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2020-03-25T16:49:21 | I followed and reported a drunk driver, then I got a ticket for driving past curfew | LegalAdvice | Last week I was driving home from my friend's house when I noticed someone driving very erratically. They were swerving when there was nothing to avoid and they couldn't stay in their lane so I called the police and followed them.
The police caught up to us after a while and they pulled over the driver. It turns out that he was extremely drunk and when they gave him the sobriety tests he failed them miserably. He was arrested and the police asked me to write a statement and give them my information.
I gave one of the cops my driver's license (I'm under 18) so he could copy my address and he said that I wasn't allowed to be driving because it was past 11. I told him that I would've been home by 11 but I noticed the drunk driver and I didn't want someone to get hurt so I followed them. Plus when I called them they asked me to keep following the man even though it was technically past curfew.
The officer said that it didn't matter even if me driving past curfew meant that World War 3 was prevented, that the law is the law and that he had to give me a ticket because I broke curfew. He said he would have to give me another ticket if I drove home myself so I called my parents and they came and picked me up (and drove the car I was driving home).
This feels so wrong, I did a good thing and I'm getting punished for it. Am I really going to have to pay this ticket or is there some way out? I'm thinking of calling the police station and asking them to reduce the fine but at this point I'm really anxious because I have to mail something back to the court in a few days otherwise I'll get arrested and I don't know what to do.
I'm in Pennsylvania if it matters.
 
[**UDPATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bieir5/update_pa_i_followed_and_reported_a_drunk_driver/)
I took the advice that I was given and I pled not guilty. Last week I went to court, and here's what happened:
I brought copies of my cell phone's call log (showing that I called 911 before curfew) as well as the same records from my carrier. I also got a copy of the drunk driver's criminal complaint with the help of the court clerk, and I printed out a copy of the "justification" law.
The hearing started with the officer saying that I was pulled over on the side of the road, that he "went to investigate" why I was there, and that I voluntarily confessed to driving past curfew. He said that that was all he needed to prove in order to prove my guilt and basically left it at that.
Then it was my turn to speak. I said that while I did drive past curfew, it was because I had noticed an erratic driver and I was following him because I thought he was going to hurt someone. I felt that if I had let the man go, that he would kill somebody and that 911 had told me to keep following him. I gave my evidence to the judge and to the police officer, and I said that I would have been home on time if not for the drunk driver. I argued that I had a reasonable belief that the man was very drunk and that the police are accusing the driver of having a .12 BAC. (The judge asked the officer about the driver and he confirmed the BAC.)
Finally, I brought up the justification defense. I argued that driving past curfew was a summary offense and that drunk driving was at minimum a misdemeanor and at worst a 1st degree felony if he killed someone. I said that the law clearly provided a defense to my conduct because drunk driving was clearly the greater of the two evils and because I drove in an otherwise safe manner.
The judge agreed and found me not guilty! He said that I had proven my defense by a preponderance of the evidence and that I had done the right thing. I'm going to get my collateral back in the mail in a few days and my record is clean!
TL;DR: Went to court. Police officer basically said "the law is the law." I presented my defense that I was preventing a greater harm under the justification law. Judge agreed; I was found not guilty!
 
*Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/az9zvq/i_followed_and_reported_a_drunk_driver_then_i_got/) by /u/throwaway_18701* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fotmd9/i_followed_and_reported_a_drunk_driver_then_i_got/ | fotmd9 | 4,139 | 90 | [
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2020-03-25T23:35:59 | My [23F] roommate [18M] continues making fried chicken and it makes me very uncomfortable. | r/relationships | I live in staff housing at my job. My partner [31M] is a seasoned veteran at this job and it’s my first year here. We live with another couple, who are fine to live with, and our new roommate, the intern, “Louis” just moved in.
At his last house, a couple months ago, Louis was making fried chicken and let the oil get too hot. It was on fire, and his other two roommates noticed it while his back was turned and jumped into action. One of them put water on the fire (stupid mistake obviously), and when it got worse she picked up the pan to take it outside and the oil splashed all over her arm, giving her third degree burns. She could have lost her hand.
Since then, that girl has had to leave work and go home and see a burn specialist, and has been in excruciating pain. This was a traumatic thing for her, and Louis has not apologized for his fault in the matter, instead making jokes about it. And Louis has continued to make fried chicken. Every. Single. Night. It’s all he eats. He invited us over one night, made a HUGE mess of the kitchen, and produced bland fried chicken. Before we left, we asked if we could help him clean up, and he said “No, this is going to wait until tomorrow anyway.” This is a horrible idea because all the staff houses have serious mice issues.
Last night was the night Louis moved in. We were talking with him about expectations for the house, specifically the fridge, and he mentioned he was going to have ingredients for fried chicken in there. My heart sank and I got really nervous. The kitchen is right below our bedroom. I am super nervous about another fire, especially as my partner and I are leaving on a long distance hike in February and we are leaving all our stuff in this house. I also work really hard to keep our kitchen clean and I really don’t want him to treat it the way I saw him treat his old kitchen. Our other two roommates are on vacation until January but I feel like they’re not going to be comfortable with this either. My partner doesn’t seem to care and seems to think I’m being mean.
So I guess my question is: am I being mean? Am I being petty? Am I bitter that my friend got hurt and that Louis has not apologized? Should I just let the kid make his fried chicken? Or do I have a right to state that I’m feeling uncomfortable?
TL;DR - My new roommate almost burned his old house down making fried chicken and now that he’s moved into my house he wants to continue making fried chicken. Should I just let it go?
 
**EDIT:** important point, I learned yesterday that it was in fact Louis who put the water on the fire, not the housemate. She grabbed the closest fire extinguisher (there were 2 in the kitchen) but it turned out to be made for wood fires so that didn’t do much. She didn’t know about the second fire extinguisher and that’s when she decided to take the pan outside. So I understand why you all are saying the fire becoming worse is her fault when in actuality it is Louis’. I think we are going to get him an air fryer for Christmas. Excellent suggestion.
**EDIT 2:** for all those asking why we are allowing Louis to move in, it is not up to us. We are a really small staff (fewer than 20 of us) and housing is very limited AND we live for free. We are not renting. Our bosses decided Louis should be in a coed house (he previously lived with two women) and since his old house is becoming used for a different purpose, he was told to move in with us. Not our decision, but I did make my worries known to my bosses.
 
[**A YEAR LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/eyrss4/update_my_23f_roommate_18m_continues_making_fried/)
I figured I'd make an update because it's been a year and things are super different now.
In our house, with a new kitchen to work with, Louis decided to pursue cooking for himself as a hobby, and expanded his tastes. He still eats mostly meat, but has moved on to things like bacon-wrapped meatballs and burgers. The fried chicken was more occasional, and he improved his cooking style over the year.
Shortly after I made the original post, we talked to Louis about the jokes he'd been making concerning the incident. He genuinely didn't know he had offended people and apologized to everyone he thought necessary. Things were mended on that front pretty quickly.
We have since left that job and that housing, and so has he. But Louis proved to be one of the best roommates we ever had. He was reliable, fun to be around, and hard working. We consider him one of our close friends now, and are very grateful to have had the experience of living together. Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post, your advice was sound and you all helped me feel much better about the situation, which ended up turning out great.
TL;DR: Fried chicken-obsessed roommate expanded his palate. Ended up being one of the best roommates we've ever had.
...
>So the girl with the third degree burns, I winced when I read what happened to her. Is she doing alright?
She is doing great! Her arm is fully healed and the scarring is surprisingly minimal. She has also moved on from that job and is doing what she loves. She and Louis even had a brief fling in the spring!
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a25ti5/my_23f_roommate_18m_continues_making_fried/) by /u/ballofsnowyoperas* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fp0tpt/my_23f_roommate_18m_continues_making_fried/ | fp0tpt | 5,390 | 33 | [
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2020-03-26T16:59:20 | 'My boyfriend & I are about to move to a new city when he tells me he’s unhappy that I can’t drink.' | r/relationships | We started out living in the same place, but then I had a move for work, so we’ve been long distance for some time.
Finally, I got the opportunity for an internal transfer so we could be in the same place. We picked Dallas, Texas to move to together for various reasons: cost of living, the chance at good in-state tuition for grad school, job opportunities, amount of transplants, weather... Plus, he had some friends already living there.
He got a job, got a place, and moved down a few weeks ago. My transfer was just accepted, so I was preparing to move down in another few weeks. He was so happy and excited when at the news (or made a good show of it, if not) and said he couldn’t wait to have me there. I was counting down the days.
Cut to today, he says he’s been having a blast reconnecting with his old friends. They’ve been going on benders over the weekends and he’s been living it up at bars and clubs with them, their friends, and their girlfriends.
Thing is, I can’t drink. Like, physiologically. I have a genetic mutation that makes my liver unable to metabolize the alcohol so I only feel sick when I drink it instead of good. (Alcohol intolerance aka “Asian glow.” I am Asian and he’s not). Some people who have this condition drink anyway, but I feel so awful when I try, I’ve given up.
He says he’s been thinking that we might be happier if we go our separate ways since I can’t drink and he likes to.
I’m in shock. He’s known this about me since day 1. I don’t feel like I act weird about it. I get my one drink to hold and sip on throughout the night so I don’t look out of place and I still have fun. I just can’t do multiple rounds or shots.
Up to this point, our relationship has revolved around fun activities instead of drinking. He told me that’s been great and he’s done more things than ever, but then he revealed to me that this whole time he’s missed being able to go out and have fun drinking like he has in other relationships. He says he had more fun in past relationships being able to party and share that with them.
He says a lot of what people do for fun in Dallas is going out to bars and drinking. He’s going to be doing that. So if I come, I won’t be able to participate and I’ll feel left out and unhappy.
We haven’t officially broken up, but the conversation felt pretty final. I’m reeling. Moving to Dallas still makes sense for all the same reasons, and I can afford it just fine, but I didn’t expect to have to do it alone.
I’m also feeling discouraged over the idea that I won’t be able to make friends in Dallas if I can’t drink. It’s tapped into a major insecurity of mine.
I’ve struggled in the past because the other people who don’t drink either do so for religious or moral reasons, or are the kind of people who don’t like going out altogether, so I don’t connect with them as much. I do like to go out and have a good time. I even go to raves. I just do it sober.
But then if I’m in a group that’s drinking, they feel weird if I’m not drinking too. Not gonna lie, it sucks. IME, it actually bothers people. So that makes me feel bad and out of place. But...I can’t help how I was born. Sometimes it’s hard not to feel defective.
Now I’m wondering if I should still go through with the move alone?Is this is going to be a major friendship barrier in Dallas? Are there people out there who are outgoing and like to be wild sometimes, but are also sober? Where do I find them?
Tl;dr Can’t drink due to genetic condition. Right before we were set to move to a new city together, boyfriend reveals he’s missed being able to drink with his SO and hasn’t had as much fun with me because of it. Says new city has drinking culture he wants to take advantage of and that I won’t be able to make friends there as easily if I move. Don’t know how to feel and afraid he’s right.
 
[**5 MONTHS LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/coolef/update_boyfriend_25m_wants_to_break_up_because_i/)
Long story short, we had a discussion and broke up that week.
Not gonna lie, those first couple months were hard. It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and I was totally unsure what to do next. I was torn between sheepishly asking my company to withdraw the transfer, or going ahead and moving alone to what felt like my ex's city. Either way, the clock was ticking on my apartment lease. The anxiety was keeping me up at night and the lack of sleep only made things worse.
On top of that, it was tough knowing that I was probably the only one sad about the breakup while my ex was living his best life, partying with best friends and banging hot chicks, relieved to be rid of me. So...yeah. That felt like shit.
In the meantime I threw myself into work to keep my mind off things. That's when things took a crazy turn because one of my projects garnered a lot of attention. It led to me writing a report that made its way to a member of upper management. Lo and behold, a few weeks later a management position opened up that I was uniquely qualified for...and the interviewer was that same person who liked my report.
So I got the job! And when they told me that I would need to relocate to our home office in the Bay Area (I work in biotech), I was able to tell them that all my stuff was already packed and ready to go. Thanks, ex!
So now, instead of Dallas, I'll be moving to the Bay Area in a few weeks. One of my best friends is coming along for the ride. We're going to make an epic road trip out of it and hit a few national parks along the way.
Since we had fully expected to move in together, my SO had taken some of my belongings down with him. I've paid about $500 so far to get my shit shipped back. My kitchen stuff and some pieces of furniture are forfeit. He has yet to return my gaming consoles. We really should have split it, but I knew he'd turn that into a back-and-forth that I didn't want to deal with. Tbh, there's also enough of a difference in our budgets that $500 to me is not as big a deal as $250 would be to him. (It's yet another blessing that we never merged our finances.)
I've reminded him a few times about the rest of my stuff and he keeps telling me he'll get it to me. I really don't want to have to come down there with a police escort to take back my property, but it's looking like I might have to. I don't know why he has to make this so difficult, but I'm getting pissed.
I know I'll never know his true thinking, but honestly who cares at this point?
I've also decided I'm not going to try to date for another year at least. I've been told that my management role is likely to be upgraded to a director role, depending on my performance review. So work will probably take up a lot of my time. Any remaining time I have, I want to fully devote to forming friendships.
But most importantly, if you couldn't already tell, it's clear that I have some serious work to do on self-worth and boundaries.
FTR, I think it's important to note that it's not like this guy was a deadbeat loser. I know it's easy to think, "Why is this woman dating an asshole?" when you read these posts, but it's rarely that simple. Everyone who met him loved him. We shared a lot of common interests. He was fun to be around, always happy, great to talk to, supportive of my career, a fantastic cook, very organized, came from a great family, had a good job, all of that.
However, there's no denying that I was in a long-term relationship with someone who consistently took way more than they gave. Like, on every level. And he himself would admit that.
I want to take this time to work on myself so that I never accept that kind of situation again.
Buuuuut, when I do decide to put myself out there again, it's the Bay Area. God knows there will be plenty of guys around who also get Asian glow and will understand why I'm not drinking lol
Cheers, everyone! 🥂
Tl;dr We broke up. Went through a terrible couple months. Drowned myself in work to cope. Hard work paid off and I landed a major promotion that will take me to the Bay Area instead. Learned an expensive lesson about letting an SO move your things. Hoping he doesn't make me come down there, but I know it's all going to be good in the end. Gonna take the next year to be single and work on myself, but life is looking up.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/b83384/i_26f_and_my_boyfriend_25m_about_to_move_together/) by /u/Confetticandi* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fpf300/my_boyfriend_i_are_about_to_move_to_a_new_city/ | fpf300 | 8,474 | 73 | [
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2020-03-26T23:43:52 | I stripped down in front of a whole wedding reception | TIFU | "TIFU By trying to fly my drone at my sisters wedding reception"
I wanted to shoot some cool overhead footage at my sisters wedding reception, and it was a pretty windy day. I go for this shot where I start close, and fly out backwards, zooming away from the party. Just as I do this, there's a strong gust of wind that pushes my drone backwards soooo fast I didn't have enough time to react as it went into the trees.
Now this is a DJI drone so its got sensors to try and keep distance from objects automatically. The drone kept getting stuck in branches, getting itself out of them, only to fly right into another branch. All while this is going on the whole wedding reception is gasping and moaning because I was sooo close to flying it out of the trees!! All of a sudden it flips over sideways and that was it.
SPLOOSH.
Into the water below. Yeah. There was a river, forgot to mention that. The drone had tumbled through the branches bouncing off each one just barely slipping out of their clutches, only to meet its ultimate demise into the depths of the river.
This was quite the spectacle for everyone at the reception. But it gets worse.
As people were coming up to me and sharing their condolences, a few mentioned the same crazy idea, "you gotta go into the water and retrieve it".
I'm fully dressed up for this wedding, and realized what that meant. I juggled the idea around in my head for a few minutes before I realized I had already lost my drone, can't get any worse from here. So, I stripped down to my underwear, in front of the whole reception. Everyone was shocked someone was already taking their clothes off despite not having consumed any alcoholic beverages. I stand at the edge of the water, look down, and-
"SIR!!! DO NOT JUMP IN THAT WATER!! We have someone on their way to help fish your drone out of the water."
You see, the wedding was at a private park, and apparently some of the staff had caught on that I was about to jump into the river, which apparently was off limits. Of course they waited til I had stripped down to tell me someone was on their way. So here I stand, pretty much naked, in front of the whole reception. Everyone is just staring at me dead quiet. All of a sudden my grandma starts laughing and runs to me asking someone to take a picture of us, with me still in my underwear. This was quite the hit, as everyone found themselves wanting to come up and take pictures with me.
Shame. Embarrassment. Sorrow. I'm not sure which emotion I felt more, but I had accepted my fate at this point, and had no other choice than to stand there while everyone laughed and took pictures of me, as I was cold and vulnerable.
I finally get my clothes back on, when the staff shows up to get the drone out of the water, with a little fishing net. The water was 12ft deep, while the net was like 4ft in length max.
And that was it. My drone, along with my dignity, were lost forever that day.
TL;DR I stripped down in front of a whole wedding reception to retrieve my drone out of the water. Staff wouldn't allow me to go in the water. Everyone at the reception laughed at me and got pictures taken with me basically naked.
**UPDATE**: Because many of you requested pictures and video, here they are:
[Drone Crashing Video](https://youtu.be/fKrpoKTfUyo)
[Totally embarrassing pictures](https://i.imgur.com/89RiFXT.jpg)
 
*[Originally posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/9rw14g/tifu_by_trying_to_fly_my_drone_at_my_sisters/) by /u/KoofNoof*
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2020-03-27T16:09:58 | My wife said something strange about her ex, and it's really getting to me | Relationship_Advice | My wife and I have been married for 4 years. I will call her Abby. We love each other, have a great marriage, and are talking about having kids soon. I really don't have any complaints.
BUT, before Abby met me, she was with a guy, Brock, for two years. She said she was madly in love with him but had to leave him because he was verbally abusive. Shortly after she left Brock, she met me, and the rest is history.
I thought it went without saying that Abby had forgotten about Brock. However, there have been some odd things that she has said about him that make me nervous, or even a little jealous. She once told me that Brock was so good looking that she had a hard time making eye contact. This was in the context of a conversation about why she put up with his abuse for so long. And when I replayed what she said... She's never said that I was too good looking to look at. It's almost like she said Brock was more attractive, and it hurt. I didn't bring this up though because she sometimes gets upset when I mention Brock.
There's also been a few times where she mentioned something that Brock used to do, and she's have this wistful look on her face, almost like she was still enamored with him. This wasn't 100% clear though and it didn't happen often so I let it slide.
I have told Abby in the past that I felt a little jealous because Brock seemed like a more attractive man than me, but she assured me that she didn't think of him that way and that she loved me.
All this being said, my wife said something a bit odd about Brock two nights ago, and it's been messing with my head.
We were sitting on the couch watching Netflix, and Abby had been drinking a bit. We somehow got on the subject of feet, and how we both thought feet were gross and didn't understand why some people liked feet. I held my bare foot up and said something like "can you imagine someone liking my feet, I have gross feet." Abby laughed and agreed that my feet were gross. (This wasn't particularly hurtful, her tone was playful.)
Then after a few seconds, Abby said "The only person's feet I would ever consider attractive is Brock's feet. He had the most beautiful feet."
As you can imagine, this killed the conversation, but Abby didn't seem to notice. She was staring off into space. I just went back to watching TV.
The next morning, when we woke up, she acted like nothing happened. And maybe she really didn't remember, because she was drunk, and it was an offhand remark. But it's been bugging me for the past couple of days. Not just because it was about Brock, but because my feet were ugly, then said his were beautiful. Maybe it's silly but it made me feel really insecure and jealous.
Abby has noticed that something is off about me. She asked earlier this morning if something is wrong. I denied it, but... I don't think I can just forget about this like I want to.
I'm thinking I will need to sit down with her and talk about the Brock situation. We are cooped up together for the next two weeks at least so that makes things complicated, it's not like one of us can leave if the conversation goes sour. And I hope it doesn't come to that. But...
Any advice on how to broach this subject? Should I broach it at all?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fn2thu/update_my_wife_said_something_strange_about_her/)
TL;DR my wife occasionally talks about her ex as though she misses him, and then the other night she said he was the only guy she ever knew with beautiful feet. (Yeah, weird... But also hurtful towards me and my nasty feet.)
First of all, I wanted to thank everyone who responded yesterday.
Unfortunately I did receive a bit of bizarre advice-- a number of users called my wife an "alpha widow", still others told me to divorce her immediately because she MUST be cheating. I had a few users calling my wife a bitch. This was a sobering reminder that anonymous internet people don't understand the nuances of my marriage, and people tend to project their own insecurities onto other people's situations. So I'd advise anyone considering posting here-- use discretion in what advice you take.
(Just to get ahead of some of the speculation, Brock has lived in South Korea for two years, he is prohibited by a court order from contacting Abby, and I have open access to her DMs anyway. If she were cheating, I'd be the first to know.)
I also received some great advice about "trauma bonding" and recovering from abusive exes. These responses were the most helpful.
All this said, here's what I posted about that night:
I was sitting on the bed last night, just kind of brooding, when Abby came in. She sat on the bed next to me and looked at me. She must have known something was up because I haven't been myself these last few days and our bedroom has been dead since the feet comment.
Abby asked me if everything was okay. I gave her a weary smile and said no, I suppose not. She frowned and asked if we could talk about it. I sighed heavily and was quiet for a few moments. Abby didn't look nervous or defensive, she looked genuinely concerned. So I figured she must not be aware of how hurtful her Brock comments have been, and I should just be honest.
I started by asking if she was willing to be 100% honest with me. She said that she was. So then I asked if she's happy being married to me, and if she'd prefer being with someone else instead. She seemed a little taken aback by the question and said she would never dream of marrying someone else. My voice was shaking the whole time and Abby looked like she was ready to cry, too.
Finally I lay everything out. I tell Abby that a few nights ago, we were talking about feet, and she had said that my feet were gross, but Brock's feet were "beautiful." I said maybe it sounds really silly and dumb but that comment made me feel really ugly and it broke my heart. (She gasped and started crying at this point.) I said there's been a few other times where she mentioned Brock and acted like she really missed him, because she sounded enamored when she talked about him. I said I think that Brock was probably a lot more attractive than me and she would have preferred staying with him over me.
Abby cried for long time before she was able to say anything. It was probably only two minutes but it felt like forever.
She said she didn't realize that she was mentioning Brock that way and upsetting me so much. She said she couldn't imagine marrying anyone else but me. I said "Even though I'm uglier than Brock?" and she started crying again, like really bawling. After she pulled herself together again she admitted that Brock was a very attractive man, and that she had been infatuated with him. (It seemed extremely difficult for her to get those words out.) But Brock had also been controlling and incredibly cruel. She never felt safe or at ease with him, but she did feel safe with me. She said she had married ME, and wanted children with ME, and that she had never even dreamed of marrying Brock, let alone having kids with him.
Then we talked about some deeper more personal stuff that I'd rather not go into here..
I did mention some of the trauma bonding stuff that some Redditors had mentioned last night, and Abby admitted that she had felt addicted to the drama while she was with Brock. She agreed to talk with her counselor about her unresolved issues with that past relationship.
The conversation took well over an hour and we both cried a lot. But I did feel much better afterwards. We cuddled for a while before I joked that I guess Abby was stuck with my nasty feet for life. She took my head in her hands and said she thought I had the most beautiful feet in the world, because they were mine. We made out and made love for the first time in a week. Maybe that's TMI but I figured a lot of folks here would appreciate a happy ending.
So, I guess the issue is largely settled. I do think that maybe I overreacted a little, but my feelings at being (inadvertently) made to feel less attractive were real. I'm glad I didn't second guess my emotions and suppress them.
Thank you to everyone who offered advice in the original thread. It seems the situation has been resolved.
Edit: though I will add that I still feel a little sad that I am not as attractive as Abby's ex. Not because I'm jealous but because I want to be the best she's ever had in every way, including physically. But I guess I simply have to make peace with the fact that I'm not the most attractive guy Abby has been with. I suppose a lot of us have to make peace with that, huh?
Edit 2: I appreciate all your kind words. I would like to add that I do not consider the situation magically over, but I count it as resolved because Abby and I are both moving in the right direction and actively working on fixing this.
Thank you to everyone who provided positive input and constructive criticism.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/flew19/my_wife_said_something_strange_about_her_ex_and/) by u/throwRA484uei* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fpzoc6/my_wife_said_something_strange_about_her_ex_and/ | fpzoc6 | 9,084 | 59 | [
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2020-03-28T16:02:56 | My fiance may die. His sister wants half of our house if he passes. | LegalAdvice | *First [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5z89q8/my_fiance_may_die_his_sister_wants_half_of_our/) in 2017*
 
My fiance was in a car accident about a week ago. He has a 50/50 chance of surviving though things have started to look up. His sister is also his birthmother. She got pregnant at 13 (the birth father was 14) and his grandparents adopted him. So legally she is his sister. She has never had any involvement in his life. His adoptive parents died 3 years ago.
My fiance and I have 2 children together and own a house. We have been together since we were 13 and are getting married this October. Our house is nearly paid off, and I cant afford to pay half of the house equity to her by myself. I have no idea what to do or if she even has a stake in the house. He is 23 and does not have a will. He also has a life insurance policy that she wants half of.
I cant get a lawyer to talk to me without coming in for a $600+ consult. Im hoping someone can give me some kind of direction so I can stop worrying about my children and I becoming homeless and focus on my fiance. This is in Ohio. Thank you!!!
Please pray or send good thoughts my fiances way! I will update his condition when I find out more.
...
We were engaged and not yet married when he got in an accident. Our children were too young to make medical decisions and his sistermom was legally considered his next of kin since his parents are both deceased. Does anyone know if I can override a DNR from her? There isn't one in place to my knowledge. But im not sure if MIL/SIL or I would take precedence in this situation.
We received several threatening letters. One even trying to tell me I had 30 days to move out after my husbands death.
 
[**1 YEAR LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/70oinr/update_fiance_may_die_sister_wants_half_of_our/)
My post got a decent amount of attention. I thought I would update since I still get really sweet messages from people wishing me well/praying for me and my family.
My fiance, now husband did pull through! He's currently in our backyard setting up a tent to "camp out" with our 2 and 3 year old boys. He was in a coma for over a month and the doctor's were pretty sure he would never wake up. His recovery was slow and he still goes to physical therapy 4 times a week but he is pretty much back to normal now and we couldn't be happier!
It wasn't like the movies where someone in a coma just suddenly opens they're eyes and asks what happened. Which is what I was expecting for some reason. It was very slow. I was sitting next to him eating and started choking. After a coughing fit I grabbed his hand again and he squeezed it softly twice in a row. I knew that that was his way of asking if I was okay and I started bawling because it had been so long I started to fear he would never wake up. Then over the next several days he very slowly started making improvements and came out of it.
I actually used a lawyer that PMed me on reddit! He offered his services free of charge and ironically he only lived one town over. He was wonderful! He pretty much told me what everyone on the original thread told me. He went over our deed, life insurance etc.. He discovered there was holes that sistermoms lawyer could exploit but wanted to wait to see what would happen with my husband before we really began to worry.
She left a few days after I made the original post, and did not return to visit even after he had woken up. She did sign a DNR. There was nothing I could do, but thank God my husband did not need it.
She did try to have us cover her legal costs, she's still threatening us with small claims court but that is still ongoing. We really don't hear much from her because she's currently in jail on possession charges. She was arrested in May and will get out in December.
He was appalled by his sisters actions when I finally discussed it with him. We recently both made wills and made sure there is no chance SIL or BIL will get any money if both of us were to pass, or God forbid our children too. We also chose godparents for our children and we are expecting a baby girl in 2018! Although it was a horrible thing to go through it changed both of us for the better. You don't realize how much the small things matter until they're about to be taken from you.
I really appreciate all of the sweet thoughtful messages I was sent. They definitely made me feel better on bad days to know how many people were praying for him! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fqmvqx/my_fiance_may_die_his_sister_wants_half_of_our/ | fqmvqx | 4,528 | 134 | [
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2020-03-29T00:43:20 | 'What is this thing growing from the basement ceiling?' | r/whatisthisthing | This has been growing from the ceiling of our basement. We don’t know when it started growing or where it came from. About a week ago we noticed it hanging down and a lot of like residue/large particles from it on the table below. We vacuumed it all away and the next day there was already a quarter of an inch agin. This is what it looks like today.
https://i.redd.it/v3efiioivwn41.jpg
 
**UPDATE**
Definitely 100% solved. After reading the responses of termites, we went online to google and searched images and lo and behold it was a match. Previously the searches we tried had yielded the possibility of moths. Guess we weren’t describing it right. The next thing my father did was begin to chip at the ceiling. I’m sure you can figure out that it felt soft there due to the moisture drawing them in. It’s certainly termites and now we have to figure out how to proceed because everyone is out of work right due to the mandates in place in NY. So if anyone has any tips or helpful solutions to dealing with them besides call an exterminator that would be great. Lots of experience in construction so tearing down and rebuilding walls and ceilings is no issue.
**UPDATE 2**
Yesterday, Saturday, we spent the day working on clearing the area. Directly underneath where that evidence has been growing is a bar. That had to be moved and relocated in the basement for the time being. Today, Sunday, we began to remove the drywall and ceiling to check the extent of what was there. Some good news, to us, I know many will disagree on any good news, is that it does not appear that the termites have traveled very far. There is damage to the left of the area but none to the right.
Now, the bad news, which is making my skin crawl, when we began to open the ceiling, ants began to fall out. We opened it more and there were millions of ants. We sprayed down the ants to the best we could using a on contact kill solution purchased at Home Depot. Left the termites alone. We currently have 4 of the terra bait traps that lure them in down for the remaining ants.
The exterminator was here yesterday, Monday. He came in and went down to the basement. We had the ceiling and wall pulled off exposing all the wood and we left all the dead insects we had sprayed down on Sunday on the floor. He inspected the dead ones and informed us that they were not ants but we had two different types of termites. He kept repeating to us that it actually wasn’t as bad as we were thinking. He inspected the wood beams and noted that there was damage but it was still structurally sound and the termite damage didn’t not spread much farther than the 5x5 area under the front door.
He said that he will treat the wood by spraying into some holes in the wood beams that will expand out through all and any tunnels that they may have made. Says that will kill on contact and make the wood treated undesirable to the termites. Outside he is going to work the perimeter of the house and place traps.
Anyway, I hope this reaches those of you that were looking for an update.
 
*[Original posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatisthisthing/comments/fm4znd/growing_from_the_basement_ceiling_at_a_very_rapid/) by /u/FallAwayAlways* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fqwf5j/what_is_this_thing_growing_from_the_basement/ | fqwf5j | 3,235 | 35 | [
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2020-03-29T15:36:42 | My (F17) boyfriend (M18) wants our first time to be Live Streamed | Relationship_Advice | Ok so I’m 17 but I’ll be 18 in May and we’re in the UK. My bf and I have been seeing each other for a couple of months and we haven’t had sex yet. Both of us are virgins too.
We’ve done some touching and stuff and have been talking about full sex and I think I’m ready but he wants to wait until the day that I turn 18 so that we can Live Stream it on a cam site or somewhere and charge people money for the password. We need to wait for the day I’m 18, because then it’s legal.
He thinks we can earn big money and use it towards renting a place for us to live together and buying stuff to go in the place, like massive TV, laptop and more.
I’m not sure if I want people to watch us on our first time or even on any time. I’m ready to have sex now. It’s legal for us to have sex as age of consent is 16 in UK but it’s not legal to post nude pics or vids until the age of 18. He doesn’t want to just stream us having sex on the first day that I can be seen naked online, and we have our first time now. He says we’ll get more people if we’re both virgins and he’s already done an advert for it on his computer to start putting up on twitter and reddit (I’m using a Throwaway as we’re both on Reddit. I don’t worry about him recognising this story as I doubt he even knows that there’s more to Reddit than porn).
What should I do? I really like him but I’m worried that he’s using me to make money even though he is including me in the ideas about how to spend the money.
TL;dr ... My bf wants to wait until I’m 18 for us to lose our virginities together but to stream it live and make lots of money out if it and I’m uneasy about it. I’ve even said I’m ready for sex now but he wants to wait so that he can get more interest from watchers.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fjaptm/update_my_f17_bf_m18_wants_to_live_stream_our/)
Thanks everyone for such great advice. You know, I think I knew this all along but wanted to see if it was me that was not thinking right.
He’s a total idiot and is addicted to porn. He sees situations in his life happening how they do in porn videos.
I dumped him and he cried his eyes out. Saying he loved me and he wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to. It was all for me. All that kind of stuff. I don’t buy it though and I’d actually be worried that he’d hide cameras, just like you guys said.
Since I posted and since I added the update to my original post, someone else I know told me that he tried to get her to fuck on camera but she wouldn’t do it. She isn’t a virgin though and also not stupid like me! I’m so happy that I’ve seen him for what he is and I can’t thank you all enough for the great advice you’ve given.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fgf1j9/my_f17_boyfriend_m18_wants_our_first_time_to_be/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by /u/ThrowRA-1stTime4Sale* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fr7pr0/my_f17_boyfriend_m18_wants_our_first_time_to_be/ | fr7pr0 | 2,948 | 58 | [
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2020-03-30T00:20:08 | Hyperpigmentation and Malassezia want to kill my face | r/Skincare_Addiction | Hyperpigmentation and Malassezia want to kill me 😭😭 Im getting some new products from London brought over ( I live in Ghana) and I’ll be seeing a doctor next week but can anyone recommend any medication or facial treatments to combat this?
https://i.imgur.com/pqQVkdP.jpg
 
[**7 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Skincare_Addiction/comments/fjjw2m/update_on_the_hyperpigmentation_and_malassezia/)
My skin isnt perfect, but its better than the face of 7 months ago. So I'm happy.
https://i.redd.it/ynot8324z0n41.jpg
I used:
- Nizoral shampoo
- Sebamed Clear Face CareGel + Squalane Oil by Ellipsis Labs
- CeraVe Moisturising Cream + Squalane Oil by Ellipsis Labs
Now my squalene oil is finished I use- CeraVe Moisturising Cream + some few drops of coconut oil
I still get some small breakouts mainly due to periods and my addiction to sweets lol, my skin colour has evened out really well and my confidence is back to 100% which means I can get back to one of my favourite hobbies: flirtation
Thanks again to everyone for your advice!
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/Skincare_Addiction/comments/cs2k70/hyperpigmentation_and_malassezia_want_to_kill_me/) by /u/itsbobbl* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/frgkm6/hyperpigmentation_and_malassezia_want_to_kill_my/ | frgkm6 | 1,229 | 53 | [
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2020-03-30T17:40:18 | Last month a friend began to cross a flooded river in his car with me in it. I jumped out, now have a letter from his lawyer asking for damages | LegalAdvice | Early in November we went to pick up car parts after work that my friend I'll call Aaron (because his name's Aaron and I think he's being an idiot) had bought on eBay. We had to go through some back roads to get to the property and picked it up and all was well.
It'd been raining for part of the day but really picked up when we were loading the parts, and we got to a causeway we'd passed only an hour before but it was now covered in what looked like half a metre of water and we stopped. I'd been navigating and knew we could back up and take another much longer route, even though the highway was just a bit on the other side of the causeway. There was no way I'd go through the water as it looked, but because I'd been caught on a causeway 20 years ago in less water and had my car pushed off into the river I didn't want to risk it. I didn't lose that car but it's one of the scariest moments of my life. I said we had to turn back and could take a different road 10km around but that would take us via a bridge over the same river.
Aaron decided to push on and started moving and I panicked and got straight out. It was FAR more water than I'd had to go through when I near lost my car and life before. I got out well before the water though so I didn't let water in the car btw.
Aaron didn't even get halfway across and the water pushed his car off the side, rolled it completely over and it ended upright on the bank 50m downstream. He was EXTREMELY lucky not to drown, and I ran down & helped him out. Immediately he was aggressive and combative because he said with my weight in the car he'd have made it across. Admittedly I'm 130kg+ but his car is a 1650kg commodore wagon with a couple hundred kg of eBay parts in the back so it's not like I'd have made much difference.
We phoned for help and the river went down within an hour and made it across the causeway by foot. We haven't spoken since and he's avoided me in places we usually go. But on Friday I received a letter from a lawyer I know is real in our town, but sounds like it was written by my friend. It's asking for $50k for the car and personal damages because I made the car unsafe by getting out. It was a 1997 commodore, maybe worth $1500 on a good day.
Someone reassure me, it's not up to me to sit in someone's car when they're doing something dumb is it?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a59vck/update_nsw_australia_last_month_a_friend_began_to/)
I went to a lawyer my parents had used a few years ago and they recommended. She took one look at the letter from my friend Aaron's lawyers and said she has concerns about it, and she'd respond.
She contacted his lawyer, and my lawyer mailed me to tell me Aaron's lawyers aren't his lawyers at all, but to contact her if I heard more otherwise no need for more action.
Aaron had apparently faked up the letter and admitted as much to me yesterday when he finally decided to talk to me. He wants me to retract my complaint to his lawyers about him using their letterhead. I hadn't complained to them myself so I did the time honoured thing and told him to go pound sand, but it might have rhymed with 'go eat a bag of dicks'.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a2bj15/nsw_australia_last_month_a_friend_began_to_cross/) in 2019 by /u/floodweight* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/frvbic/last_month_a_friend_began_to_cross_a_flooded/ | frvbic | 3,370 | 77 | [
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2020-03-31T00:30:08 | I accidentally outed my brother | r/askgaybros | So few months ago I(19M) was hanging out with my brother(16M), I was looking through some photos we took in his phone and he was doing something else. I came across photo of some guy, which was taken in his room and asked him who he was. He didn’t even look at the phone or stop what he was doing and said that it was his boyfriend. I thought he was joking so I just chuckled and said okay.
Few months pass and he doesn’t mention anything about it. 3 days ago we were hanging out in living room and our parents were in kitchen. I jokingly asked how his boyfriend was doing. Our parents heard it, looked at us and asked “a what?!”.(they’re not homophobic by the way, they’re supportive, they were just surprised)My brother got like completely what, threw controller at me and went to his room. He refuses to talk to me and just ignores me when I say anything to him.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/fm30s2/update_i_accidentally_outed_my_brother/)
Hey, thanks for all the responses to my last post. Some people asked me to post an update so here it is.
I baked his favorite cookies that turned into solid rock for some reason but the idea was there. I slid $20 under his door, talked to him,apologized and we played some video games together. He facetimed his boyfriend and I got to talk to him too.
So everything’s good between us. :)
>Hey OP you didn’t tell us what the parents said and how they are handling it.
They’re handling it great. They talked to him too and told him that they’ll love and support him no matter what.
 
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/flrbqx/i_accidentally_outed_my_brother/) by /u/getoutofm* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fs2skb/i_accidentally_outed_my_brother/ | fs2skb | 1,714 | 10 | [
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2020-03-31T17:16:44 | I (34F) feel unattractive and my husband (41M) of 5 years has low libido | r/relationships | I (34F) have been happily married to my husband (41M) for 5 years. We've got 3 kids. Together we've made a family and help each other's dreams come true - both life goals and careers. We lead a generally charmed life. But like all relationships, none is completely perfect. We have different love languages, words of affirmation (mine) and acts of service (his).
For the most part we overcome this by making a bit of extra effort to speak each other's love language. I do some of his chores during the week. He occasionally pays me a compliment (maybe 3 times a week).
However, the trouble started after we'd had our 3rd child. We hadn't had sex for 9 months and when I brought it up, he was shocked! He could hardly believe it had been that long, but when he looked back he could see it was true. We had sex once after that conversation, and then nothing again for a few months.
About 6 months after our baby was born, I started to feel really down about the way I looked. I hadn't lost all of my pregnancy weight (about 1kg over, but still totally within the normal BMI range). I felt fat and flabby and saggy. I tried to mask over this insecurity by just ignoring it for a while as I'm generally bubbly and confident, but the lack of sex made me seriously doubt whether my husband was even still into me.
Google didn't help. All I could find were either stories of men who wanted more sex than their wife (I wish, ha!) or people telling women their husband wasn't into them anymore.
All of this is complicated by the fact that I can't be the one to initiate sex as this can turn him off. And I also didn't want to pressure him into sex so I just for the most part tried to make myself as attractive as possible and then wait for him to notice.
It all came to a head one night when I burst into tears and confessed all my struggles to him. He was very sympathetic and also worried because of course he wants me to be happy. He explained that he just has low libido, nothing to do with me, and that as far as he's concerned he'd happily never have sex again in his life!!! Not that he didn't enjoy it or anything but he could live without sex no problem. He realised as a result of this conversation that I didn't feel the same way and he'd make an effort to initiate sex more often.
Since then things have improved a lot, we have sex 1-2 times a month now. And we both enjoy it tremendously!
But I still feel like I want more sex. And I still feel unattractive. Past partners couldn't get enough of me, they were always telling me how sexy I was, kissed me every day, looked at me like they wanted me, etc. I have always been treated like a sex goddess. He rarely even looks at me.
I am only 34 - I feel too young to be "shelved" like this!!! Frankly I don't know if I'll ever want to be "shelved" but definitely not in my 30s!
I am frustrated that I can't talk myself out of feeling this way no matter how much I try. I am happily married. I am off the market. I shouldn't care whether or not I am attractive! It should be enough to know that my husband finds me attractive even though he never says so and only has sex 1-2 times a month. This should be enough and it's already 10x more than before.
But I can't stop my feelings. I miss sex. I hate what I see in the mirror almost every day and I never used to be like that. I want to feel like a goddess again!
Any advice? Any way to make myself feel better without asking my husband to change?
TL;DR: We have sex 1-2 times a month. Husband rarely gives me compliments. I feel unattractive. I want to feel like a goddess. Advice please.
Update: Wow, I am so glad Reddit exists! Thank you so much for all your thoughts and suggestions!
My husband and I had a good conversation about everything and we'll be taking the following steps:
1. Start sleeping in the same bed again. I didn't mention it in the original post but we've been bedsharing with kids in separate beds and clearly the time has come to evict the kids from our bedroom. :)
1. He is going to see the doctor to exclude any possible physiological reasons. For example, low libido can be a symptom of heart disease and he's at an increased risk of that. Wouldn't hurt to test his testosterone levels either.
1. We're going to hit the gym together - he'll go swimming, and I'll lift weights.
1. If doing those 3 things is still not enough, we will go to therapy. Either as a couple or me on my own, or both, depending on how things pan out.
Thanks again!
 
[**9 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fn8n1t/update_i_34f_feel_unattractive_and_my_husband_41m/)
I posted last summer about struggles with my husband of 5 years, our longest dry spell being 9 months.
I felt unattractive and undesirable, and wanted to have sex more often, but he was happy to never have sex again (aside from how that would affect me). I wanted to feel like a sex Goddess again. Reddit advised me all kinds of things, from checking testosterone, to therapy, and even that there was no hope and if I wanted to feel like a Goddess again, I'd have to leave him. The [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/c96jun/i_34f_feel_unattractive_and_my_husband_41m_of_5/estjlke?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) that hit me hardest was by u/jimmyjrdanceparty who pointed out that I was allowed to feel the way I did.
Well, I feel like a Goddess again, everyone! :D
What happened? I decided to go to individual therapy, and focus on myself, work on myself. My physical self-image was a symptom of a larger problem. Troubles at work, troubles at home, a storm inside. During counselling, I opened the door to a cellar where I had been keeping my true self locked in the dark - ashamed of her. I was bullied as a kid, and I had no idea I had accumulated so much self-loathing since then. Releasing that was amazing and so freeing!
And so, by the time I said goodbye to my counsellor, I was stronger and more self-assured. I realised I had been sacrificing so much of myself for the sake of others (especially the important men in my life - my husband, my boss, my father, my manager, etc). I was constantly seeking approval, trying to please them. My relationships had gotten completely out of balance.
Things started to get complicated. I developed a crush on a colleague, and because I am demisexual, my attraction to my husband started to diminish. The more time passed the more I felt like I just didn't care anymore what he thought of me.
At a low point, I said to my husband: "You know, you always keep your thoughts to yourself. I used to find it mysterious and interesting - like a puzzle I could unwrap. But now I realise that there's actually no mystery to unravel. There's just nothing. And the silence is boring." It was hurtful and unkind. I'm not proud of it. Something changed after that. Both for him, and for me.
Over the course of the next few months I gave less, and I took more. I went to conferences, I left the kids with my husband, I took time off work, I stopped making up for the mistakes of my superiors at work and let them deal with the consequences of their actions. I felt like I was coming home to my true self - my no nonsense kickass self.
One night my husband and I were watching Alien, and he confessed that ever since he'd seen the original as a boy, he'd really liked Ripley. She was the kind of woman he had wanted to marry. And so he married me. You should've seen my face, the tears wouldn't stop. I felt like he had finally told me what I needed to hear the most.
I got rid of my attraction to my colleague. It's actually not that hard as a demi, I just focused on everything I didn't like about them, and within a week or two the crush was totally gone. I find them a total turn-off now.
Do you remember I mention I wasn't able to initiate sex? That's because it was a huge turn-off for my husband. One evening we discussed why, and you know what? He felt too much pressure if I initiated, because he thought he'd have to perform. Once he realised that he can safely turn me down if he's not in the mood - and also that's it's OK for us to kiss and cuddle without it leading to something more - he's been OK with me initiating. You'd think you wouldn't get to age 40 without having figured that out, but hey... I guess people never cease to throw surprises!? Haha!
Our sex life improved a lot. I no longer needed his praise to sooth my self-loathing, so I was less needy about it. He initiated a bit more often. But more importantly, with greater enthusiasm and quality! He chooses what I wear sometimes - and I feel so beautiful when he looks at me like I am the only being that matters. And he compliments me! We even got into a bit of light D/s, which has spiced things up a lot!
Even though I had fallen out of love with him for a while, I have fallen back in love with my husband stronger and harder than ever before!! I couldn't be happier, I love myself, and I love him so SO much!! He's just the best partner I could ever wish for! <3
Thank you reddit for helping me through one of the hardest lows in my life, and thank you especially jimmyjrdanceparty for your advice and encouragement.
TLDR: I felt unattractive and my husband didn't want sex. I went to a counsellor. I stopped self-loathing. Husband and I fell back in love again & have great sex.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fn8n1t/update_i_34f_feel_unattractive_and_my_husband_41m/) by /u/DemiSeren* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fsgxga/i_34f_feel_unattractive_and_my_husband_41m_of_5/ | fsgxga | 9,557 | 42 | [
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2020-03-31T23:12:56 | My 86-year-old grandmother replied "OK, boomer" to my boomer aunt in an argument | r/teenagers | Backstory: I live round the corner from my gran and visit her often so thanks to me she has a vague grasp of what memes are and how they work. The other day when I was round at hers and she asked what memes were popular at the moment so I told her about the "OK boomer" meme. She knew what boomers were already so she was able to get the concept of this meme fairly easily.
Fast forward to today, I'm over at my gran's again, and she's on the phone to my aunt. They got into a disagreement over a slightly racist comment my aunt made the other day (my gran is very much against racism) and my gran eventually just said "OK boomer" and hung up.
I've never been so proud.
&nbsp;
**UPDATE:** So I told my gran about this post and the reaction it got - she said she's glad that so many of you enjoyed her little joke and that it proves she's still young at heart. I agree with that 100%.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/dqr1vl/my_86yearold_grandmother_replied_ok_boomer_to_my/) in r/teenagers by u/Lord_Janet* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fsno0g/my_86yearold_grandmother_replied_ok_boomer_to_my/ | fsno0g | 1,059 | 30 | [
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2020-04-01T00:32:31 | I (22M) just walked in on my girlfriend (21F) of 7 years having sex with my roommate (22M). | r/relationships | Throwaway, my girlfriend and roommate reddit.
My last class of the day was cancelled, so I decided to come home and surprise my girlfriend. I went to the store and grabbed everything to make her favorite meal (lasagna). I was carrying the bags up the stairs and put them down in front of the door to fish my keys out of my pocket and then I heard my girlfriend moaning.
I thought that she was "taking care of herself" because I know that she likes to do that sometimes when I'm not around, so I didn't have a sudden "ah-ha" moment or anything. I walked in and there were her and my roommate on the couch.
I opened the door and kind of just froze when I saw it. She looked up and me and he turned around and saw it was me, and I just saw red. As much as I wanted to, I didn't kick his ass. I just dropped the bags and walked away.
As I was getting into my car, they both came running out and yelling at me to stop, but I just floored it and got out of there as quickly as I could. I called my best friend and talked to him about it. He offered to come kick his ass, I told him no. I didn't want him to get in trouble from it.
I even had the engagement ring that I planned to use to propose to her this summer when we went on vacation. It's in my safe that I keep in the closet, so I know that she doesn't know about it. But I planned to spend the REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER! Why didn't I see this coming?
My last class was supposed to start at 12, but since it was cancelled, I was home by 12.30. So it's been 4+ hours. My phone has been blowing up from both of them, I haven't looked at any of the messages or answered any of the calls.
I called my bank and made sure that she wasn't on any of my accounts for anything. I'm going to go back later tonight and pack up all of her stuff and drop it off at her place tomorrow. Then I'll probably take a bag of clothes to my friend's house and stay there until school ends (3 weeks).
What do I do next?
**tl;dr**: Found girlfriend having sex with my roommate. I left. Already made sure she wasn't on my bank accounts. Had no contact with either of them. Have a place to stay until school ends.
