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exactly.sure she's violated, but she wants a definition for what she is going through. it doesn't feel right with her soul instinctively.
N
4.8
3.2
4.4
315
Female
she knows she's being violated, but she still poses it as a question. am i being violated?
N
3.8
3.2
4.6
315
Female
within our laws in south africa, a very big step that was made, putting it into law and saying-
N
4.8
4.4
4.6
344
Female
... over many years, perhaps somebody who you may have shared really intimate secrets-
N
2.8
4
3.2
344
Female
...this person could be raping you is so out of context, within this sacredness-
D
4.2
1.6
4.4
344
Female
at first, i couldn't handle it. i did go through a time when i wanted-
N
3
3.4
4
1270
Female
... to report, but now it's just another day.
N
3.6
3.4
3
1269
Male
there's no filing-
N
4
3.8
3.6
1269
Male
... [inaudible 00:04:15] .sometimes it happens-
N
2.8
3.4
3.4
1269
Male
...and some other times i may be away, and-
S
3.307692
3.307692
3.076923
1270
Female
... noticed that pulling when he knows and he feels that i don't want to do this, but it just goes on.
S
2.8
1.8
2.6
1270
Female
i think that's why it's so confusing. so jennifer, you said in the beginning, you wanted to report it because you had a sense-
N
4.4
3.6
4.8
344
Female
you weren't giving consent that he was taking without asking or without you consenting? is that heartfelt for you?
N
4.2
3.2
4.2
344
Female
and you realized it was wrong, but i guess the nature of the relationship didn't allow you to speak.
N
3.8
3.8
4.4
344
Female
"hey, this is not consent. i don't want to be doing this. let's make love not rape."
X
3.6
2.4
3.4
344
Female
i did, but... i don't know.=, maybe he just doesn't take it that way.
S
3.333333
2.833333
3
1270
Female
yeah, in a lot of respects.
N
3.333333
3.666667
3.5
1270
Female
and is this something which traditionally you are accepting? do you think it's part of your culture or religion, that this is a role of women and men?
N
4
3.8
4.2
344
Female
... but you go to famsa, and go and get some counseling. they're on a-
N
2.2
3.6
3.2
344
Female
... sliding scale, so whatever you can afford, you pay. go and get some support, and i mean this-
S
3.4
3.2
4.8
344
Female
not often, but there are those moments.
N
4.2
3.6
3.6
1269
Male
yes, it's quite strained, but in those moments, for me to enjoy it, i actually imagine someone else, not him.
X
2.5
3.4
2.6
1270
Female
what sometimes happens between them, where there is sex happening, and at other times there is-
N
4.7
3.5
5.2
315
Female
... what jennifer experiences as a violation. we'll talk about that in a moment, but-
X
4.4
3.4
4.2
315
Female
i wonder what's in jennifer's husband's mind, and what goes on in his mind when jennifer is sleeping, or jennifer doesn't want to-
N
3.4
3.4
4.4
315
Female
... jennifer feels forced, and then tomorrow or the next day the situation is different.
N
4.6
3.4
4.4
315
Female
... then push it until they actually give in, and then sex happens. so, what is... that is one of the questions that i do have for our listeners.
N
3.8
3.8
4.2
344
Female
how do you really know the difference, for men, between rape and-?
C
3.4
3.4
4.4
344
Female
she's still in his bed every day. if it was that bad, like the letter from this woman, she would've got the police in. why don't women-
N
5.454545
3.636364
5.272727
344
Female
the [inaudible 00:07:38] is to communicate as couples, to be honest towards each-
A
5.375
2.875
4.875
1269
Male
"i don't like, one, two, three. going forward, i wouldn't like you to do these things, because i feel that i've been raped or i've been [inaudible 00:07:49] to do something that i'm not comfortable with." that's my own opinion.
C
4.2
3.8
4
1270
Female
i want to ask you this, when you are making love to a woman, do you feel when a woman-
N
3.4
4
3
344
Female
definitely, i must, because it is issue of the body language-
N
3.6
4
4.2
1270
Female
... definitely stop, i would definitely stop and look for a response. and that would be a verbal one, [inaudible 00:08:10], "are you okay? are you happy? are you enjoying what i'm-?"
