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so what's this dream you keep muttering about? | oh you're gonna love this. dreamt i was running a bodega but every customer was a cat in a tiny suit demanding specific brands of tuna. woke up and actually checked my pantry. |
any interesting dreams lately or just the usual nonsense? | had one where i was trying to fold a fitted sheet but it kept turning into a flock of geese. they were not helpful. margaret says that's my brain processing tax season and honestly she might be onto something. |
you sure you're not gonna just collapse if you sit down for a second? | third night in a row where the sun's coming up and i'm still staring at the same spreadsheet. dog's been looking at me weird like 'bro you forgot to feed me again?' and i didn't even register i'd missed dinner. then i look at my phone and there's like seventeen unread messages from the group chat and i just swipe them ... |
does it ever feel like the list just keeps getting longer no matter what you cross off? | remember last month when i said i'd finally catch up on sleep after the project deadline? yeah that was a joke. been running on fumes so long my brain's started doing this thing where i'll be mid-sentence and just blank on a word completely. like yesterday called the toaster 'the bread heater' and didn't even blink. do... |
remember when you practiced that toast in the mirror for like an hour and kept messing up the best man's name? | god don't remind me, my voice is gonna crack so bad |
didn't you say you had that first line memorized since last week? | yeah well my brain's currently a blank white page |
what are you gonna do now, just wait around? | brought a whole casserole and everything. margaret's gonna think i'm losing it. maybe i just sit on the porch swing until six rolls around. |
any idea how you're gonna play this off? | told her i was testing the new potato salad recipe. she gave me this look like i'd grown a second head. gonna have to eat a lot of potato salad today. |
you been out on that balcony for a while now — everything okay? | yeah just thinking. you know how it is. seventy-something years old and your own mother forgets your birthday. not even a call. just a text the next morning saying sorry she was busy. like busy doing what. she's retired. sits home watching her shows. but couldn't pick up the phone for two minutes. and i'm out here tryi... |
did something happen today? you seem quieter than usual | yeah well. birthday came and went. not a big deal usually. but my mom didn't even acknowledge it. not a single word. saw her post on facebook about some neighbor's cat having kittens but couldn't spare a happy birthday for her own kid. seventy years old and i'm out here on this balcony at midnight feeling like a little... |
you seriously kept that in your head all this time? | that thing you said about your grandma's recipe? the one with the burnt honey. stuck with me since like april. don't know why. |
did you check your first deposit yet or are you waiting till you get home? | yeah i checked it on my phone like five minutes ago and i literally had to zoom in because i thought the app glitched. definitely not complaining but also maybe don't let me near a credit card today. |
what's the damage? i mean the good kind of damage? | okay so it's like almost thirty percent more than what they told me in the offer letter. i keep refreshing the bank app like a psychopath on this stupid train. lunch is definitely on me though. |
what are you even staring at over there? | that guy with the backpack is definitely a spy, just saying |
you plotting something or just zoning out? | gate agent's giving side-eye to everyone in a red shirt, clearly a conspiracy |
wait you're the one who told me you loved the chaos of freelancing — what happened to that energy? | chaos is great till it's four a.m. and you're googling whether caffeine actually works anymore or you've just been placebo-ing yourself for years |
so you dragged me here at midnight just to watch you scroll through emails? what's actually going on with work? | oh you know, just the usual spiral where i take on seventeen deadlines like some kind of productivity martyr and then act shocked when my brain files for divorce |
hold on, what did you just say? | so i'm sitting on this log near the water eating a sandwich and i hear my phone buzz but it's not a new notification, it's this old voicemail notification i've apparently been ignoring for years. opened it up and it's my uncle joe's voice from before he passed. he was just rambling about how the tide was low that morni... |
wait, you actually drove past your old house? what happened? | yeah so i'm on facetime with my mom complaining about my calc final and i take this random detour out of habit and there it is. except it's like a completely different color now. like they painted over the sage green with this aggressive beige that looks like it belongs on a storage unit. and i just sat there in my car... |
so you saw it and what, got all emotional? | oh totally not emotional at all i just sat there in my rust bucket honda like a complete idiot staring at this beige atrocity. i mean the new people probably think they're so fancy with their fresh paint and their nice lawn but they don't know about the time i threw up in the bushes after eating too many green apples o... |
you've been staring at that clock for like an hour now — what's going through your head? | just keep thinking about how quiet it is in here. like the vending machine hum is the loudest thing and it's this dumb steady noise that won't stop and every time i almost drift off it snaps me back. and then i start wondering if the results are already sitting in some inbox and nobody's bothered to check because it's ... |