*EDIT: I'm at my best friends house. Him and his sister have been super awesome to me. Their doorbell rang about 5 minutes ago. It was her. His sister bitched her out. I wanted to go yell at her, but I started drinking fireball instead. It's going to be a long couple weeks until school gets out.*
&nbsp;
**Update (in Original Post)**
First, I want to thank each and every one of you who have given me advice, offered me an ear to rant/yell to or offered me a shoulder to cry on. After my first edit, many of you messaged me and asked me not to drink/that I was better than that/that this wasn't the thing to do. I sincerely appreciate that. My friend and his sister took me out to dinner to try to get my mind off of everything. At first, I wasn't really up to going, but I figured that it would be better to try to focus my mind on something different. My friends called up a couple of my other friends, and the 6 of us went out to dinner. At first, I wasn't really into it, I was kind of down, but my friends did anything and everything that they could to cheer me up. I can honestly say that I love my friends and everything that they've done for me.
My best friend's sister (Emily) went through all the messages on my phone from the both of them and deleted anything that didn't need to be on there. She texted both of them from my phone telling them that it was her that was texting, and told her that a friend would be by at a certain time to pick up my stuff tomorrow, and she told him that I would be by tomorrow to grab some things and that I was going to try to get out of the lease by talking to my landlord.
I want you all to know that I've read through each and every one of these comments, and that I've read through every message that's been sent to me on here. I plan on replying to a couple tonight or tomorrow (I'm really tired, but wanted to let you all know how much you've helped me).
Finally, to the people that have been in the same position as I'm currently in, or to those that have been in a situation even relatively similar, I have a couple things. First, none of what your ex-SO did, says anything about you. It tells what kind of person THEY are; your reactions tell the kind of person that you are. Secondly, all of you are MUCH stronger than you realize. Many of you have given me such amazing advice, and you know exactly where I'm coming from. Talking about it isn't always the easiest, and many of you did to try to help an internet stranger, so thank you. Finally, many of you have much greater things to look forward to. Like one of old teachers said, "it's like moving on to the next book in the sequence. Yeah, you may have to wait a little bit for the author to release it, but it's worth the wait."
Also, to the kind individual that gave me gold, thank you. I plan on donating $5 tomorrow to a charity because of you. For anybody else that would like to, pick your favorite charity, and donate, or just do something nice for somebody else, it can have a huge impact on their life.
&nbsp;
[**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/33aypy/update_i_22m_just_walked_in_on_my_girlfriend_21f/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=relationships&utm_content=t3_36j7ta)
First, I want to thank everybody for the help and many kind words that were sent my way. Seriously, thank you.
I'll start with what happened afterwards, and work my way up to today, and that's the only reason that I'm making an update only a week later.
Emily (my best friend's sister), texted both of them informing them informing that I'd be coming by to get stuff (Emily would be going to my ex-SO's). I went with my best friend (Trevor) and Emily to get some stuff from my apartment, my roommate wasn't there, but he left me a note saying that he's sorry, and attempting to explain the situation. I threw it away (after reading it), grabbed some stuff and loaded it into my car. I drove back to their house while the two of them then went to my ex's apartment to grab my stuff.
My ex was there and at first, she wouldn't let them in. She yelled at them to go away through the door, and after about 15 minutes of them sitting there, she eventually opened up and let them in to collect my things. They grabbed my PS4, movies, cookware, clothes and some random other things. She cried the whole time and asked them if they would tell me that "she's sorry", "it was a one time thing", "I would do anything to change it." They didn't say a word, although she was crying into an older hoodie of mine, so they left that there. I'm not too torn up about that.
I told a few select friends what happened, and asked if they would watch the doors to my classroom when I had classes as I didn't want to cause a scene. Nothing on Wednesday, but she stood outside one of my teaching classes on Thursday. I went in through a different door, and thankfully she didn't see me.
Friday is the day that really upsets me. As I said in the last post (in a reply), I'm an Education Major and I have my practicums this semester. Our Education building has two floors, and the 1st floor is a laboratory school (an elementary school that has a lot of Education students come in and do their practicums, or observations), while the 2nd floor has classrooms for Education students.
My practicum is with 3rd graders, and she stood OUTSIDE the door to my 3rd grade classroom waiting for me (we have name tags, and only have to show those to the desk to get in). She used to be an education major, but switched majors, therefore it wasn't too uncommon for her to be in there. I saw her and my heart immediately sank. I decided to just walk by her and ignore her. She saw me and started crying and trying to talk to me. I didn't say a word, but just walked into the classroom. My cooperating teacher asked her to leave, but all my students that were there had already seen it. They started bombarding me with questions, but I just stuck with, "It's nothing important right now. We can talk about it later, but we need to focus on our learning right now." But honestly, it killed me inside. I explained the situation to my cooperating teacher, and asked her to watch out for if she came back again. She said that she would and would ask her to leave if she saw her again.
I received a few text messages this weekend from her (and her roommate - that was extremely annoying), I got an insane amount of phone calls, and I got a ton of Facebook messages. Trevor and Emily also received quite a few as well. I worked all weekend, and threw myself into lesson plans and projects due. I also went and played a round of golf with some friends.
Today is really why I'm updating. I got a text from my ex at around 7.15p. She told me that she was pregnant and that it was mine. I screenshotted the conversation. I'm trying to stay calm, but if she truly is pregnant (and the baby is mine), then that throws a whole wrench into everything.
Can anybody give me some advice on what to do next? I'm trying to remain as calm as I can, but this is really big and I'm starting to freak out.
Thank you all!
Here's the text conversation:
*Her: I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that I messed up our future, but I think that we just got a second chance. I know that this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I'm pregnant. Maybe this is why I made my mistake.*
*Me: You can't use a pregnancy to explain cheating, it doesn't work like that. I want a pregnancy test. Not one from the store, but to actually go to the doctor and have them do that. If it turns out that you are pregnant, then I want a paternity test.*
*Her: Fine. I'll call the doctor tomorrow and set up an appointment. But if I am pregnant, can we have a second chance?*
*Me: No. All I want to know from you is when and where the appointment is.*
She seems to calm for this to this to just be a joke. She's been bat-shit crazy for almost the past week, and now she's extremely calm. I'm honestly extremely scared.
**tl;dr: Ex-SO waits outside my classroom for me and says that she's pregnant. What do I do next?**
&nbsp;
[**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/36j7ta/update2_i_22m_just_walked_in_on_my_girlfriend_21f/)
Hey everybody. I've been asked multiple times for an update, but it's been super busy, and I actually have a little time today, so I thought I would update everybody on my situation.
My ex made a doctor's appointment for a couple of days after my last post. She sent me a text with the date and time, and asked me if I would be going with her; I told her that I wouldn't but that I wanted Emily to go with her. She straight up refused and said this was "our baby" and that if I didn't go, she would cancel the appointment and wait until I was ready to go. We argued for a little bit until I gave in. I told her that I would meet her there, and I would stay for the entire thing, but I was going to be stone silent the whole time unless the doctor asked me a question.
Her appointment was at 9.15 that morning, I showed up at 9.10 and sat across from her in the waiting room. The doctor called her back a couple of minutes later. They talked for a couple of minutes, she asked her some questions, and then she had her go to the restroom to pee in a cup (I made sure that her purse and everything stayed in the room - somebody warned me she would be crazy enough to buy a pregnant woman's pee and use that instead). After she gave the cup to the doctor, the doctor left and then she tried to talk to me. I sat there and ignored her and texted my friends until the doctor came back and confirmed that she was pregnant. I started shaking and tried to control my breathing, but my ex was so excited, and the doctor was excited with her. Then came the ultrasound, and my ex was roughly 11 weeks pregnant. After a couple of minutes, I excused myself and left. I texted her as I was leaving that before anything else happens, we're having a paternity test.
First off, Noninvasive Prenatal Testing is super expensive. I told her that I would pay for half, but that if the child wasn't mine, then she would have to pay me back for that. She told me that her parents were willing to pay for it. Her parents have more money than I would know what to do with. Like... millionaries money. I told her that my ex-roommate was taking the test as well. She said that he didn't need to and I snapped saying that, "I guess I can wait another 6 months. Because they won't put my name on the birth certificate until they prove I'm the father." She finally agreed with me and made him take the test as well.
There's a place around here that actually specializes in DNA testing, so we were able to get in just a couple days later. SHE BROUGHT HER MOM WITH HER! They told us that they would have the results in 10 days and that we could come pick them up or they could mail them to us, we said we would pick them up in person.
I was too nervous to go to the results. Emily and Trevor both went in place for me. According to them, my ex wasn't happy that I wasn't there and almost refused to let them see the results, but her mom told her that she could understand why I didn't want to be there.
I'll never forget that phone call from Emily
E (Emily): Hey!
M (Me): Well...?
E: You're not the dad! You should have seen the look on your ex-roommate's face though! **He's the dad, I didn't make this clear. Sorry!**
*At this point I squealed like a little girl.*
My ex attempted to text me later and I just ignored all of them. Both of her parents did text me though saying that they wish me well with teaching. That really meant a lot to me.
As for other things in my personal life... I've gotten a new apartment over by Trevor and Emily. My ex doesn't know where I live at the moment, her number is blocked, she's blocked on facebook, and everything else that I could think of to block her on.
I've joined a summer baseball league and I play for that 2 times a week. I'm volunteering in the preschool classrooms on campus in the mornings. My job is giving me more hours (requested). I'm taking 3 summer classes, and I'm the ASL tutor for the summer classes now that they have started. I also bought a bike, and now I ride that daily as well. I also got a kitty. His name is Jasper. And I read a lot more now. I realize that I wasn't reading as much as I normally did while I was with my ex, but I've gotten back to reading!
My friends are saying that I'm too busy now and that I have even less time than I did when I was with my ex. I like that. The busier I stay, the less I think about her, and the happier I am. There's a week between the summer classes that I'm tutoring this summer, and Emily, Trevor, Emily's best friend and I are going on a 5 day hiking/camping trip.
I want to say thank you for everybody that helped me through this. The support that you've all given me has really helped me. There are still the people that are saying "This isn't true", but I'm receiving a lot more positive support than negative.
No, Emily and I are not going to date. For the many people that have asked, I'm sorry to disappoint you and say that we're not. I don't see her in a romantic way, and I plan on staying single for a while.
I'll be finishing up my BS in Elementary Education this upcoming school year, and then I still need to decide whether to continue schooling and pursue my MS in Deaf Education and Deaf Studies, or whether I should start teaching.
**I'm sorry, I had to take the link down of Jasper. I was reminded that you are not allowed to post links.**
**tl;dr: She is pregnant! But I'm NOT THE DAD! Now to move on with my life**
&nbsp;
Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/32m5lj/i_22m_just_walked_in_on_my_girlfriend_21f_of_7/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=relationships&utm_content=t3_36j7ta) by u/Nowwhat8989 | Claystarfire | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fsozkl/i_22m_just_walked_in_on_my_girlfriend_21f_of_7/ | fsozkl | 16,076 | 89 | [
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2020-04-01T16:03:16 | I paid off my car 6 months ago, have full title but my car was "repossessed"/stolen by bank last week. | LegalAdvice | So 4 years ago I bought a new car, originally financed through Ford Financial Services. I came into some cash 6 months ago and decided to use it to pay off the car and a few other debts I had to lower my monthly money out. I received the title, all was good until last week.
Woke up to my car being gone, first I called my father who has a spare key to the car to see if for some reason he took the car without telling me and he didn't. I called the cops who came out and they informed me they were notified of a repossession on the car and told me which tow/recovery company called in the car.
I called them up and they tell me sorry, not their problem they have all the paperwork from the finance company (Different bank, not even Ford Financial). So I start calling the bank who was never involved with my car or the loan and they tell me I'm outstanding by over 5 months non-payment. I send them a copy of the title and tell them I paid the car off 6 months ago. They dont care.
The police won't let me file a stolen vehicle report because the tow company sent them all the repossession paperwork (paperwork that they won't provide to me).
I called Ford and they tell me they closed out the loan upon receiving my payment and sent me the title. I asked them to send me some sort of paperwork to show I paid off the loan and they said they can mail it to me. This helps me possibly but a couple days ago I received a 10 day letter notice that my car is going to auction and where to retrieve property that was left in the car.
I feel like I'm in the twilight zone because some random bank never associated with my loan has effectively stolen my car legally and is going to auction it.
What do I do here? I can't file a stolen vehicle report because of the repossession paperwork, can I just show up to the auction with the title and take my car with the keys I have since its effectively my car because I have the title or will that cause an issue?
I live in Texas, the auto auction yard is literally like 2 miles from me and I've gone and seen my car sitting out back. If I go take it is it going to cause me potential legal issues? I don't see how because it's my car
&nbsp;
[**2 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ec1d4t/update_car_illegally_repossessedstolen_by_bank/)
Thanks for everyone's advice, it took about 2 months to resolve but as of yesterday I finally have my car back.
This was the biggest pain in the ass I've had to deal with ever, I went to the local PD again to talk to someone else other than the front desk and a fraud detective finally took a meeting with me 2 days later assuming it was a fraudulent title loan that caused my car to be repossessed but after he looked into it he concluded it has to be a bank error and went with me down to the auction yard the car was parked in.
The auction place actually has procedures in place for this (surprisingly this isn't as uncommon as you would think which to me is horrible). They placed the car on a do not advertise/sell list and pointed me to the bar phone number to find an attorney. They couldn't just give me the car and the detective with me said until the paperwork is proven invalid he cannot really do much, even though he checked with the DMV and said my title is valid. He explained that technically my car is not stolen even though it isn't in my possession. Odd but at least he took the time to check into all this quickly.
I asked him what legal issues I would have run into if I would have just came at night and taken my car back and he recommended against it. While I may be right in taking it I probably would have more legal issues to deal with that just are not worth the time and money it would take to resolve.
I called the number and was given 3 attorneys and met with with two of them and the second agreed to work with no money down for a retainer and he started sending letters to all the banks, the tow company and the auction yard. I went and rented a car from a place he works with so I would have no out of pocket expenses which was great because renting cars is expensive.
The bank that had my car repossessed that had nothing to do with my loan decided their best move was to fight this and responded saying basically that they will come after me for all fees associated with it being held by the auction yard now and that I should stop perusing this because they are right. Later I found out this is just their common response to repossession attorneys and they don't even look into matters right away.
The auction place responded saying the car will be held securely by them and that they will not release the car to anyone until this is resolved. They were actually really nice and called me asking if I wanted them to turn it on weekly, and that they would keep fresh gas in it and put it towards the bill for holding it.
After a bunch of letters back and forth between the bank that was wrong they did a 180 and said they would not be perusing any further action and they would contact the yard to say they can release it to me. I guess it took about a month and a half for them to finally look into it and realize they were entirely wrong. They didn't want to pay the yard fees for storage or my rental, lost days of work I had to deal with this etc so I didn't go get my car. It took my attorney finally setting a court date to get them to pay what we were asking.
The two questions I wanted answered before we settled was why did they even think they had a right to my car and what went wrong for them to take the car without any checks in place. They never did answer these and instead decided to continue to be asses and said since they've accepted a settlement that any further fees incurred are my responsibility should I not accept immediately.
So I now have my car back and have settled with the bank, the tow company however is still an ongoing legal process because during my lawyers investigation it appears their paperwork was not what's legally required in the state of Texas to take a vehicle and when they notified the police of a repossession they lied. This one will be a bit longer because it's not just us and them and now state regulators have been notified and issued a notice of investigation and have requested paperwork and such from both of us.
I now have cleaned out my garage finally and keep my car inside overnight, thanks for the advice and help. Its ridiculous that this is common enough that the auction place has procedures in place for illegal repossessions. I recommend you keep your cars in your garage if possible.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ddaea5/i_paid_off_my_car_6_months_ago_have_full_title/) by u/kooperjim889* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ft2j56/i_paid_off_my_car_6_months_ago_have_full_title/ | ft2j56 | 6,769 | 57 | [
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2020-04-01T17:11:07 | I love sharing my hobbies with my kids | r/Beekeeping | http://i.imgur.com/BKcd33U.jpg
&nbsp;
[**2 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Beekeeping/comments/fssh6q/i_got_a_little_internet_famous_for_the_picture_on/)
https://i.redd.it/7etew0qsu4q41.jpg
&nbsp;
*[I took this picture for April Fools'](https://www.reddit.com/r/Beekeeping/comments/63afsa/i_took_this_picture_for_april_fools/) originally posted by u/trevdak2* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ft3u7f/i_love_sharing_my_hobbies_with_my_kids/ | ft3u7f | 382 | 19 | [
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2020-04-01T21:04:36 | My BF (M25) won't ask for my hand, and my dad (M48) is staging a family boycott of my wedding. Is my boyfriend being selfish? | r/relationships | I've been with my boyfriend (M25) for three years. We both just finished school, and are finally ready for marriage. He proposed last week and I happily said yes. I could not be happier. I love him and he is going to be an awesome dad someday. But my bf is very new school and my dad is kind of old school.
My dad was beyond mad that my boyfriend did not ask my dad for my hand before proposing. My dad said he was willing to hear my boyfriend's apology if my boyfriend formally asks for my hand at a dinner that my dad said he will pay for at the restaurant of my boyfriend's choosing. My dad feels like he is being very accommodating. He will bring my boyfriend's favorite wine to celebrate. I spoke to my boyfriend last night and he won't budge. He doesn't believe in that tradition.
My boyfriend showed me an article online where a Pakistani woman was stoned to death outside a courthouse because she married a man against her family's wishes. This just happened. My boyfriend who witnessed his father be abusive/possessive with his mom as a child has always felt strongly that women are not property. He thinks the tradition of asking for her had is repulsive. His point is that he's met my whole family, and gotten to know them. He says they have always known his intentions and he never made it secret that he was in love with me and wanted to marry me and have children. He feels he was done enough to announce his intentions and all of them seemed to "approve" of him. He says that at this point he only needs my approval to marry him and nobody else's.
So yesterday my mom told me that my dad who is not even speaking to me because I won't set my foot down with my boyfriend is calling the whole family and telling them to not attend my wedding. My mom says that my boyfriend is the one treating me like property by not letting me have a say in his decision to not observe a tradition that my two older sisters' husbands observed.
I told my mother that I understand where my boyfriend is coming from and that I have decided to do away with the tradition of him asking for my hand. So my mother is obviously mad and said that I should be ready for serious consequences. I asked her what and she would not say. But from talking to my sister she said that they would black ball us from all family gatherings. My two sister's and my mom have told me my boyfriend is being selfish. The wedding is set for August 9th. I'm worried that nobody in my family will attend my wedding.
EDIT: I'm getting some comments about my boyfriend asking for my parents' "blessing" instead of "permission," or "hand." I just can't see the difference. There might be one but I don't see it. Is there a big difference?
tl;dr: My boyfriend won't ask my dad for my hand in marriage, and my parents is having my family boycott my wedding and threatening other "consequences."
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4potyb/update_my25_bf28_wont_ask_for_my_hand_in_marriage/)
The wedding went on as planned. My parents stuck to their guns and boycotted. One of my two sisters attended and is now happily blacklisted from our family. Nobody else from my entire family showed up including my two brothers.
The wedding was a little unconventional. My sister walked my husband down the aisle and then his sister walked me down the aisle. I wanted this because my SIL actually introduced us and helped me get my first date with him. There was no questioned about who gives away the bride or even about objections. It was normal other than that. There has been no contact between me and my family, other than my one sister. My mother has made it a point to send me a card every time that they have a family gathering for holidays or birthdays at their house to let me know that my father says I'm not invited. I get one almost every month. I don't even read them anymore I just toss them. I don't why they keep sending them because I've made no effort to contact them and I live over three hours away so it's not like I will run into them by accident.
The reason I came back to post this here is because some people here made a prediction that came true (that they would come crawling back when we had children). I am now expecting our first child, a girl :). She will be the first grandchild for my parents. My parents found out about the pregnancy a few months ago through a family friend. They didn't waste anytime in making demands, not requests, demands. My boyfriend and I are not religious but I had a Catholic upbringing. I don't practice at all by choice. My mother called me back in April telling me that my father wanted our daughter's middle name to be his mother's first name. I said no. My father was listening in on speaker so I went ahead and told them that they were officially uninvited from all birthdays, graduations, and any other important dates in her life. My father called me half an hour later crying and begging me to come stay with them for the birth so my mother could care for me. I said no.
He also said that he had already made arrangements for his priest could baptize her at his church but that I needed to agree to naming her after his mother if I wanted this to happen. He said he'd already planned a big celebration for the birth and the baptism that he was paying for. I said no to all of it. He went from meekly trying to sweet talk me to raising his voice at me and I hung up.
He called a couple of more times to apologize for losing his temper and again beg me to reconsider giving birth at a hospital near them so they could visit us. He denied having any knowledge of my mother sending me cards to uninvite us to any family functions and even said that he specifically asked her to invite us but he was told I declined every time. He lets my mom do the dirty work so he can later hide behind her and deny he had any knowledge. He's done this since I was a little girl. He does this every time he wants to drop the hammer on somebody but be the good cop also. He'll never change. He denied having any knowledge of why anybody in the family missed my wedding. I told him our daughter would not be baptized, or catholic at all (no offense to Catholics). I told him he was too manipulative and controlling and I didn't want my daughter exposed to that. He's too toxic and just venomous.
Coincidentally, the day and for several days after that phone call I got tons of calls and emails from my brothers, their wives, my sister, and all my aunts. They all wanted to apologize for missing my wedding, and all had specific excuses, and wanted to make plans to be there for my daughter's birth. I banned them all from her life until she's old enough to decide for herself to let them in.
My husband was a little surprised and not sure about banning everybody forever. He's more leaning towards supervised visits if they want to drive to us. My dad has been calling him like crazy but we are a united front. My husband is deferring to me but giving me ideas as to how I can give a little if I decide to. But with my family there's no giving a little. They want it all. For now, they're all banned. I will reconsider when the youngest of our children turns 18 :). For now my dad will have to settle for sucking up to my husband while I stick to my guns. Unlike him, I don't mind owning my decisions even if it means I'm bad cop. I'm not ready to give up a relatively drama free, stress free life to allow my dad and all his sheep back into our lives.
**tl;dr**: Nobody in my family showed up to our wedding other than one of my sisters. Everyone is banned from our lives.
&nbsp;
Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/26pydf/my_bf_m25_wont_ask_for_my_hand_and_my_dad_m48_is/) by u/throwawayandpanic | Claystarfire | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ft8mp4/my_bf_m25_wont_ask_for_my_hand_and_my_dad_m48_is/ | ft8mp4 | 7,787 | 110 | [
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2020-04-02T16:09:26 | 'I bought a 23 and me genetic testing kit assuming my history is boring.' | TIFU | My Dad was 56 and my mom was 46 when me and my twin sister were born. My dad died in 2007 when my twin sister and I were 12. He had been a heavy drinker and smoker since he was 10, passing at 69 following decades of very poor health so it was mostly a relief when he died.
My mom and dad were married since 1973 and tried for many years to have children until they had my sister and I in 1994. My mom only has us but my dad had a son from a prior marriage who is about 30 years older than us who I’ve met several times but we aren’t close due to the age difference. He also had 2 daughters from another prior marriage that I had never met, I only know they live in California and first names. They also did not speak to my dad and didn’t attend his funeral.
As I’ve gotten older and had kids of my own, I became more curious about my dads family. I asked my mom to no avail, she said she had no idea about why the girls didn’t speak to my dad. She said she also didn’t know how to contact them. I ordered a 23 and me kit to hopefully find my half sisters and get some answers.
Also, the idea of possibly being 1% black or Asian would have been cool. I’m white as can be.
So I order the kit and 3 weeks later get my results. Unfortunately, I am not any shocking ethnicity. 61.2% British actually along with 20.7% French/German and other European make-up.
What is surprising though is that I found 4 half sisters! 2 more than I thought! My dad was not a picture of moralism so it doesn’t surprise me he had some unclaimed kids running around. So, excitedly, I click to see the names.
Oddly, none of the names match my half sisters I’m looking for. This means I have 6 half sisters! Wow, dad was kind of a whore but this is still exciting. My twin and I immediately message them on the site.
The first to reply we’ll call Mary, she says she was born via IVF in 1992 in North Carolina. Mary also said the donor was a med student. WELL, my mom is adamant my Dad didn’t donate to sperm banks and that he didn’t live in the state she’s from. So I’m thinking poor Mary doesn’t know her mom is lying to her about an affair she had with my Dad. I felt terrible for my mom as well as this would definitely mean he cheated on my mom.
Like I said, my Dad was scummy.
I just tell Mary that my (our) father was actually in construction his whole life so he or the agency was lying about med school. He dropped out in 7th grade! I sent her some pictures of my dad and my twin and I from childhood. We laugh about how much we look alike and say we could even be triplets.
Later that evening, I get another message from another half sister we’ll call Tiffany. Tiffany says she was also conceived via IVF in 1993 in Pennsylvania. All she knows is her dad has blonde hair and green eyes and was a med student.
I’m honestly so happy to see another IVF because this confirms my Dad did use sperm banks and just didn’t tell my Mom. Which was shitty, but better than an affair. I send Tiffany pictures of my Dad and tell her about him and that’s it.
Then comes last night. I’m shopping at IKEA with my friends relaying this soap opera story to them. I’m telling them my theory about these sperm banks lying to their customers to get better prices. Telling people they’re getting a blonde hair green eyed med student when in reality they’re getting a brown hair brown eyed sheetrock worker.
It’s at this moment my friend “Miranda” said “You and your twin have blonde hair and green eyes...what if your Dad isn’t your Dad and your mom also used IVF?”
At first I laughingly entertained the idea that it would make sense for my mom to need IVF because that makes way more sense than suddenly becoming pregnant at 46 and 56.
I quickly realized “Holy shit that actually does make sense.”
Then came the obvious thought to probably everyone but me...how could a 55 year old alcoholic chain smoker pass for a med student? It would have been 25 years since he could BELIEVABLY look under 35. Unless they somehow had his sperm in storage for 30 years before using it, AND the sperm banks in different states used the same lie about med school, it didn’t seem likely.
I also have Type 1 diabetes and have no family history at all. Every doctor I’ve had tells me how unlucky I am because it is usually in the family tree and my chances of getting it were very low.
I’m currently looking at my “half brothers” pictures and he looks just like my dad but nothing like my sister and I. Not even close.
My mom has had a migraine throwing up the past 2 days since discussing this but I assumed it was a coincidence, now I’m thinking nerves.
I’m going to talk to my mom today and if I get the answer I think I will, I’m going to message my new half sisters apologizing for showing them their Dad because he’s actually none of our Dads.
Pretty sweet my Dad might be a Doctor and not a raging alcoholic though, so that’s cool.
TL;DR I felt bad my 4 new half sisters didn’t know their father but as it turns out, none of us know our father.
&nbsp;
UPDATE: My mom admitted it! WE ARE IVF BABIES! I texted my half sisters this morning to let them know. This will be a great party story.
UPDATE 2: I and my half sisters claim any and all movie rights to this and do not approve any unauthorized use of this story. Be cool, thanks guys! /s since some people can’t understand this was tongue in cheek.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/aitkr8/tifu_buying_a_23_and_me_kit_assuming_my_family/)
So when all this went down, my sister and I asked my mom to take a DNA test as well. She agreed. As it turns out, my mom is not my biological mom. As I said before, it makes no difference to me because my mom is my mom no matter what.
HERE IS THE KICKER THOUGH
My mom was wholeheartedly under the impression her eggs were used in her IVF treatment. She is contacting her doctor who is still in practice to figure out what the hell this means.
I’m actually sort of sad for my mom, I didn’t consider this as an option in the realm of possibility. We are her daughters of course but I can’t imagine finding out at her age with adult kids that your biological line actually ends with you.
So yeah, guess that’s all I have for now!
TLDR; Mom is not my mom and she is more shocked than I am.
**EDIT:** I talked to my mom this morning and she’s ok, thank goodness. She said we’re still her babies! I discussed the idea of hiring a lawyer with her, she said she still has her IVF paperwork somewhere so she is looking for it. Her paper hoarding may come in handy this once! I’m just happy she is alright.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/aalqdq/tifu_buying_a_23_and_me_kit_assuming_my_history/) by u/Rebailey0794* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ftp1e0/i_bought_a_23_and_me_genetic_testing_kit_assuming/ | ftp1e0 | 6,754 | 107 | [
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2020-04-03T01:35:07 | My cat is missing, and the only thing keeping me from drinking a bottle right now, is my cat. | r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY | I am not sure really where to start, other than by saying I have been addicted to numbing everything that I experience for nearly the past 15 years.
This morning, 3 weeks post first arrest, I opened the my front door to step outside for a moment, my cat bolted.
I know this may not seem like much, however, after having my cat live with my estranged girlfriend for nearly a year and finally getting myself in a spot where I could care for an animal, I got her back.
Most pet owners know the feeling of having a pet you cannot care for, and upon getting her back my love for her grew more than I thought possible. Long story short, this cat is the only thing on this planet that I cared about more than myself.
Now, she is out in the streets of Terre Haute and I have not stopped crying since 8 this morning (4 hours). After frantically running around outside with no shoes and shirt in the 35 degree weather we are having, I lost sight of her.
Since my arrest, I have finally decided to cold turkey everything and it has surprisingly gone really well for me. Haven't even wanted a drink until this morning.
The most important part of my life is missing and gone and it is all my fault and I have never hated myself this much in my 29 years on this planet.
The only thing I want to is to drowned myself in liquor and not come out of the pool. I have never wanted to drink this badly in my life. Not during active addiction, not during a get together with the bois around a bon fire, not even at my brothers naval graduation.
I am maxing out my personal scale for wanting to drink.
But, I know that if I sit down at a bar, or go grab a bottle and sit down here at home and start drinking, that is time that I am not looking for the most important thing in my life. Which makes me realize just how important my sobriety is as well as how little drinking will help.
I can taste the whiskey in my throat.
Whatever your reason for staying clean and sober is, hold on to it and let it drive you to and past what you thought you could handle without substance.
My name is u/uneeknaymuh
and I am an alcoholic, and if you will excuse me, I have a cat to find.
And if you needed to hear it today, I love you and you do not need to pick up.
&nbsp;
**UPDATE:** 815 EST- I found her and she is back at home, a little hungry and now asleep under the bed.
As rough as today has been I didn't pick up and I am glad that I was sober for the reuniting.
Thank you too everyone for their positivity, kind words and wisdom. Life is full of things that make us want to not feel. But feeling those things is the lesson you learn from life, and if you are numb to them all the time you will miss out on the majority of the point of existence in the first place.
Another day sober is better than the best day using.
I love you all.
[Chanel the cat](https://i.redd.it/nvrtzbg0o2x31.jpg)
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY/comments/dsjja3/my_cat_is_missing_and_the_only_thing_keeping_me/) in 2019 by u/uneeknaymuh* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ftz30a/my_cat_is_missing_and_the_only_thing_keeping_me/ | ftz30a | 3,056 | 53 | [
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2020-04-03T16:07:36 | I'm [28F] unsure if it's time to draw boundaries with my boyfriend [28M] and his coworker [late 20sF] who he got close to very quickly | r/relationships | Apologies for the length, I'm going to be very thorough and also a lot has happened in a very short amount of time.
First some background, and the good stuff. I have been best friends with my boyfriend since 2013. We even lived together during graduate school for two years before we started dating. We started dating in 2016, when we were roommates, so we've been together for about 2.5 years now and have lived together for a lot of that time. We did a brief stint of long distance when we got jobs in different locations after school. In January of this year, he moved states to be with me, and I still can't get over how amazing that was of him. We are now living together again in our own apartment and we couldn't be happier. He is my best friend and absolutely the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with. He's smart, funny, an absolute sweetheart and a romantic, and he makes me feel so loved every day. We have talked about our future many times and Im anticipating a proposal in the near future.
Also, he has had many female friends during our time together and this has never bothered me. I'm rarely the jealous type. He's hung out one-on-one with girls before and I had no complaints. There has been one girl I told him I was uncomfortable with, and he stopped hanging out with her, but that was for a lot of reasons and not just because she's a girl.
So on to the recent issue. After moving to my state, he had to pass a couple of tests in our field before he could start working. He did so and was able to secure a job in early June. He likes his new job so far, and generally likes and gets along with his coworkers, but he hadn't really made any real "friends" yet. He's hung out with my coworkers/sort-of friends too (I'm also pretty new to the area) and likes them as well, but no one he would hang out with one-on-one. I know he is missing having a group of friends back in his home state where he moved from.
About a month ago, maybe a little more, he started mentioning one coworker a lot. We'll call her Liz. At first it was just in passing "Oh my coworker Liz said this or that." It also turns out Liz used to work with an organization that works closely with my organization, so she knows a lot of people that I work with and what's going on with my job and field of work. So it was a "small world" kind of thing, she would mention someone I knew, or something about my job, and he would tell her he also knew that person because of me - that kind of thing. But he started talking about her more and more often. I'm talking probably every single day over for a few weeks he would have a story about Liz or something that she said, so I knew they were talking or hanging out at work a lot. He did say that Liz mentioned she wanted to meet me, and she has a fiance that she lives with. So that made me feel good! Nothing to worry about, and I was happy he was making a friend here.
Liz actually lived nearby us, in a temporary place because they were moving around for her fiancé's job. So a couple of weeks ago he tells me that Liz suggested they start carpooling to work together. Their office is about 30 minutes away without traffic - but our city always has traffic, so it's more like 45 minutes each way most days. Honestly this made me a little uncomfortable, since this meant they would be spending 1-1.5 hours alone together in the car every time they rode together. But I didn't say anything because they wouldn't be carpooling every day - some days they work in the office and other days they work on projects around town, so this would only be days when they both go into the office (maybe 2-3 days a week). Besides, he only mentioned it in passing as an idea, at first. A few days later as he was headed out the door he said "okay I'm going to go pick up Liz and head into work." I was surprised because he never told me they decided to definitely start carpooling together, but it obviously wasn't a big deal. He has never mentioned it again so as far as I know that's the only day they've ridden together, it hasn't been an ongoing thing. I was fine with this.
Things started intensifying quickly last week, though. As I mentioned, Liz and her fiancé were in a temporary place before, so they decided to start looking for a permanent apartment. My boyfriend casually mentioned to me one day last week that they were actually interested in our building, and that they wanted to come see it the next day. This came out of left field to me. Our building is very nice, it's a luxury building in a good area downtown, but there are also tons of similar buildings in the area. But I figured they were just checking out all kinds of places and ours was probably one of many on the list. So late last week they came by our building for a tour. I actually saw them briefly on the elevator and we met for the first time, but they were being given a tour by management so we didn't hang out.
Well, later that night, Liz texted my boyfriend that they decided to rent in our building. I honestly didn't know what to say because... I wasn't thrilled. I felt like now they will definitely want to start carpooling together every day they can, and they will start becoming even closer. My boyfriend was obviously very happy about it when he told me. I just kind of asked if they were looking at any other places and why they weren't looking any closer to where she and my boyfriend work, and he said they just really liked this building and her fiancé works more closely to our area so it works for them to live here. Obviously there was nothing I could say so I just said cool.
Ever since then I feel like they have already been talking more and more. They text and have called each other a couple of times. To be fair, as far as I know it has all been either work or apartment-related. But I also don't really see his phone and have no idea how much they actually talk.
A couple of final things prompted me to write this post. Up until now I wasn't thrilled about all of this but could deal with it. This weekend we traveled to visit my family for the holiday weekend. Yesterday during a family lunch, he got up and went into the other room with his phone for a few minutes. When he came back I asked "where'd you go?" and he just said "I was getting a phone call." Later, I asked who was calling him at lunch. He said it was Liz with a few questions because they were moving in at the time. This slightly bothered me because I feel like if I hadn't asked, he wasn't planning to tell me it was Liz who called.
He went back to our city last night while I am staying in my hometown with my family for a couple of extra days. While driving him to the airport, I got a random thought so I asked "you're just going to take an Uber back home, right?" (that's how we got to the airport.) He kind of hesitated and then said "I was actually going to see if maybe Liz could pick me up, so I don't have to spend money on an Uber." Yet again, I felt like he never would have mentioned this to me if I hadn't asked. Also, we live close to the airport so an Uber is not expensive, and he makes good money. I reminded him that Liz and her fiancé were moving that day and probably did not want to come pick him up at the airport (I would have said this for anyone, moving sucks), and he thought about it and agreed. He didn't end up asking her.
I don't know what to do from here. On one hand, I am genuinely glad he's making a friend. There are no red flags so far, things seem 100% platonic. Plus, she has a fiancé, so we could all be couple friends! On the other hand, he seems to be getting really close to her really quickly. He talks about her constantly (a lot more than I explained in this post), they are probably going to be riding together often, and I feel like he is starting to (unconsciously or not) kind of hide some interactions with her from me.
Is it time to set boundaries? If so, what would reasonable boundaries even be? Is carpooling together too much? Is it oaky for them to hang out alone together outside of work? I have no idea and I've never been in this situation before. I don't know how to talk to him about this. I just feel like we need to have a talk now that she is living in our building, but maybe I should wait and see if things escalate?
TL;DR: My boyfriend has become fast friends with a female coworker. She and her fiancé are now moving into our apartment building, and my boyfriend is seeing and talking to her more and more. I don't know if it's time to set boundaries or if I'm getting ahead of myself.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a72pyo/update_im_28f_unsure_if_its_time_to_draw/)
A lot has happened since my last post, and I got some good advice there, so I wanted to post an update!
After I made the last post I came home from the trip with my family a couple of days later. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to talk to him about something and I brought up his friendship with Liz. I basically brought up all of my concerns from the post. I told him that I didn't want to discourage him from having a friend, but I also felt like they were talking quite a lot and spending a lot of time together, and that it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.
My boyfriend took it really well! He immediately reassured me that he only saw her as a friend, and that he hadn't even realized how it could look to me. When I brought up how I felt like he wasn't being forthcoming with information (like how he didn't mention the phone call from her), he said that was 100% unintentional. He then immediately asked what he could do going forward to make me feel more comfortable. He offered to stop carpooling with her and to cut down on contact with her except for work-related stuff. I told him I didn't have a problem with the carpooling because financially it does make sense (he spends a lot of money on gas), but maybe he could try to text and call her outside of work a little bit less. I also told him I would really love to meet her and her fiance, and he enthusiastically agreed.
He set up a hang out for the following weekend - the two of us and Liz and her fiance all went out for drinks at a bar by our building (they'e moved in by now). It was actually really fun! It turns out we all have a ton in common. Liz and I do very similar work, and we all have common nerdy interests. It was a little awkward at first as meeting new people often is, but once we all got comfortable we had a blast. From there, we have all become fast friends, and Liz and I have developed our own separate friendship too. We text often, go over to each other's places for dinner sometimes, and hang out on weekends. I can honestly say I really like Liz (and her fiance) as a person and trust her 100%. I no longer have a problem with her friendship with my boyfriend at all. They do still carpool sometimes, but they've never hung out alone outside of work - it's always the four of us. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Finally, I have a separate - but slightly related - update: my boyfriend is now my FIANCE! Less than a month after I made my last post, he took me out for a really beautiful and romantic dinner. When we came home, our apartment was covered in roses and candles. I was so shocked I could barely move as he got down on one knee and proposed. I said YES and then cried for about two hours as we called all of our friends and family. It was absolutely perfect and we are getting married next year!
It turns out that Liz actually helped him plan the proposal and that was part of why they were talking a lot too! Since she lives in our building now, he had all of the flowers, candles, champagne, and accessories shipped to her and kept at her place until he was ready for them. He even had her hold onto the ring the week before he did it. After he proposed she came upstairs and took photos for us and cried with us. That was the moment I realized what a great friend she is to both of us.
So communication saves the day again! We're all great friends now, and Liz and I have regular girls nights to plan our weddings together :)
TL;DR: I talked to my boyfriend and he introduced me to Liz and her fiance right away. We're all great friends now and I'm no longer uncomfortable - but I am engaged!
EDIT: Wow, wow, wow!!!! I know this is stereotypical, but I never expected my post to blow up like this. I started reading the comments last night and planned to reply to some but then I got busy, and then this just got out of control! So let me just say here, thank you all SO MUCH for the support, advice, and well-wishes! You guys rule 😭
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9cx874/im_28f_unsure_if_its_time_to_draw_boundaries_with/) by u/itsme2213* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fub34z/im_28f_unsure_if_its_time_to_draw_boundaries_with/ | fub34z | 12,848 | 107 | [
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2020-04-04T16:05:10 | Neighbor is shit-bombing my front yard | LegalAdvice | Hey all, I have a shitty situation here that I'm hoping to get some advice about. This is in Idaho.
My neighbor is shit-bombing my front yard. A new neighbor bought a house across the street about 6 months ago. A few weeks back, I was working in the garage when I saw him take his dog directly across the street, into my front yard. He let it pee in my yard and then walked straight home. He didn't notice me - my garage is set up as a shop and is pretty busy, and the garage door is up a lot - but this piqued my interest because it's goddamned weird. Now, my wife and I have a dog so there are a few dog droppings from her that we pick up on a regular basis. My wife had been doing the dooty duty recently, so I asked her if there are more piles than normal. Sure enough, she said there had been a ton for a while now. She figured it was assholes walking their dogs and letting them crap in our lawn. I figured it was our new weirdo neighbor.
It happened again around a week later: I was in the garage as the neighbor took his dog into our lawn. This time the dog dropped a deuce and he started to walk away without picking it up. I called out to him, asking him if he needs a plastic bag to pick up after his dog, and he avoided eye contact and scurried back home. I went across the street and knocked on his door. He didn't answer. We set up a security camera to discretely watch the front lawn and I kept an eye out for when he was next out in his yard so I could talk to him.
I reviewed the footage over the next few days and, sure enough, he was consistently taking his dog to do the deed in our yard. Why our yard? No clue, we've never had any interaction with this guy whatsoever. The next time I saw him walking to his car, I confronted him. I simply told him that I knew he was taking his dog to shit in our yard and if I caught him doing it again I'd call the police to report him for trespassing. He denied doing it, claiming it must be other neighbors, got in his car, and drove away with me standing in his driveway.
So I review the footage from the last few days. Dude is not walking his dog into my yard anymore: he's letting the dog shit in his yard. He then scoops it up, walks it across the street, and tosses it into my yard with a shovel. What the absolute fuck.
How do I even begin handling this?
In the interest of remaining neighborly and with the possibility neighbor dude might be losing his mind, we're going to talk with them before lawyering up or involving the fuzz. Updates forthcoming.
&nbsp;
[**1 Year Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fuklms/long_overdue_update_neighbor_is_shitbombing_my/)
My wife and I have been on all sorts of adventures - moving out of the state, living in an RV with too many cats, a meth-crazed former friend going on a rampage, and delirious dad dementia drama - it has been a wild ride. You can thank everyone's new best buddy, CoVID-19, for providing me with the time (AKA being in quarantine) to remember to get on this. A shout out goes to a couple of to -remain-unnamed Redditors for poking at me to finally update.
&nbsp;
The shit-bombing neighbor situation ended up having a different resolution than we could have ever imagined. As you may or may not remember, we were planning on talking to his kids. The next time someone rolled around we pounced, talking to his son. It turns out they suspected ol' turd tosser was suffering from early onset dementia. That led to a "Well...fuck" moment. Where some people get all loopy and nice or just shut down altogether, crap cannon turned into a Grade A Asshole. I could relate completely: my father also suffers from dementia and, just like feces flinger, he was gone enough to be a huge fucking nuisance for anyone unfortunate enough to be around him but not far enough for the kids to get guardianship. Just like us, they were waiting for the shit to hit the fan (pun intended) so the authorities would step in, an evaluation could be done, and they might get some legal leverage on their dookie dumping daddy's bad behavior.
&nbsp;
So we set up a camera on that part of our yard and waited until he did it again. He never dumped shit in the yard again - we're guessing the son talked to him - but he did take his dog over to drop a deuce in our yard. Evidence in hand, we called the police, kept it to "just the facts" (Thanks, Joe Friday), and hoped they'd do something. They talked to shit shoveler, he promised to knock it off, and you know what? He actually stopped. We moved shortly thereafter and heard a few months later from the new tenants (they're friends of ours) that his property is for sale. I'm guessing the kids finally got him the help he needs.
Everyone hug now: happy ending!
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted] (https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9o3ge9/neighbor_is_shitbombing_my_front_yard/) by u/SoleInvictus* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fuw6fu/neighbor_is_shitbombing_my_front_yard/ | fuw6fu | 4,917 | 62 | [
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2020-04-05T16:18:49 | Weird coincidence or spyware on phone | Relationship_Advice | Ok, this is going to sound paranoid but it's happened too many times. Everytime I send out a text message my (29F) SO (34M) phone will ding. But (this is weird paranoid part) only for the first text I send and not the entire conversation. But then say an hour goes by and I send a text his phone will ding again.
I first noticed this happening early every morning when I would text my carpool. His phone would ding at 6am when i sent a text to them.
If it is some spyware on my phone how can i find it? I've searched my apps and ran malware-bytes and incognito app.
Or am I just crazy. I feel like this is what past cheating does to a relationship. Does spyware even exist that would only ding at certain times?
Just yesterday we were sitting next to each other. I text my friend, his phone goes off and he didnt look at his phone. He always checks incoming texts lol. I asked him who was messaging him and he just quickly looked and said work.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fmg602/update_spyware_or_coincidence/)
So we were hangingout and he eventually put his phone down, face up on the table between us. I send a text to a friend that said, "why are you spying on my phone."
His phone fricken dinged. I couldn't read the notification screen but that's no coincidence.
After confronting him and he finally admitted to keeping track of my texts...and location... but I still dont know why he did. He was gaslighting hardcore. He kept saying how I said I always tell him I dont trust him (he cheated) which lead him to thinking I was hiding something and he couldnt trust me? Wtf. And he was tracking my location for "my safety" because he worries about where I'm at and don't I want him to be concerned about my saftey.
I also dont know the specific way he did it :( I did a factory reset (thanks to y'alls recommendations) then changed my password on everything. I'm considering changing my user name on this account.
I guess trust your instinct. This is the worst time for this to happen, I dont know where he is staying. He still has stuff here. I have a bad history with this guy too, idk why I give people so many chances.
Thank you guys for your help! I'm glad I reached out, I was shocked by the support. I had alot of messages just checking up.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/flgvls/weird_coincidence_or_spyware_on_phone/) by u/Milly_3334* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fvgcoq/weird_coincidence_or_spyware_on_phone/ | fvgcoq | 2,465 | 65 | [
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2020-04-06T16:24:31 | I [31m] found torn-up remnants of a Plan B box in the kitchen garbage. My wife [27f] should have no reason to use emergency contraceptive because I had a vasectomy years ago. | Relationship_Advice | Hey everyone. I don't know what to do in this situation because I never expected I'd face something like this. I'm trying to stay calm and rational and examine every possibility but I'm coming up seriously short here.
I met my wife on Tinder at the end of 2015. We talked on and off for some time before she agreed to meet me. By the end of our first date we found that we had so much in common that we even agreed we should have met a lot earlier. We were both into the same sport, we were both into the same books, and we both saw eye to eye on social/political matters. More than anything, we were both against the idea of having kids.
I know, heavy topics for a first date. We were on a roll and just kept talking and before we knew it we were three to four dates ahead of the curve.
At the very least I held off on telling her about my vasectomy until the third. Her immediate reaction upon hearing about it was of an instant of shock, where she couldn't believe a young guy would get one. She immediately followed that by commending me for my conviction about being child free.
We dated and had a great time with few real arguments, and eventually settled down with a big wedding and a big house. After getting married, if anything our relationship has only gotten better.
Four nights ago was the first time I ever had any serious doubts about our relationship. My wife was out with a friend, and I was doing some house cleaning. I was throwing away a bunch of semi-large garbage that can fit into bags, and so I took a few things out of the kitchen garbage bag to make everything fit into two. At the bottom I saw a light purple box where half of a lower case n and an upper case B were visible. I immediately recognized it for what it was and reassembling the torn pieces just confirmed it.
I had known that my wife was on her period because when I tried to initiate sex, she told me so. I found it odd because her previous period had ended just a couple of weeks before and I made comment about the timing being odd. She told me it's just lady stuff and it happens sometimes. I figured it made enough sense and let the issue rest.
I haven't told her that I found the box. When she got home that night everything was so normal. I tried to gauge how she was feeling or if she seemed like she was trying to hide anything, but couldn't find a single thing.
The more time this simmers inside of me, the more the possibilities start springing to mind. What if she was assaulted? What if she was covering for someone else by bringing the box home and disposing of it here? What if she, for some reason, just felt pregnant randomly? Or, what if she just cheated? I only know one thing for certain: unless someone broke into our house to dispose of a box of Plan B and cover it with a bunch of other trash haphazardly, she was the only person other than me who could have thrown it away.
I don't even know how to ask her or how to bring it up. We have both expressed adamantly that cheating is ridiculous because if you're dissatisfied enough in a relationship to be unfaithful, you should just leave. I've done nothing to displease her, at least that I know of. Maybe I'm just naive or maybe the situation is more complicated than I'm giving it credit for. But I feel like a coward for being unable to bring it up four days later just because I don't know how.
tl;dr I found a torn up Plan B box in my trash. The only person who could have possibly thrown it away there is my wife. How do I bring this up?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/arvpxh/update_i_31m_found_tornup_remnants_of_a_plan_b/)
I would like to preface this post with an apology. I know it has been nearly three weeks since I last posted. To be honest, in no world did I ever imagine people would continue to show so much interest in my situation. I've been online long enough to know that a few weeks here is like an eternity in the real world. Not to make excuses, but since my life just fell into the gutter, rolled into a drainage grate, took a trip through the sewer system, and then got eaten by that random ass giant spider from the original It, I have legitimately not had the time or the heart to update you. For that, I am sorry.
For the people who are legitimately concerned about me, thank you. It is encouraging to know that thousands of people are thinking about me.
For the people who wanted to see my situation go about as bad as possible and play out like a Greek tragedy, I apologize that it is probably not nearly as interesting as you are hoping for.
Now to start where things left off.
