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2020-01-31T19:40:08 | UPDATE: AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth? | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewtopo/update_aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad/ | ewtopo | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-01-31T19:46:30 | Younger brother thinks older brother is his dad, after parents abandon him as a baby | AITA | Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ehmsme/aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/etguwh/update_aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad/
___
Hey guys! So many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice first before I take matters into my own hands. Apologies if it is long. I'll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this short.
I went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do. To keep it short, he said he's heard similar recounts from before and said it is best if I tell him as soon as possible for multiple reasons and to make sure that my bio-children are present (multiple reasons). I asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing.
My wife and I decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble. I asked my brother Josh to come closer and I made sure I held him close and make him feel comfortable. He asked "What's going on?" but I started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him, then told him everything about my parents (I put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion) and who I am to him, then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and told him that I love all my children the same and NOTHING is going to change my love for him. He was shocked and asked if I was joking, but I was starting to cry a little at this point, so he knew I was serious. My bio-children were very surprised too. He was in tears and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner. I didn't know what to say and said "I was just trying to protect you, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me", but unfortunately and understandably, he left.
He didn't talk to me as much, again, understandably so. I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things, but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him. I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me and said "I know you're not my real father, but I want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before." I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that), but things are slowly - ever so slowly - starting to brighten up. There's no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again.
Josh is a tough kid, and he handled this far better than I believed he would. I'll be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just incase it doesn't go well in the long run. I'll strive and continue to be a great dad to my kids, and a great dad to my brother/son. Thank you Reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending. Thank you for all the advice and judgements I got (excluding the rude ones about my uncles and aunts -- eeek!) I love you all. Good night. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewts8z/younger_brother_thinks_older_brother_is_his_dad/ | ewts8z | 3,093 | 7 | [
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2020-01-31T19:53:11 | Stressed Father who wanted to cancel Christmas, finds joy instead | AITA | [Original: AITA if I "cancel" Christmas because I can't afford it this year?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1oy5c/aita_if_i_cancel_christmas_because_i_cant_afford/)
Title says it all , sole provider for family, all credit cards maxed, negative bank balance, upcoming missed payments until my next check, basically destitute for the foreseeable future. My wife and I usually decorate on Black Friday, but this year I don't want to. The thought of putting up our fake tree knowing I'll have nothing to put under it fills me with such a mix of shame, anger, and pain. I would prefer to just let December pass and cut out as many things as I can until I can get my finances under control. Plus, my daughter is 2. She won't know, care, or even remember one missed Christmas. So, AITA? I'm already a failure as a husband and father, so what say you here?
1st Update
THIS HAS SPUN OUT OF CONTROL! I never thought my sad man pity party would get this kind of response. I was expecting to be called an asshole, validate my self loathing, and claw my way out of debt by working harder. I did not expect the absolute torrent of love and support that I in no way deserve or can accept.
INFO (And I am so sorry for not making this crystal clear in the original post): Our mortgage and utilities are paid. There is food in our fridge and my next paycheck(s) is secure, even though it, too, will all go to bills with none left over for gifts. I pretended not to notice that we weren't keeping up our pre-child lifestyle without credit cards and I got in over my head and now have to dig myself out of a relatively deep hole meaning I won't have money for gifts and meals out and holiday gatherings and whatnot for a good bit of time to come. But, I have a great job and an outstanding family support system who all live close by and know what debt feels like and will understand if we can't chip in this year with anything but our presence, but it just felt shameful to have the advantages I have and still manage to fuck it up as bad as I did without asking for help.
___
[FINAL Update:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8w7e6/update_aita_if_i_cancel_christmas_because_i_cant/)
So, it's been 2 weeks and somehow the messages are still coming in. Thankfully the offers of charity have stopped (here's hoping they were redirected to their communities) but a good deal of them asking whether or not I stopped being a grinch and started being a good husband and father again. So, to get those people placated first, here you go: I DECORATED. Pics without our faces only, sorry.
https://imgur.com/H4b2Cak
https://imgur.com/QySEGOS
https://imgur.com/w074cpg
I also spoke with a financial advisor, who is helping me set up a budget for 2020, and a counselor who helped me realize that I was worth more than the goods I could offer someone. She recommended 2 separate therapists to me, and neither are taking new patients before the new year, so for now, my wife and I are working on our budget and cleaning out various corners of the house for things to sell. So far, we've gotten rid of some unused basement furniture, a mini fridge that has been empty for 2 years, a bunch of wine racks and paraphernalia (we don't drink at home since the baby was born 2 years ago, so no need to keep it around) as well as some other things and made about $750, more than enough to pay all the overdue bills, put some money in savings, and groceries in the cupboard. It's going to be a long road to pay off this cc debt, but we're finally addressing the issue head on and moving in the right direction.
Since my last paycheck (that covered mortgage and utilities, no worries there, for those who asked if I was behind, thank you) I have also been offered (and taken) 3 DJ gigs for Holiday parties. 2 for personal friends/acquaintances businesses, 1 for a charity. I refused payment for the children's charity gig, instead offering to give the money right back to the kids instead, which was gratefully accepted by the organizer. The extra cash from the 2 paying gigs paid down some more debt, and was enough leftover to allow me to have bought some nice new books and a Moana doll for my little girl to open on Xmas morning, (to say nothing of the bags of presents from both sets of grandparents full of clothes and toys, so she'll be fine from a presents standpoint).
Inspired by everyone's offers of charity, I volunteered again at Paul's Place in Baltimore, where this time I donned the hairnet and apron and served hot meals. Cell phones are prohibited inside, plus taking photos of yourself doing charity work defeats the purpose of said work. I also organized a food drive at my office to provide meal kits for Christmas for needy families, and we were able to donate 574 lbs of food to the MD Food Bank!
Thank you to all who reached out and made me realize that I really was an asshole. I let my personal shortcomings almost ruin a holiday for my wife and child. It won't be as fancy as our last Christmases, but I have a feeling that this year will be very special to me, no matter how little is under my tree. I realized that I have all the gifts I need, and I cannot thank the beautiful people who offered up so much charity to a grumpy stranger. I didn't need to accept your gifts to accept your love, and the offers alone changed my life.
Happy Holiday's y'all. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewtvnr/stressed_father_who_wanted_to_cancel_christmas/ | ewtvnr | 5,397 | 9 | [
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2020-01-31T20:37:14 | Man refuses to take girlfriend out to dinner because he rather her cook for him | AITA | **Original Post:** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/achoyx/aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting_to_go_to/
I've been with my wonderful girlfriend for a few years now, and we usually get along great, aside from this current issue. You can skip to the TL;DR if the exposition is too long.
She's a self-proclaimed "foodie", which I honestly think is just selling herself short - she's a food genius. She can taste and smell a dish and then turn around and recreate it, or even make it better than the original.
If you taste something and wonder, 'what's that super subtle flavor?' she'll tell you, 'it's anchovy paste/sumac/lavender/some other obscure spice that you would never think of.' When someone is cooking something and they go, 'it's missing something,' she can tell you exactly what it needs.
(It doesn't stop there, she knew I had touched a diesel truck at work one morning as soon as I walked into the house that night because she could somehow smell it on me. It's either really cool or really creepy, depending on the day.)
That's not it, either. She heard about a lost family recipe and the next week, BAM, I'm eating my grandmother's homemade sausage again for the first time in fifteen years.
It's gotten to the point where I don't see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday. Even the most exotic ingredients aren't out of her reach, either, and, even though it's not about cost, I've saved up more being with her than I ever had in any other relationship. The only places we really go for date night is ramen - she can't figure out how to make the noodles, but she still tries so it's just a matter of time - and sushi.
Our anniversary was recently, and I had noticed that our local fish counter was selling sushi grade fish, along with the rolling mats and nori, so I suggested that we have homemade sushi for our anniversary dinner before going out and she upset and said, "I'm not learning how to make sushi because then I'll never get a real date ever again." We ended up going out instead.
It kinda took me by surprise that she got so mad, though. She's lightly mentioned wanting to go out occasionally to places like Olive Garden "because she likes the red sauce" or other places because she likes the food, and now that I'm thinking about it, she's gotten kinda gloomy because I've asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often.
She also brought up that food she cooks tastes better to me because she's tasting and smelling it while it cooks so her senses are dulled by the time it's served, but she has the most acute sense of smell/taste I've ever seen so I kinda think it's just an excuse.
I just don't think it's worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that's just as excellent.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to pay a restaurant to cook my meals because I practically have a private chef of my very own?
**Edit:** it's not about the financial aspect of staying home vs going out, I just thought that it was worth mentioning because it's been more of a saving than expected.
Also, yes, I wash the dishes
**Final Edit:**
I really took everything you guys gave said to heart, and I can honestly say that I've been an ass, and it's really hurt my relationship with my girlfriend. It's honestly a surprise that she's still my girlfriend after everything.
So her mom picked up the girls and I took her out to a really nice tapas restaurant. She was very excited and seemed to enjoy herself, and I apologized for being stupid. After, we took a walk and everything seemed perfect, so I asked her to marry me.
She said no. She did it kindly, but she still said no. She said that it wasn't a no forever, but she didn't want to commit to a one sided relationship and also said she doesn't think that it's fair that our relationship happens on 'my schedule' or 'my terms'.
I'm pretty heartbroken. I thought everything was pretty okay between us, but she thinks we should go to pre-marital (pre-engagement?) counseling and the division of labor needs to change over a serious sit down conversation.
So, Reddit, you were all right. I'm the asshole who almost lost the love of my life, and most of you were right - it wasn't over restaurants.
___
**Update:** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7vz7m/update_aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting/
A few months ago, I posted this post asking if I was an asshole for not wanting to take my girlfriend out to restaurants. It blew up. It ended up on Twitter. People shared it to Facebook.
The general consensus was, yes, that I am the asshole, and it just went downhill from there.
Well.
After I posted - and proposed and was rejected - things got pretty awkward between us for the first time in five years. She started to get snappy at me easily, she stopped being as affectionate to me, she started making pretty much nothing but casserole. Everything changed - to clarify, she usually liked to make more involved food than casserole.
Then one day, like three weeks ago, she threw down the spoon she was using to serve the thousandth casserole this month, and snipped at me, "Do you seriously fucking think that I actually like eating at Olive Garden?"
Guys, she saw the post. She was furious.
She doesn't like Olive Garden - she'll eat there because the kids love it and it's cheap. I was right about the red sauce being non-acidic, but, well, in her words, "she never developed a taste for pasta, she's Latino, do I ever see her make pasta? No. A meal isn't complete without rice. You don't know me at all."
She yelled about Olive Garden for a solid twenty minutes. It wasn't just about Olive Garden, but it was a lot about Olive Garden.
Long story short, we've been separated for a few weeks now, and it's not looking good. She "loves and respects me but feels it's best for her to respectfully disengage" from me for her own personal betterment.
So, yeah.
**TL;DR:** I ruined my family by not appreciating my girlfriend. I didn't take her out on dates and I didn't pay enough attention. I would do anything to fix everything. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewuj3d/man_refuses_to_take_girlfriend_out_to_dinner/ | ewuj3d | 6,198 | 23 | [
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2020-01-31T20:41:16 | He pesters neighbor to cook for him for $5 | AITA | [Original] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dp37p9/aita_for_asking_a_neighbor_if_she_wanted_to_share/)
I'm a 31 year old single guy who lives alone in an apartment complex. I've lived there for 6 years. My neighbor across the hall, a woman around my age or a little younger (I actually don't know her first name but I'll call her Katie) lives across the hall from me diagonally and has for about 2 years. We exchange hellos but aren't friendly, which is how it is with most of my neighbors.
So I don't know how to cook, and due to losing one of my part time gigs, I don't have as much money for takeout anymore. I'm getting really sick of eating cheap fast food or box mac and cheese. I'm gaining weight and I never feel great.
This is where Katie comes in. I can always smell her cooking in the hall and it always smells amazing (I know it isn't the other person at our end of our hall cause it's a single old man). I've even complimented it a few times. So I got the idea that I'd offer to give her some money each week to cook a little extra and bring it over to me (or I can pick it up from her!) at night. She's cooking anyway and then I'd have varied presumably delicious food.
I asked her the next time I saw her and she looked surprised and said she couldn't because she was too busy (which didn't make sense cause she cooks almost every day but okay). The next time I saw her a few days later, I asked her if she was sure and upped the amount I was offering, and she said she was sure and that it was rude to ask me, and that she isn't a housekeeper for hire and I should get a housekeeper if that's what I want. She also called me 'a stranger' even though we have talked in the halls before.
Overall she made me feel like a big jerk and really embarrassed for even asking her, and a little mad because she was acting like I was being creepy (I wasn't, trust me, she isn't my type). I think asking her to split cooking wasn't completely outlandish, since she cooks every day anyway and it wouldn't be hard to make a little more.
So, AITA?
EDIT: Okay. It is abundantly clear that I was the asshole and asking her was inappropriate and, as much as I hate to admit it, creepy. My instinct is to apologize to her but since my instinct was to ask her in the first place, I'll do the opposite and stay out of her hair. Thanks.
---
Update on AITA post: Which post do you most wish we’d gotten an update on?
I knew when I saw [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1bdi8/meta_which_post_do_you_most_wish_wed_gotten_an/) with my real account that I would be mentioned. That thread was a real wake-up call for me about what a weirdo I was being. I ended up apologizing to my neighbor (whose name I now know!) and telling her I didn't realize how inappropriate my question was. She accepted the apology and we still nod and smile in the hallway when we see each other.
I will say that I talked to my old man neighbor yesterday and he told me that she left him a tray of fudge over the weekend for the holidays, and I received no such fudge, so I know there is lingering weirdness from my ask... and I totally understand it and do not feel that I deserve fudge.
So, thanks again for everyone for pointing out how weird and entitled I was acting. It did help, even the mean comments, because seeing the strong reactions people had to what I did made me realize there was no wiggle room for me to NOT be an asshole. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewulam/he_pesters_neighbor_to_cook_for_him_for_5/ | ewulam | 3,463 | 15 | [
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2020-01-31T21:33:46 | 10 years ago Redditors told him not to try Heroin, 7 years later he posts an update | IAmA | **10 years ago** [I did Heroin yesterday. I am not a drug user and have never done anything besides pot back when I was a teen, AMA](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ke63/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/)
excerpt: I've heard so much about it and how crazy addictive it is and seen it in the movies and TV (I'm thinking The Wire here, one of my favorite shows) and it really started to intrigue me. I've always wondered what it would be like to do Heroin. Out of no where I say I'll take the H and we do the deal there. I give him the cash under the table and he slides me a small order of fries with a little stamped wax baggie in it then he tells me to let him leave first.
I put it in my pocket then nervously race home my heart racing cannot believing what I just did. I held onto that bag in my pocket palms sweating the whole ride home. When I get home I open the bag and dump some golden flakes and powder on my glass coffee table. At this point I don't even know what to do, I know you can snort heroin but it looked all flaky so I try to remember how they did it in the movies but they always seem to inject it in film so I start googling "how to snort Heroin' like an idiot and do a little research on the stuff and how much to take.
I used a card to get it into a fine powder and move a small 'bump' to the side which I inhaled through a dollar bill. I didn't feel anything yet so I snorted a small line which was essentially half the bag (there was very little inside).
I was blown away by the power of this drug and just how orgasmic it felt. I never understood why people did drugs before and got so hooked on them but now I see why. I have the urge to do it again but I will resist and not do it, at least not for a long time. I understand the addiction potential and how someone could easily tear apart their lives with this stuff.
Heroin is pure powdered pleasure, I actually feel proud of myself for having the balls to do something this crazy and I feel like it was a valuable life experience and my window into another world and part of society. I will never forget the day I did heroin. Now, ask me anything.
Edit: Please no more comments telling me I'm going to be a homeless addict dying of an overdose now, don't lecture me with all of your misconceptions and lack of any real knowledge or experience about the drug. I understand if you know someone who has been hurt by it, we all do. Any drug can ruin lives, please ask me questions instead of trying to lecture me and do some research first before spewing lies.
Update 2: I don't regret this at all and I see a lot of talk about how cocaine isn't as bad as heroin and people telling anyone considering trying a hard drug to do coke instead. So I plan to try cocaine the next chance I get and compare the two in terms of effects and experience. Doing Heroin was memorable and life changing and I know I can handle anything once.
---
**2 weeks later** [I tried heroin 'once for fun' and made an AMA, I have been using since and shot up for the first time today, AMA](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_tried_heroin_once_for_fun_and_made/)
excerpt: Fuck my life. I wish I was trolling and this was all some elaborate lie. I was doing everything right, have been clean, and somehow a rumor got out that Ive been using and my girlfriend found out and she basically broke up with me last night but is now putting that decision on hold. I have some serious unrelated business/work I need to attend to in two hours and I don't know if I'll be in any state to be able to and be ready. I can't stop crying. Fuck heroin. Fuck my life. I guess I don't need to say that since heroin pretty much fucked my life for me in under two weeks, I just want to die.
---
**7 years later** [Update for anyone who stumbles upon this account in the future](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/5mub0f/spontaneoush_7_years_later_update_for_anyone_who/)
I don't know if anyone here remembers me but you can look through my submissions history and get an idea. It's not pretty and will take you through a journey of my first time trying heroin to my life quickly falling apart. So take that as a warning it's graphic, I was totally out of my mind, and you may not want to read it depending on where you're at...
This is the first time I have logged into this account in a couple years and I had a bunch of PMs, and people occasionally mention this account in various places on reddit so I'll post a quick update here for anyone who stumbles upon this in the future.
I'm now almost six years clean from all drugs and alcohol and life is good.
It's too difficult for me to go back and even read most of what I originally wrote 7 years ago. Maybe one day I will be able to.
I don't even remember what I said in the first post but I know I can look back objectively and say that things probably weren't as good and 'normal' before I tried heroin that time as I made it seem in that first post. There were certainly warning signs before that with alcohol, weed, and other things that I had issues with substances although I probably couldn't admit it to myself at the time. I would have never tried it if things were truly going well for me. What followed in the later posts with where it took me was very real.
Thanks for everyone who has reached out over the years.
I hope everyone here is able to find recovery and get the help they need. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewvdhx/10_years_ago_redditors_told_him_not_to_try_heroin/ | ewvdhx | 5,465 | 16 | [
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2020-02-01T19:20:49 | Sat down on my friend's MacBook and broke it, offered to pay her the money for it but now she wants more because "she was upgrading anyway" so it's this or she will sue me in small claims court. | LegalAdvice | [Original:](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/641joo/sat_down_on_my_friends_macbook_and_broke_it/)
I had some of my friends over at my house and one of my friends invited one of her other friends to come over. She had her MacBook on my couch when I sat on it and broke it. Since it was completely my fault I offered to pay her the money for it and she agreed. She got it 3 years ago and it cost 2200 dollars at the time. I told her I'd wire you the money in a week to her bank account.
She's now emailed me saying that as per our conversation she's expecting the 2700 that I have agreed for!!!! I didn't know why she added the extra money so I got her number from my friend and called her to find her telling me she's now expecting me to pay for her new upgraded MacBook since she was "upgrading anyway". She said if I don't agree to do that she'll be suing me in small claims court. Can a judge agree to that?
Should I wire her the $2,200 or should I just tell her go sue me?
---
[Update:](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6dh9vh/super_awesome_update_sat_down_on_my_friends/)
I went through every single comment from the 200+ ones and I sincerely thank each and every one of you.
I did some research specifically for repairing the screen for the macbook and for her particular model it’s around 310 for the screen + the labor cost so I wrote her back saying that since she didn't accept my initial offer of $2200, I’m withdrawing that offer, and offering to pay for the repair cost. She sent me an email calling me a bitch and that she’s going to take me to court.
I got served a few days later and went to court. I told the judge I gave her three options to choose from. 1) either to write her a check for a brand new one which was 2200 dollars. 2) Get her a refurbished one from apple or a third party or even used which would be around 1400 dollars or 3) fix her current MacBook since the screen is the only thing affected here and it would cost around 300 dollars plus money for labor. (I printed out the email I sent her and the mail she sent back refusing demanding the 2700 and calling me a bitch and saying we’ll go to court + screenshots for the price quotes from different websites for a new/refurbished and the screen fix for her particular model) and gave it to the judge. I also told him that when I offered at the very beginning to get her a new one from the apple store she said no I want the money in cash. When I told her I’d give her 2200 for a new one she said okay but later came asking for 2700 because she wants to upgrade. I tried to show him how it's clearly visible that she's trying to take advantage of me.
She gave the judge an attitude almost the whole time which really pissed the judge off and helped my case I guess. After listening to both of us he ruled that I pay 50% of the repair cost since she negligently left her laptop on the couch. So I'll only be paying not more than 200-250 dollars for the whole thing.
If it weren’t for you guys I would’ve paid $2,200 dollars instead of around $200 and I honestly loved her look at the end as we walked out. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/exb478/sat_down_on_my_friends_macbook_and_broke_it/ | exb478 | 3,125 | 28 | [
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2020-02-01T19:23:48 | [UPDATE]: My (22f) fiance (25m) want his father to check my hymen tomorrow night before I get married. | Relationship Advice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cx7vr0/my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check_my/)
My fiance proposed to me about 8 months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding which is in two days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect and we are very much in love.
I am a virgin and so is he, he wanted to save it for marriage and I wasn't fussed so I agreed to saving it. He has told me earlier that in his family the father checks the virginity of the bride the night before the wedding. I laughed this off as it seriously sounds like a massive joke. No turns out he was dead serious. He wants me, the night before to open my legs up in a small ceremony type thing so his dad can check me while him, his brothers and uncle can watch so that they know I am still 'pure'.
I told him fat chance I am going to do that and he was begging to me to go through with it and how important it is for him. He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me but his mom did and it will prove how much I love him and that I have nothing to hide anyway as I am still a virgin. I left and he was crying, it was very dramatic tbh.
I want to call off the whole wedding because of this and never talk to him again. But at the same time its only one thing and other then that we are genuinely perfect for each other and I dont want to spend my life with anyone else and it is very important to him and his family.
What the frick frack do I do. I am currently at my friends house and I might stay here for the night. tomorrow would be our last day as an unmarried couple and I am straight up panicking.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cxj6m4/update_my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check/)
I went and talked to him this morning I told him that his father is not going to look at me and he needs to respect that. He was adamant that it needs to happen and accused me about lying about my virginity. I was trying to be calm and rational but he was not having it and just became more and more angry. I told him if he really loved me he would stand by me on this and tell his father no to which he slapped me and said he didnt need to prove anything.
so I ended it and left him. I am currently back at my friends house being miserable and eating pizza which is pretty fun.
so yup. Thanks everyone :) | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/exb5sa/update_my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check/ | exb5sa | 2,382 | 20 | [
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2020-02-03T22:00:43 | My autistic brother was banned from the local hobby shop | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9l2z39/co_my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the_local/)
So my brother suffers from high functioning autism so he has a hard time socializing. One place he loves to go to is a local hobby shop. Me and my brother are regulars there and have spent thousands of dollars over the years. This last week however my brother was banned from the shop. A girl who also goes there claims my brother tried to kiss her and when she refused he groped her. I tried to talk with the owner and he knows my brother is autistic but he refuses to unban him. He said that he cant allow him in because he's a threat to his female customers. I think this is crap, I talked to my brother about this and he understands he did a wrong thing but he cant understand why he was banned so he's been very depressed this past week and wants to go back to the store.
Is there anything I can do? Is this discrimination because he banned my brother due to his autisim? My parents are planning on getting a lawyer and suing the owner, will this fix the issue?
---
[Update](https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9le5rc/update_my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the/)
So I want to start out by saying that I was wrong and I want to apologize to anyone I may have hurt with my last question. It was wrong of me to defend my brothers actions and I wish I could have seen that at the time but thats the past.
I went to my parents and talked to them and they have begun to see that they were wrong too. Me and my dad went last night and apologized to the shop owner for our actions and how we treated him and the victim of my brother and that we agree with his ban. The owner was genuinely happy with us for this so i'm glad we did that. The girl who who my brother touched was also at the store and despite what many of you said I felt that I needed to apologize to her too because she deserved it after my actions and she thanked me for it. My parents are now looking into different options to deal with my brother including therapy and other programs.
I really want to end this by saying thank you for helping me learn I was wrong. Like I said I'm sorry if i hurt anyone with my post, I didn't mean to do that but it was wrong of me too. This has been a learning experience for me and I hope that I can become a better person because of it. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyeupc/my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the_local/ | eyeupc | 2,376 | 13 | [
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2020-02-04T18:08:09 | I caught my neighbors son stealing my underwear | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ayhlsu/on_i_caught_my_neighbors_son_stealing_my/)
Moved in to the apartment at the start of January, since then i have been convinced that someone is stealing my underwear/bra/etc. Every floor has a pair of washer/dryer units, and since moving in i have had almost a dozen different things just disappear from the wash or dryer. The room is so tiny that there is no where to sit, aside from sitting on top of one of the machines, so it makes it very hard to wait for it.
Two weeks ago i went and bought a bunch of new things, and when i went to go remove stuff from the washer i noticed that several things i had just bought went missing. Armed with this and the fact it was early Saturday morning, i went to our landlord and she was able to tell me during the 35 minutes of washing the only person who entered was my next door neighbors son.
Now at this point i was furious and confronted the parents. The parents called me a liar, and basically told me off. They absolutely refused to believe me, however since confronting them i have had nothing go missing since then.
Today i put laundry on and started cleaning my unit, when i went to go drop trash off, i checked the laundry and discovered our neighbors son going the dryer i was using. I again confronted the parents, and they immediately started screaming at me for harassing their son, and threatened to call the police on me for harassing their son, and threatened to sue me for "slandering" their son by implying he is a pervert.
My question is, does this count as theft and can i go to the police and file a complaint? I don't want my clothing back, at this point.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/azm7uy/update_caught_my_neighbors_son_stealing_my/)
A long story short i went to station made a report, gave them all the details i had along with showing them a copy of the security camera footage of both incidents that my landlord was kind enough to send to me. Thee police officer didn't seem to really care from my impression, but he made a report. No one to my knowledge ever came out or anything.
Anyways today the father, and son came to my door today and he basically apologized for accusing me of lying, and made his son apologize to me (awkward..), and gave me a bag consisting of my clothing. I told him i didn't particularly want to that stuff again, and was going to throw it out (just the idea of keeping it made me disgusted). So the father kindly gave me the cash value for a rough estimate of the items and then some, then told me if stuff goes missing to come to him first.
I am satisfied i guess, the entire situation seems extremely uncomfortable and akward. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyu6qq/i_caught_my_neighbors_son_stealing_my_underwear/ | eyu6qq | 2,737 | 15 | [
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2020-02-04T18:52:03 | [LONG] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/)
I met this girl in January of this year at the start of the second semester at our university when we worked in one of the rec centers together. She was a freshman and I was a Junior. She started college a semester late (she said because of family issues) and said she was nervous about it, so I decided to show her around a bit.
We got lunch a few times during the first month on campus and I gave her tours of the campus. We hit it off immediately and I knew I was in love instantly. Well, long story short, I asked her our and she said no. I was heartbroken, but she agreed to still be friends (unfortunately, I don't have evidence of this since the conversation was in person).
I tried several times throughout the semester to show her what she meant to me, but she ignored me and all the thought I put into the gifts I gave her. We had a falling out that involved me drunk calling her and her telling me to leave her alone when I tried to explain.
I have spent the last month in absolute depression. I think about her every day. She blocked me on social media, so I can't see her profile, but I haven't texted her since school ended. But it finally got to be too much for me. I decided I would try one more time to show her how much I love her.
I knew the town she moved to school from (its only like an hour away from me and I have family that live nearby- we have talked about it before), so I texted her and told her I was coming to meet her. I was going to meet her at X coffee shop and I wanted to talk about everything.
Once again, she couldn't even do me the respect of replying. I checked her Instagram that night and saw that she was out partying that very night. There were pictures of her with alcohol (she is UNDERAGE) and her wearing skanky clothes (she told me she hated partying). its like she has become a totally different person. So I did freak out a little. I told her about how much I cared and about how awful it was for her to just ignore me like that. That I was going to come to coffee shop on X day and if she should do me the respect of coming to see me.
She never replied, but I got a piece of mail today. It was a fucking cease and desist letter. She said she would "seek legal avenues" if I didn't stop "harassing" her. What the fuck reddit? I need to know what I can do legally to talk to her and make sure she doesn't understand. I don't want to live a life knowing she hates me. From my research, a Cease and Desist letter isn't legally binding like a restraining order or anything and I am not harassing her since I don't have an intent to intimidate or hurt her, so she can't charge me with anything. Is all that true? Do I need a lawyer to respond to her letter?
---
[update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/71cjfn/update_had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and/)
Oh boy. I've been wondering for a while whether to post here again or not. I wasn't going to, but I know my last post ended up on a few other subreddits and I actually stumbled across it on my main account on r/niceguys and I read all the comments there. It was rough for me to read this original post, but it was a reminder of what my own mindset, and the mindset of so many men like me, was. I decided I needed to post again for some closure.
First, I want to assure everyone that I didn't contact that girl ever again. Since I moved, I no longer see her or go anywhere by where she used to live, go to school, or work (I don't know if she still lives in the same area or goes to the same school. I have avoided getting any information about her at all). The way I acted and the way I hurt her and scared her so much still haunts me.
Part of me wants to track her down and apologize, but I know from my classes that 1. that can re-victimize her all over again; 2. it would be a selfish thing to do because it would be to clear my conscience, not make her feel better. If she wants to get closure by talking to me, I'm sure she can find me somehow; and 3. I don't want to make the mistake of using an apology to make her feel manipulated to talking to me again. I learned in my classes that men do that a lot. I don't want to hurt her anymore, so I will work past the guilt while never talking to her again.
I was distraught after my last post here. I admit I came here looking for validation, not help. I had a warped sense of entitlement that led me to believe that no one would possibly disagree with me, but obviously, hundreds of people told me that I was fucked up, a predator, a stalker, and that I needed help. All of these people were right. I don't know what happened, but something clicked in me after seeing those comments (despite how combative and abusive I was in response to the comments).
I checked myself into therapy in Michigan the week after I posted here. I knew something was wrong, but I was still in denial. I thought I needed help with heartbreak. I didn't recognize that I actually needed help with identifying and combatting my messed up belief systems that I used to justify stalking and victimizing that poor girl.
After a few sessions, I started seeing a psychiatrist too. I got on mood stabilizers and I started to realize that something was very very wrong with the way I was acting. Something that couldn't be cured by medication. After talking it over with my therapist, I decided it would be best for me to move out of state into my Aunt's house. Within a month of me posting here, I had moved into her house.
After moving, I started the process of transferring to a new school next semester, working full time, and continued to take my medication and was transferred to a new therapist. I had a fresh idea of the issues I wanted to work on in therapy, but after a few weeks of having two therapy sessions a week, my therapist pointed out to me during a session that I was still exhibiting the same kind of obsessive behaviors over women that earned me a cease and desist letter in Michigan (though I wasn't stalking anyone at this point, I was just obsessing in my mind. Which is still bad, but I wasn't actively victimizing anyone). I realize that in addition to therapy, I needed more help.
My therapist pointed me to a class run by a local agency that was designed for men that have committed violent crimes against women like domestic violence, assault, sexual assault, stalking ect. Most of the men in the class are court-ordered to go as a condition of their probation/parole, but you didn't have to be court ordered to go, so I signed up voluntarily. I attend a two-hour class session every week and have been attending for about a month now.
The goal of the class is to help us recognize and change abusive/violent behaviors. I know most of you are thinking: what kind of monsters can't recognize violent behavior? People like me. People like me in the last post. I look like a normal person. I grew up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes and I fooled myself by saying because I didn't "look" like an abuser or because I wasn't "like" the abusers I saw on TV, that I wasn't one. But I am. I can't take back what I've done, but I can promise myself I will never victimize anyone else again.
In conclusion, a lot had changed for me in three and a half months. I want to say that I do not blame my behavior on my mental illness or anger or the media or whatever. I made a conscious decision to stalk and terrorize another human being because I thought I had the right to dictate how others interact with me. The class is a year-long class and I have only been in it for a month, but I have already learned so much. I have learned from my group that abuse is always a conscious choice and a learned behavior. But I believe that since I've learned this behavior and it's voluntary, it's totally within my control to change it.
I've also learned from my group about the importance of having a non-romantic support system, so I made some male and female friends at work that invite me over to play video games with them. Don't worry reddit, these are actual friends and not just people I am stalking or believe I am in love with (I talked about this extensively with my therapist and try to be cognizant of my obsessive tendencies).
Thank you to everyone who told it to me straight and I'm sorry for how I decided to treat everyone who was just trying to give me the advice I asked for.
tl;dr: I ceased, I desisted, and I got mental health help. Thanks to everyone.
---
EDIT: Wow, just wow. I didn't expect this response. I guess this is a top post of all time. I wanted to say some things for anyone who reads this in the future:
I read every single comment in r/bestoflegaladvice even though I didn't reply to many. I cried a lot while reading them.
I didn't post this to be gilded or to be patted on the back. I'm not sure why I did it, but I don't think "congrats" is quite the right thing to say to me. I don't know if I deserve praise for being a normal human being with normal relationships. But thank you all for being so supportive anyway.
I've had at least 10 people ask me for the name of the program I am in. The program I am in is specific to my area, so I'd rather not disclose the name. However, I encourage anyone who is concerned that they are controlling or abusive in their relationships with partners, family or friends to google "batterer intervention programs in my area." I did some research today about the class I am in and that is what these types of classes are called. They all operate a little differently based on where you live and what program you do, but we use stuff like the power and control wheel and there are steps in my program. There is no official federal program I don't think.
I am not healed. I have a lot of obsessive thoughts and I have to try really really hard to have appropriate boundaries. My meds have helped with this, but it is a behavior and thought process I need to change and that cant be done with pills. I have a lot of mental health issues (duh, based on my first post) but honestly what you saw was just the tip of the iceberg. I have never had real "friends" until the ones I have now.
Before Jaime, I definitely engaged in stalking behaviors with both women I had crushes on and men I wanted to be friends with. It was never as bad as it was with Jaime, but I still am sure I made people uncomfortable. I also have some self-harm behaviors I am working out. So to the person who was worried that I would use all of the good praise to say "oh I'm perfect now so I can do what I want," trust me, I know I am fucked up and I want to change. I want to have normal relationships and friendships. I want to not be known as "that creepy kid" at my new college.
Please get help if you need it. Take it from me: all people are capable of changing for the positive. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyuw84/long_had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and/ | eyuw84 | 10,977 | 35 | [
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2020-02-04T23:46:01 | My boss just informed me that HR will present me with a sexual harassment complaint/investigation against me + Update from wife | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9eore0/my_boss_just_informed_me_that_in_the_morning_hr/)
I'm the director of operations at my company. Moments ago, I was told by my boss, in confidence, to prepare to be officially accused and made aware of a sexual harassment investigation on me. This is from an incident that occurred in June.
I need to know what steps I need to take to protect myself.
Here's what happened:
In June, the company was attending a conference and bought hotel rooms for everyone. At the hotel pool I chatted up with a female guest. I was getting pretty drunk and she brought up her husband. I asked "oh you're married?" And she said yes and that she has three kids. I told her that with a body like hers, I'm surprised she doesn't have 10 because I sure would give her 10 and I laughed. She smiled and sometime later she got out of the pool and I said "my oh my, your husband is a lucky man."
I didn't see her again and I got the vibe that she felt uncomfortable. I was a little drunk and would not have said any of that while being sober.
Apparently she found out the name of my company and complained to the hotel who then joined her in complaining to my company. We are also banned from the hotel for life.
I would like to know how I can get out of this with no blood on my hands. I make $125, 000 a year and cannot afford to lose my job and career. It was everything for me to get this position. I also have a family. My wife cannot know about this.
My boss (VP of operations) is a bit paranoid because I notified him 2 days after the incident and because I'm the best director he has ever had and I perform exceptionally well, he decided to sweep this under the rug and pretty much ignore it. I would never throw him under the bus so I will not mention that I told him.
So far all I know is that there has been a sexual harassment complaint on me and an investigation has opened up. I will be speaking with the investigator (forgot his official title), and subsequently the HR manager and VP. I'm nervous about it. he's a former law enforcement detective and from what I've heard he is a pretty tough guy. He has a very aggressive interviewing approach and does not play games. He will try to get me to crack.
My boss told me that he was advised that a suspension may be imminent and to possibly prepare to seek a replacement. This means I might get terminated. I would like to know what type of proof there may be against me. This incident happened 3 months ago.
I get off work in 3 hours and I cannot focus. This is devastating.
please provide, in vivid detail, the steps that I need to take starting right now.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9fe2tv/update_my_sexual_harassment_investigation/)
I've been completely numb the past couple of days. I got fired.
They fucking got surveillance of me. The investigator refused to show me the video and I denied the allegations vehemently. HR manager and VP said they interviewed "several people" and suspended me indefinitely. My boss told me afterwards to prepare for the termination notice.
I told my wife I was laid off. She can never know the truth. I don't know how long I'm going to spend jobless. I worked hard to move up in the world and finally got the job of a lifetime with a great salary. This is devastating.
---
[Update from possible wife in r/relationships](https://snew.notabug.io/r/relationships/comments/cbk5yr/ive_36f_given_16_yrs_of_my_life_to_a_man_36_who/), more info in comments
I don't believe him anymore, because about a yr ago he got fired from a decent job (100k+/yr, d-ops). He told me it was because he'd disagreed with the COO about the company's direction, whatever the hell that meant. That wasn't great but I wasn't going to be mad at him for sticking his ground and trying to do the right thing for the company, & it wasn't like we couldn't afford him to be out of work a while. I don't make as much as he did but it's very decent money, and we had plenty of savings. Plus we could save on childcare & housekeeping if he stayed home w/ our son, right? Haha our house had never been messier.
Well 3 mos later he found a job. Glory hallelujah! He'd get up, go jogging, put on a shirt & tie, & he'd be out until after I got home. We adjusted childcare hours & I brought the housekeeper back & I didn't think it was weird that he was putting so much time in. It was a brand new job & he just got fired, he had to prove himself.
2 mos ago I was home with our son who brought some kind of godawful summer flu home from daycamp & the washing machine started flooding our laundry room. We buy our water so I had to shut off all the water to the house. I couldn't find his notes from our plumber (so I could make sure I had everything off) so I called him. He wasn't answering his phone so I tried the main office number. The woman who was supposed to be his admin didn't even know his name. I was freaking out at this point, so she transferred me to the hiring manager & after I freaked out some more, she told me the truth.
My husband did great on the phone screen & interview, but he never passed the reference check. He didn't work there. He'd never worked there. They would never have hired him after what his last company said about him: he'd been fired for sexually harassing a woman at a work conference.
He lied about why he was fired. He lied about finding a job. He lied about where the money he's been using to pay for thins has come from, he's been using our savings. He's been lying to me from the start. He probably lied about the girl on the volleyball team. I've been loving & supporting & enabling this monster for sixteen years.
I'm talking to a divorce lawyer soon, but it's so shocking. I feel so stupid. How did I not know? & how am I going to explain this to our son? This is going to rock his world & I mean like an earthquake, not a concert. He's 9 yrs old, what the hell do I tell him?
TL;DR: my high school sweetheart has a history of being weird about women, got fired for sexual harassment, lied about it, lied about getting a new job, & has been burning through our savings. I'm going to divorce him, but I don't know if or what I should tell our son about what's really happening. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyzmh1/my_boss_just_informed_me_that_hr_will_present_me/ | eyzmh1 | 6,342 | 66 | [
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2020-02-06T01:46:53 | Fired for being fat | LegalAdvice | [Actual Title: Fired for being fat](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bx4q0p/fired_for_being_fat_ct/)
Backstory: I am a woman in my mid 30s, and very overweight. Not to the point of handicap, but I’m a big gal.
I work at a company with around 25 employees, and have been here for 8 years. Recently, the business was sold to a larger corporation, who sent their own people in for management roles after laying off our entire management team, consisting of 4 people. I work with clients in the field, and have a good work record and my clients like me and I have built relationships with them.
Turn to today: I get called into the office of one of the new managers, who tells me my appearance isn’t a good fit for a client facing role, and I can either take a pay cut and work in the call center, or take unpaid leave and come back after I’ve lost a “considerable” amount of weight. I was floored. I’ve never had a client have an issue with my weight (at least outwardly), and I’m good at my job. I meet all productivity goals and have never even received a write up in my 8 years. I pushed and asked him if there had been any complaints, to which he said no, but they want to head off any future issues which may arise. I said straight up “so, you’re punishing me cause I’m fat? Are you also demoting (obese male coworker in same role as me)?”. He said no, and didn’t answer when I asked why the situation was different. I left fuming and told him I was going home for the rest of the day to think about things.
Can this really be legal? What recourse do I have?
1st UPDATE
I spoke with the law office my sister recommended this morning and I have been asked to no longer post online about the situation, sorry for such a non-satisfying update
---
[FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/c3d2pq/happy_update_to_being_fired_for_being_fat_im_the/)
The Monday following the incident I was asked to come speak with a VP of HR I'd never met and only knew by name, because they work directly for the company that bought ours out. When I walked in the conference room there were 4 people waiting for me, 2 of which I was told was part of legal. What I didn't realize, is my friend who I mentioned in the comments of the other post ended up saying something to another coworker because he was so horrified at the situation (even though I told him to keep it secret). This information ended up making it's way up the chain and was not taken well, to say the least. I was asked to explain exactly what happened, who I told, and asked a lot of questions. Everything I said seemed to make them very uncomfortable, especially when I told them I was in touch with a lawyer. They had me leave the room for nearly 40 minutes and then called me back in and let me know they were very concerned about this situation, and assured me it was an isolated power trip basically....
This is the holy shit part. They say that due to my long tenure in my position, knowledge of how the team works, and my relationship with clients that they felt I would be a good fit for the position the jerk manager sat in, and if I wanted the position it was mine, as their way of saying sorry. They also made sure to mention the large salary increase and bonuses this would come with. I took a couple minutes to think about it, and took the offer. BTW I'm not stupid, I know they did this so I wouldn't take any legal action against them, but I love my job and don't blame them for the actions of a 20something on a power trip. I also know it came down to he said/she said, and would've been a hard case to prove.
There's going to be a company-wide training on gender and interpersonal relations, and I finally have an office with a door I can actually close! I'm in the field a lot less now, so I guess the jerk got what he wanted, because now I don't interact face to face nearly as much as I used to. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ezkogh/fired_for_being_fat/ | ezkogh | 3,913 | 38 | [
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2020-02-06T16:23:41 | Tensions Flaring Due to Farting | Relationship Advice | [Original - Tensions Flaring Due to Farting](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/eei2ft/serious_tensions_flaring_due_to_farting/)
My husband (“Mike”) and I are both in our thirties, and have been married for over ten years. Like any marriage, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we are in a solid, committed relationship. However, for the last year or so, we’ve had ongoing “discussions” about a minor health issue that Mike has developed, and it’s starting to affect our marriage in a really negative way.
The health issue? Mike developed sudden, severe lactose intolerance, and he refuses to change his diet. Yes, he’s seen his doctor about it. He will take Lactaid when he consumes dairy, but frankly, he eats more dairy than the Lactaid can keep up with. And, he will forget to take the Lactaid if the food isn’t “obviously” dairy - think chocolate, for example.
His lactose intolerance is so severe that he farts CONSTANTLY, and his farts STINK. No exaggeration, he farts 30+ times a day. And the odor clings to his body, his clothes, and any fabric he’s sitting/laying on. As an example, I’m writing this at 3:00AM on the couch, because he was farting so loudly in sleep that it woke me up. The sheets on our bed were freshly laundered, and they literally smell like shit less than a day later because of his farts.
Where the relationship issue comes in is that I find his lack of concern for his body, his diet, and how his constant farting affects others, troubling. I acknowledge and understand that he digested dairy just fine for 30+ years of his life with no problems, and it’s an adjustment to change his diet in such a drastic way. I try to supply him with dairy-free meal and snack options. I can’t control every morsel that he eats, though (nor do I have the desire to).
However, I find it selfish that he knows he has violent side effects while eating dairy, and he continues to eat it without caring how his lactose intolerance affects others. Our cars? Smell like shit. Our house? Smells like shit. His clothes? Smell like shit. His body? Smells like shit. I’ve expressed how disgusting and completely preventable this situation is, and he has retorted, several times, how I’m exaggerating and need to get over it.
My question is, how can I be supportive without being controlling? How can we work through this change in life, without having permanent rifts due to farting?
TL;DR - Husband can’t digest dairy, doesn’t care, stinks up our house, also doesn’t care.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/esbyoh/update_tensions_flaring_due_to_farting_m_and_f_in/)
Thank you for your input and advice on my previous post regarding my husband's lactose intolerance and unbearable farting. It's been a month, and I figured you guys deserved an update!
The morning after I slept on the couch, Mike acknowledged my frustrations, and apologized for being dismissive of my feelings. He resolved right then and there to seriously change his diet, and to be more mindful of what he's eating. Since January 1, he has been completely dairy-free. His farting has subsided to a totally normal frequency, and he does not stink at all anymore.
It has been a big adjustment for him to advocate for his own needs, especially while out at restaurants. He is wary of coming across as "that needy guy" who always asks about ingredients or preparation techniques. However, as time goes on, he is becoming more comfortable with it. I am so proud of him, and I support him 100%.
Several of you asked ho he deals with his lactose intolerance at work. Easy answer: he always packed a vegan protein bar for lunch, so his co-workers never had to deal with his stench. Lucky bastards.
TL;DR: Husband finally changed diet and doesn't stink anymore. | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ezuoqw/tensions_flaring_due_to_farting/ | ezuoqw | 3,783 | 11 | [
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2020-02-06T18:57:17 | [VIDEO] Drunk student causes a ruckus | Public Freakout | [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/eyyerm/drunk_student_causes_a_ruckus_and_throws_laptop/) - [VIDEO: Drunk student causes a ruckus](https://youtu.be/y45L6Jaa-L8)
2nd Video Surfaces - [Kid shows up to class drunk and starts yelling racial slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/ez0ltf/kid_shows_up_to_class_drunk_and_starts_yelling/)
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/eyz1bh/update_drunk_kid_dragged_out_of_campus_tied_like/) - [VIDEO: drunk kid dragged out of campus](https://youtu.be/Enl4RMroSRg)
---
CBS Reports - [More Video of the Arrest](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1WGpA1pJJI)
Article - [Chapman student arrested on felony, assault charges](https://www.thepanthernewspaper.org/blog/chapman-student-arrested-felony)
A student was arrested the morning of Feb. 4 after assaulting students around him, vandalizing property and yelling racial and homophobic slurs.
“He got up and walked back to this one dude standing by me, just some stranger, slapped him on his ass. (The stranger) didn’t do anything about it because he smelled the alcohol, and then (the student) started running into the walls and saying disrespectful things,” Sitorus said. “Girls would walk by and he’d say, ‘oh, I’m trying to **** you.’ We weren’t having it.”
“He was saying, ‘Oh, I’m super drunk.’ He had a flask, like a water bottle and said, ‘This is full of Bacardi,’” Sitorus told The Panther. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ezwzyj/video_drunk_student_causes_a_ruckus/ | ezwzyj | 1,468 | 17 | [
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2020-02-07T20:28:40 | [LONG] Starts in AITA ends in WeddingShaming, updates span several subs | AITA | [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eoley4/aita_i_38_m_for_telling_my_fiancee_f_27her/) in /r/AmItheAsshole
We are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted.
All that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress.
We jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had.
We aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress. I know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil!
I had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100.
I'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon .
I tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it.
She is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted?
It turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress.
Wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined.
Then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it.
It's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost.
I thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset.
AITA here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been Extremely cold towards me.
Then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage.
Im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole.
EDIT: Emma found this thread, it was a mistake to post here and im sorry i posted our problems on reddit, iata
---
[UPDATE by bride](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ep4h1n/me_23f_with_my_fiancee43_m_of_1_and_a_half_years/) in r/relationships
he has humiliated me just a few months before our wedding over my dress and I dont know what to do.
i literally don't know where to start, my fiancee we'll call greg . i dont know what came over him, its completely insane, we are getting married in summer, the argument started over my wedding dress.
i picked a very simple and traditional gown that was already discounted as it is an ex sample gown.
my absolute idiot of a fiancee decided to post to a subreddit asking for opinions or more likely validation on whether i was being unreasonable.
my dress is under 1000 dollars but will come to around 1500 with alterations.
we have over 7 thousand left over in our budget, that's another thing that seriously upset me that he lied in his post multiple times, i make a mich higher salary than him so we agreed he woukd pit 5 k towards the wedding and i put in the rest but why lie? why ask opinions if you've skewed the details.
i had absolutely no problem with this as he makes just above the minimum wage.
the thread got way too much attention, i had already gone to my parents because i was angry about him calling me immature and shouting about me being spoilt.
i also happened to find the thread shortly after he made it because not only did he use my real name his throwaway was his real name followed by his alarm pin!
he sent me a text saying that he wasn't the asshole in this situation and i just KNEW he would post it on reddit, it's not the first time he's posted on reddit about stuff.
but nothing of this magnitude, anyway i don't know what to do, there are people online now claiming to be me and its been shared on twitter and Facebook and I'm just utterly mortified.
he got utterly hammared last night and called my parents, my dad had to hang up on him because he was screaming down the phone and my mom was disgusted.
i cant get my money back on the venue or anything, i recently started antidepressants because I've been feeling low but now i just feel empty.
this whole thing was about the cost of my dress and he suggested i use the wish app to get an identical gown, first he refused to listen to me that wish is garbage but he also argued it to the death in the comments!
i read every single comment in that thread and it was like being punched in the gut, i can't get over the odd lies either, he gave out my real name and his but lied about the age gap and budget.
i am 23 he is 43 admittedly he looks much much younger and for the first few weeks dating i thought he was in his early thirties. we also have only been together a year not 2 years i think he said, and im starting to think this was all too fast.
i need help, i need advice, i know im quite possibly pot calling the kettle by posting to reddit but i post here alot usually anyway and all the fake accounts claiming be me might throw him off anyway.
tl;dr fiancee posted to reddit to get opinions on the price of my wedding dress but used my real name and it all blew up, bow people are creating fake accounts pretending to be me and he has devolved to calling me names and getting drunk and calling my family, he also lied about alot of details in the post, how do i handle this calmly ?
---
[Comment by Bride](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/ep52lc/aita_op_is_ignorant_about_wedding_dress_costs/fehd9vf/) in r/bestof
its amazing how many accounts im seeing claiming to be me, the wedding is not off but it is postponed, i am staying with my parents until we can try to figure this out if we can figure this out, but nothing feels the same now this was humiliating enough without all the added fake account stuff.
[Groom is banned from r/amitheasshole ](https://imgur.com/iLeiyT0)
---
[UPDATE by groom](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/eqaqj2/i_40s_m_messed_up_big_time_and_my_fiancee_20sf/) in /r/relationships
I made a really stupid mistake, I'm going to keep things extremely vague because i don't want a repeat of last time.
Me and my fiancee linda had a small disagreement over the price of her wedding dress, and instead of just talking it out i posted about it to reddit, things got way out of hand, her friends saw the post and it got way too much attention.
Things were still salvageable it seemed until the newspapers picked up on and then started covering the story and harrasing linda for interviews and asking if she had dumped me
She has gone to stay with her parents for the foreseeable future and has cancelled the venue and the flowers and just about everything.
I want to make things right but she has blocked me and turned off her phone, the papers are still running with the story, but i really need this to work, i need to make things right, all of this over a dress.
tl;dr fiancee has called off wedding because i made a post on reddit about a disagreement instead of talking it out, it went viral, hit the papers, which harrased her and now the wedding is cancelled
---
[UPDATE by Bride](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/ep4qqr/update_to_the_guy_who_wanted_his_fiance_to_get_a/) in r/weddingshaming
the moment he showed this ugly ass attitude my vagina dried up like the Sahara desert and ignited honestly though if i dont laugh at this situation ill have a complete breakdown
[Last Update by bride](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/eqbrl7/would_anyone_like_a_free_engagement_ring_or_do/)
Would anyone like a free engagement ring or do they know anyone who wants one? | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0gcsb/long_starts_in_aita_ends_in_weddingshaming/ | f0gcsb | 8,081 | 41 | [
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2020-02-07T20:34:15 | A Wedding Story, updates span several sub | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0gft6/a_wedding_story_updates_span_several_sub/ | f0gft6 | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-02-08T01:54:18 | I bought a Spider-Man costume to wear...to a friend’s 4 year old son’s birthday | Advice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/dd0kp0/i_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wear_with_my_son/)
I bought a Spider-Man costume to wear with my son on Halloween. I offered to wear it to a friend’s 4 year old son’s birthday. What can I say or do to make it entertaining and fun for the kids besides just doing a few poses?
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/dekg2l/updatei_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wear_with/) #1
Hey I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who took the time to offer suggestions. I had a blast being Spiderman. It's not everyday you get to be a Superhero for kids.
It definitely felt awkward to be wearing tights in front of the parents, but it really helps to be hiding behind the mask.
Hardest part was climbing to the top of the bounce house slide lol. Kind of sad that Spiderman had trouble with a 5 foot inflatable wall.
I made sure to have a can of silly string tucked inside the wrist of the costume ( i cut a small hole in the palm so I could shoot it out ). The can was so well hidden that it was a cool surprise when I shot my friend in the face with it while posing for a picture. My friend's were a little worried that their son might be scared of a costumed character, so I made sure to befriend and do my best not to scare him. It worked and he led me from the bounce house to the living room to show me his train set. I took some Spiderman party favors with me and gave him a set of Spiderman pajamas. One small boy gave me a hug and it was the cutest thing ever.
I definitely had a blast and I'm looking forward to Halloween.
Quick edit: Thanks for all the kind words. Going to save this to read for the days when I feel depressed.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/dpt1zj/update_2i_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wear_with/) #2
Hey guys, Thought I'd let you know I was able to be Spiderman for a my local children's hospital today,
The hospital went all out with a lot for the kids to do in the lobby and had tons of new costumes for them to have. Quite a few of the kids let me hold them while their mom and dad took pics. I took plenty of pictures with parents and nurses as well.
One of the best uses of my time in my entire life. Wanted to update you guys and tell all my internet friends thanks for the advice and encouragement.
https://imgur.com/a/nRr0BA1
https://imgur.com/a/5ygayhu | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0krst/i_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wearto_a_friends/ | f0krst | 2,398 | 19 | [
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2020-02-08T18:36:50 | Guy asks Reddit for help with his epic marriage proposal | null | [Seeking random internet strangers to help fill a small theater, where I will surprise propose to my girlfriend](https://www.reddit.com/r/boston/comments/e71aaf/brookline_seeking_random_internet_strangers_to/) in /r/boston
Backstory: My girlfriend and I were high school sweethearts. We split up when we moved away for college, but, through freak happenstance, reconnected ten years later and got back together.
On 12/30, I plan to propose to her during a screening of her favorite movie. Sprinkled into the audience, hidden, will be our friends and family - to surprise her and celebrate afterward.
In an effort to prevent her from noticing these familiar faces, I've reserved 20 seats surrounding hers as buffer. If you are interested in filling one of the seats, please DM me! In return you will get:
A free screening of most of Sleeping Beauty
Pizza and/or beer afterwards
A wholesome and memorable Monday night
A successful entry into the anals of "we did it, Reddit!"
My eternal gratitude
Thank you!
EDIT: Damn I love you guys, there was way more interest in this than I was expecting. Thank you to everyone who has reached out.
Right now it's skewing mostly 20-somethings (go figure) so, to even it out, please let me know if you're a parent and have a Disney-age son or daughter that would like to attend. You will have first priority.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/boston/comments/embt5n/update_i_proposed_to_my_girlfriend_with_the_help/)
I proposed to my girlfriend with the help of some random internet strangers. We did it Reddit!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1TZWzf3Fqk | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0vms0/guy_asks_reddit_for_help_with_his_epic_marriage/ | f0vms0 | 1,605 | 18 | [
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2020-02-10T05:12:19 | 'I despise my mentally handicap sister' | AITA | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awyi8k/aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap_sister/)
The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out.
My sister is severely autistic. She requires attention almost 24/7 and cannot be left alone. She is non-verbal and cannot take care of herself at all. Despite the fact that she is only 12 she is extremely destructive and violent and destroys anything she gets her hands on.
I hate her. That should be wrong to say but it doesn't feel like it.
I was only 6 years old when she was born and since then i've never solely had my parents attention. Even since I can remember the world has revolved around her. I was moved out of my room into the basement at 7 because she needed to be in the room next to my parents. All of my toys as a child were destroyed by her and my parents simply ignored me when I complained. Even when I was 14 and she destroyed a mac my school gave me I was in the wrong.
Along with this I am expected to take care of her and drop everything I do for her. I can never make plans with friend because my parents "expect" me to be there if they need me to take care of her. Even when I do somehow get time to myself I am required to leave if they need me. If i do not then I am punished. The recent example of this is when I went to see the new spider man movie, and was "grounded" because i turned my phone off in the theater.
It seems as if I am nothing more than a slave to them and anything involving her simply overshadows me. This last week I was chosen to give a speech at a school event. I was so exited and my parents promised to be there, but they never showed and claimed it was because of my sister. Anytime anything like this happens for me they are to busy with her.
I've held this in for so long and it finally spilled out today. While talking about colleges with my father, he joked that I should get a degree that pays well so when their gone I can take care of my sister. I don't know why but this caused me to break down. I cried and screamed about how it always about her. I'm nothing more than a caretaker to them, that they always make it about her and that I'm expected to be her "slave" for the rest of my life.
I've locked myself in my room since then and my parents have not come to check on me. Am i the asshole here?
**Edit/Update kinda:**
Thank you all. After thinking about it for these past hours, you are right that I don't despise my sister. It's not her fault that she was born the way she is. My parents came to talk to me a while after my break down but I was unable to bring myself to talk to them and only cried and asked them to leave. They have made arrangements with my grandfather for me to stay with him for the time being and am getting ready to go to his house. My parents want to talk to me but we have decided it's best I leave for now to have some space and time to collect myself. we will be sitting down and talking later this week about this issue.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/azvko1/update_aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap/)
Well, since that day I made the post i've been staying with my grandfather. The week's been honestly a huge change for me for better and for worse but i'll try to run it down.
