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Then what the hell are you talking about?
Well...I guess it's okay for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Finch comes to me and says, "Jessica, I need help with this, blah blah, etcetera." So I told him, pay me two- hundred bucks, and I'll tell a couple girls that you're dynamite in bed. So he did, and I did.
Well...I guess it's okay for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Finch comes to me and says, "Jessica, I need help with this, blah blah, etcetera." So I told him, pay me two- hundred bucks, and I'll tell a couple girls that you're dynamite in bed. So he did, and I did.
I don't get it, that really works?
I don't get it, that really works?
Duh. Of course. Naturally, I embellished a little bit. Hey, did you hear that Finch had sex with an older woman?
At least now I know what the hell they're saying.
So, does my hair look better -- like this, or... like this?
What about you? You're the one with the girlfriend and you're still stranded on third base.
You know, I've never got that shit. What exactly constitutes third base?
Ow, what the hell?
Sorry, I thought you were dead.
Hey, where's Finch?
Went home to shit.
Went home to shit.
I don't get it. How does a guy like that get this sudden reputation?
You can send me the address too.
Well...dammit, if I'm doing this, how the hell am I gonna watch?
Well...dammit, if I'm doing this, how the hell am I gonna watch?
I'll save you a seat.
Oh boy oh God oh crap oh no.
Come on, Jim. Where are you?
Holy shit.
Holy shit!
This'll do.
Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both, it'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early.
Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both, it'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early.
Why, uh, what makes you think that I --
Why, uh, what makes you think that I --
Come on. I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing!
Stifler, you're such an asshole.
Meyers, what's the deal with you and Vicky, anyway? You've been going out since Homecoming and all she'll do is blow you? Shit, I'd drop her like a steaming turd.
Ho-lee shit.
This just got a hell of a lot better.
I was being selfish. And majorly insensitive. And I'm a total idiot.
I think "shithead" really says it.
I think "shithead" really says it.
Yes! I'm a shithead! I'm a complete and total shithead!
And I want to make things perfect for you. You're right, Kev, we do have something good...and special.
Yeah, we have something great, Vick.
Yeah, we have something great, Vick.
Kevin... I want to have sex with you.
Then she said -- she loves me.
Oh shit dude, the L-word!
And little hurly-burly came by in her curly-wurly, and asked me if I needed I ri-hide --
How the hell do you know all these random songs?
How the hell do you know all these random songs?
It's early Springsteen, dude, this is classic. This was before the cheesy remake.
I put in months of quality time with Vicky. Sherman meets a chick for one night and scores? This is just wrong.
No shit, I'm never gonna get laid. How the hell am I gonna become this Mr. Sensitive Man?
The Sha-lin masters from east and west must unite!
Guys, guys -- you're ruining my fucking moment here. Now think about it --
<u>Yeah</u>!
Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Stifler, fuck -- ...man, you don't have to be so insensitive.
Oh my fucking God. You're gay.
Come on, you know the words, sing along.
Come on, you know the words, sing along.
No thanks, you've been singing that shit all week. If you try that at MSU this Saturday, I'm pretending I don't know you.
Let's face it. It's a, how do you say... mother-fucker. But we're all in it together. That's why we're trying to help you.
Exactly.
Ha ha. You were probably right about his mom.
Hope I didn't hurt him too bad.
Hope I didn't hurt him too bad.
Who gives a shit? I've had it up to here with arrogant Frenchmen.
Who gives a shit? I've had it up to here with arrogant Frenchmen.
Up to there? Really? I bet I could beat that.
Up to there? Really? I bet I could beat that.
Ha ha! Yeah right, white boy! Ha Ha ha. I think maybe I drank too much.
Ha ha! Yeah right, white boy! Ha Ha ha. I think maybe I drank too much.
Ah. The mating call of the blonde. The night is young, the moon is bright, whataya feel like doing tonight?
Ah. The mating call of the blonde. The night is young, the moon is bright, whataya feel like doing tonight?
I don't know... Surprise me.
Ha-ha!
