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2020-06-11T18:17:18 | "I fell for a scam last night." | r/personalfinance | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/g0np8u/i_fell_for_a_scam_last_night/) by u/gooberdydoob*
 
I hope this is an okay place to talk about this. Also, this is a throwaway account because I don’t want this on my real account. I don’t want people to know I’m actually an idiot.
So last night, I got a call from what I thought was my bank. It even showed up as “Bank Name” because I have their number saved in my phone in case I need it.
A man told me my card had been used at a Walmart states away and the transaction was flagged, so he asked if I had tried to use my card there. I immediately got freaked out because I’ve had money actually taken from me that way before. So I said no and he said he would block it and get rid of the transaction. Then he told me I needed to change my online account number to keep anyone from accessing it if they have my information.
Now, this is where I should have realized something was wrong. But I was freaking out and as stated before, I’m an idiot. He had me change my password to a password he gave me (I know, I know). I wasn’t thinking clearly.
He also kept having me give him verification codes that were being sent to my phone from the bank. I didn’t notice right off that it said “No one from the bank will ask for this on the phone”. BECAUSE IM AN IDIOT.
I logged into my account and saw all $297 in my checking account had been transferred to a “Ryan C”. When I asked about it, he said he was working on stopping it. I closed out of it, like an idiot, and when I went back in, $1600 had been transferred to my checking account and then to “Ryan C” and then $600 more was transferred to my checking. That’s when it hit me that something was wrong and I gave this person hell.
He kept trying to get me to log back out of my account because he was “working on getting my money back”. I don’t think he could do anything while I was in it. But I didn’t log out and hung up on them. They never got my last $600. Thank god.
I’m thinking I’m probably out $1897. Which is HEARTBREAKING. I feel like an idiot. I’m 27 and totally fell for this scam and they took almost all of my savings and I was so proud of those savings. I haven’t told anyone about this. I’m embarrassed and I know people will just call me stupid. Looking back, it should have seemed wrong from the start. But I was so freaked out about having another fraudulent charge on a bank account and they played it off very well. I like to think I’m a pretty smart person usually. But this has proved me wrong. I’ve been oddly calm about the situation but definitely beating myself up about it.
I’ve filed a dispute with my bank, reported it to the IC3, turned off my debit card and requested a new one, and moved that $600 back to my savings account. So now I wait for my bank to “investigate” this. Is there anything else I should do or can do?
 
[**1 Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/h0qsz0/update_i_fell_for_a_scam_last_night/)
So I had filed a complaint with my bank. They gave me a provisional credit for the money that was taken. However, they decided that no error occurred and took the money back.
I filed a rebuttal with them and sent screenshots of parts of the EFT Act that said I can only be held liable depending on how long it takes me to notify my bank. I had notified them within HOURS when it happened.
Tonight I checked my bank account to make sure I had enough to buy milk and the money was back in my account. I literally almost cried when I saw the money back in my account. According to the email I received, they’ve determined that an error DID occur and I got all of my money back.
No one in real life knows anything about this situation. I never even told anyone I was missing money until last night when I found out I got the money back. I told my roommate but just told him the money had been stolen from me, and then he got mad at me for not telling him because he would have helped me out. But I’m a very independent woman, so I’ve just struggled through this alone.
I don’t remember who it was, but someone on my original post recommended bringing up the EFT Act. Whoever you are, thank you. I wouldn’t have gotten my money back without you. I had no idea the EFT Act existed.
I still feel stupid for falling for the scam in the first place. I’m much more careful now. But a huge weight has been lifted knowing that I got the money back. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/h14prz/i_fell_for_a_scam_last_night/ | h14prz | 4,477 | 98 | [
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2020-06-12T17:48:17 | "My Fiancée has discovered a new love of cooking and made me her unwilling sous chef" | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/gzblnk/my_30m_fianc%C3%A9e_29f_has_discovered_a_new_love_of/) by u/ThrowRA-cookingidk*
 
So, my fiancée has taken up cooking during quarantine. Previously, we did not cook much and instead ate out a lot. We could afford it and are generally healthy eaters. Of course, we both CAN cook but given how busy we are it was easier to eat out. Also to be honest, I don't really enjoy cooking and see it as a chore to be avoided. I love food but there are other things I'd rather do with my time.
Due to quarantine, my fiancée has decided to actually cook more and she has found she really enjoys it. This is great! I'm happy for her that she's discovered a new thing that brings her joy. Turns out she's also quite good at it and cares about learning new skills, etc., so I've been benefiting as well.
I still don't really care to cook myself like I said, so in return for her putting all this effort into cooking I've been helping out by paying for take out on nights she doesn't want to cook as well as doing all the dishes and cleaning the counters, etc. for the days when she does cook. As far as I was aware she agreed that this was a suitable compromise, and of course if she felt it was unfair I would have been happy to pick up the slack in other ways. But she seemed to be happy with this.
As her cooking experiments expanded to baking and generally became more elaborate, she started to rope me into cooking. I'd head to the kitchen to get a drink and check on her and she'd be like, "oh can you help me chop this while I saute this..." or something. I would chop some carrots for her or whatever and chat with her about the meal and then head back to whatever I was doing. I didn't mind this at all.
But it has slowly grown into me becoming her sous chef, especially when she wants to make meals that are really easier with two people. Keep in mind her cooking experiments are elaborate and sometimes take two or more hours. So my entire evening is gone to these cooking endeavors and this happens multiple times a week. On top of that, she tends to order me around in the kitchen and can be a little rude.
As you can probably predict we had a fight about it. I told her that I dislike her attitude in the kitchen when I help, and I don't like cooking to begin with. I would feel better about helping her if she wasn't so rude to me. But quite frankly, I don't want to spend 8+ hours every week cooking. It is not MY hobby, it's hers. If she wanted me to pitch in by providing meals, I would buy them or make something simple.
She was very upset. She said that it wasn't fair that I was enjoying the fruits of her labor but not contributing, and that cooking took 2 hours but doing the dishes/cleaning only took half an hour. I told her that it was her decision to make very elaborate meals and that I would be happy if she put together a simple pizza or stir fry. After a certain point, the elaborateness of her meals crosses into hobby territory and I resent being made to feel like I'm a bad partner because I don't want to give up multiple evenings to HER hobby.
We did not really resolve this. I actually bought/made some of my own meals on a few nights so I wasn't "enjoying the fruits of her labor" but this seemed to make her more upset and our fridge started to fill with more leftovers than she could eat herself. Another time I ended up helping her but told her I needed to go to a videochat at 8 pm, and she got upset when I actually stopped helping to leave even though I'd told her beforehand. I told her a little snappishly, I'm afraid, that I wasn't her sous chef to boss around in the kitchen.
I tried to discuss this with her again when we were feeling calmer. I told her that I loved that she found a new hobby but it is HER hobby and I can't help with it and don't want to feel obligated to do so. She retorted that it wasn't feminist of me to relegate the cooking to her and benefit from it without helping. The feminism connection makes little sense to me because previously neither of us cooked much and she chose to take up cooking herself, but of course I didn't tell her that. I told her that if she wants to discuss the distribution of labor in our house we can do so and come up with something new that reflects that she's cooking more now.
We tried to do this but she wanted to count ALL the time she spends cooking as "chore time." So according to her ideal chore distribution, she spends 10+ hours cooking DINNER ONLY every week, which somehow leaves me with pretty much all the rest of the chores. I told her I wasn't happy with this, because making elaborate meals is a hobby. It isn't fair that say, 6/10 hours of her "chores" is actually her hobby, and I have to do an equivalent amount of actual chores, if that makes sense.
So we're at a bit of an impasse. Am I actually being a bad feminist? I don't think I am wrong (I am quite familiar with emotional labor, mental load, all that) but maybe I am. I love this woman and obviously want to marry her but we're usually good at making decisions logically and this is the first time we've had such a disagreement. I don't know how to get her to understand the boundary between cooking as a necessary activity and cooking as a hobby. I would appreciate your advice.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/h794s5/update_my_30m_fianc%C3%A9e_29f_has_discovered_a_new/)
My original post blew up in a way I totally wasn’t expecting. It seems a lot of people could personally relate to my post in some way so I hope it’s been helpful to others apart from myself. Thanks very much to everyone who commented; I wasn’t able to reply to everyone obviously but I did read as much as I could.
There are a few things I’d like to clear up since they kept coming up:
She is not doing this because she wants to spend more time together. Previously, we would spend most of our evenings together watching shows or playing video games. Now that she is spending 8+ hours cooking by herself I don’t see her as much, and she is too tired from cooking sometimes to spend time with me. So that's something that’s been bugging me about this that I hadn’t even realized.
It is especially bothersome to me because I work 50+ hours a week and she still works full-time as well (though her schedule is much more flexible). So now I feel like my already meager free time AND quality time with her is being cut into, which might be one of the most important aspects of this whole issue.
Her motivation is not to save money or be more healthy. We live in a big city where we are able to order lots of homemade-style ethnic food from mom-n-pop type places that isn’t overly salted or oily to appeal to the masses. It’s at least as healthy as the normal diet of a Mexican, Indian, Thai, Ethiopian, etc. person. Furthermore, we make a very comfortable income and don’t want kids. So money is not an issue.
So I sat her down and talked to her, again, because we were both in a good mood. But when I brought up the topic, she started to become annoyed, simply because this is a point of contention and I guess she didn’t want to talk about it.
I told her that I’m invested in solving this problem and that if we’re unable to do so we can bring it up during couples’ counseling. We had already intended to go before the wedding purely for premarital counseling, but now I feel as if there is an actual problem we have to discuss during the session and if we can get an appointment sooner rather than later I would be open to doing so.
This seemed to make it real for her. She seemed to be truly taken aback that I wanted to go to counseling over this (well, not over this specifically but that I wanted to involve a counselor at all in the cooking issue). She even became teary-eyed! I felt bad so I asked her if there was anything else bothering her, that was really at the root of this, and she said that she’s overall felt pretty depressed by the pandemic and quarantine and everything. I told her I could relate and let her cry it out a bit.
When she’d gotten past that I didn’t want the conversation to lose its steam so I brought up the following things:
I love that her new hobby is making her happy and I appreciate that she’s making lots of delicious food for us to enjoy. These are the problems I have identified which I would like to find solutions for:
* We used to spend a lot more time together. I would like to have more easy meals so we can go back to spending quality time together on TV/video games/etc. like we used to.
* I do not mind helping a little or hanging out while she’s cooking, but the disrespect in the kitchen absolutely has to stop. In future I will be getting up and leaving if she is rude to me in the kitchen.
* The unfeminist comment was a low blow and I would like an apology.
She said she understood these things and apologized for the unfeminist comment. We worked out a meal schedule where I would be responsible for providing meals 2 times a week and she would cook elaborate meals on weekends. One designated night would be for both of us to cook a simpler meal together as a couples’ activity.
I asked her if there was anything about this she wanted to bring up—about how I was behaving or how she feels—and she said no, that she really was just depressed by quarantine and had dived into her new hobby. Hopefully if there is something else she will bring it up later.
That was a night where she was to cook a simpler meal for us. As a show of good faith I decided to help her out and see if she could be more chill and suggested we do all the prep first as some had suggested. It started off fine but she started to become snappish as she juggled frying in two different pans and wanted me to keep handing her prepped ingredients, so I went back to my room.
I felt VERY bad because I was leaving her in a bit of a tough spot but I also felt like I needed to stand by what I said because I did not want to put up with her poor treatment of me. On top of that I had had a really difficult day at work (my job involves working with people who have very tough lives and I end up heartbroken and emotionally drained quite frequently; this has become exacerbated due to the pandemic) so I really just did not want to deal with my own partner being mean to me.
Ultimately the dinner turned out fine but she was pretty icy to me. I praised the meal a bit more than I usually do but she was sour all night.
I have started looking to get a couples’ counseling appointment soon. I wish I had a happier update for you but hopefully things will get better with our new meal schedule as we continue to implement it and as I continue to set boundaries. I will also be keeping an eye on her depression and suggest individual therapy if it seems appropriate. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/h7phf2/my_fiancée_has_discovered_a_new_love_of_cooking/ | h7phf2 | 10,883 | 79 | [
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2020-06-13T19:27:33 | "This is Belle! She’s an adorable chonk!" | r/dechonkers | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Chihuahua/comments/cixkuc/welcome_to_the_newest_member_of_the_family_this/) & comments by u/thumper_spot*
 
Welcome Belle to the family! She’s my second dog who came to me from previous owners who could no longer take care of her. She has a bit of a weight problem, but plans are in place to get it under control. Despite that, she’s a happy girl who loves cuddles and belly rubs
https://i.imgur.com/wojapvJ.jpg
She’s overweight because she was over-fed and under-walked by her previous owners. She was being fed human food off the side of the table and upwards of a cup of dog food per day. I think for the first bit I’m going to just keep her to a quarter cup of dog food and twice-daily walks. Introduce some snack-y stuff in a few weeks. I figure she’ll take a couple of months before I can feel her ribs again.
This is going to take time, for sure. It looks dramatic, and it is, but if my own experience is any indication, the rate of loss slows down over time. In her case, she was just over-fed and under-walked. All I’ve been doing is lowering her daily food and taking her for walks around the block a couple times a day. If that takes time, I’m ok with that. Based on my own journey, I don’t want her to lose weight too fast and not give her skin a chance to tighten up around her.
 
[**10 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dechonkers/comments/gtpph0/belles_back_with_an_update_shes_doing_so_well_on/)
Belle’s back with an update! She’s doing so well on her dechonking journey. This weekend she got a well deserved haircut. Give her some love!
https://i.redd.it/o0nnoe7l10251.jpg
It’s been a slow process, but short term gains don’t generally make for long term results. She’s not even three years old yet; I’m happy to take it slow. She’s a really great dog. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/h8dy2m/this_is_belle_shes_an_adorable_chonk/ | h8dy2m | 1,860 | 86 | [
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2020-06-14T17:23:09 | "How do I deal with my younger brother?' | r/internetparents | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/internetparents/comments/cdhvro/how_do_i_deal_with_my_younger_brother/) by u/theevilbrother123*
 
I can't really talk to my real parents about this as they can't be bothered to listen to me.
So I (18M) have a younger brother (15M) who is not the best person in the world, to put it lightly.
He steals from me and my parents (probably took hundreds of dollars at this point), he lies about literally everything and blames me every time my parents question him about something. He's one of those Fortnite kids that does the retarded dances and every penny he has he puts into that stupid game. Now don't get me wrong, I spend money on games as well, but why the hell would anyone put money into a free to play game?
The main issue is his anger though. Whenever he dies in the game, or in any other game for that matter, he throws a fit. Like an actual fit where he punches the desk, the keyboard, throws himself at walls, screams and throws things around the room. I tell him to shut up every time but he literally starts coming at me every time I do. The worse was about a month ago, I had a migraine and wanted to sleep and since we live in a small apartment, me and my brother share a room, which is also where the computer is. I was slowly falling asleep when my brother died in the game and started throwing a fit. Since no one else was home I told him off and he got livid. He ran into the kitchen and came at me with a knife. Now I've been doing Judo since I was 8 and took up Krav Maga about 3 years ago, so while not happy about it, I obviously fought back which resulted in my brother breaking his arm.
I had to call my parents so that they could take him to the ER and I tried to explain what happened just about a hundred times, but they didn't believe me. I had my phone taken away, I was basically grounded, wasn't allowed to do anything at all. My brother came up with some sort of a story about how he was quietly playing games and then had to sneeze and he said that woke me up and I just broke his arm. And wouldn't you know it, my parents believe him. About a week ago I asked why he ways doing all this and he just smirked and said "I enjoy it."
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave because I'm in my last year of high school, have no job and no money saved up. I've asked a couple of friends if I could stay over at their places, but most of them said for one night only. My brother hasn't tried to attack me since the incident but he still throws fits and screams at me when I tell him off. I'm thinking about calling the police the next time he gets violent. It's not that I'm scared for my safety, it's more like I want him gone because I swear I don't consider him family anymore. I don't love him, I don't want to be around him, I want nothing to do with him.
It's going to be at least another year before I can move out and I don't know how long I can keep my cool. I am honestly afraid that if he comes at me again, I won't be able to hold back and I'll seriously hurt him but since I'm 18, I'm afraid if the police gets involved, I'd be charged as an adult.
What do I do in this situation?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/internetparents/comments/cq1gkj/update_how_do_i_deal_with_my_younger_brother/)
Hey y'all.
To start this off, I want to apologize for disappearing like I did. I've read every single comment on the original post and I want to thank all of you for the support.
Seeing all of you tell me that what was going on wasn't okay opened my eyes. I was hiding behind the fear of leaving, I felt I was alone and no one would ever take my side. It was quite difficult but I realized I had to do something before things got too out of hand.
Two days after I posted I took my friends offer and stayed with him. I guess I seemed distraught so him and his mom tried to get me to open up about what was going on. I broke and told them everything. I'm so glad they reacted the way they did. My friend spent the rest of the night cheering me up while his mom immediately started sorting things out so that I could stay with them longer.
I spent a week at their house before I built up the courage to talk to my parents. They didn't care. My mom said she barely noticed I was gone. After a lot of screaming, I managed to convince her to let me take my stuff from the house and the next day, my friends mom and I drove there to get it. The house was silent and I was getting dirty looks the entire time. It was hard. The last bit of hope I had about us being a normal family went away the second I stepped in through the door.
I got a job at a local fast food restaurant and my friends mom is kind enough to not charge me for living with them. I started saving up because I'm sure it's not going to take long before my parents cancel my phone plan and stop paying my car insurance.
There's still a lot that I have ahead of me. The living situation is only temporary for now and while I'm not necessarily interested in taking my parents to court over guardianship there may not be another way. I don't want to ever see them again, let alone allow them to have control over things like my medical records and stuff.
A couple people said they think I broke my brothers arm on purpose, or suggested that I've been bullying him and this is his way of getting back at me. That is not the case. When my brother attacked me, I sort of forcefully pushed him away which caused him to lose his balance and fall to the ground. He landed on his arm with all his body weight which resulted in the break.
The only reason I took up Judo and Krav Maga is that I live in a neighborhood that isn't really the safest place. I never intend on using my skills to attack other people, I just want to be able to defend myself.
I'm looking forward to finishing high school and seeing where life takes me. I'm not the most studious type so I'm inclined to get a job while attending community college or a vocational school on the side and see if college really is for me.
Once again I want to thank all of you who reached out. I'm pretty sure that I'd still be stuck in that house if it wasn't for all the supportive comments.
I hope you all have a great day.
Thank you,
David | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/h8xsov/how_do_i_deal_with_my_younger_brother/ | h8xsov | 6,287 | 77 | [
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2020-06-15T18:49:09 | "I broke up with a guy because his best friend is a female" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/h9icf7/update_i_broke_up_with_a_guy_because_his_best/) by u/ThrowRAkimbeck*
 
Hi Reddit, this is a bit long so bear with me please.
So I started seeing this new guy, “Beck”, a couple weeks ago. I had known him for awhile before we began dating. He is really sweet and awesome and the first three dates we went on went amazingly and I really enjoyed being with him.
Here’s the problem: He has a very close friend, “Kim”, who seems to constantly be in the picture.
During date #4 he talked about her a lot. Like a lot, a lot. She was somehow the topic of every conversation and when I would try to change topics he’d always find his way drifting back to a memory the two of them shared together. Granted, they grew up together, and also dated at some point so it would make sense that they would have lots of memories and chemistry.
He also began telling me the trip the two of them are planning to take, how they were taking her car, staying at her family’s house, etc.
I tried to ignore it at first and just let it go, because I too have a close friend of the opposite sex but we NEVER do anything like what they do. Our relationship is platonic and the most we ever do is play xbox together.
I asked him to be my date to my brothers wedding since I had a plus one (This was after about 2 weeks of dating) and he declined, saying he had already made plans on that day to go bowling with some friends. But after I spoke with a mutual friend of ours, I found out she was going to be there and that they had set it up together.
I was thinking of it for awhile, and the more I thought of it, the more it bugged me.
So on our last date, I said I didn’t want to pursue a relationship anymore. He was confused because I had been acting “normal” up until this point. He asked me why and I told him. I said “I’m sorry but it makes me uncomfortable how close you are with Kim, you talk about her a lot and she seems to be a big part of your life, and since we are not official and I would not try and tell you what to do, I’m just gonna walk away because it makes me uncomfortable.”
He DID NOT take it well. Said I was “giving him an ultimatum” and “trying to force him to choose” and that i was being manipulative. I insisted that I just wasn’t okay with it and did not want to date someone who had that kind of relationship with someone who wasn’t their girlfriend.
We WERE NOT officially bf/gf and I felt that I needed to break things off early before shit hit the fan.
Well, I got an uber home because I didn’t want him to drive me(he was fuming). and later that evening I get a text from a number I don’t recognize.
Can you guess who it was? Yup. Kim.
Kim texted me a paragraph about how Beck was crazy about me and she thinks I’m wrong for judging her when I haven’t even met her, and how I hurt him and was being manipulative.
I responded saying I did not judge her at all, just that the nature of their relationship did not sit well with me and I wanted to end things before they got complicated.
She responded saying that I need to give him another chance and that maybe me and her should meet so that I can see that she isn’t a threat and we could even be friends.
I didn’t respond to her, and shortly after, his mom and my mom texted me telling me I’m overreacting. It’s amassed into a much bigger deal than I had thought it would be. I don’t want to be with him or even try again because of how dramatic I feel that everyone is being.
I’ve repeatedly been accused of being “insecure” among other things and I literally cannot believe that It’s blown up like this.
I’m not an insecure person, I just got a really bad vibe from the situation and didn’t want to be apart of it.
Am I wrong for this? Should I give him another chance? Should I talk to this girl?
**update:**
I did not respond to Kim but instead explained things to my mom and she sided with me completely. She told me that Beck had called his mom (who is a former coach of mine) and told her that I yelled at him and tried to manipulate him because I was feeling insecure. He said that I broke up with him when he wouldn't do as I said. And she presumably contacted my mom afterwards.
As you will see from my post, this was not true. I told my mom this and described the situation. She understood how I felt and why I left him and said that he sounded like a prick and she was happy I didn't bring him to my brothers party for his wedding.
I blocked Kim's number and did my best to gently explain to his mom what really had happened. (understanding the whole time she'd probably believe her son over me) but surprisingly, she didn't.
She did say that he genuinely cared about me and evidently I was a hot topic of conversation for awhile before all of this. Said he was crazy about me and was excited to see where our relationship would go. While she admitted her son was immature at times, but meant well. She was very nice about all of this so I really appreciated that.
I was genuine and understanding. I said that while I understood, I couldn't just ignore the red flags presented to me, and, since nothing has changed other than him trying to have other people convince me it's fine, well, then I made the right decision.
She said she understood and that was the end of it. With her at least.
The worst with Kim did not end until I almost had to quit my doordash job. (it's not with doordash but for the sake of anonymity) I primarily deliver to elderly or families with children. But as I was unloading groceries out front of a house who had only ordered Bread, cheese, and bacon, I was a little confused but mostly just horrified when I realized who it was.
Kim had ordered from my line and gotten me to deliver to her house. She somehow found out I was working in her area(i didn't know it was her area) and I guess she did her best to get ahold of me. So yeah, I met her. Not by choice but I did. (she ordered from her mother's name im guessing because it wasn't a "kim" who had ordered)
She immediately began questioning me about if I was still talking to Beck, if we were gonna get back together, if I had gotten over myself yet. However her expression told me she already knew but was just trying to annoy me in every way possible. Just in general being an absolute bitch. I was polite at first until she asked me about getting over myself to which I said (off of reddits advice so its really your guys' fault LOL) if she had gotten over the fact that her boyfriend got dumped.
She didn't take that well and didn't take the bag of bacon I was trying to give her. Fine by me, because, legally, if a customer declines a product you bring them, you refund them and keep whatever it is since you usually can't return a food item. So im eating some crispy yummy freedom bacon as I type.
I left and it's been pretty quiet. I have a new date to my brothers wedding party thing, and he is definitely just a friend but Beck and Kim don't know that so Im gonna be posting LOTS of pictures and dancing with him all night. We've both planned on this btw and he knows everything so it's even funnier that way.
Beck has been stalking my social media, unliking and then liking posts. He even reported a picture of mine that had me and another male in it. He'll probably be like this for a little while longer and then drop everything but it's kind of funny to watch.
I'm moving on, and overall am single, and happy.
Thanks for the advice, Reddit. Appreciate you guys. <3 | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/h9m9y6/i_broke_up_with_a_guy_because_his_best_friend_is/ | h9m9y6 | 7,601 | 112 | [
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2020-06-16T18:30:25 | "Afraid I just hired a sex worker under the guise of a in home massage" | r/internetparents | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/internetparents/comments/gtzjnj/afraid_i_just_hired_a_sex_worker_under_the_guise/) by u/velvetmandy*
&nbsp;
My husband has been really stressed lately so he wanted a professional massage. With everything going on, massage salons are closed but in home masseuses are an option. He found one via Instagram (we see that we have a mutual friend with her). And he hires her for two massages- one for him, one for me.
When he tells me this, I’m excited (yay massages) but look at her profile. And I think she’s a sex worker.
Almost All of her pictures are her in her underwear.
When messaging over what type of massages she does, she sent a picture of her in her underwear.
Her specialty is nuru massages. Which the internet tells me is hand and hand with a happy ending massage
her booking page is PureFondle.com. They boost that they are professional masseuses, but that sounds sexual to me.
So. What do I do?? Is this a scam? Did he hire a sex worker?
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
just got an email from my credit card company. Plot twist- it’s not a masseuse or a sex worker- it’s a scam! The email said they automatically declined the charge due to suspected fraud.
Thank you all for you advice, we will be waiting for the salons to open up before using people off the internet now
Also- bless my husbands heart, he truly thought he was just ordering a massage for the two of us. He’s not a perv looking for a happy ending | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ha9p69/afraid_i_just_hired_a_sex_worker_under_the_guise/ | ha9p69 | 1,477 | 115 | [
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2020-06-17T20:06:34 | "A few hours ago I was diagnosed with Coronavirus, and I think my mom is starting to hate me for it." | r/internetparents | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/internetparents/comments/fxb7ih/a_few_hours_ago_i_was_diagnosed_with_coronavirus/) from April 2020*
&nbsp;
A few things of note before I continue. I have a great relationship with my mother and father. I tell them everything, and go to them when I need any advice. I'm blessed with such thoughtful, and understanding parents as them. And I love and respect them both.
I started showing symptoms about 3 days ago. And it's entirely my fault. I made a stupid decision, and now I'm paying for it. I knew there was a quarantine going on, but I didn't care. I invited my cousin over, knowing full well that his girlfriend, who he lives with; was sick with something. He stayed over for 2 days and went home because his girlfriend had gone to the ER. I still don't know if it was because of Corona, but it's probably safe to assume that it was. That was all about 5 days ago. Shortly after, I start showing symptoms. And today, after talking over the phone with a specialist, I went in to be tested. And came back positive.
For reference, I'm 22 years old, male, and have no preexisting medical issues. So, I'm not really in any danger. However, my little brother, mother, and father has a slew of medical problems. And my parents have to take medication that lowers there immune systems. So, this news is more catastrophic for them, than for me. I like to think I'm taking all the necessary precautions to avoid infecting them. But there's no avoiding the harsh reality that I live in the same house and have Corona.
Ever since my diagnosis, my mother has been frantic about my brother. As well as for her, and my father's safety. Which makes sense, I'm extremely worried as well. But she won't even talk to me. I feel like she blames me for bringing this into the house. I made a post on our family's group chat. Telling everyone about the situation, and telling them to avoid me, and I'd be self-isolating myself. And my mother's reply to this was "No shit."
This has been the only thing she has said to me since. Everyone else is being super supportive and helping me out. But my mom is being so cold, and distant. Maybe I'm just imagining it. But it's really starting hurt. What do you guys think about this?
**EDIT:** You've all shown me something that I need to change in my personality. The original purpose of this post was to get you all to feel bad for me. I love playing the victim. I don't know why I'm like this. I just want to do everything I can to ensure my family's safety. I'm a horrible person, but if you can, please give me any advice you can. What should I do to keep my family safe? I'm going to leave the original post as it is. So, I can reflect on how I attempted to garner sympathy from you all. As well as show you all how shallow I am being. For that, I really do apologize.
**UPDATE**
I genuinely appreciate every comment I have gotten, I have read almost every single one of them. There were a lot of people telling me to look into special "Corona virus hotels" where patients can stay to isolate themselves from their loved ones. I think this is great advice, and I'm going to continue to look into it when I'm not extremely sick. But in the mean time, I've taken it upon myself to move my bed, and a few essentials to our garage which is detached from the house. My cousin, and I used to use it as a hangout, and there's plenty of room. But it has since been used as a storage unit. But, I was able to move things, and set up a pretty nice room for myself. I think it'll be more than okay for now, but in the mean time I will continue looking for a place to stay.
This post definitely did not turn out like I had expected, but I know it is for the best. Some of the best advice I have gotten, as well as some of the most humbling perspectives I've seen; have come directly from this thread. To everyone wishing me, and my family well, God bless you. And to everyone telling me exactly how they feel, God bless you as well. I'll continue keeping this thread updated over the coming weeks, but for now, I wish you all the best, stay safe. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/haz0ts/a_few_hours_ago_i_was_diagnosed_with_coronavirus/ | haz0ts | 4,135 | 69 | [
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2020-06-18T18:06:42 | “stolen lake house” | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/goy18u/illegal_transfer_of_house_ownership/) by u/XRainbowCupcakeX*
&nbsp;
So my mother has a house. Been in our family for almost 100 years now. NEVER had a mortgage. NEVER had home equity anything. Ever. Mom up to date on property taxes. No tax sale NOTHING.
I went out to the lake house to get some of my stuff. While maintaining it year round grass weeds etc. it is a summer lake house. And we use it for storage. Etc When I entered the house it looked like someone had broke in. So I asked a neighbor. She said “the bank took it” and so here we are.
I called and filed a police report of all stolen items (that I’m assuming the people the bank hired took.) and the police officer is to call my mom tomorrow after he figures out what he can.
He informed my mom there is a law where if you care for a property for more than 30 days you can lay claim to the property. However my mom had hired a guy to take care of the property and the banks vendors TURNED HIM AWAY! My neighbor says they entered with a key and I can still get in with mine. I am the sole person with a key. My mom doesn’t even have one. How is all the possible. The officer told us to be sure we aren’t charged with trespassing to not come back. However he let me get all my stuff.
My mom got no notice no legal teansfer no nothing.
How is any of this legal. Can someone explain. Or what do we need to do?
Also asked mom to run a credit check. She says she already has credit monitoring set up and gets daily notifications. Nothing weird has been reported to her credit. No equities or the like.
Sgt coming to take my moms statement today. We are waiting. They spoke on the phone for a good hour. He pulled up her deed while on the phone and said he sees no cases for a lien or foreclosure. He is stumped. But working. He is going to call the security company. Again cannot reach the bank or atty until Tuesday.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/gr7tti/update_on_stolen_lake_house/)
My mother got ahold of the bank today who said they had no record of the address in their system. However they did have a completely different lake house in their system. They said they had no financial interest in the house at all. They directed her to their real estate company in our county he said he hasn’t had a house at the lake in many years. She then contacted the property preservation company that secured the house. The CSR got very frantic asking for the burglary report case number. And again told her someone would call her. She also stated our address was not in their system.
She hired a lock smith at the direction of her attorney and we went out there and placed warnings and changed locks. The lock smith informed us they actually didn’t have a key (as previously stated I was the only one with a key) and they credit carded the door and replaced the lock in the back and just said f*** it when it came to the front door. Neighbors took pictures of our license plates but didn’t call the police so I’m in fear something bigger is going on. But now it’s just up to the DA to find someone to press charges against and civil court for emotional damage and loss of truly invaluable things that they stole while renovating.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/gxd7sl/possibly_the_final_update_for_stolen_lake_house/)
Detective solved the case! Property preservation company is claiming full responsibility. They had the wrong house. None of the houses they owned out there had lot numbers on them in their system so they just ASSumed and went with it.
Yes my mom is in contact with her atty before she settles. There is so much more that goes into this than just $30k worth of missing things. She asked if the DA is going to take the case he said they could but he advised her to contact her atty Monday before making that decision.
The lake association had their monthly meeting. At which time the president informed everyone that the no trespassing signs weren’t real. So my take on the neighbors is they are just assholes. But the detective called and talked to her so I’m sure they are aware now. I just am ready for it all to be over and I appreciate the amount of notice this has gotten here. My family is very impressed with all of you. ❤️ | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hbjsoj/stolen_lake_house/ | hbjsoj | 4,378 | 86 | [
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2020-06-19T19:07:40 | "Found out what my boyfriend really thinks about my job" | r/Nanny | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/guo2qu/found_out_what_my_boyfriend_really_thinks_about/) by u/nurserybones*
&nbsp;
I have been nannying for my first ever nanny family since September. I love them so much and the kids are so precious to me, I would gladly do anything for them. They have taken care of both me and my boyfriend in so many ways. I used to be a pastry chef before moving to my current city and was burnt out and honestly couldn’t make a living here with a pastry chef salary. My boyfriend is in school to be a savory chef at the cia and is not working now due to coronavirus.
The other night I said “I have never felt so fulfilled in a job and I think I want to go back to school for a career that works with children”. His response floored me. He said “you’re just gonna be a nanny for the rest of your life? Come on OP you can’t do that forever. Be serious.” I was so hurt. I take care of NKs all day, I take care of NPs messes, I come home and take care of his messes and our dogs(one of which is a puppy).
The work I do at work doesn’t stop when I get home. I do all the house work. I am an emotional support to him. I cook, I clean. I take care of the dogs all day. It is just as much of a job as his. I am insulted that he thinks my choosing to work with children is not a valid lucrative path. People are always going to need child care.
When times get tough restaurants are the first thing people cut out of budgets. I have never once questioned his career path or his decision to go to school. Especially now, when restaurants will probably never be the same, I fully support his choices.
I know he has always looked down on my job, often saying “I can’t believe you got paid to sit in a hot tub and jump on a trampoline all day” or when telling people what I do he always adds “but it’s for a really rich family and the dad is a big deal” like if I nannied for a doctor it wouldn’t be as important work?
I have never been so insulted especially after finding a job that makes me genuinely so so happy. I was excited to share that discovery with him and now it just makes me sick. I guess I just needed to vent. Ughhhh.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/h0pol4/update_to_found_out_what_my_boyfriend_really/)
So I’m breaking up with him! The disrespect for what I do for a living was a final, but not solely final, straw. I come from a very broken home and have no one and no where to go to. Moving across the country with my boyfriend has been financially draining and I am living paycheck to paycheck as I cover the most bills in our relationship.
When telling my nanny mom I was going to break up with him when our lease was up in September( I can totally make it that long and I cannot get out of it. Plus his mother would crucify me financially) I was nervous it meant good bye. I live in the Bay Area and would have a hard time finding a place with two big dogs that I could afford, so in my mind the only option was to leave.
Nanny mom responded with “op, I think of you as a daughter and a friend, I don’t want you to go anywhere until you have a decent savings and are emotionally ready”. They offered me the guesthouse, rent and utilities free, and will “pay me a stipend weekly so I can build back up my savings and cover my bills”.
Today nanny mom showed me colleges in the area I could go to and scholarships I could apply for. She told me that I deserve a degree in the career I wanted. Nanny mom has been more of a mother to me than my biological mother has ever been and I am so so so thankful to have found them. I have never had such support from anyone honestly. I love them so so so much. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hc6poe/found_out_what_my_boyfriend_really_thinks_about/ | hc6poe | 3,717 | 437 | [
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2020-06-20T18:41:45 | MIL offered me 10k to leave her daughter. | r/JUSTNOMIL | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gq62ej/jnmil_offered_me_10k_to_leave_her_daughter/) by u/CommonSabretooth*
*(JNMIL = Just no mother-in-law; DW = Dear wife)*
&nbsp;
When DW [32f] and I [36f] got engaged, JNMIL broke down sobbing, and said “When will you stop being a lesbian and marry [school friend who stalked her for years]?” Needless to say, she wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Because she wasn’t there, she refused to acknowledge that it happened. She’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that it doesn’t “count” and that I’m a predator who preyed on her young, confused daughter. (We met when we were 25 and 29 respectively, and DW exclusively had gfs before me.)
Fast forward to today. DW and I aren’t hugely ambitious; we have jobs that pay the mortgage and bills and enough for the occasional treat, and that’s all we need. JNMIL says that if not for me, DW would be a CEO or doctor or president by now, and that in my jealousy, I forced her to become my housewife. Even though she works.
In truth, we’d both rather have the time and energy to spend on our creative hobbies and each other. But okay.
I am currently working from home. On my lunch break, I went for my daily walk, when a car pulls up to me. It’s JNMIL, leaning out the window. She’s all smiles. She asks how I am, isn’t the weather great, it’s so amazing to see me up and about, I’m such an inspiration to her! (Note: I have one leg.)
I don’t have much of a chance to reply. She says it must be hard for me to be nearing 40 and still live with a “roommate.” I’m used to her BS, but I stopped dead, seeing red. She offered me a gift of 10k for “being such a good friend to her daughter” and to “help me move into my own place.”
Guys. It’s been seven years, and I thought she couldn’t do anything to surprise me, but she keeps out-doing herself.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gvekbm/update_jnmil_offered_me_10k_to_leave_her_daughter/)
Hey, all. Thanks so much for all your advice and supportive comments on my last post!
I waited a day to tell DW about my run-in with JNMIL. I was more than a little shaken and didn’t want to upset DW by bringing up JNMIL at a bad time.
After making sure I was okay, DW broke down laughing. She hasn’t spoken with her mother in around three years and was delighted she hasn’t changed. She reminded me of the dozen times JNMIL offered to buy DW and her imaginary future husband a house and car if she left me. We aren’t taking the money, but we treated ourselves to a fancy camera doorbell to keep an eye out for any more JNMIL antics and keep DD safe.
Not the most exciting conclusion, but there it is! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hcrff2/mil_offered_me_10k_to_leave_her_daughter/ | hcrff2 | 2,692 | 107 | [
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2020-06-21T16:53:39 | "Teaching my kid to ride" | r/bicycling | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bicycling/comments/g1vukc/teaching_my_kid_to_ride/) by u/roman785*
&nbsp;
Could use some pointers from the community on teaching my son and daughter to ride their bikes.
My son is 6, daughter is 5 as of today 🥳. She's much more adventurous then him and is willing to try just about anything. He gets easily frustrated and will quit before he even tries... sometimes. I'd love for them both to learn how to ride. My son isn't as athletically coordinated as my daughter and relies heavily on his training wheels but because he's a bigger kid he wobbles quite a bit.
Add to that, last year his grandmother was trying to teach him to ride and she fell over and lost 2 of her front teeth. He's been sort of traumatized by that and when I suggest we pick up practicing again he mentions it EVERY TIME. I'm a social worker by profession so I understand how to deal with the emotional component but idk how to teach someone how to balance.
I'd love to get both of them to the point that we can go for rides in the neighborhood without training wheels. Is this unrealistic at their ages? If it's not what tips and techniques do you all use to teach kids how to ride and stay balanced?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/bicycling/comments/g9bj7o/updaten/)
Hey, just wanted to give you all an update. I took your advice and made my son a glider bike to help him learn how to ride. Bought a used bike from Goodwill, hit up YouTube, few short videos later, I had the pedals and the whole bottom bracket off. He Stayed on that thing all weekend and today this happened....
https://www.reddit.com/r/bicycling/comments/g9bj7o/updaten/
I'm beyond happy and proud of him! He kept saying "I feel like a teenager!" Went down to the local park and he did "donuts" around the parking lot. I almost cried ♥️♥️ tears of joy
EDIT: thanks everyone for the kind words. Just to answer a few reoccurring comments: yes, he has a helmet, elbow, and knee pads. Also shoes! He was just so excited to see if his hard work had paid off that as soon as he could get outside he went for it. I'll lift his seat back up once he gets the take off down some- right now he needs to be able to touch the ground with his feet.
He rode short bursts like that for the better part of an hour today. On the way back home he was just so confident in himself, told me he's "a big kid" now 😆😆🤦🏾♂️ he had a very good day
Thanks again, you all have been very helpful! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hda6pl/teaching_my_kid_to_ride/ | hda6pl | 2,499 | 59 | [
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2020-06-22T19:47:45 | "I need someone to talk to. Help a brother in need. Please help me" | r/army | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/army/comments/cwb33o/i_need_someone_to_talk_to_help_a_brother_in_need/) in r/army by u/Ineedhelp993*
&nbsp;
Throw away because my account for for sure give me away
I’m losing my god damn mind, I’ve only here for a month but i am so tired of the isolation I feel as an officer.
I’m miserable, and I do my best to hide my miserable self from my wife so she doesn’t worry. She’s training at the moment, and the only reason why I haven’t killed myself is because she doesn’t deserve to come home to me in a closet, but I’m so damn close to just offing myself somewhere else so she doesn’t have to see me when she gets backs.
If I go to my chain as a freshly arrived LT I’ll probably not be taken seriously about these issues, I feel cornered with no one to turn to.
I want to talk to someone get shit off my chest because it’s heavy
Sorry for the long rant, But so tired of feeling like this, I’m not happy and I want it to end
Thank you for taking the time to read this Your friendly butter bar
I’ll have a 20 pc McNugget with large fries and a diet Dr Pepper
UPDATE: To those who reached out to me Thank you so damn fucking much for the support
From talking to everyone from Private to Field Grade and everyone in between I can’t thank you enough for the encouragement and support.
I’m staying with a fellow LT and will be going tomorrow to seek help regardless of what my CoC thinks.
Again thank you ladies and gentlemen for your words. I’ll be updating you all soon
&nbsp;
[**9 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/army/comments/hdtf6i/update_i_didnt_do_it/)
Thank you all, for those who reached out to me, Thank you so much.
If you don’t know why I’m saying thank you, look at my post history and you’ll know I wanted to off myself last year. My wife was gone to NTC, and I thought it would have been a perfect time to end it all.
I posted on here to reach out for some help and the community reached out to me and picked me up when I was down.
Thank you for all the people who reached out from the private who shot the shit with me on the phone , to the full bird who kept in contact with me, and didn’t berate me but talked to me like a son. To the female MAJ who treated me like her own and kept checking in monthly. To the SF dude who sent pics about trails he went on, in the local area when he was stationed here and gave me some solid life advice And the countless others.
Now instead of being 6 feet under and my wife a widow, I have a kick ass position, just bought a home with my beautiful wife, and I’ll be promoting to 1LT soon.
Thank you again, happy Monday everyone.
Edit: Jesus this blew up. Thank you again for the words of encouragement. You are all kick ass people and know when you’re down you have hundreds of people who want you here even if they don’t know you.
Have a fucking kick ass week people | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hdzd6s/i_need_someone_to_talk_to_help_a_brother_in_need/ | hdzd6s | 2,905 | 101 | [
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2020-06-23T20:53:02 | How do I tell my friend I don’t want to be an adult flower girl in her wedding? | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/g6uuym/how_do_i_tell_my_friend_i_dont_want_to_be_an/) by u/iguessimaflowergirl*
&nbsp;
I (24F) met my friend (31F) 8 years ago through soccer. Fast forward into adult life, we began coaching high school soccer together 5 years ago. For the past 5 years we have spent nearly every weekend together, played on weeknight soccer leagues, gone on girls camping trips, and international travel trips. She is one of my best friends and was a bridesmaid in my wedding.
Now 6 years ago, while I was out of state at college, my friend’s boyfriend got a roommate from out of state. This roommate became friends with both of them. When I moved back from college after a year, I met the roommate and he and I ended up getting married 4 years later.
So obviously both my husband (the roommate) and I are friends with this couple separately, but since he and I got together 4 years ago, the four of us have basically been inseparable. She was in my wedding party, he was in my husband’s. It was fun! Also, my friend and I are the closer of the four of us, and every time we all hang out or travel together it’s because she and I plan things.
Now here’s the issue. These friends of ours got engaged last year and are planning a destination wedding. For the last year, my friend has been asking me for advice on where they should plan it, what to do for her bachelorette party, asking me who should be in her wedding party, etc. Then one night, the two of them FaceTime my husband and I. We’re all sitting there and in front of everyone, her fiancé asks my husband to be a groomsman. My husband is surprised but excited. Then my friend gets on and asks to talk to me, privately. She then asks me... to be her FLOWER GIRL. I am so caught off guard. Not that I expected to be in the wedding, but by the way she asked me to plan her bachelorette party and asked my husband right in front of me, I guess I didn’t expect to not be in it.
After the phone call my husband is in shock (like I said, she and I are way closer than the guys). I’m in shock. I take a few days and then call her to clarify wtf is happening. She explains how I will still be a part of the wedding party, and how I’m one of her best friends and she wants me there with her the entire day and getting hair and makeup done with her and the bridesmaids. So basically she wants me to act like a bridesmaid, but not be one. I was still confused after the phone call but decided to let it go in hopes she recognizes how awkward this will be for me to tag along all day and then sit in the audience by myself while my husband is standing up there...? Now a month later she sends me the dress she wants me to wear. It is a white floral dress. It looks like a child’s. And it doesn’t match the rest of the wedding party’s AT ALL. It would be one thing if I was in the same dress if I was acting like a bridesmaid all day, but I will stick out like a sore thumb and also I feel like it’s all a bit childish.
Also, she wants to keep the “flower girl” role a secret. Even from my husband (who I already told).
Now, I get it’s her wedding day and she gets to have it however she wants. And I truly want to help her have the best day. However, I feel like for whatever reason she doesn’t have a place for me in the wedding, and now I have to play a child’s role. It seems silly and also confusing that she wants me in the wedding party, but not technically in the wedding party? Also I am supposed to plan her bachelorette party? I don’t want to be a flower girl at all. But I don’t want to ruin her day. How do I tell her I don’t want to be a flower girl?
TL;DR my friend asked me to be a flower girl in her wedding. I am a 24 year old adult and not a child. Does she know this? How do I tell her?
&nbsp;
[**2 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/h8zgkz/update_how_do_i_tell_my_friend_i_dont_want_to_be/)
Hi again! I know this has been a long time but this was my first Reddit post and I just got back on to see there were requests for an update. So here goes.
After reading all of the advice, I called my friend to get more clarification on her request. She explained that since it is a destination wedding, her niece cannot be there to be her flower girl. I guess this caused family drama, so she decided to give the role to an adult, as well as asked an adult male to be the ring bearer. This almost makes it worse that I’m literally taking the role of a child.
Anyways, I then explained that I didn’t feel comfortable wearing a white dress on her day and also standing out that much from the rest of her wedding party. She agreed and said I could then pick a dress that is the same color as the bridesmaids’, but it HAS to have flowers on it and she emphasized that “it needs to look slightly different.” Okay, so I was still a little irritated, but I decided to do by best to be a good friend and realize it’s only 10 minutes out of my life. So we discussed ways to make it more of an adult role, and I asked if I could pass out mini champagne bottles wrapped in flower petals and do a toast or something. She agreed. She then said that when I walk down the aisle there will only be 8 people in the audience. EIGHT. I can name 5 of the 8 off the top of my head.
So then I don’t know if that makes it better or worse? On one hand, at least I’m in the wedding and those 8 aren’t? But on the other, I do know them so is that embarrassing to dance around down the aisle to our friends? Lastly, she kept saying “you’re in the wedding party. If anyone asks, just tell them you are in the wedding party.” To which I responded, “well since I’m in the wedding party, and previously you told me if a bridesmaid couldn’t make it that I would be standing up there with you, can I stand up there with you even with that bridesmaid there?” And she said NO. So that was the deciding factor to me that this was not going to happen. I politely told her I would think about it as I was seething with anger.
While I was taking a week to decide how to gather myself to tell her this wasn’t going to work out, I found out from a groomsman that no one was planning her bachelorette party and she has mentioned that I was going to do it. Um no. Anyways, two days later, she announced her wedding is going to be postponed to NEXT YEAR at the same destination location. I have never been so grateful to corona. Next year I am planning on doing a clinical rotation in a different state so I don’t think I will be able to make it (thank goodness). But also I am kind of mad I have to deal with hearing about this for the next year. And now it’s awkward and we haven’t talked since. I think she thinks we are all good and I will be her flower girl again next year. Yikes. Anyways, I’ll update you guys again next year when she asks me again. Thanks for all of your replies! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hemsh1/how_do_i_tell_my_friend_i_dont_want_to_be_an/ | hemsh1 | 6,914 | 97 | [
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2020-06-24T20:17:17 | "My (23F) fiance (24M) has gotten way too overweight and I'm now having second thoughts about marriage." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hbs6nu/my_23f_fiance_24m_has_gotten_way_too_overweight/) by u/ThrowRAfianceweight*
&nbsp;
We've been together since we were 18. He proposed last April to which I was so happy about. Back then he was overweight by maybe 50 pounds, he'd gained this over the course of college. While it's of course not great it also wasn't a dealbreaker for me. I still enjoyed having sex with him and he was still active enough that we could live a normal life and have fun together.
Since then, he's gone on to gain nearly a hundred more pounds in a little over a year. He weighs over 300 pounds. It's ridiculous at this point. I completely understand eating a crappy cafeteria-vending-machine-microwave diet when you're in college, plus the stress and late nights studying (or partying) where snacking is standard. But this far exceeds that. His habits didn't improve after college. They just got worse.
I've lived with him since our junior year and can attest that he eats FAR MORE junk food now, not less. Despite me shopping and making healthy appropriately sized meals for the both of us. Not complaining about that, I actually love cooking and trying new recipes, I'm just pointing out he won't eat healthy even though he doesn't have to put in any effort to do so.
Also fuck food delivery apps, seriously...no hate at all to the drivers trying to make some money but on the customer end, I feel like the sheer 24/7 instant access to fast food has almost become a crutch to him. He has to order something almost every day. Never mind the hole it's drilling in our budget. He can't seem to resist this constant availability knowing he can get whatever he wants whenever he wants it without even having to leave the house. This far predates quarantine by the way.
I can feel my sexual interest dwindling by the day. It feels horrible because I still love him for the person he is but the physical part just idn't there anymore. It's a lack we both notice. The problem is he's not particularly motivated to do anything about it because his sex drive has decreased in an inverse relationship to his weight gain. He basically figures "we're just equally" not feeling like having much sex these days. He doesn't connect that he's doing something to cause this, it's not just a fluke. And it's not only about his size either. It's also his tendency to just sit on the couch on his laptop and snacking all day... we used to do more things together. I've tried many times to get him to do stuff I know he's interested in (or used to be?) but he usually turns it down in favor of the internet. I find it hard to find attraction to him when that's all he does with his day.
