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I'm sixteen and depressed I think it's fair to say I'm depressed. I've got insomnia for 3 years now. I always feel tired and depressed, I don't have many friends and I've got anxiety, even simple things are scaring the shit out of me. I lock up myself in the room and cry everyday. I'm too obssesed with ficional world because it makes me feel better about myself but at the same time it's ruining my life. I live in Poland in a small village, everyone's here so religious and I feel bad because my dad makes me go to church and stuff but I can't. I feel like trash because of it, like nobody respects me. My mom knows about some of this stuff and told me to visit a doctor couldn't do it because I was too afraid. I live in Cracow with my roomates and it's fine it helps to forget about all this shit but then I come back for the weekend and feel terrible again. I can't get up of my bed I just spend all day there and cry. I think about death everyday I can't enjoy simple things because there's always a black scenario in my head. I feel fucked up and my brain just doesn't work anymore I just feel empty and terrible every second of my life. I tried to take some meds for insomnia but it didn't work. I'm scared to go to the doctor and for sure I'm not gonna go with y parents with this. I need some help but I don't know where to find it.
Nobody notices that everybody just assume I'm a teenager so it's fine to have moods but It's more than that. I'm literally screaming for help but nobody does anything.
((sorry for all the mistakes english is not my first language))
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self.depression
|
EMSAM I was just prescribed this antidepressant and I wanted to know what if anyone has had personal experiences with it or info in general. It’s a 6mg patch that can be worn on the arm, leg, chest, or back.
Thanks
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self.bipolar
|
I don't know what has been happening to me. I'm worried and struggling with life. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
why put 100% into anything? I'm generally thought of as a very optimistic person, lots of friends, big social life, but it all feels really fake. I put on this facade @ school just to seem normal. When I come home, I tend to just collapse into this depressed phase. I find it incredibly hard to form deeper connections with people my age. I had SO's in the past, but however hard I try, they leave. Friends leave. Everyone leaves. At this point why even try to form relationships? Why even try on work? Why even try when nothing seems to ever improve? It puts me down more when I realize no one even talks to me unless I initiate. I get boring. I get lonely. I find myself hopeless. If all that you put 100% into will only let you down, why try anymore?
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self.depression
|
Feeling lost and unsure of where to go It's been almost four month since my suicide attempt. I remember getting out of the hospital and feeling so much better and hopeful for a positive existence. It's been almost four month since I tried to take my own life, thinking that maybe it would be easier than continuing to live. Four months have come and gone, but yet I still find myself lost and unsure where to go to ask for help. I mean, you go to the hospital which always seems to be the most intense option and the last resort for most people, but even with being in the hospital, I still can't find my happiness or allow myself to be free from my depression. I'm a hostage to my bed, sleeping to escape the way that I feel. My body is completely numb to my own existence. Nobody seems to really understand how I feel and they just continue to think I'm okay without showing any sort of support. Where do I go now?
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self.depression
|
Bipolar depression? I've been diagnosed with depression as well as a few other things but if something upsets me, even in meds like right now I go straight to suicidal ideation. Thinking up a plan right now. Anyone who has it and has feelings like this?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't think I have anybody to open up to, or I have a really hard time being open with people. And it's really hurting my ability to cope with stress and anxiety. I have always been fairly decent at speaking in front of crowds, and making small talk, so some people get this impression I'm happy and energetic, and have an easy time making friends.
But, really, when I'm away from the classroom or events, I struggle to communicate with people, maintain relationships, be open.
I almost never complain, or vent, or be honest about my feelings with other people, not even my family, or sometimes especially my family.
Whenever I go home for holidays or whatnot, I'm on edge, because I remember all these times I was reprimanded or critcized by Mom or Dad, and I feel here, and everywhere, like I don't have a voice. Or at least, not like other people.
I'm not mad at anyone, or anything, I'm just sad. Because, on top of any other struggle or anxiety I have about life right now, or trying to find my path in life or the such, I feel as though there's no one I'm truly comfortable with really opening up to and being completely honest about what troubles me, and really talking to.
***Some notes: I'm 18, a college student, male, I have just begun attending counseling sessions (my 2nd is next week)
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self.offmychest
|
Where do I go to, and what do I have to say? Need help Do I just go to my doc that I also go to when I'm phisically ill?
How do I speak to him, exactly? I dont want him to think that Im there to get meds for something like drug-abuse. I also dont want to tell him my history for an entire hour, especially to avoid a mental breakdown.
The doc knows me since I was a kid, but we never really talked, so I thinl this could really become awkward and that I could accidently say the wrong things.
Can anyone help me?
I'm from Germany by the way, so I also dont know if it even is that kind of doc I have to go to
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self.depression
|
I've never been more depressed. In high school I had a friend I was jealous of. He was out having sex and going to parties and I was the awkward quiet kid who pretty much just went to school then went home. I would practice guitar alone in my room all the time. This friend and I formed a band. It didn't last long and he ended up forming a new one. I wasn't interested in the new band due to screaming vocals. I kept practicing religiously. Fast forward 5 years, his band is now gaining a large amount of traction with 300k views on their music video. I went to music school thinking I would be the one who made it in music but now I'm graduated and have 0 job prospects. I'm not even sure if I want to do music anymore. I'm now trapped since my parents already paid for the music school and I have no money to go back for a more profitable degree. I'm 23 and feel like I completely missed out on my prime. I didn't go to any parties in high school or college and just got my first girlfriend last year. My music school was 95% male so I couldn't get much experience in dating. I live with my parents, trying to find freelance jobs trying to do music for video games which usually lead to nothing all while this friend who has always had a great life and hasn't even worked super hard is in a successful band making it in music. He even told me it only happened because they knew a guy who knew a guy. I feel so trapped. I missed out on partying, dating, and everything else everyone experiences in their youth all just to pursue some dream that I don't even want anymore. No matter what I do in music I will always compare it to the friend's success. I have been out of a job for almost a year and haven't done much with only going out to network for a video game audio job. I have 0 friends currently. I only hang out with my sister and my girlfriend. I feel like such a loser and I'm trapped due to making the wrong choices in life. I wish I would've just gone to college and gotten a degree in computer science for an audio programming job. I wish I would've partied and dated in high school and college. I can't stop thinking about the past, so much so that I'm not doing much to change my situation which is just making things worse.
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self.depression
|
Anybody else feel like they are making this shift from a reality I don’t control to one that you do? It’s like my whole life I’ve been sad about my situation, feeling sorry for myself. Just wishing that things were different, wishing that things would stop being so hectic and crazy all the time. It has felt like my life was destined to be driven into the ground.
I want to compare it to a motorcycle. I’ve spent my life on the back of the motorcycle holding on for dear life. I am afraid of taking control and choosing the destination. There are walls in my mind that I’m afraid of passing. These are training wheels that are necessary to get my balance in life. I’m afraid of how others will perceive me if they see me riding with training wheels. All the while, how great do I look on the back of the bike just holding on for dear life?
These training wheels can come in many different forms. For one, it’s being more open and transparent in social situations. Making my intentions explicitly known are like training wheels. I’m afraid to let out my sexual energy because of how I will be perceived. However, letting go completely in a social situation is only the training wheels. Once I get my balance I will be more deliberate and it will be less scary to speak my mind.
I’m pretty bad at explaining this. But I feel as though my own “training wheels” are very personal. They can’t be applied exactly the same to each person. As I expose these mind blocks, I am discovering a path for myself. Like handles to grab onto. Though it is still scary, it seems more doable.
I just had this thought while laying in bed, idk if this is even a good sub for it, I just needed to write it out. Thank you if you read this far, I hope I can help at least one person think about their situation in a better light.
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you deal with school stress and due dates? I need to get schoolwork done, but I always put it off because it stresses me out, to the point of having anxiety attacks and throwing up, sometimes triggering manic symptoms of hearing and seeing things in my room because I'm stressing out so much, what can I do?
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self.bipolar
|
Asking for help? It’s nearing midnight, which is the perfect time to be gloomy around my house. It’s been a tough 23 days, already this year. And it’s been a consecutive string of rough months, melting together into years of depression. I don’t want this anymore though.
I don’t want the midnight gloom, the exhaustion from doing the bare minimum around the apartment. I want to smile and feel happiness. I want to be at least okay, because it would be a step up from the hell I’m in.
I’ve been trying to make little changes, walk the dog a little further, eat out a little less etc etc. and it helps but it’s exhausting trying to keep it up everyday, all the time.
I have a friend who told me he started antidepressants a while ago and they’ve really made a difference. I guess my question is, how do you go about asking for that? I have a PCP (primary care physician) but I’m always so nervous. I’m not good at talking things out or about my issues. I’m good at boxing it all up and ignoring it until the box is ready to burst. I want help, but I have no clue where to go or where to start or who to ask.
I just want to be okay. Even just okay.
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self.depression
|
Question regarding medication Hey guys, I’m on a whole load of medications including diazepam, citalopram to name a few. I also take lorazapam for stress. This is a muscle relaxant which really helps. This is for when I need a top up. I’m just wondering how much stress I should choose to handle before taking lorazapam. I just know it’s addictive that’s all.
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self.depression
|
I think what I choose to read influences my anxiety levels. I've read a lot of things in the past few months. Some of them being support groups, some of them self-improvement ideologies, some of them advice books, and I find that the general attitude of what I read induces either relief or anxiety. When I read something that encourages me to lay off the perfectionism and accept myself as I am, I feel more relief and more able to tackle problems. When I read about stories of how people are unfaithful or treacherous, or how my degree is worthless, or some other out there kind of anxious story, my obsessive anxiety comes back and I end up overthinking myself into misery again.
This may be sort of a 'no duh' moment, but I feel like while keeping myself open to different viewpoints is helpful, keeping myself TOO open just makes me become inundated with worry and catastrophization. I don't want to fall into delusional feelings of invincibility and grandeur, but I also don't want to fall into anxiety and self-doubt, so much that I am crippling my potential by doubting myself to death (which is what I nearly did through much of my undergraduate). Much of my efforts this past week have been finding the 'virtuous median' where I am not fooling myself into narcissistic grandeur, but also not loathing or doubting myself into failure and self-pity.
Riddle for the ages I suppose. Anyone have insight on this? Is it a good idea to censor some things that induce anxiety because it provides no benefit? I do that already with mainstream news (since it loves negativity).
tl;dr: I am sensitive to anxiety inducing stories as well as anxiety relieving reassurances. Don't want to be delusional or overly anxious. Should I stop reading potentially stressful things?
