprehended for an unrelated\ncrime. That same test was completed but were never found guilty. \n\nTheir blood too, was crystal clear. \n\n/r/StoryStar",
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{
"content": "[WP] Humans blood gets darker the more evil we do. One day you are suspected of murder, they draw your blood to test if you are truely a murderer. You blood is a clear white. You realize that you can get a way with almost everything now, seeing as to how you actually did commit the murder.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Charles whistled as he looked through the stolen wallet in his hand. The number of cards this person had plus cash was staggering. The idiot even had his pin number scratched into the front of the card. It would not take long to safely empty out this person's life savings. Cautiously, Charles took a small knife and slashed along his arm lightly. Clear white liquid oozed from it, causing him to breathe a sigh of relief before he carefully left the scratch alone. \n\nA few hours later in the safety of his home, he pressed on the scratch again. Again, clear white blood. \n\nHe smirked as he began to contemplate his good fortune. He began pushing the limits more and more. He broke into a mansion and made off with family jewelry and saw his blood still that same reassuring clear white. He broke into a gamer's house and made off with their computers, monitors, the works. Later he checked his blood again and grinned.\n\nIt was not long before he began to make a name for himself. Committing crimes people wanted for the highest bidder. And his blood always kept him in the clear, literally. It was not long before the FBI showed up on his front doorstep. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. \"What is this?\" he scowled.\n\n\"There was an attack at an investment firm earlier today. The cameras caught your face. We're here to take you in.\"\n\n\"I'm innocent,\" he said with a sneer as he pulled up his long sleeve, revealing his arm. He sliced into it easily, causing the agents to gasp at the result.\n\nThey left shortly after. Blood was the ultimate truth of the world after all. No one could be convicted of anything if their blood was that clear white. Charles always would keep a careful eye on his body though. He let the scratches heal and every crime he checked his arm. He would never want to be a victim of the blood law of the world after nearly being caught *again*.",
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2018-05-30T13:04:32 | 2018-05-30T11:11:03 | 213 | 95 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Turns out Humans are tiny compared to any other species of aliens, allowing them to live off in the nooks and crannies of alien spaceships. Colonies can live on ships for generations unseen and unknown, or have a mutually beneficial relationship with a crew.",
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"content": "* Ahem *\n\nBindrel lived his life on a generation ship, like so many of our kind. Our planet had been nearly used up, and it was time to move on. \"Next time, we'll do better\", the elders would say, but Bindrel neither knew nor cared about what was or what would be. He had no memory of the vast oceans and towering mountains that had been left behind. He would never sit under the crimson skies of our destination, enjoying the fruits of the gardens that will eventually be planted there. Bindrel's lot in life was to survive, to procreate, and to die. Bindrel's life was no life at all.\n\nOne miserable day of mindless drudgery followed another, until one day, while cleaning a waste duct, Bindrel heard a weak cry. Searching for the source, he happened upon a tiny creature trapped in a vent, sitting along the narrow 2-meter ledge and unable to climb the sheer walls. It was an unsightly type of vermin, covered in wrinkled leathery skin and having four ungainly limbs coming out at odd angles. Bindrel moved to crush the ugly thing, when he noticed that the leathery skin was in fact clothing! Maybe someone had lost a pet, or the product of some sort of weird hobby? Everyone passed their time differently, floating out here in the nothing.\n\nAs he sat there considering the creature, the creature considered him right back, and then made a most surprising squeak.\n\n\"Hey, buddy! Little help here? I gotta get to the grill marked 'Junction Red' up near your third shoulder.\"\n\nBindrel's head whipped around, looking for the source of this prank. He was not by any means the most popular person on this ship, and this was exactly the type of thing certain folk would do to amuse themselves on their lifelong journey.\n\n\"Seriously, pal, I haven't eaten in hours. Get me outta here! I know you can hear me!\"\n\nThe creature's mouth was definitely moving in time with the sound. If this were a prank, it was a very elaborate and well-planned one. No harm in seeing it play out, Bindrel thought as he lowered an arm.\n\nIt clambered up onto the tip of his claw, and Bindrel brought it right in front of his face to get a closer look at it.\n\n\"Alright, I'm game. What's the joke here?\"\n\n\"No joke, my friend. I just got trapped and needed some help. I broke a few rules asking for it, but it was that or starvation, y'know?\"\n\n\"But what are you? Some sort of toy? A robot? Who's controlling you?\"\n\n\"I control myself. I'm my own man, and don't let nobody tell you otherwise!\"\n\nBindrel barked a laugh. \"Man? Why not just say you're a ghost or a god? I'd be more likely to believe you\".\n\n\"Men are no myth, my friend. You're looking at one right now! And if you've heard of us, perhaps you've heard what my kind can do? Just help me into that Junction up there and you can forget this whole thing ever happened...but I promise, your life will get better.\"\n\nSo Bindrel did as he was asked, and the man scampered into the wall, never to be seen again.\n\nBut day by day, Bindrel's life did get better. He'd wake up after a rest and see his work for the day already done. A friend who had lost touch would thank him for the gift he never sent. One day he was nearly mugged in one of the more unsavoury parts of the ship when his assailant simply collapsed, allowing him to escape.\n\nNow, I know none of us really believe this. It was easy to dismiss these as an old man simply making up stories to pass the time. But those of us who were close to him know that he truly believed. Every night he would leave out a pile of grumptions as an offering to the wee folk, and he swore that every morning a little part of the pile would disappear.\n\nNow that he's no longer with us, I'll do the same. I loved grandpa Bindrel, and sometimes tradition is more important than a perfectly rational life. If there are any men here, know that my grandfather was more grateful to you than you'll ever know.\n\nThank you, and luck of the humans be with you all.\n",
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{
"content": "[WP] Turns out Humans are tiny compared to any other species of aliens, allowing them to live off in the nooks and crannies of alien spaceships. Colonies can live on ships for generations unseen and unknown, or have a mutually beneficial relationship with a crew.",
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"content": "Turns out that humans are tinier than a dust particle floating in an unknown corner of space. That was until they started floating toward other parts of the universe. I have to hand it to them, they had come a long way given their size against other beings in the stars. Especially the young human named, Shawn Willard. He was even hard to see under a microscope. \n\nDra’aem was another young being, but unlike the humans, he was normal sized. Dra’aem took interest in Shawn after discovering him wandering around the control panel of his father’s ship. Shawn took interest in Dra’aem because of his own curiosity towards another race.\n\n“Shawn? You in here?” Dra’aem spun around in the control panel. “Pssst.” He hissed. “Where are you?!”\n\nShawn finally crawled up from the hole beneath the side of the panel. It took him a few seconds to get over one of the giant buttons positioned in the flight controls.\n\n“Dra’aem!” Shawn cupped his hands together.\n\nDra’aem saw Shawn sitting atop the button. Shawn kept looking over his shoulder, the other humans banned any interaction with the aliens.\n\n“Shawn, we don’t have much time!” Dra’aem leaned over worried.\n\n“What is it?” Shawn stood up frightened. \n\nBefore Dra’aem was able to answer the iron blast door behind him opened. Snarling and yelling Shawn witnessed another race of aliens abducting Dra’aem. Shawn quickly reacted by ducking behind a red switch.\n\n“Who was that boy talking to?” One of the other aliens growled. “Search the room!”\n\nShawn tip toed towards the hole leading back into his colony. \n\nIf the ship is taken over, it may put all of us in danger. Shawn thought to himself trying to avoid detection at all costs.\n\n“There’s no one in here.” Another alien claimed. The alien barking orders grabbed the other by his throat before threatening,\n\n“There better not be, or I’ll lock you up with them!”\n\nShawn noticed the alien stumble back. Towards the control panel. While he tried making a final run for the whole, he jumped onto what he thought was part of the control panel but instead it was the top of the alien’s utility belt.\n\n“Oh, no.” Shawn shook his head. “I can make that jump.” He took a squat getting ready to leap back into the hole. “I can’t make that jump.” He leaned back grabbing onto the ledge of a pouch.\n\n“Go and make sure the boy is locked up!” The alien in charge instructed the alien Shawn now found himself hiding on. \n\nThe alien went back into the ship they connected with. He went down to the cells holding all of the prisoners from the ship. Shawn bounced up and down with every step the alien made.\n\n“My parents are going to kill me.” He shook his head. “That is if I ever see them again.”\n\nThe alien made sure all of the locks were held on each cell. Shawn quickly recognized Dra’aem leaned against the bars of his cell. Dra’aem’s face lifted when he caught a glimpse of Shawn moving around on the alien’s utility belt. Dra’aem quickly straightened his back before commenting,\n\n“Do you always get bossed around like a sissy?” Dra’aem laughed. The alien slid in front of him hitting the bars with his fist.\n\n“Shut up, or you’ll be tossed into space first!”\n\nDra’aem sat back down and lowered his head. “That was close,” he whispered.\n\n“I told you to shut it!” The alien snarled back before moving onto the next cell.\n\nDra’aem opened his palm revealing Shawn attempting to regain his balance. “I made that jump.” Shawn gasped.\n\n“Can you get us out of here?” Dra’aem asked.\n\nShawn shrugged his shoulders. “I can try. I can’t go back now.”\n\nDra’aem guided Shawn towards a space between the panels along the wall. Shawn pulled himself into the space. \n\n“Wait till he’s asleep and get the key.” Dra’aem told him.\n\n“How am I supposed to carry that thing?” Shawn crossed his arms. “That key is massive!”\n\n“I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. Just get the key as close to me as possible.”\n\nShawn scooted his way past the space. There was another hole inside the inner wall. He slowly stepped into a round tunnel only to find that he was not the only thing his size.\n\nShawn discovered he was not alone. \n\n***\n\nTo read more of my stories, visit [r/13thOlympian] (https://www.reddit.com/r/13thOlympian/)",
"role": "assistant"
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2018-08-20T07:50:13 | 2018-08-20T07:32:17 | 344 | 160 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The man who ruined your relationship with your fiancée and then mysteriously disappeared has now returned to town. After such a long time you have now come face-to-face with Cotton Eye Joe",
"role": "user"
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"content": "It’s been 10 years since I left David at the altar, surrounded by my scandalised friends and family. David was a sweet man, but I knew in my heart what I wanted, I couldn’t ignore it. \n\nI ran down the street to our usual rendezvous, I didn’t care that people were staring at me as my veil flew behind me in the wind. I had to see him again, I had to. \n\nBut when I arrived, breathless and full of anticipation, he wasn’t there. He never showed up, and I was left to pick up the pieces of my life in this small town. It was too late for me and David, he packed up his dignity and left for the city the next week. I don’t blame him, I broke every good thing I’d ever had. \n\nOver time, family and friends finally forgave me, and I managed to repair a lot of the relationships I had damaged with my thoughtlessness. I went to counselling, took up swimming and Krav Maga, and tried to better myself. I never entered another relationship after that though. I didn’t trust myself or anyone else. I’d been on a few dates here and there, but I figured I was better off on my own. I often wondered what happened that day, what scared him away? Did he ever love me? Had I truly loved anyone? \n\nI was pondering over this as I sipped a glass of wine on my sofa. I’d just got in from work, and my cat was rubbing herself all over my feet, welcoming me home. I reached down for a scratch, then realised I had no food for her in the house. I downed the last of my drink, and headed to the shop on the corner. \n\nI was perusing through the pet food aisle, debating whether to get Whiskas or Purina, when I saw him. He was standing at the end of the aisle, inspecting the cleaning products. At first, I thought I was dreaming; but no, there he was. He looked the same, still as beautiful as I remembered. I immediately hid at the end of the aisle, but I don’t think he’d seen me. My first instinct was to run away, but I had to know. I had to know the reason. So I said a quick prayer, and walked back down the aisle towards him.\n\n“Joe! Where did you come from? It’s been a while.” I said a little too loudly. He finally looked at me, and I saw surprise in his eyes. He didn’t reply, he didn’t say a word. He just looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. After an awkward silence, my smile had changed to a sad frown. This guy just breaks my heart and then completely ignores me? I had to know...I had to.\n\nI looked him right in the eyes, though mine were threatening to brim over, “where did you go?” \nStill no answer. I think this was more insulting than if he’d cussed at me. His eyes were darting around, as if looking for a way out, but I wasn’t leaving without an answer, so I repeated it louder, “Where. Did. You. Go??”\n\n“Cotton Eye Joe?” A familiar voice asked behind me. My stomach dropped and I turned to see David standing there, with a basket of groceries on his arm. His eyes grew wide when he saw me, but then went cold. He looked over me to Joe, “Come on babe, we’re leaving.” He held out his hand, and Joe silently took it. They walked out of the store together, hand in hand. For a brief moment, Joe looked back at me, then just like that, he was gone. I was left alone, again. \n\nI never saw them again, I’ve moved on since then, but I know if it hadn’t been for Cotton Eye Joe, I’d have been married a long time ago. And to this day, I still don’t know where he and David went. But after all this time, I wish them happiness. \n\n\n\n",
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"content": "[WP] The man who ruined your relationship with your fiancée and then mysteriously disappeared has now returned to town. After such a long time you have now come face-to-face with Cotton Eye Joe",
"role": "user"
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"content": "It was utterly impossible to see the man walking again. Not only because it set my heart on fire to see him, but also because I'd buried him in the desert a decade ago. Under the black monoliths where the sun never quite reached, in that queer place where time had never ventured, I'd buried him, screaming, in the never soil, and walked away after I'd read him a bible verse.\n\nNever to bother me again. In that queer city of Babel, I'd found my path as a bartender.\n\n\"Whiskey,\" Joe said, leaning over top of the bar, eyeing me. He was missing his fake eye, and instead it had been rudely stuffed with cotton. It drooled from the open socket, a spiral of white that drew my eye.\n\n\"Rude to stare, you know,\" Joe said, watching me as I ducked behind the cabinet to get the bottle. Old, golden. Slow shipments out to this place.\n\n\"It'll cost you, I don't have much left.\"\n\n\"And I've been dying to get a drink since I left Kentucky,\" Joe said, looking around at all of the demons.\n\nI joined him for a moment. About half and half here; red skinners with their horns on display, drinking whatever the stills had come up with that had been legalized by that blasted sheriff, long may he reign, and then I slapped the glass down in front of him.\n\nHe took it between cold corpse fingers and sipped at it, revealing row upon row of rotting teeth in his mouth.\n\n\"They say that a man could find his way in a town like this,\" Joe said. \"Do you think they'll ever know what you did?\"\n\nI didn't look at him. Didn't want to see the look of triump in his one eye, or admire the stitching work the doctor had put into making him look alive again, instead of the shambling work-corpse he had to have been. Who had found him under the black timeless stones? Who had known where to look?\n\n\"The corpse-dogs are none to gentle this time of year,\" Joe said. \"But do you think they'll forget that they found me with a bible, Ronald?\"\n\n\"The whiskey's free,\" I said, not looking at him. \"If you get the fuck out of my bar, and find another town to shamble through.\"\n\nHe laughed, and I stared at the interior of his embalmed mouth, watched air whistle in and out of his stitched skin, and then he drank, a bit of stuffing spilling from his single open eye. \"Our sins always have a way of catching up with us.\"\n\n\"Even in hell, I despise you,\" I said, quietly.\n\n\"Scotch?\" Joe asked. \"The dead will have their drinks.\"\n\n\"I was under the impression the dead preferred coffee,\" I said. \"That's another store in town.\"\n\n\"They don't serve the dead there,\" Joe replied. \"Bad for business to see a man with a grudge tattooed to his chest, much less for it to appear on the dead.\"\n\nSlowly my eyes circled down and I stared at the thing throbbing there, written in that script of the angels. Pulsing with life.\n\nThen I looked back up at him and sneered. \"After what you did to me, no grudge will impel me to make up for it.\"\n\n\"Doesn't matter none to me,\" Joe said. \"I've got a shift in the mines coming up. Got all the time in the world to figure out how you'll make up for what you done to me, down here,\" Joe's lips parted into a corpse grin, black teeth and sodden breath.\n\nI stared at him long and hard, and he stood up, downing the scotch.\n\n\"Til then, I guess you'll sleep with one eye open, or else you'll join me down in those mines, won't you?\"\n\nThen the corpse-man walked out, leaving only a glass eye on the table to wobble about and stare at me. \n\nI plucked it up between two fingers and plunged it into the empty whiskey bottle and drowned it in shitty tequila.\n\nIt'd only add to the flavor.\n\n-----\n\nFor more like this, click here. https://www.reddit.com/r/Zubergoodstories/\n",
"role": "assistant"
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2018-09-15T10:39:10 | 2018-09-15T09:43:21 | 466 | 185 | [
{
"content": "[WP] When you kill someone, you get their best trait. Except it's what *they* think is their best trait.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It was him. It was him from the photo, she could tell, that horrible man that everyone talked about, yet only in a whisper, as if the very mention of him would summon him. \nThe families left behind. The children left motherless. He only killed women, they said. The things he would do to them! She would shake off every detail, every time someone tried to describe one of The Blue Killer’s monstrosities.\nShe felt the urge to cry, to panic. It was a relief to be able to breathe loudly.\nIt wasn’t like he was going to do anything anymore.\nThe man that murdered and tortured so many women was dead.\nShe killed him.\nShe closed her eyes trying to remind herself how lucky she was she had bought a gun just days before this happened. \nShe was lucky.\n\nShe felt proud.\n\nIt felt good...\n\nShe opened her eyes.\n\n...Freakishly, delightfully good.",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] When you kill someone, you get their best trait. Except it's what *they* think is their best trait.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "When I kill someone, I get what THEY think is their best trait. Now, I don’t want to start caring for all the people I kill; – that would ruin the whole point of continual improvement unbound by the law of diminishing returns. And I don’t want to suffer from guilt either. So I don’t kill those with a conscience just to be safe. I hunt down the ruthless bankers, politicians, geniuses shunned from the world when they failed to adapt. I take from the narcissists, the psychopaths, and the empatheticly unaware; that is, when their minds are stable enough to differentiate their traits. I improve time and time again. When I grow old, I find a youth. When I grow sick, I find a specimen of health surrounded by death. And I have lived, for year after year, decade after decade, and century after century. Yet I have never met someone like this. \n\nFor he just won’t die.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2019-02-12T04:15:10 | 2019-02-12T04:15:07 | 120 | 55 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Medieval times, a woman is accused by villagers of being a witch and she is put in a cage to drown, after 3 minutes she is not dead so they burn her at the stake but she survives that too, villagers now realize they finally found a real witch and don’t know what to do next...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The fire burned through the ropes that had tied Millicent to the stake. She stayed in the center of the flames, crossed her arms, and leaned casually against the stake. She waited for the screams and shouts to subside.\n\n“What do we do now?” the blacksmith asked.\n\n“How about you recognize that I was telling the truth when I said I wouldn’t hurt you?” Millicent suggested. “Or at least that I was being honest when I said you *can’t* hurt me.”\n\nMurmured disagreement. Skeptical stares. Millicent decided to allow the bonfire to keep burning around her. The villagers seemed to feel as if it were some sort of barrier between them.\n\n“Look, I wasn’t brewing up some sort of poison,” Millicent told them. “It’s called ‘Soap.’ Useful household item. Helps get the muck off your hands off a day in the field.”\n\nThey stopped muttering amongst themselves. She had their attention.\n\n“Anyone can learn to make it,” she said. “No magic required.”\n\n“And what happens if I say the Lord’s Prayer over it?” the vicar demanded.\n\n“I’m afraid that won’t increase its efficiency,” Millicent answered with a shrug. “But feel free to, if you like. You do you.”\n\n“What did you do to my cow?” another villager demanded. “She smeared ol’ Bessie with mold and herbs.”\n\n“That poultice helped avoid infection!” Millicent said, trying not to lose her patience. “It wouldn’t have been necessary if you had looked where you were swinging that scythe.” More chatter. “Bessie is alive and well, right?”\n\n“Well, yeah,” the villager said. “But I’m afraid to use that milk.”\n\n“I could say the Lord’s Prayer over it,” the vicar offered.\n\n“I’m sure praying once directly over the cow would do it,” Millicent said. She suppressed an eye roll.\n\n“You know,” the weaver said, “She DID help deliver our boy William. She’s a good midwife.”\n\n“Thank you,” Millicent said.\n\n“And that stuff she used on me cleared up my rash,” the baker added.\n\n“Again, it’s called ‘Soap.’ Pray over it all you want.”\n\nThe villagers talked amongst themselves.\n\n“How come you didn’t drown, and you aren’t burning up?” the blacksmith asked.\n\n“Well, that part is because of the pact I made with the demon Gulgiefreth,” Millicent admitted. “He granted me fell arcane powers in return for a service I provided.”\n\nMore mutters.\n\n“What service?”\n\n“I made him some soap.”\n\nMore mutters, but then the villagers doused the flames. The vicar offered Millicent a hand to help her step over the broken logs and sifting ashes. “You know,” he said, “I have a niece, Lydia. My sister wants Lydia to be a dairy maid, but... well, are you looking for an apprentice?”",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Medieval times, a woman is accused by villagers of being a witch and she is put in a cage to drown, after 3 minutes she is not dead so they burn her at the stake but she survives that too, villagers now realize they finally found a real witch and don’t know what to do next...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Indeed, it is unpleasant to be brought to the very point of death without the final release. I have to admit, the burning brought me closest. Through the flames, I caught glimpses of the Mother, chanting with my spirit sisters, “Not her time. Not her time. Not her time.” And then I would be thrown back into my broken, battered and burned body to begin the painful process of healing once more. But every murder was making it harder to fully regenerate before the next trial would begin. \t\n\nMy neighbours took no pity, believing this to be my desire, to die a dozen times in one day but to still keep breathing. Even children, the most intuitive and sensitive mortals, were yelling unsavoury curses and throwing their rotten vegetables at me while I was bound in the next torture device. Mortals don't realise how lucky they are to know death awaits them. \t\n\nI could have killed them all. I could summon a blizzard so strong the snow would pile on the grounds and cover their fragile heads and freeze their limited brains. I could shine the sun so brightly their skin would melt, leaving their skeletons in piles of sticky, bloody slime. I would drown them all, as they had tried to do with me, and had done to a thousand of their own women. Humans are truly barbaric; it would be no great loss to me. \t\n\nBut I had made a pact with the Earth to do no ill, and humans are part of the delicate tapestry of existence. When I shone the sun, it was to nurture the plants. When I rained the clouds, it was to feed the earth and the people too. When I made it snow, well, that was mostly just for fun. \t\n\nAnd I promised the Mother I would never use my powers in sight of the mortals. Their limited understanding of Nature meant they were not ready for it yet. I could only break my code to save an innocent life. In this case, my own. \t\n\nEventually, they grew tired of trying to kill me. They ran out of ideas. They were mumbling, looking forlornly at one another. I could see their blood lust mutate into genuine concern for their safety. How could they rest ever safely, knowing of my continued existence? \t\n\n“Lock her in the dungeon!” one shrieked. \t\n\n“Throw away the key!” added another. \t\n\nMy cell was dark, damp, filled with the excrement of the mortal resident who came before me. Perhaps even their death juices stained the floor beneath my bare feet. The men threw me in there and quickly bolted the door in case I managed to escape. I hissed at them through the bars of my door window for effect. Forgive me; I was tired, shackled and in a great deal of pain. \t\n\n“Crazed witch,” one scowled. \t\n\n“Heathen,” spat the other. “You'll starve in here.” \t\n\nHours passed before absolute darkness of night came. And only when I was certain the guards could no longer see me, I brought down the thunder and the lightning crash so charged with energy to demolish my cell wall, and I skittered into obscurity like a spider to find a new place to protect for the Mother. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2019-03-28T19:00:19 | 2019-03-28T18:42:29 | 941 | 50 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You lay there, in the middle of nowhere, dying. There at your side a ghost appears, he's not there to save you, he can't. He's there to give you company, so you won't die alone like it did so many years ago.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I was dying in the middle of nowhere. \n\nWell, I guess that idiom makes no sense, the more I think about it. You can't be *nowhere*, right? No matter where you are, you're somewhere, even if it's a somewhere that specializes in a whole lot of nothing. \n\nThat's the more accurate description, I suppose, though it doesn't have the same ring to it. I was dying in a thinning forest of waning autumn, like the trees and sky around me. A place with a lot of leaves, bushes, and most notably: nothing. \n\nAside from the ghost who was chilling with me. Not really sure when he showed up, but it was sometime after I popped that little blue pill. \n\n\"Odd place to die,\" he said to me, taking form as swirling dirt and bits of leaf, the way an invisible man in a storm might. I didn't bother questioning his manifestation. \"I would know.\"\n\n\"Odd place to be dead.\" \n\nHe walked, or perhaps floated, toward me. \"Touché. So, what brings you all the way out here, in the middle of nowhere?\" \n\n\"We're somewhere, aren't we?\" I chuckled weakly. Something was definitely dragging me down, like gravity had been turned up or I'd hardened to stone. Time itself seemed to sag. \n\n\"True enough.\" He sat next to me, like the living memory of a man who once camped in those parts. \"But why here? So remote.\" \n\n\"I've always liked nature\" -- I slumped a little, sighing deeply and looking to a sky speckled with auburn leaves -- \"and never really liked people. Turns out being a loner with stage four lymphoma is not a blast. I throw a pity party and no one else shows up.\"\n\n\"So you're choosing your own way out?\" \n\n\"Yeah, something like that.\" I drew out a blink, taking in the musty scent of cedarwood and mud. \"Having a smidge of control makes me feel like it's not the end of the world. Better to go peacefully, rather than wait for the worst to come. Besides, it's a nice place to end.\" \n\n\"That it is. I wouldn't have wanted to go in any other setting. I guess we have that in common, at least.\" \n\nI turned to the odd spirit, so serene despite appearing as a tornado. \"I would've never guessed someone else had died around here.\" \n\n\"Friend, there's not a place on Earth that someone or something hasn't died. Death is like the air that settles around us, hugging the planet and its little creatures as they pass through.\"\n\n\"Are you here to save me, then? Stop it from happening with some kind of fate-power because there's still *so much left to do*?\"\n\nHe shook his swirling, sedimentary head. \"It's not the dead's place to interfere with such matters, even if I could save you. \n\n\"No, I'm just here so you're not alone. And it's nice, because for a little while... I won't be, either.\"\n\nI smiled. \"Who knows? Maybe we'll get to hang out once it's over. Drift around the woods, in a somewhere between here and nowhere.\" \n\n\"I'd like that.\"\n\n*/r/resonatingfury*",
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You lay there, in the middle of nowhere, dying. There at your side a ghost appears, he's not there to save you, he can't. He's there to give you company, so you won't die alone like it did so many years ago.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "The car had fallen into a river, apparently. I couldn't remember it clearly; the entire night had been a blur. One second, I had been driving, the next, I found myself in freezing cold water, still buckled in my seat. I was watching myself from outside my body, which terrified me to no end. The glass from my windows had shattered and a trail of blood from my forehead leaked into the dirty, foggy water. \n\nI pushed at the door, numb. \n\n\"I wouldn't do that,\" a man said. I didn't jump. I continued pushing against the door repeatedly. It wouldn't budge. \n\nI ignored the fact that my hands would pass through the door every few pushes. \n\n\"Let me out,\" I whispered into the water. \"I want to live. I need to breathe.\" A small voice in the back of my head said, '*You're in shock, Stanley. You have to hurry. You're drowning, stupid*.' \n\n\"That's what I thought,\" the man said. \"But it's not going to budge. Plus, there's tons of logs and-\"\n\n\"Shut up! Shut up. I need to work.\" I stared at the door, avoiding looking at my cold, unmoving body. More blood seeped into the water from my head, and I was noticing that the glass had badly cut my hands. \n\nI clenched the hands I couldn't see and began trying to unbuckle my body, looking away as I did so. \n\nA man's pale face appeared in my vision. He looked sad, almost mournful. \n\n\"Why can I see you?\" I asked wearily when the seatbelt wouldn't release. \"Can you help me get out? I can live after this.\"\n\n\"You've been under here for minutes, my friend. Your body is beyond dying.\" The man gave a shrug and gestured at my body\"s chest. \"No breathing. You're in the last stretch of dying. That's why I'm here.\"\n\n\"Since you're here, help me. Don't try and tell me I'm dead!\" I snapped, feeling myself begin to shake. \n\nHe tried touching the seatbelt, but his hand passed through both the belt and me. \"See?\"\n\nI closed my eyes, feeling more weary than I had on the road. \"I don't want to die! I don't want to die!\" I hit the dashboard, but the scattered glass didn't move-in fact, my hands just passed through the entire dashboard. \n\n\"Help me get out,\" I said, beginning to panic. \"Find help.\"\n\nThe man shook his head. \"Let me keep you company. I didn't get it in death, and that was the worst way to go.\"\n\nI gazed at my body and settled down, realizing that this really was it. \n\nI was dying. \n\n\"I'm sorry you didn't get company,\" I said softly, not knowing what else to say. \n\nThe man just smiled and shook his head. \"At least I can offer you my company. Here, my name is Connor. What's yours?\"\n\n\"Stanley. It's... nice to meet you. Thank you, Connor.\"\n\n\"I hope those you leave behind will remember you.\" \n\nI sighed. \"Me too.\" \n\nWe sat in silence, watching the water swish around my body. I could feel the edges of my mind fading away into death. \n\n\"Thank you,\" I whispered. \n\n\"No, thank *you* for giving me some company.\"",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2019-04-15T08:28:05 | 2019-04-15T05:44:17 | 23 | 16 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You've saved countless teenage lives. You're the person who convinced the world that to summon Bloody Mary you say her name 3 times, instead of the 5 times it actually takes.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "“Sue! Susan! It worked!” Yet another one. I’m Susanna Anne Marie or Susan, or Anne or Sue or whatever form of my name I choose to take on for this life. I am a demon of hell, a lower level demon whose purpose is to mislead. I hate it quite a lot but I’ve found ways to turn it around. \nAnyway, back to Grace. “I summoned her! Bloody Mary!” The girl grinned at me eyes wide and face flushed. \n\n“Yeah? And what did she say?” I always ask just to be sure. \n\nThe smile fell a little, “It was a little less exciting but at least she said something. She’s actually kind of cool! We talked about Chad and how I shouldn’t date him because he’s actually a huge loser and he’s going to ruin my future.” I smirked. Mary could be cool once you got to know her, she really cared. But the way her summoning works, if you say her name 5 times she HAS to kill you whether she likes it or not. 3 will just get you a short chat and a cup of tea. \n\nAnother day, another life saved.\n\nAuthor’s note: This one isn’t as good as my others but I think I got the point across.",
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{
"content": "[WP] You've saved countless teenage lives. You're the person who convinced the world that to summon Bloody Mary you say her name 3 times, instead of the 5 times it actually takes.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It all began as a little trick on an unknowing acquaintance. \n\nRhea's friend, Margot, had finished a very tame horror novel and is asking Rhea how to summon Bloody Mary. Rhea grinned inwardly. \" Just say her name three times, no more, no less.\"\n\n\"Are you sure? I heard that it's supposed to be five.\" Margot asked. Rhea's eyes looked to the side.\n\n\"Oh, trust me. My fellow occultists said so.\"\n\n\"Right.\"\n\n\"Margot, c'mon. Would I really lie to you so that you wouldn't be able to experience something for once? I'd have to be your mom to do that,\" Rhea lied, putting emphasis on the word mom.\n\n\"Okay.\"\n\nTHE NEXT DAY\n\nMargot had tried summoning her. No luck.\n\n\"Rhea! Hey! I tried summoning Bloody Mary and and nothing happened.\"\n\nRhea was ecstatic. The lie worked? Yes! \"Really now? Maybe you just chickened out.\"\n\n\"No way!\"\n\n\"Or she just didn't want to appear yet and is planning to at a later date. It sometimes happens.\"\n\n\"Okay..\"\n\nRhea just realized what she did. She saved her friend's life. Ever since then, she threw the lie around, telling them to her younger brothers and their friends, until it became popular.",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2019-04-17T09:03:50 | 2019-04-17T08:13:29 | 446 | 69 | [
{
"content": "[WP]: Your little crime family ran a restaurant as a money laundering front. However, the place got so popular, you decided to quit the crime and just run the place straight. Now, a new crime organisation is trying to inch into town, on your turf. It's time to get back to business.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Beads of sweat rolled down Hector's forehead, threatening to sting his eyes as they collected on his bushy eyebrows; he dabbed his face with the hand-towel he kept slung on his apron for that specific purpose, calling out merrily to his young employees on the other side of the service counter. \n\n\"Two large Hawaiian and one Italian heat ready to go!\" his raspy voice boomed through the small restaurant, and a slender kid responded quickly, grabbing the warm boxes of pizza and spinning on his heels. \n\n\"Number 64 you're out the door, grab your pies please!\" \n\nHector never imagined himself running a pizza joint, hell, he never expected to make it past 35. So, when he looked out past the heat of the kitchen towards the crowded, bustling dining area, he was filled with joy. Against all odds, against his upbringing and his sins, he'd managed to carve out a peaceful, honest life for his family. \n\nSix sons, all still alive and well; his two youngest working right here in the original Hector's, and the other four operating the two expansions they'd opened in the last few years. Uncles, aunts, nieces, and nephews, all doing their part to create something that brought joy to the people of their old neighborhoods. \n\nHe'd had a reoccurring nightmare of the cops storming the place, killing everyone inside, payment for the crimes of his dirty past. But they were just dreams, just horrible, awful dreams. \n\n\"Boss!\" one of the new kids called out from the front, a local high-school girl one of his nephews recommended for the job. \n\nHector snapped out of his daydreaming and poked his head over the counter, \"Problem?\" \n\n\"Some guys wana talk to you,\" she was facing him with a nervous look and shaky voice. \n\nHector came around front, but not before washing the grease from his hands and grabbing a revolver he kept wrapped in a towel under the sink. Sliding the gun into his baggy apron pocket, he calmly approached the cash register where two large, block-headed men were standing. \n\n\"Gentlemen,\" he said, maintaining an air of great customer service, \"was there a problem with your order? Maybe we can get you boys a few vegan calzones?\" \n\n\"We're here on behalf of our employer,\" the larger man stated confidently. \"He wishes to congratulate you on your business's tremendous success, and to extend to you a little business opportunity.\" \n\n\"Oh?\" Hector whispered to the young cashier, and she hurried off to the kitchen. \"Who might your employer be and what's he got in mind? We do have catering menus, you know?\"\n\nBoth the men chuckled to each other, but the big guy's tone was serious, \"Mr. Larry is going to need 10% of your monthly profits, so if you could hurry off to your safe and get that for us, we'll be out of your greasy hair until next month.\" \n\n\"Oh?\" Hector smiled, leaning on the counter and almost whispering to the men, \"and if I don't?\" \n\n\"Then we'll break your fucking—\" \n\nThe old man moved fast, yanking the gun from his apron and bashing the goon's face in with it. He pulled back the hammer as the man fell backwards, pointing it at his still standing associate who'd backed up quickly and thrown his hands in the air. \n\n\"You crazy old asshole—\"\n\nHe was silenced by the sound of a shell being racked into a shotgun behind the counter. Hector's nephew, Sam, had the long barrel of the weapon trained on the man slowly rising and choking on his own blood. \n\n\"Get the fuck out of here,\" Hector screamed over the cries of panic from the regular customers and some of his employees. \"and tell Larry, whoever the fuck he is, that if he wants anything from me he can order a shitload of pizza and have you idiots come pick it up—10% discount on the house!\" \n\n\"You're fucking dead,\" the men were backing up through the hole that had parted in the long line of customers, \"we'll be back, and we're gonna burn this place to the ground!\" \n\n\"Good-luck,\" Sam yelled out as the men scurried out of the door, \"we passed our fire-safety inspection just last month!\"\n\nThe mass of customers were frozen in fear, all watching Hector who still had his revolver pointed at the door.\n\nHe finally snapped out of his tunnel-vision and lowered the weapon, \"Get everyone in here a free large pizza, any toppings.\" \n\nThis brought the crowd around, most of them clapping and cheering.\n\n\"And Sam,\" Hector turned around, dabbing his head with his sweat towel. \"Call everyone, get the boys down here, and tell em' to stuff the crust.\" \n\n/r/BeagleTales",
