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wait, what showed up on your porch this morning? | it had my neighbor's name on it but it was the exact pottery wheel I'd been eyeing |
did you actually open it or just stare at the label? | ripped into it like a kid on christmas, wrong name and everything |
so what do you do when you see them tomorrow? | honestly thinking about calling in sick but that's probably the chicken way out. maybe if I bring donuts for everyone they'll forget the snoring thing. |
what do you think you're gonna do about it though | oh nothing probably. but the look on her face when she realized he'd been leaving early to take his kid to that pottery class not some secret affair. you should have seen it. like someone had just told her her favorite tv show got canceled. and the whole time he's just standing there holding a little lopsided clay bowl... |
so you're heading somewhere interesting? | nope, just watching the trees blur. my best friend's moving to the coast next week, so this is basically the victory lap of loneliness before the real thing hits. |
long trip ahead of you? | yeah, few hours still. neighbor who's basically my best friend is shipping out to the coast next week, so i'm just sitting here counting down the days like a real winner. |
oh wait, what song was that you just hummed? sounded like something from way back | that cheesy freakin song from every middle school dance. you know the one where everyone would slow dance like they knew what they were doing. |
why'd you just get all quiet for a second? did that track hit something? | just that old song playing over the speakers. brought back the gym floor and the way the lights would go dim and we'd all pretend we weren't terrified. |
remember that one time you burned the toast in the office break room and blamed the toaster? | oh wow the dj played that same song last week |
you still bring those terrible instant coffee packets everywhere don't you | hits different at 6am in a café somehow |
what are you even doing on your phone this whole time? | just going through their old photos from before i was born. mom sent me this one where they're both in these ridiculous seventies outfits at some diner and my dad's got his arm slung over her shoulder like he's protecting her from the whole world. you can see he's got this stupid grin and she's laughing at something of... |
you've been quiet for like an hour what's going on in that head | thinking about how they met actually. mom always tells this story about the grocery store where she dropped a jar of pickles and he helped her clean it up. and now they've been doing that for forty years just cleaning up messes together. i'm sitting here watching the nurses walk by and realizing they did that for me to... |
remember when you said that program was for other people? | yeah well look at me now huh |
you called me at 3am after the email came through? | couldn't even breathe right for a solid ten minutes |
you still remember that old hoodie from the trip we took to the coast back in '82? | oh this relic? still smells like cheap coffee and bad decisions. |
the one with the faded logo you always said was 'perfectly broken in'? | yeah, that one. feels like holding a ghost, honestly. |
Wait, you look wrecked — when was the last time you actually slept through the night? | honestly don't remember. like I hit the pillow yesterday morning on the beach and that barely counted, the seagulls were going nuts and some kid was screaming about a sandcastle or whatever. third night in a row where I'm staring at a laptop screen at 4am and the words just blur together. prof keeps saying one more rev... |
So you're running on fumes — what's even keeping you going at this point? | caffeine and spite mostly. like there's this tiny voice in my head going just get through this one paper and you can crash for a week but then another assignment pops up and the cycle starts over. woke up this morning on the sand with my coat all sandy and cold and for a second I didn't know where I was. thought about ... |
you're awful quiet over there, everything alright? | just found an email from the lottery commission from three months ago. apparently i won two grand on a scratch card i bought at the gas station and completely forgot about. |
wait, why are you just staring at your phone like that? | this old email says i won a thousand bucks on a ticket i bought when i was here last summer. almost deleted it thinking it was spam. |
what are you gonna do now, just sit here and stare at the water? | maybe. or drive past it again just to confirm the color's that bad |
should we head back or do you need a minute? | nah, one more wave then we can go. the lilac really kills it though |
remember you mentioning that recruiter seemed really into your portfolio? | yeah that part's almost worse honestly. like got my hopes up for nothing and now i'm just sat here watching the fields blur past thinking about rent. |
did you ever send that email thanking them for the interview? | deleted it this morning. no point pretending i'm still in the running. just feels like all those late nights prepping were for absolutely nothing. |