Oh, big man. You can beat up a couple of cadavers. Well let me make something real clear, asshole. If you don't kill yourself, at midnight tonight you're gonna transform and murder innocent people!
Oh fuck, you are his nephew...
Yeah, that's the word. And you are?
Yeah, that's the word. And you are?
Serafine Flocquet. I work for your uncle.
Serafine Flocquet. I work for your uncle.
You? You're Madame Flocquet? I pictured a fat lady with an apron, not - I don't know - La Femme Nikita.
Salots! Shitfucker!
What?
What?
If you leave it for more than a few minutes it locks up. Now I must reboot and type a dozen fucking passwords. He was security crazy.
What good can you do? Why are you being so fucking stupid?
Maybe I didn't know him like you did. But he's my uncle. And I owe it to him to get some answers. It's a quest like, uh, Hemingway, the Old Man and The Sea. Except instead of an old man I'm a young man, and instead of the sea, it's a bunch of tunnels under Paris. And instead of a big fish it's... who knows? That's what...
Fan-fucking-tastic?
Hey, what more could I want? I survived my first and last hallucinogenic hellride, and neither of us is dead. I'd say I feel almost as great as you look.
Shit! You bought enough pate for a fucking army!
So tell me, exactly which truck driver did you study English with?
Like I should talk. Monsieur foot-in- the-mouth. I'm really sorry about that whole Woody Allen thing...
So's Woody Allen. No, your uncle really helped me. I was sort of messed up for a while. Wasting my time just partying and... just stupid shit. He kind of woke me up, gave me a job, got me taking classes. You know, he and Claude, their work is controversial, but they're serious about it. Totally dedicated.
So's Woody Allen. No, your uncle really helped me. I was sort of messed up for a while. Wasting my time just partying and... just stupid shit. He kind of woke me up, gave me a job, got me taking classes. You know, he and Claude, their work is controversial, but they're serious about it. Totally dedicated.
That's what counts. If you're not passionate about it, don't waste your time. That's why I quit college... Plus I'm a lazy bastard. Wait, I know this... A votre sante.
That's what counts. If you're not passionate about it, don't waste your time. That's why I quit college... Plus I'm a lazy bastard. Wait, I know this... A votre sante.
A la votre.
Fixing your makeup with a phone, huh? Who the fuck are you calling?
Professor Roussel. There's something wrong with you. I know it.
Professor Roussel. There's something wrong with you. I know it.
Roussel? You mean Claude? You're calling Dr. Demento so he can come paint my face again? Fuck that.
You two faced bastard. I knew you were full of shit.
Andy! No!
Andy... I should never have let you go underground. I'm sorry...
I had to be a damn Hemingway hero. Well I'll tell ya, the old man and the sea didn't go through half this shit.
You made me go there. I tried to stop you! You wouldn't listen!
What was I? Your idea of a fuckin' hors d'oeuvre? Huh?
What was I? Your idea of a fuckin' hors d'oeuvre? Huh?
Shut up! You fucking shut up! What do you want? Huh? What the hell do you want?
GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!
"Fuck"? You think I don't know this word "fuck"? Is that how you talk to policemen in America?
There's something down there! A bear or something! A god damn monster! Beau coup teeth! Huge, Grande, with yellow eyes, all this hair, it killed Serafine! My God...
You on drugs? Huh?
You on drugs? Huh?
No... I...
Where's the ADM? Where did your uncle put it?
Man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Bullshit! Your uncle told you!
Bullshit! Your uncle told you!
My uncle's in a coma you moron!
My uncle's in a coma you moron!
Before the coma!
Before the coma!
He didn't tell me anything. All he said was Saint Severin...
Saint Severin? The church? So you know all about the ADM! Where is it! Tell me! Tell me or else!
Or else what? You'll kill me?
Or else what? You'll kill me?
No. But I'll kill your fucking girlfriend!
No. But I'll kill your fucking girlfriend!
You'll never get the chance.
Don't be an idiot! I'm not the only one. If I die, Serafine dies!
Bullshit! You're bluffing!
Bullshit! You're bluffing!