After making my original post, I combed through all of the comments to find reasons as to why she might have torn up a Plan B box and thrown it into the garbage. A lot of them made sense. My greatest hope was that it might have just been old. Maybe it was before we even met. Clinging to that, I hand wrote a flow chart of all of the routes our conversation might take. I'm awful with confrontation and considered every possibility before bringing it up, what I would say in response, and what I would do. I memorized them all.
On the evening after I made my original post, I called her into the living room when she got home from the gym. As I had practiced, I asked her the following question:
>Hey, I'm not accusing you of anything, but could you tell me why there was a torn up Plan B box in the garbage?
The second the words "Plan B" left my mouth, she immediately looked like she had been punched in the stomach. She was completely lost for words. I already knew at that point. I retained eye contact and repeated my question.
>Why was there a torn up Plan B box in the garbage? You know I had a vasectomy.
She just mouth breathed, looking at me horrified. Then she looked to the floor. Then she started weakly sobbing.
This was not on the flowchart. I had no idea how to respond. I thought if I let her cry it out a bit she might give me a real answer, but she just kept sobbing. Finally I prompted her with another question:
>Are you crying because you did something you regret?
She shook her head violently. I was so concerned because I thought something horrendous might have happened.
She abruptly shrieked "I'm crying because my fucking husband doesn't even trust me." I have literally never seen a person that angry, let alone my wife.
So I prompted her again.
>Just tell me why it was there. You don't have to hide anything from me.
She yelled at me again. Repeatedly. "If you don't trust me, this marriage is hopeless." "Fuck you for not trusting me."
This line of questioning repeated itself until she told me to get out of the house. I refused and said that until she was upfront with me about why the box was there, I wasn't budging an inch. She then informed me that either I had to leave or she would leave. Since I doubted she had anywhere to stay (her parents don't live anywhere near us), I agreed to go to let us cool down and have a rational conversation like adults later. I went to my best friend's house, the guy who was best man at my wedding, and we got drunk and talked about everything but her.
The following night, I texted her asking if she was ready to talk. She was not. Instead, she gave me an ultimatum: I had to [1] apologize, [2] promise to never bring it up again, and [3] learn to trust her completely. Only then would she allow me back home. If I couldn't do all three of the above, she was done with me.
I have not returned home and we have now been no contact for over two weeks. I am wearing out my welcome at my best friend's house, who has been nothing short of amazing. I currently have a consultation with a lawyer arranged this afternoon. The lawyer will probably tell me I'm an idiot for leaving the house, and she'll probably be right, but the idea of ever stepping foot in that house again makes me sick to my stomach.
There is legitimately nothing my wife could say to salvage this marriage. I am entirely numb to her, what she's doing, who she's with, or anything else even tangentially related to her. None of my family members know what happened and as far as they're concerned we're still the happy newlyweds. I'm holding off on saying anything until I'm calm and rational and won't do something I'll regret in the future.
tl;dr yes, she cheated, yes, the marriage is over, and yes, I feel awful about it.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/akyct2/i_31m_found_tornup_remnants_of_a_plan_b_box_in/) by u/Significant_Cupcake* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fw1q8c/i_31m_found_tornup_remnants_of_a_plan_b_box_in/ | fw1q8c | 8,601 | 67 | [
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2020-04-06T23:08:03 | r/freefolk bend the knee to their Queen after Game of Thrones season 8 controversy | r/freefolk | Original post dated 22nd May 2019:
Since there's been so much negativity flying around, especially with that petition [to remake the final season of Game of Thrones] gaining traction, I thought maybe we could do something really decent that can make a difference in peoples' lives, and show a little love for one castmember in particular.
Incase you weren't aware, Emilia Clarke who played Daenerys Targaryen wrote a personal [essay](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/personal-history/emilia-clarke-a-battle-for-my-life-brain-aneurysm-surgery-game-of-thrones) for the New Yorker in March about her experience suffering two brain hemorrhages, the first of which happened shortly after wrapping season 1. With that essay she launched her charity SameYou, in aid of increasing neuro-rehabilitation access to young people after brain injury.
It's clear that Emilia invested much of herself into Dany and in turn drew strength from her when she needed it. The fact that the showrunners did not even care to inform her of her character's turn, let alone write a properly fleshed-out script that did her character (and others!) justice, is unforgivable. They've since scurried away to avoid the backlash they knew was inevitable, but the actors are getting the brunt of it. And I just thought... how wonderful a gesture would it be for them, and for Emilia especially, to see fans of the show coming together in aid of a cause that is so dear to her heart. To really know that we appreciate her and this character she's inhabited for the better part of the last decade.
On a personal note, as someone who suffers from chronic illness, Emilia's portrayal of Daenerys means so much more to me since finding out what she went through. The fact that she stared her mortality in the face and did not give up, did not give in, and was able to come through with such a stellar performance.. is beyond inspiring.
The fundraising is for the CHARITY FOUNDED BY EMILIA called SameYou, in partnership with the Stroke Association, which helps young people recovering from brain injuries like the ones she suffered while filming the show.
&nbsp;
UPDATE: We broke 5k with less than 300 donations. Thank you so much to each and every one of you who donated, upvoted, shared, boosted. I'd love to see this keep building momentum!
UPDATE: We hit 20k in less than 48 hours! Amazing job everyone! Also, some news... Entertainment Weekly have reached out with some questions for an article they plan on doing about the fundraiser! I'll update this post once it's been published. Let's keep this going!
UPDATE: 23k! And... EW wrote that [story](https://ew.com/tv/2019/05/24/game-of-thrones-reddit-community-emilia-clarke-fundraiser/) on us! The answers were edited down but I think they did a great job conveying the sentiment behind the campaign. I'll post the full list of questions & answers I gave in a comment so you can see what they left and what they decided to take out. Keep sharing! BEST FANS EVAA!
UPDATE: We're almost at 29K! There have been people who have donated in the hundreds, and others who dug deep and did they could with a couple of dollars. Grateful for EACH and EVERY one of you. Screenrant, Decider and Digital Spy have all done stories on us.
UPDATE: £35,000 (close to 45k in $) in just 5 days!!! amazing feat lads. Well done. It seems like things are winding down now, so let me thank everybody one more time for pushing this fundraiser to where it is. Anyone could have started this fundraiser, it’s all of you who have made it successful. Every donation - no matter how small or seemingly insignificant - every share, every hashtag, every signal boost… every single one made a difference.
And for those asking if Emilia has heard about this, she has! SameYou accounts on twitter & IG have been boosting the fundraiser, and the mother of dragons herself has reached out to say thank you & that they’re both thrilled to see Emilia’s story inspire people to engage in the movement for neuro rehabilitation.
This will be the final update, until/unless something special happens - so keep an eye out! Mods, I’d appreciate if this could stay pinned just a little while longer. Thanks again for all the support!
&nbsp;
UPDATE: ok when i said i’d update if something special happened i was NOT expecting..[that!?](https://twitter.com/SameYouOrg/status/1134100107065024512)
&nbsp;
Also I wanted to share this [article](https://heavy.com/entertainment/2019/05/emilia-clarke-charity-fundraiser-interview-creator-elle-ellaria/) Stephanie from heavy.com just posted. Stephanie was one out of tens, TENS of journalists I reached out to who previously wrote about the petition and the ONLY one who actually took an interest in covering this story. She does a great job conveying the message - please do give it a read!
And finally, if you’re not in a position to donate, DO NOT FUCKING FEEL BAD. I know what it’s like to count pennies to survive. You’re all doing what you can with your updoots and shares. I’m fucking grateful for all of you. We’ve done a good thing here.
&nbsp;
**FINAL UPDATE:**
100k! i think my work here is done. By now everyone knows about the fundraiser and it will remain open for the foreseeable future in case you'd like to keep giving (i know i will!). A spin-off fundraiser for Jon Snow actor Kit Harington's charity Mencap was [started](https://ew.com/celebrity/2019/06/26/kit-harington-game-of-thrones-fans-charity-fundraiser/) and we've also launched #GoTtoGive in an effort to have our donations matched.
Plus Emilia [shouted us out!](https://twitter.com/SameYouOrg/status/1136612061306327040)
&nbsp;
[The Fundraising Page](https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/justicefordaenerys)
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/freefolk/comments/brj5vq/can_we_collectively_do_something_nice_for_emilia/) by /u/elle_ellaria* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fw94oo/rfreefolk_bend_the_knee_to_their_queen_after_game/ | fw94oo | 5,907 | 14 | [
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2020-04-07T15:26:58 | My mom forced me to sell my dog, and bought another, smaller one. I miss my older dog to death and this new puppy I’m taking care of reminds me of my old dog so much that I constantly feel like crying when I’m with him. | r/Advice | I’m 16yo, male. I had an amazing, very well behaved one year old Akita dog that I spent basically the whole day with...she was pretty protective of me, and she was large. Although she was an angel with amazing behavior, and whenever my family came to interact with her, she was pretty nice although they didn’t stick around much...only interacting with her for a few minutes before leaving, I was basically the only person taking care of her, but I loved it, and I loved her.
Then my mom told me she wants to sell my dog. She said it was way too large and scary looking and she wanted a dog that “could be compared to a cat, and treated like one”. I had no choice in the matter and a week later, my dog was gone. A lady came to pick her up and I had the task of crating her and such...I put my dog in the lady’s car, and she and my mom went inside to discuss some stuff. I ran to the kitchen and got some boiled chicken, the treat I usually give her. I sat in the ladys car with my dog for a bit, giving her plenty of chicken and petting her with my fingers through the bars of the crate, so she wouldn’t be scared on the car ride as much...
Then, when mom and the lady came back and the lady drove off, my dog was gone. I didn’t really feel anything. I was just kinda like...I guess another dog it is...
A week passed, and I was actively just waiting for a new dog. It felt so weird not having anything to take care of. Of course, I did miss my dog...but I didn’t feel sad, I was just feeling “void”, nothing. If that makes sense.
Mom came home with a new three month old small puppy, a white terrier. About a week has passed since I owned him, and I’m his primary caretaker. Of course, I love him and he’s been a sweetheart, although needing a lot of training that I’m working on at the moment..but my family has been wanting him with them a lot more than my old dog. They sometimes come to me and tell me to leave the dog with them for a bit, all of my family call him cute when he does certain things. He’s...scarily similar to my Akita dog in the way he acts. But instead of freezing up or being indifferent to his actions like they were with my Akita, they call him cute n stuff...even though he’s acting very similarly to my old Akita, he’s just small and non-threatening I guess. But I would get this very irriater feeling in my gut when I see how my family treats this dog so differently even when my Akita did the same thing...you know, jumping in excitement, micro borks when playing, running around excitedly, being happy to see me, standing, dog stuff.
The more time I spent with this dog, the more he just kept reminding me of my Akita. I’ve been getting more and more depressed just thinking ahout it while I’m taking care of him since he reminds me so much of her...
One day, I was trying to get my new dog to sleep. I was in my room and he was on his bed, but he was being very anxious and hasn’t slept well. I was determined to make him sleep at least a little that day. I knew he trusted me, so I just did some stuff. Played relaxing music, sat with him silently while he slept, comforted him, a lot of stuff. Still, though, he’d suddenly jerk awake every 15 minutes or so at the slightest sound, and then he would see me, I’d pet him and he’d almost immediately plop down to sleep. This kept reminding me when I was doing the same thing to my Akita dog when she was anxious and didn’t sleep at all for a whole day almost...She was waking up at each sound, just like this new dog was, and the way I was treating this new dog to get him to sleep was exactly what I did to my Akita.
So I was theee, literally just sitting there in silence making sure he actually gets to sleep. He’d wake up every 15 minutes. All the while, I’m silently just...being reminded of my Akita. I was holding back tears though, because I had to be silent for my dog to sleep. But...he never did. He kept jerking awake every 15 minutes. After about an hour and a half of this, my dog jerked awake one final time. It gave me flashbacks to when my Akita did the same thing. After I tended to him and got him sleeping again, as soon as he laid down and closed his eyes, It was too much. I was remembering my Akita too much. I couldn’t take it anymore and started crying. Apparently it was LOUD. I didn’t even realize, but according to my mother, she heard it from the second floor when she came to check on me. I thought nobody would be able to hear me even outside my door, but apparently I was crying extremely uncontrollably. I didn’t tell my mom why I cried, though.
I have the number of the lady who had my dog, and I called her every now and then to ask how my Akita was...she never answered. It always times out. My mother is refusing to give me any details and just says she has her and she’s fine. What the hell do I do? I love my new dog yes, but I’m such a wreck right now...I can’t even interact with my new dog for a long time because I just remember my Akita, get depressed and feel like crying. Thankfully, others are happy to take him off my hands temporarily whenever I need a break...though, they’re the one asking me to take him for a bit.
I just don’t know. What do I do?
&nbsp;
UPDATE: A lot has happened in these two hours, actually.
Yesterday I asked my mom why the person who bought my dog wasn’t responding, she hesistated for 3 seconds and said she re-sold sold the dog and she forgot to told me. I didn’t believe her. The reason I was calling the person who bought my dog was because she said I could visit her and ask her for updates. I also had a mini interview with her about how she’d treat the dog, and she came out fine. Though, I just called her for the second time today, and she finally responded. She did confirm that she sold my dog. When I asked her if that meant I couldn’t visit, she said “Obviously. I don’t know where she is”. I continued that conversation a bit talking about how I should have made it clear in our agreement that I would get to visit her, and that it was my bad that I didn’t specify.
Later, my mom called me. She asked me why I called TPWBMD. I told her I just wanted to know what was up for sure. She explained to me that she told me everything yesterday and that TPWBMD said I was bothering her by calling constantly. She also said that this made her look like a bad mother because now TPWBMD thinks my mom didn’t tell me about what she did to my dog, which she didn’t until I explicitly asked her.
After that, I kinda hatched a plan. I called our vet and pretended that I somehow lost the microchip digits of my dog, and if they could tell me the code so I could write it down in her dog passport. They asked me if I had the dog, I lied and said yes. They said I can just bring her in and they’d scan and give me the code. I pretended that I was too lazy to, and said if it was possible if I provided details.
After confirming my name, phone number, my dogs name, breed, etc, they knew I was the guy with her at the vet for sure. After 30 minutes, I was told the tracking chip code.
I went all over the internet looking for the contact info of the new owner of my dog. It seems it doesn’t exist. I think I have to wait until the guy who newly owns her puts his info on the tracking chip, then I can input that into some website and I’ll get his contact info and maybe he will agree to update me on my Akita regularly. Or hell...maybe visit? I wish with all my heart this goes well.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/clzgkk/update_my_mom_sold_my_dog_against_my_will_and_i/)
This is a continuation of a post I posted just 4 hours ago. You guys have been amazing and made me feel like my feelings were not crazy after all. A lot of you urged me on to try to get my dog back, and I will.
Alright, so this is what I currently have. It’s not that much, actually...all I have is
-An invoice from the vet about my most recent visit before she was sold.
-Her microchip number, which was obtained from the vet today.
-The dogs name, and a bunch of pictures. Around 100.
-Some general knowledge about her medical history, including the date of some of her vaccines. No documents though
that’s pretty much it. I’m just wondering now, what can I do? I’d be perfectly happy if I even managed to get updated on my dogs status from the new owner and got to regularly get updated, or even visit. Best case scenario is that I get to see her regularly or adopt her back...
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/cowxh5/update_2_my_mother_sold_my_dog_against_my_will/)
I’m honestly posting this for emotional support at this point, because I feel like I have to remember that there’s nothing wrong with how I feel at the moment.
So...what happened in the past week?
Well, I walked to my vet in secret to ask for advice. I talked to two nice people over the counter there and they helped me explore my options.
I also contacted my entire family. All my sisters, my dad, and kinda my bro (I don’t reallt trust my bro) to tell them about what happened. None of them support me. A comment from one sister is “You know you’ll just forget about her right?” and from my second sister, “Why do you even care? It’s a done deal, she was sold.” my third sister kinda said the same thing, but she did help me when I asked her to call the lady who bought my dog. I asked because now when I called her, it just says that the phone number is unavailable, and my whatsapp messages to her don’t go through anymore. So I wanted to check, and yes, she blocked my phone number.
My brother did as expected and called me a moron for caring about a dog and that they’re filthy creatures and stuff like that. Honestly nothing unexpected from him. I talked to my dad, and he was apparently siding with my mother, and he was telling me I was being ridiculous. So little to no support from them.
I talked to a bunch of my online friends about it and my one irl best friend, and they’re all supporting me and my feelings so well, and remind me that I’m not crazy. I appreciate that so much.
My mom got really upset with me over the past few days. I of course, was calling the lady who bought our dog every day almost (till she blocked me that one day), and my mom knew about it from her. I also went to ask my mom what the name of the vet that she deals with is called, because my mom knows that info but is refusing to tell me. She still is, and is calling me extremely disrespectful for not listening to her and dropping this whole thing. As she puts it: “What part of this do you not understand? She was sold, I don’t know where she is, it’s over, bye.”
Since I was obviously seriously against what she was doing to me, I voiced my opinion by telling her I seriously do not respect the fact that she’s doing this and that it makes me think less of her as a person. This infuriated her, and she told me that I can pretend she’s dead if I really don’t respect her. She brought up the religious verses about how a child is required to respect their elders. I told her that this “pretending she’s dead” thing would be a childish and straight up impossible thing to do since we are mother and child living in the same house, but she didn’t wanna hear it and kept saying things like “Do you not understand? Pretend I’m air. I do not exist. You do not have a mother” Of course, I still went to her every day and just ask her “What is the name of the vet that the person who bought my dog uses?” and she just doesn’t look at me.
As a side thing, I’ve contacted my therapist again. The one I stopped going to because the one hour ride to him with my mom was hell, and wasn’t worth it despite him being a good therapist. He suggested some ways I could get to him, and I wanna get back into therapy to keep myself mindful. He’s also going to only be available after Eid.
Thanks for reading.
&nbsp;
[**1 MONTHS LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/crdkwv/i_miss_my_dog/) in r/rant
I miss my dog.
This isn’t over. I’m searching literally everywhere for her. Calling all vets in my country, registering the pet as missing, and offering a reward. Reward money coming from the savings that were supposed to pay for my car when I finally reach the age. I am not going out without a fight. SHE WAS AN ANGEL, A PLAYFUL 66 POUND CHUNCK OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I miss her so much
&nbsp;
[**1.5 MONTHS LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/cw7zbg/my_mother_sold_my_dog_against_my_will_and_im/)
I filed for her as a missing dog, I called so many vets (50+), I registered her microchip number to my name, and I’ve just been super worried about where she is for the past month and a half.
Of course, my mom is not giving up a single detail, and the person who bought my dog resold the dog, and blocked my number. I want to at least know that my dog is okay.
So, it’s been a very long time now, and as I said in a previous post of mine, I’m considering my legal options. During that research, I found that I could potentially hire a private investigator. They’re said to be able to find missing people and gather info, so I thought they may have some intel that might help me find my dog.
I have the necessary funds to hire a PI, is this something I should do? It says on some sites that hiring a PI in the UAE (Where I live) is illegal, though I’m finding some locations on google about hiring detectives/PI’s and I’m unsure of what to do with these mixed signals. Does anyone have any info?
&nbsp;
[**2 MONTHS LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/d2c4k2/update_my_mother_sold_my_dog_against_my_will_but/)
She’s finally back with me, and I seriously couldn’t be happier.
If you guys are wondering how she was found...well, it isn’t a cool of a story as I’d liked, heh. As advised, I did everything in my power to find my dog, Even going as far as to consider my legal options. Two months after my dog was sold, my mom finally gave up and decided to tell me where she is. She’s home now.
My mom always knew where she was. She just never told me. After she saw that I was relentlessly putting this much effort into finding her, she just told me where she is. Now we are in the process of buying her back, though we get to keep her home!
[Here are some pics as requested!](https://imgur.com/a/bU3Sl7y)
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/clw2pb/my_mom_forced_me_to_sell_my_dog_and_bought/) by u/ta4378* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fwmf9e/my_mom_forced_me_to_sell_my_dog_and_bought/ | fwmf9e | 14,489 | 82 | [
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2020-04-07T22:48:45 | I have a virtual interview for a music teaching position | r/MusicEd | So, not only will this be my first ever "virtual" interview, but it'll actually be the first time I've interviewed for a formal music teaching job. It will be at a new K-5 charter school that plans to open up in the Fall...my interview was scheduled to be in person with the school director last week, but obviously that got postponed due to Covid-19.
I graduated with a degree in music in 2014, concentrating in guitar performance. In the years since I've performed semi-professionally and taught privately, but also worked as a college writing tutor, music store clerk, entry level bookkeeper, lawncare worker, car washer....really anything just to get by. Recently I made the conscious decision that I really need to make a change toward a real career, and I knew I loved teaching so I started applying to music teaching jobs even though I'm not licensed.
To my surprise, I landed this interview and I want to do the best I can. As I mentioned, I don't have a teaching licence and didn't study music education, just music performance (my interviewer knows this), so I'm a little nervous since I don't have much experience to draw from and not a lot of knowledge with music pedagogy in the classroom. That said, I have extensive experience teaching privately, and love to teach, connect with students, and anything to do with music. I'm willing and able to soak up anything with a sponge and I welcome any challenges.
So, what kind of questions should I expect from this interview and how should I best answer them? How can I highlight my private teaching and real world performing experience in a way to make up for my lack of classroom teaching experience? Is there anything else I should be prepared for? Thanks a bunch!
&nbsp;
[**Two Weeks Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MusicEd/comments/fszyfg/update_i_got_the_job/)
A couple weeks ago I posted here about having a virtual interview for a music teaching position at a new charter school opening in the Fall. I did some preparation with the help and advice of this sub, and spoke to the managing director and curriculum director of the school in the interview. Surprisingly there wasn't really any "hard" questions beyond general education philosophy, classroom management, my use of technology, what's needed in the classroom, etc. I felt good about my answers and felt like I made a good impression...
Well, I was informed yesterday that they're offering me the position! I'm to have a phone call this afternoon with the managing director to go over some details - I was told that it would only start off as part time (28 hours a week), but she could offer me the opportunity to do private lessons with students at the school, plus I've got my own student base and other income sources I can build, so I know I'm going to accept. Fingers crossed that by the Fall, we'll be well over the hump of this virus crisis.
It's a pretty crazy time to actually be offered a job, but I'm very thankful, and this is a big deal for me. As I mentioned in my previous post, I don't have a license yet and don't have much music ed experience, but I knew I wanted to be in the music field somehow and just needed my foot in the door. From here I'm sure there are paths to earn my license, continue my education & training, and just build some momentum in this field. I'm almost 30, but I'm finally feeling like I have a career being built.
Thank you to everyone on this sub for your support! I'm sure I'll be back here for more advice as I prepare to teach and get into the classroom.
&nbsp;
*Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MusicEd/comments/flhpbj/i_have_a_virtual_interview_for_a_music_teaching/) by u/cagewithakay* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fwuj81/i_have_a_virtual_interview_for_a_music_teaching/ | fwuj81 | 3,693 | 6 | [
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2020-04-08T17:00:15 | My son and his "friend" are a couple. How do I let them know it's okay? | Relationship_Advice | Hello Reddit. Please bear with me regarding my formatting and things. I have read the rules and things, but I'm an old fart who is rather on the wrong side of 40 so I'm not overly well versed in the art of efficient internetting.
My boy is 20 years old. He's absolutely my pride and joy, and there is nothing he could do that would ever make me love him less. For the first half of his life, I regrettably wasn't involved very much. His mother and I parted ways when he was just a few months old and at the time I was struggling with a heroin addiction and was absolutely not as present in his life as I should have been, nor was I suited to fatherhood at all. I saw him, at most, two to three times a year for the first 12 years of his life. I won't discuss details because that's his private story to tell, but when he was 12 he revealed to me that he was being badly mistreated at the hands of his mother and her boyfriend. Despite not being the best father at the time, I didn't want my boy suffering any more so I got myself cleaned up and sorted out in order to get full custody of him. I've effectively been a single (and sober!) father ever since and he has little to no contact with his mother. He's everything a man could want his son to be; he's uniquely kind and fiercely loyal, he's unflinchingly brave, he's incredibly generous and, despite the horrors he suffered as a child, he's unfailingly positive and sunny to the last. Somehow I of all people was bestowed with the honour of watching him grow from a sweet young boy to the greatest man I have ever known. I cannot stress enough my pride in him.
When he was 18, he got accepted into a top ranking university on the other side of the country. I was sad to see him go, but simultaneously overjoyed that he got into his first choice and was starting a new chapter in his life. He comes home once every other month, and on the month's he doesn't come home, I go to visit him. He's doing well in uni, has made lots of friends and seems incredibly happy there, which I'm obviously chuffed about. Since his second year, he's lived with his "friend" in a flat off-campus. I've strongly suspected since his early teens that my son is gay, and I now more or less have confirmation that this is true and that his "friend" is actually his boyfriend.
So, for this COVID-19 faff, my son decided he'd rather come home and quarantine at mine than stay at his uni flat. His "friend", however, would be left alone if my son came back as he's a Candian and his family are back over there, and I gather he doesn't have the best relationship with them anyway. He asked if it would be okay if "friend" tagged along to my house and I said of course, no problem.
They've been back at mine for about six weeks now. They think they're being subtle I know, but I've caught them doing coupley things on several occasions now. The "friend" has slipped up a couple of times and called my son 'babe' and 'sweetie' in front of me, which I pretended not to notice for the sake of saving embarrassment. There have been nights where we'll be watching a film with the lights off and, thinking I can't see, my son will have his arm around the "friend". One day I walked into the lounge and I'm positive they'd just been kissing and were trying to cover it, though I admit I have no confirmation on that one. The most solid evidence, however, came a few mornings ago. I get up very early to go for runs in the morning (hence why I'm making a reddit post at five in the morning haha). As far as I was told, my son was sleeping in his childhood room and his "friend" was in the guest room. I don't know what possessed me to do so, but on Tuesday morning I cracked my son's door open to check on him like I used to when he was a kid. Lo and behold, they're both asleep, snuggled up together, in my son's bed. That's more or less solidified for me that they're together. I didn't say anything, just shut the door and went for my run, and I haven't mentioned it to them yet.
What I want advice on is this; how do I let my son and his boyfriend know that I'm okay with them being a couple and they don't have to feel like they have to sneak around in my house? I want them to be comfortable here and I want them to know I support them both no matter what. Or is that not a good idea? Am I better off leaving it alone and waiting until they tell me themselves, if they ever do? I obviously don't want to force either of them out of the closet, but at the same time I hate feeling as if they feel like they're being forced into the closet in my house. What's my best course of action here??
TL:DR - my son and his "friend" are staying with me for quarantine. It's abundantly clear they're a couple, and I want to let them know it's okay and they don't have to sneak around in my house. What's the best way to go about it?
&nbsp;
[**2 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fwog3j/update_my_son_and_his_friend_are_a_couple_how_do/)
Hello, lovely people. As promised I am back with an update for you on all what happened the other day. Here it is, if you missed it
Want to top this off with a big thank you to everyone who left such lovely, thoughtful comments. I honestly didn't expect so many people to see the post, I was thinking maybe an absolute maximum of 100 people and even that seemed like loads. It was lovely to hear back from so many of you, and I'm forever grateful for the fantastic advice most of you gave. Also overjoyed by my new adopted reddit children haha you're all doing amazing and I'm very proud of all of you. Also big thanks to all of the lovely people who sent me such sweet messages of support, and to those of you who reached out to me because you felt you needed someone to talk to. If anyone else feels that way and is in need of dadly advice, do feel free to give me a message and I will do my best to help out :)
Okay you all want me to shut up and tell you what happened haha. My son was busy with some assignments both for his freelancing job and his uni work most of the day and I didn't want to disturb him so I waited until after dinner to chat. "Friend" went to have a bath while my son and I watched telly. I tod him face to face "Son, I love you very much. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I want you and [friend] to feel comfortable being yourselves in my house and you don't ever need to hide anything from me, alright?"
Well, it turns out a hell of a lot of you were right. Son burst out laughing and said "oh thank God, I reckoned you'd clicked on but didn't say anything because I didn't want to make you feel weird". Basically we've each been pussyfooting around the topic because neither one of us wanted to make the other uncomfortable talking about it. We had a bit of a chat and he confirmed that I'm right in thinking they've been together since their first year of uni and that's why they moved in together in second year. However, apparently I'm not as brilliant and intuitive as I thought because apparently one of his friends in secondary school was his boyfriend for a year and I had absolutely no idea haha. He went and talked to the boyfriend after his bath, and then we all had a bit of a further chat. Sadly a lot of you were right that the reason boyfriend doesn't have a good relationship with his parents is because he came out to them a few years ago and they effectively disowned him, so I made sure he knows that he's a part of our family now.
Sorry if that isn't all as exciting and groundbreaking as some of you had hoped haha! I'm glad this is something my boy no longer feels he has to keep from me and I'm very glad he's happy with his partner. Thank you all again for the help!
&nbsp;
*Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fv7ec7/my_son_and_his_friend_are_a_couple_how_do_i_let/) by u/throwralovemygayson* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fxa77w/my_son_and_his_friend_are_a_couple_how_do_i_let/ | fxa77w | 7,913 | 142 | [
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2020-04-08T23:22:54 | How to ask about sex health | r/datingoverthirty | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fxh927/how_to_ask_about_sex_health/ | fxh927 | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-04-08T23:29:25 | 'How can I ask a guy I'm seeing about his sexual health?' | r/datingoverthirty | I feel lame for even asking this, but how can I ask a guy if he gets routinely tested for STD/STIs? Normally I just plainly ask the guy when I see that sex is in our future, but the current guy I'm dating has told me I can be negative at times after I told him I had no proof that he is who he says he is and asked to see his license, so I want to ask him in a way that doesn't come across as accusatory. Any suggestions?
Edit: this post isn't about me asking for his license. That was the first time I have ever done that and it was bc I was weirded out that he doesn't have any social media. FWIW, I didn't see his license.
Comment: He hasn't given me any reason to doubt him. I have his email address, which is his first and most name and his phone number. I've been in his car and could even write down his license plate number if I wanted. It's really coming from my insecurity I guess. I guess I'm working from a guilty until proven innocent standpoint bc we met on an app and I have no way to know he is who he says he is. He's not shady at all. It's all me wanting to check off a box that he is who he says he is bc I've been lied to before and have heard horror stories about OLD deception.
&nbsp;
[**3 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/fvgi4g/update_to_asking_about_safe_sex_post/)
I asked about how to nicely ask someone about their safe sex practices. Well I did it in the nicest, non-threatening way I know how and it still went south.
&nbsp;
http://imgur.com/a/RNPCsi8
We haven't spoken since I said "ok". So scary what I could have exposed myself to, even with a condom on. On all of our dates we had only kissed on the lips, even after I asked about it. In retrospect that in itself was a clue. I'm a little nervous now about the fact that I kissed him on the lips, if I'm being honest.
Thanks for all of the advice.
&nbsp;
*Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/ftexvj/how_to_ask_about_sex_health/)* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fxhcwt/how_can_i_ask_a_guy_im_seeing_about_his_sexual/ | fxhcwt | 2,000 | 14 | [
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2020-04-09T16:04:47 | I can't take much more | r/Parenting | I'm moving in with my boyfriend in a few weeks, and he has two kids from a previous marriage. They're about to become teens the both of them and oh my God I'm not ready to live with teens. Or maybe I am, I haven't lived with teens since I lived with my siblings and we only communicated by screaming at each other and our parents.
We all get along, they like me and have no issues with me and their dad being a couple. In fact, they're already planning our wedding even though no one has popped any such questions yet.
I'm just a bit terrified and overwhelmed by it all. I can't have kids of my own due to an illness, but I've always liked kids. For a year I was a substitute teacher for kids the same age as my soon-to-be stepkids, so I'm not totally unprepared.
But it's the stepmother-thing I'm not sure of. I have no idea how to act, my family has always looked down on divorce (I might have been the first one to be divorced and still be included in the family) so there's nowhere I can look to be inspired for non-nuclear families. Except Disney movies, but my bf said I wasn't allowed to "go full Disney stepmom" on his kids. (I practiced the evil laugh for nothing!)
How do I squeeze myself into their existing family structure without disrupting or destroying anything? My bf tells me I shouldn't be a mother to his kids, they already have a mother and live with her every other week. I'm just supposed to be an adult that tells them not to hurt each other when I'm the only adult around, and someone they can talk to if they want to. But how do I take place in the lives of two teenagers that are having "the worst day of their life" every once in a while over nothing?
I'm terrified. My anxiety is acting up. I simultaneously want to run away forever and to bribe them into loving me with cooking and baking (it has worked so far, with both them and their dad).
&nbsp;
[**5 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/eiirn0/i_cant_take_much_more/) in r/Parenting
I can't take much more
I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, and we've lived together since August. I've been getting along great with his kids, but the last month has been agonizing.
His 14-year-old daughter has a boyfriend since a few months, and we found out that every time we do something fun that doesn't include him (bf went to an amusement park with just the kids to have a day for themselves, and on an overnight cruise with his family while I was visiting my sister and her new baby) her boyfriend threatens to kill himself and doesn't answer his phone when she tries to get in touch with him. We tried talking to her about this being mental abuse, but all she heard was that we were going to report him to he police (we never said we would and have no plans on doing so unless he continues and keeps doing this to her).
I have first hand experience from a relationship like this when I was a teenager. It completely broke me and spiralled into both mental and physical abuse. And I realize that I might not have healed properly from that, because all of this is giving me panic attacks, palpitations and arrhythmia, even if it's a loooooooong time ago. Every time the boyfriend is coming over, I work overtime or sit in our bedroom, shivering from anxiety.
My bf says that I've been a tremendous support in all of this, helping him talk to his daughter and understand what she's going through. And how to express how he wants to help her. But it's taken a lot from me. I can't sleep, I have to go away and hide from everything because it's simply too much.
A part of me just wants to run away, to hide and not to be a part of all of this. I have enough trying to handle my own past trauma, I don't know if I have the strength to watch it all go down for someone else. Someone that I care about but doesn't let me care for her.
How the heck does one manage to be a step-/bonus-parent in a situation like this? The boyfriend is having trouble with mental illness, drugs and past abuse. To forbid them from seeing each other isn't really an option, because they go to school together.
I have absolutely no idea how to do any of this other than running away, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. He's the parent, but I'm co-parenting from the sideline, trying to give his daughter the support and help I needed when I was in the same position.
&nbsp;
[**3 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/fpldms/update_cant_take_much_more_teenage_stepdaughter/)
I checked my old posts by chance and realised I had written about my stepdaughter and her asshole boyfriend.
(Don't know how to link to old posts, but short version is that everytime she did anything fun and he wasn't invited he threatened to kill himself, didn't answer his phone and so on. It reminded me of an asshole boyfriend of my own when I was a few years older than she is now. Like PTSD-flashback reminders.)
A while back, me and my boyfriend/her dad was making dinner and she came and stood next to us. Very unlike her, she's very reclusive and spends zero time with us, especially since she met asshole boyfriend (let's call him AB for short). I could see that she was upset so I talked to her while cooking, and it was AB that was the reason for her being upset. He didn't answer his phone, and when she called some random guy had answered and asked why she called. I said "well, as his girlfriend it's kind of okay to be worried and to call" and I saw something break in her and she told us that they were on a break because he was feeling too bad to be in a relationship. And instead he was talking crap about her to everyone.
We actually got some alone time to just have a girl talk later that week. I told her the PG version of my experiences, and that it's never okay to have someone treat you badly. It was nice, and it feels good to have bonded with her. Her dad have a few autistic traits and might not always know what needs to be said or done, and her mother is the "this is what we'll do, in fact, I'll just do it and you step back"-type. So I try to be the listener, since that's what's missing. (My bf/her dad is a great listener if you say "I need you to listen to something", but the autistic traits runs in the family so she never asks for it but flips out because no one listens to her or sees her.)
Anyhow, they're still broken up, no taking back and she is so much sweeter and nicer to be around now. We get to spend time together to form some sort of new family, instead of her spending her time in her room talking and texting with him and creating a distance everytime she comes out of there. I should tell her that, that we can see that she's feeling better when she's not with him anymore. And that when she finds a new boyfriend he needs to be the kind that lifts her spirits and makes her be this happy, sparkling version of herself.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/family/comments/chshg6/moving_in_with_boyfriend_and_his_kids_in_a_few/) in r/family by u/memesandunicorns* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fxv2a3/i_cant_take_much_more/ | fxv2a3 | 7,070 | 43 | [
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2020-04-10T00:05:49 | She's scared now but she doesn't know I just adopted her and she's coming home in a few days. I'm so happy. | r/Chihuahua | I've waiting to adopt for years. Finally got my own apartment. I got her because I know she'll make me happy and I hope she's also happy with me.
I haven't adopted before. I've seen on people's videos online that it can be challenging. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to gain her trust.
I'll give her all my love
https://i.redd.it/so9uuqid3rk41.jpg
&nbsp;
[**1 Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Chihuahua/comments/fxca7k/update_before_and_after_adoption_we_named_her_xena/)
We named her Xena.
I adopted her the same day she came to the shelter. I had stalked the shelter website for a Chi and went in there after work. They had to keep her a few days to make sure everything was good before releasing her. Not much info on her past. She was found as a stray.
She loves going for walks. We're so happy to have her. She's our family now.
https://imgur.com/a/ORk5A4p
&nbsp;
*Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Chihuahua/comments/fdmxq7/shes_scared_now_but_she_doesnt_know_i_just/) by u/AprilisC* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fy3qrx/shes_scared_now_but_she_doesnt_know_i_just/ | fy3qrx | 1,030 | 54 | [
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2020-04-10T16:00:26 | I’m really into this girl who is the complete opposite of me. I’m afraid dating her will ruin my reputation. What should I do? | Relationship_Advice | A friend of mine decided to get a tattoo, and asked me to go with him. He made an appointment with a popular local tattoo artist. I really ended up hitting it off with her. I went through a bad break up last year, and haven’t had much luck dating since, so I decided what the hell, I’ll try a little strange, and asked her out for a drink. It went great. Really great. We’ve been seeing each other for about two months now.
Here’s my problem, I’m pretty straight laced. I come from a conservative family, I have a conservative job, my bosses are country club types, I wear a suit to work and play golf on the weekends. She on the other hand is heavily tattooed, which I always found trashy before but for some reason I find it incredibly sexy on her. She’s slightly punk, and is all around the opposite of me.
If I decide to get serious with her, my family is going to freak out, I can’t see them ever approving of her. She will hurt my reputation at work and not be good for my career. It sucks but is just straight up true. My friends think it’s weird that I’m dating her and think I’m going through something because of my break up. And this is going to make me sound like an asshole but I am a little worried about what my ex is going to think. I feel like she’ll think I’m trying to get back at her for dumping me.
Here’s the thing though, I’m crazy about this girl. She’s gorgeous, successful, driven (wants to open her own shop), off the charts confident, talented, smart, sexy and just all around cool. Sex with her is without a doubt the best I’ve ever had. She’s uninhibited and does things to me that I didn’t know I wanted. It’s dirty and primal. I’ve had to start jerking off before I see her because I don’t last more than two minutes otherwise. She laughs at my shitty jokes. We have a lot in common, like we both love action movies and whiskey. She’s introduced me to things I never would have even given a chance before. Honestly if it weren’t for the judgement, I would marry her tomorrow.
I’ve worked really hard for my career and I’m not sure I want to potentially jeopardize it. But on the other hand I’ve never felt this way about anyone. She’s everything I didn’t know I wanted. I’m torn. Really really torn.
Should I say fuck it and go for it with her?
Edit: I want to thank everyone for their comments, especially the harsh ones. It’s really made me take a hard look at myself and I realize that this is 100% about my hang ups. I have been a lot more judgmental than I ever stopped to consider. I’m going to work on changing that about myself.
I’m going to go for it, I think I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t. I’m going to tell her how I feel about her tomorrow. This may have been premature (depending on how tomorrow goes) but I called my sister and told her about my (hopefully) new girlfriend. She was supportive, but she did share the same concerns about our parents. But fuck it, and soon as she’s open to it, I’m going to have her meet them.
Hopefully I’ll have a good update tomorrow!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cs3yjm/happy_update_im_34m_really_into_this_girl_27f_who/)
I’m not sure if anyone will read this but it makes me happy to write about. I’m really glad I posted my original question even though it made me sound like a dick. The comments helped me realize that I was the problem and I needed to get over myself. Letting her slip away because of my judgmental ideas about people would have been a huge mistake.
So I invited her over to my place last night and I awkwardly blurted out that I was falling in love with her and I see our relationship going somewhere. She laughed and and asked if I was asking her to go steady lol. She told me she felt the same way. Then we got a pizza and some beer and binge watched a show. And I woke up this morning with her snuggled against me. It was perfect.
I’m in love with this woman guys. I feel like my heart is going to explode. She’s the one. I’m going to ask her to marry me one day.
Thanks everyone.
&nbsp;
*Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/crc740/im_34m_really_into_this_girl_27f_who_is_the/) by u/anonomousprime* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fyijia/im_really_into_this_girl_who_is_the_complete/ | fyijia | 4,230 | 96 | [
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2020-04-11T05:42:23 | Gecko found in kitchen!!! [UK] | r/leopardgeckos | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d0xjs9/gecko_found_in_kitchen_uk/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Gecko found in kitchen!!! [UK]
Hi all,
I've joined today, as my partner and I have found ourselves to be looking after a gecko...
This morning, on video chat to my sister, i felt something brush up against my foot. Freaking out, i realised it was a gecko.
The previous tenants of the property we are living in owned tons of Geckos, Lizards & Snakes. But they moved out in December last year... So finding this gecko in our kitchen put us into a panic - it must have lived under the fridge this entire time!!! Bare in mind, we are in the UK, so it has been freezing the last week or so, and considering he may have been hiding around our house for 9 months, he's doing SO well!
We took the little one to a rescue reptile specialist, who said he has a slim chance of survival, but we have to get it in the right environment, and see if he will start eating some food. So far, he has eaten 1 Wax Worm, and after some very generous kit from the rescue guy, he is in a vivarium, with a heat mat etc.
If anyone has any tips for us to help this guy make it, it would be so appreciated.
As the Gecko is SO malnourished, we don't know what gender it is, but we are going with it being a boy, and so far, we have named him Wilson.
This is how he looked when I found him in the kitchen - he had clearly not shed properly over this time:
[https://imgur.com/IL2B7R8](https://imgur.com/IL2B7R8)
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d1vei1/wilson_48_hours_later_its_not_looking_good/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Wilson - 48 hours later, its not looking good...
It's really not looking good, we've had a cry as we think this is his last night with us. Hes lost more weight, if that was even possible. His tail is thinner than the first pictures we took. Last night, he was energetic, and happily took critical care formula, after rejecting everything we offered him that moved. And we were ecstatic. Today, he hardly moved at all from one spot. Tonight, my partner picked him up to give him some feed, and he didn't fight back. He reluctantly licked up the ccf, and then didn't have the energy to get off his hand. I dont think his digestive system has kicked in. Although we knew that this was a big possibility, it's still heartbreaking nonetheless. I wish we had found him sooner.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d2d1zt/wilson_72_hours_later/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Wilson 72 hours later
Sorry guys, it's such a rollercoaster at the moment that I'm trying to document it, but also share good news and get advice all at the same time...
So. Last night was tough. And a big fat rollercoaster in itself. We cried a lot, and thought Wilson (who by the way we are potentially renaming to Pea) was on his way out to reptile heaven. For some last ditch efforts, we sprayed the tank for some moisture, gently spraying him too (hygrometer was on the way), and lo and behold; Suddenly sluggish and sad Wilson(Pea) became spritely and started running around... Doing some more research, we decided to give him a warm soak, and although slightly reluctant at first, he laid down and took in the warm water. We left him to chill after that, with all limbs crossed that he would make it another night... Morning came, and still here, he was moving between hides, and seemed quite relaxed. 9 hours later, I'm back home from work, and my partner had some fight back when trying to hold him to syringe him his ccf, and apparently got a hiss (?) from him... Now he going between hides again and seems pretty chill again... sometimes looks scared if we walk past, becoming more aware maybe? He did what we think MIGHT be a poo, but it's very running and cream/white looking so we dont know if he regurgitated or pooped but we will have to spot if he does it again as we aren't sure. We will be taking him to a vet this week for sure to be checked for parasites and anything else he may have going on..
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d32x1g/wilson_pea_4_days_later/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): My 4 day update...
His energy is getting up and although we've noticed he is sleeping during the night, and buzzing in the day, hes active; wandering the tank, hes been moving between hides. All positive things.
I've booked him in for a vet appointment for friday evening (uk) so we are hoping for some positive things and a path to head in the right direction.
We keep saying that he hasn't put any weight on yet but we forget it's only been 4 days...
Last night, he wasnt interested in worms again, so we continued with ccf which he GULPED down, and thankfully he seems to be getting a bit more used to our presence.
The best news is though, this morning, my other half before work offered him a worm as he has done every morning so far, and although he struggled to grab it, lunging all over the place, eventually HE DID IT. HE ATE A MEALWORM ON HIS OWN. 😭🙌
Again... we know its early days, but any progress is progress right!!!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d3cr7l/wilson_pea_day_5_substrate_changing_tomorrow/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Wilson [Pea] Day 5 ((SUBSTRATE CHANGING TOMORROW))
So, day 5 post.
As mentioned in the title, the substrate was wrongly suggested to us to begin with, although it is play sand ("safer"), we have some Arcadia Earth mix coming tomorrow, after I had ordered the Exo Terra Sand mat, which arrived with TONS of loose sand.
As you can see, we tried the cup trick to get his attention, and after the mealworm he ate this morning, we thought we should give them a try.
I gutloaded them a bit today with some carrot, and we coated them in the cup with Nutrobal to up his amount of calcium and D3.
It warmed our hearts so much to see him to go for the worms on his own. After 3, he scared himself by having one wiggle over his foot, so hid away. We tried to get him to have some CCF as well, but considering all in all he went from eating no worms or solids at all, to eating 4 in 1 day is a big achievement.
We will give him an offering of some food tomorrow morning before work, and then we have vets at 6, so fingers crossed!!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d4m6gr/wilson_now_known_as_pea_update_1_week_1/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Wilson (Now known as Pea) Update - 1 WEEK [+1]
Very sorry that I didn't post yesterday, it was family time, and although Pea was attended to, I didn't have time to even look at my phone!
So. 1 week on from finding little Pea in my kitchen, she has made masses of progress.
Monday was definitely our worst day, where we thought she wouldn't even make through the night, but everything is now falling into place.
She is eating mealworms and/or wax worms every day, either from a cup or from tongs. She now approaches us if we put a hand in the viv, and she is SO energetic.
Our biggest worry is that her digestive wouldn't kick back in fully, but this morning we found a semi solid poo from her, which is amazing. Who ever thought I'd celebrate poo...
We've got her in bio substrate, and yes, lots of people said that because shes sick, we should have use paper towels, but because she has had the life she had up to when we found her, I want her to feel like she is settling into her forever home. And I do not want her to be forever on paper towels. We can still monitor Pea well, as we have been, and now she can start to completely settle without us moving her around etc.
The vet recommended daily soaks, so we are going to do that, and keep providing her nutrients and supplements with her meal worms every day.
Honestly, this week has been VERY tough, with a huge rollercoaster of emotions. Although there could still be issues further down the line, I believe we are through the worst of it, and Pea is genuinely on a road to recovery.
Thank you to everyone who has been messaging and posting high spirits, hopes and prayers. It's been helpful and uplifting.
I'll continue to do less regular updates/changes.
Side note : it was only friday we found out he was actually a she, and I'm still not used to it!!! I've just had to regender the whole post 😂
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d7bqsq/pea_wilson_week_2/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea/ Wilson Week 2
Hey guys, I've had quite a few messages for pictures and updates, but we've been trying to leave her alone a little more to settle into her home, and this has meant feeding, cleaning poop and changing water, giving her the occasional soak and then leaving her be. Today we experienced our first shed with her. I took some pictures, but my concern is that she is looking more dull in colour than she used to be... We have been feeding her about 4 mealworms a day, coated in calcium. (Gutloaded) She hates nutrobal so we give it to her every other day or so with a Wax Worm. Her water has some electrolytes etc in it.
We've talked about getting a uv lamp, but she should still get the vitamins from the powders we are providing her, so any help would be amazing!! Some pics below!
http://imgur.com/gallery/MmC0ft7
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d88hgh/pea_wilson_having_a_peek_expecting_noms_noms_were/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] having a peek, expecting noms. Noms were provided.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d929cr/pea_wilson_tail_getting_chunkier/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson]- tail getting chunkier!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/d95n03/a_better_comparison_of_pea_wilson/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): A better comparison of Pea [Wilson]
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dacf4w/pea_wilson_putting_some_decent_weight_on_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] putting some decent weight on! and getting used to me being around her!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dbf0ht/lil_pea_wilson/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Lil Pea [Wilson]
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dbz88v/10_days_later_another_shed_peawilson/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): 10 days later, another shed!!! (Pea[Wilson])
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dcvh7x/peas_got_her_space_suit_on/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea got her spacesuit on!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dga7sv/pea_wilson_still_going_still_growing/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] still going, still growing
Someone on my older post reminded me that I hadn't actually posted any pics or updates really for a while, so here's one.
Shes eating about 8 mealies a day now, and some days she seems to get bored of them, so I am still considering moving onto Dubia roaches or something even though I'm still a bit freaked by the worms...
With my partner, she is having very chill days, where he will lay his hand in the tank and she will scuttle over and jump on board for 10 mins or so. With me, shes much more interested in my hair... she will follow my hair like its food, ignoring my hand, and then get bored and bugger off.
I have had one instance which was cute, where I was talking to her, with her watching me, and I swooshed my hair out of my face, and she did the hunting tail flick thing. She didn't go for me, but I was proud of her in a way to be doing "normal things" if you know what I mean.