Wait, someone actually paid for your coffee? What happened exactly? | paid for it and left this note tucked under the sugar dispenser — 'the world needs more people like you.' like i'd barely said two words to them, just stood there at the counter, and they saw something worth saying that about. |
So who was this person — did you get a look at them? | just a regular-looking fella, maybe late twenties, nodded once and walked out into the rain. i chased after him but he was already crossing the street. whole thing took maybe eight seconds and i've been thinking about it all night. |
wait, what happened with that box you found? | it's wild — just this old shoebox from college with all these letters from someone i was basically joined at the hip with for like three years. we'd write these ridiculous multi-page rants about everything from philosophy to what we ate for lunch. found one where she'd drawn this tiny cartoon of us falling off a cliff ... |
hold up — what box are you even talking about? | oh you know how my mom kept everything. she sent me this box of old junk she found in the attic and buried in there were all these letters from my old friend rachel. we used to write like every week for years — real letters on notebook paper with doodles in the margins. there's one where she drew a map of some imaginar... |
bet you're just thrilled to be here instead of anywhere else on earth right now | god you have no idea. like standing under the shower this morning and realizing i genuinely couldn't remember the last time i sat down and just — stared at a wall for five minutes. mom's been having these dizzy spells at night so i'm up checking on her every couple hours and then the day just starts and it's pills and ... |
so what's the excuse this time for skipping my call last night — lost your phone again | wish it was that simple. no the phone was literally in my hand when mom started asking about dad's old hospital blanket and then she couldn't remember where she put her glasses and we spent forty minutes hunting them down only to find them in the fridge. by the time i sat down to call you i just sat there on the edge o... |
what was that weird noise from the study? please don't tell me you were dropping books again | oh god the cat brought a live snake right onto my desk |
you look like you've seen a ghost — what happened in the stacks? | muffin just dropped a live garter snake on my lap |
You awake? Saw the light on. Everything okay? | bed's too big without him. kept tripping over him for years. |
I know it's late. Just had a feeling something was off. | fourteen years. that's longer than most marriages. |
wait what's that smile about | she left a sticky note in my lunch again. little heart drawn in the corner. thirty years in and that woman still sneaks those in |
you look like you just saw something nice | peanut butter sandwich with a note folded inside. just says 'you got this'. after all this time she still does that for me |
so what was in the box you were going through when i called? | old letters from that summer we spent drawing comics in your garage. yours had this doodle of me falling off a skateboard and wrote 'legendary wipeout' under it. forgot we were that stupid together. |
wait you found a box of what? | letters from back when my handwriting was still trying to look cool. reading through them now it's just page after page of 'remember when' stuff. like holding a Polaroid of a person i barely recognize. |
so what's the first thing you're gonna do when we get off this train? | oh god you're gonna laugh but i had this thought in the shower this morning like way too early because my brain decided that was prime thinking time apparently and i was like okay what if pigeons actually just have terrible eyesight and they're not trying to get away from us they just genuinely don't see us coming and ... |
what's going through your head right now? you've got that look | okay so this is going to sound ridiculous but i was standing here waiting and i started thinking about how every single person on this platform has their own version of what a good sandwich is and like that's wild if you really sit with it because you could ask anyone here and they'd have an opinion and half of them wo... |
so you've been a bit quiet today — everything okay? | hah, yeah, sorry — just got the biopsy thing hanging over me. like my brain keeps doing the math on symptoms and google is absolutely no help. trying to stay busy but the quiet moments get weird. |
when do they think you'll hear back? | sometime in the next few days, supposedly. which means every time my phone buzzes i jump like a cat. even told my team i might need to step out if the call comes — felt stupid saying it out loud. |
what are you even gonna do next time you see them? | maybe just avoid eye contact with the whole cereal aisle for like a month. my kid yelled 'that lady smells like grandma's basement' at a total stranger. |