I started by telling my grandpa the story of why I broke down the way I did and to be honest, he seemed horrified. No one in my family knew my parents were using me as essentially a free care service for my sister. My grandpa told me some things that I don't feel comfortable repeating here but in essence my sister is "supposed" to be getting care from a professional and that my parents were ignoring that, along with this I was not supposed to be caring for her at all with her mental state as apparently she is a danger to herself and others. With everything else I told him, along with stuff like the movie indecent he was really mad and told me to not contact my parents without him there. He pretty much told me that he would be meeting with my parents beforehand and that he was going to be there when I sat down with them. It didn't end here either, the rest of the week consisted of other family checking in on me and telling me things my parents hid from me. This included the fact that my parents have been taking money from family to fund a "caretaker" that doesn't exist.
Suffice to say, this week has been rough. But, the upside is that even through all this, my extended family has been giving me more love than i've felt in a while. My grandfather spent this last week "making up for the time i've lost." Encouraging me to spend time with friends and do things I want to do. My aunts and uncles have also been helping me through the week.
Well, Saturday night I sat down with parents to talk. It went badly to say the least. They came clean to me about everything. They told me things I will not repeat here. But they did not apologize. My parents still claim that I some how owed my sister my time. My father even saying "You were put here to be her caretaker". I won't lie and say I was composed. After everything i learned I confronted them. On the fact that my sister needed a caretaker. The money my dad was taking from his sister, and a few other things. They denied it or made excuses. And in the end, we ended off in a worse place than before.
Today will be my last time talking to them for a while. After talking with my grandfather and uncle last night, I'm not going back. Later today i'm going there and picking up my stuff and moving in with my grandfather. When I graduate high school i'm planning on leaving the state to go to school. My aunt has told me that the money she was sending my dad will be instead be coming to me from now on. My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home.
I won't be going back to them. Right now I still feel pretty uneasy about everything but I feel like that will pass. The rest of my family is showing their support to me and honestly, it feel great. But in the end I lost my parents. Over all of this, i've learned something that I wished I saw earlier. I don't hat my sister. In fact I love her with all my heart. I should never have never projected my hate onto her. That was wrong, and someday I hope to make up for it. But for now I need to leave.
**Late edit:**
We just got back from moving my things out of my parents house. Every thing I wanted to take my grandpa and uncle helped move and it's at my grandpa's house now. I have my birth certificate, social security card, and every other document and record I could think of. My parents were quiet the whole time I was there.
Shorty after I arrived my dad left with my sister and my mom only hovered over us silently as me moved. It took a while but as we left she broke down and told me she loved me and would miss me. I hugged her and said goodbye, and that was it. Even now I sit here and think if she really meant it. After this whole week of her not saying anything she waited till the end. I hope she meant it.
Right now though, I think I just need to look ahead. Maybe one day me and my parents can reconnect. I hope so. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f1lkfu/i_despise_my_mentally_handicap_sister/ | f1lkfu | 7,256 | 36 | [
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2020-02-10T17:27:33 | My ex has a restraining order against me and now lives in the same apartment complex | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/eiwcw3/my_ex_has_a_restraining_order_against_me_and_now/)
My Ex Wife and I had a rocky marriage, my alcoholism didn't help. She pushed for a divorce. We lived together during this divorce and one day I found out she was dating another man. I snapped and hit her, pretty hard. I was charged with assault, spent 3 months in jail, went to anger management and I was also issued a 3 yr restraining order.
This was 2 yrs ago. I have since sobered up, met a wonderful woman and moved to a completely different apartment complex in a completely different part of the city and never had any further contact with my Ex Wife. I admit what I did was wrong, I paid the price, I've seen re-established myself. My current woman who I've been in a relationship with for 2 yrs is aware of this back ground story (which makes things slightly easier)
Well unknown to me my ex moved into my apartment complex about 5 months ago with her now new husband (who had always lived here, I did not know this) I saw her in the lobby just before new years. She greeted me, I turned shocked and said hello. She asked me what I was doing in the lobby I said I was just coming in from work she told me that the restraining order is still in effect and I need to move out.
I tried to reason with her and told her I'd be happy to steer clear of her, I know we don't live on the same floor (I don't even know what floor she lives on, I don't care to know) I told her if I saw her on an elevator I wouldn't get in and just wait for the next one. She told me she was going enforce the restraining order against me.
My partner and I literally just signed a brand new 2 yr lease 6 months ago. We love the place we live in, and wouldn't want to move. And it feels unjust having to move/incur financial hardship because the person I had a restraining order against moved into my apartment complex.
The reason why I'm bringing this up is cause last night building management was informed of the restraining order and told us we need to figure this out.
Would she really be able to force me out of my home even though I lived here before her? As long as I do my best to avoid any contact with her (which I'm perfectly fine doing) shouldn't that be sufficient? I work a really early schedule and the fact is she was dating this guy and coming over to this apartment complex for the entire time I've been here, and we ran crossed paths, and she's been living here full time for 5 months and just recently crossed paths. Not sure what to do.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/f1jwp3/an_update_on_my_ex_has_a_restraining_order/)
The public defender that represented me was no longer practicing in the NYC area but I retained a lawyer who was a friend of a friend who had experience in this area.
My lawyer got references from my PO, Employer, and AA Sponsor.
Our goal was to get the restraining order modified to a simple no-contact order with no distance requirements so I could continue living with my partner. I spoke to the Judge told him my story, what I had done to correct my past transgressions. He reviewed my record. We submitted our references.
During this time period I was crashing on a friends couch as to not vioalte my propective order.
* PO said I had paid my fines, followed all the rules, and never once had to remind me of my restrictions, and so forth and said he was impressed with my turnaround.
* My employer said that I was always early, never seemed to be under the influence or hangover from anything, and even at our company functions was very open and honest about my sobriety and didn't partake in drinking
* My AA Sponsor said good things about me too, how he was impressed with my maturity, and openness on my alcoholism and addiction.
Then the Judge asked my ex-wife to speak. My ex-wife said she was shocked by my turnaround. She said that it seemed unfair to her to require me to move because she moved into my building unknowingly and that she no longer felt threatened by me. This was a shock to both my lawyer and I as I expected my Ex to want to keep the protective order in place.
The Judge said that he wouldn't modify the protective order but lift it entirely as he felt it had served its purpose and that based upon my references, my testimony, and most importantly the testimony of my Ex that he didn't see how keeping it place was benefiting anymore.
He did tell my Ex that if she ever felt threatened or in danger because of something I said or did she could contact the police. The Judge then told me his main reason for lifting the order was to allow me to live in my current apartment but advised it was a good idea to avoid contact with my Ex to avoid any potential complications down the road. He reminded me because of my past it wouldn't take much to get another procetive order put in place. I told the Judge I had no intention of talking/contacting to my Ex and I was thrilled that I don't have to move and get to stay with my current girlfriend.
So over the course of this weekend I moved back into my apartment with my girlfriend. I'm glad this was resolved. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f1tl0b/my_ex_has_a_restraining_order_against_me_and_now/ | f1tl0b | 5,191 | 21 | [
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2020-02-12T02:22:42 | Family saves for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, but are turned away at the airport & told "better leave or else they will call the police" | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f2js7p/family_saves_for_a_onceinalifetime_vacation_but/ | f2js7p | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-02-12T02:25:40 | Family saves for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, are turned away at the airport | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f2jtok/family_saves_for_a_onceinalifetime_vacation_are/ | f2jtok | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-02-12T03:33:46 | Family who saves for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, turned away at airport | TIFU | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7jpydi/tifu_by_not_properly_checking_the_passport_rules/)
Literally just happened today. My mother, brother, sister and I were all planning to go to Kenya for a giant vacation. It was the death anniversary of my grandma, and since my mom had not been there in 20 years, she decided that she wanted to go and show us where she was raised.
We are a pretty low income family due to my mom having a brain tumour a few years ago that still exhibits problems for her and all 3 of us kids going to school, so only work is part time for myself and my brother (sister was too young). Due to this, we saved up as much as we could, and even though it hurt us a lot financially, we bought the tickets 6 months ago using a travel agent for a total cost of $6000.
Since it was with a travel agent, we thought it was a done deal. He sent us the ticket and travel itinerary, and said everything was good to go. We soon learned however, that this was wrong. But that's to come later on.
Anyway, due to us thinking that it was a done deal. We called up our family in Kenya and told them that we would finally be coming to visit them. This had them excited, especially my uncle, who is fairly wealthy, and decided that he wanted to make this trip worthwhile. Knowing that we couldn't afford anything special, he decided to pitch in to make our trip something we would never forget. A $20,000 dollar event itinerary filled with a personal driver, 4 days at a safari, 5 star hotels, scuba-diving, and more. It was one if those dream vacations that you could not wait for. It WOULD have been great.
Fast forward to today. Where we had finished buying luggages and packing them, had arranged accommodation for our dog, and had put valuables in secure areas. It was a 3 week trip that was supposed to end on January 6, 2018. Remember this date folks.
We take an hour ride through traffic, and finally arrive at the airport at 3:30, with the flight leaving around 6. We have everything ready and with us, and we were feeling really good. We go up to the Lufthansa baggage check in and wait. Around 4, it's finally our turn. We go with the right amount of suitcases, show them our ticket, and then finally give in our passports to be scanned. Everything looks good... And then here's where it started to crumble.
Remember how I said that the return date was January 6th. Well Lufthansa just then tells us that they can't let us on the trip because to go to Kenya our passport should be valid for 6 months after the end of the trip. Our passports however, expired on the 4th of June. 2 FUCKING DAYS DIFFERENCE. This comes as a blow to my mom, and after going through confusion, she starts going through panic. She asks them what we can do. And they say that there's an emergency passport place that can do it in an hour.... But they close at 4:30 and it was already around 4:15 by then and it was half an hour drive. Not possible.
My mom goes back to the Lufthansa desk and asks them if there is anything else they can please do to help, is there a way to reschedule from the desk so we can go in within the next 2 days to try and get the renewed passport. They say they can't do anything. She asks for what to do with the travel agent, they say that she better leave or else they will call the police on her.
We leave the desk and we go to sit down and call the agent. we ask him to call the head of service and to try and change the flight date, they tell him that the only thing we can do is to cancel the flight and rebook.... And of course, they'll still keep about $2000 from the $6000. We try to get him to see if they can exchange (because we knew the price for a new one would be unaffordable), but he didn't do shit and just did the cancellation. Never going to hire him again EVER.
My mom starts to break down. But I try my best to make her feel a better. "How could I be so stupid, why didn't I do it" and "why didn't he warn us. I shouldn't have ever picked him to book our flight" really started to break my heart. But I told her to keep her head strong, we will get through it. We immediately get home and go to get passport photos done, grab renewal forms, and get referrals and what not and have the paperwork ready to go early morning tomorrow (technically today at the time of typing) at 8 am to hopefully be ready the end of tomorrow with the urgent renewal running about $1000 in total. If the ticket is affordable enough now, we would be able to do it, it would just mean that we would have to be living pretty broke for the next few months.
All we need now, is to see the ticket prices. We go online and my mom starts to cry. We check all the websites, the lowest price is $12,000. Double that of what we paid. And way out of our price range due to all the things we had paid for before hand (even worse, the "refund" from Lufthansa would take approximately 4 weeks to arrive. We won't be able to afford it, unless we go afterwards. But doing that would mean that the amazing event that my uncle set up would go down the drain. We had to go to our last resort.
My mom had to call my uncle, and ask for help. We tell him that they wouldn't let us on the flight... And he starts fucking raging. He is so pissed and it's understandable. He would lose his $20,000 that he spent just for us since it was all booked and paid for already. After though, my mom starts to pretty much beg him to help us find a flight, but he says that he can't spend over $12,000 more for us, especially with that $12,000 being on the line with us actually getting a renewed passport tomorrow. We beg him to please do it, and he angrily says he will see and will call by 1 if he has a flight (we need a travel itinerary to show the passport office in order for them to renew it in 1 day).
It's almost 2 now, and there's no call. I'm sitting in bed here depressed while typing this (which is probably why there where mistakes in the text. I'm to sad to think properly). Meanwhile my mom is crying while trying to fall asleep. My mom's biggest dream in years and about $30,000 all pretty much down the drain. And only because our passport was expiring in June 4, 2018 instead of June 6, 2018 on a trip that was ending on January 6, 2018.
Tl;dr: we had a giant trip planned to have my mom finally go back home to Kenya, had a shitty travel agent who didn't tell us that our passport was 2 days under the 6 months validity after the trip, and now my mom is crying and our uncle who payed the $20,000 event itinerary hates us.
---
**Update**
I MADE IT. THANK YOU ALL SOOO MUCH! Your invaluable advice made it very easy for me to get a set path of what to do. First off, I fought with the travel agent in order to get my money back. I used some of the advice from this subreddit and you were right, I got back the $6000.
Then, I went online and found the cheapest flight I could that left in two days, having found one for $12000 (the cheapest). "Booked it" and printed the travel itinerary and went early in the morning to get the emergency passports. We got them on the same day due to showing the itinerary (thank you Reddit) and we're ready on that front.
That was the easy part though, for now, I needed another $6000 in order to pay for the new ticket prices. Knowing how badly my mom wanted it, i spent two days where I had to sell my dream computer, Nintendo Switch, Xbox, PS4, iPad, and pretty much everything else I had that was an "entertainment product".
My mom's happiness was worth way more than the happiness I got from those items so I thought it was a valuable trade. It's now been the end of the second day (12:00 am as I write this), and the smile on my mom's face seeing as she drives through the town, meets old classmates, and so far has gone swimming in the fishes has been one I had not seen since my dad left us, so I thank every single one of you who showed your support, and also have me advice on what to do. These next 3 weeks are all because of you. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f2krwj/family_who_saves_for_a_onceinalifetime_vacation/ | f2krwj | 8,014 | 38 | [
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2020-02-13T19:15:26 | 'I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke' | AITA | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfeg9/aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/)
My step-daughter, Madeline, was about a year old when I married her mother, Jessica. Madeline’s father died before she was born.
Madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her. Then she said “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to follow you”. Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that. But I understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. I just replied “I’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.”
That happened about 2 days ago. So our family was going grocery shopping, when Madeline said “I’m hungry. I need food.” I decide to be extremely cheeky and say “Hi Hungry, I’m not your dad.” My son just started to laugh uncontrollably. My daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. And my wife was berating me “Not to stoop down to her level.”
I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. And my son agrees. So AITA?
Edit: I did adopt her. So legally I am her parent.
Mini Update: I’ll probably give a full update later but here is what happened so far. I go to my daughter’s room after dinner and begin talking with her. “Hey. I’m really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said. And I am really your dad. I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. And plus I’m legally your dad, so we’re stuck together. But seriously, I’m going to love you like my daughter even if you don’t think I’m your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that’s good.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dq32it/update_aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/)
My son found the post, and shared it with my daughter. This was after apologizing to her. She cried again.
So last week, we decided to have a father/daughter bonding weekend. Honestly, it was awesome. I took her bowling, to get a manicure, becoming Disney princesses(I looked awesome as Jasmine), and so forth.
She loved it. I loved it. Everyone was happy. Then we decided to go out to eat dinner. “I’m starving, what do you want Maddie?” “Hi Starving, I’m not your daughter”. She had this biggest smirk on her face. She hugged me and I kissed her forehead. I’m sure she’d been planning this for weeks. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f3f507/i_honestly_thought_it_was_a_funny_dad_joke/ | f3f507 | 2,404 | 30 | [
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2020-02-14T18:05:11 | Swallowed my weed pipe | r/Drugs | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/al68mc/swallowed_my_pipe/)
So, got pulled over, and swallowed my pipe.
It was in my lap, and I got pulled over for passing a bus that I didn't see with red lights on (there was a truck between him and I). It was in my lap, and I just saw it, and made a choice, gulped it down. Now I'm just afraid of getting it back lol
Tried to regurgitate it, but it didn't come up. How screwed am I letting it pass on its own?
Update: I took a strong mechanic magnet to my back, felt it move inside my stomach. Was mad weird but cool as hell. Been eating normally, as I've been rather solid lately. Just hoping it makes all the curbs on the way out, and comes out straight. Will update on what comes of it.
---
[1 Year Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/f3ls5i/swallowed_my_weed_pipe_update/)
Well guys, it's been over a year, and recently I had my first kidney stone.
They couldn't see it on X-Ray, so they took me for a CT scan. As I laid down to prepare to be scanned, I stopped my doctor.
"Hey doc, is it the MRI or the CT that uses magnets?"
"That'd be the MRI. This one uses X-Rays. Have something metal on you or something?"
"Well, I have a bunch of piercings, but I'm more concerned about the metal pipe I swallowed a while back..."
"...You swallowed a pipe?"
"Yes sir. Got pulled over with my weed pipe in my hand, panicked, and gulped it down."
"...There's a first for everything I guess."
He does the scan as normal, going into his little room to run the machine. He comes back in after scanning two or three times.
"Well, good news. No pipe."
So, yeah. I guess I passed it at some point and just never noticed it! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f3w1ej/swallowed_my_weed_pipe/ | f3w1ej | 1,692 | 26 | [
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2020-02-15T16:54:10 | test | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4c1t7/test/ | f4c1t7 | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-02-15T17:33:51 | I’m turning all my loss into strength since my amputation | r/amputee | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/amputee/comments/9n0lcl/below_knee_amputation_prosthetic_question/) - minor edits for clarity
Well in October 2017, 2 weeks after we pulled back into home port my left foot and lower leg was crushed by a forklift. The nerve damage and nerve pain was too much for me. It was like having your leg dissolved in acid or cut by razor blades and it was 24/7.
I’m about have be a LBKA and I was curious that once you build a callus and you are able to wear a prosthetic with minimal issues, how many hours in a day are you able to actually wear it? Would I be able to wear it from sunrise to sunset or would it be more of a “working hours only” type of deal.
---
Update [PHOTO](https://preview.redd.it/qn4hj073a9c21.jpg?width=579&auto=webp&s=de16cad96f2d6c1a7656e2c7346c251426a92c8a)
I met the bestest boy today while I was touring the Amputation clinic and he welcomed me with open arms to my new home. The best part is, he out ranks me. 12/10 best boy on earth
---
Update [PHOTO](https://i.redd.it/izic9x2epvd21.jpg)
Just had my leg amputated. It’s whatever, I didn’t want it anyway.
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/an8ck0/my_post_about_getting_an_amputation_went_viral_a/)
This is a first look at my new stump! My mother recorded this like the angel she is. Thanks again for everyone’s support!
Well 2 weeks ago I was sitting in the couch trying to accept my fate that I would be an amputee. 9 days ago it actually happened. Since then, I’ve actually remained pretty positive and optimistic! I smile and laugh a lot and since I’ve been here I think I’ve made 50+ friends! I can’t go to the 3rd floor for PT without saying Hello to nurses and doctors that have worked with me before! Or to fellow amputees that I’ve met or even just random amputees. It’s been overall a positive experience. I’ll be honest in saying that the last 24 hours haven’t been as great. The pain is becoming more persistent as the nerve block wears off and I can start to feel where they cut my leg off. The phantom pains are becoming more and more real and I have to say, holy shit they suck. And now pretty much nonstop I have Phantom Sensations which are different from Phantom pains.
For anyone who doesn’t know, Phantom Pains are when you can feel your foot as if it were never gone and it feels like someone is trying destroy it with every tool imaginable. Luckily they don’t last long but are happening more often which medication will hopefully take care of.
Phantom Sensations however are just when you can feel your foot. It doesn’t hurt or anything but you can feel you foot as if the surgery never happened and it is a huge mind fuck. Usually rubbing of the stump helps(not masturbation) but it never really goes away I assume. Once it started it just hasn’t stopped.
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/anv5jl/this_was_my_first_time_using_mirror_therapy_as_a/)
This was my first time using mirror therapy as a coping mechanism after my Amputation. Seeing my left leg magically come back was incredible. It was too much to handle and my mother captured that moment. P.S. I still killed the rest of the workout
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/ao9kuz/no_tears_today_only_progress_i_did_some_uphill/)
No tears today, only progress. I did some uphill training on my wheelchair today for the first time and my god did it feel good to feel the burn. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to do cardio!
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/ap9ebp/not_every_day_has_to_be_negative_just_because/)
Not every day has to be negative. Just because they chopped my leg off doesn’t mean I can put a smile on my face! Everyone meet Stumpy the Moose.
Try not to take life to seriously and laugh at the stupid jokes. Don’t be afraid to be goofy in public. Either nobody cares what you look like or they do and they end up laughing along with you! Smiles and positivity is infectious so if everyone smiled a little bit more, the world would be a better place. I definitely not the worst off in the world so I have no reason to be upset at my place in the universe. I just got dealt a different hand in life. I’ve always had had my personality to fall back on just Incase my foot wasn’t there to catch me.
---
Update [PHOTO](https://preview.redd.it/sz5dnk1zq5m21.jpg?width=576&auto=webp&s=6b7b0ed3a9bdf315d068abec62d85e23d0dd73ba)
I just had my leg amputated recently and I had an anonymous person send me this bear. I didn’t even notice the fact that whoever sent the bear, made it just like me. This picture was taken after I had washed my face because I was sobbing. Shit like this make my day.
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/bpu3u4/its_been_a_while_since_my_last_update_but_ya_boy/)
It’s been a while since my last update but ya boy is finally walking! It’s been a long few months and multiple set backs but I’m walking and walking pretty damn well if you ask me!
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/sports/comments/bwgno6/do_what_you_were_born_to_do/)
Do what you were born to do. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4cmce/im_turning_all_my_loss_into_strength_since_my/ | f4cmce | 5,223 | 13 | [
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2020-02-15T23:35:53 | My Wife threw out the flowers I got her for Valentine's Day, I destroyed her late-husband's wedding ring and messed everything up. | Relationship_Advice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f49z09/my_m28_wife_f28_threw_out_the_flowers_i_got_her/)
I met my wife when we were 20, we've been together since shortly after we met. We got engaged at 26 and just got married last Autumn.
When I met her, she was a widow. She had known her late husband since infancy (her Mom babysat him), and they had been "dating" since seventh grade. Married at 18. He died in a car accident when they were 20, shortly before I met her.
When we first started dating, she was still grieving his death, she would often have panic attacks and lock herself in the bathroom crying. I tried to be as understanding as I could when things like this happened. I tried to comfort her, but she would just ask for space. Over the years, this has lessened and lessened, she NEVER brings him up anymore.
Our first Valentine's Day I got her chocolates and flowers, she accepted them, and said she appreciated the gesture. But then she said she thinks Valentine's Day is just a stupid, commercial holiday that she doesn't care for. I retorted that I think it's a sweet day where couples could profoundly express their love, and that I'd still like to celebrate it at least a little.
After pressing it for a while, she admitted that she didn't want to celebrate it because she celebrated it with her late-husband. It started with corny, little Valentine's cards you make for your classmates in elementary school. To full-fledged romantic dinners. Then eventually they got married on Valentine's day. We were freshly in the relationship, so I digressed, and agreed no Valentine's day. So, I never attempted to celebrate it again.
That brings us to this Valentine's day. Man, I can feel my blood boiling typing this. It's our first Valentine's day as a married couple, she never discusses him anymore, so I think... why not surprise her with some flowers after work? We've come so far over the years. Our relationship is near perfect, I love her beyond words, nothing wrong with expressing that... right? Wrong. I bring home the flowers, a full-fledged $100 bouquet, and she loses her absolute shit. She said it's the one thing she's ever explicitly asked me not to do and I couldn't even respect that.
She grabs the flowers out of my hands, storms out of the apartment without even putting shoes on. I follow after her, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, and throws them in a dumpster. Her knees give out, and she shrinks down to the ground, crying like absolute crazy. I've never seen her this bad. I get down on the ground with her and hold her, profusely apologizing. She calms down, we go back up to our apartment. A few hours pass by as normal, and admittedly.. I make maybe an even bigger mistake...
She's on her computer doing some work, I ask her, "Do you still love him? Was I just a rebound?" I regret the words as soon as they come out, I wish I could take them back instantly; we haven't discussed him since the first year we were together. But I don't want to ignore the subject, it's killing me, I had to ask. No response. Nothing. At all.
I get angrier. I know I shouldn't have, but I start yelling at her to answer me. She gets up, she starts packing up a duffel bag with clothes. I ask where she's going? Still nothing. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. She takes off her engagement and wedding rings (from our marriage) and puts it on the nightstand. I lose it at this point. I feel out of my mind. I literally can't feel my body. It's like I'm watching myself from the third person.
Her late-husband was cremated, so she kept his wedding ring after he passed, in a little box in her sock drawer. I grab the box, and get a hammer, I start bashing the ring in and telling her that he's dead, I'm her husband now, I can't believe she's not over him.. Awful stuff. I know. I don't know what I was thinking. She bawls for me to stop. I immediately stop. I realize what I had just done. I wasn't thinking. I couldn't have been. I would never do something like that but I just did.
And then she left. I begged her to stay as she walked out but she didn't. I've tried contacting her a million times since, her phone is off? Or she blocked me. I don't know. I called her parents, and close friends, no one knows where she is. Or at least they won't tell me.
I know I messed up. Is there anything I can do to fix this? Is my marriage over? I've never felt that kind of anger before. I've never been so vicious before. I don't know what came over me, jealousy? Maybe. I don't know. I guess I can't really describe it. It just felt like everything I built with her was based on a rebound. If he hadn't died, they would probably be together, and I'm just holding his place now.
She's always treated me with immense love, never compared me to him, she's the most hardworking, brave, sweetest woman I know. She's always encouraged me and pushed me to achieve my dreams. And supported me when I failed.
---
**EDIT/UPDATE:** Her brother called me and let me know she's safe, and staying with a family member, but won't specify where. He asked if he could come pick up some more of her stuff (including the destroyed ring, he specifically ask I not throw it away or further tarnish it....) from our place, without her. I reluctantly agreed, I really want to see her, but I understand why I can't right now.
She hasn't texted me back or called me herself. I'm starting to think she won't be anytime soon. And according to everyone here, I have no one to blame but myself. Not sure if I'll keep replying to comments, it's taking a toll on me, but I'm still reading all of them. Some are hard to read, but I appreciate them anyway.
I guess I'm an asshole, but it's hard to live in the shadow of a ghost. I just wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day so I could show her how much I love and appreciate her. Things got out of hand. Some of my comments on here were out of anger, and I'm sorry for that. I love my wife, despite what people here think. And I won't stop fighting for her.
---
**2nd/last update:** Nevermind. I was wrong. She texted me back shortly after her brother called, "The next time you see me there will be a lawyer, and divorce papers. I'm scared of you now. Please stop contacting me and my family, and if you come anywhere near me, I'm calling the cops..."
Verbatim. So, I guess that's that. I guess I underestimated the severity of what I did. I guess it isn't as black and white as I thought. I knew I messed up. I just didn't think it was this bad. I'm floored. Devastated. I hope she just texted that out of anger, and that she'll come around. Part of me is so angry I want to throw out his ring entirely, and her engagement/wedding ring from our marriage too. It's hard to imagine she actually wants to leave me. For now, whiskey it is.
---
**Okay, actual last update** after I left her multiple voicemails and texts after her last text. She sent me back one text, here it is:
"I love you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but it's become clear you can't accept the life I had before you. I learnt how to love because of him, and because of that I was able to love you as long, and as much as I did. In a way you're right, I wasn't ready to get into a relationship when we did, but we did, and we were in deep.
I wasn't ready but I didn't want to lose you because it was the wrong timing. And we built an amazing life together, or so I thought. What you did is unforgivable. I would have rather you hit me with the hammer, and leave the ring in tact. I got rid of all my photos with him because you didn't want it in our home, that ring was all I had left.
Please do not get rid of it. Keep the apartment, keep the car, keep anything you want of ours. I will tell any lawyer I want the bare minimal. But that ring is mine. If you ever cared about me, let me just have it back so I can get it fixed. We're not coming back from this, I'm sorry. I hope you'll heal from this but there's nothing you can say or do to undo the damage here. What's done is done. Take care of yourself. Legal proceedings are the only thing in our future, and I'm sorry that, that has to be the case. But I'm done." | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4htj5/my_wife_threw_out_the_flowers_i_got_her_for/ | f4htj5 | 8,213 | 72 | [
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2020-02-16T17:28:44 | I just watched Brokeback Mountain with my Mom | AskGayMen | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4ttsk/i_just_watched_brokeback_mountain_with_my_mom/ | f4ttsk | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-02-16T20:47:31 | I watched Brokeback Mountain with my homophobic Mom | AskGayMen | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGayMen/comments/dbs6iy/i_just_watched_brokeback_mountain_with_my_mom/)
Well the Titel is self explanatory, she wanted to watch a movie with me because god knows.
I said yeah sure why not and then we looked through Netflix. We are not the kind of persons to read the little text under movies.
In Germany Brokeback Mountain has the Movie picture of a man and a Woman. I knew what Brokeback Mountain was because I heard from it. But I never watched it.
Well she wanted to watch that movie and, she is that type of person when she watches a movie she finishes it.
We watched it I was crying, she was disgusted. She knows that i am gay but she is homophobic.
After the movie she said I should go to my room now. I did, then I went down to get something to drink. I asked her something and she didn’t answer me.
This is now 5 hours ago and she still won’t talk to me. ... is this how my life is going to be. Because I just don’t want to lose friends and family. Maybe it’s the best to act straight and become straight
I am crying in my room i don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I did wrong. I am only 14
---
**Update** : I talked with my mom, she hugged me and told me that she was very scared, she doesn’t want me to end like Jake in the movie. She also told me she accepts me. ( She told me that before but it was very good to hear again )
Edit: Thank you too all of you ! I love you all and you helped me so much | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4wyff/i_watched_brokeback_mountain_with_my_homophobic/ | f4wyff | 1,469 | 19 | [
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2020-02-17T19:51:43 | This girl is tearing our DND group apart | Relationships | [Original](https://ud.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9xoy6k/this_girl_early_20sf_in_is_tearing_our_dnd_group/)
My buddies and I have been playing tabletop games for a while now. A while back, I met this girl and she was funny and we got along well so I added her to the group chat we use for talking about DND and didn't think much of it. Since then however, she's become a pretty central part of our group and gets along really well with everyone and comes to every session.
She's funny and witty and cute, and everyone likes her. The thing is, she's the only girl, and we're all introverted nerds...so I'm pretty sure a lot of us have developed a crush on her. This is causing some problems in our group. I've noticed some of the guys who I consider my closest friends acting cold or shitty towards me because they think she has a crush on me and they're jealous. I'm not sure what to do, or how to address the situation without making it awkward for everyone. Any suggestions? Thanks.
...
I guess I worded the title poorly. It's really my friends that are acting like assholes to her and to me and causing drama. I feel like I'm pretty close with her and she would be receptive to me asking her out, but I don't want to ruin the group dynamic if we start dating because all of my friends have a crush on her...
I've tried to lightheartedly call them out on their BS, but it's really taking a toll on her. We text pretty regularly and she has confessed to me that she feels really sad that she thinks that Dave and Jake don't like her anymore and she doesn't know what she did wrong. I feel for her, and like I want to help her and make her feel good about herself cuz this isn't her fault at all and I really like her. Idk what to say to these guys, because they're being real assholes to her.
---
[Update](https://ud.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9yhlte/update_girl_20s_f_in_my_dnd_group_post_20s_m/)
So I wanted to thank everyone for all the great advice I got, and it led me to take some action over the weekend. So on Sunday (yesterday), I was txting with Sam and I decided to bring up and ask her how she was feeling about our gaming group. She confessed to me that she's been feeling really stressed out lately because she feels that Jake and Dave (our DM) have really been ostracizing her, because she's been getting closer to me. She told me that Dave would send her private angry or rude messages, saying mean things about me to her behind my back.
I was shocked and honestly kind of defeated to hear how these guys who I thought were my friends treated me behind my back. She said she was so cut up about this and that she didn't want to come to DND anymore because she didn't feel like it's any fun anymore, and that hurt me the most, having her lose something she loves because of some dumb guys.
So, based on the advice I got here on my last post, I did two things after getting this knowledge. I called up Dave, and told him that he either needs to grow up, and treat her with the respect she deserves, or she will leave the group. He was backpedaling, but eventually came clean that he has a thing for her as well and was just jealous of the attention I was receiving from her. He said that it's not her fault and it's not my fault and it's just something he needs to work through on his own, so at least he was able to be cognizant of that.
The second thing I did was talk to Sam frankly about us and our relationship. I told her that I really liked her, and asked her if she liked me as well, which she said she really did, and had for a while now (which made my heart want to explode out of my chest).
I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, even with all this drama going on, and I told her that I was on her side and would support her whatever she wanted to do with our gaming group. In the end, we've decided that we are dating now and we'll both be taking a break from DND for a few sessions before we go back and tell everyone. I am just so happy to have her in my life, and if my friends can't get over the fact that we're dating, she and I will start a new DND group with people who can be adults about it.
EDIT: 1.2K?? I never expected this to blow up so much! Thank you again, everyone, for your kind words, thoughts, anecdotes, and advice. I've talked to Dave again today actually and told him that Sam and I were officially together and we want to be able to come back and play all together again, but my respect for Sam's feelings overcomes my want to continue playing with them.
Dave told me that he was really sorry for being such an ass before and that he is happy for Sam and I and doesn't want this to come between our friendship. I am hopeful that we can move past this!
Also -- to those who suggested Sam invite a female friend to our group, she reached out to one of her best friends from high school who still lives in the area, and she is interested in joining! I think Sam will feel more comfortable, and it'll take some of the spotlight off our new relationship if we invite a new player into our group. Anyway, wanted to update and thank everyone again for all your kind comments. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f5egm2/this_girl_is_tearing_our_dnd_group_apart/ | f5egm2 | 5,168 | 25 | [
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2020-02-17T20:43:23 | I gained 70 pounds. Is it okay to ask my girlfriend to stop making mean comments about it? | Relationship_Advice | Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/egvgs0/i_23m_gained_70_pounds_and_ruined_my_relationship
I just want to start by saying I don't blame her at all, she is a great girl and I pushed our relationship to breaking point by gaining so much weight that I am no longer attractive. It's all entirely my fault so I'm not angry with her.
It's just that the frequency and increasing nastiness of her comments are starting to get to me a little. Maybe I don't have a right to feel this way, I don't know.
I gained almost 70 pounds in our 2 year relationship, mostly due to depression, drinking, and letting up on my previous strict diet. When we started dating I was fit but a bit chunky at about 190 at 5'11. I had just lost about 40 pounds.
I gained that back plus about 25lbs more during our relationship and I got to 258 lbs at 5'11 at my biggest. I have now lost 7lbs on a diet. I'm disgusting. I can't even look at myself.
She brought it up after I had gained about 20lbs, and then the comments got more frequent and now she makes probably 3+ comments/insults a day about my weight.
Here are some example things she has done or said (I know these may seem bad but I'm not trying to demonise her, she is great otherwise) :
* She refers to me as her "morbidly obese boyfriend" to her friends and anyone else behind my back. I am morbidly obese (i think?) So she's not wrong but it's very embarrassing. I guess I deserve it though.
* We had an argument (rare) where she called me "a disgusting fat pig" and said she was "counting down the days until I died of obesity" She apologised for that one and we had a good talk about things after, but she soon went back to the comments.
* She buys me clothes that are too small (she says it's not on purpose but I think it is) and then says something like "wow I can't believe you've grown out of that already!" One time she made me come with her to the shop to return a pair of jeans and swap for a bigger size. She made a massive fuss about it with the employees and basically just humiliated me in front of everyone in the store.
* She said she would only have sex with me if I lost "at least" 70 pounds. She says she can't help but find fat extremely unattractive. I do understand that and it's okay to have preferences. I'm doing my best to reach that goal, and I want to lose even more than that.
* She calls me greedy and says I have no self control. She isn't wrong, but she will make me food then if I eat it all say that i have no self control..? I never eat the full amount anymore, so I guess that tactic worked. If she makes me food I'll only eat like a quarter of it so she doesn't say anything.
I get anxiety whenever I eat in front of people now. I get like sweaty palms and think everyone is looking at me. I went out for christmas dinner with my friends and only ended up eating a few bites because I was so anxious. I know that's a good thing and I should be thanking her for that, but I don't want that anxiety to stay even when I lose weight. This isn't her fault though obviously, she is not responsible for my anxiety.
She tries to control everything I eat. I am on a diet and have lost 7lbs in the last two weeks. Not much I know, but I am going to start a water fast at the start of the new year. She didn't force me to do that, but I hate myself to the point where i would rather be dead than live in this body any longer, so I want to lose weight as quick as I possibly can.
I know it's not her fault at all, I ruined the relationship when I gained weight, not her. Her reaction is understandable, she doesn't want a fat boyfriend. It must have been frustrating to watch me gain all that weight. I feel terrible for what I've done to her.
She always says how much happier I will be if I lose weight and I know she's right.
It's just I can't help but feel hurt and almost...afraid of her sometimes? Not like actually afraid, just like afraid that I am physically repulsing her. I unconsciously suck in my stomach whenever I'm around her now. Sometimes she treats me like I'm the most disgusting thing she's ever seen. I agree that I am physically repulsive but I can't help but be hurt sometimes.
Should I just accept it? That's what I have been doing so far.
However, since I have started losing weight, is it okay to ask her to stop making comments?
---
Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/eiyhsn/update_i_24m_gained_70_pounds_and_ruined_my/
Thank you so much to everyone who commented. It helped me see my relationship in a different light, so thank you all, even the ones who said I deserved it.
The general consensus was that she was abusive which honestly shocked me at first, I really expected every comment to support how she treated me and say she was just trying to help etc.
I thought I deserved to be abused for gaining weight, I still kind of believe that, but I think most people treat their partners with kindness. I never want anyone to feel the way i did due to their partner. Also, the high stress/anxiety levels I felt constantly are pretty terrible for losing weight.
I had convinced myself that i was disgusting and undeserving of love and she was just trying to help, but I now realise she probably wasn't even trying to help me at all. It's hard to think that of her, because I love her a lot still despite her faults.
I realised there were a lot of things in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with that I felt like I could never bring up because she would get upset and start crying so I would end up comforting her, or she would just turn it on me and get angry and blame me. Things always had to go her way or she would start crying.
My girlfriend was entirely dependent on me for money and I paid for literally 95% of things. She never wanted to get a job because I paid for her. I was okay with this because i loved her and felt like i had to prove myself to be worthy of her. I paid all the rent and bills.
2 days ago (NYE) I was in our bedroom on my phone when I got a text. It was from an unknown number calling me a "fat fuck" and something about how I didn't deserve my girlfriend. This wasn't too unusual, I have been receiving abusive texts from several different random numbers for months. Mostly about my weight but also about all sorts of things.
I had several ideas of who it could be, and it was honestly eating me up inside. It was giving me extreme anxiety because they seemed to know so much about me.
A few hours later, on a whim I decided to call the number. I have done this before but it never got answered. I even spoofed my phone number and still nothing.
You can probably see where this is going. Vibration came from my girlfriends bag in the cupboard. I guess she forgot to put it on silent. It was like the biggest sinking feeling I have ever felt. She had purchased a burner phone specifically for texting me abuse. She took time out of her day just to put me down anonymously and wear me down further. She wanted me to be hurt and not trust anyone around me.
I truly never thought she was responsible for them. The thought had come into my head a couple times, but I immediately pushed it out. I didn't believe she was capable of something like that. She was always sympathetic when I got the texts and was "trying to help me found out who sent them".
It hurt so badly. I could almost forgive everything else but everyone has a breaking point.. I just feel completely worthless. How disgusting must i be if my own girlfriend wants to say these things to me.. why would she do this? I don't understand. I guess she wanted me to be under her control and even more dependent on her emotionally. I'm trying to get out of the mindset that I deserve this.
I knew I had to end it and I had to do it before she would make me change my mind. I gathered all her stuff up and put it into bags. I was getting extremely upset while doing it and almost stopped, but I was also angry. I don't really get angry, and I previously just accepted her treatment, but something in me just snapped. I was actually mad at her for once.
She was at her friend's house preparing to go out for NYE. I did feel guilty for ruining her night, but she had already ruined mine. I wanted to try and leave her in 2019 and start the new year without her.
I had to do it right then before I thought about it too much and forgave her like I did for everything else she has done. I called a locksmith to come and change the locks.
I knew she would have an extreme reaction to being broken up with (by her obese boyfriend who doesn't deserve her) no matter the circumstances anyway, so I just had to do it.
I texted her, "I found your other phone. I love you (her name) but I can't put up with this shit any more. All your stuff is in bags in the hall. Please come by and collect it tomorrow. I changed the locks so you will have to let me know when you're coming beforehand. Happy new year."
Yes...saying happy new year was a bit petty.
To say she didn't respond well to this would be an understatement. She called me crying, telling me she was sorry and would stop. She told me she was just trying to help me and that she was doing it out of love, she told me she loved me more than anything and she was so sorry... I almost believed her, but I didn't give in. I apologised to her and hung up.
She called me back 2 minutes later angry and screaming how could i dare do this to her, called me a fat disgusting piece of shit and said she never loved me. She screamed that she never wanted me and that no one ever will. She screamed that even my own family didn't care about me (this hurt because my mum was an abusive drug addict and my dad left when i was 10 and i haven't seen him since). She said that whenever we had sex she was thinking about her ex and praying for it to be over. I guess she was just trying to say anything that would hurt me.
I blocked her number. She called me back again on her friends phone screaming how dare could I block her and how dare i could leave her with no place to stay on NYE. I didn't do that, I would never leave her without a place to sleep. She could go to her parents and she has plenty money (that i gave her) so she could get a taxi and stay in a hotel if she preferred. She also said beforehand that she was staying at her friend's that night anyway.
She posted on her Instagram story that she was "heartbroken" and that her "boyfriend had left her homeless on NYE due to a little misunderstanding. After everything he put me through, he still does this. I loved him and thought he loved me, but I guess I was wrong"
I then received messages from her friends telling me I'm a horrible person and she deserves so much better than me. Her mother (unpleasant person) called me saying she was calling the police on me (??). She also brought up my weight and said that it was "laughable that i would break up with her looking the way i do" and I "would never get anyone better".
All of this was stressing me out to the extreme. I hate confrontation in any form and I think i was just constantly shaking the whole evening.
My girlfriend's friend ended up calling me on a different number and said that she and her boyfriend weren't comfortable letting my girlfriend stay over at their house anymore. They were freaked out due to my gf screaming abuse at me on the phone, and she was apparently screaming at them as well and saying she was going to kill me.
All her other friends at the house were freaked out too and she was effectively uninvited from their NYE night and they were trying to find a way to get her to leave.
I don't know where she went for a few hours but she came back to my house around 2am and started trying to kick the door in and picked up a rock and tried to smash the window (it broke the window but didn't smash all the way through). She was screaming and crying through the letter box. I ended up caving and letting her in once she calmed down somewhat, as my brother was there with me to back me up.
She was drunk and tried to attack me but I held her back. Eventually she just started crying. I felt really bad for her at this point and was almost ready to let her stay just for the night, but thankfully my brother ended up getting a taxi with her to take her to a hotel for the night.
I felt really terrible the next day. I loved her and we spent two years together. I keep wondering if she's right, that I will never find anyone again. I can't see why anyone would want me. I also feel really guilty for what I did and I was probably too harsh on her to just kick her out like that.
Her mother came to collect her stuff yesterday and started screaming at me, saying that I ruined her daughter's life etc etc. I feel really bad.
I hope she's okay and I want her to get help and realise why she treats people the way she does. I know I wasn't the first, I brushed off so many stories about her and just ignored all the signs.
With the weight loss, I am currently continuing my diet instead of water fasting like i planned. I want to try and do a sustainable diet instead of just starving myself for a month and probably gaining it back. I want to try a 7 day water fast to detox though.
I also need to stop relying on alcohol to relax in the evening, it was a big reason I gained the weight. I realised I have been consuming at least 600 calories a day in alcohol alone (3 pints of beer). I definitely used it to cope with stress and I need to develop better coping mechanisms.
I'm going to lose all the weight in 2020 and I'm also going to get into therapy so I can sort my head out, there are so many unhealthy thoughts i have and i don't think hating yourself as much as I do is normal.
I feel sad but strangely relieved and like I can actually make changes in my life without her. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f5faxa/i_gained_70_pounds_is_it_okay_to_ask_my/ | f5faxa | 13,853 | 18 | [
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2020-02-18T18:30:26 | School is accusing me of cheating and wants access to my social media and email to prove my innocence. | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/764vzw/mn_school_is_accusing_me_of_cheating_with_no/)
I'm being accused of cheating in a math exam. I am 16 years old. I got a perfect score in the exam and the teacher asked me to stay after the class and she told me that she knows I cheated. I didn't cheat. My math has always been good except last year when I was dealing with depression. She says she knows someone of my mental faculties will never be able to get a perfect score so I must have cheated.
I told her that I didn't cheat and I'm offended at the accusation. Two days ago I was asked to see the principal who said the same thing, that I should confess to cheating and tell them how I did it so that they can stop other students from doing it. He more or less threatened me "this can go very well or very bad for you depending on your cooperation with us."
I told him that I'm happy to retake a new exam right now or at any other time to prove that I didn't cheat but he said that I could have had time to prepare since the time my teacher talked to me. I told him that if their evidence for my cheating is my lack of mental faculties then no amount of studying should make a difference? He still did not agree for me to take another exam to prove that I could get that score.
Yesterday I was asked to his office again and he told me that he knows about how some students are cheating and offered me a clean slate if I let them access my social media and emails to find out who they are and if I give them evidence of other students cheating he will let me retake the exam. I have no knowledge of what he is talking about and I declined access to my social media and email.
I'm now suspended for disobedience of school staff and lack of cooperation for proving my innocence from a cheating charge. This to me sounds very unfair and I can't help but feel like I'm being targeted here for maybe a personal reason? Because this does not make any sense. They have no evidence that I cheated and refused my offer of retaking the exam and they insulted my intelligence.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/78jvbq/update_mn_school_is_accusing_me_of_cheating_with/)
I did what you all told me to do. I wrote a letter, had my mom sign it and sent it to the superintendent's office. I also called them. They said they will speak with the school.
I was called into school and the principal's office and was told to take the test there in his presence. I did that, the math teacher came and looked through all my answers and said it's another perfect score and wanted to leave.
I said loudly "I think you owe me an apology."
She said "yes, I should not have accused you of cheating."
I said "Yes, and another apology for saying I don't have the mental faculties to get a perfect score."
She said "I'm sorry" and left.
The principal said "don't push your luck kid."
I said "It wasn't luck, and you also owe me an apology."
He apologized and said my suspension is reversed and it won't go in my records. I then went to the counselor and told him that now in his 24 years, there is one student who was accused of cheating and proved the teacher and administrators wrong, so he shouldn't give bad advice to the next poor student who is in my place.
So things are sorted out now. But also, I'm not going to be arrogant or aggressive like that with people. I only spoke like that with them because they have said incredibly mean and insulting things to me and I was very pissed off at them. And the counselor had given me horrible advice.
Thanks for pointing me in the right direction! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f5waqz/school_is_accusing_me_of_cheating_and_wants/ | f5waqz | 3,630 | 17 | [
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2020-02-19T16:11:43 | Should I pay for sex? | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f6cvjm/should_i_pay_for_sex/ | f6cvjm | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-02-19T18:18:08 | [LONG] I’ve branded myself as the biggest perv and I deserve it + Update from wife | TIFU | [Original from TIFU 'today I fucked up'](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bpqs84/tifu_ive_branded_myself_as_the_biggest_perv_and_i/)
This happened an hour ago, and I’m still shaking in fear about how my life will now become from now on....
There’s 2 “situations” that leads to the conclusion of the FU.
First situation:
Asked sister-in-law to borrow her 360 pocket camera for a trip wife and I are soon vacationing to. Found out the memory card still had content.
Her husband travels a lot, and she made a 1-hour POV style 360 “porn” video, assuming sent to him a while back. I’ve had the hots for her for the past 8+ years.
Before she got married and I have, there were several times sexual tensions arose between the two of us. Living together for a year as strictly roommates, movies, dinners, getting drunk while watching movies just the two of us, breakfasts, etc.
A certain trust (or test?) was implemented and nothing ever happened between the two of us, as at the time I was dating my now wife which was working at a distance. But damn it at the time if she just had touched my hand once back then, I think I would have lived a whole different life.
So finding this video... I thought I struck gold, I could have what I’ve always fantasized about, “gifting my past self”, while living my happy current life.
Second accident:
I have an automated house that lights up the house with geolocation. Before the app worked with Apple HomeKit, a third party app needed to be downloaded which tracks your family and friends. Free version only allows you to add 1 person, so my wife.
Last night she fell asleep without charging her phone. I hate when she does that, today she goes to work with barely any battery, what if she needs to call the police or hospital for an emergency?
I have the day off today, today was the day I’d do the “deed”. I don’t only go with simple 360 video.... but literally set it up on my VR headset in bed with AirPods on. The whole experience. This would have lasted me tops 5 mins.
But the “foreplay” she does, is long and boring. Then the action starts and I go on. Wife’s phone didn’t give a notification as she arrived, because of her now dead phone. She comes to the bedroom to see me master bating in bed with VR goggles on. She knows I masterbate occasionally but never saw me do it, I sneak it in here and there.
But VR porn was never “discussed” as an “is it cheating if....” thing. It was the type of convo we’d have at the very start of our relationship when we were still friends 10 years ago, to see how far one could take it. Anyways, VR wasn’t a “thing” back then so was never discussed. So I never knew if it was “right” or “wrong” for me to do so. I guess it was “wrong” since she rushed in and ripped the goggles from my face. That’s when I see her in the room.
“The fuck??” she says.
Then she looks inside.
“Is that my sister?!?!”
I’m fucked.
She still had her shoes on from arriving. So she just grabbed her bag WITH the VR headset and left the house. Seeing from the tracking app... she’s at her parents house.... which are neighbours of the sister-in-law.
I’m fucked.
---
**UPDATE:**
So basically... after posting... after feeling a “bit” better by “telling someone” and having a bit of weight off my shoulders... I was pacing around the apartment while trying to give her calls after calls but it kept saying her phone was busy...
This went on for 45 mins, or forever, couldn’t focus on the time. All of a sudden the sister-in-law calls. I ignored... I was way too scared to face this. She called 5 times in a row while I just watched it ringing, then she gave up. Then just a text saying “Call me”. I left the apartment and decided to go watch a movie at the theatre, needed to get distracted, which didn’t help as I didn’t focus once on Detective Pikachu. I received a call from my wife during the movie but I ignored. She knows I have an Apple Watch and I receive all notifications, so she knows I was ignoring. She only called once. Sister-in-law 3 more times during the movie. I left the theatre and decided to go back home....
On the drive back I received notification she arrived home. Now I was petrified... but my out of body experience just told me “fuck it, suck it up. Just get it over with it”
Arrived home... was getting ready for the shit storm about to happen. That out of body experience came back really quickly to reality as I got to the door and then had that fear again... I know she got notification I was back.... I get in the house, and both wife and sister-in-law are in the living-room on the couch. I didn’t say anything. Wanted one of them to speak first. What if I said “sorry” but there was nothing to be “sorry” about? At this point I was trying to gauge the mood. I’m not for confrontations or leading conversations, I’m very introverted. But I know I should be the first to say “sorry”.... but didn’t know how. Wife then says “I spoke to sister-in-law about what happened. She knows.”
Fucked up in the head of a me, out of reflex says “knows what?”
She says “don’t lie, the video”.
I was red flushed I’m sure. My heart was beating so fast. Then wife said she has deleted the video.
This is when I apologized to both of them... so very very much. Almost crying. I saw all the Reddit comments about divorce and all, and I was really upset at myself, but deserved it, but not.... but yes... but no.... Then sister-in-law speaks... she says “you do understand this video wasn’t for you”, then she goes on for 10 minutes to tell me what I already know. I was wrong. I kept nodding.
But then this drama comes out that fucked with me, she said that it wasn’t for her husband neither. He’s been constantly traveling to Bulgaria voluntarily at any chance he could for work, but also through the years he’s been having an affair with a colleague there which works at that branch. She knew for a while and let it slide as he was still providing for sister-in-law. But the providing became less and less, wife knew too about this as she and her sister are so close, but the info was kept within the family to avoid dishonor. This is a big eastern mentality to have... and it’s not the first time family info was kept secret from me. But now they told me because of the circumstance, I was told NOT to apologize or speak to her husband as he does not know about this video.
Sister-in-law is seeing someone else, her husband and her both live as roommates “for now”. The divorce word can never go out, but she’s found someone long-distance and that video was for HIM. The reasons for all the calls was to not mention anything to her husband, sister-in-law feared that if I did, then this video would have been proof held during divorce process as if SHE was at fault.
It was a very emotional afternoon... I felt like throwing up many times. The focus was more on sister-in-law and her life though, and her shame for having kept her relationship going as long as it has, the guy is barely leaving any money on the side for her anymore so she’s been sleeping more and more at her parents house.
Me obtaining the video didn’t come up more than once. I don’t know if it was because it was too embarrassing for everyone or what. But it will come up another day for sure... maybe after everyone has relaxed and tears dried. I’ll have an honest conversation with my wife about my wrong doings and also include if VR porn is fine or not.
For tonight, my wife invited sister-in-law to stay and sleep-over. We got some food and drank a few bottles of wine to make us forget a bit, although it felt awkward as fuck. Sister-in-law seemed to be feeling better... she was smiling and laughing and slapping my shoulder or kicking me under the table every time I made a joke. She seemed more open with me now I was one of the people to know her secret, she could trust and talk to if she needs. We will all 3 sleep in sleeping bags in the living-room like camping to keep her company during this tough time for her. Wife seemed ok for now too.
---
[FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bpr2iy/tifu_i_have_officially_branded_myself_as_the/)
This is his now ex-wife.
Did he not realize, or too dumb to remember we share everything, including the same Reddit app? I logged on to see this throwaway as the default login account.
I’ve removed all of this personal story for my family’s protection and changed this account’s password. Although it might be too late and already circulated online.
I took a look through the comments and was seriously disgusted by most of the responses suggesting to sexually approach both of us last night. Which my sister did mention he tried something in the middle of the night, this guy is incredibly living in another world!
I’m only posting this to reassure everyone thinking he got away with it, that these types of scumbags DO NOT.
I came home yesterday with my sister to pack my shit. I saw his update saying I seemed alright, but I was keeping it in for the next morning.
Reason we slept in the living-room is because I didn’t want him to see my bags in the corner of the bedroom, he came home suddenly before I finished packing. It wasn’t “fun camping” or a “picnic”.
This morning, before he woke-up, we grabbed the rest of my stuff and left.
I went to the bank and froze our joint account before he irresponsibly starts taking cash out.
I’m not seeing him anymore, going to lawyer up, give away all this Reddit gold to the comments that I feel were actually reasonable, and divorce his ass.
Oh, and if you can read this, I’ve deleted the tracking app ;) my lawyer will call you to unfreeze your share and take the steps to unlink me from any other tracking apps you might have on me. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f6etag/long_ive_branded_myself_as_the_biggest_perv_and_i/ | f6etag | 9,743 | 28 | [
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2020-02-20T01:39:59 | Puppy play date, human disappears | r/puppy101 | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/puppy101/comments/98d0xh/puppy_playdate_human_disappeared_and_left_pup_at/)
So, I am completely unsure of what to do here. I have a 6 month old large breed puppy, and my dog trainer put me in contact with another one of her clients, Candice, who has a mastiff mix just a little older than my guy, so they could play together.
It’s been a great match, and we had our 5th playdate at 10am today. The pups were playing happily in my backyard, and Candice went inside to use my bathroom. After 30 minutes passed, I began to worry. I called her cellphone to check on her and it went directly to voicemail. I leashed both puppies up and went inside to see if something was wrong. She wasn’t in the bathroom, and her car was gone.
I called her several more times, and left quite a few voicemails. I called our trainer, who also is unable to get in touch with her. I tried to find her on Facebook but couldn’t. I called the police non emergency line and they basically responded with “that’s weird....well...good luck with that!” and gave me the number for the humane society.
I called them to see if they could scan his chip and and they told me that service is only available during business hours, they’re not open because it’s a holiday, and that I should know they’re completely full so if I drop him off there, that another dog’s life that will probably end.
The pup seems content for the most part, he and my guy are pretty much just hanging out together. He’s a really sweet boy. Her pup has had a few little bouts of crying and searching for his mom though and I feel bad for the poor guy. Luckily we have 2 crates already so I just crated both of them separately for nap time.
I really have no idea what to do here. I’m worried about Candice and confused as to what I should do next.
**Edit 1:** After being advised to look around my house for any missing items, I’ve found that Candice has stolen a bottle of champagne and a few wine glasses (very strange choices, given that I have much more valuable items that she chose not to take).
After realizing that she lightly robbed me, I’m pretty sure that she didn’t have to run off to deal with an emergency. I also called the cops again and reported the theft and that Candice left her dog with me. They offered to take him to the humane society for me, but I’ve decided to keep him with me until this is all sorted or I can find him a better home.
Best case scenario, Benson never was Candice’s dog, and I’ll be able to return him to his rightful owners. Worst case scenario he doesn’t have a chip.
**Edit 2:** Drove to the emergency vet and back, Benson doesn’t have a chip so no luck there. The vet is going to put out some feelers to other local vet offices to see if anyone knows this pup or Candice.
Cops came to get info and look at footage from my security cameras. The cameras didn’t capture any plates, unfortunately. They told me they are still looking for her though, and are going to send a car to drive past my house a couple times, since this is such a strange circumstance
Benson is happy and has been happily chilling with my other dogs, he’s now snuggled up on the couch with my fiancé. I almost posted a pic of him and my baby boy, but my fiancé doesn’t want me to because he’s a bit paranoid, so I’m going to respect his wishes.
**Edit 3:** We have possibly tracked down the vet that Candice was taking Benson to. My veterinarian emailed several other local vets a picture of Benson and a picture of Candice, and I just got a call from one of them who’s pretty sure that Benson was one of his patients.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/puppy101/comments/9cfcp6/update_puppy_play_date_human_who_left_her_puppy/)
We brought Benson to that vet, he clearly recognized staff there and the vet confirmed that he’d been her patient. The issue was that they didn’t want to give me any information about Candice, or even any info regarding Benson’s medical history (other than to tell me he has gotten his rabies vaccine).
In fact, she didn’t even want to let me take Benson back home with me. I think she may have believed I’d stolen him. She made several failed attempts to contact Candice. We spent SIX hours at the vets office because the vet refused to let us take Benson back home with us until she contacted his owners, and we refused to abandon Benson at the vet.
Eventually she was able to contact Candice’s soon-to-be-ex husband, Eric. He explained that Candice hadn’t come home for a few days (based on his timeline, he hadn’t seen her since well before she came over for the play date) and that he hadn’t heard from her and couldn’t reach her cell.
The reason I’ve taken so long to update is because for a little bit, Candice was considered a missing person, and I wasn’t sure if me posting on reddit about it was appropriate.
The vet urged Eric to come pick Benson up immediately. When he showed up, Eric had a bunch of questions for me about the last time I saw Candice, and when I told him she’d stolen the champagne he got very upset and told me that Candice is a recovering alcoholic.
Eric expressed that he was very nervous to take Benson home, because Candice was the one who cared for Benson and he didn’t know how to care for a dog at all. I offered to keep watching Benson at my house until Candice returned home, if Eric would be willing to compensate us for his food and other expenses. Eric seemed relieved, accepted this offer and wrote us a check.
So, we watched Benson for several days. And I talked to the cops one more time about the last time I saw Candice. Then yesterday, Eric called me and told me that Candice had been tracked down.
She’s relapsed into her alcoholism, committed a felony whilst under the influence, will most likely be spending several years behind bars, and Eric has decided to divorce her. I called the police to confirm Eric’s story, which they more or less did (wouldn’t confirm the alcoholism or drunkenness, but Candice did commit a serious crime).
As for Benson, Eric didn’t want to take him and offered to “sell” him to us (for a dollar, just to make things legal and easy to document). My fiancé had grown very fond of Benson, and Eric was going to take him to shelter otherwise, so we accepted.
We made certain that it’s a legal sale and as of today he is officially our dog. It’s really nice actually, all of our other dogs have bonded primarily with me but Benson, for whatever reason, is the first pup we’ve had who is ALL about my fiancé.
Sorry for taking so long to update! I really appreciate everyone who gave me great support/advice and helped navigate this strange situation! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f6lcx2/puppy_play_date_human_disappears/ | f6lcx2 | 6,687 | 85 | [
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2020-02-20T17:04:46 | I bought everyone in my family AncestryDNA kit for Christmas. My mom started freaking. | TIFU | [Original on TIFU 'today i fucked up'](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/a99fw9/tifu_by_buying_everyone_an_ancestrydna_kit_and/)
Earlier this year, AncestryDNA had a sale on their kit. I thought it would be a great gift idea so I bought 6 of them for Christmas presents. Today my family got together to exchange presents for our Christmas Eve tradition, and I gave my mom, dad, brother, and 2 sisters each a kit.
As soon as everyone opened their gift at the same time, my mom started freaking out. She told us how she didn’t want us taking them because they had unsafe chemicals. We explained to her how there were actually no chemicals, but we could tell she was still flustered. Later she started trying to convince us that only one of us kids need to take it since we will all have the same results and to resell extra kits to save money.
 
