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By halfway through this picture I was beginning to hate it , and , of course , feeling guilty for it ... Then , miracle of miracles , the movie does a flip-flop .
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made Eddie Murphy a movie star and the man has n't aged a day .
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But it was n't .
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For a film about action , Ultimate X is the gabbiest giant-screen movie ever , bogging down in a barrage of hype .
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... a low rate Annie featuring some kid who ca n't act , only echoes of Jordan , and weirdo actor Crispin Glover screwing things up old school .
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It might not be 1970s animation , but everything else about it is straight from the Saturday morning cartoons -- a retread story , bad writing , and the same old silliness .
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The picture seems uncertain whether it wants to be an acidic all-male All About Eve or a lush , swooning melodrama in the Intermezzo strain .
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A nearly 21\/2 hours , the film is way too indulgent .
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Gorgeous to look at but insufferably tedious and turgid ... a curiously constricted epic .
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With a tighter editorial process and firmer direction this material could work , especially since the actresses in the lead roles are all more than competent , but as is , Personal Velocity seems to be idling in neutral .
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Does n't really add up to much .
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It 's better suited for the history or biography channel , but there 's no arguing the tone of the movie - it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and questions on your mind .
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An entertainment so in love with its overinflated mythology that it no longer recognizes the needs of moviegoers for real characters and compelling plots .
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A prolonged extrusion of psychopathic pulp .
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Borrows from other movies like it in the most ordinary and obvious fashion .
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It 's surprisingly bland despite the heavy doses of weird performances and direction .
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A chilly , remote , emotionally distant piece ... so dull that its tagline should be : ` In space , no one can hear you snore . '
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The characters seem one-dimensional , and the film is superficial and will probably be of interest primarily to its target audience .
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Sorvino makes the princess seem smug and cartoonish , and the film only really comes alive when poor Hermocrates and Leontine pathetically compare notes about their budding amours .
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It 's like a drive-by .
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You can drive right by it without noticing anything special , save for a few comic turns , intended and otherwise .
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Everything -- even life on an aircraft carrier -- is sentimentalized .
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This would-be ` James Bond for the Extreme Generation ' pic is one big , dumb action movie .
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Stress ` dumb . '
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When your subject is illusion versus reality , should n't the reality seem at least passably real ?
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It 's a terrible movie in every regard , and utterly painful to watch .
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This is rote spookiness , with nary an original idea -LRB- or role , or edit , or score , or anything , really -RRB- in sight , and the whole of the proceedings beg the question ` Why ? '
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A fan film that for the uninitiated plays better on video with the sound turned down .
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Too infuriatingly quirky and taken with its own style .
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There 's a whole heap of nothing at the core of this slight coming-of-age\/coming-out tale .
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As much as I laughed throughout the movie , I can not mount a cogent defense of the film as entertainment , or even performance art , although the movie does leave you marveling at these guys ' superhuman capacity to withstand pain .
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The type of dumbed-down exercise in stereotypes that gives the -LRB- teen comedy -RRB- genre a bad name .
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Distinctly sub-par ... more likely to drown a viewer in boredom than to send any shivers down his spine .
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Plays like a bad blend of an overripe episode of TV 's Dawson 's Creek and a recycled and dumbed-down version of Love Story .
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Unless you come in to the film with a skateboard under your arm , you 're going to feel like you were n't invited to the party .
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When the casting call for this movie went out , it must have read ` seeking anyone with acting ambition but no sense of pride or shame . '
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Just is n't as weird as it ought to be .
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A `` Home Alone '' film that is staged like `` Rosemary 's Baby , '' but is not as well-conceived as either of those films .
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-LRB- Siegel -RRB- and co-writers Lisa Bazadona and Grace Woodard have relied too much on convention in creating the characters who surround Frankie .
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No film could possibly be more contemptuous of the single female population .
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A sluggish pace and lack of genuine narrative hem the movie in every bit as much as life hems in the spirits of these young women .
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A low-budget affair , Tadpole was shot on digital video , and the images often look smeary and blurry , to the point of distraction .
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Then again , in a better movie , you might not have noticed .
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The movie is like a year late for tapping into our reality tv obsession , and even tardier for exploiting the novelty of the `` webcast . ''
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tale will be all too familiar for anyone who 's seen George Roy Hill 's 1973 film , `` The Sting . ''
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Gets the look and the period trappings right , but it otherwise drowns in a sea of visual and verbal clichés .
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It 's hard to quibble with a flick boasting this many genuine cackles , but Notorious C.H.O. still feels like a promising work-in-progress .
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Anyone who wants to start writing screenplays can just follow the same blueprint from hundreds of other films , sell it to the highest bidder and walk away without anyone truly knowing your identity .
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The problem with The Bread , My Sweet is that it 's far too sentimental .