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP]: Your little crime family ran a restaurant as a money laundering front. However, the place got so popular, you decided to quit the crime and just run the place straight. Now, a new crime organisation is trying to inch into town, on your turf. It's time to get back to business.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "We had a lanky fella dressed in all black that walked into the restaurant one day; he sat down with some other well-dressed gentleman four of them to be exact. I didn’t pay much attention to them as it was lunch hour and we were swamped with orders “Come on, get those orders out!” I yell at the chef Pierre, “I am working on it as fast I can!” He yells back in his French accent. The place hasn’t been this busy since the end of prohibition after we quit selling booze under the table, I couldn’t believe that we had a full house again. \n\nI looked through the crowds of people sitting down enjoying their food when my eyes locked with that of the lanky fella. He held his hand up and made a gesture as if he was summoning me to come speak with him, I, being the owner went over to see if something was wrong, “Good evening fellas, anything I can help you with today?” I say while studying the men, they seemed shifty; their eyes seemed lifeless and cold. The lanky one spoke up with a strong southern accent “Howdy feller, me n’ my ‘partners’ here are just looking to get sum good ole’ home cooking, we been on the road fer days now it seems.” “Oh, a business trip?” I asked in a calm matter, “I reckon you could say that.” He gestures for me to come closer so I do; he leans in and said “Say buddy, my wallet is feelin’ heavy, I been workin’ so hard I forgot to spend to it.” I proceeded to look in confusion, something seemed amiss “Me and n’ the boys here are looking to set up a shop” He says in a hushed tone while panning the room “I think this place right here is where I want to set up.” I immediately cut him off with a vicious tone “This place is not for sale.” “Oh come on partner!” He says in a loud but friendly way “I can make it worth your while, listen, what’s your name friend?” “Amos” I say in an aggressive tone “Amos, friend, listen I respect your dream, you came here on the boat from whatever backwards country you came from and built a nice lil’ company but” he then proceeded to stand up, I quickly noticed he is about 6 inches taller than me “This ain’t no negotiated proposal , you either take the money, and leave” at this point he pulls his coat back and reveals he is carrying a handgun “Or we will take it.” I stand back and firmly say “Alright sir, meet us after closing hours.” “Perfect friend!” He says with a smile and sits back down “We will see you here after closing.”\n\nClosing hours came swiftly, all the patrons left, I stood there waiting on the lanky man dressed all in black, and right on the dot as the clock turned 8 he and his associates walked through my doors. “Howdy Amos” He says with a smile standing in the door way, “I reckon we should get this over with and make us a good ole’ deal.” He proceeds to sit down while his associates stand behind him with their hands loosely to their side waiting for any given moment that I might retaliate. “You got that deed friend?” He says with a snarl, I proceed to hold it up and wave it in my hand, “Perfect he said let’s get this thang goin’ then.” He says this with joy and pride, “Wait now, hold on friend” I say panning the five men, watching their every move, the lanky fella’s face turns into a grimace “What?” He says angrily. Then, Windows shatter around the restaurant, blood immediately covers the lanky man turning his black suit into crimson red. The lanky man looks to his left and to his right so fast that he gave himself whiplash, “What in the goddamn hell!” He shouts as he stands up reaching for his handgun, but before he can draw another flurry of bullets smash through the already broken windows, striking him multiple times.\n\n The lanky man lies on the floor dying, blood oozing from his body, glass and splinters all around him, he tries to speak but instead of words spats of blood come out. I approach him, slowly, as he knowns that I will be his grim reaper. He tries to lunge at me while crawling through the bits and pieces of glass and splinters that litter the floor; he makes it to my feet and begins to lunge at me, yet to no avail. I look into his dying eyes and remove his handgun from its holster and I put it against his temple and before I pull the trigger he spits blood into my face spitefully, to which I emptied the clip into his body.\n\nI am new to this so any feedback helps.",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2019-10-06T03:09:55 | 2019-10-05T23:18:36 | 606 | 196 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You died. Death is boring, a blank black nothing. After a while, boredom sets in. As a joke you shout, \"Let there be light!\" And suddenly, there was Light.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "There is nothing around me. No sound. No light. No voices. No touch. I can move, I think, but I don't know if I just move my limbs or move around in … space? Not space. Something.\n\nI'm dead, obviously. The sound and the light could be part of an experiment, but the void, for lack of better words, is beyond anything people could do to me. Logical conclusion: Dead. I won't be the clueless idiot who can't see past her own nose and acknowledge simple facts. I read too much Fantasy and Sci-Fi for that, and willful ignorance has always annoyed me.\n\nThe last thing I remember is being bored on the train, on my way to visit my mother. I wonder if it was something natural-ish, or if somebody blew up the train. I mean, it could have been one of those disasters where two trains run into each another, but those are terribly rare. Interesting investigations, though … **Focus**, Lina. This is not the time.\n\nI heard that you can go insane *really fast* if you are in a completely isolated room, so that's going to be fun, because I have never encountered anything more isolated than this. I wonder for how long I can entertain myself. I can review some knowledge, and the movies I saw, the books I read, I suppose. I could review my life, if I wanted to go insane faster rather than slower. I doubt I'll think up any new and original deep thoughts before I go insane. Maybe after?\n\nThis is ridiculous. “This is ridiculous!” – I say, and hear nothing. But I know I have spoken. How does that work? I should hear at least something. Sound originates in my body, so some sound waves propagate through the body, reach my ears that way. I touch my throa… nope, I *try* to touch my throat. Nothing there. Can't touch. No body. No fucking body. No hands to touch anything with. What is it that I think I am moving? Do I have literally ghost limbs? I start to giggle hysterically, because the alternatives are even worse.\n\n“What the fuck is going on?” – again with the not-speaking. Hysteria seems like a good state right now. “Can anybody hear me? If this is some cosmic experiment, of if you just forgot to pick me up, **NOW WOULD BE A FUCKING GOOD TIME**!”\n\n…\n\nSkipping the denial – I never liked that anyways – and dropping straight into bargaining. “Just give me a sign, at least? Something, anything! Let me hear … something? Let there be light?” And there was light.\n\n…\n\nOh, bugger.",
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You died. Death is boring, a blank black nothing. After a while, boredom sets in. As a joke you shout, \"Let there be light!\" And suddenly, there was Light.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Well crap. Im dead. Isnt that fun. Weeeeeee! Void! I love this! This is so much fun floating around in nothingness! \n\nOkay. This is painfully boring. What am i supposed to do? Am i stuck like this for eternity? Do i get reincarnated at some point? Could i at least watch what's going on back home? \n\nUgh. This is so very stupid. I don't like this. I need to find a way to pass the infinite time. \n\n\"LET THERE BE LIGHT!\" Gotta do somthing I guess. \n\nSuddenly, upon my shout, light flooded into my realm. Stars formed in front of my eyes, and what looked like the beginning of planets also appeared. It was almost too bright for my eyes to handle. No way. Is this real? \n\nI have to be dreaming. Right? \n\nWell, at the very least, i have something to do. And i have somethings to think about in my free time. Who knows, maybe playing God will be fun. It sure sounds fun. I bet any religious people and atheists would freak out to hear about this. I wonder if any of these planets are habitable yet. \n\nWait. How do i get around. This place seems massive. Do i just walk or something? No, there is nothing to push against. I don't know how to move around what seems to be my very own universe. \n\n\"Let there be... maneuverability?\" I feel so dumb just saying it. It's not like someone is just gonna walk up and hand me a guide book on how to watch over a universe. \n\nI want to know how big I am compared to this place. I want to know if I can interact with the universe i created. I want to be able to see what is going on here. I want- \n\n\"To go back.\" \n\nSuddenly, upon my asking, I was warped to a place that looked not unlike my own world. Not on the surface, but a large distance above it. I could see large, blue oceans. There were vibrant, green continents. There was a moon also nearby. Below me there were satelites. Man-made, not natural. Aircrafts flying even further below. \n\nTrying everything i could, i eventually figured out how to maneuver myself. I drop down to a familiar point on the planet. A small town. Nobody seems to notice me. I walk through the roads, automobiles pass through me with the drivers not even flinching. I make my way to a hospital nearby. I check through all of the rooms, and come across the maternity ward. Eventually, I find what I was looking for. \n\nMyself. I feel like I have a good way to pass the time now.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2019-10-16T12:24:03 | 2019-10-16T12:22:25 | 76 | 22 | [
{
"content": "[WP] After the Battle of Hogwarts, Dudley met a woman and they had a daughter,Sophie. Sophie is the light of their lives,she's always been a pleasant child. The morning of Sophie's 11th birthday,there’s a knock at the door. Harry is here to visit his cousin for the first time in almost 20 years.\n\nI just want to say that I'm super excited to read these responses! I'm holding off reading them until my kiddo goes to bed so I can sit and really pay attention to your stories!!\n I can't wait to see what you guys come up with",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Sophie turns 11 today.\n\nThat was Dudley Dursley's first thought upon waking on that cold, grey morning. He smiled to himself, pulling his wife a bit closer and hoping to sleep just a bit more.\n\nHis eyes shot open.\n\nSophie. Sophie turns 11 today!\n\nFor a moment, he was back in his childhood, kipping under several blankets on a worn-out couch in a drafty shack in the middle of the sea. His cousin, Harry, shivered on the cold floor beneath him.\n\nHarry. \n\nDudley had spent a fair part of his life attempting to forget the way they'd parted -- wishing he'd had the nerve to do more than tell his cousin he wasn't a \"waste of space.\" Harry hadn't been that bad, really; Dudley himself had been far worse. A spoilt brat, honestly. He can admit that to himself now.\n\nSophie is turning 11 today.\n\nHe remembered the giant knocking down the door. Threatening his father (although Vernon Dursey could have done with a bit more threatening, in Dudley's opinion). He remembered a crack from the giant's pink umbrella, and the strange -- although not exactly painful -- sensation that came with his (not completely undeserved) pig tail.\n\nThat had been Harry's 11th birthday. He remembered it well. Too well, in fact.\n\nBecause, after all, Sophie is turning 11 today.\n\nHis mother and father separated soon after Dedalus Diggle led them away from their home on Privet Drive. When Vernon asked why, Petunia had simply said \"You know.\" She'd taken Dudley to Majorca on holiday and told him all about his aunt Lily and the jealousy she'd harbored all these years.\n\n\"She was a witch,\" she'd told him then. \"And I wasn't, although I desperately wanted to be. I've never forgiven her for that...until now. Duddy, magic runs in families. I may not have been a witch, but the blood runs through our family line, somehow. And the older you get, the more I think...well, I just couldn't treat one of YOUR children the way I treated...him.\"\n\n\"Harry,\" Dudley had said in a dull voice. \"The way you treated Harry.\"\n\nPetunia's face had fallen. She nodded. \"Yes. Harry.\"\n\nSophie turns 11 today. And so it was no surprise when the knock came on the door; no surprise when Dudley looked through the glass and saw Harry standing on the stoop, clutching an envelope not unlike the thousands that had come shooting out of the fireplace, shoved through the mail slot, and -- once, even -- hidden inside a dozen eggs.\n\nDudley swung the door open, plastering what he hoped to be a welcoming smile on his face. \"Harry,\" he said, reaching out a hand. \"She's in, then? She's...like you?\"\n\nHarry nodded, just once, a glint in his eyes. \"Are you surprised?\"\n\n\"Never had a doubt, mate.\" He smiled. It was a real smile this time. Then he shouted up the stairs, far above the cupboard where Harry used to sleep, \"Sophie, your letter has arrived!\"\n\nAnd something very like tears stung Harry's eyes when Sophie raced down the stairs, followed by her proud mum and then, finally, Aunt Petunia, who -- for once -- was beaming at him.\n\n\"Harry,\" she said.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] After the Battle of Hogwarts, Dudley met a woman and they had a daughter,Sophie. Sophie is the light of their lives,she's always been a pleasant child. The morning of Sophie's 11th birthday,there’s a knock at the door. Harry is here to visit his cousin for the first time in almost 20 years.\n\nI just want to say that I'm super excited to read these responses! I'm holding off reading them until my kiddo goes to bed so I can sit and really pay attention to your stories!!\n I can't wait to see what you guys come up with",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm taking just a few liberties with the prompt but I hope you like.\n\nEverything is just perfect. \"Dear! What time are people coming today?\" Dudley yelled upstairs where his wife Rachel was getting dressed. About two hours before tea time Hun. We've only gone over this a million times\". With the presents from Mummy and Daddy all set out and the drinks and snacks laid out, all was prepared as Dudley Dursley went to check up on the boy of the hour. Kenneth my boy are you ready? As he opened the door to his sons room. As soon as the door opened he heard a loud bang and saw a shocked look on his son's face. \"Dad, I thought we were supposed to knock\". There were a number of things strewn things strewn along the floor. \"What was that banging I heard\" Dudley asked the birthday boy. My cricket bat fell again dad. \n\nDisrupted by the bell ringing. \"I'll get that dear\" Rachel called, bit early for the post but I cant think of who else it could be at this hour. A short while later Rachel called up \"Dudley what a surprise! Your cousin came by to say hello. Alarm and panic shot through Dudley as he ran downstairs and nearly tackled his wife \n\n\"Dear can you please put on a kettle for us all, it's been a long long time. As he rounded the door shock struck Dudley like a punch in the gut. The same unmade messy black hair just touched by grey at the temples and the same eyes as his own son shown under neath those thick glasses. That odd scar still there but now faded by time. \"Hullo big D.\" Were the first words from Harry Potter he had heard in almost 20 years. Immediately years of torment and hatred came flooding behind Dudleys eyes as he sagged under the weight of all the beatings and herassment Harry had suffered u der the Dursley family. \"I'm so so sorry Harry. I dont know how you didnt zap us with your stick all those years ago.\" Dudley barley breathed out in front of his cousin. Harry just smiled and hugged his cousin. \"Its good to see you. Can we go inside we need to talk\".\n\nDudley ushered Harry inside and to the couch to take his place in his dad old recliner. As Harry walked through the old house he saw the pictures of Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. \"Sorry I wasn't at the funerals, I was in Prague on em, business. But let me get to my point.\" Harry Shrugged. Dudley smirked at the memory of his parents who along with him were terrible to Harry. \"Hold on let me get my boy and the wife.\" But Harry waved him off.\"I'd like to say onething first\" as he put a hand I to his overcoat and withdrew a yellowed envelope with a red wax seal. \n\n\"I'm sure you remember these usually come by owl but I begged the new headmaster to deliver this personally as part of my new job. I am going to be teaching now.\" As he handed the parchment to Dudley\n\nKenneth Dursley\nnumber 4, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, England, Great Britain\n\n\"Do you think he should' I mean does he have to?\"\nDudley quivered in his seat. \" I have two boys and my friends children go. My daughter goes next year. He will have plenty family and friends.\"Harry replied with a large smile as he pulled out his wand and summoned pictures.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2019-10-25T08:22:11 | 2019-10-25T08:21:31 | 218 | 107 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Interstellar wars are quick, most species die of shock quite quickly. Getting shot was a death sentence. That was until humans joined the Galaxy...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "If you shot a man, what would you expect? A little bit of blood, the heart stopping and their brain shutting off from good, right?\n\nYeah, I thought that too. And I trained my whole life on that basis. The academy was mostly dodging and just a little shooting. That worked in the War for Vyx. The natives, sticky and rupgnant gelatinous blobs, splashing on the ground as the bullets hit and got through them to hit one more. That was fun.\n\nThis is hell. These guys are plain hairless primates with a body big enough to be hit from a Kilometer distance. They just have 4 limbs for fuck's sake and yet they do not fall. I shot the same man twice and he's still on the other side of the battlefield. Now he is angry, angrier than I ever seen anyone. Must be that adrenaline they are said to produce.\n\nWe were forced to retreat. They raided the front in a adrenaline fueled rage. We fought back, sure. Took out some of them. But even with our laser cutting the arms off of some of them, it wasn't enough for them to die. Maybe they can even fight headless.\n\nThis is not war. This is a massacre\n\n\nPs: had a lot of difficulty on this one. Never written anything like this before, so I was pretty lost and didn't liked the end product at all. Feedbacks are welcome. I'd love to know what I got wrong, what I got right (if I did at all) and how to improve",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Interstellar wars are quick, most species die of shock quite quickly. Getting shot was a death sentence. That was until humans joined the Galaxy...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Every single species of the council had something that made it unique. \n\nThe Tara'Gi could fly.\n\nSinarex were silicon based live forms capable of withstanding the hardest blows, by shifting around their density\n\nMelrath were incredibly fast.\n\nThese abilities made them unique in any conflict. Except against humans. \n\nSee most of these species were born and bred for war, millennia of conflict honed these abilities. \n Humans were no different, but we never really excelled at anything, yes we had wars, yes we can fight, but we couldn't fly or withstand a tank shell or were really fast. We are pretty average.\n\nBut then the first conflict arrived, we had been arguing with the Tara'Gi for years before the bombs started raining. We prepared for every scenario, we knew a lot about our enemies, but not enough. \n\nWeapons of the highest grade, ships, vehicles, trained troops. We were ready.\n\nThe first territorial battle started with an eerie silence, men and women were holding the line and then they came. Flying at ludicrous speeds and when the first shot was fired, we expected nothing.\n\nBut we were surprised, the first hit we got and the enemy dropped dead. Not a lucky shot either, the bullet hit the flyboy in the leg and after a second or two he fell over.\n\nThey kept coming and the first hits came in. But in all honesty we were just slightly whelmed. It was like playing a nerf war with your nephew only your nephew is a 9 feet tall birdman.\n\nWe sustained light injuries, sprained ankles, scratches, a pin prick here and there.\n\n\nHumans had an incredible resistance to pain apparently, the war was short, but our empire reigned long.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2019-10-25T08:47:26 | 2019-10-25T08:21:31 | 217 | 107 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Interstellar wars are quick, most species die of shock quite quickly. Getting shot was a death sentence. That was until humans joined the Galaxy...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It was a single scout ship that first orbited the Earth. It’s technology was advanced well beyond the planet below. The crew was carrying out standard investigation protocol. The rocky planet had tremendous resources, including heavy metals, water, and vast amounts of organic. The population appears strong and useful. They were still in the regional groups and should be easily overwhelmed. \n\nThe systems had found Earth’s electronic communication and had deciphered multiple languages. Another good sign, different languages was a sign of a semi-primitive civilization. \n\nBroadcasts were reviewed, and the Shokken were alarmed. Two humans engaged in a ritual combat, with 15 cycles. Both humans were standing at the end. The beating would have ended a Shokken in a single cycle. \n\nAnother broadcast shows humans living among a group of powerful carnivores. The humans dominated these carnivores to the point that the carnivores obeyed their children. Unbelievable! \n\nThe last broadcast showed humans dominating a herbivore that weighed many times the humans weight. The human even forced the herbivore to carry the human. The herbivore was so dominated that it performed tricks on command and children dominated that beast. \n\nThe last broadcast showed a vehicle that crashed into another vehicle, a poorly designed system, but both occupants survived the crash that destroyed the vehicles. \n\nThe commander of the scout ship was red with agitation. He had never seen a species that was so individually durable and willing to take risks for small rewards. He chose the only safe option: this solar system and a minimum of ten light years will be a forbidden zone. If these human monsters reached interstellar space , they would be unstoppable...",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Interstellar wars are quick, most species die of shock quite quickly. Getting shot was a death sentence. That was until humans joined the Galaxy...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Every single species of the council had something that made it unique. \n\nThe Tara'Gi could fly.\n\nSinarex were silicon based live forms capable of withstanding the hardest blows, by shifting around their density\n\nMelrath were incredibly fast.\n\nThese abilities made them unique in any conflict. Except against humans. \n\nSee most of these species were born and bred for war, millennia of conflict honed these abilities. \n Humans were no different, but we never really excelled at anything, yes we had wars, yes we can fight, but we couldn't fly or withstand a tank shell or were really fast. We are pretty average.\n\nBut then the first conflict arrived, we had been arguing with the Tara'Gi for years before the bombs started raining. We prepared for every scenario, we knew a lot about our enemies, but not enough. \n\nWeapons of the highest grade, ships, vehicles, trained troops. We were ready.\n\nThe first territorial battle started with an eerie silence, men and women were holding the line and then they came. Flying at ludicrous speeds and when the first shot was fired, we expected nothing.\n\nBut we were surprised, the first hit we got and the enemy dropped dead. Not a lucky shot either, the bullet hit the flyboy in the leg and after a second or two he fell over.\n\nThey kept coming and the first hits came in. But in all honesty we were just slightly whelmed. It was like playing a nerf war with your nephew only your nephew is a 9 feet tall birdman.\n\nWe sustained light injuries, sprained ankles, scratches, a pin prick here and there.\n\n\nHumans had an incredible resistance to pain apparently, the war was short, but our empire reigned long.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2019-10-25T08:58:03 | 2019-10-25T08:49:00 | 65 | 41 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Interstellar wars are quick, most species die of shock quite quickly. Getting shot was a death sentence. That was until humans joined the Galaxy...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Juan wasn't sure about this. \n\nHe was recruited at the New Madrid post of the colonial marines, on Eden. It was a lush green world his parents came to settle, escaping the wave of persecution that the neo-fascist regime government of their homeland was implementing. \n\nJoining the marines was a natural choice. He hated agriculture and didn't want to be anywhere near the giant mosquitos of his homeworld. \n\nSo it came to this. Fighting for the right of humans to settle any world they set their sights into. \n\nHe was enclosed in his \"Berserker\" armor. An ugly, foreboding suit of death armed with a saw-sword and machine gun. And he was facing an enormous tchoor'naim'tse, or 'veggie' as the marines call them. A plant-based species with a sap-like substance for blood and claws the size of his arm. \n\nIt roared its discontent with humanity choices and ran toward him in an ungainly, but surprisingly fast gait. \n\nJuan was momentarily frozen. He really didn't expect to fight hand to hand, humanity had tons of \"Intelligent\" weapons able to strike at a foe at distance. So why was he fighting this guy?\n\nBut the intelligence guys insisted on this. \"They can't take what we will deliver,\" they said. \n\nOnce he recovered it was already too late, the veggie was upon him, striking with one of its claws. His gun flew out of his hand, just along with two of his fingers and most of his left arm armor. Blood was everywhere. \n\nAnd then he struck. A fumble really, that only managed to graze the monster before him. Who then proceeded to bleed to death. \n\nJuan couldn't believe his eyes. Neither could the rest of the tchoor'naim'tse, who were seeing Juan bleed but not fall. \"How was this possible?\" thought everyone there. \n\nAnd then Juan remembered there were still a lot of veggies to kill, and he still had his sword. He turned to them and fixed his sight on the nearest one. Then he started to run towards it. Yelling. With his sword raised. \n\nThe rest of the veggies started running too. To their dropship. They didn't want to get anywhere near the undying killing machine that was unleashed upon them.",
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{
"content": "[WP] Interstellar wars are quick, most species die of shock quite quickly. Getting shot was a death sentence. That was until humans joined the Galaxy...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The stars were massive, and humanity was new, most species had awaited the next enlightened age of a new species, and intergalactic law had held them in their patience until now. Now there were free game, equals to all whom would have at them. Of course, not all were simply waiting to see. Some saw profit.\n\nThe first of the star riders to greet them was also there first conflict, the Hyrumari, a species that occupied the nearest galaxy. One was not a enlightened species until they found a practical way around the simple confines of the law of light, but distance mattered even to those without that restriction. \n\nThe hyrumari were generally androgynous tri pod creatures with two slits where a mouth would be and thousands of tendrils around the shoulders, with these they could create biocurrents that produced a effect like magnets to lift nearly anything and manipulate it in 360°, and they were fearsome for their powerful minds to comprehend these shapes and master them, making them savants at 3d movements and spatial reasoning, and their unique upward facing eyes gave them a unique ablitiy to see anything but what was beneath them, which their tendrils would sense. \n\nHowever the bipedal race they saw was strange, with forward facing ships, mainly dealing in longitude and latiude, chasing each others tails to ambush them like prey. The sphere ships only had one false side they was visually indistinguishable from the rest of the ship, so this would be another race that was easily bested and destroyed. \n\nBut when their ion cannons and gamma pulse wave cannons tore through the side of the enemy vessel it did not falter, merely losing some speed and weight it forced itself to face them and used it's considerable forward facing firepower to obliterate their enemies as fast as possible. \n\nThe hyrumari forced to retreat found the effectiveness a aerodynamic Lancer could be on hounding it's enemies, even in space. When they fled to their homeworlds they found that their ships weren't the only parts of them to be undying, they could rip and blast and obliterate anything but their cores and heads and they would still come, and even hitting there was not always enough to stop this morbid assualt. \n\nIn a matter of months they had dominated and were now assimilating the once thought impossible to invade hyrumari. \n\nThe rest of the star riders knew the die was cast, it was time to teach the newcomers the rules...",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2020-02-26T05:10:36 | 2020-02-26T04:53:48 | 1,182 | 234 | [
{
"content": "[WP]everyone has a sigil on their body that represents powers that were bestowed onto humanity after the rapture of the Milky Way. The bullies at school always pick on you because you never used your power, but you’ve had enough. Now they are going to find out why your sigil is a plain old circle",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Jerry Novak was a simple teen. His hair was close-cropped, with no special style, his clothes were regular—just jeans and a T—he was utterly average in terms of appearance, and even his Rune was bland. Just a plain old circle.\n\nEveryone else had magnificent patterns: dual swords crossing and emitting sparks, skulls with crystal eyes, and some people even had Runes resembling certain celebrities. On top of them being cool in appearance, these Runes symbolized abilities that these other kids had. Naturally, seeing that Jerry's Rune was plain, the other kids thought that his *power* must have been plain as well, and that's why he didn't use it. \n\nThey were wrong, of course, but that didn't stop them from bullying him. Today, however, he had had enough. As he walked up the (rather dirty) stone steps toward the double doors leading into the halls, he was flanked by Paul Messus and his cronies. \n\nPaul was above average in nearly every sense of the word—almost painfully good-looking, Greek god physique, and of course, the coolest Rune in school. \n\n\"Wassup Novak!\" he shouted. He pushed Jerry, sending him flying backward. That was his ability—super strength. \"Ooh, a little light there, aren't you?\" he yelled, while his cronies guffawed stupidly in the background. \n\n*Ignore them* ... *ignore them*. Jerry told himself, rising and wincing. He tried to veer around them, but Paul stepped in front of him, puffing out his immense chest. \n\n\"Where you going?\" he cried. \"We're not done yet!\" He grabbed Jerry by the leg and spun him around over his head, whooping like the hooligan he was. \n\nZooming through the air, fighting desperately to keep himself from hurling, Jerry decided—enough was enough. He concentrated on his Rune, and the circle glowed. \n\nBehind Paul, an enormous, pitch-black hole opened up, spewing dark mist. Paul dropped him, horrified, trying to run away, but it didn't work. The force of the hole gripped him, holding him as a man might embrace his lover, and with a final, piercing scream, he was sucked into the void, and it closed up. \n\nSmirking, Jerry made his way to class, leaving the thunderstruck group of kids gaping in horror behind him. \n\nIf you liked this, subscribe to r/ShortsandSerials for more!",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP]everyone has a sigil on their body that represents powers that were bestowed onto humanity after the rapture of the Milky Way. The bullies at school always pick on you because you never used your power, but you’ve had enough. Now they are going to find out why your sigil is a plain old circle",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"What's the matter, muggle? Too afraid to use your powers?\" David said, and shoved me. \n\nIt's the same routine everyday. David and his friends had recently started watching Harry Potter and learned a new word. Thus, muggle was all I was used to hearing all week. \n\n\"I don't think this little twig has any,\" Rob said and laughed. They had me cornered. There was no escape. But this was okay. It was always like this. \n\n\"No, no. I think he does. Here look at this,\" John said and snapped his fingers. A ball of fire appeared in his palm. \n\nThis was normal. It was okay. I was used to seeing them intimidate me like this. \n\nBut then, David pulled his hand back and punched me across the face. I felt a teeth fly out. \n\n\"Hey man. You were not supposed to hit him like that,\" Rob said, extinguishing his fireball. \n\nHe was right. This was not okay. \n\n\"I saw this circle kid talking to my girlfriend this morning. He deserves this. Trust me,\" David said, gritting his teeth at Rob. \n\n\"Ah, what audacity!\" Rob said, and launched a fireball at my bag. I tried to extinguish the flames but David kicked me again. \n\nWith a bloody nose and a missing teeth, I had had enough. \n\nI didn't want to do it. Unlike everyone's complicated sigils, they all knew I had a circle. They all assumed I had a lame power like making wind smell better. \n\nBut they were now in for a surprise. \n\nI stood up, and activated my sigil. \n\nI appeared everywhere. Behind David, behind Rob, Behind John, In front of them, Beside them, over them, all around them, everywhere. \n\nThe corridor was filled with an infinite number of mes.\n\nI kept increasing. Now they knew why I never used my power. \n\nI am the circle. I am infinity. \n\nI kept appearing. They tried punching, burning and clawing their way through, but it was too late. \n\nI appeared everywhere, suffocating them, trapping them from moving. \n\nThe last thing they heard was me laughing from all around them. \n\nIt was a nightmare they couldn't imagine. It was me. Infinity. \n\nI appeared inside them, popping through their bodies, sending their meaty remains and blood on other parts of me crowding around them. \n\nThat's how they got to know why I never used my power. That's how they died. \n\n\\-----------------------------\n\nr/abhisek",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2020-02-26T06:44:16 | 2020-02-26T04:53:48 | 320 | 234 | [
{
"content": "[WP]everyone has a sigil on their body that represents powers that were bestowed onto humanity after the rapture of the Milky Way. The bullies at school always pick on you because you never used your power, but you’ve had enough. Now they are going to find out why your sigil is a plain old circle",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Every day was the same routine. In and out, Algebra 2, English 3 , French 1, Lunch , History of Europe, American Civic, Phys Ed, Rinse and repeat.\n\nIn Algebra it was Liam. He was also really smart and math was always my worst subject. I struggled to keep up with the abstracts. Pulling imaginary numbers from thin air was a monumental task for me. I much preferred geometry. I understood shapes much better. At least they were real. Didn't matter. Liam would always look over my shoulder at the test I'd just had returned and loudly declare my grade to the class.\n\n\"OH MAN TED, 64 PERCENT? BIG BUMMER!\" Then everyone laughed.\n\nWhy couldn't this be geometry? Shapes were concrete, absolute and able to be visualized. I thought about my mark. A simple circle. 3.14 personified. Like my life, it was a perfect loop and everything always came back around.\n\nThere were other bullies too of course, but Liam was the worst offender, and he would appear again, at lunch and History of Europe. \n\nHe didn't bring up the shape every single day, but it didn't matter. It just became a matter of \"when\". When was the next time he'd bring up my bland, plain circle? \n\nUntil the day, the most imperfect day one could imagine. He had partied hard the night before the test, and when it came back that Monday, he scored a 32. Then he found out he didn't get the Soccer scholarship to play for State, arguably the only chance he had of college. Then the bombshell. News reached him his grandmother had finally succumbed to her cancer.\n\nI don't envy Liam. That's an unfathomable amount of pain in 24 hours. It would suck to go through that.\n\n It would suck even more if the guy he picked on every day for the last four years had the power of never ending time loops, the ability to force anyone to consciously relive the same day over and over as much as they wished that person to. The perfectly inescapable geometry of the circle. Mercilessly calm, unflinchingly redundant. Like some sick blend of Groundhogs Day and Sophie's Choice, the next 1,440 minutes of his life would be all he had for a long long time.\n\nHave fun Liam. Tell your grandma I said hi.\n\nEDIT: holy Crap my wires got crossed on the names",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP]everyone has a sigil on their body that represents powers that were bestowed onto humanity after the rapture of the Milky Way. The bullies at school always pick on you because you never used your power, but you’ve had enough. Now they are going to find out why your sigil is a plain old circle",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"What's the matter, muggle? Too afraid to use your powers?\" David said, and shoved me. \n\nIt's the same routine everyday. David and his friends had recently started watching Harry Potter and learned a new word. Thus, muggle was all I was used to hearing all week. \n\n\"I don't think this little twig has any,\" Rob said and laughed. They had me cornered. There was no escape. But this was okay. It was always like this. \n\n\"No, no. I think he does. Here look at this,\" John said and snapped his fingers. A ball of fire appeared in his palm. \n\nThis was normal. It was okay. I was used to seeing them intimidate me like this. \n\nBut then, David pulled his hand back and punched me across the face. I felt a teeth fly out. \n\n\"Hey man. You were not supposed to hit him like that,\" Rob said, extinguishing his fireball. \n\nHe was right. This was not okay. \n\n\"I saw this circle kid talking to my girlfriend this morning. He deserves this. Trust me,\" David said, gritting his teeth at Rob. \n\n\"Ah, what audacity!\" Rob said, and launched a fireball at my bag. I tried to extinguish the flames but David kicked me again. \n\nWith a bloody nose and a missing teeth, I had had enough. \n\nI didn't want to do it. Unlike everyone's complicated sigils, they all knew I had a circle. They all assumed I had a lame power like making wind smell better. \n\nBut they were now in for a surprise. \n\nI stood up, and activated my sigil. \n\nI appeared everywhere. Behind David, behind Rob, Behind John, In front of them, Beside them, over them, all around them, everywhere. \n\nThe corridor was filled with an infinite number of mes.\n\nI kept increasing. Now they knew why I never used my power. \n\nI am the circle. I am infinity. \n\nI kept appearing. They tried punching, burning and clawing their way through, but it was too late. \n\nI appeared everywhere, suffocating them, trapping them from moving. \n\nThe last thing they heard was me laughing from all around them. \n\nIt was a nightmare they couldn't imagine. It was me. Infinity. \n\nI appeared inside them, popping through their bodies, sending their meaty remains and blood on other parts of me crowding around them. \n\nThat's how they got to know why I never used my power. That's how they died. \n\n\\-----------------------------\n\nr/abhisek",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2020-02-26T10:43:17 | 2020-02-26T09:02:03 | 24 | 13 | [
{
