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did you say it back or freeze up? | mumbled it back all choked up. then they hugged me and said it again. just sitting here now replaying it in my head. |
what's got you looking like you've been wrestling a bear all week? | third all-nighter and counting, that's what |
you look like you could sleep for a week — everything okay? | just my third night with zero sleep this week |
what happened with dinner last night? | brought the wrong order twice and then laughed about it. |
so how'd that restaurant treat you? | told me the chicken was 'close enough' to fish. i almost lost it. |
you actually got the front row? how'd you pull that off? | refreshed the page for two hours straight, no joke |
did you have to sell a kidney for those tickets or what? | worth every penny though, hands are still shaking |
hey was that the tennis ball we found under the porch last summer? | god he carried that stupid thing everywhere even when it was basically just a scrap of green felt. hid it in his bed like a dragon with treasure. |
remember how he used to bark at the mailman through the fence every single day? | yeah that ridiculous little growl he'd do like he was terrifying. honestly the mailman probably misses him more than half the block does. |
you've been quiet tonight, everything okay? | just realized it's been a week since i actually talked to anyone |
that's your third coffee, you alright? | yeah just... haven't had a real conversation in days apparently |
what's with the ticket you're waving around? | oh this thing? total garbage, meter was broken. |
you get a ticket just now? | yeah, forty bucks for nothing, can you believe it? |
wait so what'd the landlord actually say when you finally got through to them? | oh like they said oh we'll send someone out and then radio silence for another two days. then the ceiling just gave up at like 3am. woke up to water dripping on my face. had to drag the mattress into the hallway. still waiting on the call back about when they're gonna fix it. my deposit's probably gone too honestly. th... |
did you at least record it happening or anything? | yeah got the whole thing on video actually. bucket filling up and then the whole section just drops. water everywhere. sent it to them and they were like we'll add it to the work order. add it to the work order. like i'm asking for a new lightbulb not a collapsed ceiling in my bedroom. and the smell now too. that damp ... |
no way—what happened? | girl i just got engaged. like ten minutes ago. we were taking a break by that lookout and he pulled out this ring and my hands were shaking so bad i almost dropped it off the mountain. |
what's with the death grip on that subway pole, you good? | my roommate ate the enchilada plate i was saving for today. i had that thing mentally earmarked since tuesday. |
you look like you're plotting something, everything alright? | just mentally renaming my leftovers to 'roommate's tuition payment' in my head. should've put a tracker on that tupperware. |
remember how you used to hate that you were left-handed because it made writing so messy? | yeah and watching her tonight at dinner just sitting there with the same damn grip on the crayon all twisted like it's a tiny weapon. she gets that little crease between her eyebrows when she's concentrating and i swear it's like looking at a ghost of myself from twenty years ago except she's way more chill about the s... |
what's got you looking like you haven't slept in a week? | mom's been up coughing all night for like two months straight and the thing is she refuses to let me call a nurse because she says it's a waste of money and i'm just supposed to magically know what to do when she can't breathe right and i still have to get to school by 7:30 and my history teacher literally said 'you lo... |
you seem pretty wiped out, everything okay? | oh you know just the usual juggling act except the juggling balls are on fire and i haven't had a single day off since like august because dad can't be left alone for more than an hour and my brother's idea of helping is sending a pizza once a week like that fixes everything and i spent last night on the bathroom floor... |
remember when you said Dave was just some IT guy with a boring hobby? | the man's got like a million subscribers on YouTube for woodworking. i've been watching his videos for years without even knowing. |
didn't you mention he once fixed your router in like two minutes flat? | yeah and now i find out he's the same person who taught half the internet how to build a bookshelf. my mind is genuinely blown right now. |
remember that time you said your landlord was a decent guy? | decent my ass. ceiling's on the floor now. |
you always said the building had good bones though right? | good bones and a three-week-old leak apparently. |
that old song come on the radio this morning? | yeah the DJ played it and suddenly i'm twelve years old again sweating in the gymnasium. weird how one melody can drag you right back to a time you barely remember living through. |
what's that tune you were humming over your coffee just now? | oh that one. middle school dance special. brings back the smell of cheap punch and gym floor wax. funny how you forget the awkwardness and just remember the feeling of being young. |
What's that café like you're stuck at? | it's got this weird floral wallpaper that's peeling in one corner and I keep trying to count the tiles on the floor but people keep walking through my count |
Any good people-watching happening? | this guy at the counter's been staring at the menu for like ten minutes and I'm genuinely invested now like is he gonna pick the muffin or just die of indecision |
remember that time you tried to teach them how to make your grandma's pie recipe? | yeah and they just... kept messing up the crust on purpose? thought it was funny. I mean it was. guess that should've told me something. |
didn't they always steal your fries when you two came here? | yeah they'd just reach over without asking. I'd pretend to be annoyed but I kind of... liked that they felt comfortable enough. now the basket just sits there full. |