We will be upgrading her tank VERY soon, as we think she might be getting bored. When shes active which isnt often, she does full loops of the tank, climbing everything she physically can twice or so, and then hiding again...
Anyway, shes doing well, enjoying warm soaks, eating calcium and supplements with food, pooping. All pretty good.
Ref the belly question I had before, I was worried because it looked big, I'm now thinking her arm muscles are still so tiny that she doesn't hold herself upright much other than when she walks, so it hands lower... dont think its anything to worry about. :)
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/di331w/pea_wilson_back_in_her_space_suit_again/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] back in her spacesuit AGAIN?!
So, I'm pretty sure my last space suit post (Pea getting ready to shed) was only on the 3rd October. I come to see her this morning and there she is, all suited up AGAIN!!! SURELY 12 days is a very short amount of time between sheds?!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dikyke/pea_wilson_third_shed_not_good_info_in_comments/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] third shed- NOT GOOD, info in comments
So I've woken up this morning to Pea having partially completed her latest shed. With exception to on her feet, the usual and across her face.
Now when I say across her face, I mean pulling INTO her eyes, making her eyes sink in completely, and her eyelids double in size... I used a cotton bud to loosen some of the skin, and managed to get a piece loose, to which I got hold of, and she tugged herself away, relieving the issues. However, when she tugged away, a MASSIVE amount came out of her mouth, like she had been eating the skin but pulling it tighter as she did. I went over her skin again very gently with the cotton bud to give her some moisture, and slowly her eyes seemed to come back out. One (not in the picture) still looks swollen but the eye itself doesn't look damaged or infected.
I will note, she was NOT happy with me after this, idk if it was because of the skin help, cotton buds or her eyes adjusting, but her tail flicked a little, and I knew at that point, she needed to sleep off some rage...
This is her third shed with us, and if you've seen my posts before, she space suits, so the last bits of skin she sheds are her face.
How can I make this easier for her? We give her warm soaks on the days leading up to her shed, and the days after too, to make sure that any left over skin comes off more easily.
Are there any supplements that we can give her (beyond 1 weekly nutrobal, and daily calcium)?
I would just like to help her in some way.
She always suffers with skin left on her face, and for those who have been following my posts since we found her (or she found us(?)), its clear it's always been a problem for her on her face, by how much stuck shed she had from over the 9 months in my kitchen...
Any hints, tips etc would be AMAZING!
Also, I will likely be doing a few posts today as we have a whole new setup coming for her. I promised that if she made it through the first month getting better and thicker, that I would give her the best possible life I could, a life of luxury.
And luxury is arriving this afternoon...
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dkg8oc/pea_wilson_update/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] update
Apologies to everyone expecting the tank update, apparently when the website told me it was in stock, they lied. So it should be delivered monday evening (uk) , so watch this space!!
Feeding her today, I realised that she has now got spots on her back, which must have appeared after her last shed... doesn't that mean her morph isnt what people thought it was?
Before food, she, for the first time(with me) climbed up onto my hands and arm for a short time... shes always getting onto my partners hand, but not mine, so this was a mini accomplishment for me.
Final note, I'm aware she has stuck shed on her eyelid. Trying to get it off with a cotton bud has been mega hard, and her eye is still slightly swollen, but she seems okay with it, and no sign of infection, so im just gonna keep trying with the qtips and hope for the best.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dl622k/pea_wilson_tank_upgrade_link_in_comments/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] tank upgrade
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dny2b7/pea_wilson_forever_watching/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] forever watching
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dny2tf/pea_wilson_when_the_attempt_at_hiding_their/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson]- When the attempt at hiding their reflection turns into a scary movie moment
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dq83b2/advice_for_pea_please_inspect_quantities/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Advice for Pea please- inspect quantities?
Okay, so by now most of you know Pea [Wilson], and her size. Shes still small, if she IS an adult Gecko but as we dont know her actual age, we feed her what she will eat. So far, she was eating up to 8 mealworms a day. We've since introduced Dubia Roaches, and I unfortunately ordered the wrong size... as a result, she would eat one medium one (but on a slightly small size medium) and maybe 3 meal worms, and then give up. Since starting with dubias, she seems a bit less interested in mealies and chows on dubias with ease. We've kept to the 1 dubia and 3 or 4 mealies a day, but cause we are still trying to help her "bulk up" a bit, how many SMALL dubias x meal worms would all recommend we feed? Some small dubias will be arriving in the post tomorrow, so we will move onto these until she is a bit bigger.
Side note, all feeder insects are gut loaded with carrot or apple, and coated in arcadia insect fuel.
For those who are new to little Pea, here is a pic of her having a climb on my partners hand. http://imgur.com/gallery/be0zCZg
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dq0epw/peawilson_fresh_after_a_shed_colourful_as_ever/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] fresh after a shed, colourful as ever!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dslnka/pea_wilson_2_month_update_one_day_early_kitchen/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] 2 month update (one day early) - Kitchen Gecko
Here it is - one day early (not available to post tomorrow) - it marks 2 months since our little Princess Pea appeared from out under our fridge/freezer.
It has been ONE HELL of a journey, that probably isnt entirely over until she gets up too a "normal" adult geck size, or at least as close as she can get to this after her malnutrition.
We've had many, many tears; some of absolute fear for her recovery, and some of pure happiness over how far shes come.
It feels like yesterday when my partner and I would come home early from work after being anxious that she would have passed away while we weren't there.
We still celebrate the little victories, her eating a good meal, each good shed, which are getting better and better each time. Even celebrating when she has an adventurous day, and sits on the sofa with us in the evening.
I cannot express the love we have for this little gecko. She is our world, Princess Pea 👑🦎
Also, look at her cute little stubby toes. There was nothing we could have done to have saved her toes, but they haven't stopped her from climbing everything and anything!!!
Last note, I still dont have a dingdong clue on her morph 🧐
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dwnk89/peas_wilson_first_ever_unaided_successful_shed/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Peas [Wilson] first ever unaided, successful shed! She actually used her moist hide for the first time, and now my yellow orange baby is back. I'll post more pics when shes over her after-shed strop
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/dyqohh/pea_wilson_in_all_her_post_shed_colourful_glory/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] - in all her post shed colourful glory
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/e66ei2/pea_wilson_3_months_3_days_turning_into_a_tiny/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Pea [Wilson] - 3 months (- 3 days) - turning into a tiny chunk
Princess Pea 👑
Despite her journey, our Pea is still growing, still thriving. On a dubia roach diet (Peas choice), we are still feeding daily, but will start to slow down once her weight is at a suitable amount.
I'll continue to do a monthly update, but I doubt there will be big changes. I'm unbelievably proud of how hard she fought through the beginning, and how she is still pushing through now.
I'll likely take her to the vets just for a check up soon, just to ensure everything is going great.
I personally dont think she will ever gain weight on the end of her tail, and it will always have kinks in it following her malnutrition but we will just have to see how it changes.
Thanks again to everyone who has helped me along the way, including this sub in general! 💛🧡
EDIT progress is from right to left. She was found in my kitchen -see previous posts- and when I mean tiny chunk, I mean that she is getting chunkier but is still very small in length and is still classified as underweight but she is starting to beef up
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/ee3827/its_been_a_while_pea_wilson_on_an_adventure/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): It's been a while... Pea [Wilson] on an adventure
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/eepmpw/caught_pea_mid_mlem_also_cannot_believe_her/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Caught Pea mid mlem. Also, cannot believe her colours!
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/ehaj65/new_phone_which_means_new_close_ups_princess_pea/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): New Phone which means new close ups 🧡💛 Princess Pea
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/esfmag/is_little_pea_ovulating_chunky_belly_when_she/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Is little Pea ovulating? Chunky belly when she lays down, but still eating? Not belly Mark's though 🤔 - also - she's now been with us 4 and a half months! 💛🧡
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/leopardgeckos/comments/ew1yuk/queen_pea_my_little_poser/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): Queen Pea, my little poser! | bowl_of_petunias_ | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fyxfh4/gecko_found_in_kitchen_uk/ | fyxfh4 | 22,571 | 20 | [
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2020-04-11T16:35:41 | Just got robbed by gunpoint | r/uberdrivers | *Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/uberdrivers/comments/9t7wb5/just_got_robbed_by_gunpoint/) in 2018*
&nbsp;
Holy shit guys, I was in Santa Monica dropping off a pax and I was waiting there after for about 10 minutes waiting for another ride, when a guy in a blue dodgers shirt and hat walked past my car, walked behind the trunk, and pulled what looked like a fuckin Uzi out of his waistband, cocked it, and walked up to my window.
My windows just happened to be rolled down and he came to my side pointed the huge ass gun in my face and said, “give me your money”. I told him I didn’t have much money and he told me to just give me my wallet and to not look at his face. I gave him my wallet and he walked down the street and I drove off in the opposite direction.
As soon as I make a turn I called 911. I told the operator what happened and she told me to go back on that street and wait for the police which kinda sketched me out because I thought that the guy might come back. Anyways I go back and after a couple minutes two cop cars come. They told me they found someone matching the description but they didn’t find the big ass gun, just a magazine.
After explaining to them what had happened they took me to go do a field test? They took me in a cruiser to where they were holding the suspect, so I could let them know if they got the right guy or not. And I told them that it was for sure him. The officers that were with me told me that they just happened to be down the street when they got the call and that they saw him right away.
I ended up getting my wallet back and everything that was in it and now I have to speak to a detective in a couple days and eventually go to court. Fuck man, that was probably the scariest moment of my life. Be safe guys. It doesn’t matter what neighborhood your in, I was in the nice part of Santa Monica, on the side streets right by barrington and wilshere. Never have your car stopped on the side of the road this late at night.
&nbsp;
**Update:** Just got a call from the detective and was told the gun was recovered. He sent me a picture to confirm if it was the one and it was. It’s a Walther MPL. Looks kinda like an Uzi because of the long magazine in the middle.
**Comment:** The dispatcher was the one who told me to go back to where I was and said that the police were gonna show up any minute.
The officers reasoning for the field test was that they found someone matching the description but couldn’t find any gun on him, so I had to go and see if it was the right guy. I got in the back of a police car and they drove me to where the suspect was. As soon as we made a right onto the street, they stopped the car. The suspect was in the middle of the street with other officers next to him. He was probably about 40-50 feet away. The officer next to the suspect flashed his light on his face a couple of times until I told the officer in the car that they indeed got the right guy.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/uberdrivers/comments/a2t865/update_on_armed_robbery_in_santa_monica/)
As most of you know I got robbed by gunpoint about a month ago. I just wanted to let you guys know I went to court on the 21st of November, and the D.A called me a couple days ago and told me the guy got 9 years in state prison. He was a first time offender and he will have two strikes on his record from now on. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fz8yu4/just_got_robbed_by_gunpoint/ | fz8yu4 | 3,412 | 64 | [
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2020-04-12T15:57:58 | I think my landlord may be dead or hospitalized and I don't know what to do | LegalAdvice | I will have been in this rental property for 10 years this year. In all that time, I've never actually met my land lord. He lives in another state. He used to have properties both in my state and in his state, but after the recession in 08 he mostly pulled everything back to his state. My original lease was for the first year here, after that we never signed another lease but we've never had any issues at all about that.
I've always paid the rent by making a deposit directly to his account at his bank. When anything goes wrong, he's quick to hire repairmen. We've had a good relationship for the last decade, even if we don't know what the other looks like in person.
Cue coronavirus. My SO and myself both work in the hospitality industry, and restaurant\bars have been shut down for a month now with no clear end in sight. Unemployment hasn't kicked in yet and we haven't gotten any stimulus check. Rent is due, but we wanted to talk to our landlord about postponing payments until we started working again.
The landlord's phone goes straight to voicemail. The voicemail box is full Everytime we call. He hasn't responded to texts or emails. We've been trying to get s hold of him for over 2 weeks now.
Although I've never seen him, he sounds like an older dude and I'm worried about him. I'm also worried about my household.
What happens if he's not okay? I can provide other details if they might be helpful.
Edit: I found the property tax information and it only lists his middle initial and a PO box for my state and county.
Edit: thanks to a lot of help, some info has been tracked down and I have an address that I'm pretty sure is my land Lords actual house (not just a PO box that might not be checked often). I'm going to send a certified letter over that way explaining my situation and proposing a payment plan for deferred rent. In the mean time, I'm going to keep as much money put aside as possible until I get cash coming in again, when payments will be resumed.
I'll let you guys know if I hear back.
&nbsp;
[**1 Day Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fygjee/update_i_think_my_landlord_may_be_dead_or/)
Lots of folks wanted an update post so here we go.
First off I want to thank all the people who offered advice and help for this problem.
I was able to find and get a hold of my landlord! It's was not the most exciting or interesting outcome-and I'm glad for that. Turns out the dude's cellphone got stolen. That's why his voice mail box stayed full. We got back in touch yesterday and are working out a pandemic payment plan for the rent during the shutdown.
Sorry it wasn't a cooler story, but I'm glad it was a small first world problem and not something more sad. Thanks again, Reddit!
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fxb7s8/i_think_my_landlord_may_be_dead_or_hospitalized/) by u/SeaOfBullshit* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fzz72i/i_think_my_landlord_may_be_dead_or_hospitalized/ | fzz72i | 2,914 | 72 | [
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2020-04-12T19:35:25 | Just a lighthearted post for Easter | misc | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g0364q/just_a_lighthearted_post_for_easter/ | g0364q | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-04-13T15:49:03 | I [23F] had sex with a 17-year-old. He told me he was 19. He took a video of us having sex without my consent and is threatening to share it. What can I do? | LegalAdvice | We met on Tinder in December and started seeing each other in January. We've slept together a handful of times. I decided it would be best to stop seeing each other around the start of last month when they started telling people to stay away from each other.
At first he was really understanding but over the past couple weeks he's been pushing to see me more. I kept trying to make plans to see him once everything has calmed down but he's been insisting on coming over to my place despite everything. Yesterday I finally put my foot down and let him know we wouldn't be meeting now or later since I didn't like how pushy he was being.
He called me and we got into it because I wouldn't let him come over. Once we hung up, he snapped me a video of us HAVING SEX in his fucking car. I don't even know when he took it. It's dark so you can't really see me but it's clearly my voice. On the video he wrote that I would either let him come over or he'd send the video to my boss and tell his mom because HE'S 17. I told him I was out of town because my sister had her baby (which is true) but he could come over when I got back. I was afraid if I told him no straight up that he'd send the video.
I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS 17. I NEVER would have slept with him. I have screenshots of his Tinder profile where his age is clearly listed as 19. I don't have a Facebook so we were never friends on there but I do have his Insta and SC and nothing on those indicates he's 17. I keep thinking back over all of our interactions but even in text messages he doesn't say anything to indicate he was in high school. He told me he went to a local community college, he talks about college classes and getting off of his job at HEB. Anyway it's not like we had long conversations; our relationship consisted of having sex and maybe getting dinner beforehand.
Please help me. I've been freaking out about this for several hours. I work with kids right now and I'm in school to be a school social worker, I can't have this on my record. I know I should probably go to the cops but how can I do that and make sure nothing comes out of this???
&nbsp;
[**2 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fwtmpg/update_the_17yearold_is_actually_19/)
Long story short, following everyone's advice I reached out to an attorney who advised me to begin compiling records of my communication with him and to record any communication we had going forward. She told me to avoid reaching out to him but to be prepared if he reached out to me. I downloaded a call recording app and started backing up my screenshots of our texts and messages. He did unmatch me on Tinder so thank you to everyone that warned me our conversations would go away.
He didn't say so, but I think he may have seen my Reddit post. I only say that because I know it made the front page and last night he called out of the blue to apologize and ask me to not call the police. So, either he saw it or he had a come to Jesus moment. He told me that he is 19 and that he only said he was 17 to scare me since I was being a bitch and wouldn't let him come over. When I told him to prove his age or I'd call the cops, he texted me a picture of his ID. He also says that it isn't me on the video but that he deleted it anyway. I'm not sure if this is the truth but I've got a recorded confession so that's something.
I haven't spoken to the attorney since he called me but I did email her with a transcript and recording of our conversation. We have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow. I'm still going to be seeking legal action, I'm just not sure what action since his ID does say he's 19. In that case there was no CP although I know there's still a case for sextortion. I don't think it would be wise for me continue updating this situation on Reddit if he's here too so this will probably be the last thing I say about it.
From this point on, I'll only be seeing men my age or older, and IDing everyone. According to the attorney, the fact that he looked old enough wasn't an excuse. This might sound dramatic but for most of yesterday, I really thought my life was over. Never again.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fvxeql/texas_i_23f_had_sex_with_a_17yearold_he_told_me/) by u/MutedStress* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g0liep/i_23f_had_sex_with_a_17yearold_he_told_me_he_was/ | g0liep | 4,303 | 78 | [
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2020-04-14T16:19:57 | Subaru Service center gave my car to someone else | LegalAdvice | So I dropped my Subaru WRX off to be serviced at a third party service center. They called me to tell me my car was ready for pick up, when I arrived today I waited around 2 hours while they were getting my car ready for pickup to finally be told that they accidentally gave it to another customer. They offered a rental car for the meantime until they can get it back which they said would hopefully be in the next few days. Should I take any action against them/is there any action I can take against them.
<EDIT: I need to clarify a mistake I made earlier when posting this, they are not an official Subaru service center as I previously thought. They are just a third party service center, I have and do not want any hate going out towards Subaru, they did nothing. This was not their fault and I love their cars/company. I will be posting a FINAL update later tonight about how everything is ending. Thank you for the comments and suggestions.
&nbsp;
**EDIT:**
Thank you all for all of the advice. Im not good with legal stuff and if I had not posted here I probably would have walked out paying for a rental car. I called the cops and the employees got mad and stressed out immediately. Turns out one of the managers took it for a joyride and wrecked it which they admitted to while I called the cops. I still have not seen it but I was told the damage was extensive and that I would be held liable for payment to fix part of it.
At this point Im going to get a lawyer involved right? I shouldn't have to pay for anything they have messed up on. Even if they offer to cover fixing it Im a little uneasy about that. now that it has been in a collision is has much less value and could be prone to future problems. If I didn't get lawyers involved they would cut me a deal but Im really not having that. Not to mention they have been lying to me for hours.
&nbsp;
**FINAL UPDATE:** Hey guys I just wanted to thank everyone once again for all of the support. I did not expect this post to get so much attention and the comments have been super helpful. Little backstory, when I first bought the car in November the dealership hit a wall while bringing it to me and damaged the bumper. That is what I was getting fixed. That being said, in the end I will be getting a new 2019 WRX, I am pressing charges against the SM for theft, I have filed official complaints with the Motor Vehicle Dealer Board and the Office of the Attorney General Consumer Protection Section, and I will be suing for and undisclosed but reasonably high amount.
Luckily my lawyer was Pro Bono and my insurance covered the cost of the totaled car. All in all I am walking away from this with more money and a nicer car than i started with and that is all thanks to you guys. Without this thread I would for sure be paying for that rental car right now. For everyone DM'ing me and asking about what the location is, I am not at liberty now nor will I be in the future to publicly disclose their name. It is part of the deal that my lawyer worked out. Thanks again everyone!
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ae9vde/subaru_service_center_gave_my_car_to_someone_else/) by u/ColorAndChill* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g18jzv/subaru_service_center_gave_my_car_to_someone_else/ | g18jzv | 3,226 | 69 | [
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2020-04-15T16:41:38 | I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now | Relationship_Advice | For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a hysterectomy.
Alice and her husband Ben has fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism, and are great parents. They have a good home environment and are financially very well off. But recently Ben and after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to "do things right" and "provide the best start in life" (their views, not mine).
So they asked me to be their (traditional) surrogate and said that they would cover all costs (legal, medical etc) associated with it. They would be also be paying off my student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash. I said sure - it'll be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time, and my immediate family thinks it is a great idea.
However, when I said "sure", I was expecting something along the lines of IUI, where we go to the doctor to get Ben's sperm prepped, me getting shots etc. basically the whole artificial insemination package.
But Alice & Ben have asked me to well, get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1. it is the cheapest way 2. they don't want to go to the hospital given the corona pandemic and 3. they think babies conceived naturally are healthier/the pregnancy would be safer without the chemicals, but I just can't get over the extreme ick factor. And even IF this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine.
Am I going loony for thinking of going back on my word? Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn't see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby. On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now?
&nbsp;
[**5 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fygql7/update_i_25f_agreed_to_be_a_surrogate_for_my/)
All the comments on my previous post showed me that I am way too young, dumb and ignorant with what I signed up with. I started researching actual lived experiences and I read so many horror stories that I've decided to not go ahead with being involved in any way, shape or form with helping them have kids.
In fact, I'm not even sure if I want to ever get pregnant after all the stories about 3rd and 4th degree tears, poop, miscarriages. I am clearly not in the right stage of life/maturity to even consider doing something of this magnitude.
The difficult part was mustering up the courage to call my sister to tell her my decision. I really look up to my sister and love her lots, and our family and religion has always been about helping others out where we can.
When I called her to tell her, we had a short convo at first where I basically said "sorry, can't do it but that doesn't mean I love you any less". She seemed sad but said she was happy to respect my decision and I thought that was it.
Then just last night, sister & BIL called me back over zoom. My sister was crying and begged me to reconsider, as both of them really wanted biological kids. BIL told me that they were really disappointed in me and hoped that I would find it within me to do this. When I told them my concerns, my BIL just said pregnancy & motherhood is a beautiful and natural process and that I was made for this.
I'm SO glad I did this over video call instead of in person, because I just hung up on them and faked having connection problems. I've been ignoring their texts so far and frankly I don't know what else to say.
But any way, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes :)
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fve0oj/i_25f_agreed_to_be_a_surrogate_for_my_sister_and/) by u/ThrowRAFE* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g1vjt6/i_25f_agreed_to_be_a_surrogate_for_my_sister_and/ | g1vjt6 | 4,001 | 60 | [
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2020-04-16T17:02:58 | I’m moving far away from my abusive family without telling them anything | r/confessions | *Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/b6uaug/im_moving_far_away_from_my_abusive_family_without/) in 2019*
&nbsp;
I have a shit life where I currently am and I always have. My parents are and always have been extremely abusive.
My father takes most of my money and always has since I was 14. He says it’s “his” money. I’m 23 and he’s still doing this. He literally only ever talks to me about money. We have that kind of relationship.
My mother is emotionally neglecting, and again, always has been. She has bipolar disorder and has said and done some really, really awful things to me in her bad moments. I don’t even want to get into the things that she has put me through.
I still love them both, of course. But I can’t do this anymore. I decided awhile ago that I was leaving here and starting a new life on the West Coast. Today, I changed my number and bought my plane ticket. They think my phone is shut off due to non-payment. They have no idea about anything that I plan to do and I don’t want to tell them.
Well, today I came home and found this piece of art hung up on my wall:
https://imgur.com/a/HX9YZEc
My mom had mentioned it to me in her good moments. I forgot what the art style is called, but it’s a bunch of little bead things that you carefully put together to make a picture. It’s her new hobby lately and I’m so happy that she’s found something that seems to take her away from her mental agony. She was so excited to give it to me, just the other day she smiled and said she made me something nice and that it was almost done! It took her weeks and weeks to make this for me.
I walked into my room, I saw it, and I just started crying.
I know I need to leave. I do. I need to start a new life and I need to get away from here. I can’t be happy here, I know I can’t. This family has broken me into so many different pieces over the past 23 years.
I just feel so guilty. I saw this picture, and I immediately felt horrible. I have always tried so hard to be a bright light in my family and make things less toxic, but it’s never worked. I feel like I’ve failed and I’m giving up now. She is going to miss me, I know she is. She is going to wonder about me. She is going to cry. All the time. She is going to be so sad, and although I’ve bought this plane ticket and I’m not turning back, and I know that this is what I need to do for me- I still feel like the shittiest person in the world.
I just needed to tell someone this. I leave next week. I am just so upset after seeing that she hung her present to me on my wall while I was away.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/b7wi7z/update_i_finally_left_my_abusive_parents_im_at/)
So I actually did it. I said goodbye to my few friends here, I packed all of my stuff in a suitcase. I read a post on this sub earlier where someone said “it’s funny how your entire life can fit inside a suitcase.” He was right, and you really start to feel bad when it comes down to this and you realize that you don’t need much of what you have at all. I was scared that the things I loved most wouldn’t all fit in my suitcase- I ended up having space leftover. Most of us live very selfishly.
My little brother drove me here, to the airport. I love him, I hugged him and told him that I loved him, and I gave him my car, as he needed one for work and he’s never had much, either. My parents only really love my older brother, their firstborn. I told him that if our parents ask, to tell them that I asked him to take me to the airport, and I just gave him my car keys and left. He knows everything, but they don’t need to know that. I also gave him my fish, which oddly I already miss them. It’s really weird how taking care of even the smallest of creatures can make you feel so special. That helped a lot with my depression.
I didn’t tell my parents anything. They don’t know anything. The last thing that my father said to me was “You need to cut the front yard” and he walked away. I don’t even remember the last thing that my mother said to me. I left them a note that said that I’m safe, I’m gonna be okay but I had to leave. I told them I would reach out when I was ready, if ever. I told them that I’ll always love them, for they are my parents and they gave me life.
I wonder how they’re going to react when they see the note. I imagine my father will be furious as he can’t coerce me into giving him all of my money anymore. My mother is just going to use it to get pity, because her life is such a tragedy. At least, according to her book of faces.
Perhaps they should’ve treated me better, as I’m the best son they could’ve ever asked for. I’m kind. I’m empathetic. I’m ambitious and I am full of love. But even I have my breaking point, and I’m going to find new people to give my love. People who will appreciate it.
So anyways, yeah. I did it. I packed a suitcase that is my life, I grabbed the bracelet that my old friend who passed away gave me and put it around my wrist, I put on my favorite pair of beat up boots and cuffed my jeans, and I left. I’ll be so far away in 12 hours, they won’t ever be able to hurt me again.
I randomly ran into my ex-boyfriend here at the airport, just a few minutes ago. We didn’t end things well when we broke up two years ago, coincidentally, it ended because he told me I was being ridiculous for rebelling against my parents abuse, and that I should be grateful to them, for even being alive.
He was in a rush but he smiled and asked how I was doing, and he proposed that we should catch up when I got back from wherever I was going. I smiled at him, I told him I was doing well, and I said “I’ll let you know when I get back.”
I feel very whole right now, for the first time in my life.
EDIT: Wooooow!! My very first gold. Thank you so much!! I can’t believe how supported I am. Honestly, my emotions are all over the place but I can’t believe how many people are proud of me. This is genuinely the one single thing that I’ve wanted to do more than anything else in life- I was always so terrified to just take this leap of faith and hit the reset button and I’m almost in tears over how many people believe in me. I have no choice but to succeed now! 🙂
EDIT 2: I’m going to take this opportunity to be my dramatic self haha and say that I genuinely am in tears in this airport at how supportive you all are. I cannot believe I JUST recently discovered Reddit. I was truly missing out. 😭 Also as an update, it’s 10:19AM and I am in NYC at the airport here. My flight was delayed but finally it took me from my home to here. In an hour, I’m boarding my flight to take me to my new home in California. 🙂🙂
EDIT 3: I am moving to Los Angeles. My brother and I are in close communication about this. I do have somewhere to stay when I get there, no job yet but that’ll be easy. I took a [picture](https://imgur.com/a/nPPVfW0)!
I want to write a book one day on my adventure and I want others to know that a person is never truly trapped, they can escape their horrible situations. It took me 23 years and a LOT of failure to make this realization that I can just choose to leave. I can just do it.
Final update for this post: i have arrived in LA at 2:47pm. the air here is amazing. i feel completely renewed and i’ve been here for 10 minutes. it’s so beautiful. anyways, i’m gonna drop my stuff off and take a hike with my best friend. thanks for listening. until next time! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g2iw01/im_moving_far_away_from_my_abusive_family_without/ | g2iw01 | 7,477 | 103 | [
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2020-04-17T18:16:47 | 'I saw your work on Facebook' | r/ChoosingBeggars | **Another day, another beggar**
https://i.redd.it/34zi2ss7j3q41.jpg
&nbsp;
**Two Weeks Later**
Update on vinyl lady: she apologized, guys
https://i.redd.it/tfq0csmgyss41.jpg
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/fsocy1/another_day_another_beggar/) by u/emzieees* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g37du2/i_saw_your_work_on_facebook/ | g37du2 | 317 | 69 | [
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2020-04-18T16:13:56 | The hiring manager [30sF] where I [30sF] am interviewing is someone I fired last year. | Relationship_Advice | I hired a girl over the summer. She didn't make it through her probationary period. She came highly recommended by her references; she was a fast learner, had worked through a merger and helped it go through seamlessly.
I thought she was terrible at her job with my company and fired her on her 89th day. On her exit interview, she stated that she felt she had been poorly trained and that my temper made her worried about asking for further training, stating that I blew up on her when she asked for clarification on something a few weeks in. She then packed her things and left without so much as another word.
I found out through a mutual friend the day she was fired she was offered her job back with a $3 an hour raise and added responsibilities despite having quit just days into her two week notice.
Well, my boss had to lay us all of because of recent events. When I called and got an interview, the woman who spoke to me said that the hiring manger/trainer would be seeing me in the office despite it being closed and everyone working remotely. I was given her name and I instantly felt sick because it was her. I didn't realize the company had changed their name since I had seen her resume.
Should I even go to the interview? I admit, I do have a pretty bad temper that she had witnessed within days of being hired, but I was great at my job. I know her company is desperately hiring workers to meet demand and I need the job.
TL;DR: Girl wasn't a good fit for my job, I fired her. She's now interviewing me for a job and I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to salvage it. Should I even try?
&nbsp;
[**1 Day Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g3frb9/update_the_hiring_manager_30sf_where_i_30sf_am/)
I got a lot of good feedback and you guys are right; I did let my temper get the best of me in front of her on multiple occasions and that makes me a bad boss.
I went to her office unsure of what to expect. The door was locked when I got there, so I stood outside waiting. She came up behind me and said my name. She asked me if I was ready to interview and I just said yes.
We sat down in her office and she pulled out her phone and started recording. She asked me if I minded being taped and I said no.
She asked me basic interview questions, and then she asked me if there was anything that I knew I had to work on. I told her that my temper was an issue in the past, but that I have had a sudden wake-up call about my temper and that I was actively working on it. I apologized for leaving her hanging with training and that I was glad to see she was in a better position.
She told me that one of the things she had learned was forgiveness. She had left the company she was at and rehired to because they had wronged her during the merger. When she was offered the position back, it was with an apology, a raise, and now she is in a better position than when she left. She said sometimes an apology can start you down the path towards something better.
She told me that she is willing to hire me for a good wage because she knew I was good at a lot of things at my previous job. She said if I lost my temper during the trial period, it would be the end, but she was hopeful that it wouldn't happen. She asked me if I could start Friday.
She started training me today, and I definitely realized I was the problem and why she didn't succeed where I was. She is absolutely wonderful at the job with great client interactions. She should've been able to easily pick up the work I was throwing at her if she had been properly trained. I'm glad that she gave the company a second chance because she deserves everything they have given her. I hope to learn a lot from her and show her that she didn't waste her time on me.
I've also signed up for therapy to manage my anger online.
TL;DR: I ate my humble pie and went to the interview. She is giving me a second chance and I hope to be a good employee. I'm starting anger management soon.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g24fza/the_hiring_manager_30sf_where_i_30sf_am/) by u/throwra_jobseeker* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g3q22y/the_hiring_manager_30sf_where_i_30sf_am/ | g3q22y | 4,153 | 81 | [
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2020-04-18T19:11:35 | TIFU by adopting a cat, which resulted in us both getting tapeworm, and me almost dying | TIFU | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/g2vx9u/tifu_by_adopting_a_cat_which_resulted_in_us_both/)
This fuck up has been set up perfectly for disaster over the past few months and is continuing to destroy my life. This is a long one, but every detail counts in portraying one of the worst weeks of my life.
Let me preface this by saying I love my cat more than anything, and while he is currently not sleeping anywhere near me, he's still getting a lot of cautious love. I can't imagine being self-isolated alone without him right now. Truly, I love him too much - too much love got us here today.
In January, I adopted an 11 yo, 19 lbs chonker. I fell in love instantly. His last family returned him after 6 months with a bad case of fleas. He had been defleaed but came home with a slew of other health issues. By end of January after a lot of vet visits, he seemed to be on the mend. I knew what I was signing up for when I adopted a senior cat, but just didn't realize the endless possibilities. Truly, I tell him every night before bed he's my ride or die, and that's about to be tested with this saga of the greatest love story ever told.
Early February, he starts coughing and stops pooping in his litterbox, despite me cleaning it daily. He's still peeing in there, but seems cautious and runs out immediately. Even when he started pooping on the floor (thank God for wood floors), he'd run under my bed from it. That was the only time he'd go under my bed, otherwise he was cuddled up on or next to me. His medical chart from when I adopted him said he had issues with litterbox pooping- they suspected he was afraid of his last family's other cat and it was behavioral, but something didn't add up. He was fine with pooping in the litterbox for the first month after his kitty enema. I cleaned up his poop every other day and saw nothing out of the ordinary. He was starting to lose weight, which was good because as cute of a chonker as he is, it's NOT healthy, folks. I stopped free feeding him, started feeding him scheduled wet food meals, and we had daily playtime to get him to a healthy weight.
I bring him into the vet in February for the 6th time in a month and a half. He had half of his teeth removed before I adopted him. This resulted in an incision infection and an enema due to opiod constipation. This visit was for his cough. I even ask if he could have worms. The vet tells me, "I know you're trying to be a good pet owner, but he likely has allergies and it's a behavioral issue. This might be something he has to live with. Come see me if his mucus turns brown". I had been right about every single Dr. Google diagnosis up until this point, but whatever. I buy an air purifier, vacuum and clean regularly, change the bedding weekly- I already have an obsessive cleaning schedule, and COVID/quarantine has only allowed that the time to thrive. Ask any of my previous roommates and I am the cleanest person you'll ever live with. Despite the cleaning, some coughing days were better than others.
All of a sudden end of last week, he starts coughing a lot less, and I start feeling like absolute shit. My best friend even makes a joke that I caught whatever my cat had. Sick, sick foreshadowing.
When I read the article about the tiger in the Bronx catching COVID19, I was convinced we both had it. My chest was tight, frequent bathroom runs, just pure exhaustion, losing weight rapidly despite being quarantined for a month in a tiny studio- malnourished to the point my hair is falling out. I'm a mess. I guess it's a good thing I got laid off 2 weeks ago, because the bathroom and I are very close friends these days.
I wake up Monday morning to the pungent smell of my cat's usual poop surprise on the wood floor. He's such a kind cat to poop where it's easy cleanup. That's when I see them - worms crawling around EVERYWHERE. I'm gagging, take a little sample for the vet, and flush the rest. I Dr. Google the shit out of it and it is for SURE tapeworms. Then I read about the eggs. Let me remind you I change my sheets and wash my duvet cover weekly. I make my bed the second I get out of it and even vacuume my duvet cover. I RUN to inspect my bed- there are eggs EVERYWHERE. Little rice demons of hell that have been dropping from my poor cat's bum for 3 months. I'm dry heaving at this point. I live in an old studio apartment and my bed is against a brick wall, so I get little grout crumble patches that I have to vacuume up pretty regularly. I remember feeling little patches of what I assumed one night was grout in my sheets, but fell asleep wine drunk and ignored it. When I tell you they were everywhere, I mean they were everywhere. My pillow, under my pillow- my cat and I fall asleep cuddling every night. Again, I love this cat too damn much.
I call the vet and it is undoubtedly tapeworm. We suspect he's had it since I adopted him. His prescription gets to me within a few hours. I also get flea medication and spray. I check him for flea dirt regularly and hadn't seen anything, but better to be cautious. I bag all of my bedding, throw out half of what I own, vacuum every inch of this place for an hour, I'm on the fucking floor with my flashlight and find a dead tapeworm under my couch, Swiffer, disinfect my couch, flip my mattress- like total mental breakdown. I give him his medication and his cough stops instantly. He hasn't coughed once since Monday.
This has been one of my childhood phobias since I read that urban legend about the guy who starved himself then put a burger patty on his tongue and lured the tapeworm out until he could grab it from his mouth. I'm thinking about this story after giving my cat his meds when holy moly diarrhea. I look in the toilet bowl to 3 long strings floating on the sides that normally I would have flushed to sewage heaven without second thought, but they are undoubtedly tapeworms. My grown ass calls my mom and sobs while still sitting on the toilet in all of my wormy glory. I call and embarrassingly show the doctor, doctor undoubtedly tells me I too have tapeworm and writes me a prescription. He asks me if I want just tapeworm or a full deworming? I'm like wtf does that mean? He's like, "You'd be surprised how many parasites are living in you regularly. Just wait and see what you're about to poop out". I honestly just want to die at this point.
My cat and I are prescribed the same medication, obviously just different doses and different pricetags. His was $13 for two doses. Mine? $130 for one dose, 2 pills. That's WITH my last month of insurance from my previous employer. I immediately receive a text that my prescription is on back order because of COVID. I'm trying to fall asleep that night on my couch without any blankets, when would you fucking guess it- my heat stops working. So now I'm just shivering on a small ass couch knowing there's worms crawling around inside of me and eggs everywhere. I don't sleep.
I call the pharmacy when they open in tears asking when my meds are going to get there. Lucky me, they had just arrived. He asks me, "Did you know your prescription is $130?" I'm like, "Uh no I've never had tapeworm, but I guess the price is irrelevant". We both nervously laugh. I also haven't had an in-person human interaction in a month because I've been self isolating alone and laid off due to COVID, so this is trying on soooo many levels.
I order delivery for a big ass meal from my favorite restaurant because 1. I have no appetite because the thought of feeding the worms makes me want to die and I was hoping ordering from my favorite restaurant would entice me to eat. 2. Medication has to be taken with food. 3. I realize this is the last day the calories don't matter. Might as well enjoy it.
I pick up my prescription, light a candle, call my best friend, we have a little virtual funeral for my worms and try to make light of the situation. I play the song I want played at my funeral (Hamburg Song by Keane, it's beautiful). But it just keeps getting worse, y'all. My best friend hesitantly tells me he was telling his physical therapist about my worm saga. She recommended buying clove oil and rubbing it on my pink starfish. I'm like why? Apparently worms like to bite your butt on the way out, and clove oil prevents that. I hate everything at this moment. It's like the different levels of hell.
I take the pills and am reading the prescription pamphlet. It notes that you'll experience random aches and pains while the worms are dying. Let me tell you- I felt every fucking worm dying as I lay blanketless on my couch in the fetal position. All of a sudden, I'm thinking about the worms and I can't breathe. My throat is kind of itchy, and I'm thinking there are worms dying in my tonsils at this point or I got COVID at the pharmacy. I'm laying there in the fetal position, telling myself it's just a panic attack. My cat decides to go pee at 2am, jumps out startled trailing pee all over the apartment. I know the medication says limit your alcoholic beverages, but I say fuck it and make a drink. I clean the pee and finally fall asleep for about 3 hours.
I wake up bright and early to the smell of cat poop. Still half asleep, I searched his normal spots and couldn't find any poops. He left it in the tub for me- a new spot- thanks, cat. Easy cleanup and no worms- I take it as a win. I flush it down the toilet, bleach the tub, and obsessively wash my hands.
Let me tell you- my hands are bleeding from the amount of times I wash them between COVID and wormageddon. I look at myself in the mirror while scrubbing my raw hands and holy shit. My face is is swollen to the point I'm still surprised I can see out of my eyes. My tongue is flopping all over the place. I am having a severe allergic reaction to the tapeworm medication. That panic attack while falling asleep was actually an allergic reaction.
I immediately video chat my doctor, he tells me to go get Benadryl immediately and writes me a steroid prescription. I get a call from their finance department on the brief walk to the pharmacy: $140 for that 5 minute virtual visit. I try to dispute the charge- she can't do anything. I just flat out ask her: "Can I just tell you about my shitty life then for $140?". We talk for 5 minutes about how much my life sucks and she agrees. She was very nice about it, but still $140. She basically tells me that if I had waited a month to get tapeworm and almost die from the medication, the virtual visit would have been cheaper without insurance. Fucking love it and American healthcare.
I cut my losses go back to the same pharmacy from the day before and they ask me what's wrong. I lift up my glasses and they were like "Ooooof- did you know you were allergic to this medication?". At this point, I'm like "WHY DO ANY OF YOU THINK I'VE HAD TAPEWORMS BEFORE?" Truly, complete mental breakdown. I buy my medication, a box of wine, and $20 worth of candy to ease the pain.
So folks, here I am. Unemployed and alone during a pandemic, clenching my butt like never before, still haven't pooped because I'm terrified of worm kisses on the way out, face still swollen shut, but I'm breathing fine. My cat is a new cat, so for that? I am grateful. I am 100% sure I will have PTSD from this experience. It is going to be a long, long, time before my cat and I snuggle regularly again, but I know we'll get there and I still love him. Adopt senior pets regardless of this story, because 10/10- would still get worms again for him.
Wormageddon 2020 will not soon be forgotten.
TL;DR My recently adopted cat gave us both tapeworm, I almost died from the meds, and this is my hell.
Edit: I'll come back and give more meaningful update, but I'm reading all of these comments over the phone, basking in the worst kind of Reddit fame with my best friend, and his smart ass says, "Your tapeworm is going to come out of your butt and ask DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"
But really, y'all are too kind.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/g3hmo4/tifu_wormageddon_update/)
TIFU by posting on the internet about the tapeworms plaguing my cat and I. You didn't need it, you didn't want it, but here is part 2 and the update. I can only write essays, guys, so buckle up.
I'm speechless. I'm mortified. I'm grateful. I have never had so many people asking for updates on my poop before, and truly I have peaked. I can now remind my sister that everytime she gets annoyed when I send her a poop pic and ask if it looks normal, there are thousands of people that care. You cared.
The first thing my mom told me at the beginning of this nightmare was, "Do NOT tell people you have tapeworms", so naturally I decide I just had to tell the world. Friends would be checking in before the post and be like, "Hey how are you holding up with unemployment?" and I'd be like "Oh ya know, pretty bored. Tiger King was entertaining but just ok. (WORD VOMIT) MY CAT AND I HAVE TAPEWORMS". Honestly, it's a problem. I called my mom today and prefaced it with, "Mom, I might have messed up". Explained what Reddit is, sent her the link, and waited to die of disappointment as she read it. When she called me back after reading it, she reminded me that my grammar was awful, per usual, but she always did love reading my writing growing up. English majors, am I right?
So thank you to every. single. one. of you. The good comments, the not so nice comments (yeah I read those too), the parasitic comments. My body is full of love and worms. And while I can laugh with the world about this, I read a lot of similar tragic stories of various parasites and it's not fun. BUT for the updates and to address a few things:
1. A surprising amount of people wanted an update about my poop. So last night, I didn't sleep. Part because I was bloated and felt wiggles, part because I was having too much fun reading everyone's comments. It was nice to focus on something other than the intestine slitherings. After a few sits on the wiggle throne this morning, I gave up. My best friend and I were reading through the comments when he woke up, and we dubbed this the million dollar poop. Honestly, I had such a mental block about what was going to be expelled from deep inside, but your kind comments and me vocally reassuring myself that this was the million dollar poop helped me push through that barrier. So many people wanted to know, and I couldn't fail you guys. Also, today was the best day ever because Taco Bell didn't deliver to my area previously. I had sold my car to afford the move here last year, and I check about weekly to see if there is any chance of a shredded chicken quesadilla in my future. The karma gods have blessed me with Taco Bell delivery today. Karma is real, prove me wrong. I order $30 worth of Taco Bell and it is time. I went through all of the different stages of poop throughout the day. First round: little nuggets. Second round: Long snake. Third Round: Diarrhea. Fourth Round: Ghost poops. I know there is more coming tonight, and still fear the buried bits, but I squat with courage tonight. There were distinguishable worm bits (most actually get digested during the extermination apparently) BUT it was not the wiggling blob I imagined in my worst nightmares. Nothing appeared to be alive and nibbling my hole during departure, so this day was rather pleasant. Honestly, had I not known about the freeloaders, I probably wouldn't have realized they were worms. Rest easy tonight, friends. Also, to the Uber Eats driver who kept my Sugar Free Baja Blast (most likely by accident, it happens): you've earned it, and I genuinely hope you enjoyed it and are staying healthy.
2. I hate myself for posting this solely because so many people noted they were afraid to touch their pets or adopt one. Stop that. Seriously, stop. Now you know what to look for the second it starts, on the off chance it happens. My cat is entirely an indoor cat. I know that's not the case in many parts of the world, but that is my cat's reality. We will be more diligent, regardless of him being a homebody. Your comments calling me a nasty gal will not deter me from sleeping next to my cat when this is all said and done. This was such a freak circumstance, and I am grateful to him beyond measure. He deserves to sleep in my bed like the emotional support king he is.
3. I am beyond touched that so many people want to send me anything. Seriously- the people who were waiting for their unemployment checks to send me something, my God no no no. You keep that. If you feel compelled by this story, please donate to a COVID fund assisting families in need (not just some wormy girl and her wormy cat) or your local animal shelter. The kids still gotta be fed, the pets still gotta be adopted.
4. Vets are humans and there is human error in any profession. I am empathetic, and I'll leave it at that.
5. Honestly I'm touched that people enjoy my storytelling. I've actually been using this downtime to finally write the scifi screenplay I've been dreaming of for years and telling anyone drunk enough to listen through the plot. It's about armageddon but with gator-human hybrids, an Armagator, if you will. This was obviously the inspiration for Wormageddon, if you missed that. I NEED Samuel L. Jackson to play a key part in it, so if any of you know him, tell him I need to collab (seriously, I'm not joking). Keep an eye out. Hoping it'll be to you guys soon on Netflix.
WHEW if you're still with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. There likely won't be a part 3, lucky for you all, but I have asked my best friend to update you all if I succumb to the worms. Also major shoutout to him- couldn't have gotten through Wormageddon and quarantine without your long-distance love and laughs, and talking me down while I give worm birth. I hope everyone has a friend like this during this time (the human friend, not the worm one).
Goosey Goo and I wish you all nothing but the best. Stay healthy, be sweet, and that rice in your bed isn't rice.
Cat tax if you missed it in the comments: [Cat Tax](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/Xd184aW)
Edit: [Cat Tax Pt 2](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/gMoOeKU)
Edit Edit: I apparently suck at Reddit. Part 1 for those confused. No more from me. [Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/g2vx9u/tifu_by_adopting_a_cat_which_resulted_in_us_both/)
TL;DR I ate Taco Bell and courageously pooped. It was more pleasant than expected.
Original post by u/carsgobeep3 | fangirlsqueee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g3t3yt/tifu_by_adopting_a_cat_which_resulted_in_us_both/ | g3t3yt | 18,511 | 35 | [
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2020-04-19T16:02:53 | 'I bought five classic cars cheap from the widow of a deceased collector. The widow has died and now the grandson has threatened to sue as he wanted the cars. Grandson is a lawyer.' | LegalAdvice | I'm close friends with a co-worker, and we've helped his mother in her 80s with house maintenance. His mother's neighbour (I'll call her Elaine) was in her 90s in 2016, when Elaine's husband who was in a home died.
While doing maintenance on my co-worker's mothers house, I drove there in my 1975 Falcon, and Elaine came out to ask me to have a look at some cars I might like that had belonged to her husband. I won't go into detail except three were in good drivable condition and worth a decent figure, and two more were ruined but good parts cars.
At the time I couldn't afford anywhere near what they were genuinely worth (two are at least in the top 5 desirable Australian classics), I told her what they could fetch on the open market, but she was happy to take $5,000 for all five cars, well under their value. She wanted to make sure they went to someone who would appreciate them, and I paid for and collected them a week later and I still have the three good ones, two now on historic registration and the other in storage.
Elaine passed away in the middle of this year, and her grandson is on the warpath over the cars. He's found my contact details and phoned me several times threatening to sue for effectively stealing the cars from his grandmother, and has turned up at my front door once demanding the return of the cars. I have not been served or received anything in writing from him in a legal sense, only his business card, which sounds dodgy. I've verified he's an actual lawyer as he claims through a website of his employer, which lists him with photo as specialising in commercial and insurance law just like his business card.
I'd have expected if there was a real legal issue with the ownership of the cars it would be in relation to the grandmother's estate proceedings and I'd be contacted by mail by someone acting as executor, not via phone calls and doorstop visits by one angry smug bastard acting like it's happening between me and him alone. Since I'm not a lawyer and my presumptions could be completely out, I'm posting here.
If need be I could now afford the market price of all the cars. Is the grandson likely to have a case and should I find a lawyer of my own?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/aa76ub/update_on_the_lawyer_grandson_threatening_legal/)
My co-worker's mother is still in contact with Elaine's son and daughter as they own and still work on Elaine's old house next door. She put them in contact with me. They wanted to know who it was who was actually threatening what about the cars as Elaine has no grandsons, and we spoke. They identified the lawyer 'grandson' as an old ex. He was once a partner of but not married to one of Elaine's granddaughters for a few years. He's also known to be in a lot of debt, which might explain desperate hunting for valuable items.
Elaine's son and daughter reiterated that their dad had left instructions to Elaine for the cars to go to someone who'd cherish them and they were happy they did, and glad to hear from me that they're still being looked after together.
I haven't contacted the faux-grandson's law firm yet. I have a lot of evidence of his misrepresentations to me and after googling NSW law I'm not 100% sure of the legality of all of it, especially about sharing my home security and dashcam recordings directly to the other firm (or even speaking directly to them). I'll go through my own legal representation there as a filter on what I need to give them to make sure they know of his behaviour linked to their firm.