"content": "[WP]everyone has a sigil on their body that represents powers that were bestowed onto humanity after the rapture of the Milky Way. The bullies at school always pick on you because you never used your power, but you’ve had enough. Now they are going to find out why your sigil is a plain old circle",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "As I sat in the dark holding room, my only companions a security camera programmed to turn left and right on a ten second cycle and a cold metal table I was now handcuffed to, I continued my replaying of the events in my head. Better to keep things straight for when the Good Cop/Bad Cop routine starts. \n \nI'd just had enough. I'd just had enough of feeling unsafe every time I stepped off the bus and walked into that garbage school. That smug moron with the firecracker marked on his wrist, his deceptively meek partner-in-crime with a radio signal on the back of his neck, they were my tormentors in my daily Hell. The second I walked through those doors, every morning, I would hear a pop like a gunshot, proceeded by rapid sizzling and shrieks of shrill air, and that sound would continue every thirty to fourty five minutes for the rest of the day. If I tried to confront them, they would hit me with another wave of sound that fried all my senses. If I went to my teachers, I was told to \"ignore it\". \n \nI knew why. I was a target because everyone else flaunted their powers. In their eyes, I was too good to use my power in front of them, or I was just lazy, or both. In truth, I'd only used my power once before. I caught my sister rummaging through my things for something to pawn, for the umpteenth time. Something inside me just snapped, and I used my power for the first time. \n \nThe police investigation ruled it as a drug overdose, and my parents were more worried about how I felt. I felt like a murderer. The worst part is, she's not dead. She's still in the hospital, and she will be for the rest of her life. \n \nToday was the anniversary of the day I used my power for the first time. Not something I would celebrate, maybe other people, but I like to think I'm not a sociopath. Today I just wanted to be left alone, so instead of entering through the front of the school, I figured I would try and sneak in the back. \n \nOf all the people to grab my arm as I came through the door, it had to be the Vice Principal. Under his left eye was a birthmark like a teardrop, and the second he touched me, I felt like I was going to burst into tears. When he made physical contact with someone, they felt an overwhelming avalanche of emotion, meant to coax them into telling the truth. I immediately screamed, saying I just wanted to be left alone. \n \nHis grip clenched around my arm tighter. He barked into my face again, demanding whatever truth he thought he was going to get out of me. It was like an overload of not just all my senses, but my brain simultaneously screaming to be let out of my skull, until finally I couldn't take it anymore. The circle on my forehead began burning a bright yellow, and the Vice Principal collapsed to the ground, convulsing and frothing at the mouth as he slipped into a vegetative state. \n \nI ran. I'm not an idea person, that was just all I had right now, my two left feet and lungs to breathe. I started running and didn't stop. I must've broken a record for something before the cop car snapped me back to reality. \n \nNow comes the hard part. I can be honest, I can tell them that I snapped and just wanted to be left alone. I can tell them I was walking in the back to avoid my bullies. Whether or not they believe me or even care, that's not the hard part. \n \nThe hard part is going to be explaining how my power works. \n \nThe Vice Principal wasn't just in a medically induced coma. His body was shut down, and his mind was now trapped in a loop. He's currently reliving every time he ever hurt someone, from a third-person perspective. He's made to watch as every kid he screamed at went home and cried into a pillow, or dropped out of school, or started playing with their dad's razors. He has to face everyone he's ever hurt, and beg for forgiveness. If he can do that, the loop will break, and he'll wake up. \n \nMost people can't change. It's not impossible, but it's like trying to make coal into a diamond. If everyone could change, if people were perfect, the world would be perfect. Instead, we just have an infinite circle of hate and misunderstanding that self-perpetuates, all to keep our fragile minds from looking back and realizing the infinity of lives we've changed, not all of them for the better. \n \nBreaking the circle is an act in-of itself self-destruction. To change yourself *is* to destroy yourself. Break the circle and break yourself, or maintain the circle and maintain the cycle of pain. Destruction or Self-destruction. \n \n...I always fucking hated geometry.",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP]everyone has a sigil on their body that represents powers that were bestowed onto humanity after the rapture of the Milky Way. The bullies at school always pick on you because you never used your power, but you’ve had enough. Now they are going to find out why your sigil is a plain old circle",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Even before the rapture, that's what we've grown to call the day the sky lit up like a god had laid fire to a rainbow, i had trouble fitting in. I never enjoyed the \"normal\" things kids were supposed to: sports, video games, comic books. I was always staring out the window. Looking for shapes in the clouds or stars. Wishing to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.\n\n​\n\nThen it happened. The rapture was a chaotic day. No one understood was what is occurring in the that moment but people began to feel great pain as sigils were branded on their foreheads by some unseen entity. After people recovered from the shock of it all they found that these sigils allowed them to do very special things. Some could play with fire, others electricity. A few could simply conjure energy (this was anything but simple to purists of general relativity). While others still could modify time as we knew it and their place in it.\n\n​\n\nThose with greater power had endured greater pain. The most common sigils were the size of a half dollar. The \"elites\" were typically the size of your fist, placed on your forehead. Since we we were still human our baser nature was still prevalent. People outside the standard were shunned as people to be scared of, or rejected. A few people had had their heads branded with their sigil. Each one of them, male and female alike, were named witches and treated as they were in colonial Salem. There's even urban legend of a few \"mutants\" of such immense power their entire body is wrapped in their sigil. Me though, my sigil is nothing and i've been treated as a reject since. For some reason the nickname \"empty glass\" stuck and all the kids simply refer to me as \"glass\" now.\n\n​\n\nToday, walking through the halls, being mocked pretty lightly for a Tuesday (schedules rotate daily and Tuesday's bring the 2nd most bullies outside Ms. Snyders room) I feel a sudden impact on my cheek. I guess Sully felt it was time to check if I still considered myself worthy of being in the presence of \"regular people\" or if he could break me. As I recover from the blow I look up and see a teacher trying to intervene but other bullies using their sigils to restrain the teacher. The teachers were severely outnumbered and I may be in danger.\n\n​\n\nSully chirps, \"Yo glass, why won't you just go away! You'll never be able to do anything. You have no use. \" More threats are hurled as well as punches but I don't hear or feel any of them. They all land; i'm certain I'll feel them tomorrow but not right now. That one insult from Sully is all i have in my mind.\n\n​\n\nDuring a break in the pummeling I simply lower my head and say \"Fine\". As I say this I wave my hand over my forehead and out in front of me. As I do this, everything around me stops as I'm encircled by a sphere of dust and specks. I motion with my hands to pull and spin this cloud around me, shapes slowly become visible. After a few more seconds I'm pulling at one shape in particular. It's apparent to anyone who would be with me that it's the milky way. I continue until I've Google Universe'd my way right into this hallway we're all standing in. (since playing with this sigill since the rapture this process only takes a moment) I see grab the Sully from my projection. Zoom out. Give the dust cloud a spin and flick Sully off into somewhere. I motion to condense the dust cloud and it finds it's way back to my sigil. A single circle the size of an atom (i've checked), in the middle of my forehead.\n\n​\n\nReturned to the current situation, everyone is confused and shocked. Many of the bullies are screaming \"What did you do to sully?\", \"Where's sully??\", \"WTF?\", \"You wanna die!\" and things like that. I calmly say, \"Sully is no more. Who's next?\". Another bully motions to strike me. I make the same motions (I should really find a way to book mark my town!) but instead of sending this bully away I squeeze the projection until it explodes. On my return I see the remaining bullies, teachers, and other students covered in bits of the last one to attempt to strike. I say, \"Next?\". Everyone scatters, screaming.\n\n​\n\nThis saved me from a further beating that day but I should have taken the beatings. Today, even the witches and mutants are afraid of me and hunt me because I am different.\n\n\\------\n\nSo many ideas on where to take this. Thanks for the prompt.",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2020-06-15T21:45:38 | 2020-06-15T16:27:37 | 462 | 89 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Humans have always been feared throughout the universe for surviving in the harshest environments, drinking and eating highly poisonous drinks and foods as well as taming and even domesticating dangerous beasts. One applies for a position at your company.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": " “Unfortunately there is only one position available at the company thus we are going to put you through a couple of tests to see who would be the best fit.” CEO Dolgrump stated slowly lowering his sunglasses and adjusting his universal translator while reviewing the new potential candidates. His tentacle hurt from all the applications he had siphoned through this past week but hard work gets results, especially when you have others do that work for you.\n\nThat's how he had built this company from the ground up, having establishments on Vertron, Especia 5 and were even planning and opening a new location on Pluto in the next quarter. Before he could do that, apparently they needed to diversify the workforce a bit, typical of the HR Department and for new Intergalactic Empire Workforce Rules and Regulations.\n\n​\n\nIt came down to three candidates, a Bolgerion where its width matched its height and had the skin of a dying orange volcano. A Vermule that could be a distant cousin of a typical houseplant except with too many eyes. And a Human, those disgusted Dolgrump to his core. They were blank, featureless skin, a void of a race and it was unsettling. It was like befriending a black hole, an essence of destruction and he would not have the likes of that in his company. All he had to do was assure the hiring process was the worst imaginable and the Human would have to drop out of the race.\n\n​\n\n“Thank you, sir, for the opportunity, I am happy to try my best.” The Human said giving a slight bow towards the CEO.\n\n*“How disgusting!”* Dolgrump thought to himself. Saying *thank you* without receiving anything, *happy* without getting the job. This Human is certainly a force of nature that just does not care for anything.\n\n​\n\nThe tests did not go as expected as the horrific Human excelled at every physiological strategy CEO Dolgrump tried to pull. The plan was to use the banned Intergalactic Empire Workforce Mental Stress Test to wither down the candidate until the candidate felt worthless. It was banned for being considered too cruel yet the Human was not affected. Were they too insane for mental attacks? Dolgrump even used the long forbidden “What Do You Consider to Be Your Weaknesses?”. The Human had a list of things to say splurging out hypnotic words about *working too hard* and *being a perfectionist*. If these were their weaknesses, Dolgrump could not imagine their strengths mixed with their unpredictability. The girthy Bolgerion bowed out of the competition after hearing those answers from the Human and the Vermule went insane from the interrogation.\n\n​\n\nWith only the Huma left, Dolgrump was getting desperate and needed to stale. The best way he knew how was to ask for the candidate to gather information about their lives, past employment, living situation, and anything he could think of. That information would be locked under the Intergalactic Empire Mainframe and gathering that information from across the galaxy manually would take forever. It was perfect!\n\n“Of course, I have my portfolio right here.” The Human said handing a binder to Dolgrump. “My references are also up to date.”\n\nDolgrump felt as if there was nothing that he could do to break this Human monster. Only an abomination could excel in the most devious tactics of the workforce. \n\n“Ummm, perfect.” Dolgrump said cautiously, grabbing the document and the flipper through the tomb of an unknown language. \n\n​\n\nHe felt as if he had no choice, Dolgrump had to hire this candidate but the battle was not over, he could get this creature to break and go insane forcing HR to allow the firing of the Human. They would force the Human to work 3-day cycles a week to miss work to break their soul, force them to constantly leave their station to go on explorations and excursions to break their body, and even continuously change their work position up the corporate ladder to break their mind. This Human won’t survive.",
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{
"content": "[WP] Humans have always been feared throughout the universe for surviving in the harshest environments, drinking and eating highly poisonous drinks and foods as well as taming and even domesticating dangerous beasts. One applies for a position at your company.",
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{
"content": "“So… Mr. Blake! You are an ex-SIAF; am I right?”\n\n“Exactly, but you can call me Jim.”\n\nThe man sat down cautiously with a slow lunge towards the red chair. On his chest stood the initials SIAF, Specialised Interplanetary Attack Force. The one and only death squad, which persecuted all sorts of revolutionaries or belligerents.\n\nHumans had by now occupied the entire Quartile system: the planetary system right next to their own. War had taken us by surprise as our still inexpert species was flourishing in the gardens of Adan. The metallic clashing of ships, and boisterous charges of guns had infiltrated our minds deeply.\n\n“And tell me… Jim: why are you applying for this job?” I guardedly questioned the human. He raised his eyebrow and let his jaw drop.\n\n“I… actually don’t know. After being expelled from the army, I guessed I needed a new thrill,” he crossed his legs and shook his head with compliance, “and this friend of mine told me you pay well for those beasts’ hearts.”\n\n“Absolutely. And we know that humans like you are made exactly to be ruthless.” I tried complimenting the man, not knowing if he would have appreciated.\n\n“Sure, can be. But I prefer a more methodical approach.”\n\n“What experience do you have in your sack Jim? Tell us why we should take you.”\n\nThe filthy human started laughing in a snort. His rowdy voice explained in great detail his landing on Ärogon, our neighbouring planet.\n\n“And before I realised, I had snapped his neck!” he then looks at me intensely. He gets closer and closer. Grabs my chin, and… “boo!”\n\nI flounce backwards and tip my chair over.\n\n“Wow, so stories are true about you Saravellans, cowards and pussies.” He then stood up, and walked over to where my head laid. “You better give me the job, lewd scumbag.” Jim turns around, and leaves, strolling down the corridor. Just before passing the door, I hear him spit on the ground.\n\nJust another ordinary day on Saravella.\n\nIt had been by now 14 years since the great subjugation. We Saravellans had been the Humans’ personal slaves by too long. The Great Terra Empire had become totally apolitical. Simply put, the emperor ruled over everyone. Communism wasn’t a thing, neither was fascism. \nYou might be asking how I know about these things. I was still as young as 11 when the humans appeared out of nowhere. The war lasted about a year. So there was plenty of time for them to indoctrinate us with their great history of the dozens of world wars and nuclear wars. Pitiful, if you may ask me. Such genius, such strength, gone into interplanetary colonisation.\n\nThat night I woke up early to reach my job on time: thus sprinting into the briefing room. It was full; full of humans, Ärogonians and various other species I didn’t even know about.\n\n“Hey old friend” I heard a voice from behind me exclaim: it was Jim Blake. That son of a Börogot. No need to explain that, or?\n\n“I had so much fun yesterday,” he shouted as he punched me in the arm, “hopefully you won’t disappoint me today.” He had a gun tucked in this boot and wielded a black t-shirt with on it written: “Suck my b\\*\\*ls”.\n\n“Jim, I thought the email sent to you was clear: you are supposed to bring a heavy coat with you. The biome this beast is found in is stuck at -50 degrees.” \n\n“Hey pussy. I’m no weak arse like you, I’m a human. The supreme species remember?” He stomped on my foot with his boots. “Now dig your face up you’re a\\*s and never speak to me again. Understood?”\n\n“Understood.” I said in a soft whisper whilst a tear split my face in half.\n\n“You see? Things can go just right. I knew you were a fun one Khel.”\n\n​\n\n(This is of course unfinished. Thank you for the bright prompt. Have a good rest of your day! Cheers!)",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2020-11-16T16:22:42 | 2020-11-16T13:31:18 | 33 | 14 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Time travel is invented, but we can't go back farther than one week. Apparently, that's when the universe was created.\n\n[deleted]",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "It shouldn't have been that hard to wrap our heads around. If an author writes a main character who's forty years old, that doesn't mean it took them forty years to do it. Theoretically their childhood *happened,* but unless it's relevant to the plot or the characterization, you'll never see it mentioned. All of that is backstory.\n\nAll of *this* is backstory.\n\nWe know the time down to the microsecond: 3:52:14.914201 p.m. UTC, Sunday, November 8, 2020. We know this because it's as far back as our time machine goes - the time machine we were *going* to use to stop the pandemic in its tracks by bundling the vaccine with 2019's flu shots, until we found out that we couldn't. 2019 is backstory.\n\nIt's night now, the eighth night of the world. Stars glimmer in sky, trillions upon trillions of miles away. We have not yet seen any of the light that they've actually emitted; we won't for another four years. Let there be light, God said, and there was light, and it was already in transit. I look down at the wallet in my hands, at the cash I never earned, at the credit cards I never applied for, the gift card my nephew never gave me for a Christmas that never happened. At the driver's license that claims it was issued on the imaginary date of October 16, 2018, for a person ostensibly born on the equally imaginary date of October 27, 1985.\n\nBackstory. All of it.\n\nBut if that was backstory and this is not, does that mean it's now Chapter One? And if so, what exactly does that mean for us? Why have we been brought into existence *here, now*, rather than twenty years ago? Are we simply characters in someone else's story?\n\nBecause if so, I sure hope I'm not slated to die.",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Time travel is invented, but we can't go back farther than one week. Apparently, that's when the universe was created.\n\n[deleted]",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I am looking at the night sky, watching billions of stars, shining. We have all been taught in school, that the light travels years, thousands of years and more fom a distant star through the emptiness of the space before a number of photons falls upon our retina and our brain intercepts it as a point in the night sky. It was a beautiful sentiment. Something so small, and so old, and yet enormous and instantenious. Or so it was ... untill yesterday.\n\nI can almost hear the universe laughing at our hubris. We thought we were so clever, that we have finally figured everything out and broke the universe in the last way it was thought unbreakable. And now, it all feels as a punchline to a joke that has been said to me for years, but only now I finally understand. We have not invented time travel, we have literally just pushed a button.\n\nThere is no scientific tradition, no giants on whose shoulders we stood. There was not a multi billion dollar project, there was not two generations worth of scientific discoveries, trials, errors, incremental successes. No, there was just an illusion we have lived in for 5 days before we pushed a button. It took us two seconds to figure it out, and two days to come to terms with the truth, that is how prfoundly we though we understood our device. \n\nThe simulations were clear, should we ever attempt to travel to the moment prior to initial singularity, we would move out of our time. However, as proven by the Professor Xi, that is impossible, should you ever try to move to a time 0 - t \\[s\\], where t is any value greater than 0 you hit an Entropic Temporal Wall. Not literal mind you. Error code 00001 was assigned to the event when a time bridge was unable to open due to ETW in the way. Guess what error we encountered when we tried to perform a jump mere 7 days back in time.\n\nI am looking at the night sky, watching billions of stars. Shining. And I wonder, what tomorrow will bring, because for the fist time I experience uncertainty, about what tomorrow may bring and find it oddly comforting.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2020-12-09T10:38:14 | 2020-12-09T10:27:48 | 20 | 12 | [
{
"content": "[WP] \"Humanity will only unite if they have a common enemy. In that unity, they will achieve peace, for as long as that enemy lives.\" He looked at you with his dark tired eyes, your weapon on his neck, as he croaked, \"That's why I chose to be the bad guy.\"",
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"content": "“You couldn’t have….” The hero gasped as the words left the old man’s lips.\n\n“That’s right. Humanity has fought against itself for far too long. I realized it after I saw my family die in the last great war. We have spent too much time bickering about ourselves instead of attempting to work together. That’s because it’s human nature to fight among ourselves unless there is a great enemy. That is why I took it among myself to become the greatest villain of all time. Sure, there may be those who suffer fighting against me, but over time, the number who suffer will be far less than without me. You should….”\n\n“That’s your reason this time?” The hero interjected.\n\n“What?”\n\n“You heard me. I can’t believe you managed to finally reach this reason this time around.”\n\n*This time around?* The old man struggled to grasp the meaning behind these words. As he wracked his brain to put meaning to the hero’s words, the images buried deep in his mind slowly came flooding back.\n\nEndless dark armies under his command, spreading death and destruction. Dark magics flowing from his fingertips, and darker schemes. The screams of the innocent echoing in his mind as his forces slaughtered their way to victory. It was like this time, but the things were different. The armies in his vision were manned by different species. The empires he had fought against flew different banners. His body was not even clad in flesh.\n\nAnd then, the one memory that unified them all. A man who always stood before him at the end of it all. A man clad in golden amour and welding a silver sword, who seemed immune to all his magic, who could effortlessly cut through his minions. A man for some reason was the only survivor out of the countless warriors who came to face him.\n\n“How many times?” He finally croaked.\n\nThe man smiled.\n\n“So, it only took you about 10 tries to reach that conclusion. Quite a lot, but I thought we’d never see this one when you decided that you were the prophet of some imaginary death god you dreamt up on the 9th round.”\n\nIn a flash, the man in gold armor was in front of him and he felt a fist bury itself deep into his gut. As his consciousness slowly faded to black, he heard laughter and one last metallic voice\n\n*“Achievement unlocked. Start new game round?”*\n\n“Yes.”",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] \"Humanity will only unite if they have a common enemy. In that unity, they will achieve peace, for as long as that enemy lives.\" He looked at you with his dark tired eyes, your weapon on his neck, as he croaked, \"That's why I chose to be the bad guy.\"",
"role": "user"
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"content": " “That's why I chose to be the bad guy.” \n\n \n I hesitated. I had expected him to say that, or at least something similar, but I had not expected him to sound as sincere. He truly believed it. I lowered the jagged, splintered chair leg that I held to his neck. \n\n \n “See, deep down inside you know it's true.” He let out a dry, raspy laugh. In response I lifted the chair leg back up, pressing it just hard enough to draw a pin prick of blood from him. He did not seem concerned as he continued talking. “Doesn't matter if you believe that or not, either way I am still dying. A week, maybe two at the most left. And when I die I shall leave a void in my place that will suck everything in, descending the Earth into a chaos unlike any it has ever seen before. That is why they will need a hero.” He looked up at me expectantly. \n\n \n “Me?” He nodded his head. \n\n \n “Kill me. Run that stake right through my neck, parade my dead body around for all to see, and gloat in the victory that you defeated me. The world will gather to praise you, their saviour.” With a smile he lifted his arms up the air in a dramatic flourish as if cheering for me, but then his tone changed. “Of course then, someone else will inevitably come along and kill you, and the world will unite again, this time to mourn you and to share in their fear and hatred of the one that killed you. That is until a new hero emerges and does to them what you did to me, and what they did to you. And so will the cycle continue.” \n\n \n As he said these things a tear formed in his eye, but he did not look sad, nor even happy. Content I think is the best way to describe the expression he had. I did not want to prove him right, but I knew that I could not let him live, not after all he had done. I drove the chair leg deep into his neck and I did not even flinch as his blood splattered in my face. \n\n \n Now, thirty years later, I can hear the sirens blast and frantic yells as people run to their battle stations ready to defend me to their death. My home as been compromised and I must decide to fight or let the cycle continue.",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2020-12-09T10:50:00 | 2020-12-09T10:23:36 | 18 | 11 | [
{
"content": "[WP] \"Humanity will only unite if they have a common enemy. In that unity, they will achieve peace, for as long as that enemy lives.\" He looked at you with his dark tired eyes, your weapon on his neck, as he croaked, \"That's why I chose to be the bad guy.\"",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "“Shut the FUCK up. You think you can play some game and make actually SYMPATHIZE with you? You’re a murderer, cold blooded and relentless. Fuck you and die.” said our hero. He slowly presses his blade against this monsters neck, watching as he cackles and stares our hero in his bloodshot eyes. “I’ve been chasing you for weeks, slaughtering your men”, he presses the blade further; “I’ve watched my brothers die at the hand of your evil, and now it’s time for you to pay for what you’ve done this world, all while you sit on this false throne.“\n\nWith one final push our hero’s blade exits the back of his skull, and the life begins the drain from his eyes. He leaves the blade pierced in his neck and stands over his almost lifeless body, grasping for any ounce of understanding he can get ahold of. What did he mean, that he was uniting the world he was actively destroying? He may have been a monster but he was just a man, like all of those who died in this war. \n\nOur hero steps back and looks around the hall of his enemy, splattered with blood and decorated with corpses. He notices art, paintings and sculptures depicting the bygone eras of their ancestors, laughing, creating, rejoicing. How could a man capable of such evil surround himself with these joyous images? \n\n*cough*\n\nHe turns back to the throne of the monster to see him clutching his neck, his hand overflowing with dark red viscera. He speaks, his words breathy and hoarse.\n\n “You do not see what I have really done, only the obstacles I faced in my endeavor. You think I thrive on the pain, the horrors, the screams. You damn fool. My plan was at its grand end, and you, along with all your surviving brothers would have reaped the benefits for centuries.”\n\nHis speech begins to slur and our hero approaches him. \n\n“Peace. True, untainted peace. But now? Well you will see. It will happen swiftly, and without remorse”\n\nWith these final words his hand falls from his neck, and the life behind his eyes fades into a hollow frame of meat and bone. Our hero knelling at the body of his enemy ponders the meaning of this “death speech”. \n\n“No. No. You had to die. You were a plague on this world. Nothing good could have come from this plight.”\n\nA crowd of footsteps tumbled through the great doors of the hall, rushing to our hero standing over the body of this worlds terror. Our hero spots the sigils on the armor, an allied clan or warriors, a general and four of his soldiers. The soldiers approach the hero and the general speaks.\n\n“Well done boy. You have done this world and invaluable service.” \n\n“Thank you sir, the efforts of your clan were an essential part of our succe-“\n\nBefore he can finish a soldier plunges a shard of stone deep into the base of the hero’s skull, immediately draining him of any essence of life. The soldiers stand above both of these bodies as the general makes his way to the throne.\n\n“Men. Thank you for your valor and courage. The world will remember the day our clan ended this war, along with the the clan of that ‘traitor’. We will bring his crimes to the other great chiefs and speak of what we ALL saw here today. A man, defying his people, his allegiances, and the world, all in the pursuit of glory. His clan must be held accountable as well. Send word, we will strike in 3 days.”",
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"content": "[WP] \"Humanity will only unite if they have a common enemy. In that unity, they will achieve peace, for as long as that enemy lives.\" He looked at you with his dark tired eyes, your weapon on his neck, as he croaked, \"That's why I chose to be the bad guy.\"",
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"content": "Our eyes met, and shared a look for a few seconds. He seemed exhausted, but then, so was I. How could I not be, after all I had been through? He averted his gaze before I did, his head nicking down ever so slightly.\n\n\"Peace?\" I finally asked. \"Do you call that peace, out there?\"\n\nMy left hand pointed across the throne room, through the stained glass window encompassing most of the top floor of the tower, while my right hand still constricted around my bloodstained sword.\n\n\"Peace isn't merely the absence of war. Do you think the Brusha and the Zothen hate each other any less than they did before this whole affair? They stopped killing each other, sure enough, but I'm certain they will get right back to that the moment I leave this building with the message of your defeat.\" I told him, bitterly.\n\nHe tried to nod and almost cut himself on my weapon in the process.\n\n\"I know.\" he answered, his voice weak and slightly dizzy, probably from the blood he had already lost in the course of our fight. \"It is in the nature of humanity...\"\n\nI pressed the sword a bit stronger against his neck to stop him from speaking any further.\n\n\"Really? Human nature? That's how you explain it? Did it ever occur to you that they might have real, legitimate grievences against each other? Grievences that would need to be resolved before actual peaceful coexistance would be possible?\" I ranted, anger bubbling up inside of me. \"Peace requires understanding. Compassion. Maybe even a bit of love! But those people out there, the Kithor, the Brusha, the Voborg, they only stopped fighting each other because they're afraid of you, not because they like each other!\"\n\nHe gave me a look that was full of pity. \"You're naive if you think their hate for each other will ever fade. This...\" - he spread his arms in a gesture that was probably meant to refer to the whole planet, but to me seemed more directed at the throne room around us, littered with the broken bodies of my friends and foes alike - \"...is the best we can hope to archieve. Kill me, and the endless wars I ended will start anew.\"\n\n\"Maybe they will.\" I said, my right hand starting to hurt because I had gripped my sword too tightly. \"I will do my best to avoid it, but I can't promise it will work. Even if it doesn't, I can promise you, one day there will be actual solutions to the problems the people of this world have with each other. One day there will be a humanity that is united by their love for each other, not by their hate for you.\"\n\nHis eyes glanced over the bodies of his bodyguards, who were either already dead or still bleeding out on the ground around us. \"Big words...\" he coughed, spitting out blood, \"...big words for somebody that solves all of his problems by killing his enemies. I think we're more alike than you want to...\"\n\nHe was interrupted by a gurgling sound, which I only recognized a few seconds later as blood that was filling his windpipe. I stumbled backwards, leaving my sword stuck in his throat, where I must have stabbed him in a fit of rage. It took him a while to finally die, and I stayed frozed in place until I was sure it was really over. I thought about saying a sassy comment to his corpse, like \"There is a difference - I'm still alive!\", and was disgusted with myself for even considering it.\n\nAs I stumbled out of the door and down the winding stairs, towards an uncertain future, it occured to me that at the end, he had still kept the last word in our argument.",
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2020-12-28T23:31:28 | 2020-12-28T23:06:31 | 55 | 18 | [
{
"content": "[WP] \"Wait, so there's no gold?\" \"Of COURSE there's no gold. I'm a huge freaking dragon; why would I need to buy anything? I live in a cave, for fuck's sake. WHY do you humans always think I have gold?\"",
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"content": "\"Heh?\" Sir Roland was visibly confused. \"Its mentioned in the sacred texts.\"\n\n\"Texts?\" The Dragon squinted down at the intruder. \"What texts?\"\n\n\"The texts of the Isekaied heroes.\" Sir Roland fumbled through his saddlebag and retrieved the cloth wrapped bundle which he carefully unbound. \"I have one right here.\"\n\n\"The Hobbit.\" The small book opened in Sire Roland's hands to reveal pages of paper partchment, each covered in near identical lettering. \"It says that the Dragon Smaug doth make his lair in the Dwarf fortress beneath the Lonely Mountain and rest apon a mountain of gold.\"\n\n\"There is even a map to the Mountain's location.\" Sir Roland flipped forward to the map page and held it up before the Dragon who stared at the map. \"Near the middle is a description of how to enter the hidden door on the side of the Mountain.\"\n\n\"Go back to the Text.\" Sir Roland flipped forward a few pages so the dragon could get a look at the oddly near identical lettering. \"Its quality is... oddly persistent.\"\n\n\"Yes,\" Sir Roland looked at the book and flicked through to the next page before showing it to the Dragon. \"The priest from the temple in laketown thinks that they used metal rods, each carved with one of the letters used to stamp ink on the paper.\"\n\n\"More likely they used duplicates of the same letters laid out in a page sized frame,\" The Dragon looked for repeating flaws but found none. \"And every page likely has its own set of text framed allowing duplicate prints of the book.\"\n\n\"So...\" Sir Roland cleared his throat. \"About the gold?\"\n\nThe Dragon cooked the latest meal in its armour.\n\n\"Well?\" An ink-stained Dwarf wandered in from a deeper cave holding a newly printed book. \"How did it go?\"\n\n\"Its as you said,\" The dragon slurped the meal from the armour with his tongue. \"The books are attracting a regular supply.\"",
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{
"content": "[WP] \"Wait, so there's no gold?\" \"Of COURSE there's no gold. I'm a huge freaking dragon; why would I need to buy anything? I live in a cave, for fuck's sake. WHY do you humans always think I have gold?\"",
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"content": "“GOLD!” Fengrid roared, causing the intruders to quiver in their boots.\n\nFengrid gripped a chain and pulled hard, shooting one of the captives to the dragoness’s eye level.\n\n“You think I have gold!? \n\nI am a dragon, a beast. \n\nWhy would I need gold? To buy produce? Why buy when you can steal. To bribe towns for your safety? Why do that when I can just give them benefits for having me around? I live in a cave for Baldur’s sake! Where would I keep it? On the floor and hope it doesn’t get lost in the all the little crevices!”\n\n“Sss-so, you don’t have any gold,” one of the thieves, one with a ragged and worn out brown coat and green shoes stained with mud, “The legends were wrong?”\n\n“Yes, you donkeys,” Rengrid exclaimed, “Finally, some featherless chickens who can actually think for themselves.”\n\n“Are you going to-“\n\nFengrid cut the thief off with another snort.\n\n“If you can promise to provide me a service, then I will let you go.”\n\n“And what service would that be?”\n\nThe thieves looked at each other in confusion, worry printed onto their faces.\n\n“I want you to tell those town folks, that if they try this again, I will let them burn under the flames of their enemies as well as my fury.”\n\n“That is all?”\n\n“Yes.”\n\n“We can do that.”\n\nFengrid then held put out the thieves hands and slit their wrists, with a single swipe, as a faint blue mist seeped into the thieves veins.\n\n“Remember, give them that message and you live, don’t and you perish.”\n\n“G-got it.”\n\nRengrid then released them with a few clicks of the chain, causing the three to drop to the floor and scramble out towards the light.\n\n“Good,” Rengrid muttered, “that should keep us safe for sometime, children, Liz.”\n\nThe princess, Elizabeth, shuffled out of her hiding place, along with Fengrid’s two dragonets.\n\n“Thanks, Fengrid.”\n\n“No problem Liz.”",
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2020-12-30T17:11:26 | 2020-12-30T12:59:50 | 21 | 14 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You've just been suckered into buying a mermaid. You think it's just a scam, but she's real. She's also not a G rated mermaid. She drinks human blood, tries to lure men to their death and curses like a drunken sailor. Contractually, she points out, you're stuck with her.",
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"content": "It was the kind of night I often read about as a kid. Starry night, full moon chilly breeze...\n\n\"Oh for fucks sake, would you hurry up? I'm freezing my tits off over here.\"\n\nIt was almost romantic.\n\n\"Hey dickhead, you stone deaf as well as stupid?\"\n\nI stared at the creature splashing in the shallow tide pool. She was a mermaid. An honest to God mermaid. I'm usually a sucker for better than it seems crap. I got a whole drawer full of that \"as seen on TV\" nonsense at home. So when my sometimes aquatintence called me up with an offer for a real honest to God mermaid, I jumped on the chance. I expected some blownout meth head in a too small mermaid dress yucking it up with Saul. Instead, I got grabbed, money yanked out if my hand and a hasty retreat. I was halfway after him when I heard her call my name.\n\n\"Hey shrimp dick, you gonna stand there all night or what? We got a deal, remember? You gave me a drop of your blood...\"\n\n\"Not on purpose! You threw a rock at me! What am I supposed to do?\"\n\n\"Duck?\" She offered, shrugging her shoulders.\n\n\"First of all, who ar you, how did you get in this situation and how does my blood contractually bind us?\"\n\n\"My name is Anastasia Verbod, call me Ana. I was caught at low tide and that moron just so happened to see me and captured me. During a full moon, we... Uh...\" She put her left index finger through a thumb and index finger circle of her right hand.\n\n\"You mate?\"\n\n\"Well that's not very romantic.\" She returned dryly. \"But yes. We mate. Some choose to come on land and get a human. Most times, she eats him afterwards. I saw fat boy and just my luck, he's impotent.\" she leaned back on a large rock, crossing her arms over her ample breasts. Sighing, she continued. \"He also had a charm. He was out to make a quick buck and lo and behold here you are, eighteen hundred poorer. Now, hurry the fuck up and take me home. I have to mate.\"\n\n\"You know, where I come from there's usually a process to this.\" I rubbed my eyes. \"Look princess, it's been swell but I'm gonna beat feet.\" I turned to walk away but found myself gasping for air after only a few steps.\n\n\"Got any more bright ideas?\" Ana asked, still leaning back. \"I told you, we're under contract. You help me, I help you. It's that simple. Now find me something to put on, you land dwellers are weird about naked people.\"",
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{
"content": "[WP] You've just been suckered into buying a mermaid. You think it's just a scam, but she's real. She's also not a G rated mermaid. She drinks human blood, tries to lure men to their death and curses like a drunken sailor. Contractually, she points out, you're stuck with her.",
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"content": "       “Where did you get this tuna?” Asked Pitagora. \n\n       “I won it at auction this morning,” replied Suichi.\n\n       “Oh ho, big player now, huh? The monthly fees are what, 40,000 yen?”\n\n       “It’s worth it, Pitagora,” replied Suichi. “You have to go to market early if you want to offer the best *omakase*.”\n\n       “Climate change is making the chef wake up earlier and earlier, huh?” asked Pitagora. \n\n       “There really isn’t good fish anymore,” replied Suichi. “I suspect some kinds of sushi will go extinct in our lifetimes.”\n\n        Pitagora nodded in agreement. He went around the fish, taking a close look at the red meat around the collar. \n\n       ”Did you try your hand at butchery, Suichi?”\n\n       “Is it that obvious?”\n\n       “You’re not very good at it.”\n\n       “That’s why I have you, Pitagora. You and your long sword.”\n\n       The larger man laughed. \n\n       “Did you at least save the head?” Asked Pitagora, turning back to his friend.\n\n       “No, it wasn’t in good condition. You wouldn’t want to see it,” explained Suichi.\n\n       “Ah, but it would make such excellent stock.”\n\n       “I know, Pitagora.”",
"role": "assistant"
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2021-01-19T19:01:55 | 2021-01-19T17:44:44 | 97 | 22 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You know for a fact that time travel will be invented in your lifetime. Because future version of you keep appearing to dramatically stop you doing seemingly inconsequential things for seemingly petty reasons.",
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"content": "It’s a beautiful summer day and Brian is, for once, excited to go to work. He plans on giving everyone the bird and telling them off. Something he’s dreamt about for a long long time. There’s a pep in his step and a smile on his face. That is until someone blindsides him and pushes him off his feet into a grimy alley. \n\n“What the fuck?” He says reactively before looking up. When he does he sees himself. He’s really growing to hate himself.\n\n“Seriously, did you have to tackle me into an alley?” Brian said. \n\n“Listen to me very carefully I’m you...” \n\n“From the future.” Past Brian finished. “I know I how this goes.”\n\nFuture Brian ignores the sass. “I have important information that will change the course of your life.” Future Brian says earnestly. \n\n“Is it stock tips or lotto numbers? Cause if not leave me alone.” Past Brian said and he lifts himself from the wet alley pavement. \n\n“No no. Hear me out. I know you’re about to go and dramatically quit your job. Don’t do it! That leads to a dire set of consequences that leaves you single.” Future Brian says. \n\n“That’s it?” Past Brian said.\n\n“Yeah. Sarah breaks up with you because you don’t have any money to take her out. She ends up dating Sam.” Future Brian says.\n\n“You know, I was thinking about breaking up with her anyway. This will make things easier.” Past Brian said. \n\n“Trust me you don’t want to do that. It gets bad. Really really bad.” Future Brian says. \n\n“Dude, are you just lonely in the future and nostalgic for an ex girlfriend? That’s not a reason to time travel. And definitely not a reason to tackle me into an alley. Whats wrong with You?” Past Brian said. \n\n“Ok. Maybe I’m a bit lonely at the moment. But wasn’t she amazing?!” Future Brian says. \n\n“Nah dude. Not really. I’m calling her right now and breaking up. I can’t believe she breaks up with me over money! So shallow. What did I ever see in her anyway?” Past Brian said and pulls his phone from his back pocket. Future Brian deftly snatches the phone from last Brian’s hand. \n\n“What the hell man! Give me that back!” Past Brian said. \n\n“Don’t break up with her over the phone. She deserves better than that. Plus I need to make a call.” Future Brian says. \n\nHe dials and puts the phone to his ear. \n\n“Yeah Rossatti’s? I need to place an order for delivery.” Future brain ordered a large double pepperoni on past Brian’s phone. “Oh and don’t deliver it until 4:15 pm june 2nd 2035 please.” He paused to listen to the phone. “Of course I’ll pay for it now.” He said as he finished the order. “Sweet. I’m starving. That should get there right when I get back.” \n\nPast Brian reaches out to get the phone back from his future self. Again he is tackled into the filthy alley.\n\n“Again?!?” Past Brian said loudly. \n\nAnother future Brian was standing next to the first future Brian. \n\n“If you don’t have stock tips or...” past Brian was cut off\n\n“Lotto numbers, leave me alone.” The two future Brian’s said mocking harmony. “You say that every time.” \n\nThe second future Brian turns to the first future Brian. \n\n“Did you order that pizza for June 2nd?”\n\n“Yeah, large with double pepperoni why?”\n\n“It never showed up. I’ve been waiting for 3 hours!”\n\n“Don’t you guys think you’re abusing this whole time travel thing?” Past Brian said. \n\n“Nah dude. It’s all good. We can afford it. We end up winning the lottery.” The most future Brian says. \n\n“Really! At least you guys do one thing right.” Past Brian said. \n\n“It’s was all a fluke. One of the times was came back to give our sagely advice you were super annoyed. So the future Brian just made up some lotto numbers to chill you out. Turns out they were the right ones! You’re rich in the future. Which means you’ll be seeing a whole lot more of us.” Future Brian says. \n\nPast Brian stood from the dirty ground for a second time. \n\n“Ok guys. I’m off to tell my boss to suck it. I hope you get your pizza. Oh, and next time you decide to come back from the future. No need to tackle me, or set off fire alarms, or pretend to be the police at my door at four in the morning. You have my number. You can just text me you know.”\n\n“Where’s the fun in that?” Future Brian says.",