I've tried talking to him about all this. He alternates between saying he's not that overweight, and saying it's not a big deal because he doesn't have any medical problems. But he can't know that for certain because he hasn't been to the doctor in a while. In general he sidesteps my worries by making jokes and acting really casual about it.
Our wedding plans are pending due to covid but we decided we'll probably go ahead with just a very small official ceremony in September. Being so close to making this commitment to him, as he is right now, is seriously starting to give me pause... I don't want my husband to be like this for the rest of his life. I don't want him to die young. I mean, 100 pounds in a year? So where is he by the time he's 30 at that rate??
I'm not sure why he doesn't see a problem. He seems content with how things are. He says he isn't depressed (I haven't pushed it but did ask a couple times and he didn't seem to understand why I was asking). I do know depression or other mental illness can cause things like this, and I know depression cannot always be "seen" by the people around you... but we are quite emotionally open with eachother, he's never been a guy who struggles to talk about his feelings or problems. So this is unusual to me. He's caring towards me, goofy, and chipper as always in his daily attitude. His hygiene is fine. You wouldn't think anything was different if not for how he eats garbage and usually doesn't want to do anything that'd take him away from the computer or his phone for more than an hour. Could he still be depressed do you think?
What do I do about this? If he is struggling with something, I want to support him. On the other hand, if it's just lazyness and not caring, I honestly don't think I could deal with that if it never changed. How do I tell the difference?
TL;DR: My fiance is rapidly piling on weight, usually chooses really bad food despite me making healthy meals for him. I don't know why because he brushes off my concern and questions with jokes. It's really making me rethink marriage.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/heszvw/update_my_23f_fiance_24m_has_gotten_way_too/)
Well, here goes... not a great update.
I took a number of suggestions on what to bring up to him and how to have the conversation about my concerns. He did the usual thing of trying to brush it off. I persisted, much more than I have before. Eventually I got my wish, he finally told the truth. Not easily, mind, this was a several hours long ordeal. He did NOT want to come clean about anything.
He has a weight gain fetish. Not me or someone else gaining weight, which I already knew was a thing, but HIM gaining weight. He's been doing all of this on purpose, for years. He said the beginning was unintentional, just eating too much junk at college. Then he realized he liked it. He also realized if he let himself balloon too much I might bail. He didn't want to lose me. So he had enough self control to keep it at a moderate level, until I accepted his proposal last year. That was apparently the green light he needed to throw restraint to the wind and start pursuing this fetish full speed ahead.
I never had a single inkling of suspicion the entire time. I guess I can't blame myself for that because dramatic weight gain is usually for the reasons I assumed... depression or stress or bad habits or just getting comfortable and not caring. You never hear of sexual motivations. I still feel like a complete and utter fool. Like I got played, hard. This was NOT what I thought I was marrying into.
When, if ever, was he going to tell me? He claims he "would have when it was the right time". What does that mean? Next week? Doubt it. Years in the future when we maybe have kids? More likely.
Oh and the reluctance to do anything requiring getting off the internet that I mentioned? That's because he's posting in forums and discord fetish communities talking about it. All these people share weight gain tips and compare "progress pictures" of their bellies and write pornographic roleplay stories. I'm truly disgusted. I've obliviously been sat right next to him countless times while he gets off in his own little world.
He has even discussed with random strangers how to keep me in the dark. Apparently the most common suggestion was "play dumb and make it into a running joke", so there's my explanation for why he constantly dismissed anything I said. Unbelievable.
This has been going on right under my nose for years. I really cannot fathom how I could be so clueless. And that the person I thought I knew had the gall, to not only intentionally make himself obese, but to hide his motivations from me, seek out advice on how to do that, and lie to me over and over when I attempted to talk about my worry.
I expressed how I felt seriously betrayed, like our relationship had been built on a false pretense without my knowledge. He did apologize sincerely. He said he would "try" to lose weight. I asked why is he only saying that now? Why did he refuse to discuss let alone change anything all the other times I asked what was up? Leaving me to be confused and worried instead. He didn't have an answer. He just begged me to give him one chance and promised he'd stop and get healthier.
My problem is, I just don't know if I can believe that. And even if he follows through I don't know if I can get over being lied to. For years.
I was so dumbfounded that I asked him to leave today (the conversation was last night) so I could collect my thoughts. He'll be back tomorrow night.
100% sure I want to call off the engagement. 80% sure I want to just bite the bullet and end the relationship. Fuck this. I absolutely love this man. Why did he have to do this.
TL;DR: He has a fetish about gaining weight that he kept secret since college. Has been putting himself at risk deliberately. I'm in shock and will be calling off the wedding. TBD whether I give him a chance to prove he can change and be trustworthy, but I don't feel like it's likely. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hf8k59/my_23f_fiance_24m_has_gotten_way_too_overweight/ | hf8k59 | 8,829 | 84 | [
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2020-06-25T07:47:01 | Best update I‘ve seen in a while | null | sbluez | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hfi2qj/best_update_ive_seen_in_a_while/ | hfi2qj | 0 | 70 | [
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2020-06-25T18:51:19 | My former highschool is rampant with sexual harassment from teachers and I'm going after them. I'm scared. (r/feminism) | r/Feminism | originally posted by /u/guilliana in /r/Feminism
I recently wrote a long facebook status about my friend's assault 12 years ago back in highschool. I did it because she wanted to finally call out the perpetrator but was afraid, so I offered to do it for her. It included a story about a teacher's failure to investigate the matter after she reported it.
After posting it, plenty of people who graduated at the school started reaching out to me about sexual harassment and bullying either done by or enabled by teachers. I've discovered this has been a long cycle of abuse, and I decided to contact someone from the school. My complaints have fallen on deaf ears, though. They just flat out told me that times have changed, the school wasn't the same as it used to be. And to be careful about posting about the school because I might get sued.
I can't just ignore all these girls being sexually harassed by their teachers. Some of them have recently graduated and confirmed that this is still happening today. I want to fight for them but I'm also afraid to get into any legal trouble. (I live in the Philippines)
What do I do?
**Update**
A couple of days ago I posted about going after my highschool for rampant sexual harassment by teachers. First of all, I want to apologize for not responding to the comments. I appreciate all the support and advice, but this has been a rough couple of days for me trying to juggle work as well as multiple messages from girls that also went to my highschool.
Turns out, I ended up opening a can of worms. Today, I woke up to plenty of posts about the same allegations, but different schools across the country. I have since contacted one of the people who also had her post go viral, and we're currently planning to form some sort of initiative to address this issue. A group that can provide a safe space for victims, spread awareness, and help ensure that the teachers accused not only get dismissed but have their licenses revoked.
So far, so good. A few of our friends have agreed to join us. Only problem is, we don't really know where to begin. This is really overwhelming but we need to act fast before the noise on social media quiets down.
Do any of you have any experience creating initiatives or organizations like this? Where should we begin? We don't even have a name yet. Any tips on what we should prioritize? | somegenerichandle | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hfrr1y/my_former_highschool_is_rampant_with_sexual/ | hfrr1y | 2,372 | 80 | [
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2020-06-26T18:46:08 | "Brother's friend wanted a place to store 'a couple of wardrobes and a bed' ... My house is now packed full with urine-stinky furniture." | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hd4pg7/brothers_friend_wanted_a_place_to_store_a_couple/) by u/stinkyfurniture*
&nbsp;
I get on OK with my brother, and his friend hadn't shown any hint of being an idiot over the last 15 years so I went along with this. I'll call my brother's friend Doug.
My brother phoned me a while back and asked if I could do a favour for Doug and he put doug on, and doug told me he's gotta move back in with his parents because he lacks work like all of us, and needs a place to store 'a couple of wardrobes full of clothes, and a bed' for about six months until things open up again. My brother told doug I had a spare room with not much in it (which is true), and I was happy to help so I said sure, bring it over. The spare room is more than big enough for a couple of wardrobes and a bed.
Through miscommunications and a shift change at work I couldn't be there when doug moved out of his old place and put his stuff in the spare room, so I dropped my spare key to my brother and he supervised doug. on Friday afternoon I came back home to a house packed full of what looks like every possession doug has ever owned packed into every room of my house, and almost all of it is urine stained and covered in mouse droppings.
"A couple of wardrobes full of clothes and a bed" has turned into two wardrobes full of mouse droppings clothes and boxes, a dozen garbage bags of more clothes, six chairs and a kitchen table, a bedside table, a dozen boxes of books, two bookcases, boxes of kitchen implements, half a dozen wall hangings and paintings, a house door covered in stickers, a credenza, a single bed and a double bed (both of them REEK of urine and bloke), four small chests of drawers, three kitchen cupboards, a pair of card tables, and two refrigerators with food in the freezers and plugged into my power, and more bags of bedclothes, electronics, just about everything to fill a regular small house.
Everything in the house stinks and I can't do this. I don't mean it just has a scent to it, it stinks badly. I can taste the stink in my mouth even when I'm out of the house. With the heater on now it's winter it's nauseating.
I phoned doug and told him he has to come and get this all out, and he can't. He's already 600km away on his parents property and has no money left. I told him I'm going to dump the lot of it if he doesn't come get it, and he told me I'd made a binding verbal agreement with him and if I damaged anything of his he'd come down on me like a tonne of bricks with legal action. ten minutes after getting off the phone with him, his dad phoned and made more threats the same.
I can't reach any of the shelving in my spare room, I can't use half my couch or my art desk, I can only JUST reach my own clothing in my bedroom drawers and I can only use one chair in my kitchen.
I've contacted my brother and a stupid shrugging noise and said he thought that's what I agreed on.
What am I legally allowed to do with all this? I agreed to a couple of wardrobes and a bed. I did NOT agree to a house full of stuff. I want to at least get the worst of it out of the house immediately but it's been raining and we have a week more rain forecast. I can't afford to put it in storage, I'm slowly draining my savings the last few months as work has been cut back due to covid. I don't have a garage or shed, I have no undercover place to put any of this. Best I could do was borrow a tarp and wrap up the worst wardrobes and clingwrapped the beds but that's only a minor help as it all smells bad.
I did a house plan drawing, sorry it's rubbish. on the left is my normal house, TV is the lounge, S spare room D desk room B bedroom and K kitchen. on the right is the same with all of doug's stuff added in red. https://imgur.com/a/I0eXuDz
Edit: ok this has gone beyond legal advice and beyond a joke I think, I just went around taking photos and doug has a dried up used cat litter tray in the bottom of his wardrobe underneath clothing, the bags of clothing have mouse nests in them, and there are cockroaches. I've phoned friends, we're dumping it on the front lawn tonight (it's 1130pm here) and I'm texting doug's parents with the photos and if they want any of it they'll come get it. I'll deal with the consequences of that later, my sanity and sanitation is worth more.
&nbsp;
[**A Few Days Later**](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hex4ze/update_brothers_friend_wanted_a_place_to_store_a/)
It's all solved. On Monday morning I sent photos of everything disgusting I could and of doug's furniture on the lawn to doug and his dad telling them it's beyond foul and I wouldn't be keeping any of it inside my house, and I'll dump it this week if they don't come get it.
Twenty minutes later I got a call from doug's mother. She asked if it was so bad could I send her some evidence, like photos. I told her I'd already sent them to her son and his dad. She yelled out in the background to one of them "She says she DID send photos" then she got off the phone.
Half an hour later she called me back and said they'd be down to pick up doug's stuff, and apologised. She asked if his books were OK. Apart from the mouse gnawing and droppings, yes. I'm not a barbarian, they were outside but under the eaves.
This morning they turned up from 600km away. doug and his dad wanted to begin packing in their pantech but doug's mum wasn't having any of that. They dumped 90% of it at the tip and came back & took just a few things home. Even the food in the freezers was off. His mum apologised and offered to make me good with cash, but she's already solved enough and I declined. She left it open ended and said if I needed anything fixed to call her.
I know I didn't follow legal advice, but this was the equivalent of someone asking you to hold onto a small keychain sized box for half a year, but instead they sneakily cover you in fifty kilos of feces you're not allowed to wash off until you get a lawyer and fill out all the right paperwork and wait a month. I just couldn't do it. I got lucky.
I've had words with my brother and changed the locks to my place too. He'd opened up and let doug and doug's mates in, then left the key behind with him. He didn't know how bad it was either.
My brother is an idiot and doug is a 32 year old baby and hopefully I'm a little wiser. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hgdecv/brothers_friend_wanted_a_place_to_store_a_couple/ | hgdecv | 6,403 | 108 | [
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2020-06-27T19:11:53 | "My (24f) boyfriend (32m) has faked the existance of a common friend" | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/gvvfeb/my_24f_boyfriend_32m_has_faked_the_existance_of_a/) by u/i_am_totes_anon*
&nbsp;
This is such a weird situation and I don't freaking know what's going on or what to do.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. Right now he's staying at my place due to being on sick leave and the Corona situation.
After we had been dating for about two months he introduced me (online, over chat) to a friend of his, another trans girl (I am trans) who he thought I'd get along with since we're both trans girls and we shared some interests. We started chatting and got along great. She lives in a city that's kinda near, but not near enough to go there for a random trip. I've been chatting with her to and fro since, and we planned to meet during Christmas. However, something came up and she couldn't make it. We planned to meet at an event in late February, but it got canceled due to Corona. I'm not much for voice chatting, so I haven't talked to her even once, only written chats. This is normal for me. Over time, I got to know her fairly well, and occasionally talked with her about my relationship with my boyfriend. Hey, why not, she knows him and has known him for longer than I have. Maybe I can learn something about him from her.
A few times, my boyfriend would mention something I had been talking about with her just one or two days prior and I thought it was weird, but disregarded it as mere coincidence. It didn't happen often enough to warrant suspicion.
Then today, just an hour or two after chatting with her about her new girlfriend, I happened to catch a glance at my boyfriends iPad when he had discord open. I saw her icon in the chat, nothing weird, maybe he chatted with her too, but... I also saw what I thought was my profile pic in the chat. Now that's weird. And my boyfriend tabbed out of discord very quickly.
A little later, he went to the bathroom without locking his iPad (which is again completely normal) and I decided to take a look. I opened discord, and logged in... Is her. She is logged in on his iPad. The conversation I saw was the one we had had just prior.
I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I took a screenshot to send to myself and as I did I noticed some other pictures in his album. The picture of the girlfriend that was just sent. And the picture it was cropped from. I also saw a picture of her in the album. I sent all of them to me, saved them on my phone and then deleted them from the chat, (and deleted the screenshot from the album) so my boyfriend wouldn't notice.
Later, when he was taking a nap, I started googling stuff.
I dug up an older picture she has sent of herself, and put them all through Google. One of the selfies, no hits. The other selfie. So. Many. Hits. This picture had been posted all over the internet it seemed, often on sites categorizing it as "cross dressing" or "trap". Similar result when I searched the full picture of the girlfriend. Seems like that's some porn actress.
So. My boyfriend has constructed this person in order to... I don't know? Talk with me about our relationship while pretending to be someone else?
My boyfriends ex lives in the same town as this girl, and according to my bf the ex has been a real jerk since they broke up. Now the creepy part is that this girl has "reported" on things his ex has been doing to mess with him, like getting him banned from a game store in that town. So all those things must be things he's made up and told me through her?
I feel like I don't know who I'm dating anymore. If he can make up a whole person (including making a social media page for her) well enough to keep me fooled for 8 months, what else has he been lying about?? We were planning to move in together after this summer and now I don't know what to do.
I'm confused and honestly terrified. He's never showed aggressive tendencies but if he wanted to he could easily kill me becuaweof how much stronger he is. I'm scared to confront him about it.
TL;DR: I just found out that one of our common friends is a fabrication of my boyfriend. She doesn't exist. He's been fooling me for 8 months. What do I do??
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/gyid8s/update_my_24f_boyfriend_32m_has_faked_the/)
So a short summary/reminder of the original post: I found evidence that the "common friend" i've gotten to know over the last 8 months is actually a persona invented by my boyfriend and used for either controlling or vindictive reasons, or both. I didn't feel safe confronting him about it as I couldn't possibly defend myself if things were to get physical.
Through divine intervention (or really, bureaucracy) an issue arose that resulted in my bf having to go back home today. I managed to get his keys back without him reacting badly to it, and when he was home and I finally felt safe, i confronted him about it over first chat, and then phone.
He kinda broke down. I honestly expected him to admit to lying when I showed him the proof I gathered, but he was adamant that this friend is a real person, and he had her login and those pictures for unrelated reasons. Reasons that in and of themselves were problematic, but at least he admitted to those reasons being fucked up. I demanded he get me in contact with her if she is indeed a real person and he said he'd do what he could. (This was about an hour ago, so I'll update later if she is indeed a real person and this entire situation is like severly less fucked up than it seems, but still a bit fucked up. But I doubt it).
A bit later he wrote me a long message apoligizing for everything. He didn't comment about her being real or not in that message, but he basically expressed he'd understand if I didn't want to see him again.
Throughout the whole thing he never seemed to react with hosility or anger, only regret. We'll see where things go from here, but a breakup is likely.
I'm just sad now because I really saw and believed in a future with the man I thought he was. I feel kinda lost now, but it feels like taking him back would be a huge mistake.
Thank you for your support and comments on the original post.
TL;DR: I'm safe and have confronted my boyfriend about the situation. He is adamant the friend is a real person, but admits to doing some messed up manipulative/controlling things either way. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hgzhhj/my_24f_boyfriend_32m_has_faked_the_existance_of_a/ | hgzhhj | 6,422 | 85 | [
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2020-06-27T19:24:29 | "My (24f) boyfriend (32m) has faked the existance of a common friend" | null | Kinglens311 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hgzpn8/my_24f_boyfriend_32m_has_faked_the_existance_of_a/ | hgzpn8 | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-06-28T21:27:07 | "I’ve been sober for 2 months without telling anyone. Soon to be father in law bought a nice bottle of tequila for a celebratory shot tonight after his and mom’s wedding tonight. Should I drink it?" | r/stopdrinking | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/hcn9dz/ive_been_sober_for_2_months_without_telling/) by u/cbytes1001*
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I know it means a lot to him, and I don’t exactly know how much of a problem I had with alcohol, but the last two months have been very difficult at times. I was basically getting drunk every other day for a couple years.
I’ve never lost a job over it, my relationship with others has suffered a little, but mainly it was my hatred of myself that needed to stop.
I’m conflicted and would love some genuine advice. My plan would be to just have the one shot and no more, just as a salute to him and my mom.
Is this okay?
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[**The Next Day**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/hd82z9/update_ive_been_sober_for_2_months_without/)
So after all the advice and help here, I decided I didn’t want to drink. I went to the wedding, everything was great. We did the toasts afterwards and I just grabbed a root beer instead of beer/doing shots. I don’t know why I built it up in my head, cause no one minded at all.
No drama, no regrets. I feel great today, and continuing being sober.
Thanks guys! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hhmtkf/ive_been_sober_for_2_months_without_telling/ | hhmtkf | 1,172 | 127 | [
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2020-06-29T17:28:32 | "Family is essentially kicking me out for a weekend?" | r/Aupairs | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Aupairs/comments/hg91gf/family_is_essentially_kicking_me_out_for_a_weekend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/lamevasort*
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So this is my second time being an au pair, I just started a month ago and so far everything has been good. I had no problems at all with the family but now theyve told me that, when they go on a weekend trip sometime from now, I’m essentially not welcome to stay in their house by myself. I was told to look for a place to stay during those days. Now I was shocked!
My first host family let me stay by myself frequently and without any problems at all. To me this feels like a violation of trust, especially since I don’t think I’ve done anything to make them trust me less. I was too shocked to ask about this so just smiled away and said something like well okay if you’re not comfortable with that then it is what it is. And I think that’s what it comes down to after all, it’s their house.
But I still feel incredibly shocked and like I’m not welcome here at all and I dread having to stay here. Have any of you got any experience with something like this? How should I handle this situation?
hi everyone, thanks for your input and for making me see that im actually in the right thinking that this is weird. i feel should have added that they invited me to join them on their trip but i declined as i’d like to spend the weekend with friends here, that’s when they told me to find somewhere else to stay... still don’t feel like me declining their offer to come along justifies “kicking me out” for the weekend. they haven’t offered to compensate me for having to find another place to stay, however i will be able to stay with a friend... does me not wanting to come along on their trip change anything in your opinion?
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Aupairs/comments/hhyfyj/update_family_is_essentially_kicking_me_out_for_a/)
So I just talked to my host mom an hour ago, trying to figure out if I have done something wrong or misbehaved for her to not trust me to be in the house by myself. She said that was not the case at all, it was just because I haven’t formed a “relationship” with them. I do have to say that I spent most of my free time meeting new people, making friends, but I always made conversation them outside my work, I spent some time with the kids on weekends and in general behaved like I did with my first host family who I’ve never had any problems with. It doesn’t justify not trusting me with their house when they do in fact trust me to be alone with their kids as many of you have pointed out.
I then said that I didn’t come here with a budget to live in a hotel, buy my own food etc to which she just said that under no circumstances they would pay for my expenses during that weekend as I “don’t ever spent time in the house on weekends anyway”. I feel like this was really just about me going out to meet friends and sleeping over at someone else’s place TWICE since I came here, I think she really didn’t like that at all, but wouldn’t tell me so straight to my face despite me repeatedly saying how much I value honesty.
Eventually things led up to me saying that I considered her not letting me stay here to be a violation of our contract. She heavily disagreed, then she kept going on about the notice period in the contract and how it wouldn’t matter to her if I wanted to leave now as, depending on how I would handle this situation, I could spend another 2 nice weeks with them or things could get very uncomfortable for everyone. Which made me really uncomfortable, oh what a surprise! I asked if she would insist on the 2 week period or if she’d mind if I left right now as I was in fact very uncomfortable. She told me I had one hour to leave the house.
When I finished packing and wanted to tell her I’d leave etc just say goodbye in a civil and respectful manner (because as I explained in my first post, I didn’t have any problem with them before this situation and enjoyed my time there), she was talking on the phone, walked past me to her room and closed the door. I waited another ten minutes before I left to give her time to finish the call, which she didn’t. So I sent her a message basically saying thanks for the time here anyways and thanking her for remaining (mostly) civil when we couldn’t find a common ground & also apologising for having offended her with my honesty. I saw she was typing a reply on and off for about 15 minutes before simply blocking my number. Okay then, I don’t care.
I’m happy with my decision and with how I handled the situation, I was respectful but honest and if she cannot handle this like an adult, then so it be. I’ve gone to a friend where I can stay for a bit, hoping to rent a cheap room now for a month or two as I love this city and the people I met here and don’t want this experience to ruin my time in this country. Thanks so much to everyone who has given their input on this situation, not sure if I would have gone for a confrontation on this issue without all your reassurance that my host family was in the wrong here! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hi4a48/family_is_essentially_kicking_me_out_for_a_weekend/ | hi4a48 | 5,177 | 94 | [
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2020-06-30T18:52:29 | "I've been with my boyfriend for almost six years and have forgotten the dates of his birthday and our anniversary" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hfdpf0/ive_been_with_my_boyfriend_for_almost_six_years/) by u/schwenomorph*
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Yes, I know I'm an awful person. My mental state has been declining for quite a while, but it got really bad fairly recently, so much so that a neurologist has ordered blood labs, an ECG (or EEG, can't remember which), an MRI, and a neuropsychological exam. So far, I've only gotten the ECG despite calling multiple times for everything else... haven't heard back on anything.
My boyfriend knows this. My memory is shit now. I'll forget tons of things, even the name of a close friend who I've known for 12 years. And I forgot her name while I was over at her house. I've broken down several times about this since I feel like I'm getting dementia at age 21. My boyfriend has witnessed me sobbing hysterically because I just don't know what the fuck is going on.
Still, we've been together for almost six years. I knew the dates before. I wrote them down on my phone, but the notes app got fucked up and I lost everything I wrote down. I doubt he'll be angry at me, but he might be devastated. I don't want to break his heart.
I feel so terrible. How do I ask him when these important dates are?
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hho6vc/update_to_ive_been_with_my_boyfriend_for_almost/)
My post got some attention, so I figured that maybe a few people would care. TL;DR to the last post: my mental health is declining and I've forgotten a ton of stuff, including those important dates.
Unfortunately, this isn't a very happy update.
Just kidding, it went perfectly fine.
My boyfriend "J" came over a few nights ago, and lo and behold, I had yet another sort of seizure thing. I got incredibly exhausted and lost the ability to speak for a while (though I could still type on my phone), became wildly confused as to where I was, all that "fun" stuff. J got me some honey in case my blood sugar was low. Eventually, I came out of it without full on convulsions, thank god. It was the first time he's witnessed it in action, so I guess that gave me confidence to tell him since he finally saw exactly what i was going through.
The next night, I told him straight up, apologized, and had a pen and note pad ready. He was totally cool about it. He said something along the lines of, "If I thought you forgot because you just didn't care, then that'd be proof that I don't know you well enough."
He wasnt mad, disappointed, sad, or any of that. He understood completely. Apparently, I just don't have a notepad app on my phone anymore. I searched for it when I couldn't speak, and it just straight up wasn't there (I typed on Google Docs). So that's weird.
Given all my symptoms, I think I might have PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures). I now have the phone numbers to get an MRI and a neuropsychological exam, so I'll contact those people. Apparently it's hard to diagnose PNES, but I'm looking forward to furthering my quest to find out what the fuck is happening.
Thanks for the great advice in the last post. Everything's good. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hitl07/ive_been_with_my_boyfriend_for_almost_six_years/ | hitl07 | 3,157 | 105 | [
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2020-07-01T21:24:00 | Entitled (dog) Parent yells at me because I told her that her pit bull needs to be muzzled. | r/entitledparents | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/hbfm0o/entitled_dog_parent_yells_at_me_because_i_told/) by u/-g_s-*
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So I (18F) work as an office assistant/secretary at a Veterinarian office, since I mostly just check people and schedule appointments and stuff for their pets, I'm not certified in animal care or anything. A few months ago, we had this one lady ( lets call her S ) come in with her medium sized pit bull mix. I check her in and on her dog's file it says that he has a past history being aggressive towards the Vet/vet techs. This means that he is required to have a muzzle on before going into the room with the Vet. This is the conversation that follows,
Me-"Hey, it looks like Dog has a past history of being aggressive toward the vet so he's going to have to have a muzzle on before he goes into the room. Do you have one with you?"
S-"Uh no I don't have a muzzle with me, he won't need one."
Me-"I'm sorry Ma'am, he is going to have a muzzle on before the Vet can look at him. It's the rules. We have some that we can use for the appointment"
S-"Why is it because he's a pitbull? He is just a big baby and wouldn't even hurt a fly. This is discrimmination against pit bulls."
Me-"No ma'am, it's not because he's a pit bull, his file says he's been aggressive toward the vet before. A lot of dogs don't like the vet so it's pretty common for them to have to be muzzled, regardless of the breed. We've had to muzzle Chihuahuas before!"
S-"Dog just doesn't like the Vet to be touching him or messing with his body parts! Just tell Vet not to do that and he won't bite like last time."
Me- "Ma'am... How is the Vet supposed to do his job if he can't touch Dog? He needs to make sure everything is working right."
S-"I don't care, my dog is not going to be muzzled and that's final! You are discriminating against my little baby Dog because he is a pit bull. I cant believe that I am facing this kind of harassment for owning a pit bull at a Vet's office for god's sake!"
We went back and forth like this for a while, I kept telling her that her dog isnt going to see the vet until he has a muzzle on and she kept telling me he didn't mean it and that I was saying that he is aggressive because he's a pit bull. Eventually she put a muzzle on the dog and he apparently acted fine and non-aggressive with the muzzle on, but since he was aggressive once without the muzzle he will still have to be muzzled for future appointments. She ended up filing a complaint against me because I was discriminating against her and her dog, but it never really went anywhere. She has another appointment next week so thats going to be fun.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/hgjax9/update_on_entitled_dog_parent_who_yelled_at_me/)
So they lady (S) had her appointment today. It didn't go so great...
Like many businesses these days, due to everything that has been happening, we have a no mask, no service policy. This means I am supposed to kick someone out if they aren't wearing a mask, we have a small supply for the staff but we arent really supposed to give them out. We also have limited staff ( Vet, one Vet Tech and I). When I saw (S) get out of her car without a mask I knew she was going to be difficult. I didn't want to have to fight with her about it so I get up and meet her at the door with the box of masks. This is how the conversation goes.
Me-"Hey! how are you? Due to everything going on currently, we require that everyone wears masks inside! If you don't have one, we can provide one for you!"
S-"No it's fine I don't need one, mine is in my car."
Me-" Oh Okay great! If you want I can hold Dog while you go to get it?"
S-"Um no. Actually I won't be wearing one." (She then proceeds to try and move past me through the door way)
Me-"Ma'am, we have a 'no mask, no service' policy. You cannot come in without a mask."
S-"This is bullshit. Jesus Christ. Hold Dog." (She shoves Dog's leash into my hands and storms off to her car to get her mask.)
When she comes inside I start checking her in, and I see the note on Dog's file that said he was aggressive at a past appointment. A lot of comments said that I shouldn't phrase it as the dog being 'aggressive' because it can upset the owners.
Me-"Hey so it looks like Dog was a bit nervous at his appointment about two years ago, and nipped one of the Vet Techs. So he is going to have to wear a muzzle during the appointment."
S-"I went through this last time with that last receptionist. He doesn't need a muzzle. He was good at his last appointment."
Me-"Ma'am, he nipped a Vet Tech in the past, so he is going to have to wear a muzzle."
Suddenly a car comes tearing into the driveway, and a guy gets out with this tiny, limp puppy in his arms. Obviously, I immediately go and get the Vet. Vet comes out and meets the guy at the door, takes the puppy, and starts asking questions while they go to the back room. Meanwhile her Dog starts flipping out and pulling at its leash toward the puppy. Once the Vet gets into the back, and Dog calms down I start talking with her again.
Me-"Oh my god, I hope that puppy is okay. Ma'am, I am sorry but you're going to have to wait for a bit. That looked like a pretty serious emergency. We can reschedule for later today or tomorrow if you would like"
S-"I had an appointment"
Me-"Yes ma'am but an emergency case just came in and we only have one veterinarian in right now."
S-"How long is this going to take? I have to go to work."
Me-"I have no idea ma'am, that puppy looked like he was in rough shape. We can reschedule you if you would like?"
S-"Well Dog's appointment is today so I want to see the Vet now."
Me-"Ma'am, you will not be seeing the Vet right now. He is working on a critical patient. I do not know how long it will take but it is probably going to be a few hours so if you have to go to work, you should probably reschedule."
S-"I cannot believe this. My dog had an APPOINTMENT and your office isn't going to see him. I bet if he were as cute and little as that puppy you would. It is just because he is a big scary pit bull isnt it?"
Me-"Would you like to reschedule? We have an opening for this time, tomorrow?"
S-"No! I don't want to RESCHEDULE MY APPOINTMENT THAT I AM AT RIGHT NOW! I cannot believe I am being discriminated against AGAIN because Dog is a pit bull!"
S proceeds to literally storm out like an actual giant child who didn't get her way, after telling me she was going to find a new vet. She later called, and scheduled her appointment for tomorrow but luckily I am not working. I am reading this over and honestly it sounds fake, but I swear I can't make this stuff up. Sometimes I feel like I could write a book about the people that I meet being a receptionist.
For those worried about the puppy, the guy who brought it in had found it under his car in the 100 degree weather and the poor thing was very overheated. Luckily, she should be okay and the guy is probably going to keep her. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hjjfuh/entitled_dog_parent_yells_at_me_because_i_told/ | hjjfuh | 7,051 | 104 | [
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2020-07-02T17:03:33 | My girlfriend told me she was with a friend, but that friend was with me picking out an engagement ring. How do I confront my girlfriend about her lie? | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hi97h9/my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a_friend_but/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/throwra_wheredshego*
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God this is a doozy. I swear my life feels like a movie right now. Sorry for the weird formatting, I'm on mobile and this is my first time posting on a sub like this.
I (28M) am planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 3 years (26F). Now, I suck at picking out jewelry. Im the type of guy that doesn't see a problem with heart shaped jewelry (seriously why is it considered so ugly?) so every time I want to buy something for my girl, I usually consult one of our mutual friends. My girl's best friends are all friends with me as well and we all get along well, so asking them for help picking out jewelry is something I'm used to.
When it came time to pick out a ring, I consulted my girlfriends best friend Justine (fake name). Justine and I are quite close and she knows my girlfriend better than anyone, including me. So, when my girlfriend when out to visit her sister and baby nephew, I invited Justine over to the house to help pick out a ring.
Justine and I looked through a few catalogues, but decided it was a dead end and it would be better to go to professionals at a jewelry store. However, I didn't know when my girlfriend would be coming home, so Justine and I thought of a clever text to gauge how much time we had. I asked her when she'd be coming home, as I was ordering takeout and wanted to know when to tell them to have the food ready by.
She responded by saying it would be a few hours, she met up with Justine to go shopping. Now, obviously this took me by surprise since Justine was standing inside my house. I showed Justine the text, and she looked as confused as I was.
It isn't out of the ordinary for my girlfriend to meet up with people out of the blue like that for shopping, lunch, etc. She's a very spontaneous person and loves making plans on the fly. So ordinarily, I would have believed this text in a heartbeat. However, obviously this had to be a lie.
When she came home she acted completely normal, and I played along but it's been really hard to act like everything's fine. We got takeout, ate together, and cuddled on the couch after. So far she's caught on a little that somethings upsetting me, but I just can't tell her what. Looking at her kills me.
I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I have zero trust issues and we tell each other everything, so this lie is killing me. I want to ask her about it so bad, but if I tell her I knew she was lying, I'd have to explain why, and I really don't want to do that. What do I do? I know she lied to me but I don't know how to confront her about it. Should I just forget it? This won't stop gnawing at me. Please help!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hjkgnj/update_my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a/)
Hey guys! Oh my god, where to begin! My last post got WAY more attention than I could have ever imagined. Suffice to say, it was a tad bit overwhelming. Seriously, the amount of people begging for an update was a bit dehumanizing in a way. Like I wasn't a person going through something, but more so a "story". But I understand, haha.
I just want to say thank you so so so much for all of the support and wonderful comments. I got a lot of great advice that helped me tackle the issue head on. I also got a lot of really really kind comments and messages. It was awesome.
I also got a lot of comments that made me realize how toxic this sub can be. There were MANY comments that just said things like "she's cheating, it's over" and "don't even confront her, just leave". It's advice like that that can ruin relationships that just need a little work.
And thank you to the people that told me to hit my girlfriend, told me I was an embarrassment to my gender, and best of all, told me I should encourage an affair because it would lead to great experiences for me later in life. You gave me a good chuckle.
**ON TO THE UPDATE.**
I decided to confront my girlfriend. I thought about using some of the lies people suggested, but they just wouldn't make sense. To say I ran into Justine somewhere: well, I told my girl I had to stay home and do stuff around the house, and that's why I couldn't go with her to see my SIL. To say Justine was helping me pick out jewelry: it doesn't make sense for her to come all the way to our house to help me pick out a piece of jewelry unless it was a serious piece of jewelry (like an engagement ring). If I just wanted to get her a piece of jewelry as a gift, I'd ask her friends for suggestions or ask them to send me pictures of jewelry she might like. It all happens over text. None of the excuses made sense. So, I decided to be honest.
I basically just said that I knew we'd been thinking about marriage and she probably knew a proposal was coming soon so I invited Justine over to help me find her the perfect ring, and that so happened to be the day that she said she was going to see her, so... what's the deal?
She immediately started grinning like an idiot and prodding me about proposing and the ring, but then we got back onto the topic of where she was and she confessed what she was really doing. No, she wasn't cheating, and no, she wasn't picking out a ring for me (the amount of times that was commented was crazy).
So, some people are dog people and some people are cat people. Well, me, I'm a snake person. I grew up with snakes my whole life. But I never felt I was able to get one because my girlfriend has always been uneasy about living with a snake which I completely respected. Also, the process of buying and raising a snake is very different than that of buying and raising a dog or cat. It's quite complicated. So you could imagine my surprise when my girlfriend showed me a picture of her holding the cutest Kenyan sand boa I have EVER SEEN!
Needless to say, my girlfriend was going to surprise me with a snake! We're picking her up next week (let me know if you want a pet tax, she's so cute). I definitely did not expect this and I feel bad for ruining the surprise, but oh well. Life is good! Sorry if this isn't the ending you guys wanted or expected, just a snake haha. Thanks for reading!!
TLDR: snake.
Edit: [pet tax!](https://imgur.com/gallery/GbnZIar) Sorry I'd love to give some better pictures, but the only other picture is a picture of the snake right next to my girlfriends face, which I don't want to show. If people are still interested I'll probably upload more to my profile once we take her home!
Edit #2: did you guys really award me 130 snek awards... I love reddit | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hk0uaj/my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a_friend_but/ | hk0uaj | 6,754 | 227 | [
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2020-07-03T20:01:30 | "WIBTA if i failed a Juniors probation period because he's reported me several times to the bosses?" | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hijfi8/wibta_if_i_failed_a_juniors_probation_period/) by u/GayLadThrowaway*
*WIBTA = Will I be the asshole*
&nbsp;
This is a weird one.
I work in a digital agency, we hired a 19 year old to pick up and learn how our business works for our digital sector. I'm the manager of the digital department, i have a team of about 8 members, we're a close group as most of us have been working together for over 5 years. I've been here for 8 and i've been with the company since it was only 6 of us. We're now a business of over 70 people.
This 19 y/o that we hired is a big clients son. My boss who is good friends with the client offered him the job (subject to probation period) without us posting anything online for people to apply. I am the one that trains him up and i will be the one to approve his probation period, but i'm not sure if hes aware of that as my boss is the one that hired him.
This 19y/o was meant to start in March but then lockdown hit so we pushed it back a month, we thrived during the lockdown and thus needed more resource, so we took him on in April - It was challenging training someone through Microsoft Teams but he was picking up things very quickly, i'd say that we spent a good 2 hours a day on a call together. We got on pretty well and i liked him.
After the first 2 months, he was fitting in well and it was all good. Our digital department had a quiz night a few days before we were planning on coming back into the office. Since a lot of the digital guys know my partner, i invited my partner to the quiz. I'm guessing that the new Junior didn't know i was gay as i'm considered very "straight passing". The quiz went well and we all had a laugh.
Now, last week we were in the office and i immediately got pulled into the the HR's room. I know most of the HR people well and some of us are friends outside of work. "Someone" had reported me of trying to make a pass at them on Microsoft Teams meetings. They were time stamped and its very clear that it was the Junior. I told them that nothing at all happened and i didn't make a pass at all (The HR lady knows me well, and knows i'm not into anyone younger than me at all). It was kind of left at that.
Yesterday, i got called into the HR office again, this time i was reported for the same thing but i was also reported for leaving the office early on friday (half hour early, but i confirmed with my boss before hand). I'm now under investigation for sexual harassment, although my HR representative said i shouldn't worry as she doesn't think anything will come of it since i literally haven't done anything.
Now, i'm not meant to know who this person is but i know 100% that its the Junior who is reporting me (my HR friend heavily hinted to me). This is his last week of probation, a lot of the digital guys aren't fond of him, and i can fail his probation based on "Failure to work collaboratively" but he's a pretty good worker. I'm not worried about the sexual harassment investigation since i have nothing to hide.
WIBTA for terminating his probation?
EDIT:
A colleague has found the Juniors twitter (same username as his instagram and same dp) where he has stated multiple homophobic tweets - one that was posted a week ago that seems possibly directed at.about me. This has gone into my document which i will be showing to my boss on Thursday, i have asked for the HR rep that is handling the case to join.
I'm feeling a lot better about this situation and feel like it will work out for the best for me.
EDIT 2:
So the title is stupid, i apologise for that, it definitely makes it seem like i'm failing him purely based on him going against me. Terribly worded.
EDIT 3:
Thank you everyone that replied. I will be taking a lot of these points seriously. I will let you know what happens tomorrow.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/GayLadThrowaway/comments/hkj7u6/update_wibta_if_i_failed_a_juniors_probation/)
**A thank you**
First of all, i'd just like to say, thank you so much for all your kind words, messages, chats and comments etc.. I'm very grateful to all the helpful advice people shared and i took it all on-board. My post got WAY more attention than i thought it would, and without your help, i might have made some very silly errors.
**What happened on Thursday?**
I met with my boss at 10am along with the HR rep that was handling my case. Before i could even get started, my boss profusely apologised about the whole thing, he was made aware of it the day before by the HR department and was genuinely upset to hear it. Before i even asked to be relieved of the decision making on whether or not to keep the Junior, he said that he has handled it and i will no longer have any connection to him. What a sigh of relief that was!
A few anonymous colleagues of mine (from my department) reported the Junior on the same day i posted on here, he was part of a small sports group chat that some of them have and the junior referenced to "the fag of the office" which i was greatly defended by other colleagues. This had HEAVILY helped my situation. I was about to present the twitter screenshots to the boss and the HR rep but was told i didn't need to as they had already removed the Junior from the company and deemed the reports against me as false as he could not provide any tangible proof when challenged.
I asked how this will play out with the (ex-)junior being a high paying clients son? My boss said that he would be speaking to him later that day, they have a very close relationship inside and outside of the professional world and he will be defending me to the end, he isn't worried about the client pulling out as there are firm contracts involved. I feel so very grateful to be in a place where i am appreciated and my loyalty and character is known throughout the office and they didn't even doubt me for a second. I feel blessed.
**My HR friend**
A lot of you said how disgusted you were at the professionalism of my HR friend who "heavily hinted that it was the junior" who reported me. I relayed your concerns to her and she agrees, it was very bad of her do it. She has only been in HR for 1 year and still has a lot to learn and grow in her role. I told her that friendships shouldn't come in front of her career. She is actively trying to improve herself. So thank you for helping another great colleague in my office.
**Final words**
Please let me just say a big thank you to everyone again for your support. It really helped. Homophobia will not prevail as long as we have people like all of you in the world. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hkpvee/wibta_if_i_failed_a_juniors_probation_period/ | hkpvee | 6,662 | 159 | [
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2020-07-04T18:26:42 | "I'm homeless and am living in a tent alongside the freeway" | r/SanJose | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SanJose/comments/ezlhi1/i_got_a_call_from_housing_today/) by u/MrsDirtbag*
&nbsp;
As y'all know I'm homeless and am living in a tent alongside the freeway. I've been on the streets about 4.5 years. Today my phone rang, I was getting ready to go run some errands and I didn't recognize the number, I thought about ignoring it but for whatever reason I answered. The man on the phone told me he was from the Office of Supportive Housing!
He asked a couple questions and then asked if we could meet up to get paperwork started! We met and filled out paperwork, he explained the next steps in the process. I have an appointment on Friday with their Dr to confirm my disability. After that I don't know how long it takes before I'll actually have a place but, man, how exciting it is to be moving along in the process! Finally! 😁
I've received a lot of kindness, compassion and support from the members of this sub, so I just wanted to share the exciting news.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/SanJose/comments/gmdqwl/i_could_be_moving_into_my_apartment_this_week/)
So for those of you who aren’t familiar with my story I’m homeless and disabled, I’ve been on the streets in San Jose since 2015. Currently I live in a tent under a freeway overpass. Way back in February I got the call that everyone on the street dreams of: the call telling me I would be getting housing assistance. It’s been a long process, slower than normal due to the corona pandemic, but today me and my caseworker handed over the deposit for my new apartment! The apartment manager said if everything goes smoothly I could be moving in by the end of the week!
It’s cozy but it’s clean, well maintained, and in a quiet complex. It’s a 1 bedroom, it has air conditioning, good closet space, there’s a pool! I’m already planning how I’m going to arrange things. Originally I wasn’t going to say anything until I had the keys in hand, but I’m just too excited. After all this time I’m finally going to get to go home. I’ll be able to put out all the pictures and all the little things that mean something to me. I’ll be able to bring home more than one days worth of food at a time. No one will be able to say I can’t be there. Finally my mom will be able to go to sleep without wondering if I’m somewhere safe.
I can’t express how grateful I am to be given this gift. I feel like I’ve been given the possibility of life! A life that could be more than just struggle and survival. I recognize the value and rarity of this gift, it will not be squandered.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/homeless/comments/gxeipi/first_night_indoors/)
Signed my lease and moved in yesterday. Well more or less. I didn’t bring my mattress from my tent so I don’t have a bed yet. I don’t really have any furniture in the apartment yet until I go to my storage unit later. It’s kind of funny, in the tent we had a premium king size mattress that we found behind a swank hotel that was being renovated but our first night indoors we slept on blankets on the floor. We totally didn’t care, the A/C and lack of bugs made it feel luxurious!
I just finished a shopping spree at the dollar store getting tons of household essentials and cleaning supplies. I have OCD (the actual disorder) so I’m very excited to get back home and dismantle my kitchen cabinets and thoroughly clean them 😁 My housing worker was laughing at me because the first thing I got for the new place was a vacuum. I guess he was expecting me to get something more “fun” but I told him a vacuum was something I could never have in a tent so getting one totally made me feel like I had arrived.
Yesterday after we signed the lease I went to the apartment to drop off some things and plug in some chargers. As I got ready to leave to go help my boyfriend get stuff at the tent I thought “I better put the bag of chargers and other things I left behind the bedroom door.” It made me smile because I realized I didn’t have to do that anymore.
This process has given me some insights into some of the challenges with housing the homeless, since we do get a fair amount of outreach and other workers on here I plan to make a post about that in a little bit. Stay safe y’all!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/SanJose/comments/hctkmi/final_update_in_my_moving_saga_with_pictures/)
Well, I’ve been in my apartment for about two weeks now and I could not be happier! Here are a couple of pics of my new place: [Living room and kitchen.](https://imgur.com/gallery/vIqSaqZ) There is also a bedroom and bathroom (both were a little messy on picture day) and a couple of closets. Pictured in the living room is a beautiful flat screen tv that was generously donated by a redditor! My dog, Sega is pictured as well though he is hard to see due to his dark color, but he is happily relaxing on the black cushions that currently function as a couch.
I’m absolutely thrilled with my space and I am so grateful to have it (I’ve sent out thank you cards to my two housing workers, the leasing agent, and Mayor Liccardo) It took a long time and the process was frustrating at times but I can definitely say it was sooooo worth it! To anyone who has been hesitant to vote in favor of housing programs for the homeless, wondering if they really help anyone: they helped me. And the difference it has made in my life is immeasurable. Every morning I get up and I’m so overjoyed to get up and walk into my bathroom that I have to hold back tears. And to the troll in my last post who said this apartment isn’t “mine” because I didn’t earn/pay for it: this was not just given to me, I have to pay 30% of my disability check in rent each month. I know that’s not anywhere close to market rate rent but it is still a significant amount of money for me.
I love the neighborhood I’m in (near Winchester and Hamilton) although I miss our downtown neighborhood (Delmas and Auzerais) and seeing all our wonderful neighbors there. I know that I have been luckier than most, I was able to stay in the same general area for the last two years and the housed neighbors in the area around me were very accepting and supportive.
I returned to my old camp yesterday and was disappointed to see that many new people have already moved in and trashed the spot. I was told that Caltrans has already visited them.
Even though I’m technically no longer the homeless Reddit girl I will still be maintaining strong ties to that community and will continue trying to advocate for understanding and compassion for the homeless. As always I’m happy to answer any questions people have as best as I can.
I love you guys. The caring and support that I’ve gotten here on this sub is truly amazing. It’s been a joy to share this journey with y’all. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hl830x/im_homeless_and_am_living_in_a_tent_alongside_the/ | hl830x | 6,836 | 147 | [
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2020-07-05T17:42:22 | "My (32/F) wife is starting to gain weight because, she thinks I (33/M) am forcing her to lose weight." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hj1zdw/my_32f_wife_is_starting_to_gain_weight_because/) by u/ThrowRAMRBlvesCoffee*
&nbsp;
She's 5'10 250 at her heaviest. She's down to 190 and Jesus she looks amazing. Dont get me wrong she looked great even at her heaviest but, this is insane. This had led to some amazing sex. But all good things come to an end. I only said I thought she looked really sexy now and wanted her to keep losing weight. She misunderstood and thought I had been grooming her. She's begun to think all I care about is her body. This couldnt be further from the truth. I want her to lose weight not because she'll look better but, because it's better in the long run. Her dieting has saved us a ton of money. She's healthier now.
She's always been overweight and its never bothered me. She's fine no matter what size she is. What worries me is the health issues and added expenses. Fast food and junk food add up, add that to her now struggling to go up a flight of stairs or walk our dogs.
Her being slim and sexy are a bonus. But, she's insistent that I'm forcing her. She's gained 3lbs since our argument and quit her diet. I'm not sure what to do. She's always been sensitive about her weight. I really don't know how to fix this. I'm afraid she'll regain all her loss weight.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hllf4i/update_my_32f_wife_is_starting_to_gain_weight/)
I fucked up. I will 100% say this I will. I completely ignored how she felt in exchange for ogling her like a piece of meat. She was very vulnerable and my unwanted remarks really upset her. The way I said it it had felt like I was wanting her to lose weight for my benefit not hers. She began to wonder if I ever loved her at her heaviest. I fucked up and ignored how she felt. No, I don't feel as such at all. I loved her no matter what but, truth is I do enjoy her being skinny more then I did plus sized. I wasn't intending to harm her but my comments did unfortunately.
I wanted her to lose weight because, I was afraid. Her family has had a history of obesity and early deaths. I started noticing she was struggling to do trivial activities without being winded and I got scared. I went on a diet and shejoined. There were many benefits to this: saving money (fast food adds up a lot), healthier living and she's looking superb.
She's not doing this solely for me. She genuinely wants to get into shape. She wants us to start going running every morning. And when the gyms open up hire a personal trainer. I also plan to be more aware of her feelings and respect them.
I'm happy she forgave me. I would have understood if she divorced me. I was completely out of my element, off the mark. Life is a learning experience. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hlqont/my_32f_wife_is_starting_to_gain_weight_because/ | hlqont | 2,813 | 67 | [
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2020-07-05T18:56:44 | Man who denied his fiancee a $350 wedding dress doesn't learn his lesson | null | ORIGINAL: [AITA for telling my fiancé she can only buy a wedding dress if I get to spend the same amount](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8tyff/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_she_can_only_buy_a/)
by u/anon15983
My fiancée and I are getting married in October and I couldn’t be more excited. Currently she’s unemployed because her job permanently shut down due to the lockdown so the income comes from me and her unemployment. I make good money so I don’t care if she gets another job, I can support us.
Money is a little tight lately because we very suddenly had to buy a new car. We haven’t really spent any personal money, only money on groceries and necessities.
Last night my fiancée came into our bathroom while I was shaving and looked a little nervous. She asked if she could buy a $350 wedding dress that she’s been looking at for months. I kind of looked at her and asked where the $350 would come from. She said we had a lot of money in our savings we hadn’t touched, and it would barely make a dent in our savings. I thought about it for a second and told her if she gets to splurge $350 on a dress I get to spend $350 on whatever I want.