Small update: Fake Grandson came around twice more. I now have multiple records of him visiting my residence, threats via text and many phone calls to me after I asked him to not contact me again except in writing. Complaints have been made through my lawyer to his firm and relevant regulatory bodies. I informed him of the complaints on Thursday and reiterated not to contact me again and I haven't heard a peep from him since.
Last update: Fake Grandson had already been dismissed from the firm before my lawyer and I complained, and he already has complaints against him for other reasons.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/a6kuen/nsw_two_years_ago_i_bought_five_australian/) in 2019 by u/reburned* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g4a30h/i_bought_five_classic_cars_cheap_from_the_widow/ | g4a30h | 4,318 | 95 | [
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2020-04-20T07:57:13 | UPDATE - AITA for wanting to send my teen daughter to a weight loss camp? | AITA | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxprju/aita_for_wanting_to_send_my_teen_daughter_to_a/?amp%253Bamp%253Butm_medium=ios_app&amp%253Bamp%253Butm_name=iossmf)
My daughter (15) is 5'6 and the last time she weighed herself at the doctor's office she was at 238lbs. She is morbidly obese.
She was always a chubby kid who loved food and hated activity no matter how much her dad and I tried to get her to dance, play sports, go on walks with our dog etc. she would refuse. I regret not taking her to a nutritionist earlier, but I thought that she would go into puberty and her weight would eventually be okay. Unfortunately, when she was 11 her dad and I decided to get a divorce. No special reason, it just wasn't working. We coparent well, we're friendly, we go on trips with out daughter etc., but the divorce impacted her negatively at first.
She started gaining a lot of weight around that time so we decided to take her to a nutritionist who recommended therapy for her. She initially lost about 15lbs but she was already very dependent on food. Now, she's a food addict. Her emotional eating was something she used to cope with the divorce until she adjusted, but now it's all about compensating for not having friends, compensating for not being ''pretty'', compensating for not being liked by boys etc.
She still goes to therapy regularly, she doesn't suffer from depression or another health condition that might cause her weight gain, she is simply addicted to food and at her vulnerable age, mentioning her weight to her makes her very upset and uncomfortable. Her dad and I both know this and it's been causing arguments between us. I'm a very active, fit person and I try to lead by example - no junk food allowed in the house, I cook as much as I can or I get healthy meal delivery - and this makes me the bad guy.
She's into the whole body acceptance movement and she sold the story to her dad who now allows her to raid his pantry and they eat junk together just so he wouldn't upset her because she's daddy's little girl. He's happy that he gets to be the good guy and I'm the villain who doesn't want her daughter to settle because I want her to live past 35. I encourage her to love herself, I want her to embrace how amazing she is but I don't want her to accept her condition as something normal that can't be changed. I'm tired seeing how miserable she is because of her weight and I'm tired of thinking about all the diseases that could kill her.
I found a great weight management treatment facility (*edited instead of camp because it's very different from the infamous fat camps) for teens that's 6 hours away, I've done my research but her dad doesn't want to sign for her to go there from January to July. We can visit her and she can come home once a month, she can go to school there, make friends and get healthy. He says that I'm being a selfish asshole and that our daughter doesn't want to go. She told me that she will think about it but I think that her dad is loving his role as her superhero because they've bonded in the past months, and will encourage her not to go.
AITA?
EDIT: Lots of repetitive question and comments. Please look through my comment history, thank you.
EDIT2: Again, I've explained everything about this treatment facility, her current therapy and approach to her eating disorder, the fact that the choice is ultimately hers, yes we do have a dog and no she doesn't want to walk him, no this isn't a quick fix, no I don't think my daughter hates me.
EDIT3: I sound like a broken record, put please read through my comments before asking the same things over and over! There's a word limit here and obviously not everything fits in the post. The facility does have therapists, specialists, doctors and all types of health professionals. They do have ED programs that she would be a part of and she would be in touch with her current therapist because she has a hard time opening up to new people, so that would help her. I double and triple checked everything and talked to so many parents and employees, but it's ultimately her choice. My fear is that her dad will cloud her judgment by bribing her with food.
EDIT4: Thank you guys for all of your responses. I've received a lot of great advice, your own experience with ED, personal stories, support and empathy. I appreciate all of it. I'll no longer be replying to comments because I find myself trying too hard to reach people who are twisting my words and using them against me. Maybe I'll post an update within the next few weeks when something happens, but things definitely will change around here. Again, thank you all!
#[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g49inc/update_aita_for_wanting_to_send_my_teen_daughter/)
Hey Reddit. So, my ex wouldn't even consider sending our daughter to get treatment for her eating disorder. We missed the sign up deadline and my daughter had moved in with her dad full time thanks to his encouragement. He was loving his role of the good parent, and I lost it when my daughter told me that she had stopped talking to her therapist.
Desperate, I filed for sole legal custody and a change of housing arrangements in my favor. My ex was upset that I did it without notifying him first and my daughter refused to talk to me at all. I was exhausted so I started therapy alone. My therapist told me to write a letter to my daughter and that's exactly what I did. 4 days later she agreed to meet me.
We didn't talk much at first but she was happy that I started therapy. She told me that she misses her therapist but her dad told her that she doesn't need therapy because she's fine. She also said she misses me but she wasn't ready to move back in with me because of how controlling and restrictive I am.
2 days later I asked her to go grocery shopping with me and I had set aside $50 for her to choose the groceries she wants to buy for our home, in case she comes back and to show her I was ready to change. In the meantime, my ex got served and my daughter and I went through another period of very little contact because of it. Mid February, she decided to move back in with me if I put the legal actions on hold. This was a smart tactic on her dad's behalf, I'll admit, but she was finally back with me so I decided to focus on that. I realized that I made the mistake of competing with my ex so many times when I should've focused on my daughter instead.
It's been over 2 months and my daughter hasn't spent a single full day at her dad's place. They hang out but she chooses not to spend extended periods of time at his house. She's been seeing her therapist since moving back in and she's in a better place now. It took losing her for me to realize that I needed to change too in order to improve our relationship. I learned to relax more and stop being so tense and constantly moving, and she is starting to understand that I'm doing all I can in her favor.
She's decided that she wants to lose weight (23lbs down) and is hoping to improve her health before college. We have snacks, pizza night and we bake a dessert together every weekend. Those things I would never allow before, but we're both learning balance. She still doesn't like to exercise but we do go on late night walks around the block and she's doing more chores.
Our relationship has never been this genuine. We have a long way ahead and I'm preparing for the low points that are bound to happen, especially with her dad, but I'm appreciating what we have now.
Edit: Just a quick edit to say thank you for all of your kind, supportive and informative comments, I appreciate it. I apologize if I don't respond to everyone.
Edit2: She follows the approach of intuitive eating combined with balanced meals that don't deprive her of any food type. This way, she's learning the concept of balance and abandoning the concept of food as a coping mechanism or a punishing tool.
As far as physical activity goes, I'll definitely talk to her and see if she likes any of the recommendations you have given. While I agree that weight loss can be achieved even without physical activity, I think that abandoning her sedentary lifestyle step by step (literally) is another way of getting healthier since weight loss isn't a primary goal.
I don't have much else to say about her dad other than the fact that I've just recently, with the help of my therapist, realized that he's a classic Disney dad. I know some of you think it's wrong of me to take him to court, but I would stop at nothing to help my kid. I wasn't going to sit back and let him baby her into death and self loathing while removing her from my life.
If you have more questions, chances are I've answered them already so read through my replies! | queer_artsy_kid | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g4oo16/update_aita_for_wanting_to_send_my_teen_daughter/ | g4oo16 | 8,777 | 52 | [
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2020-04-20T15:52:25 | Using cannabis for my son’s autism | r/OKmarijuana | I just wanted share how it’s going using Cannabis for my son’s autism. He’s 12, autistic, non verbal & adorable.
Things that were challenging to him were transitions, self harming behavior, frequent meltdowns, sleep Last school year he did not complete a week of school without having been late, picked up early (by school request) or missing at least 1 day. Sensory issues. Not listening or seeming to comprehend what we said to him 90% of the time.
His first dose was a tiny bit of an edible. He‘s not always willing to eat so I knew that wouldn’t work long term. We tried the Orion tablets. They were easy to dose and worked ok for him. However, they were pretty pricey. Tried a few already made tinctures & some reserved syrup. But it all changed when we decided to go UWD in Edmond for custom tinctures. Definitely worth the little drive every few weeks!
This has been life changing for our family. He was able to do things this summer he hasn’t done in years if ever. One example is transitioning into the swimming pool. He loves water but could never transition into the pool. He is willing to try new foods now. He’s just generally more comfortable in his own skin. The anxiety has melted away. He’ll go into Sam’s with me and not go into fight or flight mode and run off. He’s had ZERO meltdowns this summer!
He just finished his 2nd week of school. It’s a new school, teachers, routines etc. He rides the bus to and from. When he’s sleeping a little late I can just say “the bus will be here soon” and he gets up. He’s been dressing himself with no assistance (last year we were still dressing him). The school hasn’t called for me to get him early even once. Last year I had to go get him on the first day after 90 minutes.
I went through old pics the other day. He actually looked very stoned/drugged when he was on big pharma. He always had dark circles under his eyes and carried about 20+ extra pounds. He went off big pharma in January and started cannabis in late May. The dark circles are gone, he never looks or acts drugged. He’s also down about 20lbs. His eyes just shine with happiness now!
The list goes on about how much cannabis has helped. He takes 2-3 doses a day for a total of 15ish mg of THC.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/OKmarijuana/comments/fkp0um/update_on_my_13_year_old_son_using_cannabis_for/)
Just wanted to give a little update on my son. He’s 13, autistic, non verbal & intellectually delayed. We’ve been using cannabis to manage his symptoms since June of 2019. Over the years he has tried 15+ big pharma meds only to have side effects worse than the symptoms we were addressing.
For those curious he takes very small doses of tincture 2-3 times a day. Small doses work great for him. His tinctures are made at UWD in Edmond. It’s worth the drive for us because nobody in Tulsa has anything close to this.
Last week we went to his first physical with his regular (lifelong) pediatrician. She hasn’t seen him since he started cannabis. Pre-cannabis when we went in it was an ordeal. He didn’t want to stay in the office let alone exam room. Getting his weight/height etc is next to impossible. This time he went in stood on the scale. He got close enough that they actually got his height. Usually, one or two of us have to ”guard” the door because he tries to escape. We didn’t this time. He even sat and let his dad and I visit with the doctor for about 20 minutes.
He’s the first of one of her patients to be using cannabis & I think she was pretty impressed with the results. I know we were! One of her questions was how do we know what he’s really getting in his cannabis & how do we know what dosages etc. I explained how the program at UWD works & that each bottle is made specifically for my son’s needs. We were all so proud of how well he did at the doctor. It’s normally a great source of anxiety for him to go to the doctor.
Over the last 9-10 months he’s shown gains in self care. He’s able to do about 70% of showering/dressing himself for school. Last year while he was able to do the stuff he just couldn’t focus long enough to get his shirt AND shorts on. Now he even remembers his deodorant without me prompting!
He remembers to buckle his seatbelt without prompting from parents. He’s riding the bus to/from school. He’s staying at school all day everyday. His attendance has improved. He’s frequently doing things the first time he’s asked. He’s comprehending SO MUCH MORE INFO! He’s been doing some little chores around the house. I’m sure I’m forgetting about 5,000 other great things that have changed but I am sure everyone gets the idea.
&nbsp;
*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/OKmarijuana/comments/cxg4nf/update_on_using_cannabis_for_my_sons_autism/) by u/SmokieOki* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g4va5t/using_cannabis_for_my_sons_autism/ | g4va5t | 4,810 | 84 | [
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2020-04-20T16:26:55 | UPDATE: my parents gave my back the weed they took from me in highschool (3 years ago) | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g4vxwh/update_my_parents_gave_my_back_the_weed_they_took/ | g4vxwh | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-04-21T14:56:06 | It looks like my 7 year old brother will be coming to live with me (23f) for the foreseeable future. Very scared, looking for advice | r/Parenting | So, long story short, my mom is a neglectful hoarder and my brother has been removed from the house. We have no other family willing to take him and so he's going to come live with me.
I'm really terrified. I don't know a lot about little kids. By the time my brother was born, I was already living at my dad's house. I currently work as a paralegal and I am applying to law schools this fall. I am so anxious and depressed because I want to provide my brother with a good home but I feel like I'm so unprepared and my current life (living on a shoestring budget, planning on becoming a full time student and moving to go to school soon) is completely unsuited for raising a small child.
...
My dad and his wife don't want to take my brother since he's not related to them (he is my half-sibling). My dad also urged me not to take in my brother. The problem is that my brother would then become a foster kid. My brother's father is dead, and his family don't even live in the US.
I know my mom and it is very unlikely that she will be able to get custody back, tbh. Her hoarding has gotten worse and worse. So basically, if I don't take in my brother, it's likely he is going to just be a foster kid until he turns 18. I don't want him to feel like he has been abandoned by everyone in his life.
But my brother is the innocent victim in all of this, and so I feel like I really want to be there for him. My mom wasn't as bad as this when I was his age, but I still remember feeling alone and sad a lot back then and wishing I had someone who could help me and understand me. Maybe I can be that for him. But still, I'm not going to lie, there's a huge part of me that's wishing I could just not deal with this, just let someone else or the system or whatever handle it ... but then I think there's no way I can just let my brother go into the system when I could be there for him.
Sadly, I don't really have many friends. I've always been very independent and relied on myself I guess. I have been talking to him on the phone. I've been trying to keep the talks fun (favorite movies, his hobbies, etc.). He sounds pretty calm and people tell me that he's a really sweet and easy-going kid, but I know he must have some trauma from everything he's going through.
...
I want to give him some stability and be a good carer for him. But I've never been maternal, and I never even wanted kids of my own, so this is a huge shock. I guess I'm looking for any advice or resources. (God, sorry for the rambling, I feel like I'm panicking right now and I can't think straight).
&nbsp;
[**1 Year Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/g03r2g/update_it_looks_like_my_7_year_old_brother_will/)
Wooooooow, so, I stumbled upon this old throwaway I made and it's ... really interesting to look back on my past self writing, haha. I figured I'd update since your comments and responses in my first post helped me so much! So, my brother has been living with me for ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR NOW!!! I almost can't believe it's only been that long; it feels like he's been here for WAY longer. Like, I can barely remember what life was like before he came! I guess that's because he changed my life so completely. In some ways, he's made life much harder -- but in other ways, he's added a lot of joy.
I will say that, first of all, I was really depressed and anxious before he came. I've been that way since I was young, possibly due to the difficult childhood I had with my mom. Having my little brother around has honestly helped a lot with my feelings of nihilism and worthlessness. When things are tough, I think about how much he needs me and how I want to do good in life so he can have a better future, so that's given me more motivation. My brother is SUPER funny, which I didn't expect! I'm more serious and reserved, but he's very bubbly and he loves being the clown! But he also enjoys reading, like I do, which also surprised me because my mom doesn't like to read at all. I've started reading the Harry Potter series to him at night, and it's been so cool introducing him to the series I loved as a child.
Obviously, there have been difficulties too. I have decided to push my goal of starting law school back two years, because it just doesn't seem feasible to move somewhere else, start a rigorous academic program, etc., etc., when my brother has just started getting used to a structured life at my place. I don't want to unsettle him just when he's getting settled, and I'm not sure how I'd be able to handle going to law school while learning how to take care of him. Luckily, the law firm I work at (I am a paralegal) has allowed us and their lawyers to work from home, so I am still getting paid during these difficult times. Little Brother has been home as well, of course, and HE'S BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY because he is so energetic! But I guess that's normal for parents at this time, lol.
One thing that's been so amazing is seeing him get to have his own space! Our mom's a hoarder and I remember feeling so upset as a kid that I never had any space. I had to argue with my mom endlessly just to prevent her from putting her stuff in my room too. It was disgusting and claustrophobic. I've made sure to let my brother know that he has TOTAL control over his bedroom (as long as he keeps it reasonably clean lol), and that he can choose how he decorates it. He loves Star Wars (which is funny, since I'm meh at best about the whole series), so I've helped him decorate his room with Star Wars stuff. He did wet the bed for a while when he first came, which I was not prepared for at all since he was already 7. But he seems to have stopped in recent months. He also 1`still goes to a childhood therapist and I think that is helping him! I am thinking of going to a therapist too, but it's kind of expensive? I'm lucky that I have good insurance, but it's still 20 bucks a week for, and I'm not sure if it's worth it.
In regards to my mom -- I have cut total contact with her except when absolutely necessary. I opened contact with her when I got Little Brother (LB) because I thought I should maintain some sort of connection, but her toxic words and actions were just too much. I let her talk on the phone with LB, but she said horrible things, like that I was kidnapping him and that the government was persecuting her, and other equally crazy stuff, so I decided to end the calls. Especially because LB seemed upset and unhappy after those calls and I couldn't keep letting her upset him. Things are much more peaceful now.
OK, I have so much more stuff to say, if I could, but I've noticed this post is already way too long, so I'll end it here! Anyway, I guess I just wanted to let this sub know that things are OK -- or at least as OK as things could be -- and that I'm grateful for your support and help in my previous post! Stay safe out there!
EDIT: I made this post and then logged out, and when I logged back in I was blown away by the responses! Thank you guys so much for your kind comments and suggestions! Sometimes I do feel very alone because none of my friends my age have children and I don't have family or super close best friends to rely on. Plus, my own parents weren't exactly stellar examples of parenting, so I feel like I don't have great role models to follow. I'm really scared of doing things wrong. But it's really awesome to have this community and to know that others are also in similar positions. Again, thank you guys so much! :)
EDIT 2: Regarding the therapy, I know $20/week isn't a lot, but I am trying to sock away as much money as I can so I am trying to cut out nonessentials. I've half-heartedly tried therapy once before for a few weeks, and it didn't seem to do much for me? I feel kind of 'wasteful' using that money for something that seems to have such uncertain and intangible benefits, especially when it would benefit only me. However, it seems like lots of people are saying to try it, so maybe I will give it a go for a little bit!
Regarding cooking, I have to admit that I myself have a LONG way to go when it comes to that. It's shameful, but I pretty much lived on sandwiches, frozen meals, junk food, and ramen. Sometimes take out. I also only ate one meal a day. I have been making some progress in cooking since LB came, and now I can do omelettes, grilled cheese sandwiches, pancakes, and other 'easy' foods. I've been spending quarantine looking up more fancy meals to make him. He likes helping me prepare boxed cake mix and watching it rise in the oven, so I'm planning on making bread and homeade cakes/cookies with him. It'll be a fun learning experience for both of us, haha.
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*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/bcflxh/it_looks_like_my_7_year_old_brother_will_be/) by u/iamgoingtohavea* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g5goyp/it_looks_like_my_7_year_old_brother_will_be/ | g5goyp | 8,834 | 94 | [
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2020-04-22T16:34:34 | Being sued personally by a customer of the store where I work. Says she slipped on the floor I was cleaning and she's injured. | LegalAdvice | I'm a cleaner at a supermarket. On january 16 I was working, I was cleaning a closed-off section of the store. I was cleaning the floor so it was wet. Suddenly someone started shouting and a lady was saying that she slipped on the floor and fell and that she was in pain. I helped her get back on her feet she walked alright.
She was in the *closed-off* section so not supposed to be there and there were signs. Then my manager came to talk to her. She was protesting but he said that the section was closed-off then they talked some more but I don't know what was said because I went back to work.
Last thursday in the mail there was a letter, it's from a lawyer saying the lady was seriously injured and had to go to the hospital and she's asking for $24000 or she will take me to court personally for her injuries, hospital costs and now she's disabled. At first I didn't even know who she was then I remembered. It didn't look like she was badly injured when she was talking to my manager.
I'm just a cleaner I don't have that kind of money. I was just doing my job as told by my manager and following all the rules and the lady was not supposed to be where she was. Don't know how she got my name and address. We have name tags but with just our first name. I don't know why she's coming after me personally and not the store? What can I do? There's no way I can pay that kind of money.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/g3uf8i/update_janitor_being_sued_by_a_customer_you/)
Thanks for your help with my question. You guys are good it was indeed a scam as some of you said! So I took the letter to my manager and we went to the general manager's office. Seems like everyone (my manager, coworker who was on the same shift) received the same letter. They said not to worry and go back to work they will handle it, at most I'll be asked to give a statement but I won't be liable for anything.
Then they pulled the security tapes, by luck they keep them for long, and they were quite interesting. They even called me so we could have a good laugh. So this lady and her husband had been at our store and bought two full carts of groceries. They both were pushing a cart and for some reason the guy wasn't able to control his and it started taking speed (parking lot has a slight slope) and hit the woman. She fell hard on her ass, must have hurt. She had a hard time getting back on her feet so maybe she was injured for real and that's where the medical bills come from?
Anyway. She went back to their car and half an hour later back into the store. Then she literally flew herself to the ground when she passed the section I was cleaning. That was quite an artistic "fall". Then of course she starting yelling and everything. So yeah, a scam alright, but maybe the injuries were real. It sucks that she got injured but it's really scummy to try and scam minimum wage workers who don't have money to throw around. I don't get why people do that. I must say I was quite scared before you people gave me advice, thanks a lot for your help.
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*Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/g0j6v9/being_sued_personally_by_a_customer_of_the_store/) by u/confusedjanitor* | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g64dpt/being_sued_personally_by_a_customer_of_the_store/ | g64dpt | 3,246 | 85 | [
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2020-04-23T15:58:06 | [22/f] My boyfriend [23/m] does not let me study and acts very immature whenever I try to stand up for myself + more. | Relationship_Advice | *[re-post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/7e32eb/22f_my_boyfriend_23m_does_not_let_me_study_and/) not op*
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hello, this is my first time posting. i need help. a little about me: i am a triple fellow (three fellowships), pursuing dual degree in STEM + humanities. I have a part-time job and very demanding obligations towards my fellowships which include multiple science projects, multiple deadlines and attending conferences... i am writing this in a rush because i fear that he will come home and see me reaching out. i'm sorry for the grammar and the odd sentence structure. i sincerely need help. i love my boyfriend. i've known him for 10 years but recently started dating him for 9 months. initially it was great, but now he's turned into a someone i can't recognize... he became obsessive, told me to cut off my male friends, looks through my messages, wants to control my time and gets very angry if i study or spend time outside of our "time". i don't get to see friends without him having to say yes...
i know it doesn't sound right, but i've normalized it. he's become absurdly jealous too, where he invited his friend over and i did my best to ignore his guy friend in effort to avoid my boyfriend to get angry... he then got angry that i was rude and felt that i liked his friend. i literally sat on the floor and played with my dog. i am not safe even when i don't speak. he has contacted my male friends and cursed them out, putting me a tough situation with my friends in general.
financially, i pay for the rent, the food and for the trips (for 8 months). recently he got a a high paying job, and i found out 4 days ago. feeling sort of relieved that he can now pay for his share (for food etc), he's angry that i don't offer to pay for some things anymore. i told him that i am currently trying to get my funds back and he's angry at me. he says that he knew his job would change everything, including me not offering to pay for some things (i still do, just not as much since i've been paying 800+ a month to keep things afloat). now he's very angry. he's mad that i'm in a financial crisis and that i did not let him know about it, yet he's angry that i am not helping pay when now he makes 2 fold of what i make a month.
he has also reflected on my studies. i am an A student (GPA wise and grades for the most part) asof right now, I have not been doing well in school. we argue everyday, and we argue for 4-5 hours. it hurts. i have been actively trying to make things work, but he would walk out, slam doors, ignore me, make me cry, call me stupid/idiot/psycho, say that i'm selfish and say things like i don't help him in any way besides financially. i help him emotionally and academically (i tutor him since he's in lower division courses [i am also a math and science tutor] and help him in his lows, vulnerable moments)-- he does not like me studying. he says that i am not efficient, my schedule and my time management is terrible. he says i am ruining the relationship wanting to study every weekend. he told me to be part-time next semester and only study week days and to not study weekends. he then got angry that i told him i want to be full time and have the opportunity to study whenever... he got very angry.
i don't know what to do. i feel trapped. i feel like i'm getting drained and i can't escape the vicious cycle. he's already made everything about himself and refuses to let me have an ounce of sanity. whether its friendships, his jealousy, my depression, my academia, my family-- he hates all of it. i am so understanding but i feel my emotional health burning. i don't have a voice anymore, when i try to stand up to him: he leaves, throws a fit and acts like a child. he yells, calls me names, acts very aggressively and gas lights me. please help.
tldr: my boyfriend is draining my academically (won't let me study), financially (won't pay for anything even when he has a job, does not want to take the role), emotionally (ignoring me, saying that i'm wrong and that my feelings are not valid-- etc) and so much more. i don't know how to please him anymore. it hurts more now that i live with him.
please help :(
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UPDATE NOTE: i know a lot of this is hard and not right. it's a vicious cycle and i keep falling into it. i struggle trying to end it since it may destroy him. i am struggling trying to end it since i tried to before and i suffered so much from it which resulted in me getting back with him. now (even three months later, after the break up) he says that it was disgusting that i gave up and i caused so much psychological damage to him for it... i walked away and i deserve to accept responsibility for the damage i caused him... i am too scared to tell my family or reach out since i don't want to hear " just end it"... i need help to cope and move forward. it's very difficult to hide these things from everyone so i try to reach out as much as i can. (via anon)
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[**2 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fxu4wi/2_yr_update_22f_my_boyfriend_23m_does_not_let_me/)
Hello Reddit! It's been a very long time since I made my last post and I wanted to update you all (for those that care but more importantly, to reach out to others that are currently in my previous position).
In brief, I came to Reddit as a last resort. I could not see how malicious, abusive and toxic my ex-boyfriend was. It was NOT until he took me away from my family that I finally woke up from the mess that I was in. To not make it so obvious, I'll explain how I finally left:
I stayed for almost an entire year after that post (2017, left 2018). I was emotionally and sexually abused, my self-esteem was on the floor. I did NOT think highly of myself and did not leave until one day, he finally snapped. He took me away from my family, took my phone and monitored my emails. I was trapped, alone and scared. I was no longer around family, and was at wit's end with his insecurities, yelling and gas-lighting. I was starting to believe him. He told me I could never leave him, whether it was to follow my dreams and pursue a graduate degree, he told me profusely that I WILL NOT do it unless he says so. I told him he was absolutely right. I believed everything he said.
I had multiple fellowships at the time, pursuing a dual-degree, had a few publications and still felt like I was an idiot. That he knew best and that anything I said or did would be used against me. I knew I no longer had a voice. I could see myself drifting away from my work (I worked as a research assistant and was finally writing my first-author publication). I found myself re-wearing the only clothes he approved of-- two long sleeve shirts from Walmart and ripped up jeans. He told me that I could be nothing more than his girlfriend that I finally lost it. I knew I had to get out. He took me to university one day, his initial plan was for me to tell my friends (not the brightest move, but thank god for it!) that I was dropping out and moving to another state. I knew damn well that was NOT going to happen. I went to the victim empowerment program at my university. I told them I was scared. I told them he had a gun. I told them I was going to lose my life to him if I did not get help. They helped me build a safety net that day.
I used their phone and called my best friend who no longer went to university-- after almost a year of not talking, I told her I needed a place to run to that he did not know where it was. She accepted immediately and picked me up from the university. Once we left for her place, he started calling and saying he was on his way to the university. I did not pick up. He started sending me profanity about how I was a traitor and did not care for him. He kept calling. I finally answered. I remember it so clearly, it's been almost two years now: I told him I no longer wanted to be his girlfriend. I was ugly crying (lol) and he told me that I did NOT care about us.
I told him he was not good for my mental health, my school work and in general, for me.
He said he was. He said that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He said that I was making a mistake. He was begging me to go back with him and that we had marriage plans.
I told him I hope he finds the right girl for him.
He said I never believed in myself and that I was supposed to be her. I said I tried hard enough and he was never happy. I can feel his voice crack. He asked where I was.
The last time I tried ending it, he asked where I was and I answered.
This time, I told him that I was far away and that I do not want to see him ever again.
He took a deep breath and said I love you. I said it back.
I cried so hard. My friend took care of me for a week. I could not function without him. I remember going to the mall with her and did not know what I liked: because I could only shop when he did, and if he did not like something I picked up, I had to drop it. So, I ended up wearing the same things over and over again because he felt that everyone wanted to get with me. I remember just crying that I missed him. My entire family cried too. Everyone cried. My mentor cried. No one knew because I did not tell them who he really was. That he controlled every ounce of my life and that I was his puppet. No longer.
I swear he heard voices. I swear he imagined things. I pray to fucking god that he found therapy and is getting the help that he needs.
And so, Reddit, I left. I deleted all the pictures, moved on. It was NOT easy. Seeing his name, hearing his name, tortured me. I could not look at the mirror at a certain point. I cried nearly every day because I missed him. It took me a year to finally heal. And throughout that year, so many things happened. I learned to love myself. I learned to take care of myself over others. I also finally told my story today.
Let me tell you what I have done during his absence
--> Boosted my GPA to cum laude
--> Graduated with two degrees
--> Had five fellowships
--> Published first author and three more times as a co-author
--> Was valedictorian of my university and honored during my ceremony
--> Had an internship
--> Am going to graduate school to pursue a degree in engineering (my dreams that he told me I could not do before).
**To those that are currently struggling:** Life gets better. Build a safety net, find a shelter, friend, family-- anyone to get you out because if it was not for these things, I would have moved to another state. I would have never followed my dreams. I would have never graduated. I would not be where I am. For these reasons, I became stronger. I am no longer who I was before him, I am better.
**Never give up. You got this! GET THE HELP YOU NEED TO GET OUT!**
tl;dr: escaped a malicious relationship two years ago; became a strong person from it. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g6p897/22f_my_boyfriend_23m_does_not_let_me_study_and/ | g6p897 | 10,908 | 107 | [
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2020-04-24T16:09:41 | Feeding who I can. | r/Frugal | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Frugal/comments/fzwdp0/feeding_who_i_can/) by u/janedoedont*
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I am basically looking for help in making meals for my out of work staff. Recipes, meals that can be warmed up later, where I can get the most bang for my buck on proteins. We are open for business, but I am using things we are not currently selling. I made bread pudding out of hamburger buns last week, it was delicious!
I am the restaurant manager. Our restaurant is relatively small, and not very busy. I've poked at the owner with some employee requests for food and they wanted me us charge our cost for the ingredients. I understand that we are a business and in this to make money. I do not want to do this, which is why I am using my own money along with anything we would have to throw out for this project.
The first week I was able to make up lasagna dinners for 30 families with things I still had in the restaurant, second week I got a liquor company to purchase meals, and this past week I was able to purchase a few hams and veggies and make 30 more family meals for just under $100.
I am still working so I do have a bit of money that I can put towards these weekly meals. Last week I used my tips from the last 3 weeks to make Easter happen, and I was pleased with how much I was able to get. If I can squeeze 30 family meals out of $100 a week for the duration of this, I would be so happy.
I love and live to serve people food, and this whole situation has really put a damper on that. Any suggestions on how I can keep doing this would be greatly appreciated. 🙏
Edit: You've all given me so many great ideas and some much needed encouragement!
Thank you to the people who gave awards, and the extremely kind person that donated money for ingredients.
From myself and my staff, thank you from the bottom of my heart. ♥️♥️
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Frugal/comments/g3ah5o/update_feeding_who_i_can/)
I just wanted to say thank you again for all the help and suggestions you all gave me last week. Here's my assembly line set up. [FAMILY DINNER](https://imgur.com/gallery/pOlQvl6)
We made shredded chicken taco kits for 30 families with all the fixings! I am so happy and glad to have had all of your help. Next week is going to be Shepherds Pies for all!
If anyone is in Chicago and in need of a meal, please let me know. I am trying to do this every Friday and I usually end up having a few extra.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
― Fred Rogers
Keep on being those helpers guys. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g7b45n/feeding_who_i_can/ | g7b45n | 2,683 | 45 | [
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2020-04-25T16:09:41 | My new flatmates (19F, 22F, 21F) are absolutely disgusting. I just moved in Wednesday, and I’m already frustrated enough about it to cry. I’m not a neat freak, it’s just *really bad.* How do I address this? | r/askwomenadvice | *re-post, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/fvnprb/my_new_flatmates_19f_22f_21f_are_absolutely/) by u/petewentz-from-mcr*
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I live in student housing now. It is a 4 bedroom with 2 bathrooms, so we share a bathroom with one other person and all 4 of us share the kitchen, living room, and dining area. The leasing period is normally August-July, but someone left early so there was an open room. I got lucky because I would have otherwise been homeless, but this also means the other 3 girls have lived together all year.
I don’t think they have cleaned anything since they moved in, and honestly it’s a fucking state. There is food and grease splattered all over the walls, dishes have been left in the sink long enough that they smell weirdly like vinegar, and the bins haven’t been emptied for at least as long. We have a massive fruit fly problem, and walking into the kitchen makes my eyes water from the stench of rotting food. I did finally empty the bin myself. I have never walked into the kitchen and not needed to move popcicle wrappers from the counters and table to the rubbish bin. I have never even seen anyone eat one, but there’s somehow a never ending supply of the wrappers to leave around.
The bathroom is even worse. When I took a shower my first night, the buildup on the bottom of the tub was so thick it felt like I was standing on sandy concrete or something. The texture on my feet made me cry, it was so nasty and I had only decided to shower to help myself calm down. When I tried to clean it after my shower, the girls told me not to and assured me that it was as clean as it could possibly be.
The next morning I just grabbed shit and said no I’m cleaning it, that’s not at all okay and just ignored them when they told me not to. It’s a different colour than I thought. I thought it was light grey with patches of dark buildup, but it’s actually cream coloured and just had that much grime all over. It took me 2 hours to scrub it out. I did that the day before yesterday. Today I went to the toilet when I got back from walking my dog and found that the girl I share it with had bathed her dog and left the hair all over the goddamn tub. She made no attempt to rinse it. She also left her menstrual cup on the side of the sink, and it’s not even clean! It’s as clean as the rest of the fucking flat!
This is insufferable. I almost wonder if I’m meant to call someone? I think having millimetres of thick grime buildup is actually hazardous? I know the mould is definitely not safe. It’s honestly driving me nuts. I don’t want to leave my bedroom because it upsets my stomach to see the state of the common areas of the flat. I definitely need to do something, but I’m basically an outsider and I can’t imagine they’ll be thrilled to have someone just waltz in and boss them around.
I don’t think I could even implement a chore wheel or something because I’m really not involved or invited into their circle. I’ve barely spoken to them because I’m just always in my room and frustrated. Last time I tried to be social with them the one girl pulled her dog’s tail to get the dog near her and then hit her just because she got up to get water. I’m just so afraid I’ll make things even worse.
I grew up with only brothers, I don’t really know how to communicate well with women. Thank you!
Edit: I’m trying to respond to everyone because I really appreciate your help, I’ve just massively fallen behind! I ultimately decided to say something since I’d been sneaking around and cleaning all week. I mean, the menstrual cup is the exact line of things I can’t fix alone. I also felt like it would be different if it were moved at some point as if she’d just forgotten, but when I said something it’d been there for at least 5 hours and that’s only since I’d seen it.
I was very careful about what I said and how I said it, and I practiced a few times first. I asked her to rinse the tub because I thought it was really disrespectful after I had just cleaned it and asked her to please move her menstrual cup because this is a shared space and it is a biohazard. I said it very calm and still very submissively, like exactly how I’d talk to my parents when I needed something because they were so volatile.
Her face turned bright red, she rolled her eyes and sighed, and then said “okay” with an eye roll and sigh like what teenagers do on tv. I went back into my room, and her dog tried to follow like always. She screamed the dog’s name with urgency I’d only used with my dog when he got out and was in the road with a car coming, except it was driven by anger instead of fear. I hope she didn’t hit her again, but I honestly don’t know.
I went back to my room and she was slamming doors and shit. She was still slamming doors 2 hours later. Eventually I had to pee and I was going to take my dog out one more time too and just have an early night. I reached for the toilet roll and found that she’d gone into the bathroom and removed all of the toilet roll just to be petty, but had also not rinsed the tub or moved her cup. After I had waited to drip dry, I went to take my dog out and saw that her hair was wet. She seriously used the other shower to avoid rinsing the tub at all.
I was less diplomatic, I’m not going to lie. I was not at all diplomatic. The conversation goes as follows: “are you fucking serious?” “What?” “You seriously walked into the bathroom and took out all the toilet roll without warning me, and then didn’t rinse the tub or remove your biohazard? That’s so petty.” “You just moved here 3 days ago and already we all have a problem with you.” “For what? I’ve been in my room.” “You’re using all our shit! Like our milk! We all have our own milk so we don’t have to share.” “I asked first and you all said it was okay. You said ‘use whichever you want, we have plenty.’”
At this point she repeated what I’d said in a mocking voice. “Seriously, that’s it? You’re just being childish.” Again with the childish mocking repeat. “Whatever, just move your biohazard.” “It’s my bathroom too!” “It’s fucking nasty.” “It’s natural!” “It’s a biohazard.” “It’s no different than putting used tampons in the trash” “yes, it really is.” “Just leave, bitch.”
So I did, I mean I was standing by the front door and my dog was on his leash like I was literally about to leave and there wasn’t anything helpful to say. It could really only get worse. I pretended to take a phone call as I walked back in and waited for them to leave the common room, and then I moved my food into my room. Thankfully everything can stay in here, I didn’t have anything in the fridge.
I’m going to talk to the landlord when I wake up tomorrow. I spent all week cleaning because I decided not to tell the landlord because they’d be fined and potentially evicted per the lease and I didn’t want them to hate me. They hate me anyway so I’m definitely not going to protect them and I really want the professional clean they’ll have to pay for. I made things exponentially worse by saying something anyway... although I honestly didn’t expect the pettiness like that was unprecedented.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/fw7zsu/update_my_new_flatmates_19f_22f_21f_are/)
I went to see the landlord when I woke up, and she was absolutely horrified. She said there are absolutely things that she can do, and that nobody should have to live like that. She asked me to send her all of the photos I had shown her and to email her everything I had just told her, and she would start working on it as soon as she got the email. I felt really hopeful and had a false sense of relief.
I walked back into the flat and decided to pee before sitting down to type my email because I needed to go. That sentence makes it sound like I’d thought about it at all, which I didn’t. I needed to go and went with no thought at all. It smelled like piss and I just thought like oh of course I mean the rest of the place is a fucking state. Then my feet were wet. I guess it had taken a second to soak into my socks. I saw there was a puddle of it in front of the toilet and kinda wondered how she’d managed, but when I stood up I realised my back and thighs were also soaked. She had peed all over the seat, all over the lid, and an entire ring around the toilet itself. I was absolutely horrified because I was literally covered in piss like how else would I feel.
I took my pants the rest of the way off, grabbed my soap, and stepped into the bathtub to wash off. It was also full of pee. I don’t even know how she got it to stay so well, I mean it wasn’t warm and bathtubs inherently drain so I have no idea how she had gotten pee to stay like that. I also don’t know how she managed to pee all over everything like that, because like one time I tried to pee in a bottle but instead it got all over the floor because I don’t know where my urethra is well enough (?) and I had to blame my dog. I have no idea how you would line yourself up to spray the seat and lid.
At that point I just called the office crying. The girl I had talked to had gone to lunch so I talked to someone else, and I just told her about the pee and asked if she had anywhere I could shower and she let me shower in the show room. The entire room smelled like piss when I left, and I felt legitimately bad about that. She said she’d ask her boss what to do when she got back from a meeting. That was 5 hours ago. I have spent that time in my bedroom. They have a room they can transfer me to without fees or anything, and I signed that lease (online). I’m meant to move in tomorrow. While I had her on the phone I asked where I could pee when I inevitably needed to and she said she’d ask her manager.
That leads us up to about now. I went to go heat up some food because I’ve not eaten today, and found that they were all sitting outside on the small porch and taking photos of me in the kitchen through the blinds. One opened the door and said wow you’re really taking photos with them (my dog was with me) right there and the other said yes. I looked incredibly confused and tried not to look that way.
When I was back in my room I called the office to follow up about my ability to pee and to tell them about the weird photo thing, and I heard them walk into the kitchen giggling and say “yeah she just stood there all confused and shit.” I said look what are we going to do because I can’t even leave my bedroom to put rice in the microwave for a minute and I still will eventually need to pee. She said unfortunately there is nowhere else for me to pee, so I asked if she could make my flatmate clean her piss off the toilet so I could go there and she seemed shocked that she hadn’t done so yet. I asked if I could move in today, and now we wait.
Edit: I’m so sorry guys, I fell asleep typing my update! Almost right after I posted this, the office called and said I could get my keys right then and there. I think they probably also recognised the danger in people who continue to escalate after literally peeing all over a toilet. I moved as fast as I could. It took me a few hours still, but I really just ran back and forth.
The girls did try to fuck with me one more time, and I have no idea what the goal was. I walked into the flat after my third trip carrying things over, and the one girl screamed really loud like a horror movie scream. Like a banshee, just full on squeal. I’m sure they did not know this, but I have cataplexy. It’s part of narcolepsy, like I have type one which is narcolepsy with cataplexy. Cataplexy is basically sleep paralysis, it feels just like it. Strong emotion triggers cataplexy, and it’s sort of a sliding scale so sometimes it’s just tingling and sometimes it’s like being on Toy Story when someone yells “Andy’s coming!” I’ve only had full drop cataplexy a handful of times so my cataplexy isn’t super severe.
So when she squealed, my knees buckled and I fell onto all fours. I’m not sure what the goal was here. I just yelled “what the fuck” and she said she’d gotten scared. I didn’t believe her because it just didn’t sound like any of that. When I went back to my room to grab the last of my things though, I heard them all giggling about it and how it was better than they’d hope. I’m not 100% certain, but I think they recorded it. So if you see a video going around about where a girl falls to her knees after someone screams, that’s me. My only theory is that they knew I hadn’t been out to pee and wanted to get me to pee myself? But I mean it didn’t work. It was just totally bizarre.
My new flat mates are lovely! We really hit it off socially even! The flat is clean, like there’s nothing gross going on at all. I feel like I can eat in the kitchen without catching salmonella or E. coli or something. It’s such a huge difference!
Thank you guys so much for the support!! This was such an unbelievable nightmare, and you guys really helped with your advice and keeping me sane. I did take photos when I moved out because even though there is a locking door knob you could easily open if with a credit card I’d something. That was really solid advice! Thank you so much!! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g7w0tz/my_new_flatmates_19f_22f_21f_are_absolutely/ | g7w0tz | 13,217 | 84 | [
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2020-04-26T16:24:28 | My [24] boyfriend [25] of 3 and 1/2 years hasn't proposed and I'm starting to worry. I just want that promise. | r/relationships | *Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/50ihkx/my_24_boyfriend_25_of_3_and_12_years_hasnt/) by u/oceanbrrreeze*
&nbsp;
TL;DR My boyfriend of three and a half years has not proposed yet and I'm starting to worry. He promised me that we would get engaged, just not now due to funds. But I know he has enough money. And it keeps getting pushed back. I just want to know we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.
So I have been dating my boyfriend of 3 years. We moved in with each other over two years ago. Everything has been going great. We work well together, we're best friends. We've built each other into better people. He told me after one month of dating that he wanted to introduce me to his parents. This was a big deal because he's never introduced a girlfriend to his family. Now I'm close with his family as well. I love his family and they love me. My boyfriend said he knew we had a future from the first day we met.
So here comes the part that upsets me. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage for years. We both agree we want to marry each other. But he still hasn't proposed. I brought up the issue and he said that we should get married when I graduate college. But I want to at least be engaged. I feel like being engaged is a promise to get married. So it hurts when I see friends and couples getting married and engaged after not dating for very long. I know it shouldn't have make me jealous but it does. I just want that promise. I brought up my views on engagement, that we're not getting married this instance, but that I want that promise. He told me he promised we'd get married but financially it's not a good idea at the moment. My boyfriend has already graduated and has had his career with a pretty decent salary for over a year. He said he couldn't afford a ring now.
I've been talking to him for months about this and he brings up the money issue. But I'm pretty sure he can afford a ring. He knows I like simple jewelry.
My boyfriend however does pay most bills and our rent for our apartment. I contribute little because I am a full time student with a part time job.
I'm just so in love with him and I know he feels the same. He always showers me with love, little gifts like candy, takes care of me and contributes so much to the relationship. He said that I don't need a ring right at the moment to know we'd be together forever. He knows I'm jealous of seeing ally friends get married and engaged and he doesn't like that. He tells me not to compare our relationship with others. He says that he knows us and he knows we'll get married.
Am I being ridiculous for wanting a ring to absolutely know he's 100% committed to me and to get married? It just feels like there's no right time to him.
I graduate this coming summer. I want kids and I want my kids to have grandparents. I never met my grandparents because my parents had me so late. I want so very much for my mom and dad to be grandparents. Since my parents are getting older I feel like they may never have the chance to meet my kids. I'm also scared that I'll have difficulties having kids like my mom. I'm even more afraid because I had cervical cancer. My GYN told me after my surgery that I have a high risk of having a premature baby. This all goes deeper than just me being jealous of friends. And I know I shouldn't revolve me having kids around my parents but I want to. I am turning 25 this year (I know that's still young), but my parents are getting up there. I want them to see my wedding. I want to share that experience too.
I also just want that tangible promise of a ring. I've gotten hit on by guys and when I explain I have a boyfriend they simply brush it off. But when I see my friends with an engagement ring, people don't bother. And I was even told that since we're just boyfriend and girlfriend doesn't mean much. To me it means a lot and that's what my boyfriend keeps telling me. But there's that lingering feeling of, really? Are you promising your life with me? I'm not sure how to brush off the feeling of why we're not getting engaged. We don't have to get married now...I just don't see why we can't be engaged.
&nbsp;
Comments:
>Take a deep breath and calm down. Your boyfriend supports you financially right now. That's a pretty big commitment to someone. But, I guess it doesn't mean anything to you because it's not sparkly and shiny.
>He's already given you the timeline of "after you graduate" to get married and you originally agreed that would be acceptable. That's coming up soon. But now it's no longer acceptable to you - you are the one trying to change the previously agreed-upon arrangement. Your options here are to wait until the time you two have already agreed upon, continue badgering him and see how well that goes for you, or move on because you absolutely can't wait a second longer.
You're absolutely right. It's me freaking out and my insecurities. They get the best of me at times. I get pressured by friends and family asking "Why hasn't he proposed? You've been together for so long..etc". And I should not let that bother me. It's not that I want something sparkly and shiny, it's more of a promise and I should believe him when he tells me. I just see all of these relationships that turn out to be that he never wanted to propose even though he said so. But I really shouldn't be comparing relationships because I do believe him. I just have my own insecurities. But you telling me to take a deep breath and calm down is exactly what I want to hear. Thank you, I really need to do that more.
&nbsp;
[**2 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a3zvze/update_my_24_boyfriend_25_of_3_and_12_years_hasnt/)
I wanted to give an update on this post I wrote about 2 years ago. I got some great advice, I got a lot of tough love advice and some terrible advice. I know he was already committed by all of his actions and that I really needed to focus on college first before having to plan a wedding.
Well, it turned out my boyfriend at the time had been planning on proposing to me for a long time. He wanted to wait until I graduated college. A little after I graduated college, he took me on a hike. I knew this was a special hike because it was the same place we went for one of our earlier dates.
The first time we went on that date was magical. I always teased him that he never kissed me on the date. There was this perfect moment he was holding me in front of a beautiful picturesque lake as we were just enjoying each other's company in an embrace. I thought he was going to kiss me but he didn't.
I later kissed him first but always teased him that he didn't kiss me in that moment we had. He confessed he wasn't sure if I wanted to be kissed. He said he wanted to kiss me more than anything.
Well he took me back on the hike 4 years later, and when we got to that lake, he told me this is when he knew he was first in love with me. Then he got on one knee and proposed to me. I just kissed him and even forgot to say yes! So he asked, "Are you going to marry me or not?" And I said of course. We got married about a year later and we just celebrated our one year anniversary in October.
I've never been happier and I'm so excited to continue our life together!
Thank you for reading 😁
Edit: Wow! I did not expect this post to blow up like it did! Thank you all for the incredibly kind words. I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone but thank you. I'm glad I could brighten so many people's day! You all brightened mine :)
TL;DR UPDATE: My [24] boyfriend [25] of 3 and 1/2 years hadn't proposed and I was starting to worry. This is a two year update that my boyfriend at the time was planning on proposing all along. We have now been married for one year. I am so happy everything worked out the way it did. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g8h8iu/my_24_boyfriend_25_of_3_and_12_years_hasnt/ | g8h8iu | 7,872 | 63 | [
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2020-04-27T15:58:01 | 'Made a bad joke, got investigated for hitting my kid, lost the right to see her' | TIFU | *Originally [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/9guiia/tifu_by_making_a_joke_and_losing_the_right_to_see/) in 2018 by u/KatzDeli*
&nbsp;
This just happened last week. I got home from working out of town Thursday night and my wife warns me that there is a problem with my 7 year old daughter. “Beth” comes in and I can see that she has a few bug bites on her face and and one of her eyelids is a little droopy. She feels fine though.
I am off work the next day and my wife is going to the office. I wake Beth up for breakfast and her eye is now much worse. It is more than half closed and a little red. She still feels fine. As soon as the doctor opens, I call them and they tell us to come in.
We get there and I go to check in. The receptionist that I have never seen looks at my daughter and says “Oh. My goodness, what happened?” So I respond as a joke “Eh, she got out of line”.
I know! It’s horrible. I’m sorry! I have a weird sense of humor and I’m a bit socially awkward. Anyway, we all smile and giggle before we head to the waiting area. Soon we are called in. The checkup goes as expected. It’s a reaction to the bug bites and he tells me to use some over the counter Zyrtec or Benadryl. Then there is a knock on the door and the doctor steps out.
