ID int64 1 232k | Joke stringlengths 10 200 | joke_or_not bool 2
classes |
|---|---|---|
1 | [me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking" | true |
2 | Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires... men. | true |
3 | I've been going through a really rough period at work this week It's my own fault for swapping my tampax for sand paper. | true |
4 | If I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive... ...I would choose alive. -B.J. Novak- | false |
5 | Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks. | true |
6 | Why can't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box. Heyooooooo | true |
7 | Why was the musician arrested? He got in treble. | true |
8 | Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine? He had nothing left to chauffeur it. | true |
9 | What do you do if a bird shits on your car? Don't ask her out again. | true |
10 | He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me | false |
11 | Telling my daugthers date that "she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her." *Correct way to parent. | true |
12 | What should you do before criticizing Pac-Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes | true |
13 | What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot...? Nothing... they were both made to steal American jobs. | true |
14 | What do you call a barbarian you can't see? an Invisigoth. | true |
15 | How do you spell Canda? C,eh,N,eh,D,eh | true |
16 | You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it? | true |
17 | What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic? Hasta last vista, baby. | true |
18 | My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer... | true |
19 | My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention! | true |
20 | Thanksgiving joke What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky! Just kidding... Drugs. She eats drugs. -Adam Zopf @adamzopf | true |
21 | Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? 'Cause they are freaking good at it | true |
22 | How did the blonde die raking leaves? She fell out of the tree. | true |
23 | "That guy is such a douche-bag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!" women | false |
24 | My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission. I guess I'll deal with him later. | true |
25 | What do you call a potato in space? Spudnik | true |
26 | How to get a cop's attention | false |
27 | What happens to a necrophiliac after death? Reserection | true |
28 | Why did the chicken hold a seance? To get to the other side. | true |
29 | Where do baby cows go to eat lunch? At the calf-eteria. | true |
30 | What's the difference between a painting and Jesus. You only require one nail to put up the painting. | true |
31 | Mom: "Do you want this?" Me: "No." Mom: "Ok I'll give it to your brother." Me: "No I want it." | true |
32 | How do you fit 4 gays on one barstool? Flip it over! | true |
33 | I am looking forward to 6pm Thanksgiving Day when Walmart opens its doors for its annual sale of trampled human corpses. | true |
34 | Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here." He leaves without resistance. | true |
35 | A guy pick up a woman Then he puts her down | false |
36 | Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day. | true |
37 | Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers? Math hue. | true |
38 | Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor. | true |
39 | Ted Cruz getting elected. | false |
40 | Before I destroy a wasp's nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan. | true |
41 | What's Al-Qaeda's favorite American football team? The New York jets. | true |
42 | INTERVIEWER: Why do you want to work here? ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts. | true |
43 | Coming on valentines day. Fifty shades of grey. There won't be a dry seat in the cinema. | true |
44 | Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large. | true |
45 | Someone didnt click the button in /r/thebutton Yeah... Thats a good joke , he impossible! | true |
46 | What's the difference between a car tyre, and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, an the other's a great year. | true |
47 | Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van. | true |
48 | I've struggled for years to be above the influence... But I've never been able to get that high | false |
49 | With Facebook, you can stay in touch with people you would otherwise never talk to, but that's only one of the many awful things about it | false |
50 | What's the difference between a blonde and a washer? When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week. | true |
51 | Have you ever heard of the movie "Constipation"? No? Most likely because it never came out. | true |
52 | What's black, blue and doesn't look too well? Stevie Wonder | true |
53 | I saw a French rifle on eBay today It's never been fired but I heard it was dropped once. | true |
54 | What did the car said to the valet? I've been through a lot. | true |
55 | Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it's hate sex. | true |
56 | yeah girl.. shake that thing where poop comes out of. it really turns me on when your poop factory shakes faster than usual | true |
57 | "I can't stand when people say they hate both of the presidential candidates." --Stephen Hawking | false |
58 | A Mexican fireman had twin boys He named them Jose and Hose B | true |
59 | I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before! | true |
60 | Donald Trump will ban the sale of shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again | true |
61 | Things have really turned around for me since I re-named my penis and testicles "JD Power and Associates". | true |
62 | My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face. | true |
63 | My cat just walked by me carrying a toy mouse I don't remember buying her. Women be shoppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | true |
64 | Why did the Xbox owner cross the road? To fuck your mom. | true |
65 | Sometimes you check the amount of subscribed people. When you do this, there are 4,111,093,0003.666 "humorists". 2/3rds of a person? Really? | true |
66 | I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat. | true |
67 | What did the porn actress say when she opened the door? Make sure to come upstairs. | true |
68 | I don't judge people based on color, race, religion, sexuality, or gender...I base it on whether or not they're an asshole. | true |
69 | Why were the baker's hands brown? Because he kneaded a poo. | true |
70 | Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win. | true |
71 | I often think if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now. | true |
72 | I'm terrible at telling jokes... I always punch up the fuck lines | true |
73 | What did the hillbilly say to his sister after she asked him to have sex with her? If you incest. | true |
74 | "You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels | true |
75 | How to keep the flies off the bride at an Italian wedding Keep a bucket of shit next to her | true |
76 | What do grandparents smell like? "Depends" | true |
77 | 7% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just received dessert. | true |
78 | What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common? They're both old. | true |
79 | I like my slaves like I like my coffee Fair Trade. | true |
80 | ME: I fell off a 50 ft tall ladder once GIRL: holy cow how did you survive ME: I fell off the bottom rung | true |
81 | What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-think-he-saurus :) !! Lol What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog? A do-you-think-he-saurus-rex | true |
82 | I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet. It's my-newt! | true |
83 | This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it. | true |
84 | Jenna Jameson to Oprah, "There's a little bit of Jenna Jameson in everyone." I'm pretty sure she got that backwards. | true |
85 | Even after 20 years, Jared Fogle is still getting into smaller and smaller jeans. | false |
86 | I have a degree in men's studies. It's called "world history". #TRUMP 2016! YOU CAN'T STUMP THE TRUMP! | true |
87 | Why don't most fans like the first 39 episodes of DBZ? Its pretty gay, just Saiyan. | true |
88 | My ex-wife still misses me... But her aim is gettin better. | true |
89 | This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread | true |
90 | What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant (Told to me by one of the kids at work) | true |
91 | What did the two tampons say to each other? Nothing, they're both stuck-up cunts. | true |
92 | What do you call Jay-Z having a leg transplant? A hip-hop hip op. | true |
93 | What defies the law of gravity? Women. They heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up. | true |
94 | Everything has to be related in a woman: if the mouth shuts, the legs open. | true |
95 | Wanna hear a pun about long hair? Rapunzel. | true |
96 | "I'm so pissed I could punch a ba-" "A what?" Big Baby from Toy Story 3 hovers over me, sawed-off shotgun in hand. "A bagel. I HATE carbs." | true |
97 | What's the difference Donald Trump and my Vagina? One's a Cunt and the other has nice hair. | true |
98 | My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood | true |
99 | [uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you're worthless and nobody likes you | true |
100 | Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own. | true |
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