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self.Anxiety
|
I think lamictal is actually helping me. I had a rocky road adjusting. Now I feel really good.
|
self.bipolar
|
Can anyone recommend an informative book aimed at a person whose loved one has bipolar 1? As you can probably tell from the title, I have bipolar 1, and I'm looking for some kind of book that will help my fiance to learn about my illness, and how to live with it.
He's already incredibly supportive, but I haven't had a really serious episode since we've been together, and I'd like to help him be prepared for a worst-case scenario.
He's ~~the nerdy type~~ very inquisitive, so it doesn't need to be too simplistically written, and he'd probably actually enjoy learning about some of the science behind BP1. What I'm really looking for is something that will help him to cope with my crazy, so that he doesn't get overwhelmed by stress.
If such a resource exists, I'd love to know about it!
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self.bipolar
|
What techniques help you best when you have an anxiety attack [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I just want to start over I already screwed up my life here in Ohio. My family was going to move to Arkansas, where I could hopefully change myself and be a better person, but nothing came of it. I’m stuck in Ohio and I’ll live with my mistakes and failures
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self.depression
|
How does time passing feel to you? I feel like sometimes when I look back on things that have happened to me - whether earlier in the day or farther back, the usual or the exciting - that it all feels so distant from me...I don't fully know what words to use to describe what I mean...
 
I guess my (super weird) question is, what does reflecting on a memory feel like? Do the feelings of that moment, the physical sensations of whatever you were doing, come back too?
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self.depression
|
I would like to stop wanting a relationship. Any advice? One of my biggest sources of stress has always been my lack of a romantic partner. I've had a few close calls where I thought people were showing signs of interest in me, but I was always wrong and nothing ever actually took off. I lost a few valued friendships trying to turn them into romances, and the stress of not having a partner has always interfered with every aspect of my daily life, making everything else seem less important in comparison.
Recently, I fell in love for the first time, and the girl I fell in love with tried to kill herself. For complicated reasons, we didn't talk again for almost a year, and in that year I think I finally started feeling alright about not having a partner. I wasn't "happy," per se, but I realized that I was starting to enjoy my old hobbies again. I was doing my work. Learning new things. Instead of constantly stressing about what I didn't have, I was focusing more on the things that I did. Like I said, those things didn't make me happy, and it wasn't a fulfilling life, but at least it wasn't constantly miserable, and I got things done.
Now, I've started talking with that girl again, and she visited me this week for the first time in nearly a year and a half. Everything went really well, a lot of stuff got resolved, and overall it was an amazing visit. But ever since then my mental state has just been going downhill. I'm falling back into thinking that every aspect of my life is worthless unless I have someone to share it with, and nobody wants to share it with me, so why even bother doing anything?
I want these feelings gone. My old therapist always harped on letting go of feelings that aren't useful, and my desire to have a family has never done anything but hurt me. Is there anything I can do?
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self.depression
|
My Dad Owns An Auto Body Shop, Convinced That My Brother And I Are Going To Get Cancer As the title says, my dad owns a body shop. My brother voiced his concerns to me in the past about him working at my dad's, but I always laughed them off due to the fact that my brother didn't work there for too long, relatively speaking. Here's a post that he made on an auto body subreddit detailing what he would do at my dad's:
"Hello everyone, My dad owns a body shop and I grew up working there. I was a painter's helper and slowly started painting parts for my friends' cars.
Especially when I was first learning how to paint in the booth, I would not always wear a mask so I would have 0 protection. We normally sprayed in a booth but sometimes we would do little jobs in the garage and I would not have a mask on then either. I would rarely use latex gloves while mixing paint and spraying which unbeknownst to me at the time, offer little to no protection. I would routinely get paint, paint thinner, and clear coat all over my hands. I would regularly get home and have paint up my nose/in my ears.
I also sanded cars. I primarily wetsanded cars and never wore gloves or a mask while wetsanding. I would sometimes used a DA on some projects. I dont think I ever sanded body filler. I worked there for maybe 5-6 summers and would sporadically visit during my childhood.
I'm in my early 20s now and I cannot stop thinking about the long-term repercussions of this, mainly cancer.
I've asked multiple doctors about my experience and long term concerns and they were all pretty dismissive about it. I feel like they see me as a young guy and assume that I have not worked there long enough to do damage.
As a side note, my grandmother died of mesothelioma, and the jury is out on whether she got the asbestos exposure from my dad's shop.
Anyone out there have any opinion as to whether or not I did a ton of irreversible harm?"
My line of thinking was always this: My dad is a small business owner; its not like my brother was painting cars day in, day out, or sanding them with electric sanders. And my brother worked there for possibly 5 summers, from the end of June to the end of August, totaling for maybe a year's worth of work. Bullshitting around a decent amount of the time, or running errands for my dad. He also only did any painting for only 2 or 3 of those summers. Should I believe the doctors and the other auto body workers that he's asked that he doesnt really face much of a risk here?
While my brother worked there and enjoyed working and painting cars, we BOTH used to visit as kids. That in of itself concerns me for my health. We would somewhat rarely go to my dad's shop (during the summers only, as we had school) and pretty much follow him around all day, as he went from the office dealing with customers, back to his garages to talk to his employees. Back there, they'd commonly be using electric sanders and stuff on cars. Because of that, I'm convinced that I'm going to get cancer from the dust flying around. I'm even paranoid about the fact that I would commonly hug my dad after he got home from work, and hangout with him shortly after he would get home from work. My logic is that if a lot of first responders to 9/11 got cancer from the aftermath of the Twin Towers, wouldnt I be likely to get it to from visiting my dad's shop? I really hope I'm wrong in thinking this, because then again, there are people who work their entire lives in the automotive industry, or construction industry, or other potentially dangerous industries for their entire lives with no negative health effects.
I pretty much didn't visit after I was 15 or 16. I think my brother stopped painting when he was 18 or 19. We're both 24 in January.
What makes it even worse is that I'm hardly in contact with my dad, as he cheated on my mom and has made our family's lives miserable over the past 4 years. My mom's house is in foreclosure because he refuses to pay her court-order alimony. Great, me and my brother get to die now, or 20 years from now when we're settled in our careers and our lives from a complete piece of shit. How the fuck do I get this thought out of my head? Its to the point where its like, why even give a fuck about my job or anything since I'm gunna die anyway.
I think a lot of this anxiety stems from the fact that I just started my first job out of college and its a massive change for me, and the fact that I've found things to freak out about before (which of course, all have turned out to be a non-issue). So its definitely possible that I'm 100% overreacting, and just looking for something to worry about.
I'm 100% aware that this probably seems like an incoherent ramble, and I apologize because I'm slightly drunk lol. But I'd really, really appreciate advice from anyone that takes the time to read this.
TLDR: Dad owns an auto body shop, brother and I used to visit, brother worked there. Convinced were both going to die now, or 20 years from now when we're supposed to be settled into our careers and our lives
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self.Anxiety
|
I think I can ride my bike now... Navigating life is like trying to ride a bike, and meds are like training wheels. Can you imagine being told you have to keep training wheels on your bike your WHOLE life...that you will absolutely crash without them. Training wheels! They make it hard for you to tip over, but at the expense of greater speed and agility and FREEDOM. What would you do?
I think I can ride my bike now...
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self.bipolar
|
I have no real problem yet I feel like shit [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I am going to commit suicide next year, but I wanted to know if you all have something you want to do before you do it. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I really fucking like you I love every minute we’re together. I love going out on spontaneous hang outs. I love being with you one on one. I love being there for you. I love sitting in a car and just chilling with you. I love being able to mess around with you, like untie your shoelaces or poke you in your sides. I love our awkward, 3 second long hugs. I love how annoying you are. I love just being with you.
But I hate when you degrade yourself. I hate when you jokingly say that you hate yourself. I hate when you call yourself names like trash, or garbage, or whatever it is. I hate when you bring yourself down whenever I try to reassure you. I hate that you harm yourself. I hate that you think no one cares for you.
I wish you would just see that I care so much about you. I wish that I could make it clear that I want to help you. I wish that you wouldn’t beat yourself up so much. I wish I could do something.
I want to tell you that i really fucking like you, but i’m scared it will ruin our close friendship, im scared you’ll take it the wrong way, i’m scared you won’t believe me.
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self.offmychest
|
It's like I'm always finding a reason to feel like shit.
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self.depression
|
I dont know what to do with my life The only thing Ive ever valued about myself and my life is math.
I keep comparing myself to someone ludicrously better happier than me more successful than me.
Funadamentally, I have no idea what to do with my life. Math has become painful. Its the only thing that was ever good about my life and now I find it merely frustrating. I find myself unable to get anything done.
Im in a math program in my school, but the math program there is suffocating. I cant breathe there. Math students dont like it when I talk about math when it is not what theyre learning. Theyre great people though. Im going to spend four years wasting my time learning nearly nothing from coursework to get a piece of paper which vastly umdervalues me.
Ive had multiple suicide attempts in my life. Some minor one every few months. And a major attempt every year. My experience with psychiatry has been awful. My first psychiatrist Dr. Wassim George Farid Soliman was bureaucratic and inconsiderate. He stepped on you when you were down and saw to it that your life got worse. He kicked me when I was down prescribed harmful medication to collect his commission and blackmailed me into taking it.
I dont want to talk to a psychiatrist. I feel so broken. And I need help. What do I do to like math again?
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self.depression
|
God damn it I'm fucking done. I just suck at everything. I give up. I fucking quit. I cant handle this world I'm too god damn weak. I don't want to go to school, I can't fucking do it. I haven't even registered but classes start in a few hours and now I need to go beg to be let in why do I do this shit to myself. I'm freaking out god damn it I'm running out of time and I keep digging myself deeper into my lies. I just want to cry all day but I can't even cry anymore. I lay in bed all day imagining a better world and a better me that will never come. I'm scared I'll always be disconnected from myself. I don't want to let my family down so I need to keep going to school but fuck I'm gonna fail and either way I'm gonna get kicked out I don't know what to do. And even worse I keep getting told I need to go get a job. My family aready view me as the stupid let down, and not having a job proves it to them. Everyone just thinks I'm lazy and I am because when I come here I see the real shit others have to deal with and my problems are all in my head. Am I sick or just lazy as fuck? And does it even matter? I cant put my feelings into words. Everytime I think things are looking up, I just get shit on. I want to erase myself from history. Everyone else would be so much better off god damn it I'm such a drain. Why do good people have to die while I'm still around? Just take me instead. I'm debating between driving to school in a few hours to try and get the classes I know I'll fail, or just driving off a fucking bridge. I'm sorry for taking attention away from everyone else here who are worse off than my pathetic confused ass, I just needed to do someting to get these feeling out or I'm gonna blow up and scream
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self.depression
|
Have been "stable" but burnt out and sluggish (mentally and physically) for over 6 months. SO many meds; I want to feel better but NOT manic (BP 1, 26yo) So pretty much since I came out of my last mania in late 2015, I've settled into a blank, foggy, "mild depression" with only enough energy to force myself to do what is absolutely necessary (appointments, college classes, etc.). Otherwise, I pretty much just watch sitcoms on Netflix, eat, and sleep. Ambition and motivation are dead. I have had countless therapy and psychiatry appointments since then, but not much progress except for meds added on.