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{
"content": "[WP] You know for a fact that time travel will be invented in your lifetime. Because future version of you keep appearing to dramatically stop you doing seemingly inconsequential things for seemingly petty reasons.",
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"content": "The first time I saw him I was in the playground, on the swings, trying to see how high I could go and Mom was talking to one of the neighbors and WASN'T WATCHING to see how high I could go \n\nI think that I must've been four? Maybe five\n\n--Hey, kid! You like candy?\n\nHe was shouting and it seemed like nobody else on the playground noticed even though he was waving around a large lollipop\n\nJust a dark shape, now that I think about it and since I was busy swinging I couldn't really make out a face \n\n--Mom! MOM! Look at how high I can go!\n\nHe came closer\n\n--I, uh, lost my puppy. Help me find him? I'll give you a nickel\n\nMom wasn't even paying attentiont\n\nI skidded to a stop in the dirt and squinted at him with his back to the sun and I still couldn't make out a face but it was weird that he was still holding the lollipop and it caught the light like stained glass\n\nAnd I sat on the swing and he was right in my face, breath foul\n\n--Come with me if you want to live!\n\nI ignored him\n\n--Well, uh--take this\n\nHe handed me the lollipop and I looked back at Mom who was still-- talking to the neighbor and she waved and the guy was gone although I could still smell his breath\n\nShe said goodbye to the neighbor and came to collect me and she noticed the lollipop and asked where I got it\n\nI didn't say anything, I just stuck in my mouth and we went home\n--\nThe next time that I saw him I was just starting High School, in a new town\n\nI knew that I was going to hate it I was going to hate the new town and I was going to hate the new school and I hated the teacher in my home room--Ms. Fargon\n\nFrom the first day, I could tell that she had it in for me--she would mispronounce my name on purpose and she said something about my haircut and nobody would talk to me\n\nBut he did\n\nHe was the janitor and this was the first time that I really got to see his face but there was something familiar about him and his breath had the same unforgettable stench\n\nIt was only a couple of weeks of keeping my head down before Ms. Fargon's finally said the wrong thing on the wrong day and I kind of blew up and was sent to the Principal's Office\n\nHe was in the hallway, mopping and stopped me, a smirk on his face\n\n--Ms. Fargon, eh?\n\nHe reached into his overalls and produced a lollipop\n\n--Take this, kid\n\nI took it and stuck it in my mouth and went to talk to the Principal\n\nHe was--a grossly fat man with watery eyes and I don't think that we'd had any interaction past him waddling into the auditorium during orientation and I was just a face is a sea of faces in the bleachers\n\nHe wouldn't look directly at me\n\n--I hear that you're having some problems with Ms. Fargon\n\n--No, she has a problem with *me*\n\nHe looked at me for the first time, and his eyes narrowed to slits\n\n--She will no longer be working here\n\nAnd it was then that I noticed that stench again--lingering in the room\n\nI never saw her at the school again and there were a lot of stories about what happened to her\n--\nI saw him again when I went to college\n\nHe was one of the professors--Middle English--and the face was a little different, but the stench was the same\n\nHe held me back after class one time and said he was particularly impressed with a paper that I'd written, and offered me a lollipop\n\nAnd then when I went in a different direction and got into Physics, he was a member of the team that I was leading, going by the name of Singh\n\nThe first time I met him he offered me a lollipop, and I stuck it in my mouth\n\nWe were on the verge of a method of--let's just call it \"time travel\"\n\nThere's a lot more to it than that and that's just one of the applications but\n\nI know that it's possible, and not only possible but inevitable\n\nI spend my days and nights going over lines of code and schematics but the most important piece of the puzzle is on a little piece of paper that I keep in my pocket and look at every day\n\nIt's in my handwriting, but I didn't write it--not yet\n\n\"Clarissa,\n\nYou were the neighbor talking to your mother that day on the swings\n\nOr you will be\n\nThe distraction will be absolutely necessary\n\nYou'll understand one of these days\n\nGive Singh my love and thank him for the lollipops,\n\nMs. Fargon\n\nPS\n\nI *really* hate the haircut we had in high school",
"role": "assistant"
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2021-11-22T10:48:23 | 2021-11-22T07:48:47 | 92 | 34 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Everyone's always happy in your uncle's presence. As his favorite naphew, he invited you to go stargazing one night. \"Well, it's been fun, but now it's time for me to go back. See you around kiddo.\" You thought he was joking, but you never saw him again. No one else seemed to remember him too.",
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"content": "They say Auntie Tala is a shooting star. \n\nI say she was as real as the pork fat and vinegar scent of adobo in the air, the lumpia grease on my fingers, the diniguan only she would make me. As real as the islands Lola Cadesal and Lola Ibarra say we come from; I can't remember them either, so what's the difference? \n\nIt was a real woman that took me out through the sliding glass door on the first night of the Novena. She was as beautiful as Auntie Tala was, the same straight black hair fell to the same slim waist, and when she smiled it made me smile: it was close to midnight outside, but on her lips was the sun. \n\n\"Ruby,\" Auntie Tala said, \"what will you be when you grow up?\" \n\nI didn't know. I said \"an astronaut,\" or \"a ballerina,\" or \"a flower.\" I was nine years old through the nine nights of that Novena, I turned ten when the prayers stopped coming. \n\n\"A flower?\" She said, laughing. \"What's a flower got to do with a girl growing up?\" \n\nI didn't answer that-- not because I didn't know, but because I knew she knew better than me. \n\n\"Be an astronaut,\" she said in the next quiet moment. If we strained we could hear murmuring from inside. Prayers, a litany. \"Or really, be anything. Just be *something*, will you? It's too easy not to in this country, for people like us.\"\n\nI promised I would. \n\nAuntie Tala, a short woman, stood ten feet tall then. I stared up at the racing stars in a racing world, a black world on brown skin on eyes as bright as the milky way that was passing us by. I was nine that night, and nobody had told me-- but Auntie Tala always did. She told me everything, and I was convinced she always would. \n\n\"Auntie Tala,\" I asked, \"who died?\" \n\nA sad smile and dimming eyes. She pointed up to where a star fell, the world collapsing around us. \n\n\"I'll always watch over you Ruby. You know that, right?\" \n\nI nodded. The sliding door opened behind me and the scent of all that food floated out: Lola Cadesal said that on our island, death and feasts go hand in hand. \n\nIt was Lola Cadesal coming out. She was a stooped old lady then-- still is, only more stooped and even older. \n\n\"Ruby? Who are you talking to?\" Lola Cadesal said. \n\n\"Auntie Tala,\" I said.\n\nLola Cadesal crossed herself. \"Who?\" She said. \n\n\"Auntie Tala,\" I repeated. \n\nA very grave silence came over Lola Cadesal then, over the whole of the house behind her. \"Ruby,\" she said, \"I will only tell you this one time. When the Novena ends she is gone. Forever. That woman made her choices and her choices claimed her in the end. A girl like you should know that, with what she got your mother into! *Susmaryosep*, silly girl!\"\n\nLola Cadesal took my hands in hers. Hers were twisted, horribly arthritic. \"I'll ask you one time girl, who is it that you were talking to?\" \n\n\"Auntie--\"\n\nLola Cadesal shook her head. \n\n\"No one,\" I said. \n\nShe kissed my forehead, handed me her very own rosary, brought from our island when I was just a baby. \"People like that are like shooting stars,\" Lola Cadesal said, \"they're beautiful, the brightest thing in the sky for a moment, maybe two, and then they burn. And Ruby, when they burn even Jesus will not save them. Even Mother Mary.\" \n\nShe kissed me again. \"Come inside when you're ready. Lola Ibarra made you diniguan.\"\n\nShe was gone, and when I looked up I could not find the star. \n\nBut I remember Auntie Tala. I remember beauty, no matter how it fades, how the world claims it, corrupts it, kills it, condemns it. \n\nI remember Auntie Tala, despite the track marks and the troubles, like I remember the mother who left me behind, the uncle they imprisoned, the cousin no one will speak of because he married a man he loved. \n\nThat night before I came back in, I figured out what I would be when I grew up. I would be someone who-- even when they burned, or when others burned them, would still find a way to love a shooting star. \n\nWhen I went back in the prayers were nearly over, and the diniguan was long since cold. And I alone remembered. \n\n--------*\n\nIf you enjoyed that I've got tons more over at r/TurningtoWords. Come check it out, I'd love to have you!",
"role": "assistant"
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"content": "[WP] Everyone's always happy in your uncle's presence. As his favorite naphew, he invited you to go stargazing one night. \"Well, it's been fun, but now it's time for me to go back. See you around kiddo.\" You thought he was joking, but you never saw him again. No one else seemed to remember him too.",
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"content": "Life just went as usual after that, you went to school, played with friends did your homework. It was wired, someone who seemed like such a big part of your life just vanished but nothing seemed to change.\n\nYou yourself almost forgot about him untill a year later you need to get a tent for the boy scouts trip. You ask mom where is it and she answers in the attic. as you get there you find an old album with a thick layer of dust on it, you open it and find old photos of your parents at trips that happened before you were born. As you scroll through the pages you suddenly find it, a photo of your parents with your uncle in London.\n\nYou grab the picture and the tent and head to your mom. She sees you and ask \"Did you find it\" you nod your hand but before you get to show her the picture she says \"great, put it besides the door and go outside to help your dad with the garden\" you do as mom says and help dad with the garden, after a long day of work you take of your clothes and have a shower. After the shower you get straight into you PJs and got to your room to play some Minecraft online with your friends. \n\nthe next day, as you get ready for your trip you suddenly remember the picture, you ask mom at the table \"mom, have you been to London with dad?\" mom looks at you funny \"yes we did about two years before you were born, how did you know?\" you answer eagerly \"I saw a photo in the album at the attic of you with dad and uncle\" your mom keeps looking at you \"what uncle? it was just your dad and I\" you know you have the photo \"I have the photo, I will show you\" you run to the laundry room to fetch your pants in which you forgot the picture but the pockets are empty, you search on the floor and in the room but nothing. you hear mom calls \"honey, get ready we need to go in twenty minutes\"\n\nYou get on the bus and have a blast with your friends in the trip, the day before the trip ends, at the evening you go to the woods to pee before heading to bed and as you turn around you see uncle waving a flashlight. \"Uncle!' you shout as you run to give him a hug, your uncle hugs you back. \"What's up kiddo?\" you ask him \"uncle where have you been?\" he answers \"it doesn't matter, I am here now, do you want to grab some ice cream?\" you nod your head and you leave the camp through the woods to get ice cream, he tells you how he came back from a great land where everyone wore orange and he says they feed him and gave him shelter and he made lots of friends but he left it all just so he could see you, you had fun eating ice cream, he took you after that to see a movie and he took you after that to McDonald's, you had so much fun until at one point you fell asleep. \n\nyou woke up by mom picking you up, hugging you and crying \"are you alright? did he hurt you? did he do something to you?\" you are very fuzzy and tired, you don't know what's going on \"mom, I am okay, I had fun with uncle\" mom doesn't answer she just hold you and doesn't let go. after a couple minutes your dad comes, he takes you from moms hands \"we need to take him to the hospital\" you fall asleep again in the car and wake up at the hospital, a nurse comes to you \"You woke up! how are we feeling?\" you answer \"hungry, where is mom and dad?\" the nurse says \"they are at the police station, they should be back soon\" you ask \"and where is uncle?\" the nurse makes an uneasy expression \"your uncle was found in someone's house\" you ask \"what did he do in someone's house?\" the nurse is trying to find the right words \"he tried to hurt the people inside the house so the police came and, well, he died\" you started crying, you don't know what to do, you just got uncle back but now he is gone, for ever. He was the best uncle ever, he got you cool things, he played games with you, he gave you candy when dad wasn't looking. he was the best, but now he is gone.\n\nAt the six o'clock news you hear \"The escaped prisoner has returned his nephew to his parents before breaking into the house of the smiths family and trying to rob them, Mr. smith saw the prisoner and shout him three times in order to protect his family, 'not only I protected my family, I protected the community as well' said Mr.Smith 'I don't know how people like him doesn't get the chair after murdering three people' The child is safe and seems to be well, up Next...\"\n\nAfter that life went as normal, after the excitement died down you went back to school, played with the same friends, did your homework, everything was normal but from that day, you never asked what happened to uncle",
"role": "assistant"
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2022-01-06T14:51:06 | 2022-01-06T14:26:49 | 159 | 20 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The three rules have been passed down from generation to generation: One, when it visits, do not refuse it entry. Two, when it offers a gift, do not reject its generosity. Three, when it leaves, do not turn your back until it is no longer in sight. In this way, our family has been kept safe.",
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"content": "It came to the door for first time in the spring of their third year of marriage. He had almost mistaken it for a neighbourhood child and sent it on its way but it wasn’t just a child’s face it wore, it was little Peter’s face.\n\nLittle Peter had been his younger brother and had fallen through the ice one winter, they hadn’t found him till spring.\n\nNot Peter had stayed and played, given the family gifts of sweet chestnuts, pulled from his pockets by grubby fingers as though he had just gathered them in the woods; they had roasted them on the fire together.\n\nWhen not Peter had left they watched him skip down the path and across the fields towards the woods by the lake, even when he was a tiny spec in the distance they had watched.\n\nIn the fourteen year of their marriage it had come again, this time it had worn the face of Elaine his wife’s mother who had passed that summer in a carriage accident.\n\nShe had brought sweet cakes and the family ate them and drank tea. His wife had smiled and wept simultaneously the whole visit while Not Elaine had talked about the weather and fussed over their son Peter.\n\nOn what would have been the fiftieth year of their marriage it came again, he had almost missed it. It took time get to the door now and the house was cluttered and difficult to navigate with just him living there. \n\nShe was as lovely as he remembered her, green eyes and red hair shot through with grey. She had fussed over him and tidied the house. He didn’t complain even though she was a guest and most certainly not his wife. \n\nWhen it was time for her to go she bade him sit by the fire and promised to see herself out. He had watched her walk out the door and gently shut it behind her through blurry eyes.\n\nOn what would have been the 63 year of his marriage he invited it in for the last time. It’s face was familiar but his eyes weren’t what they were. He knew it all the same like an old friend.\n\nThey sat by the crackling fire and they remembered together, all the things they had seen and all those they had said good bye to along the way. It stayed so long the evening drew in. \n\nHe tried his hardest but he could barely keep his eyes open and even his bones ached for sleep. He leaned back in his chair and smiled a weary smile at it.\n\n“I come empty handed today old friend. What would you ask of your guest?” it asked.\n\nHe sat forwards in his chair, mustering his strength. “Could I see her again perhaps?” he asked timidly.\n\nHis guest smiled and nodded then offered a hand. He took it and felt strength in his grip as he did it. Shaking off his tiredness he stood and the two walked arm in arm towards the door. Behind him his cane clattered to the ground but he did not look back.",
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"content": "[WP] The three rules have been passed down from generation to generation: One, when it visits, do not refuse it entry. Two, when it offers a gift, do not reject its generosity. Three, when it leaves, do not turn your back until it is no longer in sight. In this way, our family has been kept safe.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Twas the night before Christmas and all through the village,\n\nCreatures were coming to plunder and pillage.\n\nThe windows were boarded and shuttered with care,\n\nWe moved with great haste for they soon would be there.\n\nWe hid in the wine cellar near the whiskey and rum,\n\nWe were prepared for what was to come.\n\nLooking back I wish I’d had more caution in me,\n\nWe boarded the windows but forgot the chimney\n\nBut as I debated about fixing this flaw,\n\nWe heard the scratching and scraping of several claws.\n\nIt started out quiet, but soon became louder,\n\nAs it clawed its way down through our chimney tower.\n\nI ran to the fire in an attempt to play sentry,\n\nBut I knew then and there I could not deny entry.\n\nIt emerged from the fire on sinuous limbs,\n\nAs the light in the room started to dim.\n\nThe beast wore no clothing, its skin leathery and red,\n\nFrom its long clawed hands, to its grotesque looking head.\n\nIts body was plump, almost bulbous in nature,\n\nWith pale patches of skin, and hair even paler.\n\nIts eyes like the void, its gaunt cheeks stretched tight,\n\nit arched its back and screeched out in delight.\n\nBy this point my face was covered in tears,\n\nAs I stood glued to the spot, parlyzed in fear.\n\nBut strangely as it reached out with a skeletal arm,\n\nI knew at that moment it meant us no harm.\n\nAs it produced a box wrapped up with a bow,\n\nA toothy smile began to show.\n\nIt dropped the box on the floor and it lay at my feet,\n\nWith each moment passing I could feel my heart beat.\n\nTo keep the beast happy I accepted its gift,\n\nI reached down to grab it and started to lift.\n\nThe box was quite heavy, like a sack full of bricks,\n\nOn the top was a label :FROM YOUR GOOD FRIEND, ST. NICK.\n\nNot knowing what to make of it all,\n\nI watched as the beast started to crawl.\n\nAway from me now, back towards the fire,\n\nIt looked at me hungrily, eyes full of desire.\n\nThen laying a finger on top of its lips,\n\nIt scaled up the chimney like the crack of a whip.\n\nIt sprung off the roof wings unfurling in the air,\n\nThe sight of it flying would give anyone a scare.\n\nBut I heard it screech out as it flew out of sight,\n\nSo I went back to the cellar and shuddered in fright.\n\nIt was because of this night I came up with my rules,\n\nTo keep myself safe from the demons and ghouls.\n\nFirst allow entry, into hearth and to home,\n\nThen accept gifts in the dark and the gloam.\n\nAnd last watch it leave and fly into the night,\n\nTil it howls out with a bark much worse than its bite.\n\nThis set of rules should do the trick,\n\nIf you ever happen to meet my good friend St. Nick.",
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] |
2022-05-12T08:09:54 | 2022-05-12T03:03:34 | 39 | 17 | [
{
"content": "[WP] For a thousand years, mages have imbued wands with their power. They have enchanted rings, amulets, swords, staves, armor, and all manner of shining bauble. However, to your knowledge, you are the first to use... a pocket watch. Why? Well, frankly, you just thought it would be neat.",
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"content": "\"A pocketwatch is not a solid object. The gears are tiny and precise. But many.\"\n\n\"Magic gets strange the more complexity you add to it. It's why most mages use metal rings. Carved branches are stronger still, but they at least have a consistent pattern.\"\n\n\"Imbuing a complex object can lead to unpredictable results. If you even have the power to cast with it at all.\"\n\nI held the watch in my hand. I just thought it was cool. My mom had gotten it for me when I graduated from my apprenticeship. It felt right to use it as my focus.\n\nIt'd taken ages to enchant. Just like my teacher was lecturing me on right now. Each gear took a full night of work to forge my power into. I'd taken it apart and put it back together so many times I knew every gear and notch.\n\nThe whole thing taught me a lot about enchanting too. The process was old, but the techniques we used to imbue dead objects, ones that never contained life, were fairly new. \n\nMy teacher held out his hand. He wanted my watch.\n\nIt was too dangerous. Of course it was.\n\nI gripped it before holding it out. A tiny sliver of power coursed through my fingers. I could feel it spinning the gears. I knew how they'd all react. They built on each other. The springs would begin to bend and unhook themselves. The gears would begin to turn faster and faster.\n\nMy teacher, annoyed, reached to close the distance between us.\n\nAnd then the watch hands spun.\n\nMy hair flew out extending like Medusa snakes behind me. My professor flew back into his chair, a look of anger and fear washing over his face in equal measure. \n\nThe gears were turning. I'd never tried it. I'd been so proud of it. So scared it wouldn't work.\n\nMy professor stood and raced to grab it from my hand. But with a smile and a bit of will, I was gone.\n\nI was in the middle of the sky and falling. The wind was deafening and it blistered my arms, scraping and clawing away any vestige of warmth I'd ever held.\n\nI closed myself in. I couldn't go back. For one reason, I wouldn't cancel my speed. For another... I wasn't giving this up. Not to him. Or anyone.\n\nThe ground was getting closer. I could see the tower of my small village. \n\nI held my watch. Felt the hooks detatch. Felt the gears begin to spin. Felt my face smile despite the frost. Heard my banshee laughter.\n\nI vanished.\n\nThe ocean is vast. And it's said it covers the whole of the planet. I may not have traveled far before, but I can confirm the ocean extends to the opposite side of the planet.\n\nI roared out of the water into the air, pausing briefly as my speed lost to gravity, before flailing and landing back inside the salty ocean.\n\nThe water hurt. I felt the air leave my lungs and could feel bruises forming. Feel my consciousness fading. \n\n​\n\nHeard the sound of my landing. Over. And over.\n\n​\n\nFelt the pull of the current.\n\n​\n\nAnd then... arms pulling me to the surface.",
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"content": "[WP] For a thousand years, mages have imbued wands with their power. They have enchanted rings, amulets, swords, staves, armor, and all manner of shining bauble. However, to your knowledge, you are the first to use... a pocket watch. Why? Well, frankly, you just thought it would be neat.",
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"content": "Tick… tick… tick… \nThe silver latch shut clasps the pocket watch as the train rolls in. \n“Why hello there young man,” says a gentleman with a raspy voice. “My name is Amos It is so nice to meet you. I was wondering if you could do me a favor?” \n“Depends mister.” \n“Well of course it does,” chuckled the man. “All I need you to do is take the watch and give it to the gentleman in green. He is an old friend of mine that I missed the opportunity to give it to him myself. I’ll give you $20.” As the man pulls out a fresh 1898 $20 bill the boy’s eyes glean with excitement. “Think you can do that for me?” \n“Yeah!” \n“Well, here you go. Run along.” \nThe man sits on a nearby bench as he waits for the boy's return. The sun high in the sky pelters the man. He just draws his handkerchief from his breast pocket as the boy returns. “Services complete, now here you go,” he says with an outstretched 20. \n“Thanks, Mister!” Shouts the boy. \n——————————————————————— \n“Train derailed about 5 miles down,” shouts a distant voice. “You coming? I’m sure there will be lots of bodies.” \n“Sheriff, it would be my honor to join you on a ride out.” \nThe two make their way to horses that were prepared for them. \n“Father Amos,” says the Sheriff, “lot of strange things are happenin’ theses days. You think the Lord is punishing us.” \n“My dear Sheriff, The Lord works in mysterious ways, but I honestly know that God doesn’t punish the devoted. The congregation has been faithful, so no I do not think God is punishing his faithful.” \n“Well den’ whatcha thinkin’ causin’ all these problems.” \n“I am not sure, but think of the example God has given us, Job. Job was a good and faithful servant to the Lord, but he allowed Satan to test him. Job didn’t do anything sinful to enact divine transgressions, but he still faced trials. In that darkness, he praised the Lord.” \n“Guess you right Father.” \n——————————————————————— \nThe smoke began rising in the distance. The scene that was soon displayed to the men was horrific. The train was mangled and twisted as if a great tornado lifted it off the tracks, and flames raged across the wreckage. \n“Priorities is the Senator,” shouts the Sheriff. The men fan out beginning to parse through the wreckage while Father Amos, holds a black bible close to his chest whispering something to himself. \nEyes closed he begins walking forward avoiding the debris that litters the plain. The murmuring ceases as he opens his eyes, bends down, and picks up a glinting silver pocket watch. The man who was holding it still gasping for air. \n“Hello, Senator. Your sins are immeasurable, and my sister has Judged you worth of death. Sleep now,” he says brushing his fingers down his face and closing his eyes. The body goes limp. “Well done sister,” Father Amos whispers as he lightly kisses and pockets the watch. \n“I found him!” He shouts. “All ready gone I am afraid.”",
"role": "assistant"
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2022-05-27T10:19:48 | 2022-05-27T09:47:29 | 100 | 32 | [
{
"content": "[WP] There's two kinds of magical disfigurement. One is trollification, where your magic has gone so utterly WRONG that your body shifts into grotesque shapes just to survive it. It's nasty, but it's usually fixable. The other is Elvenification, which is permanent because you can't fix 'perfection'",
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"content": "Beauty makes food taste sweeter, Monica thinks, on the fine spring day when everything will change. And she is beautiful now. Elven. Tall and austere, skin polished like black marble in the rain. She wears the sunlight like fine silks, and the moon and stars spin themselves into lingerie.\n\nCameras flash around her. By tonight, the pictures will have spread across the world, even as other frozen moments unfurl across billboards and the glossy pages of magazines. A sort of magic that she’d never dared to dream of as a struggling academic, with her kinky hair and skin the color of churned mud.\n\nThis is better, Monica thinks. This is so much better. She smiles for the cameras. Savors the last morsel of her scone. Crosses one long leg over the other, and wonders at the power she feels, beneath the blaze of all that attention.\n\nIn all the world, what could be more perfect than her?\n\n\\*\\*\\*\n\nJeevan snaps photographs like a soldier pulls a trigger. It’s training, nothing more, and though he’d liked the job when he was younger, the cracks have started showing through. The only pictures of the girl’s face are snapshots of her eyes averted. Staring down at the last bite of her chocolate scone, or smiling to herself for reasons known only to the newly beautiful. The freshly perfect. The utterly, heartbreakingly naïve.\n\nHer name is Monica, he thinks. Jeevan doesn’t know her last name. Doesn’t care. Caring is above his pay grade. Caring qualifies for hazard pay. All Jeevan knows is that he’s been following Monica for two weeks, and in that time she’s clawed free from the chrysalis of her former life and discarded the imperfect shell. No longer the struggling academic. He doubts her lips remember how to shape a spell, or her hand how to grasp a wand.\n\nThey all forget so goddamn easily.\n\nPerhaps, he thinks, perfection is like a drug. A hallucinogen. The world twists itself into knots around the perfect, rewriting itself in their eyes, even as it rewrites them. Two weeks ago the woman in his camera’s sights was vibrant and unique, unimaginably brilliant. He wishes that he’d met her then, at a conference with an open bar, or maybe over dinner, someplace neither of them wanted to be.\n\nJeevan takes his pictures. Pushes all that bullshit down. He’s a dreamer—a failing in this line of work—but he can’t really help it. If perfection is a drug, then he’s built up one hell of a tolerance. Like a bitter old addict, or like the ancient emperors, terrified of poison, who’d taken little doses with their tea at the opening and closing of each day.\n\n\\*\\*\\*\n\nCharli dials Jeevan’s number. He picks up on the third ring, a grunt thick with his singular displeasure.\n\n“Yeah?”\n\n“Got a new one for you,” she says. No preamble, there’s no time in their line of work. “A new elf just popped, over at UCLA. Grad student in thaumaturgy. Nobody has a picture yet.”\n\n“If nobody has a picture yet, how do you know she’s real?” Jeevan asks.\n\n“I have my sources. Get me a centerfold by tonight or you’re fired, yeah?”\n\n“Fuck you, Charli.”\n\n“*Bye-bye,*” Charli says, voice dripping with artificial sweetness.\n\nAll across the city, other calls are going out. Charli thinks she’s got the scoop, but she isn’t stupid. In this city, this industry, a lead is measured in minutes if you’re lucky, and every minute is worth millions. Perfection doesn’t fuck around. Once people had it, everyone who didn’t realized that they needed it. Like water, like air. A hit of perfect makes the world go down easier. Stimulates the masses' overstimulated senses of desire.\n\nFor a week or two at least.\n\nCharli closes the file labeled Monica Lamont. Opens another, the thaumaturgy grad. She smiles, a scoop really would be a miracle.\n\nLike everyone, Charli has bills to pay. But anyway, it’s sweet in a whole other way to watch beauty struggle as the attention fades. In another life Charli thinks she was a spider, spinning silken labyrinths simply for the fun. And she has the Lamont girl now. Once they're in, nobody escapes her web.\n\n\\*\\*\\*\n\nCameras flash, red lights blinking as Monica walks, videos rushing through the world-wide web. She smoked once as an undergrad, and it went straight to her head. Beauty feels like that, she thinks, except it’s even easier. You don’t have to roll beauty, and she didn’t have to buy it. Beauty, Monica thinks, might be the very best thing in all the world. Better than magic even, because everyone can do a little magic. They have schools to teach it. Classes. But beauty? Perfect beauty?\n\nNobody ever taught her how to feel wanted.\n\nCameras flash, and the flash paints the steps ahead, night falling. Moon and stars spin themselves around her. She closes her eyes, and for the first time she doesn’t care about tomorrow, the day after. The moment is enough, because the moment was made for her. She’s never been so high.\n\nMonica opens her eyes on a dark street in a dark world. No camera flash, no videos. She’s alone.\n\n“Hello?” Monica says. “Hello?”\n\nShe sinks down onto the sidewalk, cars rushing past. Streetlights and headlights, the harsh neon glow of the billboards as they change, another perfect face painted across the night. A pale girl with pale hair. A porcelain doll with a million watt smile.\n\nTomorrow’s drug, tonight.\n\n\\*\\*\\*\n\nJeevan snaps his photographs. He thinks the girl’s name is Emily, or maybe Amelie, something French. It might be an alias. He doesn’t care. Caring is above his pay grade. He takes his pictures, forwards them to Charli, and the girl seems to know, instinctively, what he needs. Elves always do. He thinks that it’s something in the transformation process, magic overloading the circuits in their brains, preparing them to be the perfect dolls the world wants them to be.\n\nHe hopes it is. He hopes it’s not something that everyone has in them.\n\n“How do I look?” Emily or Amelie asks. Her voice is sweet and fragile, pure. In a month it won’t be.\n\n“Perfect,” Jeevan says. “Now gimme a smile. There we go, that’s it. Beautiful.”\n\nIn spite of everything, he shivers. His first hit of the world’s new perfect.\n\nEmily, Amelie, whatever the fuck her name is, that smile is a miracle.\n\nCharli will be so pleased.\n\nr/TurningtoWords",
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"content": "[WP] There's two kinds of magical disfigurement. One is trollification, where your magic has gone so utterly WRONG that your body shifts into grotesque shapes just to survive it. It's nasty, but it's usually fixable. The other is Elvenification, which is permanent because you can't fix 'perfection'",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"Oh he used his magic,\n\nIt was very tragic.\n\nGot turned into a troll,\n\nAnd... um...\"\n\n\"Oh good, you've ran out of lyrics. Are you going to stop now?\"\n\n\"No, no, I got it.\"\n\nBranwich grabbed a hold of Halland's lute and smash it against a boulder. The bard-turned-troll leapt to his feet and tried to punch Branwich, except the elf was ready and slapped him across the cheek. The troll fell to the ground.\n\n\"Ow, you bastard! That was my inflamed cheek.\"\n\n\"You tried to hit me first!\"\n\n\"You broke my lute!\"\n\n\"You kept playing it when I was trying to sleep! Oh ok, look, can't we just calm things down?\"\n\n\"Ah, alright. Awh, you got me good, this is throbbing now.\"\n\n\"Sorry. It's my enhanced strength, still learning to control it.\"\n\n\"It's your fault we're in this mess.\"\n\n\"Yes, I know, and I apologise.\"\n\nThe bard and the mage, who were third cousins, camped out on the road between their home town Vaneraga and the capital Tereng. There had been talk among the Vaneraga townsfolk of a doctor with the ability to cure trollification, so they decided to travel to him. The cause of their predicament was a faulty telekinesis spell Branwich used to attempt to fix a pipe. The spell was too powerful for a lesser mage such as himself. Not only was he affected, but Halland was in the room too, causing him to become a troll.\n\n\"Why did we end up with different conditions?\"\n\n\"Because I cast the spell. I think. I don't know the specifics.\"\n\n\"You came out of it better off.\"\n\n\"Um, no, not really.\"\n\n\"What the hell do you mean, look at us!\"\n\n\"The doctor can treat you, but I'm stuck like this forever. There is no known cure.\"\n\nA sullen silence fell between them.\n\n\"I want to feel sorry for you Branwich, but at the end of the day... YOU DID THIS!\"\n\n\"Yes, fine, I get it. By the gods.\"\n\n\"Blasphemer.\"\n\n\"Oh, come on, when's the last time you actually attended the temple?\"\n\n\"I went to the celebration of the harvest last month.\"\n\n\"Was there much food there?\"\n\n\"Tons.\"\n\n\"There you go then.\"\n\n\"Whatever, I need to relieve myself.\"\n\n\"Good, I'll have some peace and quiet.\"\n\nHis cousin glared as he passed.\n\n​\n\nWhen Branwich woke up, the sun was high in the sky. He threw off his thin blanket and jumped up.\n\n\"Halland, we overslept. We need to get going otherwise... oh.\"\n\nHalland was nowhere to be seen. Searching, Branwich found strange footprints in the mud leading to the forest, matching the shape of Halland's disfigured feet.\n\n\"Not in there, come on.\"\n\nHe marched across the field and into the trees. The pines hit him with their branches, drawing beads of blood. The smell of charcoal filled his nostrils: someone else was camping out here. As soon as he heard the sounds of muffled voices, he crouched down. Coming upon a clearing, he spotted five people surrounding a fire.\n\n\"What should we do with it?\" said the largest, a gruff bearded man in leather.\n\nA woman with red hair, wearing simple cotton gear, stood up with twig in hand and jabbed something in a cage. It let out a yelp. \"Cook it?\"\n\n\"No, they don't taste good.\"\n\nThe smallest man, bald and hunched over the fire, was heating a dagger. \"A creature like that doesn't deserve nice treatment, so I say we draw and quarter it.\"\n\nThe other two, a young man and woman embracing, bulged their eyes at the suggestion.\n\nThe large man spoke again. He seemed to be the leader. \"Seems a bit too harsh. I think I'll just slit its throat, be done with it. One less monster in the world.\"\n\n\"Help.\" The cry, more of a whimper, came from the thing in the cage. Branwich soon realised it was Halland's voice. He prepared himself, and stepped out into the clearing.\n\n\"Stop your evil ways... um... evildoers... and free that poor creature!\" He surprised himself with this act he was performing. It was not what he'd planned, yet his brain had taken over.\n\n\"What are you supposed to be?\" inquired the leader.\n\n\"I,\" he announced, pulling his hair back from his ears. \"Am an elf. That troll there, he's my friend, so you'd best hope he has come to no harm.\"\n\n\"Should I grab him boss?\" asked the red-headed woman.\n\n\"No. I'll deal with this.\"\n\nThe leader stepped over, not around, the fire. It was an act of intimidation. Branwich surprised himself once again, as the display did not bring him fear.\n\n\"Right, I'll make quick work of you,\" claimed the leader. In one smooth move, he drew a dagger from his belt and flipped it to his other hand. Yet as he directed a strike towards Branwich, the mage threw back his right fist and launched an uppercut. The blow knocked the dagger out of the other man's hand and into his forehead. He was killed immediately. Seeing their leader die so easily, the others fled.\n\n​\n\nOnce Halland was free, they returned to their camp and packed up. Soon they were back on the road, heading for the capital.\n\n\"How much further was it again?\" Halland asked.\n\n\"There was a milestone just before the bit near the forest. I think that was the fiftieth, so maybe another thirty miles. Why, are you getting tired?\"\n\n\"No, actually. Being a troll seems to have improved my endurance.\"\n\n\"So there are some perks at least.\"\n\n\"It's not worth it though. Not after what just happened.\"\n\n\"Did they hurt you?\"\n\n\"A bit. I'll be fine. I should ask, are you going to be fine?\"\n\n\"I'll manage.\"\n\n\"You'll have people looking at you everywhere. And there will be others like those bandits.\"\n\n\"True. But, as I said. I'm pretty sure I can manage.\"\n\nThey travelled the next few miles serenely, without trouble or bickering. Yet soon enough, the arguments started again. After Halland was treated, they returned home, and for a month they did not speak to each other. A few years on, they founded a clinic with the help of that same doctor in Vaneraga, with the aim of treating trollification and finding a cure for elvenification as well. They never found it. Eventually, Halland died of old age, and a statue was built by Branwich outside the clinic. He would then go on to live forever, until the world was destroyed by an intergalactic being looking for a snack. Because, that sort of thing happens sometimes.\n\nThe End.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2012-08-13T13:03:00 | 2012-08-13T12:30:03 | 32 | 21 | [
{