how do you plan on handling that whole thing going forward? | thinking of wearing a disguise honestly. sunglasses and a hoodie at 3am on the bus, that's my new grocery run look. toddler's got no filter. |
wait, so you're telling me that quiet guy from accounting is actually some big deal online? | oh you wouldn't believe it. so i'm on the treadmill barely holding it together right before bed you know how i get and he just walks past and i see his phone screen light up and it's like a whole instagram page with thousands of comments. i almost tripped. turns out he's this whole vintage watch restorer with like a mi... |
no way, how'd you even find out about their secret online fame? | okay so i'm spotting this guy on the bench press and he's mid rep and his phone buzzes on the floor and i glance down and it's a brand deal notification from some watch company. i thought it was spam at first. then after we finish he's like sorry about that just some work stuff and i'm like work? and he pulls up his pr... |
so what are you gonna do, frame the napkin he said it on or something? | honestly might not even wash this hoodie for a week. was just sitting there with his little sticky hands all over his pancakes and he looks up at me mid-bite and goes 'luv you' like it was the most casual thing in the world. and i just froze because it's never happened before right and my cousin across the table starts... |
what are you gonna do next time you see him then? | thinking i'll just let him set the pace you know. like if he wants to say it again cool if not that's fine too because the moment itself was already this weird little gift i wasn't expecting. been replaying it all morning how his voice went up at the end like a question mark even though he wasn't asking anything. my co... |
what's the weirdest thing you'd eat if you had to survive on road trip snacks forever? | funyuns and gas station beef jerky without question |
if you could only listen to one album for the rest of this trip, what's the pick? | that old mix cd you made me in high school honestly |
so you're telling me the only thing between you and a home invasion is a deadbolt and some sheer curtains? | the curtains are a real problem actually. considered taping trash bags to the windows earlier but that felt like admitting defeat. |
you gonna call the cops or just lie there staring at the ceiling fan for the rest of the night? | pretty sure it's just a raccoon having a better friday than me. still. might just sleep in the bathroom with the light on. |
did you actually call her mom on the call then? | loud and clear for the whole team to hear. she just stared at me through the screen and said 'that's quite alright, dear'. |
so what'd you do after the word slipped out? | just sat there frozen for a solid ten seconds hoping the wifi would drop me. it didn't. had to finish the whole meeting pretending i wasn't bright red. |
So you've been staring at your phone all night — any update yet? | nothing yet. checking every five minutes though. |
What's going through your head right now, honestly? | just... replaying every weird little symptom like it means something. |
so you're telling me you actually enjoy watching her sleep? that's not creepy at all? | creepy would be if I was timing her breathing patterns or something. it's more like — she makes this tiny sound, like a kitten with a stuffy nose, and I just think yeah, I'd do the dishes for the rest of my life for that. |
what, did she fall asleep on your shoulder during the movie or what happened? | pretty much. her head just dropped onto my arm and she started snoring, a full-on little buzzsaw thing. and I'm sitting there not even noticing the movie anymore, just thinking how did I get this lucky, honestly. |
remember that time you swore you'd never wear heels again after that thing at Sarah's wedding? | god yeah that's coming back now. like the worst part wasn't even the fall you know it was the silence after. the whole tent just went dead quiet for like three full seconds and i could hear my own heartbeat and someone's fork clinking against a plate. and then my uncle kevin of all people yells nice save and i'm just l... |
didn't you say that bridesmaid dress was cursed or something from day one? | oh absolutely cursed no question about it. from the moment i tried it on and the zipper broke i should have known. but i was like no it's fine i'll just safety pin it and hope for the best. and then the whole universe was like bet. like that rug didn't just catch my heel it actively reached out and grabbed it i swear. ... |
So the whole dance floor just... cleared? | cleared is putting it mildly. like the music didn't even stop. people just sort of... froze. and i'm there on the floor thinking maybe if i stay down long enough they'll think it's part of the act. but no. my shoe flew off. landed in the cake. and my wife's cousin — you know the one with the camera — got the whole thin... |
Did anyone try to help you up or did they all just stare? | oh they stared all right. like i was a exhibit at a museum. the band actually stopped playing for a second. i think the drummer was trying not to laugh. and my granddaughter — she's six — she runs over and goes 'grandpa are you breakdancing?' i mean what do you even say to that. so i just lay there and said yes sweethe... |
