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You're not a kid anymore. | My first day as a copy boy I was sixteen and wearing my only grown-up suit--it was cream colored. At 2:30 the head copy boy comes running up to me and says, "My God, haven't you washed the carbon paper yet? If it's not washed by three, it'll never by dry for tomorrow." And I said, "Am I supposed to do that?" and he sa... |
I couldn't believe what she told me. Eight cups of coffee worth. | Go on, go on-- |
Go on, go on-- | --we've got to find out who the five guys are--the five with access to the slush fund--they were aware of the break-in. |
--we've got to find out who the five guys are--the five with access to the slush fund--they were aware of the break-in. | Then tomorrow's grand jury indictments will just be bullshit. |
Then tomorrow's grand jury indictments will just be bullshit. | It goes very high--we've got to find out where-- |
It goes very high--we've got to find out where-- | --we will-- |
--we will-- | --she was really paranoid, the bookkeeper. |
--she was really paranoid, the bookkeeper. | That happens to people. OK, go on. |
Goddamnit-- | --shit-- |
--shit-- | --we gotta top the Times-- |
--we gotta top the Times-- | --I know, I know-- |
--I know, I know-- | --if we could name the guys got the reports, we'd be ahead again-- |
--if we could name the guys got the reports, we'd be ahead again-- | --shit, who do we know?-- |
--shit, who do we know?-- | --I know a lawyer at Justice-- |
--I know a lawyer at Justice-- | --has he got an ax?-- |
--has he got an ax?-- | --almost every source we've used has been Republican, this guy's a card- carrying Democrat. |
--almost every source we've used has been Republican, this guy's a card- carrying Democrat. | Then he's got an ax. Call him anyway. |
--I want you to shut up and listen to me-- | --I haven't said anything-- |
--I haven't said anything-- | --for the first time I'm beginning to feel like a fucking reporter-- Woodward, I got a tip. A guy called me up with a tip-- --someone named Donald Segretti contacted a bunch of lawyers and asked them if they'd like to go to work with him screwing up the Democrats, dirty tricks, shit like that. The FBI knows about Segr... |
--for the first time I'm beginning to feel like a fucking reporter-- Woodward, I got a tip. A guy called me up with a tip-- --someone named Donald Segretti contacted a bunch of lawyers and asked them if they'd like to go to work with him screwing up the Democrats, dirty tricks, shit like that. The FBI knows about Segr... | How high up, which Republicans? |
How high up, which Republicans? | That's what we've got to find out, but Segretti went to Southern Cal. and so did a bunch of Nixon men-- |
That's what we've got to find out, but Segretti went to Southern Cal. and so did a bunch of Nixon men-- | --Haldeman I know, who else? |
--Haldeman I know, who else? | Dwight Chapin, Nixon's appointments chief--he knew Segretti in school. Maybe I'm crazy, but this is the first time any of this starts to make sense. What were the three theories? |
Dwight Chapin, Nixon's appointments chief--he knew Segretti in school. Maybe I'm crazy, but this is the first time any of this starts to make sense. What were the three theories? | The burglary was done by Cubans or Democrats or Republicans. |
The burglary was done by Cubans or Democrats or Republicans. | Now the reason no one believed the Republicans is because there wasn't any reason, they were so far ahead. But Segretti was talking to these other lawyers a year before the break- in. |
Now the reason no one believed the Republicans is because there wasn't any reason, they were so far ahead. But Segretti was talking to these other lawyers a year before the break- in. | So maybe Watergate wasn't really about Watergate--maybe that was just a piece-- |
So maybe Watergate wasn't really about Watergate--maybe that was just a piece-- | --because a year before, the Republicans weren't ahead, not in the polls, Muskie was running ahead of Nixon then. Before he self- destructed. |
--because a year before, the Republicans weren't ahead, not in the polls, Muskie was running ahead of Nixon then. Before he self- destructed. | If he self-destructed. |
How many fucking sources they think we got?-- | --Deep Throat won't confirm--I never thought he was scared of anyone, but he's scared of Haldeman. |
--Deep Throat won't confirm--I never thought he was scared of anyone, but he's scared of Haldeman. | I know a guy in the Justice Department who was around the Grand Jury. |
I know a guy in the Justice Department who was around the Grand Jury. | --We got twenty minutes to deadline-- |
Do you feel much about the things you did? | I didn't do anything wrong. |
I didn't do anything wrong. | Tell that to Muskie. |
Tell that to Muskie. | Oh, maybe nickel and dime stuff. |