She said she didn’t think it was a splurge, it was for our wedding and I could buy what I wanted but i could tell I had hurt her feelings. I told her spending $350 on a dress was a little ridiculous, and she started crying and walked out of the bathroom quietly.
When I walked into our bedroom she was under the covers and facing away from me. We haven’t talked since. I don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable but AITA?
Edit: I never really looked at how much dresses are. They really are expensive and that’s a shock. We paid our whole wedding and I knew that would be expensive, but since dresses are her thing and I’m not supposed to see them, I never looked.
I love my fiancée and I want her to feel beautiful. I feel like a total asshole. I just assumed wedding dresses weren’t that much unless they were like custom made or a celebrity dress.
Edit #2: the way we’ve always done things in our relationship is if I splurge on x amount of money, she gets to as well, we always have, even before she lost her job. So that was my mindset. Which was not the mindset I should have had.
Last edit: we’ve talked about it. I’ve apologized. We’re good. I’m going to put this post to rest because I learned I’m the asshole, but my fiancée wanted to read through it to laugh at me getting my ass virtually handed to me, and also share the dress she was looking at. Thanks reddit.
--------------------------------------------------------------
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hlnd9c/update_aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_she_can_only/)
I thought you people invested in our story would like an update because it’s a doozy.
We’re supposed to get married October 3rd, but due to COVID spiking again, at least in our state I’m scared we wouldn’t be able to get married then and we’ll be on lockdown again, so I asked her if she’d be willing to just go to the courthouse and get married. She said yes, but asked if we’d still have a wedding with all our family and friends when covid was over.
I told her no, if we went to the courthouse it’s silly for us to have a wedding and I would get all my deposits back because they’re all refundable except for our venue. She said she didn’t think it was silly and having her family there, specifically her grandmother who lives in Ireland and was going to fly down for our wedding. I told her it was stupid for us to have a wedding if we’re already married, and she took that as me calling her stupid, so we got in a huge fight and it ended with her going to stay with her parents. That was a few days ago and since then she’s told me she doesn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t try to compromise to what we both want, and who thinks his word is law. So she dumped me.
So I guess I’m not getting married. That’s the update. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hlrzcp/man_who_denied_his_fiancee_a_350_wedding_dress/ | hlrzcp | 3,969 | 325 | [
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2020-07-06T18:11:46 | "What to do when your money coming in is the same as money out?" | r/PersonalFinanceCanada | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/PersonalFinanceCanada/comments/elkmhz/what_to_do_when_your_money_coming_in_is_the_same/) by u/baileyliz11*
&nbsp;
I’m at the point where my income is barely the same as my bills. I’m struggling to find where I can cut “spending”. With the amount of debt repayment I have, I don’t have much wiggle room and I’m worried once my hours lessen at my second job, I won’t be able to make ends meet.
I make decent money at my main job which is entry level HR (my field of study and where I want to continue with), I’ve applied for promotions but haven’t had luck lately. I have tons of student debt, but based on my minimum payments, I can’t reduce the 650$ I pay per month unless I want to be stuck paying it off for the next 6-8 years (I’m 2 years into paying it off already). I’m stuck in my lease (which is where my bulk of money goes too, about one pay check covers rent/utilities). Everything else is groceries, debt repayment, cell phone (which is as cheap as possible) and my car (which is leased and I would have to pay out a shit ton to get rid of).
I have no savings anymore since I used it all on trying to pay down my debt and I only have ~100 left over once everything is paid. I don’t know if I can consolidate my debt either, I have 2 loans at prime plus 2.5, one at 10% and a credit card. Whenever I go get a loan they say I can only get something around 8-12% interest which doesn’t sound smart to me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know where to start anymore or if there’s anything I can do.
Edit: [budget snapshot](https://imgur.com/gallery/Fmqnu81)
Edit2: I used to split my main bills with my ex, but we (thankfully) split up last year, but after the lease was signed. I kept the place because he lived out of province before we met so he moved back there. That’s why I’m suddenly struggling, I’d like to think I’m not so dumb I signed up for a bunch of expensive things. The math worked when he was contributing. Now, not so much.
&nbsp;
[**6 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/PersonalFinanceCanada/comments/hi2s5i/update_getting_shit_together/)
Just wanted to share my experience of getting shit together and thank those who gave me good advice. Long story short, my ex put me in a lot of debt and when we broke up I took on all the bills (which was my decision, I told him to leave and he couldn't afford to carry the bills on his own anyway). It was more of a struggle than I thought and I felt lost and was stressed out to the max. Here are the main pieces of advice I got and how I dealt with them:
Apartment: Most people suggested I get a roommate. This was the plan but it's easier said than done. Thankfully, a friend of mine was looking for a short term rental so she lived with me for a few months. It took me about 4-5 months because apparently where I live, no one wants to live with other people. I joined multiple rental groups and 99% of the posts included "not looking to live with someone else". Giving up my place was also not the best option because 1: it isn't that much cheaper than other places I looked at. Thankfully I found someone through Kijiji who is signing the lease this week and will live with me for the year. We'll see where things go from here.
Car: Everyone told me I needed to sell my car. For many reasons, this was probably the biggest struggle. It would have cost me 4500$ to give the car back to Honda, I didn't have that money, and I couldn't get a loan/increase my line of credit from my bank to pay it either. I also need a car for many reasons; some being the travel to/from work, the lack of reliable public transportation, I coach rugby which requires me to travel as well (and I wasn't willing to give up one of my main hobbies/enjoyments) etc. Someone recommended checking different insurance companies because I was paying too much, and after a few phone calls I found a company that would save me 70$ a month on my car insurance. After a while I decided to try to get rid of my car, because I got lucky and my brother took off to Australia for 2 years and we made a deal that I would pay part of his monthly payment and drive his car while he was gone if I could get someone to take over my lease. This was a big pain in the ass and I'll probably never do it again, but this Friday my Civic is gone; after 3 months and 1200$ later, someone is taking over my lease and it will save me 250$ a month until my brother gets back!
Internet: Many people said I was paying too much for internet, however this was not an option for me to change; I technically live in a condo board and they do not allow any other internet company but Eastlink. I have tried multiple times, we even had a technician come out to switch it (before we knew we couldn't have any other company) and the condo board lady pretty much came running and stopped it.
Student debt: a lot of people reminded me that there's nothing wrong with taking an extra year or two to pay off student debt; it's low interest and not a priority and doesn't affect credit as much as other debt like credit cards and stuff. I was so focused on paying off everything that I really needed someone to say "focus on your bigger/higher interest debts and don't worry about your student debts right now".
Groceries and spending: This is probably the #1 thing people jump to when anyone asks for advice on saving etc. Someone said I spent too much on groceries and I needed to cut back. at the time I was spending between 150-200$, which apparently is a lot. But when you do the math and break down per meal how much you're spending, it really isn't; if you're eating 3 meals a day/7 days a week, you're pretty much spending 2$-2.50$/meal which in my mind is reasonable. I also like to eat mostly healthy so eating pasta and frozen oven ready meals every day is not ideal (I actually did this for years in Uni and gained a bunch of weight). So I kinda ignored that comment, and moved on. I have never been much of a spender anyway, I hate wasting food, I hate fast fashion, the only spending I really do is on restaurants, which I try to limit to 1-2 times a month, and I don't drink so alcohol/drinks were never an issue either.
I tracked my bills and spending to the cent for 5 months in a journal. It was really helpful because there were moments where I realized that all it takes it one big-ish purchase to put you off track, like a vet bill or new car tires. Sometimes it's unavoidable and realizing where that money comes from and that life happens was really an eye opener.
Overall I found most of the advice I got helpful and here are my takeaways:
1. Take everything with a grain of salt; people make assumptions about your situation no matter what and not everything said will be useful, nice or applicable
1. Don't be afraid to look into things even if you may not go ahead with it; this relates mostly to my car situation, I didn't want to get rid of my car, but I looked into getting rid of it anyway and realized that I 100% could not have given it back to Honda because I didn't have 4500$ to give and couldn't get a loan because of my credit history
1. You may need to make sacrifices but it's important that you're not miserable; when it came to my car in particular, if I would have gotten rid of it (without the option to drive my brother's car), I would have lost my ability to coach/play rugby, which is something I do 2-4 times a week for 7 months of the year. Yeah sure, I get that cutting back involves getting rid of some of the "fun stuff", but this would have taken a huge hit to my social life, my fitness, my development as a coach and I would have a huge time void to fill somehow
1. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; someone reminded me of this in the comment section, that eventually and soon-ish I will have 1 less thing to pay off, which will lower the amount of debt I have and make things easier. Everything is staggered, something is going to be paid off first and it's not all going to be paid off all at once, it's not like I'm waiting for this one day to come where it's all there then suddenly the next it's all gone.
1. It's hard. People will give you advice, and you can take it, but it took me 7-8 months to get all this sorted, and it'll still be another year or two before my debt is lowered and I feel fully in control and on track. But you need to start somewhere and be very patient. Not matter how easy someone says it is, it probably won't be. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hmcv4m/what_to_do_when_your_money_coming_in_is_the_same/ | hmcv4m | 8,504 | 97 | [
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2020-07-07T18:24:54 | "This is me taking my first proper steps after being told I would never walk again" | r/nextfuckinglevel | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/hbnlc3/this_is_me_taking_my_first_proper_steps_after/) & comments by u/unlikely--hero*
&nbsp;
Thought I’d share my first steps using a walking frame. Had a bad motorcycle accident September last year, nearly died, called myself an ambulance as I was down a bank where cars couldn’t see me, flown to hospital, live saving surgeries, three months in hospital , doing rehab and gym work four days a week and now I’m here. I’m 33 and have a 6 month old boy he’s my big driving force behind all my recovery.
Doctors said I would never walk again but here I am. Hope to make you smile.
https://v.redd.it/7d7pb7romq551
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/hmg0lg/two_weeks_ago_i_posted_a_video_of_myself_with_a/)
Two weeks ago I posted a video of myself with a walking frame that got a lot of attention,Here’s an update of myself taking unassisted steps for the first time.
https://v.redd.it/fuw5xljosa951
I’m planning on being able to walk down the isle to my wife on our one year wedding anniversary in November as a surprise for her. She knows I am doing well and using a walking frame from time to time. But I want to get really good but not let on how good I am until the day of our wedding celebration in November
I really am overwhelmed by all the support thank you so much I am very happy to know I can help put smiles on all your faces and maybe inspire some of you to reach your goals or dreams.
&nbsp;
[**NEW UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/hxe811/update_on_my_walking_progress_i_can_now_walk/) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hn01rc/this_is_me_taking_my_first_proper_steps_after/ | hn01rc | 1,668 | 58 | [
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2020-07-08T18:30:16 | "My girlfriend repeatedly insists that I 're-do' my proposal over and over. I'm running out of patience." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hk3gk5/my_girlfriend_25f_repeatedly_insists_that_i_redo/) by u/throwra70ahhhh*
&nbsp;
I (24M) proposed to my girlfriend (25F) in late 2019 after two years together. Admittedly now that I think back on it, it wasn't the most well thought out or planned proposal. It was mostly spontaneous and came as we were lying in bed together, so I didn't even have a ring at the time.
At the time, my girlfriend said that she would love to marry me, but she had been looking forward to a more elaborate proposal. I assured her that I'd sort something out.
A month later after shopping for the perfect ring, I set up some candles when she was coming home one day (think the Chandler/Monica proposal in Friends) and asked her again.
Well, my GF loved the ring (thankfully) and teared up with happiness. She said that she really appreciated my effort, but what she meant by 'elaborate' was something original that she could tell our kids about one day. She mentioned the name of one of her friends whose boyfriend (we both know) proposed by making a huge video montage of their time together and putting it on a projector.
I decided to start over and in February I planned a 3-night trip away in our favourite city. This time I spared no expense and ordered all the extras: a 5-star hotel, a photographer, even an opera quartet. When I asked her to marry me, my GF said 'yes' and I thought all was well. Except when we were alone again she gently told me that she didn't think now was the 'right time' and she was so worried about her future/COVID-19 that a proposal now wouldn't be a good memory for her.
Since then I've carried the ring around with me almost everywhere. At this point I've even tried to involve my GF in some of the proposal planning, asking where/when/how she'd like us to get engaged and what would make her happy. However, all she has told me is that she doesn't know exactly what she's looking for and 'I'll know when the right proposal comes'. From my perspective, this is hugely frustrating since in all other respects she's assured me she wants us to begin our lives together.
Last week I thought I'd bite the bullet again, and after cooking her a homemade meal I asked her if she'd like to be my wife. She asked me if I was 'trying to propose' and I asked her what was wrong with that. Once more, she told me that she can't wait to marry me but it still wasn't quite the proposal she needed.
Honestly, at this point I'm frustrated. I realise that my girlfriend might come off as pushy or high-maintenance in this post, but I love her very much and in day-to-day life she's honestly the most understanding, chill person to be around.
However, I don't understand why she's acting this way and what I'm supposed to do to satisfy her with the 'perfect proposal' at this point. I'm confused and running out of patience. How do I deal with this?
TL;DR: I have proposed to my GF 4 times and she has told me that while she wants to marry me, she's looking for a different proposal. Advice?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hlb6ub/update_my_girlfriend_25f_repeatedly_insists_that/)
Thank you to everybody for your advice. I actually wrote this post yesterday but it was too soon to post an update. There are a lot of people calling my girlfriend a 'future bridezilla', and while my post may have made her seem demanding, I'd just like to clarify that she really is my best friend and a great person. There's no chance of us breaking up.
Saying that, after thinking a lot about the responses I received, I decided to sit my girlfriend down and draw a line in the sand. I told her that after 4 proposals, I'm lost and confused as to what she wants, and if she has a 'dream proposal' in mind she had to tell me exactly what she wants so I could make this work.
My girlfriend looked somewhat nervous at that so I pushed her to communicate properly. She apologised again for not accepting my proposals earlier, but said that in 2019 she was still testing out our relationship and so when I asked her to marry me, she said 'try again' rather than yes in the hope that I'd wait longer. From her perspective, while she had responded positively to the idea of marriage prior to this, it had still been too soon for real engagement. I will admit that I'm not the best at reading social subtext if it's not stated directly so I could have missed the implication when she asked for a different proposal.
When I later asked her in February, she knew I was the one but was telling the truth about being too anxious to consider marriage.
She actually confessed that she's planning on proposing to ME later this year, sometime around when we were planning to fly to my home country. She had been trying to keep it a surprise, but we've now agreed that it's better we're both on the same page when it comes to proposing. We've decided that we're both going to sit down and work together to make the proposal special for both of us.
TL;DR: I sat my GF down to talk and we're going to work this out together. We're still not engaged but it's something in both of our futures. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hnmijp/my_girlfriend_repeatedly_insists_that_i_redo_my/ | hnmijp | 5,206 | 104 | [
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2020-07-09T19:59:34 | No one to go on vacation with. | r/AvPD | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/comments/cht3bf/no_one_to_go_on_vacation_with/) from 2019 by u/Throwawayyy-_-*
&nbsp;
Sorry, no real question or anything in this post - just wanted to vent.
My boyfriend left me two months ago. We had a vacation booked and I was super excited about it. Ever since the break up it's been filling me with dread, and now it's only 2 weeks away.
He's obviously not coming with me, but certain things have been paid for towards it. I kept saying for 2 months that I would try and ask a friend to come a long instead, but never built up the courage. I suppose I was scared if rejection as I haven't talked to them for so long for that very reason. And now it's too late.
It sucks because I've had a rough ride recently and I need a break, but I'm going to end up cancelling it. I'm such a fucking idiot.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/comments/ctl35m/update_no_one_to_go_on_vacation_with/)
So... I went by myself. And actually, it was one if the best experiences of my life.
I was wound up like a corkscrew with anxiety right up until I stepped off the plane in a new country. And from that point on I knew I had my schedule to keep and just kept on going.
I was backpacking around Europe and I felt so free. I enjoyed my alone time - when I was done with that I found I could talk to others more easily than I can at home. Because if I'm never going to see them again, what does it matter if I appear to be a bit weird right? I could just move on.
Fortunately, not many people thought I was weird. I ended up making friends from all over the world on trains and a festival that I went to. And I have numbers/WhatsApps and Facebook requests to prove it, which is something I didn't think would ever happen.
I guess I just wanted to post this update to show that travelling alone is not something to be fearful of. Or anything out if the ordinary for you that is coming up which you are dreading, for that matter.
You can survive or even flourish if you want to - and the lead-like worry lining your stomach beforehand is the worst part of it all, not the event itself. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hoa45g/no_one_to_go_on_vacation_with/ | hoa45g | 2,159 | 127 | [
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2020-07-10T17:14:07 | "I (18F) have decided to keep my baby, I don’t know how to tell my aunt who was going to adopt the baby." | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/hgcrnp/i_18f_have_decided_to_keep_my_baby_i_dont_know/) by u/ThrowRaAugust*
&nbsp;
I (18F) lived with my dad (43M) most of the time and my mother (44F) on weekends.
I’m still with the babies father, I’m due in August.
Early on in the pregnancy my dad told me he wouldn’t support me, my mother wouldn’t support me and the babies father, my boyfriend, didn’t want the baby, we broke up for a short while actually because of it.
My aunt (32F) and uncle (36M) have been trying for a baby for a while so when I wanted to give the baby up they seemed like perfect parents and I’d still be able to see the baby!
They’ve gotten a room ready too, which is why I feel terrible but my mother reached out and told me she’s willing to help me out and I’ve decided I want to keep the baby.
I haven’t told my aunt and uncle yet but my father said I’m heartless and going to break their hearts.
It’s still my baby and I was under no obligation but I still feel terrible, my aunt is one of the best people I know.
I don’t know how to let her down.
On the other hand I can’t just give up my baby girl, Abigail Rose, I figure if I give her my aunts name as a middle name that’s got to cheer her up a little?
TL;DR recently changed my mind about my daughter being adopted and now want to keep her, not sure how to tell my aunt
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/hk43jk/update_i_18f_have_decided_to_keep_my_baby_i_dont/)
I’d like to say thanks for all the comments I got on my last post!
I’ve been thinking hard.
I didn’t expect to get so attached to the baby but I did and I was thinking about my role in the babies life, would I regret it? Would I be able to be there for her?
I spoke to my aunt and told her that part of me wanted to keep the baby, a majority of me in fact.
We cried together and then finally got around to having the conversation I dreaded.
I realised I’d only been thinking about the guilt I’d feel, I could still have a role in bringing her up and I know she’ll be loved.
So I have to love the baby enough to realise that I’m not enough for her, I can’t sacrifice my future or my boyfriends future and risk the babies future either.
I asked a few things; I want a role in the babies life, just an aunt or something and I want to name the baby.
I’ve picked the name Hannah Claire.
I don’t know I still don’t feel comfortable with my decision and the guilt is eating me alive but at least I know she’ll be happy and loved.
So while I’m not happy with my decision it’s the best one I believe.
TL;DR made the hardest decision in my life to continue through with my babies adoption, still not certain on it but it’s the best choice. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hosvx8/i_18f_have_decided_to_keep_my_baby_i_dont_know/ | hosvx8 | 2,768 | 107 | [
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2020-07-11T16:53:23 | "My roommate accuses me of stealing from her and says she will call the police if I don’t let her search my room and go through my closet, boxes, and suitcases." | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/h8602l/my_roommate_accuses_me_of_stealing_from_her_and/) by u/42k12*
&nbsp;
So I am an international student currently living in DC. I had planned to return home right after my graduation in May but got stuck in the US due to the coronavirus lockdown, but I hope to leave as soon as possible by July or august at the latest.
My university campus shut down in March, and because I couldn’t go home, I moved into a short term sublet until I can return home. Basically, I am living out of boxes and suitcases and have no desire of unpacking or settling down at this house, I just want to go home as soon as I can. Enter my housemate. Last week, she told me that she was missing several items of clothing and some jewelry and thought that I had taken them.
She asked to search my room alone, open my boxes, suitcases, etc. I refused because a) she isn’t my landlord, b) I felt that I had a reasonable expectation of privacy, and c) she couldn’t even give me an exact inventory of the things I supposedly stole. Things were fine, if awkward, until yesterday, when she entered my room without my permission while I wasn’t there and tried to search through my things. I caught her and told her in no uncertain terms to stay out. Now she says she will call the police if I don’t consent to a search of everything I have so she can ensure I haven’t stolen from her.
I am totally at my wits end. There’s no way to lock my room door, but I’m resorting to transferring my valuables into my suitcases and putting mini locks on them. I am looking for flights out of here now because this is really not a problem I needed. What should I do? Should I let her search through my things? Does she have any standing to call the police? If she does, should I let them search through my things? What if she claims something of mine is hers? Any advice more than appreciated!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hcsqwx/update_my_roommate_accuses_me_of_stealing/)
So, things have taken the wildest turn since I posted this. Those of you who suggested that she was actually planning to steal from me were completely right. A day after I posted this - as I was waiting on a camera to arrive - I found her in my room AGAIN. I was out getting groceries and came back earlier than expected, and she had laid out a lot of my boxes on my bed. Some of my shoes were laid out on the ground and she was rooting through everything. I asked what she was doing, and she said all this was proof I had stolen stuff from her.
I told her to get out, and at this point, saw no option but to call the non-emergency police line (as well as my landlord and property manager). A very kind police officer came by a bit later. My roommate couldn’t produce evidence of ownership of the things she was claiming, while I had most of the receipts still intact. He gave her a warning to stop but couldn’t do much further since she hadn’t yet stolen anything, technically speaking.
I went to my room to lock up everything even marginally valuable into suitcases that night and that’s when I started to realise I was missing a few things after all. These are things that I had never even unpacked since moving in here, so It didn’t occur to me before to check through those. I made the decision to ask my roommate’s permission to look through her room, with her present, just for my peace of mind. I felt bad for violating her privacy, but I told her I was going to call the police again so they could search her room or she could return what she had taken.
She said she didn’t take anything from me and how dare I accuse her, etc. but she allowed me to look through her room. When I walked into her room, I immediately knew she had been stealing from me because bizzarely her room was decorated with shopping bags and empty boxes I knew were taken from my room. I think she took the bags because they were from high end brands, and she had put her own stuff in some of them and put them on display on her table, vanity, etc. She had even put her old shoes in random shoe boxes taken from my room, which was so strange. I then asked to look in her closet, where wedged behind all her clothes and things, I found a cardboard panel underneath which was a bunch of my stuff, including clothing and a jewelry box I own. i peeked under her bed and also found three of my purses there.
At this point, she was getting hysterical, so I snapped quick pictures of the stuff I found, left the house, and called the police and waited for them outside. They took my statement, asked me to send receipts of all my things, and asked her to give a statement as well. Two days later, they gave me back all my recovered belongings. The police officer also informed me that she was selling several of my belongings on poshmark. She had also swiped a timepiece I inherited from my grandfather, though thankfully I don’t think she ever realised it’s true value while she had it. Its been a horrible few days. I feel so stupid for not being more careful. I’ve always had wonderful roommates, so it was completely naive of me to blindly trust her too. She claims to be living with a friend for now. I was absolutely livid after everything, but also so tired of this whole saga. I broke my lease two days ago and booked a flight home for next week even though I know its dangerous.
I thought that was mostly the end of it so I started focusing on getting ready to go home, but then, I got a call yesterday evening from a doctor’s office asking to speak with me. This woman turned out to be my housemate’s PSYCHIATRIST, who requested I listen in on their session briefly to hear more about what had happened and why. I honestly was very reluctant, but also curious, so I said I would give them 10 minutes of my time if she truly felt it would be beneficial for me to hear it. I am writing this update now having sat through those ten minutes this morning.
My housemate basically said I “deserve to know” what had gone down these past few weeks. Said she had grown up with a lot of emotional and financial deprivation, and “owning” some of my stuff made her feel more confident. She said it helped her overcome her imposter syndrome and feel like we were on an equal footing over the past few weeks. I frankly felt a lot of anger and felt like she wasn’t taking responsibility for her actions. A lot of what she said also sounded very coached and rehearsed, and definitely didn’t explain why she was selling my things online?
I told her that I hope she gets better, but that I do not forgive her and told her never to contact me again unless absolutely necessary for the end of our tenancy. Anyway, that’s the end of that as far as I can tell. I don’t know what the police might do with all this info (probably nothing im assuming), but I’m just ready to put an end to this surreal state of affairs and go home now.
Edit: thanks everyone for giving me advice on my original post and for sharing with me the BOLA [/r/bestoflegaladvice] discussion on this update, to which I was able to add some of my perspective. Some people commented and messaged that they don’t care about my “sob story” due to “mommy and daddy’s money,” and that I should not exaggerate. I am editing my post here to take out the specific details of what was stolen so people don’t feel that I was only interested in flaunting material possessions.
Actually, TMI but, my parents came from nothing, so I’m not sorry for our family’s money or for the great life they have given us. My father came from a small village in a third world country where he studied hard to achieve what he did. He was the breadwinner of his family since the age of 15. In his university years, he was homeless. My mother has a similar background. I make no apologies for their success and the life they have given us access to. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hpdblp/my_roommate_accuses_me_of_stealing_from_her_and/ | hpdblp | 7,925 | 100 | [
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2020-07-12T18:02:05 | "Am I overreacting? Husband can’t parent." | r/Parenting | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/hp20kv/am_i_overreacting_husband_cant_parent/) by u/meagain1986*
&nbsp;
I (33f) left for work at 8am. We have three kids 8f, 10m, 11m (2 youngest are his from a previous marriage, older is mine from a previous marriage). My husband (43M) was off work today and stayed home with all three. They’re at great ages, definitely past the hard days of infancy and restless nights. They do as they’re told and simply need guidance and direction. About 10am I get a text from our girl saying one of the boys is listening to rap with swearing. No biggie, boys will be boys, I text her back to go tell Dad and call Dad to tighten up his ship (lol). Not the end of the world at all. 5:30pm comes and I get home. I put my bag down and go upstairs to see all three kids staring at their screens and they don’t even say hi, just say “we’ve been in here all day we’re so bored!” We live in Canada and the weather today was stunning and hot. Their Dad did absolutely nothing with them all day. He slept/watched tv in our room with our bedroom door shut. These kids craved engagement. So I change and say to my husband, it’s not OK to leave them cooped up in the house all day on a day like today. He says “whatever.” I then ask if I can use his car to take them to the park and get dinner for a picnic, (I drive a company marked vehicle and it’s small, he has an SUV). He says “no they make too much of a mess.” I said “I can’t even borrow your car to take your children to the park and feed them?” He says “I’ll take my two but I don’t want all three in there.”
That is the most left field comment of all time. To single out my son?! Mama bear is pissed.
I bite my tongue, throw on my mom cheer and load the kids into my car and off to subway and the park. We get to the park and as they’re sanitizing their hands to eat his son says “I’m so hungry, we haven’t even eaten today.”
Dad couldn’t even bother to feed them. Or even say “go get leftover pizza from the fridge.” Nothing. Just let them rot in front of their screens all day long.
I’m livid. And all my husband can do is act like a child himself. Said over text “whatever they lived, no big deal” then sent me “#overeact” (he’s a man in his mid forties sending me hashtags?!)
Am I overreacting or is this disgustingly lazy?!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/hpl8yg/update_am_i_overreacting_my_husband_cant_parent/)
Thank you so much for so many amazing comments they have allowed me to step back and think constructively..
His behaviour last night was disgraceful. I set the kids up with a tent on the rooftop deck (it’s secure) so they had a very fun night away from the toxic energy inside. This morning husband asked if we wanted to go to the park (I did not want to be around him, but adult problems are not for children) so I pack them up to go. We all wait by the door as he’s strung out over the sofa watching videos. I ask if he’s ready (he’s the one who told us to get ready). He gets up and heads to the bathroom so I say we will wait in the car. We of course go to my car, as he made it clear he doesn’t want “all three kids in the car.” He gets into his car and pulls up saying get in, so I state I guess we will meet you there.
Yes. This was probably petty. But, I pull off and stop at the Tim Hortons for lemonades and a much needed coffee. He follows and in the middle of the drive thru gets out and demands his children get out of the car. His son says “Dad, why does it matter?” And he says “it matters to “my name” and turns to me and shouts “watch your attitude.”
I take my son through the drive thru and to a different park. We chat and I apologize for the mess. My son says “what’s his problem? Why’s he being so mean?” I repeat how adult problems shouldn’t be put upon kids and he has the right to be upset and I’m here for him first, always.
My husband ends up going to his ex’s house with the kids and hanging out there while she’s at work. This is a HUGE boundary for me. It’s disrespectful to me, to my son and our family. It is WRONG. (We’ve been together 6 years).
Him leaving my son out, taking the kids away from him to go to his ex’s, taking them out of the car and leaving my son CLEARLY made my son feel singled out. (And the comment yesterday about the car). Is enough. I love my husband. But never will I tolerate this.
The trouble (or blessing?) with blended families is, my husband will never come first. My son does. I choose him and I always will. So, I have told my husband he’s not welcome here. To stay away until I can gather myself and make an appropriate time for him to gather his belongings. (It is my Home, he is not on the title). My husband made a choice today, he walked out and in the process he hurt myself and more importantly my son. There is consequences with that. He will not be allowed back at this time. I need time to process and time to brighten my sons environment.
Thanks again for your support. The comments and insight is helpful. I will work on my sons independence and alongside counselling we will get through this. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hpyt5i/am_i_overreacting_husband_cant_parent/ | hpyt5i | 5,151 | 151 | [
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2020-07-13T17:06:53 | My fiancé (26F) and I (27M) decided to break up but she couldn't move out due to the lockdown. After about four months isolating with her, I've realized I don't want to break up anymore. | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hmuoa5/my_fianc%C3%A9_26f_and_i_27m_decided_to_break_up_but/) by u/ThrowRA_11123*
&nbsp;
I am not from the US and I'm also not a native english speaker, so I apologize in advance if there would be confusing sentences in this post.
My fiancé and I have been dating since college, and as soon as we graduated, I proposed to her. However, we decided to get married only once we're both financially stable and okay with our jobs. Two years down the road (we've also been living together for that long), we now meet those requirements, however, our love for each other disappeared. Or at least the 'spark' we used to have. We became very busy. Her with her graduate education plus job and me with my work. I admit I've been spending way too much time in the office and once I get home, I use my free time to get ahead with deadlines and stuff. She's also constantly stressed as she's juggling her education and her teaching job. We never had time for each other anymore but we were still busy enough to even notice that. Then March came, she approached me with the subject and we had a long talk. It was an emotional one, we've known each other for so long after all, and we were reaching our end after so many years.
She was already in the process of booking flights to stay with her parents for a while when the lockdown was announced. She decided to not go home anymore in fear of possibly carrying the virus and infecting her family. I agreed with that decision, and since then we've been isolating together.
We're both working from home now and she also finished her studies on April. Because of that, we've been having a lot of free time. At first, it felt a bit awkward. I didn't even know how to talk to her anymore. I got used to short and empty small talk with her. But she's always known how to get me out of my shell, so it didn't take too long before we were having full conversations once again. I just found out that she's had a newfound love for playing Sims 4. She showed me the family she was playing with currently, and I noticed that it was herself and.. me, plus a dog and a cat whose names were our birth months, lol. She had been so shy initially, but she doesn't know that I was also feeling flustered then. I think this is the start of me questioning our decision to break up.
After that, it was the small things. I also caught her up on how my life has been, like my shtty supervisor, how I haven't been taking care of my health lately, etc... and since then she started pushing me to workout with her and she's also been trying to get me into healthier options of food. I also came to find out new things about her in these months, which is surprising considering how we've been together for many years now.
These past few months have been... really good. I felt like I was brought back to the times when we first met and I feel like a high schooler with a crush.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I can trust my feelings right now. The only person I've had contact with was her (except for my frequent calls with family and friends) and I may be just having an infatuation right now. I also think we're lucky since we're both very free right now. But I keep thinkng, what happens after the lockdown ends? Will we go back to being those busy people that have too little time for each other?
I also don't know how to approach her with this... She's always been the talker in our relationship, you know. But at the same time I'm also afraid to talk about it and potentially ruin things for us right now. What if she doesn't feel the same.. what if she's just treating me kindly because that's what she is, a genuinely kind person? The only hope I'm holding onto right now is the fact that she hasn't planned on going back to her family yet despite domestic travels being allowed in our country now.
How do I go on about this?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hqdh6u/update_my_fianc%C3%A9_26f_and_i_27m_decided_to_break/)
So the day after posting that, nothing really happened. I spent that day reflecting on what kind of future I see and want with her. I also thought a lot about the past; how we messed it up, how we both got too lost in our jobs... etc. In my original post, I asked if what I'm feeling could be just an infatuation that would go as quickly as I came. But I realized that my feelings for her never really disappeared to begin with. It's like my heart just went in a deep sleep and I forgot how much feelings I carry for her.
I think some of you may know (and have pointed out) that I'm not really good at communicating my feelings. I tend to keep things to myself, and my fiancé is one of the few people who can be patient with that. Some suggested to write a letter instead, or a note, or marry her in sims... I ended up with drafts of sappy letters that I ended up scraping and a sad attempt to recreate us in the sims. But still, I wanted to make an effort to show her what I couldn't say through words.
I've heard about her wanting a few DLCs in the sims in the past, so I had the idea to buy a few for her (sims' DLCs are pretty expensive especially in our currency..). Surprised her by stealing her laptop for a few hours and once I gave it back to her, she was elated and so happy. It was really nice seeing her get so excited over it. We played together that whole day and tried to solve the mystery in Strangerville (a game pack in the sims). It was so fun.
The next day, I found her in the kitchen trying to bake something. It was a blueberry cheesecake recipe she saw on youtube. I basically became her cooking assistant that day, helping her as much as I could and we ended up with a pretty decent outcome that I bet would've tasted better if I hadn't messed up so much. She still said she had so much fun and loved the cheesecake though.
The next day, which is just yesterday, something important happened. We were basically just snuggled up on the couch playing when our sims just autonomously "tried for baby" in the bed. It was hilarious and we initially laughed about it but then we got pretty silent. She then closed her laptop and hugged me tightly then, without saying anything. I think that was my realization that "oh, she feels the same as I do.." so I knew I had to speak up. I'm still impressed at myself for managing to talk yesterday without choking up, basically opening up the conversation like "are you planning to go to your parents soon?" and she said no, she doesn't feel like it yet. I asked her why, she told me she wanted to stay. I told her I wanted her to stay too. We went to sleep that night just huddled together. And even though we didn't really explicitly say it, I think we're now aware of each other's feelings and it feels like a really huge improvement to me.
Earlier we ate breakfast together. We weren't as chatty as we've been the last few months but the silence was comforting. We also watched "Knives Out" together. We haven't had *the* conversation yet, but I'm going to bring it up to her tonight. I'm really glad this whole ordeal went much nicer than I expected it would and I'm relieved I didn't let my doubts get the best of me. Though I still have to get better with how I communicate things, I'm going to learn for her.
Thank you to everyone who left nice comments in my original post. I apologize again if there are any mistakes in my post, I'm not a native english speaker nor am I from the USA.
TL;DR: We both feel the same towards each other. We're yet to have the "talk" but I know now, without a doubt, that she still loves me, too. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hqj8j0/my_fiancé_26f_and_i_27m_decided_to_break_up_but/ | hqj8j0 | 7,680 | 119 | [
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2020-07-14T15:40:05 | Public hair Preferences and More | Relationship_Advice | This is a Repost—
Original by u/ThrowRAshavingpubes
Original Post
My (23F) BF (25M) keeps asking me to shave my pubic hair and I'm losing my mind
I've been dating my BF Alex for about a year. Now for some background, I am completely okay with people having preferences around their/their partner's pubic hair situation. But I have made it a point since I was 20 to tell my partners pretty soon into us hanging out that I do not shave or wax my pubes. I used to do it all the time when I was a teenager and it left me with a bunch of ingrown hairs, rashes, and pain. I realized I was solely doing it for the other person and I preferred some hair on myself. I do trim though. I tell a potential partner/hook-up as soon as sex comes up that if they're not okay with dating someone with pubic hair, I respect that but we're just not compatible.
When Alex and I started talking about sex I told him the exact same thing. He told me there was no issue and he didn't care one way or another. I thought "great!" and we began dating with no issues. He's the coolest dude I've ever met and I was seriously considering moving in together around 6 months into us dating.
That is...until around 3 months ago. He randomly brought up that he was talking with some friends about "manscaping" (I also prefer hair on my partners so I have never asked them to shave or even trim, Alex trims his pubes a little but no shaving) and they were saying how they were "lucky" all the girls they had hooked up with were cleanly waxed/shaved because pubic hair on women looked "gross". He said he didn't agree with them that it was gross for women to have pubes but that it was weird he was the only guy with a GF that did not shave/wax so he asked me if I would oblige the request. I told him that I was serious early on about not shaving my pubes and he had agreed to being okay with that and told him I wouldn't shave. I thought that was the end of the convo...but NOPE. He's been bringing it up around every other week. Every single time I have told him firmly that I will not shave or wax and he has still continued to bring it up. I've asked him why the sudden interest in me being shaved and he says he just thinks it's weird that I don't shave "when so many other girls do."
I'm at a point where I'm just sick of this and am seriously considering breaking up but most of my friends think I am being unreasonable and should find another solution. What do you guys think?
Edit: He showed me the convo in question and he never mentioned my pubic hair to his friends, only that he agreed the bald look is better on women. As far as I know he doesn’t discuss me in that manner to them.
[UPDATE] My (23F) BF (25M) keeps asking me to shave my pubic hair and I'm losing my mind
Original post: [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hoqmbx/my_23f_bf_25m_keeps_asking_me_to_shave_my_pubic/)
I wasn't sure if it was worth updating such a small post but I'm a frequent lurker on this sub and I know I love all kinds of updates so I figured I'd go ahead. So I spoke to Alex Friday night and I basically just told him I needed him to tell me the truth about what was going on because I wasn't going to keep dealing with him asking me about it every week. I told him I loved him but he knew before we became official that I did not shave/wax my pubic area and I didn't understand why he had become so insistent on it. His response was...predicted by at least one of you.
He said he was actually never "okay" with how I kept my pubic area. He said that every girl he had been with before me was "clean" (his words) and that he decided to put up with hair because he wanted to date me but that truthfully it grossed him out every time he saw it. He also said that his friends "would have never considered dating a woman who didn't take care of herself" (again...his words) but that he wanted to look past the physical since he thought I could be special. I was pretty shocked to say the least since he'd even frequently joke with me about the porn industry's influence on grooming habits. I asked him why he didn't just tell me this as opposed to his ridiculous "most girls do it" argument. He said he just didn't know how to tell me the truth. I asked him if his plan was just to keep asking me until I gave in and he told me "eventually he was going to tell me the truth."
Long story short, I ended things. I know it may seem frivolous or petty to some people but to me it went beyond his preferences for pubic hair. He annoyed me with it for months and stuck to a stupid argument instead of being honest with me. To me, that shows immaturity. He's 25. Not 19. That's not a quality I want in my partner. Oh and also, I'm not sleeping with someone who thinks having pubic hair makes me "gross" and "unclean."
TL;DR: kept the pubes, ditched the man.
Edit: obligatory, didn’t expect this to blow up etc. Thank you to everyone for the super sweet messages! I’m really not an inspiration though, just a gal who’s learning to put her body’s health over her partner’s comfort. To all of y’all telling me I’m gonna die alone because I won’t shave - I like my own company so 🤷🏻♀️ that’s fine by me | beeeeeing | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hr3s4r/public_hair_preferences_and_more/ | hr3s4r | 5,202 | 143 | [
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2020-07-15T18:15:55 | "Where do I go for in-patient psychiatric care today? It's urgent." | r/brisbane | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/brisbane/comments/gw6afy/where_do_i_go_for_inpatient_psychiatric_care/) by u/AltObjective21*
&nbsp;
hi.TLDR - need in-patient for suicidal thoughts. I'm an international student from a country that is extremely poor (on scholarship here) with no savings left due to unemployment and sending money to family to help. I am very afraid to do this. Is this a good idea? Will i lose my visa?
I have never been to in-patient. I'm extremely suicidal and am suffering from what i think is paranoia from derealization.
The sudden extreme unexpected poverty I have found myself in has lead to inability to perform self-care.
I am an international student with basic health insurance.I don't know what I'll be able to afford for emergency psychiatric care. Do private hospitals have payment plan options?
I don't know what in-patient is like in Australia. In my country people say it's horrible and that it does more damage than good, especially private institutions. It sounds terrifying. I am scared to do this but I have exhausted every other option and I am worse than ever.
Does anyone have experience with this? What advice can you give me? What can I expect? What do I bring? Wear? I'm so afraid that this will only make it worse. Please help me.
thank you for your help
&nbsp;
[**1 Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/brisbane/comments/hog49k/update_where_do_i_go_for_immediate_psychiatric/)
Thank you /r/Brisbane for all your help and support. I'm alive thanks to you. This is an update post to last month where I decided to voluntarily admit myself into in-patient care and asked for your help.
You guys literally saved my life in more ways than one. Due to self neglect I was going through the first stages of kidney failure. I'm only 21 and definitely don't drink very much. As soon as I was eating and drinking regularly my kidneys improved!
I spent almost a month in in-patient. I was assigned a discharge facilitator (Basically your own personal social worker) who gets you off your feet. Literally any single problem you have, this person will help you with. I was then given many resources - a real social worker through a company who works with you for an entire year. I have so much support, even without my friends.
Best decision I ever made.
So here's what happened:
* Called 1300 MH Call - I told them I felt like I needed in-patient care as i was highly suicidal. I gave them my name, address, and date of birth. I was transferred to a clinician at the Royal Brisbane and Women's. She took my information again, I told her a bit about I was feeling. She agreed I needed to come in ASAP. She told me to go to the Royal Brisbane ER.
* In the ER, I was processed instantly due to calling ahead. Told to follow the 'orange line' and at the end there would be a door.
* I entered and my belongings were taken from me. I held on tightly to my notebook and pen and they let me keep it. It took hours to see the psychiatrist, who listened to my symptoms and then prescribed. This is the most boring and worst part of the entire experience. It's incredibly boring (BRING A BOOK) and many people I talked to were paranoid schizophrenics who can make you distrust the process.
* In the morning I was escorted by security guards into a van, where I was taken into the actual Mental Health wards.
* I was discharged after my treatment was considered finalized (i'm still on meds) and assigned a discharge facilitator who I talk to once a week and helps me with stuff (like sending emails or finding a food pantry)
I was in there for about a month. My advice is this:
* Trust the process. - even if you think it's not working, see it through 100% of the way - that way if it doesn't work, you'll know without a doubt and you can move to the next treatment option. These doctors and nurses face abuse every day - they're here because they give a shit. They genuinely want to see you get better. Trust. The. Process.
* Get an mp3 player. You're only allowed use of your phone in a supervised area. Mp3 players or old iPods are allowed - that way you can listen to music on your own time or podcasts.
* Order the vegan meals. The food is far fresher.
* Healthy minds make sexy bodies- you'll gain weight when you're there, don't sweat it.
* It's okay to not want visitors.
* Go to the hospital before you're in a panic. This will make the experience less traumatic, and more voluntary.
It sounds so stupid to me when they ask you over the phone if "You have a plan" because I have ALWAYS had a plan. Every day since I could remember.I have felt this depressed before. I was getting to the point where I'd walk to the train station, longingly staring at the tracks as the train would pass - knowing that the only thing stopping me is guilt for the poor train driver.
I packed everything in my room and labelled it so that when I was dead, my flatmates would see a clean, packed and organized room - making my belongings easier to get rid of and if I came back, I'd have a clean room to get back to. :)
I got back to a nice clean room. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hrstb8/where_do_i_go_for_inpatient_psychiatric_care/ | hrstb8 | 5,112 | 138 | [
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2020-07-16T17:05:15 | 'Am I the Asshole' for buying my 5th property rather than help out my siblings? | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/glf7om/aita_for_buying_my_5th_property_rather_than_help/) by u/FirmShare3*
&nbsp;
For context, even when I (44M) was a child I was incredibly into owning property and designing houses. I work as an architect and am doing quite well for myself. Bought my first duplex here in Germany along time ago where I rent out both part. Then I own two houses in Italy and one in Spain. Two of them are get rented out as Holiday homes while the last one I use for vacations and rent out a room to a friend of mine. So I have a lot of passive income at the moment, but only after a lot of time and money investments and refurbishing of these houses. (I rent in NYC at the moment as my job has moved made me move here temporarily).
My brother (48M) does an apartment. He has a family with two kids while my wife and I are childless. They are currently looking to purchase a house that fits all of them nicely. While they have found their dream house, its out of budget for them. Meanwhile, my wife and I are about to buy our 5th house, this time in France. It's going to be one of our largest purchases yet, significantly larger than anything else we have done. Its a great deal on the property however, and ideally what my wife and I want to retire in.
When having a family facetime with my siblings and parents, I brought it up. Initially very happy for me, my brother mentioned how he needs a larger home for his family and how I should give up on this opportunity to give him money for his house and spend the rest on refurbishing their new home. I just laughed and said flat out no. (Edit: Thought this was a joke)
This was apparently the wrong move, my entire family turns against me and starts berating me. After 10 minutes of them taking turns telling me to buy my brother a house, I said I'd think about it and left.
I am a bit of a pushover so after talking to my wife we agreed we could wait and buy their house and rent it out to them at no profit. Apparently this was insulting to him, having his younger brother be his landlord and my parents said I should just outright give him the money we have been saving.
I told em to piss off, and started moving forward with the paperwork on our house in France. After talking to my friends, they said I should put family first and its not like we are struggling for money.
Now I am confused, AITA [am i the asshole]?
EDIT: This edit is super late but I want to clarify my brother DOES have money for a 4 bedroom house. He isn't broke. Just not enough money for his dream house. The dream house is approximately double as expensive.
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[**2 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hs3rlk/update_aita_for_buying_my_5th_property_rather/)
My Wife and I discussed and thought you guy's deserved an update after the clarity I received from my initial post. It feels therapeutic for me. It's been a bit of a wild month since then. We took in a lot of your advice regarding the situation but it ended up even more chaotic than I expected.
Shortly after the post and when the pandemic in NY got worse & worse, I ended up back in Spain. After having a conversation with my friend and this post, I decided I had made the right choice. We are moving forward with the house in France currently.
Furthermore, we are deciding to sell the two Italian homes. We realized we haven't been there ourselves in a long time and it was only being rented out. This decision was two fold: couldn't get some of the remarks from last post out of my head and we wanted some liquidity given the economy. We also decided to only list with local real estate companies.
Onto my brother, who turned out not to be telling us the whole truth. A week after the post his Wife calls me asking to reconsider. Turns out there was a reason, but my brother didn't want to tell me. So I told her, either he tells me himself or I won't even consider anything.
A week later he ends up calling and tells me everything. It turns out he had developed a bit of a gambling problem the last two years and has taken a noticeable % out of their savings gambling. Less than 40% but more than 15% according to him. The dream house was now a lot further out of reach than it was meant to be. Apparently he has been going to therapy for it for months but the financial damage it did set them back far.
My parents knew since the start, and I knew my brother was having martial problems a couple year ago but I never asked why as he and his wife were very secretive about details. Turns out this was the problem.Apparently my parents had told him to ask me but ask too much from me, so when he rebutted with smaller ask I would be more inclined to accept. Had an incredibly harsh conversation with my parents, they feel like I owe the family and its more their money than mine since they raised me. That's a whole different problem.
I told him about the post and he was mad at first but understood my position after reading through it. After a pretty difficult conversation with him, I offered the rent at cost and once he has built up his savings, we will sell him the house minus any rent he has paid over the time it takes. Some people mentioned this, rent to own. He happily accepted.
And now its today. Hopefully we can have a reunion after the pandemic is over and laugh about this.
EDIT: A lot of people are worried about the legalities, I am having my lawyer draft it up. Everything will be in writing. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hsdiim/am_i_the_asshole_for_buying_my_5th_property/ | hsdiim | 5,526 | 133 | [
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2020-07-17T18:02:48 | "I (36M) have refused to go to the future wedding of my now ex wife (37F) and it's really affecting the relationship with our kids." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hoy8et/i_36m_have_refused_to_go_to_the_future_wedding_of/) by u/throwraxcelledbyfam*
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Thought I'd give this a chance to see if I can get some insight into my situation as I can't see what I have done that's so wrong and what I can do to remedy it.
So we've been married 15 years, together longer and have 3 kids - she has a daughter from her first relationship who's now 18 (I class her as mine, I've done everything for her) and we have a 16 year old and a 13 year old sons.
Now she was up front and honest when we got together that she was bi and it was never an issue last year until she said she thought she was ultimately a lesbian and had fallen in love with her now fiancé (35F) and it led to a divorce as I was unwilling to open the relationship or consider a poly situation. So we've been divorced a year, although we're still friends and have a good co-parenting relationship. Even though we're good, I still am suffering and can't say I'm even close to moving on yet. The kids live with her primarily although I see them multiple times a week and can say if I didn't have them, I'd have nothing.
So basically I got a call from my ex earlier on in the week saying she had to tell me something. That she's now engaged! I was shocked as fuck! Basically she said they're not going to do the typical thing and have a long engagement, they're looking at getting married as soon as lockdown has been lifted and they're on about moving in together as soon as possible. And there's more. She said she wants to have me as her "best man" as she still considers me her best friend and can't think of anyone else she'd rather have there!
Suffice to say I told her I wasn't happy with it and said I'm not going to be her best man or don't think it's a good idea for me to be at the wedding! And definitely don't like the idea of moving someone in around my kids after a year. Now my kids love the fiancé - my kids are always talking about her. Suffice to say she was upset and we haven't spoken since. I mean if that was just it, then I wouldn't be that upset - I mean in what way does going to a wedding seeing my wife marry the woman who she left me for seems like a good idea?! And to be the best man!
My kids found out though (somehow) are really upset - my daughter particularly really went off and said she thought I was better than that and if I don't go to the wedding, she'll never talk to me again. The youngest 2 don't want to come and see me this week and also have refused to talk to me. I'm still close and have a relationship with my in laws and they've also have been on my case saying I should go, especially for my kids sake.
Here's where I need help (and someone to talk to). What do I do? I mean the last thing I want to do is be false and go to a wedding watching the woman who I thought I'd be with forever marry someone else. Yet I hate the thought that my kids are suffering and the prospect of not having them in my life even if it's for a short while, is like torture. Help!
Tldr: invited to my ex wife's wedding and asked me to be the best man. I refused and she's upset and my kids are threatening to cut me off and the in-laws are acting poorly also.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hq34kx/update_i_36m_have_refused_to_go_to_the_future/)
Basically everything all moved forward today.