I'm glad that I'm "functioning" (because my manias are BAD and I've gone to a few hospitals in my past), but I feel powerless to get happier and think that it may be because of my meds. I take:
Lithium 600 morning 900 evening
Lamictal 200
Synthroid (for hypothyroidism)
Latuda 20
Amantadine
Melatonin
Prolixin
Klonopin
Everyone who supports me says I need to "force it", "create the life I want", etc. but I feel like I'm running on empty, full of apathy, and have less energy than everyone else around me.
I am hopefully finishing school this year and will have to get a job, which is hard because I still don't know what I want to do for a career. It's a pivotal point in my life and I feel like I'm just sleeping through it. I also have a LOT of anger at bipolar for "what it's done to me" (like med weight gain), and I have low self-confidence without many friends. I want to keep fighting, but I feel like my brain is just walled off from success.
This is my first post, since I just found this community on reddit. I'd appreciate anyone's perspective!!!
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self.bipolar
|
A month’s sober ! I’m 31 days alcohol free! This is good especially as I am on Lithium as well as Keppra for epilepsy. Have any of you guys ever abused or even just drank alcohol while on your medication? How did that go?
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self.bipolar
|
Please someone help me. It's been so long I've been without a person to talk to, I'm dying from loneliness. I have no friends, my family abuses me to a point where the want to leave a bruise on me. The online suicide help line isn't working because I can't talk to anyone without breaking down and crying, I have terrible anxiety and can't chat online to the prevention hotlinw because it's always busy or closed. The school counsler isn't helping, I can'y say anything because my dad would get taken away to jail because he abuses me but I dont want to do anything because he is dying, he has had 2 heart attacks already so I don't want to hurt him... my mom is going through and ways lot so I don't want anything to happen to her even if she hates me an ignores me. My two sisters don't give a shit about me and like to gang up on me and call me down and hit me. My older brother threatens to kill me and he ended up choking me once. I have no other family that likes me because I don't talk to them and that I ruin their lives. This is probably because I'm a bitch and rough, I'm not girly but I try to be.
But should I kill myself? I have nothing because I'm failing school and my parents won't take me for help, or to see a therapist. I can't take any of this anymore. For almost my whole life. But I probably won't kill myself... I'm scared to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
He says I should just fuckin kill myself. What if he's right? I'm alone. The hotlines haven't helped. Crisis text line didn't help much. The direct quote was " go fuckin kill yourself cunt". This from the man I loved more than anything in the world. I hear it on repeat over and over on my head. I just want it to stop. I'm scared he's right. That I am really not good for anything. That I'm useless. That I fuck up everything I touch. I'm so scared he's right. I'm so tired. I can't keep doing this.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm going through a thing, in life. i'm a pos i guess. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Is this Psychosis? So, I had a thought the other day while watching a movie.
In the movie, they said "Hell isn't a place, it's a beautiful confusion".
My brain immediately said "What if that's my way of telling myself that I'm in hell, in the same position".
Is this a psychotic thought?
Or is this something some people would actually consider?
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self.bipolar
|
Can someone take their time in their day to read this? Feeling alone and unwanted. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel so alone. And empty. And i am so tired of feeling this way. I just want it to fucking stop.
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self.Anxiety
|
Life sucks, then you die Alcohol helps, mellows me out, and gives me something to look forward to each day.
Reason to work? to afford alcohol, reason to look forward to tomorrow, alcohol.
Can't drink if dead.
I feel your pain, go get drunk, repeat, stay sober for work.
Never know, things might change, if not, there is always tomorrow's alcohol to look forward to.
Works for me......
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How I describe a bipolar down Literally having to talk my brain into the fact that I should continue living. The incessant thoughts that ending my life is the best option, but I toss on a smile because I’m at work, and don’t want to deal with the questions. Yes, I know things will swing back up, but for those bleak moments, everything in the room is dark except a reflection of myself screaming how worthless I am.
Yes, I am medicated. And no, I am not in danger, but this is just something I needed to say, and didn’t know where to say it.
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self.bipolar
|
Can you hear me? I've been alone for so long, I'm too afraid to get close to anyone again
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self.depression
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afraid I have Prostate Cancer Hello all, so I woke up today with some discomfort in my penis, I peed and immediately felt like I needed to go again, this has persisted throughout the day. I went to the doctor and my urine culture came back negative for a UTI the Doctor said that my symptoms could be a precursor to an actual UTI and gave me some meds to help out. So I'm now freaking out that I have prostate cancer because the symptoms for a UTI and prostate cancer are similar and if it wasn't a UTI it could be cancer.
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self.Anxiety
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Jealousy/Envy is one of my main symptoms Anyone else? If I see someone having a good time with their family, I get jealous. If I see a happy couple, I Get jealous. Basically if I see any one moving on with there lives as if it were nothing, I get extremely fucking envious.
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self.depression
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My heart hurts Sorry in advance for rambling. I just have a lot on my chest to get off.
I'm a high school senior. I have almost no friends and I'm in an emotionally manipulative relationship with a girl threatening to kill herself if I break up with her. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. My relationship is unfulfilling. It's only just infatuation and adoration. The only things I've been feeling recently is either unhappiness or anguish. I want to tear my heart out because it's sore. All I want is a good friend.
My best friend who I love dearly is an online one and very busy. I try to think of ways to pass my weekend but none make me happy. Everything is just a small distraction from my ultimate unhappiness. I feel lethargic. I recently made friends with someone on reddit but I think they're ghosting me now. It's such a shame because I really thought she was a cool person, we had quite a bit in common and I honestly enjoyed talking/playing games with her.
I know life gets better but it really fucking sucks right now. My sleep schedule is ruined and I have no one to turn to at 3 AM. I don't need advice, just a friend. I'm so lonely. At school people only talk to me for homework answers. The small circle of "friends" i have is extremely toxic and I'm beginning to pull away from them. But now I'm just alone. I feel like cutting myself but I know I will only make my arms and wrists uglier. I feel like crying but I can't. All I want is a friend to share music with. That's what my reddit friend was until she started ignoring me. I can't listen to music which is my only hobby because it makes me think of her.
I've been feeling like this since my freshman year of high school although now I have truly given up hope. I got into a fight with my parents a few months ago and slashed my forearm out of anger and sadness. When I went to the ER the social worker said I'm probably extremely clinically depressed. I'm socially awkward to the point where I'm even uncomfortable talking to my parents. I don't know how to tell them anything. My dad is retired now so I don't want to ask for a therapist because it costs money.
All I want is a friend. I feel like I'm a sociopath who can't make friends because I can't relate to anyone. I've tried so hard. I can't make any in real life because I'm shy. I try to make some on reddit and other websites but most end up cutting me off in a matter of weeks.
I'm hoping that university will let me meet better people with similar personalities but I feel like I will be disappointed because I always am. I join clubs and other extracurriculars in hopes that I make friends but it never works. I want to die because I feel like life won't get any better and I'll always be alone longing for a friend.
I appreciate your concern if you read this.
Edit: I had no idea I would get so much support. Even though I said I didn't want advice I guess I was wrong. All your comments are much appreciated. It really helps me just to keep on trucking
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self.depression
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I told a friend something personal and then they told others. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Can anyone help me get a better understanding of what social anxiety is? My boyfriend has social anxiety and he explained a little bit about it. Also this is my first post on reddit and I usually don’t post things on community stuff like this. So personally, I kinda get scared/shy to talk to people. For example, whenever me and my boyfriend go grocery shopping and we need to buy meat, we don’t ever go to the butcher case to get meat. We usually get the already packaged ones to the side of the butcher case. He has mentioned to me that he will do the talking, but for some reason I still feel uneasy.
Another example would be me making phone calls. I absolutely H A T E making any type of phone call. I legit start shaking and you can even hear it in my voice. Especially for job follow ups or phone interviews. I feel like anybody gets nervous when talking on the phone? I dunno.. is it just me?
What’s weird though is that I don’t get anxious over ordering food at a restaurant or fast food or something like that. Except ordering pizza over the phone, can’t do that either lol.
Also, I used to get anxious over going to an event or a place where I technically had to go alone. I always wanted someone to go with me. It was kinda hard to make friends unless said person would talk to me first. I’m not usually the one to introduce myself right off the bat, an introvert if you will.
So do I have social anxiety or am I just overthinking this?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you in advance for your help!
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self.Anxiety
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How can I help support a long distance friend with their depression [deleted]
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self.depression
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Parents are paying for school, feel like I'm stealing from them I’m 21 years old, studying statistics at a Canadian university. I've been in school since I was 18; much of my time here was as a part-time student, taking general ed courses. Therefore, I have taken only three courses so far that count toward my major. My parents are currently paying for my tuition.
I’ve attempted suicide during the first week of first year, and have been struggling with depression and mental health issues ever since. My cumulative GPA is around 2.5, and I am struggling this semester with *only* 2 courses. At the start of this year, I was so determined to start getting As in everything and just killing it all-around. However, due to my mental health issues, I'll be really, really lucky to get Bs or B-‘s after my finals. I am so worried that this is a poor investment for my parents. I've thought about dropping out and working, just to pay back my parents for spending so much money on my mediocre grades.
I'm always looking for part-time jobs, and am planning on doing an internship to pay for school myself. After I graduate, I will pay back all the debt myself, which will be made slightly easier by the fact that I don't want kids or a family.
I calculated that I can still graduate with at least a 3.1 cumulative GPA, and a major GPA of around 3.5. I really love my subject, and I want to graduate with my degree. And without trying to make any excuses, I feel like my health issues played a pretty big role in my failures. I’m confident that, if I can manage my health, then I can succeed like any other student. Nevertheless, I constantly worry about making my parents poor.
If I am indeed just wasting my parents’ money, just tell it to me straight. It’s a constant source of guilt for me.
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self.offmychest
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Can this be consider killing yourself? Two days ago, i came out with my depression to a close friend, I still havent told my other close friend, but he will know when time is right.
I told them how hard it was to handle myself and how my "needy" personality didn't appear out of nowhere for the past 2 months for nothing. I was depressed and coming from being socially adept to socially incapable is really hard for me to deal with.