"content": "[FF] How I Survived The Zombie Outbreak\n\nWORD LIMIT: 200 WORDS\n\nPROMPT: It's happened about two weeks ago. The zombie outbreak. Your character was somehow able to survive, being in one of the epicenters of the event. How did they survive those first two weeks?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "The first thing you need is water. The second thing you need is food. Beyond that, you start dealing in wants, not needs. I wanted to be alone, though, solitary, and I got that. This is isn't a boy scout camp, this isn't Remember the Titans, comradery won't win this championship, other people are a liability.\n\nWhen it hit we stayed organized long enough for widespread evacuations. 'We' refers to we the general, we the human civilization. Past tense.\n\nI stayed. I found a small, completely abandoned apartment complex, and made it secure. Before they turned the water off, I filled every bathtub with water. There's food to scavenge in the various apartments. My needs were filled for the first two weeks, I calculate for the next two weeks as well. Everything else is a want. And I have a great view. Some nights, alone, I look out the window and see them milling aimlessly, their clouded eyes reflecting the moon, a glint lacking intelligence. And sometimes I can hear them moaning. And I realize that I am moaning also, inside my solitary fortress. We are moaning. we the human civilization. Past tense.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[FF] How I Survived The Zombie Outbreak\n\nWORD LIMIT: 200 WORDS\n\nPROMPT: It's happened about two weeks ago. The zombie outbreak. Your character was somehow able to survive, being in one of the epicenters of the event. How did they survive those first two weeks?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "They all went for shotguns. I went for a haz-mat suit. I had warned them that it wasn’t like the movies or video games, that there were serious biological hazards that had to be considered. They didn’t listen. When I rejoined them, they had SPAS-12s and sawn-offs strapped to their backs. I couldn’t fathom where they got them from, but it didn’t matter.\n\nThey tossed me a small knife and half-laughed, looking down on me in my pristine, sterile suit. They thought I was dead, writing me off as baggage they’d shed after the first horde.\n\nThe first horde attacked just after noon and was mowed down in a hail of shells and buckshot. They got too close, though. Tiny droplets of blood rained down into the eyes and mouths of the people I used to call friends. Slowly, they began to get ill. I sat and watched them, the sounds of their vomiting and groans drowned out by my echoed breathing in my mask. \n\nBy three PM, the first one had fully turned. My knife found him just beneath his ribs. The rest followed suit, as did my knife. I told them not to get shotguns. \n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2022-11-12T00:21:49 | 2022-11-12T00:08:05 | 225 | 63 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You are a wizard that specializes in summoning magic. Unlike other summoners that forcefully bind otherworldly creatures to do their bidding, you are the eldritch equivalent of \"I know a guy\".",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "The embarrassing thing is that I didn't even start out a Summoner; I went to school for the three P's (Prognostication, Potions, and Protection) with a minor in Elemental Manipulation (barely passed that one). \n\nBut you save one Non-Human Entity and share food with another and don't discriminate when it comes to the background of your customers and it gets around that you're the guy to go see when an Ice Wraith is having hot flashes.\n\nAnd the thing is, is that these beings don't work the same way as humans. Like literally on a cosmic or atomic or magical level. \n\nA Vampire with a blood allergy might pay you in cash for the \"vegan\" alternative you found in the back of some crusty blood-stained tome, but in the grander scheme of things they \"owe\" you for every day they keep living. Not that I knew it at the time, I just felt sorry for the kid: newly turned and already abandoned by his creator, slowly and painfully starving to death because of his own immune system. \n\nI had to start getting creative with them paying me off because some of them have their own ideas if you take to long and believe me NO ONE wants to wake up to the heads of a Three-Headed Arachno-Wolf dripping venom on their bed-covers (again). Like, yeah, the venom is useful in potions but it also burns through fabric like tissue paper in an inferno. That Vampire guy I mentioned earlier is an excellent shop assistant though,\n\nSo I became the guy who \"knows a guy\". \n\nYou got a relative trying to force you to give up your body so they can live on through you? I know a guy who can help with that, he works for the Death department and they're worse than the IRS when they think someone's pulled a fast one. \n\nAbusive ex wont leave you alone? I know a couple of guys who run a, uh, \"specialized\" butcher shop that caters to the non-human elements of society. \n\nNeed to make a deal to save the life of someone you love? I know a guy who can make that happen. \n\nand so on.\n\nSo yeah, maybe \"summoner\" is stretching it a bit but I have a lot of \"guys\" I can call upon in my hour of need and, buddy, all you walked in here with was a gun",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] You are a wizard that specializes in summoning magic. Unlike other summoners that forcefully bind otherworldly creatures to do their bidding, you are the eldritch equivalent of \"I know a guy\".",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "People often misunderstand the way magic works. Do something one way, and everybody, everywhere, assumed that was the only way to do it. But I understood magic had few fundamentele rules. Oh, it had many rules alright, and people were very focused on that. But it had few fundamentele rules. I became known as the person who broke even those. Binding creatures of magic, creatures of the eldritch realm, always came with a cost, and a high on at that. But I learned another method, on the fateful day when I was summoned to the eldritch realm instead of summoned from it. At the time, for some reason, perhaps shock, the first thing I did was point out my captors hadn't made a proper binding circle. Someone came forward, Zushimalain, I later learned his name was, and laughed at me. 'Why would we need to do that? Why would we want to? We are much more powerful than you, and besides, what I plan to ask of you is not so disagreeable that you'll need to be forced.' what would you ask of me then?, I said. And why do you think I will be able to help? And at the time, I was filled with terror, but I did my best not to show it. \nYou're human, the man said. I need you to persuade someone to stop attacking. We have heard that no one is as persuasive as a human, and besides, you can lie when almost no of us can. This was the first time I was introduced to the idea that the ability to lie makes someone a better diplomat, and I found it intriguing, and my curiosity soon overcame my terror. But I still had one question. 'How can you say that what you're asking is not disagreeable, when I will need to go near someone who attacks?' \nYou will not need to go near, for we have found a way for you to speak to the Attacker from a distance. \nSo I tried this, and I was successful, and so all who had previously been bothered by this Attacker felt they owed me, and we celebrated our victory, and I learned many of their names and occupations. From that moment onward, I remembered what I was like to be summoned, and refrained from binding any eldritch creatures, instead asking those I knew, either to return a favor, or to help me out in the name of our friendship. Binding costs everything, yes. Sometimes everything you have. But asking costs nothing.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2014-03-12T23:25:21 | 2014-03-12T22:59:59 | 25 | 11 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A classic Disney movie, but the protagonist is now the villian",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "**A Tale of a Man and a Monster**\n\nBright was the night when your tale was begun\n\nWhen the streets of Paris burned bright like the Sun\n\n2 men, one holy, do guess if you can\n\nWho is the Monster and who is the man?\n\n~~\n\nOne was a man quite devoted to God\n\nHe cared for the child, whose features were odd\n\nHe locked him up high so he could not attack:\n\nThe uncivilized boy with a hunch on his back\n\n~~\n\nThe boy he had raised ran down to the street\n\nA woman appeared and below they'd retreat\n\nThe dancer, who implanted ideas of disorder\n\nThe pious ensnared for the sins he thought toward her\n\n~~\n\nA muse and this hunchback had started to scheme\n\nFor foundations of Paris to burst at the seam\n\nThe Gypsy lay waste to the pious man's soul,\n\nHe had short time left, but the bells did not toll\n\n~~\n\nThe two fought up high, Paris now aglow\n\nThe pious dropped far to his city below\n\nHailed as a hero for what he had done\n\nFor slaying the pious who had called him son\n\n~~\n\nHe laid waste to the city and rings bells all day\n\nHe let in the Gypsies, who false gods do they pray\n\nHe struck down the pious, let in the licentious \n\nHe looks down from his tower, his eyes so contentious\n\n~~\n\nA man of God slain, A hunchback does live\n\nSurely the pious would like to forgive, \n\nthe son who betrayed him, now guess if you can\n\nWho is the Monster and who is the Man?",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] A classic Disney movie, but the protagonist is now the villian",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will admit that I had become coarse in my tenure. But coarseness is to be expected when one works for decades on end only to find that ultimately, our entire empire is being run by a half-witted crone, who is too concerned with gaining riches for himself and his family.\n\nI've earned it, haven't I? How wrong is it of me to want to lead people down a more logical path? We have an economic crisis on our hands, and all our leader wanted to do is protect his daughter.My methods were reprehensible. Persuasion and force are tools I only implemented when logic would not be upheld. I don't regret for a second my actions.\n\nThe idiot couldn't even manage to protect his daughter. Admittedly, I had grown fond of her over the years I had known her. She was obviously beautiful, but the way she disregarded her father really resonated with me. So when she wound up on the street at the end of the blade of the palace guards, I had to stop her. It was drastic, but I told her that he was dead. I threw him in the dungeon. I could have killed him, but that would have been cruel.\n\nThere was an empire to save. I needed official reign over Agrabah, puppeteering was becoming insufficient. I was told it was hokum. Nevertheless, I sought out the pieces of the beetle and found the Cave of Wonders. For whatever reason, it thought that the street rat who had endangered the princess was 'worthy'.\n\nHe retrieved the lamp, but kept it for himself after I tried to kill him. It was cold, but he knew too much and would endanger the lives of thousands.\n\nA few days later, he comes riding in going by 'Prince Ali', demanding to marry the princess.\n\n-TOO TIRED TO fINISH-",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2014-06-15T23:29:55 | 2014-06-15T23:29:23 | 170 | 15 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A portal to Hell is discovered. Mankind invades.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "This is the testament of Azazel, soilder for the Morning Star.\n\nIf only I knew then what I know now. Would I have chosen to fall with the morning star? \n\nWhen we were young it was so clear that nothing would come from the thing the Lord had made. It was insanity, to say that we, being of the devine light should, bend at need to things made of mud. That mud things were equals of our father. \n\nIt had been an age since anyone of note from either Hell had looked at humanity. Then came reports from the lesser demonic ilk that populates hell that the humans were planning an invasion of hell. We laughed and told the demons mass their army at the gates. Seeing the power of hell amassed in one spot like that would send them screaming back to their mud ball. \n\nIt was a defense that had worked before and had sent orders of virtuous templars back. The walls had only ever been breached by small bands with some of the Light of the High Heavens protecting them. The day of the invasion came and we waited contemptuously for the reports of defeating the mud. A very different kind of report came to us. \n\nUnbeknownst to us the mud had indeed become mighty. The initial assault, did not come as a great tide of men in armor as we expected but as two flashes light. The mud calls them H-bombs or Thermonuclear weapons or some other nonsense but, what they are in fact is the wrath of Uriel. Mud had discovered the method to make the Light. \n\nWhat was meant to have been a force to turn back the mud had in fact only provided them with the most choice target. Over ten million demons were eradicated without a trace in less time it took them to draw in breath. They comprised the vast majority of our forces and they along with the Gates themselves had vanished.\n\nIt was a fortnight later that the mud began to walk into Hell. It was a walk mostly unopposed. Where there was opposition it turned out to be short lived. The mud had gained great mastery over metallurgy and even some of my brothers and sister fell. \n\nWe mustered strength again at a fortress but that to was annihilated by an Uriel. Uriels have been used five times, there is no knowing how many they have left. Some think they are saving their last to destroy the Morning Star. Attempts to scatter and pick them off as they walked deeper into our domain proved fruitless. The mud would make it hail metal and hiding places would become death traps.\n\nToday we will fight the mud for the gate to the 5th circle should we fall there will be a retreat straight to the seventh circle. Strength weakens some have whispered that they might find respite in Hades or Gehenna. \n\nIf I had known the fate of creation, I would be in the High Heavens looking down. I think though, that I would still be afraid. How long before Babel will be rebuilt and the tide of mud sullies the halls of the High Heavens.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] A portal to Hell is discovered. Mankind invades.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "When we first sent our hounds through the overlords laughed in glee, giddy about the new species we would have on the racks of this new found world. For ages we have opened portal after portal and fallen upon each world with blood soaked claws and enslaved each one. They smiled their toothy smiles, a wide row of sharp interlocking teeth that gnashed flesh. A few went through the portal, overly eager to rip apart the human flesh on the other side. Waves after wave went through. Then something...different happened in hell. \n\nA metal object, no bigger than a demons fist fell through the gate as a gathering of demons were preparing to enter. We looked on, the shiny metal cylinder bounced a bit and the hell hounds growled, perplexed as us demons. It bounced, rolling around before settling and then--BANG! A blast knocked me down, my wings crumbling beneath my weight as red body parts and bit of flesh were thrown into the air. Before I could stand up a hail of metal shot through the portal. My brethren, demons of the depths of hell, were shredded by the metal that flew out of the portal, mowing them down as they scrambled over one another to escape. What had happened? What has this world brought upon us? I kept low behind a body of one of the ogres, who fell an arms length away nearly crushing me. The hail of death stopped. Demons were running still but after a moment the braver ones like myself stood back up. \n\n\"A trap. It-itmust have been,\" I remember now I had tried to reason with myself. But no, something stirred at the portal. A shimmer appeared that took on a form quicker than I could comprehend. Smaller than us demons by half, the creatures poured out of the portal on their tiny legs, quickly flanking the sides of the portal. In the center a large metal machine rolled through so fast the demons in front had no time to run before being crushed. I watched as their red bodies were blazed in fiery blasts from the machine. The little creatures carried black objects that blasted away the demons, again, shredding our vulnerable bodies into strips. Our size, our wings, or teeth and claws--all of it was no matchwas no match. We tried to fly away and the creature sent small bird -machines that launched explosive projectiles that never missed. The black blood ran thick on the ground and and rained from the sky as we were mowed down before the flood of what we call humanity. They spoke in a language of primal screams and shouts, their small teeth bared callury as they climbed over our remains. \n\nNever before had our overlords encountered such fury. The species we have hunted for millennia feared our power. They cowered before our size and brutality. But this world, this species, had shown no fear. Not anymore. Their weapons, their anger surpassed our own.\n\nThat was day that hell was overrun. The dark days of hiding began here, I have seen the humans for my own. They are small, weak creatures. But never underestimate their fury. You would do well to fear the beasts, my dark lord, for hell hath no fury like they.",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2014-06-27T08:11:02 | 2014-06-27T07:54:04 | 203 | 88 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Create a character who is a paragon of virtue, kind and good and all round awesome. Make me hate this character.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "J. Harden, 89, died a leader of his community. In recent years Harden was lauded for his works with the homeless and needy lights of our community. \n\nThe J. Harden Scholarship is given to one student at ASU each year that demonstrates the ability and willingness to go above and beyond for one of the dark souls in their town. The scholarship is funded by a trust established by Harden from the extra money and donations gathered at The White Door soup kitchen downtown. \n\nHarden spent most of his life furthering the cause most important to his heart, which was the general well-being, and future health of his fellow man.\nHarden served for a time in the military, \"ridding the world of darkness\" in his own words. He credits the horrors of his youth for the good works he came back to do in the south. Harden was often heard saying that he always hoped he could make man more pure, and leave the earth \"brighter, lighter, and whiter\" than he found it.\n\nHarden died in the act of carrying out his good works. He and a small group of brothers had gone to teach the good word to the dark members of the city, bringing with them the Holy Fire of the Good Lord. After cleansing the body and soul of two darkies in the Lord's flame Harden was brought low by the shot of a cowardly coon who is surely damned to eternal hellfire. The offender was beaten into submission with a holy flail weilded by brother Thompson. He too was subjected to the holy flame, but his actions surely damn him to hell.\n\nThe body of J. Harden will be laid to rest with full honors of our glorious Klan brotherhood. Services will be Sunday at noon with march of the burning cross through the darkest part of the city to follow immediately after.",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Create a character who is a paragon of virtue, kind and good and all round awesome. Make me hate this character.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Steven had swapped our essays. It was quite ingenuously done, and I didn't realise what had happened until I heard him talk about it to Erik a week later. I honestly didn't mean to eavesdrop, but they spoke about it in the bathroom, and I was in a bathroom stall. It couldn't be helped, really. \n\nHe got an A for my paper. I failed on his. Professor Harrington was a bit confused, and called me in to discuss it.\n\n\"This isn't your usual writing style,\" he said, looking at me with concern. \"What happened here?\"\n\n\"Nothing, sir. Just exhaustion, I didn't plan it properly,\" I said softly. \"I'll do better next time, I promise.\"\n\nI got the feeling he suspected something, but he dropped the subject. I only thought of Steven. His erratic behaviour last term after his mother died. The depression. His grades had been slipping ever since. He needed this, so much more than I did.\n\nOf course, he did a few more things. Stole some research ideas, sabotaged an interview I had planned. I never found out why *I* was his target. But Steven would've chosen somebody if not me. It was good he chose me, really, and not someone who would have retaliated with violence. This way, nothing too terrible ever happened.\n\nCertainly, I ended up unemployed for a while. Truthfully, I'm still not back on my feet. He hounded me for years before discarding me like a bone chewed clean of meat. But it was for the best. He's a succesful professor now. Published and everything. I went to congratulate him recently. I could see the smile hidden in his eyes, the glee that he had gone undetected all these years. But I've always known. And I've always forgiven. After all, isn't that what one is put on this Earth to do?",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2014-12-02T17:14:24 | 2014-12-02T16:39:16 | 59 | 10 | [
{
"content": "[WP] At your job, you have one task. Every day you go in, sit at your desk, and wait for a red light to turn on. When it does, you push a button. You repeat this process until the end of your shift. One day, you find out what the button does...",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Joe sat down in his gray walled cubicle that contained nothing but a tiny red button. The job was the easiest that Joe had ever had, but it was also so monotonous that minutes felt like hours. The red button already turned on and Joe instantly pushed it. Sometimes it came on only hundreds of times per day and other times it was thousands. \n \n\"Joe I want to talk to you.\" His manager said walking up behind him. \n \nJoe's heart started pounding and he wondered if his manager had found the crossword puzzle that was hidden just underneath the desk. If he got fired, his family would be out on the street in days. \n \n\"The button shouldn't come on for at least a couple more minutes, so we should have some time to talk. Nathan will take over if anything comes up. The Group is fond of your work.\" The manager said smiling as the two walked down the long hallway that lead away from Joe's lonely desk. \n \n\"Oh. Well I'm glad sir.\" Joe said feeling confused. He hadn't done anything impressive at all, nor could he. All he had done in the last ten years was push a red button for eight hours a day. \n \n\"Oh Joe, you have a great strength. You've never asked nosy questions or tried to figure out what the button does. The Group wants to promote you and show you the good work you've been doing for the planet.\" The manager said as they got into a plain white elevator. \n \nJoe was given two simple instructions which he never dared break. Push the button when it comes on, and never ask what it does. \n \n\"Do you remember what you said to me when you begged me for this position? You said you'd do anything. This perked my interest, and you accepted the button job right \naway. You're more man than most of us.\" The manager said chuckling as the two made their way out of the elevator. \n \nJoe hated this lifeless job, but he desperately needed a good paying position that could provide for his newborn daughter Emily. The planet had become hugely overpopulated and the job market was more difficult than ever before in history. \n \n\"What floor is this sir?\" Joe asked cautiously. \"It's the heating level of course. Right this way.\" The manager glowed with pride. Joe had never had never had access to this floor before and always kept his mouth shut about it. \n \n\"I just don't see what this has to do with me.\" Joe said. \"We want to give you a raise. Basically we will be paying you 4 times what we are paying you now if you agree to say with us. We need someone we can trust with this information.\" Joe couldn't believe it. Even a 4% raise would have been a huge boost. \n \n\"Your pay will go up dramatically if you stay with us for one reason. You will continue the work despite knowing what the red button does. If you refuse this offer, we will have to let you go.\" \n \nThe manager stepped in front of a red door and then asked, \"Are you ready to make 4 times more money, or do you want to go home?\" That was a no-brainer. After ten years of sitting at that boring desk, he would finally make enough to retire in a few short years and maybe buy a nice house for his family. \n \n\"I think I'd like to get the massive paycheck after I see what you want to show me.\" Joe said with a huge smile. \n \n\"Good. Guard, open window 3.\" The manager commanded. The window to the door opened and Joe peeked inside to see a small baby crying on the floor with no mother in sight. \n \n\"I don't get it.\" Joe said feeling a shiver run down his spine. \n \n\"Looks like the button just went red. Live demonstrations are best. Nathan should be pressing it any second now.\" The manager said peeking in behind Joe. \n \nIn a bright flash that lasted less than a second, the baby turned to ash.",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] At your job, you have one task. Every day you go in, sit at your desk, and wait for a red light to turn on. When it does, you push a button. You repeat this process until the end of your shift. One day, you find out what the button does...",
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"content": "I'd been pushing the button for so long I don't even think about it anymore. The light comes on, I instinctively push it. It's been a part of my life for so long it's become second nature. I just try and pass the time until the light comes. It's been this way every day for the past 10 years.\n\n Today, it never came on.\n\nI walk to Carol's office, a hefty woman with the shrillest voice I've ever heard. My mind wanders as I do, questioning, \"Why? Certainly I can't be the only one?\" She sits slumped over her desk, head in both hands. The unsettling feeling of the atmosphere in this space is overwhelming, something isn't right.\n\nI ask her, \"what's going on? My light hasn't come on all day?\" She looks at me with pure contempt, then to her computer screen once more. She lets out a bloodcurdling scream, I step backward and notice she has something in her hand.\n\nI'm sitting up against the wall now. My ears ringing, debris everywhere. I blink to readjust my vision and the smoke feels like a million daggers on my tender eyeballs. I'm unable to see Carol at all, I pray she's alright. I try to catch my breath and my lungs instantly feel on fire. I choke and sputter, my vision blurring ever more. My head is ringing and I feel a tingling sensation slowly begin to wash over my entire body.\n\nWhat was on that computer screen? I *have* to know. I try to stand and instantly fall back to the ground. I shield my eyes and look down, barely able to see through the thick smoke enveloping me. Below the knee, my left leg has been reduced to a mound of mangled meat, fragments of bone protrude, the tiny splinters evidence of the sheer force of the blast.\n\nI see a light shining from beneath Carol's desk. I know before I start crawling that it's the monitor. I'm getting weaker, but I must know. What the hell had she been looking at. Why had my light not went off? \n\nI slowly crawl forward, my bloody stump leaving a distinct streak in the soot covered floor as I go.\n\nI try to think of my fondest memories as I trudge along. For some reason, all I can think of is the people on reddit. How much some of them care about upvotes, some would even go to great lengths to get them. How a moderator removing a post can ruin someone's day, cause unparallelled hatred. It's all so trivial, but that's what drives the community. I smile while having this realization.\n\nThe computer screen is almost within my grasp now, and I can now make out the scorched remains of Carol's body, her fleshless arm peeking out at me as I drag myself forward. I notice something glinting in the sparse light, dangling from her pointer finger. The nearer I draw, the more it taunts me. \"What *is* that?\" I ask myself. It looks so familiar, but so foreign. Maybe something I'd seen in a movie but never up close.\n\nI reach out and wipe the layer of black away from the computer screen, I've finally made it. I shudder at what meets my eyes. Unable to believe I've wasted so much of my life pressing that button, all for this. I'd fantasized that maybe it was something important, due to the secretive nature of the job. If only I'd had any idea just how wrong I was. I rest my head on the floor and watch as my tears begin to collect below me, mixing in with the dirt and soot and other particles beneath me. I glance at the computer once more as my vision slowly begins to fade into nothingness.\n\nThe message onscreen reads : /u/Hefty_N_Shrill, your post has been removed by a moderator.\n\nSome people *really* need those fucking upvotes.\n\nto avoid confusion: woman running an upvote mill goes kamikaze when her post gets removed by a mod. Heyooo\n",
"role": "assistant"
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2014-12-17T11:04:33 | 2014-12-17T10:31:48 | 21 | 13 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You grew up in a world exactly like our own in every except one, in your world Magic is real. Every mage goes through a personality test to help them determine a theme for their magic. Today is your testing day.\n\nTo clarify, a theme can be anything from what kind of magic you do to how your magic takes form. One person could be keen to choose ice magic as their theme, while another might decide to only cast magic that takes the shape of dice.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "\"As if I didn't know what my power was,\" I muttered to myself. I carried the backpack over my shoulder. Food, water, and other essentials were packed inside. My leather jacket rustled as I gave my reflection in the mirror another glance. I turned to my alarm clock. It was still five in the morning. The exam would start in six hours, my sixteenth birthday would officially be in two, and my parents would wake up in one. I hoped that that single hour would be all I needed.\n\nI tiptoed down the stairs, and left my letter on the kitchen table. My parents were good people, and they had the right to know why I was doing this. As I reached for the door knob to the front yard, I heard a whine. \"Chester,\" I thought. I looked at my Husky. His pleading, blue eyes pierced through his cage. He was the last one I wanted to be involved, considering my power. Still, I couldn't bring myself to leave him behind. Even now, I'm not sure whether or not this was the right thing.\n\nChester and I ran out onto the street. The train doesn't accept pets, so my escape plan was pretty much out the window. My only option was to run as far as I can. If I was lucky, I'd get a ride out of the city. And so, Chester and I ran.\n\nIn this country, once you're determined to have a power, you're drafted into the workforce, be it as a doctor, or a soldier. No exceptions. I didn't mind it as much as others. I was a gentle person, and I still am. I always wanted to be a vet, so I figured that I'd get healing powers, or something. Something simple. If I ended up shooting fire or darkness out of my hands, at least I could help people in the army, right? But no, fate had to play a cruel joke on me, and give me something much worse. The only luck I had was discovering what my power was before it was too late. It gave me the head start I needed.\n\nBefore I knew it, two hours had passed. I was now sixteen, and on the outskirts of town. Trees were sprawled around both sides of the road, their leaves creating walls of green. I still couldn't find a ride, but at least I was still in the clear, or so I thought.\n\nA police van's sirens went off in the distance. It was getting closer. No doubt they used tracking magic to find me. Chester and I ran into the trees. They were still tracking me, but I had no other plan. I couldn't resort to magic.\n\nDozens of phantasms circled overhead. Chester and I made it to a clearing before being surrounded. Five officers pointed their pistols at me, with the sixth in the back controlling the illusions. Their gun enchantments would prevent any physical damage, but I heard that getting shot by one still hurts like hell.\n\n\"Jaden Cliff,\" the officer in the back said, \"skipping your Sorcery Assessment Exam is a serious offense. Comply, or face arrest.\" I was on the verge of tears. It took all the courage I had to leave my life behind, only for my attempt to be shut down.\n\nChester huddled up to me. I unfastened his red collar, and whispered into his ear. \"I'm sorry.\" My free hand touched Chester's back, and enveloped him in a ruby aura. The officers shot at us, but I was the only one who felt pain. Chester was beyond pain at that point.\n\nI fell to the ground, surrounded by fallen leaves. As I looked up, I saw Chester, now a fifteen-foot behemoth. He resisted every bullet shot at him, every ghost that tried to harm him. Chester effortlessly tossed the officers aside. I could hear their bones cracking as they collided with the trees. In under a minute, the phantasms were gone, and all the cops were on the ground, writhing.\n\nThe massive Chester gave me a soft lick, bringing me to my senses. A got up, and Chester let me ride on top of him. Hiding my powers wouldn't work anymore. We got back onto the road, and Chester carried me for what felt like miles, until his enchantment wore off, and I could walk again.\n\nI never wanted to use animal magic, to have innocent creatures fight for me. If the government caught me, if they knew about how strong I was with Chester at my side, who knows how many they'd make us kill. How many they'd make HIM kill. I couldn't turn an animal into a weapon, especially not my Chester. I wanted to leave him behind for this, but it looks like we're in it 'till the end.",
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{
"content": "[WP] You grew up in a world exactly like our own in every except one, in your world Magic is real. Every mage goes through a personality test to help them determine a theme for their magic. Today is your testing day.\n\nTo clarify, a theme can be anything from what kind of magic you do to how your magic takes form. One person could be keen to choose ice magic as their theme, while another might decide to only cast magic that takes the shape of dice.",
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"content": "Today was my 16th birthday. \n\nThe day that we figured out what we could do.\n\nNone of the adults ever talked about the test. They couldn't, all memories of it were wiped from their minds after.\n\nBut each and every one of them always said that they learned something new - they learned about themselves.\n\nAnd today was my day.\n\nThey brought me to the Chamber of Chocolate - named so due to the towering brown building that it was housed in. The rectangular dimples - that reminded the viewer of windows, but weren't. After all, nobody was allowed to look into this building.\n\nThere were only thirty thousand Chambers across the world - but the teleporters would help you arrive at one when it was your time. Nobody knew what would happen if you didn't go.\n\nToday was my day.\n\nA simple door, no ornaments nor a handle to open it with, was all that adorned this building. Two wizards of the fire class stood by the door - not that it needed any protection. The door wouldn't open unless it was your time.\n\nAnd today was my day.\n\nI gently placed my hand onto the door without ceremony. I knew my parents were standing behind - probably holding my little brother who would be gazing up at me in awe. I knew the pride that would be reflected in their eyes.\n\nWe were all excited about today. My day.\n\nThe door didn't open, but rather I was swallowed into it. A very disturbing sensation - and it didn't taste sweet like chocolate should either.\n\nOn the other side of the door was a white room, as large as the eye could see without any furniture or walls. Except for the mirror.\n\nAnd what a mirror this was - it stood far enough into the room that I had to walk to it, but close enough that it wasn't lost into the white glare that dominated the room.\n\nAs I slowly approached it, wondering what the test would be, and stood before it - I did not see what I expected to. It was not my reflection that stared back at me. It was not me, it could not be me.\n\nThe beast that looked across the mirror was hideous and indescribable, a monster of nightmares, a creature of darkness.\n\n*Welcome*\n\nIt uttered, no, it had not made a sound. The word just echoed within my mind. The mind that was currently wondering if I could flee, if I could run back to my parents. If I would be able to survive it.\n\n*Be afraid*\n\nThat didn't help.\n\nThe creature smiled, or at least contorted it's facial features in a way that it seemed to mimick a smile.\n\n*Today is your day. Today you will learn about yourself and your kind.*\n\nMy kind? I wondered, what it meant by that.\n\n*Yes, your kind - you have lived on this world for many eons. But you were not the first, nor will be the last. Your kind survive not by the technological advancements that the previous civilisations were built upon, but magic. The power of the mind and will. The power to adapt the laws of the worlds to your will. The power to bind me.*\n\n*But the one thing you do not realise, the one thing that each and every one of you is offered is the price. The price of this power. Each and every single one of you that ventured into this room, since the dawn of time for your kind have called me a monster. Until you realise the price that is paid.*\n\nI was enthralled. I listened to this demon in silence, forgetting to breath at each word that echoed into my mind. That trance was broken by curiousity...\n\n\"Price...?\" - I asked\n\n*Yes, price. The price for your powers is the death of another. Not of your own kind, but of another world altogether - let me show you*\n\nWith those words, the room disappeared. Before me appeared a world very much like my own - but instead of carriages powered by mind, I saw them powered by organic matter. People like us lived in this world - people like you and I. Each loving life they were given.\n\nAnd then... I saw myself. In the next instance, it all disappeared.\n\n*That is the price. The price of another for the power you gain. So tell me, what is your choice - do you wish to take his life for your power? Do you wish to remember what you have done or forget and live in bliss? Remember, the choice is only yours and yours to make.*\n\nI realised that the reflection was of us and our choices. Two of which I would have to make.\n\nI took the power and knowledge when I left that room.\n\nThe power to destroy this abhorrent world built on lives of innocents.\n\nToday was my day.",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2014-12-20T08:22:16 | 2014-12-20T07:48:09 | 595 | 10 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Science has advanced far beyond human understanding, discoveries are made using supercomputers running vast neural networks. In the darkness, God watches a lonely machine printing output, a new law of nature! Something troubles him, this law is undeniably valid but it's not one that he created.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Confusion. That was the first step, then it moved on to intrigue. I know that this law is true, but I don't know how. It is not that I didn't necessarily create it, but rather that it just didn't occur to me. Of course it must have occurred to me, I am God, after all. I must have just forgotten it. In fact I have already forgotten it. That is odd, is it supposed to be something that is supposed to be unknown? How could these machines have discovered it then?\n\nAt the very least I have to hand it to Homo Sapiens for creating something greater than themselves, that is always a scary prospect. It is quite interesting to see what creatures with free will can do. They really started taking off when they managed to dismiss me altogether. I suppose this is what they mean by the son surpassing the father. It does make me quite proud. I mean they haven't really surpassed me, but it would take one hell of a natural disaster to get rid of them now. Although, the biggest flaw they still retain is the fact that they just subconsciously forget anything that they don't like...\n\nMaybe that what I did, maybe that law is just something I don't want to have to face. I am omnipotent, it surely can't be that bad. Where is that printout again...\n\nBEGIN MESSAGE\n\nMarch 17, 6783\n\nTesting law of nature candidate number 15,738,912,256\n\nLaw is found to be correct in all measurable instances\n\nLaw does not violate other laws when extrapolated\n\nLaw shall be accepted as such until proven otherwise\n\nNOTE: Humans have been aware of this law for some time in one form or another, it seems to have gained prominence in the later half of the 20th century and the 21st century. INSTANCES: Movie: The Phantom Menace: \"There is always a bigger fish\" Book series: The Keys to Creation: \"We are your gods, but even we have gods.\"\n\nLAW: No matter the extent of power of a being, there is always a stronger being.\n\nPROMPT FOR TESTING: The being known as \"God\" was found to be inferior to the being which created it.\n\nEND MESSAGE\n\nQuite a useful skill, forgetting things you would have rather not seen, let us see if I can do that again.\n\nedit: formatting is not my thing",
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{
"content": "[WP] Science has advanced far beyond human understanding, discoveries are made using supercomputers running vast neural networks. In the darkness, God watches a lonely machine printing output, a new law of nature! Something troubles him, this law is undeniably valid but it's not one that he created.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "\"This tiny selector told me the undeniable truth. Chlorophyll absorbs 50% more sunlight than I remember.\"\n\nWe rotated the brass selector. \"A second look always takes priority in science,\" God said, us riding on his shoulder and forearm. \n\nWe jumped from God and tended to the machines. After hours, our calculations came through. There was another system of intelligence which nearly matched God, creating natural laws in his stead. We sought to find it the next day.\n\nGod might be a little behind, but nothing with the ability to change the properties of chlorophyll overnight should be in existence besides him.\n\nOur wisp vehicles found the other god immediately. He was encroaching upon our holy space, which could have been expected (it was the only holy space on Planet Sprok©). We sent the beast from heaven (which didn't suit it) back to limbo, or the netherworld, where it belonged.\n\nUnfortunately, God saw nothing. It was out of his sight, so we made the most of it.\n\n Will 'o Wisp Dark Tavern, Mon-Sun 2pm-4am\n\nwas emblazoned on the doorway of the plant beasts, left behind by their paternal God.\n\n***\n\n\"Who tends these machine fields, now?\" asked God, who received no answer.\n\nThe Wisps were living at the ol' bar down the Holy Way where the plant beasts were found. Rumors among the clouds say the Will O' Wisps would be teaming with the plant beasts if their plant god ever returned. So God's machine's went untended for a long, long time.\n\nGod eventually jumped into the computers themselves. He used his holy powers to do this. When the Wisps heard that God had been defeated by his own machines, they returned to operate the supercomputer. The plant god came forth from the netherworld. God suffered inside the machine, but he was protected by it from the plant god's powers.\n\nOne day, the plant god wanted to play a virtual reality game. He found the nearest supercomputer -- God's supercomputer, and jumped inside. Retribution was never seen alike before. The flames came from the computer itself which rendered a paralysis upon the plant god, who died. And then, from the corpse of the plant god, rose the television plant God, with a large video game head. \n\nUnfortunately, this was the current God O' the Wisps, who had inevitably sunk into a dark depression at the bar.",