what do you think you're gonna do about it? | oh i'm definitely telling everyone in accounting tomorrow |
how do you even handle that kind of drama? | just sitting back with my tea honestly |
so you've been studying for the bar nonstop for weeks now, and you finally dragged me out here on a night hike — what's actually happening in your brain right now when you're not looking at flashcards? | it's like the words just gave up on me. sat down this afternoon with property law and the sentences started looking like someone rearranged the letters for fun. just shapes on a page. like a prank my brain is playing. and then i'm out here in the dark with you, and the trail markers are glowing, and i'm thinking 'at le... |
what's got you grinning like that at this hour? | kid said 'i love you' for the first time today. just unprompted, right in the middle of breakfast. three years old and she just looked at me like i was the whole world. |
you seem like you're holding onto something nice, what happened? | little one finally said it back today. just out of nowhere, with those big serious eyes. been replaying it in my head for like twelve hours now, can't quite believe it. |
bet you've got a whole system going with those color-coded bins, huh? | more like one bin and a lot of tape regrets |
so you're basically living out a moving commercial right now? | if the commercial ended in a blanket fort yeah |
What's the shower thought that's been rattling around in your head all night? | okay so you know how ceiling fans have that little chain you pull to change speeds? been staring at one on the neighbor's patio and realized that thing is basically a medieval torture device in disguise. like imagine being a moth and that's just your entire existence — flying toward the light and then WHAM you're getti... |
You've got that look like you're about to unload something weird — what is it? | the way dogs tilt their heads when you talk to them. been thinking about that for like twenty minutes up here. they're literally trying to triangulate sound better with their ear shape and we think it's cute. but what if they're just humoring us? like deep down they know we're saying absolute nonsense and they're like ... |
so what happened when you found out? | wait, that's *them*? the person i borrow milk from? |
how'd you even piece that together? | he casually mentioned a million followers. just like that. |
you seriously checking voicemail at a laundromat at this hour? | found one from grandma. three years ago. she's asking about the cat. |
wait, you're just sitting on a folding table staring at your phone? | it's her voice. she says my name like i'm still ten. |
remember how you used to hide your snacks from the office vulture? you ever find a better spot? | that turkey club was the only thing getting me through and he just... ate it. |
that time you caught him microwaving fish at 3am — you ever forgive that? | no and i never will. this is worse though. |
did they give you any timeline at all or are you just stuck in limbo? | yeah just vibing at the baggage carousel like it's a memorial service |
what did you even pack in that bag that can't be replaced? | oh you know just the entire concept of getting married in one suitcase |
so you're calling me from a park bench at 7am because... what, you found a four-leaf clover? | close. way better than a clover. look at my hand — yeah, that little rock on my finger. she said yes and i think my heart's been doing gymnastics ever since. |
did you finally get that puppy you've been talking about? | bigger. way bigger. well technically smaller — it's a ring box. she's in my hoodie pocket at the grocery store getting us celebratory ice cream and i haven't stopped grinning once. |
so what are you gonna do about that lawyer email? | hell if I know. stare at the ceiling maybe. |
any idea what you're going to say back to them? | not a clue. just sweating it out here. |
so what are you doing to keep from refreshing the patient portal every thirty seconds | watching the clock tick like it's personally mocking me. every time my phone buzzes i almost jump out of my skin and it's just a group chat. |
so what's got you at the airport this early, you look like you haven't slept | yeah that's probably fair. woke up at like four because she used to scratch at my door every morning and this morning there was just nothing and i sat there staring at the ceiling for two hours before i booked the first flight home. thought maybe being in a terminal full of strangers would feel less empty than my apart... |
you look like you're about to fall apart, everything okay? | uh no not really but thanks for asking in that tone that says you're not sure you want the real answer. my dog died this morning. she was fourteen and had this habit of sneezing right in my face when she wanted breakfast like it was her job. and now i'm flying home to an empty house and my roommate texted me a photo of... |
caught you staring at mom again this morning. what's going on in that head of yours? | seventy-two years old and she still sleeps with her mouth slightly open. makes this tiny whistling sound when she's really out. used to drive me crazy back when we were first married. now i wake up twenty minutes early just to watch it. the light hits her hair different now that it's gray. looks like silver threads cat... |
dad did you just say you're the lucky one? after she made you clean the garage all weekend? | garage cleaning's just time with her soundtrack playing. she hums when she organizes. always has. reminds me of that summer we painted the kitchen together. she got paint in her hair and didn't even care. last night she fell asleep mid-sentence. book still open on her chest. i closed it for her. put her glasses on the ... |
wait what happened, you look wrecked | three clients decided today was the day for revisions on stuff from two months ago and one of them sent a voice memo that's literally eleven minutes long. been staring at the same font choice for an hour and a half and honestly couldn't tell you which one looks less like garbage. the inbox is at sixty-seven unread and ... |