N
4.4
3.4
4.4
1270
Female
... where she's afraid, and it is absolutely the responsibility of both partners, but certainly for the man to check in.
N
4.4
3
4.2
344
Female
we cannot just accept that, "a no's a no," or that a lack of responsiveness-
X
4.8
3
4.8
344
Female
... is a no. there is just an absolute non-negotiability around having to have a conversation when you are feeling, with your own integrity, "something is off here."
N
4.8
3
4.8
344
Female
... because they alienate. i don't know one black man who pays lobola and thinks that they own their wives, and i know a lot of black men.
N
4.2
3.2
4.6
315
Female
but, john has a point that in some circumstances-
C
4.6
3.8
5
315
Female
... it's seen as a transactional thing, where the man may believe that lobola means he owns his wife.
X
4.2
3
5
315
Female
... you now have ownership of your woman.submit and [crosstalk 00:09:02].i want to just talk to this fact of women saying, "no," because there is a huge initiative against that, that women cannot take responsibility for consent-
X
5.222222
2.888889
5.444444
344
Female
... non-consent. men have got to be participant in that. they have to be able to read the responsiveness-
X
4.4
4
4.8
344
Female
john is absolutely right. and i love what you're saying, john, that, you to stop and ask, "are you enjoying this, is this great-?"
N
4.166667
4.666667
4.166667
315
Female
very, very great topic, which i believe it spreads-
N
3.833333
4.166667
3.5
1270
Female
... much more broader than-
N
3.6
3.8
3.2
1270
Female
redi and dr. eve, it's something that has been, i think, an engraved-
N
3.2
3.4
3.8
1270
Female
i love what andile is saying, dr. eve. let me tell you why,-
N
4.7
4.6
4.4
315
Female
... because he's basically saying, if in every area of our lives-
N
2.6
3.6
3.6
315
Female
... at churches, work, in our society-
N
4.2
4.4
4.2
315
Female
...partner. how can we expect, that even in the institution of marriage, or even in the home, that the dynamics would be different? and unless we address the inequality in those many other areas-
N
4.7
3.9
4.7
315
Female
it's absolutely heartbreaking, that this has such an impact. which is what rape does, whichever rape you have. that it has such a-
S
3.4
1.8
4.2
344
Female
[inaudible 00:00:32] where, you can hear, she had it once and-
N
4.6
4.2
4.4
344
Female
... thing is the pain, which she talks about. you're in a situation where you not expecting to be hurt. you're not expecting to be forced.
S
4.5
2.833333
4.833333
344
Female
the non-ability to negotiate condoms, as well. so, this is-
N
4.4
3.6
4.6
344
Female
it's traumatic from a health point of view, as well as your own sense, your own sense-
N
4.4
4.2
4
344
Female
... of self. really, i do want to bring in an element over here, which i want people to think about and we're going to link-
N
5
4.4
4.2
344
Female
oh, yeah. i mean, this is a conversation for men, and i'm really delighted. and i think that the men who have called in today, they're the men who are aware, and conscious and mindful of what's going on.
N
4.6
4.8
4
344
Female
i'm interested, also, in the other part of the conversation, jane, that you bring; is that, if you're not sleeping with me, who else is sleeping with? it's like your vagina belongs to me. and if you're going to refuse me...
D
3.8
2.6
4.8
344
Female
this is another one of these incredibly disturbing-
X
4
3.6
3.6
344
Female
...reality. how do we break this patriarchy? how do we break these belief systems? is by doing this, by having talk shows about it, by talking about it, because it's difficult for women,
X
4.384615
3.538462
4.692308
344
Female
to talk about it in their own bedrooms. thank you for your input around this.
N
2.8
4.2
3.6
344
Female
alcohol, when somebody's drunk too much, and there's a huge combination between alcohol and sex and drugs,
C
4.2
3.3
4.3
344
Female
they're not going to be aware of what their other partner is, how they responded.
S
3.4
3.4
4
344
Female
...to say and report this, even just starting off in the family, it would be very hard. i'm the mother of a boy,
C
4
3
5.2
1270
Female
but it would be very hard for me to accept that my son has raped their wife.