I take every conversation now too serious, I can't tell if one is joking or serious. I can't tell if someone is ignoring me or just busy. I abstain from taking medication because I pretend or know I'm strong enough to defend from this.
But these few days are becoming worse and worse. I used to hang out with close friends online when we couldn't meet up, everyone these days who plays video games on PC uses a service called Discord, but its been to my attention that it may have been my "needy" personality that came with my depression that they started to avoid or ignore me and made another voice chat server and did not invite me. I don't doubt it because it is practically hard to play games these days without communication. Its like jumping into a fight blind.
Is it because of this I'm having more suicidal thoughts? Perhaps, but can I stop myself from doing so? Nope. It's like I'm stuck in a dimension where I only think about my own existence, and the impact of the world without it.
Its hard to stand these thoughts from taking over and destroying me and so far the only happiness felt these past few days is from today when I went to workout for the first time in months and yesterday when I was finally able to play with my group of friends.
Today, what happened? Its like I'm jumping back into the hole I so desperately try to climb out from and when I finally see the light, the hole closes and down I fall.
How do I stop myself from pretending to be okay when even my closest of friends tells me that I'm annoying because i'm needy? How do I tell them I need their support when even the light I hold onto thinks Im a burden? How do I stop myself from falling down back into the pit when I try ever so hard to get back up?
I guess the answer was always there, I was just too scared to take that step, now that I considered that step, I find it easier and easier to do it.
Do I want to take my life? Maybe, but is it worth it because of such trivial things? I don't know. I find that I can still reason with myself within a wall of text while I'm in this sort of situation to be amusing, yet at the same time sad.
Is it death if I physically thought of doing the action of killing myself? Is it death if I mentally do not want to give up my life?
What is wrong with me, why do i feel so much conflict?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Was anyone else first diagnosed with depression? How did you find out you were bipolar? what were you experiences with SSRIs? what it mania/hypomania like?
debating on wether or not to tell my therapist i’m questioning my diagnoses or just put myself in a straight jacket :)
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self.bipolar
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I built my life around my wife who is leaving me [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Stability This may sound utterly ridiculous but does anyone ever get bored with stability?
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self.bipolar
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Why did my boyfriend have me lay on the bed when I was having a breakdown? I don't know why anyone would love me. I don't even like myself. I was having an emotional breakdown about something earlier and my boyfriend tried calming me down. He tried holding/hugging me but I told him to get away from me and said that he doesn't love me and that he's only with me until he finds someone else. He grabbed me and told me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me and that I'm his heart. I continued trying to push him off of me but he just kept holding me tighter. He led me to the bedroom and we laid on the bed and he held me until I fell asleep.
When I got up he asked me if I was okay and I told him yes. He asked are you sure and I got annoyed and screamed yes at him.
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self.depression
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How do you deal with all your friends abandoning you? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm falling so low My depression is running rampant, ever since I started university I haven't been doing well...mentally. I have ADHD as well so I feel like I understand less than my peers, that I'm learning slower than them. I'm struggling to stay together in general. I want to be on this course so much, I worked so hard to get where I am. It feels like I never work hard enough in my life despite how much people tell me I've worked hard.
I have this painful confession...Last night I self harmed. I haven't done it since I was a teenager and it was just as painful as the last time. I still have the scars to remind me of my mistakes, they're all but faded but now I'll have a fresh one to remind me of how stupid I am.
I'm getting so close to just wanting to go, leaving behind my wonderful family and friends. I feel so selfish for being this way because I know my actions will hurt everyone I love. But nothing is helping anymore, i hide behind a fake smile these days and everyone seems to believe that it's real.
I'm going to see a doctor about my 'problems' but I doubt they'll do anything but give me a pat on the back and say "chin up."
I need someone to just listen to me for once, in that I'm not doing okay and I'm breaking down dangerously fast.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ever fantasize about someone beating the shit out of you? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel like I'm going through life on hard mode Everyday tasks are so hard for me. The worst part is getting out of bed.
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self.depression
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Father is in ICU Im just trying to keep my mind off him, he was a firefighter, EMT, Truck Driver, Construction Worker and many, many other things. He grew up with adopted parents and his father died when he was 14.. and hes been a quadriplegic for almost my whole life... Since I was about 6 and hes always.. Always been positive.. Not one day have I heard him complain.. He was a big independent survivalist type guy, and he kept being that as much as he could.. He has always been sharp and smart.. Last night he called for me and was asking me the same thing over and over, eventually I did it, and just got him a comfortable as possible.. So I went back to bed.. When I woke up the Aid that comes into help was already here and waiting on another Nurse to look at him and decide weather we need to call 911.. Well as soon as I took a look at him 100% I knew we did, he had snot coming down his nose, and couldn't even notice I was there.. He was completely incoherent and calling for his long passed mother.. I immediately got him to the Hospital and here we are.. He was able to say "Love you" after I said it to him, and he responded to one of his oldest friends when he showed up, but since last night he hasn't said anything, and hes not lucid at all.. He apparently has "sepsis" which is a blood infection..
I cant stand the thought of me not being there with him, Ive been there since last night.. I needed to leave to grab things and like I mentioned, I want more then anything to be there for him, but its grueling seeing him like this.. He hates it.. I know it. Hell Who wouldn't.
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self.depression
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how much time in a 24 hour day are you actually anxious? I'm just curious, because sometimes I feel that my anxiety is not as bad as I think it is. Off meds, it can really ramp up during the day at work. It may jump for a couple hours in the morning, a couple hours in the afternoon, and that's about all. It definitely goes up and down. I'm generally relaxed at home and sleep is usually pretty good. I've had days where I'm super tense and anxious all day at work, but not usually. I'm just trying to get a feel for how much others suffer.
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self.Anxiety
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Does Anyone Else Ever Have Trouble Eating Dinner? So from time to time I will go through times where I just cannot eat dinner. I get up eat breakfast, go to work eat lunch, but then when I get off work I get part of the way home or get home and feel bad. I get my anxious feelings of a tight chest, trouble breathing, a sick stomach, and a dry mouth. I feel hungry and know I need to eat, but I get one or two bites into my meal and feel like I need to throw up. No matter what it is.
It is only ever at dinner time is the weirdest part for me. I don't know if I'm just so tired from work that my body wants to go to sleep instead of eat or what it is. And it will go for a week or so then I'll be fine again, then it will come back sometimes a few weeks later, sometimes months, or hell sometimes it could be almost a year before it happens again.
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety is destroying me Over the past few months my anxiety has made it impossible to function. Any type of music being played in public (be it sung, or from a speaker) will trigger my anxiety, no matter how small quiet it is. It can reduce me to tears, being physically unable to talk or communicate, or self harming (with blunt force, like hitting myself or hitting my head into a wall).
I can barely leave my room, I can't go outside at all, or go into any public place because of this.
In the past few days my anxiety has gotten so bad to the point where music will trigger self harming thoughts (along the lines of cutting my fingers off). I haven't self harmed like that but I'm scared that I might. I've been waking up with long scratches on my shoulders so I've been keeping my nails as short as I can, but I'm really scared I might do something.
Therapy and medications aren't an option for me and I don't know how to deal with anything any more. None of the usual coping techniques (controlling my breathing, humming that kinda stuff) has worked for me.
I'm just completely lost.
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self.Anxiety
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Having an abortion, really just need someone to talk to [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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When you don't "seem" like you have a mental illness. I think a lot of people misunderstand high functioning anxiety and depression. In my friends, I'm not the shy one. I'd actually consider myself very outgoing. I'm always trying to make new friends or make people laugh. I take solo back packing trips and my friends really see me as someone fearless and free-spirited. It makes opening up about my mental health issues kinda difficult because they can't "see" me acting this way. I have a lot of anxiety and depression issues around my romantic relationships. I also have depersonalization issues, and want to be alone more often then not. I think the fact that I can be so outgoing and positive most of the time, my friends don't realize that I struggle quite a bit some days.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm about to fail a class for the first time in my life and I just dont have the motivation to fix it. I dont know what to do. I'm about to fail my college inorganic class. I still have some time, the final is in 2 weeks. I could still pass if I get an 85 on it, but I just cant seem to find the motivation to study. I dont know if I have depression or not, but a lot of shit has happened to me this last semester and don't know what to do.
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self.depression
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My birthday is in a few hours and I want to end it all Happy birthday to me
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self.SuicideWatch
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Living in a rural area and not being able to legally drive is bringing me down.
I actually can drive and willing to but, the freaking state jerks me around. Because oh... You went to a mental hospital for two weeks from being suicidal when you were 16! That was almost 4 years ago and, it brings me down. They tell me that I need to be medically evaluated but, I can't get a drive to get medically evaluated when everything is 30-40 miles away.
I'm not going to ram a car into a person when I start driving, chill out. I would call a taxi/uber but, since I am so damn far away from everything that would cost probably around 50-100 dollars per trip. :/
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self.depression
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Reminders of death taking its toll I don't understand why my mind is doing this to me. I'm an undergrad with a part time job, attending a workshop which will get me film funding if I submit a video script in two weeks (a few minutes long). This is an amazing opportunity, yet I'm anxious about fucking it up and that leads to hopelessness which then goes to not doing any work because of a fear of being rejected.
I've closed myself off emotionally, afraid of being vulnerable and then being criticized by potential romantic partners. I miss the intimacy. Always having to put up a strong front when all I want to do is cry and kill myself. I quit smoking weed and cigarettes three months ago. I've lost 85% of the friends I used to see on a regular basis because I don't want to smoke or drink too much with them. I feel lonely and even more so when I want to talk about my problems but feel like a burden.
The only person I feel I can spill everything is my therapist, that I've been seeing regularly for a month now. I've had improvements in my overall mood (less extremes) but all I want to do now is sleep for 12 hours and just retreat into my head and dream about all the different things to fantasize about. A few days ago, I dreamt of my cat who died two months ago and a dear professor of mine who committed suicide four weeks ago.
I don't know how to turn this grief into something productive... am I being too hard on myself for trying to control something like grief? I don't want to relapse again. I don't want to go back to engaging in casual sex that will make me feel worse and vulnerable. How do you do it? How do you take care of yourself when you have too many responsibilities and thoughts... I could never tell my close friends about this - pity, disappointment, abandonment < are all things that will happen if I do tell them what's been happening in my life.
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self.depression
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Every single day I think "I wish I could just be normal." We don't even know what it's like. And I look at others and think how great it must be. To just have regular problems like you missed the bus, or your coffee order was wrong. For us our minds instead go into deep dark corners. They make up stories or scenarios or our mind simply tells us how worthless we are. We look around and feel people staring at us for no reason. Or we lay in bed feeling guilty we are laying in bed but our depression is so bad we can't get up and somehow the day has now slipped away. Or we are in a manic state where the world is ours to conquer but just isn't possible. Do you wish you were "normal" and didn't have bipolar? Or do you sorta like it?