So I basically thought I'd be best to reach out to my daughter so I messaged her along the lines of "hey, I know you're not talking to me now but I think we really need to talk." To my surprise, she agreed and came over very quickly. Basically I said to her that as she's an adult, I won't sugar coat things now - I'm really not in a good place and her mum getting married to her girlfriend and asking me to be best man is a bit too much for me when I'm struggling to move on with my life. She said she sort of understands but it hit her close to home - she then came out to me as a Lesbian herself!
She said she's known for a while now (she told her mum/my ex a while ago but wasn't sure how to tell me) and because of the way I reacted to the wedding, she was worried I wouldn't be able to accept it. I reassured her that I love her dearly and I'm proud of her for being honest with me, and stressed the way I feel about her mum and her now fiancée is nothing to do with the fact they're lesbians but because she's my ex wife and I can't just turn my feelings off like that - I'd feel exactly the same if her mum was marrying a dude. We hugged it out, and she said she'd talk to her brother's and see if she can get them to come around - because they live with mum and see the fiancée often, they see her and love her a lot so they don't understand. I said to her I can't promise I'd go to the wedding eventually but if I feel up to it I may try but it will he hard for me.
While she was here, she facetimed her mum from her phone and I got chance to talk to my ex. I basically was honest, said I feel like she blindsided me and sprung it on me without thinking about how I feel - especially putting me on the spot about making me her best man, I said the invitation to the wedding was one thing but that was a bit too much for me. She took it all in and apologised, and admitted it's because she's all loved up and her family are giving her all the platitudes about how happy and proud they are so she got caught up in the moment.
She asked me how I feel about it now. I said in all honesty, it's a bit too much to consider at the moment but I definitely am not going to be her best man regardless. She understands, and said she won't expect that of me. But if I didn't want to go to the wedding itself, would I be interested in going to just the reception? I said in all honesty I don't know if I can. And she shouldn't expect me to. She agreed and said she'll leave it to me and will try to understand if I can but would be made up if I can. The boys were there so I asked if she could put them on but they didn't wanna talk to me. Honestly, that feels like a punch in the balls so I left it there before it started me crying and she saw it, and let the daughter leave so I could be on my own - I've never liked her to see me too emotional especially cry.
So there you have it. We've all "made peace" as such but there's a long way to go yet.
Edit: a lot of people have said about her cheating. Whilst she did meet her now finance before we split, I don't believe there was physical intimacy. Possibly an emotional thing but I don't believe they got together until we split.
Edit 2:a lot of people have picked up on not showing emotion around my kids. I do show emotion around them - I'm loving, funny, affectionate, humble etc and I do show sadness at things like funerals but I generally don't like them to see me cry especially at things like this. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ht0jva/i_36m_have_refused_to_go_to_the_future_wedding_of/ | ht0jva | 6,920 | 121 | [
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2020-07-18T17:11:33 | "My parents took away my (22F) medication as punishment..." | r/JUSTNOFAMILY | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/hpoqmw/my_parents_took_away_my_22f_medication_as/) by u/smilesngiggleshehe*
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My parents are very traditional South Asians that have been very controlling and overbearing my whole life and barely believe in mental health issues. To give some context: I’m 22, just graduated college, moved back home bc of the pandemic, and am applying to medical school and studying to take the MCAT at the end of Aug.
I suffered with pretty bad depression throughout most of my teenage years, which I’m pretty sure was caused by my untreated ADHD. A few years ago I spoke to my parents about wanted to see a doctor about my mental health. I felt that something was off and wanted to do something to fix it. My parents were very opposed to it and claimed that I was just being lazy and wanted drugs.
During college I lived in another state and through my university’s health center I got tested and diagnosed with ADHD-C. My doctor prescribed me with Vyvanse, which I’ve been taking regularly for the past almost 2 years now and it’s honestly done wonders for my mental health, motivation, performance in school, and overall life tbh.
But after moving back home, I switched to my PCP (who I share with my parents) to get my Vyvanse. Because this was something I couldn’t hide anymore, I told my parents I was prescribed by the doctor and picked up my medication from the pharmacy. They tried to argue and claim I was a drug addict (lol) but I just let it in through one in and out the other. I’ve been taking my medication regularly for the past month bc I’ve been needing to study and be productive.
But my mom recently took my phone and saw pictures of me wearing an outfit she didn’t approve of and posing with a guy that she figured out is my boyfriend. At the same time my 19 year old brother got caught smoking nicotine. My parents exploded.
They decided that the right punishment for this was taking away my Vyvanse. On top of this, they’ve been talking down to me constantly, not letting me sleep past 10am, and making me do random chores around the house. I feel myself slowly spiraling down because of all this stress. I also have my MCAT looming over me and every time I try to sit down and study, I’m either interrupted to have to go do a chore or just can’t focus.
Sigh. Idk I guess this is just a rant. But I’m really sad. I feel so stupid. And I’m really overwhelmed. I wish I could just move out already but figuring out wtf to do with my life and apply to med schools and jobs at the same time is all so much.
I feel like this post barely made sense lol I’m sorry. But thanks for reading. :)
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/hsp9hp/update_my_parents_took_away_my_22f_medication_as/)
Hi friends! I wanted to thank everyone that read and commented on my last post All your advice and encouragement really warmed my heart and made me feel so understood and supported. So I wanted to give you all a little update about my situation.
I decided to do some research and gather a bunch of sources and information about ADHD and Vyvanse. I wanted to have a calm and civil conversation with my parents and thought the best way to approach it would be to talk very scientifically. I sat down with them after making them some chai LOL and laid down the facts.
Sadly, the convo turned into a lot of ridiculing and calling me psycho and a drug addict. BUT my dad finally pulled my meds out of his drawer and handed them over saying fuck it and not to come crying to them after I OD. Not gonna lie, it hurt to hear them say all of this because I had hope that they would understand and be compassionate. But it’s okay, I got my meds back! I still have a little more than a month to study and I’m hoping to KILL it. I’ve now hidden them away in a locked drawer and keep the key in a top secret location hehe.
Anyways, I’m about to watch The Secret Life of Pets with my baby brother and 2 kitties :,) This is what I like to call finding happiness in times of sadness. I hope y’all are having a nice night. :)
Edit: Here’s a picture of my kitties bc I feel like since I mentioned them, it’s common courtesy to show you their cuteness.
https://imgur.com/gallery/0F6AT55 | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/htk58p/my_parents_took_away_my_22f_medication_as/ | htk58p | 4,287 | 108 | [
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2020-07-19T17:52:31 | "I had to kick my girlfriend out of my house because she was scaring my brother." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hskukg/i_had_to_kick_my_girlfriend_out_of_my_house/) by u/ThrowRA89340927*
&nbsp;
I'd like to start saying that english is not my first language, so if I make any mistakes I would like to apologise beforehand.
**TL;DR: My brother became blind recently and have come to live with me, my girlfriend also have come to live with me but she started to randomly scare my brother because he is blind and refuse to stop.**
So onto the situation. My girlfriend (23F) and I (24F) have been together for 2 years now, my familly allways loved her and she even had a good relationship with my brother (16M) as well. Last year my brother was diagnosed with a certain disease that almost took his life, my brother allways have had a low immune system, wich made everything even worse, my brother are still recovering, but in a much bettet condition right now, but unfortunately he ended up losing his sight on both eyes, legally speaking he can be considerated blind right now.
When social isolation started to happen because of the most recent events, I decided to speak with my parent's about how it would be better if my brother lived with me by the time being. My parent's agreed happily, they both are essential workers and they wouldn't have much time to stay with my brother, he is still getting used to his "new life" as a blind person, and still adapting on how to live with it, if he needed help with anything my parent's wouldn't be able to help, and also because my brother already have a bad immune system and it wouldn't be a good idea for him to live in a house with our parent's who would constantly be dealing with patients who may or not be "sick". I can work from home and I also have a lot of free time, so if he ever needed help I would be more than avaible to help him, so it was a win win situation.
I also invited my girlfriend to live with me, she have a very good house of her own but we could be together so why not, right?.
Everything was good and fine, but recently I started to notice that my brother became to not be himself anymore, I mean, even with all of this happening with him he was allways cheerful and happy, and allways "trying to look at the good side in all of this", but recently he started to become more shy and introverted when my girlfriend was around, and I found that strange. Yesterday I was a my living room reading a book and my brother was at the kitchen drinking a cup of water, my girlfriend approached him sand just said good morning (she just got up almost 7:30AM) I noticed my brother get scared, I thought that was just a isolated incident, she must have caught him by surprise so I didn't pay much attention to it.
But today I was hearing music while preparing our lunch and my brother was sitting on the kitchen talking with me, I noticed someone approaching and I saw that it was my girlfriend, when she noticed we where hearing music she started to walk slowly as if she didn't want to make sound, she bot behind my brother and quickly hold his shoulders and shouted "hello there, how you're doing". My brother said he wanted to stay alone and went to his room.
I was pissed at her, I asked her what did she thought she was doing by scaring him that way, she told me that she have read on the internet and also from her mother that scaring a blind person is a good thing because it makes them more aware of their surrounding. I started to connect the dots, and asked her for how long she have been scaring my brother like that, she told me around 2 weeks, up to 3 times a day if "possible" in her words. I was seeing red at that moment, I asked her to never do that again. It didn't take much, It was almost 4 PM today and I was watering my garden when I heard my brother shout, when I got back inside he was shouting to my girlfriend leave him alone.
I ended up getting in a fight with her, I tried every single thing that I could to show her that it wasn't ok to do that to a blind person and she needed to stop or else she would have to come back to her house, she promised me to never do it again. Tonight I was making dinner and she did again... I didn't know what to do anymore, we got into a huge fight and I ended up telling her to go back to her house, she argued with me that I was being unfair and the is just trying to help, I still refused to let her stay, and she just went to her home. She have been bombarding my celphone the entire night about it was wrong for me to do that and I should have never kicked her out because something so trivial as that, I haven't been answering and I don't even know how to.
I feel like I shouldn't have just kicked her out of my house, but I don't feel like it would be a safe space for my brother if she just goes around scaring him, my brother told me he didn't say anything to me before because he didn't want cause problems as he was a guest. I don't think she would stop if she came back, she have a history of being a little bit stubborn sometimes but never something like this that would affect other pople.
I don't know how to respond to her, should I let her back at my house but setting some ground rules? should I not allow her back until my brother are back to my parent's house? otherwise than this she was allways a loving girlfriend and allways treated me and my familly with nothing but respect and love, I don't know how to go on from this.
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[**2 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hu001d/update_i_had_to_kick_my_girlfriend_out_of_my/)
I would like to start by saying that I decided to get in contact again with my girlfriend, and I decided to talk to her. Of course I didn't let her back into my home and I wanted to talk on any other place than there, she called me to go to her house.
I started by asking her where did she get the "advice" that she saw on the internet that said that scaring blind people was a good thing to be done. She was very reluctant to tell me, but when I pressured her a little more she ended up telling me. Apparently there's is no article, no research, no elaborated study, nothing... The advice she got came from a friend of hers on facebook chat, and she just went along with it. She also told me she lied about her mother telling her that, to clarify, her mother is a social worker where we live, so she thought that if she said that her mother had also said that it would maker her "friend" advice a little more credible because she couldn't find any article or study. I tried to ask her about why would she think that her friend advice was good when she could nothing to corroborate it, she didn't want to answer.
I asked her them why would she ignore me when I told her to stop and kept scaring my brother. She told me that she didn't thought that I would find it that bad, and that if I really loved her I would just ignore it because she was trying to help and that she feels that I don't love her because I would choose my brother over her just because now he is a "crippled" (her own words) on something so "trivial", and that he should grow up and deal with his problems himself, and I as her girlfriend should be on her side allways. Of course I was very angry at this answer and we ended up getting on another fight. On her words I shouldn't have asked my brother to come live with me, but as I ended up asking he should just be quiet and obey and accept what we do because we "know better" for being adults.
Before going to her house I took some people advice and I decided to ponder abour our relationship until that moment. And looking back I could see a lot of things I believe I didn't want to see. First, every single approach on our relationship was taken by me... want a date? I was the one inviting her, let's go see a movie? I allways had to be the one to invite, romantic time? I had to start allways, looking back the entire relationship look's one sided... Second, she doesn't look like she care much about "boundaries" from the start, she disregarded every single boundarie I've had before, I never took much action about them because they were small things, I believe that if I had made myself more clear before it wouldn't get to a point where it would cause problems to my brother.
I made a decision, I didn't want to break up, but if we were to continue a relationship with her, all of this would have to change. I talked with her and told her that I didn't want to break up, but if we were to continue a relationship, first she would not be allowed near my brother and wouldn't be welcome to my house when my brother is there, second she would have to apologise to him and promise and this time respect that promise, that what was done wouldn't happen again, and third she would have to go to counseling with me. Those where my terms and if we were to continue together things had to change.
She got mad at me, cursed me, told me I was and idiot to choose family over her, and that I was crazy to end a relationship over this, I talked with her about those things I mentioned earlier and she call me stupid, that this is what a "good relationship" look's like. Of course we got on another fight.
In the end she wasn't willing to compromise and make the relationship work. So, I decided to end things... yep we broke up, of course I left her house being called a lot of names, I blocked her on both my cellphone and social media, and right now I'm focusing on my brother. It hurts a lot that the person that I've been calling the love of my life recently could be that cold but I guess it was for the better.
A lot of you recommended therapy and counseling for my brother, he is already on it. Before coming to my house he already was on it.
I would like to thank you all for advice, I don't think I would have ever looked back at my own relationship if I haven't got to that point and I don't think it would be safer to continue in that relationship anymore, she already disregarded boundaries with me, I didn't do nothing about it, and it got to a point where it ended affecting very bad my brother and I feel very guilt for that.
Thank you all for your help, and for your kind words of confort
Edit: It look's like a lot of people are misreading or didn't see on my original post, I am also a woman, and my girlfriend is a woman as well. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hu4oxp/i_had_to_kick_my_girlfriend_out_of_my_house/ | hu4oxp | 10,370 | 152 | [
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2020-07-20T17:59:58 | I (29F) keep finding long hairs in my bathroom, which is strange because my husband (32M) is bald and I have a short pixie crop hairstyle | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hr9oxy/i_29f_keep_finding_long_hairs_in_my_bathroom/) by u/throwra_advice12*
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This started a few weeks ago. While cleaning the bathroom I found a number of long hair strands over my bathroom wall by the shower. This struck me as very odd because not only does my husband not have hair, I also wear a very cropped, short hairstyle. So it’s impossible for the strands I found to belong to either me or my husband.
Confused I washed them away but couldn’t stop thinking about it. I decided not to mention it but kept looking out for them. There seems to be a pattern that there’s hairs appearing when I’m either at work or out for a longer time period.
I feel like I’m going crazy and feel like I shouldn’t just immediately go to my husband cheating on me with a longer haired woman. I asked my husband about it and he just shrugged. Which makes me more paranoid as surely this is something that’s strange so why is he so blasé about it! I’m starting to think he’s playing it down to stop me from finding out the truth.
It happened again two days ago and I asked my husband again. He dismissed it but this time admitted it’s strange but told me the only explanation is that they must be my hairs. They are not and after saying so, now he’ll just ignore me if I bring it up.
I don’t want to assume my husband is cheating on me and accuse him of such over something so ridiculous, but I’m driving myself into the ground trying to work out how the hairs have got there without my husband dismissing it as nothing.
During lockdown we haven’t had any visitors (that I know of) so can rule out his sister.
TL:DR I believe my husband is cheating on me because I keep finding long hairs in the bathroom which can’t possibly belong to either of us.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hu3e0a/update_i_29f_keep_finding_long_hairs_in_my/)
I ultimately decided against getting a secret camera set up because ironically enough I didn't want to betray my partner's trust. Though part of me wanted to get one to squash any worries of someone living in my walls, as per some comments said!
I did though plan to leave work early, which is something I've never done before. My boss allowed me to leave after a half-day.
Upon returning home, nothing seemed amiss. I was expecting another car on the drive or parked outside on the street. There was no other car I didn't recognise. Quietly letting myself in, I was immediately confused. In the hallway, there was a pair of shoes I didn't recognise, and not only that, they looked like men's shoes.
Standing in the hallway trying to work out what to do; if I should sneak around or make my presence known, before I could decide, my husband walked out of the kitchen with two cups of tea. By my husband's face it was obvious he was surprised to see me.
Playing along with naivete, I asked my husband how he could have known I was coming home early to make me tea? Expecting my husband to lie, he surprised me by sitting me down and explaining everything.
At the beginning of lockdown, his friend; someone I'm not all the close with because only met once, was evicted, lost his job, and had been couch surfing. So for some days over the past couple of weeks, this guy has been travelling to our house, and with the acceptance of my husband, using our bathroom to freshen up to attend interviews. He was also borrowing shirts and suits from my husband. As it turns out, my husband's friend has long hair and a beard.
So it turns out my husband isn't cheating on me but was hiding the fact his long-haired friend was coming over to use our shower. After his shower, I ended up meeting "Dave", and he turned out to be a very nice bloke just down on his luck. I wished him the best for his socially distanced interview and he went on his way.
I asked my husband why he didn't just tell me, as I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Turns out he was worried about my reaction and me not liking his friend or approving of the situation. He also told me Dave was very embarrassed about the whole situation and didn't want people to know what he was having to do. I told my husband I was starting to believe he was cheating and he was shocked, having not even considering those implications while attempting covering for his friend. I told him this whole thing was ridiculous and even suggested his friend live with us until he's back on his feet.
Funnily enough, my worst-case scenario which was mentioned in the replies was either a homeless man or woman living in my walls and sneakily using the shower. And though this seems to be half the case, I'm glad it wasn't a stranger as such that wasn't unwelcome and someone that wasn't living in my walls!
Thank you everyone that commented and took an interest in this! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/huq4a4/i_29f_keep_finding_long_hairs_in_my_bathroom/ | huq4a4 | 4,887 | 229 | [
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2020-07-21T16:29:30 | My (20F) boyfriend (20M) said that I was embarrassing him while I was giving birth to our baby | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/htfqo9/my_20f_boyfriend_20m_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/ThrowRA540098*
&nbsp;
We have been in a relationship for 1 year and we had a baby boy last week. I had a natural birth and my bf was there throughout the whole process. I screamed A LOT and each time I did he whispered something like "can you stop screaming, you're really embarrassing me". I also threw up a few times and I saw him cover his face in shame. When I held the midwife's hand for comfort he whispered "let go of her, stop being so embarrassing". He also said that my birthing position was embarrassing and called me a few vulgar names.
I'm really upset about his behaviour that day, especially when it was when I needed his support the most. When I try to talk to him about it he denies ever saying it and that I'm being silly...
Edit: I know that there are a lot of comments but I am reading them all, and I just want to thank everybody for the advice and support so far. :) I spoke to my mum about this but she is the very traditional type and although she said his behaviour is wrong, I should try couple counselling first. I really don't think he is going to listen to me when I suggest getting help but I'll try. I am also going to talk to my public health nurse.
Edit 2: Thank you so much to everybody who commented and dmed me with words of support and those who have also been in similar situations. I have since tried to discuss the option of couple counselling to him but to no avail, which didn't surprise me. My mum has agreed to let me stay there until I can find a new place for myself and baby. I haven't said anything to him yet, I've been advised not to so I am still planning out how I am going to take the next step.
&nbsp;
[**3 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hv4wc1/update_my_boyfriend_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/)
Thank you so much for everyone's advice and support, both through dms and on the original post. I want to update as many people were very concerned and I promised it to a few people.
Reading people's responses reassured me about how serious the situation was and how I'd be stupid if I stayed in the relationship and allowed it to get worse. I spoke to my mum, who recommended couple counselling and if that didn't work then I would be allowed to live with my parents. I then approached him when he came home and gave him an ultimatum, I told him he can either continue to ignore that he acted horribly during the birth and other numerous times, or he can admit to how he has treated me and apologise and get counselling, but obviously he continued to gas- light me and got extremely angry to the point where he was screaming at both me and the baby. He ended up storming out to his best friends.
I was also advised against couple counselling by many of you as you said it often encourages an abuser's behaviour, which made a lot of sense and I wish I read that before speaking to him.
My mum came round after he left and said he's an asshole and even though she doesn't 'agree' with single parenting, she thought anything would be better than staying with him and enabling his behaviour. He has tried to visit me and the baby since as he guessed I was at my mum's, both my mum and I have told him it's over and that we're leaving the rest down to the courts, I will be telling my solicitor everything so who knows what the custody arrangements will be, I'm just glad that myself and my baby are out of there and I can finally enjoy being a mother, yesterday I went shopping and bought what I wanted instead of what he wanted and I never felt so free since before I met him, to many people that will sound ridiculous, but quite frankly he controlled every single aspect of my life.
However, I am planning on going to therapy as I feel like the bad experience I had at my birth as well as his abuse in other areas has left a profound effect on me. I also called a few domestic abuse hotlines and they gave ne some brilliant advice, thank you to whoever it was that sent me those.
What was weird was the best friend he went over to see actually contacted me yesterday to say how happy he is to hear that I'm leaving him, he said he noticed how unhappy he made me and how disrespectful he is around women as a whole, and that the abuse didn't exist just towards me but to his colleagues also. So it's good to know that I have a few people on my side.
No doubt things will be constantly changing from now until the foreseeable future, and I am terrified, but the main thing is that I'm away from him and me and my son are safe, and that I'm feeling empowered enough to know that the way he treated me was 100% wrong and that he will pay the right price as long as I fight for it.
Thanks again, I won't forget all of you that helped in the time when I needed it the most. ❤ | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hvajd7/my_20f_boyfriend_20m_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/ | hvajd7 | 4,965 | 230 | [
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2020-07-22T17:37:49 | 'Am I the Asshole' for changing the package pickup each time someone uses my email for orders? | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/heoy9x/aita_for_changing_the_package_pickup_each_time/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/treeonreddit*
&nbsp;
So pretty much, there’s this guy who keeps ordering things with my email. He isn’t using any other personal information of mine so i don’t think it’s a privacy concern.
So back to the point, I will occasionally get emails from random websites about an order confirmation. I’ve never heard of most of those websites and I know for a fact none of my family members used my email to buy something.
With most emails, there’s a number, name and an address (I’m assuming it’s the persons address) attached. I’ve tried texting the number and even calling but I’ve never gotten an answer.
I’d always get emails from ups to confirm the pickup/drop off area. Ever since I’ve gotten the emails, I always change the location for delivery. So instead of it being delivered at his doorstep, it gets shipped to a post office 20 miles away. He can’t change that since like I said, it’s all attached to my email.
I recently got an email from the guy and turns out, the reason he keeps writing my email is because his and mine are both almost identical. (Imagine mine is “abc” his is “acb”) so he always switches one letter therefore I get the emails.
In his email, he calls me an asshole for making the pickup so far. When I asked him why can’t he just use his own email he said: It’s always a typo I do and I don’t feel like fixing it because it takes too much time.
I’m not even joking, that’s exactly what he said.
So AITA [AmItheAsshole] for sabotaging this guys packages?
&nbsp;
[**2 Weeks Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hpgcwl/update_aita_for_changing_the_package_pickup_each/)
A few of you asked for an update so may as well.
First of all, there was a lot of questions on the last post. Sorry for not answering any of them, the post got big really quick and I guess I got overwhelmed.
So to answer a few questions, why didn’t I cancel his orders?
I would get emails from ups and from there, I can only change the location of the package. I believe if I wanted to cancel it, it would have to be from the company itself. I tried emailing them but they said that it was an honest mistake from the other guy so there was no need to cancel (it wasn’t an honest mistake, it was like the 10th time it happened)
Another question was, why 20 miles away?
That’s the furthest location it was able to give me for some reason so I figured I’d stick with it.
Ok so now for the update.
He ended up messaging me again and called me out once again saying I’m an asshole and I ruined his day by making him drive 20 miles both ways.
I just said that it’s exhausting getting emails that should be for him and that as long as he keeps using mine, I’ll be putting his packages further and further away (I can’t actually do more miles, it was just to scare him)
I also used the analogy many of you wrote in the comments. “It takes less time to correct the email then to drive 20 miles”
I think this really opened up his eyes because on the next message he sent me, he apologized and said that I was right, it shouldn’t happen again.
All in all, I think things went relatively smooth. I’m hoping that it doesn’t happen again or else I’ll just change the location once again haha
TL;DR: He apologized for using my email, says it won’t happen again | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hvy76o/am_i_the_asshole_for_changing_the_package_pickup/ | hvy76o | 3,485 | 121 | [
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2020-07-23T18:26:05 | "My best friend since birth gave me a bad reference for a job she told me to apply to" + response from best friend | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hunlku/my_28f_best_friend_29f_since_birth_gave_me_a_bad/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf) by u/ThrowRAstabbedinback*
&nbsp;
Background: Our parents have known each other since before we were born. My parents moved across the street from her parents. Her mom baked my mom and dad a cake and they’ve been friends ever since. They even got pregnant around the same time and gave birth a few months apart. Tori* and I literally grew up together and have always been close. We were inseparable as kids and have always called each other sisters.
Freshman year of high school, her dad got a job opportunity and they ended up moving to Cali. We were in Ohio at the time so it was kind of hard to maintain a long distance friendship because of the time difference and everything that was going on in our lives but we still remained close, alternating visiting each other during our summer breaks. We applied and got into the same college after high school so we were finally reunited at college as we dormed together. Things were perfect.
Present day: We are both married to our husbands. We live in the same town. Our husbands are best friends as well. Due to this COVID pandemic, I was laid off from my telemarketing job. It was fine at first because my husband was able to pick up a few extra shifts and maintain our household but his overtime started getting cut so now we were only living off of one income and have had to use our savings to pay a few bills.
As of recently, I’ve been looking for a new job and it’s been hard because no one has been hiring. Tori and I get together once every other week for drinks. I mentioned to her that I was having a hard time job searching and she suggested that I apply at her job and that she would put in a good word for me and I’d be hired. We talked about how fun it would be to work together. Tori is in a similar field as I was. Not exactly the same but she said that I’d have no problem getting in and that they’d train me for whatever I didn’t know.
Later that week, I applied and was called a few days later for a phone interview. We went over my application and she asked how I was referred to the job. I mentioned Tori and she genuinely sounded excited and bragged about what a great employee Tori is and how if she was referring me, I’d probably be a perfect fit. We finished up the phone interview and she said that she would ask Tori a few follow up questions but that the job was pretty much mine and to be expecting a call back by a certain day. I texted Tori telling her how things went and thanking her immensely.
However, the day came that I was supposed to hear something back and I haven’t heard anything. At Tori and I’s get together, I asked her if her boss ever asked her about me and Tori said no and that she would let me know if she did. 2 more weeks passed and still no word. I asked Tori again and all she said was that they decided to hire someone else because they had more experience so I dropped it after that.
A month later and I am finally back working and my husband and I are getting back on our feet. I suggested that we invite Tori and her husband over for dinner and my husband immediately said no. I’ve noticed that my husband and her husband haven’t been talking. I asked him about it and he brushed it off. I asked Tori about it at our get together and she brushed it off as well. However, I knew that was odd as they talked almost daily and got together weekly for beer and poker with a few other friends and that hasn’t been happening either.
I decided to press the issue more with my husband and he finally broke down and said that the reason why him and Matt* weren’t speaking was because of Tori. He explained that the job Tori said she would speak up for me to get, she actually did the opposite. I asked what he meant and he explained that her boss actually DID ask Tori about me, and she said a few things to deter her from hiring me. I asked why he kept this from me for so long and he said it was better that I didn’t know because he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Matt actually told him what Tori did and he told Matt to tell Tori to do the right thing. They got into an argument and that’s why they weren’t speaking.
I called Tori and she admitted that my husband was telling the truth and said the reason why she didn’t vouch for me was because she didn’t want things to change between us because at work she was a completely different person, whatever that meant. So after thinking about asking me to apply, she decided to change her mind but couldn’t bring herself to tell me that. I was absolutely disgusted. She knew how much my husband and I were struggling and decided to sabotage my chance at getting a job for no real reason. I hung up and blocked her number.
It’s been nearly a month and we haven’t talked yet, however my husband and her husband are back on speaking terms and my husband wants me to make up with Tori and let it go so that things can go back to how they were. However I’m not sure if they can. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back. Do I have a right to feel how I feel? Or is it time to move on and let bygones be bygones? I admit that I do miss her, but I feel like I can’t trust her anymore. Had she told me the truth from the beginning, I would’ve been okay. But she lied to my face on multiple occasions.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hvwgo7/update_my_28f_best_friend_29f_since_birth_gave_me/)
Thank you all for your comments and advice. I’m glad to know I wasn’t overthinking the situation.
I called Tori yesterday and gave her the opportunity to meet up, apologize and explain more in depth. She accepted my offer and we had lunch at a nearby restaurant today. Some of you guessed that the reason that she didn’t want me at her job was because she could’ve been hiding something. That was correct.
She told me that she was indeed having an affair with a coworker. I didn’t buy it at all. It just didn’t make sense because if that was the case, why would she tell her husband that she sabotaged me rather than keep that to her self? Turns out that my husband was pressuring him for answers as well and her husband kept “reminding” her to ask her boss why I didn’t get the job. That’s when she told him what she did. She also gave him a completely different explanation of why she didn’t want me working there. She showed me months of steamy texts and sexts between her and her coworker so I knew then that she was telling the truth.
I asked her why she didn’t just tell me? She said that she was scared that people at her job would ask me questions and it would come out that she’s married. The guy at her job that she’s been seeing doesn’t even know and thinks they are in an exclusive relationship. She said that if I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I’d tell my husband and since our husbands are best friends, he would tell hers. She gets together with her coworker for a few hours after work and on weekends. Apparently, she doesn’t even work weekends! Her husband thinks that she is at work all this time. She said that having me work there would ruin things as our schedules wouldn’t add up and it would get back to her husband and he would question her about why.
I asked her why would she have me apply and say that she would get me in knowing she had no intentions of having me work with her??? She said that she didn’t think I’d really take her up on her offer as I’ve made comments before about her work sounding boring and that she was really hoping that if she dragged it out long enough, I’d get tired of waiting and look elsewhere.
The million dollar question that I asked her was: what did you say to your boss to change her mind about offering me the job? She said she told her boss that having me work there would honestly probably just be a distraction and she wouldn’t perform her best and that I was known to be lazy and a slacker. (Definitely not true) she DID offer her sincere apology and said that she felt terrible knowing what all Jon and I were going through and she didn’t help. But I just can’t see myself forgiving her or even trusting her again after this situation.
Basically the best friend that I have known all these years has turned into a complete stranger! I feel like I don’t even know her anymore. This isn’t someone I want in my life. Especially after she caused me to look foolish by badmouthing me to her boss. I told her that our friendship was over and that she’d better have a talk with her husband because no way was I holding this back from mine.
A few hours later, my husband got a call from hers. Tori told him the news and they are now separating and he will file for a divorce in the upcoming weeks. Tori is, believe it or not, moving in with her coworker. I haven’t heard from her since leaving the restaurant and honestly don’t plan on talking to her ever again. Almost 30 years of friendship gone over a string of lies.
As for my husband, him and I had a long talk after revealing to me that he already knew what Tori did. I explained to him that it is NEVER okay to keep things like that from me, no matter what. I understand him and Matt have a very good friendship but me and my feelings should come first in future situations like this. He agreed and will eventually gain my trust back.
Edit: just to clear things up, my husband never knew about Tori’s affair. All he knew was that Tori sabotaged the job. Also a lot of you are saying the coworker deserves to know and I agree. I emailed the HR department at her job and requested a meeting with the woman I had a phone interview with. The meeting is Friday and I will tell her then, about Tori’s lie and about the affair and I will let her handle it how she wants to from there. After this, I’m completely done with her.
Edit 2: a lot of you think that me talking to her boss is a bad idea. If anything, I probably won’t bring up the affair situation, but I do want to bring it to her attention that Tori lied to her. I don’t think her boss would appreciate having employees that would easily lie to their face to cover up shady stuff that they’ve been doing. I may just send her an email with that part of the recording attached and a quick explanation instead of going to meet her. And yes, I recorded our encounter. If I figure out how, I could possibly post it if anyone would be interested in hearing.
I honestly don’t care if telling her boss is a fucked up thing to do. She didn’t give a fuck about me when she watched me struggle for months and prevented me from getting a job that I desperately needed AT THE TIME, so why should I give a fuck about her? She’s not my friend anymore anyway. She needs to learn that she can’t just do whatever she want with 0 consequences so stop telling me not to say anything.
&nbsp;
[**TORI'S UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hwhs7x/my_29_f_former_bestfriend_28_f_posted_a_reddit/) by u/throwra_megantheliar
My {29 F} former bestfriend {28 F} posted a Reddit about me in this sub to get sympathy but it’s a complete lie
&nbsp;
I actually came across this on Twitter. I gave it a read and noticed that besides the names, the story sounded similar to what happened between me and Megan. I came to reddit and read the update as well and it IS about me. I am ‘Tori’ and I just wanted to clear up a few things.
1)That night at dinner while she was complaining about not having a job and money, I never told her to apply to mine. I already knew that would’ve been a bad idea and NOT for the reasons she stated. She told me that I was just being cynical and applied anyway and put my name down as a referral.
2)Megan never listens and thinks that she is always right no matter what. My boss did ask me about her and I did nothing but tell the truth. I really didn’t think I would be as productive being around her and trying to focus on my job as well.
3)Megan really is a lazy pos, hence the reason why she was depending on my job instead of going out and finding her own.
4)As for the update she posted, what Megan didn’t mention was that my husband and I have been separated for 7 months. We were keeping it quiet but she and her husband both knew. We are living in the same house until my condo is ready which will be later this year.
5)The coworker that I’m so called having an affair with is completely updated on my situation and has been the entire time. My soon to be ex husband even knows about him but I never brought him back to our house out of respect. I can’t believe that someone I once called a best friend would stoop so low and have majority of the internet trash talking me when the situation is not what she is making it seem whatsoever.
For those of you that took my side, thank you for seeing the bigger picture. Megan, if you’re reading this, I hope that gold was worth your dignity and losing not only your best friend, but your only friend. Oh and btw, don’t bother contacting my boss, I quit this morning. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hwl13y/my_best_friend_since_birth_gave_me_a_bad/ | hwl13y | 13,181 | 173 | [
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2020-07-24T19:33:04 | I wanna ask out the deaf girl I know. But I don't know sign. | r/asl | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/asl/comments/hs44dd/i_wanna_ask_out_the_deaf_girl_i_know_but_i_dont/) & comments by u/xxXndriks*
&nbsp;
I wanna ask out the deaf girl I know. But I don't know sign. Am I doing this right.
https://v.redd.it/et8bhhl9q5b51/DASH_1080.mp4
I know her well and not many people she knows know sign. She just texts a lot of people, and writes down the things shes thinking. And she does say simple words but only if she like really needs it.
Ill make sure to try my best with everything. And if theres any tips on other things to learn, id be happy to try and learn them if you tell me. Even if she says no at least Ill start to be able to speak with her better, I don't think it can go bad :)
In case anyone wants to know when the update should be. I get to see her next in 3 days, and that's when I wanna ask. Thank you all for your help so far!
&nbsp;
[**3 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/asl/comments/hty1q9/update_on_me_asking_out_the_girl/)
She said yes, and she was actually really happy about it. I took these few days to learn a good amount of sign too, so I actually had a small conversation with her in it. She was really happy with how much I tried, and impressed with how much I learned.
She said Im the only person whos been interested in her, let alone ask. I would like to thank you all so much for helping me with this. And sorry about there not being a video, I learned how to say "thank you for your help" in hopes of making a video. But its super late. And I dont wanna keep anyone who wanted to know waiting. I said 3 days. So I kept my word. THANK YOU ALL! Also goodnight :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hx8e09/i_wanna_ask_out_the_deaf_girl_i_know_but_i_dont/ | hx8e09 | 1,668 | 199 | [
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2020-07-25T18:34:34 | "Got dumped. Tried very hard to fix things. Got kicked out anyway." | r/BreakUps | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/acfijx/the_finale_what_are_you_supposed_to_do_now/) by u/MsMcGonagall*
&nbsp;
So I had one last conversation with my ex. After months of pleading, frustration, trying to make peace and frustration again, I just finally wanted to hear it from him in very clear term if he's interested in being with me at all (as in is this something that can be fixed even in the future at all), if he has any desire to be with me EVER. I wanted to know these answers clearly and bluntly, I wanted him to clearly spell it out.
He said he isn't interested because of how I have acted (clingy and needy and angry) in these 4 months, and even if I were to fix those things he would still not be interested, because he is just not interested in a relationship right now. With anyone. He has a lot going on in his life right now in terms of his career and he wants all his energy invested there.
Towards the end of the conversation, I actually felt sorry for my actions but one thing was VERY CLEAR: He still believes he did NOTHING wrong and firmly believes that I am the only bad/mental person. His only response, whenever I have tried to explain things has been to send my old texts back to me and show me harsh words I had sent him. I kept trying to explain to him that while I regret having such a hot temper and I am truly sorry for that, it was his actions which caused such a reaction from me! My old texts are his Bible and his sole powerful "weapon" in the argument. But he assumes zero accountability for the actions he has taken - actions of neglect, ghosting me, hurtful things said on the phone. Sadly I had once deleted all his messages, so I can't play this court trial game with him and show him his texts in return. (And I just don't want to engage in this evidence-verdict routine, it's supposed to feel like a loving relationship, not like a business negotiation with a client)
I have decided to go full No Contact because I just can't bear talking to him for a long, long time. It's all very toxic. I feel a lot of emotions - hurt, anger, sadness but also guilt and regret. I am actually sorry for clinging on to him when I should have left him alone. Despite everything, I want to apologise for my share of wrong/hurtful actions. My mind was really clouded with emotions instead of logic and I had turned into this needy person that I am really ashamed of now.
But it's too late to even apologise to him now. He is just not interested in entertaining me anymore - even for apologies.
Do you have any thoughts on what should be my course of action now? Any thoughts on how can I forgive myself, forgive him and be peaceful?
&nbsp;
[**1 Year Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/hxmtpq/heres_my_update_to_say_that_he_came_crawling_back/)
TLDR: Got dumped. Tried very hard to fix things. Got kicked out anyway. Went full NC after that. Turned focus towards the brighter things in life. Guy returned with long emails and social media stories about how much he misses me and wants another chance. I am not interested in getting back together. I am happy.
I was going through my profile today and found my posts on this sub. Thought I should visit and share my update.
I was in a 1.5-2 year long relationship with a guy who dumped me out of the blue. Without warning, he suddenly started getting angrier at me with every passing day and said he was done with me. I tried my hardest to be there for him, give him space so he could freely share what was on his mind. I believed that communication is key and we could solve everything if we just honestly shared what was bothering us about each other. But he sabotaged all my efforts, and gaslighted me into believing how I had robbed him of all happiness by walking into his life. According to him, I was the annoying clingy girl when I tried to contact him, but strangely I was also called the cold-hearted one if I didn't respond and chose to maintain distance.
Frankly, my NC period began majorly out of exhaustion more than anything else. I finally specfically asked him if he felt any love for me, he replied in 1 word, "no". After that, I just wanted to be left alone. The first month was really difficult, crying myself to sleep was a night-time ritual. But by the end of the month, I felt peaceful. I felt liberated that I did not have to constantly strive for someone's scraps of attention and get insulted every other day. I no longer wished to be back with him but I also didn't want to have any hard feelings for him. So I texted him to just check up on him for the last time (I wanted that my last text to him in life should be on a positive note). Surprisingly, he replied really enthusiastically. He was suddenly eager to know how I was doing. But after all he did to me, I couldn't even see him as a friend to share my life updates with.
About 4 months from that short exchange, he sent me an old voice recording of my song that I had once sent him - he said there was a time I used to send him such sweet things but now I don't. (In my head, I was like wtfff?!!? After all this time I was still the bad person?) He told me he had thought over things and wanted to have a conversation with me. I did not reply. I had completely lost all feelings for him.
Another 4 months later, on my birthday he sent me a lengthy email which was the most absurd thing I have ever read. He said I must forgive him since he did not cheat on me. The guy actually had the gall to dictate what I should get hurt by and what I should be okay with. Anyway, I told him I was not interested and that I sincerely wish that he moved on. A week later, he sent me another long-ass email saying he was certain that I still love him and I must give him a second chance. I was honestly very uncomfortable with all this "love" being imposed on me. Once again, I told him to leave me alone and to never contact me after this.
And it's been about 5 months since. He frequently posts stories about our relationship and stories about me to get my attention so that I contact him. I suspect he has restricted his stories' audience to me permanently. It's mostly mushy posts from Tumblr and posts about how much he misses me. It's unbelievable that he has the audacity to act like he is the victim and NOT the one to dump me.
So that's that. Here's what I have been upto in the meantime - Initial months were very difficult but it helped me develop focus at my work. I wanted to work towards goals that I value and love and refused to languish in a pool of my tears forever. I directed all my energy on a couple of projects and applied to several job positions. With preparation from all those months of work on those projects and some luck/God's grace on my side, I secured a job at a place that I had not even imagined I would be entertained at. (Seriously, I was mad excited to find out that I even got shortlisted for their interview in the first place!). Next - Thank God for some family and friends. In this past year I have deeply come to appreciate and feel grateful for people who love us the way we are. Hold on to these people in your life and nurture your bonds with them at all costs!
Lastly, I have learnt the importance of humility in all interpersonal interactions. It's easy to mistreat people around you and take them for granted when they are vulnerable before you. Ultimately what hurt a 1000 times more than the break-up itself was the way I was disrespectfully treated. As for the guy, I still wish him peace. I don't feel smug about seeing his stories. I am just so past the point of caring. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hxrohv/got_dumped_tried_very_hard_to_fix_things_got/ | hxrohv | 7,644 | 68 | [
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2020-07-26T15:53:41 | "He's a fighter - our little dysmature foal" | r/Equestrian | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Equestrian/comments/gejzu9/hes_a_fighter/) & comments by u/eribearrr*
&nbsp;
[He's a fighter](https://preview.redd.it/pmdr2l6cc5x41.jpg?width=576&auto=webp&s=0118ae6d38663596d47c2805a568af45cef28ec8)
He is what's called dysmature, it means he was born at normal gestational length but he has features of prematurity. It generally carries a fair to poor prognosis but if we can keep him from getting sick (septic) his prognosis goes up to good to excellent!
He needed to "cook" a little bit longer, so we are doing all we can so he can do that in the outside world.
He was in the nicu at CSU for 48 hours, now he has been home for 3 days, he is monitored intensely, on antibiotics and is getting tube fed milk between his own feedings. His front legs (as of right now) do not require treatment. He does have heel extensions on his hinds for now. He is much improved. :) He still has a bit before he is out of the woods but he is making loads of progress everyday.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Equestrian/comments/gfeo15/update_on_our_little_dysmature_foal/)
[Update on our little dysmature foal](https://preview.redd.it/gc96b33vlex41.jpg?width=768&auto=webp&s=1e2e6286de64ccb10f7fb1c9e6f3608a5dc16aa3)
He's made it through his first week so his prognosis has gone up considerably.
His feeding tube has been removed and he is now fully on hiw own as far as nursing goes! He has been gaining about 1.5-2 kgs per day which is great!!
We are so close to being out of the woods. We can't wait to watch him playing in the pasture with mom!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Equestrian/comments/hw5j2q/in_case_anyone_wanted_an_update_on_moose_was_born/)
In case anyone wanted an update on Moose!
https://v.redd.it/okfdp7ga2ic51/DASH_720.mp4
there are days I can't believe it's the same baby! He just needed a little help there at the beginning | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hy988w/hes_a_fighter_our_little_dysmature_foal/ | hy988w | 1,962 | 93 | [
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2020-07-27T17:41:44 | "My [24M] girlfriend [21F] keeps threatening to kill herself if we break up." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hitc7k/my_24m_girlfriend_21f_keeps_threatening_to_kill/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/ThrowRA278582917*
&nbsp;
We've been together since I was 17 and she was 15. It's been a pretty great relationship for the first 3 or 4 years, we've had a lot of fun, we've went on trips, just your typical relationship.
Around the time we've hit the 5 year mark on our relationship, it's gotten increasingly toxic. We keep fighting about everything, she keeps calling me names (dickhead, pussy, etc.), it's just not been good. I decided that we need to break up.
And that's where the problem started. It's been almost 2 years now that I've been trying to break up with her. But every time I mention or we get to that after a fight, she starts going on about she's just gonna kill herself since I wronged her and that it's my fault and that everyone's gonna find out what a POS I am when she's gone. She keeps sending me crying voice messages, it's just nonstop. Even through all her bullying me, I still love her. I just don't want her to kill herself. I couldn't live with myself if she actually did it. I'm just... broken. I can't sleep, I've lost all my confidence, I can't concentrate. Because this basically happens every week.
When she starts going about doing it, I always tell her that I'm gonna call the cops or her mom. And she sends a photo of a window in a high floor saying that she's gonna jump if I do that, or a photo of a knife put against her forearm saying that she will cut herself and end it.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I know that I can't continue like this, I'm absolutely destroyed. But I just don't want her to die. What should I do?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hxmh12/update_my_24m_girlfriend_21f_keeps_threatening_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Some of you guys have been asking for an update in my messages so I figured I might as well make a post, although it's probably not the „happy“ ending most of you were hoping for.
It's been about a month since my original post and pretty much all of you told me to break up and not to worry about her doing that. I wanted to do it. And I tried.. but it was just the same thing all over again. She started to cry, she kept calling and leaving crying voice mails that she's gonna do it. I just didn't know what to do. So I told her that we can stay together... but I'm just so broken.
She was always being mean to me and she always bullied me, at least for the last 2 years or so. She calls me ugly, makes fun of me and always tries to humiliate me. I was used to do that and I just kind of took it as it were. That I can't do anything about it.
But lately she started hitting me. Now, I'm 6'3" and she's 4'11" so it's not that it's painful physically, but it just hurts emotionally so much. Whenever we get into an argument she punches me in the face. Or in the stomach. I'm just broken and lost. I've lost all my confidence, I lost all my friends because she didn't like any of them. And it just sucks.
I just accepted that this is how my life is and it's probably not gonna change. I'm so sorry for disappointing everyone who believed that I can do it.
I'm sorry.
Also, I'm not from the United States. The Police won't assist me in the break up, they don't have any 72hr psych and they told me that they can't do anything unless she actually tries to kill herself.
EDIT: I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna drive to see her tomorrow, take my parents with me as support and I'm gonna end it. I just can't anymore. Thank you guys.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hys25v/final_update_my_24m_girlfriend_21f_keeps/)
First of all, I want to say how grateful I am for all the support you have given me. I was seriously ready to just give up on life and live my life like that. So thank you, kind internet strangers.
Second of all, I need to say that I did not expect to get so much abuse. The amount of people calling me a p*ssy or abusing me in messages and telling me that I deserve it was sickening and it really shows that there's a stigma about men in abusive relationships.
Now onto the update. I texted her yesterday and told her that I want to meet her today. I didn't tell her why obviously, because she would have declined. I left to go there early in the morning, picked up my parents and drove to hers. Not gonna lie, my heart was absolutely pounding the whole drive. I knew that it wasn't gonna be easy and that it's not gonna be nice, but I was finally fed up.
When I got there, my parents waited for me in the car and I just went straight to her and started talking. I told her that this is it. That the relationship is over and that I don't want spend not even one more second being with her. I told her that she absolutely crushed me and destroyed my confidence and that I can't live like this anymore.
She started crying and screaming insults at me. She obviously started saying that she's gonna kill herself. For the first time ever I just calmly told her that she's an adult and that she can do whatever she wants. That no matter what she says or do, I just won't stay with her anymore. I could see that she was shocked and I was trying my absolute best not to start crying. I knew that I needed to be strong now. I told her to throw away all the stuff of mine that she still might have and not to contact me anymore. I wished her good luck and left. I didn't even let her say anything. And I just felt like the biggest asshole ever. But I knew it was the right thing.
I went back into my car, told my parents that it's done and we talked for a bit. I blocked her on all social media, I made all my accounts private, I have a new phone number and I'm gonna look into getting some therapy, because I'm honestly not sure where to go next in life. But I know one thing for sure, I'm gonna take some time off work next week and go on a trip somewhere. Something that I haven't been able to do in more than 2 years.
Thank you again for all your support. Your guys' kind words are what finally made me realize that I can't live like this anymore. I know that it's gonna be hard. I know that she will try to make contact. But I'm gonna make it. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hywxx8/my_24m_girlfriend_21f_keeps_threatening_to_kill/ | hywxx8 | 6,354 | 156 | [
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2020-07-28T17:53:34 | My girlfriends father discouraged me from proposing because their family isn’t thrilled about us having “Dark Babies” | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hx9boq/my29m_girlfriends27f_dad_discouraged_me_from/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/ThrowRAmixedbabies*
&nbsp;
Me and my GF, Naomi are an interracial couple, with her being Korean and me being black. We have dated for just under 5 years now, and for the past few months I’ve been planning on proposing. I’m pretty traditional so I thought it would be a good idea to ask Naomi’s dad for his blessing before I proposed. I asked earlier this month. When I arrived at their house I was greeted by Naomi’s mother and father who invited me in. After a little talking I told them that I was going to propose and wanted their blessing. Her mother was ecstatic, and her father didn’t seem displeased and he told me it was okay for me to propose. We talked more and the topic of babies was brought up by her mother, I told her that I wanted to have kids with her, and she got even happier. We continued talking, when I told them I needed to start heading home her mother said she would send me home with some food and left for the kitchen.
Me and her dad have a small language barrier between us that usually is alleviated by either Naomi or her mother, so we kinda just sat there in silence. He then told me this, I’ll clean it up, but it was difficult to understand as He isn’t great at English.
“You are a very nice young man and we like you a lot. We’d be happy to have you in our family, but our we are not too happy about you and her having dark babies.”
I was stunned, and kinda just awkwardly laughed. We sat there for another 2 minutes before her mom came out with a wrapped plate. When I got home, I said nothing about this to Naomi. I know I need to talk to her about what was said, but I don’t want to be the one that accuses her family of being racists. And I know this is probably irrational but the way her father said it, put the thought in my head that Naomi may not want kids because of how dark I am. How do I approach her about this in the least accusatory way as possible?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hyx61u/updatemy_girlfriends_father_discouraged_me_from/)
Thanks for all y’all’s input it really helped and most of y’all were right on the target.
Yesterday afternoon I sat my gf, Naomi down and had a conversation with her about what her dad said to me. I tried to leave out any mention of proposal and told her I was in their neighborhood and decided to pop by (Terrible lie, I know but she bought it). I told her what her dad said about us having dark babies and asked if she had any similar feelings about our kids popping out half black. She looked at me like I was out of my mind. She told me she didn’t give a fuck about the color of her kids as long as I was the dad, which was reassuring. She was not so happy with her dad. She wanted us to take a drive over there and talk with her parents about it.
