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...there came out really strongly against it because they had been through the martin luther king debacle...
H
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Male
...20 years before, but they remembered it was... and so it was really front and center when it came here, and i'll never forget having a breakfast with business leaders here in portland and sitting down and...
N
4.8
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Male
...it's last thing in the world that they want anybody to be, that want past. but let alone, nobody wanted on the ballot, nobody wanted to even give it the light of day. it just didn't merit...
X
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Male
so, and i don't mean on a policy matter...
N
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Male
...eliminated, and as a consequence, we've seen this.
N
4.222222
3.666667
4.444444
428
Male
so we have a tremendous amount of work to do, but thankfully we've laid the groundwork, as gina said, where it's going to be a more solid road to travel, but we still have many, many...
X
4.2
4.8
4.6
428
Male
but we haven't even gotten there fully, and we certainly haven't gotten to the place where individual...
N
4.692308
3.461538
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426
Male
advocates for the neonicotinoids. i added a syllable.
N
3.8
4.2
4.2
426
Male
so i don't have love for... i play the role of an ugly american either unintentionally or intentionally...
N
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5
426
Male
and i do not have love for mosquitoes, and i do not have love for yellow jackets and hornets. i find them mostly useless, but i do have great love and affection for pollinators...
X
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Male
...do impact our friendly neighborhood bee man.
N
4.8
4.8
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426
Male
are you pushing this kind of thing in the legislature?
N
3.8
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4.6
1261
Female
...ness, spontaneous combustion, flipper babies...
N
4.8
4.2
5.2
1259
Female
that was fake, it's not real. gmoo vehicles, it isn't real, i already know. i can tell. you're trying to play a trick on our listeners.
X
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426
Male
and this was based on a video that i saw.
N
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451
Male
i don't remember the video. it might've been a buzzfeed video, but it was when these two people who were together for some time...
X
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451
Male
...they broke up and then they got them back together for the video to just talk about their relationships and everything like that. and it...
X
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Male
...seemed like a very vulnerable experience. and you guys know that's what this whole podcast is supposed to be about. it's about focusing on the vulnerabilities of...
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Male
...of people's experiences, the things that we face as people of color. and one of the most intimate term points of that is relationships and long-term...
N
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4
4.8
451
Male
...relationships. so me and jess were together for two years, and then we separated.
S
3.4
3
4
451
Male
but yeah, so that's kind of what...
H
5.846154
5.538462
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451
Male
...what the premise of this was. and i want to thank jess in advance...
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Male
...because we're talking about breakups. it's, one, you were my first real relationship, my first love, and it's...
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Female
something i'm still working to get through a year something later.
S
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3.6
Unknown
Unknown
...and why do you think that is? why do you think you...
N
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3.8
4.2
451
Male
we separated, broke up, whatever term you want to use.
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Female
i kind of forced myself to just get really busy and focus on other things that i had going on. so...
N
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471
Female
...dr. whatever i was doing while i was out in the dr...
N
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Female
...then getting ready for graduation and the whole time, it was just kind of like, i'm working to get through this one day at a time type of thing. but...
N
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Female
...i still had to kind of find myself in the places that i felt comfortable in the spaces that i could inhabit. i think without having that...
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Female
oh, kyle's girlfriend or kyle's ex-girlfriend thing still attached to me for a really long time...
N
3.6
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471
Female
...which is again, why i couldn't get myself to live in the house. i couldn't be around the apartments that much.
N
5.4
4
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471
Female
didn't really want to do the dance thing again because i needed to find...
A
3.833333
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471
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...other things that i get to, one, see all the growth that happened throughout the relationship, and then the growth that came after. and it's still coming.so...
N
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4.2
471
Female
when you say that title of...
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451
Male
...of kyle's ex-girlfriend or kyle's girlfriend, did you place that upon yourself after the fact? or was it other people were placing that on you, or you thought other people were placing...
N
3.8
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451
Male
...that on you?i think it was both. the younger classes that definitely only knew you because, i mean, who didn't really know you? i was, oh, kyle's girlfriend or the girl...
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Female
it was that, and then it was just, even people that knew me...
N
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Female
...only by association. it was like, oh, you were with kyle or, oh, i thought you graduated because kyle... no, i'm 15.
N
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Female
-and then it was just me too because you said we were together two years, so whatever started between us-
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Female
-or us to break up, going into senior year.
S
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Female
you're about to have a completely different experience for what is your senior year so i had to figure out what i needed or wanted that to be.
N
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Female
there's a lot of background story to everything. so, i'm trying to not confuse the people as we jump into this.
N
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Male
me and jess met her freshman year, my sophomore year.
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-a little bit, i mean, a little bit into it. i was abroad and then i came back and then i met her.
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Male
and so that's just a little bit of backstory.