**Fast forward:** Our parents have been fighting upstairs for the past hour, and we are downstairs trying to figure out who has a different dad.
TL;DR I bought everyone in my family AncestryDNA kit for Christmas. My mom started freaking. Now our parents are fighting and my dad might not be my dad.
 
**Update:** Thank you so much for all the love and support. My sisters, brother and I have not yet decided yet if we are going to take the test. No matter what the results are, we will still love each other, and our parents no matter what.
 
**Update 2:** CHRISTMAS ISN’T RUINED! My FU actually turned into a Christmas miracle. Turns out my sisters father passed away shortly after she was born. A good friend of my moms was able to help her through the darkest time in her life, and they went on to fall in love and create the rest of our family. They never told us because of how hard it was for my mom.
Last night she was strong enough to share stories and photos with us for the first time, and it truly brought us even closer together as a family. This is a Christmas we will never forget. And yes, we are all excited to get our test results. Merry Christmas everyone! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f6w2gt/i_bought_everyone_in_my_family_ancestrydna_kit/ | f6w2gt | 2,061 | 47 | [
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2020-02-20T18:51:16 | There’s a squatter in our basement | r/Scotland | [Original in r/Scotland](https://www.reddit.com/r/Scotland/comments/f4x1o6/theres_a_squatter_in_our_basement_stay_tuned_for/)
There’s a squatter in our basement, I’m going to ask him a few questions later when bringing him some supplies.
https://i.imgur.com/nGIXQhP.jpg
 
**Update 1:**
I first heard about him from a neighbour in the flat going around warning people about someone in the basement, and that she was calling the police (I’m not sure if she did).
My first inclination was also to call the police. My morbid curiosity got the best of me though so my flustered hello found its way down the stair well. The man who replied seemed immediately innocuous and then I started talking to him. He was self aware about his situation but didn’t ask for sympathy. When I asked if I could bring him supplies or even money, he said he’s okay.
Unfortunately it’s not particularly warm down there, the back door doesn’t close properly (hence how he got in) It was a mix of sad and sweet when he proudly showed me his sleeping bags. Like how I might show a friend a new camera.
 
**Update 2:**
Joe and I are mates now
I met his friend while going to check up on him last night at 3am. He was also very sweet and friendly. I made them both my signature scrambled eggs with some dessert. [pic below]
I’ve bought him a good supply of snacks and hygiene products for him and his friends. I hope he stays as long as he pleases, I’ll try and find the funds to get him some other stuff but I’m pretty skint myself at the moment.
 