That evening we dropped by unannounced and when her mom opened the door to see us she immediately asked Naomi to show her the ring. Naomi was confused and I about shit myself. I, like a dumbass, didn’t call ahead to her parents that I hadn’t proposed. I guess her mom thought we were going to surprise her with the engagement and assumed I had already proposed. I was speechless. They began speaking in Korean, but from context I assume her mom was asking if I was too cheap to buy her an engagement ring. And Naomi looked at me and started hugging and kissing me. My secret was out and I told her I had already asked her parent for their blessing. She was a few seconds from crying but sucked it up so we could speak to her dad.
Like I said in my og post my future father in law isn’t great at English so he and Naomi spoke in Korean. According to Naomi, she asked him why he told me that, and he said that he was worried about their extended family not viewing our babies as Korean and being rude to them or me for being black. I guess this did not come across well in English, because he was just concerned for me and our kids. He didn’t care that our babies would have dark skin. This was a huge relief. Her father isn’t the racist their extended families are (but like, fuck them who cares what they think). I am just so glad that our future kids are going to have grandparents that are going to love them. Only downside is now Naomi is expecting my proposal so I really got to knock her socks off.
Thanks so much for all the help.🤟🏿 | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/hzjdgt/my_girlfriends_father_discouraged_me_from/ | hzjdgt | 4,539 | 248 | [
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2020-07-29T17:51:17 | “I’m more qualified for your job than you are” | r/IDOWORKHERELADY | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDOWORKHERELADY/comments/hnk03r/im_more_qualified_for_tour_job_than_you_are/) by u/sioigin55*
&nbsp;
Apologies as I’m on mobile.
Not sure if this is the right sub for it but this is fresh off the press (happened about an hour ago).
I’m a head of sales and marketing for a major property developer with 10 years of experience in the industry (several of those spent at a large competitors company - lets call them Money Homes - they are considered the epitome of luxury due to the huge price tag - this will be important later on). My team covers all of the capital and a very large portion of the country. Roll on today, since we have only recently opened up and are launching new developments for which we don’t yet have the staff, today was the interview day.
Normally for those kind of positions, the person would be interviewed by the sales manager for that particular development, sales coordinator and sometimes one of the sales directors. Since it’s a bit of a track for the sales director to come in for the interview (2,5 hour train journey when we’re supposed to limit non essential travel), HR asked me to step in as new employees will be reporting to me anyway.
Queue 8 applicants we have waiting. First few interviews go pleasantly well but nothing special, until we meet interviewee no. 4.
Meet Annabelle.
Before she comes into the room she’s sitting in the waiting area with other applicants and not only I can hear her go on about how she pretty much has the job in the bag as she’s overly qualified and the other guys are wasting their time (first mistake), then I can see her shuffling through papers at the admin desk which was left unattended (second mistake). She still doesn’t realise that our office is behind a Venetian mirror. I can see her, she cannot see me. She hears the admin come back in and scurries away back to the seat.
It’s now her turn for the interview. She comes in, hands me a copy of her CV and sits down opposite myself and the other two members of my team. I look at her CV with a slight half-smile, which I think she took as a good sign so she goes off talking about her major accomplishments at different employers. She tell us that she’s actually more interested in being hired for another position at our company which she can assure me she’s more qualified for than our current employee. She then starts spewing out figures of our marketing campaigns (which have not yet been published) and advises me on the results we should expect and what our next move in terms of marketing should be. I advise her that the only positions currently open are for sales staff but asked her which one she’s specifically interested in.
She mentions, wait for it - sales and marketing director. My job.
My coworkers both look at me in waiting so I decide to play along. I’ve asked her what makes her more qualified than our current director. She comes back to the marketing figures point and asks me outright “how many applicants are able to predict to a certainty what results you’ll achieve” and then leads into a major point on her CV - Money Homes.
So I started asking a little more about her position there, what was her area of responsibility, how long she has worked there etc. She starts off telling this long, rehearsed story of how she started there as a negotiator few years back and worked her way up to associate director (fancy name for managers responsible for more than one project) and how she eventually became sales and marketing director but is looking to leave so discretion is of utmost importance.
At that point I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I really wanted to let her carry on but I just burst out laughing and asked her to leave. She just gets very confused and starts asking what she said that has offended me. With the biggest grin on my face I then said “it’s one thing hearing you talk down to other applicants when you’re supposedly looking for upper management position, watch you steal confidential information from my admins desk (while pulling the two pages out of her hand - our marketing reports) and telling me and my colleagues that you can do my job better than me by lying to me about your experience?!”, she gets offended and starts going off at me that I know nothing about her and she did not lie about her experience and how would I have known that anyway.
“Annabelle, the reason I know you’re lying is because I was the sales and marketing director at Money Homes during the years you have described and not only do I know you were not in managerial position, I know that you were not even part of the department (even if you did work there) as the department was made of 42 employees all of which I knew by name. I recommend that if you do indeed work there, you contact your director as I will be filing a grievance against you for stealing confidential documents from their main competitor”.
Her face went pale as a sheet of cheap toilet paper, she turns on her heel, rips her CV out of my colleagues hands and runs out the door (like does she really think we did not keep her details on email when she sent the doc through?!).
Can’t wait to see if I’ll be hearing from her or Money Homes anytime soon
Edit: had to take out couple of details in terms of my employment as one of colleagues has seen the post and asked me about it. Actual story not changed. Also, Annabelle isn’t her real name
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDOWORKHERELADY/comments/hzl3bo/update_im_more_qualified_for_your_job_than_you_are/)
It’s been a few weeks since my original post and some of you asked for an update so here we are.
For those of you that have not read the original story, have a look on my profile first.
So... Annabelle. As you can imagine, I was not best pleased with her and her interview. I didn’t do anything about it for about a week, and to be fair I wasn’t actually going to raise a grievance after all but so it happened that Money Homes and my company agave decided on a joint venture for a future regeneration project so I was going into a meeting with them a week ago on Wednesday.
The area sales and marketing manager for MH arrived about 15 mins before the rest of our meeting and since we’ve known each other for a while, I retold him the story while catching up. He knew exactly who I was talking about even before I mentioned Annabelle’s name and lo and behold - she DOES NOT work for Money Homes, and was never even employed by them. Turns out she is a subcontractor who works for a small independent estate agency, to whom Money Homes have been paying a set fee for accompanying weekend viewings local to them.
That would explain why she knew a fair bit about their processes (as she reports client information back to them) but wouldn’t have known that I was also employed there at some stage. This also means that the incident with the marketing reports doesn’t really mean shit as they’re not a competitor and it’s not the kind of info other companies would be willing to pay for (useful but not priceless) - so there’s no grievance to be raised.
So even though I cannot be nearly as petty as I was hoping to be, considering how small our working world is - the story has spread. I can’t see her getting employed by any of the larger house builders in the nearest future.
The funniest thing about this is, my colleagues have come across this story on Reddit (after I’ve removed certain personal details) and have been sending it to me with hopes of working out who Annabelle and Money Homes are (like I said, it’s a small world). I have been acting shocked and giggling under my breath every time I hear it xD | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i054fq/im_more_qualified_for_your_job_than_you_are/ | i054fq | 7,702 | 119 | [
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2020-07-30T17:54:17 | "My (23F) BF (22M) got mad at me when I told him I left my ex because he was a porn addict" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hzdxf4/my_23f_bf_22m_got_mad_at_me_when_i_told_him_i/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/ThrowRA12358*
&nbsp;
TL;DR! I was talking with my boyfriend and I told him I left my ex because he was a porn addict. He told me that I was an asshole for doing that.
We've been together for 2 years.
We were talking about past relationships and I told him I left my ex because he was a porn addict that would spend all the day in watching porn. He said I was an asshole for doing that, my boyfriend said maybe my ex knew it but he was to ashamed to open up and the break up probably made the shame worse. He was very mad at me, when I asked him why he was getting so mad at it he avoided the question. He didn't want to talk about it again.
Why did he react like that? My ex boyfriend would constantly watch porn instead of spending time with me and he didn't have intention to change.
Edit: Wow, this blew up, thanks for all the replies. I'll make an update when I talk to him about it again.
Edit 2: I wanted to post the update today, but the sub tells me I have to wait 48 hours, I'll post the update once I can.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i0mo7t/update_my_23f_bf_22m_got_mad_at_me_when_i_told/)
First, I want to thank everyone who replied and upvoted, I didn't expect this get so many attention.
I also want to apologize for some things I should have said in my previous post:
1. He doesn't like porn and he thinks the industry is evil.
1. I never specified to him that my ex didn't have any intention of changing at all, I thought it was obvious that was the reason.
I was planning on talking about it with him bringing on things people said to me in the post. However he was the one to start the talk.
He first apologized for calling me an asshole, and that he didn't fully know the situation like to call me that. He told me that his emotions got a hold of him because he actually suffered from porn addiction in the past. He told me his story and how he was deeply ashamed of his addiction and that if someone would have left them because of the addiction (which he finds is comprehensible but nonetheless painful) he would have probably just given up. After he was done I told him he could be open about it, however I clarified that my ex didn't have intention of changing, he said he already guessed it, he apologized again for calling me an asshole. He also told me that he also does understand leaving someone with an addiction even if the addicted wants to change, but his self projection didn't let him think straight in the moment.
I told him about the post and we read the comments together for a little while, he said he wanted to write his story so here it is:
"Hi, I'm OP's boyfriend, I wanted to tell my story even if it isn't necessary. I discovered porn when I was 11 or 12, with time I started to watch more and more, and I started to use it to escape from my problems, it slowly drived me away from my friends, it was like I was there but not totally, it got to a point where I would watch porn each day every few hours, I also masturbated every time I watched which hurted me physically since masturbating that much is obviously not healthy (especially at the age I was), it fucked me up in several ways, my whole view of sex was fucked up.
I didn't realize I really had a problem until I was 17 and I stumbled into r/nofap (I don't even remember how I discovered it other than I discovered a week after starting to use reddit) and I saw stories about people that ruined their lives because of porn, that was when I realized how porn had affected me. It was a hard time, but I could make it thanks to my two best friends who were the only people who I felt I could open up, they also inspired me to start working out and they helped me a lot, I also met some people online who had the same struggles as me and that helped me a lot.
Now here I am, I haven't watched porn (in the sense in searching seeking pleasure) in a long time, even if I did, thinking of porn brings back bad memories, my experience has made me resent porn, and it might not be exactly evil, but I still dislike the industry as a whole. I still remember the last day I watched porn, it was on first of October of 2016.
When OP talked me about her ex it bringed back lots of memories, I reacted badly, I know, I shouldn't have called OP an asshole, I also know some people called me lots of things, I want to thank those people, it made further realize my response was bad. It's refreshing to write this without shame and knowing my partner is not judging me, I really don't know exactly why I'm writing this other than to get this out of my chest. Thanks for reading!"
I feel relieved that he apologized to me and he was the one to start it, some people said that he just didn't respect me or that he thought I should have just accepted it, I'm relieved that's not the case and I actually never thought it was, he's not that kind of person. I think we are doing fine, thanks for reading all the way through. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i0qotp/my_23f_bf_22m_got_mad_at_me_when_i_told_him_i/ | i0qotp | 5,163 | 118 | [
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2020-07-31T18:26:34 | "Always thought me and my son were very close... sadly, today I realized that's not the case." | TIFU | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/hrnd5l/tifu_at_being_a_father/) by u/alteralexia*
&nbsp;
I have always thought that I(50M) am very open to my son(25M), and we have a strong bond, and that he shares everything with me. But sadly, today I realized that's not the case.
I always tried to be his best friend, but maybe I didn't really make it look that way. Today I made an Instagram account, just because I didn't want to be that "boomer" Who doesn't know anything about current gen, I had no intention to stalk him, I only followed a 2 of my friends who too, made their accounts with me. Because I synced my Facebook with Instagram, it showed me all the accounts that are in my account, so out of curiosity I checked my son's account and came to realize that he is gay.
He had photos of him and his boyfriend sharing intimate moments together, and that really hurt me from inside, not because my son is gay, but because he didn't think of me as a father loving enough to accept him. To come to realize such an important characteristic about my son's life through social media, really broke me from within, and showed me, that how I have not been able to be the father, I always thought I was.
The only reason I am writing this is to ask you how do I confront him, and ask him about this, he clearly doesn't want me knowing about it.
I will admit, I never made it clear In my house that I support gay rights and gay love, but I also never showed any distaste against them. I will also admit that I am not super thrilled about my son being gay, as I always wanted a granddaughter, as I never had a daughter of my own. But that doesn't mean I won't accept him, or stop loving him less, it's just that... He should at least have talked to me about it first, before going public on Instagram.
tl;dr always thought me and my son were very close, made an Instagram account found out through it that my son is gay, and he didn't think of me as a supportive enough father to talk about his sexuality.
Edit 1: from your comments, it's clear that I shouldn't confront or ask him first, and that is exactly what I am going to do, thanks to all of you for understanding me, I will start giving him a few hints, like y'all suggested, and will see if he talks to me. It's his life and I want to give him all the personal space he wants, all I always wanted was a little bit of transparency.
Edit 2: all of you have been amazing, and with every comment, I am learning something NEW, so pls don't think, that your opinion doesn't matter any more, pls keep on educating me about all of this.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/hv2rsj/tifu_at_being_a_father_update/)
someone asked for an update, and today it happened so I thought, I SHOULD give an update. it happened, he told me about his sexuality and told me how he really feels about everything, he told me that he identifies himself as bisexual and is currently in a relationship with a boy from his workplace if you are wondering why he told me today, that's because I simply told him that am on Instagram and would like to follow him, just like some of you suggested, I did not force him or anything, and the moment I told him I am on Instagram, he told me, I did not just directly asked him, I was giving subtle hints for a few days like I was watching fathers on Netflix and told him, I loved the movie and it made me feel even more affectionate and empathetic towards LGBT and that I have no problem with anyone and their sexuality.
he said, that he did suspect that I might have known about him after that, and planed that he will tell me soon. he told me that the reason he had not told me till now, because this was his first gay relationship, and he thought I won't know what being bisexual means and would overreact. (little did he know, all of you really educated me a lot about LGBT and the LGBT culture) he said, that he knows that I would always support him, just did not know how I would react.
about the granddaughter thing, I told him that it's his choice whether he wants to adopt a child or not, or whether even have a child in the first place, he said that he has not really thought about that, and I respect his decision and did not say anything else.
at the end of the day, he still loves me, we ordered some nice food and called it a day. I would like to thank all of you all as well.
tl:dr my son loves me. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i1cq76/always_thought_me_and_my_son_were_very_close/ | i1cq76 | 4,448 | 418 | [
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2020-08-01T16:14:31 | "Me and my friend are heading on a roadtrip starting this Friday!" | r/Shoestring | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Shoestring/comments/hznmwr/me_and_my_friend_are_heading_on_a_roadtrip/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/DJBlu3USA*
&nbsp;
Me and my friend are heading on a roadtrip starting this Friday! The outlined trip plan is where we are planning to go. Do you guys have any suggestions on things to do along the way? Thanks!
https://i.redd.it/jzufxdv93od51.jpg
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Shoestring/comments/hzpu6y/update_i_posted_about_a_roadtrip_wed_be_taking/)
The entire trip was under turmoil much before I posted but did take a couple hours to rethink and decided it really is not worth it.
I am truly sorry to those that were offended by this, and I’m also sorry for even thinking in this selfish, and irresponsible direction.
Thank you to everyone for sticking to their guns and telling us off, I’m not even mad, this is the solidarity we need.
Also as an American, to those that constantly brought that up in their comments, it’s also a fact that people who discourage the stupid Americans exists. And they are working over time to stop the ignorant spread of the virus.
Also thank you to all of the suggestions, I have noted them and will use them on a year or two when we do go on this trip!
Thank you all, sending positive vibes, and have a good night! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i1ur30/me_and_my_friend_are_heading_on_a_roadtrip/ | i1ur30 | 1,373 | 72 | [
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2020-08-02T17:07:38 | "I[22F] have my ex boyfriend's [23M] deceased mother's bracelet and it's been 8 years since we broke up." | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/i10kcb/i22f_have_my_ex_boyfriends_23m_deceased_mothers/)*
&nbsp;
My first proper relationship took place in high school. My boyfriend was 15 and I was 14. My boyfriend's mom had died a few years ago, presumably in his early teens, but I'd never asked.
On one particularly memorable evening during the school festival, he gave me a bracelet that he said belonged to his mother. It's nothing fancy, just a bunch of wooden beads strung together, but it looked like it meant a lot to him.
I took it, in the heat of the moment, and I wore it until he graduated and we broke up. The thing is, it wasn't a nice breakup. There was a lot of anger, and I eventually cut off all contact with him.
Now that it's been a while, the fact that I still have this bracelet is starting to weigh on my mind. I know it meant a lot to him, because you can't lie about something like that, and he was pretty serious when he gave it to me. I can't imagine he wouldn't like it back, given what it means to him.
I don't know if I should track him down online and figure a way to get it back to him, because on the very slight off chance that he's forgotten about it, I might come across as the deranged and desperate ex that's holding a candle to a long dead relationship.
What do you guys think I should do?
Tldr: my high school ex gave me his deceased mom's bracelet 8 years ago and I still have it. Do I return it to him after all this time or would he have forgotten about it?
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
So I went ahead and did it. I bit the bullet. I texted him. It took three agonising days for him to reply, but he did, and it couldn't have turned out better!
He told me to keep it, because he wanted me to have it. And that he'd looked me up online before (I don't have much of a presence online), but couldn't find me.
And now we're talking! And my heart feels much lighter, so thank you all for the advice!
Thank you!
Today's looking up 😁
Peace.
Tldr: I contacted my ex after 8 years to try to return a bracelet that belonged to his mom, and he told me to keep it, and we are now on talking terms! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i2fjfy/i22f_have_my_ex_boyfriends_23m_deceased_mothers/ | i2fjfy | 2,171 | 148 | [
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2020-08-03T17:21:01 | trying to test a girls “nerd” | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1k80o/aita_for_trying_to_test_a_girls_nerd/) by u/Myfaultalways*
&nbsp;
I (20M)) don’t think I did anything wrong, but my friends are all saying I’m an asshole. So I have a group of friends and we’re quite frankly, nerds. We met this girl I’ll call L two years ago. The other guys all like her, think she’s great and she knows all about things we’re into, but I had a feeling she’s not really one of us.
I put up with it for two years, but I can’t shake the feeling. So the last time we were together before quarantine, I decided to test her nerd. She seemed surprised but could answer all my questions, until I got to Star Trek. I was feeling pretty confident, until she asked me to clarify.
Apparently I misspoke, and accidentally asked a trick question. My friends all jumped on me accusing me of being an asshole and she didn’t need to pass some test to hangout with them and how I needed to get over it. Another friend pointed out that I wasn’t the guardian of the group.
I got mad no one was on my side and left. Quarantine happened shortly after, and I recently found out they’ve all been chatting with her. I told her I didn’t appreciate her trying to steal my friends. She never replied, but one of my friends bitched at me for a while. I got mad no one was listening to me and said it’s her or me. He said her. None of my other friends have messaged me since.
My brother says I was trying to be king of the nerds and gatekeeping, and should apologize. I don’t think I have anything to apologize for and they should apologize for not hearing me out. So tell me, am I the asshole for just trying to make sure L was actually a nerd like us?
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
ETA-I knew I shouldn’t have posted on here, you guys don’t get it. I am not going to apologize for being suspicious of her intentions and being angry my so-called friends bailed on me for some chick they‘ve only known 2 years. I was not gatekeeping, I was just trying to make sure she wasn’t trying to be trendy. Screw this, I won’t be back. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i316s3/trying_to_test_a_girls_nerd/ | i316s3 | 2,106 | 64 | [
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2020-08-04T16:39:16 | Me [23 F] with my bf [21 M] of 8 months, regarding living with my brother [20 M] | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/34fd9v/me_23_f_with_my_bf_21_m_of_8_months_regarding/) by u/wannabeawake*
&nbsp;
Hey there, I am wondering what you all think about this situation.
**Some backstory**
Growing up, my brother and I would fight a lot, tell on each other all the time, etc. This changed when I went away to college (30 minutes away, though I lived there). I guess being apart from each other, plus him being in high school and growing up (and as a result having more things in common with me), made us be friendlier during the time we did get to spend together. He then came to the same college - was a freshman while I was a senior (but we were in school together a little longer since I stayed an extra semester). During this time he became one of my closer "college friend," as we'd hang out a lot, both have people over to my apartment for parties, gained some of each other's friends (so we ended up with a lot of mutual friends), etc.
For my senior year of college, I got an apartment with my then-boyfriend. He moved out last August, so my brother moved in (last May, so there was a bit of overlap). This worked out well because it took some of the financial burden off of my ex (who I was still dating at the time - he just moved for a new job), and my brother, who was very concerned about costs and picking the cheaper option, would be paying less living off-campus than on-campus.
Flash forward to the end of summer. I end up with a new boyfriend, and he ends up moving in (his house wasn't an ideal living situation). My brother and boyfriend got along at first, but they ended up hating living with each other (very different personalities). Whatever, my brother is getting a new apartment in May so it won't be an issue anymore.
**My main issue**
Now, all along my boyfriend has commented on how "weird" it is that I live with my brother. It blew me away that he thought this. I mean, I lived with him for 18 years.... But this was "living with him alone." Now, my parents obviously thought it was great that their children could live together and "look out for each other." Other people I talked to told me it was cool that I got to live with him at college. My boyfriend insists they were just saying that because "what else are they going to say? They're not going to call it weird to your face."
One quote was "I mean, you even share a bathroom with him!" Well yes.... as did I at home when we both lived with my parents. It's not like we're in there together at the same time. I really don't get why this is strange.
He also says that he's mentioned to other people that I live with my brother, and supposedly they thought that was really weird. And it isn't like "oh that's weird but whatever," he thinks it's really weird.
I feel like my opinion that it's completely not weird is totally crazy because he is so passionate about his side and I'm just like "what, are you serious." So I want other people's opinions.
Edit: He says everyone he's talked to says it's weird. I say Reddit doesn't. He refuses to tell me who says it's weird, which is my main problem with this right now :-|
tl;dr: Is it weird to live with my brother?
**Resolved:** The unfortunate thing is that things eat me up until I address them, so I was texting him about all this. But we both got home from work, discussed it, a lot of things were said, but we've resolved this issue and are moving on. He even told me everyone who agreed with him (except for one person who apparently asked that he didn't tell me), so that's not an issue anymore either. Thanks, everyone, for your input
&nbsp;
[**5 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/i1chj5/update_me_23_f_with_my_bf_21_m_of_8_months/)
Hey all! Reddit emailed me about verifying this account, which I completely forgot even existed, so I checked it out and went back and read my post from 5 years ago. I read through the comments again, and I figured maybe it'd be worth posting an update since honestly, I have no idea how I was defending this person at the time...
Pretty much, I made that post about my boyfriend thinking it was "very weird" that I lived with my brother at a point where my boyfriend and I had been dating for a few months shy of a year. One month after I made that post, my brother ended up moving out anyway, and my boyfriend and I moved to another apartment (all planned, and just a matter of the lease ending), so the situation had mostly resolved itself.
However, LET ME TELL YOU, holy shit, I wish I would have taken the advice given to me in the post, and I cringed reading through this 5-year-old post because a lot of the comments were so true, and I should have just left. I put up with his shit for a total of 4 years before he broke up with me ("for good" - we actually broke up probably 10-12 different times that lasted anywhere from a few hours to a couple of weeks).
The entire time, he was definitely jealous of my brother. Pretty much, he ended up admitting that my brother was a guy who commanded a room, people always looking to him (like, he's sort of a "leader" in his friend group), and making people laugh. That was the type of person my (now ex-) boyfriend wanted to be, so he hated that my brother was that. In fits of rage, even in a completely unrelated argument, he would randomly be like "I bet you've fucked your brother!" So much shit coming from him, but I think that the combination of he and I in a relationship together was just incredibly toxic and made it so hard for me to be able to think about things rationally.
There was a comment in my original post about someone wishing I could see the situation from the outside, and looking back at that post, I feel like I finally am, and it's just cringeworthy. Someone had PM'd me a list of signs of an abusive relationship, and looking back, he definitely checks off most of those. I had said that he rarely lies to me, but in retrospect, our relationship was FULL of lies - some major ones that I recall from before I made that post, so I'm not sure if I was lying to myself then or what.
I'm in a much better place now, and have had a new boyfriend for about 2 years. I think the takeaway here, and why I wanted to post an update is for people perhaps in a similar situation (regardless of what it might be about) to consider. If your SO is absolutely ridiculous when it comes to something, don't expect it to be okay just because you can maybe avoid that topic in the future. It's possible that it will still come up, and it's very likely that this isn't a red flag to ignore just because it's easy to ignore. It's still a raging red flag, and has a lot of implications for your relationship in the future. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i3mohk/me_23_f_with_my_bf_21_m_of_8_months_regarding/ | i3mohk | 6,764 | 109 | [
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2020-08-05T15:41:46 | I [36F] heard a ringing phone in my husband's [37m] safe while I was in his home office. He denied there being a phone in his safe and said I was hearing things. | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hz2mx6/i_36f_heard_a_ringing_phone_in_my_husbands_37m/) by u/ThrowRAringingphone*
&nbsp;
I am trying to make sense of this situation and figure out next steps, if there are any, but I am struggling to do that and what my husband has told me makes no sense.
Let me start with a brief overview of our relationship. We've been together for 12 years and married for 10 of those years. We have three children (1m, 3f, and 5f). No major relationship issues. We have a very happy marriage and home life. My husband is really attentive to me and our kids. Honestly he is the best husband and father, and I am so happy with our life together.
This happened last week. My husband has a home office which has a large safe in it. The safe is used to store his firearms. Only he uses it so I never go into it. I don't even know the combination to it.
I was in my husband's office looking for something in his desk when I heard a phone ringing. It sounded like it was coming from the safe but before I could confirm that it stopped. I was still in the office when a few minutes later it rang again. It rang long enough for me to confirm that it was definitely a phone and the phone was located in his safe. It rang a third an final time about 10-15 minutes later, so by this point I was 100% certain there was a phone in his safe. It struck me as so weird. Why would he have a phone in his safe?
My husband has two phones he always carries with him. One is a work phone. The second is his personal phone. He never goes anywhere without the work phone. Never. It is always within reach, so I knew it was not his work phone, but it made no sense that he would lock us his personal phone. He almost always has that with him too, and as far as I knew he had it when it left that morning.
Sure enough. I got a text from him later in the afternoon from his personal phone, so I knew that it wasn't his personal phone either. It was a third phone unless by some miracle I was wrong and he did leave his work phone in the safe for whatever reason, which seemed really unlikely.
I was starting to get upset but told myself to calm down and wait for him to get home and explain. There had to be a reasonable explanation for this and I'd feel silly later if I let this bother me. That night after we put the kids to bed I casually mentioned to him that while I was in the office earlier I heard a phone ringing in the safe. Did he leave one of his phones in there? He told me he didn't and I must have heard something else because he never puts his phones in the safe. He downplayed it and I didn't feel like pushing the issue further because really what could I say? Part of me wanted to ask him to show me the safe to confirm but I thought that would make me seem too paranoid when he has never given me a reason to be suspicious.
I know what I heard, but I don't know if this is worth pushing further. I am pregnant and think maybe my energy would be better spent focusing on the baby and our other kids. It just bothers me because why would he have a third phone hidden in his safe and then deny it? I can't think of any good reason for that beyond the obvious, but I have no reason to think he is cheating and no proof. Then again, I know my husband is exactly the type of person who would be hard to catch if he cheated. He is extremely smart and a great planner down to the smallest details. If there was a phone in the safe no doubt by now it has been moved and I'll never find it.
I hate having these suspicions. I feel like it is so unfair to him. I also hate feeling like I am going crazy and imagining things.
What should I do? Is there anything I can do?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i2kxd5/update_i_36f_heard_a_ringing_phone_in_my_husbands/)
I really appreciate all of the advice you guys gave me. It was helpful and stopped my anxiety from getting too out of control.
The day after I posted I did as some of you suggested and checked to see if there were any devices on our network that I didn't recognize. There weren't.
When my husband got home that night I told him that it was silly and it was probably just my pregnancy hormones but could he show me the safe so we could confirm there was nothing in it that would ring. He said that was fine and went into his office and opened it. The only things inside were firearms and some papers for them.
I don't remember the user who mentioned it to me, but one of you told me to put my phone inside the safe and then try to call it. I did and it didn't ring at all. So it looks like all of you who said the safe probably couldn't get a signal were right. I am glad though because I feel like I can rule out it being a phone, and that has made me feel so much better.
I mentioned getting the combination for the safe to my husband and he told me that was fine. He never gave it to me because I never asked and he knew I hated his guns and thought I wouldn't be interested in having access.
Another thing people mentioned in my first post was CO. I checked and we only had smoke detectors, so we know have CO detectors as well.
I still think I heard a phone ring, but it cannot have been a phone. I accept that now. I don't know what the explanation is but I don't think it has anything to do with my husband living a secret life or having a third phone.
I am going to mention this to my doctor at my next appointment and see what she recommends, and hopefully it will turn out to be nothing, but at this point the most likely explanation seems to be me mishearing a phone ringing.
Again, thank you to all of you who commented. I feel like this whole situation went a lot better than it otherwise might have because of your advice. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i47mke/i_36f_heard_a_ringing_phone_in_my_husbands_37m/ | i47mke | 5,820 | 167 | [
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2020-08-06T16:54:55 | "Is it deceptive of me not to inform him of something so fundamental in my life?" | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h7k8dj/wibta_by_not_telling_a_guy_ive_been_dating_for_a/) by u/GirlWithInternet*
&nbsp;
WIBTA [will I be the asshole] by not telling a guy I've been dating for a month that I'm having artificial insemination to be a single mother?
Prior to lockdown, I'd decided to be a single mother by choice. The journey to accepting this has taken 2 years, and included counselling and a very thorough plan to ensure I could do this alone. I was happy with my decision, and I was at a good place in life where i realised my desire to be a mother was stronger than looking for partner, which may or may not happen - and with my fertility declining, I chose to go down this path as a solo woman.
Right before I was due to have artificial insemination with donor sperm, the pandemic hit, and treatments were cancelled. There was no timeline for when things may reopen. For a few days I was devastated as I was so mentally prepared for this, and then I picked myself up and decided to park my plan - after all I didn't have a choice. I downloaded a dating app out of curiosity and figured that I could still chat to guys and see what happened, without any expectation really.
I've been talking with a guy (let's call him G) and it's only been a month, so very early stage. However, we've met up twice (with a 3rd meeting planned), spoken many times on the phone, and I get a really good feeling from him. For the first time in years, quite frankly, I feel emotionally connected with a man, and it feels completely natural and promising.
During this time, my clinic called me to say they have had approval to open, and do i wish to go ahead this month with my treatment. I want to be a mother more than ever, so I said yes, and I'm now on medication with my appointment set for next week.
While there's no guarantee i'll get pregnant on the first go, I have a conflict in my mind about informing G of my plan. On the one hand it's at such an early stage of our romance without yet being anything committed that I feel like I'm bringing something up prematurely. On the other hand, I wonder what may happen as time goes on - am I just delaying the inevitable? Is it deceptive of me not to inform him of something so fundamental in my life?
A friend told me that I'd sabotage a potential relationship with him by telling him of this plan right now, and that a man who is really into me will accept me even if I'm pregnant, and that more time is needed for him to really get to know me. But in my mind I'm wondering if it will piss him off by suddenly saying 'hey I'm pregnant, btw'.
We've spoken loosely about wanting kids in the future, so I know he'd like a family, but it was a brief, passing comment. I'm also not willing to wait to get into a long term relationship - and we are far too early on to be thinking about a family together.
WIBTA by keeping quiet about the plan for now?
&nbsp;
[**A Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i4sa5r/update_a_month_ago_i_was_told_i_wbta_for_not/)
A month ago I asked if I WBTA for not telling a guy I had only started dating that I had plans to become a single mother. I was scared I'd lose him but also felt I would be deceiving him by not telling him, thus making the investment in our relationship unfair. The comments were pretty much unanimous in that I'm an asshole, and I needed to tell him, and this validated my decision to go forth and be honest, as nervous as I was.
I explained my situation about taking 2 yrs to come to this decision, how my fertility clinic had shut due to Covid which was why I had gone back onto dating apps. I explained how my clinic had reopened after meeting him, and how important it was to me to continue in my journey to become a mother. I knew this was 'baggage' he hadn't expected and that there was every chance he would step away from the situation. Well, he didn't.
We're now in a committed relationship and he's been supporting me in my journey. I've had 2 unsuccessful artificial inseminations with donor sperm (my original plan), and we've spoken about having a child together. As early on as it may seem, he told me my honesty made him consider his own future and how he really wants a family some day, and how he has admiration for me being honest about my situation and how he wants to help my fulfil my desires to be a mother, whether with him or with donor sperm - either way he wants to be a part of my life.
I wanted to provide this update as a positive outcome has come out of being labelled an asshole and it pushed me to do the right thing, which has in turn meant I have the most understanding and accepting bf. Had I kept this info from him it would have played on my conscience, as well as most likely have caused him to not trust me. So thank you : ) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i4vft7/is_it_deceptive_of_me_not_to_inform_him_of/ | i4vft7 | 4,858 | 131 | [
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2020-08-07T18:08:30 | "Guy steals money from me and boasts about being a hard worker." | r/EntitledPeople | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/go26fh/guy_steals_money_from_me_and_boasts_about_being_a/) by u/konatada*
&nbsp;
This happened back in March. For some context, I'm a 19-year-old (18 then) female and I work at a job I absolutely hate but my work ethic won't allow me to half-ass it.
In March I wanted to buy a piano for myself since my birthday was a month away. I don't like spending my money all that often so I went to Facebook Marketplace to find something a little cheaper (first mistake.) I found a cool Casio from a college student (ASS for short.) I spoke with him about buying the piano and delivery because I live quite a ways away. The piano itself was $350 but I paid an additional $80 for him going through the trouble of delivering it to me. (Second mistake.)
Here's the lesson, kiddos. Never send money through PayPal without it being through the market section. After sending the money and then waiting until Thursday, sitting in the park we agreed to meet at for 2 hours, and then driving around aimlessly whilst waiting for a reply from ASS, I'd been blocked. So, I was out $430 and have to continuously make it up at a job that causes me an abhorrent amount of stress for what I do and the police won't do anything due to everything that is going on - no fault of their own.
I tried looking for other means of contact so I could reason with him rather then immediately going to police; I wound up finding a lot but what struck me most was a post on his Instagram boasting about how hard he worked and that his boss gave him a piano(?) The same piano he was "selling."
The reason I put this into r/entitledpeople is because people like this think they are entitled to your hard work. Don't be stupid like me. Use your brain even if you're trusting. I know this has definitely shifted my faith in people. People who do this aren't hard workers. They're crooks and cowards.
He mentioned money makes the world go round but that doesn't make you any less of an asshole.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/gus5ok/he_stole_money_from_me_updated/)
Hello!
So, my previous post was about how this guy on FB Marketplace stole $430 dollars from me for a piano I never got and then I saw him boasting about his hard work on Instagram. Badda bing badda boom. BUT! There is an update, my good lads.
A few days after this incident, I had contacted his mother. I told the tale of the thief that stole my wit and money. I figured that this wouldn't work because people don't usually reply to messages from strangers.
However, I received a message this morning from her! We have a conversation and she was very formal and asked a lot of questions. I provided proof to every question and for about an hour everything was silent after she said she would keep in touch.
I received all of my money back, plus tax. I could only assume the guy who stole was torn in 15 pieces by his mom and by golly, what a god.
Mom's are the best.
My case was very abnormal but let's take a moment to praise Mrs. B. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i5iso1/guy_steals_money_from_me_and_boasts_about_being_a/ | i5iso1 | 3,093 | 218 | [
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2020-08-08T16:13:07 | "Need help with proposal ideas" | r/Assistance | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hvab8c/need_help_with_proposal_ideas/) by u/Wanni25*
&nbsp;
I had it all planned out. My band had a show in May. I had written a song for my girlfriend and I was going to perform it live and use it to ask get to marry me. The show got cancelled because of Covid, now I'm just waiting around, not knowing when we're going to get another show, due to Michigan's governor's orders. My band mates don't even want to get together right now so we can all stay as quarantined as possible.
She knows I have the ring and she is really excited to have it, but I feel like I don't want to settle for something that's not going to be as good. She's always been a huge fan of concerts, which is why this idea would be perfect. Does anyone have any ideas of something I could do to make this work?
Edit: Wow! Thanks for my first ever gold! And thank you everyone. You've all given me some great ideas. I'm going to do the music video and see if I can have it played somewhere for her.
&nbsp;
[**A Week Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hzoamo/update_about_a_week_ago_i_asked_for_ideas_for_a/)
I first want to thank everyone that gave me ideas. They were all wonderful and I decided to make a music video to show my girlfriend. Our friends agree that she'll love it.
&nbsp;
[**9 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/i53ruh/update_she_said_yes/)
She said yes!!
I asked for advice from you beautiful people out there and you told me to make a music video to propose to my girlfriend. Well, now she's my fiancee!! Thank you all. I love all of you!
I'll include the link for everyone here to see. I just ask that you be gentle. It's the first song I've ever written and I played all the instruments. Thanks again to everyone.
https://youtu.be/QqkEXWodu_Q | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i61pnh/need_help_with_proposal_ideas/ | i61pnh | 1,872 | 71 | [
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2020-08-09T16:09:56 | How Can I Tell My BFF That I'm Sleeping With Her Father? | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hrhsbf/how_can_i_20f_tell_my_bff_20f_that_im_sleeping/)*
&nbsp;
How Can I (20F) Tell My BFF (20F) That I'm Sleeping With Her Father (46M) And Not Lose Them Both?
So let me start by saying that I'm not 100% sure how any of this happened.
Backstory: When I was a little kid, my POS parents got divorced and I ended up with my POS mother and we moved back to her home state and somehow managed to live with my grandparents who were not POS people. I was thrown into a school with total strangers and I was given mountains of shit for "talking funny" because I was born and raised in the South and was now living in New England. The first person to decide to be nice to me and be my friend was Kate (not her real name, ofc). Kate quickly became by BFF and we have been BFFs ever since.
Because my mom is an awful piece of human garbage I spent as much time as possible with Kate and her family over the years. Not only was I accepted by them but eventually I started to look at them as the family I always thought a family should be. By High School I was calling Don and Joan (Kate's parents, also not real names) "Mom" and "Dad" respectively. They always welcomed me into their home. I always had food, a place to stay, you name it. They even took me with on a couple of family vacations. I love this family with all my heart.
The story takes a turn for the strange in 2018 when, after Kate and I graduated High School and Don & Joan had no more kids in the house as they were all on their own or in college, that Joan decided to come out of the closet as a lesbian, admit to an affair that had lasted the entire time they were married, and file for a divorce.
I'm sure you can imagine that Don, Kate, her brothers, and well everybody, was devastated!
Kate went off to college (in California) and neither of her brothers were around and so Don was kind of on his own. Since I wasn't going to further my education and basically stay in town I promised my BFF to make sure her dad was okay. Look in on him often. All that.
Well, I tried community college and that didn't work out but I got lucky and my grandma pulled in a favor and got me a job as a teller in one of the local banks so I was at least somewhat productive in society. I'd call Don and text him a few times to check on him but things got crazy last summer.
I literally ran into him at the grocery store one afternoon after work. I saw what he was buying and it made me super sad. It was like all the "single bachelor tropes" all in one! So, being the good BFF that I am, I insisted that Don buy some actual food and that I'd go over to his place after work on Friday and make him a home-cooked meal. I've been cooking since I was young (I kind of had to learn) and we both agreed that he needed it. So Friday came around and I went over and cooked him a nice Chicken Parmesan dinner, we had fun visiting for a bit and I went home feeling good about myself. We agreed to do this every week.
The next week, after dinner, he asked if I'd stay for a bit and hang out. So we fired up XFinity On Demand and got cozy on the couch. I don't know exactly what lead this next part to happen but it happened. Maybe it was the love scene in what we were watching. I don't know. All I know is that he seemed super lonely and I felt bad for him so I initiated things and gave him head. When I left that night, things were a little awkward but we decided to continue our Friday dinner tradition. The next week, after the movie, he asked if I could stay around a little longer. I ended up staying the night.
That was when we first had sex.
Friday Night Dinner became Friday Night Dinner And Sex and that lasted another 8 or 9 weeks. Then we started being more open about what we were doing. Going out to eat during the week. Going to a movie or shopping. All that stuff, despite a lot of people we know giving us the side-eye for it.
All the while I was keeping everything a secret from Kate. My BFF.
Fast forward to COVID and that, combined with my lack of ability to judge friends well, resulted in my room mates bailing on me and leaving me on the hook for our entire apartment. I got lucky in that our landlord let me out of the lease but that put me in a spot. I was going to have to move back in with my POS mother. I was desperate to avoid that and then Don stepped in and saved me (kind of): he asked me to move in with him. I did and we've been living as a couple ever since.
Recently, Don has stopped using a condom when we have sex and he's asked me to quit taking birth control, too. He says he wants to marry me and start a family and the whole deal and now I'm wondering HOW THE F*CK DO I TELL KATE ABOUT THIS?!? I love Kate on so many levels and I don't want to lose her but I'm terrified that she'll be mad. I don't know if I can give up Don to keep Kate, though. I do know that I'd die a little inside if I stayed with Don and that ruined his relationship with his daughter, though.
I know this is a "you want your cake and eat it, too" moment but what's the point of having the cake if you can't eat the f*cking thing?
Please, someone, ANYONE, give me some idea about how to proceed? Please?
&nbsp;
[**A Week Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hvqaev/update_how_can_i_20f_tell_my_bff_20f_that_im/)
So, I was awake late into the night after making the post and reading everyone's comments. I appreciate everyone who weighed in with something other than reminding me that I'm a horrible, fucked-up piece of shit as a person. I had come to that conclusion on my own but it was nice to have it verified. So, thanks.
I gave a lot of thought to the questions posed to me from u/helloiseeyou2020 and came to some conclusions.
I want to get better.
The day after posting I was visibly bothered by deep thoughts at work and one of my coworkers was concerned and asked me about what was bothering me. So... I told her the whole story. Together we looked into if my insurance would cover therapy. It does and even with COVID making it a video-chat-only kind of deal I started yesterday at lunch (Tuesday the 21st).
I decided to GTFO of the situation as well. I moved out of the house this past weekend and into a spare room that one of my coworkers offered for me to use until I can get some money together to relocate once the pandemic ends and I can get a transfer to a different branch. Hopefully out of state. This is awkward and life just took a crazy turn but I'm told that getting through this mess that I made will make me a better person in the end.
I spent Friday night down at the shore at my grandpa's house so I could be somewhere that I love and feel safe at for the next part:
I called Kate.
It went like anyone would expect. No lies. Worst conversation I've ever had. I told her when it was all said and done that I wasn't expecting her to ever forgive me as I don't know if I deserve it. She knows that I'm not there anymore and I'm going to try my hardest to put as much distance as possible between me and her family ASAP. I ended the call by telling her that I won't be initiating contact any more. I'm going to give her all the space and time that she needs, even if that means I'll never talk to her again.
I really do love her more than life itself and I hope that we can eventually recover but I doubt we will.
This is my own fault and I'm trying to take accountability, here.
Thanks for the input, everybody. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i6lvph/how_can_i_tell_my_bff_that_im_sleeping_with_her/ | i6lvph | 7,533 | 176 | [
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2020-08-10T14:35:27 | "My 17 y/o cat refuses to use the cat door on his own. Will he ever learn?" | CatTraining | repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/CatTraining/comments/i0ffiy/my_17_yo_cat_refuses_to_use_the_cat_door_on_his/) by /u/atemylife
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
I’m not sure if it’s too late to teach my 17-year-old male cat how to use our newly installed cat door. So far, I have tried putting treats on the other side to get him to go through or rewarding him with treats every now and then if I help him go through but he refuses to go through on his own. I’m beginning to think that maybe it’s because it’s too late to teach a cat his age new tricks? We have a sliding glass door right next to it that he’s been using for 6+ years and he expects me to open the door to let him in and out of our patio still. I’m thinking maybe if I cover the glass so that he stops looking through he’d think the only option is to go through the door? I am at a loss of ideas on what to do in this situation.
I first introduced him to the door a month ago by opening it completely and letting him go through and then gradually opening it less and less so that he knows to push with his face but I don’t know if the issue might just be because he doesn’t want to push the door open with this face. I tried cleaning the door the other day to see if that would help but it didn’t. Does anybody here have any ideas for what I can do for encouragement to help him learn how to use a cat door? Thanks in advance.
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
[UPDATE, 10 days later](https://old.reddit.com/r/CatTraining/comments/i6px5b/update_my_17_yo_cat_refuses_to_use_the_cat_door/)
About an hour ago, I started working with my cat again to continue the process of teaching him how to use the cat door. My method was to go outside on my own and wait for him to want to go outside on the back patio with me (which almost always happened instantaneously). I trained him by opening up the cat door just ever so slightly with my finger which always made him super curious and sniff at the cat door and look through it. He would then see that the door was slightly open and push his head through to go outside. Once he had his head pushing the door, I would let go of it and let him go through on his own then eventually leave to go inside.
Now normally I would wait until he sits at the door wanting to come inside and let him through using the same slightly-open method (and some treats) to lure him in, but this time, I was in a different room studying for an exam and my dad was in the living room sitting near the door. The plan was for my dad to let me know when my cat was ready to come inside so that I could encourage him to come in like I usually do but when I came over he was hesitant as he still hates doing the work of pressing his face through the door apparently. Because of his stubbornness, he decided to lay down in the patio and wait to come in some other time, so I left and went back into my room.
Then it finally happened. My dad was on the phone with my sister then frantically called me over into the living room. I stopped what I was doing and rushed out to see what was going on and noticed my cat happily walking through the living room, tail raised up high and everything. *HE WENT THROUGH THE CAT DOOR BY HIMSELF*. I'm kinda sad that I missed it and I compared it to missing the moment your child takes their first steps on their own but my dad described my cat's whole process to me. Apparently my cat went up to the cat door, sniffed all around it for a while like he always does, then PUSHED HIS HEAD through the very BOTTOM OF THE CAT DOOR. I'm so excited for him and gave him many kisses, pets, and TWO treats to celebrate his accomplishment. I hope he does it again and this isn't just a one time thing! Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on my original post. I wasn't able to use the tape method but hopefully I won't have to now!
TL;DR: My cat finally pushed his head through the cat door on his own after numerous failed attempts of trying to train him. | Enchee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i75xyp/my_17_yo_cat_refuses_to_use_the_cat_door_on_his/ | i75xyp | 3,966 | 225 | [
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2020-08-11T16:27:48 | "My dating days are over" | r/datingoverthirty | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/duyjws/my_dating_days_are_over/) by u/grim_melee*
&nbsp;
I’ve had a rough year and a half. Went through a divorce. Got full custody of my kids. Eventually started dating and that was touch and go. Online dated for a while, but eventually it felt like every woman I attracted had more problems than I’d have in a lifetime. I eventually quit online dating.
I still got dates. I have confidence and am a fairly attractive guy when I try. I dated one girl briefly that said I was too far to drive to date, basically I wasn’t worth it. I dated another for 2 months and after the 3rd time of her ghosting me for 2-3 days in a row AFTER we’d made plans, I ended it with her. The one that really made me quit was when a girl I was interested in had too much to drink and had a bad hangover, and blamed me for it like I’d put something in her drink. I found out she’d been in muscle relaxers (plus she’s been the one bringing us drinks all night) and it cut me to the core that she would assume I’d do something like that.
Facebook started their dating app and I didn’t take it seriously, and I’d quit at this point. After a week or two of notifications I said “screw it” and created a profile. Several weeks got non interesting women, and I turned my profile to “not visible.”
A week later I got a notification. Apparently if I’ve swiped on someone then I’m still visible to them even if I’m not visible in general. We started chatting after she sent me a message. We hit it off. I didn’t think it would go anywhere. None of the others did.
The relationship moved forward. Faster than I expected. We clicked in ways I never thought possible, and she gave me looks I never even saw my ex wife give me. It wasn’t long before I realized it: this woman loved me. And I realized I loved her too.
Zoom ahead to this last weekend. We had a bad Saturday, a really bad Saturday. She has a daughter and dealt with some issues with her ex. Then later that evening I dealt with some issues as my ex wife started saying she was going to try to take custody of my kids and my house (which was asinine since the divorce decree is over a year old). When I told her to contact my attorney she backed down immediately. But both my girlfriend and I were super stressed from that day.
That night we had a long talk, and we realized we were each other’s rocks, and the day ended great despite it being bad. And we both agreed we wanted every bad day, and good day to end with each other there.
So I think I’m done dating. Because I’m getting married.
Edit: wow I didn’t realize this post would be so polarizing. Apparently I’m an idiot, a dumb ass, a troll, and I’m “never going to get engaged”.
Fortunately the positives far outweigh the negative. My favorite thing though is a subreddit full of single people giving relationship advice.
&nbsp;
[**9 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/i7radf/update_my_dating_days_are_over/)
I’ve gotten several PM’s asking for an update. We got engaged and she moved in right before the quarantine, which was serendipitous. We learned through the course of those months that we truly were made for each other; having four kids (ages 2, 9, 11 and 13) during a quarantine will definitely put a test on a relationship.
We wanted to get married but the quarantine prevented us from doing anything big. We ended up getting married with a justice of the peace in late May on the steps of a local concert hall. We love be streamed it on social media so all our families and friends could “be there” and we hashtagged it “CovidWedding”.
When my first marriage ended I thought I might be broken or incapable of loving someone. This woman made me realize the second chance can be even better than the first.
Don’t give up. We met online, and before that I would have said you could never meet your future spouse on online dating.
There were a lot of cynical or extremely critical responses to my post last time. To them and everyone else I hope you can find the love that I’ve found. Dating can suck, but if you find the right one then it doesn’t feel like dating at all. It feels like getting to know your best friend. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i7uuvo/my_dating_days_are_over/ | i7uuvo | 4,249 | 185 | [
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2020-08-12T02:27:59 | Mom freaked out when daughter slept naked with her door shut. | AITA | Mapper9 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i85ifh/mom_freaked_out_when_daughter_slept_naked_with/ | i85ifh | 0 | 111 | [
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2020-08-12T16:34:32 | "I do not like a friend's wife" | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/hu2sj0/i_22f_do_not_like_a_friends_wife_28f/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/Needs-Therapy*
&nbsp;
So, to further explain my other half and I (22f) play DND, and have a friend group because of it. This one friend is super cool, however his wife, isn't. Hope (28f), is just a bit much, so to speak. (Known each other for a year now)
Now, I talk a lot and tend to be overly friendly so some people don't like me for that. And that is valid, however Ive never disliked someone because of their personality - until now.