you ever just look at a pile of laundry and feel like it's personally judging you? | oh the laundry mountain's got opinions alright. like this morning i'm standing there at 4am cause the baby decided sleep was optional and i'm staring at this pile that's somehow reproducing. there's a tiny sock from three loads ago i swear i already washed. and the other kid's coughing through the wall so i'm just like... |
how do you even keep going when everything's piling up at once? | you don't really keep going you just kinda... move. like there's no grand strategy just the next thing that screams loudest. last night i'm out on the balcony at like 2am cause the air's finally not stuffy and i'm thinking about how the laundry's been sitting there since tuesday. the younger one's got this cough that s... |
wait, what happened to you tonight? | phone died. middle of nowhere. started knockin' on doors. |
you okay? you look rattled. | ended up in some alley. no streetlights. heart was poundin'. |
rough morning? you're just standing there staring at the tracks. | brain's just... offline. might be permanent. |
do you think you'll mention it to anyone when you get home? | probably not because what do you even say. like hey mom almost killed twenty kindergartners tonight because some guy in a lifted truck decided my lane looked better. the bus driver honked too i think but it's all just a blur of red lights and my own stupid heartbeat. i keep replaying it in my head and laughing nervousl... |
what would you do if you blanked up there? | honestly just start crying probably |
you think you'll wing it or write something down? | draft's in my pocket yeah but my hands are shaking |
so what's with the grin, get a love note in your lunch again? | okay so like you know how I've been packing my own lunch lately, trying to save a few bucks, right. this morning I open the container and there's this tiny sticky note just stuck to the inside of the lid, written in her handwriting all loopy and small. just says 'you got this, tough guy' with a little heart. and I'm si... |
did she leave another one of those notes in your bag again? | yeah, you caught me. she tucked it right between the sandwich and the apple, little pink square that says 'don't forget to breathe' in her neat tiny letters. been staring at it for the last ten minutes over my coffee, just turning it over in my fingers. and it's funny because I've been running on autopilot for weeks no... |
wait so when you called did he actually say the words or was it more like a whole production? | just deadpan dropped to one knee in the middle of the kitchen floor. mom was still holding the spatula. kinda ruined the romantic lighting with the overhead fluorescent but whatever. |
did you even manage to get a full sentence out before calling me or was it just screaming? | honestly think I just held the phone toward him and went 'look' and then he showed the ring to you through the screen. very high tech proposal follow-up. |
so what's the plan now, celebrate or immediately panic about what comes next? | god i don't even know — part of me wants to just sit here and stare at the last page like it's going to disappear. three years of this thing living in my head and now it's just done, you know? the train's going past all these fields in the mist and i keep laughing for no reason, my seatmate probably thinks i'm unhinged... |
you've been talking about this for years — are you gonna send it out or just keep it to yourself? | oh god, the sending it out part is terrifying honestly. like i've got this little bubble where it's perfect because nobody's told me otherwise. but i think i have to try, right? i mean what's the point of spending every early morning on a train scribbling in notebooks if you're just gonna shove it in a drawer. my kid k... |
so what are you gonna do now, then? | well I've been sitting here watching the pigeons squabble over a stale croissant and honestly it's about the most drama I've seen in weeks. seventy-three years old and getting dumped like a forgotten grocery list — no explanation just a door closing. thought about calling her but what's the point. you can't argue someo... |
any idea what you'll do to get your mind off it? | cousin I have been sitting on this bench since dawn watching the joggers go by all full of purpose and energy and I'm thinking maybe I'll just become a permanent fixture. got a thermos of tea that's gone cold and a pack of biscuits I'm not hungry for. she said it wasn't me it was her and I'm supposed to just nod and ac... |
wait so you actually just sat there and listened to the whole thing? | yeah no that's the thing I thought it was gonna be like thirty seconds you know just a quick hey call me back but no it's like a full seven minutes of her just talking about her garden and what she made for dinner that one time and I'm standing there in my mom's kitchen with a half-eaten sandwich just frozen because he... |