**Update 3:**
I have now developed more of a plan for how i will help out the homeless morale and already have a real estate company wanting to invest in the project. Tentatively the [@joeinitiative](https://www.instagram.com/joeinitiative/) on Instagram.
https://i.imgur.com/XgGtxeN.jpg | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f6xo8t/theres_a_squatter_in_our_basement/ | f6xo8t | 1,859 | 15 | [
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2020-02-21T17:04:49 | 'Should I pay for sex?' | AskMenOver30 | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenOver30/comments/40aps3/should_i_pay_for_sex/)
So some background. I'm a 37 yo virgin. I was shy growing up then got very sick (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) when I was in my early 20's, very slowly got better and I'm sort of okay now, I can do a part time job anyway. I would love an relationship but I think it's the fear of the unknown that's my biggest problem along with a good dose of social anxiety.
I live in a small town and there are not many single women here. I have trouble with the idea that someone would want to be with me. I've been told I would be a good partner but I lack self-confidence when it comes to women.
I actually find it easier to talk to women then men but I have a lot of trouble taking it to the next level, I have women friends and they have said it would probably help with my confidence. I just always thought it would be something I would share with someone I love that's all.
I have been kissed, I've got close to having a relationship a few times but haven't quite got there yet. From all the reading I've done (lots) and people I have talked to I think most of my problem with relationships can be summed up as.
Fear of the unknown = lack of self-confidence and lack of self-confidence = fear of the unknown.
Any advice would be great. Do you think paying for sex would take out one element of the unknown?
Sex work is legal here in Aus (very expensive but that's okay).
I'm 6'4" and 110 pounds, my health isn't good enough to do the gym thing. I also think my social anxiety is a symptom of my lack of self-confidence with people. I do have more friends now then ever before, both men and women. I also have this (most likely irrational) fear of getting to my best before date as far as first relationships go. I have been to two therapists, but they didn't help much. One talked to me like I was five and I had a lot of trouble opening up to the other.
Fear is horrible stuff even when you know all about it. :| Being socially isolated due to bad health has taken it's toll.
I didn't mean for this to be so long.
EDIT: I'm 5'4" woops
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenOver30/comments/70tvxi/update_should_i_pay_for_sex_to_get_over_the_fear/)
After being on the waiting list since January I started seeing a good therapist last month. So after talking about it will all my friends and they all said I should, I talked about it with the therapist and she also said I should go ahead with it, somethings are too big to just not think about.
I had already found an independent escort I liked her profile and photo's, they weren't over sexualised. I sent her a text. In the two weeks I had to wait the changes I noticed were much bigger then I ever imagined they would be. I became more relaxed, lots of mussel tension that was always there went away. My libido started up again, the first time really since I was like 15. Now I know what it means when I read "Chanel the sexual energy into hobbies and other parts of life" I didn't have any sexual energy, it was all repressed and smothered by shame.
We meet on the weekend. She was everything I had hoped for, kind, caring, compassionate, gentle. We had four hours together and everything went slowly, it wasn't rushed, no judgement or pressure, it was a great introduction to being intimate.
The day after (yesterday) I started out fine then went to send a text to a friend about how it went so well and an emotional cork let go. I ended up crying on and off for four hours in the end. I'm not sure why even, my best guess is grieving for all the years I have had without anybody truly touching me.
I'm booked in to talk to my therapist tomorrow so that will be good to unpack the emotional side of the week and weekend. I will go and see the same escort again in a few months. I still have a long way to get as far as my feelings of self-worth goes. My self-confidence has been improving and the weekend saw a big step up. 39 years of damage takes time to get over. I now feel like I'm on the road to the rest of my life, hopefully a life with a lot more touching and intimacy then the first 40 years. Naked hugs are the best. :)
Thank you everyone for your input, I read and thought a lot about every comment left. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f7e30u/should_i_pay_for_sex/ | f7e30u | 4,272 | 16 | [
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2020-02-21T17:50:10 | I am struggling to rebuild my self-worth after my ex-fiancé left me for a woman who seems to be a younger, smarter, prettier, and better version of myself. | AskWomenOver30 | [Link to Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/dml5sd/i_31f_am_struggling_to_rebuild_my_selfworth_after/) *minor edits
Hi guys. I know it’s probably hard to believe given how nauseatingly pathetic I sound right now but before this happened, I really felt like a confident and content human being. Almost all of my current friends are mutual friends with my ex-fiancé so I don’t want to embroil them in this drama or compel anyone to “choose sides” or feel uncomfortable. So I guess I’m trying to turn to this community for solace and guidance because I’ve read a great deal of mature and grounded advice here. I hope this sounds somewhat coherent as I’ve currently locked myself in a conference room and shut the blinds so no one can see me cry as I type this.
I was with my ex-fiancé for 7 years. He is the only romantic partner I’ve ever truly loved. I was completely, head-over-heels in love with him. Even now, after all this, I still feel that way about him. He is charming, goofy, kind, quick-witted, interesting, ambitious, and gorgeous.
We got engaged 2 years ago but were not in a rush to get married. About a year ago, we began to seriously contemplate trying for a baby. We had lived together happily for 6 years, we had done all the travelling and partying we wanted to in our twenties, and we were excited to start our family.
Over the next 6 months, he was much busier than normal but I didn’t think anything was wrong. I did my best to alleviate any extra stress he had (though I was experiencing some extra pressure at work too) by taking over all the housework and errands, helping him organize and pack for trips, and just being understanding when he would work very late or need to leave for a week or two. We didn’t spend as much time together during that period and I missed him a lot but I thought we were still happy.
When the 6 months were over, our schedules reverted back to normal. I felt relieved until I started to notice him becoming more distant despite that fact that we finally had more time together. He started going on his phone more frequently when we were together and seemed to be more protective of his phone. I’m not generally a jealous person and I trusted him completely so I didn’t think much of it. Then one day, after another month had passed, I brought up the topic of trying for a baby as we’d discussed. I could immediately tell something was wrong. He was quiet for a while and then he unleashed a flood.
He said he was unhappy with our relationship and had been for some time. He said that he cared about me deeply but that the “spark” in our relationship had died and that he tried to convince himself he could live without that spark but had ultimately decided that he couldn’t. He said I had done nothing wrong and in fact was “the perfect partner” but that didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t shake this nagging feeling that I wasn’t “the one” for him. He said that he didn’t want to hurt me but that he couldn’t condemn himself to a lifetime of “settling” for someone that wasn’t his “dream girl” even though he didn’t know if his dream girl existed. He said he was sorry but he couldn’t live a lie anymore.
I don’t think I said a single word as he was telling me all this because I just felt so utterly shocked and blindsided. I just stood there, staring and listening, and crying silently. When he finished, all I could utter was something like, “Ok…I’m sorry…I didn’t know…do you still love me?” He paused for a while and then said that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. We proceeded to spend the whole night discussing his feelings and our relationship, until we were both so exhausted we couldn’t cry anymore and the sun was coming up. He said he was sorry again, and it was probably best if he stayed at a friend’s place, so he packed up some stuff and left.
That was about 5 months ago. We never really talked in person again. His brother and his best friend came over that weekend to get the rest of his stuff and I just left while they were packing because I couldn’t stand to be there. I felt so shocked and numb and traumatized and tired that I didn’t even cry much. I couldn’t really process what was happening as I went through the motions of moving out and explaining the situation to my family.
When I finally moved into my new place and sat alone with my boxes, I completely broke down. I could not stop crying and dry heaving. I ended up using 5 vacation days to take off a week of work, which really irked my manager. I could not get out of bed. I barely ate, living off this old tub of peanut butter. I looked through all our old pictures and tried to figure out where it all went wrong.
Then for 4 months, I tried my best to move on. . I deleted all my social media apps so I wouldn’t have to see him. I dove into work. I ramped up my hobbies. I exercised to keep my mind occupied. I met with friends and family and pretended everything was ok. I started going to my therapist again, which helped a bit. I finally thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Then a month ago, I ran into a mutual friend from college. She said it was really sad to see we weren’t together anymore, and surprising to see he’d moved on so fast. I told her I wasn’t keeping up with him anymore but that I was doing ok. When I got home, even though I knew it was a terrible idea, I re-downloaded Instagram and went to his profile. His latest picture was him at his cousin's wedding with his arm around a gorgeous girl. All the old pictures of him and I were gone from his profile.
Again, I knew it was a terrible, self-destructive idea. But I went to the girl’s profile and googled her. She is literally a younger, smarter, prettier, and better version of myself. We both studied at the same university but she completed a prestigious program which I was rejected from. We both have green eyes and brown hair but she is far prettier and legitimately looks like a model. We are both thin and fit but she has an amazing hourglass figure and looks far more stylish than me and has tens of thousands of followers even though she’s not an “influencer” or whatnot. In fact, we both work at the same company (I’m pretty sure my ex met her through work) but she landed a job in a prestigious division right out of undergrad and likely makes more money than me. She is an improved version of me, 7 years younger. And the love of my life is dating her.
For the past month, I’ve been spiraling. I can’t stop stalking my ex-fiancé and this girl. I look at her Instagram every day and torture myself with her gorgeous pictures. She’s posted a dozen pictures with my ex over the past few months and he looks so happy, healthy, and fit. They’ve gone on trips together, he’s brought her to his hometown, and he’s even posted a picture of them with a mushy caption which he never did when we were together. I have no evidence and I don't think my ex would do this but I now suspect he was at least interested in her while we were still together (she started at the company about a year ago). I'm so paranoid of running into them.
I can recognize that my behavior is obsessive and masochistic and I’ve deleted Instagram and told myself I’m not going to do this anymore only to wake up the next day and re-download the app and do it again. My therapist has been trying to help but I just cannot move past this. I'm stuck in this mental loop of self-loathing and self-pity, this crazy mix of extreme sadness and latent anger.
I feel so incredibly low. Worthless, used up, discarded, and suddenly, so incredibly old. I know that comparison is the thief of joy. I know that I am objectively still young enough to move on. I know that social media is a highlight reel and their relationship may not be perfect. I know that this girl has done nothing wrong to me. I know that my ex deserves to find his dream girl. But none of this knowledge helps soften the fact that I thought that by this time this year, I would be pregnant with the love of my life and instead, I’m alone and he’s found someone better.
Please, if you’ve ever experienced something similar, share your words of wisdom. Or commiserate with me. I don’t know. I just feel so worthless and alone.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/esujck/update_i_31f_am_struggling_to_rebuild_my/)
Hi again, guys. It’s been about 3 months since I posted about my struggle to move past my 7-year relationship with my ex-fiancé. While I cringe when I think about the pathetic state I was in when I wrote that post, sobbing alone in that conference room, I was stunned by the empathetic, mature, and helpful advice I received from members of this subreddit.
These past few months have been an absolute rollercoaster and I thought I owed this subreddit an update given how much solace and guidance you guys gave me during some of my darkest days. I don’t think things would have worked out nearly as well if I had continued to bottle up those festering emotions and isolate myself so I’m grateful for every single person who commented and messaged me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. So, here’s what happened:
The night I made that post, I finally blocked my ex-fiancé and his girlfriend on Instagram as many of you suggested. I think actually verbalizing how obsessive and masochistic my behavior was (instead of keeping it all inside) and finally feeling validated in my emotional reactions after reading your sympathetic comments (instead of feeling alone and crazy) clicked something in my brain.
I resolved to break out of that self-destructive loop—to stop torturing myself with their “perfect” pictures and reclaim a modicum of self-respect. It was an incredible relief to not be constantly following the impulse to view their new pictures and give myself some time to heal instead of picking at that scab every single day.
That weekend, I decided to reconnect with my family and friends and stop pretending that I was handling the breakup flawlessly. They were incredibly compassionate—though also shocked that I had been hiding my dark feelings so well—and it was like I’d instantly rebuilt my support network. I didn’t realize how emotionally isolated I had become until I was able to be honest and open with people in my life.
I did continue to avoid talking to friends who were mutual friends with my ex because I didn’t want to put anyone in an awkward position, but I was able to reconnect with a few of my other friends and I took the initiative to finally make some fun plans. Getting out of the house to enjoy brunches, hikes, and shows with my friends over the past few months has been incredibly beneficial for my mental health—just being in new environments and focusing on people other than my ex was therapeutic, even for someone who tends towards introversion like myself.
Per your suggestions, I also decided to try out another therapist. I did find my original therapist somewhat helpful, but I also felt like he was not able to relate to some of the nuances in my issues given that he was in his late 50s so we had a bit of a generational gap. My new therapist is incredibly compatible with me, and instantly understood the intricacies of my problems. She has helped considerably with addressing the roots of my insecurities and was able to validate and analyze my feelings in a much more intimate way. If you are struggling to find therapy useful, I highly recommend shopping around a bit for a more compatible therapist; therapy is certainly not one-size-fits-all.
Another popular suggestion from you guys was finding a job at another company, away from my ex-fiancé and his girlfriend. I didn’t think that would be possible since the job market in my field is not great at the moment, but I began actively searching for other positions. I brushed up my resume, filled out a couple applications, and even surprisingly secured an interview.
Then out of the blue, someone above me in my division quit to join a competitor. The senior managers were quite eager to fill his role quickly so they decided to go with an internal hire. And after 5 or 6 rounds of interviews (god, I absolutely dread interviews), I got the job! I’m so grateful for this promotion—not only is the salary substantially better, but the hours are actually more consistent as well.
It’s crazy, I feel like the momentum of my life has shifted so quickly. And I finally have an office! It's tiny but I really enjoy it. The only downside was this promotion also meant I would have to continue working in the same building (albeit a very large building) as my ex.
And as I left work before Christmas, the moment I’d been dreading came—I ran into my ex as I was leaving the office. We exchanged a few pleasantries and he complimented my new haircut. I thanked him, wished him well, and said I had to hurry to catch the next train. I wish I could say I felt cool and collected but I was so nervous to see him again for the first time in like 6 months that I was almost shaking.
On the commute home, I calmed down and actually thought, hey, that wasn’t so bad! He looked good but I didn’t feel a rush of sadness or desire or anything. I mostly just felt awkward, like we’d become strangers again. I didn’t feel that familiar impulse to stalk his Instagram and actually felt happy to see he was doing ok since I’d cared for him for so many years. I felt like at last, I was really moving forward.
The next day, I woke up to a dozen messages from my ex-fiancé. They started at around 2am and were slightly incoherent in parts so I’m guessing he was a bit drunk when he sent them. They were all long walls of text, which surprised me because he’s not typically big on verbalizing his emotions. He wrote that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about me since we ran into each other outside the office, that he was sad that we weren’t friends anymore because I still felt like his best friend, and that he regretted how everything went down.
He said he questioned if he’d “made a huge mistake in a moment of weakness” and “fucked his whole life up” and that he “couldn’t help but regret it all” when he saw me. He apparently noticed that I’d blocked him on Instagram (which I found funny given how intensely I had been stalking his Instagram) and said that made him really sad. I gathered from his messages that he’d likely broken up with the woman I’d seen on his Instagram because he said that he felt like he had been “searching for some ideal woman who doesn’t exist” and that he wanted to “reignite our spark” after failing to find that same “spark” with other people.
I’m not going to lie; it was shocking to read his texts and I was trembling and struggling to process a lot of it at first. Part of me wanted impulsively to give him another chance, but after taking a day to mull over his words, I ended up feeling like he was less sorry that he’d lost our relationship and more sorry that the “greener pastures” he sought weren’t quite as green as he’d imagined.
I tried to respond kindly but firmly, saying that I really treasured and appreciated our relationship but that I felt like I could no longer trust him to the same degree I once did, and that I felt like it would be confusing and painful for us to become friends in the near future. I told him how hurt I felt when he blindsided me after promising that nothing was wrong, and how I struggled for a long time to figure out what was missing in our relationship but ultimately felt that as long as he thought the “missing” part was so crucial that he wanted to leave after all those years together, then we probably aren’t meant to be together. I wished him the best. He didn’t respond to my messages.
I was a bit shaken by the whole thing, but I proceeded to enjoy my holiday break with my family and even elected to go to my friend’s New Year’s Eve party which I was considering skipping. Well, I’m super glad I didn’t skip the party because I ended up meeting a wonderful man there! He’s funny, intelligent, cute, interesting, compassionate, and is eager to settle down and have kids after also somewhat-recently exiting a long-term relationship.
We’ve gone on 3 dates so far, and at the risk of sounding too enthusiastic, they’ve been the best dates of my life. We want to take it slow since we were both in long-term relationships a year ago, but we’ve been stunned by how compatible our personalities and interests and goals are and frankly, we’re also both quite keen to start a family as soon as possible. So while I’m trying not to be overly confident in this relationship, I’m also super excited to see where it goes!
In conclusion, thanks in large part to the advice I received 3 months ago in this subreddit, I’ve emerged from a very dark place and am now cautiously optimistic about my future for the first time in a long time. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f7erk0/i_am_struggling_to_rebuild_my_selfworth_after_my/ | f7erk0 | 16,915 | 79 | [
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2020-02-21T17:55:32 | I am struggling to rebuild my self-worth after my ex-fiancé left me for a woman who seems to be a younger, smarter, prettier, and better version of myself. | null | Kinglens311 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f7eubb/i_am_struggling_to_rebuild_my_selfworth_after_my/ | f7eubb | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-02-22T17:13:47 | My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding. | Relationship_Advice | [Link to original - My (24M) fiancée (22F) wants me to get circumcised before our wedding. I refuse and it’s causing huge arguments. Am I being manipulated?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f29606/my_24m_fianc%C3%A9e_22f_wants_me_to_get_circumcised/)
We met in the summer of 2018 and got engaged last year. Although our relationship is pretty solid, she can be very hotheaded. For example she gets upset when things don’t go her way and takes it as a personal insult. It’s definitely a “princess” syndrome that can be difficult to deal with but it never caused serious issues.
A couple of months ago she told me that I will get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said no and she straight up told me that “it’s not a choice”. We argued for a bit and she said that I wouldn’t be attracted to her if she had an “outie” vagina with “extra skin” hanging (her words, not mine). I told her that it’s not really the same thing at all and that I’d be attracted to her regardless. However she got very irritated ignored me for the rest of the evening.
She has not stopped talking about this since that day. Everyday she sends me articles talking about the benefits of circumcision, that it’s totally healthy/safe and why I should do it. She says that “civilized” men get circumcised and that “we’re not like those Europeans”. The thing is, she’s mixed race (half French) and grew up in France so I don’t understand her thought process here. Her ex was French but she repeatedly said that she dislikes French people and wants me to be “better” than that. According to her, that includes getting a circumcision.
Yesterday she brought it up again and I said that she has no right to tell me what to do with my body. She yelled that she spends a lot of time/effort into her appearance and isn’t asking for much in return. While it’s true she spends a lot of money on beauty/hair/facial treatments (around $800 a month) I don’t think you can compare that to a circumcision. She got very upset, calling me “selfish” and “heartless” and basically told me to fuck off. Normally when we argue she doesn’t get that heated but I could hardly tolerate her attitude yesterday.
Later that evening we had sex (yes...I’m stupid) and in the middle of it, she brought up the topic again. It felt very manipulative and when I told her that this is not the right time, she accused me of not loving her and actually started crying. Since she rarely cries this didn’t seem genuine. She got up and told me that “we” will get this done either way and that I shouldn’t let such a small issue ruin what we have. To be honest, that sounded ominous and I don’t even know what to think of it.
Is this something we can work out at all? Throughout our entire relationship she never complained about my uncircumcised penis and now it’s such a big deal to her. It’s giving me anxiety about our future and I don’t even know what to do. We’ve had so many discussions about it and it always ends the same way.
TL; DR My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said I won’t but she keeps bringing it up and trying to make me feel guilty. Is there any way we can solve this problem?
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f5yjwo/update_my_24m_fianc%C3%A9e_22f_wants_me_to_get/)
I don’t know where to start but I’d like to thank everyone on here first. I have received countless PMs, all pretty much saying the same thing. Yet I still wanted to work out things and marry her.
Then a few days after my post we had a huge fight. She threatened me. I won’t give too many details but it was more than enough to give me a wake up call. And that’s when I finally realized that this relationship isn’t healthy or normal. I had those thoughts before but her action that day confirmed it.
Right now I’m in the process of completely removing her from my life. That incident had a significant impact on my mental health and at this point I just need a long break. I have spoken to her parents in private and they’re almost begging me to rethink the whole situation. I won’t.
I still love her but couldn’t do this anymore.
It’s a shock to the system - I went from planning my future with her to now actively cutting off everything that connects us. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f7vfc8/my_fiancée_wants_me_to_get_circumcised_before_our/ | f7vfc8 | 4,301 | 32 | [
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2020-02-23T16:52:23 | Hospital Security Guard Tried to Deny Me Access Because I Didn’t Smile | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/e256h2/fl_hospital_security_guard_tried_to_deny_me/)
Background: I am a 20-something female. My older sister is a physician at a hospital. She is hosting thanksgiving at her home this year, so my other siblings and I have flown in to stay with her. I had just gotten my older brother from the airport and we went to the hospital to pick up our sister after her shift.
When we got to the hospital, there is a small security guard podium where the security guard hands out visitor’s stickers. My brother and I went up to get our stickers and when the guard handed mine to me, he said “Why aren’t you smiling?” I was exhausted because it had been a long day and I told him that I was tired and just wanted to get my sister so that we could all go home and relax. He kind of smirked/scoffed and then my brother and I walked away. We were all the way across the lobby when the security guard called after my brother with “Sir! Sir! You need to come back here.” We both turned around and started walking back towards the guard, but he stopped me and told me to stay where I was. So I did.
My brother went up to him and the guard told him that if I didn’t smile the next time he saw me and if I wasn’t in a better mood, then he had the right to deny me access into the hospital. To note, I was in no way rude to anyone, just tired and not very talkative (my brother’s flight was delayed 3 hrs and I’d just spent most of the afternoon sitting in baggage claim.) My brother asked why the guard was talking to him and not to me and the guard’s response was “Because you need to control her. You need to make certain that she behaves herself.” At that point, my brother walked away and didn’t want to engage any further. We got my sister a few minutes later and went home.
One of my friends told me that the guard exercised “tone policing” along with a great display of misogyny. But aside from that, can a security guard reasonably deny me access because he doesn’t like that I’m not cheerfully smiling? I would think that access can only be denied for legitimate threats, not a 20-something woman who is tired and not smiling. What is the legal basis here?
TLDR: Security guard threatened to deny me access to hospital because I wasn’t smiling. Is this legal?
...
op's comment: as the security guard was lecturing my brother, a group of older women came in. They already had visitor’s stickers on, but the security guard forcefully told them to stop and wait for him to “inspect the stickers to make certain they’re legitimate.” One of the women said that they were in a hurry to visit a relative in critical condition, but the security guard said that he didn’t care and that they’d have to wait until he was finished talking to my brother. Then one of the women started visibly crying. It was gut wrenching. (I didn’t include this part in the post because it didn’t specifically pertain to me and my situation.)
---
[UPDATE](https://old.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/e2kuax/update_fl_security_guard_tried_to_deny_access_for/)
First of all, thank you so much to everyone who responding to my first post and gave me the courage to approach HR!!
Update: my sister (hospital physician) actually spoke to HR first. She went to them this morning (she was off yesterday) and then spoke to the head of the security team. I was asked to come into the hospital this morning to meet with hospital administration. My brother went in with me and corroborated my story. HR was appalled!
They said that they’d heard rumors about this specific security guard but no one had ever escalated their complaints to administration. They brought in two more security guards who have worked with him to verify some of the rumors they’ve heard (apparently the guard in question has been caught lingering in front of the women’s restrooms on his breaks, and he denied a doctor’s wife entrance because she didn’t know the room number for the cafeteria where she was meeting her husband for lunch.)
The final thing HR said to me was, “Today will be the last day you will see him. We do not support this type of behavior at our institution and he will not continue with us.”
At the end, the HR director told me that it is SO IMPORTANT to report inappropriate behavior. She said that so many times people will gossip amongst themselves about situations but no one will actually take it up with administration, which subsequently makes HR’s job more difficult to complete because then they don’t know about happenings within the organization.
Again, thank you thank you thank you!! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f8c0wv/hospital_security_guard_tried_to_deny_me_access/ | f8c0wv | 4,628 | 48 | [
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2020-02-23T20:00:11 | Crazy vandal destroying cars by jumping on them | r/Portland | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f8ev4g/crazy_vandal_destroying_cars_by_jumping_on_them/ | f8ev4g | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-02-23T23:45:01 | Brand new Tesla owner catches stranger smashing windshield in Portland | TeslaLounge | [Link to Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/teslamotors/comments/cl17ge/caught_on_camera_brand_new_tesla_owner_catches/) *minor edits
A person kicked in the windshields of three cars in my neighborhood. My car caught my windshield being kicked in on video and it was on the news.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1KEJMMJvwU
I have video of the car belonging to the people who did it. I originally thought the guy was on foot but the saved video from one minute before what was shown in the story has a silver 1994-1998 Mustang GT rolling by with the window down and that guy staring at my car.
Unfortunately I can’t read the plates but I’m hoping someone can identify the car. Front passenger Corner is damaged, possibly aftermarket taillights.
**2nd victim:** I know your pain. I was running a little late to work and walked out and found that shit. Hopefully dude will get caught. I got my windshield replaced for $160, after a $415 quote from safelite
---
[7 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TeslaLounge/comments/d9czpq/windshield_no_longer_kicked_in_im_the_guy_who_had/)
Windshield no longer kicked in! I’m the guy who had his windshield kicked in 7 weeks ago in Portland. Windshield fixed, glass cleaned up, dents in hood removed, scuffs in fender polished out and ceramic coated. Looking good once again.
I have an IG photo of him and his crew with the car they used. Seems simple to go to their high school, find out the other kid’s s names and pressure them in to turning on each other. Maybe if it was in a smaller town. Doesn’t seem like the police really do that kind of work here. I also have video of them smashing out the front window of a house where the people are home but that was also not investigated.
...
Police know who it is and are looking for the person. The person is a minor.
---
[6 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TeslaLounge/comments/f827gz/update_he_plead_guilty_received_one_year/)
Update: he plead guilty and received one year probation and has to pay $3200 in restitution. The person who did it was a 15-year old runaway.
After this story aired on the news two people ratted him out to me via Facebook. He bragged about it on Snapchat and posted incriminating evidence on Instagram as well. It took about 6 months to make it to court. Fingers crossed that I ever see any of the restitution money. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f8i5ir/brand_new_tesla_owner_catches_stranger_smashing/ | f8i5ir | 2,367 | 9 | [
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2020-02-24T18:12:18 | HOA tries to impose Coronavirus quarantine on Asian American woman | LegalAdvice | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f8vdbk/hoa_tries_to_impose_coronavirus_quarantine_on/ | f8vdbk | 9 | 2 | [
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2020-02-24T18:30:13 | Seattle HOA declares medical quarantine for the Corona virus after a visit to China | LegalAdvice | [removed] | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f8vnqx/seattle_hoa_declares_medical_quarantine_for_the/ | f8vnqx | 9 | 16 | [
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2020-02-25T02:40:51 | UPDATE: went to my crushes' house | r/Crushes | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Crushes/comments/f6lda7/going_to_my_crushes_house_tomorrow_im_so_nervous/)
Going to my crushes' house tomorrow! A few of my friends have said it sounds like she likes me too, which is why i'm extra nervous.
BUT IM GOING TO HER HOUSE TOMORROW!!!
I'm also having dinner with her family....wish me luck!
(We're gonna be reading a manga we bought together, she's gonna show me a game she really likes and i'm gonna bring a jump scare game she wanted to play together.)
---
[The Next Day](https://www.reddit.com/r/Crushes/comments/f71ro7/update_went_to_my_crushes_house/)
So, I went to my crushes today & had dinner with her family.
We played one of her favourite games for a while which was really fun! I really enjoyed it, then we played a horror game I had bought with me because she wanted to play it together. She ended up cuddled into my side because it scared her so much and it was SUPER CUTE. (I have no doubt in my mind she planned this bit honestly, she's crafty lol.)
We then just sorta ended up cuddling for a while which oddly felt really natural? Idk but it was super nice, and weirdly I didn't freak out. (I'm really shy.)
We then read a couple of chapters of the manga I bought when we were last out together. (Parasyte if anyone's curious.) she then just straight up put her head on my chest and almost fell asleep on me, which was the CUTEST thing in the world.
While reading the manga I ended up accidentally putting my hand on hers, but I decided to just keep it there and ended up holding hands. (We ended up holding hands quite a few times after that.)
Then we had dinner with her family, and they're super nice! I got along with her older brother quite well because he's into a lot of the things I'm into, so I was able to make conversation.
Then skipping to when she dropped me off, she seemed really nervous and giddy. We were flirting sorta, and I had my arms around her and she REALLY quietly whispered. " I like you." MY HEART JUMPED. I SCREAMED. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA FREAK OUT BUT I DIDN'T. BUT. I Was able to keep my composure.
So I quietly whispered "What's that?" and she got so embarrassed and was like "NOTHING!". And she got really shy so I just said "come here." and pulled her against my chest. We stayed like that for a while. Then I had to go, and SHE KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK, WHICH CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. So I quickly kissed her back on the cheek and said goodbye.
I'm planning on meeting her friends next week, and I know its most likely to see if they like me or not. (let's hope they do.) I plan to make an update post on how that goes.
TL;DR: Went to crushes house. Cuddled, held hands & flirted. Meeting her friends next week.
EDIT: Wow I didn't expect this to kinda blow up. Thank you guys for all the responses! I'll keep you guys posted, expect an update on Wednesday, that's when I'm seeing her next. (I'll also be meeting her friends.) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f935rm/update_went_to_my_crushes_house/ | f935rm | 2,954 | 19 | [
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2020-02-25T17:39:50 | Sister's ex-boyfriend keeps playing ding dong ditch despite us having a Ring doorbell and restraining order. | LegalAdvice | [Link to Original](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cfwezj/sisters_exboyfriend_keeps_playing_ding_dong_ditch/)
I'll spare the details of the breakup, but essentially my sister's ex has been bothering us for about half a year now. We're in CA. Relevant events since the start of 2019 include:
1. Filing a restraining order and being granted a temporary restraining (about 3 months ago)
1. Ex being arrested for violating the temporary restraining order and being jailed for a day.
1. Getting the permanent restraining order
1. Being arrested for violating the permanent restraining order for a month and being released on probation. Probation conditions explicitly state he is to not contact my sister or be within her vicinity.
1. Despite being on probation, he's playing ding dong ditch at random times during the late night for the past week. We have video evidence of him being here through our Ring doorbell. We've called the cops multiple times and they take a while to get here and by that time they can't find him (or they don't try too hard).
Her ex is homeless, living in his car (probably), and disowned by his parents so we don't really have a clue where he is during the day.
It was easier to get him arrested the first couple times because he actually stuck around for someone to open the door, but now he's given up on that completely and he does not seem in his right mind anymore. Last time I spoke with him, he claimed to be hearing voices and we've heard him talking to himself a couple times on the Ring videos. He's not doing anything violent, but you never know, he could snap and do something crazy one day.
My sister spoke to his probation officer and told her the situation. He's currently scheduled to appear to court next month to address his probation violation.
I'm not sure if there's anything else we can do about this situation other than keep calling the cops and hope he attends his hearing next month. Anything else that could possibly help us?
EDIT: Changed mentions of parole to probation because I'm stupid and thought the two terms were interchangeable.
---
[Update on my sister's crazy ex playing ding dong ditch](https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cj80pq/update_on_my_sisters_crazy_ex_playing_ding_dong/) *minor edits
This literally happened a couple hours ago so emotions might be running high.
I posted about a week or so ago that my sister's ex was ringing our doorbell and bothering us despite her having a restraining order. The cops have not been able to arrest him.
He sporadically came to our house but not with any regularity. But he came this night and well, he finally went off the deep end.
Order of events in numbered format:
1. Threw a hammer through the master bedroom window on the second floor. Didn't know it was a hammer until after the cops left.
1. Called the cops to come ASAP.
1. Proceeded to bang on our door and yell like a maniac, demanding I or my sister open the door. This lasted a good 10 minutes or so. We have video evidence of him at our front door via our Ring doorbell.
1. Took his car and rammed it into our patio fence and then into our garage door. Patio fence is still holding up but it's clear someone ran into it. The garage door was torn off. We don't have video footage of this since the Ring doorbell is on the other side of the house.
1. Once the garage door was torn off, he entered the garage and proceeded to bang on the door in the garage that would lead into the house.
1. Eventually leaves and the cops show up. We spend some time talking to the cops when the ex rolls up into the driveway. Immediately starts booking it when he sees the cop car.
1. The cops pursue but according to "policy" once the suspect starts running red lights and disobeying traffic rules they can't pursue farther because if the suspect were to crash into someone due to being chased by police, the police would be held liable. Which I understand the logic behind but it's very frustrating.
1. And I think that's about the gist of it. Very unfortunate timing this happened today because the police force was extremely spread thin in the Bay Area today because of the shooting in Gilroy so they took quite a while to appear.
The consensus among us is that even if we get him arrested, he might just be insane enough to come back when he's eventually arrested. When he is arrested, we are planning on using that time to buy time for us to sell the house and move. However, if we do move and he does proceed to damage the house when the new owners move in, would we be in any legal trouble?
Is there anything I could do that might help out in this situation?
---
[A month later](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cpq0n9/update_sisters_crazy_ex_played_ding_dong_ditch/)
Hello everyone. Yeah, I'm still alive. A happier update this time around.
So two days after the incident I go to work, but my sister was at home and saw her ex parked near our house, smoking weed and probably high out of his mind. So she calls the cops and they amazingly do not take hours to show up. The cops and the ex go back and forth for a while before the idiot starts trying to drive away, but he's stopped soon enough and he's arrested.
On the legal side of things, he got his probation revoked (not sure how that benefits us but eh) and was ordered to be held in custody with no bail. My sister and I actually had to go to court today for his preliminary examination but we ended up not being needed. Apparently the defense is calling for a medical evaluation because they are questioning the competency of the defendant to stand trial. The DA for the case told us the evaluation will last up to 3 months (Not sure if I heard this right. Seems a bit long but what do I know). If he's deemed competent, the court proceedings will proceed. If not, then they'll transfer him to a hospital to try to rehabilitate him and if successful, then they'll continue the court proceedings.
So from my understanding, my sister and I are just waiting for the evaluation to be finished and then we will go from there. In the meantime, he's still in custody with no way out. Now we are thinking of relocating, which is a whole other can of worms, but at least we bought some time.
Many thanks for the people who gave out advice in the earlier posts! I hope my family is through the worst of this situation. Once things are all said and done, at least I walk away from this with a much better understanding of the justice system. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f9dx7d/sisters_exboyfriend_keeps_playing_ding_dong_ditch/ | f9dx7d | 6,516 | 20 | [
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2020-02-26T17:49:03 | My father and step mother died, leaving me (19m) and my step sister (8f). My step sisters father, who has previously never cared about her, is getting full custody and has told me he won't allow me to visit. | LegalAdvice | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b3rfty/wa_my_father_and_step_mother_died_leaving_me_19m/) *minor edits
Hi, so my life is falling apart.
As the title says, a few weeks ago my father and my step mother were killed in a car accident. They have been married for 7 years, and my step mother had a daughter from a previous marriage who is 8 years old. I love her unconditionally as if she were my own sister and I would fight tooth and nail to keep her safe.
She has no immediate family other than her father in the area, so he is going to receive full custody of her. I don't know if subjective opinions are allowed in posts like this, but this guy is a fucking asshole. The reason my step mother left him is because he was abusive (which was never reported to the police, but I know several people who have witnessed it first hand, so it absolutely 100% happened), and the reason he was abusive was because my step sister was born and he didn't want a child. As a result, he has never given a shit about her, never asked to see her, and has never wanted anything to do with her until now.
I was at home with my step sister a few days ago and he knocked on the door. I opened it and we had a really ugly conversation about what was going to happen to my step sister now that her mother and my father were dead. I told him that if he did end up having custody I would want to be seeing her as often as possible as I consider her my family. He told me, verbatim "that's not gonna happen, son. I don't want my daughter spending time with half caste blood." (he's referring to the fact that my father is mixed race, and that I am too as a result. I slammed the door. I was absolutely livid, which brings me to this post.
Can anything be done to stop him having custody? There are no police reports about his abuse, and his criminal record is clean by all the research I have completed.
Is there anyway I can straight up adopt my step sister? I have an office job that pays well, so financial security wouldn't be a problem, I have an apartment of my own, and I would be 100% willing to be her full time guardian.
EDIT: I want to make it absolutely clear that my sister does not want to live with her dad, and she says she wants to live with me.
Thank you so so so much to anyone who responds to this. I'm at my wits end and I will do literally anything to keep my step sister close to me, and I don't care about the cost.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/beuf9y/update_my_father_and_step_mother_died_leaving_me/)
So after one of the most stressful months of my life, I can happily tell you all that I got custody of my step sister.
I did as many of you suggested and got a family lawyer who was one of the most kind and helpful people I've ever met in my life. I told her the circumstances of my step mom and dad's death through tears and sobbing, and then told me she'd do everything she possibly could to help me.
After my step sisters bio dad was informed that I would be trying to get full custody, he basically folded within hours. The lawyer told me that it wouldn't have mattered anyway though. She said that because he hadn't visited her for such an extended period of time that it was considered "abandonment" in the eyes of the law, and the likelihood of him specifically getting custody was unlikely because of this.
After her bio dad said he didn't want my step sister, I then spent weeks and weeks filing out the right papers and seeing the right people. I've never signed so many things in my entire life. Because my step sister had no biological family other than her shit-head dad, I was given custody on a silver platter, according to my lawyer.
Her bio dad didn't ask for visitation rights, and it appears he didn't even care in the first place, he just wanted my step sister for no reason other than to further upset me.
Yesterday, I signed the last piece of paper that confirmed that I had 100% custody of my step sister. After I signed, we both cried and cried for hours. We're both working on processing the death of her mom and my dad. As I write this, she's asleep next to me with her head on my shoulder.
The past two months have hands down been the worst of my entire life. I consider meeting my step sister the best that's ever happened to me, and adopting her is the single best decision I've ever made. These events have made me realise that family isn't just DNA based, it's actionable investments in the life of someone you love.
Thank you so, so, so much for all of the people who helped me in my first thread. I owe all of you for the rest of your lives. Once I turn 21, if any of ya'll are in the Aberdeen area, drinks are on me.
I hope you all lead wonderful lives. Give your loved ones a big hug for me. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f9x2mh/my_father_and_step_mother_died_leaving_me_19m_and/ | f9x2mh | 4,809 | 54 | [
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2020-02-27T02:16:09 | [Update] My wife is an alcoholic | AskMenOver30 | [Link to Original - My wife is an alcoholic. Anyone else with the same issue?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenOver30/comments/azg2wj/my_wife_is_an_alcoholic_anyone_else_with_the_same/)
During the last 12-18 months my wife has developed a really unhealthy relationship with alcohhol.
Every time she drank she became very drunk really fast. There are some medical reasons for her not being able to handle alcohol but it became increasingly worse.
During these periods she had, as many, a real change in personality, being angry and confrotative towards me.
12 days ago during the morning I gave her an ultimatum, go to this open AA-meeting within an hour, I will be there and if you think this is something to fight for, I hope you will be there. She showed up. It realy feels like it was an eye-opener to her. She has confessed some lies regarding drinking i secret when I was away on businesstrips and stuff like that. During these 12 days she has been to 20 AA-meetings and I have been to one AlAnon-meeting. It's still early but for the forst time in over one year I feel hope........
Thanks for reading
 
[3 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenOver30/comments/b8jxa3/update_to_my_wife_is_an_alcoholic_anyone_else/)
In short, everything is going great, she in now on day 35 and this sunday she got her 1 month medallion. We have also managed to celebrate my 50th birthday without alcohol, we went away to a rented house in the southern part of the country with an open fireplace and everything. Every evening we drove to the nearby town that had a local AA-group and I believe she has done around 40 meetings in these 35 days.
The first goal is 90 meetings in 90 days. She has also started her new job and she loves it. She is working many hours but I guess alcoholics aren't really known for doing things i moderation.
I feel really hopeful. Thanks everybody for the feedback. Let me know if I can be of any help to someone else in the same situation.Peace out :-)
 
[1 Year Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/f9e5s1/my_wife_will_reach_365_days_sober_in_five_hours/) in /r/stopdrinking
I am smiling writing this because in 5 hours when we probably have went to sleep the daycount will be 365...
I can't believe it has been one year since everything reached a point that easily could have ended in disaster....
I want to take the time to thank all the good hearted people on Reddit for somfort and feedback
I also really want to recommend everyone with this disease to contact your local AA-group. They do amazing work....
I'm now looking forward to next year....
*Thanks for all the feedback and love. She went to a meeting today so now she has the medal for 1 day, 1 month and 1 year :-)
https://i.imgur.com/x69esoD.jpg | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fa4uk8/update_my_wife_is_an_alcoholic/ | fa4uk8 | 2,799 | 30 | [
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2020-02-27T16:45:33 | My boyfriend proposed during his sister's wedding and I accepted but I don't know if I want to marry him. | Relationship_Advice | [Original - My(F22) boyfriend(M25) proposed during his sister's wedding and I accepted but I don't know if I want to marry him.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/euwtcn/myf22_boyfriendm25_proposed_during_his_sisters/)
My boyfriend and I went to his sister's wedding last Friday. They have always had a strained relationship. It was a great wedding and both of them seemed to get along.
We had been at the party for about 2 hours when he goes up to the dj and asks for the microphone. I thought that he was going to toast for his sister... But no.
He asks me to come up to him. I was terrified. I remember thinking to myself "he is not doing that! No!" I also remember looking at his sister and she looking at me and we both had the same look on our faces but she was more mad.
He then proceeds to propose to me.... At his sister's wedding! People where cheering arround us and his sister just looked like she wanted to cry. I was just frozen. And I didn't know what else to do than to say yes. I was crying. But not happy crying. People were super extatic.
After that I went up to his sister and was apologizing over and over. She was mad. Like MAD. I felt so sorry for her. I left early and my boyfriend came at like 2 am hammer to our hotel room. I was mad so I Confronted him.
At first he was like "babe... My whole family was there it was the best time" till he finally admitted that he also did it because his sister had ruined his graduation by announcing her wedding. I left the morning after and haven't talked to him since. I don't know what to do. He won't stop calling but I am very mad. I don't even know what to say to him
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f9eykf/update_my_boyfriend_proposed_during_his_sisters/)
He was using me to get back at her.
Long story short I broke up with him. It was very messy ans he kept pushing me to come back to him. His argument was that he loves me and that showing his sister who's boss was just a nice bonus. We kept fighting until I finally broke things off.
He didn't take it too well because in his mind he didn't do anything wrong so he thought that I was taking "his sister's side". I have lost some friends who said that I was just looking for an easy out and so on. In the moment I feel actually pretty devastated because I still love him. I feel like everyone hates me. I know it's such a weak thing to be this affected but I am. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/faevmu/my_boyfriend_proposed_during_his_sisters_wedding/ | faevmu | 2,454 | 23 | [
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2020-02-28T01:44:21 | Post-it notes left in apartment | LegalAdvice | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/)
On the 15th of April I found a yellow post-it note in a handwriting that wasn't mine on my desk reminding me of some errands I had to do, but told literally nobody about. While odd, I chalked it up to something I did in my sleep, thinking maybe in my half-awake state I scrawled it so it didn't appear to be my handwriting. I threw it out and thought little of it.
On the 19th, I found another post it note on the back of my desk chair, in the same handwriting as the previous note, telling me to make sure I "saved my documents". I was freaked out, but there were no other signs of a break-in, so I set up a web-cam in my house aimed at my desk and used a security-cam app for it to record after detecting movement.
On the 28th, I woke up to find another post-it note, this one saying, "Our landlord isn't letting me talk to you, but it's important we do." I immediately checked the webcam's folder on my computer and found nothing from the night before, but my computer's recycling bin had been emptied, which I am certain I did not do recently, indicating someone had noticed the webcam and deleted the files. (They were just saved straight to a folder on my desktop called "Webcam".
Today, on the 1st of May, I found another post it note, this time on the outside of my door, with nothing written on it– and there also appeared to be post-its on many other doors in my apartment complex, all blank, in varying colors.
Do I have any legal recourse here? I have no proof except for the post-its, but those are written by my pen and on my post-it notes, so conceivably I could have faked them. Would contacting the police get me into any trouble, if they can't determine an outside source for this? I just want to make sure I'm not wasting anyone's time.
EDIT: I pulled up a letter I received from my landlord back when I moved in, and the handwriting is identical. Could this count as evidence?
 