He comes back in a few minutes later and says that the police would like to talk to me. The doctor is angry. We all head to the Doctor’s office to talk.
There is a policeman and a policewoman. The policewoman starts making small talk with my daughter and asks if she wants to go in the other room and read a book. My daughter has an irrational fear of the police from when her older brother would threaten to call them whenever she went in his room. So she says no and buries her face in my side. The police then tell me that it is better that she is in another room. I saw one of Beth’s cheer coaches bring her son in soon after we got there and mention that she may still be there to watch her. The doctor, still visibly angry goes to check and she is so Beth goes to sit with her in the waiting room.
The police explain that they have a report of possible child abuse. The Doctor explains that this was a simple misunderstanding. He just examined my daughter and there is no abuse. I now realize that it is the receptionist that he is angry with. She makes an excuse and leaves the room. He says that he thinks he has to let her go. He says this is the second incident in 2 weeks. He says that her bad judgement got his practice and the entire executive park closed for 4 hours last week and his neighbors now hate him.
The police are apologetic but say they need to do a full investigation and ask if I can come to the station. A friend comes to pick up my daughter who is freaking out at this point.
We get to the station (they allow me to drive there myself) and my Uncle who is a lawyer meets me there. The police are apologetic and say they already know what happened but a full investigation and report need to be done. They say it is a minimum of 3-5 days, maybe longer. I call my wife who goes ballistic.
The county attorney says that they normally seek restraining orders in these cases, but if I sign an agreement to stay away from my daughter until the investigation is closed they would not seek one. My uncle recommends this as the restraining order would be public record. I stay at my brothers for the weekend and schedule an out of town trip that I really don’t need to make for this week. I can’t wait to get home to see my family and sleep in my own bed but I’m pretty sure my wife will have me on the couch for a little while.
tl/dr: Made a bad joke, got investigated for hitting my kid, lost the right to see her. Sitting in a hotel room on a useless business trip.
&nbsp;
**Update**
Wow this blew up. I wanted to answer some of the questions that you guys had. I want to thank all of you guys for the kind words and support. For those of you saying that I am an idiot, you are probably right.
1) I will not be sleeping on the couch. My wife got over this fairly quickly and is no longer angry. At least not at me.
2) I am heading home from Boston tomorrow evening and I think everything should be resolved by then.
3) I will not be taking legal action against the receptionist. She was very young did not do this out of animosity. I do not know what if anything will happen to her job. I am not pushing for her to lose it.
4) The other story about the receptionist goes like this (as told to me by the doctor). A few weeks ago the lights in the parking lot of the executive park blew and the landlord had trouble getting them fixed so he rented temporary light stanchions for the businesses that are open past sundown until they could figure out the problem. These lights apparently ran on gas or diesel. The receptionist came back from lunch one day and smelled something so she called the state's department of environmental protection to say that she believed that there was a fuel leak. The DEP closed the parking lot for the rest of the day for "clean up". It turned out to be nothing. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g93dzp/made_a_bad_joke_got_investigated_for_hitting_my/ | g93dzp | 5,112 | 62 | [
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2020-04-28T15:41:04 | 'I ignored my sister after her school play' | AITA | *Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/crm78t/aita_for_ignoring_my_sister_after_her_school_play/ex9goal/?context=3) by u/sisternieceplay*
&nbsp;
I'm 21 years old, and my sister and my niece are both 12. They both are in the same class at school, and so when my sister was performing a part for a school play, my niece was as well. The night before the play which I had planned and worked around my schooling to attend, my sister asked me not to come. I get it, she's nervous and embarrassed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. Still, I wanted to go and see my niece sing and act, and she wanted me to come watch as well. Her parents (my brother and SIL) couldn't make it (or didn't want to make it most likely), so I thought it was important that at least someone was there for her.
It was shockingly good, I don't just mean to imply I thought it would be bad, I want to say it outright. I was expecting it to be a train-wreck, but all the kids were a solid C to B-. After it was done I went to congratulate my niece on her performance, introduce myself to her teacher (not single and not interested in men, damn), and "borrow" some biscuits they had set up backstage. I saw my sister, and I gave her a nod hello and didn't say anything else to her the whole time.
It's been a couple of days, and she's been even moodier than normal to me, and I'm probably going to apologize to her for ignoring her. However, I want to know if it was actually an asshole move. My view is that she asked me not to come, but I still had to go no matter what because I wanted to watch my niece, so I did my best to avoid her and not embarrass her. AITA?
**UPDATE**
idk if anyone is still reading this, but I apologized to my sister this morning, and she started crying. I think I was more hurtful to her than I imagined, and certainly more than I intended. This thread has also made me realize I've been assholeish in other ways to her, I'll work on it.
I'm not apologizing for hitting on their teacher though, she's a babe, and both my niece and sister have said as such and have heavily implied in the past they think it would be ok if I shot my shot, although they didn't exactly use that term.
&nbsp;
[**3 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/comments/dsts1g/im_so_tired_of_my_12_year_old_sister/f6rrnzg/)
*OP gives advice on another post*
&nbsp;
I'm 21 with a 12yo sister that I am starting to get along with her better, but we were ready to kill each other not long ago. I've been trying to change our relationship for a couple of months now, and I can share a few things that have helped.
* Don't see her in the morning
This sounds dumb but it's really helped me. First fucking thing in the morning we would wake up, she would get ready for school and me for uni or work and one of us would say something snide, and it would just ruin our day. I've started waking up earlier and leaving before either of us has a chance to mess it up. I suppose waking up later would work too.
* Take her on an outing occasionally
I've started taking my sister out once a week to do something enjoyable and quick. Ice cream, movie, dinner, she really likes the zoo (that's a serious time commitment though). I try really really hard to not say anything negative during that time. It's only a few hours at most, it's manageable.
* Forgive her for her social faux pas.
This one was destroying me. I know she's just a kid, they are allowed to make social errors, but I would hang on to them like crazy and not let her make mistakes. One example I can give, she didn't buy me a birthday present for a few years. I know presents don't mean much, but they are expected socially and it hurt my feelings. Being able to recognize that it's just a part of her development to fuck up occasionally has helped me a ton.
All the best my dude, it's rough and I hope you guys eventually become tolerable to each other if not friends. Also, I don't know if this is an option for you, but therapy. Not family therapy (although maybe that would help), one on one stuff. It's been really nice for me. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/g9phs8/i_ignored_my_sister_after_her_school_play/ | g9phs8 | 4,118 | 34 | [
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2020-04-29T16:08:50 | Just found out husband fabricated entire life... | LegalAdvice | *Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/akw5d2/georgia_just_found_out_husband_fabricated_entire/) by u/PopRocks241*
&nbsp;
I met my husband four years ago, just before moving from PA to GA. Shortly after my move he followed me, and we fell in love. We lived together from 2015 onward, and in mid-November 2018 we married.
Today I discovered that virtually everything he has ever told me or demonstrated about his life was a complete fabrication. From specific medical issues to jobs (past and present) to education to family relationships to the claim that his first language was not English to phone conversations that never happened to people he knows to...if you can think it, he has lied about it.
We live together but my name is on the lease and I hold the title on both of our cars. He has some belongings in our home, but most of it has been purchased with money that I have earned over our four years together -- plus money from my personal savings account. I am totally open to letting him walk with all of 'his' stuff, and even signing the older car to him.
After a quick internet search it looks like I might have grounds for annulment of my marriage, on the basis of being seriously misled. Do I? What will I need to be able to prove in order to make it work, and is there anything else I need to keep in mind to aim for an annulment instead of a divorce?
He is mentally ill (though quite differently than I was led to believe) and receives SSDI each month, but that is nowhere near enough for him to live on. What is the legal way to get him out of my house and life with minimal risk, damage, and cost to me?
I absolutely would not have married him if (1) I had know his divorce hadn't been finalized until September, OR if (2) I had known that his mental issues were completely different than advertised and that he was not being treated even a little bit.
Also, do I look for a divorce lawyer in this situation? (sorry if that's a dumb question)
Also also, how does custody of pets work? We have two kittens we got in July and I can't imagine separating them. I also can't imagine him being able to take care of them once we're separated, but I don't know if that matters.
for more specifics on things he lied about, [there's a partial list here](https://old.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/f4vegp/my_husbands_double_life_week_continues_with_a/fhxolm6/)
&nbsp;
[**1 Year Later**](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/f4vap0/update_just_found_out_husband_fabricated_entire/)
It's been a little bit over a year since I turned to this community as my life fell rather dramatically to pieces around me. My original post didn't get a ton of attention, but the replies I received helped me tremendously, and seeing where I am a year later may also provide some hope for those going through their own crisis. In particular, you helped me construct my initial list of immediate-to-do items, and put me on the right track to figure out how to extricate myself from the relationship.
The day I first posted here was the day I found out that my then-husband had lied and fabricated most of what I knew about him. Other things I did that day included teaching a class to 200 undergrads about 15 minutes after I found out for sure, and kicking off a day-and-a-half long job interview for the next stage in my career (a job which I somehow landed...).
What unfolded over the following three months can really only be described as living my way through my own version of a Lifetime movie. At some point I moved into an extended stay hotel, and as time passed I learned about the depths and breadths of the lies and deceit he'd used to both control me and get what he wanted, and the lengths he'd go to try and get his grip back on what he'd successfully manipulated his way through for about four years. What I know now -- and what I'm kind of glad I didn't really know then -- was that I wasn't actually as safe with him as I thought I was. So I'm thankful I managed to get out with only psychological/emotional/financial burden, and no physical trauma.
About two-and-a-half months later I successfully had my marriage annulled on the basis of Fraudulent Coercion to Marry. I ended up doing the necessary research and filing the paperwork myself -- which was not an easy task, but was both cheaper and faster than it was going to be if I hired a lawyer. A few weeks after the annulment I moved my belongings out of our apartment and moved to a new city and my new job. Without him, but with the kittens. As of late June I finally had him convinced that contacting me was pointless because he wasn't getting me back, and so I've been largely free to recover from the trauma and crisis mode I lived in for about three months.
One of the things I've learned from all of this is how incredibly difficult it is to get out of a relationship in a situation like this. Besides the obvious difficulty of navigating the legal system, and the cost associated with it, there's the cognitive dissonance of constantly trying to remember to relate to that other person in light of the new information you've found out about them. It really and truly took every life skill and tremendous support of my family and friends network to get out in (more or less) one piece. And even still the road to recovery and a return to thriving is a long one.
So...thanks to those who helped me back on that terrible day in January 2019. And if you know someone who is going through something like this, please offer whatever you can in support. Because they definitely need it!
...
the best advice I can give for those stuck in an abusive or otherwise horrible relationship is this: (1) no matter what you think now, it will be better if you get out, (2) find people who will give you the kind of advice you'd give someone if roles were reversed, then do what they tell you that you should do, (3) when you're ready to process everything, find a therapist to help you through it, and (4) as well as you can, act in ways that will allow you to look yourself in the eye when it's over, because that will matter and also it will help you in the long run.
there's a disturbing number of people out there who have lived through things like this and much worse. Please be kind to one another, support those who need it, and refuse to tolerate poor treatment of others.
...
Here are a few quick phone pics that maybe will satisfy your need for adorable shenanigan masters...
* [Recently Adorable](https://imgur.com/jrEs8Ur.jpg)
* [Cat in a Box](https://imgur.com/GBC0lWZ.jpg)
* [Good times...](https://imgur.com/B0wL4gY.jpg) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gac9my/just_found_out_husband_fabricated_entire_life/ | gac9my | 6,662 | 1 | [
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2020-04-30T16:01:19 | Homeless due to medical bills. It’s been raining, so cold and hungry as well. | r/Assistance | *Repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/fwyoin/homeless_due_to_medical_bills_its_been_raining_so/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/thespacesbetweenme*
&nbsp;
My self-owned company went out of business a couple of years ago and like magic I found out I had colon cancer. I used every penny and I beat it! Unfortunately, my landlord wasn’t helpful and the judge in the eviction case couldn’t give me any more time.
I’ve been on the street for 3 months. It’s humbling at best and frightening at worst. My tent was stolen and it’s been raining here in sunny Los Angeles. I have a line on a room for rent, but it’s $500, which may as well be five million. There’s a problem with my SNAP card and the DPSS office is closed due to the plague, so I need to find someone to whom it can be mailed.
I’m not sure what assistance I deserve. So many others have it even worse. It’s just very hard to get “back” once showering and clean clothes become a rarity. I’d be over the moon with a meal, hot or cold. Of course I’m not in a position to refuse help towards the room, but that has felt like a pipe dream.
I’m hoping my real life Karma brings better days. I’ve run the Great Urban Race twice, raising over $28,000 total for St Jude, and have hosted numerous fundraisers at my company when I had it. It’s hard to ask for something big, when something small would mean a the world. If it weren’t for social distancing, I’d even take just one solid hug.
I’m no more deserving than anyone else in need so rather than worrying about the outcome of this post, I’m going to root for all the other ones. You guys are pretty incredible.
&nbsp;
[**18 Hours Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/fxf3z5/you_guys_have_changed_my_life/)
You Guys Have Changed My Life
18 hours ago I posted about being homeless and hungry in the rain. What began with a sandwich ended with food cards, cash cards, shoes, shirts, pants, sleeping bag, tent and other comfort items. This would have been enough to put me over the moon. However...
You didn’t stop there. You all funded the room I had an option to rent for two months!! Later this evening I will be picked up and will be moving into a tiny but perfect garage with a bathroom. There’s no kitchen but I’ll get a toaster oven and fridge when I can.
IN LESS THAN ONE DAY YOU TOOK ME OFF THE STREET AND GAVE ME THE THINGS I NEED TO START OVER!
I’m not much for miracles and the like, but this is nothing short of one. My entire life was changed by this subreddit. The generosity has been through the roof. PLEASE send anything else to the next person in need.
To those who sent things, I will write you each when I can gather my thoughts properly. I’ll post updates as I turn this room into a tiny home.
For those who sent messages of support, thank you. They mean as much to me as any items or help.
Thank you all so very much.
&nbsp;
[**3 Weeks Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/g7w7n7/an_update_regarding_what_you_all_did_for_me_a_few/)
Coming up on three weeks ago, what began as a request for some food while homeless, turned into an unprecedented united front of help. Within 48 hours you guys got me off of the street and into a room-for-rent, and got me the essentials I would need to start over.
I thought I would let you know, since that time, I was able to get my missing SNAP card mailed to my new address, and I was approved for GR, which is only $29 short of my monthly rent! That means I have food and rent for a minimum of 9 months. My landlord gave me some old furniture and I have to thank him for renting me their garage for such a low amount, but I really need to thank ALL of you. The food cards, the money to move in, the clothes and the toaster oven.... My life has been returned to me.
My heart aches to see so many people here who need help. As soon as I secure employment, I’ll be paying it forward every paycheck. I was as low as I’d almost ever been, and you guys literally picked me up off my feet, cleaned me up, spruced me up and gave me a smack on the ass and told me I was worth it. It’s not something I can or will ever forget.
I’m still very anxious to get work, but knowing I have 90% of my monthly rent and food is a pretty huge relief.
The world has some pretty wonderful people in it. THANK YOU! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gayf1s/homeless_due_to_medical_bills_its_been_raining_so/ | gayf1s | 4,386 | 1 | [
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2020-04-30T19:06:33 | Guy who found wife's Plan B in the trash was just making it up the whole time | Relationship_Advice | 24 days ago the bestupdator shared [this update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fw1q8c/i_31m_found_tornup_remnants_of_a_plan_b_box_in/) from relationship advice. Despite the tl:dr "yes, she cheated, yes, the marriage is over" the post was vaguely enough worded that several commenters were still puzzled or unsatisfied by the conclusion.
[OP commented two days ago](https://www.reddit.com/user/Significant_Cupcake/) that he made the entire thing up. If you were thinking there was something fishy about this story... you were right. | nahnotlikethat | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gb20is/guy_who_found_wifes_plan_b_in_the_trash_was_just/ | gb20is | 559 | 0 | [
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2020-05-01T16:23:38 | TIFU by cycling to school. | TIFU | *Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/39xio9/tifu_by_cycling_to_school/) in 2016 by u/sanguisuga635*
&nbsp;
As you may or may not be aware, it's exam season here in the UK, and us year 13s (grade 12s, to translate) are off school, permanently, unless we have to be on-site for an actual paper.
Today was chemistry, unit 5. Transition metals and nitrogen chemistry, tricky stuff. Sadly, my fuck-up has nothing to do with benzenesulfonic acid.
A little backstory: I've been cycling a lot recently, and I recently managed to get to and from my school 10 miles away. I decided cycling to school for my exam would be a fun thing to do.
I wasn't late, if that's what you're thinking.
I slung my school clothes over the back of my chair in the morning, got into my biking stuff, had seven cups of coffee, stared blankly at the past paper I'd left out to do in the morning, and browsed /r/spaceporn for a bit.
The 46-minute bike ride was hot, sweaty, and invigorating, so I arrived knackered, but in high spirits.
Ordering a fifteenth cup of coffee, I moved myself into one of the toilet cubicles to have a Lynx shower and change into my suit.
No suit trousers.
*Shit.*
To cut what is already a long story short, I ended up having to do the exam in a black suit jacket, shirt and tie, smart shoes, and black cycling shorts.
I am currently waiting on a photo that one of my teachers took on his iPhone between breaths of laughter, so I'll post that if this gets any form of attention.
TL;DR: You know the nightmare you have of forgetting your trousers when you go to school? That happened.
Edit: I can't believe this got to the front page. Cliche, I know, but in the midst of exam stress, this has really put a smile on my face!
Onto the stuff you want to hear.
The photo was taken by one of my heads of year, while the other one was laughing his head off after I walked into their office and said "I've made a terrible mistake". I've emailed him and asked for the photo, and sent him a link to this post for good measure, but I don't expect a reply till tomorrow.
I'm saying this all now because I'm going off to bed. I have OCR Electronics tomorrow morning, so I need my shut-eye.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3a0z1g/tifupdate_on_forgetting_my_trousers_for_an_exam/)
I told you there was a photo. I have managed to get my hands on it.
[Here it is!](https://i.imgur.com/3tRUIwD.jpg)
I look a lot worse than I remember feeling that day, even with my forty-sixth coffee of the day.
[Extra photo for lols](https://i.imgur.com/K72RngB.png), and a final thanks to all of you for making my stressful week a great deal more fun :D | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gbl7nm/tifu_by_cycling_to_school/ | gbl7nm | 2,695 | 46 | [
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2020-05-02T17:35:38 | my (21f) boyfriend (24m) doesn’t want me posting pictures of me in shorts | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ft1whw/my_21f_boyfriend_24m_doesnt_want_me_posting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) in /r/relationships*
&nbsp;
so my boyfriend and i are from different religious backgrounds—he’s muslim and i’m christian but i’m non-practicing and he’s not really that religious either. we’ve been together for a few months now and for some background we live in a conservative country so i don’t get to wear tank tops or shorts outside etc but i can still wear crop tops and all that. since summer is rolling around i started wearing those things around the house, i decided to take some pictures earlier in them.
usually he doesn’t really tell me what i can or cant do but recently we had a conversation and disagreement about wearing swim suits bcs he doesn’t want me wearing bikinis in the beach or the pool so we compromised and settled on one piece swimsuits and covers.
now i wanted to post the photos i took of me in an outfit where i’m wearing shorts that stop by my upper thigh. i showed it to him and he said they’re too short implying that i shouldnt post them and he’s being passive aggressive, telling me that i should do what i want and he already told me his opinion on them. when i asked him what and why doesn’t he want me to not post it he just told me that if he explained i still wouldn’t follow anyway.
i get that i should compromise and understand his position but i just hate being told what to do in terms of what i should and shouldn’t wear or do in general. of course i would compromise in a lot of other areas of the relationship but it’s a bit difficult for me when it involves me and my body and the choices that should be mine and mine to make. it doesn’t hurt anyone when i wear these things either. my clothes and my choices regarding that is kind of a big part of how i express myself especially when i wasn’t able to make these choices myself prior to being in university; ive expressed this to him and he said he understood but..yeah..
i was also wearing a kimono-like jacket over the outfit barely exposing anything other than my legs as well and he still didn’t think that was “enough” of a cover?
and now i’m just torn between not wanting to hurt my partner because of my actions and sticking to my own morals. i don’t know whether i should make him understand or just comply. and the problem with me just complying is i’m sure at some point in the future it’s gonna make me resent him for it. i dont wanna break up with him over this either.
i know it seems like a petty problem but any opinions and advices are welcome. thank you.
tldr; bf and i are from diff backgrounds and he doesn’t want me to post a picture of me in shorts and i don’t know whether i should comply or compromise in some way and right now i can’t find a proper solution to it
&nbsp;
[**3 Weeks Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/g8zo4o/update_my_21f_boyfriend_24m_doesnt_want_me/)
I took in everybody's comments and my own feelings into consideration and sat my partner down for a serious talk after our fight. (im sorry i didn't practice proper social distancing. i drove to his apartment to have this talk because i felt that it would be better to have this discussion face to face rather than thru text or call as our fight was thru that medium) I also reiterated why this was important to me and brought up all the points you guys made and really made him listen and consider.
And surprisingly, he took it really well! There were some tears here and there but in the end he understood my point and he apologized for not being completely considerate of me and my choices. He said he wanted our relationship to work and he was sorry for hurting me through his actions and he'll try to be better in the long run. He also said he didn't want to be that person that takes away my freedom and my choices just because we're in a relationship. (I sobbed really hard at this one lol)
So overall that turned out pretty nice and since then we've been smooth sailing. We also decided to quarantine together as time apart raised some tension between us and neither of us wanted to catch anything or infect anyone and not adhere to proper social distancing by still travelling back and forth to each other's places.
everyday he’s learning my boundaries and i’m learning his and we’re both working through it! which is really nice.
Just wanna say thanks you guys <3
tldr; boyfriend understood my pov and the points that you guys brought up, apologized and promised to be better! now we're both stuck at home and happy :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gcaecj/my_21f_boyfriend_24m_doesnt_want_me_posting/ | gcaecj | 4,638 | 51 | [
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2020-05-03T17:20:29 | Neighbors child has disabilities and won't stop climbing the fence, entering my house and "freeing" my dogs | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b93dx3/neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont_stop/) by u/poksoooosoo28*
&nbsp;
For the past 7 months after moving in to my new house with my daughter and dogs the neighbors child who's 15/16 and has pretty severe downs syndrome has increasingly been entering my property and home.
At first I just talked to the neighbors and they were at first really sorry and vowed to monitor her more while she's in their backyard. However after a few months they just genuinely do not care anymore and brush it off.
I've installed security cameras in the backyard and front yard purely for my own safety insurance wise because we do have a pool.
She will climb the fence into my yard (6' wooden privacy fence) with a ladder from their shed and let my dogs out. I've fixed her letting my dogs "free" as she says by using chains and padlocks on the two gates. Before this became a common occurrence she even would let the dogs out of the house and then "free" them.
Numerous times if my garage door is open she will leave their backyard and just walk into my house to free my dogs. I don't know what the purpose is other than it's something she just has to do for whatever reason.
When she climbs into the backyard (sometimes when I'm not even home) and she cannot get back out she begins screaming and crying and just shuts down. Before I started chaining and locking my gates because of her releasing my dogs her parents would just walk in and get her and leave. Now since I've chained it they start a huge fit about me having her locked in my backyard and they have to climb the fence, bring the ladder over and carry her back over. Somehow this is my fault.
Now I'm not really blaming her because she mentally doesn't know any better, she has some very severe issues and she's damn lucky my dogs are super nice (purebred German Shepard, an English bulldog and a mix Sheppard/bulldog).
I just honestly worry about her safety in the backyard, climbing fences and her seemingly not being watched as she needs to be. I have a pool and if she falls in when I'm not home she could very well drown. That's why I installed security cameras to cover my own ass if that ever happens, I truly hope it never does but it seems her parents just put her in the backyard and that's it.
I've called the local child and family services office (CPS) several times in the past two months to report it because I feel she is at risk with her parents inattentiveness and their seemingly not caring attitude of her just going into people's yards, garages, houses etc. I have a full garage of power tools, table saws etc that I've now had to resort to flipping the breaker off when I open the doors out of fear she may severely injure herself.
I feel like I've done everything I can, talked to the parents numerous times, called child and family services, installed cameras, locked my gates further. I just have no idea what to do now? I've debated calling the police when she enters but I don't know how that will escalate.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bhaof3/update_neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont/)
I'm sad about this update for the kid, I took the majority of the given advice and called the police non-emergency number and asked for an officer to come out because I had questions about an issue I'm having and briefly explained it.
Officer shows up, I invite him in and explain the whole situation. He isn't really sure what to do about it right now so he asked for a supervisor come to his position. Supervisor shows up and I go over the whole thing again, we go upstairs to my computer where I have all the videos clipped and saved (9 times of her entering the backyard and 4 of her entering the house through the garage).
We watched each one and he gets on his cellphone and goes back to his car. A few minutes later he comes back with 3 flash drives and asks me to copy the videos over to the drive and had me fill out a piece of paper stating what I put on the drive and then signed it, I repeated it all 3 times.
About 45 minutes later after we have been talking and he's been on and off his cellphone the entire time, 2 CPS workers show up and review the videos again and take a complete statement from me going back to the first time it happened. This took about two hours because they wanted it to be precise and as accurate as I remember it and left out anything I wasn't 100% sure on.
The officers and CPS workers head next door to talk to the parents, parents apparently shut the door in their faces and said they didn't want to talk but because of my statement and the videos of her climbing over, getting stuck, having to be carried back over the times I'm at work or gone and just entering the house they had probable cause to enter the home anyways.
After they were inside their house for about 10-15 minutes another cop car shows up followed by another a few minutes later. I'm in my garage so I don't know exactly what happened inside but after more officers showed up the father was put in the back of a car and the daughter was put into the CPS workers van and they left. The father was driven away about 10 minutes after that, then about an hour later the mother is also put into the back of a car and they drive away.
I talked to the initial officer that showed up and asked for a supervisor and he tells me they found drugs (pills not in prescription bottles/not their prescriptions) and that the home was just not being taken care of inside and definitely not a safe environment for a child. Said they found drugs not secured and in areas the child had access to them.
I haven't seen them since the day after the post, I feel bad for the kid being in that situation and me being a neighbor not even knowing and my not wanting to call the cops (I didn't think it was anything like they found, I just figured it is really tough raising a kid and add on top of that severe mental disabilities and it's even tougher). I should have called them earlier once the CPS reports I was doing over the phone didn't ever do anything. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gcuc2s/neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont_stop/ | gcuc2s | 6,165 | 148 | [
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2020-05-04T16:21:48 | Was injured motorbike accident, driver cut me off, she's considered at fault. However I don't think she should be because I was being stupid and careless. Is there a way can I help her case so she won't be in too much trouble? | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ezxutw/was_injured_motorbike_accident_driver_cut_me_off/) by u/Bikeandthemechanics*
&nbsp;
OK I'm aware that this is a weird question, but please bear with me. I hope I'm making myself clear but I'm typing this from a hospital bed and I'm tired so please excuse me if that's not the case.
I own a motorbike, it is (rather, was) my primary means of transportation and a hobby. In the last few years a series of traumatic events in my life brought me to the conclusion that it was time to end it all. I was into the habit of riding my bike on empty roads to relax, enjoying the speed and the loneliness. That night I decided to ride my bike as fast as I could and find a wall, a bridge pillar or something to slam into, so I would die doing what I liked best and my loved ones wouldn't know it was suicide. If that doesn't make sense I'm sorry, I know how stupid that sounds. It's not an excuse but I wasn't in the best mental state.
Anyway I was riding like 160 mph on a straight and deserted stretch of road when a truck got out of a side road and cut me off. I hadn't seen them and didn't have time to react, I slammed very hard into the side of the truck. Obviously I didn't die (so much for my so well-devised plan) although I suffered serious injuries (coma, countless broken bones, internal injuries and so on). I lost consciousness and have no memory of what happened for a few days after the accidant. This is what I was told happened:
A woman was driving the truck, her teenage daughter was on the passenger seat. Thankfully they weren't injured in the accident. I was going very fast and downhill, it was dark, they couldn't see me and thought it was safe to go. They stayed on the scene and were the ones to call 911. It's a place where I've been before, I definitely believe they couldn't see me. I've been told since he other driver failed to yield she's at fault.
Soon I'm going to be interviewed by the police to give my version of the events. I'm going to admit that I was speeding. I feel like shit because the woman who was driving the truck is going to have tons of problems because of the accident. In my plan I hadn't thought that I would crash with someone else involved (I know how stupid it is). I had chosen a road where I was certain I would be alone at that time of the night. Now I've dragged an innocent family into my shitshow of a life and I want to make up for this as much as possible.
I have many questions: 1. What can I tell the police so this lady suffers as few consequences as possible? I know it's my fault, they couldn't have seen me and my speed made it impossible to brake in time. I don't think she should be at fault. Would me testifying that she couldn't possibly have seen me help her case? 2. What happens after I admit to speeding? I suppose my license will be suspended, but will there be other legal consequences? I wasn't drunk or on drugs if that matters. 3. I want to apologize to this family for the trouble they're facing, can I do that?
Thanks for your help.
&nbsp;
[**3 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/gabbem/update_to_post_about_motorbike_accident_thank_you/)
Thank you very much for convincing me not to talk to the police without a lawyer. I was not doing well and not thinking clearly and would absolutely have incriminated myself and likely ended up in jail. My lawyer was able to negotiate a great outcome. The lady who was driving the truck that cut me off will not be charged with anything, which is what I wanted so it's great news. They recognized she couldn't have seen me. I've been able to write her a letter of apology. As for me, let's say I won't be driving anything for quite some time, but that was to be expected. It'll be a long time before I am physically able to do it anyway. I'm aware that the legal consequences could have been a lot worse so I'm not complaining. The insurance companies are still doing their thing. I'm doing better now, staying at a rehab facility and learning to walk again and everything.
Thank you very much again, you people stopped me from making a life-changing mistake.
Edit: thanks a lot for the gold. That's very generous. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I feel I don't really deserve it. Please if you feel like spending money on me you can make a donation to your local homeless shelter instead, they have it even harder than usual because of the pandemic.
Edit 2: people have been asking so I just wanted to say that I'm getting therapy to deal with depression and my suicidal ideas and I'm doing better on that front too. Thaks for caring. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gdempj/was_injured_motorbike_accident_driver_cut_me_off/ | gdempj | 4,687 | 85 | [
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2020-05-04T16:42:39 | completed 100,000 steps in a day | null | *originally posted by u/inspired770*
[Has anyone here tried the 100k step challenge?](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/comments/gblia9/has_anyone_here_tried_the_100k_step_challenge/)
I'm thinking of trying the 100k Steps in 24 Hours Challenge (capitalized because it's hard as hell) and my biggest concern is muscle/joint fatigue and boredom. If you've done this or know someone that has please drop a comment on any tips or advice...
--------
[Update: completed 100,000 steps in a day](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/comments/gde1oi/update_completed_100000_steps_in_a_day/)
Hii everyone:) I posted here that I was thinking of trying out the '100k steps in one day challenge.' I did some research, bought some goods I would need, and embarked on my 45 mile walk at 4:00AM yesterday. At about 11:30PM, with lots of little and big breaks throughout the day, I finished!.... | jennymccarthykillsba | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gdf0wl/completed_100000_steps_in_a_day/ | gdf0wl | 882 | 18 | [
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2020-05-05T16:02:05 | My BF is generally nice but he has a really shitty temper | r/askgaybros | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/ft3x20/my_bf_is_generally_nice_but_he_has_a_really/) by u/idkwtd20*
&nbsp;
Hi everyone, I'm using a throwaway account for obvious reasons.
My bf (22M) and I (20M) have been dating for over a year now, and are currently living together. At the beginning of our relationship, he was always really caring, kind, and sweet. However, a few months into dating him I found out that he has an extremely bad temper.
He easily gets mad over small things, and whether it's originally about me or something else he always manages to direct the anger towards me by yelling and being hurtful. Worse of all, he doesn't even do this to his close friends when he's angry, only me.
In the past, after an argument he would at least feel guilty and say sorry.
Nowadays, I feel like recently whenever I try to bring it up after we argue he doubles down and justifies that his actions were right because he was angry and stubbornly doesn't say sorry.
For an example, Just today, he was yelling and smashing his computer and desk at 2am because he was tilted from playing R6 and I told him can you please stop to which he replies shut up, I can do whatever I want.
I didn't say anything further and camly waited for a good long while to see if he would cool down. Then I approached him after an hr and talked to him about how I was hurt by his words, to which he replied that he did it because he was angry and he had a right to be angry and to stop forcing him to conform to my ideals. The more I kept repeating the point of how hurt I was he kept getting even more angry and in the end I had to say sorry.... While he never did once.
I'm looking for advice. Is it worth my sanity going through the relationship and talking things through? Around a few months ago we had a period of our lowest relationship where he would start fights every single day (no joke) and I almost broke up with him but somehow managed to talk things through at the time and even convinced him to see a psychologist.
We do argue less, but I feel like he's even more stubborn in his shitty believes that his anger gives him a pass to do whatever he wants.
When he's not angry he's generally pretty nice and sweet, but when he's angry he can get really petty and hurtful. Is this some low key form of abuse?
I feel like my feelings are decreasing for him because of his shitty temper.
Sorry for the incoherent rant, I'm pretty lost emotionally and mentally right now. I'll try my best to fix up my post later.
&nbsp;
[**3 Weeks Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/g9civu/update_my_bf_is_generally_nice_but_he_has_a/)
The past few weeks have been really stressful, tiring, and rough, but I managed to finally break up with my ex.
Honestly, looking back at it now, it was lowkey abusive (and highkey toxic).
He wasn't too happy when it happened. He got really angry and was starting to get phsycial, but fortunately I just booked it out of there before he actually got physical.
He doesn't know where I live now ever since our lease ended, and I blocked him after he sent a flood of angry threatening ish texts.
I want to thank everybody who gave me advice in my previous post.
I was stuck, and was so afraid and unsure of what to do.
But I was so relieved when I broke up with him, felt like heavy weights being lifted off my shoulders.
Now.... I'm free.
Edit: I'm truly touched by the support I've been receiving, and being shocked by how many people are/were in the same boat as I was. Sending love to all of you, we're all in this together ❤️. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ge0g41/my_bf_is_generally_nice_but_he_has_a_really/ | ge0g41 | 3,618 | 113 | [
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2020-05-06T15:53:04 | MIL staying with me while I recover from surgery and I'm tired of her and her rude comments. | r/JUSTNOMIL | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/g80f3m/mil_staying_with_me_while_i_recover_from_surgery/) by /u/michaelajg*
&nbsp;
Ten days ago I had emergency surgery for an ovarian torsion. Meaning my ovary was twisting around the ligaments and cutting off blood flow to the ovary. I almost lost my ovary but thankfully didn't. I already have ovarian/female problems so that would've been very hard. Anyway, my MIL is currently staying with us until her new house is ready to move in to. I guess I should say she's staying with me because my husband is a pilot and has been gone a lot lately. She's been asking me so many questions about my surgery/condition that are really none of her business, and when I do respond she down plays what I'm going through. It definitely struck a nerve with me because this whole situation was traumatic for me.
Also, I'm still not feeling very well and have a hard time moving around for long periods of time. I try to listen to my body and rest when I need to, yet somehow I'm always the one doing what needs to be done. She never helps out. I'm almost always the one who is cooking, cleaning, ordering groceries for grocery pickup, etc. A big sign I'm overdoing it and need to rest is when I start getting dizzy. The other day I was feeling dizzy and said I was going to go lay down and take a nap. She responds with "Oh I need to have surgery if it means I can nap all the time." I was furious. I'm not being lazy, I seriously don't feel well most of the time. And technically she can nap all the time if she wanted to because she literally doesn't do anything.
To make matters worse I tripped yesterday and horribly sprained my ankle (I'm assuming it's just a sprain anyway) to the point where I can't even move it or put weight on it so I've literally had to hop around. If I even put a tiny bit of pressure on it I want to cry. Now she's going to have to start pulling some weight with cooking and cleaning now and she's going to hate it and I'm sure she'll have some snide comments about that too but oh well. Can't wait for my husband to get home soon... he definitely makes her presence more bearable and she tends to act more civil when he's around. But ugh. I'm over her right now.
ETA: Husband just asked her to drive me to urgent care because it concerns him that I'm still not able to walk on my ankle and of course she agreed but is complaining about it. "There's not much that can be done for sprains it's pretty pointless." And "We'll be waiting for hours just to be told nothing can be done."
Update: Ankle is broken with suspected ligament/tendon damage. Now my husband really won't want me to be alone but I'm ready to tell him how she hasn't helped one bit anyway. Her leaving is best for me. I also have a friend who is more than willing to check in on me once or twice a day until he gets home.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/g8ibk8/mil_staying_with_me_while_i_recover_from_surgery/)
So last night when we got home from urgent care things were fine. MIL was helpful and pleasant for the most part and it was a nice change. She cooked dinner, helped vacuum, etc. But then that went downhill quickly.
She had moved my crutches because they were in the way and she almost tripped over them. I had to get up to go to the bathroom so I asked if she could bring them to me. She kind of rolled her eyes and made a comment how they were only a few feet away. As in, I should be able to walk a few feet to get them. I told her she heard what the doctor said, that I'm not to put ANY weight on my ankle but never mind, hobbled to get my crutches and went upstairs. I called my husband and told him everything that happened and that she needed to leave. This was just the last straw. Like how petty, selfish and lazy can one person be? I was so upset and he was so mad at her.
Obviously it was my decision for her to go but he totally agreed she needed to leave. This morning he called her and told her she was not helping me with my recovery so she needed to find somewhere else to stay until her house is done. She left to stay with my SIL and she actually took it all pretty well. Didn't seem too upset or anything.
I think she might have expected it and I think she will be happier with her instead of me. I'm having a really bad pain day, my ankle is throbbing and my stomach is very uncomfortable so I'm going to get as much rest as I can. My friend is going to be coming every night to bring me dinner and told me to let her know if I need anything. Definitely looking forward to relaxing! Thank you all for your advice. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gemlf7/mil_staying_with_me_while_i_recover_from_surgery/ | gemlf7 | 4,654 | 86 | [
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2020-05-07T15:55:41 | Planet Fitness lied... | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/gci20l/planet_fitness_lied/) by u/girlnamedb*
&nbsp;
So I moved out of state but before I left I went into Planet Fitness to cancel my gym membership, signed the paper and everything. I noticed like 3 months later that they had still been debiting my bank account, so I called my bank who said they had my account/routing number and they would block future debits and refund it.
A month later I noticed that they had billed me AGAIN for the 3 months plus a fee. So I called my bank again who said this time they used my debit card and would refund the money and open a fraud dispute, since I cancelled it and did not permit these debits.
Just today I got a notice of legal action from my bank with documents from Planet Fitness saying that I had never cancelled my membership, and said I went to the gym on March 6, 2020 at 12:30pm and sent a picture of me walking in dated on March 6, 2020. Mind you I have been out of state since November and the picture showed me with very short hair and I have had extensions since September 2019, they sent an old pic and are lying about me checking in. I have proof I was at work in a different state that day they claim the picture was taken.
I am pretty positive it’ll get figured out with the bank, but my question is how could I let people know publicly about this fraudulent company without getting sued for slander or something. Also, could I sue them for blatantly lying??
TYIA!
Edit: Thanks for all the responses!! I absolutely have proof of all kinds on my credit card, being at work that day in another state, everything. I didn’t get a paper from the girl who did it, who seemed annoyed in the first place. But being that they now blatantly lied and I have evidence of that, their case wouldn’t stand either way. They even mailed it to my parents house, which hasn’t been my address for 7 months, and my mom was furious haha. I never thought to contact the attourney general and make sure they don’t get to keep doing this! Thanks all.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/gem4hj/update_planet_fitness_lied/)
So after I received that letter with the very old photo of me with the doctored date and time and the fake check in date and time of March 06, 2020 12:30pm, I called my bank like you all directed me to do. I did really want to contact Planet Fitness directly and tell them they committed fraud and my hair hasn’t looked like that for at least a year AND I haven’t even been in that state since November. I decided not to because I figured it might give them time to come up with an excuse/rebuttal.
The dispute analyst at my bank initially told me I was out of luck because the dispute was put in as fraud initially, which was technically incorrect because I signed a contract with them and gave them my bank info. He didn’t realize that the photos and check in times were fake and that they lied, so after I explained all of that with proof he said it was then a fraudulent case. Also since I made it very clear I wanted to cancel, that should’ve been enough to stop debiting my accounts moving forward.
I sent over a letter from myself, a letter from my boyfriend who lives with me and can attest that I hadn’t been to that state since November, a bank statement with charges in a different state that same day and a letter from my boss with clock in times showing I was at work that day and time.
Needless to say they will not be returning the money to Planet Fitness and closed the case. The bank analyst told me that they can move forward with repercussions, since they are committing fraud against the bank technically, but I have already prepared a letter for the AG. Hopefully this post alone causes some people to be weary of the MANY fraudulent things this gym does. I have received so many messages and comments proving that this isn’t an isolated event and pretty common amongst other shady things. Watch who you give your money to!
Thanks again for the help | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gf95af/planet_fitness_lied/ | gf95af | 4,055 | 73 | [
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2020-05-08T16:16:44 | Husband is out of state working in California. He got arrested for these charges last night. | LegalAdvice | *repost, not [original] (https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/92y0k0/how_fucked_would_a_person_be_if_they_got_these/) author*
&nbsp;
How fucked would a person be if they got these charges?
1 Count - PC 25400(a)(1) Felony
1 Count - PC 646.9(a) Felony
1 Count - PC 25850(a) Felony
1 Count - VC 23152(b) Misd1 Count - VC 23152(a) Misd
Husband is out of state working in California. He got arrested for these charges last night. No prior offenses in CA, how fucked is he? I haven't talked to him and I'm freaking out. This is just information I found online.
&nbsp;
>* Concealed weapon without a permit
>* Felony stalking
>* Loaded weapon on person
>* DUI
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/939zit/well_hes_fucked/)
Well, he’s fucked
Posted yesterday about my husband. Just wanted to update anyone who was interested.
I don’t know all of what happened but I know enough to know that I was naive and stupid. I’m so upset with myself for staying with him for so long. Now it looks like I’m going to be a single mom with 4 kids (13,12,3, & 2) left with nothing but debt and a broken heart.
My next legal advise question would be does anyone know if I can divorce someone who is in jail?
Thank you to everyone who offered advise and support. ❤️
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/96kh8h/was_there_an_update_to_the_post_where_a_wife/)
Motherfucker was set up. He went to a bar, girl lured him to her house saying she could help him get better service on his phone with Ting. (Side note not ok that he went home with a girl from the bar I still don’t know if he cheated but most likely did). As soon as he got there some dudes jumped him, beat the shit out of him and robbed him. Not sure how or when the cops became involved but the guys said he pulled a gun on them which he never did. Most of the charges have been dropped and he is out.
He is still in trouble for having a gun in the car. Probably have probation of some sort or community service. Ok here’s a question, he really got the shiiiit beat out of him. Two black eyes, and he was kicked in the head a bunch of times. He has a concussion and kept telling the jail that and they wouldn’t let him see a doctor. He told them again and they finally gave him Tylenol. Shouldn’t they have let him see a doctor? Obviously I’m pissed at him for, but I still care about his well-being plus he is my kids father.
People are gonna be pissed at me, but I’m still divorcing him. You don’t know our whole history and I can’t have that kind of role model for my kids. My 13 y/o daughter is very angry with him and I am too tbh.
When he’s got a wife and 4 kids he has no business driving drunk and getting so drunk that you don’t remember what happened going to a bar and being lured by some hussy. Also, he’s not a gangster he doesn’t need to be driving around with guns. Keep them shits locked in a safe and use when you hunt. He has left them loaded in my closet before for Christ’s sake we have toddlers and angsty teens.
Again thanks to everyone who offered words of encouragement and support. You have given me the courage to do something that I should have done YEARS ago. I had to delete my other posts, shit was getting creepy in the messages. Reddit is amazing though. I got a ton of really supportive and encouraging messages. People offered to send me money (which I didn’t accept but was amazed that people would just offer some random woman who has made some piss poor decisions) and help with food. Plus everyone who took the time to respond and offer advice. Onward and upward from here. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gfw40n/husband_is_out_of_state_working_in_california_he/ | gfw40n | 3,682 | 88 | [
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2020-05-09T17:00:10 | 'My boys (12 and 9) have been wanting to learn how to play D&D. I’ve never played before, any advice for a DM who’s never played before?' | r/DungeonsAndDragons | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/DungeonsAndDragons/comments/gdrt6x/my_boys_12_and_9_have_been_wanting_to_learn_how/) by u/extensionofme*
&nbsp;
My boys (12 and 9) have been wanting to learn how to play D&D. I’ve never played before so I’ve researched and watched videos and even picked up the starter kit and essentials kit and tomorrow morning we start a new adventure! Any advice for a DM who’s never played before?
https://i.redd.it/a368pgi6tvw41.jpg
I’ve read through all of what I plan to get accomplished tomorrow. I was going to pick up the dm guide and the players handbook but $50 a piece is a lot to spend for something we’re trying out. If we like it then I’ll grab them. So I’m sure there will be a lot of making up rules these first few sessions.
I’m definitely hoping I can make it fun for them. Even if they don’t enjoy it as much as I think they will, I might try to join a local group or something! This is a whole new world that I’ve never experienced but it seems stinking cool!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/DungeonsAndDragons/comments/ge6ud0/update_we_had_our_first_session_they_both_had_a/)
We had our first session! They both had a great time today! So did I! They absolutely did not do what I expected them too but I was able to think on my feet and make it a good time for them!
https://i.redd.it/eijcq7cpn0x41.jpg
They are trying to figure out how to get down a cliff in this picture. Little did they know if they had walked down a little further they would have found the stairs!
They want to play again tomorrow so I’m currently reading through some more stuff so we can do more!
Thank you for all the advice and resources! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ggj35a/my_boys_12_and_9_have_been_wanting_to_learn_how/ | ggj35a | 1,711 | 56 | [
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2020-05-10T18:03:04 | What do I tell my 5 year old daughter when nobody shows up to her unicorn birthday party? | r/Parenting | *repost, original [post](https://np.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/crebn9/what_do_i_tell_my_5_year_old_daughter_when_nobody/) by u/doctorgurlfrin*
&nbsp;
We just moved to a new area two months ago. I have two daughters, 8 and 5. My 5 year olds birthday party is tomorrow. I sent invites to her classmates at the beginning of the week, and brought in cupcakes for her birthday, but only 1/21 RSVPed and it was a no.
We don’t know anybody here. My next door neighbors have kids but they have a prior engagement. My 5 year old is mildly autistic, but very friendly. She doesn’t understand all kids aren’t instantly her friends. I have a feeling she is going to be totally devastated, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve literally been crying on and off all day terrified her little heart is going to be broken.
I feel like it’s my fault for not sending invites earlier, but I’ve only been in this apartment for a month (was living with my mom for a month before waiting) and with moving, and school starting, it slipped my mind. I’m hoping for once people are just inconsiderate and didn’t RSVP but show up anyway.
Also I’m super sensitive on this issue because her father (my husband) passed away last year, and I just feel like she’s suffered enough loss in the past year and deserves to have a good birthday party and have fun. I’ve tried to prepare her for the fact there might not be “many” people, but she insists all her friends are going to come.
Fuck, help me. I don’t know what to do.
EDIT; Thank you everybody for the advice! Fortunately a friend from High School who I haven’t seen in years is going to be in town nearby with her 5 year old and is going to come out, and I got a late RSVP from at least one classmate who is coming. Honestly even if it’s just two kids, I think it will be “enough” for her and she will be happy.
If it backfires, we have another surprise in mind I’m 99% sure she will thoroughly enjoy. Thank you again! Y’all really helped talk me out of my horrible mom spiral.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/crq76y/unicorn_party_update_thank_you/)
I just wanted to thank everybody for all of the advice pertaining to my 5 year olds party.
I reached out in a local mommy group and it was a success. 20+ kids showed up, and both of my daughters had an absolute blast.
A few kids from her class did end up showing as well, but the majority were unexpected from the local mom group! And both of my daughters had kids their ages so they each got to make new friends.
I met a lot of great parents and kids that are local, and we even have play dates set for the future now. Most parents even brought presents even though I said not to even worry about that at all, so needless to say everything went absolutely great.
Everybody who gave helpful advice and talked me off my proverbial mommy tail cliff.... thank you so much from the bottom of my heart! You guys are the best. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gh67jx/what_do_i_tell_my_5_year_old_daughter_when_nobody/ | gh67jx | 2,951 | 204 | [
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2020-05-11T17:04:01 | My colleague didn't invite me to her wedding, and it's completely unravelled our friendship | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/bctq5b/my_28f_colleague_30f_didnt_invite_me_to_her/) in 2019 by u/LadyGrey90*
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One of my work colleagues is a lifelong friend of mine. We lived on the same street growing up, went to the same school and when I needed a job after graduating university, she made me aware of an opening at the company she worked at. I applied, got the job, and it's been quite a few years since and we still work together.
It's a pretty small company, and quite male-dominated, so after we started working together we became really close. We take all our lunches together, we regularly stop by each other's desks for a chat, and we quickly became known round the office as inseparable.
A year ago she got engaged to her long term partner, and I was ecstatic for her. She had a really tough time a couple of years ago (two family deaths close together) and I did everything I could to be a good friend to her while she was in the worst stages of grieving. She cried with me daily for weeks and I made sure she knew I was always available to listen. I also took about a third of her workload off her voluntarily, so she could take days off when she needed to without stressing about her work building up. So now that life has gotten better for her and she's always smiling and excited, it's really nice to see.