What, you think Claude hangs out underground cause he likes to dance?
Do you think I'm an idiot?
Sure. Don't you?
You bastard! God! I should've known. You wanted the cure all for yourself!
Cure!? Ha-ha-ha!
We know you were with her.
Oh shit... No...
Oh shit... No...
That's not all... Marcel - Officer Boulard was following you.
That's not all... Marcel - Officer Boulard was following you.
Oh no... no....
All my life I've worked to unlock the power of the unconscious mind. Well this is it. This is power!
You sure it's not just 'coz you jerk off too much?
Undead. Right. Sort of an ectocosmic manifestation. What a pisser. Tell you one thing though, Timothy Leary will be jealous as hell.
Great, but listen, I need to know where you hid the ADM?
Great, but listen, I need to know where you hid the ADM?
The ADM! Be careful, Andy. It's very powerful. How do you know about it?
The ADM! Be careful, Andy. It's very powerful. How do you know about it?
I went to St. Severin church. Now look -
Oh shit! No! Andy, don't let them take me back there!
The ADM! Quickly! Where is it?!
Uncle Terrence, you're...
Yeah, I finally "checked out", thank God. But there's a bit of unfinished business.
Yeah, I finally "checked out", thank God. But there's a bit of unfinished business.
Claude.
Claude.
I never thought I'd ask this of anyone, Andy, but do me a favor and kill the evil son-of-a-bitch, will you?
I'm afraid she's not so lucky. She's undead. And so am I.
Aaaaa!!! Get the fuck away from me!
Aaaaa!!! Get the fuck away from me!
What are you so damn angry about? Did somebody turn into a wild beast and rip your intestines out? Huh?
Fuck you! If I'm gonna kill myself I'll do it when I'm good and ready! You can go to hell!
No we can't. That's the problem. God knows it would beat hanging around with you!
What the hell, lots of my heroes killed themselves. Hemingway, Van Gogh... um... Herve Villachaise...
But this is class kid, all the way. What a way to go.
Okay. So he's weird. Maybe on drugs. Still, that's not -
I'm telling you. It's not drugs. It's something more. Someth -
I'm telling you. It's not drugs. It's something more. Someth -
Don't give me your black magic bullshit! Seven mutilations in forty eight hours and all you find is a scrawny American boy? Do you have a motive? Do you have a weapon? Or do you want me to believe he did it with his own two hands?
Don't give me your black magic bullshit! Seven mutilations in forty eight hours and all you find is a scrawny American boy? Do you have a motive? Do you have a weapon? Or do you want me to believe he did it with his own two hands?
I told you. These murders are not normal.
No, it's no cure. It's something much more interesting.
You fucking liar!
You fucking liar!
Oh, did I hurt the little girl's feelings? Well excusez moi... I confess my desire for ADM is quite "intense". So I deceived you and our poor friend Terry - a competent technician, but let's face it, a bit naive. "The great cure for lycanthropy!" Hmph. He didn't have the vision to grasp the potential of ADAM, until it ...
I-I-I-I would leave out the men's- room attendant.
You're using this conspiracy theory as an excuse to avoid sex with me.
You're using this conspiracy theory as an excuse to avoid sex with me.
Oh, my God! She's right! Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik? She was-she was beautiful. She was willing. She was real... intelligent. Is it the old Groucho Marx joke? That-that I-I just don't wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member?
Look, while we're talking we could be inside, you know that?
Hey, can we not stand here and argue in front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed.
Hey, can we not stand here and argue in front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed.
Alright. All right, all right, so whatta you wanna do?
Alright. All right, all right, so whatta you wanna do?
I don't know now. You-you wanna go to another movie? So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity.
I don't know now. You-you wanna go to another movie? So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity.
Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis.
Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis.
Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't... I-I- I've gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause- 'cause I'm anal.
Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't... I-I- I've gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause- 'cause I'm anal.
H'h, that's a polite word for what you are.
Alvy, I...
What-what-what-what's the matter?
What-what-what-what's the matter?
I-you know, I don't wanna.