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451
Male
and basically the decision to-
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Male
i wasn't at a place in life where i wanted it to be in terms of my own happiness. and i didn't want-
S
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Male
-affect jess's life. and to be completely honest, i think that we both still needed to grow a lot more individually before-
S
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Male
i couldn't, i thought it would be selfish of me to ask somebody to stay and wait for me and wait for me to figure things out while-
C
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451
Male
-while i was trying to figure out myself, right? i think it kind of selfish for me to say, "all right, this is going to be a huge whirlwind-"
N
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,"so stick around and stay tuned to find out the next episode of driving ballsy." you know? you never really know-
H
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-what's going to happen. and to be honest, it's like a selfless thing and it's a very selfish move-
D
4.2
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451
Male
-wanting that, because in doing something like that, you're choosing to end something that-
N
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451
Male
-two people enter together and it's been-
H
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Male
-for so long and it's so intimate and you get so close to each other, that-
N
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451
Male
-it's a hard thing to do. and it's a hard thing to say-
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451
Male
-out loud. and then it's a hard thing to accept in the long run. so i guess how at the beginning, how did you first-
N
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4
451
Male
other than those hours of crying, or what felt like hours of crying in your house-
X
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Female
-really, really sad and pathetic moment.
S
3.583333
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but the flight to dri was really rough. the first one. so from new york to miami-
S
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3
471
Female
i was one of those sad burrito things like you see those things on tumblr, it's going to be like, "i'm going to be a sad burrito thing." i took out the blanket that i had in my backpack-
H
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4
471
Female
-wrapped myself in it because i happened to have a row to myself in the airplane-
N
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3.4
471
Female
-for the flight done. the flight attendant had to wake me up when we got to miami. and then i was just like-
N
3.8
3.8
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471
Female
-did that happen? did it really happen because i had already texted you before i took off.
N
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Female
i think i had texted or called donnie before then-
X
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4
471
Female
-and then i had to call my dad. and that's when-
X
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3
471
Female
-it got really rough because i was waiting for the flight from miami to the dr.
S
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Female
and sitting there being like, "one, i'm not going to be really calling my dad that much because it'll be facetime if anything." and i felt like i needed to let him know because-
X
4
3
3.8
471
Female
-it's something that he had kind of warned me about.
X
4.4
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471
Female
so when i called him and then i-
U
3.6
3.6
3.6
471
Female
-was like maybe 20 seconds into the call and i like broke down-
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Female
one, i needed to say it in spanish. i needed it to feel comfortable for me.
N
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471
Female
kind of downhill and then there was a lot of crying.
X
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471
Female
straighten up. i didn't really want to talk about it. pretended like nothing was happening.
S
4.25
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471
Female
lived with my roommates, did all the work, and then at night is when it'd be really rough because-
S
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3
2.8
471
Female
-but it helped for me to be away and to not have to deal with it at school right from the beginning.
N
3.666667
4.333333
4.166667
471
Female
i leaned on my brother and my dad a lot-
N
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4
4
471
Female
-while i was going through it. and she was really, really helpful.
S
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471
Female
they were just understanding. mad, yes. but very understanding.
X
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Female
and one of the girls who happened to be my roommate out there, [inaudible 00:04:19], she was literally like my saving grace. she's-
S
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2
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Female
she was 26 and she turned 26 while we were out there and she just-
N
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Female
-from a different perspective and then just kind of talk things out-
N
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471
Female
a different way like how? what did she say that you think-
X
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Male
-stuck with you?i think it wasn't so much like what she said, but it was just me irritating, not irritating, like reiterating-
N
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471
Female
-your reasons. and then, again, it's not like i ever doubted your reasons or anything, but it was just still really hard to hear.
S
3.2
3
3.2
471
Female
.. and then going through my head, like, "what happened?"
X
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471
Female
or why that came about and how things happened is what i was trying to do. and, i talked to her about-
N
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471
Female
... but also i was out in the [dr 00:00:16]. so, going to the beach and giving myself that time or taking it while i was with the girls-
N
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Female
... kind of working to accept it because, what, i was-
S
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3
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Female
i had turned 21, and for them it was really awkward to see-
N
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Female
... a girl or woman who's 21, who's not married, who doesn't have kids.oh, [inaudible 00:00:39].yeah, they would ask, all the time, "where's your husband? where are your kids? do you have any?
X
4
3.4
4
471
Female
they'd ask all the time, and i think it was just those things where i was like, i had to kind of take and process and then just be like, "well, this is kind of what things are right now."
N
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3.8
471
Female
either [inaudible 00:00:58].no. they were all coming from the us. but, even people that worked there, like one of the youngest workers, she was-
S
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yeah, one of the youngest ones. she had already had two children and she was younger than us. so the fact that they knew here i was a girl that had started going through the program and learning-[inaudible 00:01:19].
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Female
you, i guess, of everything that just happened to... do you think that made it-
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Male
... easier to deal with because you were forced to confront it? or do you think it made it harder?
N
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Male
i think both. it made it harder just because it felt like it was really soon.
N
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Female
as they would ask me those things, every now and then i had to be like, "i'm going to go to the restroom." and i go to the restroom and just be like-
N
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471
Female
in terms of my conversation with [inaudible 00:01:47], i think it did help me just like-
X
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471
Female