Ever since she got engaged, as expected, she's talked a lot about wedding plans, especially at our lunches. I know basically every detail. When she booked her venue she was really excited, but she refused to tell me where it was going to be, saying that she wanted it to be a surprise when the invitations came out.
The wedding is two weeks away now, and I've long since stopped waiting for my invitation to show up. I know when they were sent because she told me all about delivering them, and shows me every day the gifts people have started to buy off their registry.
I feel silly for saying it, but the more I think about it, the more hurt I feel that I haven't been included. It's a big wedding, and she has invited some other people from work that I didn't know she was even close to. She hasn't mentioned the reason why I'm not invited, and at this point I feel too awkward to ask. I guess it's just a slap in the face because I really thought we were close, and now I'm realising that maybe we're not.
The trouble is, since all this I've started to really examine our friendship, and I'm wondering if she even cares about me at all. I can think of a hundred examples of where I've helped her work through decisions, listen to her vent, stood up for her when she's had issues with colleagues etc. Even tons of little things, like if anyone brings in cake and she's out of the office I always save her a slice so she doesn't miss out. But I can't remember a time that she did anything for me in return.
Now when she talks to me, I've realised she doesn't even listen to me. When I'm finished talking she just carries on with what she was saying before, almost as if I'd never spoken at all. If we're ever talking about me or something I've been doing, she never has anything to say. She just kind of nods and then switches the conversation back to herself.
I'm starting to think she couldn't care less about me, she just likes having someone around who she can talk at, and whoever that person is doesn't really matter to her.
I've invested so many years into this friendship, it's really cut me deep. I feel used. It's also made being at work incredibly lonely, because she was my only friend.
I've stopped having lunch with her and any time she tries to chat I politely bring the conversation to a quick end and go back to work. She doesn't appear to have even noticed.
I do still wish her well, I'm still glad for her that life has turned around and she's so happy, but I'm a bit lost. I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh because I'm hurt, or if I even have the right to feel hurt in the first place, as I know weddings have a finite number of guests and you have to leave people out that you would invite in an ideal world.
But I'm not sure there's any way back from this either. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Am I being unreasonable or overdramatic? Should I just let the dust settle and see how I feel then?
Edit 1: Just to clarify things that have been asked a lot or requested to be put in an edit - 1) She hand delivered the invites to other people at work so I know it hasn't been lost in the post 2) I haven't asked her about it because I'm a total doormat and scared of difficult conversations and 3) I invited her to my wedding, but that was years ago so it's possible she thinks things have changed since then.
I have read every single comment, thank you all so much for taking the time to give me advice. You have given me A LOT to think about.
Opinion seems to be divided over whether or not I should confront the wedding invitation issue or just let it go. I am definitely going to make sure that it isn't a mistake, but as for getting an explanation why she didn't invite me I'm undecided. I'm going to have a think about that and the best way to proceed, but your thoughts have all been really helpful.
TL;DR My best work friend didn't invite me to her wedding, and since then I've started to question our entire friendship. I think it's permanently damaged everything we had, and I'm feeling really hurt, lost, and unsure of how to proceed.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/beku6e/update_my_28f_colleague_30f_didnt_invite_me_to/)
So it took me a few days to decide the best way to approach this, but yesterday I had lunch with her again and had the conversation.
I started by saying: "So you've sent all your invitations out now, haven't you?"
She looked immediately panicked by my question and I knew right away that she didn't want me to go down this road.
When she said she had sent them all, I asked if that meant she could show me her venue now.
She showed me the website of it, including the photo gallery, and talked me through all about where everything was going to happen, all the flowers and decorations she was going to add etc. It's a nice enough country hotel with some pretty gardens, but I'm not sure what all the secrecy was for.
I probed a little more, asking who she's invited from work (the list didn't include me), said I was looking forward to seeing the photos so I could see how everything looked (she didn't correct me that I would see it on the day) and then I was completely sure that my lack of invitation wasn't an accident. She looked so relieved when I switched subject and asked if she's excited about her honeymoon and having a rest from all the wedding stress.
So I'm definitely not invited. I thought it over carefully and I have decided not to ask why, for three reasons:
1) The reason is already fairly obvious. She clearly doesn't think we're anything more than colleagues and I've misread the situation. (There were some other theories suggested e.g. jealous husband-to-be, associating me with her past grief, but considering everything I know about her and our history I'm sure it's not that.) I'm not sure why she didn't cool it on the wedding talk with someone she had no intention of inviting, or even just bring it up with me and explain why I'm not invited, but never mind.
2) Having an awkward relationship at work is the last thing I want. I'm worried that if I push this and turn it into an "issue" that I'll look pathetic and needy, or it will just be unprofessional. I also run the risk of her badmouthing me to colleagues and mutual friends, and I will find it much easier and less messy to handle my own feelings quietly.
3) This is a once in a lifetime experience for her, and I don't want to be the source of drama that dampens her spirits at all. I'd rather just let her enjoy her wedding, make good memories and not bring her down.
And you know, I'm fine with not going. It was never really about getting invited to a wedding, it was more having to face the fact that I'd been naive and taken for granted, and I felt silly that I'd invested way too much in this relationship. That's not all on her, because she was never obligated to be my friend.
Talking it through on my previous post actually really helped me work through my feelings. When I went back to work on Monday I felt much calmer and more detached from it emotionally.
I have looked back on our whole relationship and honestly she's always been self involved, entitled and narcissistic. Being a bride has just made it more obvious, but it's always been there. She's also never given back to me (besides helping me get my job, which of course I'm grateful for), in that she's never been willing to talk me through any problems I've had, and although I help her happily with her work, she says no if I ask her for help in return.
She has a few office enemies and even though I saw her negative traits that caused her to be disliked by some people, I overlooked them and defended her anyway. Now I have put a little distance there it's quite apparent that she's not a very nice person, and I'm genuinely OK with just moving on.
She hasn't really noticed the distance between us so far (or she has noticed and doesn't care/is relieved that I'm giving her space), so I intend to just continue with doing that. If she eventually asks why, or I get the sense that she's trying to rekindle our friendship, then it will be time to clear the air with how I've been feeling. If she doesn't and we just continue drifting, then that's probably for the best.
It's sad to lose a friend, and it will probably take me some time to get over it and to become comfortable with the change in our relationship, but I have other genuine friendships, and plenty of colleagues who are lovely people who I can get to know better now.
The main thing I really took from my original post, and I'm so glad I did post because I needed some tough love on this, is that my fear of confrontation really needs dealing with.
If I can learn how to better speak my mind as things are happening, that will stop things from building and building until I have to have a Serious Conversation and it makes what should have been a molehill into a mountain.
I also need to figure out how to have difficult conversations without having an anxiety attack, which not only weakens my message but is extremely distressing and puts me off dealing with things and being honest with people.
I had a couple of books on assertiveness recommended to me, so I've bought them to start me off. I'm also looking into going to a coach, or maybe a couple of therapy sessions at least, to try and better myself. I don't want to hurt other people by doing this, so this has become top priority for me.
Thank you so much everyone who pointed that out to me. I was aware of it but I didn't think it was a problem and figured I'd just be that way all my life. Now I know better. Thank you for being so honest with me.
Also thank you to those who talked me through the one-sided friendship issue. I'm a good listener and have always attracted people who need to vent, but I only ever noticed the one-off conversations, and didn't think I was being taken advantage of as a long term listening ear.
I have been examining my other friendships in the last few days, to see if anyone else is using me in the same way, or if I've even been doing this to others and not had the self awareness to realise. There are a couple of changes I need to make, including a friendship that I need to set some boundaries in, and another one where I've not been giving back to the other person as much I should have. I have learned a really valuable lesson from this about maintaining healthy relationships, and I'm very grateful for that.
TL;DR So I'm definitely not invited, our friendship is likely over (but that's actually OK) and I'm going to work on my assertiveness so I can handle things like this better next time. I'm also going to move forward having learned a good lesson about friendships being two-way. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ghrksj/my_colleague_didnt_invite_me_to_her_wedding_and/ | ghrksj | 12,143 | 118 | [
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2020-05-12T16:22:18 | I (22m) am going on my first date EVER in the next 6 to 7 hours and I am nervous as FUCK. | r/dating_advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/cc01ey/i_22m_am_going_on_my_first_date_ever_in_the_next/) from 2019 by /u/throwaway1374758596*
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I have never been on a real date, I asked this girl from tinder out in the heat of the moment when we seemed to be clicking extremely well and usually most girls stop replying at this point or come up with some elaborate excuse but she actually said yes. And now I’m tripping balls because I’ve never done this in my life.
I basically said let’s do movies & dinner after but like what do I do?? What do I say? How do I dress 😭 How do I act throughout the date? Do I compliment her or talk to her like I work retail & I’m just helping out a customer ?¿ I’m scared my lack of knowledge with this whole date thing will scare her off. How do I greet her? Handshake, hug, a loud imposing HELLO to establish dominance lmao??? This shit is happening today my friends.
help a brother out pls.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/cc6xsr/i_22m_am_going_on_my_first_date_ever_in_the_next/)
Okay first of all I just wanna say thanks to everyone that commented! Believe it or not I read every single comment 😂 Secondly, GOD I did not expect for this to get so big! I would just like to take a second to thank my mom, my friends, especially Nick sitting there in the back, google for keeping up with all 20 tabs I had open on dating... Anyway, I know what you’re here for so allow me to deliver. The date.
It went REALLY well actually, but it’s been a terrifyingly chaotic, busy, tiring day.
I went with a normal outfit for me, I love wearing black, I’m all about rock & roll so I went with black jeans, a nice black fitted v neck & some white shoes, a bracelet, a necklace, & some nice cologne. Pretty basic outfit.
Anyways, things turned south fast from the start, turns out we weren’t gonna be meeting there, she needed a ride. Obviously being the gentle hombre that I am I complied but I took one look at my car & was like nope nope this isn’t happening: trash everywhere, old receipts all over my cup holders, water bottle galore, chip city central I mean fuck. So I went to a car wash & cleaned the fuck outta my car the best I could in 30 minutes, & threw out the trash. Then I came home, showered, shat, & shaved. It was starting to come close to date time when, “hey sorry my dad came home & wants to have dinner so we may have to wait a little longer” ....... okay... no big deal. We’ve got an hour. 30 minutes pass by, “yeah he’s still eating & he brought his gf over. Sorry about that..” At this point I’m freaking out. I’m like yeah this isn’t happening I’m just gonna go to the movies by myself it’s no biggie. I’m dying alone anyway I’ve come to terms with it.
10 more minutes pass by, 10 more minutes left in the hour, “okay I’m ready”. Boom, it’s showtime. I grab my stuff & head out, luckily it wasn’t a long drive.
I pick her up & remember what you folk said, “fuck a movie date my guy, if you gotta do it, dinner first is where it’s at 😎” so I suggest dinner but wait—homegirl already ate so I’m in the car with this girl with no backup plan on what to do. I tell her we can just go to the movies because it’s too late for dinner. She says sure & we’re on our way.
So at this point I realize I have to talk to this girl as much as possible & get to know her on the DRIVE. I get really nervous & notice she’s kinda looking awkward too so I just confess. I say “sorry I’m a wreck rn I’m really nervous, I talk a lot when I get nervous so sorry about that” to which she replies “omg that’s amazing, I shut up when I’m nervous”.
Some context: her & I have been texting for about a week so it wasn’t like I didn’t know ANYTHING about her.
I make her laugh a couple times & we get to the movies, still a little awkward, still thinking about you guys saying it was a bad idea.
Movie starts & I’m like “fuck it this went south but I’ll learn”, that’s when she literally fucking lays her head on my shoulder & grabs my hand. I’m like woaaahhhhhh.
Anyway the rest of the movie I whisper some dumb comments about the movie & get her to giggle, all while basically cuddling at this point.
Movie ends & we walk out holding hands, complete 180° from when we first got there.
I drive her home & when we get there I go in for a hug. I ask her “can I kiss your cheek?” to which she replies, “you can kiss my lips?”. So I do it. I sucked ass at it & I even told her, “never kissed a girl in my life so sorry I’m so bad at it”. She just kissed me again.
We said goodnight & she was on her way.
I did not expect the date to go this well. I did not expect to get my first kiss on my first date.
I’m proud of myself. Tonight was good. I did good.
Thank you all. Goodnight! 🌙 | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/giefow/i_22m_am_going_on_my_first_date_ever_in_the_next/ | giefow | 4,897 | 111 | [
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2020-05-13T19:27:52 | Would it be considered rude if I bought a pair of shoes for a fellow high schooler whose shoes are falling apart? | r/NoStupidQuestions | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/dmq3rt/would_it_be_considered_rude_if_i_a_male_high/) & comments from 2019 by /u/2t_Skelliott*
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I barely know him. We work in theater together for the fall play and spring musical. I really just dont want to make him uncomfortable or feel as though I'm taking pity.
The thing is is that both soles of the shoes are coming off, his toes are constantly visible and they have holes all over them.
We live in the midwest. Soon it will be too cold and I want him to have a good sturdy pair of shoes. I dont care for recognition. Hes a senior and I want him to remember his last year fondly.
I got a glance of the shoe size today, he wears an 8 in mens and I mentioned the to my mom so she immediately bought a pair of the exact same shoes.
The only reason I really feel the urge to do this is the fact that itll be too cold soon and I would hate for him to get hurt because he doesnt have holeless shoes.
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
After rehearsal I caught him alone and asked what size shoe he was. He answered eight? after a little while and I explained that I had gotten some shoes a while back that didnt fit and was wondering if he would like them. He said he was fine and that the only reason he didnt have new ones was because he was too lazy to get them.
I told him that he didnt have to take them but it would be a help since theyve been sitting in my car for "like a week". He changed his mind and took them off me, saying he'd try them on and just say he bought a new pair. Thank you all for helping me figure out what to do and sorry if its confusing or written poorly. I know a lot of you wanted an update :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gj5tyu/would_it_be_considered_rude_if_i_bought_a_pair_of/ | gj5tyu | 1,719 | 157 | [
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2020-05-14T17:11:17 | Neighbors entrusted me with looking after their pets/house for 3 weeks, it has been almost a year now and they haven't come back. | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ggtnwp/neighbors_entrusted_me_with_looking_after_their/) by u/ThrowLADogs29291*
&nbsp;
In June 2019 my neighbors came to my door, i had some experiences with them (they invited us for a BBQ not long after they moved in). They asked me and my wife if we would look after their pets, and their house for the next 3 weeks, as they needed to return to Taiwan as his mother was dying. They even left me $500 dollars for food for their 2 German Shepards, and their cat.
I don't know what happened to them, but they just never came back. I don't know if they ended up in some sort of prison, or decided to just not come home at all. Today i found out their basement had flooded, probably sometime within the last week. Apparently a pipe burst, but the entire basement is completely fucked. I paid for have the leak fixed, and i spent all of today using my shop vac to drain their basement to the best of my abilities.
Between this and one of their dogs needing surgery i have spent several thousand dollars of my own money, and frankly the damage to the basement was pretty awful. I don't have their insurance paperwork, and don't really know if i can even do a claim for them.
On top of this his two giant German Shepards while they are amazingly good boys, it is becoming almost too much for us to handle. Their last name is extremely common, and their Facebook profiles are private. Which gives me very little avenue to tackle this down.
Timeline:
* June 07, 2019 - Neighbors asked me if i would look after their pets, and their house while they were handling the death of his mother back in Taiwan. Told me 3 weeks at latest.
* July 1st, 2019 - Neighbors sent me an email stating they needed some additional time to handle his father's affairs. He apologized and said he would be back by July 15th at latest.
* July 21st, 2019 - Sent him an email asking what was going on, explained how we were going on vacation in August. Never got a response.
* July 31st, 2019 - Tried calling him on his cellphone, # he was given to me was no longer in service.
* August 14th, 2019 - Went on vacation, had my brother look after all 4 dogs, for the next week.
* September 2nd, 2019 - Emailed him again, no response.
* September 3rd, 2019 - Tried to reach him and his wife via Facebook using the private message feature.
* September 6th, 2019 - Ended up moving his 2 dogs, 1 cat into our house as they seemed extremely miserable. I ended up disassembling part of our adjoined fence to allow his dogs to use their outdoor area.
* November 19th, 2019 - One of his dogs started showing signs of being ill, brought him to the vet turns out he is suffering from a medium severity case of IVDD. He ended up requiring surgery which we paid for.
* January 21st, 2020 - Sent another email and never got a response.
* Today - When i was bringing his mail in to his house, i noticed it smelled pretty awful and i quickly discovered his basement had about a foot of water in it.
Questions:
What exactly is my level of responsibility in this. I agreed to look after it for a few weeks/couple of months at the most. It has almost been a year now.
Is there anything i can do?
Location: Ontario, Canada
Sorry some other points:
* I am assuming they have some sort of auto payment for bills setup, because they still have hydro/cable/internet.
* I am unsure where exactly the husband worked, i know he said he was an engineer, however i cannot find his linked in profile, so i don't know what company.
* Their last name is a very common name (common like Wong), which gives me tons of facebook results.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/gjeuu0/update_neighbors_entrusted_me_with_looking_after/)
Good news, i followed everyone's advice reached out to the police and the embassy. Explained the situation, and gave them a bunch of information.
Tonight i got a phone call from them, explaining they just decided to stay much much longer and spend time with family/friends. They apparently asked his wife's brother to come and collect the animals and get the key a long time ago back in August, but never followed up on it.
He apologized and said he was sorry, he gave me two options, and asked if i wanted to keep his pets since i have had them for so long, or he will push his step brother to get the animals. Apparently the animals don't really mean anything to him or his wife which i feel is quite shitty.
He apparently can no longer access his email, and passed me along a new email address/phone number i can use to contact him. But told me he doesn't have plans to return to Canada anytime soon. I mentioned the water damage, and he just said they can buy a new house or get it fixed when they get back.
He was also quite confused and somewhat annoyed, about the lengths we went to get in touch with him. He didn't understand why we reached out the embassy. He then offered to send me a bunch of money to square away the inconvenience, and that was more or less it.
I don't know if it is a cultural thing, however i feel kind of pissed off at how little he/his wife seem to care about the pets/his house.
Anyways me and my wife are going to keep the pets simply because well i don't think ether of us can part with the dogs and his cat at this point. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gjqhyr/neighbors_entrusted_me_with_looking_after_their/ | gjqhyr | 5,351 | 205 | [
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2020-05-15T18:08:39 | This man/kid keeps flying a drone over my house with eggs attached to it that gets released on my property | LegalAdvice | *repost from 2016, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5kkp7e/this_mankid_keeps_flying_a_drone_over_my_house/) by u/Throwawaysdrone*
&nbsp;
JUST TO BE CLEAR. I AM NOT ASKING HOW TO BREAK THE LAW. I AM ASKING WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I TAKE DOWN HIS DRONE THAT'S ALL. THANKS A BUCNH.
The police officer told me he can't go and knock on every house in the neighbourhood investigating if they're the ones doing this, which is understandable? I guess? and that I have to know where the drone comes from first for him to do anything.
Honestly at this point I want to buy anything and take the drone out with it when it comes on my property again, if the kid sues for the cost of the drone then I'm willing to pay. This of course will reveal his identity so I can counter sue right? I'm sure he's breaking a lot of laws. Thing is, I want to make sure that he can't sue for any ridiculous "emotional distress" or any other shit he might claim but only for the cost of the drone.
Edit: Follow up question: The drone has a camera, if I end up being on youtube can I sue him for that?
Edit 2: Taking out his drone is not an option now as you pointed out it might be a felony.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/69z6d0/update_this_mankid_keeps_flying_a_drone_over_my/)
So here’s what happened. I liked one of the comments here where it said to see if there is anyone who fly drones as a hobby willing to use his drone for me for a thousand dollar instead of me paying for a whole new drone, figured just like you guys said it would make someone’s day to fly a drone as a hobby and also get paid. So I hired a guy which I'll call him Frank.
After waiting for 3 days at my house every morning the drone finally flew to us but apparently when the other kid saw the other drone take off he went crazy and tried to hit it or take it down, which he did, which resulted in the kid’s drone and frank’s drone both to go down broken on the ground.
A few minutes later this kid came running to the house (whom I recognized lives a couple of blocks away) and started whining about how we flew our drone in his way and crashed it bla bla bla. We went and spoke to his dad and showed him all the footage and explained all the shit his son has caused.
Shockingly he was completely understanding. He told me he would put me through one of his lawyers so that they would offer both Frank and I a settlement if I agree not to sue. I called my lawyer and we all met a week later and he reimbursed Frank for his drone plus way more money that I would’ve ever paid him. He also wrote me a check for what his son has caused under the condition that I wont pursue any legal action.
It was a happy ending and I was quite shocked of his father’s reaction and his willingness to pay for everything his son has caused, but I must admit that I feel sad knowing that his dad is definitely the one enabling him to do so. Never have I felt his dad was mad about anything his son did.
While we were there discussing what happened his dad received a phone call and then shortly after ending it he started telling his son what the other party was saying and they both started making jokes about the caller! So the whole thing made me feel that his dad was like “mehhh just another day, my son caused damage and I’ll just have to pay those people here for this to go all away”. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gke8q4/this_mankid_keeps_flying_a_drone_over_my_house/ | gke8q4 | 3,407 | 110 | [
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2020-05-16T16:43:24 | My brother is quarantined at my house and he is ruining my relationship with my husband | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fsm46d/my_26f_brother_37m_is_quarantined_at_my_house_and/) by u/ThrowRa1994_*
&nbsp;
My (26F) brother (37M) lost his job a few weeks ago due to coronavirus and therefore he also lost his apartment and now he's quarantined in my house, but I can't stand his presence here to be honest, he's rude and he's treating me like his servant all the time and my husband (45M) and I fight a lot because of that. My brother acts like this because we were raised in a very conservative house, our dad taught us that men are superior to women and I even believed that I was inferior to men until I met my husband, he's totally different from my family, well I think his entire family is different from mine, my husband was raised to do the same things that my dad says only "women can do" and ever since I moved in with him it was hard for me to understand that he could cook, wash his own clothes and clean his house himself but in time I get used to him doing half the house chores.
The point is that I'm 29 weeks pregnant and I don't feel well lately so now my husband is the one who does absolutely everything in our house and my brother jokes about it. A few nights ago they fought because my brother didn't like what my husband had cooked and he wanted me to cook something else for him but my husband told him that I was not going to do that because I was feeling bad and he said something like that cooking was something that I should do because I'm a woman and that's what women know how to do well.
After that fight everything got worse because my brother made fun of my children (they are two boys of 3 and 2 years old) because they love to help me to take care of my plants and according to him that's not for men, he thinks that is something I should do once my daughter is born and my husband got very angry and told him that he has a week to find another place to stay because he doesn't want our children to grow up with that mistaken idea of what masculinity is.
I spent years working in my confidence and with my brother here I feel that everything I did was useless but we are in a difficult time and I don't want him to leave he could get sick and that would make me feel so bad, he has no other place to go our family lives in our home country and that complicates everything even more. What can I do?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ge4djw/update_my_26f_brother_37m_is_quarantined_at_my/)
I (26F) think it's appropriate to update what happened with my brother (37M) so here I am. A few days after my husband (46M) told my brother that he had to leave he stayed in one of my BIL's apartments until he could return to our home country, and he did. A few weeks ago the government of our home country sent a plane to pick up the citizens who were stuck here, so that means he is already in our home country and my husband and I are free.
I've read the comments in my previous post and I know I shouldn't have let him treat me or my kids the way he did, I also know many hate the fact that my husband is twenty years older than me or that we started dating when I was nineteen but I swear that he is an amazing person and the best husband and dad in the whole world and I would choose him a thousand times.
We decided that we are not going to have any kind of contact with my brother because we don't want our children to be exposed to that toxic masculinity. So that's all, it has been rough days but everything is better now, I really appreciate all the comments I've received, thank you very much. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gkxr2u/my_brother_is_quarantined_at_my_house_and_he_is/ | gkxr2u | 3,645 | 93 | [
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2020-05-17T13:26:00 | My best friend hates me because her dog died on my watch | r/relationships | sharkthelittlefish | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/glfdjy/my_best_friend_hates_me_because_her_dog_died_on/ | glfdjy | 0 | 52 | [
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2020-05-18T16:17:47 | I accidentally found out my fiancee has been creating erotic fan art/fiction for years. I am not judging but when i mentioned it to her, she became furious. | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g86svn/i_accidentally_found_out_my_28m_fiancee_27f_has/) by u/ThrowRADumbQ12902*
&nbsp;
Me and my fiancee have been together for 6 years now. I love her dearly.
My fiancee has always been huge into drawing in her free time, frankly she is really good at what she does. She has shown me a bunch of stuff in the past and if i recall she always posted it to her deviant art most it is of video game characters. Some of her art work is suggestive.
Yesterday i was talking to a coworker about video games, and i remembered my fiancee did some art for one of the games we were talking about. So i decided try to go and find it. Being lazy i decided to punch in her username into google hoping to find her deviant art.
Except i had a lot more stuff come up. Google showed a bunch of pictures i guess you could call them the NSFW version of art she has done. I ended up clicking on them and being sent to my fiancee's hentai foundry profile.
I just kind of shrugged and didn't care, however in the google search results, i also noticed a link to a Archive of Our Own story with her username. This got me kind of curious so i decided to take a peek expecting it to be just old fan fiction stuff she wrote ages ago. There was a lot of stuff, including recent stuff in her profile. Most of it was i guess what you would call erotic fan fiction.
At this point i found it funny, and when she got home on Friday night i offhandedly mentioned what happened, and how i found it humorous.
She got very very upset at me, and started acting like i caught her cheating or something. I told her several times i am not kink shaming, etc. She told me i violated her privacy and broke our trust. She said that stuff had nothing to do with me and i had no business "snooping". I tried my best to calm her down but she was visibly upset last night.
All of today she has been very upset, to the point where she said she needed to spend some time at her sisters. I have apologized, and told her it was an accident and i have told her several times that i am not being judgmental about what she draws. However she is still very upset.
At this point i am at a loss for what to do.
TL;DR; I found my fiancee has been drawing erotic fan art and writing erotic fan fiction accidentally. She is furious at me. What should i do?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gcez2h/update_i_accidentally_found_out_my_28m_fiancee/)
She came back after i sent a large apology message, apologizing for laughing at her fan fiction and it was not done out of malice and more out of awkwardness.
We had a long talk about it, i explained i wasn't that comfortable with her keeping such a large amount of her life secret/hidden from me. She also admitted that often times when she was saying she was working late in our home office what she actually meant was she was writing/drawing stuff and just wanted to be left alone.
I told her i had no problem with her hobbies, which made her happy. She also told me that she is so embarrassed because a bunch of it is self inserts of her, and some of it would make me unhappy reading it.
I asked her to show me, and she eventually agreed. I read some of it and it didn't bother me at all, (imo to me fantasizing about fictional characters isn't a huge deal as it is simply a fantasy and not real). I asked if some of the things she writes are things that turns her on, and i told her i am willing to try anything at least once.
Yesterday night she actually sat down next to me, and started writing while i was next to her on the couch, and she didn't seem embarrassed at all anymore. So i guess this is good.
Thank you for your help.
TL;DR; Me and my Fiancee were able to work things out, and she isn't so embarassed anymore about it, and is willing to share with me. Thanks for the advice! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gm4i2l/i_accidentally_found_out_my_fiancee_has_been/ | gm4i2l | 3,925 | 98 | [
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2020-05-19T07:16:16 | My son stole a rare toy from my brother. My brother is refusing to take it back and is threatening to get the police involved. What do I do? | LegalAdvice | *repost, original* [*post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ans8wm/va_my_son_stole_a_rare_toy_from_my_brother_my/) *by* [u/Whooooooop23/](https://www.reddit.com/u/Whooooooop23/)
&#x200B;
Right now my brother is threatening to "sue" me for my son taking a figure from his collection and get the police involved. Here is the story.
Last week my brother invited me and my family over for diner. While we were there my son asked to see my brothers collection of toys and figures. My brother has spent a good deal of money on his collection and from what I know it's one of his biggest hobbies. Well, after diner we left and everything seemed normal
Well, until yesterday. My brother called me up furiously and told me my "little shit" stole something from his collection and I needed to return it immediately. I honestly was upset at this, but if my son had taken something that was wrong,especially if it was from my own brother. Well, it turns out that my son slipped away during dinner and took a Boba Fett figure from his collection. He confirmed it because he has footage from his porch camera of him taking it out to our car.
I was furious and took it from him. Here is the problem though, after I confirmed with my brother it was his I found out that my son had removed it from it's packaging. Apparently the figure is worth almost 2000$ in it's package and almost nothing out of it. So my brother broke down over the phone and refused to take it back before hanging up. Well, he just called me again today and said he wanted me to pay for a replacement immediately or he will get the police involved and sue me. I told him I would help pay for one but not fully to which he said "not good enough" and hung up.
Honestly, what are my options here? I can't afford to pay him back right now. If he does go the police will my son get arrested? He's only 15. It was very wrong of him to do but I think my brother is over reacting. What can I expect if he does take me to court or call the police?
&#x200B;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aoi94x/update_my_son_took_the_boba_fett_figure/)
So, I never honestly expected the post I made to get where it did. I also never expected the barrage of support and hate. I will say these past 48 hours have been a ride and that post has not helped in any way.
So, why am I back? Well, because I feel like I need to be. I'm not here to give some apology to a bunch of internet strangers for how I acted or seek validation. I'm here because I feel that for myself I need to admit my own wrongs and move on to a better place.
So, I want to talk about something first before I get into the update. Many people who responded talked about how me or my brother in a bad light, and with how I reacted in the comments it didn't help the situation. I was also hit pretty hard for how I was not taking my brother into consideration when talking about the issue. To give some context for this, me and my brother have never had a good relationship. We have never seen eye to eye and after our fathers death he cut contact with me for a good amount of time. We're just to different in some senses. He's a single nerdy guy who has no aspiration for family while i'm the exact opposite. In these past few years we've tried to fix this. Work as adults to bring what little family we have back together. During our time apart he began collecting old nerdy things, and I wont lie I never understood the appeal. It is his life though and he can do what he wants.
So, when my son stole and damaged his property I didn't see how it was valuable to him and discounted it. So when he asked for 2,000 to fix it I really didn't feel like it was worth it. Was this wrong of me? Maybe. I don't feel bad about defending my son, I only feel bad that I discounted my brother in the process.
Sorry about that. Like I said, I don't want sympathy. I only wrote that out to allow myself to be true about the situation. back to the update.
So, after all was said and done, my family had pretty much been thrown into chaos. I had no idea what I was going to do and after talking with my wife, we decided we would take many of your advice and have my son pay him back. We collected all the non-essentials he had and planned to sell them to raise funds. During this time I got back into contact with my brother and wanted to talk this out to make sure this did not end badly. I offered to pay in full.
(Also, some people in the comments said that the figure was worth less so I asked him. He had it professionally valued a few months ago when he bought it and it's was worth a total of 2,200$.)
My brother said he plans to not sue us. His renters insurance apparently is willing to pay him the value he has listed, but he would need to file a police report to get it. At first we agreed not to go that route and simply pay him the value of it or one for a replacement if he could get it cheaper. This was the plan until last night.
During the process of taking his things away, my wife found a conversation he had with a friend he has over the internet. It turns out my son stole the figure to sell. He had googled it while we were at my brothers house and found out how much it was worth and bragged to a friend that he was going to sell it at a pawn shop. He didn't realize that taking it out of the package would ruin it so he ripped it out to hid in the car better.
Suffice to say, I am not happy about this. I won't elaborate on this very much more but me and my wife have decided that what is best for all of us is that we let him face the consequences of this. My brother is going to file a police report and collect money from insurance. Some may say this is a bit harsh, but honestly I think this might be for the best in the end. The way my son actively stole from family to make a profit worries me and I believe the only option that I can live with myself making is this. I will stand by my son till the need, but he needs to learn now before he is an adult.
So, thank you all for the advice. The support and hate are what I needed as a true wake up call. Like I said, I don't need pity. I'm doing this so that I can be true to myself, and maybe become a better parent in the end. | potatering | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gmjrqx/my_son_stole_a_rare_toy_from_my_brother_my/ | gmjrqx | 6,346 | 127 | [
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2020-05-20T15:59:02 | A new breed of awful customer... | r/TalesFromYourServer | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/ghrbi6/a_new_breed_of_awful_customer/) by u/Pechadur*
&nbsp;
My restaurant has switched over to carry out only due to current events, which hasn’t been too horrible for the most part.
That is until we started seeing a new, weekly customer. Now, it isn’t the worst thing we’ve had to deal with but after a while it starts to grate on your nerves.
A normal interaction with him goes as such:
Me: Hi, how are you?
C: **Ignores everything**
Me: Are you picking up?
C: **Nods his head once**
Me: Whats the name for the order?
C: **sighs the most long suffering sigh you ever did hear** *Name*
Me: Alright, your total is [amount]
And that’s usually it. But ever since I had the nerve to remind this customer that they have to wear a mask indoors due to the Governor’s orders, he’s become increasingly snippy and combative.
He came in and tried to pay with $100 bills for a $12 order. When I informed him we don’t accept $50 or $100 bills (and even pointed to the prominent sign which said so), he got this stupid smirk on his face.
C: Well, I only have $100
Me: I’m sorry, unless you have a card you have to pay with smaller bills. The gas station down the street might be able to cash it for you.
C: I only have $100 and I don’t think I brought my card.
Me: Sir, this is a small store, we simply don’t have the change.
He finally put the stack of bills away and magically had a card. I was stupid to think that’d be the end of it though.
He came in and put down two rolls of coins. $10 in the form of quarters and $5 in the form of dimes. Once again he had this smirk on his face like he won a game he created.
Little does (did?) he know that I’m super petty. I will play someone’s game and I will win it.
So, I unwrap the coins and start counting them out in front of him. After I’m through with the quarters, I go to pick up the dimes and he interrupts me.
C: It’s wrapped for five, you can just put it in and give me the change.
Me: I’m sorry, I have to make sure it’s all there. We have had trouble with this before.
C: Oh...
So, I count out the rest of the change that I needed from the dimes and, instead of giving the dollar bills he probably wanted, I scooped the rest of the dimes up and gave them back.
Granted, it was super petty and I shouldn’t have done it, but. I’m tired of customers coming in like they’re God’s gift to Earth just because of the current state of the world.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/gmt05k/ladies_and_gentlemen_we_got_him_update/)
I’m proud to say that we won the battle and the war. He called again yesterday and my boss took the order. As soon as I saw the ticket I knew who it was and was bracing myself for a new trial.
Ten painstaking minutes later and I see him walking in, we go through the normal interaction. Time for the payment.
He reaches into his wallet... and takes out his card! I’m so thankful I had a mask on because I was grinning like an idiot.
I nearly cried tears of joy, lol. It was truly a beautiful moment.
It’s a short update but the moral of the story is: being petty pays off! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gndz9o/a_new_breed_of_awful_customer/ | gndz9o | 3,198 | 120 | [
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2020-05-21T15:25:37 | Purchased abandoned foreclosure. What to do with furniture and vehicles? (TX) | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/eywopo/purchased_abandoned_foreclosure_what_to_do_with/) by u/Visible-Split*
&nbsp;
Just purchased a foreclosure with the intention of eventually residing there. Property appears to have been abandoned for at least 2 years. Upon receipt of deed (~30 days), we intend to proceed with formal eviction. However, there is a lot of furniture and 3 vehicles on property. We have no means to find previous owner. Neighbors have tried for years. Do we need to hold onto property for 30 days after eviction, indefinitely, or simply allow sheriffs office to take it to curb?
&nbsp;
[**3 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/gndky7/update_to_purchased_abandoned_foreclosure_tx/)
I had low interest in my initial post, but wanted to give an update in case it could help anyone in the future.
My first lesson learned is a common piece of advice here: get a lawyer. I found a local attorney who offered to meet for a free consult with the understanding if we stretched past 20-30 minutes, I would pay. We spoke over an hour, but he said he didn’t want to charge since it was such a refreshing change from his typical landlord/tenant disputes.
We talked about 1) property laws, 2) how those various laws apply to my situation, and 3) typical enforcement.
My initial approach fell apart at 2. He recommended not proceeding with eviction (as I had planned), as it was essentially an acknowledgment of residency. Instead I put up a notice of abandonment for 30 days. My lawyer also advised I could continue cleaning out house in the meantime as it presented a clear health hazard.
After 30 days, I had made a big dent in the filth. But the house was still jam packed, and the thought of arranging sales or pickup of all the furnishings and decor was overwhelming. No estate or garage sales are allowed in my city. I ended up contracting with a liquidation company that came in and carted everything off. They sold everything online, and I received around 40% after fees and such. The $1700 roughly covered my costs for cleanup, supplies and such (I filled multiple mini dumpsters).
I have since learned that the previous owner struggled with alcoholism and mental illness, and she left around three years ago. She has an online blog, but her last entry was nearly a year ago and doesn’t mentioned where she was at the time. I kept a couple boxes of family photos, mementos and her son’s armed forces ring. But my lawyer suggested I wait to contact, as there are “villains” in these cases. The first villain is the situation, whether it is mental illness, addiction or simply market circumstances that lead to foreclosure. The second villain is the bank that forecloses. The third is the buyer, who is perceived to have gotten a steal, both literally and figuratively. This is the person most easily targeted for blame. Since I am moving in alone with school aged kids, he recommended I get the house secured with perhaps some monitoring before I consider contacting previous owner to return items.
He suggested she might eventually sue me for the cost of items we removed from home. There was so much. And many more auction receipts for diamonds, figurines, and artwork that we believe was removed from home at some point. However, he said we should be legally covered due to documented conditions and ownership of property. After nearly 3 years of no AC in the Southern US and burst pipes, nothing in the home was in pristine condition anyway.
Per this sub, he mentioned that “anyone can sue for anything”. But she would need to pay a lawyer upfront to take her case or figure out remote small claims filing for herself. If this came to pass, I could pay him $225/hour at 7.5 minutes increments to mail letters and responses he already has fast print templates for on his PC. In other words, it would be more expensive for her than it would be worth.
The only weird loose end was the cars. He said this was the most legally clear cut issue, but didn’t work out with number 3 above. He said we should be able to call city and have cars towed no problem. However, the sheriff deputy who came out said there was nothing he could do, as the county would not let them call tows due to potential liability. We still didn’t have final deed of ownership at the time, so one tow service was skittish. However, we did find a service that ended up picking up all three cars, and I imagine they were auctioned or junked.
I am still receiving lots of collection letters here and even a repo drive by for a vehicle that was not here. But we have finished restoring home in record time and are all moved in. Hope that this may help someone at some point in future. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gnyvbd/purchased_abandoned_foreclosure_what_to_do_with/ | gnyvbd | 4,750 | 71 | [
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2020-05-22T16:59:16 | I (20F) think my brother's (30M) kid (13M) is a psychopath or something. | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gkndk8/i_20f_think_my_brothers_30m_kid_13m_is_a/) by u/ThrowRA_ahhhhhhh*
&nbsp;
I'm staying with my parents for quarantine. I live alone eight hours away, and I don't have many friends. I'm asthmatic and I don't have anyone to help me in case of emergency so I'm back with my parents for the pandemic.
My brother was a teendad and he has been married for about six years. They have two children together. One is thirteen and the other one is a six-year-old girl. My brother and SIL are here too, and I'm beginning to suspect that my brother's kid is a psychopath. (I'm exaggerating, maybe not a psychopath but something is definitely wrong with him)
My brother is not a bad person but he has changed since he met SIL so we don't see them often these days. SIL doesn't like us, especially me. I'm bisexual and I have a girlfriend, and SIL is against it. She constantly makes comments about it, and is usually bitchy towards me.
Her daughter is lovely, and we get along well when SIL is not looking. She doesn't let her daughter come near me in case I "rape" her because I like girls. Whatever. I don't particularly like kids anyway, but I have to say her daughter is a smart little girl. I honestly wonder if she's adopted sometimes because she's not at all like her parents and brother.
Anyway, back to the topic, 13M is rude, obnoxious and weird. He constantly parades into my room and rummages through my things. He stole my underwear and bra, and doesn't listen to me! He came into my room and actually CUT MY hair while I was sleeping. I woke up to see my head looking like a rat ate it! It was not much but he cut my bangs and I look like an idiot!
I got so angry and I cried so hard, and SIL made a comment that I was overrreacting. "It's quarantine, no one would see it." "It'll grow back" fuck that! HE came into MY room and CUT MY HAIR with SCISSORS! Doesn't that make her worry??? As his mother??
13M steals a lot. He stole my earphones, clothes, my colours (I like to paint) etc and when I confront him about it, he says he didn't take it. When I search his room and find it, he says it's HIS and not mine. HOW CAN A WOMAN'S BRA BE HIS?? That's right. It's his GIRLFRIEND'S. There's always some excuse.
13M is always rude to me and constantly makes homophobic and mean comments about me and my girlfriend. I can't even come out of my room without hearing something hurtful. He's always asking me if I know what a real man's dick feels like. His comments are always weirdly sexual, but I feel like he's just repeating SIL'S words.
I'm sick and tired of fighting about this with SIL and brother.
My brother always has some kind of excuse. "He's a kid" "He's immature" "He's young" "Boys will be boys." I have heard it all. The truth is his mother is a monster.
13M is also rude to his sister. He steals her food and shoves her when he's angry, but I have only seen it once or twice.
As I mentioned above, I'm asthmatic. I have two inhalers in case I ever lose one. My attacks aren't that frequent but it does happen. I have used my inhaler in front of him a few times, and I KNOW that he knows what it's used for. He actually STOLE my inhalers. He stole my new inhaler and went through my things and stole the SECOND inhaler as well.
When I had an asthma attack, I couldn't find my inhaler anywhere. I freaked out and I was literally gasping for breath. My mom had to search his room for my inhaler. I finally got it, but he didn't even look remorseful. He called me a freak and went back to playing video games like it was nothing. My mom yelled at him but my SIL said god was punishing me for my sins. What the fuck. It was HER son, not god! What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her son?
She dismisses everything her son does to me as "it's god's way of punishing you"
What can I do in this situation? What can I do to survive the rest of quarantine with him? He's turning into a criminal or robber or a murderer, I don't know! I'm sorry for the rant. I'm angry and baffled. I have to deal with this kid and listen to homophobic shit everyday and also suffer without seeing my gf. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. Please give me any advice you can. Thank you.
TL;DR : my brother's kid steals my things. He stole my inhaler and called me a freak. He cut my hair while I was sleeping. He's rude and weird. His mother doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. She says it's gods way of punishing me for being bisexual. What can I do to survive the rest of quarantine with these people?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gnqwr8/update_i_20f_think_my_brothers_30m_kid_13m_is_a/)
Hello. Thank you so much for all the support you have shown me. I didn't think so many of you would reach out to me and offer help. I'm truly grateful. Some of you were so nice that it made me teary. It's so amazing that people that don't even know me can be so kind to me when my own family is acting like this. Thank you. I appreciate it.
I have to warn you that this might be long. I'm back in my apartment and in a considerably better mood. I might end up talking a lot about myself haha. Sorry about that.
After posting on reddit, I actually decided to buy a lock, but I didn't get to buy it. Before that, my SIL and I had an argument. She actually tried to set me up with our neighbour who is married and is forty-two years old. I'm pretty sure his wife is a doctor and they are very much still together. She's not home right now, but she's a DOCTOR. It could be because she's busy, but for some reason, my SIL believed that his wife left him, and tried to talk me into going over to his home to help.
I don't know what she was thinking. That would be so awkward?? Trying to seduce a married guy in front of his kids?? Why would I do that? I can't understand her thinking at all.
I refused to do that, and she wouldn't stop pestering me. At night, I ended up video calling my gf in the living room, hoping SIL would see it. Looking back, I shouldn't have provoked her. My niece actually saw me talking to my gf and asked me who it was. I could literally feel SIL glaring at me, but it would be rude to not introduce her so I ended up introducing her to my gf.
That backfired and after the call ended, SIL accused me of brainwashing/influencing her daughter. We ended up arguing about it, and she wouldn't stop saying very disgusting stuff like I was trying to “rape” her daughter (she didn't use the word rape. She said I was trying to do “gay things” to her daughter) or I was trying to “transfer my deformity” Those were the exact words. I don't even know what it means! Wtf.
I know I should've fought back and stuff, but I don't have that kind of courage. I ended up just going back to my room because she wouldn't stop calling me names. I guess it was sort of my fault. It's her daughter so I don't think I have a right to say anything about that.
After that, it was kind of quiet for a while, but the next day, I was taking a shower and my nephew went to my room again. I had been keeping my inhalers locked in this little safe-like box. I kept the key with me at all times, but that little demon threw my shoes, the box with my inhalers and some of my clothes out of the window. I did go down to the backyard and bring it back so I didn't lose anything.
When my mom confronted SIL about throwing my stuff, all she said was that god did it. This was the last straw, and I felt like they really just wanted to get rid of me. Nephew had been banging and kicking on the door to annoy me too. He would also shout or scream when I didn't give him attention.
I ended up calling my gf. I really didn't want to, because I was the one who encouraged her to go back to her parents because she was worried about them (They're really old, 61F and 63M)
She came to take me back the day before yesterday. We packed my stuff together and came back to my apartment in her car. My brother didn't even try to stop me and say anything. That hurt just a little bit, but that's okay. I didn't expect anything from him anyway.
The only small victory we had was my gf didn't answer any of my SIL's questions seriously. SIL kept hanging around us while we packed, and my gf made a joke out of all of SIL'S little comments. SIL made a small comment that we would go to hell and my gf said something like "Yeah we'll have lots of kinky lesbian sex in this life and then meet you there.” I should've used that trick this whole time. I didn't know it would work.
I'm now back in my apartment, and I'm in a much better mood. I just talked to my gf's mom and she's just such a sweet person. She told me I can go there anytime, and it really made me happy.
So yeah, it may not have been the perfect ending. I also lost my colours and stuff which nephew hid somewhere, but I guess I'm okay. I can just buy more. I know some of you were like “punch them both and throw them on the street” but yeah, I can't do that. I'm sorry. I can't tell my brother and SIL to get out.
There are many reasons for that. First of all, my dad just had a heart surgery and my mom is not in a good place emotionally. My SIL is a bitch to me but she's very helpful and she's the one taking care of MY father. My brother is supporting my parents financially which is something I can't do at the moment. Telling them to get out is the most selfish thing I can do at the moment.
Thank you for all the help though. I won't be seeing my brother and SIL for a long time, and I'm happy I don't have to worry about that anymore. I was hoping my brother would at least say something, but it's alright for now. Maybe he'll come to his senses some time in the future.
For now, I'm just going to spend the rest of quarantine in my own apartment and try to enjoy some time with my girlfriend. Thanks :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gon3j7/i_20f_think_my_brothers_30m_kid_13m_is_a/ | gon3j7 | 9,906 | 92 | [
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2020-05-23T18:12:23 | 'I've just sent a heartfelt letter to my teenage stepson' | r/stepparents | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/ertj93/ive_just_sent_a_heartfelt_letter_to_my_teenage/) & comment by u/LeviathanSauce9* *minor edits
&nbsp;
We used to be so close. We still have a lot in common and I try so hard to do nice things for him and include him in family activities, despite us only having him for half of the week. However I've noticed that he's become distant since my partner and I had a baby, and now there's another on the way. He didn't want to come over last week, and his mother texted my partner that SS [stepson] doesn't like me and doesn't want to see me.
I've just sent him a heartfelt letter, speaking more in depth emotionally than we ever have before, so I'm very nervous. I've opened up and said he's part of the family and I care about him deeply. I also realise I've perhaps not been the jolliest person to be around (I suffered from PND) and I'm working on becoming better, but I'd hate for him to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable in our house. I don't know if this was a good idea, but I'm hoping he'll take it well and I think it was very necessary.
It's a long story, but essentially he had told his mother, my partner and I snippets of his online activity, in which he was invited out to a "party" late at night by an account of someone we had never heard of. It was especially weird because apparrently some American rapper was playing in this tiny town he had never even been to.
I had looked at the account and I recognised it as a fake account of an "influencer", so I was worried that either it was a predator or someone at school targeting him. The whole thing escalated (I.e. his parents tried to find out what was happening) and he got defensive and was really embarrassed. Turns out he made the account to show off to his friends, and subsequently he was angry with me that I had "showed him up", I guess. Part of my letter explained to him that I was worried about his safety and it was none of our intention to embarrass him.
&nbsp;
[**4 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/gmux7e/update_i_sent_a_heartfelt_letter_to_my_stepson/)
I posted here a few months ago about how my relationship with my teenage stepson hadn't been so great since my partner and I had a baby, and after an incident he (for the first time ever) did not want to come stay with us and told his mum he didn't like me. I had sent a heartfelt letter to him saying how much he means to me and how sorry I am for maybe not being the best person I could have been when I was struggling with PND. He never replied, but I had stated at the end of the message that he didnt have to and I solely wanted to let him know how I felt.
The next time I seen him (at my partner's parents) he was a little awkward for the first two minutes, but then went onto chatting about movies, games and a whole bunch of stuff to me and showing me things on his phone. To everyone's delight we were giggling away and talking a lot more than we had in months. Since then, our relationship has gotten increasingly better. I've put in a lot of effort to try and be there for him more. For the first few weeks of the lockdown, he stayed at his mom's house. He came to ours after that. Despite my partner working most of the week, SS was ecstatic at the prospect of staying. He's spent whole days just chilling with me and his (now 2) little brothers. We talk a lot about movies, music, clothing, cartoons and get proper laughs together. We text each other through the week and hes always sharing new ideas, new music, etc.