---
 
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34m92h/update_ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/)
Thanks to everyone who sent suggestions and gave advice on how to proceeded– especially to those who recommended a CO detector... because when I plugged one in in the bedroom, it read at 100ppm.
TL;DR: I had CO poisoning and thought my landlord was stalking me.
 
*OP responds to Comments*
>Seriously? You had significant, low-level CO poisoning to the point where you are have a memory impairment? You need to see a neurologist as soon as possible. There's a very real possibility that you need neuropsych testing and neuro-cognitive rehab.
Hello! I'm writing to you from the hospital. :) Thanks for the concern! Having not slept the night there, I actually feel tremendously better today– but yes, i'm absolutely taking every precaution.
>Woah. This is not at all where I was expecting this story to go. So, you wrote yourself a bunch of post-it notes, and forgot them because of CO poisoning?
Yes, the notes were real, I did write them, and I forgot! As for their being notes on all the doors– I went so far as to put notes on my neighbor's door, but not much further than that. I was on a corner– above the garage– so I only had one neighbor, who had headaches and not much more.
I wrote all sorts of nonsense. With other notes and letters, I tried to compare it to another document, but I got confused. For example, I picked up a typed document, and sure enough, next to that, most handwritten documents look pretty similar!
I also "set up" a webcam by placing it on a shelf, downloading a camera app to my phone, and making a folder on my desktop called "WEBCAM" and made an iphoto library in the folder. I freaked out when the folder was empty.
UPDATE: I'm currently living with relatives while getting this sorted out. They've already contacted my neighbors, too, though it seems so far the issue was only in my apartment. In-building parking appears to have been the issue. I was directly above the garage.
 
---
 
**10 Months Later**
*OP [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/49zfvb/what_is_the_weirdestcreepiest_unexplained_thing/d0wk4t9/) when his post is mentioned in r/AskReddit*
 
Good news update: It's been almost a year now. While four months ago, things were rough, I've definitely made significant improvement, and currently there's little reason to doubt a full recovery within a year.
As it turns out, brains can heal. While brain cells cannot regenerate, the bulk of my issue seemed to be cerebral edema (brain swelling) caused by the poisoning. While the inflamed tissue can suffocate and destroy brain cells... It doesn't always, and sometimes the damage is temporary. That said, it is my understanding that without a pre-incident scan, it is difficult to tell what is swelling and what isn't in a very detailed or specific way.
I'd say now, 10 months later, I'm about 80% back to normal. And while it is likely there is a 1% that won't recover, and some cells were destroyed, not just disrupted, and maybe I'll always have the occasional headache...
...There's no reason to think I won't be at 99-100% better in another six months.
So I'm happy.
I've been getting a lot of PMs regarding my legal situation, and I've been advised not to discuss it online just yet, as it is still ongoing.
I can say that, legally speaking– things are really looking great for me. And in the meantime, I've had a really lovely place to stay, a very understanding boyfriend, and I've even been making art– a field I wanted to get into but never would if not for the incident.
I will say, though, I use a moleskine notebook daily planner thing now. (I do keep busy! Important for mental health!) I'm kind of done with post-it notes for a while! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/famywa/postit_notes_left_in_apartment/ | famywa | 5,882 | 30 | [
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2020-02-29T17:06:17 | Poisoned at family dinner | LegalAdvice | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a9ue1k/ne_poisoned_at_family_dinner/) *minor edits
I’m currently on vacation visiting family for Christmas. I’m [20 F] a vegan by choice (however I am allergic to red meat.... I was bitten by a “lone star tick” which caused me to develop a severe allergy to meat) My family makes fun of me for being vegan (though I cook for myself for all meals and don’t mention It much at all)
Anyway, I guess some of my extended family didn’t know the severity of my allergy because my younger cousin [16 M] chopped up steak (extremely finely I guess) and put It in my butternut squash soup. Shorty after I ate some of my soup I couldn’t breath and was breaking out in hives. I went into anaphylaxis, I lost consciousness and I woke up in the hospital on Christmas Day. (My mom called an ambulance when she saw my face was swelling).
My cousin didn’t say sorry when I started breaking out in hives. He started laughing and told me what he had done. I woke up to a text from him saying “stop overreacting you need protein” with a picture of a slaughtered cow. His parents aren’t very well off (in fact I don’t think they have insurance). I just want to know, should I pursue a legal case? Or is that an overreaction.
 
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aa5fs0/update_poisoned_at_family_dinner_ne/?st=JQ7CR0RG&sh=0053a995)
Hey guys. I first just want to thank you all for all the support regarding my last post.
I’ve had a free consultation with a personal injury lawyer and have filed a police report like many of you suggested. I let my cousin and aunt and uncle know this and they immediately ended up offering to pay my hospital bill (and ambulance ride) in full.
My cousin gave me a half-hearted apology and his parents told me he won’t be leaving the house for the next year and will be severely punished for this.
I’ve decided not to press charges, I don’t really have the money/time for it, and all I needed was my medical expenses paid. I just plan on not going to any family gatherings where he is for a long long LONG time. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fbfhz8/poisoned_at_family_dinner/ | fbfhz8 | 2,134 | 25 | [
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2020-03-01T17:46:08 | My friend [16F] asked me [16M] out on a date. She's wheelchair bound; will I get in trouble? | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/7ano43/my_friend_16f_asked_me_16m_out_on_a_date_shes/)
So there's this girl I'm friends with, Louise, who is in a wheelchair. We've been acquaintances since the start of high school, but recently we've become friends. Today at lunch she asked me if I wanted to go out next Sunday with her, in her words "you know, like a date". What do I do? I've never been asked out by someone before.
I like her as a friend, I've never thought about her in a romantic way before. I think I'll go for it. Is there anything special I could do to make her more comfortable? She seemed a little bit nervous when she asked me out.
Comment: I slept on it and I realised how much that this date would mean to her, even if it doesn't lead to anything more in the future, though there's definitely a small part of me now that would like there to be more.
 
[A Week Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/7cpwd3/my_friend_16f_asked_me_16m_out_on_a_date_shes/)
We met at a quiet coffee shop near her house. I was worried that I would get nervous and it would be awkward but instead we spent 2 hours having a great time getting to know each other. Afterwards we went to the park, sat on a bench and watched the world go by while she held my hand, which was unexpected. We called it a day when it started getting dark so I took her home and she gave me a tight hug when we said our goodbyes.
I enjoyed spending time with her and I think she felt the same, but I'm not sure if I should ask her out so soon.
 
EDIT: Took everyone's advice, asked her on a second date and she couldn't have looked happier when she said yes.
 
---
 
[Guidance teacher says I'm breaking the law by dating a disabled girl because I'm "in a position of power over her." Can I get in trouble for this?](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/7dn2eq/guidance_teacher_says_im_breaking_the_law_by/)
I was called out of class today by my guidance teacher because she is concerned that I am breaking the law by having a relationship with a disabled girl because I am apparently abusing my position of power over her.
* We're both 16 and we have a few classes together. I'm not her teacher, so I think that means I'm not in a position of power. I have helped her a few times with homework and such, does that count?
* She's perfectly normal mentally, she just can't walk, so it's not as if I'm taking advantage of her in any way.
* We've been on 1 date and had lunch together a few times, I can't see how this is inappropriate.
Is my guidance teacher correct? Will I get in trouble because I'm dating someone who is not as able as I am? I don't want to get either of us in trouble, any advice is appreciated.
 
[UPDATE on me illegally dating a girl in a wheelchair!](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/7ean4v/update_on_me_illegally_dating_a_girl_in_a/) *minor edits
My parents, my friend (I'll call her Louise) and I met with the headteacher and the guidance teacher first thing in the morning. The headteacher, who was out of the loop of the situation, asked me about my relationship with Louise. I answered honestly that she asked me out and that we'd been on two dates together, and we'd occasionally had lunch together. She said that was fine and sent me off to class.
(The rest of this was described to me by my friend and my parents, since I was no longer present)
She then asked Louise if she I had made her feel uncomfortable, had hurt her, or if I had tried to force her to do certain things. She replied that I was caring and made her feel special, and that "if she was suggesting that I had taken advantage of her, she could fuck off" and then she quickly left on the verge of tears.
My parents then asked the guidance teacher what she exactly meant by me abusing my position of power, and it became apparent to my mum that she had no idea what she was talking about. She thought because she had seen me helping Louise in the library with things and because I occasionally pushed her around, that I was some sort of helper/carer for her, not her classmate and date.
After some back and forth between the four of them (according to another friend who walked by the office some of it was quite heated), it was agreed that apologies would be made to both of us.
My parents and I both think the teacher did it more out of concern for the girl I'm seeing than out of malice, since she's a very quiet girl who might me uncomfortable coming forward about an issue like this. She's been known to stick her nose into things that are none of her business before, and the girl I asked out was bullied at the start of high school so I assume she believe she was looking out for her.
TL;DR
* Bad news: the guidance teacher didn't actually understand what the phrase "abuse of a position of power" actually meant. She apologised and will not have further contact with us.
* Good news: it turns out you were all correct, I'm not in any legal trouble.
* Happy news: I had my first kiss and Louise called me her boyfriend, so at least some good came of today. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fbxkxz/my_friend_16f_asked_me_16m_out_on_a_date_shes/ | fbxkxz | 5,168 | 63 | [
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2020-03-02T01:28:23 | Guy gave me 5 fake one-hundred dollar bills and stole my phone before taking off. | r/RBI | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/deu17o/guy_gave_me_5_fake_onehundred_dollar_bills_and/)
My family and I are in a rough spot financially so we were getting rid of one of our phones in an attempt to hold us over for a week or so. We put the phone up for sale on Let Go and got contacted by a guy who was interested.
He kept putting the sale off until it was dark out and then he came by. Due to the low lighting, I didn't see that the hundreds were fake until it was too late. He snatched the phone, hopped in his car and sped off. Needless to say we are in a worse spot than we were originally.
I have already contacted the phone service provider and they shut down access to the phone via the IMEI but i'm sure they can get around that. I contacted the police and they sent over a couple of officers. I gave the officers all of the info I had and they said the report will be available in a few days.
I know this isn't much to go on but does anyone have a way that I can look up the name associated with this phone number so I can at least confirm whether or not the name listed on his Let Go account is legitimate? Honestly, i'm not expecting to be able to get justice but I thought I would give reddit shot to see if there were any Batmans out here that could help.
 
[They Got Him](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/dju841/update_justice_served_guy_gave_me_5_fake/)
The cops who came over and made the report on the night of the incident zipped up the fake bills and took them with them. Apparently there had been a guy in my area using fake hundred dollar bills for the past week or so and 2 detectives had gotten assigned the case. They contacted me the following day to question me about some things and ask if I could identify the guy if needed (I could) .
u/ Cat_Hardin contacted me and offered to help get information on the number that I had for the guy. After checking about ten databases, u/ Cat_Hardin confirmed the number belonged to a 75 year old guy from Baton Rouge. There wasn't much more to go on but after some digging, I found that this man had one relative that lived in my general area and this relative had the same first name as the guy that gave me the fake money and took my phone. That could be a coincidence but I thought it warranted further investigation. I started digging into this relative.
I couldn't find a phone number listed for this guy but I did manage to find out that he had been previously arrested for shoplifting and had a suspended drivers license. I couldn't, however, find a picture of him anywhere. No facebook, myspace, etc... Short of showing up to this person's house to see if it was him, I felt like I had exhausted all of my investigative abilities so I called the detectives back and gave them all of the information I had gathered. And it's a good thing I did because the officer who initially took my statement wrote down the number wrong so the detectives were working off of incorrect information.
2 days later they called me in to look at a photo line-up and, bam, there he was. That was the guy. His grandfather lived in Baton Rouge and had been paying for his cell phone. The relative that I had been looking into turned out to be this guy's Father. The detectives thanked me for my time and said that should be all they need.
They called me up today and let me know that this guy was being charged with Criminal Fraud (felony) for attempting to purchase goods with the intent to deceive. He's also being charged with a second felony for the usage of counterfeit currency. There's a warrant out for his arrest right now and they are looking for him.
And the icing on the cake is this. They found my phone. He pawned it off and the pawn broker found out that the IMEI on this phone had it listed as stolen. The detectives said that they will give me a call when they get it back. Thanks again for everyone's help! You guys are awesome!
 
**Tl;dr** Reddit helped me track the number and find out more information. I gave that info to the detectives. Guy is getting charged with felonies and I'm getting my phone back! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fc4caa/guy_gave_me_5_fake_onehundred_dollar_bills_and/ | fc4caa | 4,151 | 22 | [
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2020-03-03T16:39:04 | My parents have joined some new age "religion" and intend to move me to a compound against my will. | LegalAdvice | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ccd4vh/fl_my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion/)
My mom and step dad are really into "new age" science and beliefs. I've never agreed with them on this and didn't know how extreme it was. Recently though they have become involved in a extremely weird "support group". I say that in quotes because I have no fucking clue who they are. When I'm around they never mention any group names or what "organization" they work for or are apart of. Because of this I have not had much luck finding out stuff as "new age cult" gives to many results to look into.
This Monday my mom and stepdad sat me and my 4 siblings down. They told us that we will be moving at the end of the month to a more "stable" location within a spiritual community. According to them they plan to pull all 5 of us (im 16, couldn't think of anywhere else to mention this.) out of school here and enroll us in their "mind awakening" school where ever we move. I tried to get anything out of them but they refused to talk to me at all about it. According to them because i'm still a child in "mind, body, and spirit" i need to listen to them not ask questions.
 
I've actually been freaking out since then and have been trying to get advice but I've been unable too. They cut of the internet, phone and TV Tuesday and they have been keeping a fucking lazer focus on me and my siblings since then. I'm currently at a friends house and this is the only way I've actually got access to the internet. this seems like a cult 100% to me. Last night they had 3 people come and talk to me and my siblings and the stuff they told us was fucking crazy. I was talked to alone by an old man who told me about how my mind is "closed" and that I will slowly learn to open it as my parents have and that the "leaders" will love to meet me and put me in their programs.
I need to know what the fuck I can do here. My dad has shared custody of me and since Monday i've had no contact with him. He is supposed to have a call with me every night but my mom claims he's been "informed" and supports this 100%. I tried calling him this morning but he didn't answer. He lives in another state so it's kinda hard to get into contact with him outside of phone and email. I'm at a friends house because I was able to leave the house for the first time in a week this morning after I told my parents I wanted to go to the park but came here and told my friend everything. Her parents are not home but she's trying to call them and I plan to stay here tonight if I can. My parents have forbid me from using the internet because it's "full of lies from them".
I'm so lost right now it makes me sick. I do not want to go with them to this obvious compound and I need to know what the fuck I can do here. Can I just run away and if my parents harbor me can they get in trouble. If my mom has been lying about my dad can he do anything? thanks.
**Edit:**
I talked to my mom and told her because I would be moving soon and this might be one of the last times I could see my friend I would like to stay the night and she said it was ok and that this family was "trustworthy not to try and corrupt my view". I got into contact with my dad and he's pissed. He did not agree and was told I didn't want to talk to him.
My 15 year old sister's dad was told the same despite the fact he has primary custody and she only spends the summers with us. My sisters dad is going to call cps too and I just got done with my call to them but I wont repeat what they said here.
I will be spending the night here and when my mom asks me to come back tomorrow my dad has told me not to go back and tell her that he will be flying down here to Florida immediately if I don't check in with him or he hears I went back to her. He says that he is already looking into emergency custody (I want to thank my friends parents real quick because holy fuck have they been great. They both have been great and are working with my dad right now to help me).
I also will be going and buying a burner phone tomorrow and withdrawing all my money from the bank. My dad says he will handle getting my stuff from my mom when the time comes. Thanks guys for the advice.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/csii9j/update_my_parents_joined_a_new_age_cult_and_tried/)
It's been over a month and things were pretty crazy and my therapist said it probably wasn't the best idea to rant about it online till I felt ready. Well, now that i'm settled down a bit I feel like it might be good to get this off my chest anyway. Sorry if this disappoints you guys though as my dad says I should not include any personal details for fear of leaking my identity (so even though I know the group now I won't be naming them for fear of it getting back to me).
So after I stayed the night with my friends family my mom and step dad tried to get me to come back home immediately. My dad said not to go so I somehow convinced my mom to let me stay the rest of this day and I would come home that night. This plan didn't work out very well though as my sisters dad called the police to report that he couldn't contact my sister and was afraid she was kidnapped. It didn't take long before my mom caught on that I was the one who leaked to him their plans and they freaked out.
 
My mom then came to my friends house and tried to force her way in to take me because I had been "corrupted" and needed to be locked away from bad influences till we left for the compound. My friends parents called the police and I called my dad and he got to talk to my mom. I'll leave it short and say this was a nightmare situation that almost ended with my mom being charged with trespassing.
My mom and dad argued on the phone for over 3 hours outside of my friends house. In the end my dad made it so I would not have to go with them but the only "safe" place my mom would agree to me staying is with my uncle 4 hours away. I stayed with him for over a week and it was the worst week of my life. My mom called me constantly to try to talk to me and "save me from the evil energies my father had possessed me with.: My step father also began to send me various threats and told me that at the end of the month I was coming no matter what.
After a week of this, everything changed. My mom stopped calling me, my stepdad stopped texting and they went quiet for 4 days. Me, my uncle, my dad, all of them couldn't reach them. My sisters dad also stopped being able to reach them. During this time my mom bought my sister a plane ticket home and my sisters dad only learned of this when he got a call after my parents dropped my sister off at the airport. After this my mom called me one last time.
She proceeded to tell me that she had been meditating, praying to my guardian spirits daily, and talking to the "leaders". All to to help me "open my third eye to see the truth and understand I was being used by evil." During these sessions apparently she finally "realized the truth" and saw me for the "evil spawn I was." According to her I am a "evil seed" and that I not only was brought here to bring evil spirits onto her and her "good children". I also infected the womb and corrupted my sister.
 
She told me to send my uncle down and pick up all of my "worldly possessions" that were infected and to not come with him or ever contact her or her family again. She ended by telling me that I was never her child and that she hopes "the universe deals with me". The last contact I know about was her telling my dad she wants to revoke her parental rights.
At the end of last month they moved to the compound with my 3 step siblings. I moved out to live with my dad and have been in therapy since then. Things are still pretty raw right now and I really don't feel like getting into the emotions I feel towards this. But I feel like at least updating this may be a start. Thank you everyone who gave advice and sent me kind messages on here offering help. I really do appreciate it :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fcx988/my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion_and/ | fcx988 | 8,122 | 36 | [
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2020-03-04T00:52:10 | My boyfriend and I have been homeless for almost 2 years | r/Homeless | [Almost two years of homelessness comes to an end tomorrow!](https://www.reddit.com/r/homeless/comments/fabhvf/almost_two_years_of_homelessness_comes_to_an_end/)
My boyfriend, and I have been homeless together for almost 2 years. The first year, and a half we were in active addiction, our drug of choice being heroin. During that time we slept outdoors; benches, tents, the ground, pee soaked parking garages, the woods, just anywhere we could find.
About 6 months ago we moved into a shelter, got on methadone matinence, stopped using drugs, and up until about 2 months ago we were just sitting around doing nothing to improve beyond that. Then we started searching for jobs, and have both been employed for about a month. We found a woman renting a room in her home for $500 a month, and only wants first months rent to move in. We move in tomorrow.
I am so happy. I can not wait to cook meals for us, to shower with hot water without worrying about contrating MRSA, to sleep in a bed (we are buying an air mattress tomorrrow) that only the two of us have slept in, to not have to sleep on top of anything I don't want stolen, to not be thrown out at 7am, there is a washer/dryer in the house I can use...I could go on forever, but you all know what I mean.
My time being homeless has made me appreciate very basic things that I used to take forgranted, and I am going to cherish all of those things. We will be saving money towards getting a studio apartment, but for now having our own private space in someone elses home with access to the kithen, laundry, living room and everything else in the home is absolutely wonderful. The home owner is so nice, she made it clear she wants us to be comfortable, and live as if it were our own home.
While we were sleeping on concrete dope sick, starving, degraded, and miserable, I could not see a way out. I did not believe we would ever get here. Now we are here, and it is surreal. I am trying to stop thinking in a manner that leaves me waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it is difficult. I am terrified of losing this. I know though that as long as we continue on the path we are on, things will be okay. I am proud of us, we have come so far.
TLDR; Myself, and my boyfriend are moving into a room tomorrow after 2 years of homelessness, drug addiction, and misery. We got clean with the help of methadone matinence, got jobs, and found a cheap room for rent in the home of very nice woman who is giving us access to the entire house. We put in the hard work, and it is paying off.
---
 
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/homeless/comments/fcjkp4/update_i_posted_about_the_end_to_our_two_years_of/)
I posted about the end to our two years of homelessness about a week ago, and so many of you left words of kindness. We are so happy in our new home! This is our cozy little bedroom. If you are stuggling, please don't give up! One step at a time, you can get there.
https://i.redd.it/hm0dffkgxbk41.jpg
...Today it was warm out so I opened the windows, and just laid on my bed listening to SILENCE. It's been so long since I've been able to enjoy silence. I will never forget how much we truly have now, because at one point not long ago we had only the dirty clothes on our bodies. We're both so happy. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fd4swn/my_boyfriend_and_i_have_been_homeless_for_almost/ | fd4swn | 3,287 | 39 | [
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2020-03-04T16:55:06 | Grandparents don’t approve of my relationship with my black boyfriend, and don’t want me to marry him | Relationship_Advice | [My grandparents don’t approve of my relationship with my black boyfriend, and don’t want me (F24) to marry him (26). I don’t know what to do, since I don’t want to lose either of these people.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/d0fmrl/my_grandparents_dont_approve_of_my_relationship/)
What do you do when you find out that someone you love more than anything in the world actually has some bad qualities?
I was orphaned at 8, and my paternal grandparents took me in. They’ve raised me with the utmost love and care anyone could ask for, and I’m not lying when I say that they’d readily die for me - but most parents/grandparents are like that so you all know what I’m talking about.
I’ve always looked up to them, and they’ve always set the very best examples for me; I’ve never ever seen either of them be unkind to a single soul, and they’ve always taught me to be that way too.
Recently though, I received the shock of my life when I saw their reaction to seeing my boyfriend (let’s call him Sam) for the first time (who happens to be black). I’ve never pegged them for racist people, and it was honestly unexpected. They tried to hide it but I could see it on their faces, that they didn’t approve.
Since then they’ve just never liked the guy, and have always been like really nit-picky about him, criticising him about the smallest of things, always judging every single thing he says and does very harshly etc. I’ve tried time and again to convince them that he’s a really good guy, that he loves me and cares about me but to no avail.
Well, he proposed to me, and it was the happiest moment of my life. When I told my grandparents though, it was clear they were upset. This time, unlike before, they didn’t make excuses about why they didn’t like him and just straight up confessed to having a problem with his race.
At first I was incredibly pissed off, but I tried to reason with them and get to the bottom of why they felt this way. They think all black people are really similar to the way they’re portrayed in racist stereotypes. This is all despite the fact that he’s nothing like the racist stereotypes portray black people. He’s a college educated, well dressed, well spoken man with a good job and a decent salary. This doesn’t sway them.
Another thing that really confuses me is my mom, who was Asian. They were apparently not only okay with their son marrying an Asian woman, they loved her like she was their own daughter. They’re also really good friends with my maternal grandparents, who are from Korea/Singapore. When my maternal grandparents found out, they weren’t too happy either, and they were actually much more direct about it compared to my paternal grandparents.
I honestly don’t know what to do. Myboyfriend fiancé has always sorta known that my grandparents didn’t really like him, but he doesn’t suspect that it’s because of his race.
My friends have all unanimously sided against my grandparents and said stuff like “they don’t get to dictate what you do with your life; tell them to either accept it or you’ll cut them off permanently; just cut them off they’re toxic people” etc.
While my grandparents are definitely in the wrong about all this, I can’t even begin to fathom cutting them out of my life. They gave everything they had and more to raise me and give me the best life they could. They’re the reason I am who I am today; they were always there for me, took care of my every need and always put me above themselves. How can I just abandon them like this? After everything they’ve done for me?
On the other hand I can’t imagine losing Sam either.
What do I do?
P.S I gave my maternal grandparents an earful, and told them straight up that they had no right to say the kind of stuff they said about Sam, and that it was extremely rude. They tried to say stuff like “we only want what’s best for you” etc, but I shut that shit down, and told them I won’t speak to them again unless they treat him with respect.
 
 
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/d4ofaz/update_my_grandparents_dont_approve_of_my/)
Hey guys, thanks for all your responses on my previous post.
It was all really good advice, but the very best out of it all was the suggestion that I come clean to Sam. I did that, and he reacted in a surprisingly calm manner. I asked him how he’s taking it so well and he told me he’s experienced something similar before.
His cousin had come out as gay a few years back, and he told me how his own grandparents reacted very poorly to his cousins revelation. He told me they absolutely refused to acknowledge the fact that he was gay and said some pretty hurtful stuff along the lines of how his homosexuality would embarrass them in front of all their family and friends etc. They wouldn’t allow the cousin to bring his boyfriend to family gatherings, and threatened to cut him out out of their inheritance unless he “got his head straight”.
He then showed me pictures of his grandparents laughing along with his cousins husband, pictures of them at his cousins wedding etc. He told me they eventually grew out of it and as they go to know him they really bonded with the guy.
Sam joked that he wouldn’t give my grandparents a choice and that within a month they’d be in love with him.
Well I think it’s working. Sam and I have dinner at my grandparents house every night, and each night I notice them more and more at ease and more avidly taking part in our conversations. Sam and my grandpa are both WW2 enthusiasts, and my grandpa absolutely loves having discussions on the subject with Sam.
I decided to update this post because last night something very special happened. I got there before Sam, and I could see the disappointment on their faces when they thought I had come alone. They asked where Sam was, when he was coming etc. Then they said we wouldn’t start eating until he arrived.
I’m just so incredibly happy that I get to keep both relationships. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fdfvyb/grandparents_dont_approve_of_my_relationship_with/ | fdfvyb | 6,006 | 49 | [
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2020-03-05T01:32:10 | Being harassed by Jehovah's Witnesses | LegalAdvice | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/eq2oln/being_harassed_by_jehovahs_witnesses_what_actions/)
TL;DR: Jehovah's Witnesses have tried to enter my home without my permission. They know I can't get a restraining order. What can I do??
**The long version:**
We have 3 access points to our house - Door 1, Door 2 and Door 3. We have no access to answering Door 2 (we don'tuse it as an entrance point), so if someone knocks, we have to walk outside from Door 1 and do the whole, "hi, we don't use that door" thing. Door 3 is a set of glass patio doors. This is relevant for later.
4 months ago, Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on Door 2. I walked round to the side to see who it was and was ambushed into conversation by Brenda, and it became very obviously immediately that she as a JW. I was 9 months pregnant at that point and Brenda asked me a lot of questions about my maternity leave and my husband's schedule. I thought the questions were innocent enough and answered them.
Since then, every week she has been back. Sometimes two or three times a week, but always at least once. She always brings a different person with her. I have asked her several times to stop coming back and to leave me alone. I feel like I have been targeted because she knows I am at home alone and therefore vulnerable.
I constantly have my blinds drawn and I am afraid to answer the door. She has tried several times to enter my home and I have always shut the door in time. I haven't answered the door in weeks. My husband is furious about the situation but he is never home when they knock.
About a month ago, I informed Brenda if she didn't leave me alone, I would file a restraining order. She said I couldn't do that as it was religious discrimination and that I can't file an RO against a whole church. I might be able to stop her from coming, but there would always be other people from the Church to come round. This weirded me out at the time but I gathered she was probably right. I told her to fuck off anyway and have gone back to ignoring the door.
Today, however, it went too far and I am genuinely nervous. There was a knock at Door 2. I am expecting an Amazon package so went out the front. I saw Brenda, said, "you need to leave me ALONE" and ran back inside. I locked Door 1 behind me.
I sat in the front room with my baby with the blinds down. She began hammering on the bay window as she walked from Door 2 to Door 1. When she got to Door 1, she began viciously attacking the door. I am not exaggerating. She was hammering on the door as hard as she could. I stood in the door frame to the living room and watched the door handle going up and down as she tried to enter. I stayed silent.
The person she had brought with her was stood at Door 2, I could see the silhouette through the frosted glass. They did not move from door 2 the entire time.
After 3 or 4 minutes of her trying to open Door 1, she walked around the side, again hammering on the bay window. I stood still for about a minute in the door frame. I was about to turn around, but then I saw Brenda stood at Door 3. From where I was stood, I could see out to Door 3, but someone stood at Door 3 would not have been able to see me.
She was trying to open Door 3 silently. I always keep that door locked thankfully. After roughly a minute of her trying to get in, she began pounding the glass.
This went on for about 10 minutes. I phoned the non-emergency police line and told them I felt like I was being harassed. The woman I spoke to was lovely and told me she could hear the noises through the phone.
She said I needed to phone the Church they were from, speak to the leader and file a complaint. She advised me to go to the Citizen's Advice Bureau and ask for help drafting a legal letter telling them they needed to stop. She told me that if they continued, she had logged the incident, and said I needed to phone back and quote that reference number as they would then send police officers to the Church to have a word.
After this call, I phoned CAB to try make an appointment and was told it would be 6 weeks, or I could try going in for a walk in appointment. I can't go to a walk in as I have a 3.5 month old baby and we would be there for hours. I also think 6 weeks is too long for me to be living in fear of answering my own front door.
I then tried to phone the branch Brenda is from. I live in Huddersfield, and when you google "Kingdom Hall Huddersfield", no phone number for that branch comes up ANYWHERE. Mirfield and Brighouse both have numbers though which I called. Brighouse answered, but would not transfer me to Huddersfield. They transferred me to their service department in London.
The operator refused to give me the phone number for the Huddersfield branch. He said he could take my name and number and they could call me back. I refused to give my number and said I urgently needed to speak to the Huddersfield branch leader. He asked why, and I took a leap of faith and told him the truth. He told me that he could not give me the number, but he could take my name and number.
At this point I was pissed off, said some rude things and hung up.
I'm annoyed and distressed. I want this to end. I felt like I was in a bloody horror movie watching her try claw her way through Door 3.
HOW can I get this to end??
Please help. Thanks in advance.
**ETA:** I have made an appointment with CAB, but was hoping anyone would have any advice for something that is a bit more immediate.
**Edit:** Thank you so much for all the replies! I got a lot more help than I was expecting, so I'm sorry I can't reply to you all but rest assured I am reading EVERYTHING.
**Sorry, another edit:** I DO NOT hate Jehovah's Witnesses. I am usually more than happy to have a 10 minute chat, which is why I didn't turn Brenda away when I first met her. This behaviour is completely out of the ordinary and today it genuinely terrified me. I did not mean to come across as though I think this is normal JW behaviour, I am very aware that it isn't, which is why I'm asking for help. Thanks!
 
---
 
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/etuxxk/update_being_harassed_by_jehovahs_witnesses_what/)
Hi guys, it's been a week so I thought I'd share with you what's happened so far.
After calling around for HOURS and constantly having my request for a phone number for the correct congregation refused, I decided to lie and say I had just joined the congregation and was looking to speak to one of the elders. At this point, someone from Colne Valley gave me the phone number for one of the elders named Raymond in Huddersfield.
I called him, no answer, left a voicemail explaining my situation and asking him to return my call.
After a few missed calls back and forth between us, I sent Raymond a text saying this:
Hi Raymond, this is (lowerchelsea) from (address). Unfortunately we seem to keep missing each other's calls! I would like to be placed on a Do Not Contact list if you have one as I have been visited weekly for over four months after making it clear I am not interested. I am a new mum on maternity leave and I am starting to feel harassed because I am home alone.
After Friday's events when the door handle was tried after I did not open the door, I contacted the police and now have an incident number to call if anyone returns to my house. I have been assured that any future visits will culminate in police involvement.
I'm very sad it has come to this as I have always been on very friendly terms with the Jehovah's Witnesses in my community. However, after my door handles were tried, I have to take into consideration the safety of my baby. For the first time, I was genuinely concerned and deeply upset. Thank you for understanding.
Raymond called me as soon as I sent the text. He was a really nice man, we were on the phone for about 30 minutes. He was horrified and disgusted and assured me this was NOT how JW are supposed to act.
Now, he told me there is no one named Brenda in his congregation. He asked me to describe her and if I could name anyone she had brought with her. I gave the description but could only remember the names of four of the people she had brought, none of which sounded familiar to him either.
He asked if she definitely went to his church. I told him that she had SAID she did, because she specifically described the location as by Matalan. I had thought it was weird at the time because usually the JW that visit my area are from Lockwood or Colne Valley.
Raymond was even more concerned and started echoing some of the sentiments you guys had said - she might not be a real JW, just someone posing to try gain access to people's homes, or she might be mentally unstable and trying to preach to people who aren't on her 'patch'. He told me if she turned up again to call the police immediately.
He also told me that in the meanwhile, he was going to call every congregation in a 20 mile radius, give her description and put my address on a do not contact list. He was very sorry and said he hoped her behaviour hadn't blighted my view of all JW. I explained it hadn't. He said he would call me if he got any updates.
Well, it's been a week now and I've heard nothing from him, but I've also heard nothing from Brenda! Usually she visits about 3 times in an 8 day period and she ALWAYS turns up on a Wednesday, but nothing this week!!!
Today was the first day I had my living room blinds open in 4 months. It was lovely, although it really showed all the areas I need to deep clean. Oops.
If she comes back again, I'll just phone the police immediately as I still have my incident number.
Thanks so much for all the advice you guys gave! And a super big fuck you to the guy who said I shouldn't have reproduced xoxo
(Also, please stop telling me this behaviour is out of the ordinary for Jehovah's Witnesses. I know it is, that's why I asked for help!) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fdnkwe/being_harassed_by_jehovahs_witnesses/ | fdnkwe | 9,973 | 25 | [
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2020-03-05T17:22:23 | 'I told my 8 year old he can’t go trick or treating' | AITA | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dos259/aita_for_telling_my_8_year_old_he_cant_go_trick/) in /r/AmItheAsshole (AITA)
I have 3 kids, a 10 year old daughter, a 8 year old son and an almost 7 year old daughter. My son is on the autism spectrum, but is very high functioning. Lately he’s been very mean, mostly to his younger sister. It’s been going on for a few months, and we’ve talked about it with his therapist, discussed it alone with him, giving him a lot of 1 on 1 time, we’ve tried everything thinking maybe it’s because he’s jealous of no longer being the baby. This morning I heard my 7 year old crying bloody murder and when I went upstairs to her bedroom I see my son with scissors and my daughters costume that we made together as a project was all cut up to pieces.
I comforted my daughter, made him apologize and brought him downstairs. My husband and I asked him why he would do that and he said “It was ugly and I didn’t like it.” I told him that was the meanest thing he’s done, and that he’s grounded and can’t go trick or treating. He completely freaked out, had a tantrum, kicked and screamed and we just put a pillow under his head until he stopped and got our other kids ready for school.
While we were getting the girls ready, I guess he called my mother and told her that we weren’t letting him go trick or treating and she called me yelling about how could I do that to our child and he has autism and he didn’t know what he was doing.
My husband thinks maybe we also over reacted and we should let him earn the chance to go trick or treating but he completely destroyed his sisters costume and that’s not something we can brush off.
AITA for not budging?
 
**Edit:** my husband and I have decided he will not be trick or treating. He has shown no remorse throughout the day. We are going to discuss this with his therapist when we see her later today, but this malicious behavior is not going to be tolerated and I will not coddle my son to be a shitty person and man. Thank you all for your responses.
 
[A Month Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e0nl97/update_aita_for_telling_my_8_year_old_son_he_cant/)
I’ve had people message me over the course of the last couple weeks asking for an update, enough so that I decided to just make an updated post.
My daughter whose costume got destroyed got to pick out whatever she wanted at the Halloween store and she had a blast. I stuck by my decision to have my son stay home, explaining to him very carefully why. My husband took our daughters out while he stayed home with us. He helped hand out candy, we watched Goosebumps which he thinks is the greatest horror movie of all time, and I think he enjoyed Halloween despite his punishment.
In regards to him being mean to his little sister. We brought it up to his therapist that he cut up her costume, and she said we did the right thing by not allowing him to go trick or treating and that we showed my daughter that her feelings matter. She also suggested we bring my daughters specifically my youngest to therapy with him and maybe they can hash it out in a non biased environment. I started doing that the following appointment and I think it’s slowly working. His birthday is coming up on the 27th of November so I think we think perhaps maybe have a Halloween themed party and go trick or treating in our house.
 