did you actually cry or was it more of a 'oh wow' moment? | well okay so here's the thing I wasn't gonna cry like I was just gonna listen and be like oh that's nice and then she starts talking about this weird bird that kept landing on her windowsill and how it reminded her of one from when I was a kid and I don't know why that's what got me but it did like suddenly I'm just st... |
so you're just sitting there watching people? | kinda yeah but like it's fascinating how many different ways people order coffee you know? there's the person who's been staring at the menu for seven minutes like it's gonna change if they just glare hard enough, and then there's the one who walks in already knowing exactly what they want and says it before they even ... |
what are you even thinking about over there? | oh man okay so i just realized that every single table has at least one person on their phone and i'm literally doing the same thing but like does that cancel out the judgment or make me part of the problem? also this latte art is a swan i think? or maybe a really deformed duck. the barista definitely rushed it. i want... |
you look a little wired — everything okay getting here? | had to take this random shortcut and my phone was at like five percent. every guy who looked my way felt like a whole thing. glad I made it before the cake. |
what happened on your way over? you seemed frazzled when you walked in. | ended up on some street that had no lights and like three different dogs just staring at me from porches. kept thinking okay this is how true crime episodes start. |
so you're just sitting there in the dark at this hour? | yeah pretty much. like it started around midnight with this scraping sound against the side of the house near the kitchen window. thought it was a branch at first but then it stopped and started up again like ten minutes later but from the back door this time. you know that moment when your brain goes okay it's probabl... |
what's that little smile about all of a sudden? | she left a note in my lunchbox again. just a little 'have a good day, you dork' thing. it's the third time this month and it gets me every single time. |
you just did that thing where you look at your phone and go soft — what was it? | found a sticky note she tucked into my lunch from yesterday. says 'don't forget to eat the apple this time.' honestly might frame that one. |
Hey, you still remember that weird thing I told you about the lightbulb in my kitchen? | oh god the flickering one that sounded like a dying cricket? yeah that's stuck with me. saw a similar one at a diner last week and it made me smile. dumb but you know. |
Wait, do you actually recall the name of that band I was obsessed with senior year? | ha — those guys with the bassist who always wore the hawaiian shirt? yeah that one. you'd play them every single time you were folding laundry. hard to forget. |
what's the plan for tomorrow then, you gonna actually sleep? | sleep's a nice idea, maybe in a week or two. right now I'm just watching the streetlights flicker and counting how many hours till dawn again. |
you think you'll ever catch up on all this? | catch up, that's a good one. feels more like I'm just treading water and the tide keeps rising. even the damn pigeons on the railing look more rested than me. |
so what're you gonna do about that ticket then | wrote down the time stamp and snapped a photo of the busted meter right there. gonna fight it online tomorrow morning before my phone dies |
you think you can actually get out of it | meter was blinking error code when i parked and there's no way i'm paying thirty bucks for their broken machine. already drafted the dispute thing in my notes app |
what's that smell — is that the thing your dad used to make? | yeah it's his Sunday gravy. took me like an hour to find the right pot because my roommate's got every random kitchen gadget but nothing the right size. and i keep glancing over at the stove expecting him to walk in and tell me i'm cutting the onions wrong. he always said i was too impatient with them. like the whole p... |
how'd that karaoke moment end up feeling? | oh god the mic picked up every wrong note |
did anyone else notice the lyric flub? | whole place went quiet for a beat there |
what's that you're holding? looks important. | just finished the last page of my novel. three years of staring at this thing and it's finally done. feels like I just ran a marathon but in a good way. |
did you just finish something big? you've got that look. | turned in the final draft of the book about ten minutes ago. seventy-two thousand words and I still can't quite believe it's over. |
wait you actually hit it? the one you've been chasing for months? | yeah the deadlift finally happened. two fifteen felt like nothing was even on the bar for a second. roof looks better tonight than it usually does. |
so how'd it feel when you saw the number pop up? | honestly just stood there staring at the plates for like ten seconds. didn't even hear the clanking. you know that moment where your brain goes quiet for once. |
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