Oh, maybe nickel and dime stuff. | During the Florida primary, you wrote a letter on Muskie stationery saying Scoop Jackson had a bastard child. You wrote another that said Hubert Humphrey was out with call girls. |
During the Florida primary, you wrote a letter on Muskie stationery saying Scoop Jackson had a bastard child. You wrote another that said Hubert Humphrey was out with call girls. | Sometimes it got up to a quarter maybe-- --off the record. |
Sometimes it got up to a quarter maybe-- --off the record. | You wrote the Canuck letter--the one where you claimed Muskie slurred the Canadians. |
You wrote the Canuck letter--the one where you claimed Muskie slurred the Canadians. | I didn't. |
I didn't. | But you know who did. |
But you know who did. | When you guys print it in the paper, then I'll know. I'm a lawyer, and I'll probably go to jail, and be disbarred, and what did I do that was so awful? |
--it would have been nice to have had this, I sure would have liked to have had this-- | --there's nothing new in it-- |
--there's nothing new in it-- | --it makes the break-in real--it's a major goddamn story-- --I'm not going to kick ass over this, but I'd like you to know I hate getting beat, I just hate it-- don't forget that I hate it-- |
--if he did it or just said he did it, God knows. | I could care less about where it happened; what happened is what counts. Put him on. Ken, I'm sorry, it was Goddamn Beirut and they were having a crisis, what's up, kid? Slow down, Ken, you sound frazzled. A wife and a family and a cat and a dog, right, Ken. Ken, I would never print that you were in Marilyn's apar... |
I thought you had to get to Miami. | There's always a later plane. |
There's always a later plane. | You're a sex junkie, you know that, Carl? |
You're a sex junkie, you know that, Carl? | Nobody's perfect. I'm glad you're out of it, Hannah-- you're a terrific reporter and I turned you into a bookkeeper. |
There are too many people watching me--they know I know a lot-- | --it was all in hundreds, wasn't it? |
--it was all in hundreds, wasn't it? | A lot of it was. I just thought it was sort of an all-purpose political fund--you know, for taking fat cats to dinner, things like that. |
A lot of it was. I just thought it was sort of an all-purpose political fund--you know, for taking fat cats to dinner, things like that. | Could buy a lot of steaks, 350,000 dollars. |
Could buy a lot of steaks, 350,000 dollars. | I can't be positive that it was used for the break-in but people sure are worried. |
I can't be positive that it was used for the break-in but people sure are worried. | Which people? |
Which people? | The ones who could disburse the money. |
The ones who could disburse the money. | Who were they? |
Who were they? | There were a group of them--I think five, I don't know their names. |
There were a group of them--I think five, I don't know their names. | Sloan knew which five, didn't he? |
Same kind of crap-- | --all non-denial denials--we're dirty guys and they doubt we were ever virgins but they don't say the story is inaccurate. |
--well shit, we oughtta be tense-- we're about to accuse Mr. Haldeman who only happens to be the second most important man in America of conducting a criminal conspiracy from inside the White House-- --it would be nice if we were right-- | --you double-checked both sources?-- |
I hope you noticed how coolly I behaved under the threat of discovery. | Do Justice and the FBI know what we know, and why the hell haven't they done anything about it? |
Do Justice and the FBI know what we know, and why the hell haven't they done anything about it? | They know, but they focused on the burglary--if it didn't deal with the break-in, they didn't pursue it. |
They know, but they focused on the burglary--if it didn't deal with the break-in, they didn't pursue it. | Why didn't they?--who told them not to? |
Why didn't they?--who told them not to? | Someone with authority I'd imagine, wouldn't you? Don't you know what you're onto? Come on. |
Someone with authority I'd imagine, wouldn't you? Don't you know what you're onto? Come on. | Mitchell knew then. |
Mitchell knew then. | Of course--my God, you think something this big just happens? The break-in and the cover up, of course Mitchell knew, but no more than Ehrlichman. |
Of course--my God, you think something this big just happens? The break-in and the cover up, of course Mitchell knew, but no more than Ehrlichman. | Haldeman too? |
Haldeman too? | You get nothing from me about Haldeman? |
--correction--when you were drinking your lunch at the bar of the Sans Souci-- | --this White House guy, a good one, a pro, came up and asked what is this Watergate compulsion with you guys and I said, well, we think it's important and he said, if it's so goddamn important, who the hell are Woodward and Bernstein? |