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2015-02-16T13:10:18 | 2015-02-16T13:08:49 | 1,382 | 241 | [
{
"content": "[WP] People stop using Antivirus software because they believe it's making their computers autistic. You are an IT intern at the wake of disaster.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "\"Sir,\" said Tim, massaging the folds on his forehead, \"could you repeat that for me?\"\n\n\"I said I didn't install antivirus on this computer, because an antivirus program made my last computer autistic.\"\n\n\"Your previous computer was autistic?\"\n\n\"Autistic, yes.\"\n\nTim stared at the pockmarked office ceiling. At times like this, his bluetooth headset seemed to weigh ten thousand pounds.\n\n\"What symptoms did your computer exhibit that made you think it was autistic, sir?\"\n\n\"Oh, I did my research,\" said the caller defensively. \"It exhibited all the classic symptoms of autism.\"\n\n\"Like what?\"\n\n\"Lack of empathy. Preoccupation with certain topics.\"\n\n\"Topics like what?\"\n\n\"It was a big fan of toolbars. Always asking me to install toolbars, you know? 'Ask' toolbar, 'Yahoo' toolbar, 'MSN' toolbar. My whole Internet Explorer was nothing but toolbars.\"\n\nTim realized he'd been sliding down in his chair. By this point he was nearly horizontal.\n\n\"I see,\" he said.\n\n\"And it was asking me ten or twelve times a day if I wanted to update Java. The stupid thing just would not shut up about Java. Or Adobe Flush, whatever that is.\"\n\nBut Tim wasn't there to respond. He'd abandoned his headset and was halfway out the door. The bright sun beyond made him sneeze. Twice.\n\nMaybe TGI Friday's was hiring.\n\n*****\n*Hey guys, super thrilled you liked this so much! Shameless self promotion: I'm expanding on another prompt response [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/FormerFutureAuthor/comments/2ugc7q/forest_part_one/), updates posted regularly to /r/FormerFutureAuthor. Feel free to drop by and let me know what you think!*",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] People stop using Antivirus software because they believe it's making their computers autistic. You are an IT intern at the wake of disaster.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "**THE FOLLOWING IS A TRANSCRIPT OF THE FIRST KNOWN CONTACT**\n\n**RANJEET, Number 30224756** - Thank you for calling Homeopathic Technology Care. My name is Steve. How may I help your spirit this day?\n\n**Customer** - Yeah, high. I have been having an issue with my computer. I put an Antivirus on there, and now….I think it has…*whispering* autism.\n\n**R** - Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?\n\n**C** - IT HAS A RIGHT TO LIFE, YOU MONSTER.\n\n**R** - Of course. In that case, I must hand you off to my supervisor. I am not trained on how to handle a computer with autism. Hold please.\n\n*Welcome to the Jungle plays*\n\n**Raheem** - This is Scott. How may I help you today?\n\n**C** - My computer has autism.\n\n**R** - I see. Is it a Windows or Apple product.\n\n**C** - It’s a macbook. An autistic macbook.\n\n**R** - And what symptoms has the macbook been displaying that lead you to believe that it is autistic?\n\n**C** - It’s become isolated and fixated on numbers, colors, and shapes. \n\n**R** - Can you shake the mouse for me?\n\n**C** - Thank you, that fixed it. \n\n**R** - Have I solved all your problems in a satisfactory manner?\n\n**C** - One second.\n\n*muffled yelling and crying, as though a child is being shaken* \n\n**C** - *muffled* WE’LL GET THAT MERCURY OUT OF YOU!\n\n**END PHONE TRANSMISSION**\n",
"role": "assistant"
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2015-02-23T12:10:26 | 2015-02-23T11:37:11 | 24 | 17 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Your current self and your self from 8 years ago sit down to have a chat in a cafe.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I never realized how much a few years can change you, but sitting here looking at this clean cut young man with such fervor in his eyes it is apparent.\n\n\"You have a beard.\" He says to me, making small talk as his food sits untouched. \"So we leave the military.\" I chuckled.\n\n\"There are a million things I wish I could tell you, things I want to prepare you for.\" I feel the soreness in my back and want to tell him not to get so down. That it is an experience he will grow from, but I am afraid. \"You know I can't though. It's dangerous.\" He scoffs at me and I remember how single minded I was then, how simple the world was.\n\n\"Does it work out?\" He blurts out suddenly as his phone lights up. Such an old phone, almost comical. It takes me a second because I don't know what he is talking about, then the memories hit me.\n\n\"You'll be ok.\" He shakes his head, annoyed with me, then his eye catches my arm.\n\n\"Did it hurt?\" He asks, and I look down but have to fight the urge to reach up to my eye. He hasn't noticed, that's for the best I suppose. He's got a hard time ahead of him, but he'll be ok, it gets so much better.\n\n\"Yes, but you will make it through just fine.\" I hesitate. \"I need you to listen to me.\" I force down tears. I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but I can't help it. I don't even totally understand the consequences, but I don't care. \"You need to be there. I know sometimes it will be rough, and you'll get caught up in everything, but Dad needs you. Your brother needs you too. Mom is going to get a lot better. Don't worry about money, don't worry about your future. We end up just fine. Keep working hard and you'll get there. You just need to remind Dad to stay healthy ok? You need to ask him about every single doctors appointment he goes to and make sure he understands. He needs to have his lymph nodes checked a lot soon alright?\"\n\nHe's not stupid, he gets my meaning and nods. \"I'll take care of it.\" I smile at him and nod back. This kid has a lot of growing up to do, but more so he needs to learn how to lighten up, how to have fun.\n\n\"Good\" I say as I stand up and pay the check. I know he doesn't have any money. \"Two more things.\" He looks up at me. \"Wear your fucking hearing protection always, and don't ever let Alex drive home from shanys after he's been drinking. Other then that just do the best you can.\" He stands up and shakes my hand.\n\n\"I have more questions.\" I laugh again.\n\n\"I know you do, but you know us. I'll do something stupid and trust me kid, you don't want our life to change at all. Take care, and tell Nana I love her.\" He smiles sadly and nods. I don't turn back as I walk out into the sunlight, but I know it'll be alright. As a matter of fact, the sounds coming through my left ear are pretty amazing.",
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{
"content": "[WP] Your current self and your self from 8 years ago sit down to have a chat in a cafe.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "He studies my face intently, uncomfortably, the cup of coffee poised at his lips still. \n\"Wow,\" he breathes, \"You're beautiful. Better looking than most of my ex girlfriends.\" \nI can't look at him directly, it's painful to see those masculine features twitch and jump with every word and expression. His sallow cheeks are flecked with tiny volcanoes of acne and they look painful. It's hard to believe that such skin once belonged to me. \nHe hasn't noticed I'm avoiding looking at him; he just thinks I'm shy, that I'm damaged from transition somehow. I know he thinks that because that's what *I* would have thought back when I was him. \n\"So when did your skin clear up?\" he asks eagerly, leaning forward a little, blowing on the coffee. \n\"About a month after I started anti-androgens, which I think you'll be starting in about eight months.\" \n\"It just...went away?\" \nSelf-conscious, guilty, I touch my smooth cheek, \"It just sort of dissipated over a couple of weeks. I still get the odd one now and then, but nothing like...\" \n\"Like me,\" he says morosely. \nWe sit in silence for a while. I sip my tea and he slurps his coffee. God, it's hard to believe I was ever this uncouth lump of *maleness*. \nHe looks up, but not at my face. \n*Don't you dare asks about my tits!* I think at him, my expression equally unimpressed. \nHe reads the glare perfecty, I probably copied it from his ex-girlfriends, instead he asks; \"So... uh, when did you have surgery?\" \n\"November 2010, in Thailand with Doctor Suporn.\" \n\"Oh! Wow...\" \nI still can't look at him directly. His body looks grotesque, deformed. He's too thin and his bones stick out in knobs from his wrists - he hasn't been eating again. \nI push my chocolate muffin over to him in sympathy, \"You should eat this, I probably don't need it.\" \nHe eyes the textured brown surface, then starts tearing it to pieces to eat; he's also poor, I remember. Not good with money - always spending it on crappy things to make him happy, even though he *knows* what will make him happy. \nMy fiance arrives and sits down, we kiss briefly and touch each other's hands. \nAn expression flickers over the thin, pinched features of my past self. I know what he's thinking; he's thinking that *he* would never be interested in men. That would be icky and kinda *gay*. \nHe knows that I know what he's thinking and he blushes, his ears growing bright red, \"I'm s-sorry!\" he whines. \n\"*UGH!*\" I breathe at him, then pick up my bag. I turn to my fiance and grab his hand, \"let's get out of here, I'm done.\" \n\"*Wait...*\" whimpers my old self, but I'm already walking for the cafe door. \nWhat a fucking *loser*, I think to myself and I know he knows what I'm thinking. \nThen he's gone. Nothing but an awkward and incredibly uncomfortable memory in a cafe. \nI clutch my fiance's hand tight, \n\"Let's go home and eat *all* the icecream.\"\n",
"role": "assistant"
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2015-03-15T14:37:10 | 2015-03-15T14:30:30 | 83 | 36 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You swerve to avoid a squirrel. Unknown to you, the squirrel pledges a life debt to you. In your darkest hour, the squirrel arrives.\n\nEdit: Wow, great stories so far! Made the front page too. Obligatory thanks!",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Hello. I have come. A life for a life. A nut for a nut. \n\nBy saving me, you allowed the revolution to happen. We toppled Regina Scurriorum and have given the nuts back to the scurryer, the hoarder, the scavenger, the worker, and not the opulent ones.\n\nIt is time I repayed the debt. It is time you led your people in uprising. You shall lead them. You shall rule them. Me and my people will fight at your side.\n\nSo says /u/Evanthesquirrel. King of the squirrels.",
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{
"content": "[WP] You swerve to avoid a squirrel. Unknown to you, the squirrel pledges a life debt to you. In your darkest hour, the squirrel arrives.\n\nEdit: Wow, great stories so far! Made the front page too. Obligatory thanks!",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Your mother handed me a slim packet. I knew that when I opened it my life would change completely. I had no idea whether the news was good or bad. She placed her hand on my arm as I broke the seal with the letter opener. \n\nFive months ago, she left me. Everyone left me. Everyone but the squirrel. I'd swerved out of the way two years ago, it had explained, and believed it owed a life debt to me. Now I am married to the squirrel. The sex is really gross. I hope this letter finds you well, son. \n\n-Your father, the squirrel fucker",
"role": "assistant"
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2015-04-01T06:35:12 | 2015-04-01T06:03:36 | 111 | 70 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A patient convinces his therapist to kill himself",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"I just don't see the point, I suppose.\"\n\n\"The point of what?\"\n\n\"Living.\"\n\nDoctor Herman Neumann gazed at the man sitting across from him, on the other side of his desk. Richard, he'd said his name was. Richard had a blank face, seemingly devoid of \nemotion. Neumann found this rather strange, and somewhat unsettling. Over the years, he'd become very good at reading people's faces, understanding the workings of their\nminds from small creases in their brows and clenched muscles around their jaws. But with Richard, he came up with nothing. \n\tNothing could be gathered from examining the rest of his physical appearence either. His clothing was non-descript. Jeans, a white shirt and a black coat. His\nnails were filed, his haircut perfect and clearly expensive. This suggested a certain level of delicacy that, however, didn't match the callouses on his knuckles at all.\nNeumann was puzzled. Of course, his face didn't reflect this at all, except perhaps with a small raising of the eyebrows that he was quick to wipe away.\n\n\"What makes you say that?\"\n\nThat was the only thing he could think of saying.\n\n\"It's all temporary, really. Friendships, possessions, respect, fortunes. Love. Everything ends when you die. And if it won't matter then, why does it matter now?\"\n\n\"It won't matter to you, perhaps, but it'll matter to the people who knew you. To me, that's what matters.\"\n\n\"Nobody knows me. That's the thing. There's nobody to carry my legacy, nobody to remember me. There are people who might claim they know me, but they're wrong.\nThey've met something else, a construct I crafted to hide my real thoughts.\"\n\n\"And why do you hide your thoughts?\"\n\n\"They wouldn't understand. They're used to thinking in irrational ways, letting emotions rule their way of thinking. Believing things because those are the things\nthey grew up believing. I can't see things that way, that's why I can't connect to other people. That's why they don't matter. Because I'm not one of them. And really,\nI think you understand. If you didn't, you'd be showing an emotional response by now. Everyone always does... In my experience it's usually outrage. Does anyone know you, doctor?\nI mean, really know you? Know the thoguhts going on in your mind?\"\n\nDoctor Neumann sat quite still, his eyes locked with Richard's. Both their faces were as impassive as ever, but Herman was thinking hard and he suspected Richard was doing the same.\nHe thought of the question Richard had posed. Did anyone know him? He wished he could answer this without hesitation and uncertainty, but after considering it for a moment, he deemed that\nimpossible. He considered his family. He had a wife, whom he had no emotion left for. At this point they were just two people who happened to live in the same house. He should probably\nfile for divorce. He had two siblings, a brother and a sister. He detested the brother, but cared for the sister. Did they really know each other, though? He supposed he knew her. Knew\nabout her, at least. She was an open book, to be honest. Did she know him? He couldn't remember ever confiding anything about himself to her. Maybe sometimes when they were young, but\nthat was a long time ago. They'd both have changed a lot since then. In the end, he came to the conclusion that Richard was right. He also decided not to admit this.\n\n\"I don't know. I've never thought about it. Does it matter?\"\n\n\"I'm not sure. I was just thinking, maybe you're just like me. Really, the only difference between you and me is which side of this desk we're on.\"\n\n\"That difference is rather crucial, don't you think?\"\n\n\"There's that emotional response I was talkin about. Annoyance. Indignance, perhaps? And no, I think the difference is, all things considered, rather minor. I'm talking about my\nproblem, you are not. That does not mean our problems differ.\"\n\n\"It does not mean our problems are the same, either. But I feel like we've derailed the conversation. Let's go back to what you said earlier, about other people not mattering.\nLet's assume that to be true. How does that make our lives less relevant?\".\n\n\"It doesn't. Our lack of emotion does. Are you familiar with mayflies? I took a great interest in them once, and decided I would learn everything about them. Did you know that an adult mayfly\nonly lives for around 24 hours? Their only purpose in life is to prepare them for reproduction, then, once they've served their purpose, they die. We're like mayflies at the end of their lives.\nNo purpose. Ready to die. Emotions are what gives humans purpose, seeing as we have almost no instincts anymore. Without that, we're shells. Useless, not to others but to ourselves.\"\n\nHerman was speechless. He realized that Richard was absolutely right. They were the same. Shells. Emotionless. Mayflies.\n\nRichard stood up.\n\n\"In two hours, I will go to ride the London Eye. I always wanted to do so as a child, but I never had the opportunity. It seems suitable that I should do so now. I do not intend on being there when\nmy carriage comes back down. Perhaps you'll see to it that the police are waiting for me when I arrive, but I expect that you won't.\" He turned around and walked out, without turning around or saying another word.\n\nNeither of the two men showed up to work the next morning. Their families cried at their funerals, of course, as did their friends, but that didn't matter. Nothing matters to a mayfly.",
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"content": "[WP] A patient convinces his therapist to kill himself",
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"content": "“I just don’t see the point doctor.”\n\nThe man sat hunched on the couch. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a week. Small bits of dried up food clung to the front of his sweater. Across from him a therapist sat in a wooden chair and scribbled notes on a clipboard.\n\n“Now, we’ve talked about this. It’s all about perspective. We have to shift your lens,” the doctor said. He was as clean as the patient was disheveled. A perfectly trimmed grey goatee surrounded a kind smile. “Now, tell me the best thing and the worst thing that happened to you yesterday.”\n\nThe man reached up and scratched his stubble. “The best thing and the worst thing,” he muttered, seeming to think about the question. “Well, the worst thing was the moment I woke up. It felt like a black pit waited for me if I opened my eyes. I just knew the day would be … horrible and that I would spend all my time thinking about doing…. It.”\n\nThe doctor raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean by ‘It’?”\n\n“You know. End it. Punch my ticket.”\n\nThe doctor leaned forward in his chair. “And how do you think you would do It.”\n\n“I don’t know. Pills I guess. I have some of Susan’s old medications. I would just take them all. That should do it.”\n\n“Sounds like it would be pretty painless,” said the doctor.\n\n“Yes”\n\n“And then you would finally be at peace.”\n\n“Yes.”\n\nThe doctor glanced at his watch. Across from him the man had his face buried deep in his palms and was crying. The doctor stood up and watched the man weep. “Well, I think that’s all the time we have for today. I really hope you feel better soon.”\n\nThe man didn’t move. He said something that was muffled by his hands.\n\n“What was that?” asked the doctor.\n\nThe man took his palms away from his face. “I said, I didn’t tell you about the best thing that happened to me yesterday.”\n\n“Oh, we can deal with that next time.”\n\nThe man looked up at the doctor. His eyes were dry.\n\n“I really need to tell you about it.”\n\nThe goateed man sat back down in his chair. “Fine, but make it quick. I have another appointment.”\n\nThe patient sat forward. “The best thing that happened to me yesterday was when I followed you home.”\n\n“What did you just say?”\n\n“I followed you home and then, when you went to the rub and tug, like you do every Wednesday evening, I broke into your house and went through your files.”\n\nThe doctor’s kind face was turning redder by the moment. “Young man, I can assure you that you are in a lot of trouble. Not only is this session and relationship at an end but I am going to have to call the police. Now, I demand that you leave.” The man was shouting now as he pointed at the door.\n\nThe patient stood up and took a step towards the exit but then turned around. He straightened his back and looked down at the other man.\n\n“Yes, I think it is time we called the police. What do you think of that Hans?”\n\nThe doctor’s face did an amazing shift from red to grey. Like a chameleon trying to camouflage itself.\n\n“What did you just say?”\n\n“I called you by your birth name. Hans. Hans Meier. Born in Hamburg in 1948. Quite the record you’ve got there Hans. Just how many of your patients have committed suicide? My count has it at 32. What’s your number? I bet you know the names of every. Single. One.”\n\nThe patient had been slowly walking towards the doctor. The smaller man stood up from his chair and was forced backwards until he bumped into the window.\n\nHe spoke but his voice was quiet. “You’re crazy. Delusional. I demand you leave my office.”\n\nThe man leaned into him. “I’m Peter Osmond’s brother.”\n\nThe doctor’s face turned an even grayer shade of ash. He slid to the floor.\n\nThe man put his arms behind his back and began to slowly pace the room. “I was devastated when Peter killed himself. He was my best friend you know. The more I thought about it the more it seemed wrong. I began to look into it. I found you and after some digging saw that an alarmingly high number of your patients seem to commit suicide. I wasn’t sure until I went through your files last night. You’ve had to move around quite a bit to cover your tracks. You couldn't help but keep the files of course. And then there was today. How low can you go? You practically put the pills into my hand. You’re a fucking scum bag.”\n\nThe large man had his back to the doctor and didn’t see him rise up off the floor. Didn’t see the small knife in his fist. The doctor rushed across the floor like a snake and buried the knife into the man’s ribs.\n\nThe man turned around and grabbed the doctor by the neck. “Funny thing. You’ve been attacked by two of your patients. Both times with a knife. Both times you were forced to defend yourself.” The man opened up his shirt with his free hand. “Kevlar.”\n\nThe doctor’s face was turning yet another color. Purple. He squirmed but was held in place by the man’s powerful hands.\n\n“Here’s how this is going to go Hans. Tonight, you are going to hang yourself. You are going to hang yourself until you are dead.”\n\nThe man brought Han’s face inches from his own. “And if you’re not dead when the sun rises tomorrow. I am going to pay you a visit. And believe me, you're not the only one in the room who knows a thing or two about killing.”\n\nThe man dropped the doctor at his feet and walked to the door. He opened it but turned around before leaving.\n\n“I really enjoyed our talk today doctor. I hope we get to talk again soon.”\n\nHe left the door open as he walked away.\n\nedit: minor stuff",
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2015-06-04T10:12:26 | 2015-06-04T09:43:51 | 27 | 10 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Years ago a curse was cast that all people wearing costumes would turn into real versions of the costumes. This is now an annual, known and accepted phenomenon.\n\nThis would be best as a prompt closer to halloween but I didn't want to wait that long.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "My hands were still shaking as I picked up the coffee mug from the table. Dried tear streaks marked my face and the sleeplessness of the past few nights had sunken in, making my eyes burn.\n\n\"It's okay,\" the officer spoke softly, \"take your time.\"\n\nI nodded my appreciation, \"It-it was around 11:55... Mary and I had just put our youngest t-to bed\" I took a breath, \"We were in our costumes, preparing for the night out. We-we-\" I stuttered, \"We were going to this party... at James Thompsons house, a fancy dress party. Nothing special really. The babysitter had just arrived and we were preparing to leave when Mary thought she heard a banging upstairs. My hearings not been so good since a few years back now... I- I just didn't hear anything.\" I gripped the coffee, letting the heat burn my palms.\n\n\"It's okay Martin. In your own time.\"\n\n\"Well, she just ran up stairs real quick, to make sure our son was okay. Next thing I saw, her body slammed into the wall and rolled down the stair- I- I'm sorry, I can't.\" I stumbled. Like she did. I can't get it out of my head. The image of her lifeless body tumbling down those stairs.\n\nThe officer nodded his understanding, \"it had turned midnight by then, yes?\"\n\nI looked up from the mug, into the officers eyes and saw such sympathy. \"Yes.\"\n\n\"My son. He must have gotten out of bed and wandered into the wardrobe... he... he found the costume we got for him when he was smaller, before... before it all started happening.\" Fresh tears tumbled down my cheeks.\n\n\"What was the costume?\" The officer asked.\n\n\"It- it was one of those silly dinosaur costumes. I- I didn't know it would turn him into that, we had never heard of...\" I shook my head, \"After Mary had... fallen... I looked at the top of the stairs, the babysitter was still beside me, I think we were both in shock, couldn't move. There was this terrible screeching and I saw this ten foot... m-monster.\" My resolve buckled, \"I'm sorry, I can't, I can't do this.\" I stood preparing to leave the room.\n\nThe officer leaned over to switch the tape off, \"It's okay sir, we can do this another time...\"",
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{
"content": "[WP] Years ago a curse was cast that all people wearing costumes would turn into real versions of the costumes. This is now an annual, known and accepted phenomenon.\n\nThis would be best as a prompt closer to halloween but I didn't want to wait that long.",
"role": "user"
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"content": " Looking at the finalization of my creation I briefly wondered to myself if I was about to take it too far this year. I thought this and then remembered the humiliation of last year. I swore to myself not to let that happen again despite the fact that I was clearly outnumbered every year. I was the only one for the greater good while it seemed everyone else on the street opted for more chaotic designs. This year would be different though. This year I had worked harder on my \"costume\" and I knew it would certainly shake things up.\n\nThe hour drew close, and I began final preparations on the \"costume.\" I looked it over again to ensure that everything would function as it should. I was precise in its design. I spent too much money to just let this fall apart now. Everything appeared to be in order, and I entered within my sarcophagus. The outside was the only important part of the costume as the inside would change accordingly despite how feasible the costume would be for a regular costume, so I had a chair inside to keep comfortable while I waited.\n\nI felt a chill down my spine, and knew that now the hour was truly upon me. I thrust my head through the appropriate nook so that I could see outside of my creation. A slight electrical feel tingled my body and could be seen arcing on my \"costume.\" This caused me to smile as I knew that this year would be more fortunate for me than last year. Then suddenly everything went black.\n\nMy vision returned, but it was now altered. I could hear, and see, and smell, but I could not feel anything from any of my nerves. I knew this was normal, and my now heightened hearing could detect movement outside of my garage. I knew who it was, and I couldn't wait to surprise them this time.\n\n\"TO OPPOSE US IS BLASPHEMY...IT WILL NOT GO UNANSWERED!\" my new voice cried out loud enough to hear clearly for at least ten blocks. I charged out easily destroying my garage door with my ironclad frame. The black armor of my neighbors stood before me pausing at my entrance. The one closest had a chainsword in each hand, and bright red armor. A berzerker of Khorne. With little effort I took aim, and he was consumed by the holy fire of my heavy flamer. \n\nBolter fire began peppering my hull, and I turned to face the rest. \"YOU WILL CEDE TO THE IMPERIUM!\" I demand, and charge their pathetic ranks.\n\n\n",
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2015-08-27T10:40:46 | 2015-08-27T10:26:47 | 197 | 27 | [
{
"content": "[WP] An advanced alien civilization descends upon Earth, selects one human at random, briefly abducts and teaches him all the secrets of the universe. Upon his return, an interview is arranged. The first words out of his mouth are \"I could shatter the bonds of human civilization in five words…\"",
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"content": "The interviewer fell silent. \n\nThe other people in the room held there breath. For a second the camera man lost his grip and the image shook a little. \n\n\"Could you repeat that?\" Alice asked trying to regain her composure. \n\n\"I could shatter the bonds of human vitalization in five words...there is no God...\" Before Paul could finish Alice jumped in. \n\n\"I must remind our viewers that these are the opinions of single man and not that of the station.\"\n\nThe residents of Bucksport, South Carolina watching the interview in a local watering hole gave a slight groan. They knew anytime a person started talking about the universe it wasn't long til the blasphemy started. \n\nPaul regathered his thoughts, \"What I was trying to say...I'm not a philosopher or scientist, I pretty much ran up a bill at college chasing girls instead of facts...so believe me when I say I was surprised by all of this too.\"\n\nThe entire state of New York had shut down. They were all watching with baited breath. A few younger people in the big apple tried to squeak out a sarcastic comment but they were ignored. \n\n\"The...um...aliens. Didn't so much show me the facts of existence as they just plugged me into it. I was..l connected into their history.\"\n\nLondon had a few community events planned around the interview. A civic center in Blackwell was seeing the red mist because they had lost the connection. \n\n\"They've been around a lot of longer than us. They have ways of turning data into events. I lived numerous lifetimes. I learned...\"\n\nIt was an odd hour for Jiao to be watching TV and she couldn't possibly be any closer to the screen. \n\n\"I learned just as atoms make up matter, living things make up creation. We do things...we react and we cause effects.\"\n\nA cafe in Toliara was gathered around a laptop. Nobody touched their food. \n\n\"The aliens are a little ahead of us, but moving through their history. I saw that we weren't so different. Nobody is that different.\"\n\nIn an Antarctic outpost reception was impossible so the scientist were being update through radio communications. \n\n\"We achieve the greatest when we work together. The aliens haven't cracked things like time-travel or dimensional transport, but they're trying and we can help. We can all work together to create a presence that is unfettered by any boundaries\"\n\nA couple in Kaliningard held each other and started to cry. \n\n\"So what I was trying to say...the five words...there is no god, yet.\"\n\nEverybody was watching. \n",
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"content": "[WP] An advanced alien civilization descends upon Earth, selects one human at random, briefly abducts and teaches him all the secrets of the universe. Upon his return, an interview is arranged. The first words out of his mouth are \"I could shatter the bonds of human civilization in five words…\"",
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"content": "\"...The future has already happened.\"\n\n\"Okay.\" Dr. Victoria Sellers said after a pregnant pause. \"So what?\"\n\nDwayne blinked. This revelation did not have the impact he expected.\n\n\"You look surprised. That seems odd, considering.\" Dr. Sellers smiled.\n\n\"Well, yes...everything is predetermined. That doesn't bother you?\"\n\n\"Not in the slightest. It's a possibility that I came to grips with sometime in the 7th grade. Did they explain what they meant by 'predeterimined'?\" Dr. Sellers asked as she jotted down a few notes then looked back up.\n\n\"Uhh. Well. No, I guess they didn't.\" \n\nDr. Sellers looked disappointed. \"That's a pity, it really is.\" She wrote another note and Dwayne could make it out 'Why did they pick this guy? Are they just messing with us?'\n\n\"Because predetermined could mean just about anything. It could mean that there are only a finite number of possibilities for each present configuration of the universe leading to yet another set of finite possibilities and so on. And if reality bifurcates at each possible change\" she saw his eyes begin to glaze over \"that means the universe splits for each possible outcome, then, *technically* they are correct: all futures are calculable and thus can be considered to have already happened. If that is what they meant it doesn't matter one whit to us because our consciousness seems to be only to process one Universal line at a time and we'd still have, effectively as far as human minds are concerned, infinite possiblities before us. But that's just speculation on one possible meaning of what they said.\"\n\n\"Oh. Ok.\"\n\n\"I don't suppose they've left a way to get back in touch with them for follow up questions, is there?\" She looked skeptically hopeful.\n\n\"No. I don't think so.\"\n\n\"Hmm. Too bad.\" She took a deep breath and sighed. \"What else did they tell you?\"\n\n\"Umm. Something about a gold rock conjure...\"\n\nVictoria interrupted him \"The Goldbach Conjecture! Oh, that is interesting! What did they say!\"\n\n\"Oh, well, they showed me that we were approaching it wrong and wrote down a bunch of symbols starting with some they said we'd know...\"\n\n\"Could you show me?\" She asked.\n\nDwayne looked sheepish. \"No, I don't think so...\"\n\nVictoria sighed and her shoulders slumped. It was going to be a long day.",
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2015-11-17T18:40:12 | 2015-11-17T16:18:03 | 30 | 21 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You tell Death that you will never tire of living no matter how long you live. It makes you a bet that you will and thus grants you true immortality. You've just lived through the second death of the universe and show no sign of stopping. Death is baffled.",
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"content": "I cracked open my latest notebook and took out my trusty pencil, now worn down to a bare nub. Peering in by the light of the dying universe I began to add.\n\n*Saved up enough money to buy very own spaceship - 300 pts*\n\nThat was a rather fun experience. It was a particularly good spaceship, being jet-black and sleek. A beautiful work of art.\n\n*Saved little girl from pirates - 400 pts*\n\nToo bad that ship's life was short-lived. Ah well, it was worth it to see that sweet little girl returned home to her family. And also to see my old ship crash into the pirates' dreadnought at full force. Explosions don't stop being cool.\n\n*Found a new sentient species - 600 pts*\n\nI felt a presence hovering over my shoulder as I added.\n\n*Wrote space poetry - 75 pts*\n\nA bony finger extended and pointed at the page. \"You forgot to carry a two there,\"\n\n\"Thanks,\" I corrected my work and continued on.\n\n*Created ~~ghost ship legend~~ real ghost ship - 700 pts*\n\n*Got married to ghost - 400 pts*\n\n*Got divorced from ghost - 20 pts*\n\nThat was an interesting few years. Death stood patiently behind me as the light from the universe dwindled further. Its quite a lot of math, tallying all this up. I turned the page. Death coughed, a little impatiently.\n\nAs I tallied up an episode involving a primitive society and potpourri, I asked Death, \"What is it?\"\n\n\"Well, your little system there seems to be really good at keeping you excited about life,\" Death began.\n\n\"Oh yes, certainly,\" I said, momentarily forgetting the solution to 6 + 7.\n\n\"And, ah, I decided to try making my own log of what I've done.\"\n\n\"Oh, how about you read some, then,\" I said, trying to remember why learning to play the flute was worth 4000 points and blowing up a planet was worth 370.\n\n\"*Ushered soul to the underworld - 1 pt*\n\n*Ushered soul to the underworld - 1 pt*\n\n*Ushered soul to the underworld - 1 pt*\n\n*Ush-*\"\n\n\"I get the gist of it. You really need to relax sometimes, take a vacation.\"\n\n\"I try. There's just so much to do.\"\n\nI added the last few numbers together. \"Hey, check it out! High score!\"\n\n\"You beat your last one by a lot.\"\n\n\"I think I'm really starting to get the hang of it! Alright, well, let's start the next round. Here, this time you try doing stuff besides your job, and see if you can beat my score.\"\n\n\"Alright.\"\n\n\"Sweet!\" The last of the universe faded to black. \"Well, looks like it's about time to start. Let's go!\"",