**Edit:** his birthday party was just an idea, but you all are right, that would show his punishment was temporary and his actions don’t have consequences. My son is not a monster despite some messages that say he is. I want all my children to be loved and thrive as happy and compassionate people. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fdyl4c/i_told_my_8_year_old_he_cant_go_trick_or_treating/ | fdyl4c | 3,739 | 25 | [
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2020-03-06T17:13:38 | I was turned away from the jewelry store for having a fake ring | AITA | [AITA for confronting my fiancé after I was turned away from the jewelry store for having a fake ring when trying to have it sized?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f9nnh3/aita_for_confronting_my_fianc%C3%A9_after_i_was_turned/) by u/thrwawaythrow
My fiancé proposed on Christmas and everything was perfect. The ring was a bit too big though and I’ve just hit my goal weight (I was losing weight) so I figured I’d have it sized correctly. I’ve been holding off because I wanted to make sure I was the correct size after losing the weight.
The ring box says Tiffany and Co. and I was literally over the moon with it. I told him he shouldn’t have spent this much on me but he said he wanted to get me the blue box. I go into Tiffany’s to have it sized because my friend told me I should only have them work on my ring. They take the ring and ask my for my fiancé’s info to look up in their system. They can’t find it and she takes the ring in the back. The manager comes back a little while after and says that this isn’t a Tiffany and co ring and shows me there’s no engraving inside.
I go home and my first thought is that he probably bought it preloved and he got duped. He comes home from work and I ask him where he got the ring from. He said Tiffany and Co. at (locations name) I flat out asked him if he got it used online and it was okay if he did. He flipped out and said no it’s new from the store. I fessed up and told him what happened with the sizing. He flipped out and said that I was checking up on him and snooping for the price, etc. I was firm and said no I just wanted it resized and they told me it’s not from their company. He said that they’re wrong and he got it there.
He told me that I should have consulted him and he would of had it sized for me and that it feels like I’m going behind his back. I’m confused by this because I thought it was a simple task that I didn’t need him for. Anyway, he won’t really talk about where he got the ring and is only saying that he will size it and took the ring.
---
**Edit-** I know this is wrong but I checked his tablet this morning when he went to work to see if I can find any information. His amazon was still logged in and [found my ring](https://www.amazon.com/Jude-Jewelers-Classical-Stainless-Engagement/dp/B07917KBV9/ref=mp_s_a_1_46_sspa?keywords=.25+cz+solitaire&qid=1582739679&sr=8-46-spons&psc=1&smid=A25CCG2ULY9X5G&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUE0NFlYT0tEOTdaNEwmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA2NTkzMzgzRTQ2TEVDNzAzTkNJJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA0ODg4OTUyQVlQVlhQTEMyM0NUJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfcGhvbmVfc2VhcmNoX2J0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=) on there, actually 2 of them. The first one was bought December 2nd and then another one a size smaller last night.
I’m beyond words. Not that it’s not a Tiffany ring but that he was playing me with a $6 ring. After he purchased a mini bar and an OLED TV for himself on Black Friday. I can’t believe I went into Tiffany’s with a $5 rip off. I’m mortified.
**Edit again-** so I texted him the link while he’s at work. He called me like 2 seconds later and asked me what’s going on. I said I went on his iPad because I had to use it and he left the browser on this. (Little lie on my part) I told him I don’t care about the ring but devastated at the lies. I told him if he doesn’t tell me the truth right now and why he did it that I’m getting a hotel and he won’t see me when he gets home.
He started crying saying that he felt like he needed to get me the best but he couldn’t afford it. I said but you could afford the 3k on your stuff. He said the smallest Tiffany ring is at least 5k which i doubt is true I’m sure there’s cheaper but whatever and that he just wanted to get me a stand in until he saved up. I told him I didn’t even need the Tiffany ring. That he could have bought a $200 14k gold band at Macy’s.
Instead he spent money on a box and two fake rings. He then confessed and said that he got the box from his friend that proposed with a Tiffany ring years ago and the wife doesn’t need the boxes. I hung up. I texted him I need some space and time and I’m going to go stay at a hotel to just chill for a day.
**Update-** First of all, thanks to everyone who commented on my original post and for the help. I’ve had an overwhelming amount of messages that I can’t reply to at the moment, but I appreciate everyone caring enough that they wanted an update.
I am still staying in a hotel, I don’t have any close friends or family nearby and I’ve met with a lawyer to help me sell my half of our house. He decided the relationship isn’t salvageable because I aired our dirty laundry on the internet and it got popular with the media. I’ll be leaving my job in a week to move back home with my family. Unfortunately this has put me in a financial bind but it’s better than staying with my ex at this point, I’m glad he ended it because maybe I was too much of a coward to.
The ring was just a symptom of the problem. I guess you don’t want to financially commit to an expensive ring when you know in your heart that the person doesn’t mean all that much to you. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fegm46/i_was_turned_away_from_the_jewelry_store_for/ | fegm46 | 5,218 | 54 | [
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2020-03-06T17:21:18 | I was turned away from the jewelry store for having a fake ring | null | Kinglens311 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fegqfc/i_was_turned_away_from_the_jewelry_store_for/ | fegqfc | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-03-06T18:07:45 | Wedding Venue Cancellation 3 Months Prior (UPDATE) | r/TrollXWeddings | Copying and pasting from r/TrollXWeddings, where all of this was originally posted. I'm not the one to usually harp about the same topic over and over, but I want to warn as many people about this venue/brewery as possible. Anyways, enjoy the journey!
So, I thought this would be easier to post an update regarding the situation in a brand new post. Just so it doesn't get so damn messy and confusing. If you're wondering 'oh hey lacrymosaone, wtf are you talking about?', here's the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrollXWeddings/comments/fafv72/wedding_venue_cancellation_3_months_prior/) to the original post explaining everything.
So, after crying my eyes out and being a little bitch about it, I decided to put my big girl pants on and get to working. I went on as many wedding venue websites as possible that they were listed on and left them an honest review (with low ratings because...obvious?). Also called them out on their primary social media page directly, asking why they refused to respond to us and that we will not be ignored. Wasn't planning on continuously harassing them, but we needed answers.
Well, folks, I guess leaving bad reviews and calling them out is exactly the way to get a reply from this establishment. The OWNER, not the coordinator mind you (stay tuned, I got more about this person in a bit) reached out to us stating that there was never a record of our booking, that the business received irate calls from us (which my fiance' admitted that he did get a little upset but like, didn't he have a good reason to? No cursing or anything, just clearly flustered) and that she (the owner) didn't understand why we were so upset.
Ooooh buddy. Did my fiance' have a fun time typing up a two paged essay on everything we did on our end and how they treated us, timestamps of everything included. Hit send. Well, we still never got a reply or an apology for any of this, but there was some serious satisfaction in sending that email. You thought we were stupid, didn't you? ;)
Anyways, back to the coordinator bit...she quit. Like, legit quit. I didn't find this out through the venue, though. I had to go through searching social media and found out that she quit and got a new job at a completely different venue. I'm at odds whether to be upset with her or not, because if that place treated me as I've researched they treat employees and told you that all your summer weddings were cancelled...yeah, I'd bail on that, too. But at least I'd send an email or something.
Regardless, we got a new venue that was very caring of our needs and heard about our plight. It'll be a little more travel to get there, but they were wonderful, offered us a tour on the day that we should have had a tour at Wild Wolf, and were super accepting and welcome. We got EXTREMELY lucky as the only weekend for a wedding they had open was ours. (Of course they could have just said that, but at this rate I don't even care. I just want a place that treats us right, is affordable and doesn't ghost/lie to us).
I'm not going to post any names, of course, but I was quite surprised when another bride-to-be messaged me on Tuesday that she had put money down on Wild Wolf for a wedding and was also being ignored/ghosted. I'm just so shocked and not shocked at the same time. I hope to help her in any way that I can because this situation sucked for us, let alone other people that are dealing with this as well.
It may be a cute little brewery in Nellysford, VA, but please, I'd highly recommend not supporting this business at all unless they get new management and treat their staff and customers better. It's really depressing places like this exist. Again, the name of the place is Wild Wolf Brewing Company. Avoid if you want to have zero panic attacks and expect to not be ghosted. | lacrymosaone | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fehgky/wedding_venue_cancellation_3_months_prior_update/ | fehgky | 3,861 | 11 | [
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2020-03-06T23:01:20 | Michigan Tree law Saga | LegalAdvice | [Tree law and MS paint for your Sunday (Michigan)](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9ka60j/tree_law_and_ms_paint_for_your_sunday_michigan/)
[A small treelaw update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9ku9fi/update_mi_a_small_treelaw_update/)
[Treelaw in-process update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aty2xx/treelaw_inprocess_update/)
Final update: Victory!
[Michigan treelaw case ](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fedw7u/update_michigan_treelaw_case/) | jennymccarthykillsba | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/felxu1/michigan_tree_law_saga/ | felxu1 | 508 | 10 | [
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2020-03-08T17:06:36 | It has been 7 months since we learned that my wife can’t have kids and she still has not “gotten over” it. I am seriously considering a divorce. | Relationship_Advice | [It has been 7 months since we learned that my wife (34F) can’t have kids and she still has not “gotten over” it. I (35M) am seriously considering a divorce.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b1982e/it_has_been_7_months_since_we_learned_that_my/) (I'm not OP)
Bit of background info about my wife: She’s an only child and had a rather lonely childhood. So to her, having kids and watching them grow up together is an important issue for her, if not the single most important issue.
To make a long story short, 7 months ago we learned that my wife is incapable of having children. Of course both of us were devastated and she ended up leaving her job. For the first month after learning this terrible news, all she did was cry and watch Netflix in bed. I brought her meals in bed, started working from home, and gave her my full support because it was the least I could do.
But now it’s 7 months later and she’s still crying and watching Netflix in bed all day. I ask her every day if she needs anything but all I get in response is variations on either “leave me alone” or “some peace and quiet”. Virtually the only times she gets out of bed are when she fixes herself some snacks, uses the bathroom, or takes a shower. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I’ve suggested many things to help her recover, including but not limited to:
1. Therapy. She said that all therapists spew BS back at you.
1. Adoption or using a surrogate. She shot down both saying that it just didn’t feel right to her.
1. Moving to her parents’ city. She said moving 100 miles was too much stress.
1. Buying a corgi puppy (corgis are her favorite). She snapped at me saying that a puppy is no substitute for a real human child.
1. Taking her on a weeklong trip to anywhere she chooses. Again, she said that’s too much stress.
1. Earlier tonight I had a talk with my wife. I told her that our relationship is just not sustainable if she continues to act this way and that she needs help. She said that she’s fine and called me an asshole for suggesting that she get help.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife with all my heart. I’m doing my best to help her, but she is refusing that help and in total denial. I know that she'll be devastated if we get a divorce but honestly I cannot bear living like this for much longer. What do (or can) I do?
 
 
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b3m2gk/happy_update_it_has_been_7_months_since_we/) *minor edits
The night after I wrote my original post, I wrote my wife a short letter (thank you /u/Witchy_Woman420
for the idea) that went something like this:
“Dear [Wife’s name],
I love you more than you can imagine and the most I want in this world is for you to be happy. I understand that as a man I probably have no idea how intense the pain that you are feeling is. I’m doing my best to help you but the fact that you won’t help yourself is taking a toll on our marriage. I honestly cannot continue living like this for much longer and our marriage is in jeopardy if you don’t make an effort to get better. However, I want to get over this bump together and start working in the right direction together. I’m ready to talk whenever you are.
With all my love,
[My name]”
I put the letter on top of her laptop and went to bed. The next morning (March 16th), I woke up a bit earlier than usual to fix her a double helping of her favorite breakfast: blueberry pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and fresh squeezed OJ. When I walked into the bedroom with her food, I saw her reading my letter.
When she saw me, she put the letter down, got out of bed, threw herself into my arms, and started crying. Full on, Niagara Falls level crying. I hugged her tighter, told her “I love you so, so, much”, and started crying too. I honestly don’t know how long we stood there hugging each other and crying. It could’ve been 10 minutes, it could’ve been an hour, I didn’t care.
When she stopped crying, she promised me that she would go to therapy. Reddit, you guys don’t know how thrilled and proud I was when I heard those words. She then asked me if we could go on a trip to Japan because in her words “I really need to leave this fucking house for once and get some fresh air.”
I was so fucking proud of her when she took the initiative in planning our trip. She’s always been a methodical, organized person and as she booked the flights and hotels I saw in her eyes the same spark that made me fall in love with her 8 years ago. We just finished packing for the trip and she fell asleep with the faintest of smiles on her face not too long ago. We have a 5AM Uber to catch, a trip to enjoy, and both therapy and dog-shopping sessions lined up when we return.
We’re not quite out of the tunnel yet, but we can see the light at the end.
**EDIT:** Thank you to everyone who followed my story and offered their well wishes. We'll definitely enjoy ourselves all right. Can't wait for the sightseeing and sashimi! Wife says there will be a surprise during the trip and I'm so excited for what it might be! Wife says adoption is back on the table as well. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ffffox/it_has_been_7_months_since_we_learned_that_my/ | ffffox | 5,172 | 115 | [
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2020-03-09T00:23:50 | Awesome new manager breaks cycle with homeless guy outside | r/TalesFromYourServer | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/e8nien/awesome_new_manager_breaks_cycle_with_homeless/)
My old manager was a real “working for the weekend” type and never went out of their way for us or the customers, no matter what.
One of the most difficult things about her was we had a homeless guy who’d camp out in our back alley because a lot of heat comes off a vent back there and she’d always make us toss him out because he was visible to customers from the main entrance.
She’s gone and we have a new manager now. Her first week, one of the employees said “hey that guy’s back” and the new manager said “this guy here often?” and we told her the whole story. She asked what our interactions with him had been like and we told her perfectly pleasant, considering the circumstances.
She walks out, shakes the guy’s hand, and offers him a dishwashing job on a trial basis.
She had one of the busboys help him get cleaned up and put him right to work. He knocked it out of the park, made good honest money, and got staff dinner. She told him he was welcome to come back to work any night of the week and if he was consistent she’d see about getting him hired.
That was two weeks ago, and he started on a permanent basis today!
Edit to add: I can’t believe how this post has blown up! I just showed it to him and he was honestly a bit freaked out by the whole thing, but touched by the incredible support and personal stories people shared.
He’s been able to move back in with his brother now that he has a job and is saving up all the money he makes here. He’s a month clean and says things are going better now than they have in a long time! He says thanks again.
---
[2 Months Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/f9o3da/update_awesome_new_manager_breaks_cycle_with/)
I wanted to update everyone that he is still employed with us and has even been promoted and struck up a mentorship of sorts with one of our chefs who also overcame addiction and housing insecurity.
He remains sober, and with the support of his family, should be out of his brother’s house and in his own place within a few more months.
He was really inspired by all the comments and messages from the post once I shared it with him and says that while all the attention made him uncomfortable at first, that when things were getting really hard or the road seemed too long and he was considering quitting, revisiting the supportive comments helped him continue to believe in himself.
Our awesome manager who hired him is no longer working here, sadly. Family circumstances took her out of town. But our new manager was recommended by her and was on board from day one and continues to be supportive. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ffm0x7/awesome_new_manager_breaks_cycle_with_homeless/ | ffm0x7 | 2,743 | 37 | [
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2020-03-09T02:50:30 | The Lawn-Mower, The Cell Phone, and the Single Mom | LegalAdvice | [Kid put his stuff in my yard; ran over it with my lawn mower; mom wants me to pay.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fezgu6/kid_put_his_stuff_in_my_yard_ran_over_it_with_my/)
So my yard goes pretty close to the neighbor’s concrete pad where they have a basketball court set up. Neighborhood kids always go there to play and usually leave their bikes and things on my grass. It’s not that big of a deal except I have had to ask them to move there stuff several times when I’m mowing.
This is the first time I’ve mowed this year and the grass is a few inches higher than it should be. Anyway, a kid comes over and I’m mowing but he still puts the basketball he brought with him down in my grass.
I get to the basketball and just decide I can nudge it with the front of the mower and out of the way. I made eye contact with the kid several times waiting for him to move it before I got there and he never did so I figured “whatever, it’ll roll.”
Well I bump it with my mower over to a section of mower grass and as I continue forward past where it was there was a loud clunking and crackling like I’d just run over a rock. The rock turned out to be his iPhone.
He was upset obviously that his phone was broken and I did feel bad but my thought was that he should’ve said something or moved it before I got there.
He goes home and about thirty minutes later his mom shows up and tells me I broke it and am responsible for replacing it, that I should have told him to move his stuff because I am the adult.
I tell her I’m sorry about the phone and politely decline her request. She just says “I promise you WILL be paying for it.” And then storms off. I’m not really sure what her next course of action is or what she plans to do. She mentioned something about she has a friend that’s a lawyer, so I guess she could take me to civil court?
Am I legally responsible for replacing the phone? Would it be cheaper than court costs if she did choose to take me to court?
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fflk2l/update_kid_put_stuff_in_yard_ran_over_it_with/)
Thought I’d update you all since so many people offered advice in the original post yesterday.
Brief summary of what happened: Neighborhood kid left his phone in my grass while I was mowing and I mowed it by mistake. The mother got upset and demanded I pay for it.
Well she(mother) and son showed up at my door around noon and apologized. She said that she misunderstood what happened and thought that I’d done it on purpose to teach her son a lesson about leaving his stuff in my yard. I guess he explained to her it was his fault which I thought was commendable for someone his age. She told me that she just stressed about it because she is a single mother and doesn’t really have the means to replace it at the moment and that if it was anything else she probably wouldn’t have gotten so upset but he likes hanging out with other kids and that’s how she keeps track of him.
I told her about my spare phone (iPhone 7 his was a 6s). I also took the advice of some of the commenters that it might be damaging to just give it to him and that I should perhaps have him work for it. I have a detached garage and have been needing to clean it and told her if he wanted to help me I’d give him the phone.
He instantly looked excited, I imagine he felt like he’d never get a new phone, and she acted very grateful and said he could help.
Left and came back an hour later, just the son this time and we got started cleaning. Took about 4 hours, a lot of work but nothing too hard (he's just 12)
I had a couple cords of firewood I wanted moved out and stacked into a rack and then a bunch of boxes I cut up and had him bag and carry to the curb, he swept, had a coke and a couple slices of pizza then got his phone.
I had a talk with him about paying attention to his where his things are because it won’t always work out like this.
I also told him if he wants to mow my yard every weekend and his mom says he can I’ll pay him $30 a week. (It will probably take him a couple hours)
He again acted excited at the thought of making money and when I asked him what he’d spend it on he said games. We figured out new games would be about $60 and worked it out that I’d pay him $20 for 3 weeks then $65 on the fourth week so he could cover tax because it might be hard for him to save. The fourth week he will do an extra little chore to cover the five bucks, like sweep off the porch or walkway.
I hope I’ve done the right thing and didn’t make him think that everything just works out but I did my best to have him earn it. And hopefully showed an equal measure of kindness that he will carry with him. I also didn’t want the mother to stress over replacing the phone as my mom was also a single mother and I know how tough it can be. My own son is just 2 so it was my first real opportunity to pass on some fatherly wisdom, which I hope is what I did.
Thanks for your input everyone. I really appreciate it. | jennymccarthykillsba | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ffo0az/the_lawnmower_the_cell_phone_and_the_single_mom/ | ffo0az | 5,009 | 50 | [
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2020-03-09T17:20:12 | How would you react to this Valentine’s Day gift? | r/datingoverthirty | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/f3g5oi/how_would_you_react_to_this_valentines_day_gift/) by u/Nillacuppycake
My LDR partner told me he was sending me “a surprise” for Valentine’s Day. I came home yesterday after working 12 hours, checked my mailbox looking for an amazon prime package and was super excited to find an additional package addressed to me.
I rushed inside my home to open it and it was one of those “send a bag of d****” gag packages that explodes into d-shaped confetti that gets literally everywhere. I was so exhausted and felt so disrespected as it dawned on me that this must be my so called valentines surprise. It made me feel like he was making fun of my desire to feel special on this day. He is known to do and say spiteful/mean things to make himself feel good at the expense of others but this to me felt like the last straw, going out of his way to make my day harder and laugh at my expense.
My question for reddit: how would you react to this situation? My immediate reaction was to let him know how upset I was and cut ties once and for all. It just feels unnecessarily mean and spiteful to belittle your girlfriend’s desire to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I’d like to hear your point of view as I’m clearly very upset and saddened by his choices.
tl;dr received a “bag of d****” as a Valentine’s Day gift from my LDR who knew I would be saddened and upset upon receiving it.
 
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/f51u5s/update_how_would_you_react_to_this_valentines_day/)
I wanted to thank everyone that took the time to comment. I made the decision to cut ties with him the following morning and blocked him upon realizing without a doubt that he genuinely enjoyed making me unhappy. I couldn’t rationalize this away the way I previously had other cruel behavior. Visualizing him planning it out, paying for it to be sent and awaiting my reaction for his enjoyment when he could have easily spent the exact same amount of effort sending a card...
I let him know that I was aware that he enjoyed making me feel bad and therefore I wanted nothing to do with him. Wish I could say I did it calmly but I’d be lying. I was extremely angry. I can honestly say that in the moment I could physically feel the anger at the pit of my stomach. I told him his nasty attitude and meanness killed the positive feelings I had for him and no longer was in love with him which remains completely true a week later. I may miss him here and there simply bc I was used to talking to him daily but I feel no love toward him at all.
Your comments have helped me tremendously in following through and deleting him from my life. You’d imagine it would be easy and a no brainer after his behavior but I loved him and the void that was left hurts but is lessened immensely when I go back and read (and re-read!) the comments you guys left which empower me to know this is a necessary step to take. Any time I have a thought of missing him I re read your comments and it brings me right back to reality. Thank you! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ffy4g9/how_would_you_react_to_this_valentines_day_gift/ | ffy4g9 | 3,117 | 42 | [
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2020-03-10T01:20:28 | Desperate for advice about my son | r/AskLGBT | [Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLGBT/comments/f82p00/desperate_for_advice_about_my_son/) by u/throwawayoftheday88
First, for a little background I need to tell you about myself. I look like a biker, long hair, loads of tattoos, spent too much time in the gym. I was in martial as classes five hours a day, five days a week from the time I was 4 until I was 16.
Needless to say that guided my early career path, boxing, pro wrestling, MMA, bouncer, bodyguard, law enforcement. If there was a job that probably required you to punch another person m the face, I probably did it. I hit every alpha male check point.
Then there is my son, let's call him Ronnie.
He has every trait I know I'm lacking. It's like he broke down every aspect of my personality, took the absolute best parts, and threw away the rest. He's a musician, a wonderful artist, caring, compassionate, brilliant and driven. He wants to be an engineer, to design functional and visually convincing prosthetic limbs. I love him because he's my son, I am proud of him because of who he has grown into.
What's the problem you may ask? He's been hiding that he's gay from me for years. I've known a very long time, and I could not possibly care less. Is there anything I can say that would make it easier for him to be open with me?
If you were worried about coming out to a parent, is there anything that they could have said or done to put your mind at ease? I've seen him with his boyfriend, they seem happy together. I'd like to meet the young man that's made my boy so happy.
 
 
[**Three Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLGBT/comments/f9mu5r/desperate_for_advice_about_my_son_the_update/)
Wow, his has taken some wild turns. I came here hoping for a little advice, and didn't even really expect much of a response.
Then someone reposted on Twitter, and I will be forever grateful. It exploded, thousands of reposts, tens of thousands of likes. It was commented on in several languages. It spread far enough and wide enough that my son did in fact read it.
This morning I got a text "Sneak Level 0 Dad, and your Anon needs work." The rest of the day has been well...heart warming and hilarious.
Apparently there are only so many guys out there that used to be pro wrestlers and law enforcement that have a gay son that wants to build prosthetics. I tried to explain that I didn't know it would blow up, and was informed that no one plans to go even slightly viral, and the people that are obviously trying don't. I was also informed that some people make a big deal out of coming out, and some don't. This is not what I had been lead to believe. He also didn't think it was necessary to come straight out and say "Dad I'm gay," for the same reason he didn't need to inform me the sky was blue and water was wet, these are things I already knew.
Now, on to what I didn't know. His poor little boyfriend is absolutely terrified of me. He's a tiny little wisp of a boy and I am apparently intimidating. This is something I'm not 100% sure on how to deal with, but we have both agreed to try to work on it. I want him to know my home is a safe space.
I have been teased pretty much all day. At one point he slipped into the hall closet and jumped out with "Taadaa".
I've also been advised I should probably stay active in these communities, and I'm going to take that advice.
So, a happy ending, or start, or continuation depending on how you look at it. Thank you to the people that spread my message all the way to my son. Thank you to all the good people on Reddit and Twitter that had kind words and advice. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fg5rjd/desperate_for_advice_about_my_son/ | fg5rjd | 3,636 | 86 | [
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2020-03-10T17:31:12 | I was found in the closet of my asian GFs parents house | r/AsianParentStories |
I had been going out with my asian GF for about 6 months when I started sneaking into her room and making out with her. I'm white, and we were 16. Some nights, because it was summer, I would stay all night. We would talk, and make out, and then I would jump out the window around 5am.
One night we heard her dad coming down, so I jumped across the hall into her brother's room (he was not living there any more) and I jumped into the closet. I heard her dad go through her room, then when the lights came on in my room I knew I was fucked. He opened the closet and I was sitting there looking up at him. He said "you get out". I did. Thank god I put my clothes back on.
I left and snuck around back of her house. I could see the parents yelling at my GF as she cried. It was the first time I met her parents because I was a secret. The secret was out.
 
 
**4 Years Later** *minor edits
I proposed in Hawaii 2.5 years ago. She said yes. But her parents basically said it wasn't going to happen. So we kind of posponed it. But we moved in together and her parents started hinting for us to get married about 6 months ago. I asked her dad for permission back then, but didn't ask her mom. Haha I learned a lesson on that one.
:) we still giggle like we are 16. We are deeply in love with each other and devoted to making the other happy.
 
**Update**
We married December 2013, and had a beautiful daughter in February of 2016. Her family is the best, and we have never spoken about that night. I still cringe a bit reading some of my replies, but I'm glad if it helps anyone.
Us on our NY trip http://imgur.com/tfbxX
 
*[Originally posted by](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/comments/un9e6/i_was_found_in_the_closet_of_my_asian_gfs_parents/) by u/Three-Donkeys* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fghjcg/i_was_found_in_the_closet_of_my_asian_gfs_parents/ | fghjcg | 1,833 | 45 | [
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2020-03-11T00:21:27 | Finally cleaning my neckbeard nest | r/NeckbeardNests | Finally ready to start taking steps to combat my depression...starting with cleaning my nest
https://i.redd.it/846qzftetfj41.jpg
 
 
[**10 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/NeckbeardNests/comments/ffiu3g/update_thanks_to_the_overwhelming_support_from/)
I thought I'd be judged and shamed into action but... thanks to the overwhelming support from this absolutely wonderful community I found the motivation to clean up my nest. Quite proud of the result!
edit: Somebody gave this platinum - I dont want to do the whole "thank u kind stranger!!1!!" thing but I hope you know your small act of kindness has made a very difficult day a little bit nicer for me :)
https://i.redd.it/ewegnvutgil41.jpg
 
*[Link to Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/NeckbeardNests/comments/fa9qj0/finally_ready_to_start_taking_steps_to_combat_my/) in r/NeckbeardNests* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fgo4kz/finally_cleaning_my_neckbeard_nest/ | fgo4kz | 889 | 9 | [
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2020-03-11T17:28:33 | 'Should' I still give my stepson the birthday gift I bought for him despite his mother asking me to hold it off? | AITA | [WIBTA if I still give my stepson the birthday gift I bought for him despite his mother asking me to hold it off for a month because she knows my gift my upstage hers and she wants to see him enjoy her gift first?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyadgx/wibta_if_i_still_give_my_stepson_the_birthday/) (WIBTA = Will I be the Asshole)
 
My husband Joe and I have been married for a few years. He has a teenage son, Jack, with his ex-wife Kim. Joe and I have a great relationship with Jack, who lives with us half of the time, and we are civil with Kim.
For a couple of years now, Jack has been into a sport that I am also into, and last year he decided to train in that sport seriously. He has been doing very well so as a reward and to encourage him further I decided that for his birthday this month, I would buy him an important ‘equipment’ used in our sport. He has always wanted to own one himself and if things go well it will be with him for the next ten years so I know he will be very happy with it.
Yesterday Kim called me and told me what gift she will be getting Jack (we do this now to avoid getting him the same gift, which has happened before). I told her that I got Jack the equipment for our sport. She was quiet for a while and then asked me if I could get another gift for Jack’s birthday and just give him the equipment in October.
Kim said that she knows Jack will absolutely love my gift, so if he gets my gift and her gift at the same time, her gift will be upstaged by mine and all of Jack’s attention will be on my gift. She said she has been saving for Jack’s gift for a while so she would like to see him be happy and thrilled about her gift, and that is not likely to happen if Jack receives our gifts at the same time.
I understand where Kim is coming from, but to me it doesn't seem right to treat giving gifts to Jack as a competition for his attention or affections that we have to resort to ‘taking turns’. Why can’t we both give him our gifts and make him as happy as he could be on his birthday, a day that it supposed to be about him and not about us?
 
 
[**A Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/de46pf/update_wibta_if_i_still_give_my_stepson_the/)
Jack celebrated his birthday in September, and as many of you suggested, I told him that I'm sorry but my gift for him was shipped late and would be arriving in two weeks. That way it didn't look like Kim made me do it, and the two of them had time to enjoy Kim's gift.
Kim thanked me for understanding her situation and said she is grateful that I was gracious about her request even though we don't have the best relationship. It's flattering to read that so many of you think that Joe and I are good people, but of course we aren't perfect and it took a lot of time for us to be in a civil place with Kim. It was humbling for Kim to ask me what she did and it also took a lot for me to let her have it. Hopefully this is the beginning of a better relationship for the three of us.
For those who are asking, I didn't put a lot of specific details in my post because I wanted to minimize the risk of being identified by someone I know in real life who might also be participating in this forum. But since a commenter in my original post already figured it out, yes, I bought Jack a horse. My family has a horse farm so 'where can you hide a horse for two weeks' is thankfully not a problem.
Jack already met his new partner last week and he is very happy with him!
Thank you all for your comments and I wish everyone the best.
*Originally posted by u/bayhanoverians* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fh0uqc/should_i_still_give_my_stepson_the_birthday_gift/ | fh0uqc | 3,638 | 42 | [
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2020-03-12T00:04:14 | I talked a teen jumper down from the rail on the bridge 4 1/2 years ago | r/CasualConversation | I talked a teen jumper down from the rail on the bridge 4 1/2 years ago. Today I found him working in a sit-in coffee shop I was trying out since I moved.
I almost didn't recognize him. He grew a few inches, cut and dyed his hair, and lost some weight. I didn't want to put him a stressful situation, so I just left him alone. He left a thank-you note on my receipt. It said:
"Thank you for saving my life. You have no idea how much I think about you and what you did."
I honestly wonder if I should initiate conversation. I fear it may harm him.
Edit: I'm going to say hello on Wednesday when I go back. Here's to hoping it works out. I appreciate the advice and kind words. The vast amounts of Remind Me's will help me remember to update.
 
**Comment:**
iirc [I said] something along the lines of:
"Buddy, what'r you doing?"
-He was crying. That is what attracted me to his location-
Through the sobs, he said some personal stuff I won't repeat.
I asked why was going to use a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I asked him who would be sad about his death. I was pretty much rambling, I didn't even know what to say. I was just talking out my ass.
He stepped off, stared at my face for a minute, and walked away. I tried to follow him, but he went into the subway and disappeared.
 
**Update:**
I went back and he was there. We had a short conversation. He was ecstatic that I returned and was glad I was back before he had to return to his mother's home to take care of her, for she had Alzheimer's. He was leaving on a flight on Saturday and wasn't going to return. I have his phone number and an email to contact him with.
He asked me if I made this post. Apparently he is one of us.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/f5id00/i_talked_a_teen_jumper_down_from_the_rail_on_the/) by u/CantMatchTheThatch *minor edits* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fh752y/i_talked_a_teen_jumper_down_from_the_rail_on_the/ | fh752y | 1,918 | 47 | [
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2020-03-12T16:39:12 | Dog ate my Neighbor's Drone, police showed up | LegalAdvice | Not sure what to do. Earlier today my neighbor came pounding on my door screaming obscenities and shouting at me. When I finally got him to stop yelling I found out that he was flying his drone in my backyard again and this time my dog finally managed to catch it and destroy it.
He claims this was a $900 drone and I had to pay him right then and there. I refused and closed the door in his face. A couple hours later police showed up to retrieve the drone; it was still in my yard, but my dog completely ignored it once it stopped buzzing; and ask about the situation. The said neighbor called them stating that I refused him access to my yard to get it. That's not true, he never asked.
I'm worried the neighbor will try to press charges against me for destruction of property or sue me. Will he have any legal standing if this does go to court?
He has a history of flying his drone low over my yard to tease my dog. I have asked him to stop several times, which he always refuses telling me that I don't own the air above my yard. I have called the police to complain once before, he was doing "fly bys" over my dog and getting very close to hitting him. The police didn't say he couldn't fly it in my yard but did ask him to stop doing so in order to avoid conflict. That only seemed to egg him on.
 
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5wgevt/update_dog_ate_neighbors_drone/)
I was served a summons by a Sheriff's Deputy, neighbor decided to take me to Small Claims over his drone. My MIL is a paralegal secretary, so I was able to get a free consultation with a lawyer where she works to ask some questions about what to bring and how to prepare. He seemed genuinely amused that my neighbor was even trying to sue. He also suggested I counter sue and how I could possibly add in more damages.
He also told me that my neighbor and I technically live within 5 miles of an airport, and even though it doesn't have a tower technically that falls under FAA regulations. I called the hotline from google and spoke to them about my neighbor's hobby of flying out of line of sight, flying several thousand feet in the air, flying near an airport and made an inquiry into if he was registered to fly drones, saying he owned two very large drones (he already bought a new one, this one is almost 5' across). I don't know the weight of his, but it definitely is at least a few pounds. They took my information and have called me back once, so I know they're investigating but don't know anything else. Not sure if they'll tell me anything anyways.
I brought both police reports to court, as well as several photos of my backyard, photos of our shared 8' high privacy fence, medical bills for my dog, and a few short videos I had of him doing fly bys over my dog in the past. His main argument to the judge was that I "maliciously installed a table to allow my dog to jump high enough to catch his drone, which I (somehow) trained him to do". Which, yes I had recently bought a new picnic table, but only so I have somewhere to sit and eat outside.
I argued that his flying was causing my dog anxiety and that's what provoked it, and thanks to y'alls advice, that my dog could have potentially died from ingesting part of the drone or if the drone hit him. In the end, he now has to pay me just under $2,000 for various vet bills (xrays, dental exams, sedation, medication etc). He is also banned from flying over my property, and I installed trail cams front and back yards just in case. He seems pretty upset with me, so I wanted to be careful.
The only thing that could make this better is if the FAA finds a reason to fine him or take away his drones.
 
**Comment:** Pictures of my dog?! [Always](http://imgur.com/a/ZnLZn)
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5wgevt/update_dog_ate_neighbors_drone/) by u/DeadDrone999* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fhj7dz/dog_ate_my_neighbors_drone_police_showed_up/ | fhj7dz | 3,930 | 54 | [
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2020-03-13T00:07:11 | Just learned tenant was laid off work | r/realestateinvesting | I've got a tenant that has been perpetually late on rent, despite me having multiple conversations with him. We are 9 months into a year-long lease, and each month has been between 4 to 22 days late. However, he has always (eventually) paid and covered the late fees. Usually he communicates with me.
This month, he stopped responding to my text messages and has not paid the rent yet. I knocked on his door and we had a chat. He told me that he was laid off last week and doesn't anticipate being able to pay the rent for another couple weeks, if he lands a new job. He apologized for going dark on me... but that's just not ok.
I'm not sure how to proceed, especially since he has a couple kids in the house as well. Unfortunately, this is a business for me, not a charity. How would you proceed here?
 
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/realestateinvesting/comments/faj0ip/update_found_out_tenant_was_laid_off_work/)
*Context: About a month ago, I posted in this sub about my tenant losing his job and falling behind on rent. Responses to that post ran the gamut from "have a heart, you bastard" to "kick his ass out yesterday." When I see posts like that one, I usually wonder how the landlord actually handled it, and what the outcome was. I'm here with an update, which is by no means me telling you what to do. It's simply how I chose to proceed and the results.*
 
After my previous post, I called Mr. Tenant and asked him if I could buy him a beer. He agreed to meet me at a local bar. I filled out and printed a Notice to Quit, leaving the date blank, and brought it along with me.
I started by thanking him for meeting me and explaining that I'm not trying to be a jerk, but this is a business and my livelihood. I asked about his job prospects and whether he had considered finding another place to move, since my rental was too expensive for him to handle comfortably. He shared that he had just completed a second interview and hoped to hear back in a couple days. Additionally, his girlfriend had also accepted a new position. Their income prospects were looking up. He also told me that he was now getting joint custody of kids, after a bitter divorce from last year, so they would need more space. I offered to help with the search, because I know other landlords around town.
He told me that he and his girlfriend should have paychecks in the next 2-3 weeks, and that he would pay as much as he could when those came in. Additionally, they expected tax returns by the end of February, and would pay everything current, including late fees.
I decided to give this a chance to work. I explained the Notice to Quit to him, and I wrote in 2/15/20 as the date I would begin the eviction process, if he had not paid at least a full month's rent (he was past due for Jan and Feb). He agreed, signed the document, and thanked me for working with him.
The next day, I called around to see if any of my contacts had a 3-bed house available. One did, so I explained the situation to him. He is more comfortable dealing with the "edge cases," so he agreed to let them move in, once they had proven they could get current with me. We set the tentative move date for 3/15. Mr. Tenant texted me to confirm he had been hired at the new job.
Two weeks later, I got a payment for January rent + late fees! Today, I got the remaining payment for February rent + late fees and an unpaid pet fee!! They're now paid completely current, and they're going to be moving into a less-expensive 3-bedroom house just down the street. I'm so happy with the way things turned out. I recognize that I took additional risk by being patient with them, but it has definitely paid off in more ways than one.
**TL/DR** - I decided to be patient and work with a tenant, who had fallen on hard times, and was two months behind on rent. The situation worked out well for everybody, and I've now been paid in full.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/realestateinvesting/comments/erjrqa/just_learned_tenant_was_laid_off_work/) by u/LoopholeTravel* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fhqgzd/just_learned_tenant_was_laid_off_work/ | fhqgzd | 4,098 | 73 | [
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2020-03-13T17:43:49 | I had conversations with my brother before I found out he died week before | r/Thetruthishere | *mod note: Since it's Friday the 13th thought I'd post something a little different.*
 
This is the first time I’m actually writing about this. So when I was 13, my older brother (18) and I were on our way to a movie when we were hit by a drunk driver. I woke up in hospital 4 days later, having lost my right leg and other leg in cast along with other injuries.
That night I woke up to my my brother sitting by my bed telling me everything will be okay and to go back to sleep. Next day parents came to visit and see how I was doing. I asked why my brother wasn’t with them and they looked at each other but didn’t say anything.
That night I again woke up to brother sitting by my bed again telling me he knows I can get through this and I need to be strong and overcome this and not let my injuries stop me from living life. We talked a bit, him not answering specific questions but answering more general questions. Remember asking him why he was still wearing clothes from yesterday because that was very unlike him to wear anything similar to what he wore the day before. He didn’t answer that but when asked how he was he said better than he thought he would be given the circumstances. He reminded me to be strong and keep living and not let anything stop me and how much he love me before telling me I should get some more sleep.
That next day parents again came to visit me in hospital and I again asked why brother wasn’t with them and they again looked at each other and it was only after I said that I would like family visit together and not at different times and would like brother to visit during day when we can talk more, instead of at night that my dad asked what I meant and I told him Andy had been coming at night to visit.
My mom broke down and left the room. My dad then told me that was impossible because Andy died in the accident instantly. I didn’t believe it and argued it and ended up having to be sedated. That night I had no visit and next day parents brought newspaper article about the accident.
Years later my fiancée had an experience and having never seen a photo of my brother, she described him to a t and what he was wearing. That is a story for another time, but it was nice knowing brother is still around and looking out for me and those I love.
 
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Thetruthishere/comments/f0w2au/brother_visited_my_fianc%C3%A9e_continuation_of_story/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Since people asked on my last post, I got permission from my fiancée to share this. Some thing to note before getting into what happened. My brother died when I was 13 and we were both in a car accident. My fiancée never met my brother. Never seen photos of him before this. My fiancée is bipolar, extreme highs and extreme lows. We had been dating for 4 months at the time and just moved in together. I didn’t know at the time but she had gone off her meds. This all happened while I was at work and she told me about it later.
She went out for a walk to get some air because she was feeling really claustrophobic, the start of a manic/depressive episode. It got to the point she thought dying would be the best option and standing at corner she thought the best idea would be to just walk into traffic. As she took a step off the curb, someone grabbed her and pulled her back and turned her around into a hug. Arms wrapped around her telling her she doesn’t truly want to do this, that everything will be okay, that she is stronger than she realizes and it isn’t her time. Told her to just breathe nice slow deep breathes. She looked up at him and said thanks. Turned around to wiped her eyes and when she turned back the person was gone.
She told me about this when I got off work and she wanted to put up a post online to see if she could find the guy to say a proper thank you for his help and saving her. It was when she started saying what he told her and describing him that my heart started beating fast. I knew who helped her. She described him as being 17-18, athletic, slightly taller than her, dark brown shaggy hair, big freckle/birth mark under his eye with a blue shirt that said J.S. Jenks in yellow letters. It brought be back to the visits I got in the hospital. The shirt my brother wore on the day of the accident and when I saw him by my hospital bed.
I told her I know who helped her and I can’t explain it. I told her it was my brother and she said it was impossible. It was a real person. She got mad at me for suggesting it because she never believed in ghosts or spirits or anything like that. Very sceptic. I asked her to please trust me and that night we drove to my parents house and I went into the basement and found a picture of my brother and asked if that was who helped her and her face went pale and kept asking how it was possible. I had no idea what to say because I didn’t know either but told her how he came to me in my time of need and looks like he came to her in her time of need.
Still crazy to think about and definitely can’t explain it.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/Thetruthishere/comments/f0m8vp/i_had_conversations_with_my_brother_before_i/) by u/mortismalum* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fi3kfr/i_had_conversations_with_my_brother_before_i/ | fi3kfr | 5,267 | 67 | [
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2020-03-14T16:57:13 | I ate the ends off a chicken wing and now I'm in the hospital with a 20% mortality rate | TIFU | Yesterday I ate the ends of a chicken wing. Someone told me the ends were crunchy, like pork crackling, so I tried it out. I never expected this to happen.
I must not have chewed one properly. I got something lodged in my throat. To dislodge it I ate some bread and drank some softdrink. Some pain persisted but I went to sleep last night hoping it'd be fine in the morning.
This morning I woke with tremendous pain in my throat and chest. I walked to the public hospital down the road because I was starting to worry.
The GP noticed I had a "crunchy throat" when pressing on it. He immediately sent me off to get an Xray. That showed I have a perforated esophagus. That is, the tube from my mouth to my stomach has been punctured. The "crunchy" feeling was air that had shifted into parts of my neck it shouldn't be.
To get more information I started reading a journal on the condition and how to treat it. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3219576/
They consider it a critical medical condition with a 20% chance of mortality. It's so rare that its incedent rate is 3.1/1 million people. A few random doctors even asked if they could feel my neck to experience the crunchy feeling. They said they'd read about it in textbooks, but you never see it.
Now I'm waiting on the results of the CT Scan which will determine whether I get surgery or just have to fast for a few days while my body fixes it. If I'd waited over 24hrs there would be a much higher risk.
TL;DR: I ate the ends off a chicken wing and now I'm in hospital with a critical condition with a 20% mortality rate.
 