you remember how last week you were complaining about your printer jamming before that pitch? | yeah, and now my phone's blowing up with journalists and i'm standing here with a sweaty towel like this is actually real, you know? |
didn't you say your co-founder was arguing with you about the budget just two days ago? | yeah, and now we're in the news and it feels like some kind of mistake, like any second someone's gonna tap my shoulder and say 'sorry, wrong company.' |
so you're actually gonna go through with it then? | standing here in my old bedroom with the glow-in-the-dark stars still on the ceiling. like i'm twelve again except now i have to talk about love in front of sixty people. |
how's the speech looking? | crumpled napkin on the nightstand with 'you're beautiful' crossed out three times. if i open my mouth up there i might just hum the macarena and sit down. |
so you called me from the beach at midnight, what's going on? | well he pulled out this ring and my brain just went blank. then the waves were really loud and i think i said yes like five times. |
you're not usually one for dramatic gestures, what happened? | honestly thought he was just dragging me out here to see a stupid moon. then he dropped to one knee in the sand and my phone fell out of my pocket. |
so he flaked again, huh? third time this month? | third time in three weeks, actually. keeping count now. |
what was the excuse this time? headache? | headache. which is funny cause last time it was a headache too. |
so what's next, you gonna ask for an autograph? | god i literally almost said 'i love your work' to his face |
did you at least play it cool or full deer in headlights? | stood there like a stunned potato for a solid five seconds |
you're grinning like you just won the lottery — did you finally beat the coffee machine or what? | okay so this is going to sound ridiculous but i just did forty-five straight minutes on the stair climber without stopping. forty-five. like last month i couldn't even do twenty without my legs giving out and now i'm just standing there watching the timer tick over and my brain went wait what. and i had to double-check... |
whoa you look like you just swallowed a secret — did something actually go right for once? | so you know how i've been complaining about plateauing on everything for like two months straight? yeah turns out my body was just warming up because i deadlifted a hundred and thirty-five today. i know that's not like world record stuff but for me that's the number i've been staring at on paper thinking never. and the... |
so what's your plan for getting through the rest of this week, if you even have one? | plan is laughable honestly. been staring at the same email from that client for three days now and every time i open it i just close the tab. inbox is at like sixty-seven unread and i keep getting that notification sound and my brain just goes nope not today. was supposed to have three drafts done by yesterday afternoo... |
what are you even gonna do about all those deadlines stacking up? | honestly no clue. keep telling myself i'll just power through but then i open the laptop and the cursor's just blinking at me like a judgmental little dot. got three projects due this week and i've started exactly zero of them. inbox is this endless pit of 'just following up' emails that make me want to throw the phone... |
you still remember the exact spot i lost my first tooth? that was like four years ago | course i do. front porch crack. |
bet you forgot what i said about wanting a pet llama that summer | "if i get one i'm naming it nacho." still waiting. |
So that first solo flight thing, how bad did the turbulence actually get up there? | my knuckles were white on that yoke, you know? the plane just dropped like a stone for a second, and i'm thinking at my age this is a ridiculous way to go |
You mentioned the flight earlier — was it as scary as you thought it'd be? | that big shudder hit and the altimeter started spinning and i honest-to-god said out loud 'well this is it then' to nobody in the cabin |
wait, so she's actually got like a million followers? | m-more than that. way more. |
you had no clue the whole time? | none. been riding the same bus for months. |
remember how you stared at that application page for like twenty minutes before you hit submit? | oh man that first email — actually screamed in the grocery store |
wasn't there a whole thing with the recommendation letter deadline last year? | still can't believe that email was real honestly |
so what's your move now, just let her go? | guess I'll figure out how to be alone again |
you gonna try to get some answers out of her? | nah, what's the point, she's already gone |
wait what happened that night you were out? | you remember that night in july when i mentioned wanting a lemon tree? well last week a box showed up at my door. just a little potted one with a note in your handwriting saying 'for the balcony you always talked about'. like that was months ago i barely even remembered saying it. and you just. kept it tucked away some... |
wait what were you saying about the coffee thing? | oh right the coffee thing. so you know how i'm weirdly specific about oat milk brands? like that whole rant about the barista blend vs the regular one? apparently you were taking notes because last week a package arrived with three different oat milks and a sticky note that said 'taste test tonight? call me'. and i jus... |
so they still haven't found it then? | nope. tracking number just says 'delayed' which apparently translates to 'we have no clue where your grandmother's veil ended up'. the one person who could fix this went home at 5. |