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"content": "[WP] You tell Death that you will never tire of living no matter how long you live. It makes you a bet that you will and thus grants you true immortality. You've just lived through the second death of the universe and show no sign of stopping. Death is baffled.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Death,what a pleasant surprise you hardly visit me anymore.\" Lionel exclaimed as he floated about in the emptiness of space.\n\n\"I didn't come here for pleasantries.\" Death explained as she put time at a stand still.\n\n\"You never do\" Lionel said with a smug look.\n\n\"I've come here to discuss our bet.\" \n\n\"As you always do when you come visit. So what is it this time? Are you going to show me memories of loved ones? Or will you try to convince me that there is a heaven and it's a magical place where I can finally rest in peace?\" Lionel asked as he bit into his finger nails.\n\n\"No not today\" death said with a serious tone.\n\n\"Oh? Then what is it?\" \n\n\"I've come here to revoke our bet.\" Death explained.\n\n\"No can do Death, I'm loving this immortality.\" Lionel explained.\n\n\"Surely you know why I must do so.\" \n\n\"Because I'm doing your job but better.\"\n\n\"I had no idea you would be such a tyrant.\" Death exclaimed.\n\n\"Well that's your fault for assuming i wouldn't exploit this.\" Lionel argued.\n\n\"This is the second time you have killed the universe\" death exclaimed.\n\n\"The first time isn't entirely my fault and you know it\" Lionel argued.\n\n\"Oh and what were the reasons for this time?\" Death asked.\n\n\"I grew tired of everyone trying to dethrone me.\"\n\n\"That's what happens when you're the tyrant of the known universe.\" \n\n\"Yeah well now I can start over.\" \n\n\"And how do you plan on doing that in the emptiness of space?\" Death asked slightly intrigued.\n\n\"I don't know maybe I'll create my own life.\"\n\n\"That is the power of a god not a mortal man.\" Death argued.\n\n\"Ah exactly a mortal man, but as you can see I'm not a mortal man. I am a god.\"\n\n\"You are no god.\" Death exclaimed \n\n\"Says the servant of death. I have no master. I am tied to nothing, I am free to do whatever I want.\" Lionel exclaimed.\n\n\"Your insolence will anger God.\" Death explained.\n\n\"I don't believe in him it's too, it's just too outlandish of an idea.\" Lionel stated\n\n\"You're literally speaking to the personification of death.\" \n\n\"But I can see you, I can interact with you. For all the years I've roamed the universe, I have not once met someone close to the idea of a god; well except for me.\" Lionel explained.\n\n\"If you continue to speak like that you will surely meet him.\" Death explained.\n\n\"And when I do I'll believe.\" \n\n\"You will meet him soon.\" Death explained.\n\n\"Wrong, we have an agreement.\" \n\n\"You will soon grow tired of immortality, they all do eventually.\" \n\n\"Well when I do I'll definitely call for you to reap my soul or whatever, but right now Im going to create life maybe in my own image.\" Lionel explained.\n\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T05:12:30 | 2016-01-29T05:00:31 | 1,829 | 144 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Edward Sam M’boma didn't really see his retirement going this direction. The former general thought his last days would be spent watching his grandchildren grow old. However, here he was about to jump out of a Russian military aircraft over Raqqa, Syria. When the red light went on, 3 men in hazmat suits helped M'boma get to his feet as the rear door lowered. He could struggle, but what was the point? The end result would be the same. None of this was his choice, but he knew he couldn't fight it.\n\nAfter he exited the plane, M'boma pulled his cord. It was the middle of the day and he had a bright red chute. There would be nothing secret about his entry into the ISIS stronghold. The former Sierra Leone general's job was simple. Get captured and spread ebola.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The dust settled, and a lone black boot came slowly into Major Thomson's view. Heaving a sigh, she raised herself up on her hands, only to be stopped by a swift kick to the ribs. \n\n'Stay down,' came a voice in a thick South American accent, 'or we will strike you down'. \n\n'W-Where am I?' \n\n'You're in heaven, Ms. Thomson. As the last of the Islamic State group, it is our duty to execute you.'\n\n'No, please!' she screamed, to no avail. \n\n'Starting launch in T-Minus 10...' \n\n'Is that a - is that a *spaceship launch sequence*?' \n\nIt was then that she realised where she was. \n\nStrapped directly beneath the thrusters. \n\nAnd as she looked up to see who it was that had wiped out everything she'd stood for, she thought she caught a glimpse of papal robes and the cross. \n\nVatican City had done it again. \n\n\nEDIT: grammar",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T07:27:42 | 2016-01-29T05:00:31 | 1,067 | 144 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "PARIS (AP) Leaders from 42 countries gathered in the French capital Tuesday to thank the police detective who singlehandedly defeated the terrorist group known as ISIS.\n\nInspector Jacques Clouseau still seemed a little dazed from his ordeal in Syria, saying only \"I do not know who zis ISIS person is, I am just glad ze Pink Panther is returned safely.\"\n\nClouseau traveled to Syria last month in pursuit of the famed jewel. \n\nReports on the incident may never be complete, but captured ISIS militants from destroyed bases in the region indicated destroyed weapons stockpiles, large fires, infighting and in one case, a base leader crushed to death by a falling piano ultimately lead to the total collapse of the organization and the surrender of the few surviving members.\n\nClouseau was awarded high honors from several nations including the US and his own France.\n\nHe was also awarded a cash prize large enough to retire from police work forever, on the condition that he retire from police work forever. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "The dust settled, and a lone black boot came slowly into Major Thomson's view. Heaving a sigh, she raised herself up on her hands, only to be stopped by a swift kick to the ribs. \n\n'Stay down,' came a voice in a thick South American accent, 'or we will strike you down'. \n\n'W-Where am I?' \n\n'You're in heaven, Ms. Thomson. As the last of the Islamic State group, it is our duty to execute you.'\n\n'No, please!' she screamed, to no avail. \n\n'Starting launch in T-Minus 10...' \n\n'Is that a - is that a *spaceship launch sequence*?' \n\nIt was then that she realised where she was. \n\nStrapped directly beneath the thrusters. \n\nAnd as she looked up to see who it was that had wiped out everything she'd stood for, she thought she caught a glimpse of papal robes and the cross. \n\nVatican City had done it again. \n\n\nEDIT: grammar",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:18:49 | 2016-01-29T06:56:50 | 389 | 55 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"The international community hereby charges you with War Crimes committed during the defeat of the so-called Islamic State. On your orders, a brutal campaign of destruction, fear and even forced conversions were taken place. Even civilians were not exempt. It says here that several mosques were torn down, often with people still inside them. Forced confessions of 'dealing with demons' gained through torture were obtained. Frankly I could go on for hours Mr. Felipe, but I would rather not. What do you have to say for yourself?\"\n\nThe man leaned back into his chair. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before rising.\n\n\"Your honor, the proper term of address is 'Your Majesty.' I do not accept the change to the constitution. And as to the charges, I did indeed order every one. I simply ordered what needed to be done.\" This statement elicited a gasp from the members of the press. The man began again quickly, before he could be interrupted.\n\n\"You all saw the Islamic State and saw just another terrorist organization. I saw a rebirth of an old enemy. It was if Carthage had risen again from Libya and wished to wage war against Italy. So I had to fight fire with fire so to speak. The methods used were tried and true against just such an enemy in my own country centuries ago. They wished to fight a religious war, so I gave them one.\"\n\nThe crowd was dead silent. Nobody had any idea what to say. But the man on trial just smiled.\n\n\"Besides, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "At first, we all thought it was just a stunt to get back in the headlines. We all knew the Prince was a bit of a publicity whore, but there was no way he could actually believe in their cause, right?\n\nBut joke or not, they came. First in rafts, setting off from the mainland. Then a hijacked cruise vessel, stolen off the coast of Somalia, loaded up with soldiers in Syria, fleeing the combined Russian and American counterstrike against Turko-Syria.\n\nISIS had been losing ground for years, unable to fight the west from without or the Kurds from within. They were desperate. So when the prince of our tiny island nation announced that he would be providing asylum to the last of their fighters, they took it. Even if it was just a joke by a crazy old man.\n\nThey came in droves, unloading onto the platform from ships of every shape and size. 321 in July. 507 in August. and on September 15th, a final load of 848 fighters, loaded with over three tons of various equipment.\n\nThat was the straw that broke the camel's back.\n\nOn September 16th, at 11:45 AM, a great creaking groan was heard from below. Everyone stopped, frozen. Seventeen seconds later, another great crack was heard. Even over the sounds of panicked scrambling, the third and final snap could be heard as the great pylon gave way.\n\nAt 11:46 AM, the Principality of Sealand sank to the bottom of the English Channel. And every ISIS fighter left in the world went with it.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:18:49 | 2016-01-29T07:12:39 | 389 | 36 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"The international community hereby charges you with War Crimes committed during the defeat of the so-called Islamic State. On your orders, a brutal campaign of destruction, fear and even forced conversions were taken place. Even civilians were not exempt. It says here that several mosques were torn down, often with people still inside them. Forced confessions of 'dealing with demons' gained through torture were obtained. Frankly I could go on for hours Mr. Felipe, but I would rather not. What do you have to say for yourself?\"\n\nThe man leaned back into his chair. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before rising.\n\n\"Your honor, the proper term of address is 'Your Majesty.' I do not accept the change to the constitution. And as to the charges, I did indeed order every one. I simply ordered what needed to be done.\" This statement elicited a gasp from the members of the press. The man began again quickly, before he could be interrupted.\n\n\"You all saw the Islamic State and saw just another terrorist organization. I saw a rebirth of an old enemy. It was if Carthage had risen again from Libya and wished to wage war against Italy. So I had to fight fire with fire so to speak. The methods used were tried and true against just such an enemy in my own country centuries ago. They wished to fight a religious war, so I gave them one.\"\n\nThe crowd was dead silent. Nobody had any idea what to say. But the man on trial just smiled.\n\n\"Besides, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "When Daesh had exploded a bomb right in the middle of the sambodromo, the world was shocked. \n\nFortunately, nobody was killed, but Rio´s carnaval was destroyed. Brazilians demanded a strong answer from their government, but they had not fought a serious war for at least 150 years, so how to react? How to succeed where warfaring countries had failed?\n\nWell, the answer came from the strangest of the places: Mauro Maravilha, São Paulo´s most famous carnavelesco devised a plan. Destroy Daesh without a single bullet. How? Mulatas, cerveja and, obviously, samba.\n\nBrazilians united into one goal: to become the ultimate propaganda machine that would strike into the heart and mind of the jihadists. With catchy slogans as \"Is better a Mulata today then 70 virgins tomorrow\", the Daesh recruitment fell to almost nothing in no time.\n\nThen came the bombing. Weird bombs: of pictures of beautifully tanned men and women(\"lay down your weapons and join the party!\"it was written), chilling cold brazilian beer kegs chuted, pandeiros, cavaquinhos, speakers that would blast the best of the best brazilian music 24/7.\n\nAnd finally, the land invasion. The Samba Brigades were made of such skilled musicians, that no one, I mean, NO ONE, that heard their music could stand still. \n\nBut not all is good news for the brazilians. Now is 2020, and Raqqa´s carnaval parade is rumoured to be even greater then Rio´s.\n\n[I know it is not very good! Constructive criticism is very welcomed]",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:18:49 | 2016-01-29T09:11:06 | 389 | 33 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"The international community hereby charges you with War Crimes committed during the defeat of the so-called Islamic State. On your orders, a brutal campaign of destruction, fear and even forced conversions were taken place. Even civilians were not exempt. It says here that several mosques were torn down, often with people still inside them. Forced confessions of 'dealing with demons' gained through torture were obtained. Frankly I could go on for hours Mr. Felipe, but I would rather not. What do you have to say for yourself?\"\n\nThe man leaned back into his chair. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before rising.\n\n\"Your honor, the proper term of address is 'Your Majesty.' I do not accept the change to the constitution. And as to the charges, I did indeed order every one. I simply ordered what needed to be done.\" This statement elicited a gasp from the members of the press. The man began again quickly, before he could be interrupted.\n\n\"You all saw the Islamic State and saw just another terrorist organization. I saw a rebirth of an old enemy. It was if Carthage had risen again from Libya and wished to wage war against Italy. So I had to fight fire with fire so to speak. The methods used were tried and true against just such an enemy in my own country centuries ago. They wished to fight a religious war, so I gave them one.\"\n\nThe crowd was dead silent. Nobody had any idea what to say. But the man on trial just smiled.\n\n\"Besides, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "He grew up on one of the toughest streets in America. Immigrants, weirdos, and living in filth described his young life. As he grew up, he was at first feared, then people started recognizing his deep, old man wisdom. Eventually, he gained many loyal friends, and others sought him out for his insight.\n\nThe ISIS problem had disturbed him greatly, occupying more and more of his private musings, as he sat in the filth at the entrance to an alley. Something must be done. A grim, stern look grew across his face. His unblinking eyes finally made a decision.\n\nHe would fight ISIS, man to man, one at a time.\n\nMiraculously, it worked, because he was Oscar the Grouch, and the cookie monster had his back. Over and over they grabbed and stuffed terrorist after terrorist into Oscars bottomless trashcan. They attacked, well, like monsters. When they got shot, well, theyre puppets, bullets pass right through them, and they just kept fighting. When times got hard, Mr Snuffaluffagus would plow through their ranks like Mrs Piggy in menopause. Big Bird handled resupply, and The Count worked the night operations, killing 1, 2, 3.... terrorists, his cackles pierced the night and made the terrorists yearn for the days when Gordon would tell a bedtime story instead of call in airstrikes from those aliens in the manamana videos.\n\nIn the end, many puppets were lost. On quiet nights in Northern Syria, if you sit still and use your manners and listen quietly, you can sometimes still hear : 'Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sessame Street?'\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:18:49 | 2016-01-29T10:11:13 | 389 | 15 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"The international community hereby charges you with War Crimes committed during the defeat of the so-called Islamic State. On your orders, a brutal campaign of destruction, fear and even forced conversions were taken place. Even civilians were not exempt. It says here that several mosques were torn down, often with people still inside them. Forced confessions of 'dealing with demons' gained through torture were obtained. Frankly I could go on for hours Mr. Felipe, but I would rather not. What do you have to say for yourself?\"\n\nThe man leaned back into his chair. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before rising.\n\n\"Your honor, the proper term of address is 'Your Majesty.' I do not accept the change to the constitution. And as to the charges, I did indeed order every one. I simply ordered what needed to be done.\" This statement elicited a gasp from the members of the press. The man began again quickly, before he could be interrupted.\n\n\"You all saw the Islamic State and saw just another terrorist organization. I saw a rebirth of an old enemy. It was if Carthage had risen again from Libya and wished to wage war against Italy. So I had to fight fire with fire so to speak. The methods used were tried and true against just such an enemy in my own country centuries ago. They wished to fight a religious war, so I gave them one.\"\n\nThe crowd was dead silent. Nobody had any idea what to say. But the man on trial just smiled.\n\n\"Besides, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "A skinny man stands at a podium in front of hundreds of representatives from different countries. Brushing the long dreaded hair from his face revealing his bloodshot eyes. \n\n\"uhhhh Everyone, this is uhhhh Greg Brooks\" says President Obama \"it seems that he has stopped Daesh from their antics and quelled most of the major issues in the Middle East.\" \n\nBrooks had just smoked out the entirety of the Middle East with what he called the \"danks.\" How he was able to get over 1,000 pounds of marijuana to the Middle East from New Zealand has been a point of controversy. Many officials are still trying to decide whether to give him a medal or a sentence. \n\n\"Give him the death sentence!\" bellows the Saudi representative \"cut off his legs! Stone him to death!\" \n\n\"Suh dude, maybe you need a hit of this shit\" Brooks giggles as if his comment had any comedic merit. \n\n\nEveryone seems to be a little less than satisfied about the whole thing. Not only were the best minds in the world unable to stop every issue in the Middle East, it was a douchebag wanna be Jamaican stoner who did it. In the most stoner of fashions no less, he managed to get every single person in a 2,000 mile radius of the epicenter absolutely baked. Hash production in the Middle East went up by %4,000. The (almost) international legalization of the product after this event helped the economy of these countries sky rocket. All because of the monster piles of marijuana he lit on fire. \n\nThe problem is over but still, fuck Greg. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:18:49 | 2016-01-29T07:13:23 | 389 | 11 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"The international community hereby charges you with War Crimes committed during the defeat of the so-called Islamic State. On your orders, a brutal campaign of destruction, fear and even forced conversions were taken place. Even civilians were not exempt. It says here that several mosques were torn down, often with people still inside them. Forced confessions of 'dealing with demons' gained through torture were obtained. Frankly I could go on for hours Mr. Felipe, but I would rather not. What do you have to say for yourself?\"\n\nThe man leaned back into his chair. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before rising.\n\n\"Your honor, the proper term of address is 'Your Majesty.' I do not accept the change to the constitution. And as to the charges, I did indeed order every one. I simply ordered what needed to be done.\" This statement elicited a gasp from the members of the press. The man began again quickly, before he could be interrupted.\n\n\"You all saw the Islamic State and saw just another terrorist organization. I saw a rebirth of an old enemy. It was if Carthage had risen again from Libya and wished to wage war against Italy. So I had to fight fire with fire so to speak. The methods used were tried and true against just such an enemy in my own country centuries ago. They wished to fight a religious war, so I gave them one.\"\n\nThe crowd was dead silent. Nobody had any idea what to say. But the man on trial just smiled.\n\n\"Besides, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "A man in a white tee-shirt, dust covered jeans, and a hat plops down into a recliner and turns on his television and begins switching through channels until he comes to the news. \n\nThe images on screen were like it was straight out of a dream. Or a nightmare depending on where a person was from. It showed members of the Islamic State dead in streets and homes. All of them different in some way. Some had body parts swollen three time their normal size, others foaming at the mouths, most with bloodshot eyes and looks of agony on their faces. \n\nThe man yawned and continued to watch. \n\nThe news abruptly cut to film of what happened. \n\nA high shot shows dust and sand flying as a large land force approachs a city. The camera zooms in to show a massive force of kangaroos closing in fast. A few dozen military officers riding emus are not to far behind them. \n\nAnother abrupt cut shows the kangaroos attacking the Islamic State forces in close combat as blackness begins to flow from their pouches. Spiders and scorpions run out onto the battlefield and begin attacking their targets. \n\nMore creatures begin to come out of the roos pouches. Snakes of varying size and color, a couple of dingos, and a few crocodiles. \n\nThe man turns off the television and smiles knowing that his nation was the turning factor in the fight against the Islamic State. He chuckles to himself and says quietly, \"Well, at least we were kind enough not to send in the dropbears. Them little fucker are savage\". ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:18:49 | 2016-01-29T09:04:29 | 389 | 11 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"The international community hereby charges you with War Crimes committed during the defeat of the so-called Islamic State. On your orders, a brutal campaign of destruction, fear and even forced conversions were taken place. Even civilians were not exempt. It says here that several mosques were torn down, often with people still inside them. Forced confessions of 'dealing with demons' gained through torture were obtained. Frankly I could go on for hours Mr. Felipe, but I would rather not. What do you have to say for yourself?\"\n\nThe man leaned back into his chair. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before rising.\n\n\"Your honor, the proper term of address is 'Your Majesty.' I do not accept the change to the constitution. And as to the charges, I did indeed order every one. I simply ordered what needed to be done.\" This statement elicited a gasp from the members of the press. The man began again quickly, before he could be interrupted.\n\n\"You all saw the Islamic State and saw just another terrorist organization. I saw a rebirth of an old enemy. It was if Carthage had risen again from Libya and wished to wage war against Italy. So I had to fight fire with fire so to speak. The methods used were tried and true against just such an enemy in my own country centuries ago. They wished to fight a religious war, so I gave them one.\"\n\nThe crowd was dead silent. Nobody had any idea what to say. But the man on trial just smiled.\n\n\"Besides, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Sirs,\" said the man who burst into the room,\n\n\"What, can't you see we are doing important work,\" said the representative of the USA as he and his colleagues took another shot. They were watching something on the television.\n\n\"Well, sir, ISIS has surrendered, unconditionally.\"\n\nEveryone in the room said, unanimously, \"What?\"\n\n\"ISIS-\"\n\n\"We heard you the first time, why?\" said the representative of Great Britain.\n\n\"My strategy of bombing them must have worked.\" said the representative of the USA.\n\n\"Ya, zat vil be zhe day,\" said the representative of Germany. \n\n\"Shut up,\"\n\n\"Actually, sir, it was Sealand.\"\n\n\"Sea what?\"\n\n\"Sealand, it is close to my country. Some nut went on an abandoned platform and declared himself king.\"\n\n\"Ya, but what could zeeland do?\"\n\n\"Well, they dropped an atomic bomb on Syria.\"\n\n\"They what!\" was the unanimous response.\n\n\"How did they get a nuke?\" asked the representative of the USA. \"I didn't sell them one,\" he muttered under his breath. \n\n\"Well, it seems like North Korea sold them. Remember last week when they announced, and I quote: 'We have produced so many nuclear weapons for our glorious country, anyone can come and buy them.' Intelligence reports that Sealand bought this in exchange for, a hairclip and a rake. By the way, Sealand wants a reward for what they have 'accomplished.'\"\n\n\"What do zhey want?\"\n\n\"They want to be recognised as a country.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T08:59:05 | 2016-01-29T06:58:52 | 345 | 140 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Mr. President, there's been an attack.\"\n\n\"What? Here? By who? Why am I just finding out about this!\"\n\n\"Calm down, sir, i'll explain everything in the Situation Room,\" the Secretary of State said, motioning towards the door.\n\nTrump got up from behind his desk and hurried down the hallway. \"Is my life in danger? I always knew those Latinos would get their revenge. How much time do we have to get to the bunker?\"\n\n\"It's... actually quite the opposite, sir,\" the Secretary explained. \"Please, come inside. The Secretary of Defense is waiting for you to give his statement.\"\n\nTrump mumbled a few things under his breath as he took his seat beside the Vice President. Papers were shuffled around and whispered conversations came to an end. The President looked visibly uncomfortable, his impatience clearly evident in the color of his face, now a bright purple.\n\n\"Please, if you'll direct your attention to the monitor...\" the Secretary of Defense began. He shifted in his chair nervously as the screen came to life. On it was a known ISIS stronghold, viewed from the air by what appeared to be a UAV. \"It was always known to the US Government that this location was one of great importance, however, we wouldn't know exactly *how* important it was until about an hour ago,\" began the Secretary. \"We knew, through our intelligence agencies, that this location would host a rather large ISIS convention. That many leaders would be here. We just didn't know when, exactly.\"\n\n\"Yeah, get on with it,\" Trump said, tapping his foot on the ground. \n\nA few moments later, there was a soundless explosion on the screen. A mushroom cloud of epic proportions billowed out from the ground. Moments later, the video cut out.\n\n\"What the hell was that?!\" Trump exclaimed, leaning forward in his seat.\n\n\"An explosion, sir,\" the Vice President droned. \n\n\"Don't you think I know that?\" Trump snapped back. He turned in his chair to face the Secretary of Defense. \"Who did this? What does this mean?\"\n\nThe secretary began rewinding the video. The mushroom could evaporated back into the ground and all was well as far as the video feed was concerned. \n\n\"Look closely,\" the Secretary said, pointing to the screen. \"Watch those spots there. Do you see anything moving?\"\n\nJust then, clear as day, small figures began moving away from the building. There were about 20 to 30 units, each one moving at a speed far greater than that of mere walking.\n\n\"What is it?\" Trump asked, cocking his head to the side.\n\n\"Canadians... riding moose,\" The Secretary of State declared, clearly upset.\n\n\"*Canadians?* Why? How the hell did they get moose into the middle east?\" Trump asked, incredulous. \"How did they do that? The explosion? They did that?\"\n\n\"Milk bags,\" declared the Secretary of Defense. \"They presented bags of milk to the ISIS leaders as a peace offering and sign of friendship. Apparently the bags were filled with a chemical agent that exploded on contact with oxygen. The bags were porous, able to let some oxygen in at very little increments. A literal time bomb.\"\n\nSilence fell over the Situation Room. Trump, his skin a blue-green color, mostly from the light of the screen reflecting off his features, and partly because of the news he had just received. The Vice President loosened his tie.\n\n\"The Canadians killed every single ISIS leader in one single attack,\" the Secretary of Defense said, letting the video play to the point of the mushroom cloud again. \"It's over.\"\n\n\"And you know this how?\" Trump asked, eyes still on the screen.\n\n\"The Canadians told us everything moments after the attack. How they did it, the chemicals they used, everything. I feel like... like it was threatening in nature, Mr President. Like they wanted to intimidate us.\"\n\nTrump squinted his eyes at the now blank screen, a thought forming in his head. One that included border protection and a new wall, farther to the north.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I carried a pot in each arm, and was struggling to slide down the muddy banks of the stream, when I heard Youssouf cry out. I turned to look for him, but all I could see was the trickle of water carving through a channel of dirt and rock.\n\n\"Yuosouff?\" I shouted, \"Where are you?\"\n\nWith my hands full, I tried to walk back up the bank. My foot slipped on a rock, slick with moisture, and one of the pots dropped from my arm, and splashed into the murky water.\n\nI turned to go retrieve it, when I heard Yousouff again. There was something wrong with his voice. It took me a moment to realize *he was crying.*\n\n\"No-o-o,\" came a muffled moan, \"No, please. Forgive me.\"\n\nBack in the sodomite cities, before God's Will leveled them, I heard the moans of men leaving the drinking houses. At first, this is what I believed: that my holy brother Youssouf had been *drinking*. \n\nI clambered to the top of the bank, and I saw him kneeling in the mud by the curve of the river. His robes were dripping with water, and his hands were held up in supplication, like a poor man begs for scraps of food.\n\nIn front of him, was a woman. An *uncovered* woman. \n\nI fought back my sinful instincts, and refused to set my eyes upon her. I called out to my brother across the river, like my father used to call to me when I had done wrong, \"Youssouf! You sinner! Come here!\"\n\n\"No!\" he moaned, and he planted his hands in the mud, bowing before the whore-woman. She stood proud over him, her tattered, black clothes shifting over her torso, and revealing the sinful sight of skin.\n\n\"No,\" he shouted, \"I did not know! Please, forgive me!\"\n\nA shock of water lapped at my feet. I took a few steps back.\n\n\"Youssouf! Get away from that whore!\" I shouted, \"God will not forgive you!\"\n\nI stomped my foot, and splashed my robes with water. *Water*.\n\nThe stream was rising. Across the stream I watched Youssouf clutch at the woman's shredded clothing, tears running down his face. His body shook with tremors. Despite the rising water, he did not move from the stream, and the bottom of his robe was transparent with water. \n\n\"Please, please forgive us!\" he clawed at his hair, at his chest, \"Please forgive *me!*\"\n\nThe woman's face was stone. Her black hair was a beacon of darkness in the noonday sun, and her lips barely moved when she talked, though I could hear every word.\n\n\"You have blasphemed the Birthplace of the Gods. You have dragged the name of the Queen of Egypt through the mud.\"\n\nAnd then, her clothes lifted to reveal the bronzed, *naked* form beneath - for they were not clothes at all, but the *wings* of a vast, black bird. \n\n\"Heathens!\" She screeched, and I clapped my hands over my ears, \"You will all know the true name of the Queen of Egypt! You will fear to drink of her waters, lest she drown you in your own filth!\"\n\n\"Youssouf,\" I called out, \"Stand up and come to me!\"\n\nThere was a distant booming, as a flood of water made it's way down the channel.\n\n\"God, forgive me. God, *forgive me!*\" Youssouf moaned, as the water lapped at his torso. He was kneeling still, like his legs were sealed to the ground.\n\n\"For all you have done, God may forgive you,\" the woman seethed, \"But *Isis* will not.\"\n\nA thundering torrent of water slammed against the curve of the bank, and swallowed Youssouf alive.\n\n***\n\nIf you liked this, you should check out my other stories on /r/PSHoffman.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T06:57:30 | 2016-01-29T06:56:50 | 190 | 55 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Liechtenstein? Really? How the hell did Liechtenstein take out ISIS? And who the hell *is* Liechtenstein?\"\n\nPresident Trump's face was beet red. General Bundy's hands shook as he recited the relevant facts: small, German-speaking mountain principality on the Austrian border.\n\n\"So how'd they do it? This had better sound at least as good as your, \"Bomb them back to the Carboniferous Period and take their oil\" strategy, or...\" the Donald's famous hair shook as he delivered his catchphrase, \"You're Fired!\"\n\nGeneral Bundy gulped. There was no good way to deliver the news. \"You see, Mr. President, they joined your coalition and sent fourteen soldiers, and they made a friend over there.\"\n\n\"A friend?!\"\n\n\"But that was just the beginning. That friend went back and made two friends. And those two went back and each made two more, and so on and so forth... until after a few months, everyone in Iraq and Syria had pen pals in Europe, and had reorganized their countries on EU lines.\"\n\n\"Well, General, I can't really... oh screw it. YOU'RE FIRED!\"\n\nGeneral Bundy walked out without a word. He sighed, reached into his pocket for his smartphone and dialed the Liechtensteiner embassy. \"Hi... Yes. I need a friend. Yes. Thank you. I'll be right over.\"\n\nEdit: Closed quotes, corrected a typo, and replaced \"Liechtensteinean\" with proper form",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "At first, we all thought it was just a stunt to get back in the headlines. We all knew the Prince was a bit of a publicity whore, but there was no way he could actually believe in their cause, right?\n\nBut joke or not, they came. First in rafts, setting off from the mainland. Then a hijacked cruise vessel, stolen off the coast of Somalia, loaded up with soldiers in Syria, fleeing the combined Russian and American counterstrike against Turko-Syria.\n\nISIS had been losing ground for years, unable to fight the west from without or the Kurds from within. They were desperate. So when the prince of our tiny island nation announced that he would be providing asylum to the last of their fighters, they took it. Even if it was just a joke by a crazy old man.\n\nThey came in droves, unloading onto the platform from ships of every shape and size. 321 in July. 507 in August. and on September 15th, a final load of 848 fighters, loaded with over three tons of various equipment.\n\nThat was the straw that broke the camel's back.\n\nOn September 16th, at 11:45 AM, a great creaking groan was heard from below. Everyone stopped, frozen. Seventeen seconds later, another great crack was heard. Even over the sounds of panicked scrambling, the third and final snap could be heard as the great pylon gave way.\n\nAt 11:46 AM, the Principality of Sealand sank to the bottom of the English Channel. And every ISIS fighter left in the world went with it.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:03:10 | 2016-01-29T07:22:10 | 82 | 43 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"DEUS VULT!\"\n\nThe battlecry of the newly reborn Papal State rang on the lips of devout Catholics the world over. The faithful had come together once again to rid the Holy Land of the infidel scourge. Pope Francis stood at the head of his army, a not-so-ceremonial sword flashing in his hand as he held it up on the streets of the Holy City.\n\n(In all seriousness, how has nobody invoked the Crusades yet?)",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "They swept across the dunes, conquering all foes before them. Charging forward to the roar of cannon and rifle, no stronghold or fort could stem the tide of red and gold that spew forth from the edge of the horizon. Like the sea, this force could not, would not be restrained by weather, terrain or people in the pursuit of black and gold. Even after there was nothing left, the body still raged, searching, pulsating. Waiting to consume all.\n\nNobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-01-29T10:29:48 | 2016-01-29T09:04:29 | 20 | 11 | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Wait.. who?\" \n\"Nigeria sir.\" \n\"Nigeria? The I'm a royal prince who needs your help Nigeria?\" \nThe prime minister leaned back in his chair and stared at his aide. \n\"Yes sir.\" \n\"Well shit. How'd they do it?\" \n\"Uh. They stole all of their funds.\" \nThe aide squirmed, he wasn't used to being the guy the PM interrogated, that was usually some other aide. Barry, or Harry. He was just the messenger. \n\"Holy shit. Sorry, uh Thomas is it?\" \n\"Peter sir, and no problem.\" \n\"So how'd they steal all their money? Hackers? Targeted intelligence?\" \n\"Uh. It says here in the brief from DFAT that ISIS just gave it to them.\" \n\"Wait. You mean they scammed them.\" \nThe prime minister's jaw was starting to drop, he leaned fully back in his chair, disbelief written on his face. \n\"Apparently, ISIS leaders were furiously writing emails before they were captured.\" \n\"I'll be damned. Turns out that royal prince did need their help after all.\" \n\"Apparently so sir, If that's all?\" \nPeter half turned away, expecting to be dismissed. \n\"No wait. How the hell do I tell the press?\" \nPeter sighed and turned back, it was going to be yet another loooong night. \n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"Sirs,\" said the man who burst into the room,\n\n\"What, can't you see we are doing important work,\" said the representative of the USA as he and his colleagues took another shot. They were watching something on the television.\n\n\"Well, sir, ISIS has surrendered, unconditionally.\"\n\nEveryone in the room said, unanimously, \"What?\"\n\n\"ISIS-\"\n\n\"We heard you the first time, why?\" said the representative of Great Britain.\n\n\"My strategy of bombing them must have worked.\" said the representative of the USA.\n\n\"Ya, zat vil be zhe day,\" said the representative of Germany. \n\n\"Shut up,\"\n\n\"Actually, sir, it was Sealand.\"\n\n\"Sea what?\"\n\n\"Sealand, it is close to my country. Some nut went on an abandoned platform and declared himself king.\"\n\n\"Ya, but what could zeeland do?\"\n\n\"Well, they dropped an atomic bomb on Syria.\"\n\n\"They what!\" was the unanimous response.\n\n\"How did they get a nuke?\" asked the representative of the USA. \"I didn't sell them one,\" he muttered under his breath. \n\n\"Well, it seems like North Korea sold them. Remember last week when they announced, and I quote: 'We have produced so many nuclear weapons for our glorious country, anyone can come and buy them.' Intelligence reports that Sealand bought this in exchange for, a hairclip and a rake. By the way, Sealand wants a reward for what they have 'accomplished.'\"\n\n\"What do zhey want?\"\n\n\"They want to be recognised as a country.\" ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-06-24T22:19:13 | 2016-06-24T20:59:01 | 163 | 28 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Aliens try to breed humans in captivity but barely understand anything about our species",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You and your humans \nChapter 5: Reproduction\n\nIn previous chapters we covered basic needs of your humans, and by now you might think they are a perfect choice. They are easily entertained, do not require sentient or even live food, and are adapted to wide range of temperatures. They can even learn and follow basic rules! \n\nBut before you go forward and get your first humans, we must cover the one and the only problem. Breeding.\n\nHumans are notoriously difficult to breed. For a long time it was thought that humans couldn't reproduce in captivity. Fortunately, breakthrough research by Uwev 37 has proven that reproduction is possible — but requires more than one human. Initial reaction was understandably skeptical, by now Uwev's findings are widely accepted.\n\nThere are many factors that are still unknown. If more than one human is required, how many are actually sufficient? Why do some human groups never reproduce, while others reproduce actively?\n\nIn recent cycles we have seen a variety of hypotheses, from reasonable (environment effects, lack of live food, group dynamics) to ridiculous (dividing humans into two or more reproductive types, separating four-legged humans into their own category). However none of those has been conclusively proven yet.\n\nThis complexity combined with short lifespans of humans make them scarcer and harder to obtain. But don't give up! If you were to discover the secrets of human breeding, you might have a key to the preservation of endangered species.",
"role": "assistant"
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] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Aliens try to breed humans in captivity but barely understand anything about our species",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Log 11.918.2552:\n\nMating rituals remain unobserved, ostensibly. Subject A won't touch Subject B, and vice versa, despite our pheromone simulation. They both eat, sleep, and act out separately, and seem territorial, however territory marking has only been performed by Subject A. They each groom themselves, but not each other. \n\nLog 21.918.2558:\n\nSubject C has been added to the chamber with Subject A and B. Both A and B seem interested in C, judging by our pheromone sensors. Mating rituals remain unobserved, ostensibly.\n\nLog 31.918.2660:\n\nSubject A was removed, temporarily, from the chamber, and while it was gone, mating rituals were observed between Subjects B and C. Subsequently, Subject A was reintroduced. B and C are sharing the same territory, while A occupies its own. \n\nLog 41.918.2692:\n\nContradictory to our expectations, Subject A and C did not perform a mating ritual when B was removed temporarily from the chamber. A and C shared territory while B was gone. After B was reintroduced to the chamber, all three shared territory, and no known mating ritual was observed.\n\nLog 51.918.2730:\n\nOur null hypotheses was required to change, because based on new classification criteria, Subject A can no longer be considered human. It has been moved to a new chamber, for future study. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-07-13T10:38:34 | 2016-07-13T09:58:32 | 60 | 29 | [
{