Hope talks, and talks and talks. It's hard to have a conversation with her because she'll cut you off constantly. And that would be fine if she had something to talk about that isn't her medical history. We also have nothing in common other than house plants and being female. But my other half feels bad that Hope doesn't have many friends, so I try to hang out with her when other half and friend go fishing. (Although this is rare and few between)
Hope also doesn't come to DnD night (she isn't into it), but will constantly interpret with lengthy phone calls to friend or scheduling outside events on DnD night (which is annoying, but I also understand that life comes before a game. However it feels like she is doing it on purpose).
Now the main problem, is that Hope wants to host DnD nights. And I think it's a bad idea. Not only does Hope and friend fight constantly, but I really think Hope wouldn't 'respect' (Idk if that's the right word) the space enough for us to even be able to play. (She can't even leave friend a lone for the four hours he hangs out with us once every two weeks- if he has a chance to do that).
Now a lot of these problems that I have with her can be attributed to the fact that she is autistic. And it makes me feel bad that I don't like her, because she can't help being autistic. Some of her ticks are just who she is. But I don't know how to explain to friend that I feel DnD night at his place may not be a great idea.
Should we cave in and have DnD night with Hope? Or is there a way I explain how I feel without coming off like an asshole? I just never, just not liked someone before so I don't know how navigate this situation without coming off as fake, but I also don't want to be mean.
TLDR: Hope (28f) wants to host DnD nights, but I don't think it's a good idea because she doesn't understand that she talks, and interprets far to often. But I don't know how to explain that I don't like that, without coming off as mean.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/i2dj95/i_22f_do_not_like_a_friends_wife_28f_update/)
I know no one was heavily invested but I'll update regardless. We let Hope host game night last night. It was a mess, unfortunately. Being there for four hours, we only got 30mons of game play in. Which would have been fine if we were doing something else. But Hope had other friends over, and then made them and my husband help move furniture. And then made her husband clean, while she also did cleaning around the house.
Finally she asked when we were going to play, and I stated, "When you sit down."
Well she sat down, but then immediately told her husband to go do a million things. Rather than just letting us sit, talk, and answer her questions.
My husband didn't have a good time either, her yelling (and their house echos) triggered his anxiety, so he wasn't able to get in the Groove of DMing. The final straw was when we were in the middle of a battle, she made her husband go help the neighbors with their car. So we just packed up and left.
We will be hosting game night for now. I can place rules down in my home (no yelling, no commands...) and help have things fall in order. But afterwards, we were both so drain that we maybe thought it would be best to no longer play DnD with friend.
Hope said she had fun, but who knows. Thanks for reading.
Edit: I want to clarify that, I didn't want to let her host game night. But she begged, and friend wants her to play with him. So did let them host it, but left the rest of the group out so that it wasn't overwhelming and if it did go bad, it could be kept between the four of us, rather than eight people.
Tldr: Hope got to host game night, it was not fun. And will no longer host them. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i8gzvi/i_do_not_like_a_friends_wife/ | i8gzvi | 4,375 | 130 | [
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2020-08-13T17:11:58 | "One-bedroom flat offer withdrawn by housing association after disclosing pregnancy" | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hrrool/onebedroom_flat_offer_withdrawn_by_housing/) by u/RealisticSnowman in /r/LegalAdviceUK*
&nbsp;
Hi all,
I'm a frequent lurker here under another account and have learnt a huge amount from my lurks here, so thanks for the education you provide and also for all the help and advice I've seen you provide other people. I didn't anticipate ever needing to ask for advice myself, but here I am.
I'll try and provide as much info as possible in my initial post, but happy to provide more in comments if needed.
In December 2019 I was issued with a Section 21 notice (no fault - my landlord wanted vacant possession to carry out works, but has since decided to sell the block instead). I qualified for an intermediate rental property via an arrangement my local council has with various housing associations, and was placed on the list, although little was available because of the time of year.
In early February, I put in for a one-bedroom flat in my affordability range, in a development still under construction. I was made an offer by the housing association, and subsequently allocated a flat in the development. Despite the allocation, no tenancy has yet been signed.
The block was initially due for completion in late Feb/early March ... I'll skip over the endless COVID-related delays to completion (it's been a saga), but the housing association finally accepted completion this week. Hurrah!
In the meantime, the property manager for my current place has been relatively decent/patient as far as it goes ... although I am definitely under renewed pressure to vacate. Further, since I used to share this place with my ex before December, I can no longer afford the rent alone - it's almost 2x what my rent would be in the new place, and I'm virtually out of savings by now, having had to stay here alone so long already.
I'm in the second month of an unplanned, but welcome pregnancy. (Well, it's now welcome, after the initial horror and shock passed!) The father and I are not in a position to live together, although we remain good friends and intend to co-parent. I disclosed my pregnancy to the housing association and they have withdrawn the offer of the one-bedroom flat. They've stated in an email that it is their policy not to allow anyone pregnant to rent a one-bedroom flat (don't worry, I have requested a copy of this policy).
They've offered me a two-bedroom flat in the same development, but their minimum income requirement for that flat is more than double my (full-time, above median) salary. But they are very firm on refusing a one-bedroom flat to me because of my pregnancy.
I've hunted around for any potential best-practice rationale for this policy and can't find it. Baby isn't due till February, so it'd be just me renting the place in the meantime. Even after February, there's no risk of overcrowding in a one-bedroom flat if it's just a single woman and a baby - let's be realistic, we'll be spending pretty much all our time together in the same room anyway for at least a year, likely longer. As I understand the overcrowding standards, for the purposes of overcrowding, children under the age of 1 year aren't counted at all; children under the age of 10 are only 0.5 of a person (!). So overcrowding can't be the rationale here.
Owing to my work, I have some understanding of the Equality Act and its provisions around discrimination, and it seems that this issue might contravene Section 33 (relating to disposal of premises) and I'd have to bring action under Section 17?
The Shelter helpline is too busy for calls at the moment; I've emailed my council's tenancy advisors but they're only really supposed to advise on private tenancies. So I'd be very grateful to get some advice from any of the regulars here, about what my next steps ought to be.
Thanks in advance for any guidance and advice on what to do next.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/i5gq5f/update_onebedroom_flat_offer_withdrawn_by_housing/)
Just thought I'd provide an update, since one commenter was claiming to be senior in a housing association and was adamant I was wrong that the issue was one of illegal discrimination. Turns out I wasn't. Thank you to the commenter who provided me with legal advice, and thank you to the commenter who provided me with a bit of sympathy, moral support, and practical advice!
In addition to the advice I received from Shelter and the EASS, I had a proper consultation with a solicitor from a large firm, with a team specialising in discrimination cases. (I'd initially had brief discussions with two firms, and chose one as I felt they had good communication and seemed more efficient than the other.)
The solicitor confirmed that I certainly had my facts straight, and said she wouldn't feel right charging me money to write a letter saying exactly the same things as I'd already said to the housing association. (I was very pleased with her for that - she did the good/right thing, rather than just take my money, which she could have! - so am happy to share the firm's name if anyone needs advice for anything similar.)
She recommended I write everything up formally, with the links to the relevant legislation that I'd provided in my emails, illustrate how stressful the whole thing was for me, and escalate through the housing association's complaints procedure and copy in senior directors. She said that if they failed to resolve it before the deadline they'd set for re-allocation of the flat, I should come back to her for representation - but again she stressed that she wouldn't be saying anything to them that I hadn't already said.
For good measure, I copied in my MP, who has a long and excellent reputation for her genuine interest in housing issues.
Within 48 hours, the housing association had reversed their decision.
So, the referencing was completed on Monday (just gone), and I was able to collect my keys and have the check-in this afternoon. The flat is actually even more spacious than I remembered from the initial viewing all those months ago, so I have a bit more space to play with than I'd been planning for.
Looking forward to moving my belongings in to my new home over the next few days and leaving my current place behind next week ... and I suppose I'd better start thinking about nesting a little bit! :-)
Once I've got settled and know my monthly outgoings going forward, I will be increasing my existing (small but long-running) standing order to Shelter, because they were great. I think they're probably going to have a lot of demand for their advice lines with the predicted increase in evictions over coming months, so if you want to donate or volunteer, you can find out how here.
Have a lovely weekend all. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i93wks/onebedroom_flat_offer_withdrawn_by_housing/ | i93wks | 6,843 | 198 | [
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2020-08-14T16:30:42 | 'Am I the asshole' for throwing my kid’s clothes onto the floor when they don’t fold their clothes neatly? | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbtzdt/aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the_floor/) by u/clothesindrawers*
&nbsp;
So I’ve always been kind of a neat freak mom the entire time my kids have been alive. I always expect their rooms to be clean, and I check their drawers/closets/storage bins to make sure they don’t just shove stuff in there to make the room appear clean.
The kids (16, 13, 9, and 6) are all responsible for putting away their laundry, and my oldest two are responsible for folding their own clothes. Which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me, he rolls them up instead of properly folding them.
Ever since the kids have been home and have more free time, I am more strict about the way they put away their clothes. I expect their clothes to be folded a certain way and organized in a certain way in their drawers.
I read from a mommy blogger a few years ago, that when her kid’s drawers weren’t organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way. I considered it for a few years, but now that the kids are old enough, I think it’s the way to go for us.
I havent had to do this until yesterday, I walked into my 16 year old’s room while she was Facetiming her boyfriend, and saw her basket of laundry that needed to be folded and out of curiosity, opened her drawers, and saw she has shoved her clothes in there. I started making a mess and she screamed “Mom why?” and I told her she knew why.
After that I walked out of her room, she explained to her boyfriend what I did and he says “Your mom’s fucking crazy bruh” and I peek my head into her room, give her a look, and she ends the call with him and breaks down crying.
I told my husband what happened, he told me “I knew said you were gonna do that but I didn’t know you would actually follow through.”
This morning I woke up to a note on my daughter’s door saying “Until mom can get mental help, I’m staying with Aunt (my sister’s name)” I texted her, no response. I tried contacting my sister, who said she has no plans to return until I “get mental help and stop being such a controlling bitch”
My husband, sister, and mom are all against me in this which hurts. I don’t think it harmed my daughter, it benefits her and helps her stay organized.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9ld3q/update_aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the/)
Almost 2 months ago I made a post on here about me throwing my daughter’s clothes onto the drawer when they weren’t folded neatly. Well that post really blew up, people on Twitter also chimed in.
Well the night I made the post, I was still in serious denial. I replied to some comments and my denial was perfectly clear for everyone to see.
The day after I read some more comments and messages I received from everyone. I resorted to the guest room and cried for hours. I read some people tell me that their moms were similar to me and they no longer have relationships with them. That was truly my worst fear, I seriously love my kids more than anything on this planet even if my actions don’t always show it.
I booked a virtual appointment with a phycologist, who diagnosed me with OCD and let me know she would help me. I have since had about 8 sessions with her and she has been a big help. Of course I still have a long way to go but I have been noticing some improvements already.
As for my daughter, she stayed at my sister’s house and came home a few days later after I told her that there would be major improvements made in my behavior. I sat all the kids down and told them that I have the resources to not be such an overbearing asshole to them anymore.
One thing I do want to address is the fact that I was usually controlling with my kids, but the incident I wrote about was the one that sent both me and my daughter over the edge.
Me and her are on much better terms. I want to thank Reddit for waking me the hell up to become a better mom and wife. I also want to apologize to anyone who I brought back bad memories to. I want to have relationships with my children until we all grow old and I know so many of you guys don't have that, which breaks my heart but also hearing your stories gave me a big change of heart and are helping me fix my relationships and become a better person. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i9p6mb/am_i_the_asshole_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes/ | i9p6mb | 4,374 | 430 | [
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2020-08-15T16:54:38 | "Found a safe while fishing under a remote bridge in Dallas. Anyone with a sense of adventure want to help me recover or crack it open?" | r/Dallas | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/i0y6d2/found_a_safe_while_fishing_under_a_remote_bridge/) & comments by u/stubsy*
Found a safe while fishing under a remote bridge in Dallas. It’s actually in a little fork off the trinity and I can say it’s an area you wouldn’t expect. Anyone with a sense of adventure want to help me recover or crack it open?
&nbsp;
https://i.redd.it/h50w1nyvd3e51.jpg
I haven’t yet been able to get the safe out since the water level has somehow risen several inches.
In the meantime, the plot has since thickened — I can tell you with relative certainty that the safe is not empty, nor is it alone in the river...
My current theory is that it was tossed off the bridge after being stolen from a nearby house or business. Maybe to hide the evidence after failing to crack it?
That said, I drove by yesterday and found several other safes in the immediate area that I had apparently missed before. This brings the total to FOUR safes in the water.
Help is on the way. The water level has risen since my first find which submerged the safe under a few inches. I now have the right folks ready to assist me with proper tools this afternoon so updates will be coming soon!
I’m actually meeting a fellow r/Dallas user to extract it tomorrow!
[here’s another view](https://i.imgur.com/1Pk5Fan.jpg)
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/i7hlt7/update_on_the_safes_i_found_in_the_trinity_river/)
HOLY SHIT, REDDIT! Buckle up, because WOW, this experience turned out very differently than expected. First off, many thanks to u/justinsunfullofshit
(we’ll call him ‘J’) for meeting up with me today IRL and bringing some kickass tools and buddies to assist. Story below, sheeeeesh.
So this morning started like any other, save the excitement of potentially opening a safe full of valuables. Needless to say it felt like Christmas Eve and my wife was visibly irritated with my restlessness. I had made plans on Saturday to meet up with J who graciously offered his expertise, hands, and services, of which he had many, being a higher-up at a local Ford dealership. Prior to meeting, J had called in a few favors to make our lives easier in this endeavor, namely a badass friend who ran a serious towing rig with 260’ of winch cable. In addition, he also called in a favor from another buddy who manages a Home Depot and offered access to some premium tools. We’re SET. This is our day. Fuck COVID-19. All the shit.
Fast forward to 5pm when we link up at 7-11 to caravan to the site. Four of us on an adventure. My friend Z decides to show up. It’s J and his buddy, me with mine. All of us keyed up and ready for safe cracking.
We roll over to the bridge a few miles from the gas station and pile out of the vehicles while making small talk and scurrying down the muddy banks to the river. Mind you, on Saturday my wife and I had returned to the site to check the water level and, no shit, we spot FOUR other safes within 200’ of the original. THIS IS A SAFE GRAVEYARD. Our mystery once again intensifies.
So bam, there we are, wading into the river, scoping out the various dumped safes, judging their locations, and gauging how we should proceed when...FLUMPPPP...J flips the first safe over to reveal an entirely exposed interior, this one having already been popped by whomever had their way with it first.
Oh well — On to the next one.
Once again, we get it to the top of the hill with a combination of brute force and leverage, only to find its also been cleaned out. At this point, we’re realizing that most of these have probably already been ravaged. Either way, we’ve got the tools, why not just check at a minimum?
Two more safes turn up empty. Damn. At least we didn’t waste too much energy. Only one safe left to check, but Jesus H Christ, it’s the largest of the three and thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.
We decide to run the winch down through a hole in the bridge to drag the last safe up on its side...and it’s working...when ‘whoop whoop’ the boys in blue show up. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR cop cars roll up responding to an apparent call of “four Hispanic males suspiciously being in the river”...or whatever. Only one of us is actually Hispanic, close enough. After a tense half hour and some nervous laughs they let us continue as we weren’t actually breaking any laws. They weren’t the slightest bit interested in a bunch of dumped safes (we also found empty purses under the same bridge). Go figure.
At this point it’s hot, we’re tired, and we decide to call it a day after some undeniable highs and lows. Damn. At least we had an interesting day, right??
Well, before you get TOO bummed, Reddit. The day didn’t end there. I’m shuffling through the riverbed, foot after foot, slogging through the mud on my walk of shame, and I begin to see a glint of something in the water ahead. It’s greenish, it’s flat, it’s floating...it’s money. IN THE WATER. IT’S EVERYWHERE! HOLY SHIT!
No joke, right as I’m processing our final defeat. BLAM, here’s a flurry of cash in the water in front of me. I can’t believe my eyes. We did it, guys. We did it. We’re rich, this has to be at least several hundred thousand dollars in front of me. Immediately we snap into action, the whole crew, now waist deep, grabbing handfuls of $100 dollar bills. Stacks on stacks on stacks of cash. It’s buried as deep as we can reach and we’re slopping huge handfuls of this muddy, partially degraded, stinky, but still preserved, soaking wet money into a 5-gallon bucket.
We’re ecstatically talking over how we might spend the money, still reeling in disbelief, still making piles of cheddar on the riverbank when Z makes a startling discovery. Chinese symbols. They’re on the back of one of the bills, so we start inspecting each carefully, and...it’s fake. It’s all fake. Every. Last. Bill. Granted, they were convincing copies, and the fact that they hadn’t dissolved after apparently soaking for ages made me initially believe it was real.
https://imgur.com/gallery/5HBZjcV
Shock starts to set in and we move to sluggishly lug our gear, and the heaps of counterfeit cash, back up the hill and into the truck. We leave the river and stop at my place to rinse off the bills, lick our wounds, and confirm that it was indeed fake.
Now we’re reporting the bills to the police and turning over the evidence, so maybe it’ll be a good lead.
The emotional peaks and valleys from the last 24 hours are still grinding my gears but I can’t say I didn’t find the adventure I was looking for.
Onward and upward, Reddit. The hunt for safe treasure continues.
Edit: for anyone interested, here’s [a link](http://www.lewiscountyherald.com/have-you-seen-this-fake-benjamin) to the very same counterfeit bills we recovered | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iaauuk/found_a_safe_while_fishing_under_a_remote_bridge/ | iaauuk | 6,826 | 178 | [
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2020-08-15T17:24:53 | "Found a safe while fishing under a remote bridge in Dallas. Anyone with a sense of adventure want to help me recover or crack it open?" | null | Kinglens311 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iabfdh/found_a_safe_while_fishing_under_a_remote_bridge/ | iabfdh | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-08-16T17:28:33 | "My [21M] girlfriend's [21F] grandfather is a Michelin Star chef and is visiting. I am supposed to cook for them but I cannot cook. What the fuck am I supposed to do?" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hccy33/my_21m_girlfriends_21f_grandfather_is_a_michelin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) by u/ThrowRAMichellenStar*
&nbsp;
Context: Been together since around March 2019. Yeah I love her with all my heart.
First of all, please do not judge me. Yes I am a 21 year old man, but look, I just cannot cook. Sure I can make something like *very* basic pasta, a boiled egg, etc... but I absolutely cannot make anything where you have to prepare multiple ingredients. When I cook, the food dateis either done or its not done. I have no experience with "doneness." I do have my redeeming skills, but cooking is just not one of them. I have tried following recipes word for word, but just have had no luck.
My girlfriend and I are both rising seniors in college, and I have my own apartment near campus where we will be meeting for dinner. When I agreed to make something, I thought I could just bullshit something, but then when I mentioned it to my GFs brother (who I'm friends with) he told me that their grandfather was awarded a Michelin Star some time ago.
I asked my girlfriend why she didn't tell me, and she said she didn't want me to freak out. I never cook in college. I've always just relied on dining hall/eating out/Uber Eats. I don't even have dishes
The only thing I can possibly think of is that I know a fair bit about wine (as much as a 21 year old can know), so I could definitely get something good on that end.
I really, really don’t know what I'm supposed to do. Should I just push as hard as I can for eating out? Should I pull a Seymour and buy take out from a steakhouse or something? If I did do that, should I tell my girlfriend at least?
I'm sorry if I sound like I'm panicking. I just love this girl so much, and I don't want to leave a bad impression on someone she's very close with.
[Wow, scrolling through this sub, I'm glad to hear I'm not alone.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hc4l65/cooking_for_my_chef_boyfriend/)
Wow I even spelled Michelin wrong in my username.
I’m just a big fan of Kitchen Nightmares and keep imagining this is gonna be like Gordon Ramsay or some shit like that.
Update: So I read through a lot of the comments, and I talked about it with a close friend. We want to try a test run like I pondered in another comment. If the test fails, then we’ll have to just accept that I will have to say something.
So the plan we thought of would go like this: I will invite a professor (who’d we’d let in on the plan) and a friend of his who’s a foodie for dinner at my place with my friend under the guise that I just want to test my cooking.
We’ll order take out from a top nearby steakhouse, and keep it under heat lamps so that they 1) stay warm and 2) maybe slightly decrease in quality to make it more believable. I’d also have to buy some cheap steak and just throw it on my stove to get the “smell” in the air and have dirty cooking dishes.
I’d also have to memorize the recipe for a steak, and watch some YouTube vids to understand the nuances of jargon and cooking. Then we see if it works. I also have decent enough experience with wine (mostly red though not white) to be able to properly taste and describe without having to fake it.
If that doesn’t work, Plan B would be to do what some other commenters suggested and straight up tell him I’m not very experienced, and maybe ask if he can give a demonstration of some dish from his restaurant, and I’d happily pay for whatever ingredients. My big reservation with this is that I don’t want to come off like I’m not trying for this, since that seems like it’s very low effort.
He’s coming all the way from France, where he’s from (GF is French-American; just Incase anyone wonders), so I really really want to leave a positive impression. I’m absolutely head-over-heels for this girl, so I’d like to leave the best possible impression.
Oh yeah and it’s on August 17th so I’ll update after.
Final update on this post: okay I’ll just make something. I’ll figure it out between now and then. I’ll make a new post updating on August 18th or sometime that week.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/iama3h/update_my_21m_girlfriends_21f_grandfather_is_a/)
Hey guys. Thank you all for your advice. My gf's grandfather came and we had our dinner yesterday, so this is an update to that post. I just want to say first, I am drunk, so please excuse any typos.
Anyway, I was really freaked out all summer about wanting to impress him. I was seriously considering pulling the Skinner scam and buying takeout and disguising it, but I decided to just go for trying to make something myself. I spend pretty much all of July trying to make steak. I started with cheap stuff, and it was really, *really* hard at first, but I learned from my mistakes.
I wanted to go all out, so I bought really nice steak to make when the day came. I made three. One for all of us, and it ended up being better than I hoped, though obviously not Michelin Star quality. I also brought some really expensive (at least for a college student) Cabernet to pair, although he actually brought rum, so we had both.
It's around midnight on August 16th here in the Eastern United States; this happened on the evening of August 14th (he came early due to changes in our school schedule).
He said that the steak was nice. He and I went out for burgers and hotdogs the next evening (today, but technically actually yesterday). It was just him and I. We also had a metric fuck-ton of beer. All in all, it was a really positive experience, and we got along very well.
I'm glad I didn't risk trying to pass off steakhouse food as my own, though I still want to try to see if I can fool my professor's friend. Maybe after the pandemic has passed (grandfather, gf, and I all got tested before meeting for dinner).
I really love my girlfriend :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iawftt/my_21m_girlfriends_21f_grandfather_is_a_michelin/ | iawftt | 5,981 | 145 | [
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2020-08-17T17:29:27 | "My (22M) vegan girlfriend (21F) wants me to get rid of my cat" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hu9xlv/my_22m_vegan_girlfriend_21f_wants_me_to_get_rid/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/throwRA78wdhsg*
&nbsp;
I can't believe I'm about to type this but here we go.
I've been dating my GF for 7 months. She's amazing and we're super compatible in a lot of ways. She is an outspoken vegan, and she made it clear at the start of our relationship that it was important to her that any potential had similar cruelty-free values. Me, already being a pescatarian, had little difficulty transitioning to a fully plant based diet. My GF was proud of me for going cruelty free and everything seemed well. We became "the vegan couple" on our college campus.
Then there is my cat, Mittens... I've had her for three years and I adore her. She's such a sweet and cuddly cat. However, my GF was always a little apprehensive around her, and she blamed it on not growing up around cats. After a while we sort of made a tacit agreement to mostly hang out at her apartment instead of mine, so Mittens never really came up again in conversation.
Fast forward through all the quarantine stuff... My gf and I have spent a lot of time together during this pandemic and we've started talking about taking our relationship to the next level. We began seriously looking at either buying a new apartment together or having one of us move in with the other.
However, after a lot of talking and planning, my GF sat me down and dropped a bomb shell on me. She said that with this next phase of the relationship, she did not see a future with me unless I was willing to give away Mittens. She said that she believed owning a cat is unconscionable for vegans, because they hunt mice and eat meat, and because the very act of owning a pet is a violation of vegan principles.
I was stunned. I told her that I was absolutely not willing to give up Mittens, and she had no choice but to eat meat so I was reducing harm as much as possible by buying reputable brands of cat food. Plenty of vegans own cats and think along those same lines. My gf got mad and said "how much flesh does your cat eat? How many animals died to make all that food? Would you be okay with that being human flesh?"
I got mad and told my GF that I would have really appreciated her telling me about her cat opinions before we got serious. She went on and on about cats killing animals. I ended the conversation there. I was so angry that I left my gfs apartment. And I snuggled with Mittens when I got home! Although the mood soured a bit when my GF sent me a link to a Reddit thread advocating for the extinction of domestic cats. Sigh
I think it goes without saying that I am not going to get rid of my cat. However, it pains me to think that an otherwise wonderful relationship could be ending because of a difference in ideology. I don't even really understand where my GF is coming from because like I said, a lot of vegans own cats. Now granted, cat ownership can be a controversial topic in vegan circles and I probably would not have gotten a cat if I had been vegan at the time, but I have Mittens now, and she deserves to eat. (Yes, I've researched vegan cat food, but Mittens has some digestive issues and my vet strongly cautions against it.)
I've talked to some of my vegan and vegetarian friends and they all think my gf has lost her mind. Some have suggested that it's not about Mittens and my gf just wants an excuse to end it. They probably don't understand why I haven't broken up yet, but I care about my GF so much. I'd hate for this bizarre curve ball to be the end of a beautiful thing. I want to try and work something out.
Where do I even go from here? I will not compromise on Mittens and I don't think my GF will compromise either.
Edit: wow, this completely blew up while I was asleep. I am trying to read every comment but there are a lot. Also, please allow me to take this moment to reiterate that my GFs views are not representative of those held by the wider vegan community!!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hxuhig/my_22m_vegan_girlfriend_21f_wants_me_to_get_rid/)
**TL;DR** My gf is a passionate vegan and wants me to get rid of my beloved cat because cats eat meat and kill mice.
First of all, let me say thank you for everyone who offered advice. There are over 7,000 comments on my original post and I have dozens of PMs. Frankly I'm still pretty overwhelmed with the magnitude of the response. I did my best to read most everyone's comments but obviously I couldn't get to everything!
I would also like to preempt this post by saying, as many users pointed out, that my GFs extreme views on domestic cats are not representative of the vegan/vegetarian community as a whole. I do think that, sometimes, new vegans can be a little overzealous. In reality, most of us are just doing the best that we can to not hurt animals! I did not expect to generate a big debate in the comments.
So, we broke up, obviously. I would never, ever give up my cat Mittens. Many users said that this situation was about control, not veganism, and looking back, I do see a pattern of control on my GFs part. I was blind to it I guess.
I called my GF and said I was not willing to give up Mittens under any circumstances, and given the recent issues we'd had, and our incompatible views, I thought it was best that we parted ways. I said she deserved a partner that shared her values. She then asked if we were breaking up, I said yes. There was some anger on her end but otherwise the situation actually went better than I expected.
So, yeah. That's really it.
Oh, and several users did ask to see a picture of Mittens. I have uploaded one to imgur:
https://imgur.com/a/WxOk6qG
Thanks again to everyone who offered advice. It really helped. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ibil8n/my_22m_vegan_girlfriend_21f_wants_me_to_get_rid/ | ibil8n | 5,864 | 264 | [
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2020-08-18T15:29:02 | Crashed my bike and broke my arm due to a dog that wasn't on a leash | LegalAdvice | *originally submitted by brokenarm_throwaway*
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/f9wjid/crashed_my_bike_and_broke_my_arm_due_to_a_dog/
This took place in New York, but not NYC, which I know has its own set of bike laws. I am doing voice to text since my dominant arm is useless at the moment, so apologies in advance for any awkwardness due to transcription inaccuracies that I might might not catch.
The TL; DR is that I crashed my bike trying to avoid killing an unleashed dog that abruptly rushed at me from out of some trees, the owner of the dog left the scene but a bystander got her picture/license plate, my arm is badly broken, I am going to miss significant work, my phone is dead and my bike is damaged.
So I was out for a bike ride on Monday afternoon. The stretch of the bike path I was on where this occurred has a river to its immediate left and a wooded area to the right. The part of the trail I was on curves in a way that causes the wooded area to limit visibility for people traveling north (I was southbound), and I saw a runner coming up so I hit my bell to make sure that she was aware of me. Right after ringing it, a small dog came tearing out of the wooded area and charged directly at my bike. I cut my wheel to try to avoid hitting it, as a collision almost certainly would have killed the dog and sent me flying over my handlebars. Unfortunately the dog was REALLY upset with my front wheel, and since I couldn't turn left without doing a swan dive into the river or hitting the runner, I wound up turning too sharply to the right and flying over my handlebars anyway.
The runner rushed over to see if I was alright, and just as she was taking me through a concussion check, an older woman came around the bend from a parking lot that is adjacent to the bike path maybe 30 yards south of where this happened, and immediately started flipping out about her dog. The runner explained what had happened, which led to dog lady going absolutely ballistic about how I could have killed her dog. She went on for a bit and I was pretty out of it, but the gist of it was that I got a lecture about how dogs need an opportunity to run free from time to time, so people should be more careful, and that it was my fault anyway because ringing my bell set her dog off in the first place. I didn't engage beyond saying that I needed her contact info, because I was on an absolutely ridiculous adrenaline high and didn't trust myself to stay composed, and losing my shit on her wasn't going to help the situation in any manner. The woman then picked up her dog and made a beeline for the parking lot, but the runner took a few pictures of her, as well as a couple of her car with the license plate visible as she got in and pulled away.
The runner called the police so I could file a report, then I borrowed her phone to call a friend for a ride to the hospital (luckily one of the maybe three people whose number I actually have memorized was available). While we were waiting, the adrenaline began to wear off and I started to notice just how badly my arm was hurting. The cops showed up first, the runner and I gave our statements, and she hung around while I waited for my friend. The x-rays I had done were not encouraging. I have an impact fracture as expected. The worst of it is a fractured radial head, but there is also damage to my wrist and hand, and my shoulder hurts like a motherfucker as well. I am seeing an orthopedist tomorrow, but the guy I saw at the emergency room said that I should consider 12 weeks in a cast to be the bass line, but that could go in either direction depending on how I heal. Unfortunately my job absolutely requires two working arms, and there isn't any sort of position my company can shift me to in the interim, so I will almost definitely be out of work while I am recovering. But hey, on the bright side I've got a date with a cute runner who is the type of person who will stop their day and stick around to help someone they witnessed getting hurt, so at least there's a silver lining.
To be clear, I was not riding excessively fast. I checked my speed about thirty seconds before this happened and saw that I was going 12 mph, but I dropped a significant amount of speed as I hit the curve because I have had close calls with runners drifting into my lane in that spot. Almost every entrance to the bike path has a sign with rules posted on it, that include keeping dogs leashed at all times, and essentially reminding pedestrians that while they are welcome to use the trail, it is primarily a bike path so they should remain aware of their surroundings and not walk three abreast etc. Basically what I am saying here is that I was doing nothing illegal or reckless when this took place. In fact I probably wouldn't have been hurt badly at all if I landed on the ground, but unfortunately I more or less did a Superman directly into a tree.
Sorry for the novel, apparently pain killers make me chatty. Anyway, here are my questions:
How will I get the dog lady's identity/contact information from the police? Will they just hand it over if I ask, or will I have to get a lawyer involved to subpoena it, or something along those lines?
I fully intend to sue this woman for every penny that I am entitled to, and will be in touch with a personal injury attorney later this week. For now I am just wondering what damages I will be able to claim. I am going to incur some terrifying medical bills despite my insurance, and as started earlier I will also be unable to work for a significant amount of time due to the nature of my job/company. My phone also broke in the crash, and while I haven't had an opportunity to look at my bike yet (need to borrow a second set of hands to check it for damage thoroughly), at the very least the fork is cracked. The phone is a Pixel 4 XL that was two months old and in nearly perfect condition. The bike's frame/fork are pretty sought after by collector/enthusiast types, and worth a decent amount of money if in good shape. Both were basically flawless before the accident; the fork is now unusable and the frame has significant cosmetic damage at the very least, which would have an enormous impact on its secondary market value. Would any of this fall into tough shit territory for me, or is it all stuff that I can realistically sue for?
The personal injury attorney I mentioned is a friend of a friend who is a great lawyer and will work for me on contingency at a very fair price. Unfortunately he is out of the country and essentially incommunicado till Friday morning. My preference is to wait for him by a wide margin, but would I be putting myself at any sort of disadvantage by not getting the ball rolling immediately?
Thanks in advance.
[Update to "Crashed my bike and broke my arm due to a dog that wasn't on a leash"]
(https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ic1ija/update_to_crashed_my_bike_and_broke_my_arm_due_to/)
This is probably not the most interesting update you'll come across, but I know this forum likes updates so I may as well.
Long story short, I was contacted by the husband of the woman whose dog caused my crash. He wanted to keep this out of court for reasons related to issues that his wife was going through. It's not my place to elaborate on it but it's something that I understand very well due to a member of my family dealing with something similar. Anyway, he offered to cover my medical expenses/pay for a new bike, I agreed to go this route, and to say that he's been fair with me wouldn't do justice to the situation.
My arm is still a little uncooperative at times, but the doctors I've seen are actually thrilled with how fast/thoroughly I've healed. I'm also still dating the cute good samaritan, which has been an interesting experience since we started seeing each other shortly before COVID took over the world (I'm actually a few towns over from the initial "containment zone" in the NYC suburbs) but it's going well and we have an interesting "how we met" story to tell haha.
So yeah, all things this has had a happy, nondramatic ending. Thanks again to everyone who offered advice in my original post. | Jay_Edgar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ic34zf/crashed_my_bike_and_broke_my_arm_due_to_a_dog/ | ic34zf | 8,186 | 166 | [
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2020-08-19T17:28:39 | 'My dog attacked my stalker after he broke into my house. Now my SIL says my dog is "too dangerous" to be around my niece.' | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hpf5l4/my_28f_dog_attacked_my_stalker_after_he_broke/) by u/throwra_dogstalker*
&nbsp;
This is kind of a complicated story but I’ll just get into it. I used to be in this controlling, kind of abusive relationship. When I finally broke it off a year ago, my ex started showing up places, trying to get me to take him back. Eventually, it developed into full-on stalking.
He would show up at my work (and took to just waiting outside of it after he was banned), leave notes on my car when I was at the grocery store, leave all kinds of flowers outside my house and then stick angry notes on my door after he saw me throw them in the trash, wrote me all kinds of weird, obsessive emails and letters. I’ve had to change my phone number three times. The behavior escalated over time, and got scarier/more threatening. In one instance, he started a small fire in my driveway but the police couldn’t get enough evidence connecting him to it. It was after that instance that I put cameras in my yard (I previously only had them pointing at my doors).
I was horrified to learn that the police couldn’t do shit about any of this until my stalker actually was caught doing something illegal, like breaking into my house. At which point, I might already be dead. I decided I wasn’t spending the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I got a handgun and a concealed carry permit, took some self defense courses, and started doing strength training. I also looked into getting an attack dog, but after all the money I’d sunk into my other methods of protection, they were prohibitively expensive.
So I went to my local animal shelter and got the scariest, meanest-looking dog I could find. This is where Thor comes in. He’s a 100 pound American Bulldog, looks like he’d rip your throat out on sight, but is basically a gigantic teddy bear. He loves every person he’s ever met, is incredibly sweet and gentle with my 4-year-old niece, enjoys other animals, and even loves the mailman. I just kind of accepted that he probably wouldn’t do anything to protect me from my stalker, but it didn’t matter that much because having such a huge dog made me so much more confident. I brought Thor everywhere I could, and was working on getting him trained enough to be an emotional support animal, so I could bring him inside places with me (I absolutely would not do this until he was trained well enough to not disrupt a regular service dog).
Last month, I woke up in the middle of the night to Thor whining. I was groggy and thought he had to go to the bathroom, so I got out of bed and opened the door. At that point, my house alarm went off and pretty soon after that, I was face-to-face with my stalker. I started screaming and went to run for my gun. Before I could do anything though, Thor ran across the room in full attack mode. The memory is really blurry for me, but there was blood all over my living room and I remember my stalker was eventually able to escape, at which point Thor chased him outside and then came back to me.
When the police showed up, they said Thor was a hero who’d probably saved my life. I don’t want to list what they found in my stalker’s car after they caught him (and I’m shaking a little as I type this) but I’m sure he was going to bring me somewhere and kill me. It looks like he’s going to prison for a long time though, so my nightmare is over.
Pretty much everyone in my life thinks Thor is a hero, except my SIL. She and my brother have a 4 y/o (the one I mentioned above), and she says she doesn’t want Thor around her (the child) anymore. She says since Thor has “snapped” in the past, he could do it again, so he’s not safe to have around kids (We used to see each other a few times a week before she decided Thor was dangerous). The way she words this makes me really angry because Thor didn’t “snap”. He saw a stranger break into his home, heard his owner scream in terror, and reacted to defend me, himself, and his house. Nothing about that screams “dangerous around children” to me, unless my niece is also going to break into my house and threaten me.
This is also a very emotional issue for me because Thor isn’t just a dog to me. He’s my safe place, my hero, the one who protected me and kept me safe when no one else could. I’ve also gotten increasingly anxious since this happened, and I can’t go anywhere without Thor. I barely leave my house, pay to pick up my groceries from the store instead of going in because I know Thor isn’t allowed inside, and all my friends know that if Thor isn’t welcome in their house, I’m not coming either (although they’re perfectly welcome to come hang out at my house instead). I am really going through it, and am working with a therapist to overcome this (luckily my office is still fully remote but I need to be able to go back to work once we’re in person again). But I really really need my brother and SIL’s support.
I think my SIL thinks I’m just pouting and that’s why I won’t just leave the dog home and come over without him. I don’t know how to explain to them that the fear hasn’t stopped just because my stalker is in jail. It’s actually a lot worse than it was before. I’ve already suggested they come over and I crate Thor, but that wasn’t good enough for her. What can I do to make her understand the situation better?
tl;dr My dog took down my stalker after he broke into my house. Now I have severe anxiety and am too afraid to be without him, but my SIL thinks he’s unsafe around my 4 y/o niece. I don’t know how to make them understand that I really am too afraid to go anywhere without him and not just trying to win an argument.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/htnyo6/update_my_28f_dog_attacked_my_stalker_after_he/)
I definitely didn’t expect my last post to blow up the way it did. Thank you so much to everyone who commented. I appreciated that I got advice from all over the spectrum, from people who completely agreed with me to people who completely agreed with my SIL, and people who thought both of us had a point. It helped me see that the problem is more complicated than I thought, which helped me understand that my SIL wasn’t just being a dick. It also helped me decide what things were and weren’t fair to be angry about.
I also appreciated seeing a few people comment making fun of me for needing my dog with me, and the majority of people yelling at them and saying I was acting pretty reasonably for someone who endured a violent attack. I don’t want to be seen as someone delicate, and I’m glad that most people don’t see me that way. Reading everyone's comments, I had this moment where I was like, "Yeah! They're right! I did almost get drug out of my house and murdered just a few weeks ago. Who the hell are these people to say how I should act???" That felt really good and I really really appreciated it.
Anyway, the conclusion I came to in all of this is that while my SIL is well within her rights to protect her daughter, she went about it in a way that disrespected me, both as a friend and as a victim of a very recent violent attack. Both my parents and her parents live locally and babysit all the time; she and my brother could’ve easily dropped my niece off with them and came to visit. It probably would’ve been awhile before I even noticed my niece wasn’t coming around, at which point I would’ve been in a better place and more understanding that she was uncomfortable with her daughter around Thor.
Regardless of what some people said about how my SIL and brother don’t owe me anything and all their allegiance goes to their daughter, I simply do not feel that way. We were extremely close before this happened; I was always there for them, and would literally drop plans to babysit my niece if my brother and SIL needed a night to themselves. The very least they could’ve done for me, after I was almost kidnapped and murdered, is try to find some compromise.
We went from seeing each other 3 times a week to pretty much not seeing each other at all. Even if they weren’t okay with me crating the dog, they could’ve easily dropped their daughter off with Grandma and Grandpa for a few hours so I wouldn’t feel completely isolated. I also have a yard, so they could’ve come over with her and we all could’ve hung out outside, while Thor stayed inside. I’ve been upset about this for awhile, but wasn’t sure if I was right to be upset until so many people echoed that sentiment. So I appreciate it.
I invited my brother and SIL over (I promised it would only be an hour or two and insisted they leave my niece with my parents), and tried to lay all this out without being confrontational or acting like a dick. To my surprise, my brother and SIL had no real understanding that I’ve been having a difficult time. They thought I was basically fine and everything in my life was more or less back to normal now that my stalker is in jail.
I didn’t get into it in my previous post, but during the year that I was stalked, I worked really hard to not show many outward signs of fear. I even made jokes about having a stalker. I knew people wouldn’t want to hang out with someone who was constantly going on and on about some bad thing that was going on in their life, and I didn’t want to be “that person” who was perpetually in crisis. And more than that, I just didn’t want to always be thinking and talking about having a stalker. I wanted to not think about it as much as possible. So I guess I might’ve come off as unaffected by the whole thing.
I’m not sure if I totally buy that they didn’t know I was going through something traumatic and that it was taking a huge toll on my mental state. I mean, I got a gun and paid for tactical training. I bought a home security system. I got active in self defense classes and strength training, things that I previously had no interest in. Even if I wasn’t walking around telling everyone how scared I was, I think anyone would’ve been able to tell. Plus, who just brushes off having their house broken into in the middle of the night? It seems crazy and they don’t seem so emotionally unintelligent that they’d think that. But both my brother and SIL did apologize for being insensitive, and when I pressed my SIL on why crating the dog isn’t good enough, she eventually relented and said that it would be fine. It probably helped that the entire time they were over, Thor was asleep and loudly snoring in his crate.
The paranoid part of me is convinced they just don’t want to deal with me in a fragile state, made up an excuse about my dog, and are now just going to come up with some other excuse about why they can’t see me. I invited them over for dinner in a few days and they’re coming, so I guess I’ll just have to see from there. I can’t stress enough that these used to be my best friends, and I’m heartbroken to have not had their support.
I’ve been trying to rely on my friends more now, and thankfully they've all been really supportive. I’m really lucky that this happened during the pandemic, because nobody is getting frustrated with me that I’ve basically refused to leave the house for a month—they’re all perfectly happy to pick up takeout and come over to watch TV for the 5th night in a row.
In other news, yesterday I left my dog at home and drove around my block alone. I was shaking the whole time but I did it! I keep trying to remind myself that I spent a whole year fighting back even though I was utterly terrified; I can’t just lay down and die now that I’m so close to getting my life back.
tl;dr Things are better with my SIL and brother but I don’t know if they’ll stay that way. I’m relying on friends for support instead. I’m disappointed but also doing better. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ics5ny/my_dog_attacked_my_stalker_after_he_broke_into_my/ | ics5ny | 11,846 | 240 | [
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2020-08-20T15:56:51 | 'Tried to surprise my boyfriend and accidentally flashed his parents in the process.' | TIFU | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/i59mtc/tifu_by_trying_to_surprise_my_boyfriend_and/) by u/throwawaysurprise111*
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Last week my (24F) boyfriend (28M) and I got into an argument about which one of us puts in the most effort to keep things adventurous sexually. He argued that 90% of the time, it’s him. I told him that I didn’t think that was true and he responded that not once in the 3 years we’ve been together, have I ever caught him off guard sexually. I told him that he was gonna eat his words and the next time I proposed sex, it would be a surprise.
Now, I knew that he was going to be expecting something after that so I decided today would be the best day to do it. The reason being was that his parents were coming to visit from out of town and when they do, I’m way too stressed out to even think of sex so I knew he wouldn’t be expecting anything. He told me that he would be home from work at 4 and they would be arriving at 7ish. Perfect, that would give us some time to do the deed, clean up, and then have ourselves a little secret for when the in-laws visit.
So I set myself up on the living room couch (which was a clear view from the door) wearing only a pair of heels. I decided to put some porn on the TV (which I never typically watch) and touch myself to it so when he came in he would surely be surprised. I had my head tipped back when the door opened and all I heard were gasps. I looked up and stood there was my boyfriend and his parents.
I flipped over and scrambled for a blanket to cover myself and heard the door slam. I checked my phone and saw that my boyfriend had texted me that his parents had left earlier to avoid traffic. He came home a few hours later and was extremely angry and is convinced I did this to get back at him for saying I don’t try hard enough. Dinner with the in-laws is going to be a bit awkward.
TL;DR Boyfriend said I don't surprise him enough. Decided to surprise him naked, watching porn, and playing with myself in the living room. He walked in and was surprised... and so were his parents who arrived with him.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/i6fpvl/tifu_by_trying_to_surprise_my_boyfriend_and/)
Hi everyone!
I got a lot of requests to do an update so here it is! But first I just wanna say thank you to everyone who helped me see an embarrassing situation as something that would be a great story one day. I’m happy that the most horrifying moment of my life could make some of you guys smile. I also want to say thank you to those who said I ripped off that one Friends episode. I might be one of the few people on the planet who hasn’t watched Friends but I checked it out, and definitely laughed :) I was a little bummed out reading some of the comments about my boyfriend. I promise you all he’s a really great guy and he was just in so much shock that he didn’t react the best. I don’t really blame him though. Anyways… On to the update!
The night my in-laws walked in on me, they were supposed to stay for dinner and then go back to the hotel they were staying at. After I was ahem… caught in the act, my boyfriend and them left and went back to their hotel. He said it was a very quiet car ride. When he got back a few hours later, we got into a fight where he questioned my motives and accused me of purposely getting caught to prove a point. I denied it and the argument ended there. He slept on the couch that night.
The next morning I woke up and he had made breakfast for us. He apologized to me and basically explained that he was so embarrassed and in shock that he didn’t know what to think. He said that he did appreciate the effort though, and that had his parents not been there with him, he “would’ve jumped” me. I apologized for surprising him at an inappropriate time and for not checking my phone. I then asked him what his parents thought about all of it. He told me that they weren’t angry at all and that they decided not to come for dinner because they didn’t want me to be uncomfortable and they thought it’d be best to give us the night to sort things out.
He told me that they did intend to come for dinner tonight which I told him I didn’t think I was up for quite yet. He understood and called his mother to let her know. I didn’t hear much of the conversation but it ended up with him handing me the phone saying “She wants to talk to you.” As soon as I got the phone I started profusely apologizing and telling her that it wasn’t my intention for them to see that. She just laughed and said “I imagine it wasn’t” and said that embarrassing things happen, especially in front of family and that they would never hold something like that against me. But that I would never live it down.
She then proceeded to tell me of the many times my boyfriend and his brother had walked in on them doing the dirty. Which was uncomfortable but kinda comforting. She then said that she and her husband were really looking forward to dinner and wondered if I’d reconsider. I realized that I was going to have to see them at some point and that it would be shitty of me to not have them over after they drove all this way to see us. So I agreed. They came over, it was awkward. But after a few jokes about if the couch was steamed cleaned and if the adult movie I was watching was included in our cable package, everything went really well!
TL:DR Boyfriend apologized, parents don’t hate me. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/idcxng/tried_to_surprise_my_boyfriend_and_accidentally/ | idcxng | 5,462 | 161 | [
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2020-08-21T10:03:41 | "I (35m) caught my GF (35f) driving drunk with her kids — And it seems like it’s just the tip of the iceberg..." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/idhj5n/i_35m_caught_my_gf_35f_driving_drunk_with_her/) by /u/ThrowRA_CanIFix*
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
I’ll start by saying I HATE a long, horribly thought out reddit post, so I’ll do my best to consolidate the BS. I also try my hardest to structure my posts in the most unbiased way, but please, take what I say with a grain of salt, as I would do with anyone. I’m not perfect, and I have opinions, even when I try to be fair.
Nutshell: I (35m) moved from Denver to San Diego, to be with my GF (35f — Mother of 2 with split custody). I sold my home, moved my company, etc. Sure, she was a big reason, but I also knew it would be an adventure no matter what happened.
I could go in for a while about how the adjustment phase has sucked, because her kids (4m & 7f) unfortunately are not held accountable for their actions; Peeing on the floor, jumping into our bed during sex, telling adults no. My GF says “they are kids, it’s so hard to be constant in showing them what’s right or wrong” (she really is saying their willingness to be defiant, VASTLY outweighs her willingness to be persistent for their developmental growth... but that’s neither here nor there). I could bring up a lot of issues, but most of them are issues I firmly believe can be fixed with time and love. However the other day she did something that made me literally sick to my stomach..
She took her children to a friends parents house, who has a nice pool. Of course, those friends show up, plus a few others. I had to work, but could see via IG story that they were drinking. I didn’t think much of it till she got home at 6ish... HAMMERED. I’m not talking tipsy, or drunk.. I mean full on black out, pointing at random shit, can’t hold herself up, drunk. And then it occurs to me that she drove the kids home, and I lost it. She fabricated a story that the friend actually drove her car home and then walked back home, which was obviously BS. The next day she came clean, after I had to tell her mother and best friend. She obviously feels horrible, but doesn’t seem to be that remorseful...
She has an existing DUI on her record, and we have already encountered tension over her drinking in volume, and in the mornings. She admits drinking is a problem for her. But yet... she tries to push past it and talk about me being to strict with the kids, or other things. All I can think is she doesn’t really care about what she did
So... she told me at the end of the discussion she thinks I should get my own place, while we continue to work on the relationship on the pretense that it will alleviate the tension from the kids acting the way they do. All I can think is are you seriously stepping over the fact you drive drunk, to make me calling your kids out for not peeing, the bigger issue?
The bottom line... I love her to death. I think she needs someone by her side right now. I sold my home, moved my company, left friends and pets back home... and this is what I’m being welcomed with though? I’m lost. I don’t know if I pack my shit up and leave, or buck up and be the person she needs in her and her children’s lives.
Tl;Dr - My GF drove drunk with kids. Has existing alcohol issues, yet is trying to evade accountability by making the tension between her children and I, a bigger issue. I love this woman deeply, she really means a lot to me. Do I stay by her side and help her or pack my bags?
Thank you for your input. It means a lot
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&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**:](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/idhj5n/i_35m_caught_my_gf_35f_driving_drunk_with_her/g2ap5mx/)
Not even sure if this is the correct way to update a post. Maybe no one will even see it, who knows.
I came home, even showed her this post. I asked why I shouldn’t tell the father? We talked, I told her she needed help immediately whether or not I am in her life. I really laid into her, which didn’t feel good. She even tried to say she could control her drinking which I quickly cut her off and explained to her, that was total BS; she literally just drove drunk with kids.