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self.bipolar
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I miss my ex and it's tearing me apart We didn't work out, but she was my best friend. She's still in my life from a distance... I don't know how to take it...
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self.depression
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The thoughts are bad again I was getting better for a while, a couple weeks, but now I hit the bottom again.
The suicidal thoughts are just so strong right now.
My mom even asked me if I am okay, because she knows about the suicidal thoughts now, but I just told her yes.
I don’t know how to help myself right now. I’m really happy my brother is home and I get to spend time with him, so I should be ok, but for no reason, I just feel like shit.
I just want to feel ok. I’m not even asking to feel happy. Neutral would be great.
God, please, make me ok. I want to feel ok. I don’t want to keep riding this crazy mental roller coaster.
I just want to be ok. Please.
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self.offmychest
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Mania at its finest I know Im manic because I just planned out my next 3 months down to every hour And Its 5 am and Ive only slept 3 hours.
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self.bipolar
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Hopefully someone can relate. This also might be a large post. I've been treating my depression somewhat successfully for about a year. Just over a month ago I missed one dose of my trintellex,( I take it at night) so when I woke up I took one. But that didn't help. I've been spiraling out of control since then. My depression not only manifests itself in my lack of motivation and uneasy of my future, but also physically. I will suffer bouts of fatigue of varying degrees and to an extreme, severe lethargy. I've had all kinds of tests done, no one has found anything wrong with me, other then saying I need less stress in my life, don't we all.... I started TMS treatments last week and am hoping that stimulating my prefrontal will alleviate me of my depression and with that the cause of these strange episodes. My doctor prescribed me Adderall 2 weeks ago, and that worked for a bit, but I ended up needing more and more to stay functional. I feel like if I were to explain this part it is easier to think about it in a graph. So the x axis is 10 high and -10 at the bottom, and it represents my energy and fatigue level. The y axis is the severity of my symptoms, we can say it goes 0-10. I need to stay above 1 and be in the positive. If I'm above 1 I'm ok and I can function. Now what I believe is, that the Adderall is the only thing keeping me above 1. But there is a problem, the affects of the Adderall are tapering off more and more each day, so I'm forced to take more of it. I know it's not a miracle drug, I know it's not a cure, I know it's just a band aid but is it too much to ask for it to last longer then it has been, maby just long enough for the TMS treatments to take hold and my brain to function normally... Im tired, I'm not under the illusion that other people don't have it as bad as me in other ways maby. My job told me that I shouldn't come back untill I get better. I'm sure they don't know what that entails, and I know they care about me. I think the thing that bothers me the most is not knowing what's wrong with me. I know I'm depressed, it would be hard not to be, and why did the trintellex stop working all of a sudden, with that I was able to cope with stressful situations, I wasn't having my episodes, I do believe that I was in a high functioning depression. I was unmotivated, lazy played video games and binge watched anything. When I first tried Adderall I felt like I went from -10 to +10, I felt like me! I felt motivated, I wanted to get things done, I wanted to be active... I just had a bad day today and wanted to talk about my situation. I think this made me feel a little better. Thanks for reading if anyone makes it down here.
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self.depression
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Do you give in or abstain during periods of hyper sexuality? When I'm having hypersexuality problems, I tend to indulge my urges, but I wonder if that can make it worse/if I should try to ignore them.
I'm not doing anything unsafe or irresponsible, but I wonder if it increases those kinds of feelings if they are always being honored.
If I should calm myself, what tips do you have to do that?
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self.bipolar
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BPD VS Bipolar II diagnosis I feel so conflicted. Both my therapist and my psychiatrist are conflicted about whether or not I have BPD or Bipolar II. I see both sides. I'm so upset by the fact that I could have BPD that I feel absolutely hopeless. I am very resilient to therapy due to a lot of walls i still have up and I have always hoped that medicine was my fix-all solution. Now that I found out that medicine may not even work for me (ive been on latuda for a few months and just started lamotrigine to replace latuda) I just feel absolutely hopeless. I've been having a depressed episode for 5 weeks now and if I continue to be depressed for longer idk what ill do. I don't think I've been on medication long enough to know if it works.
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self.bipolar
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Morning Anxiety I have been struggling with this for years now, so I thought maybe someone here has a similar issue. Every morning (with the exception of mornings I have to wake up early) I wake up in a panic attack. It’s not necessarily triggered by a specific event or thought, seeing as it happens right as I wake up. Right now a lot of my anxiety is caused by my very recent decision to take a gap semester from college, so I wake up panicked about that, but prior this has been going on for years at this point. I also have a tendency to wake up 2 or 3 hours before my alarm. Does anyone have any tips to prevent this? I would really like to be able to sleep in past sunrise.
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self.Anxiety
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Good morning, it's 4:33 am for me Good morning.
It’s 4:16 am at the time I started writing this.
My name is Toods and I am 20 years old. I have been abused mentally and emotionally all of my life. I was sexually assaulted 6 different times by close family friends, bullied heavily throughout my schoolcareer, and was used as a therapist by literally everybody I had ever met because I was ‘so mature for my age’ and had ‘great advice to give’.
After graduating high school and becoming stagnant for two years afterwards, seeing as I didn’t get into college nor did I have any plans for life after high school, I got to raise a dog that my father bought on a whim. I self harmed for the first time when I was 18. I scratched my nails against the back of my hand until I tore into my skin. I told my mother immediately afterwards. Upon having my father find out, the first thing he told me was ‘That’s fucking stupid.’
I do not like my father.
I was eight when he emotionally abandoned me. That was when I was diagnosed with anxiety due to an incident that happened with me messing my pants and not having any control over it. Overall it was a really bad day. I got therapy for it.
It didn’t help.
In the 5th grade I was groped by my brother’s ex best friend. He was thirteen at the time. I was ten. He knew what he was doing. He then groomed me into roleplaying extremely explicit sexual messages with him until I was 12.
He then shoved my hand down his pants and forced me to give him a handjob while he groped me in September of that year.
I immediately told my mother.
I had numerous therapists throughout my life and for some reason it’s just starting to hit me right now. Back in August I finally moved out of my abusive home and into an apartment with my brother and our best friend. It was so weird not having to wake up and have the dishes done before my father came home- or cringing from someone speaking to me- or not flinching when the front door opened and someone walked down the hall.
Upon graduating from HS I got a psychiatrist. I’ve had him for two years. I love him and he’s made me realize all of these things that… I didn’t notice before. I am medicated. I have weekly visits with him. I’m in a non toxic environment, yet I feel as though I’m getting worse and worse.
I self harmed tonight by cutting. I mutilated a shaving razor with a pair of scissors to get out said razors and then I cut myself with it. It’s less than a centimeter long.
I’m so tired. I’ve just been getting worse. I have night terrors so bad I wake up crying, shaking, sweating, and now recently, wetting myself. I’m both hyper sexual and sex repulsed. At times I’ll self harm by masturbating until I’m sore and bleeding. I’m just so fucking tired.
There are times where I want to die so fucking badly but I can’t. I can’t because I would hurt so many other people and I couldn’t do that to them. Yet I’m stuck here in this fucking shell of a body. I don’t feel anything other than depression. I don’t feel joy or excitement or happiness. Everyday I oversleep and have some sort of depression episode.
When I meet new people I overshare. I didn’t realize I did this until my girlfriend told me. I didn’t realize I was making people uncomfortable.
I’m so fucking tired.
I’m rambling.
I don’t want to emit myself to a hospital.
I’m so fucking tired but it’s a type of tired that sleep can’t fix. My body aches and I constantly cry. I stay up at night crying and at times I can’t sleep because of my night terrors. I have a group of friends and a brother and mother that love me. I know they do. They tell me this often. I have a room in my Discord chat where we post negative stuff and I just keep posting negative after negative thing.
It gets even worse because as an aspiring artist I can’t just seem to do anything right in my own eyes. I know I’m young. I know I’m allowed to make mistakes but… every time I do make a mistake it makes me so fucking tired.
I’m fucking tired.
I’m not doing well tonight. I threw out the razors and decided I should post here. It’s 4:32. I shouldn’t have self harm ‘goals’. My psychiatrist is out until Janurary thanks to the holidays.
Either way. Good morning. I can’t sleep and I don’t want to sleep. I want to die.
*Edit: changed Highschool to school career
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self.SuicideWatch
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Please. I just want the pain to stop. This sadness, loneliness, grief. As long as I am capable of loving, it won't go away. Why must it take so much effort to die?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I believe the root of my anxiety is feeling inadequate. How to challenge myself? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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my best advice Hi my name in omar and I'm really depressed and sad. I find the best way is deal with depression is not to focus about it. and try to out of your bedroom
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self.depression
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My idiot friend has told somebody something he shouldn't and now I feel terrible [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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My boyfriend killed himself, and all our common friends blocked me thinking it was because of me And i drink myself to sleep since then. We were soulmates, fell in love from the first day, to the last. I Had some major problems all my life, but solved them, until recent when i found out about this. We broke up 2 months before his suicide, we were together 3 years, really loved each other. There were no problems between us, just he was breaking up with me for some sort of misterious reasons in our last year(he was off instantly once 3 4 monts for 2 3 days, ghosting me), some jealousy and paranoia, except the fact i was faithful and loving. Tried a lot of times to talk to him, somewhat i was suffering a lot last year, thinking all sorts of stuff(maybe he was hiding something, cheating, gay etc). All nonsense. Once we broke up for the last time he seemed very happy those last 2 months after the breakup, partying takin extasy(with me he was so shy and introvert and good guy, no smoking no alcohol), then we saw each other in a weekend and stayed with him to help him with the low from the pills/parties. We talked about our separate lives and got along very well, bein honest(he just started a new relationship),laughed and loved each other like old times. I was happy about his life, and i told him i finally fell in love with someone and got a bit detached(when we met before, i always wanted to get back together and fight for our love). He also insisted on me finding someone new. We din t fight like last months when we decided to break up. He decided those days at my place to kill himself, after we made love all night/day, i didn t knew and he faked it so good, but he sort of chose to spend his last days with me, being very intimate and funny. Hugged me tight and long last time i saw him. I was the last person to see him. Few days later after he left my place, found out he killed himself. Cops found him with the Exit Bag and some inert gas, helium .I was devastated but i also thought he had some mental psychosis or some sort... Now it haunts me that he sort of said goodbye and wanted to leave me in a good place( when he dissapeared he only answered me by messages, saying he s ok and well in a vacation and to get back to my business, that i didn t do anything wrong). Why did he do it? How should i move on now? Maybe my love was too much for him, i always forgave him but he didn t manage to forgive himself for hurting me, or find a solution to be together without drama. Also he didn t have any sort of problems with money, work, family, he was an amazing beautiful and loving man....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety and the rhythm of the body I experience this "symptom", if you will, that's highly prevalent when I'm in high-stress periods such as exams. I've been struggling with it for a long time, and I feel that if I can somehow learn how to navigate or adjust this area, I'll be SO much better off taking on the challenges of life. I've researched far and wide on this topic, as well as talked to psychiatrists, but haven't gotten anything detailed enough to satisfy and convince my mind to be ok with it being a part of my life.