--this White House guy, a good one, a pro, came up and asked what is this Watergate compulsion with you guys and I said, well, we think it's important and he said, if it's so goddamn important, who the hell are Woodward and Bernstein? | Ask him what he's really saying--he means take the story away from Woodstein and give it to his people at the National Desk-- |
Ask him what he's really saying--he means take the story away from Woodstein and give it to his people at the National Desk-- | --well, I've got some pretty experienced fellas sitting around, wouldn't you say so?-- |
--well, I've got some pretty experienced fellas sitting around, wouldn't you say so?-- | --absolutely--and that's all they do, sit sit sit--every once in a while, they call up a Senator, some reporting-- |
--absolutely--and that's all they do, sit sit sit--every once in a while, they call up a Senator, some reporting-- | --well, what if your boys get it wrong-- |
...go on, go on... | That's everything Bachinski had, I think it's worth following up. |
That's everything Bachinski had, I think it's worth following up. | Don't know; who the hell's Howard Hunt? It's probably nothing but check it out. Just go easy, it could be crazy Cubans. |
The second most powerful man is Robert Haldeman. Just below him are a trio: Mr. Erlichman is Haldeman's friend, and they protect the President from everybody which is why they are referred to as either The German Shepherds or the Berlin Wall. Mr. Mitchell we've already discussed. Mr. Colson is the President's special c... | Thanks, Harry. Know anything about Colson? |
Thanks, Harry. Know anything about Colson? | Just that on his office wall there's a cartoon with a caption reading, "When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow." |
Finch! Get to the bathroom! Now! | Easy, tiger. What's in there? |
Easy, tiger. What's in there? | Just go! |
Just go! | Why is this? |
Why is this? | You're gonna shit your pants! |
You're gonna shit your pants! | Charming. |
Charming. | Finch, listen -- Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your Mocash-chino or whatever. It's fast acting. I mean <u>really</u> fast. |
Finch, listen -- Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your Mocash-chino or whatever. It's fast acting. I mean <u>really</u> fast. | First of all, it's <u>Mocha</u>ccino, and secondly...Oohhhh! |
Hey, what're you doing here? | Just enjoying my exhilarating first lacrosse experience. You like, "kicked butt." |
Vanderbilt's not that far from U of M. | Yeah right. |
Yeah right. | What? We both have cars. |
What? We both have cars. | Yeah but, no offense, you're talking about a post-high school, long- distance relationship, and you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. |
Yeah but, no offense, you're talking about a post-high school, long- distance relationship, and you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. | That's not why we're going out. |
That's not why we're going out. | What the hell are you expecting him to drive to Vanderbilt for? Milk and cookies? |
What the hell are you expecting him to drive to Vanderbilt for? Milk and cookies? | Jessica! He'll drive there for me, and I'll drive to Ann Arbor for him. We're going to have sex when he's ready and I'm ready. It's got to be completely perfect. I want the right place, the right time, the right moment. |
Jessica! He'll drive there for me, and I'll drive to Ann Arbor for him. We're going to have sex when he's ready and I'm ready. It's got to be completely perfect. I want the right place, the right time, the right moment. | Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex. So did you do the physics write-up? |
Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex. So did you do the physics write-up? | Please. |
He likes it. | Of course he does. What about you? Have you just never had one with Kevin -- or have you never had one, period? |
Of course he does. What about you? Have you just never had one with Kevin -- or have you never had one, period? | I think I've had one. |
I think I've had one. | Well that's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. You've never even had one manually? |
Well that's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. You've never even had one manually? | ...I've never tried it. |
...I've never tried it. | Are you kidding? You've never double- clicked your mouse? |
No comment. | No comment?! Are you kidding me?! I've never seen someone's image change so...so drastically! |
No comment?! Are you kidding me?! I've never seen someone's image change so...so drastically! | Thanks. It was my idea. |
Thanks. It was my idea. | Did you guys hook up or something? |
Did you guys hook up or something? | Are you kidding? No. |
Are you kidding? No. | Then what the hell are you talking about? |
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