N
4.8
4.4
5
1270
Female
even as a sister, to accept that my brother. so it becomes even more harder for the wife to talk about this,
S
4.2
3.2
5
1270
Female
to discuss this at a family level. so it's even harder to go out.
C
4.2
3
3.8
1270
Female
dr. eve have a lovely weekend, we will speak to you next week. you too my sweetheart.
N
5.2
4.8
5.4
315
Female
the brutal rape and murder of 17-year old bredasdorp teenager,
A
4.75
1.625
5.75
315
Female
south africans have to deal with, is the horror, that is a society riddled with sexual violence. it is time we confronted this and stop rape.
S
4.545455
1.909091
5.363636
315
Female
...as to how often an act of sexual violence in south africa takes place.
X
5
2.6
5.4
315
Female
a person being raped in south africa, every four minutes.
X
3.444444
1.888889
4.555556
315
Female
john, i was going to say i'm a rape survivor.
X
5
3.5
4.5
1270
Female
...john, you cannot survive rape, you just carry on regardless. you never get over it, john. and i wasn't the same, john. i mean, i was raped as a four year old...
S
5.545455
1.454545
5.363636
1270
Female
...she was my mother's sister. she was helping us and she raped me. my god!
S
5.615385
1.923077
4
1270
Female
how does a woman rape a four year old? forgive me thabo, i'm missing something.
X
5.545455
2.363636
5.545455
669
Male
she used to play with my privates. she used to insert my privates in her privates. she used to make me give her oral sex, john. i'm not being crude.
C
4.6
2
4.2
1270
Female
you can, thabo. you can. thabo, we will arrange counseling for you. all right. and we'll do it in a sensitive way. and we will do it confidentially and so on. and we will look after your thabo. i promise you.
A
6.4
4.2
6.2
669
Male
i'm 73. i was raped by my step-father when i was about six and after he-
N
4.4
4
4
1270
Female
...raped me every night, for about three months,
N
4.333333
3.666667
4.333333
1270
Female
i told my mother. my mother took me to a-
N
4.8
4.2
4.6
1270
Female
...so that they could find his sperm on the sheet. my mother never left me but she also-
X
4.8
3.4
4.6
1270
Female
i get flashbacks all the time.
N
4
3.666667
3.5
1270
Female
it's remarkably brave,
X
4.6
4.6
4.2
669
Male
...for you to speak out like this and i am so pleased for your sake that you had a loving and supportive husband.
H
3.4
5
4.6
669
Male
...who could help for this. if there is, please get in touch with us-
N
2.8
3.4
4.6
669
Male
...otherwise we will go through the channels that we have available.
S
3.8
2.8
3.6
669
Male
we provided that platform, facilitated by our listeners, for everyone to come forward. even a convicted rapist was able to tell his story.
C
5.285714
3
5.285714
315
Female
so as a kid, i don't, i didn't get to know-
N
3.6
3.8
4.2
1270
Female
...my father because he had died because of those actions. to make a long story short, when i was 15 the year later,
F
4.6
3.4
4.6
1270
Female
...he had, how do i say this, he had started a sexual encounter with-
N
3.6
3
4.2
1270
Female
...once he had engaged in sex he asked the rest of the kids, myself included-
N
4.8
3.6
4.6
1270
Female
...the entire crew, most of us were fairly under 16,
N
4
4
4.4
1269
Male
...but you also don't want to tell them that you don't want to. we were actually convicted of rape.
X
5
2.833333
4.666667
1269
Male
19, this is four years after it had happened.
S
3.4
2.4
3.4
1270
Female
you don't even know whether right or wrong.
N
5.2
4.4
4.6
1270
Female
after having been gang raped by five men for 15 hours in port elizabeth in 2010,
X
5.909091
2.363636
5.545455
1269
Male
...i've decided that i would start a campaign that says enough of silence, enough of fear, enough of apathy, enough of tolerance.
A
6.2
3.2
6.6
1270
Female
this is a thing that we need to fight because being silent or maybe that's giving up because they've just told, "well, your case is closed" and you are not, you didn't even have-
X
5.8
2.8
5.6
1270
Female
...a trial, will allow rapists to rape again and again.
A
6
2.4
6
1270
Female