It has to do with the time of day and how my anxiety follows this rhythm throughout. The pattern is terrifyingly consistent and goes like this:
* Morning (anxiety: 2) - The mind is sort of still affected by sleep and thus not really awake enough to care about the problems of the day.
* Forenoon (anxiety: 4-9) - The mind gradually wakes up and starts reacting to every anxious thought that arises (mostly "what if" and uncertainties), thus escalating anxiety in the body.
* Noon (anxiety: 9-10) - Anxiety has reached its maximum. I can't concentrate, I will likely cry, rage, need to get up from my chair and wander around aimlessly, call a friend etc. to try to make room inside. Being away from my work also feels like avoidance, so even in the temporary relief there is suffering. I can't usually eat lunch because of the anxiety.
* Around 2-4 pm (anxiety 0-2) - At some point, the anxiety subsides almost as by the flick of a switch. I can think clearly, have perspective and typically take on a very positive attitude. I'm a different person; I can't understand what has been tormenting me for the past 6 or so hours. The anxious thoughts that seemed so scary just minutes / hours ago are still there, but they've lost their power. I have peace of mind.
* Rest of the day (anxiety 0-4) - The earlier bout of anxiety has exhausted me, and I start eating comfort food and don't want to do any exercise; I just want to enjoy the bliss of not giving a fuck that has been bestowed upon me for god knows what reason.
The funny thing is, after a day like this, I can say to myself "Okay, there it was again. It was bad but I survived. We know what we're up against, so let's remember all the tools we know for when it hits again tomorrow". But nothing has changed the next day; I fall for it every. single. time. Going through this cycle every day is so tiring. In the despair, irritability, stress and depression it creates, I lose sight of the purpose of what I'm doing and have no higher wish than quitting. NOTHING is worth this level of torment.
As the pattern is so consistent, it leads me to believe that my problem has something to do with the rhythm of the human body - along the lines that at a certain point (2-4 pm) the body has produced enough feel-good hormones to subdue the anxiety. Now, if I could just adjust the time the hormones kick in to earlier in the day by means of some meds or whatever, I could skip the torture session. Maybe it's naive, idk. But the whole subject of how anxiety relates to the cycles of the human body seems hard to find. From my research and talking to professionals, I know that cortisol levels follow the rhythm, but I have no way of knowing if that's what's happening to me or what to do about it if it is.
If you've followed along this far, I thank you. I'd appreciate input on the matter; I just want to take control of things so as to try let go of what feels like a boat anchor around my neck when going through stressful times.
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self.Anxiety
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My doctor misunderstood me to be suicidal So I've been seeing a psychiatrist for my depression and with the holidays and relationship strains and then the news of a celebrity suicide, I had a brief moment last week where my thoughts dwelled on what if it had been me in that suicide situation. However I've always had a strong will of mind, no matter how miserable I am or how dark my thoughts can get, I know I will never take any actions to end my life. Pretty immediately after that moment, I knew that if I ever felt dark enough to get to a point, my action would be to just join a Buddhist temple and learn to be a monk. And I was pretty happy and satisfied with this revelation.
Unfortunately I shared this moment with my psychiatrist and now they think I am a suicide risk and they prescribed me antipsychotics and insisting I call in every night. I know I am not, and I am sure they're just trying to be safer than sorry but what can I do? This is making me want to stop seeing the psychiatrist cause I want help for my depression, not have to deal with suicide worry CAUSE I REALLY AM NOT SUICIDAL.
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self.depression
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There is so much wrong with myself... I like being myself although I think its just about 50% of what a real person would count as being "real" on the outside... If you were tricked here by my terrible wording in the title box, welcome to this rant of anxiety that I just wanted to write. (This subreddit has brought me a lot of support/friends /information in the last few weeks I've used reddit, and I'm hoping there's something to be said about what's to be read here)
Here goes:
I've been asocial all my life. Like never talked to anyone my age cause I just noticed how different our "social energy levels" are. By that I also mean there's nothing they talked about that I found interesting. Call me judgemental but that's just how I was. I was energetic back in grade school too, but I knew to be quiet during some times. And I hated feeling like I was annoying someone and I just knew what was perceived as just annoying/weird.
So as you light guess I didn't have many friends. I never felt like I was missing out because of it until right now, as I'm 21. I feel ridiculous and stupid for feeling like I did. I have made a bad friend since I was like that but I decided to give her a chance... Turned out my fear of confrontation made it into a toxic relationship.
Anyway I've acted like this to basically everyone I know. Even family I've never been extra emotional with unless it's been anger because that's usually my strongest emotion. And it's been frustrating that I've never taken the steps to become closer with anyone of them. And now as I have gained more personality over the years I still don't talk to them about it. It's like I only live inside my head and noone really knows me except me. During the last few years we've had a lot of death curse our family and it's underlined how bad the relationship is. I always cry when they tell me everything will be alright otherwise, and since I'm a big emotional lump of human I cry about so much during the funeral part and just the whole grief period.
I do it as a form of protection. If noone knows enough about me I can't dmfeel insecure.
But it's led to some hardship on my end. Its led to me not knowing what I want. Like as my major at University I study Russian. I wouldn't have thought of it weren't it for me being too insecure (and ATM depressed) to try harder at anything else. And now I'm so stressed and scared to change it , I'm in my second year.
I never had any hobbies. Not for long anyway. Piano was frustrating, quit after only 2 yrs. Horseback riding was not too exciting. Dancing was just worsening my low self-esteem about my body.
I like writing though. And my MDD is very helpful in keeping me away from all the stress I get from being a person IRL.
TL;DR: FEEL LIKE IM MISSING A HUNK OF PERSONALITY, in need of someone to talk to. Feel alone and embarrassed about so many things that aren't remotely important and jsut feel awful a lot of the time. Advice and hug is helpful.
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self.Anxiety
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I’ve given up on this life Hi, this is my first time posting on this site (I made this account specifically for this post). I don’t know why I’m posting this, maybe just to tell my story.
I’m a 24 male and suffered with depression since I was about 10. Throughout my shitty life I’ve been bullied, over weight, and abandoned (I know sounds like a generic teenage loser film lol). I was suffering through my depression alone until I was 22 and I never told a soul about my plans of suicide until that year. I told my father first and I expected some kind of shock or worrying reaction. What I got was him telling me “ get a job” and ignoring me for the next 3 months until I left to go live with my mother. A little background on my father; when my mother got pregnant with me, he came out of the closet as gay and left her. Since then he has only used me and my fragile state for his own benefit while mocking and berating me in private. I don’t want you all to get the wrong idea, I don’t hold any resentment towards him for leaving but what he told me was the last straw of a long line of issues. I no longer talk to him and I don’t regret it.
I later told my mother who sent me to see a psychiatrist the next day. I was diagnosed with depression (shocking I know) and was prescribed medication and therapy. I also went to a support group where the teach how to act in normal society.
Throughout this entire process, I’ve lost most of my family, my friends who I made in college stopped talking to me, including my “best friend”. People who I thought would support me are now gone and I have no one. I haven’t been accepted to any job that I’ve applied to, part time included, and I’m running out of places to apply. My degree is useless and I’m broke. My mother is still supporting me and keeps telling me how much I have to give. Her saying that is just making me worse. I’ve been told that all my life. School came easy to me( I don’t mean to sound entitled or anything) and I was treated as an outcast because I wasn’t allowed to move up to more advanced classes so I was treated like shit by almost all my classmates in high school.
I internalized this into college so I never went to class and never took any internships or had any serious clubs. ( IF YOU READ ANYTHING IN HEAR READ THIS. DONT YOU WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN ME MAKE THIS MISTAKE LIKE I DID) If you want to be successful you need these and I just thought they were useless things and another reason to be made fun of. After 6 years ( there was an issue where my abroad credit didn’t transfer) I managed to graduate with a 3.0. ( I also retook a couple classes I failed so the grade replaced the failing grade).
I’ve lived my life thinking things would get better but I’m just toxic. I’ve somehow pushed away anyone who I thought cared about me ( including a girl I thought I loved). The only people I have left are my mother, little brother and sister (who resents me for “abandoning” my father). The world is just full of people who don’t care, are sadistic and there’s no hope for someone like me. Yesterday I had an argument with my stepfather and he told me how useless I was and how much of a waste of money and space I was. I told him I was going to kill myself to relieve everyone and he told me just not to do it in the house. I left to go I don’t know where and ended up driving 100 miles away. The entire time I was considering how to kill myself without pain. My mother called me, concerned for me, and I decided not to do it that day. When I later told her what happened, she was upset but was defending my stepfather. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t think I want to die but I don’t want to exist in this world. My dreams are gone and have dwindled down to winning the lottery and moving to the woods to be left alone. There’s no hope for that though so I don’t know what else to do. Anyway thanks for reading if you made it this far.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to die Iam 15yo and everything seems fine Hey guys let me introduce myself my name is Paul I live in germany. I have a girlfriend my parents divorced and I dont have too much money problems.The question is why do I want to kill myself and the answer is I dont know I talked to many people I thought I had depression but I havent I just want to die school gives me much pressure (Iam on a good school)Everything feels so empty.Im not intersted in anything.Everytime I go out and I want to kill myself even more.Can anyone help me or give me some advice?Would be good and if u read this to this point have a good day.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ruined my life - any advice would be appreciated for this hopeless situation Warning - my story is super depressing, embarrassing and honestly just flat out weird. I don't know how anyone will react to this because I feel like it's a pretty unique situation with absolutely no hope. It's kind of a jumbled mess so I'm just gonna write as much as possible without thinking and hopefully it makes sense.
Ok so my problems really started when I left school. I honestly had no clue what I wanted to do. Everyone had huge expectations of me because I did somewhat well at school (ranked 5th in the year), but I honestly didn't feel very smart because I mostly just bullshitted my exams and found shortcuts to give the examiners what they wanted. Anyway, so there I am, at the end of year 12, feeling like I'm not actually good enough to do any good uni courses. I ended up feeling like I had to choose a course that would make me money, but I also felt like I had to follow a passion.