She was an emotional wreck. I told her I would always love her, and relationship or not I would be by her side when she needed help.
Then... I got a text from her Mother. Mind you, I’m 35. She says:
“ I know you love ________ and she is not perfect but please don’t threaten to talk to ____ (the father/ex). That is not tactic to mend a relationship. I like you _____ but I love my daughter. I wished that this relationship was a long lasting one. Maybe it could be still. I think if you guys had done it different perhaps it would have been better.”
... and I was dumbfounded. It’s not only her, it’s her mother who doesn’t Understand just how fucking serious this all is. She’s literally defending her daughter from consequences rhat have been watered down. I can only imagine what she would have said to the cop that pulled her daughter over ...”you’re being a jerk of a cop, not the way to deal with this”... Fuck outta here lady. Horrible morals
And then her one friend, who I really do respect calls. As it turns out, after I extended one last offer to help my GF, and told her I was running the show (breathalyzer, therapy, AA, car breathalyzer... none of which I even have to fucking do..) she ran to mom, cried that she was scared of me and that I was going to have the children taken. She blew the fucking story way out of proportion and apparently hadn’t actually come clean about the kids being in the car, or who knows; she didn’t tell the truth, that’s for sure.
Once the mother and friend realized the stories weren’t lining up, I got a text from the mom saying:
“I don’t hate you and I didn’t know all of what was going on. I just think that it started to feel unhealthy even if your goal was to help”
She’s fucking delusional. Still trying to divert the fact her daughter is fucking up, onto the fact I didn’t deal with this PERFECTLY (which I think I’ve been really good about this given the circumstances).
Grabbed my stuff for the night and bailed. Going back to Colorado tomorrow for a week or 2 to be myself. I’ve been dealing with other people’s problems for so long.
Thanks for all the help and feedback everyone. I hope deep down this woman figures things out and finds her way back to me. She’s a great person underneath all of this. | Enchee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/idtzbz/i_35m_caught_my_gf_35f_driving_drunk_with_her/ | idtzbz | 6,413 | 182 | [
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2020-08-22T16:56:04 | "Fuck people who steal wheels off cars" | r/houston | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/houston/comments/i9suuk/fuck_people_who_steal_wheels_off_cars/) by u/I_THINK-I_Am*
&nbsp;
I’m driving around town filling out job applications. I go inside a place to fill out an application, take 10 min tops. When I come out my tire and rim is missing off my car. I’m a brand new dad and have been on a job hunt for months now.
Im down to my last savings and I literally don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills next month and now here’s this new thing I have to worry about. I asked some guys who were close to my car if you they’d seen anything and they said no. I put the spare on now and driving home.
Fuck the person who stole my tire. Thanks for reading my rant, if anybody is hiring welders, I can pretty much do it all.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/houston/comments/icbcqg/update_fuck_people_who_steel_wheels_off_cars/)
Last week I made a post expressing my frustration after applying for jobs all long and getting a wheel stolen from my while I was filling out an employment application. Almost immediately after posting I had people message me about helping cover the cost to replace my wheel and connect me with someone who’s hiring.
Thanks to those incredibly kind strangers my wheel has been replaced and I start my new job tomorrow!
Reddit is my only social media and I would have never guessed that a single post could make such a big impact on my life. I couldn’t believe that complete strangers were willing to help me cover the cost of my wheel and help me get a job. Thank you so much to those kind strangers and thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered advice! I plan on repaying the favor back to someone else as soon as I can!
I’m very proud to be part of the Houston community! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ielz7x/fuck_people_who_steal_wheels_off_cars/ | ielz7x | 1,803 | 179 | [
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2020-08-23T17:22:02 | "Either you give us grandchildren, or we're taking you off our will" | r/entitledparents | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/htlxos/either_you_give_us_grandchildren_or_were_taking/) by u/HelpfullyUnarmed*
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The title sounds bad, the story is even worse. I never thought I would be writing a post about my own parents here. But here we are right?
For context: My fiancee and I have been in a relationship for the past 10 years, and just recently got engaged. While it's understandable that ten years might sound a bit too much, we started dating really early and getting married was not a priority for either of us. We actually preferred to focus on our studies and career for a while. She's a civil engineer, and I'm a medical student after getting a bachelors and a master's (I do freelancing as a developer to pay for my living expenses).
As we have been a couple for a long time, is quite common for people to ask us when we're getting married and when we're having kids. While we are getting married as soon as I finish med school. We decided not to have children a long time ago, and we're still very certain of that decision, as both of us are more career than family oriented.
However, since the engagement, our families have started to put more pressure on us to get married soon and have children, even though we told them plenty of times that's not gonna happen. My fiancee and I live together and we're completely independent from our families financially. Some time ago, during a video chat, we ended up getting into a heated argument with our families for finally snapping at their ceaseless nagging for grandchildren, and we have been strained ever since.
Now, our families asked us to meet them for a lunch "in-family" at my parents house. We don't live in the same city, but it's close enough that we can go there for something like this, and that's when the following situation transpired.
We arrived early enough to help out in preparing everything for the lunch, and for the next hour or so, things were pretty alright. But after we had lunch and we sat at the coffee table to chat (It's customary here), the room got visibly tense. Our parents, both hers and mine, started a speech about how much they put into us, how much they worked for us and how much family means to them.
I was already sensing some shitty thing coming but I kept listening. Suddenly, they said that during one of their talks, they came to a decision, that if my fiancee and I didn't give them grandchildren, after all they had done for us, we would be cut out of their wills. Their reasoning was this:
1. My brother, is a gay man, and as of now, have no intention of adopting or any alternative to have children, and I was the only option on continuing the family.. (He was not there, and is as mortified as I am).
1. She is the oldest sister (Her younger sister is still in high school) and thus, must set a example by having a family and continuing the family.
Now, if that's not psychotic, I have no clue what is. We quickly looked between ourselves and immediately, left their house. We haven't spoken to them since, but as far as we are aware, we're disowned by now.
I never thought I would have to go through that, just because I don't want to have children. But it just shows how much entitlement they think they have.
Cheers.
TL;DR: My family and my in-laws decided to cut my fiancee and I from their wills because we won't give them grandchildren.
*EDIT: I did not expect this to grow so much in just a few hours! Thank you everyone for the replies! Sadly, I don't think I'll be able to respond to everyone, so I'll just clear a few things here!
My fiancee and I have absolutely no interest in their inheritance. We've been fine on our own for a long time and we can take care of ourselves. Thus, we have absolutely no intention of contesting their will. We don't need that money and we don't want it. I only posted this here due to the absurdity of their actions.
We have decided to cut contact with them and uninvited them from our wedding. My brother is giving us full support on this, and as he is my best man, this already means the world to me. It's regrettable that it came to this outcome, but we are NOT going to let they run our lives.
Some people asked us why don't we want to have kids. There's a few reasons for that, especially the fact that we are both extremely focused on our careers. Having a child is a responsibility to raise someone and give them the affection, lessons and time needed. Neither of us want to go through that just to birth someone. Also, we have firm believes that the world already has people enough without us putting someone else on it. Lastly, neither of us really likes kids, as bad as that might sound, we have no intention of ever giving birth to a child.
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[**1 Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/ie0dtx/update_our_entitled_parents_who_disowned_us_for/)
I did not expect to be back so soon, but here we are. About a month ago my fiancee and I posted here about how both of our parents decided to threaten us to be taken off their will if we did not give them grandchildren, which we won't be.
Anyhow, they struck again and my fiancee is really fuming with rage now and wants to share the situation with you all. There are some points that will need clarification and I'll try to make them along the way.
First, as we mentioned in our last post. Due to the absurdity of the situation our parents were imposing on us. We felt that we do not want them on our wedding. Thus, we rescinded their invitation as a whole. My brother is my best man and he supports us wholeheartedly. Now, we get to the point of the post.
After we left my parents home that day, we had absolutely zero contact with them. They made their decision and we made ours. We thought that was going to be it. Now, one thing that needs to be clarified. Our wedding was planned to be happening in October 17th. However, due to the pandemic outbreak these large gatherings of people were completely prohibited, on my region at least. But thankfully the Venue we had acquired is run by the most lovely administrators.
As soon as the outbreak started, they contacted us and gave us every assistance needed with rescheduling. Thus, we rescheduled our wedding to 2021 in the same month, as the situation is still uncertain, that can change but shouldn't for the time being. We aren't really bothered by it as we understand the situation is very dire and we don't mind waiting for a time which everyone will be safe (possibly).
This morning while I was studying for some exams I'll be having at school. My fiancee got a call by the venue administrator, asking why did we want to cancel our wedding. Obviously, that was very strange and confusing to us. My fiancee let them know that we had no desire to cancel or wedding and further asked what that was about.
Apparently, my fiancees parents called the venue on OUR behalf, telling them that we no longer wanted to rent the place as we would no longer be getting married. Now, let me explain why the venue was leaning on accepting this situation. In my country, our ID's carry not only our ID and Social Security (equivalent) number, but also the name of the parents, and to rent a venue you need to provide your ID for them as a bureaucracy requirement. I don't know if that's how it works everywhere, so I wanted to make it clear.
Apparently, they wanted to take advantage of that fact and tried to dupe the venue to cancel our wedding. Luckily, the administrator is quite smart and saw that on our sheet (needed for rental), there is only two names/numbers for contact if we can't be reached, one is my brother and the other is my fiancee best friend. At the time we booked the place we were already in a strained relationship with our parents so neither of us put them as contact.
Thankfully, the administrator actually paid attention to that and took the care and time to reach out to us. Otherwise we might not only lose our special date, but also all our deposit and dream venue. I'll be honest and saying that I never expected that kind of behavior from anyone in our families. But alas, it seems I was wrong.
Anyhow, now, my fiancee is letting out fumes and I'm trying to calm her down. We already sent a contact to her parents (and mine as we are sure they are in this together), for them to never try to meddle in our lives again. My brother is as angry as we are and he just told me he was heading to their house to tear them a new one.
I don't even know how to feel right now. I'm crestfallen if anything. I never expected or wanted things to be this way. But neither of us will go back on our decision of not having children. Truth be told, I already have the papers for sterilization ready.
I just hope that one day they do see that their entitlement just lost them their son and daughter. All because of grandchildren that will never exist.
Cheers.
**Edit:** Thank you all for the nice replies! We really appreciate it. We just spent the whole afternoon calling all our services making sure to create methods so this never happens again. It's taken care of and thank you all for the advice. I don't really know what my brother told them as he went from there to his work. I did get a text from them complaining that we released our "rabid dog" on them which is amusing to be honest, as my brother is a very calm person. We won't contact them again. Once more, thank you all for the kind words.
**2EDIT:** We are really thankful for all the replies! We did decide on passwords with all our contracts and shouldn't have any further problems. But on that note, for those who asked, our parents didn't give us a dime to pay for our wedding. We worked ourselves and paid for every little thing. They have absolutely no right over it. I did mention this on the previous post, we don't want their money, neither do we need it. We're just sharing and venting our frustration. Anyhow, thank you all for the lovely replies and awards! Cheers! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/if743o/either_you_give_us_grandchildren_or_were_taking/ | if743o | 10,039 | 274 | [
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2020-08-24T16:37:54 | "My boyfriend [22m] punched my dad [65m] in the face" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/haezr1/my_boyfriend_22m_punched_my_dad_65m_in_the_face/) by u/throwRA_homeless*
&nbsp;
I’m sorry, this might be long. I don’t really know how to start, so I’ll just dive in. My boyfriend and I [21f] were living in a mother in law off of my parent’s house yesterday and we had been there for about a year. We have been dating for about a year and a half. He moved in because his lease ended and we are both broke college kids. I’m in school still and he’s just graduated this spring, but he now works at a sandwich shop part time because of covid.
My parents both live together in the main house. Sometimes the whole thing feels a bit like Shameless. My mother is an alcoholic, and my dad is essentially a gambling addict. He is over 40k in debt. It’s sad and makes things pretty hard on everyone. In the past I’ve had my fair share of conflict- both physical and verbal- with them. It’s more normalized in my family. Besides the addictions, they are successful functioning people, and if you weren’t told about it you wouldn’t be able to tell. But if you get to know them, they are pretty unbalanced because of it.
As for physical conflict, my parents are the type to hit and smack etc. With my mom, only when she has been drunk and she usually apologizes once she’s sobered up. It’s not a regular thing, so I don’t really count it as like “abuse” because I’m also much bigger than her. My dad has hit me even fewer times, and for him it’s in when he gets into what I would call a blackout rage. I don’t see either as the typical ‘abuse’ because I can mostly avoid it if I leave. I have gotten a black eye only once. The rest of the time doesn’t leave marks. The verbal conflicts can get bad. I would consider them a lot worse. My boyfriend has seen a few of those, and they enrage him but he hasn’t said anything before. I could tell it was getting to him, however.
My boyfriend comes from a lovely family. He’s never been hit, or even really yelled at. His mom and stepdad are sweet and caring. He has done worse things than I’ve ever done in my life, but his parents are really stand up people and he credits them for helping him get past his his rough patches. I would also describe my boyfriend as sweet and caring, but he has a violent streak. Which is strange to say. He is one of the sweetest, goofiest guys. But in a certain set of circumstances, it’s very hard to control what he does. He never attacks... but he goes WAY overboard on defense. I’ve seen it once or twice before in random situations. A random drunk guy in the city was swearing and shoving him, and instead of backing up and leaving he gets this crazy look in his eye and just goes straight to punching. He only hit the dude once before he snapped out of it. Afterwards he looked pretty horrified.
So I guess it was a perfect storm. I went in to use my parent’s desktop and minimized a word document that was on screen. It was a story my dad was writing about something. My dad came in and demanded I get off the computer, but I was in the middle of something unpausable, so I said gimme a sec. He slowly raged until he reached a breaking point. Normally I would leave, but I couldn’t. He then grabbed my chair and tried to pull it out of the way, at which point I told him to get out. I shouldn’t have said that because he was angry already, and it set him off. He shoved me against the wall, screaming something I don’t remember. He then pretty strongly pushed me to the ground. This hasn’t happened in a really long time, and normally after he calms down he’d apologize.
However at that moment my boyfriend had been sprinting over, having seen everything through the window. I was on the floor crying at this point. My dad was still yelling, but a little distance away and not immediately threatening. My boyfriend flew in through the door and punched him straight in the face. I think twice but I’m not sure. I don’t remember exactly all of the events. My father chased him outside yelling get the fuck out etc I’ll call the cops if I ever see you again. At some point I got up and hid in the driveway. My boyfriend was saying okay I’m sorry okay I’m sorry, over and over to my dad while leaving. He found me after a few secs and we got in the car and drove a little ways away. From there he called my dad and said he was so sorry, he just saw him hurting me and freaked out. My dad then said he had woken my mom who had called the cops.
He said he wouldn’t press charges but would if he ever saw him again. The cops came and left, no charges were pressed. We went back to the house, grabbed our things, and left. My boyfriend called his mom who booked us a week at a motel, which is where I am now. My mom called me today, and she thinks that my dad pushed me because I threw him to the ground, which is a lie. She echoes the same thing my dad says, she never wants to see my bf again. She is hanging tuition and my stuff over my head, saying she ‘won’t support a life of delinquency’ and I need to go home and leave him. I just want my life to go back to the way it was, but I’m not going to leave my boyfriend. I don’t know how to get there or what to do. It seems like as of right now I’m a bit homeless. We are going to try and get a place ASAP. We don’t have much money but his saint of a mom is going to try to help us out.
My boyfriend has already tried to apologize and explain. He said it was a reflex to punch anybody that hurt me, even my dad. My dad said that he wasn’t hurting me anymore, so it was an insane overreaction. Bf said he was so sorry he did it, and it’s obvious he means it. He’s cried a lot in the last 24 hours. I don’t know where to go from here.
Thank you to anybody who took the time to read this. My head is so all over the place and it would help if I could read some other perspectives.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hs7mwx/update_my_boyfriend_22m_punched_my_dad_65m/)
Thank you to everyone who responded, it’s somehow really touching to know that people have read about my hard times and tried to help. I decided to update to share the things I did.
We were at the motel for about a week, and in that time I got a couple voicemails from my mom. She said a few things like ‘how could you do this to your father, this is a tough time for us with your uncle dying, why are you doing this?.’ I didn’t answer the voicemails because I was confused and upset. I read what many people said about abuse and I listened to my boyfriend who said he’d never been hurt by his parents etc. and it was hard to figure out where I stood.
I had comments wondering why I defended my parents abuse. Something it might be hard to realize is that to me, these are my parents. These are the people that sent me to summer camp, go out to movies with me, drove me to school, played their music for me on road trips. They pay my car insurance and told me stories when I was little. My dad carried me piggyback whenever I got tired, even when I got big. I am told my childhood was bad, but I still don’t know if I’ll ever fully grasp that. You see the trees I see the forest.
I know that hitting kids is wrong, but I see memes all the time about “la chankla” or “when your dad gets the belt.” I thought there was a scale of acceptable hitting, ranging from ‘that’s not REAL abuse’ to abuse. Sure my parents had crazy overreactions, but I had fair warning. I had a different idea than reddit of what was okay and what wasn’t, and I thought mine was correct and reddit was too idealistic. When I changed my mind and saw reddit’s side, I realized that wonky scale is how people abuse. That’s how there’s a cycle. I thought because it was done to me and I was a normal person with a normal life that it was normal.
I think it was my boyfriend asking me if the police came back, would be okay if he told them the truth. That’s what made it easier for me to realize. My gut reaction was to say no so my dad wouldn’t get in trouble. I would go back and forth thinking reddit was unrealistic, I was fine, but being told my dad was doing something illegal to me made me realize my scale might be wrong.
We eventually had to go back to the house to get more things, and we both spoke to my mom. My boyfriend told her everything that he saw and why he did it, and that he would hope my dad would do the same if the roles were reversed. I spoke to her at a later time and listed everything that they both have done. I told her how I never told anyone, even as a kid, because I knew those things were good enough for CPS to have taken me. She seemed completely shaken when I said that. She cried and told me she was sorry. I felt like a weight had been lifted, but my bf told me not to get my hopes up. Unfortunately it seems like he was right. It’s been a few weeks and she seems to have reverted back to how she felt before. Most likely after talking to my dad, and maybe a few of her friends who are similar. I think she knows it’s wrong, because of how she reacted before. It’s just easier for her to argue with me than to deal with the horrible reality.
My bf and I were able to get a new place with a roommate on the first of the month, which was a huge relief. My dad has been calling and leaving voicemails, acting like nothing ever happened. My parents have chosen not to deal with any of it, but I don’t think they even realize what they’re doing. It makes sense that they would ignore something so heinous and continue on like nothing had happened. It’s how they’ve gotten this far like this I think.
I’m really struggling to feel like a whole person. It feels like I’ve lost my childhood, my family, my history. But I think over time I’ll become a new whole person, and I think it’ll be better.
I hope someone can read this and have the same realization that I did. If someone has hurt you and the only way to keep them close is to pretend like they haven’t, don’t do it. Feel what you feel and let things fall where they will. Also I hope I explained well enough why it can be hard to see something as abuse. Thanks for the helpful responses and for reading | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ifsgql/my_boyfriend_22m_punched_my_dad_65m_in_the_face/ | ifsgql | 10,198 | 238 | [
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2020-08-25T05:44:44 | "AITA for raining on my cousin's parade regarding the name she picked out for her baby?" | AITA | Repost: [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/btred7/aita_for_raining_on_my_cousins_parade_regarding/) by /u/LightningStr
My cousin Stephanie and I are really more friends than relatives. An important note is that she's not really online much, so can be out of the loop on certain memes and jokes in internet culture, and tbh, doesn't really understand the concept of viral internet references or how they work.
Stephanie is pregnant and just found out it's going to be a girl. About a week ago, she told a gathering of her best girlfriends that she's going to name her daughter Karen. The room instantly went cold, but after an awkward silence, everyone else politely said it was lovely. I couldn't bring myself to respond at all. Later in the evening, when Stephanie was out of the room, everyone was immediately like, "OMG, that poor kid," and "why would she pick Karen of all names?!" I was uncomfortable with this conversation, given that everyone had been so positive about the name to her face.
I thought more about it over the next couple of days, and just felt really weird about the whole thing. The name is really loaded, to the point it could be detrimental to the baby, and Stephanie had no idea of the connotations to make an informed decision.
So a couple of days later, I tentatively brought it up. I told her I was so excited for the baby, and just wanted her to have all available information when picking a name. I then started to explain that Karen has some negative connotations and has become sort of an internet joke to describe a specific kind of entitled middle aged woman. Stephanie instantly was furious and started talking over me, saying, "why are you saying this?! This is so mean!!" I was really surprised by her reaction (it felt very, very out of character), so I immediately stopped and said, "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just wanted to tell you something I thought you might not know."
She replied, "That's the name I picked for my daughter. And you think I picked it as some kind of joke?! I don't understand why you'd say something so hurtful." When she said that, I felt like it signaled that she didn't really understand what I was trying to tell her, so after agonizing for a second about whether to press the issue even though she was so angry, I felt like in for a penny, in for a pound, and since she was already mad, I wanted her to at least understand what I was trying to explain to her. I googled "Karen know your meme" on my phone and tried to show her the screen of results while saying, "look, I'm just saying that there's more meaning to the name than you may realize."
She stood up, pushed my phone away, and shouted, "Wow!!" She then stormed out of my home and drove away. My aunt and mom have been berating me all week, because Stephanie told them that I made fun of her baby name. Stephanie has not spoken to me or responded to my texts since.
I can take a hint, and I'm not going to broach a topic again that caused so much distress, but I keep going back and forth on whether I was TA here by bringing it up in the first place.
Edit: Thanks, everyone! I have been properly schooled, and I accept my judgement that I was TA here. Stephanie and I have a history of being extremely open and honest with each other (I was the maid of honor in her wedding, which we planned on being the case from a young age, and we always joked as teenagers that part of my duties would include talking her out of the marriage if the groom she picked sucked), and so maybe I was too flippant with approaching this topic due to our history, and was unempathetic in underestimating how much she was already invested in the name she chose for her future daughter. I admit I'm a bit frustrated that Stephanie still doesn't understand what I was trying to tell her (she still thinks I was making some kind of weird, cruel joke accusing her of picking the name as a joke), but I have messaged her a sincere apology that she accepted, and I will never speak of this again, to Stephanie or Baby Karen. I'll also stand up for Stephanie if her other friends shit talk the name around me again. If they're not willing to voice their thoughts to Stephanie directly, they need to not say the kinds of things they were saying behind her back.
Edit 2: One more thing: I definitely was not trying to tell Stephanie to not name her daughter Karen. I just wanted her to make the decision either way knowing the connotations, since I'd want someone to do the same for me if I picked a baby name with cultural baggage I wasn't aware of. I realize now I handled it poorly and was hurtful to Stephanie in the process, but I just wanted to be clear that I wasn't actively trying to talk her out of the name. I just didn't want her to be blindsided if it came up later.
-------
**[UPDATE one year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ha6c24/update_aita_for_raining_on_my_cousins_parade/)**
My post last summer wasn't the most exciting or dramatic on AITA, but I wanted to provide an update if anyone is interested.
Baby Karen was born healthy and happy back in October. She's an absolute sweetheart of a baby, and I'm totally in love with her. Between March and May, I didn't get to see her at all in person, but I was doing regular FaceTime/House Party calls with Stephanie and Karen, and over the last few weeks, I've been going over to Stephanie's house to sit in her backyard and chat with Stephanie/coo at Karen from a lengthy distance.
I have two reasons for updating. First, I've realized since Karen's birth that her name has taken on new meaning to me. When I'm with her, Karen just means her, and I don't think about the other connotations. In other words, you guys were right!
That said, though, my second reason for updating is that Stephanie got back into her years-unused Facebook at the beginning of the pandemic to keep in touch with people. She's been on it pretty regularly lately for the first time in years (historically, she's not really been into social media). Most people in our area/social circle have been posting really heavily about BLM and the protests happening right now, as well as racial justice issues more generally. As a result, Stephanie has now come into contact with a deluge of Karen memes for the first time, and found them confusing and horrifying, especially the use of "Karen" as shorthand for a racist. I've basically just declined to talk about it with Stephanie, because it went so poorly last time, but both my mother and her mother have hounded me about it because it's upsetting to Stephanie, and said things like, "Is this what you were talking about before? Why didn't you say so? Why didn't you explain it better?! You should have told Stephanie!!"
And Jesus wept!! You really can't win.
Thanks again for all your feedback on my last post! It was very helpful in giving me some Zen about the situation.
Edit: Wow, I've been super overwhelmed by the flood of very kind, heartfelt PMs (and just one or two not so kind ones) as well as the comments on my other post. Thank you, everyone! It continually amazes me how many nice and empathetic people frequent a sub devoted to assholes. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ig6aeb/aita_for_raining_on_my_cousins_parade_regarding/ | ig6aeb | 7,238 | 133 | [
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2020-08-25T06:08:43 | "AITA for wanting to go to the funeral of a girl that I helped get addicted to drugs?" | AITA | This is a repost. The [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cg1u8p/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_the_funeral_of_a_girl/) is by /u/sgdneyrother.
I’m 26 and clean from heroin for 3 years.
I was also a piece of shit and used to deal for a while.
I managed to get with a beautiful girl named Marcy when I first started getting into the thick of things. She knew who I was but she said she loved me.
I will regret this for the rest of my life, but I was the person who shot up Marcy for the first time. After that, there was no stopping her. She stuck around with me, probably because I was her dealer more than anything, but then I got clean and never saw her again for a long time.
A year ago she reached out to me on Facebook and told me that she had been clean for a few months and she said that she didn’t hate me for what happened and she hoped I was still clean.
Last week I got a call from my sister who told me that she saw on Facebook that Marcy had OD’d and there was a funeral service this upcoming Thursday.
I immediately just burst into tears because I hoped that this would never happen and I feel so much guilt over it.
I want to go to the funeral service for her but I’m afraid that my presence would be unwanted. At the most I would just slip in the back, pay my respects and leave. I need to do this for myself.
AITA for wanting to go?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cjetsa/update_aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_the_funeral_of_a/)
I want to sincerely thank everyone who commented. Everyone’s comments were appreciated, including those that were less than pleasant.
Since I received such great advice on my original post, I felt like I had an obligation to update. And I’m trying to follow through on all aspects of my life, even internet ones.
The funeral service was held this past Thursday. Before then, I brought all the advice I received online and brought it to the real world and talked to both my therapist and sponsor about how I was feeling and what I should do.
My sponsor was straight with me and told me that I would be putting myself in danger by going and that I should do something else that day to grieve.
When Thursday rolled around, I was a mess. I seriously considered both just going to the funeral or using again but instead I grabbed my dog and we went on a road trip.
We went to the beach and just hung out the two of us.
I’m doing okay this week, but obviously am still not doing great.
I haven’t reached out to any of Marcy’s family and I don’t plan to. I understand now how devastating that would be.
That’s it. Take care everyone. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ig6kn6/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_the_funeral_of_a_girl/ | ig6kn6 | 2,642 | 135 | [
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2020-08-25T17:20:07 | "AITA for donating my daughters college fund instead of giving it to my step daughter to help buy a house?" | AITA | *This is a repost. The [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/epmdeh/aita_for_donating_my_daughters_college_fund/) is by /u/rkglsjfj.*
So I have a 16 year old daughter that passed away in a car accident October 19th. I’ve been collecting a college fund for her since she was young, my ex husband and I both put money into it as well as she put some of her paychecks from work into it, and it’s about $25,000 full. I recently got remarried to a man who has a 30 year old daughter. My step daughter doesn’t like me, because I’m only 3 years older than her, my husband is significantly older than I am.
My daughter was very passionate about the environment, and my ex husband and I discussed what we would do with the college fund. My husband says it was my daughter and I can do what I feel is right to honor her.
We decided to divide it and we would each donate to charities we felt would make our daughter proud.
My step daughter however thinks we should split it evenly and she should get some cushion for buying a house, since I’m married to her father and that makes my contribution his money too.
She thinks donating essentially $13000 wouldn’t mean anything to a big charity and I could help someone I know in real life.
My husband has since joined her side and thinks $13000 would help her buy a house and we can honor my daughter in another way.
AITA for not wanting to change my plans?
Edit: there seems to be some confusion and I’m so sorry for wording it poorly
My ex husband and I, and a little bit my daughter are the sole people putting money into the fund. My current husband has not put any money into the fund from his personal finances.
My step daughter and my biological daughter did not have a relationship, as my step daughter is almost twice her age.
I am 33, my husband is 58. We have a joint house account, as well as separate personal funds.
My step daughter has brought this up multiple times, it wasn’t just a suggestion, she constantly brings it up.
My step daughter is also not poor off financially. She can afford a house, she is single, my husband helped her pay off her debt before we got married. She just wants some cushion.
Edit #2: I am dividing the funds with my ex husband, not my husband now. My ex husband gets half to do with as he pleases to honor our daughter. My current husband gets nothing.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f0eqtr/update_aita_for_donating_my_deceased_daughters/)
I’ve gotten messages asking for an update, so I’ll give one.
I left my husband. He told me I couldn’t do what I wanted with the college fund. I took my name off the account so my ex husband was the only owner in the case that my (soon to be ex) husband tried to claim that money in our divorce.
My daughters father and I went for a trip to my daughters favorite town, we went to her favorite spot and spread her ashes.
I’ve been staying with my sister, and looking for apartments to move into.
As far as the fund, we have discussed starting a scholarship, or paying a students tuition. We haven’t decided exactly what to do.
That’s about it. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iggku1/aita_for_donating_my_daughters_college_fund/ | iggku1 | 3,141 | 346 | [
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2020-08-26T17:38:29 | "I think my SIL’s best friend is trying to get with my husband and she’s encouraging it. Am I delusional?" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ift0zm/i_think_my_sils_23f_best_friend_23f_is_trying_to/) by u/ThrowRA874837*
&nbsp;
My SIL (23/F) is my husband’s (28/M) half-sister, she was the product of their mother’s infidelity. His father divorced their mother when he was 12 after he found out through a paternity test she wasn’t his. My FIL refused to have anything to do with my SIL but continued to have a relationship with my husband, because of this my SIL is very clingy to my husband. My husband is also very protective of his sister and generally doesn’t tolerate anything negative being said about her, which is why I’m posting this here before mentioning anything to him.
My husband and I bought a house last year which has its own indoor swimming pool. My SIL was super excited when she saw it and asked if she could use it sometimes with her friend. We said it was fine, as long as she gave us a notice before she turned up. Her and her friend (Chloe) have used it many times before but almost never when my husband is home (he is a lawyer and works long hours). With lockdown, my husband has started to work from home. My SIL asked me if she and Chloe could come over and use the pool, I told her I was uncomfortable with them coming over as I’m pregnant and don’t want to accidentally expose the baby to anything risky. My SIL then asked if she and Chloe quarantined for two weeks would they be able to come over, my husband said it was fine.
Two weeks later they turn up to my house. My husband was in his office, so they go straight to the pool after making small talk. My husband ends up coming out after an hour and we’re hanging out in the kitchen. My SIL walks in to get a drink and she starts talking to my husband. Before she goes back to the pool, she says “Chloe’s going to be so happy to see you”. It was weird because my husband and Chloe aren’t close. Chloe comes into the kitchen two minutes later and spends the rest of her time talking to my husband until he excuses himself to get back to work. She’s super giggly and smiley when she talks to him. He would say something sarcastic and she would laugh like it was the funniest joke she’s ever heard. It honestly felt like she was flirting with him. Before she went back to the pool, she gave me this weird smirk-y look. Before they leave, they ask my husband if he’s working from home everyday of the week, he confirms he is.
The next two weeks, they come over to the house to ‘swim’ every single day. Except, Chloe never gets in the water. Instead she hangs around the house in her bikini (she was previously wearing a one-piece if it makes a difference) every single day. Whenever my husband comes out to hang around me, she quickly interrupts him and keeps him talking until he has to go back to work. I made lunch for us all and when I excused myself to call my husband down, my SIL quickly stopped me and said Chloe could call him for me. They shared a look and Chloe looked really happy when she went to get him. Chloe has also started to get touchier with my husband. She’s put her hands on his chest and arms, stands or sits really close to him. To my husband’s credit he does usually create space between them whenever she does something like this.
The reason I believe my SIL is in on this is because she’s made a few pregnancy-related jabs at me recently. She told me a story about how one of her friend’s boyfriends was cheating on her and then said something along the lines of “did you know a lot of men start cheating when their wives are pregnant?”. She’s also made comments about how I look chubby now and it looks weird next to my husband because he’s ‘well-built’. If she spots my husband out of the office she quickly goes to inform Chloe.
I know pregnancy hormones can mess with a person’s brain so I’m wondering if I’m just looking for something that isn’t there. My SIL sent me a text yesterday asking if they could come over to swim next week and I really want to say no but I know she’ll whine to my husband if I do. I ideally want to have a conversation with him before then but I’m not sure if I should mention the flirting.
Am I being delusional?
TL;DR – SIL’s and her friend are constantly asking to come over to use our pool but her friend never swims. Instead, she waits around to start talking with my husband. She seems very flirtatious whenever she talks to him but I’m not sure if it’s just pregnancy hormones getting to me.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ig3hez/update_i_think_my_sils_23f_best_friend_23f_is/)
Well, I read and reread all of the comments on the original post to try and figure out how I was going to bring up the issue. Turns out, I didn’t have to. We were watching a movie and my phone lit up with another text from my SIL telling me she was now going to be here at 1pm the next day to swim with Chloe. My husband saw it and told me to tell her not to come. This is really weird behaviour for my husband because he tends to do anything to accommodate my SIL and very rarely refuses her anything. I asked him if something had happened and he shrugged it off and we kept watching the movie.
A few minutes later he paused the movie and said he wanted to ask me a question. He asked if I’d noticed Chloe never swam when she came to our house. I wish I could say I was calm and collected like the comments were advising but… I ended up laughing hysterically. I was honestly just so relieved he’d brought it up instead of me having to be the one to do it. I think my husband thought I was losing my mind.
When I finally stopped laughing, he repeated the question and said he wanted a serious answer. I said, “of course I’ve noticed” and he awkwardly replied “so… you must’ve noticed the other thing too”. To summarise the conversation that followed: My husband hadn’t noticed Chloe was flirting with him the first few days because he was so busy with work, he wasn’t really paying attention to anything else. He said when she started getting handsy is when he suddenly had the ‘light bulb’ moment that she was into him. He says he didn’t want to unnecessarily stress me out, so he never mentioned anything, but he was worried I’d noticed too and thought he was interested because he hadn’t immediately shut it down. He realised we would eventually have to have this talk, but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up (oh the irony). He did privately speak to Chloe and told her he was happily married and wasn’t interested in starting anything with anyone else. Apparently, she never took him seriously because she kept doing it.
In the end, he called his sister on Sunday to tell her either she got her to stop or Chloe couldn’t come over anymore. His sister ended up having a tantrum and said a few nasty things about me/the baby/our relationship. She insisted I was somehow behind his request and made some comments about how I was controlling and insecure because I looked like a ‘beach whale’ and Chloe was younger and hotter. He was pretty pissed at this and said if she said something like that about me again, he would stop speaking to her. She claimed I had baby trapped him and when my husband pointed out we were already married so I didn’t need to ‘trap’ him and that he was the one who wanted to start a family she kept insisting I had manipulated him into feeling that way. She claimed he was unhappy in our relationship and he always looked ‘tired’ because I was forcing him to slave away to fund my fancy lifestyle, whilst I sat on my ass all day. He pointed out he chose to be a lawyer knowing he would have to work long hours and I had only recently left my job, so her accusations were baseless.
She said some other stuff along the same lines but the thing that made my husband finally snap was when she said ‘it’ (the baby) was already ruining everything and it was just going to get worse when it was born and he should’ve dragged me to the abortion clinic whilst he had the chance. He told her neither her nor Chloe were welcome in our home anymore until they apologised for how they’d been behaving and for the things my SIL said. He said he wasn’t sure he could ever forgive or forget what she’d said about our child even if she did apologise and he couldn’t believe she would even think something like that, let alone say it. Apparently, she started crying and said she was sorry, that she didn’t mean it and she was just scared to lose him and that she wasn’t thinking clearly. He hung up on her. He showed me his phone and she’s been calling him and texting him since begging him to reply.
He asked if she’d said anything to me. I was debating whether to say anything or not, but he kept insisting he knew she had said something, and he wanted to know what it was. I told him the things I mentioned in the original post and a few other things she had said. He asked me why I never mentioned anything when she first said it and I mentioned how he got really defensive whenever I said anything even slightly negative about his sister and he… got defensive. I pointed out he was doing it again and after some back and forth he admitted that “maybe he was a little bit defensive when it came to her” but he promised to stop and he wanted to make sure we could talk about anything, including his sister.
He ended up mentioning wanting to try couples counselling. He said it wasn’t because he thought there was something wrong with our relationship but apparently he has been speaking to his dad a lot recently and he mentioned one thing he regretted about his marriage with MIL is that they never went to therapy until the cracks in their relationship were too big. In his current marriage they go, and it’s helped him avoid the mistakes of his first marriage. I agreed, so we’re probably going to try that soon.
My husband thinks my SIL will eventually turn up even if we tell her not to, but he promised he’d deal with her if she does.
So, reddit I guess you were right. I really did just need to speak to him. Thanks for the advice and comments, I enjoyed reading them all.
TL;DR – We talked. Husband already confronted both the friend and SIL. SIL said some really shitty things so we won’t be contacting her for a while. Communication is key folks! ;) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ih3eqn/i_think_my_sils_best_friend_is_trying_to_get_with/ | ih3eqn | 10,307 | 287 | [
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2020-08-26T18:27:11 | "AITA for objecting to 'girls day'?" | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/au9bhn/aita_for_objecting_to_girls_day/) is by /u/throwaway022411111.*
I'm a 28 y/o male and my immediate family is all women, mostly this is because I was raised by my mother and have no contact with my father's side of the family due to a messy divorce when I was young. My two sisters (early 30s), my three aunts (two who are my mother's sisters and one married in to the family and married my aunt), and they have an assortment of close friends of the family all of which are women that also go to these events.
About 3 years ago, my mother had an idea to do a 'girls only' weekend. Originally this was to see one of the Magic Mike movies, and because it was such a hit they started to do these weekend outings once or twice a month. Originally it didn't bother me, because I'm an adult and I have my own life, and my own house, and I really didn't even think about it. But an incident recently made me annoyed at the whole concept. My aunt's birthday was in January and normally we go to her favorite restaurant for her birthday, which also incidentally is my favorite restaurant. So I bought her a present and a card, and waited for an invitation and none came.
When I asked what was going on for her birthday, I was told they celebrated it early on their girls day because she was going to be out of state during her birthday. This kind of irked me because when I mentioned I bought her a present my mother told me to just drive over to her house and give it to her. I felt pretty left out since I am the only male in my immediately family, having a 'girls day' is the equivalent to saying 'hey let's celebrate my birthday but not invite him'.
I griped about and was told that I was basically being self centered and that she can celebrate her birthday however she wants. I agree with that, but once again, I'm the only one being left out and it feels shitty. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back was I was just also just informed that they were planning a summer vacation this year as 'girls only' too, and when I asked my mother what about the vacation we normally take as a family, she told me that they can't afford to do both so they are just doing the girls only vacation this year.
At this point I was VERY annoyed and had a loud argument with my mother and sister, telling them that it's really shitty that twice a month they have group activities and specifically exclude me, and on top of that are now even taking vacations and excluding me. Nothing came of the argument and they wouldn't budge, so I decided I needed a break from my immediate family because they don't consider my feelings relevant. So I removed myself from the family group chat and deactivated my Facebook. Now my phone is being blown up and I'm being told that I'm immature and I need to grow up. I responded that a lot of grown people don't see much of their family at all and I'm just going to follow that example.
Am I the asshole here?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7oc7h/updateaita_for_objecting_to_girls_day/)
This last month has been kind of wild for me so I haven't had an opportunity to update this until now. So the descriptions of my family and my family situation in this thread was specific enough that one of my family members found out about it and confronted me. Due to the fact that I had deactivated my Facebook and was only receiving text messages, I didn't realize what was happening before I was ambushed by it. My sister (oldest) confronted me about it and asked if it was me who made the thread and I confirmed that it was. And she insisted I was being shitty for airing the family's laundry like that. I responded that I in no way did that as I was speaking very generally and never identified who my family was.
This spread to my family and now the thread was shared on Facebook and everyone was shown. I was invited to a family meeting (we never have those) where I was sat in front of a firing squad of angry women who told me that what I did was wrong and demanded an apology. They said that 'I knew' they weren't excluding me and because I gave everyone that impression I owed them an apology. I replied that I absolutely did NOT know they were not excluding me, and included examples of things they did (such as the birthday dinner, going to an amusement park, and going to a baseball game). Once again they characterized this as a girls only event of fun where boys just weren't allowed or welcome because they wanted to talk about things guys wouldn't be interested in. I replied that she needs to stop saying 'guys' because there is only one guy who would have been invited and that's me, so what she's really saying it its a no-OP event, not a girls only event. They explained that it wasn't excluding me because regardless of whether I was interested in the event the conversation would have bored me because I'm not a girl. At this point we were going around in circles so I just explained my perspective, I said that I'm the only male in our immediate family, when the people in my immediate family get together on a regular basis (not a one off or once in a while) and don't include me, regardless of what they called it I feel excluded. I explained that the breaking point was the family vacation, and that there was absolutely no reason to leave me out of a vacation I was always invited to, particularly when that's the only family vacation we do and they've stated they cannot afford a second one.
At the end of this family meeting, I was never given an apology, no one tried to empathize with my perspective, and I was accused of many things that I didn't do by any reasonable interpretation. I told my mother and my sisters that we reached a breaking point in our relationship and that I was going no contact for a while. I told them I'm an adult, and I have my own life, and the reason I wanted to be involved was because I didn't want one of those family relationships where you only see your family at holidays. If that's not what my family wants then it's okay, but I told them that I was not going to be involved with people who made me feel shitty and intentionally leave me on the outside looking in of my own family. My mother/sisters told me that if I was going to lie about them to everyone that they don't care. At this point, my relationship with my family is over, I left that family meeting and have not reactivated Facebook and have not received any contact and have not initiated any contact. Que sera, sera. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ih4d4m/aita_for_objecting_to_girls_day/ | ih4d4m | 6,602 | 80 | [
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2020-08-26T18:41:43 | "AITA for not telling my Dad he isn't getting the inheritance he's expecting?" | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgfkt3/aita_for_not_telling_my_dad_he_isnt_getting_the/) is by /u/gruyerech.*
My mother died when I was 16. My dad married another woman two years later.
My grandparents, my dad's parents, HATE my stepmother. I really don't like her either.
Even after my half-siblings were born, my grandparents never warmed up to her.
My grandparents are quite wealthy. My father has been banking on this inheritance for a while. He has even been not paying into his retirement because he's so sure that he will inherit the millions.
I just found out on Saturday that I'm getting the majority of my grandparents estate. My father is getting a token amount of $50000 so he can't dispute it.
My grandparents made me promise not to give out any money after and I intend to keep my word.
But I do feel really guilty that my father just spends his money as it's coming in because he's relying on money he won't get.
I also found out my dad is in a lot of debt.
AITA for not telling him?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8b87k/update_to_aita_for_not_tell_my_dad_he_isnt/)
A lot of people have asked me for updates so I thought id make one.
It was kind of positive?
I agreed with many comments in my first post where they said my grandparents were setting me up for drama.
I talked to my grandparents and shared these concerns. They were understanding and setup a family meeting with them, their lawyer, my dad, his wife, and myself.
I was secretly hoping that my grandparents would get over some of their issues with my dad and his wife but nope. My dad's wife actually started crying and wailing when they revealed that I would be getting most of the inheritance. I could see my grandmother almost exploding. My dad to his credit, looked disappointed but said it was their money to do as they wished.
The new agreement is that my father will receive $75k, and each of my younger siblings will receive a 50K education fund.
My dad's wife did call me a few days later and acted really foolishly. And she somehow thought that insulting my mother would help her.
I told her that if she ever said something bad about my mother again I would tell my grandparents about it. That seems to have shut her up.
My relationship with my dad was never the greatest. But I haven't really seen any further decline in the relationship.
But I feel a lot of relief now. Thanks everyone! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ih4ngw/aita_for_not_telling_my_dad_he_isnt_getting_the/ | ih4ngw | 2,487 | 79 | [
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2020-08-27T14:24:43 | "My college says if I miss class to testify at my assault trial, they’ll drop me from my classes" (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9gdico/my_college_says_if_i_miss_class_to_testify_at_my/?st=JN056NAS&sh=90aa7f5f) is by /u/nitekite345.*
(IA) I was sexually assaulted (while home over a break, not by another university student) and the trial of my attacker starts in two weeks.
I am a university student about five hours driving distance from my home town where the assault occurred, and I’ll need to travel there to testify at the trial.
I’d spoken to my advisor and all my professors notifying them of the days I’d be out, and everyone was understanding, giving me take home versions of any tests or work I’d be missing.
Unfortunately, one of the days I’ll likely need to be out coincides with midterms, so my professor was required to get approval from the academic dean and dean of the college to issue a take home midterm.
His request for the take home midterm was denied, and when it came to the attention of these deans, they contacted all my professors and informed me if I missed that many classes (it would be approximately two of each class, maybe three depending on some court scheduling, and four of another class but it meets every day of the week.)
My professors were comfortable marking these as “reported absences” which basically means there was a justification like a doctor’s note or other official documentation.
I showed the deans that I was in fact being called to testify by the defense so it wasn’t even really like I had a choice. I figured that would be enough documentation.
The dean said that “personal non-medical conflicts” could not be counted as reported absences and would be treated as unreported absences, (so, treated as the same thing as if I’d just slept through class). They suggested I apply for a leave of absence for the semester because otherwise I’d be dropped from my classes at the third absence and be on probation if dropped from two or more classes (school policy).
This attack took enough from me already, I went to great lengths to be sure I didn’t miss a day of school while recovering, I do not want this man to derail my life further by pushing back my graduation date.
I spoke to the title IX Office who’d promised me they could help, but it turns out their idea of helping was helping me plan my leave of absence.
I do not want to take a leave of absence. All my professors were ready and willing to work with me and I was/am entirely capable of keeping up with the work.
Do I have any legal recourse here against the school?
Thank you in advance.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9mdp82/my_college_says_if_i_miss_class_to_testify_at_my/)
Thanks to everyone’s terrific advice, I got my university’s ombudsman involved, and also reached out to a local survivors group (similar to RAINN) who connected me to a wonderful attorney who facilitated between me and the legal services team at my school.
Within a day of meeting with the school’s general counsel, my attorney and I were invited to meet with the deans who had made the initial decision.
One of my professors also apparently saw my legal advice post and put two and two together (my professors were not previously aware of the full extent of what was going on) and he and my other professors submitted a letter on my behalf protesting the administration’s decision, copying the board, ombudsman, legal counsel, and high level members of the administration, which was so incredibly touching I am still overwhelmed and trying to properly thank them.
Between my professors’ incredible gesture and my showing up with an attorney raising flags, at the meeting I was given carte blanche to work out the details of my absences between myself and my professors (I’ll take them at school, just early) and two were able to give me modified assignments that could be done at home but still exemplified the same knowledge and skill sets.
The ombudsman and the legal counsel assured me they are looking into the policy that caused this ordeal in the first place, the ombudsman in making sure the policy is being correctly and reasonably enforced (e.g., not used to coerce students into violating a subpoena) and the legal counsel is advising the administration on new guidelines for the policy so no one else has to experience this going forward.
Thank you everyone here who took time to give me such helpful advice. I appreciate all of you! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ihlxvr/my_college_says_if_i_miss_class_to_testify_at_my/ | ihlxvr | 4,449 | 535 | [
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2020-08-27T14:35:38 | "I take prescription medication for ADHD. Started a new job and drug test collection site released a preliminary result to employer of me failing drug test. Company rescinded job offer despite a clean result from lab. Left old job for new one and now I'm unemployed." (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8u3pzg/tnms_i_take_prescription_medication_for_adhd/) from two years ago is by /u/ODoyles_Banana.*
Two locations because I live and work in TN. Drug test collection site is in MS. Not sure if that matters but I want to disclose anyway. Here's the story:
I have ADHD and have a prescription for medicine that will show up on a drug test. Never had any issues before. I would usually go give the sample and tell the collector about my medication and even show them the bottle. They always tell me the sample is analyzed at the lab and I would be called for any issues. I would always get a call by the lab informing me of the positive result and I would give them my prescription information. Upon verifying my prescription, the lab would send back a negative result. No issues whatsoever.
I was offered a new job and as a result, put in 2 weeks notice with my old job. During the interview, I was told I would have to take a drug test and asked if there would be any issues. I told my manager there would be no issues.
On my first day, my manager told me to leave an hour early to take my drug test (for which I would be paid). I went to the collection site, provided my sample, and informed and showed my bottle to the the collector. As usual they told the lab will contact me for that info. After providing my sample to the collector, they did a preliminary test with those strip things. To no surprise it came back positive for the category of what my script is for. I reminded the collector of my prescription and I was told it is being sent to the lab and I will be contacted by them. I didn't think anything of it, just business as usual. On the way home, I get a call from my manager and she says there was an issue with my drug test. I immediately tell her it's because of prescriptions and it will be cleared up with the lab when they analyze it. She seemed positive about it, saying she believed me when I told her I would have no drug test issues and still believes me about this issue, but in the meantime, I should not come back in till it is cleared up with the lab. I understood her position and agreed, knowing it would just take a day or two and things would be cleared up and I would be back to work.
Just to speed things up, I called the lab the next day and was told they don't have my sample yet but they marked my name as priority so I will be called by the MRO as soon as it's analyzed. I get a call the next morning by the lab, give my script info, and he verifies it while I'm on hold. He comes back on the line and tells me everything checks out and he is sending back a negative result. I immediately call my manager and tell her that it has been cleared up with the lab and she will get back a negative result. She tells me she will contact me as soon as she hears from the lab. A couple hours later, my manager calls me and tells me that she got the negative result back but HR has decided to rescind my offer. She goes on to express how apologetic she is and she would want to hire me but HR has made this decision and her hands are tied. I asked her to explain more and she says that HR explained to her that it is too risky and also that I wasn't honest in my interview by saying there would be no issues with my drug test.