**Update:** A surgeon just spoke to me. I have to be nil-by-mouth for 7 days to help my body heal the holes in the throat and chest areas of my esophagus. They don't expect me to need surgery so that's a plus.
**Update 2:** The main surgeon just spoke to me. I'll be here at least 7 days, even if the pain goes away. The critical problem is non-sterile air has passed through the hole and entered a vulnerable area that must be sterile. So I can't eat or drink to reduce the risk of that area getting infected and I need to wait until the air is absorbed by the tissue.
**Update 3:** I had a tube pushed into my arm, through a vein, all the way to the top of my heart. It's called a PICC. It's how I'll be eating and drinking over the next week.
**Update 4:** I'm out now and everything seems to be fine!
**Comment:** They removed the PICC the day I left. I felt strange about a long tube getting pulled out of me so the nurse said "We'll first have a test run then I'll remove it on the second try" but she removed it immediately so I didn't even notice it. I thought that was brilliant.
I can eat whatever I want now! But I have mostly stuck to softer foods because I'm still a little paranoid about swallowing hard food [and] eating crunchy things. The only issue I have, which is nothing to worry about, is when drinking out of a water tap at that angle I feel a similar irritation in my throat that I felt after dislodging the bone.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/dsqe3i/tifu_by_eating_the_ends_off_a_chicken_wing/) by u/ALLIRIX minor edits* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/filgs9/i_ate_the_ends_off_a_chicken_wing_and_now_im_in/ | filgs9 | 3,208 | 62 | [
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2020-03-15T13:12:50 | Congratulations, /r/BestofRedditorUpdates! You are Tiny Subreddit of the Day! | null | TSROTDroid | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fj14la/congratulations_rbestofredditorupdates_you_are/ | fj14la | 0 | 81 | [
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2020-03-15T16:52:02 | my dad came home to see vomit everywhere and my girlfriend blackout drunk and naked on the floor | TIFU | My girlfriend (who my dad has never met until now) and I decided it would be a fun to do a Harry Potter drinking game except we watch all 8 movies, totalling 20 hours.
We were drinking spirits with mixers, the first time I’ve ever drunk spirits. Holy shit you wouldn’t believe how many times people say Harry Potter.
After just one movie we are half a bottle of Vodka and 3/4 a bottle of Gin down. Now is probably a good time to mention I’m an absolute lightweight, which is very impressive for a 6’6” male.
Naturally we are drunk and decide having sex is a good idea so we proceed to do that, then grab a shower. At this point both of us are properly wasted and no longer in control of our actions.
Somehow my girlfriend leaves the shower and turns it off, while I stay there, lying down, vomiting into the grate.
After an hour I manage to get up, slouch to my room, vomit some more on the carpet, pass my naked girlfriend on the floor, check her pulse, and finally crash out on my bed.
I wake up to my dad opening my window, Ive slept for 5 hours at this point. He starts pushing me awake, he simply asks if we are on any other drugs, need an ambulance, etc. He then tells me to make sure my girlfriend is still alive, he leaves and says to call him in 10 minutes.
I get up to see my naked girlfriend still lying on the floor, and 3 pools of vomit on the carpet, I wake her up, bring her to my room and lie her down on my bed.
After calling and saying she is alive, my dad tells me to clean the place up and call him back.
The place is now clean and I’m dreading this call.
TL;DR Me and my girlfriend got blackout drunk at my house, vomited everywhere and my dads first time meeting her was seeing her fully naked on his floor surrounded by vomit.
 
 
**UPDATE:**
A few things to clarify, it isn’t ‘my house’ as I mistakenly put it, it’s my dads house that I live in. He was supposed to be staying at his girlfriends place that night but forgot his laptop and had to come home for it. I am 17 and so is my girlfriend. Another thing to add, I absolutely understand how irresponsible and stupid this was, a mistake like this will not be made again. I will also be insisting to pay for the carpets and whole house to be professionally cleaned.
Now to give context to my dads actions so he doesn’t just seem like a loose father who doesn’t care, this is highly out of the norm for me, in general I am highly trustworthy, responsible and mature. He knows how much I regret this and that I had already learnt the lesson well and truly.
Now, to continue the story;
I give him a call, he asks how both me and my girlfriend are, he also asks if my girlfriend will be able to make it home to her parents house however it’s evident that she cannot.
The real juicy part of this is that the next day, (day after all the vomiting), me and her are going to visit my mum and cousins for lunch to introduce each other.
Luckily my dad does not feel the need to tell my mum, rather telling us to sober up the best we can and get a good sleep.
After a decent night sleep dad comes back over to find us cleaning the house some more, I introduce him to my gf, once again he is the best father I could ask for, remains chill and most importantly un awkward, even making jokes about the whole situation.
We start the 1 hour journey to my mums mostly feeling ok, just a little tired and in my case a little sick to the stomach. This journey includes a windy bus ride and a ferry, what more could I ask for to relax my stomach.
Now the good news is the lunch went very smoothly, mum was none the wiser, loves my new girlfriend, and the feelings are mutual.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/eabaht/tifu_by_letting_my_dad_came_home_to_see_vomit/) by u/JohnFKennedy--* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fj4bah/my_dad_came_home_to_see_vomit_everywhere_and_my/ | fj4bah | 3,821 | 31 | [
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2020-03-16T00:24:40 | How can I stop my drunk cousin from driving? | r/Dallas | My cousin, 21M, lets call him Chay, is an alcoholic in denial. Pre-21 he got a DUI which I thought would solve things, but it hasn't. Apparently, in Texas, DUI standards and penalties are completely different for people under 21. It's crazy, but I digress.
After the DUI Chay wrecked his car. Luckily, it was in just on a curb and nobody was injured. But, without a doubt, alcohol was involved. Still, Chay drinks and drives several times a week.
Chay's mom is an enabler, paying for his car. She wants him to stop this behavior but for a complexity of reasons won't take the car away. So, Chay is out there, armed and selfishly ready to kill any of you at any moment. I'm sick of it and I want it to stop.
I've gotten Chay's mom to agree to installing an interlock device, which is basically a breathalyzer to drive system, but we haven't been able to find where to get one / how to do it. I've called around and people say you need a court order. Is this true? If not, how can we get this system on and where?
What other ideas do you have to putting a stop to the drinking and driving? I have a family, work, and responsibilities, so I can't follow him around 24/7 and call the cops every single time he drives. So, what else can I do to alert authorities or stop this?
The issue is escalating, a DUI, a wreck, death is next and we all know it. I'd appreciate any suggestions. I'll do anything that won't land me in jail. This has to stop.
 
**Edit:** Nobody answered at SmartStart. But, I got through with LifeSafer. For anyone who may want use of this service here is the skinny with them:
They have a voluntary program. You pay 90 days at a time. They have a basic device, one with a camera so you can see who blows and one with a camera and gps tracking.
I told his mother and she's making an appointment to get one of these. Thanks for the help and the life saving, reddit!
 
 
[**5 years later**](https://old.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/fhnclt/update_how_can_i_stop_my_drunk_cousin_from/)
Hello everyone. It's been a long time since my original post but in case any of you remembered, I wanted to give an update.
People often give advice but it is rarely taken. In this case, your advice was taken. Long story short, right after the post Chay lied to his mom and came home drunk driving.
Because of the thread, I had pre-loaded her with the information everyone helped me with on the voluntarily ignition lock system. In a rage, she booked an immediate installation and before my cousin was awake it was installed. Absolutely no drunk driving could happen.
Shortly after, in a turn of events, he had a child and got his life together in a way people really wouldn't believe. It's been 5 years and a kid and marriage later, he's a different, responsible, hard working, person.
People change AND people listen to advice. Who would have thought it?
Thanks /r/Dallas - My cousin is no longer driving drunk! And, to any of you in the same situation, that voluntary ignition interlock thing is AWESOME. He couldn't even go to work the next day if he drank the night before. The embarrassment and the rest really has the potential to work!
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/2bxr98/how_can_i_stop_my_drunk_cousin_from_driving/) by u/drunkcousin* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fjbovg/how_can_i_stop_my_drunk_cousin_from_driving/ | fjbovg | 3,333 | 35 | [
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2020-03-16T16:38:06 | Wife and I decided to try for kids last year. Found out I'm completely infertile without surgery. 5 months later she got pregnant. | Relationship_Advice | My wife and I have been married for 3 years, together for 6. She's always been one of the most amazing people I've ever met. No huge fights, love languages match up, and we're both fairly active people which has been why we've always had a really strong relationship for so long. That's why this is so difficult for me.
We've both been doing pretty well in our careers the last few years. She's in marketing and I work independently as an IT consultant, allowing me to set my own hours and be pretty flexible. We decided last year that we wanted to start a family, her most likely keeping her job full time and me scaling back to part time. We've both been anxious but pretty excited to have our own kids.
Long story short, I was diagnosed with azoospermia last December. Blockage in the pipes just meant I wasn't actually producing any sperm when ejaculating. It's curable with surgery thankfully, and we finally got it scheduled this July. She's got a high sex drive as do I, so we've still been very sexually active, but there should've been no way I could have gotten her pregnant.
She missed her period this week. I couldn't imagine that she might actually be pregnant, right? The babies are bottled in until they get the blockage out. She took three tests though, and sure enough they're all positive.
At first I was stunned, because this shouldn't be possible. She's never been unfaithful to me in the past and never given me a reason not to trust her. I'm not the jealous type, but I'm literally stuck. The doctors said this couldn't happen. And I can't believe my wife would jeopardize the future we've been so excited for over some fling when we seem to have such a great emotional and physical connection.
My wife's been ecstatic. She's given no indication of any guilt or worry that she may have cheated. She was so excited when she first found out that I didn't express my worries then. But she left for work and now I feel completely torn. What if she did cheat?
Looking back now there's a few tiny things that didn't seem to be an issue but now have me wracking my brain for clues. Her job often has her taking clients out for dinner and it's not uncommon for her to get back later in the evening. She definitely had a busy last few months, but that's not uncommon for her job. She always wears one of the same two perfumes, but she came back one night smelling completely different. I remember seeing a text message on her lock screen of just a winky face, a different time, but assumed it was one of her girlfriends.
Fuck man I don't know what to do. I set up an appointment on Monday to see if there's any chance it could be mine. If it is mine and I accuse her of cheating I feel like the world's biggest asshole. But she's coming home in a few hours and I don't know what I'm going to say to her, I can't stop thinking of these small things that may have been her cheating and I just didn't see it.
Do I wait until the doctor appointment Monday before talking to her, or do bring up these insecurities while she's celebrating the pregnancy? I'm worried I won't be able to hide what's going on.
**TL;DR:** Wife and I tried having a baby. My balls are blocked, surgery is in July. Wife got pregnant anyways. It seems ridiculous to think she cheated, but I was told I shouldn't be able to be fertile until the surgery. Wife is celebrating, I can't stop thinking about small occurrences and what if she's cheating. Seeing Doctor on Monday to see if it could be mine. Want to wait until Monday, but don't think I can hide it. What do I tell her?
Edit: I should add I've been cheated on before. Our relationship has been pretty healthy, but that old fear is creeping back in now. I'm not sure how to just wait until the appointment.
Edit I really hope yall are right that some freak sperm made it past. My wife's coming home though in an hour and I have to decide if I'm going to put on a happy face until Monday or not.
 
[**UPDATE #1**](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c225le/update_wifef33_and_i_m34_decided_to_try_for_kids/)
I took a lot of what you guys said to heart. I had an ex of mine from years ago end up cheating on me, and it really left a scar for a while. It wasn't until I got more involved with sports and getting in better shape that I was able to try and move on. My wife and I actually met in a soccer league we were in together. We've had so much trust for so long that I thought those fears had gone away. It wasn't until now that I really started to feel shaken like that again.
But I didn't want to let my past get in the way of what could be just a huge blessing. A few people really articulated the right way to communicate my feelings in a way that wasn't accusatory and respectful of my wife, who's never really given me a reason to doubt her.
It's not uncommon for her to sometimes be home late, and she'll usually like to go straight to bed. I didn't want to dump this on her immediately and decided to give myself a night to sleep on it. I got up pretty early just being restless, went for a run, and cleared my mind. I couldn't wait any longer. I made our favorite omelets, and told her I needed to talk about something.
"You know I'm not Ashley, right?"
She knows me well. Ashley's my ex who cheated.
So first I apologized. I apologized because I let this build up in my head for so long without talking with her about it sooner. What should be blessing has been nothing but insecurity and fear for me.
We talked for a while. I told her how happy it made me to see her ecstatic and excited for the baby. I told her how much I loved the relationship that we've built together, and I felt like an asshole for questioning her loyalty. She had never given me a reason not to trust her and that I still couldn't emotionally get over the thoughts of infidelity because of my ex. She thanked me for telling her, and she knew how hard it was for me to get over that. She volunteered to have us get a paternity right when he/she's born, which made me feel a lot better at first.
But something still felt off. I honestly don't know why, something about how she was so eager to get a paternity test, and almost not mad at me at all for having kept this from her. Normally she would have been upset that I didn't bring it up right away, but there was just a weird feeling I couldn't shake for the rest of the day.
It seemed like she was saying all the right things, but I couldn't get rid of this clawing feeling inside my head. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe there's a gut feeling that I need to listen to. But I ended up going to the appointment alone, as we "decided" it would good to see if I still needed the surgery.
Turns out it's obstructive azoospermia. I've read so many stories about people who were supposed to infertile end up getting pregnant. So I brought that up, and how my wife's pregnancy was affecting me. The urologist thought it would be pretty unlikely that I wouldn't need surgery to have a kid with how mine was presenting itself. He mainly tried to skirt around the topic, and mostly pushed me towards making sure she was actually pregnant.
Being there didn't really help. I feel like I just got more uncertainty.
She had another night being out to 8:30 last night. We talked about scheduling an appointment to verify the pregnancy when she got home. She seemed a little confused, but then quickly agreed. She promised to do it in the morning. I asked how work had gone, and she gave me a kind of non-commital answer about her boss pushing her too much and being stressed out.
There's nothing huge there, but she just seemed off. I really couldn't put my finger on it. We were still acting all lovely-dovey, but something just felt wrong, and I couldn't talk about it without repeating the same conversation we had Sunday.
I've been trying to throw myself into work to distract myself, but I haven't been able to focus. We have a joint checking account that we'll sometimes move money in and out of, but really only use it for groceries or household items unless we talk about it beforehand. This morning she moved half of it to hers, about $1700. We don't do that, she's never needed to before. And I checked our health care portal, and she made the appointment for the one time Thursday that I mentioned I was busy working on-site. We were supposed to go together.
I'm starting to go crazy. How do I bring this up that isn't me just having the same conversation again? I'm looking into getting a second opinion for myself. But I need a litmus test from objective outsiders to know if I'm really losing it or if this seems weird to someone else.
UPDATE: I went for a long run to clear my mind. Gotta shower, and then my wife should be home. I'm going to go into the conversation with no judgement, just objectively walk out the facts and why I've still been struggling personally with some of them. Regardless of what happens I'm done with any confusion left between us.
 
[**UPDATE #2**](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c225le/update_wifef33_and_i_m34_decided_to_try_for_kids/)
Anyways, we finally sat down after she got home last night. I told her everything that was going on. The Urologist, the money, the upcoming appointment. I told her how, even with all her reassurances, too many suspect things kept happening.
She agreed how everything looked, and immediately apologized. She didn't realize how much my last exs cheating was still affecting me. She knew I was off going into the weekend, but thought we addressed that. We talked about it Sunday, but I can get pretty internal with all these worries and not show them outwardly. And so while she had thought we were communicating, I wasn't. We decided to start from the beginning and go through everything together.
The money was the real problem for me. She agreed how inconsiderate it was with where my head was at to do that without mentioning it. Apparently the prenatal visits are so structured that they want you to set up a payment plan with them right away, and she wanted to make sure it was squared away to keep the appointment. She offered without me prompting to call them with me tomorrow to verify that, or if I really wanted we could move the money back. She does get better rewards out of hers so it kind of made sense.
We read up on obstructive azoospermia, and it doesn't seem like they're often invincible forcefields. It seems like only the actual absence of the vas deferens (CBAVD) actually guarantees complete infertility, so it is possible for some to get through. We're going to go back to the original specialist I was working with last year and hopefully get a clearer picture. It turns out the appointment she made was the only time they had available so soon, and figured it'd be best not to wait. I told her I took off work to go with, and she was relieved I could join.
Once again, she said all the right things and seems genuine about getting us on the same page. After going through each thing I was just wishing I believed her a little more before. She's stressed out with work and when she'll have to take off, but she really seemed to want to go out of her way to alleviate my concerns. She even offered an open phone policy if I needed. We did look at the text I had seen, and it was just a girlfriend. I declined though right now, since I don't want to be that husband.
This has really made me take a deeper look at what's in my past and how that still affects me today. Even thinking back to this weekend, it was so hard to see in the moment how much all the uncertainty was affecting me. That level of anxiety literally makes you question what around you is real. I think the trust but verify is the best way to put it. I was just trying to verify without any of the trust is all. This has all put a strain on our marriage right now, but I'm feeling a bit more like we're a team again working towards easing that.
She thought that an NIPP ASAP was a great idea, as long as we also get some kind of counseling together. I'm not big on therapy, but I can probably agree that it will most likely help.
I'm feeling a little better about everything. Thanks again to everyone who reached out and shared their own story (Every other comment here I read was a story of a family member who was supposed to be barren and ended up popping out triplets), and most of all those who helped me try to communicate fairly through all of this. It's time for me to hopefully be a father.
TL;DR Use your words. - Wife and I objectively went through everything. We both apologized, getting a NIPP soon and hopefully a therapist.
 
**UPDATE:** The paternity test came back intially positive for anyone that's going to see this : )
 
*Originally [posted](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c225le/update_wifef33_and_i_m34_decided_to_try_for_kids/) by u/Throwawaymyspermazoa* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fjnv4y/wife_and_i_decided_to_try_for_kids_last_year/ | fjnv4y | 12,965 | 77 | [
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2020-03-16T23:51:35 | "URGENT - I’m stuck in a chicken coop." | r/Advice | I’m aware I am an idiot.
I was feeding some of my friend’s chickens and the door latched behind me. It’s a regular fence latch. Looks like this: https://imgur.com/gallery/cExShaJ
I managed to get that one open because the wire is wide enough for me to get my hands through. The bottom one is not. https://imgur.com/gallery/6IpODhd
I can’t get the bottom one open, and my friends are in china til the 27th. I can’t break the door because the chickens would get out. I’ve tried calling my parents and yelling at the neighbors, but no one’s around.
Is there any way for me to get out of this?? Worse comes to worse I could break the door and put a rock against it but I would really prefer not to. Someone will notice I’m gone in a few hours, but it’s like 40 degrees out.
 
 
**UPDATE:** After spending an hour in the chicken coop and establishing my own system of egg-based government, the police came and let me out. He was very nice about it, and I didn’t get the chance to take a selfie with him.
i’m never going to live this down.
thank you!
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/a67p50/urgent_im_stuck_in_a_chicken_coop/) by u/man-in-the-woods* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fjv4n6/urgent_im_stuck_in_a_chicken_coop/ | fjv4n6 | 1,214 | 24 | [
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2020-03-17T15:58:33 | I[19M] recently found out that my older sister[34F] is actually my biological mother. | Relationship_Advice | *Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bw8dsa/i19m_recently_found_out_that_my_older_sister34f/) by u/MyLifeAreABrokenMess*
 
My older sister(let's call her Rose) and I have a great relationship since I was a baby. we were raised with an amazing adoptive family and she has always taken care of me.
I grew up in a very warm and loving environment but from what i was told I was lucky.
I was told the story of how me and my sister had two drug addict parents who never took care of us. They never bothered feeding us and used to left us at a junky friends house for days to go out partying. When my mom was pregnant with me she smoked and got drunk(luckily i turned out pretty fine) pretty often and when I was born my sister was the only one who took care of me. When I was 2 months old they left us both in a mall and left. We got help from an old couple(who also turned into our adoptive family) and we contacted the police but my parents weren't at the house, which looked like a homeless cave. We never saw them again and after several months in foster care the couple that helped us(throughout the whole way btw) agreed to adopt us. Today I'm 19 and Rose is 34, I still live with my adoptive family and she lives about 20 minutes away so I come and visit her at least 3-4 times a week.
So a couple of months ago my friend offered me to take a DNA test to find some information about my heritage, since my sister wouldn't speak of them much. After the results came in I found out some pretty interesting things(like being 50% Ashkenazi Jew) I found out later that I had an aunt[33f] in the system. I immediately reached out to her(Let's call her Jennet) and we agreed to meet in person. All that without telling Rose a thing.
When we met up I could see we have some similar characteristics like same hair color and same eyes. We tried to figure things out so I asked her if she has a brother or sister and she told me that when she was 13 her 14 year old sister got pregnant while being drunk with her junky boyfriend and a month after giving birth she ran away with the baby after some pretty intensive fights with their parents. They never found her and stopped looking after 1.5 years.
I connected the dots, asked to see a picture of her, so we went to her parents house. Mom wasn't home and father died 3 years ago. When I saw the picture, I knew. This was Rose, 100%.
Rose is my mom, we were never abandoned, we didn't have junky parents and she fabricated the entire thing to me and our adoptive family.
I immediately gave Jennet a hug and told her that it's too much for me right now and asked her to keep it a secret for now.
I went to my best friends house, told him everything and for a week now I'm sleeping over at his place. I told my parents and my sister im at his house because he bought a new game that we both wanted for long and avoided talking to Rose much.
I can't look her in the eyes right now, let alone tell her I know the truth.
What the hell am I supposed to do? How should I handle this? Should I tell her I know?
EDIT: My best friend just took me out for a movie and a drink(im not that drunk right now though). I thank you all so much for your warm replies, made me look at the situation a bit clearer. I have decided to break it to Rose this week but I need some time to think about how to tell her I know.I don't know if I should try getting there slowly or just break the news to her somehow. I even considered bringing her sister with me but I genuinely think she will be pissed. I'll keep updating as soon as I'll decide how to tell her. Right now going to bed to sleep it over.
EDIT 2: After seeing some comments asking how the adoption process went, I decided I need to explain some things. First of all It's worth mentioning that the adoption process wasn't immediate and it took about a year between the time that happy couple found us outside the mall and the time they adopted us. We were in foster care that time and Rose use to keep touch with them and they would come visit us once or twice a week(or so im told, i don't know what to believe now)/ eventually Rose broke down in tears for them and told them she hates foster care and that her little brother(me) would grow up here and she couldn't bare that thought. At that time they decided to try and adopt her and hired lawyers and stuff and after a few months it was legal and done. At least that what I was told. I don't think my adoptive parents knew but if they did then that story is probably a lie too.
 
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bynyu9/update_i19m_recently_found_out_that_my_older/)
Ok so I first of all want to thank everyone for your honest replies, it really helped me to get my feelings straight and get ready to confront her.
So after a week of avoiding I came to her house with a picnic basket by surprise so ill have a chance to speak with her. She was happy to see me and I told her to sit down because we need to talk.
I started things with saying that I know that she has a secret that she's been hiding from me for years. Her face turned red and she started crying like hell. She knew what I was talking about. I told her the story about the DNA test, about Jennet and basically what I told you guys in the last post.
Well after she calmed down a bit she told me the truth. She told me how she got drunk at a party and slept with one of the jerks who does nothing but weed every day. He didn't really care about a future kid and was like "yeah whatever". Apparently she found out that 10 years ago he was stabbed in prison after sitting for drug dealing, assult and armed robbery.
She told me how her mother used to convince her father to talk me out of the idea of keeping the baby. they would constantly fight with her. When the baby was born they told her on the spot that she brought shame upon the family and they will not help raising the baby in any way, meaning she will have to work meanwhile to have money for her baby and sometimes for herself. After a couple of months of loaning from her friends and juggling between working and taking care of me she had a huge fight with her parents and told them that if they are not helping financially and barely in any sort of way, she and me are better off without them.
As they sent her to her room she escaped in the middle of the night, hitchhiked to a neighboring country and by morning she was there already. She tried to take care of me for a few days, she found an old abandoned house that used to have homeless people coming around every now and then, and she took me to the mall when I started crying. She started crying too. The couple that adopted us immediately came to our aid and asked if _we_ lost our mother. Rose jumped on the opportunity and came up with a story and an alias. Police figured out we are not in the system for multiple reasons. We were raised in foster care for a year and a half until the couple that helped us decided to make the effort and adopt us so we won't be separated. It took them a few months and a couple of lawyers but they managed to adopt us both.
Rose knew all along that her parents are looking for her(They came to their senses after a day or so). She reached out to them and told them in a letter that she is fine and is taking care of herself and me, she is not homeless and found a nice couple to help her with the baby. She made it clear for them that she is never coming back and they should stop looking, and a month after that they stopped.
A few years later her father went on a quest to find her(she was after 18) secretly. After so much time searching he found her and apologized and after a while she forgave him and kept secretly in touch with him. He met me a few times and I knew him as one of Rose's old friends from the park. He helped us a few times and apparently they would meet up once every two months secretly. Ironically I'm glad I got to know him before he passed, even if I didn't know who he really is.
BTW, the adoptive family never found out about the whole thing.
So after hearing this I told her we missed a lot by not knowing she is my mother and I told her I understand she did the right thing. I pulled out an "It's a boy!" sign from the picnic basket and some snacks for a late baby shower and we hugged for an hour or so, had a lot of fun, watched a movie and I headed off to my parents(ADOPTIVE) house to have dinner with them.
I'm glad she is my mother. I feel for the first time in years - complete. I don't care she lied because she did it for the greater good and I honestly can't imagine my life right now if she didn't. Thanks Reddit for helping me getting my feelings straight and helping me out mentally to coop with everything that happened! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fk7nin/i19m_recently_found_out_that_my_older_sister34f/ | fk7nin | 8,873 | 48 | [
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2020-03-18T00:19:01 | Not sure how to deal with my anti-vaxx husband | Relationship_Advice | At first I assumed he would come around and realize it's the right thing to do. We were both vaccinated as children, as were both of our families.
It's been 6 years. Six years since our daughter was born, and 3 1/2 years since our son was born.
First, he said he wanted to wait until they were older, maybe 1 year, to "let them develop before we add chemicals."
At 1 year I pushed to vaccinate but was met with his "uncertainty."
Today my daughter had a fever of 102.3, over 101.6 for more than 24 hours, and I decided to take her to the ER.
Thankfully she doesn't have anything serious, but for more than 10 minutes the doctor laid into me about how important vaccines are for our children.
He said all the things I've said to my husband, and more, and made me feel like shit. He explained that a 4 month old baby was hospitalized 3 days ago for meningitis, and lived even though he didn't expect him to survive.
I tried to explain that I agree, but I feel he didn't believe me that it was my husband's wishes I was respecting up until now. He ended by saying, "look, my children are vaccinated. "
On the discharge paperwork it says: "vaccination not carried out because of caregiver refusal" under the diagnosis.
I look stupid because of my husband's ignorance.
I won't do this anymore. Although he is a sweet man with a kind heart, he is endangering our children.
Reddit I need encouragement and suggestions what to do.
 
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/arzybj/update_not_sure_how_to_deal_with_my_37f_antivaxx/?st=K0OFB8NO&sh=31eeb1d4)
Well guys, I did it last week. I started vaccines.
I took them to our county medical office on a day that accepted walk-ins, we waited and they got the first round, about 4 combos each, with another walk-in suggested to me for 3-6 months to catch up the rest.
They cried so hard! The oldest kept crying off and on for an hour afterwards, so I took them to a Chick-fil-A for ice cream and playing to distract them. I took the bandaids off before we returned so my husband didn't notice.
That whole day, before I left and when we returned, I thought somehow my husband knew, or would figure it out, but here we are about a week later and he's got no idea.
And guess what? They're perfectly fine now, no complications! (As I expected, DUH)
I don't want a prize or a cookie from y'all or anything, after all I remember to feed them and bathe them so vaccines are just another important and required step of parenting.
I do want to say thank you so much to those that encouraged me to do this even though my husband was not in agreement. I don't want my marriage to have any lies, but for THIS, it was the right thing to do.
Lastly, and most importantly:
For any parent out there in the same situation with your partner/spouse (many, many of you DM'd me) YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Take care of your kids and get them vaccinated, even if you have to go around your spouse like I did. It's worth it.
 
[**6 MONTHS LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/d5ohzg/update_my_37f_antivaxx_husband_35m_found_out_i/)
Well, it was time for the next round of shots recently.
The kids came home, and kept mentioning “my poke” ......
So he asked me if they got vaccines and I came clean. I said yes, and told him they started last year.
I apologized for not telling him. He wasn’t happy.
No yelling, we talked more, and I explained the recent measles outbreaks nearby and expressed my concern for our kids.
All is well. No, we didn’t even raise voices. Yes we kissed and made up.
He understands I did things for the kids, and not against him.
Happy ending. Safe kids. Goodnight Reddit.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ajmn30/not_sure_how_to_deal_with_my_37f_antivaxx_husband/?st=K0OF8HZ7&sh=b6e28f3a) by u/not_my_morning* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fkg6y0/not_sure_how_to_deal_with_my_antivaxx_husband/ | fkg6y0 | 3,919 | 41 | [
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2020-03-18T16:37:44 | My bank put my account under another account and that person has been slowly transferring money out of mine and into theirs. | LegalAdvice | So on 1/16/2019 my bank account was placed under another account, much like if you opened a children's bank account under yours. This gave the person unrestricted access to my funds, transactions, allowed them to make transfers etc.
For whatever reason that exists transfers to the "parent" account are not shown on my recent transactions and only appear in "account transactions". I never really looked at the account transactions because no need to, this only showed me what I transfered to savings because those were the only account transfers I was doing and I could quickly see the savings balance etc on the main screen.
However I noticed about 3 weeks ago that $100 disappeared in front of my eyes and my recent transactions showed nothing. Perplexed I called the bank who informed me it was transferred to the parent account on the account.
Well I never had a parent account, never authorized one and definitely don't want one and after research on my own in the account transactions page found this person, slowly has taken $3620 total since January.
The bank will not remove the parent account unless the parent account agrees, will not refund or return the money already taken since the account had authorization, however I never gave permission. The police after a short talk with the bank tell me no crimes been committed since the account is authorized to.
I've since removed all money from the account, cancelled all direct deposits etc but I'd really like my $3620 back. I live in Missouri if they changes any relevant banking laws or how I go about getting it back, thanks!
 
[**3 MONTHS LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/e1zyk8/update_my_bank_put_my_account_under_another/)
I submitted an OCC complaint against my bank the same day I posted, about 2 weeks later the bank called me and asked me what day works for me and I would be meeting their National Enterprise Financial Crimes Director himself at my local branch or if I did not want to come in they would come to my house even after business hours.
The next week I go in and meet him, he does nothing but apologizes for about 20 minutes and tells me they will immediately cut me a check and or give me cash for the missing funds that were transferred to the "mistakenly approved parent account". I quote that phrase because he said it exactly like that about 20 times.
I tell him great, I'll take cash since I have already opened a new account elsewhere and do not intend to continue to use their services since it took me reporting them to a government agency before they did anything at all to fix the situation that was clearly their fault.
He tells me that's fine and he understands but he just needs me to sign a "small document" saying the situation has been remedied to my satisfaction, the "small document" is about 20 pages of stuff that I understand about half of but I can kind of see it's basically me saying that I am being refunded the money and I can take no legal action against them, can not talk about it and cannot tell anyone their mistake. Also that I must remove all "public postings, mentions, anything negative about the bank from any online reviews or websites publically accessible". Seems they found my reddit post.
He tells me that I cannot receive my money unless I sign this. I tell him definitely not since I cannot understand half of this and I leave without my money. So I once again file another OCC complaint online and call in to speak to someone. They tell me this is being escalated and to wait to hear from them, about a week later the bank is once again calling me for a meeting. I tell them I want nothing except a check mailed to my address on record and to leave me alone otherwise.
After a few calls a check finally showed up, for the full amount that was transferred to the parent account. Thanks LA for telling me about the OCC (The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency). They take complaints seriously and it's what it took to finally get this whole thing resolved.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/d5p1oh/my_bank_put_my_account_under_another_account_and/) by u/iamgoingshai* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fksi0f/my_bank_put_my_account_under_another_account_and/ | fksi0f | 4,193 | 87 | [
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2020-03-18T23:57:53 | bigboye got bigger | r/rarepuppers | Baby giantboye resting peacefully (Drogon the Great Dane)
We adopted him from the vet hospital my wife works at when his owners abandoned him as a puppy.
https://imgur.com/a/vt4uzdT
 
 
[**1 YEAR LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/rarepuppers/comments/ashfcv/update_bigboye_got_bigger/)
Update: bigboye got bigger
https://i.redd.it/3yzl4xly8mh21.jpg
This is Drogon. He is a (silver) merle Great Dane. He is approximately 18 months old, weighs about 140 lbs, and loves taking naps on ~~our~~ his couch. He is a big lover dog and I'm glad he is ours!
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/6wbfw5/baby_giantboye_resting_peacefully_drogon_the/) by u/Super_Professor* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fl00yp/bigboye_got_bigger/ | fl00yp | 723 | 20 | [
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2020-03-19T16:24:30 | I’ve lied to everyone in my life for 20 years that I’m Jewish... | r/confessions | I’m not jewish, not even a little bit. If you asked me any questions about judaism, I couldn’t tell you, but still, everyone thinks I’m jewish.
It all started in high school, 11th grade. I had just moved from California to The South and it was a rough time. I was called every horrible name in the book because I talked different and got the shit beat out of me multiple times. Well I slowly befriended some of the guys on the football team and my closest friend was the center, we’ll call him Greg. Now Greg is a super chill guy compared to everyone around him, but he’s still very very racist and very open about all his opinions.
Well one day I’m driving Greg and a few other football players home from school and he makes a comment about synagogues. Without even thinking, I mention that I’ve been to one... and this is where it all started. This prompted one of the other guys to joke that I was a Jew, and trying to be chill (since these were the only friends I had) I went “haha, yep, I’m jewish.” And then that’s when it all went down hill. Greg told everyone on the football team how his new friend from California was a Jew, and they all believed it since most of them thought there were only Jews in California anyways. And the football players spread that to the rest of the school.
At this point, I still thought it was a joke and everyone was just jokingly calling me jewish, so I just kept going with it. Then I became known as “The Jewish kid” and started to actually become popular, since everyone wanted to be friends with the different kid, (and the fact my dad had money, a lot compared to the poor area I went to school, so I could afford to buy nice things and people tend to be attracted towards that). And so being Jewish almost became my identity, it became who I was. So whenever someone would ask my religion, I just automatically told them I was jewish.
Fast forwards to the end of high school, and the councilors are walking people through scholarship stuff, and my councilor calls me into his office and hand me a slip for a $5,000 Jewish American scholarship. Now as soon as I read jewish American scholarship, I was going to walk out and throw it out, but he made me sit down and fill it out with him, and then took it from me to submit it. I felt horrible for even doing it, but somewhat relieved when I heard that they only gave it to people who were also ethnically jewish, so I knew I wouldn’t get it.
I got it. I received a letter in the mail saying I was chosen as the winner of this $5000 scholarship, I got accepted to Dartmouth due to the fact I worked my ass off in high school and was the valedictorian, though my competition wasn’t plentiful to say the least. But I never thought I would have been able to afford it, but this scholarship was huge in helping me towards that. I considered spilling everything then, declining the scholarship, telling everyone at school, telling almost every single form I’ve filled out, saying I’m not actually jewish... I decided to tell my dad and ask him for advice as he’s always been a guy you can talk to about anything whatsoever. So I tell him everything, I tell him about the joke, then the lie, then everything, and now the scholarship (which I hadn’t told any of my family about because 1. I never thought I’d get it, and 2. They’d question why a very not jewish person is getting a jewish American scholarship) and as soon as I told my father, he looked me dead in the eyes with the most serious, disappointed face.... and then burst into tears laughing. The way he reacted, it must’ve been the funniest thing he’d ever heard in his life. He told me he had gotten a letter in the mail asking if I was ethnically jewish for a scholarship I had entered, and being the person he is, he just say the chance for college money and went “yep, jewish” and that was apparently all they need. So my dad convinced me to keep the money and go to my dream college, and I did.
As soon as I arrived at university, I was met with some people from the group that gave me this scholarship, some jewish American organization funded by wealthy Israelis, and they told me/enlisted me into all these jewish clubs and they got me set up in a synagogue, and I everyone there (I’d later learn 2 of the people there would be my professors, who were very jewish) and finally they told me they’d set me up with the whole “birthright” thing, where they fly American Jews out to Israel. I was so shocked, I was at my dream school, plus I was being hit with all of this, it was too much. I thought about coming clean a lot of times. But I feel like all the people around me would suddenly feel betrayed and leave me.
I became good friends with a lot of people in these jewish clubs, I bonded with my teachers a lot better since they believed I was jewish, I met the most beautiful jewish girl (who I met through her mother, when she came up to me in a cafe, asked if I was jewish, since I was with the local Rabbi, I said yes, and she told me that I’d love her daughter. We went on a date and instantly hit it off) and I got a free trip to Israel. All the while, I was dealing with severe depression since I felt horrible every second of every day, in addition to the already enormous amounts of stress university puts on you. I came so close, so many times to just throw myself off a bridge or tall building, but I could never bring myself to do it.
I managed to get all the way through 11 years of college to get my doctorate, got a job at a history museum back on the west coast, married that jewish girl, had a Jewish wedding with her entire family, and my two parents (my dad had spilled the beans to my mom about two days after I told him, she also found it equally as funny) we’ve had 3 little jewish babies, the museum put me in charge of organizing and creating a huge Holocaust/Jewish American history exhibit (even though that’s not my specific field even in the slightest.) And in a few months, when the current Curator retires at the age of 96, I will hopefully be taking his place. (He’s been training me for the job, I’ve worked there the longest, and I’ve made sure that I’m damn good at my job)
My life has turned out great but deep down it will always haunt me that my entire life, is built on a lie. My kids lives, my life, my wife’s life, all came from a joke in a car 20 years ago... I was never going to tell a soul this, but today my oldest son (he’s 9) told me that he doesn’t think he believes in god, and I told him I agreed. It was the first time in 20 years that I told the truth about my religion, and didn’t lie. My son wants to tell his mom that he doesn’t want to continue being Jewish and I might use this as my way of getting out as well... I told him we’d tell her tomorrow at dinner and he seems almost as excited as I am, but equally as nervous.
Wish us luck, I guess... I still am unsure if I should tell her the whole truth, or if I should just leave it with that I no longer want to be jewish.
TL;DR: A friend from 20 years ago made a joke about me being a Jew since I moved there from California. This turned into everyone in my life thinking I’m jewish, causing me to meet a jewish girl, get a free trip to Israel, getting to go to my dream school, everything, but it’s all built on a lie and I feel horrible about it every single day. Telling my wife tomorrow that I’m not jewish, but am still unsure if I should tell her everything.
**EDIT:** Just for clarification, because people have been questioning my use of the word “university” in place for “college”. Yes I know they’re not the same thing, I’ve just been surrounded by British people lately and they all use “university” so I’ve been saying that instead of college. It’s a recently adopted habit and I can assure you I’m American. Born in Folsom California, moving to Orange County and then to Santa Clarita, California where I lived for most of my younger life until my family moved to Americus, Georgia. I can assure you I’m definitely American. And as for my wife not finding out from my side of the family, it’s mainly due to the fact that we don’t talk to my side of the family for personal reasons and I haven’t talked to them in years, and she’s only ever met them once at the wedding, but she also wants nothing to do with them. I’ve decided I’m just going to tell her I’m not jewish. I won’t tell her I’ve lied about being Jewish for all these years, but I’m just going to tell her that I’m not jewish. Someone also said that since bother sides of my family are Czech, there’s a good chance I’m Jewish, so I’m thinking of doing a DNA test soon. Also when I said, “I know nothing about Judaism” that was an extreme exaggeration. I’ve obviously picked up a lot of knowledge over the years and I think my wife may have an idea due to the fact, whenever a Jewish holiday is coming up, she’ll remind me about it and tell me when it is/ what it’s for if I don’t already know. I’ll update later tonight on how it goes!
**EDIT 2:** So I talked to her and I decided to just tell her everything.... and it didn’t go like I expected. She told me she had a feeling I wasn’t jewish from the beginning but never married me just because I was jewish, but married me for me, regardless of my faith. She said that she was sorry that I felt like I had to hide this from her for so many years and that I don’t have to pretend to be jewish if I don’t want to, but like a lot of people have commented, I do feel sort of culturally jewish now. I definitely identify more as a member of the Jewish community than I do any others. We’re not going to pressure any of our kids into Judaism and we’re going to let them decide what they want to do for themselves... and my wife and I agreed that it’d be for the best if we gave back since all the opportunities afforded to me came from the Jewish community, we’re going to get involved with an organization and we’re donating to 3 different scholarships for $5,000 each, and try and help fund birthright trips whenever we can. I’d like to thank everyone who’s commented with advice and hopefully this can be a new chapter in my life!
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/b980ie/ive_lied_to_everyone_in_my_life_for_20_years_that/) by /u/fake-jew* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/flctkf/ive_lied_to_everyone_in_my_life_for_20_years_that/ | flctkf | 10,294 | 88 | [
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2020-03-20T00:10:49 | Mother been suspended from work because they found out she is living in a van | LegalAdvice | My mum works in a doctors surgery, a few months ago she moved into a van to try and save some more money for her retirement. She kept her old address as delivery address and address with her employer but put a forwarding with Royal mail on so all mail goes to my sisters house.
Yesterday she had all her log ins suspended and was asked to leave the office, told she was suspended pending an investigation because they found out she was living in a van.
She has a meeting tomorrow with the partners.
My main question is; is it a sackable offence to have given them an out of date address for last few months?
Also appreciate any other advice.
 