So I ended up choosing between a film degree (I actually had a lot of enjoyment doing film in high school) and a business degree (which I am totally not passionate about at all - I just felt like it was a less embarrassing degree to be studying than film, which would probably never get me a job.) I ended up choosing film, and moved away from home. I ended up living with some friends of a friend and began studying. Now this is where I should point out that I have always had major depression, social anxiety and body image issues (how unique right!?). Living with these people was bearable, but not fun. I did have old friends from high school living in the same city, and we'd hang out on average maybe once every two weeks. The rest of the time I was mostly at home, and I constantly felt judged by the two people I was living with (they were siblings by the way, so they were already really close and I always felt like they were judging me when I didn't do anything most days besides occasionally work at a fast food place and watch movies on my laptop.) Sometimes I would just go for a drive to nowhere to make them think I had something to do. So that was my living situation: I had nothing in common with these two people, and I felt embarrassed when they saw that most of the time I wasn't doing anything with my life.
Anyway, back to the subject of uni. From the beginning, I felt like even with a supposedly easy degree I wasn't good enough. My classmates had so much experience with film and seemed to know exactly what they were doing from the get-go. Meanwhile, I was just overwhelmed, and it was hard for me to make friends. I ended up not going to the optional lectures at all, and I really felt like I wasn't learning anything because I was constantly comparing myself to others who seemed to be doing so much better than me. The aforementioned mental illnesses obviously didn't help.
There were a lot of embarrassing things that happened to me during that year but here's one that stands out: in one of the first classes we had to split into groups of three. The tutor said it had to be groups of three, no exceptions. I froze up and ended up being the odd one out in the entire class: they were all able to get into groups of three and i was the only one left. The tutor said all right, that's sorted. At the end of class I said I didn't have a group and asked if I could just join one to make it four. He basically just said no, he wouldn't make an exception and I'd have to sort it out by myself. My solution to this extremely embarrassing problem? Never show up to that class again, which I obviously failed. So that's one example of the countless embarrassing misadventures that I got myself into during my first year of uni. The only real highlights of that year were occasionally hanging out with my friends from high school, and I actually did end up with a couple of somewhat good friends at uni (although we never did anything outside uni).
So here's a summary of year 1 outside high school: I hated living with other people, I mostly hated uni, I felt inferior to my classmates and I didn't really learn anything, mostly because I was too lazy to try. If this was a book that would be chapter 1 of "How I ruined my life”.
At the end of the year, I was obviously pretty depressed. I felt like I needed a fresh start. So, I decided to change my course to the other business degree. Not only that, I decided to move away to an entirely new city. "great idea!" I thought. "I can start fresh! Make new friends (lol how?)"
I already knew a few friends from high school that lived in this city so I felt like i might be okay. I had to find somewhere to stay, and initially I wanted to move in with a bunch of strangers in a share house to increase the likelihood of making friends. What did I end up doing? Well my good friend social anxiety ended up taking over, and I found myself choosing a place that I could live in all by myself to avoid any and all of the awkward social interactions that I experienced living with people last year. Great choice right? What could go wrong?? Being alone with my dangerous thoughts for 95% of the time sounds like a stellar idea!
So I moved into a place by myself and started uni. What happened next was weird: I actually made a couple of good friends at uni! We weren't in the same classes together but we hung out outside of uni, went to some parties and had an ok time! Even now I don't know how I managed to pull off having some close friends but it happened!
Meanwhile, the actual course content was daunting to me. As I said before, I was never too passionate about business and it showed. I did well in some areas, scraped by in others, and each semester I ended up having to cram an entire course content into my brain the week before the exams. I passed the exams, but as soon as they were over my brain just immediately forgot everything I had learnt till that point. So I basically had the same problem as last year. However, this time I wasn't going to give up, or rather I didn't want to give up because I thought it would be embarrassing to give up a degree for the second time while my HS friends were close to graduating and having successful lives. So by golly I was gonna complete this degree even if I completely hate it because I have literally no other future prospects! So that's how uni was going: I wasn't enjoying it but I wanted to finish it anyway to avoid embarrassment and I had no clue what I would do without it.
Changing subjects: remember those friends I made earlier? Well the first one ended up leaving the course (because she wasn't passionate enough about it, ironic right!). But, I still stayed close with one of them. I got a job at the same fast food place (which was embarrassing but I needed money) and I spent way too much time there. But I also made some really close friends at work, friends that I hung out with almost every week, which was great! They were the first people I told that I was gay (which oh my god i haven't even mentioned till this point lol. Yeah, that's a great thing to add to the list, he's a closeted homo!). One of them was also gay, and he also ended up kinda ruining my entire self esteem and making me hate myself after I had my first gay experience with him, but that's a whole 'nother story. Seriously, that story is so long that I wouldn't be able to fit it in, but I'll just say that it was a key event in further making me hate myself.
Anyway, so even though I was alone by myself at home, I did have a bunch of really good friends from work that I hung out with, and this one friend from uni. I wasn't enjoying uni, but it kept me occupied and gave me a vague goal to work towards. My life was, in a word, liveable. Not enjoyable, but liveable. I was functioning.
Here's what happened next, the thing that really made me think that god or whoever was fucking with me: I developed a skin condition. I won't go into details, but it affects your face, kinda like acne, so its the first thing that people notice when they look at me. Slowly but surely it became worse. When I would hang out with people, someone would point it out (not in a malicious way, mind you, more of a "wow are you okay? Your face is really really red). This skin condition slowly became the bane of my existence. I constantly thought about it, every hour of every day. I still do. There’s no cure for it, by the way (if you can guess what skin condition it is, comment below! The person who guesses the correct answer will receive: nothing).
I could deal with it at first. But as it went on, it drained me. I already had body image problems but I was still able to somewhat function in society. However, when this skin condition appeared, I slowly stopped doing everything. Going out in public was a nightmare - I constantly felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me. Hanging out with friends always made me feel inferior. Every single moment that I was interacting with a person was agonising: I constantly could feel them judging my skin. Performing simple tasks like going to a clothes shop was too hard for me. I slowly stopped going to social events because my face was getting so bad. And I lived by myself, so the only thing I could do was be alone with my own thoughts, thoughts that told me to kill myself, that I was a failure at life, that I was an ugly freak.
I had something of a mental breakdown and called my mum. I told her I was suicidal, that my skin was ruining the semblance of a life I had. I'm lucky to have a really caring mum, and she dropped everything and came to the city to help me sort out my life. She organised therapy for me, and trips to the dermatologist. Here's how that went: the dermatologist did not help at all. As i said above, the skin condition is incurable, so we were basically wasting tons of money for nothing. The therapy my mum organised was a guy who specialised in body dysmorphic disorder. I hated it. I felt like he was just going through the psychology motions, giving me "strategies" that, while they made sense on paper, didn't actually work in real life. I honestly tried to apply the strategies in social occasions, but I would always end up freezing up, and spending every single moment being self conscious about my skin. So I quit therapy. I told my mum that I felt better, which was a lie, but she had gone to all this trouble to help me and she said she was constantly worried about and I didn't want that.
Here's where everything began to REALLY fall apart. I couldn't concentrate at all when I was at uni. My brain was just constantly filled with negative thoughts: "EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU, YOU'RE A FREAK, THEY'RE JUDGING YOU, THEY'RE UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND YOU, YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF". It became impossible for me to focus. I already didn't like my degree, but this was the cherry on top: even if I wanted to try and do my best, I couldn't. If my lectures and tutorials took place in a pitch black room, I would be able to function, but the reality is that I have to be face to face with others, and this was, to me, an impossible feat.
So ... I quit uni. Well, not really quit. I took a leave of absence. So all I was doing was working, or sitting at home by myself, and sometimes doing things with friends. But, my friends and I slowly became to drift apart. They would ask me to do something, and I would make up an excuse because my skin looked particularly bad that day. My uni friend kept saying "we should catch up" but I didn't want her to see me, see my horrible face. So, eventually ... people just stopped asking. So most days I was just sitting at home by myself, or working. At least by working I was making money right?
Nope, it turns out living by yourself is really really expensive. Before I was managing, but when I took a leave of absence from uni I was unable to get the extremely helpful government allowance for studying away from home. So I was basically working for nothing, I was slowly losing my savings paying off my extremely expensive living situation. I couldn't find anyone to take over the place and I would have to keep paying the rent because it was a yearly contract. Eventually, it was the end of the year. I had almost no more money. The lease was up so I moved out. I moved into my grandparents house in a town two hours away from the city. I got a job, but they almost never give me hours because I'm too old.
And that's it. Here I am. I'm living with my grandparents with nothing to do. I've lost all my friends. I only have one person I regularly message: an old friend from high school. I have a job, a job that I had hoped would distract me from my life, but I only do one shift every couple of weeks. I'm literally doing nothing with my life, and I don't know what to do. The only thing I'm passionate about is playing tennis. However, playing tennis makes my skin condition twenty times worse. So I have no hobbies, no talent, no money, no friends, no life. My mum is visiting soon and she's going to see that I'm hopeless, that I have no where to go on new years eve because I have nobody. Then, it's my birthday next week, my twenty first. I have no plans.
I'm not even suicidal anymore. I'm just apathetic. I've just accepted that I'm always going to be miserable. I've accepted that I'm a failure. My mind is just a cloud. I have no real thoughts or emotions anymore, I'm just drifting through the days that blur into each other.
I don't know what the fuck to do.
So anyway, there’s an abridged version of my life story! A real pick-me-up huh? I feel like there's so much more I could write, so many more life events that have shaped me into the person I am and forced me into the situation I'm in. But my life feels like a complex web: a bunch of life events, emotions, mental illnesses, lost friends, things that are vaguely connected to each other by an invisible thread.
So anywho, any advice would be appreciated! Thanks guys ! :))
TL:DR - I have no money, no friends, no passions. I live with my grandparents and I'm doing nothing with my life. Wut do
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self.depression
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Is there any hope for a loser like me? Hi.
I hate myself. Don't really think that I have any good qualities. Not handsome, skinny, whatever. I'm also quite lazy, never able to commit to anything. Never had a girlfriend. I'm 20 and still living with my parents. I also decided to quit university. No job currently. I barely have any friends which I'm quite OK with. I seem to always overthink stuff. Not good at anything. Probably anti-social cause I don't like to hang out in big groups. In short I guess I'm a full time loser and a waste of fresh air.