Now I am jobless with no income. I left a perfectly good job to take this one because it was more money. I'm not sure what to do. I still want this job and would like to resolve this as amicably as possible. The manager is on my side but according to her, her hands are tied by HR. I feel this is the result of someone in HR that is a little overzealous in their job. ADHD is considered a disability so could this be considered discrimination? Should I file an EEOC, should I get a lawyer, what can I do? Like I said I left a job for this one and now I have no job. Thanks in advance for your replies.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies. I have a consultation with an attorney tomorrow. I considered reaching out to HR but ultimately decided I should talk to an attorney first because it might not do any good and as one user said, it may tip them off. I will be sure to post a full update when all is said and done.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8vg94j/update_i_take_prescription_medication_for_adhd/)
I am surprised how quickly this situation was resolved.
I met with an attorney for a consultation Thursday. After talking and explaining my situation, she told me this strikes a nerve and hits very close to home with her because her husband and one of her kids has ADHD. I could tell how furious she was by her expressions and mannerisms. She told me that she would contact the company pro bono, but if it came to a lawsuit, she would take it on contingency as I could get punitive damages. I told her I don't want to sue anyone if I don't have to, I just want this job offer back as I have been waiting a long time for a job like this. She also explained that if her attempts at contacting the company were unsuccessful, I could file an EEOC charge and go through them before filing a lawsuit with her if needed
Ultimately, she told me this is discrimination. Due to an unrelated incident a while back, I have an app on my phone that records all phone calls (one-party consent in my state) and saves them to my Google Drive. I played the calls with my manager to the attorney. When my manager informed me of the preliminary result I explained to her my prescription medication and my ADHD. The attorney told me it was good that I disclosed that at the time because now the company can no longer claim they didn't know about my disability, which would be a defense to discrimination (also this is an office job and my meds and ADHD would not cause any issues in performing my duties). I was not terminated at this time, just "suspended" pending the lab test. The call after my lab test came back, my manager said the offer was rescinded and my employment was being terminated due the preliminary result conflicting with the lab result but I would be paid for my one day of work. As far as not being "honest" in my interview regarding the drug test, my attorney feels that is just a smoke screen. Any reasonable person would think that question is being asked specifically to illegal substances so essentially we don't waste each other's time if I knew I would fail. I had no obligation to disclose any legally prescribed medications.
I asked about the collection site (apparently the collection site is not directly affiliated with the lab, they just have a contract with the lab to analyze the samples they collect) disclosing the preliminary result and she said she wasn't sure if they did anything illegal because I signed a release before providing my urine sample and this is a separate issue, but she thinks an argument can be made for negligence. She would check up on it because she is not 100% familiar with collection sites releasing preliminary results in lieu of a lab test. She said that if it was a positive test for a substance that had no legitimate medical purpose, then "maybe" they would be ok releasing that but even still, dipping some strips in urine is not a certified or accredited test. She said ultimately the point of having a lab test and MRO is to remove all potential variables of a false positive and the point of the MRO is to have someone that is knowledgeable with what can cause a positive result and that can analyze if that positive result is valid or not, to prevent sending false positive results back. If it comes down to a lawsuit, she would name the collection company as part of it, but ultimately this is about the company discriminating.
Anyway, my attorney called me the next day saying she had a conference call with the head of HR and their legal department. When she initially talked to the head of HR, he had been on vacation when all this went down and he had no knowledge of my situation and would look into it and get back to her. He called her back with legal on the line and they decided to re-offer me my job and pay me for all the time missed. My attorney goes on to say they want to have a conference call with me present and if I could come into her office that afternoon. I agreed.
When I was at her office for the conference call, those present on the call were the head of HR, legal department, my manager, my attorney, and myself. Essentially this call was an apology to me. The head of HR profusely apologized for this. He went on to tell me that this decision was made by someone new in HR and despite the head being on vacation, he always makes himself available to his employees and he should have been consulted at the very least. If he had known about this, he would have gone with the lab result and we would have never been in this situation. He went on to say that he talked with the rep that decided to rescind my offer, and although he was apologetic, the head of HR felt that the rep did not fully understand the legal position he put the company in and he is no longer employed with the company. They want me to come back in Monday (tomorrow) to continue my employment. He stated that my manager spoke very highly of my qualifications and interview and they “want nothing more than a person with my background on their team.” He even said he would treat me and my manager to lunch Monday.
He told me that they will give me a private office to accommodate my ADHD. I told them that wasn’t necessary as I am perfectly capable of performing my job in a cubicle, like everyone else, but he insisted.
So now I have my job back, getting back pay, have a private office, and being treated to lunch by the head of HR. I owe much thanks to this community for all the advice and support you have given me. I wish I could personally shake hands with all of you. I was so scared before reading your comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Edit: I'm going to disclose my medication. I take Vyvanse. A lot of people assume I'm taking Adderall. I used to take Adderall but my doctor suggested I try Vyvanse when it came out. Although similar and made by the same company, Vyvanse is a much better medication for me. The release is more controlled, it's not as "intense" as Adderall, my appetite is not affected, I sleep much better with it, and it doesn't give me the "crash" that Adderall does when wearing off. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ihm4n2/i_take_prescription_medication_for_adhd_started_a/ | ihm4n2 | 10,475 | 91 | [
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2020-08-27T15:39:17 | "Our neighbor's dog was poisoned. Police want to look through our internet history. Wife says we should let them because we have nothing to hide. I say absolutely not. How should we proceed?" (r/legaladvice | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a75f0o/az_our_neighbors_dog_was_poisoned_police_want_to/) is by /u/carlinbajaAZ.*
I guess some background is in order here. Earlier this year a new set of neighbors moved in and they brought with them 3 very loud dogs who they let bark and bay 24 hours a day. We were the first people to go talk with them and they got better for maybe 20 minutes and they just let the dogs back outside to continue on.
Our city has a policy where noise complaints can be made to animal control so we did that which did nothing. The next step was to go to a city sponsored mediation at which point the dog's owners agreed to keep them inside. They did this for maybe 3 days and then we were back to square one. The next step is to take them before a judge who gave them a pretty hefty fine with the admonition to take care of the problem. This all took about 10 months with literally only a days total of these dogs not barking.
So they were quiet for about a month after the court date but slowly and surely they started barking again at all hours. We tried to go over and speak to them but this time they very clearly insinuated that barking dogs were their "right" and we needed to get the fuck off their property.
So we decided the only way was to start the process over with animal control as well as contacting our own lawyer to see about taking them to civil court. We have yet to contact the lawyer.
We had made the initial report to animal control last Thursday when we got a knock on our door and it was a uniformed police officer who said something like "do you have any antifreeze?" I was really taken aback and I think I asked "I think so, do you need some?"
He then spoke something into the walkie talkie on his epulat and asked if he could come. I literally had no idea what was going on and then he explained that one of the neighbors dogs had been poisoned and asked if we knew them. I explained that I actually didn't know who he was talking about (the other two dogs hadn't stopped barking after the other dog died, and I really have no way of knowing which dog is which). He said it was this family and said that they had told him we had a history of "being cruel to his dogs." I got out the whole file folder including my logs talking to the neighbors, the calls to animal control, my copy of the letters, mediation agreement and judges order as well as written down links to the youtube channel we created in order to document the barking via audio.
The officer then asked if he could take everything. I said I wasn't comfortable with that but I would be happy to make a copies today at work and drop them off at the local substation. I did exactly this. I was met by a uniformed supervisor who said that he would like to send a "specialist" over to our house and look through our "internet history" to see what we've been looking up. Again I was taken completely aback and said that I'm not sure what he'd be looking for. He told me that was up to them to decide what they'd be looking for. It took me as second but I asked him to better define "specialist" and "internet history" and he said that at this time he couldn't do that for me. I asked him if somehow we were suspects and he said (if I remember) "not yet." I asked him if I could leave, he said yes and again asked if his "specialist" could come over tonight. I said I would really rather not but I would get back in touch with him. He gave me his card and we said goodbye.
I just got home and told my wife. My wife insists that we invite him over right now to have them look through our computer. We have nothing on there that would tie us to any sort of dog death but I feel it's insane to just the police look through the nebulous "internet history" without them being very specific as to who is doing and what they are looking for.
She thinks that by not letting them we are making ourselves look very guilty. I say we are not guilty because we aren't freaking guilty and it's there job to find out who really did it. it sucks those people's dog died but we have followed the letter of the law and been exceedingly patient even though our once quiet house has been miserable for almost a year. I'm actually really annoyed that our willingness to play by the rules seemed to highlight us.
Thank you very much for any advice.
tl;dr: neighbors dog was apparently poisoned. Police want to look through our "internet history" with no real defined purpose or reason. Wife thinks we should let them, I say absolutely not.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a7odcn/updateaz_our_neighbors_dog_was_apparently/)
>Edit: hey guys I’m involved in the discussion at best of legal advice, a lot of good questions in DM but it would sure be easier if I could just answer them once. I’m sorry but since this is still potentially a legal and civil issue, I really don’t want to say where I am and my attorneys name. All the laws I found regarding barking ordinances were on google.
So thank you to everyone who responded. And I guess thank you to everyone in the DMs who accused me of torturing dogs by forcing the owners to keep them inside because god forbid, I want to sleep in my own house. Just to allay the fears of the other nice DM's, I did not in any way shape or form hurt the dog. Also a legit thank you to everyone who offered tips on anti-bark devices, the problem is these people aren't next door to us (which goes to show how loud the dogs are) so we don't have the ability to set up any sort of device.
I took the advice of 99.9% of the posters and did not call the officer back on Monday night. I also showed my wife this thread and she was pretty convinced so thank you for all the rational responses. I called a criminal defense attorney first thing yesterday morning.
He was very cool and said that he didn't want to waste our time any money because the chances of the DA actually pursuing this were slim to none. He did tell me to not answer any more questions and if the police did come for me again, I could refer them to him or if god forbid they arrested me, he gave me the number of his answering service. He said that he had a good friend who worked as detective and he'd try put a call in to figure out "off the record" what was really going on.
So basically nothing happened yesterday (of course the other dogs are still barking, even as I type this) but I just heard (Wednesday morning) from the attorney and basically he had talked to his detective friend who looked into it. Basically regardless of what the neighbors say, there is actually zero evidence of them owning three dogs. In fact the best evidence that the now dead dog ever existed were my calls to animal control, the mediation records and the judges ruling. The people could not provide any pictures, social media posts, any shot records, vet bills or purchase receipts for any of the dogs, let alone one that died. They also had not done any sort of medical exam to prove the dog had been poisoned and they immediately buried the dog in the desert when they found it dead (for all I know they buried the dog instead of taking to the vet, they are the trashiest people I've ever encountered). The can't even really remember where they buried it (or don't want to say). So with almost no evidence of the dog ever existing, let alone being poisoned we shouldn't hear from the police again.
So our complaint to animal control from last Thursday is still on the books. The lawyer is going to refer us to a civil attorney who he thinks will take our case to bring a civil suit against the dog owners. Our city and county ordinances very clearly state that dogs can't bark for more than 15 minutes a day and you have the right to an expectation of quiet in your own home. The criminal lawyer doesn't know how successful we'll be but he does think that maybe the threat of lawsuit will get them to address the barking problem, because it would be easier them to just bring the dogs inside as opposed to a court case which they stand a chance of losing. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ihnaga/our_neighbors_dog_was_poisoned_police_want_to/ | ihnaga | 8,127 | 73 | [
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2020-08-28T18:00:11 | "Found cash in my walls. It's mine, right?" (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/72wjbw/found_cash_in_my_walls_its_mine_right_can_i/) is by /u/GtacG.*
I inherited a house from my uncle 3 years ago and by accident (trying to pass a cable there) I found a stack of cash hidden in the wall. I bought a stud finder and looked through all walls today and found about $100,000 cash, and a VHS cassette. They were all packaged in sealed very strong and thick plastic bags.
I ordered a VHS player for my computer already to see what's on the tape. But my question is whether I can take this cash to my bank and deposit them without raising suspicions? Do I need to do that $10,000 at a time, or all in one go? I want to use this to pay back my student loans which are now about $65,000. I'll use the rest to pay off my car and the rest for building an emergency fund.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/75j6p2/found_cash_in_my_walls_its_mine_right_can_i/)
I watched the VHS tape and it was of my uncle going on a 25 minute speech about government conspiracies and how banks cannot be trusted. That's why he kept his savings in cash. He didn't even trust a safe deposit box. That's why they were kept in his walls. And it was $120,000 as he said it in the video. I found the other $20,000.
I went to a lawyer and showed her the will, the video and she said it's surprisingly common for people to leave cash inheritances in our area. She talked to the executor of the will as well, and then wrote a letter for me to give to the bank which explained this is from a cash inheritance with contact details of the executor in case the bank needed to contact them.
I scheduled an appointment with the bank. When I told them it's for a cash deposit they told me I don't need an appointment for that but I told them it's for a large deposit. They still said no appointment is necessary, but then I said it's a very large deposit. So they booked the appointment. Everything went smoothly at the bank. They made a copy of the letter that my lawyer had prepared. Money was in my account a few hours later.
I made payments and my student loans and car loan are both paid off and I now have a larger emergency fund.
Thanks! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iic0yj/found_cash_in_my_walls_its_mine_right_rlegaladvice/ | iic0yj | 2,241 | 391 | [
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2020-08-28T19:07:22 | "A club posted pictures of me online and I want them gone" (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/dvyzxu/a_club_posted_pictures_of_me_online_and_i_want/) is by /u/Psychaotic73.
I'm a college girl and I went to a bar/club with some friends. They had a photographer (I was told after that night out they usually have one) and there are a couple pictures of me they put online. They're not horrible, but they also are not great representations of me for the career I'm going for.
I called them and when I asked nicely to please take down the pictures, I was questioned as to why I want them gone. I told them I wasn't comfortable with having my pics online and I didn't feel I needed to justify myself further. I was met with rudeness and was told it was a great promotional pic, and they weren't breaking any rules by having it on Facebook or their website. I complained and asked for the manager (yeah, ok, go ahead and call me a karen). I was hung up on. How do I go about getting them to take it down? Thanks in advance.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/igdllf/update_a_club_posted_pictures_of_me_online_and_i/)
The original post didn't get any attention, but updates on this sub are like crack to me, so I'm posting it if anyone is interested.
TL;DR on the original post: I went to a club with friends, I didn't know ahead of time they had a photographer. Some pictures of me were posted of me on their website and Facebook. I asked them to take the photos down, they refused because they were "great promo pictures."
Sooo despite some of you guys commenting or PM'ing me things like slut shaming and wanting to see the pictures, I actually received the correct advice!
Facebook was very helpful with getting the photos taken down there. I reached out to their support and reported the photos and they were taken down within a week.
Someone pointed out this statute:
>Section 3A. Any person whose name, portrait or picture is used within the commonwealth for advertising purposes or for the purposes of trade without his written consent may bring a civil action in the superior court against the person so using his name, portrait or picture, to prevent and restrain the use thereof; and may recover damages for any injuries sustained by reason of such use. If the defendant shall have knowingly used such person's name, portrait or picture in such manner as is prohibited or unlawful, the court, in its discretion, may award the plaintiff treble the amount of the damages sustained by him.
That pointed me in the right direction of getting a cease and desist letters written. I have a friend who called in a favor with an IP lawyer who handled my case for very cheap. She was also pretty angry about it too when I told her about it, so I guess that was also motivation to help out a broke college kid.
It took two cease and desist letters, but the pictures were finally taken down within two months. I have a sinking suspicion it cost me a job offer in the meantime, but I'm not sure enough to actually do anything about it even if I could.
Anyway, thanks guys! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iidbfq/a_club_posted_pictures_of_me_online_and_i_want/ | iidbfq | 3,097 | 69 | [
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2020-08-29T17:06:49 | "Anyone meet their spouse in their 30s?" | r/AskWomenOver30 | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/82u2uu/anyone_meet_their_spouse_in_their_30s_how_did_you/?context=3) by u/rednails86*
&nbsp;
I’m 32, and about 6-7 months out of a relationship with a man I thought I would marry. We only dated a year (a fair amount of time at our age IMO) but our relationship was so great and easy and we were extremely compatible. He broke up with me very suddenly with vague doubts that he was unable to explain. He had been divorced and I suspect he panicked and doesn’t know it, but I have accepted that the relationship is over and have realized that certain things would have been missing in the long run (for example, his ability to be in touch with his emotions and communicate them to me).
I’ve done a fair amount of online dating since our breakup and finally feel truly ready to meet someone else. I know 32 is relatively young but I’m nervous about having time to meet someone, date, get married, and still have time to have kids. Another factor is that I feel very scared to date another divorced guy, but those are so common in my age group.
Anyone meet their spouse in their 30s? How did you meet?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/9cwe07/update_to_anyone_meet_their_spouse_in_their_30s/?context=3)
I posted 6 months ago asking for success stories about meeting your spouse in your 30s. I had been 7 months out of a very hard breakup with a man I thought I would marry, and I was not optimistic about my timeline.
Fast forward 6 months and I have been dating the most amazing man for almost 4 months. I feel more love and teamwork from him in those short months than I ever felt from my ex. He told me he loved me after only 2 months and he is so great about telling and showing me how he feels. Hindsight is 20/20 - they say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, but I say you don’t know what you were missing until you have it. I didn’t know my ex was so closed off emotionally until I met this new guy.
Last night we laid in bed hugging and tipsily gushing about our feelings for each other for over an hour, and we both ended up crying from all the emotions. I don’t know for sure what will happen with him, but I feel incredibly optimistic and so in love! Thanks to everyone for the supportive responses to my last post!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/idhvfk/update_to_anyone_meet_their_spouse_in_their_30s/)
Three years ago I went through an incredibly hard breakup and posted about being down about my timeline for marriage/kids and asked for success stories about meeting your spouse in your 30s.
Two years ago I met an amazing man and posted about how optimistic and in love I was. In between those posts I spent some time in therapy, focused on myself, and went on a ton of good and bad online dates.
Last month I married my incredible husband (!!) and turned 35! Yes, it is the same guy from my last post. We are now trying for our first kid. It's crazy how fast that all changed. Thanks to everyone for their supportive posts, and shout out to all the 30-something singles out there - just stay true to yourself and realize that there will be someone better for you out there! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iiw0t8/anyone_meet_their_spouse_in_their_30s/ | iiw0t8 | 3,274 | 224 | [
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2020-08-30T00:54:19 | "Someone is threatening to release nude photos of me that were taken when I was underage and I'm terrified that I'll lose my job and be arrested for what is essentially child porn!" (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xrn91/ohio_someone_is_threatening_to_release_nude/) is by /u/reallyfuckingscared9.*
When I was 14/15 (I am now in my early 20s) I had a boyfriend who convinced me to give him nude photos. I wasn't thinking at the time that any nudes of me would essentially be child pornography, so I did it. In total I think there were probably about 100 images or so and a couple videos. He had them all on his computer, most were taken by me and a few were taken by him. I know that he showed the pictures to some people when we broke up (like had the people over to his house and pulled up the photos on his computer, I didn't know he actually sent them to anyone), which was shitty of him to do, but I asked his sister to delete the photos and she did. I then forgot all about it, it was so long ago that until very recently I barely even remembered it happened.
I don't want to give any identifying information out, but within the last year, I have gained a few hundred thousand followers on a social media platform. I make money from that social media platform and from partnerships I got through it, and it's now how I support myself.
Yesterday, a guy I went to school with (who I didn't even realize was friends with my ex-boyfriend) contacted me and told me that he had those nude photos, and he would post them online if I didn't pay him $10,000. I do not know how he got them but I know for a fact he does have them. All or most of them, from what I can tell, and the videos too.
My reputation would be completely ruined by this, I would lose followers and I know the partnerships I have would end, and this is how I make my living so that would be a huge blow. Not to mention I'm absolutely terrified I'll be arrested for taking photos that are pretty much child porn. If they were taken while I was over 18, I would go to the police for him blackmailing me, but if I do that now I'll essentially be admitting that I took part in child porn. I should have known that my ex-boyfriend could have sent them somewhere else before his sister deleted them from his computer, but I just wasn't thinking at the time and I definitely didn't realize it would come back to bite me in this way.
I can afford to send this guy $10,000 but I know if I do this probably won't be the only time he asks for money and I can't really do it more than once, and my reputation will be completely annihilated if he releases these photos. I don't know what to do here and I'm freaking out really badly, can anybody help me or give me advice? Should I go get a lawyer?
tl;dr a guy I knew in high school is threatening to release nude photos and videos of me from when I was underage unless I pay him $10,000 and I'm worried I'll be arrested or at least lose my reputation/income.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7sazg2/update_to_someone_is_threatening_to_release_nude/)
So as the title states, last year I was dealing with blackmail from someone who got a hold of nudes from when I was 14/15. I thought I would update now that it's come to a resolution.
I went to see a lawyer the day after I made that post. He drafted a letter formally telling the guy to fuck off, and was very kind in assuring me that I had nothing to worry about. It was radio silence from the guy, for about six months. Then I got an email from another address with the same demand, saying that the money needed to be sent in 24 hours or the pictures would go live.
I panicked and called my lawyer, asking him to meet me at the police station. He was really understanding (literally left his daughter's birthday party to come help me) and when we got there, we met with a detective, who was also really nice and heard me out.
Long story short, we found out that the guy blackmailing me was actually (drumroll please) my ex-boyfriend masquerading as someone else. He was arrested, and it was also discovered that he had broken into my apartment on a few occasions (he had things in his possession that he could only have gotten by getting into my residence). I wasn't the only one who was being stalked, and they also discovered other illegal activity that I wasn't really allowed to know about.
Anyway, my ex was just sentenced a few days ago and he won't be getting out anytime soon, plus I'm getting married in a few months and I'll be moving to another state far away from my ex. So I thought I'd update here with the good news! I was afraid that I'd be arrested and lose everything, but thanks to you guys I got up the courage to deal with the situation. I really appreciate the advice I got here! Thank you again so much. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ij3u34/someone_is_threatening_to_release_nude_photos_of/ | ij3u34 | 4,698 | 429 | [
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2020-08-30T17:42:24 | "I'm a US citizen living and stuck in Iran. I want to come to the US." (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8688pj/im_a_us_citizen_living_and_stuck_in_iran_i_want/) is by /u/Hechanic.*
I'm 18 and female. I was born in the US in the state of Oregon and lived there until 11 years old. My parents are Iranian and went back to Iran when I was 11. I'm a dual Iranian-American citizen.
I don't have an American or Iranian passport but I have my birth certificate and social security number and school records from when I was in the US. There is no US embassy in Iran and I need my father's permission to get an Iranian passport or leave the country so that I can go to another country to visit a US embassy. My father will not give me the permission.
My brother lives in Seattle this is where I will go once I go to the US.
What can I do? How do I come back to the US?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cz63nt/im_a_us_citizen_living_and_stuck_in_iran_i_want/)
I am now back in the US. It wasn't easy and took a long time mostly because my parents had hid all my American documents from me. But I found them, took originals and replaced them with copies. They never noticed.
The office of foreign interests at the Swiss embassy were very helpful although they didn't do anything until I had the documents proving that I'm a US citizen. I was able to exit Iran by going on a vacation with my family to Turkey and I just did not come back with them. The foreign interests office arranged everything so that I could go to the US consulate in Istanbul, they were already in the loop and were aware of my case, I had a quick interview and picked up my travel documents. My brother bought a ticket for me to fly to the US directly from Istanbul. I had a difficult time getting through airport immigration and had to answer questions for over an hour but in the end everything was fine.
Needless to say my parents are very upset with me but they have no control over me anymore. I now need to find a job and see what I can do for going to college. Thank you for the advice. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ijgv36/im_a_us_citizen_living_and_stuck_in_iran_i_want/ | ijgv36 | 2,075 | 303 | [
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2020-08-30T19:24:54 | "My wife found out that my mother and I have been lying to her about the baby for months." (r/relationships) | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/az648p/my_wife_28f_found_out_that_my_mother_59f_and_i/) is by /u/throwawaywifehatesme.*
This all went down about an hour ago and my wife is still crying in our bathroom with the door locked.
Backstory: We had our son (now 11 months old) while my wife is in residency. She took a few weeks off before giving birth, and then went back to work a few months after, while I transitioned my hours to part-time so that I could stay at home and raise our son. My mom moved in with us shortly after the birth in order to help out, which allows me to get in the few hours of work per day and also not get swamped with taking care of the baby/housework. She's quite old-fashioned and would definitely not prefer this arrangement with me being a stay-at-home dad, but she hasn't said anything to either of us and has been a great help.
For anyone unfamiliar with medical residency, it is brutal. My wife has just over a year left. Sometimes she comes and goes for 1-3 days and our son is asleep the whole time she's home, which has been happening more as his sleep schedule shifted to sleeping through the night. My mom and I make sure that when she's home and the baby is awake, my wife gets him 100%. I know it's been hard on her, but unfortunately it's just going to be this way for another year.
The first big milestone she missed was him rolling over. When she got home, my mom pulled her over to the baby all excited. I thought she was going to tell her, but instead she says "Julie, you came home right on time! He's been moving about as if he's going to roll over!" They both stood there encouraging him, and right on cue he rolls. My wife was elated. She was so worried and guilty about not being there and she took it as proof that she can still be a present mother while working.
So we continued. I send texts over little things she misses through the day so that it's not completely unbelievable, but my wife has been 'present' for every single BIG milestone. He coincidentally started crawling with her right there, his first words were in front of her, and he began standing, cruising, and walking when she happened to be home. The walking one was difficult- there was a tough 7 day stretch where she just wasn't home during the daytime when he was awake, and his walking went from teetering to walking a couple steps pretty confidently in that time. We put little beanbags in one of his pants pockets so he'd be wobbly and unbalanced and it looked believable since he fell after the first step like he was doing a week ago. Yes, it was mean to our poor son but my wife's face was worth it.
Today it all unravelled. So far he can just say 'mama', 'dada' and 'nana'. Yesterday he started saying 'bye-bye'. My wife has today off and has been home all morning. My mom and I have been trying to get him to say bye all day without giving it away that we already know he can say bye. Successfully got him to say bye to the ducks at the park, and we both gushed over his newest word the whole way home. My wife was using my phone to take pictures of him and began showing my mom at home while telling her about his newest word acquisition. She was swiping through my gallery and saw a video from yesterday and goes "oh you never sent me this one!" It was literally like a slow motion film happening in front of my eyes. I had taken the video of him yesterday waving bye-bye.
My wife isn't an idiot. She figured the whole ruse out pretty much instantly. I've never seen her look so upset and heartbroken before. I couldn't say or do anything to comfort her. Now she's locked herself in the bathroom crying and won't come out. I'm on our bed hoping someone can please tell me what to do to make this better.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/azzp25/update_my_wife_28f_found_out_that_my_mother_59f/)
Don't think anyone would particularly care about an update but I all appreciated the insight anyways. So here's an update:
After I wrote the original post, my mom took my son to stay overnight with my wife's sister so that the two of us could have the house to ourselves.
We pretty much just talked for an hour while constantly reaffirming that we love each other a lot and want to sort this out. I apologized and explained why I did what I did. She said that feeling like she was there for our son's milestones was really just a band-aid solution that didn't actually convince her she was present. She said that if she actually had been using the milestones to feel like she was present, this would probably have felt worse for her. But since she wasn't, in her words, "deluding herself into thinking she's actually home", her main issue was that I lied which hurt her feelings. I apologized and explained that I honestly thought that she would prefer the lying if given the choice. She said she understood where I was coming from and that she felt betrayed when she realized, but she sees that I was doing it because I love her and she thinks we'll probably laugh about it with our grandkids one day (yes, I am very aware I don't deserve my wife).
Some things came out on my end that I wasn't going to tell her and didn't mention in my last post- namely, that I'm scared she's going to become suicidal. My uncle committed suicide when I was a child, in part from working in a high-stress job where he made a huge and costly mistake. One of my wife's colleagues attempted suicide while she was on mat leave. Being a working mom is bad enough, being a resident in this program is bad enough, both combined are a recipe for trouble. Since our son was born and the incident with her colleague happened, I've been afraid that if her home life wasn't perfect, it would push her over the edge. Anyways, she reassured me that that's not happening and I think saying it out loud also made me realize it's a pretty irrational, groundless fear.
We ordered takeout and sat together watching the real videos I have of all our son's firsts. I also have a special folder of pictures/videos of my son with my wife, so we went through that after. She almost choked from laughing so hard when I tentatively revealed the beanbag trick. I am the laughing stock of her friend-group chat. So I guess we're already at the stage where we're laughing about it.
Thank you to those who responded to the last post! The stereotype of someone in r/relationships advocating divorce every time anything happens is true. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ijipsi/my_wife_found_out_that_my_mother_and_i_have_been/ | ijipsi | 6,514 | 308 | [
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2020-08-31T01:04:44 | "My [25F] boyfriend [25M] had a crush on a girl [25F]. Girl moved away, boyfriend and I started dating. Now girl is moving back, I'm nervous and insecure." (r/relationships) | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4xgz9v/my_25f_boyfriend_25m_had_a_crush_on_a_girl_25f/) is by /u/GeorgiaApple.*
My boyfriend of 2 years, Harry, is really close friends with this girl 'Reena'. Okay so, Harry is a catch. Good looking, smart, funny, really sweet, outgoing, all of that. Reena is the exact same. They both are loved by honestly everyone they meet. Harry used to say Reena was "basically the female version of me".
I was friends with Harry before we started dating (and knew of Reena but never talked to her). Harry made it really obvious he liked Reena. He said that he was basically just waiting for her to say yes to him so they could date. He would go on and on about how pretty, smart, funny, interesting, etc. she is. Reena rejected him but always jokingly and made it seem like "one day we'll be together, but not now". Even their families wanted them together but Reena wasn't interested because she thought Harry was too good of a friend to risk losing in case the relationship went bad.
We all lived in the area and 2 years ago, Reena moved from our area to the other side of the country for work. She had a going away party that I was invited to. The whole time, Reena and Harry were attached at the hip and acted like a couple even though they weren't. Then Reena moved across country.
Me and Harry didn't become a couple until a few months after Reena left. We started talking and had a ton in common, so we started dating. We've been together for about a year and a half and things are really good with us.
Monday I was at Harry's place when he told me that Reena just called him and said she's coming back home soon and wanted to meet up with him. My heart dropped. He seemed excited to see her again and said he missed her.
I've been feeling honest to god anxiety for the past few days. Harry had the biggest crush on this girl and she's prettier, smarter, more funny, more interesting, etc. than me. When she comes back, what if she decides she wants Harry for herself? How would Harry react if I said I didn't want them being friends anymore? I can tell certain people in our group are interested to see what happens when Reena comes back because everyone knows their history. They kept in touch while she was gone, but Harry's been a really good boyfriend and treated me well so I thought it was fine. I feel really nervous right now and don't know how to handle things.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/b4tq6y/update_my_27f_boyfriends_27m_old_crush_returning/)
He ended up breaking up with me about a month after she came back and got back with her. It's been two years since this all happened and I heard through the grapevine they got engaged last weekend. I've moved on and it's alright, but my heart breaks when I think of how insecure and self-conscious I felt when all this went down. I know I'll eventually find a guy who I won't have any worries about, until then I'm chilling.
TL;DR: I was right to be worried. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ijoixr/my_25f_boyfriend_25m_had_a_crush_on_a_girl_25f/ | ijoixr | 3,043 | 63 | [
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2020-08-31T01:17:57 | Very clingy and overbearing coworker buys OP a cheap and tacky wedding dress that OP never asked get to buy, and expects her to wear it at her upcoming wedding. (r/weddingdrama) | Other | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ijoq58/very_clingy_and_overbearing_coworker_buys_op_a/ | ijoq58 | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-08-31T01:50:09 | Very clingy and overbearing coworker buys OP a cheap and tacky wedding dress that OP never asked her to buy, and expects her to wear it at her upcoming wedding. (r/weddingdrama) | r/weddingdrama | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/ff60li/coworker_bought_me_a_cheap_and_trashy_wedding/) is by /u/Wolvessqueen.*
Okay, so before anyone starts thinking I am an ungrateful, selfish individual, just bear with me for a second.
I have this coworker who I thought was super sweet. She's older, around 50, and childless. I'm 25. She and I talked a lot at work and I've told her about my fiance and our engagement. She offered to help with my wedding, and she offered to buy me a wedding dress. With me being the humble, shy girl I am I politely refused her overly kind gesture. I told her it was okay, she didn't have to do that for me. Over time I have been discovering she is someone you have to be very careful with. She loves to bad mouth other people while being sweet to their face.
So, before I came to the notion above, she decided to buy me a wedding dress after she asked me about the styles I liked. Yup, low and behold this lady bought me an actual dress! I thanked her and tried it on at home while my fiance was at work.
It was nothing like the photo of the dress she said she was going to order. It was poorly made with cheap material, and it looked terrible on me. I am average built and this made me look like I had an 8.5 months pregnant belly and HUMONGOUS hips!!! I was thinking to myself, "No way! Where did she get this thing?" I was assuming it probably cost like 20 bucks from some crappy China-based site. Needless to say, I will not be wearing it to my wedding.
Later on, my coworker surprised me and said she was going to order me a hair piece to go with. Again, I politely declined her offer. And? You guessed it. She ordered me a hair piece. I opened the package, not knowing what kind of hair piece this was going to be. It was a freaking tiara. I was like, "Are you kidding me?" This lady knows I'm not super girly, she knows I'm rather tomboyish, and that's what she got me. It too, was super cheaply made, and it was too small for my fat head anyway.
Then, she started telling me I need four dresses for my wedding. One for engagement photos, one for the rehearsal, one for the ceremony, and one for the reception. This time, with a little more annoyance, I told her that I do not need all this. She bought me an "engagement dress" anyway. This thing was HIDEOUS. Denim, low square-cut neckline, and 3 sizes too big. It came from Old Navy of all places.
Furthermore...My fiance has met her and he does not like her. He is a very good judge of character and he knows something about her is fishy. I have picked up on it too as time has progressed.
So my questions are this: Why would this lady I work with (whom I still don't know super well) go out of her way to order me a bunch of cheap crap? I get that it's a nice gesture but in my mind, if you're going to buy someone a wedding dress, why would you order something from somewhere that you know is going to be so badly made?
Why would you order a tiara for someone who you know is not into that sort of thing?
Why would you buy someone this crap even though they repeatedly (and politely) declined it? I feel like this lady has overstepped her boundaries. I have taken all the crap she gave me and donated it.
So. What are your thoughts on this bunch of malarkey?
---
**UPDATE** *(added on later to the same post that is linked above)*
Sorry it took so long for me to come alive again, I forgot about this post for a minute there. So... I took a leave of absence from work in order to focus on school for the semester. I returned in May and her attitude towards me was totally different.
She barely went out of her way to talk to me or look at me. Essentially, I picked up on a different vibe from her. I would simply say hi to her now and then if we crossed paths but otherwise I would ignore her.
I discovered the other day that she unfriended me from Facebook. I was sitting back, waiting to see if she'd do the deed herself and to my surprise she did! I haven't heard anything bad about me via the grapevine (yet) but I anticipate hearing something negative at some point. What goes around comes around...I'll update you guys further if anything else interesting happens. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ijp6vi/very_clingy_and_overbearing_coworker_buys_op_a/ | ijp6vi | 4,224 | 58 | [
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2020-08-31T18:17:58 | "I am sitting in the back of my RV as my husband rants about how lovely the trip would be if I hadn't joined him." (r/relationships) | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3ecgbv/i_30_f_am_sitting_in_the_back_of_my_rv_as_my/) from five years ago is by /u/throwaway546566.*
This might be confusing, but I will try my best to be clear. I am typing this on my tablet, so please forgive me for any spelling/grammar mistakes. Just to note, this is the first time that an issue like this has come up in our marriage and I do not know what to do.
I have been writing romance novels since I was in college. I was a relatively successful author and I have made a living off selling my novels ever since. I do not make a lot of money, but I do bring home ~$40,000 a year in book sales. This allows me to stay at home during the day so I can write and also make crafts to sell in my etsy shop.
A few years after college, I met Tim and we instantly hit it off. We dated for three years before tying the knot and we bought a house shortly after. Tim makes his living off his investments and stocks, however, we keep our finances separate. This is because Tim inherited a vast amount of money from his family and before we married, I signed a pre-nup agreement in order to ease his mind. We both contribute an equal share to the joint bank account for bills, then we use the remainder of our money for ourselves.
About a year ago I landed a contract to write part of a romance series. The contract was huge and the payout was over $120,000 for a few months' work. I contributed my share to the joint account and then put the rest of the money into the bank so I could buy an RV. I have always wanted an RV because I love to travel and nothing would make me happier than being able to write while on the road. Tim is often away on business for days at a time, so the RV would give me an opportunity to get out of the house while he is away. After six months of deciding, I chose a lightly used RV and purchased it from the owners for a great price.
When Tim found out I purchased the RV, he was excited. He has a travel trailer, but it's not the same as an all-in-one RV. He loves RVs and he wanted to immediately take it out for a trip across the state. We took our trip and Tim couldn't stop talking about how much he enjoyed the experience and he started talking about taking more trips together. I gently reminded him that even though the RV is a fun thing for us to have for vacations, that it's main purpose is for me to have something to do while he is away for business (but that we would be taking plenty of vacations together!). Tim agreed with me and he let it go for a while.
The thing is, in the past few weeks, Tim has been badgering me about taking the RV with him on his business trips. He usually flies when he goes to check his rental properties/visit family and he is normally gone for 4-5 days at a time. We got into an argument because he had to evict a tenant and he wanted to drive the RV across the state in order to do so. I asked him if I could come along, and Tim said he would prefer if I didn't. I then said that if I couldn't come with him, that he couldn't take my RV. I suggested that he take his travel trailer instead and he got mad and stormed out of the house. About an hour later, he started texting me like nothing had happened and then he said he was taking the RV as if our previous conversation had never happened. I called him and tried to explain that he had just purchased a brand new pickup and that if I didn't get to drive his new truck in his absence, why should he get to take my RV when I am not coming on the trip?
Tim and I went back and forth and eventually he said I could come along if it meant that much to me. I said I would, and now I am regretting everything. I am sitting in the back of my own RV with a man who won't let me touch the wheel. It has been three days since this trip has started, and all Tim has done is rant about how awesome the RV trip would be if I weren't with him. It has made me question everything in our marriage, from how we split our finances to how we argue and function together.
This is the first time that anything like this has ever happened and I don't know what to do in this situation. He is still ranting as I type this and he's never done that before either.
**tl;dr**: I bought an RV with my money so I could write/travel in it while husband is away for business. Husband insisted on taking the RV with him without me, I convinced him to let me come. Now he is ranting about how he doesn't want me on the trip while I sit in the back of the RV hating my life.
**Edit:** Hey guys, I have read all your comments and advice. I don't know what I'll do yet, but I will update later.
**Second edit:** Hey guys, I've read all of your messages and I've got limited internet right now. A few of you were concerned for my safety and I just wanted to let you all know I'm fine. I plan on confronting him later today.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3g5394/update_i_30_f_am_sitting_in_the_back_of_my_rv_as/)
I promised I would update, but things got very hectic and this is the first chance I have gotten. This whole situation makes me very emotional, so please forgive me if this post is not as coherent as I would like it to be.
When I posted my first post, we were on the road in the RV and my husband was giving me the cold shoulder while he bitched at me from the driver's seat. You all had some great advice for me about what I should do, and I listened to a few people who suggested that he might be cheating on me.
Tim had left his iPad in the back of the RV to charge while he drove. I'm not proud of this, but I was able to sneak his iPad into the bedroom while he was distracted by the road. He was logged into his email account and I quickly skimmed over his inbox but didn't find anything suspicious. I then had the idea to check his sent folder and found out that he had been chatting up his ex from college. It made me sick to my stomach to read the messages, but luckily they had not yet been physical. Translated from chatspeak, the message he had sent his ex was basically: "I can't wait to get my hands on you! It's been years since I felt that mouth. I'm excited!"
I was disgusted, but I tried to keep calm. We were on the road headed to another state and we planned on stopping at his mother's house. I knew that if his messages were in the sent folder, that meant that he had deleted them. Tim was not planning on being caught and was trying to hide his tracks. He wanted my RV so that he could take his ex around the state and have fun without leaving a credit card trace. I took photos of the emails and sent them to myself in order to preserve the evidence. I then went back to the front of the RV and acted as if everything was fine. I apologized (don't worry, I lied) for how I had acted and suggested that we ask his mom to help us work through this. Tim said that he was sorry and that he accepted my apology. He said he was looking forward to using the RV in the future and that he was glad I had come to see reason. I smiled and nodded but on the inside I was cursing his existence.
We made it to his mom's house and I made up an excuse about having to change because my clothes were wrinkled. Tim went inside without me and I started throwing all of his clothes and belongings into a trashbag. I then went inside the house and Tim was sitting with his mom in the kitchen. He asked me what I was doing with the bag and I told him that I was giving him his clothes so that I could leave. Tim then got angry and asked me what the fuck was I doing and his mom was simply confused. She asked me what was going on and I told her, "I'm not sure myself. I'm waiting for Tim to explain why he was planning to cheat on me with his ex."
Tim's mom then started to cry and yell at Tim while he tried to calm her down. I know Reddit does not have a lot of love for religion, but Tim's mother is a fundamentalist. She had loved me from the minute Tim introduced me to her and it would be an understatement to say that she was very upset with her adulterous son. Tim never tried to apologize to me, instead he chased after his mother saying he was sorry to her. This made her cry harder, because she knew that he wasn't even trying to make amends with me, he was just apologizing to her. She hugged me and told me to just go home and she would handle her son. I thanked her and took the RV keys from Tim (this ended up being a minor wrestling match) and left. I drove home crying, but at least I got rid of my asshole ex-husband.
Tim called me the next day and begged me to come back to him. He said it was all a mistake, that he was sorry. I asked him why he didn't apologize at his mother's house, why he didn't say he was sorry when I was handing him his bag. I told him that he didn't care about cheating on me, that all he cared about was how bad it made him look to his family. He tried to explain himself, but I cut him off and hung up. I blocked him on all social media and haven't heard anything since.
I have gotten a lawyer and have already started the divorce process. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ik3cx2/i_am_sitting_in_the_back_of_my_rv_as_my_husband/ | ik3cx2 | 9,134 | 587 | [
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2020-08-31T19:53:33 | Redditors wife becomes a homeless addict, and he's found himself falling in love with her sister. | Relationship_Advice | The [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/iijj64/i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former_sister_inlaw27f/) in /r/relationships by u/ThrowRA0727
I(32m) am in love with my former sister inlaw(27f)
I'm finally at a point where I can't stand this anymore. I've been in love with this woman for a very long time, maybe a couple of years at this point and I'm not sure if I should just kill it or attempt to make something with her.
I met my ex-wife, her sister, when I was 23-years-old and the relationship developed very quickly and by 26 I had my son and daugther and had gotten married. However, within months of being married my ex-wife had an affair, but worse than that the man she cheated with had gotten her into Heroin. After confronting her on this she said she was going to get help, but instead she left in the night. I haven't heard from her in 4 years and last I've heard she's still with that guy and are homeless in Las Vegas. Not sure how true that is, but being focused on holding it together for the kids, I really don't have the time to chase her down, nor do I want to after what she pulled.
I ended up getting a divorce in absentia. I did however maintain a very positive relationship with my inlaws after the fact. Every other weekend my kids stay over with their grandparents on that side and they pretty much treat me like a son still, I still go to parties at Christmas and am reasonably liked by the family. Nobody talks about my ex anymore mainly to not worry my kids. My oldest, my son is very hurt by his mother leaving. He's 9 now and I've had to get therapy for him after he told me he hoped his mother was dead. She had been getting verbally abusive toward the end which was when he was around 5 or 6
Anyhow, in the year following my ex leaving, her sister and my her boyfriend had started coming around a lot to see the kids. They knew I worked a lot and would babysit and call it practice as they wanted to have children of their own. My kids love them and were spoiled by them, which I didn't mind because we all needed a little positivity. They got married and were very in love. However, her husband was killed in a workplace accident shortly after the birth of their daughter.
It has been extremely rough and painful for everyone involved as one can imagine. I followed my Sil's example and began to take her daughter to give her time to herself if things got too hard to deal with or she needed alone time. She's been in grief counciling for a few years but she still wears her ring and has told me she can't ever imagine dating again. I talk to her about him frequently and she's gotten to a better place but she's still very much in love with him, I can't imagine that sort of pain.
Over the last two years we've been a more constant figure in each others lives. My kids love their aunt and I have her over for dinner a couple times a week. My daughter and her daughter have become close and love being around each other so they have sleepovers. I've moved on from my ex by this but the idea of dating possibly someone dangerous as their mother has kept me out of the dating scene.
I don't know when it happened, but slowly I began to get soft on my SIL. She's a great mom for what she's had happen to her. She's one of the sweetest people I know and her sense of humor always leaves me laughing and happy. Then I started realizing that I'm physically attracted to her. I've always felt kind guilty about it because her late husband was a good friend and since she's obviously is still grieving, so I've kept it to myself.
Since Covid started we've been together a bit more because social distancing has had us lose contact with most other people. Nothing romantic has ever been discussed and I try not to flirt, but last week it was very late and after the kids went to bed I made us a few drinks, not enough to get drunk but she decided she'd rather spend the night, so I took my couch. I woke up to breakfast this morning and the four of us felt like the sort of family I've always wanted. She even kissed my forehead which is not something she normally does. I still didn't say anything, but after she left I found my son quietly playing with his toys in his room. He looked upset so I asked him if he was alright.
He tells me point blank in the way only a kid can that he wishes Sil was his mother. I sat down with him and asked him why he thought that way and he gave a whole bunch of reasons her being nice to him, that she never yells about anything. He likes seeing her at his grandparents and she draws pictures with him, which I didn't know they did. By the end of it my heart that is already melting for this woman even more wound up.
When visiting dropping them off with their grandparents, I tried to breach the subject with her folks to kinda feel around how people would see. I made a joke about she and I acting like a married couple sometimes and they didn't laugh and were kind of stand offish, friendly but either they know something or they disapprove.
It's getting too hard for me to ignore or pretend it's not getting to me. I'm in love with her. Either I've got to kill it and find some way not to think of her, or I have to find some sort of way to navigate through this situation and tell her everything. If anybody out there has any insight on how to approach a widow, especially one who was married to a friend, with this sort of intention I could really use your help.
TLDR- Sil and I became close after my divorce to her sister and death of her husband. She's great with my kids. I'm in love and don't know how to proceed.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ik0pnv/update_i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former_sister/)
Firstly I'd like to thank everyone who gave me advice on how to proceed and ideas and things I could maybe say to my former SIL. What I ended up doing. Shortly after making the first post, I remembered that my children were spend Sunday night over their grandparents house, and typically when they do this, my niece, Sils daughter will join them. I allow these biweekly visits because I think it's important for them to maintain a healthy relationship with their mother's parents. And Sil let's her daughter go because she enjoys playing with my daughter. Well I realized we'd both have a free night. Normally I'd just game or hit the gym an extra night but I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to Sil without the kids being around.
So I sent her a text saying "Hey, kids are out this Sunday, was thinking you might wanna get dinner." It was a fairly upscale place that reopened two months or so ago for outdoor dining. I never ask her out to dinner and we're almost never alone together, or without a child in the other room. She says she'd love to and so my panic starts setting in because now I've gotta actually act on my feelings. I ask her if she'd prefer meeting at my place and taking one car or meeting at the restaurant, she says she'll come by my place first.
I'm a bit more cleaned up then normal, dressed up but not overly dressed. She show's up and my God, she's in a very nice evening dress, make up (Not something she normally wears.) really looking stunning. I must have been slack jawed for a second I had to be lol. We make a little small talk compliment how we look but I still don't have my nerve yet and she isn't pushing the issue.
Dinner is really wonderful, they had live jazz type group playing. Definitely coming back to this place. She tells me this is the first time she's really had an adult social outing that didn't involve her daughter in a few years and I mention that it's about as long for me. We're laughing, joking, talking, a little casual touching here and there. I can't seem to find my nerve though, I'm afraid of ruining this moment, so I just submit to having fun. But as we're leaving my mind snaps and I'm just like fuck it. And when we stand to go back to the car, I give her my arm and we walk back to the car arm and arm no awkwardness, nobody mentioning that it's happening. I open her door for her and I plan on driving her back to her car.
As I open the door she stops me. Looking sort of nervous, she just outright tells me to stop and that she want to kiss me. There was no alcohol at dinner so this is all her. So I pull her in and we kiss. I can barely describe how wonderful it felt to finally touch her. Well the kissing goes on outside this restaurant with her leaned against my car for at least a half and hour. When we finally break we share a few more dreamy looks before we get in the car and drive back to my place. She's holding my hand as I'm driving, I don't think I've ever been happier.
I confess to her that I've started having feelings for her a long time ago but what with the terrible things we went through I didn't want to scare her away. She tells me that she's carried a torch for about 6 months herself. At that time I had gone on a couple Tinder dates and since we were just friends I described what a mess of a time those dates were. She tells me she began feeling intensely jealous and angry that I was seeing these girls it was about that time it clicked in her mind that she had some how developed feelings for me. As it turns out I didn't approach her because of her late husband and she wasn't approaching me because she was afraid I'd see too much of her sister, my ex wife, in her and start to resent her for it.
I invited her in after we got back home and we decided to try and fight off the desire to jump straight into bed, and just sat on couch snuggling and talking about what we would need to do to make this a working relationship. There was some really teary moments there. We of course talked about her late husband a little and where she feels in the grief process saying I don't want to rush her and that I'm not going anywhere if she needs time I'll wait as long as she needs me to. She says that she feels like she's in a place where she could love again, that she's long past feeling guilty for having feelings for me, it was something she struggled with.
She then brought up her sister, and the obvious questions a few people asked in the comments. What would we do if ex ever decided to show her face around here again or try to get back into my kids life. What if she comes back reformed and apologetic would I take her back. I told Sil that's a hard no, that I've forgiven her for cheating on me, but I will never forgive her for what she did to my son. He was quite a sunshiny and happy boy before his mother started cheating, using, and lashing out at him. He's doing better now, but for a long while his behavior and negativity for somebody so young troubled me. Sil was concerned how he might react to her as unlike our respective daughters he is old enough to understand everything. I told her not to tell him as it might embarrass him, but not to long ago he told me his wished his Aunt was his Mom instead.
We said we were going to take it slow and now go to fast with things, but the kissing started again and since we were in private this time... we gave up the fight to stay out of the bedroom. I have had fantasies throughout the duration of my feelings for her, and getting to pet her face in the morning was one I finally got to live out. Moving forward, we are going to establish date nights and work on building on our already strong foundation. When we inevitably tell our folks we're a couple we're going to do it together. But that's where I'm at. That's it, that's my update. If this subbreddit allows maybe I'll do another to say how the parents, inlaws, and kids take the news. 2 years of wishing she was mine and now she is. Better not F this up.
TLDR- We're in love. | -bonita_applebum | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ik585r/redditors_wife_becomes_a_homeless_addict_and_hes/ | ik585r | 11,756 | 122 | [
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