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Never inspires more than an interested detachment .
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What might have emerged as hilarious lunacy in the hands of Woody Allen or Mel Brooks -LRB- at least during their '70s heyday -RRB- comes across as lame and sophomoric in this debut indie feature .
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Despite slick production values and director Roger Michell 's tick-tock pacing , the final effect is like having two guys yelling in your face for two hours .
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Pretty much sucks , but has a funny moment or two .
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A supernatural mystery that does n't know whether it wants to be a suspenseful horror movie or a weepy melodrama .
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It ends up being neither , and fails at both endeavors .
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Two badly interlocked stories drowned by all too clever complexity .
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These are textbook lives of quiet desperation .
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Claims to sort the bad guys from the good , which is its essential problem .
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Purposefully shocking in its eroticized gore , if unintentionally dull in its lack of poetic frissons .
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Feels like pieces a bunch of other , better movies slapped together .
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Writer-director Randall Wallace has bitten off more than he or anyone else could chew , and his movie veers like a drunken driver through heavy traffic .
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It follows the Blair Witch formula for an hour , in which we 're told something creepy and vague is in the works , and then it goes awry in the final 30 minutes .
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One ca n't shake the feeling that Crossroads is nothing more than an hour-and-a-half-long commercial for Britney 's latest album .
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Phoned-in business as usual .
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What little atmosphere is generated by the shadowy lighting , macabre sets , and endless rain is offset by the sheer ugliness of everything else .
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Tartakovsky 's team has some freakish powers of visual charm , but the five writers slip into the modern rut of narrative banality .
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The most horrific movie experience I 've had since `` Ca n't Stop The Music . ''
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It may as well be called `` Jar-Jar Binks : The Movie . ''
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It 's that painful .
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Like a three-ring circus , there are side stories aplenty -- none of them memorable .
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A ` Girls Gone Wild ' video for the boho art-house crowd , The Burning Sensation is n't a definitive counter-cultural document -- its makers are n't removed and inquisitive enough for that .
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As original and insightful as last week 's episode of Behind the Music .
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Plays like John Le Carré with a couple of burnt-out cylinders .
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You may be galled that you 've wasted nearly two hours of your own precious life with this silly little puddle of a movie .
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It 's neither as sappy as Big Daddy nor as anarchic as Happy Gilmore or The Waterboy , but it has its moments .
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Despite the surface attractions -- Conrad L. Hall 's cinematography will likely be nominated for an Oscar next year -- there 's something impressive and yet lacking about everything .
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A smug and convoluted action-comedy that does n't allow an earnest moment to pass without reminding audiences that it 's only a movie .
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Worthless , from its pseudo-rock-video opening to the idiocy of its last frames .
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The Christ allegory does n't work because there is no foundation for it
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It 's hard to care about a film that proposes as epic tragedy the plight of a callow rich boy who is forced to choose between his beautiful , self-satisfied 22-year-old girlfriend and an equally beautiful , self-satisfied 18-year-old mistress .
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Tries too hard to be funny in a way that 's too loud , too goofy and too short of an attention span .
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I did n't find much fascination in the swinging .
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What they 're doing is a matter of plumbing arrangements and mind games , of no erotic or sensuous charge .
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But that they are doing it is thought-provoking .
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The acting is just fine , but there 's not enough substance here to sustain interest for the full 90 minutes , especially with the weak payoff .
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After Collateral Damage , you might imagine that most every aggrieved father cliché has been unturned .
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But no. .
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Ultimately the , yes , snail-like pacing and lack of thematic resonance make the film more silly than scary , like some sort of Martha Stewart decorating program run amok .
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Releasing a film with the word ` dog ' in its title in January lends itself to easy jokes and insults , and Snow Dogs deserves every single one of them .
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Tedious Norwegian offering which somehow snagged an Oscar nomination .
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A dark-as-pitch comedy that frequently veers into corny sentimentality , probably would not improve much after a therapeutic zap of shock treatment .
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Bray is completely at sea ; with nothing but a Savage Garden music video on his resume , he has no clue about making a movie .
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a huge disappointment coming , as it does , from filmmakers and performers of this calibre
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Though it pretends to expose the life of male hustlers , it 's exploitive without being insightful .
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What starts off as a satisfying kids flck becomes increasingly implausible as it races through contrived plot points .
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Exhibits the shallow sensationalism characteristic of soap opera ... more salacious telenovela than serious drama .
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Seagal is painfully foolish in trying to hold onto what 's left of his passe ' chopsocky glory .
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The story is bogus and its characters tissue-thin .
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is an inexpressible and drab wannabe looking for that exact niche .
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While American Adobo has its heart -LRB- and its palate -RRB- in the right place , its brain is a little scattered -- ditsy , even .
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