I don't want to keep living like this. I don't consider myself suicidal, just find it hard to find happiness in life. Finding motivation is just as hard. I was in the army for 8 months(which happened before the university) and thought I would be much more optimistic about life after it ended but silly me for thinking that. Probably because I'm not trying hard enough but I just can't be arsed when I usually find disappointment in everything.
My dream is just to get a loving wife, my own house and a job that I enjoy. I don't know if I'm asking too much. Not sure what I'm rambling about here at the end. Maybe just looking for some tips to get me going.
"Get a job!" -Doing that slowly. Maybe I should hit a gym but that's just another problem I can't overcome. Finding myself there.
I guess to summarize this cringy babbling is that I basically suck and need help.
Wow you made it here hope you have good day.
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self.offmychest
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Alcohol induced anxiety I've never had anxiety in my life before. This is something new and it's worrisome.
I went on a cruise a few weeks ago and got pretty hammered for the first time in my life. I'm pretty sure I was something close to having alcohol poisoning. I threw up for about six hours and had the shakes.
I figured it was a one time bad night of drinking so I shook it off. Now New year's Eve comes around and I get pretty buzzed but not drunk. I didn't have the spins or dizziness but 4 hours after finishing drinking I started to get nauseous and the shakes. I couldn't get to sleep because I was hyperventilating a little and struggled to shake the bad feeling. Despite hydrating and eating breakfast the next day was pretty rough feeling on my stomach.
Once again, I figured I drank too much and didn't Pace myself. Recently, I had some bourbon with dinner and about an hour after dinner I feel myself starting to freak out depite the fact I know I can handle one shot of bourbon. I feel pretty helpless and that I can't drink anymore without being sick.
I think the horrific experience from the cruise is messing with my mind and making me feel like I'm going to be sick even though I shouldn't be. Anyone have any suggestions or relationship to the symptoms I've been having? Any help is greatly appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
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Lonely night, considering suicide again. Need someone to talk to. I'm gonna be alone again tonight and don't think I can handle it, my thoughts have been worse and worse the last couple weeks and self medicating doesn't help at all. I have no one and really want to talk to someone in a few hours when I get out of work if anyone wants to.
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self.Anxiety
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Psych ward poetry I awake every morning to the moans and groans of those society has deemed insane
No longer covered in filth, or fettered by chains
Except of course for chemical restraints nonconsensually shot into muscles
And veins
Burning pain
And I can no longer carry on after they pump me full of Geodon
All
Conscious
Thought
Is
Gone
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self.bipolar
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I got Catfished this week and I feel awful. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I was diagnosed with bipolar in February and since then have been on Lithium. Was previously on Dexedrine, Xanax and Seroquel prn. Well my mood still wasn’t stabilized so we added Rexulti, then Latuda, and now just Seroquel at night. How long do you think it would take to get off all these meds So many meds changes
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self.bipolar
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Last year against all odds (broke, no insurance, etc.) I once again managed to admit that I need help with my depression. Finally get to a dr. and try some meds for the umpteenth time. Cost me $300 a month out of pocket. Absolutely no change 6 plus months later.
Now let’s try some different meds, right? It’s always that...or I’m not doing enough.
Well point being I can’t continue with this wretched disease posing my thoughts, relationships and life.
Seriously at a loss. I’ve tried extensive meditation, SSRIs and a host of other meds, drugs, quit alcohol completely for almost two years, regular exercise, first etc.
Nada. Nothing. This is me. It’s hell having to “live” like this if you can call it living.
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self.depression
|
Committing suicide tonight Iv reached the final straw. I can't go on anymore. I'm 31 years old and have fucked up for the last time. My family no longer talk to me. I have no reason to go on. I'm 100% serious about ending my life tonight. If any of my family see this I'm sorry
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self.SuicideWatch
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naming it = coping with it. my long road with this exhausting GAD is still ahead of me but, I fond it EXTREMELY helpful to use analogies and naming state of minds where anxiety is the think leader and not you real self.
My analogy is like treating anxiety as a "Shadow".
By that I mean to treat your state of mind like it's the same only over shadowed by anxiety -- this is still me, this are still my thoughts, I'm not crazy or the main leader of my thought process, instead it's anxiety that takes over an running my thoughts.
This way of thinking really take the fear factor and helps just to let those thoughts slide away and before i noticed, there gone! :)
Share your inner battle and what helps you guys out!
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self.Anxiety
|
How can I leave a positive impact before ending my life? All I want to do in life is make others happy. I really hate myself though, and simply can't put up with living with myself. It's just not possible. I'm thinking of ending my life really soon. About to get what I need for it. Thing is that I'm probably just gonna spontaneously disappear from every community I'm in, and want everyone's last memory of me to be a positive one. How can I make sure that the last thing people hear of me is something good, and that if they think back of me they'll be happy that I was there, and not sad that I'm gone?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Why do I hate my life. I'm not good at these type of things but I don't know what else to do. I'm at point where ive cried myself to sleep three nights in a row and I cant even say truly to sleep because ive slept a total of maybe two hours. I have a wonderful little boy who is the only reason I haven't gone thru with anything but he's still a baby so he wouldn't even remember if I did. My mom seems to care but we argue all the time. I lost the one person I could talk with and I feel like my only option is to just end it all. I think of all the pain I wont feel anymore and it honestly makes me happy. I just don't know what to do anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
its my birthday i was gonna type out a long sob story but i don't really feel like it so i'll do the tldr
todays my bday and ive felt like shit for awile and tharapy/meds aint doin shit so ima just kill myself tonight, and i chose my birthday so that my family will only remember me 1 day isnted of 2. thanks for being there reddit you made my final days almost tolerable
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self.depression
|
How do/did you survive college I’m all set to go back to school next month (by back to school, I mean I’ve completed a grand total of two weeks of college since graduating high school in ‘15) and the closer I get to starting, the more freaked out I feel.
On the one hand, I feel like I have no option. Living at home has been very toxic for me, and this seems like the best way to move on with my life. I want to learn new things and prepare myself for a career and ultimately, independence.
On the other hand, I’m having the worst cold feet imaginable. I barely made it through high school— attendance was my biggest issue, you know how it goes— and I haven’t been able to finish a book in over a year. I have no idea how to focus on studying. I like to think I’m relatively smart, but I lack commitment, focus, and of course, emotional stability. On top of bipolar I’ve been struggling with disordered eating, OCD tendencies mixed with general anxiety, ADHD... I was hypomanic when I enrolled in classes and thought none of that mattered, but now I’m trying to be honest with myself.
I’m at a loss. I’m running out of time to decide if I’m really ready for this, but if not now, when? Any advice, stories, empathy, anything, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read my woes.
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self.bipolar
|
He loves me he loves me not . My bf of 5 years 31m I 31f ,
April
He said he was going to Colorado to clear his mind I said great! he went to sleep with a woman he met at a work conference they both flew to Colorado had a 3 day affair.
He broke up with me after...... saying he doesn't have these feeling for me that he doesn't love me.
He feels horrible about what he did .
We got back together he was undiagnosed at this time, we thought it was the sex and love addiction. Maybe it was maybe not.
May
We make up he says he's sorry still I can see something in his eyes just not right his eyes change when he does this to me his whole demeanor. He's sad then he's energetic he's a mess he sees that I'm hurting and he is just energetic not sympathetic.
We head to his family house at the end of May he said he stopped talking to this girl. He said "That was a huge mistake"
June
He's a bit better we are taking trips to Utah and Colorado and Arizona it was great!
one day while we were in the middle of our trip he stops talking and gets super irritated we get into a argument one day the next two days he's back to normal he said he needed sleep and was hungry so Sure why not.
July
We had a great time !
He tells me he might have a mood disorder his therapist tells him. He gets an appointment to see a Pdoc. We are waiting ....:
August
Says he wants to work on his sex and love addiction and wants to be "alone" to work on himself. Lies !!! he went to see that girl again for the weekend flew over there . Calls me on Monday saying He's sorry and says he needs help that he loves me and he's scared of his addiction. I'm doing damage control He heads to a Buddhist retreat to clear his mind. He comes back more zen and peaceful he said he can feel emotions now.
Since we finally waited for a month for this enters the Pdoc she says you're depressed, prescribes him anti depressant LEXAPRO.
WRONG!
All hell breaks lose for two weeks he's an asshole irritable moody doesn't want to talk next thing you know he curled up in a ball in the corner fml talking about that I should just shoot him in the head.
At the end of Aug we are headed to the a couples psychologist /therapist he gets off Lexapro and goes on Lamictal! 25mg and rises.
Sept
We are in couples therapy and it's great his Meds are working he says this is how I'm suppose to feel he says this is my moment of clarity, he's up to 50mg he says I think I'm just going to tell my Pdoc to leave it at 50mg im like ok if it works for you it works for me. Great month he's nice sympathetic just the nice man. I saw hope
Oct
We are great in the beginning of the month toward the end his job is getting stressful I tell him let meditate let's breath. It does seems to work. Oct 29th happens he says he's going to do this by himself that he's been on bipolar pills for a month and doesn't have feelings for me , he says he wants to be alone to work on his recovery he doesn't see himself marrying me and having children packs my stuff into my car and I'm crushed so crushed right away I think the Lamictal is not in therapeutic dose. He doesn't listen that same day he flies to see this girl I didn't know that till the middle of the week. Wtf! Is his problem he says he feels feeling for her, feeling he doesn't feel for me . Then he starts talking about conspiracy theories, how the Celebrities are into the sex scandal and how Hilary is covering it up. He's everywhere. His face his eyes everything is different. I take a pregnancy test I'm pregnant I'm sure that made him more manic he said how could you I don't see myself with you, your horrible kicks me out .He spoke to his Pdoc started raising up his dose of Lamictal to 100 and it's going to go up also gave him Xanax to calm his nerves.
Nov
He is still up and manic tell me to abort the baby he doesn't want a child with me. I'm fucking losing it. He calmed a bit he still adamant he doesn't want me in his life. He's more worried about her and wants her in his life. He is going to spend time with her next week for his birthday. I'm so crushed. We had plans.
Is this mania?
Is our 5 years lost ?
I'm starting to really think he didn't love.
I feel abandoned.
While he gets new life a new life is growing in me and he doesn't care.
Advice?!?
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self.bipolar
|
Going to a friend's wedding So I am here in my bed thinking how I won't be up to the situation. Like, my hair sucks because my hairdresser was sick this week, I am not sure of my dress choice (but I had to travel to here, so no other dresses). I am having cramps and have social anxiety so I won't be able to have conversations and will probably look stupid...
I am with my partner who knows everyone there since school, so I am also afraid that he will be having fun and chatting with his friends while I have to stay around with a smile on my face not being able to say one word.
Pls help? Friend's wedding survival suggestions?
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self.Anxiety
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