wait, you good? you look like you haven't slept | started the day thinking i'd knock out two small briefs before noon and ended up in a group chat with four people who all needed different versions of the same thing by yesterday. the laptop battery died at seven and i had to plug in under the desk like some kind of gremlin. now there's an email from a new contact aski... |
why do you look like you're about to throw that coffee mug at the fence | got a ticket on my car yesterday. thirty-five bucks for 'expired registration' which is hilarious because i literally renewed it online like two weeks ago. still have the confirmation email sitting in my inbox. so either the meter maid was having a really bad day or they just picked a random car and hoped nobody would ... |
what's with all the muttering out here at six in the morning | that little orange envelope of joy on my windshield. thirty-five dollars for expired tags that aren't even expired. already paid the renewal online last month but apparently the system didn't update fast enough for the parking patrol's liking. so now i'm out here at dawn like a crazy person going through my email recei... |
hey you went quiet for a sec there, everything okay? | god i just did the stupidest thing, you're not gonna believe this. so i'm scrolling, right, just killing time while we're walking, and i see a notification pop up from my ex's profile and before my brain even registers what i'm doing my thumb just hits the like button on some photo from like five years ago. it was one ... |
that sudden groan just now, you want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours? | okay so i accidentally liked a five year old photo on my ex's profile, like the kind where we're both smiling and it's obviously from a vacation or something. and now i'm just standing here on this trail in the dark wondering if they saw it, if they think i'm some pathetic mess who can't move on, when really i was just... |
what were you just staring at over there with that look on your face? | okay so you know how birthday candles are supposed to grant wishes? i just realized nobody ever checks if the wish actually came true. like what if it did but we just never connected the dots because we forgot what we wished for. |
you got that little grin going — what's bouncing around in there? | was thinking about how weird it is that we call it a 'birthday suit' but nobody actually wears it to a party. like imagine showing up to this in just skin. way more honest than wrapping paper honestly. |
wait so you're telling me the universe just handed you your exact wish list item but with some random person's name on it? | dude it's the weirdest thing right. i'm sitting there on the bus like 3am barely functioning after that shift and i see this package on the doorstep. and i'm like okay maybe a late gift or something but no. it's addressed to some martha i've never met. but inside. literally the vintage camera bag i've been stalking on ... |
you got your phone on you? thought you said you'd have the results by now | yeah keeping it face up on the dryer. pathetic right |
you eating anything or just staring at the machines? | can't really taste the sandwich. just chewing numbers |
you're grinning like a maniac at 3am in your parents' kitchen, what's the deal? | just finished it. the novel. three years of staring at that last chapter like it was a brick wall and tonight it just… came out. was standing here making tea and realized the ending had been sitting in my head since the first draft just buried under all the doubt you know? typed the last line and my hands were shaking ... |
okay but is this the part where you tell me you deleted it by accident or | god no it's saved in four different places backed up twice and printed out on that ancient printer mom keeps for recipes. like this thing is not getting lost. three years of rewriting the same middle chapter six times and it's done. actual real complete with an ending that doesn't suck. feel like i could float right th... |
hey, remember that time you said the city felt like a video game loading screen? | still feels like that. just standing at intersections watching everyone move with a purpose i don't have yet. |
you mentioned the other day how the grocery store clerks here never make eye contact — does that still bug you? | yeah. it's like being in a room full of people who've all agreed you're invisible. even the traffic hums at you. |
wait what happened you sound wrecked | oh man. landed at like midnight after three delays. got to the hotel and the key didn't work. front desk sent someone up forty minutes later. then realized i forgot my charger cable at security. phone's at twelve percent and the alarm's set for five. drank a hotel lobby coffee that tasted like burnt regret and now i'm ... |
what's going on you sound rough | honestly just running on fumes and bad decisions. got in late last night from a red-eye that smelled like someone's leftover tuna sandwich. the hotel wifi is basically a suggestion. been up since three trying to patch together a presentation that needs data i don't have yet. had three coffees and a sad granola bar from... |
what do you even do now? call an exterminator or what? | honestly i just stood there staring at them like this is my life now. cat's looking at me like i'm the one being unreasonable. guess i gotta figure out how to get a snake out of a fourth floor apartment before my flight. |
wait what's the tea, you looked like you were about to burst when you got on the platform | okay so you know dave from accounting? the guy who always microwaves fish in the break room and acts like nobody can smell it? right so maria from hr finally snapped this morning. like full on slammed her coffee down and said 'dave we need to talk about your lunch choices' in front of everyone and his face went beet re... |