**UPDATE:**
They are not sacking her, she is reinstated and they are claiming that she was never really suspended it was a "misunderstanding".
Another employee suggested that the partners wanted to scapegoat her for poor financial performance of the surgery. It seems they didnt realise the extent of the problems and had expected her to have warned them about it. This though is obviously not a good reason for locking her out of the accounting software and sending her home.
They questioned her about living in the van, thinking perhaps she could "just drive off" and leave them in the lurch, which obviously anyone who lives in a house could do with minimal planning as well.
In the end they have very much backed off from the van angle, and her job is safe for now, so an ok result. I don't know whether she would have some sort of case against them as things stand, but she is not interested in bankrupting an already struggling GP and is keen to help them rather than hinder if possible.
Thanks everyone for advice and support
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/fko0sv/mother_been_suspended_from_work_because_they/) by /u/xXx420NoScope420xXx* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/flkxfi/mother_been_suspended_from_work_because_they/ | flkxfi | 1,862 | 10 | [
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2020-03-20T17:03:01 | My (30F) husband (32M) impulse bought a dog | r/relationships | Together six years married for three. We so far have very rarely had communication issues. Before we got married we went to a counselor who helped us a lot; not because we were having issues, but to make sure we were going to be able to avoid these issues.
Both of us are childfree and have been talking about getting a dog. I grew up with them but we travel a lot, so having one has not really been in the cards. He recently took a job where we won’t be able to do as much traveling for about a year.
Recently he has been very excited because he feels he deserves a dog. He works away from home and I work from home. Like I said I grew up with dogs, I do miss having one. But there are dogs who would do great with out lifestyle and dogs who wouldn’t. We agreed on getting a trainer if we had any issues we can’t fix on our own.
I am very health conscious which extends to dogs. There are certain breeds I would never own because they have so many health issues.
The other day he came home with a bulldog puppy. This is a breed on my absolutely not list. He is about six months old and he got him from a family who couldn’t keep him. He is already has breathing issues, he snores all day and all night. He will need soft palate surgery and he will need his nostrils enlarged. He can’t run. He will need patella surgery. Like I said he is only six months old.
I am so frustrated. We’ve had the dog for about four weeks and he doesn’t want to walk the dog much, he won’t clean up after it, all he wants to do is take him to the dog park and pet store. He loves when people gush over how cute he is when he snorts (the dog not my husband).
We had a very big argument over the dog. He wants to let him sleep in bed with us, but I told him I would be sleeping in another room. He didn’t care, and the dog has been sleeping in our bed for the past three nights while I have been in the guest room.
During the day he is quiet. He is a good puppy for sure, he doesn’t destroy toys and he is happy as a clam to sleep next to me all day while I work. The snoring doesn’t bother me as much, but knowing he snores because he has that much trouble breathing makes me feel so bad.
but I am so upset with my husband for getting a dog with so many health issues. I do not know how to address the situation without letting my temper get away with me.
TL;DR: my husband brought home an impulse purchased puppy with numerous health issues, he won’t care for it, and it has taken over our bed.
 
[**1 MONTH LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/cxgnob/my_30f_husband_32m_impulse_bought_a_dog_update/)
 
Thank you all for the thorough responses. I read every comment you guys sent.
A few months ago I read a post where a woman sat down with her husband and outlined everything she takes care of at home in a list format. Like, kitchen: trash, dishes, wipe counters down. Etc. That way of communicating really stuck with me and when we went to see our therapist, I used the same format to express how much I do for the dog.
My husband told me that owning a dog was a joint effort and since I’m home all day it shouldn’t be a problem.
Which is when I realized that has been his excuse for everything. Cooking, chores, cleaning. I’m not sure how I became blind to it. I don’t know when I started bending over backwards to accommodate him.
We used to be a solid couple who helped each other out. I remember when I was still in school he’d come over to my apartment and clean the whole thing for me during finals. Or he took care of my elderly cat when I was away for a week and a half. He used to help me dry the dishes and it was always fun. We used to have so much fun and laugh all the time. At some point it all stopped.
I started crying right there in the middle of a sentence and he got concerned. I’m not a cryer the only time he’s ever seen me cry was when I had to put my beloved cat down a few years ago. But he held me for the first time in what felt like months and we had a serious heart to heart about how he made me feel. Not only with the dog but how stressed I’ve been with my job, how lonely I am, I don’t feel important and how we don’t feel like a team anymore, that I’m worried about us.
I guess it clicked for him because he really stepped up taking care of the dog. He started going into work earlier so he can come home early and hang out and make me dinner. It happened slowly over the course of the last few weeks and the routine suits us a lot better. We hired a trainer to make sure we can understand the dog’s boundaries together and the dog sleeps in a dog bed. Our bedroom life has slowly gotten back to where it was when we got married. We’re watching our favorite shows again and going out more. I’ve been putting my foot down more about my feelings and he has been receptive. We are still going to therapy for now.
As for the dog, we’re going to keep him. Is he a No List dog? Yes. But is he a good puppy with a big heart? Yes. We have the money to afford him and he took off after training. It’s nice having a dog again.
TL;DR: husband and I went to therapy, we talked through our problems, we are giving our marriage the time and attention it needs to mend. We’re keeping the dog.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/cxgnob/my_30f_husband_32m_impulse_bought_a_dog_update/) by /u/Gerrrrtty* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/flyilg/my_30f_husband_32m_impulse_bought_a_dog/ | flyilg | 5,406 | 88 | [
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2020-03-21T16:43:13 | 'I sat in the wrong class for an entire month and realized a day before the first midterm' | TIFU | I'm in my third year of University taking engineering so this is a little extra embarrassing considering my streak of never being "that person" in the wrong class. To start the semester I ended up missing the first week of school because I was on a last minute trip with my friends. It was completely unplanned and actually a few of my friends who had graduated helped chip to buy my ticket since I technically couldn't afford to go.
Anyway, I came into class a week late and it is scheduled for tuesdays and thursdays at 7-8:15pm. On both those days I have classes all day until 2pm so I usually go home to eat and grab a snooze before the night class. So my first tuesday home I ended up over sleeping and turning up to class five minutes late. So as part of my degree I have to take microeconomics which all I knew about it previously was it's about the economy and money. When I get to class they're talking about supply and demand curves shifting so I just take a spot in the back not thinking twice.
This goes on for 3.5 weeks. I came to class. Took notes. Then did the weekly assignments. On the course syllabus it had a date for the midterm which is Febuary 1st. So the class before the exam, January 30th, I decided to stick around after class and ask some questions. Now I was doing all the assignments and thought the course material was relevant but it was ALL theory based while the class was heavy math based. I understood what was going on but there was obviously some disconnect. I explained my concerns about the midterm to the prof and the conversation went like this:
Explains above about material Prof: "What do you mean theory? All the assignments are filled with math. Are you using launchpad?" Me: "No the assignments are online. Like the website we bought the textbook from. Whats lauchpad?" Prof: "Pardon? I don't have a textbook for this course." Me: "It literally says in the syllabus, look!" Shows syllabus Prof: "Wait, what class are you supposed to be in?" Me: "What do you mean...? This is ECON 202 right?" Prof starts laughing Prof: "Haha this is ECON 301, you have to take 202 before you take my class. This is a new one, I've never experienced this before." Me: "Well this is awkward. I better go see my actual teacher and explain."
I then just grabbed my stuff real quick and sprinted through campus to go explain the situation to the other guy. I caught him just as he was leaving lecture and explain my predicament. Even showed him my ECON 301 notes to prove I couldn't make this shit up. He just laughed and said the same thing "This is a new one for me." Turns out all the assignments for both classes were due the same day. Same with the midterms. They were relevant because it was obviously a level above what I was supposed to be doing and the only thing I got wrong was the building code. They were both classroom 112, just different buildings. So basically I just spent the last 2 nights forgetting everything from this class all month and learning the real material. Wish me luck tomorrow!
Tldr; I was in the wrong econ class for an entire month until I finally realized. Then had to cram for 2 nights for a midterm. Crazy coicidences all around.
**Edit:** Well shit, went to sleep and woke up from a friend texting me saying "You made the front page you motherfucker hahahahahaha". The exam is in a couple hours and I will update you on my grade but to clear up some of the comments:
* Ya, the trip wasn't the smartest but I had fun and went to Tiesto's birthday in Vegas amongst other kool stuff. Life goes on.
* I was doing the assignments for the actual class with some help from my good buddy google and I had the actual textbook (pirated, no one buys textbooks c'mon). So I do have a grasp of whats going on .. kinda. He did everything on the board and there were online notes but I figured you did practical application in class and the online notes (actually for my 202 class) were for reference purposes.
* I highly doubt i'll fail the course or the midterm. It's amazing how much you can learn in 24 hours with enough caffeine and fear in your belly. I've made it through almost 3 years of engineering so I'm sure it will turn out fine. It'll be a funny story at grad when I get my ring.
Thanks for all the support too. :) Making the front page of reddit just adds to how sweet 2018's been (no sarcasm) and this is just a minor set back.
**Edit 2:** Just got back from the exam.. I didn't crush it but there is no way I didn't pass. It was twenty multiple choice and 2 five mark short answer questions. The prof also stopped me leaving the exam and said "I usually don't tell students this until before the 2nd midterm but if you score better on the final and second midterm I will take the average to make up that first exam." So all in all I survived and live to fight another day.
**Update:** Passed with a C+
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7uhdqo/tifu_by_sitting_in_the_wrong_class_for_an_entire/) by /u/Oldybutanewy* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fmhuha/i_sat_in_the_wrong_class_for_an_entire_month_and/ | fmhuha | 5,030 | 53 | [
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2020-03-21T23:45:10 | What are the dimensions of an adult llama? | r/NoStupidQuestions | I've been hired to make a tuxedo for a llama and I don't have it's measurements. I'm also assuming the llama is male.
The measurements needed are: Length of legs from just above hoof (ankle?) to bottom of torso Height from bottom of torso to back of neck Distance around neck Width across shoulders
Thank you!
Edit to answer the most popular comments: Yes, this is real. It is an age old tale of a sibling who will go to any lengths to playfully spite his sister.
And thanks to all who gave really insightful tips on how to go about this, you're the greatest and I'm learning a lot!
UPDATE:
The original owner of the llama my friend had booked ghosted him about a week before the wedding. My friend then found another person who had a llama handy with a week to spare. His name is Shocky and he is a very good llama and I love him very much. The suit didn't turn out how I wanted it to, but that's pretty much what everyone says when they make something. All in all, it's been an unforgettable day.
There will be pictures, because I'm afraid for my safety if I didn't post them. The big day is March 1. I'm trying to get u/ DJ117Xx to post them, as he's the one actually doing all this and should get all the awards and karma. I'm just making clothes.
 
[**DAY OF THE WEDDING**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/fbzigv/5_years_ago_i_promised_my_sister_i_would_bring_a/)
The bride's brother u/ DJ117Xx posts: 5 years ago I promised my sister I would bring a llama to her wedding
5 years ago we were driving to Indiana (from Ohio) she was talking about her wedding like it was tomorrow (even though she wasnt dating anyone) I told her if you make me come to this wedding I'm bringing a llama. She got very upset and told me I couldn't. Eventually she got so mad she told me "screw it the llama is invited to the wedding". Ever since that day I swore I would bring one. She got engaged in October and I knew it was my time to shine. Today's the big day and I couldn't be happier
 
THE UPDATE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: pictures of a llama in a tuxedo.
 
https://i.redd.it/dwwlwn0r84k41.jpg
 
*[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/f6vado/what_are_the_dimensions_of_an_adult_llama/) by /u/MrsSamHandwich, [llama photo](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/fbzigv/5_years_ago_i_promised_my_sister_i_would_bring_a/ ) by /u/DJ117Xx* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fmppqd/what_are_the_dimensions_of_an_adult_llama/ | fmppqd | 2,424 | 54 | [
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2020-03-22T17:06:17 | My devout Muslim parents found my alcohol stash | TIFU | Oh boy, here we go.
I made a big oops. I knew it as soon as I received a text from my dad while I was at work earlier today, saying “Tell your boss you’re going to be late tomorrow for a family emergency. We have important family business to do in the morning”. My parents know my job is very important, and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. So, my dad telling me to lie to my boss made me realize that something big is going down. Needless to say, I couldn’t focus much on my work for the rest of the day. I texted my dad asking what happened, but he wouldn’t answer.
Just to preface: my family, particularly my parents, are very strict South Asian Muslims. They follow the religion devoutly, and there are some sins to them that are absolutely unforgivable, the big ones (besides, y’know, obviously not murdering someone) being: don’t eat pork, don’t drink alcohol, and don’t have sex.
Now, I shall also preface by saying that I am, in no way, religious. I moved home recently after living on campus for college, where I happily lived a double life. I spread my wings, ended up loving alcohol, and did a bunch of other fun, sinful things.
Now, I knew when I moved home that this kind of fun would need to end, or at least, need to be done with the utmost secrecy.
But I’m a fucking idiot.
I bought a six pack of Mike’s last time when I was at the grocery shop. Smuggled it home, hid it in a corner of my wardrobe. The same corner where I hid an old male friend’s clothes that I forgot to return (remember that rule I mentioned saying “no sex”? Well, there’s not many things they could’ve thought when they saw those basketball shorts and undershirt.)
Anyways, while I was at work today, my mother took the pleasure of organizing and cleaning my room. Which, lucky for me, included my wardrobe.
Holy fucking hell. Not only did they find my alcohol “stash”, they also found a boy’s shirt and shorts. I’m done for.
My mother pretended nothing happened when I walked in the door after work, and I haven’t left my room since I’ve gotten home.
I can only think of this going three ways when they confront me tomorrow morning: 1) I’m getting kicked out, 2) they’re bringing an Imam to perform an exorcism on me since I’m clearly possessed by Satan, or 3) they’re planning on buying me a one-way ticket to their home country so that I could learn a few things from the good, religious girls there.
Whichever way this goes, I’m absolutely fucked. I’m freshly out of college and haven’t saved enough to find a place of my own (not that I had anticipated, either — my parents expect me to live with them until I’m married; the idea of living on my own is, to them, unthinkable.).
I guess I won’t really know what’s going to happen until tomorrow morning. Suffice to say, I won’t be getting any sleep tonight.
TL;DR: My devout South Asian Muslim parents found my sinful stash of booze and other things, and I’m anticipating being dealt with accordingly tomorrow morning.
Edit: forgot to mention, I’m a girl, if anyone was confused reading this
Update: Alright folks, it’s around 8am here and I know everyone’s dying for an update. So apparently, all the stress from last night made my brain go into hyperdrive and tire itself out, and I actually got some sleep. Some time last night my mom came in to let me know to make sure I get up on time, that my dad’s taking her and I somewhere. (???). I guess I’ll find out in a few. Thanks for the help so far, y’all. I’m reading all the comments and messages and you guys are all so amazing. I’ll keep you updated as things unfold.
Alright, Update 2: My dad took my sister to school this morning, so I took that opportunity to dip. My mom asked me where I was going, as I was supposed to go to work later today, but I’m a fucking coward so I left. Took a change of clothes just in case I decide to bunk with a friend tonight. My parents do love me, but they’re strict — love me enough that they wouldn’t put my life in jeopardy, but strict enough that they will do what it takes to keep me on what they believe is the right path. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I can’t run forever, but I also don’t wanna be late for work. Hell, if I get kicked out, the last thing I need is to be unemployed too. I’m sitting in a parking lot right now deciding if I should just drive back home and talk to them now or keep avoiding as long as possible. By not talking to them, I’m kind of hoping that they see that I won’t easily bend to their will, that they’ll have to reach an understanding with me rather than expecting me to follow what they say blindly. This probably isn’t the update you guys were hoping for, but I’m apparently good at disappointing people, haha.
Update 3: My parents kept calling me, I guess they’re worried. They’re super overprotective (if you couldn’t tell) and have called a whole bunch of times, texted too. My dad texted me to come home, so I texted both him and my mom separately saying “I don’t know where you want to take me, but mom said we’re going somewhere. I’m not going”, to which my dad responded, “we’re not going anywhere, just come home”. He also left me voicemails saying to come home. Didn’t sound mad at all, more apologetic than anything, if I’m being honest. I love my dad, we have a great relationship and I fucked it all up by disrespecting their values in their own house. I feel awful. Anyways, I’m not here to whine. I’m going to work. If I decide to come back home tonight I’ll speak to them. Who knows what’s happen.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/avy6eg/tifupdate_tifu_by_having_my_devout_muslim_parents/)
So one part that I forgot to mention in the updates on the original post was that I zoomed out of the house as quickly as I could because it turns out that my mom not only found my alcohol stash, but also a few condoms. After she found my alcohol, I guess she went through the rest of my stuff and dug deep (real deep -- I mean that shit was hidden in Hades' rectum) to uncover all my sinful secrets.
Now, before everyone starts calling me a whore (and I happened to get a good number of people messaging me, calling me exactly that), those condoms have been in my bag for ages. My college had their annual involvement fair and our health services department threw 'em around like candy. Lady at the booth tossed me a few. "Never know when you'll need 'em", she told me.
Anyway, it wasn't until this morning that I found out that she found the condoms. They weren't where I had hidden them. And that's when I panicked. I had to leave the house. Alcohol’s one thing, but sex is a whole different ballgame. No, thanks.
As I mentioned before, my parents called me a bunch of times before I finally called back. The last straw was when my mom called my workplace asking to be transferred to me.
She got me.
I hung up on her and called her from my cellphone. I caved. Went home. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to focus at work. Told my boss my parents were spam calling me and I really needed to get home, and that I'd be right back. Fortunately, she was more than understanding.
Cut to me arriving home -- my parents are sitting at the kitchen table. My dad's staring into his coffee, leaning on his hand. My heart dropped to my stomach. I feel like absolute garbage for disappointing him. Mom was trying to diffuse the tension by making small talk. Dad went to the room to lay down. He couldn't even look at me. Which, sadly worked out because I couldn't bare to face him. It broke my heart knowing that I permanently messed up our relationship.
I sat down with my mom. She didn't waste a second getting right to it. "I want you to be clear and honest with me. I'm your mother, and I can tell if you're lying, so please just don't hide anymore". Her voice was quivering as she said this, which threw me off guard. I promised I would, which I didn't, which in turn made me feel shitty, but it's better than what would've have gone down if I had been honest.
"Are you seeing anyone? From work or from college?" No mention of the alcohol yet. Like I said, sex is a whole different ballgame. Anyways, I told her no, I wasn’t. I explained to her exactly where I got those condoms from (Booth Lady), and played dumb., "I didn't know how to dispose of those things, and I figured you'd think something if you had seen them in the trash, so I just hid them in my bag because I didn't know what else to do with them." A whole lot of playing dumb and convincing her that “I-would-never-let-a-man-touch-me” occurred before she believed me. She was holding her breath this whole time, and as soon as I explained myself, she broke down. "I can forgive you for the alcohol but the most important thing for us women is keeping our bodies pure and keeping away from bad men." In my head, I rolled my eyes, but I also needed her to believe me, so I feigned being offended that she didn't think that I believed the same thing as her.
The alcohol was mentioned next. I had to come semi-clean about this; I knew I couldn't expect all-around wins. I explained to her that while I was packing to move out last semester, my old roommate gave me the six-pack since she didn't like it (and yes, it was Black Cherry!). There was one bottle gone. I told her I just wanted to try it, that I was surrounded by people drinking all the time, so I wanted to see what the hype was all about, but that it was stupid of me to do so. I apologized for disrespecting both her and my dad in their own house, as they're the ones who've raised me, taken care of me, fed me, and kept a roof over my head. This, I genuinely meant. I apologized for disappointing them.
The clothes were explained as me finding them in the laundry room at college last semester, and I decided just to keep them, for the hell of it. Somehow, she believed it. I won’t question it.
A little bit of lecturing naturally occurred. She mentioned being disappointed, and I cried a little, partly because of relief, and partly because I felt bad. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I had been completely honest. I’m just glad that my explanations were believable.
At the end of the day, this was a FU [fuck up] that happened because I'm a fucking idiot. It was only a matter of time until I got caught. I knew I'd have to find a different hiding place for those things but I never got around to it. I won't make any excuses for my dumb-fuckery.
Note: Everyone saying the real FU was getting caught with Mike’s of all things is absolutely correct. Couldn't I have been caught with a bottle of Grey Goose at least?
Note II: I'm Bangladeshi, for all of those who were curious. Dunno why everyone assumed I was Pakistani ¯_(ツ)_/¯
TL;DR: Lied a little, confessed a little. I get to still live at home.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/avmf13/tifu_by_having_my_devout_muslim_parents_find_my/) by /u/meowtoothree* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fn2z7a/my_devout_muslim_parents_found_my_alcohol_stash/ | fn2z7a | 10,950 | 20 | [
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2020-03-22T20:42:50 | I [26F] just dropped a lot of money on my boyfriend's [30M] Christmas present | Relationship_Advice | **[Original](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/dthk1j/i_26f_just_dropped_a_lot_of_money_on_my/) by /u/vaches**
We've been together for 2 months (and we were friends beforehand). I'm head over heels for him, and he has indicated he feels the same. I've spent every weekend at his place since we started dating, and we've met each other's families. Things seem to be awesome.
Yesterday I made an impulse purchase for his Christmas present. Something really nerdy and dorky and $900. It puts a small dent in my financial situation but I can recoup it in a couple of months.
This morning I've woken up feeling regretful. I don't mind spending the money, but what kills me is that when he sees the gift he'll think I'm insane. He might think I'm obsessed with him and making wedding plans or something. I'm just really happy and I wanted to express it. Even if things go up in flames, I won't regret giving him this gift.
TL;DR I don't know how to explain that I just love him and want him to have cool things and I swear I'm not going to go Fatal Attraction on him.
**[Update](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fn24sv/update_i_26f_just_dropped_a_lot_of_money_on_my/)**
I posted in November that I had spent $900 on a Christmas gift for my boyfriend of 2 months. It was a dinosaur fossil, something we both would appreciate. I was in love, I was excited, and I knew it was probably a bad idea but I didn't think I'd have any regrets. I got plenty of advice to return it or hang on to it until an anniversary. I weighed my options and proceeded to ignore all of it because, y'know, young and in love and dumb.
Well, a few days later (before the gift arrived) I ended up in the hospital because of a mental health crisis. When I was in the ER, I phoned him to let him know 1) where I was and 2) that I might have my phone taken away. I could hear in his voice that he was quite taken aback and didn't really know what to say.
I was transferred to another hospital 30 minutes away and held in the hospital's custody for 72 hours. I knew in my mind that any normal person would be spooked if their brand-new girlfriend had a nervous breakdown that needed hospitalization. When he asked to come visit on the 2nd day, I was surprised. He bought me a book that he thought I would like and brought his favourite sweater because "when I'm not feeling well this sweater makes me feel cozy". I cried when he left that night because I was so touched.
All in all, I was in the hospital for 9 days. I was blown away; he didn't seem to care very much that I had mental health issues, he liked me regardless. The fossil arrived during this time, so as soon as I got home I rushed it over to his apartment. I felt he deserved to have it a little early. He loved it so much he got a little teary-eyed. It sits on his bookshelf.
Over the next months, I learned that my reckless decisions (including spending almost a thousand dollars on a Christmas gift for someone I was dating for 8 weeks LOL...) were prompted by a personality disorder. I'm still on a sick leave from work while I recover. My boyfriend has been so supportive every step of the way. I moved into his apartment two weeks ago. (Which doesn't change much because I was here all the time anyway.)
My birthday is coming up and he wants to take me on a trip to Newfoundland where we would sit by the ocean, drink, hike, and hopefully see some moose and whales. When I said that's WAY too big of a gift, he said, "You bought me a f*cking dinosaur fossil. You don't get to pull rank here." So when COVID-19 settles down, we'll be on a road trip :)
TL;DR I spent a ridiculous amount of money on a gift for a new relationship because I was extremely invested and kinda crazy. It turns out he deserved it, and we're now living together and happy as ever. | somegenerichandle | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fn6tor/i_26f_just_dropped_a_lot_of_money_on_my/ | fn6tor | 3,829 | 69 | [
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2020-03-23T16:21:26 | Tenant is renting out my apartment on AirBnB. Tenant isn't responding, AirBnB doesn't care, and my condo board is threatening to fine me for each violation. | LegalAdvice | Location: Toronto, Ontario
I own an apartment in downtown Toronto, our building has had a bad history of problems with AirBnB tenants so we voted to ban any sort of short term rental. Currently i am on the other side of the continent for work, and won't be back until January.
I decided to list my place up for a rental in late August, for rental until Janaury. Since the rental time was almost half a year it doesn't count as a short term rental (several people do this in our building and it is fine). I immediately got a hit by a person named Jane who was a student about to start grad school (i don't know if this is true or not), and we talked and decided to agree to the rental.She signed a document indicating she agreed to the buildings rules, including the notice about "No short term rentals, through services such as AirBnB".
Yesterday i got an email from our property manager:
On Monday they were testing each units smoke detectors, and he noticed there were 3 people in the unit. Along with a strong smell of pot. They apparently identified themselves as AirBnB renters. (Apparently they tried to deny our property manager from entering, since they weren't sure of who he was since they were only renting this place for a week through AirBnB).
* I am violating the rule about no short term rentals.
* I am apparently in violation of a bunch of rule violations such as the fact that more people are staying in my unit than permitted.
* Apparently multiple guests have been parking overnight in the visitors spot (not allowed) who all recorded my unit number as the one they are visiting.
* After getting that email i called him and confirmed, and i was able to find my place listed on AirBnB, using very recent photos of my apartment. I tried to contact Jane, through email (no response), phone calls go to voice mail, and facebook (she blocked me after i sent her a message).
I have tried numerous times to talk to AirBnB, but all they have told me is they can't do anything about this, and basically refused to do anything about the listing.
Aside from all the issues above, frankly i don't feel comfortable with a bunch of random strangers in my apartment at all. Unfortunately i have no idea even what to do about this legally speaking. Do i have any way to block these random people from entering my unit?
 
[**UPDATE #1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9qibro/update_tenant_is_renting_out_my_apartment_on/)
Just wanted to thank you all for your support/advice, i was really dumb and naivee when it comes to renting out my apartment. The last time i rented it out the tenant left on time, and i never actually thought about what could happen if they didn't leave.
I have started the process of evicting the tenant today, with support from a local lawyer who is going to handle a bunch of the paperwork for me, and represent me.
My condo board thankfully has been super understanding as soon as i outlined that it was being done without my knowledge, and they have agreed to wave the penalties. Apparently there were noise complaints on Friday relating to my apartment which annoyed our condo board. Our concierge service (we have someone at the front desk 24/7), will no longer be allowing people to leave keys for people at the front desk.
On Sunday two people came in to the building asking for keys to my unit, and our concierge service asked if they were AirBnB tenants, and they said yes. He then basically told them to leave right away, and they aren't welcome here.
Jane finally got in touch with me today, and basically accused me of numerous things, from harassing her renters, to just in general making her life difficult. She also stated that she will be going to the LTB to "make a formal complaint because banning AirBnB is not allowed". When i pointed out that as people have told me here that she needs to get my permission before renting out to other people. She went a rant about how she is doing this for numerous places and how she has never had a problem and "how stupid i am for making her my enemy".
I have a ton of proof of what she is doing, honestly my biggest concern is what is going to happen to my apartment. I asked a friend to book my room for one night through AirBnB for tomorrow (as it just apparently became available for rent), and take a look at the state of my apartment.
 
[**UPDATE #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9svjmr/update_2_tenant_is_renting_out_my_apartment_on/)
Thank you all for the wonderful advice, especially the fact that i am allowed to elect someone by proxy to do a unit inspection. I am never going to rent out my room again because this has been a massive battle.
My friend to rent the room for a single night because my land lord never responded about doing a walkthrough in time, and i was nervous. Turns out someone not Jane, but someone who identified himself as Janes coworker who works for Company X, met my friend in the parking lot. He gave him the keys. I don't know who this person is but i am not comfortable with some random person having my apartment keys.
My friend ironically was rejected by the concierge service, who asked him what room he was going to. (I forgot to tell my property manager about this). My friend got a full refund from AirBnB and him and his girlfriend were put up in a nice hotel a few blocks away by AirBnB for the night.
My property manager did respond and was kind enough to do a video walkthrough with me on speaker phone, and honestly my apartment is not in great shape at all. Apparently it stinks of cigarettes and weed, and there was a beer can being used as an ash tray, which is not allowed since our apartment building is "Smoke Free". I have stains/burns on my couch which looks like from cigarettes.
AirBNB has not done anything, and her listing is still up (i can't find any other listings of hers).
Jane however has been constantly sending me angry emails, about how i am impacting her financial situation, to how it is making her look bad as an AirBNB host. I told her bluntly the things that i saw from the walkthrough and how it stinks of smoke and we are a smoke free building. She claims she never signed any sort of agreement about condo rules, and i sent her a picture of the agreement she signed, including the condo rules page.
I offered to let her out of the lease, and not pay any more rent money for the remainder of the time on the lease. Skipping Novemeber/December. If she left, and had the apartment cleaned. She on the other hand demanded $5,000 for her to vacate from the apartment early. When i refused she told me "I will do everything within my power to make ur life a living hell for fucking with me".
My lawyer has made the complaint with the LTB, and he thinks it will most likely be resolved by the end of December. This has taught me a hard lesson, and i will never rent my apartment again.
 
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9z9q04/update_final_tenant_is_renting_out_my_apartment/)
Officially as of today Jane has vacated my apartment, and building management has changed the locks. We were able to come to a signed agreement where she agreed to vacate the property within 7 days if i refunded her last two months of rent. (~4200$). Which i did. Honestly between this and my other legal fees i am basically in the hole, and i would have been better off not having anyone rent my apartment.
I talked to someone who is doing a story on Jane, and they were able to confirm that she apparently works for a company rents out places on AirBNB (said person who was doing a story basically told me they weren't going to pursue this anymore due to time concerns). She isn't a grad student nor is she even a student.
I don't feel like i won, and honestly i just feel absolutely infuriated with the entire situation. AirBNB to this day still has my place being listed on AirBNB. Who knows why she doesn't have keys anymore.
My apartment is a disaster right now and from what my property manager has stated it seems like people definitely did smoke in my apartment. There are burns on my couch from cigarette, my dishwasher is broken, and pretty much everything needs a desperate deep clean. But my apartment is safe more or less.
Anyways i wanted to thank everyone for your advice. It probably isn't the best ending but it taught me an extremely valuable lesson, and i can go home at Christmas and hopefully clean my apartment.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9prn30/tenant_is_renting_out_my_apartment_on_airbnb/) by /u/TorontoAptQuestion* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fnmq13/tenant_is_renting_out_my_apartment_on_airbnb/ | fnmq13 | 8,660 | 40 | [
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2020-03-23T16:58:35 | Tenant is renting out my apartment on AirBnB. Tenant isn't responding, AirBnB doesn't care, and my condo board is threatening to fine me for each violation. | null | Kinglens311 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fnndod/tenant_is_renting_out_my_apartment_on_airbnb/ | fnndod | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-03-23T23:40:22 | Stuck in the server room, while the whole company works from home | r/sysadmin | So I set up the entire middle-sized company to work from home. A giant feat, considering over 50% of people had desktops. Now, I am being told that I have to keep driving in to work every day and sit in an empty office because "the server room has to be manned".
I work 8-5, the server room is usually "unmanned" all evenings and weekends. I have monitoring installed on everything and will get phone calls and SMS within 2 minutes of anything going down. I live 15 minutes from the office. The building is locked down, there are cameras everywhere, the server room has a camera and is locked as well. I have temperature controls in the server room that will SMS me if the temp goes up.
I asked what exactly I am expected to do sitting in an empty office and was told that all larger companies have live bodies in the datacenters, that this is the normal procedure. Is it? Is everyone else here also sitting in the server room while the whole company works from home? Thanks!
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/fmnyb8/update_stuck_in_the_server_room_while_the_whole/)
Last week I asked here if it was common practice to keep server rooms and data centers manned at all times, even if there is a monitoring system set up. In response, I was given advice on how to occupy my time in an empty office, even though I have plenty of work to do, and was told that my company's needs exceeded my wants to remain mentally healthy. Thank you to everyone who actually answered the question and it seems like there is no universal standard - some server rooms never see a live person unless there is an issue and others have tech on site at all times. One reply though gave me an idea.
A few days later there was a conference call for all managers. On this call, it was decided that the few people who still came to the office should start working from home as well. My boss piped up and said, "Of course, brutik will be on site every day to man the server room." To which I immediately responded, "Of course! But seeing how the building will be completely empty now and we have hazards such as a many steep stairs, auto-locking closets, tall server racks where I have to use a ladder to get to the top, I believe it would be the safest for me to have someone else working with me onsite. As my boss is the only one in the company with some basic computer knowledge, it would make sense for him to work from the office as well."
Voila! Starting Monday, I work from home.
 
*[Originally posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/fk6i78/anyone_else_stuck_in_the_server_room_while_the/) to /r/sysadmin* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fnum1g/stuck_in_the_server_room_while_the_whole_company/ | fnum1g | 2,648 | 76 | [
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2020-03-24T17:30:12 | My(48M) wife(44F) is going to be SHOCKED | Relationship_Advice | So, wife and I have been together 17 years. We are still stupid for each other, and she is the absolute love of my life, best friend, confidant, and co-conspirator. About two years ago she started having joint aches and pains, and some minor swelling in her hands, wrists, ankles, etc. So off we got to the GP, who gives us a consult to a Rheumatologist. Come to find out, she has rheumatoid arthritis, no worries, she starts treatment. Fast forward to a month ago, when our North Texas weather decided to go full mental, and start changing temps and rain/weather by the hour it seemed. She woke up after overnight temp changes and thunderstorms, and her hands were HUGE, worse, her small petite fingers looked like sausages. And even though she had been previously warned about this, had slept in her wedding ring.
So, off to the doctors office....where they had to cut off her ring. So, now for the bad, our rings were special ordered from Ireland and custom designed, and have words in Gaelic around the exterior of the ring, negating any type of "repair", and they were designed and made......17 years ago. She was absolutely GUTTED. I assured her we would figure it out, and it wasn't a big deal, but I could tell, to her, it was.
Begin Sherlock Holmes Mode. I googled until I couldn't google anymore. I was able to find that the original jeweler had closed up shop 10+ years ago just due to age. I searched some more. I finally found his personal Facebook page, and I message him, and wait......and wait......
I finally get a response from his daughter, that she had noticed a pending message on her Da's page, and that he passed away just six months ago. I express my condolences, and she asks what was the purpose of my inquiry. I go into this long diatribe about what had happened, etc. She tells me she understands, and is so sorry about what had happened.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. I get a message on Facebook from an unknown person, until she explains this was the daughter of the jeweler. She explains that she went through all her dads designs and looked up the approximate dates, and thinks she found the drawings, details, and MOLDS in her dads things, and wanted me to confirm. She sent pictures, and I confirmed that YES - THOSE ARE OUR RINGS! She said she would get all of this to us as soon as possible, and asked for our address.
I open my email this morning to find tracking information, and pictures. OF OUR RINGS. She went ahead and had her BROTHER, who had taken over her fathers business make our wedding bands again, in her original size, and two extra in two larger sizes in case her condition causes her fingers to swell/change, and mailed them out to us, at no charge. I asked why they did both as mine was fine, and she said it would not be fair that my wife had to have a new ring, and I was allowed to keep my old one. She told me we needed to put our original set away, and to enjoy our new wedding bands. I asked about compensation, and she said she was honored to keep her dads work and spirit alive.
Our "New" Wedding Bands will be here Thursday.
Trying to think of romantic way to present her with them as she has NO IDEA any of this took place.
*Edit - I rarely keep anything from her, but didn't want to tell her I was trying only for her to be ultimately disappointed. The absolute hardest thing for me from now until they arrive will be to NOT tell her as we tell each other EVERYTHING. So now I not only need to figure out HOW to do this, but NOT to spill the beans until then. (Our friends nicknamed us Mickey and Mallory as well as Marshall and Lilly from "How I Met Your Mother", because we literally tell each other everything)
*Edit 2 - I thought about taking her to our local favorite restaurant, where I actually proposed to her, she's a nurse (VA Nurse - how we met 18 years ago), and so ALWAYS goes to the bathroom to wash her hands prior to ordering, when I originally proposed, I waited until she got up to wash her hands, dropped her ring in her wine glass, and...."waited".....am thinking of a repeat.
*Edit 3 - And to those of you saying "I" am awesome, not in the slightest. SHE is my world, she brought two sons to this add water family that were my pleasure to raise, and are now my best friends. She is the reason I breathe, and supported all of us when I went back to school to achieve my two doctorates to advance my career. She is my hero. I wake up every day to earn her all over again. This was one small thing I was able to do to bring her happiness, her joy is why I have a heartbeat. And I don't give a good flying f at a rolling donut if I seem sappy. If a man isn't allowed to get sappy over his wife, he shouldn't have one.
 
TL;DR Wife had to have rings cut off due to swelling from arthritis, I went Hardy Boys and found original jeweler, who had passed away, daughter found original molds/order, and recreated rings without my knowledge and mailed them out. Was seeking advice on how to give her the new wedding bands.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b9v8sv/update_dont_want_to_have_a_clickbait_title_wifes/)
So, I have just returned from lunch, where my wife received her new bands. We kept it low key, no pictures/video, and semi-private. What we did was planned to take her cut band to a local jeweler after lunch, and invited our two sons to lunch before the "appointment". While ordering, Oldest son asks to see the damaged/cut wedding band, saying he might be able to fix it, he takes it below the table and starts acting like he is squeezing and straining, and then places a complete "fixed" band on the table, and asks his mom if that works, she is ASTOUNDED, and places the band on her finger, but....it is too big.
Youngest son says he can fix THAT and asks for the band, wife reluctantly and with a look of "WTF is going on" on her face, hands the band to our youngest, he takes it below the table, and squeezes and strains, and makes it "smaller, but not quite perfect" when she puts it on. She is now trying to figure it out, and as she takes it off and starts to inspect it, I take it away from her and do the same "act" as our boys, but this time, the band fits PERFECTLY on her finger, and she has quite LITERALLY had enough!
She finally takes it off, and is inspecting it pretty hard, and cannot figure it out.....until My oldest places her cut and older band on the table, our youngest places the too large band on the table, and I place the next size on the table. At this point she's just staring at all of us, and I explain what had happened, and how I was able to find the jeweler, etc. I even showed her the Reddit post. She didn't start crying until reading about the comments and all the caring and support you guys posted. Lunch was ordered, we all talked about everything, ate lunch as a family, parted ways back to respective work, home, etc.
She (wife) did mention that after reading all the replies, she would have KILLED me if I had gone full public display, and all that, so very thankful to those that suggested to keep it low key and semi-private.
So, about the jeweler. They responded to my email regarding posting the name/info, and would like to maintain their privacy. The oldest son IS making jewelry and doing repairs ONLY to catch up previous orders and work requests prior to their fathers passing. Once it is all caught up, they are closing it for good. They sent copies of the drawings and mold for our bands and we placed them in our safe at home in case this happens again, we can get something made/designed. I followed up asking if there was ANY way to repay their kindness, and haven't had a response. Regardless, my wife is planning on hitting up some local spots and making them a "Texan" Gift Package and sending it to them.
And that's it. She is extremely happy and overjoyed. I am really glad it's "over" as I had NO idea this would garner this much attention, and can now go back to our normal lives. Thanks to everyone for their suggestions, and we are grateful to all the outpouring of genuine caring, thank you to everyone that sent Silver, Gold, and Platinum, it wasn't necessary but greatly appreciated.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b8kigy/cant_wait_until_thursdaymy48m_wife44f_is_going_to/) by /u/wllmwallace* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fo9509/my48m_wife44f_is_going_to_be_shocked/ | fo9509 | 8,388 | 272 | [
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2020-03-24T23:37:50 | Is it wrong to offer a joint? | r/trees | My porch over looks a street and for the past half hour this man has been sitting in his car, listening to music, and crying. He’s wearing a wedding ring, has pillows and blankets in the back seat, and he has his dog with him. He looks absolutely broken. It’s hurting me to look at him and I want to help, but I don’t know if offering a joint would be appropriate or received well in a situation like this. He’s beginning to sob as I write this out. I feel awful. Is it wrong to offer him a joint?
**Update:** I walked up to his car, introduced myself, and asked if everything was ok. His name is Robert and his German Shepard is Scout. I offered him a few joints and talked to him for about an hour. A couple of nights ago he caught his wife of 20 years cheating on him with his best friend who happens to be his boss. I couldn’t help but I got choked up listening to his story so I asked if he’d like to use my restroom to wash up. We smoked a bowl and now he’s in my restroom washing up. When he gets out, we’re grabbing beers. Today’s for you Robert.
**Update 2:** I’m just getting back home. Thank you so much for the kind words and messages! Robert and I had a long conversation over beers and Fuck I feel for him. He’s a hell of a man. He’s been sleeping in his car since Wednesday night. He has family up north and he said he’s taking a road trip to get some well overdue family time. I don’t know what he plans on doing after, but he mentioned driving up to BC Canada (his bucket list) and I hope he fulfills his goal. We exchanged numbers and I hope to keep in contact with him. Oh. And thanks for the gold kind stranger
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/trees/comments/9xz0cs/is_it_wrong_to_offer_a_joint/) in 2019 by /u/Lexvp123* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fofu8q/is_it_wrong_to_offer_a_joint/ | fofu8q | 1,768 | 25 | [
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