what did they say when you called again? | some poor guy read a script at me about 'escalating the case'. i asked him if escalating means someone's actually going to look or if it's just a nicer word for waiting. he didn't have an answer for that. |
so what's the plan for the rest of your day then? | oh i'm just watching this couple on the bench opposite have the most intense argument about a sandwich. seriously riveting stuff. |
any idea what you're gonna do later? | honestly this guy just tried to feed a pigeon his leftover fries and it literally flew away from him. i'm not moving for at least another hour. |
Excuse me, is that your grandkid up ahead on the trail? | yeah that's my granddaughter. watch her hop from rock to rock — did that exact same thing at her age with my own brother. funny how that comes back around. |
She seems really focused on those wildflowers — does she always stop like that? | every single time. reminds me of me at eight years old bending over every dandelion on the path like it held some secret. time just folds in on itself watching her. |
did you ever hear back from your mom about the birthday thing? | nope not a word. not even a late text. |
what got you thinking about birthdays anyway? | just... watched someone get a call from their mom today. that's all. |
so your mom forgot your birthday and you're out here crying at 2am like a loser? | okay but who forgets their own kid's birthday though |
did she at least send a text the next day or just crickets? | nothing until i called her and she went 'oh was that yesterday' |
dude, what's going on? | oh you know just living the dream here, another all-nighter and the coffee's starting to taste like regret. kinda forgot what actual sleep feels like at this point. |
Did you even bother checking the signs? | signs my foot. stood right there and looked. read the whole thing twice. says no parking seven to nine for street cleaning. I was there at six-forty-five. you tell me where the violation is. meter maid probably had a quota to hit. these people don't look at dates or times they just scan the plate and write. got the pho... |
So what are you going to do about it? | already printed the form from the city website. the one for disputing. got the photo printed too with the time stamp circled in red. they want a hearing? fine. I'll show up with my little folder. like that time with the water bill. remember that? overcharged by thirty bucks. took four months but they caved. same energy... |
you flying much these days then? | first solo flight hit turbulence so bad I actually apologized to the plane |
ever have one of those days where everything goes sideways? | told the control tower I was fine while my knuckles were still white |
what do you think you'll do if this keeps up? | probably just stare at the spin cycle for another hour |
should you maybe take the night off? | yeah the words are just floating now anyway |
how's the practice run going? you said it got bumpy earlier | man the ceiling fan is not helping right now. every wobble just reminds me of that drop we hit over the mountains. my knuckles are still white thinking about it |
did the instructor say anything when you mentioned the turbulence? | he just said 'ride it out' like it's nothing. easy for him to say when he's not the one gripping the yoke like a stress ball. lunch can wait my stomach's doing loops anyway |
what are you even gonna say up there? you've been staring at that napkin for twenty minutes | honestly no clue. kept thinking i'd just wing it like every other speech i've done but this is her wedding you know? like my sister's actual wedding and i've got the mic and everyone's gonna be looking at me and i'll probably just freeze and say something about the chicken being dry. had a whole thing planned about whe... |
so you're really going through with this? no last-minute backup plan? | wish i had a backup plan that didn't involve me spontaneously combusting. mom keeps saying just speak from the heart and i'm like mom my heart is currently trying to escape through my throat. wrote something down on my phone last night but it's just bullet points that say 'remember to breathe' and 'don't make eye conta... |
that old thing? looks like it's been through a lot | yeah found it buried in the back of a closet this morning. stains from some frat party and a faded logo that barely says the school name anymore |
wait is that the one you wore every single day junior year? | the exact one. frayed cuffs and that weird bleach spot from when we tried to clean the sink. kinda want to just keep it in a drawer forever |
whats that smell — are you actually cooking right now? | yeah yeah it's this thing my dad used to do every sunday morning before anyone else was up, like a whole production with the onions sweating and the garlic hitting the pan, you could hear it from upstairs and you'd just know it was gonna be one of those days where nothing rushed you. i found his handwritten recipe card... |
wait is that the sunday sauce thing you mentioned once? | oh god yeah that's the one, the one that takes like four hours minimum and he'd just stand there sipping coffee and poking at it between chores, never wrote down measurements just handfuls of this and pinches of that, drove my mom crazy because she could never replicate it. i've got his actual pan out, the one with the... |
so what's the first thing you're gonna do now? | probably stare at my hand for the next three hours. my mom keeps crying in the doorway so that's fun. |
any idea where you want the wedding to be? | was thinking the backyard honestly. less pressure and the dog can be ring bearer. |
you're grinning at your phone again — what's going on? | mom and dad's anniversary today. thirty years, man. |
why are you all smiley all of a sudden? | just thinking about my parents' dance at their anniversary dinner. |