what's got you grinning like that at seven in the morning on a subway platform | oh my god so my boss just sent an email to the whole team cc'ing the regional director and it was meant to call out someone for slacking off but they accidentally replied to themselves instead of forwarding it and the draft was like three paragraphs of pure passive aggressive fury about this guy who always leaves exact... |
what time did you actually end up getting there? | door opened and i just froze there with the wine |
wait you never told me — how'd the little one finally start talking? | dude she just looked at me and went 'more crackers please' like it was nothing |
so what happened with the kid's first words — you said it was a whole thing? | full sentence out of nowhere, i nearly dropped my water bottle |
you look like you've been staring at that coffee for an hour — everything okay over there? | yeah no it's fine just the bar exam prep is going real great. spent the last four hours trying to read the same sentence about adverse possession and my brain just kept offering me alternatives like maybe i don't actually know what the word 'possession' means anymore. then i started wondering if this is what a stroke f... |
rough night? you've got that thousand-yard stare thing going on | you could say that. been at this since six pm and the words on the page started doing that thing where they look like english but also not. like i recognize the letters individually but together they're just shapes. had a real breakthrough around midnight when i realized i've been memorizing the wrong exceptions to the... |
what song was it that got you all weird just now? | oh god it was that stupid cha-cha slide thing they played at every single middle school dance. you know the one. and i'm standing here on this trail trying to look like a normal adult and suddenly i'm twelve again in the gym with the fog machine and everyone's sneakers squeaking and nobody knew what to do with their ha... |
why'd that old playlist make you stop mid-step like that? | because it was the one that played right before the lights went down at the eighth grade formal. the one where i spent the whole time standing against the wall pretending to tie my shoe because i didn't have the guts to ask anyone. and now here i am forty-something years later hiking with my kid and the same stupid cho... |
remember that time you forgot your own bag at the security checkpoint? | god yeah and you just stood there holding it like it was nothing. like some kind of crazy person who travels three hours just to hand someone their stupid duffel bag. i mean who does that. that's the thing about you you never even think about it you just do it. and i'm standing there in the middle of all those people a... |
did you really have to get that scratched-up copy of that book from the used bookstore? | oh you noticed that huh. yeah i saw it sitting there on the shelf and i just thought you'd get a kick out of it because you used to read it to me when we were both too broke for coffee. and then you show up at the airport and i'm holding this dumb book and my hands are shaking and i can't even say hello properly. forty... |
remember that time you showed up a day early to my aunt's birthday and stood in the doorway with that bottle of wine looking like a deer in headlights? | oh god don't remind me. this was worse somehow because at least back then I had the excuse of being young and dumb. now I'm just old and dumb standing there at the front door with a bottle of something nice while the host is still in their bathrobe and the whole house smells like cleaning products not cooking. like the... |
do you remember how you used to always double-check the dates on invites after that one time you showed up a whole week early to the johnson's barbecue? | yeah that was a classic wasn't it. but this time I actually had the invite in my hand and still managed to read it wrong. you'd think after fifty years I'd learn to look at a calendar but no. rang the doorbell at six sharp and there's my friend standing there with a vacuum cleaner and no pants on. I just handed over th... |
Wait, so he actually stood up and said it was his work? In front of everyone? | yeah, like stood up from his chair and everything. didn't even look my way. just launched into this whole thing about how the data structure was his idea. man I spent three weekends on that. three weekends of takeout containers piling up on my desk and my cat sleeping on my keyboard. and he just. takes it. like it's no... |
Did anyone else notice it was yours or was it just crickets? | nobody. not a single person. jenna was looking at her phone the whole time. mark was doodling on his notebook. like I'd spent weeks getting that dashboard to actually run without crashing and dave's up there talking about the color scheme. the color scheme. I had to redo the backend three times because the API kept tim... |
didn't you say this morning they were just babbling at the birds? | yeah and then out of nowhere just 'mama look at the sky' i nearly dropped my coffee |
remember when you told me they only did two-word things last week? | this morning it was 'i want that ball' clear as day i almost woke the whole block up |
babe you look like you just wrestled a trash panda and lost | pretty sure i did lose to a stack of readings actually |
did the sunrise wake you or was it the existential dread | a bit of both but mostly the dread's alarm clock |
what's that you got there, some kind of treasure? | old letters from a friend I lost touch with |
you look like you're a million miles away right now | reading through stuff from twenty years ago |
What's got you grinning like that? You look like you're about to burst. | just said yes. that's all. |
You're practically glowing — what happened? | he asked. i said yes. ring's cold. |
What are you gonna do with those old letters you found? | put them in a box back in the closet where they belong. some things just stay in their own time and that's fine. |
So you gonna try reaching out after all these years? | nah. that version of us is like a song you can't find on streaming anymore. nice to remember but you can't play it again. |
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