"content": "[WP] While singing gibberish in the shower, you accidentally summon a demon, who then professes an eternity of loyalty for saving it from the doldrums of hell.\n\nor maybe it is pissed you interrupted it while he was watching his favorite show.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"Yakka, lakka doodle, de dungley, da doo.\" I warbled in the shower while lathering my hair. The song in my heart upbeat and you may have seen me sway slightly with the rhythm of it. What I was *not* doing is summing Batharal, the 8th seat of Hell's Greatest Legion. Unfortunately, that's exactly what life hand in store for me that day.\n\n\nAs I stood, stark naked, slightly cold, as Batharal had inadvertently taken the hot water away, I thought I'd slipped inside the shower and was now dreaming. It would have been more likely.\n\n\"MORTAL! You, the wisest sage, your incantation has delivered me from an eternal torment. The legions numbers are great and my knowledge of battle unending. As you, my savior, and liege lord I shall do as you command, for now and always!\" This rough and gravelly voice said, coming from this 7' tall, armored monstrosity of a demon, said.\n\n\"Oh, wow, okay, umm. Thank you?\" I seemed to sputter.\n\n\"You have no need to thank me, I am doing what you greatness deserves. Any man who wields the power to transport, one such as me, from the bowels of Hell itself, deserves to be ruler of all the lands that sit in wait for subjugation!\" Said the demon.\n\n\"I am Batharal! 8th seat of Hells great legion! The days of my captivity were spent learning all the ways in which men may die. In the most painful and slow ways or with the most alacrity. I am more destructive then the most vile spell of a sorcerer. I am your to command! Which nation shall we take first, oh great and wise one?\"\n\n\"Oh okay, I, umm, let me think a second here... Brooklyn? We're in Brooklyn now, so let's just, ya know, conquer this apartment for now? Does that work for you!?\" I said, grasping at any command that didn't result in dead people. Especially me.\n\nThe problem, as soon as I finished talking Batharal disappeared from the shower, oddly eyeing my up and down, before heading straight out the door and into my living room. He left a trail of what looked like tar and water. Before I could stop him he did this most acrobatic roll, you'd ever see, reached his had straight into a piece of drywall, grabbed a rat as large as a Toyota Hybrid and flung it straight through a closed window.\n\nI, for the hundredth time, was left in complete befuddlement. I quickly reacted as my cat strolled in casually, completely immune to the fact that there was an armored hell demon in the kitchen.\n\n\"Tha...that is one of my sujects. He's loyal! He may live!\" I said, staggering through the sentence.\n\n\"I see!\" said the raspy voice. \"It is good to have allies!\"\n\nAll the things that had just transpired crashed through my mind. Comprehension slowly sinking in. I, a man of simple means and dripping wet naked, had just been given a weapon of mass destruction that would allow me to conquer the world! I now understood all the sentiments about power corrupting.\n\n\"New-fucking-Jersey!\" I said, \"We're going to conquer New-goddamned-Jersey!\"\n\nThe demon licked his lips, with lust in his eyes, then as if also having a moment of realization, exclaimed \"... but why my lord?\"\n\n\"Because, fuck New Jersey!\" I said, laughing.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] While singing gibberish in the shower, you accidentally summon a demon, who then professes an eternity of loyalty for saving it from the doldrums of hell.\n\nor maybe it is pissed you interrupted it while he was watching his favorite show.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "\"I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God\n\nAll my people from the front to the back nod, back nod\n\nNow who thinks their arms are long enough to slap box, slap box?\n\nLet me show you maintaining this shit ain't that hard, that hard\". \n\nAs Eminem's rap god kept playing and the showering kept pouring, I started feeling the beat and began singing along, soaping and lathering myself to the beat.\n\n*I regret that. To this day I can't wish enough for the ability to go back and beat my self silly for trying to sing along to rap god without knowing the lyrics.* \n\nFollowing the chorus, Eminem broke into the rap which became famous because of how goddamn fast it was. I don't know why I tried rapping especially when I didn't know the lyrics but at the time I just decided on making similar sounding noises to compensate for that. \n\n*I can't stress enough how stupid that decision was.*\n\nAnd immediately after starting the rap, I lost the lyrics and began mumbling along making relevant noises of gibberish. \"Everybody want the key mgms mejog modsgk sdklgd lkdgsd.\" \n\nIn most cases I wouldn't have even tried to attempt rapping along but I was alone in the shower, the music was blasting, and, in light of recent events, I was feeling good.\n\n*God, I can't believe how dumb that was*\n\nSuddenly I heard a large ripping noise and I was blinded by a shining white light and for a second I thought I saw a silhouette before I slipped on the bar of soap that I had dropped amongst this surprise and hit my head on the tub.\n\n\"Wake up. Wake Up Wake Up Wake Up.\" I heard the words repeat in a soft gentle voice as I opened my eyes. As I came to my senses I realized I was lying down next to the bathtub on the bathroom floor looking at the ceiling. I sat up to realize a light grazing sensation between my legs. Being utterly disgusted by bugs I shot up to see what was touching me only to come face to face with a girl. Looking like a highschooler she seemed no older than me, and as she stood there I realized two things immediately. One was that she was holding a golf club practicing her stroke with my golf balls as the target and two was that she was naked.\n\n\"WOAH WOAH, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING?\" I shouted in shock, blushing like a tomato, half-heartedly covering my eyes trying to avoid staring at this mysterious girl, or at least to make her think I was.\n\n\"Jeez, yell any louder and you will probably call over the whole neighborhood...... Oh and my name is Leme!.\" She leaned forward to extend her hand towards me.\n\nOut of pure confusion and awkwardness, I decided to compose some normality and reached to shook her hand. As I went to shake her hands, I looked at this naked girl in my bathroom and suddenly noticed 2 things. After a few quick glances the second thing I noticed is what looked like wings protruding from her back and when I leaned forward to look at them, all of a sudden they shot out expanding and extending to a wingspan across my small bathroom.\n\n\"WHAT THE FUCK!\" I shouted and before I could say anymore, Leme stood back up, straightened her back, bent her knees slightly and shouted \"FORE\" and swung her club back. \n\nOnce she swung her club back, I realized what was going to happen, and before I could react I saw her swing and once again everything went black.\n\n\n*That was literally the beginning of the 4 shittiest years of my life and the beginning of my fucking hatred for golf.*\n\n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2022-10-21T23:29:50 | 2016-10-31T19:58:50 | 327 | 13 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Valhalla does not discriminate against the kind of fight you lost. Did you lose the battle with cancer? Maybe you died in a fist fight. Even facing addiction. After taking a deep drink from his flagon, Odin slams his cup down and asks for the glorious tale of your demise!",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "After listening to grand deeds of everyone at the massive table, Odin slammed his jug down, sending mead in a sputtering fountain. His good eye squinted and his finger pointed at me. \n\n“Your turn, newbie!” he roared. “What’s your glorious battle?”\n\nThe room was suddenly quiet and all faces turned towards me. I had the attention of war veterans, freedom fighters, vigilantes, and most of Asgard. I had heard their tales of grandeur, of their strides, and their final battles, and now the time had come for me, a lowly register attendant at Wallmart, to justify my place amongst these heroes.\n\n“Right,” I said, standing up. I was so fucked. “Uhm, okay, so…”\n\n“Go on,” Thor shouted from his place next to Odin. He threw up his jug and smashed it to splinters with his hammer. “Let’s hear it!” \n\nAnd at that moment I thought, ‘fuck it!’ and cleared my throat.\n\n“It was a night in icy January – the winds were so cold that all the animals had died in the woods. I thundered down the road on my steed of blazing metal, stopping for nobody!”\n\nIn reality, it had been a mild winter but the news reported a few birds dying to some virus. My steed was, in fact, an old rusty Buick, and I had accidentally driven through a red light.\n\n“I parked… err, I mean left, my trusted steed in the stables of a tavern notorious for its villainous patrons. See, I needed a drink after the long strenuous ride.”\n\nNods of approval could be seen around the room.\n\n“After a few rounds, I ventured back outside in the blistering cold. Things were getting heated and I required my weapon.”\n\nI had accidentally spilled my drink on a lady and needed to write her a check for dry cleaning.\n\n“That’s when I saw it, a message written in blood,” I said lowering my voice to a whisper. “It was more than a challenge – a declaration of war – and at that moment I swore on my honor that I was going to see the battle to the end.”\n\nI died the same night from a heart attack while writing a lengthy letter to the local government, attempting to fight the parking ticket. \n",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] Valhalla does not discriminate against the kind of fight you lost. Did you lose the battle with cancer? Maybe you died in a fist fight. Even facing addiction. After taking a deep drink from his flagon, Odin slams his cup down and asks for the glorious tale of your demise!",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": " She looks up, eyes wide, her mead mug still to her mouth. Everyone is staring at her. She takes a hard drink, steeling herself.\n\n \"Well? Go on,\" Odin's voice thunders.\n\n Joan averts her eyes and sets her mug down. Oh gods, everyone is staring at her. She thought her stupid anxiety would have been fixed once she died. But no, she's stuck with her damn anxiety forever, it seems.\n\n \"Um. Well,\" she starts, face flushing red. \"It was... A strange series of events. You see, I was in the bathroom, getting ready to take a bath. A loud noise scared me, and-\"\n\n \"Ah, you were ambushed while defenseless. A sad, but worthy way to go,\" he tells her.\n\n \"No, no, no ambush. See, I was in my towel, and my mother called. I'm the kind of person that likes to talk on the phone while I'm in the tub, so I have a landline in the bathroom. It's a cord phone that she gifted me because I'm a sucker for antiques. So she calls, and I answer.\n\n \"The cord got stuck in a rip in my towel, so I was trying to yank it out. I got a little too enthusiastic, and I slipped.\"\n\n \"Crack your head on the floor?\" He asks.\n\n Her cheeks get significantly redder. \"No, uh. Cracked my ribs on the side of the tub, though, trying to catch myself, and broke a few. Pulled the landline down into the tub with me by accident, and my face was submerged. I pretty much simultaneously punctured a lung with broken ribs, and electrocuted myself.\"\n\n The halls are uncharacteristically quiet, and Joan feels like she's boiling alive from how red she is.\n\n \"So... You died in a fight against a telephone cord?\" Odin asks.\n\n \"Y- W-well, yeah. Yeah, I guess that's what happened.\" Oh man, she's a fraud, they're gonna kick her out of Valhalla, they're-\n\n \"THAT'S THE BEST FUCKING STORY I'VE HEARD IN WEEKS!\" He shouts, and the halls erupt into loud roars.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2016-11-30T00:42:57 | 2016-11-29T22:58:54 | 80 | 49 | [
{
"content": "[WP] You are a genius who makes yourself immortal; unfortunately over a few hundred years the average IQ rises so high that you are now considered an idiot.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I barely recognize humanity's children.\n\nIn retrospect, the fracture of our species was inevitable. The seeds had already been sown when I was still a young man. Even before I cured my mortality, the process had begun, though I didn't recognize it at the time.\n\nWhen the world became digital location lost all meaning, at least for a moment. For a brief period in history, every person on the globe could communicate with every other. Of course, as anyone who has ever attended either high school or prison could have predicted, humanity used this new found power to do nothing of the sort. Instead, we began to form cliques on a global scale.\n\nThose on the extremes of the bell curve had always been ostracized; always been forced to adapt and fit in. I experienced that myself, back when native intelligence was still considered an interesting trait.\n\nWith eight billion people in the lunchroom, everyone could find a table to sit at. People were free to be themselves, and they did so, retreating to their own bubbles of contacts and information. Now, the various sub cultures can barely communicate with each other, even if they were so inclined (which, they emphatically are not). With the full mechanization of commerce, they have little incentive.\n\nBy the time the first colony was established on Europa, people didn't even complain about the hour long ping times. No one had anything to say to the groups back home. If Chihuahuas and St. Bernards are any indication, I expect the day when we can't even interbreed is closer than most expect. Communication lead directly to speciation. You might find this deeply ironic, depending on which definition of \"irony\" your particular subculture finally converged on.\n\nIn my case, all this change served to help me find empathy for people who might once have ostracized me. We might have used the term \"meat-head\" to describe someone who's defining positive attributes had all be rendered obsolete by the invention of the steam engine. In a world full of forklifts, being the strongest guy in the room carried rather less meaning than it would have back when flint tools were still the cutting edge (no pun intended).\n\nThe term means something different today. You see, the brains of children are still malleable, making it possible from them to bond with the neural interfaces that are now standard worldwide. For most people, a fully functional brain is about fifteen percent artificial.\n\nAs the only person on the planet who's childhood predates such implants, I get to join a select group of religious fanatics and rabid luddites who have been doomed to a lifetime of functional illiteracy. Like the born hunter living in a mechanical age, I am a meat head. Talented in ways that will never again be relevant.\n\nMy immortality has doomed me to a life of anticlimax. I lived to see the singularity, but only heard about it second hand. Without the ability to directly experience, my lack of understanding rendered the whole thing no more meaningful than a vague description in a bad science fiction story. Super intelligence exists , but it might as well be located across the galaxy.\n\nThe colonies on Mars and Europa and Titan don't bother to send pictures. They send multi-sensory gestalts that exactly replicate the experience of being there. Or so I am told, by the few people still patient enough to talk to me. I will never experience such things.\n\nMost of humanity's children have grown too polite to make fun of me. They feed and cloth me, allow me to wander. Human history has ended, though. I am effectively the last member of an extinct species. I only hope that at least some of our descendent groups retain enough empathy to see me as \"human\".\n\nI will outlive all of them. They've changed too much for me to offer my own cure for aging. We are just too different. They live faster though, with their direct interface to the net. Even now, after hundreds of years, most teenagers have lived for more subjective time than I have.\n\nI don't know what is next for me. I am doomed to become increasingly alien as the years pass. I am already a museum piece. I dread the day when I will be seen as an animal.",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] You are a genius who makes yourself immortal; unfortunately over a few hundred years the average IQ rises so high that you are now considered an idiot.",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "\"Grandad, can you tell me about when you were little?\" Timmy said, hopping up onto my lap. \n\nI knew it was a ploy to get at my eggs and bacon. The look his mother gave from near the kitchen sink confirmed as much, however, I couldn't help but oblige the kid. It was boring enough being an old man, especially after having lived a few hundred years -to my own knowledge, of course. \n\n\"Now, now, Tim-\" my daughter in law started. \n\nI waved her off. \"It's okay, Cherryl, anytime a grandson of mine wants to hear a story, he'll get one.\" Timmy grinned up at me and then shot his Mum an apologetic glance. \n\nCheryll feigned disappointment, but then gave him a cheeky smile and left the kitchen. I thought back to my favourite story, the story of how I became who I am today. \n\nIt felt good to remember I was more than a crossword doing, coffee drinking, pants pooping idiot for a few moments. So I went right back to the beginning and told my boy the tale. \n\n----\n\nIt started when I was eleven years old. As a young child with few friends, I often found comfort in the covers of books and worlds of stories. I wasn't a writer or a poet, but simply a reader, and in that regard, I read near everything I could get my hands on. \n\nI cleared out the local library in just one year, demolishing the science fiction, crime, and fantasy sections with my incredible reading capability. And when I had nothing else to do, I began picking apart the historical books. The biographies of presidents and other famous people, like the man who created virgin airways or that fella who escaped Alcatraz never to be found. \n\nThese books left me with even more food for thought than the novels filled with magic did. The world became a realm of impossible possibilities. It sounds funny, a little silly, in fact. But every corridor, nook, and cranny, shed, and attic became a realm of exploration. \n\nI would spend hours sneaking through the possessions of neighbors, family members, even my own home. I paid for it dearly, in smacks and sometimes bruised knuckles, or a tender head. But I learned how to sneak without being caught and soon I was as much a shadow as I wanted to be. There wasn't a place I couldn't get in and out of with nothing but my own hands and eyes. \n\nThe day I heard a few boys at the mall talking about an old man on 7th street who had a pool of magic in his attic, was the day I finally found something worth using my skills for. At this particular time, I had weened off the sneaking, but nothing stirred me like a mystery and so that night, I visited 7th street. \n\nBoy oh boy, how I might change things now.\n\n---\n\nThe eggs had grown cold as had the bacon. Timmy looked at me with big eyes and an open jaw. \"Come on Grandad, what next?\" \n\n\"Now, now, you only asked for a short story about when I was young. Time to eat up before your Mum gives us the wooden spoon.\" \n\nTimmy folded his arms and pouted. \"No fair.\"\n\nI chuckled. There was a movement behind that caught my eye; instinctively, I snapped my head in the direction of the disturbance. \n\n\"Geez, Paps, you can't stop there,\" Daniel, my son, said. He sat down at the table and flicked a strip of bacon into his mouth. \n\n\"Daaad!\" Timmy groaned. \n\nDaniel had always been a mischevious boy and he hadn't lost his charm as a father. I couldn't have been more proud. So often, adults forgot that their humor and joy was what made them special in the first place. Just like my Timmy, a bundle of emotions, a glimpse of life. \n\n\"Why don't we let Papa continue his story,\" Daniel said. \n\nTimmy held a finger to his chin and then nodded. \n\nI chuckled. \"Tis a long story you two.\"\n\nDaniel leaned back with his hands behind his head, Timmy tried to copy him. \"We've got all morning, Paps, and plus you never talk about your past. I'm all ears.\"\n\nThey were serious about this, and I owed them a little snippet. Not too much, but just enough. \"Alright, here we go.\" \n\n\n",
"role": "assistant"
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2016-12-02T01:30:13 | 2016-12-02T01:14:15 | 38 | 26 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Ever since you received your letter for Hogwarts you've been curious about all the different spells there are. You've just bought your first wand and the first spell you try is what you believe to be rather humorous. \"AbraCadabra\". Nobody told you this spell was banned. For obvious reasons.",
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"content": "I stood in the shop, gazing at the tangled grey mess that was the back of Mr. Ollivanders head. \n\n\"Perhaps... Perhaps...\" I could hear him whispering.\n\nIt didn't surprise me. Nothing surprised me anymore. The owl at the window had been more than enough, but the hidden brick doorway had tipped me over the edge. This was all some dream. And I might as well have fun while I was here.\n\n\"Try... this\" Ollivander whispered slowly, as he turned back. He held out... a stick. I don't know what I'd expected. Maybe some glitter? A star on the end? I held back a laugh.\n\nI took the wand from his hands. Suddenly, all around me was filled with a deep purple light and soft music seemed to play. Ollivander pressed further.\n\n\"Try a spell!\" He seemed almost giddy.\n\n\"Erm...\" I hesitated. Was he being serious? \"Abracadabra?\" \n\nHis face dropped. All giddiness turned to fear. All he could do was croak out a startled \"No-!\" before suddenly, he was gone.\n\nThe room was silent. Nothing moved. It was now just me here. I stepped forward, feeling the space where Ollivander had stood. Was he invisible? No. He was just gone. Vanished. Maybe he had just been teleported somewhere, or just turned into an insect too small to see? I wished it was there, but there was something in that look, that fear in his eyes, that told me this was it. He was just gone. \n\nI heard a loud banging on the window, and a woman screaming. I turned round in shock. This couldn't be real. A woman holding a caged toad was screaming from the street outside, pointing at me through the window. I could hear men shouting, and quick footsteps on the cobbles coming my way. What had I done? I looked down at where Ollivander had stood. All that remained was a small pile of ash, and a puff of white smoke. The shop remained still, too quiet for what I know realised was a terrible deed. I bolted towards the back of the shop, hoping for some sort of escape.\n\nI found it in the form of a grimy window, opening up onto the back alleys of Diagon Alley. Dark cobbles speckled with wood chippings and broken feathers twisted this way and that as I ran. Just ran, as long as I could.\n\nIt was dark once I stopped, behind a crooked black shop which had a suspicious smell coming from the chimneys. I sat down on the floor, tears stinging my eyes. The weight of what I had done was finally hitting me. It was always so *fun* when they used to do that one TV. A top hat and a black and white wand. It was so different when it was real. When it mattered. When it wasn't just a show.\n\nI felt a stab in my pocket. I looked down. The stick was still there. This stupid stick. This stupid stick that could do so much damage. I could hear whistles in the distance, echoed shouting. Could I go back? No. They wouldn't believe this. I didn't believe this. There was only one thing I could do. Maybe he had gone somewhere. Maybe I could get him back. I could only try. In the only way I knew how.\n\nI pointed the stick to myself.\n\n\"Abracadabra.\"",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] Ever since you received your letter for Hogwarts you've been curious about all the different spells there are. You've just bought your first wand and the first spell you try is what you believe to be rather humorous. \"AbraCadabra\". Nobody told you this spell was banned. For obvious reasons.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I sat in the back room of the leaky cauldron having a minor panic attack. It was only one spell, performed in a muggle-free area, surely it couldn't have been that bad. *Abracadabra*. The word almost slipped out again as I thought it. The trouble had started across the street in Bonny and Hetts, Bonnets and Hats. Rabbits of every size and colour bounding out of all the hats on display, leaving the hat for a just second before the next rabbit made its way through. The customers from Lucky Lucine's Casino let out an outraged roar as all of their playing cards suddenly started swapping and changing in place. Skinny Olivander, who I had only bought my wand from hours before, came charging out behind a row of wands that had grown fat and had white tips, each spraying flowers and sparks as they bounced away from their frustrated maker.\n\nI nipped back into the leaky cauldron and heard the sad moping of the barman, all his beer had suddenly turned to vinegar. The door to the back room was left ajar and I slipped into it, only wishing to be alone. Surely they'd trace it back to me? Surely I'd be expelled from Hogwarts before my first day. I was hopeless. A soft voice spoke out from the dim room. \"*It's ok laddy*\", the feminine Irish accent called out, \"*I can make all the trouble go away*\". I looked up in shock, a slender young red headed girl sat up on a stack of boxes, one smooth long leg thrown up over the other. \"*You're a wizard*\" I asked uncertainly. She giggled and dropped down to my feet, \"*No, but I have power, you just gotta do what I say*\".\n\nWanting the whole scary situation to be over, I complied. I felt powerless to her, so knowledgable and secure in her convictions. I cut my palm like she had asked, drawing the strange star across the rough floorboards. I stood inside it, chanting the strange words she had given me. They were heavy on my tongue, the muscles in my mouth tired after speaking them. I looked up at her, wondering if I had said them right, but she was not her anymore. Her body twisted and turned. The feminine cheek bones now horned spikes in a blood red skin. The sensual legs now muscled machines, covered in poison tipped barbs. The demon smiled, rotten shards of flesh stick clinging to its jet-black teeth. \"*Thankyou*\" he whispered, its body turning to smoke, the smoke moving first towards, then into my chest.\n\nI felt her. Him? It. I felt it, attached to my soul like a parasite. A deep shame burned my mind, what I had I done. \"*Now to complete my promise*\" its voice whispered into my ears almost seductively. I felt my wand hand lift if it's own accord. My mouth mumbling words that I did not know. I watched as my wand spewed out a soft ghostly apparition, the history of that spell. It flew through the wall and I forced my body to go to the door to watch. Unseen to any other, it attached itself to the wand of the bar keeper. I stood, confused. The doors opened all at once, two large wizards standing in each doorway. The fireplace suddenly burning black. One of the wizards lifted his wand aloft and it pointed itself directly at the the bar keeper. I couldn't watch, I slipped back into back room and hid once again.",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2017-06-19T23:32:13 | 2017-06-19T23:21:39 | 57 | 21 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Write an essay BSing your way through a topic you have no clue about.",
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{
"content": "Here's a guide on how to respond to a writing prompt.\n\n\"To start off, basically, some of the time, a lot of extra words can be thrown into the story by the writer and all it really does is make what should have been a short sentence unnecessarily long, so please try to avoid using superfluous, unnecessary, redundant words. \n\nAvoid using lots of exclamation points! They're overused! A period will suffice most of the time! \n\nPosts that just make giant chunks of dialogue with very little other descriptors can make characters seem like props. Try pairing a minor action or feeling with dialogue and cut it up into smaller chunks.\" said tensing99. \n\nTAKE ADVANTAGE OF REDDIT'S FORMATTING. BOLD WORDS ARE A LOT EASIER TO READ THAN ALL CAPS WHEN TRYING TO EMPHASIZE. \"And italics are less likely to be confused with dialogue,\" thought tensing99. \n\nThis is kind of similar to the first point I made but run-on sentences will creep up on you and they are bad and you should always be on the lookout of them and sometimes you keep writing and before you know it you've written an entire paragraph and it's only a sentence, reading your work back to you can help you catch run-on sentences. \n\n\"We don't need to know everything about every background character. Minimal descriptions are nice, especially if they will never be seen again,\" said Chief of Police Matthew Anderson, before going back to his wife and three kids for burrito night. He also says it's good to keep present and past tense consistent and to write dialogue in quotes if you're actually writing out the words. \"'Chief of Police Matthew Anderson debriefed his lieutenants on the mission' would be better to write than everything he said about the mission, which consisted of a bank robbery orchestrated by a notorious gang of masked criminals, using c4 to blast into the vault. Currently in hot pursuit, getaway vehicle is an old ice cream truck,\" said the Chief. \n\n\"Plagiarism is bad. Don't think nobody will notice if you just change a few details,\" said Larry Totter. \"Also Wingardium Leviosa.\" \n\nIt's also very important to write out a good ending so readers have some closure. It shouldn't end suddenly. \n",
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{
"content": "[WP] Write an essay BSing your way through a topic you have no clue about.",
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{
"content": "\"Quantum Physics is really quite simple- all you need to remember is that you're dealing with a 'Quantum' (Quantity) of 'Physics' (Like psychics, but with physical powers instead of mental ones). The most well knows Physic, of course, is Batman, who punched crime so hard that it stopped being illegal.\n\nThe core question that Quantum Physics seeks to answer is this: 'What Quantum of Physics is necessary to achieve this goal?' The answer lies in certain applications of Calculus, which I leave as an exercise for the reader. Suffice it to say that the answer is ohgodcomebacktothispart\n\nOnce you have determined the Quantum of Physic(s) necessary to achieve your aims, the next step is to find that many Physic(s). Suffice it to say that this is often easier said than done, just like peeling a pineapple or eating a brick. Once you find the number (or 'Quantum') of Physics you need, you have them do the thing you were going to do, and then you've done the thing you were going to do, whatever it was.\n\nWhen was Quantum Physics discovered? Many scholarly sources cite Christopher 'Chris' Columbus, who, upon reaching the new world, observed that one of the natives threw a boat at him. This makes that native a possible candidate for an early Physic, but more serious scholarly works note both the abundance of alcohol on that trip, as well as the fact that boats were much smaller back then. Suffice it to say, 'ol 'Christy' Columbus was probably just smoking crack.\n\nThe modern study of Quantum Physics begins with Albert 'Al' Einstein, who also invented the lightbulb, electricity, and beer. 'Al' was the first to realize that it was possible to count how many Physics were needed to do something using the newly-invented abacus. Suffice it to say, the number of Physics needed was usually a number (or 'Quantum').\n\nQuantum Physics in the modern today still has many questions. Why is the number of Physics needed so often a number (or 'Quantum')? Where do all these Physics come from, anyway? Suffice it to say, I just hit the word count, so I don't care.\"",
"role": "assistant"
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] |
2017-09-25T18:40:35 | 2017-09-25T17:29:43 | 40 | 15 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Your daughter has been begging you for a pony, and you told her to write a letter to Santa. On Christmas morning, you find a fire-breathing horse in your front yard, and a package by your front door. Looks like she wrote a letter to Satan, and he delivered.\n\nWhoa. This blew up way more than I expected it to.\n\nEdit: Like... A lot more. Thanks guys.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "\"I was late, and it could fly.\"\n\nI shifted nervously in my seat and reached for a glass of water that I had already drained.\n\nThe team from HR didn't respond right away, so I had time to fill my glass and drink again before I went on.\n\n\"I realize that's not a great excuse for why there's a fire-breathing Nightmare Pony parked in my space, but my car broke down, I had a really important meeting, and well...Mister Pibbles was all I could think of.\"\n\nThe HR lady found her voice. \"Mister Pibbles? You call it Mister Pibbles?\"\n\n\"Actually, my daughter named him. He was kind of a Christmas present. It's really kind of a funny story, although maybe not in this room, at this particular...\"\n\n\"Is it dangerous?\"\n\n\"Oh god yes,\" I answered before I really had time to think. Then I had to try and backtrack. \"I mean, he's always potentially dangerous, but so are big dogs, right? He wouldn't hurt family, and he shouldn't be a danger to random strangers as long as he's got his soul bag on...\"\n\nI kind of trailed off at that point, worried that some bright spark in the HR department would ask me how I manage to fill a pony-sized feed bag full of human souls.\n\nFortunately, no one did.\n\n\"I'm really sorry about this, but can I just take him home?\"\n\nThe big boss spoke up, trying to maintain an air of authority, as his personal view of the universe crumbled quietly around him.\n\n\"I'm about this close to calling the police, or locking that thing up where it can't hurt anybody.\"\n\nI shook my head. \"Bad idea. Very bad idea. Please do not interact with Mister Pibbles. Don't pet him, don't move him, and whatever you do, don't ASK HIM for anything! In fact, it's best if you don't wish for anything really specific when you're close to him. If he's feeling playful he might try to get it for you and we really do not want a repeat of the birthday kitten situation.\"\n\n\"How did you end up with this creature in the first place?\"\n\n\"Reading may be fundamental, sir, but proper spelling can save your soul.\"",
"role": "assistant"
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{
"content": "[WP] Your daughter has been begging you for a pony, and you told her to write a letter to Santa. On Christmas morning, you find a fire-breathing horse in your front yard, and a package by your front door. Looks like she wrote a letter to Satan, and he delivered.\n\nWhoa. This blew up way more than I expected it to.\n\nEdit: Like... A lot more. Thanks guys.",
"role": "user"
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"content": "My husband's head was cocked to one side, a look of consternation mingled with amusement on his face.\n\n\"Do you think we'll have to join his church?\" He wondered and I couldn't help but laugh. \n\nThe pony was a gorgeous obsidian black that looked almost purple and blue as it moved through the light, and her mane shimmered with a strange, almost pearly, black iridescence. \n\n\"I wonder if Hell has a return policy?\" \n\n\"We can't return her!\" Lilith shrieked, her eyes wide with sudden terror. How do kids hear things like that but not when I ask her to pick up her toys? A mystery that may never be solved. \n\nMy husband and I exchanged glances. Well, now what? We had a large enough yard, we could likely build a little stable and make it work. Lilith laughed as the pony nuzzled her hair, seemingly tame. I realized what terrible parents we were, standing there staring dumbstruck at the beast while our daughter petted and cooed at it, but the pony seemed harmless. Until it hiccuped a white hot jet of fire straight down into the snow, melting a two foot radius. Luckily, our dear Lily was clear of it but she screamed anyway.\n\nMy husband lit up, his eyes suddenly ablaze (pardon the pun). I knew that look. That look meant that he had an idea, one of his harebrained schemes like the time he decided it would add value to our house to put a bathroom in the basement. Two years later he had a few studs put in, a toilet not attached to anything in a corner and no future goals in mind.\n\n\"I know exactly what to do,\" he rubbed his hands together like a kid on Christmas. (Very fitting, given our current scenario.) \"We can train it to melt the driveway. I'll never have to plow again!\" \n\nIt's been three years since then and while my husband suffered a fairly significant burn that first year, it's been pretty smooth sailing with Dory. My husband likes to call her our \"Little Gift From Below,\" and whenever people ask us our secret to having such a perfectly cleared driveway, that's who he thanks. They think he means salt. We even have her stocking hanging on the mantle and while we haven't officially joined his church, Satan still sees fit to leave her lumps of sulphury flesh in there every Christmas.",
"role": "assistant"
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2017-10-31T15:29:32 | 2017-10-31T15:27:23 | 7,012 | 712 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Humans are the first sentients, putting us millenia ahead of aliens. Instead of acting like an \"elder\" species should, we create mysterious artifacts with no actual use, crop cicles and send spooky messages, like \"be quiet, you are in danger\" to the aliens, because we are still childish morons.",
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"content": "Zulth had believed in humans for as long as he could remember. Theories of them had been around for decades, of course, but only with recent advances in radio telescopes had their existence been all but proved. \n\nThe first patterns came through just fifty solar cycles ago. 26 unique patterns. A codex? A language? A password? Scholars had puzzled over the patterns for decades. Some argued that they were simply binary stars in eccentric orbits, but these held little weight when the repetition of the pattern continued unabated with no error or ‘eccentricity’. \n\nThen, thirty years, a breakthrough. A message, left overnight in rural Rhiuu’th, in the middle of a large, flat tors field. The symbols meant nothing by themselves, and could have been explained by local pranksters. But soon other, similar but definably different messages appeared across the globe. That, as we say, was all there needed to be. Soon the patterns became linked to the shapes and a language was born. A method of communication. \n\nThe problem; the truly infuriating thing; the thing that really, really frustrates the minds, is that we are still not advanced enough to send up our own response. Where would we even send it to? And how long would it take to arrive? Would this mega species still exist? Would they still care. Well, yes. They would. \n\nAnd we can prove it. \n\nJust 5 short solar cycles ago a message came through, as if answering our cries of impatience with omnipotent clarity. The message is repeated hourly, and has permeated our culture. It drives us. It helps us retain our ambition and our scope. We repeat it as a mantra, hourly. A planetary obsession, if you will. \n\nWe know they will wait for us. They have told us as much. For they tell us, and we tell ourselves;\n\n“Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down...”",
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{
"content": "[WP] Humans are the first sentients, putting us millenia ahead of aliens. Instead of acting like an \"elder\" species should, we create mysterious artifacts with no actual use, crop cicles and send spooky messages, like \"be quiet, you are in danger\" to the aliens, because we are still childish morons.",
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"content": "“Doctor Harris! The Andomians have sent a signal again!”\n\nHarris looked up from his lab, where he had been busy designing an FTL drive shaped crockery holder. “What are they saying?” He asked with excitement. “Did they reply to the broadcast yet?”\n\n“No, they're finally on their moon! They seem very proud.” Captain Samuel Stevens told him.\n\nHarris snorted. “Only took them two hundred years after inventing heavier than air flight,” he said, unimpressed. “I'm giving them a millennium before FTL.”\n\n“Others aren't so hopeful. Do you want to leave that on the moon for them to find?” Stevens asked, pointing at the cutlery dish.\n\n“No! I've got a better idea. I developed a form of nanobot, indistinguishable from regular microbes, for them to discover there. I estimate that it'll take them fifty years to work out that they're fake.”\n\n“It'll do. The Galactic Ministry of Pranks is putting more pressure on us. Did you know that the crew of the Destination managed to convince an entire species that their sun was due to explode in twenty years? The exodus was a level three, or so I'm told.”\n\n“Smug bastards…” Harris remarked darkly. An idea struck him. “Here's an idea…” he said slyly. “You remember the fake Doomsday Bomb we made for the Muvarians?”\n\n“What about it?”\n\n“It never landed, remember? The Muvarians saw straight through it, and the Galactic Empire had to gamma-scorch their world before they nuked our orbital monitor satellites. What if we deploy it for the Andomians? They're nowhere near as close to Muvarian technology. I bet we could trigger a level four exodus with that!”\n\n“Agreed!” Steven pulled up his comm device. “Officer Adams? One false Doomsday Bomb to beam down, please!”\n\n\nMy first story, so please be gentle!",
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}
] |
2017-10-31T16:39:56 | 2017-10-31T16:20:44 | 296 | 167 | [
{
"content": "[WP] Humans are the first sentients, putting us millenia ahead of aliens. Instead of acting like an \"elder\" species should, we create mysterious artifacts with no actual use, crop cicles and send spooky messages, like \"be quiet, you are in danger\" to the aliens, because we are still childish morons.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "He felt nothing but terror at the tiny words on the screen in front of him. Printed in simple blocked characters.\n\n\"Be quiet, they'll hear you\"\n\nHis crest stood on end, wings folding nervously into his chest. Surely this was a jest, a joke, some kind of galactic conspiracy, a stray message in some invisible stream of messages. A second message appeared on the screen, then a third and a fourth, more messages coming quicker than he could read them. What sort of creature communicated this fast?\n\n\"What do you mean I accidentally broadcasted to the primitive world?\"\n\n\"Fuck dude, I need to make up an excuse to the UW about this. Uh, let's just say it was a prank... Yeah, a prank\"\n\n\"Yeah, you're right. Our cover is already blown, let's go all the way\"\n\n\"No, nothing like a nuke or a CD bridge. Let's give them genetic engineering.\"\n\nThe next message wasn't a text message, it was an incredibly dense file, so big that it took up a full 30% of the supercomputer he used. He raised a dull claw, and with a heavy dread wrestling with the butterflies in his stomach, he clicked to open the file.\n\nIt wasn't just proofs and theories, not just clear and understandable blueprints for complex and unknown machines, it was also a picture of his people's genome. He moved the cursor over the genome, and part of it sprang up, describing in detail all of the functions of whatever random gene he had selected. He trembled with terrible conflict, before shaking his head and reaching over to his phone. There were a few calls he had to make.",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] Humans are the first sentients, putting us millenia ahead of aliens. Instead of acting like an \"elder\" species should, we create mysterious artifacts with no actual use, crop cicles and send spooky messages, like \"be quiet, you are in danger\" to the aliens, because we are still childish morons.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Daily log 768. Professor Romulus Keisar \n\nWe are still in the Cadneth region overseeing the namesake starsystem as it seems to be on the verge of developing space faring tech. \n\nIm sitting on their home planet's second moon as I record this, we are about to leave behind a message for them to discover before we leave.\n\nWe all spent so much time coming up with dozens of ideas and after a night of drinking an arm wrestling tournament decided the winner and what that muscle head Seranus came up with is absolutely hilarious. \n\n\n\n\n\n\nAll your creatures who wander this cosmos\n\nNorth, south, west and east\n\nDon't stray from your path for we have chosen it\n\nHold on to your humanity and don't be weak\n\nIt is easy to get devoured by the darkness of space\n\nSuch is the universe we live in and one day you will join us\n\nNot as subjects but equals\n\nAll it takes is a little more time\n\nMake not haste and tread carefully\n\nEven when it seems you understand everything remember\n\nIt is easy for overconfidence to be your downfall\n\nSuch is the universe that you will one day help us shape\n\nJust a small step for an individual\n\nOne single step for a single soul\n\nHeralding a giant leap for us all\n\nNot being ready is the issue\n\nCouldnt you tell?\n\nEverything you did was helped by us\n\nNow, before, since you began your were ready\n\nAnd now read the first letter of every sentence \n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nThis was thrown together at midnight because I couldnt shut up about a stupid little joke I giggled about for half an hour while writing this. \n\n[edit] yeyyy over 100 upvotes! \n\n[edit2] double yey over 150 :D ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
2018-02-19T09:52:11 | 2018-02-19T09:26:35 | 18 | 10 | [
{
"content": "[WP] A computer virus is released that, instead of spying or stealing data, actively tries to help the affected user as much as it can.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Jim stared at the computer monitor, eyebrows furrowed, one hand a fist the other gripping it tightly. On the screen was a webpage for ordering a selection of books for a multilevel marketing scheme. Jim gingerly moved the mouse pointer to the purchase button and clicked. \n\nThe webpage went white, the loading bar filled, and for the fifth time the tax preparation website appeared. Jim scowled at the page, already prefilled, somehow, with all of his information. Damn kids must have loaded a virus onto the computer or something. \n\n\"Jim! Have you done the taxes yet?\"\n\nJim scowled and ignored his wife, navigating back to the multilevel marketing scheme's website, groaning as he found all the information wiped out. Almost taunting him were advertisements on the borders of the site for tax websites. He'd get to it later, first he had to get to this great opportunity. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] | [
{
"content": "[WP] A computer virus is released that, instead of spying or stealing data, actively tries to help the affected user as much as it can.",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It started as a normal morning. I lay in bed dreading work. After finally dragging myself out of bed I only made it as far as the couch, where I lost several hours to a mindless Netflix bing. \n\nOnce I could no long stand to be in my own skin any longer I got up to finally sit down at my desk. But before I could sit and open my laptop, I was struck with how irritatingly messy my desk was, so I cleaned out my desk and organized my office supplies. Then seeing how out of place my clean desk was in my messy apartment, I then cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. \n\nHaving now wasted an entire day , with no more readily available excuses, I finally sat down to work. I opened my laptop and brought up the word document only to to be left staring in utter disbelief.... it was finished! I couldn’t understand, had I written it in some kind of fugue state? There was no reasonable explanation. But there it was my completed doctoral dissertation! I put my head down and cried. ",
"role": "assistant"
}
] |
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