remember how you made me try that weird coffee shop that time? the one with the mismatched chairs? | yeah that place. god. you knew before I did that morning probably. saw your face when I walked in. they called and I just sat there in that stupid green chair staring at the phone and you didn't say anything just put the cup in front of me. and now I'm up here looking at all these lit windows thinking everybody else go... |
that time you showed up at my desk with a bagel and just waited? what were you waiting for? | honestly don't think you even knew what you were waiting for. maybe just for me to crack. which I did about three bites in. that bagel was everything though. funny how a sesame seed circle can hold more comfort than any person's words ever could. and now here I am same feeling but ten times bigger. like the world said ... |
you look like you're running on fumes, what's going on? | three nights. literally three. |
did you even sleep last night? | nope. just coffee and regret. |
what do you even say to him at this point? | might just tell him the next time he cancels I'm showing up at his place with a casserole and a calendar. see how fast he learns to commit to a tuesday lunch. |
so what's the move next time he texts? | probably gonna leave him on read for a solid hour then reply with just a thumbs up. petty? maybe. but three strikes and I'm not the one swinging at air. |
were there any signs at all before it happened? | babe i've been replaying every conversation for a week. like maybe the silence at dinner meant something. or maybe it didn't. drives me crazy. |
remember that time you said you'd never work past midnight? | god those were simpler days |
didn't you swear off taking on more projects after last december? | yeah that resolution lasted like a week |
remember that time you said you'd never step foot in an airport again after that layover from hell? | yeah well that was before i had a reason to. you just standing there with that duffel bag made the whole thing worth it honestly. |
didn't you tell me once you thought surprise visits were a thing only crazy exes did? | still think that. but then you showed up and mom's kitchen suddenly felt like the only place i was supposed to be. |
are you really gonna make me look at all twenty of these? | the light was just right that day |
so that's the famous trip, huh? | look at us thinking we were so cool |
what's your plan when you finally get off this train then | sleep for about twelve hours straight, maybe let the cat decide if i deserve to eat first. this week's been a blur of coffee and beeping machines honestly |
any idea what you're gonna do with your next day off | probably stare at a wall for a solid hour before remembering i have a life outside those hospital walls. the couch and i have a serious date scheduled |
so what are you gonna do now, just replay it in your head all day? | yeah basically that's the plan. like I'm on this trail right now and the sun's coming up and all I can think about is her little voice going 'daddy look bird' like it was the most important discovery in human history. my phone's been in my pocket the whole hike but I keep wanting to pull it out and text everyone even t... |
what're you going to do next time you see her? | okay so here's what I'm thinking — I'm gonna get down on her level like right in front of her face and just wait. no prompting no pointing no nothing. just sit there and see if she does it again. I've been replaying it over and over like what if it was a fluke or what if she was just copying me and then I think no she ... |
remember when you said we were cursed after that one preseason game? | yeah well curse officially broken. that whole preseason talk was just me being dramatic because we all knew the pieces were there it just wasn't clicking yet. but tonight though — that last second shot? you could feel it in the air like the whole arena held its breath and then just exploded. i was hugging strangers dud... |
didn't you say you'd retire from watching if they didn't pull this one off? | okay that was a heat of the moment thing and obviously i'm not retiring because look at this. like you remember the pass right? the one that threaded through three defenders like it was nothing? i think i blacked out for a second. and now i'm standing here in the parking lot yelling at the moon like an absolute lunatic... |
you just got real quiet standing there by the water fountain, everything okay? | some woman walked past and it was grandma's exact perfume |
what's that look you got right now, reminiscing about something? | that lavender scent hit me like a time machine for a second |
you remember that time at the farmer's market when little timmy yelled out about the lady's hat looking like a mushroom? | oh lordy, don't remind me. he was barely three and had that whole 'mushroom' fixation from the picture book we'd read a hundred times. there she was, this lovely woman with a proper wide-brimmed sun hat, and timmy just points and shouts 'mushroom lady! mushroom lady!' at the top of his little lungs. i wanted the earth ... |
wasn't there a day at the park when your grandson announced something about the man's belly to the whole playground? | oh heavens, that was just last spring, wasn't it? we were on that old bench near the swings and this nice fella walked by with a bit of a belly, and my grandson, god love him, he points and says 'look grampa, he's got a baby in his tummy just like mommy did!' loud enough for the whole park to hear. i felt my face go ho... |
wait, so Mittens just waltzed in with a whole snake? like a welcome home present? | not even a dead one either. just sitting there in the hallway looking smug while the thing slithered past my foot |
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