Even though we had a good relationship when I first met him, I always felt more like his dad's gf than a stepmom, but now I finally feel like we've got a strong bond beyond that. I'm so happy that I got over my fear of sending that letter, because we came out of our most difficult time as family :-) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gp9mzw/ive_just_sent_a_heartfelt_letter_to_my_teenage/ | gp9mzw | 3,894 | 73 | [
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2020-05-24T18:09:04 | What can I do when I feel like giving up helping my mom? | r/hoarding | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/fy39yr/what_can_i_do_when_i_feel_like_giving_up_helping/) by u/tinclan*
&nbsp;
My mom is hoarder. She's extremely opposed to discarding stuff, however she displayed some willingness to donate stuff (SOMEONE must have a use for it) so I thought it would be a good chance into easing her into letting go and help her accept throwing things.
I tried to be supportive of every effort she put in and I made it clear that I'd be putting a lot of effort into doing things "her way" because I love her even though I don't agree with "her way" (which is finding a use for everything).
When I asked what she was going to do with a specific ornament she said she was going to hang it so I shouldn't throw it away. So I asked where she wanted to hang it, took out the drill, watched a YouTube video on how to use a drill, and did it.
When she said she didn't want to throw away a bunch of ceramic shards, I took out the epoxy glue and sat her down to glue it with her. After lots of frustration, I told her "mom you have the choice to throw it away." I took a lot of effort from both of us but she ended up throwing most of it at the end.
Important part: All in all, the first day was a lot of effort and we barely achieved anything. With the attachment she displays to absolutely worthless crap that she's "going to take care of one day" we are absolutely NEVER going to be done her way. But I didn't tell her that because I'm trying to encourage her not discourage her.
But there's absolutely no way around learning to let go and discard things. I'm really frustrated and her way of clinging to shit, lying about stuff in order to hide it, denial ,and tons of negative qualities are being amplified by dealing with the trash. I sometimes feel like telling her she's never going to change and that I'll want nothing to do with the house as soon as I have my own.
I've restrained myself from saying most things hurtful, because I know that they wouldn't lead to progress. I did however tell her "If I get in a relationship, I'd be ashamed to show my spouse the house, and I'd probably never bring her or the kids" because she never went to dad's house or got to know his family because of the same thing.
We've been very close at getting in a fight a few times, and I'm not sure how long my self-restraint will last. I'm learning to meditate and reading a book about dealing with loved ones who hoard, but it's still frustrating when I feel like my mom just won't budge and put effort into learning to let go. She puts effort into shuffling garbage and making up reasons to keep the stuff, but gets defensive every time I mention throwing away.
I really feel like giving up, what can I do?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/g4i5vd/update_ive_made_a_lot_of_progress_with_my/)
To make this post as short as possible, basically I just coaxed my mom into reading "The life changing magic of tidying up" by Marie Kondo. At first, by slowly introducing her to the concepts, and now she's actually reading the book.
This book is amazing for helping hoarders for many reasons including:
1- Starting with the easier stuff (Clothes -> Books -> Paper -> Misc. -> Sentimentals) to get rid off to give the hoarder practice at letting go, and honing their sense of what to keep.
My mom, who wouldn't let go of a broken soap dispenser before starting, let go of over 20 bags of clothes within her first 2 days of the Konmari declutter. Revisiting categories after clothes were done, showed she had a much easier time letting go of things after she experienced the freeing feeling of letting go.
2- Putting no limit no what to keep puts the hoarder's mind at ease The previous method of having to "negotiate" with mom about how much she'll allow to get thrown away always led to lot of fighting, and made my mom anxious (understandably). This time I tell her, only to keep to whatever sparks joy to her.
This means that she can keep anything broken as long as it genuinely makes her happy, and that it's 100% okay to throw something away if it's brand new if it doesn't make her happy.
Although some of the stuff she kept, definitely doesn't "spark joy" and she'll never use it. This method eliminated the fighting and set the mood to be more positive, and it still gets her to get rid of something, which in time turns into more and more. I wouldn't be surprised if by the time we're done, she starts throwing those things out on her own. I've already noticed her letting more and more things go, as she starts to listen into the true emotions caused by the objects. (and realising that a lot of it is negative)
3- Shifting the focus from "I NEED YOU TO THROW AWAY" to "I wan't you to be more happy": My mom (as do most hoarders) had an adverse reaction to hearing the word "throw away", and she constantly said "I don't have too much stuff, I just need to sort them" (the classic). Acknowledging that the target was to 'feel more happy' instead of 'throw out as much as possible' made her much more open to the idea of cleaning up.
One of the objects we had trouble with at the beginning were "towel slippers" that she collected from hotels. (We filled up over 3 trash bags of them.) At the start, she just said "NO I'm not throwing these away. Period!" Second time round, we had a heart felt conversation about what her feeling were towards these slippers and she said
"they remind me of when I'm travelling, when I enter a clean hotel room, and go take a bath, knowing that I have nothing to worry about, then I'd go to my room and sleep.. sometimes without even putting in clothes.. just living carelessly" and then I told her "But don't you think keeping these slippers is actually putting you one step further away from living this way in your own house?" She agreed, then picked 5 of the slippers, and let everything else go.
Even though my initial attempts at fixing the problem were meant well, they came across as me criticising her. So it's human nature for her to protect and justify herself, she did that by convincing herself that I'm obsessed with throwing away, and that I am "the one who has a problem"
Framing the problem in way that avoids criticism as much as possible really is key. If hoarding could be fixed by throwing away everything for the person, no one would have a problem with it, but it can only be solved with lots of compassion, empathy, kindness and patience. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gpuc3z/what_can_i_do_when_i_feel_like_giving_up_helping/ | gpuc3z | 6,512 | 99 | [
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2020-05-25T16:23:53 | Getting over breakup - Ghosted | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f905n3/getting_over_breakup_ghosted/) by u/throwawayacctgucci*
&nbsp;
So my bf (21) and i (21) recently broke up, it’s been really hard on me...We used to be together everyday, slept together every night, and then once he broke up with me it’s nothing. No contact at all. The break up wasn’t terrible, it was a bit dramatic on my end since i cried and begged for him...but he just left me crying. I’m so heart broken. We returned each others stuff, but cleaning my room i found some more and texted him and he never replies.
I feel pathetic being depressed over someone who can easily throw away a year like that and shut off complete contact. I just don’t understand, i did everything for him and loved him from the bottom of my heart and we weren’t toxic or anything, it just happened, out of the blue.
I guess what i’m asking is how do I move on? I’ve been trying to see other guys, but it just always leaves me in bed crying missing HIM. I have good days when i’m distracted and busy, but alone in bed at night I just cry and my heart hurts. I’ve been trying to be positive and listening to my friends and family when they say I can find better, there’s so many guys out there, and I know time will heal, but it hurts so bad, and I feel so played. Guess I just needed to get this all out, since I know I have to just keep going and wait till eventually (hopefully) I move on....
Relationships suck.
&nbsp;
[**2 Months Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g8id6c/update_on_moving_on_i_finally_feel_free/)
So I was having a hard time moving on from my recent ex. I went through so many stages of sadness, anger, depression...everything. Last week I decided to make a voice recording of admitting my love for him, why I loved him, and asking for him back. At this point I just said fuck it, I have to know if there’s any chance for us because I think the reason I couldn’t move on was because I still had a slight hope for us. I ended up sending it to him, and after months of being ghosted he did reply. He was sincere and nice, and said he missed me too, but that he’s sticking with his decision and not ever getting back with me bc he doesn’t think he loves me anymore.
You’d think that I’d be crying my eyes out....but in reality it was like a weight was lifted off my chest. Ofc I was sad since my love doesn’t love me back, but for some reason I felt freed and proud of myself, that i’m able to be that vulnerable and be open to love and take chances in times where doing so in this society makes you look dumb or crazy. We had a good talk and ended things on a good note. My feelings for him haven’t vanished in thin air, but finally I can sleep at night not crying about him, or I can go through an entire day without thinking of him or getting depressed. I’ve finally accepted the breakup and am ready to move on to the next stage in my life with open arms.
I just wanted to write this positive post and encourage y’all to admit your feelings to whoever, say you love them, show you love them, share your emotions! Life is so short and the worst thing that can happen is they don’t feel the same! Rejection isn’t so bad, i just went through it! I feel freer and light, and i’m happy I took that leap of faith even if it didn’t turn out the way i wanted.
And never EVER close yourself off from love. Please. Love is such a grand thing. How ever many times you’ve been hurt, or harmed, heartbroken, or damaged. If you’re as strong as you can be, you won’t close yourself off from love, cause if not this time, then next time. Love is a journey with ups and downs, and feeling it all is such a sense of life and exhilaration. I’m never giving up on love, and i’ll find my next love, maybe he’ll be the last or not. But i’ll never give up cause I have so much love to give and want to receive. Thanks for reading :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gqdzh0/getting_over_breakup_ghosted/ | gqdzh0 | 3,945 | 55 | [
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2020-05-26T16:36:20 | 'Daughter helping special needs boy backfiring?' | r/Parenting | *repost from 2019, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/bvf80q/daughter_helping_special_needs_boy_backfiring/) by u/somesaytomatoes*
&nbsp;
I'm a mom of 4 kids. My daughter, who is 10, and in 5th grade, is the oldest. She is an exceptionally kind girl, sweet, generous, all around lovely (not just a mom brag---that is truly her nature!). There is a boy in her class, let's call him E, who is special needs. I am not sure exactly what is wrong, but he struggles socially, has outbursts in class, and struggles to make friends. E also has a classroom aide, in addition to being pulled out for some subjects.
My daughter, being kind naturally, would tell me that she would talk to him in class and sometimes play with him at recess, "because the other kids don't want to play with him". DD has told me that he is often loud, impulsive, and socially awkward, and sometimes she even doesn't want to play with him because he's hard to get along with. She understands that he has special needs, and that it's important to be nice to him. I always told her that I am proud of her for being nice to him and trying to include him, but she is more than welcome to play with her other friends too, friends who make her very happy.
Now, my issue is this, and forgive me if this comes out terribly. My DD came home from a field trip today, very, very, very upset. She was excited for their trip to the zoo this morning, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me that everyone in class, a few days ago, got to pick their groups (within reason) and up until today, she thought she was being in a group with 4 of her friends from her class. Instead, the teacher pulls her aside this morning, and asks her to be her "special helper" and to be in a group with E, two other special needs kids, and their aide, for the duration of the trip. DD was shocked, because she wanted to be with her friends, and E especially stresses her out, despite her knowing that he has special needs. DD asked why she was put in a group with those kids, and the teacher told my daughter, "Oh, you are so good with E and *other kids* and so good at being nice to others when other kids aren't!" DD, not wanting to cause a problem, went on the trip in that group, and had a miserable time. E and others were apparently overstimulated easily didn't want to go in most of the exhibits, and DD had a terrible time.
I am proud of DD for being nice to this boy, but she should NOT be forced or expected to help this boy out all the time, especially with the teacher unexpectedly putting her in an awkward position. I also found out that the teacher has moved DD next to him for the entire marking period, and despite her telling her teacher that he distracts her and annoys her, teacher keeps saying "Oh, be nice, he has special needs!" DD's teacher also put him at DD and friends' lunch table, where he also is disruptive and makes it hard for others to socialize.
DD told me, "Mama, I want to be nice to this boy. I know he thinks and acts and learns differently because he is special needs, but he drives me crazy!" DD also told me that she was afraid to tell me up until now, thinking that I'd accuse her of being mean or not nice to him. I get where she is coming from, too. It's one thing to be nice to someone and try and take them under your wing, but it's hard when someone isn't socially apt---nor should it be my daughter's responsibility to be his guide/wingwoman.
I'm going to try and meet with DD's teacher next week. I know the year is ending, but I want to nip this in the bud before the 5th grade festivities begin---picnic, 5th grade dance, their class parties, etc. Do any of you have any ways I can address this to her without coming off like a jackass, plain and simple? Are my feelings valid? I feel awful, but it's important to teach your kids to be kind, but to not sacrifice your own happiness, for someone else.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/bwdxua/daughter_helping_special_needs_boy_backfiring/)
Okay, so first of all, I have no idea how to make sure that everyone who eagerly asked for an update gets one, so I hope you all see this post. But I have an update! I posted Friday night that my DD10 was upset, because her teacher, for almost the whole year, has been forcing her to sit next to,work with, play with, and be a "helper" to a special needs boy, named "E"despite her saying to the teacher that he's distracting her in class, and that she wants to be with her friends. The tip of the iceberg was that DD's teacher put her, unexpectedly, in a field trip group with special needs students, and kept her away from her friends. This woman also keeps telling DD she's going to "exclude" and "don't be a bully" if she doesn't help this boy.
So today, after dropping DD off at school, I pull into the visitors lot, sign into the office, and ask the secretary to speak with DD's teacher, the principal, the guidance counselor, and the special ed head, if possible, ASAP. At the very least, I wanted to meet with the principal and DD's teacher, ASAP, without exceptions. I didn't go in there with guns blazing, but I did be firm, stern, and had my mama bear claws out when ready. The secretary looked surprised, goes into the principal's office, talks a bit, and the secretary says, "Come back at 10AM, everyone will be able to meet with you then." (It was now about 9AM). I went to get a cup of coffee and think about what I was to say, and came back before 10 AM.
I was put into a conference room with the principal, DD's teacher, and the guidance counselor (the special ed head was coming in shortly, she was in another meeting). I tell everyone about what happened, with DD being partnered with this boy, it impacting her learning, her social skills, and how she's basically forced to work with this boy. The special ed head then comes in.The guidance counselor, first, says, "Oh, your girl is so sweet! You should be proud that she's so kind to this boy. What's the problem?" I then felt my blood start to boil, and told everyone about the field trip situation, the accusation of bullying if she doesn't "be a helper" and how she missed out on the end of the year zoo field trip, because all the other kids were overstimulated, and that she WAS TOLD THAT SHE COULDN'T BE WITH HER FRIENDS. At that moment, the special ed head's eyebrow starts to furrow and you could tell---SHE WAS NOT HAPPY AT ALL. The principal just keeps eyeing the teacher, who is looking guilty as all heck, and the guidance counselor is shaking her head in obvious disgust and disbelief, not understanding the magnitude of the situation until now.
The teacher says, "Oh, well, your daughter is SO GOOD with E!!! She's so mature and such a good helper!" I told the teacher, my daughter is 10 years old. She's not an aide, she's not a teacher, she's not a behavior therapist. SHE'S A CHILD. It's great she's nice to him, and includes him, but she should NOT be suffering socially and academically, and she should NOT BE ACCUSED OF BULLYING OR EXCLUSION because you (the teacher) don't want to do your job or calm this boy down.
The principal spoke up. "I agree with you, Mrs. Somesaytomatoes----this is unacceptable." She then reiterated what many of you said in the original post.The teacher then says, "Oh, well, I already put her in a group with E and the other special needs kids for field day on Wednesday. All my groups are made. Can't change them now." Principal scowls and says to the teacher, "You have a day and a half. Put her in a group with her friends, and give me a copy of all the groups by tomorrow afternoon."
So, principal, guidance counselor, and special ed head were SO apologetic and said that DD's kindness should not be abused. They all said, they're going to make sure DD has a good end of the year with her friends, and they also praised me for raising a kind, sweet girl. Teacher apologized half-assed, still seemed guilty---but all that matters is that everyone else---the admin and guidance counselor, realized how wrong this situation was. Teacher leaves to go back to class, and principal buzzes my DD (who was in art class) to come down. They reassured her the same thing, that she will be spending the rest of the year with her friends, the people SHE WANTS to hang out with, and is welcome to include E---IF SHE WANTS TO. Also, that she should NEVER feel like she HAS to be inclusive to anyone who makes her uncomfortable, or disrupts her. She started to cry a bit, because for such a long time, she felt as if she was being a bully. Special ed head then speaks up, "No---Miss Teacher was being the bully here. Not you." DD eventually went back to class, and principal tells me that she, out of her own pocket, wants to pay for my family to go to the zoo this summer, to make up for the time DD missed.
My heart is happy, I am proud of myself, and I feel like the mama bear in me was justified for coming out :) Thanks all for your wonderful advice! <3 | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gr0fnf/daughter_helping_special_needs_boy_backfiring/ | gr0fnf | 9,030 | 207 | [
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2020-05-27T17:14:54 | Two weeks ago I watched this guy run someone off the road. | r/HumansBeingBros | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/HumansBeingBros/comments/glllil/two_weeks_ago_i_watched_this_guy_run_someone_off/) & comments by u/Illhavethegabaghol*
&nbsp;
Two weeks ago I watched this guy run someone off the road. I ran out thinking it was road rage, turns out the driver was having a heart attack and had passed out while driving. The driver was going 70 when he passed out.
[Video: We broke the glass down, and were able to open the door from the inside so we could put the car in park and get unbuckled and out](https://www.reddit.com/r/HumansBeingBros/comments/glllil/two_weeks_ago_i_watched_this_guy_run_someone_off/)
The driver in front of him, guy who’s slamming the window, actually saw him pass out in the rear view mirror. He was then able to force a rear end and get the guy to the side of the road. I saw that, and then saw him fly out of his truck with the pipe. I assumed it was just insane road rage. I thought I was about to see the road rage incident of the century.
When we got to the window it was evident he was wholly unconscious, and slumped into the passenger seat. I didn’t pick the window, but I think the guy breaking it made the right call.
We ended performing CPR for 10 minutes until the paramedics got there.
The CPR actually worked in the sense that we were able to get some good deep breaths in him for 10 mins consistently. He had no pulse and wasn’t breathing on his own and it took them 10 mins to get there. He was unresponsive the whole time with no / low pulse from what I could tell. But I’m just a regular dude so I have no idea about specifics. I think if the moment called for it, you’d surprise yourself! Empathy and adrenaline are powerful things
I certainly never prepared for this past being a lifeguard in high school. I remembered the beat for the chest compressions because of The Office until a retired fire fighter got there.
**Update:** After awhile his family found my fiancé and they reached out and told me to let everyone know their dad (and grandfather to 8 / former marine) was stable but had a heart attack and would pull through. I’ve never experienced such a sensation of relief! For a guy I have still never spoken with!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/HumansBeingBros/comments/gr5ezp/update_2_weeks_ago_i_made_a_post_about_giving_a/)
2 weeks ago I made a post about giving a guy CPR after he had had a heart attack while driving on Cape Cod. Just wanted to provide and update that the driver lived and is at home with family now. I was able to finally “meet” him yesterday. So glad this weird little story has a happy ending.
https://i.redd.it/fi23a6i0a6151.jpg
...
**Story makes the local news**
[Quick-Thinking Motorists Save Man's Life On Mid-Cape](https://www.capenews.net/sandwich/news/quick-thinking-motorists-save-mans-life-on-mid-cape/article_57944d30-9f0c-5177-89cd-7cf2db23f97e.html) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/grnuef/two_weeks_ago_i_watched_this_guy_run_someone_off/ | grnuef | 2,926 | 107 | [
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2020-05-28T17:25:47 | 'I’ve fostered dogs a couple dozen times, but this is a new challenge' | r/dogs | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/g06oyr/help_update_on_foster_dog_not_leaving_crate_or/) by u/urnbabyurn*
&nbsp;
I foster home dogs with my three permanent dogs. This one was the biggest challenge yet in terms of being shy and afraid of people. She didn’t leave her crate for 24+ hours, but was eating and drinking what I put in there with her.
Lots of good advice from people here. Thanks! And it was also confirmed when I spoke to the head of the foster org about it. Apparently, this was one of the most people fearful dogs they’ve had, and that’s why they thought me and my other dogs would help with because she isn’t afraid of other dogs.
24 Horus came and went, and it got nice outside this afternoon. So I carried her crate outside (boy am I out of shape) and me and the other dogs played around in the yard, did some gardening, etc. She spent 30 minutes just hanging in the crate, I mostly ignored her but tossed treats in when passing by.
Then, out of nowhere, she darts out of the crate across the yard and goes to huddle in the compost pile. I couldn’t get close, but she hung out there for about a half hour, did some business, and then darted across the yard back into her crate.
After some more hanging out, I took her in the crate back inside. She seems to gradually becoming slightly more curious, and now is eating treats from my hand. She ate dinner and while in the crate, I feel like this has been good progress so far.
And I finally got a picture of her, albeit using maximum zoom.
Poor girl. This will be a few weeks or months until she gains some normalcy. But hey, what else do I have to do? Next goal is to have her get out of the crate and walk herself outside.
https://i.imgur.com/GV5qDG8.jpg
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/gnkxmu/help_update_on_foster_dog_who_wont_leave_crate/)
It’s been about six weeks, but I thought I would give everyone a happy update on my foster dog.
To recap, she is a very scared dog, and seems almost exclusively afraid of people (me). I have three dogs of my own who she seems completely fine with, even playful. I brought her home and she wouldn’t leave her crate for days, even to go to the bathroom. Any attempt to take her out caused panic, so after talking with folks here and elsewhere, I decided to leave her be and let her come out on her own. It was a long wait.
Eventually, she had some accidents in the crate, but I started leaving pee pads outside, which she would use at night or when I was out of the room. It became a routine. She would just sit in the crate all day, eating meals by at most taking her front legs out, but never leaving her hind legs out of the crate.
I would play fetch where I tossed a ball in her crate. If she caught it, she would play keep away (still in the crate) from my pup. Eventually, my pup gets it, returns it to me and repeat. Lots of fun. Still, terrified when I walk around the crate. So I would spend days on the couch (hey, it’s a quarantine, and I was working) with her behind it in her crate. It was company.
A month goes by and still she won’t leave. But hey, where else do I have to be?
At this point, she will start taking treats from my hands. Each day was minor progress, but really minor. She eventually would step her front paws out towards me and take a treat before retracting. But no further. No matter how long her food bowl or I waited with a treat, if she couldn’t reach with her back feet in it, she left it.
I really felt like giving up. Or at least, not expecting anything.
So after six weeks now, I’m napping on the couch and look over and she’s walking around me sniffing. Well, sniffing my dogs sleeping at my feet, but out of her crate halfway across the room! What? Out of nowhere. It wasn’t some gradual exploration. But she just came out.
https://i.imgur.com/lozWBwF.jpg
She even came up on the couch at my feet and sat there like on a canoe. Really. She didn’t want me to pet her, that made her scared, but she didn’t seem to mind my feet. It was such an exciting moment to have a dog you were working with for a month and a half suddenly have a breakthrough. I felt like Robyn Williams in Awakenings when Robert Deniro suddenly woke up.
https://i.imgur.com/OsSki2m.jpg
Well, she ran back to her crate shortly after, but the next day she was out again. Now she’s still very skiddish. If I move around the room, she will back off and be timid. But she jumps from couch to couch like the floor is lava - I think she feels like they are safe like the crate was. And it’s all play with the others. She is loving getting treats from me.
Well, a family chatted and met her over video today and really seem great and like her. So this may be her last week here. It’s bittersweet, but it has been so rewarding to patiently work with a dog and get her to a place where she can get adopted. The family news she will likely go into lockdown for six weeks. They are prepared, and have dogs of their own. But she needs her permanent home, so I hope they are a match.
https://i.imgur.com/81aDlsk.mp4
&nbsp;
[**4 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/gq0y7w/discussion_my_most_rewarding_foster_yet/)
Well, she was adopted. And I got an update from the new forever home
>Wanted to give you an update on […] She has had several big breakthroughs today including come out of the crate to lay on the couch, where she actually fell asleep.
>She also used our side yard to do her business, which is where the other dogs go. She is very curious about the other two dogs. Right now, they’re ignoring her - we think because they believe she’s leaving soon so don’t want to bond just yet.
>She’s actually right now laying on one of the dog beds out in the open.
>Huge strides for a day and a half.
I can’t believe it. It has me in tears. After she was so shy for six+ weeks, to hear she is adjusting so quickly to her new home has made me so happy. I’ve fostered for two years now, and this has been the most difficult but in the end the most rewarding yet.
Fostering is very popular right now, and I definitely recommend it for anyone who has the time and space.
My house is full of onions right now, so I need to go...
https://i.imgur.com/P284lNp.jpg | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gsaj6u/ive_fostered_dogs_a_couple_dozen_times_but_this/ | gsaj6u | 6,294 | 91 | [
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2020-05-29T18:26:58 | I Think My Neighbours Are Conspiracing to Kill Me | r/RBI | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/g1zssb/can_anyone_hear_any_conversations_in_this_audio/)*
&nbsp;
Can anyone hear any conversations in this audio? Anyone able to make it sound clearer? Not sure if I'm losing my mind or not lol
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Nn38FFH0RVRhh6svB2465MU2u63RSa2K/view?usp=sharing
Recorded it myself, been hearing my neighbour make suspicious comments no idea if I'm just paranoid or its legitimate.
...
Pretty sure someone's attempting to drill into my door as we speak guys. If I don't update you, you know what happened.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/g2cit0/update_i_think_my_neighbours_are_conspiracing_to/)
So. Yesterday I posted about someone conspiring to kill me. Before you I'm told to go seek mental help do not worry. I already called my gp they're setting me up soon.
Heres the thing. I heard pretty clear and vivid voices last night, definitely felt like someone was trying to weaken my door perse so they could break in easier.
Today I recorded some footage on my phone and amplified it in audacity. See if you guys can hear anything. I hera things pretty vividly myself.
Today I heard them say they're going to throw petrol bombs through my windows and that they've bugged my room. Rightfully terrified, would appreciate any honest opinions and help.
Also thank you to everyone concerned and appreciate the messages asking if I'm okay! I really do appreciate it.
...
Audio file 1 (will upload more later): https://drive.google.com/open?id=1P-g4jubbat8V72-ysBccIeg6ZVbcAaGH
He has two kids (I think) and I think he's mad about smoking
>20 secs --- ain't smoked a spliff in his life --- ain't smoked a spliff in his life
>After 20 secs He's probably thinking what the fuck is going on.
>58 secs J----- ---ley
>1:10 secs He doesn't think ill take his lifeeee
Thats my transcript from full volume audio edited. Don't know if anyone hears the same thing
...
I actually saw the two people outside who supposedly own the house today and still heard people shouting at me/conspiring.
I won't hurt anyone.
I'm staying with my dad but unfortunately he gets angry if I point out any of my psychosis to him (presuming it is that)
I've called the access line waiting on a call back from the nurse
I have an appointment at 3 tomorrow
...
Examples of things I heard:
>Male: Myname is going get fucked
>Tell him suck his mum
>Doing me fucking head in
>He's fucking dead mate
>He's psychotic mate, he thinks he's psychotic
>Just wait till we kick his door down
>When he sees the double barreled shotgun he'll shit himself
>He won't do nothing when he's got a gun to his head
>He's going get his teeth kicked in
>He's fucked himself over
>He's fucked it
>He's fucked his life up
>I know he's clocked on, he knows it ain't psychosis. His dads dead as fuck. Trust me he knows.
>He's looking for the cameras
>What's he keep looking at us for
>He's going let the police know
>He's shit himself
>Fuck his mates he's a nobody
>Going put a double barreled shotgun up his arse and shoot his insides out
>He pisseses me off though! He keeps ringing the police on me
>Wait until I cut his bollocks off
>Female: If you keep talking about him
>He's ringing the police
>He's staring right at the cameras
>He keeps staring right at the cameras
>If he can hear us were going straight to jail, pissing me off now
>You keep saying stuff like this he's going clock on
>If the police know were going get arrested
>He's still talking to his mates on his phone
>He records everything and he's going go the police, forensics will look at it and you'll go to jail.
>So be quiet now. Be quiet.
>See what I fucking mean? He's posting it all to reddit and if he disappears it'll go straight to the police.
I'd appreciate it if someone could forward this to the UK police if I disappear and stop updating you.
...
Hear people outside again and neighbour says someone is going to firebomb my house. Best of luck again pls
Nights been rough lately
...
This is no longer a drill.
Send help
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1288NapmAcchf3DWJTXVRdnUfmZSCVPZg/view?usp=drivesdk
https://drive.google.com/file/d/12NWmcakneMo4Uwl9OjIlSw72uuIxsq6M/view?usp=drivesdk
https://drive.google.com/file/d/12O-oTxSkKO-UyuzepRRvmoJY467RKVaq/view?usp=drivesdk
...
I have spoken to a few mental health services now and am still hearing things.
still struggling deeply
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
I wasn't online as I was sectioned under the mental health act, spent some time in hospital am currently being treated with Olanzapine and feeling much better.
I was extremely grateful to leave that hell hole being sectioned. I had two appointments all of which said I wasn't even experiencing psychosis. Took being literally institutionalised before I could get meds for what at the time was minor psychosis. Very disappointed in UK mental health services tbh.
Hopefully I ca change my antipsych to a less comprehensive one else I'll probably stop taking it not interested in living with all my 5ht and dopamine antagonised.
Feeling pretty angry as I write this edit lol, angry at the disservice people suffering from psychosis receive from both medical services and especially police services particularly my local one who accused me of lying and being an attention qhore when I offered to prove to them with my good samaritan email that I experienced exactly what I said 2 days before even making a call to them.
Thank you to everyone for the kind messages and concern, it really is appreciated. I can't begin to describe how grateful I am. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gsycmb/i_think_my_neighbours_are_conspiracing_to_kill_me/ | gsycmb | 5,769 | 77 | [
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2020-05-30T18:06:49 | My mom hates my baby names. This is what ridiculousness ensued. | r/BabyBumps | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/gd2i6o/my_mom_hates_my_baby_names_a_case_study_on_why/)*
&nbsp;
I have made a huge mistake in sharing my list of baby names with my mother.
Some background on my mother so you can get a good picture of her. She is your typical entitled middle class white "Karen", mid 60s, with a lot of ignorance and and the typical "I am always right" attitude. I have been low-contact with her for some time because she falls into the "Justno" category with her narcissism and borderline personality disorder. (For the record, she also shows signs of Bipolar and some sort of degenerative brain condition. Lewy Body Dementia is a strong suspect to me.) Her mood fluctuates in an unpredictable manner. Sometimes she is very loving, caring, and understanding. A great grandma. Completely gentle and fun to be around. The mom I remember from my childhood. Other times she is hateful, opinionated and spiteful. The mom I left behind.
She also seems to have this random low-key streak of racism which appeared within the last few years and seems to be getting worse with age, alcohol abuse, and the current political atmosphere. For example, she enjoys appropriating the culture of Native Americans, which she insists she understands because she probably has Native American genes in her bloodline. She takes it far enough to announce to anyone who will listen that her son-in-law is Native American, so of course she has a beautiful grandson. (My husband is actually Indigenous Mexican, which she rejects because why be Mexican when you could be Native American?) This will be important later.
Most of the time, she understands that I want to keep her at arm's length due to her past behaviors. (Luckily she lives almost 4 hours away from us, which is nice.) She only sees our son twice a year, both times always supervised by me. I honestly do not trust her to be alone with our son because she is so unpredictable. She also knows that if she puts one toe out of line during our visits that I will immediately pack the car up and take my family home. However, I'm 36 weeks pregnant with our second baby, another boy. The distance between us has seemed to embolden her lately and she has been calling and texting more often. She has also sent us a bunch of gifts for no reason. I don't know why, but y pregnancies always give her a second wind of new resolve to insert her opinion into our lives. Especially when it comes to the naming of our children.
For example, when I found out I was pregnant the first time, her reaction was something like "Hopefully it's not a boy, because both you and your husband are short and he will have a miserable life and never get married as a short boy." When we got the confirmation that we were indeed having a boy, she said "well, I guess you will have to try again" and "You know your aunt paid for growth hormones for your cousin and he gained a few inches. You could do that." These off hand comments we just ignored as the pregnancy progressed.
Her next fixation was on our name choices for our son. We decided to call our son "Orion" after the constellation. Both of us loved this name and knew it would be perfect for our little boy. We also decided to incorporate the star theme into his baby shower and his nursery. Of course, my mother had something to say about it. Her first comment was like the name "Orion" sounded "homosexual" and she didn't want me to put that label on him. (Wut?) She also tried to convince us that no one would get the connection to the stars, and people would have a hard time saying it. She advised us to make the name more palatable by inserting an apostrophe in it, making it O'Rian. (She actually still pronounces it this way to this day.) She also announced that his nickname should be "Rye" even though we have always called him by his full name. Obviously, she hasn't gotten her way with any of this.
Two years have gone by since Orion was born. We found out we were pregnant with baby #2 in September. We did an early blood screening, and found out that it was another boy. Husband and I were overjoyed that Orion would have a baby brother. However, my mother was very upset. (Now I would have 2 short boys!) Even as time went on, she was resistant in accepting the idea that I wasn't having a girl. When she first asked me about names, I was a few months along. I gave her a very rough version of some of our picks. She countered with girl names. (As if the baby would magically turn into a girl if we gave him a feminine name.) When we decided on a first name for our second son (River), she insisted that I had to pick a middle name that was also on the theme of nature. I told her that the baby's second name would probably be something Greek or roman, or related to mythology to match the theme of Orion's name. I also told her I wanted a more masculine middle name because "River" could be unisex. When she heard this, she asked me if I had picked a unisex first name because I was planning on having a transgender baby. (Wtf???)
The madness has continued with the middle name. Around halfway through the pregnancy I had a list of possible middle names that I liked. Not surprisingly, Mom said she hated all of them. (Our top three were: "Aurelius", "Odin", and "Valentine".) She said "Odin" sounded like a fat kid's name and "Valentine" was a girl's name. But she saved her biggest opinion for "Aurelius", my top pick. (I loved Aurelius most because there is more than one significant meaning behind it. Plus it's super cool and kind of matchy with Orion Maxwell.)
At first, she just said that she didn't like "Aurelius" because it was weird and dumb, and no one could say it. I just always told her that I was sorry that she felt that way and that this was my child. As time went on, she started getting more antsy. I started to get texts every few days asking me if I had picked any more names out. When it was clear that I wasn't going to be changing any of our picks, she started texting me her own.
First it was a list of nature names. Then a list of random Irish names that she liked. (After being reminded that my husband's side of the family is Mexican and Irish names are hard to pronounce.) And finally she suggested that I name the baby after my grandfather, a guy that once told my husband that he was surprised that his grandparents were allowed to cross the American border. (Not so low-key racist and embarrassing.) All the while, I gave her the same answer: "Too bad you don't like my names, this is my kid."
Now that I'm 36 weeks along, she is starting to get more desperate about my names. I'm obviously not budging on my name choices, which drives her nuts as she thinks she is always right. The texts have been coming in steadily and have been getting more and more ridiculous. The other day she texted me and told me that I just could not use "Aurelius" because it looks too much like "Aeriola" and so basically I would be ruining my son's life by naming him "nipple." Good luck finding a logical train of thought in that one. I was unphased and let her know that she was a complete nut and that I didn't need any more unsolicited opinions on names. She got a little bit upset and said "Why can't you give him a normal name, like "Leaf" or "Stone"? Right. Because "River Leaf" doesn't sound like an estranged member of the Manson family. (No offense to people called "Leaf")
Which brings me to today. I am driving to work when I receive a test message that my car reads:
"Your father says he likes "Silverthorne" for a middle name. Totally American Indian. You know Tonto's actual name was "Jay Silverheels."
I have to tell you, it took a decent amount of effort not to bang my head on the steering wheel in just sheer amazement of her nutcaseness. That text message was wrong on so many levels. The level of racism and sheer ignorance just blew my mind. I just am so sorry on so many levels to all indigenous communities for my mother, who apparently thinks she has enough privilege to be an authority on indigenous baby names. I mean, what the actual fuck. (If we wanted to honor our baby's indigenous heritage we would be choosing a Nahuatl name.) I also feel bad for my Dad, who has become an unwitting participant in trying to force me to change my baby name.
She sent me a bunch of random names after from within the Greek pantheon hoping one of her suggestions would stick. I have been ignoring her text suggestions completely. I realize after a full day of bizarre text messages (Yes, I have the text messages) that her actions are probably not as much about naming my kid as trying to exert some sort of power over my life that she no longer has. But that's only a theory I have. In conclusion...keep those baby names away from toxic family members! I have learned the hard way.
&nbsp;
[**A Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/gt49q7/update_my_mom_hates_my_baby_names_a_case_study_on/)
I really want to thank everyone for your kind words, advice, and commiseration with the post about my insane borderline mother and her opinions on our son's name. I feel so grateful to have had an outlet to vent about her behavior here. Not to mention, all of my family's negativity was wearing on me.
I admit, before posting, I almost changed the name because I got so tired of hearing my mom's unsolicited shit talking. All of your feedback really helped me feel un-crazy and resolute in standing my ground.
River Aurelius Mendez was born on May 27th at 8:55am. He is doing great, and the paperwork has been turned in! My parents called to tell me they were "horrified" at our name choice. My mom seems to be blaming my husband for "making me" choose such a "weird body part name".
Apparently we are setting him up to be made fun of. "At least he has a nice first name. Your father says he doesn't know what your husband was thinking. Luckily no one uses middle names, and maybe he will change it when he's older," said she.
If he does, that's cool and totally his call when he gets old enough. Maybe he will like it as much as we do. Who knows. But right now, as his parents, we still like the name, and baby boy doesn't seem to upset about it: http://imgur.com/gallery/JO1YLhH | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gtiouz/my_mom_hates_my_baby_names_this_is_what/ | gtiouz | 10,344 | 63 | [
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2020-05-31T17:33:57 | I (25F) am so tired of being psychoanalyzed by my boyfriend (24M) | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gkvb89/i_25f_am_so_tired_of_being_psychoanalyzed_by_my/) by u/ThrowRA112112*
&nbsp;
Background: A little over a year ago, when we first started dating, my boyfriend said something to the effect of "I'm really good at noticing things about people that they can't - or won't - acknowledge themselves." I shrugged it off because whatever. And he's a great boyfriend; we're perfectly happy otherwise. But it's started to become a problem.
The issue: My boyfriend has been psychoanalyzing me with increasing frequency, and I'm losing my mind. He'll assume he knows why I'm feeling a certain way or doing a certain thing, and he tends to treat it like a "Gotcha!" situation. Telling him that he's wrong is impossible.
For example. We recently watched the new Invisible Man movie together. For those who haven't seen it, the major plot point is that the main character is being tormented by an unseen force, and no one believes her. There's this awesome moment of vindication when everyone finally realizes that she was telling the truth, but then they turn around and doubt her about one small detail. As we were watching, I said something to the effect of, "Wow, that's really obnoxious. She turned out to be right about the first thing - why would they doubt her about this?" My boyfriend paused the movie, looked at me like a parent who's comforting a five-year-old who's just fallen off a bike, and said, "Are you frustrated because you can relate? Has there been a time when no one believed you?" I pointed out that the movie was meant to frustrate the audience and that my feelings weren't that deep, but he got all "Sure, Jan," so I let it drop.
When we first started dating, these remarks didn't bother me. I thought it was sweet, it seemed like he was using these questions as an opportunity to get to know me. But now it just feels very patronizing, like he's constantly trying to suggest that I'm burdened by some deep trauma. Another example - we were watching some random thing on Netflix last night, and he stepped out for a moment. When he came back in, he tackled me (not in a particularly aggressive way, he's just an avid cuddler). I expressed annoyance (I said "Was that necessary?") because I'm covered in bruises and road rash from a recent accident, and he'd hurt me (plus, I was eating something and he knocked it to the floor). He sighed and said, "You're just upset because the girl in the movie is getting bullied, you don't have to take it out on me."
It finally came to a head today. We were walking to the store, and I was telling a funny story about my siblings watching Phineas and Ferb. I asked if he'd seen it, to which he responded, "No, I stopped watching kid shows when I was 12." I replied that I did, too, but that I have younger siblings and so I know the premise. He stopped walking and asked in a weird therapist tone, "Do you like kid shows? Is this a form of regression? Is that why you play Pokemon?" I calmly responded that I was starting to get frustrated, and asked him to please stop. He put his arm around me comfortingly and, in the same tone, said, "I'm done, I'm done, it's okay." I pointed out that he wasn't stopping, but he just kept using the same tone to say it was okay. I ended up shaking his arm off of me, turning around, and walking back home without him.
He came home and insisted that he's just messing around, and he said he's just referencing the study module that we're in (FTR, we're both in medical school and we've just finished our psychiatry rotation). But he's done this for over a year now, and it feels very belittling. I'm older than him, just as intelligent as he is, and I've also brought this up before. He knows I hate it. But whenever I express annoyance, he kinda takes on the attitude of "Yeah, I know it's uncomfortable to realize hard things about yourself sometimes." (Edit: I’ve seen some confusion here and on other social media platforms where this has been reposted - hi Twitter. We are medical students. We had to do a compulsory 6-week mental health rotation. We also do rotations in various other specialties-surgery, general practice, critical care, etc. Neither of us has a desire to become a psychiatrist.)
HOWEVER. I know he's not doing it to be nefarious. It doesn't happen THAT frequently, just more now that we spend our time at home together. And also I'm a little hormonal. And we really are genuinely happy in every other regard. So I need to know. What do I do from here?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gn1oda/update_i_25f_am_so_tired_of_being_psychoanalyzed/)
Long update ahead. Sorry for the delay! It was tricky to coordinate schedules in a way that allowed us to sit down and give the conversation the time it deserved. And I know this might be disappointing for a lot of you who were hoping for a sassy #MicDrop moment, but our conversation was really level-headed.
Basically, I summarized my OP and emphasized how it's annoying that he turns my benign comments into deep, introspective interrogations - but more than that, it's incredibly frustrating and inappropriate for him to tell me how I'm feeling/why I'm feeling that way. I raised some of the points/questions that everyone recommended, and even said at one point, "It seems like it's really important to you that I feel a certain way about things or identify with something you're saying, to the point where you refuse to accept that I might not actually feel that way. Why do you think that is?"
After apologizing profusely, he talked about how he, like so many of us, was in a relationship where his partner never really said what she was thinking, and she expected him to read her mind. She'd lie about how she was feeling, and then punish him for taking her comments at face value. We talked about why this was wasn't great behavior on her part, and I now understand where his habit comes from, but I was clear about how I'm not his ex, and I've never been dishonest about how I feel or what my expectations are. I empathize with him, but I also told him that this is a problem on his end, and while I'm happy to work through those fears/feelings with him, I will not be punished for her shortcomings. (I also ended up throwing in a snarky comment about how psychiatrists call this displacement - redirecting his emotions to a neutral party; he took this with good humor and a "Point taken").
We talked about his comment from when we first got together (where he said he's good at realizing things about people that they can't or won't acknowledge), and he's embarrassed at how obnoxious it was. He admitted that he can actually have a difficult time reading others' emotions, so he tries to overcompensate. He said he sometimes suspects he might have autism (which some of you suggested!), and we talked about how it's 10000% okay for him to say "I'm having a hard time reading you right now - what are you feeling?" instead of just assuming he knows.
We talked about the Netflix-cuddle incident. From his side, he came in for a snuggle because he thought I was sad about the movie, so when I asked "Was that necessary?", he thought I was asking about the cuddle itself (and not the food loss/pain of being tackled), so he said, "But you're upset because the girl is being bullied," and confused about my annoyed tone, he added, "You don't have to take it out on me." He didn't recognize that he'd hurt me (again, he was horrified and apologetic about this). And when it comes to the Phineas and Ferb/Pokemon thing, he fully admits that he was being a complete, patronizing asshole without reason. He said he's probably projecting (ha!), and promised to raise it with his therapist.
One last thing I want to address: I know some of you seem to think that he's The Devil and is always a horrible boyfriend and is going to be a terrible doctor (this is called splitting - believing people are either all good or all bad)\*This is a joke, pls don't come for me). But that's because I was asking for advice on the one bothersome thing in our relationship. I could have included every awesome thing he does for me/says to me/etc., but my post was already an essay. Please trust that he is an amazing boyfriend, and we take great care of each other.
As far as what kind of doctor he'll be, I understand why some of you have made that leap. But he is absolutely wonderful with patients, listens empathetically, trusts what they tell him, and picks up on things that the average person wouldn't. I've told this story elsewhere, but I'll tell it here too - we once had the same patient for a long case presentation. She'd had a stroke, so I talked about which artery was likely occluded based on her symptoms, clinical mumbo jumbo, thought I was clever for recognizing that she was unrelatedly overdue for a mammogram, and included "X medication, occupational therapy review" as part of my plan. His report was totally different - he hit the important clinical aspects, but spent much more time than I had talking about the difficulties she'd face at home due to her impaired mobility (he even listed the locations and numbers of stairs in each room in her house). His plan had "X medication, occupational therapy review, and talk to charge nurse about scheduling Y conference room for visitors so she doesn't have to miss bridge club." I think he'll be fine.
Thank you all so much for your awesome messages and advice! It was so helpful. Onwards and upwards! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gu36b4/i_25f_am_so_tired_of_being_psychoanalyzed_by_my/ | gu36b4 | 9,566 | 109 | [
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2020-06-01T16:53:14 | My Daughter (12F) lost her hero in tragic circumstances. | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gq4zy0/my_daughter12fs_hero_passed_away_in_tragic/) by u/ThrowawayRAHana*
&nbsp;
Hi.
For as long as I remember, my husband has been very into pro wrestling. We have two children, and while our oldest (14M) never had an interest, our young daughter loved it from an early age, particularly the women.
My daughter is very shy, and loves seeing these larger then life characters. She also loves reading interviews, watching clips, making little posters on the computer of her favourites etc.
A few years ago my husband and her went to see some wrestling at Madison Square Garden and my daughter fell head over heels for this wrestler Hana Kimura. From there, it was almost as if all her previous heroes stopped to exist. No more Anna or Elsa. No more Wonder Woman. It was all Hana. At the begining of the lock down, we even dyed her hair pink with temporary color, like Hana.
A few days ago, Hana took her life after online trolls wouldn't leave her alone. She posted on twitter about it, and that she was struggling. A few hours later she died.
My husband told me that morning before she was awake. She has an ipad, but isn't allowed to keep it in her room overnight, so we got the jump on it at least. We say her down over breakfast and told her. We wanted to try and tip toe around what happened, but we knew that she would know the details when she got to go online next online. She kind of understands part of it, because they've been taught about cyber bullying both at school and home.
She spent the entire day crying and watching clips on YouTube. We gave her space to do this. In the evening, her and her father had planned to watch a wrestling show, and we decided to make it a family event and get some take out (take out is a really rare occasion in our house, so it's something of a comfort thing, if that makes sense). She seemed to briefly pick up, and we got her to eat a tiny bit, but it was clear that she was still completely shell shocked.
Today she has spent the day on the couch watching clips again. She hasn't cried as much, but she won't eat and barely talks. Myself, her rather and her brother are all taking turns sitting with her on the couch so she doesn't feel alone and if she needs a hug, there's someone there.
I just don't know what to do going forward. How can I help her process this, and mourn someone she didn't know. Especially given the awful circumstances. She hasn't mentioned anything about the suicide, and is focused on the death itself, but I worry that she is internalising some questions. We've let her know that we are always there to talk to about this, but surely I could do more?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gubd3w/update_my_daughter_12f_lost_her_hero_in_tragic/)
Hi all. I thought I'd give an update since you were all so kind on the first post.
Its been a roller-coaster week, but I've cosntsntly been impressed at my little girl's resiliance. She is clearly very sad, but has resumed the job of getting on with life. She is still watching lots of clips of Hana's matches, and spends a fair bit of time making little posters on the computer (that we now let her post to Twitter. She has a Twitter that's 'hers' that she doesn't have the password for so needs to ask us to log in, so it's very monitored. Previously the rule for Twitter was she could follow people, but not post anything. Considering her account is so closely monitored, and she knows to never, ever give info, it should be OK).
One thing that has changed a little is that she clearly places a large amount of blame on reality shows in general. She has been reading some stuff online and had told me lots over the past week that all reality shows are bad because they don't look after the people on it. I've never cared for reality TV, so I'm just letting it go for now, but at some point I might need to talk to her about how it was probably a combo of things. That's a hard chat though, and I don't really have a clue on how to start it.
One thing I've been very happy about is how we all handled this as a family. My daughter and husband already watch lots of wrestling, so it was great that for that side of things, she had someone to talk to. And she knew that if she ever wanted to talk about being sad, her father, brother and I were there.
But it was her older brother that really stepped up. They were always a little team, but while she's been sad he's constantly been there for her. Even just playing switch on the couch while she watches TV, small things. I'm very proud of my family unit.
It feels like I've mostly rambled here, but I just want to say thanks to everyone here. I received some great advice, especially those who told me Hana's mothers words to those grieving with her - we had a great dinner table discussion about how to remember all the positives. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/guo5bd/my_daughter_12f_lost_her_hero_in_tragic/ | guo5bd | 4,947 | 97 | [
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2020-06-02T16:40:37 | I allowed my 17 year old sister to move in with me, Dad is threatening me with kidnapping charges | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/91hftj/i_allowed_my_17_year_old_sister_to_move_in_with/) from 2018 by u/sdchibi*
&nbsp;
Last year (April 2017), my sister (then 17 and living in CT with our mother) dropped out of high school and came to live with me. I live in NY State, Albany area. My mother is disabled by mental illness and in her condition was neglecting my sister and my adult brother that lived there (disabled w/ autism) was physically abusive towards both of them.
According to the custody agreement in my mother and father's divorce (in 2006) it was Dad that was supposed to be the custodial parent and my Mom was supposed to be paying him child support and getting weekend visitation. My sister lived with Dad and his then-girlfriend (now wife) for about 3 years and then sent her to live with Mom.
However, Mom never got the support order changed but worked out an agreement with Dad: she got to keep the SSI money that was my sister's benefit instead of it being forwarded to Dad for support and he kept her on his health insurance.
When my sister came to live with me last year, Mom told me she would send the benefit money on to me for taking care of my sister. She didn't. Dad kept her on his health insurance but refused to pay anything towards her online high school course when asked saying he didn't have any money to spare. So, I'm paying it because she needs a high school education and it's only $50/month.
This year my sister turned 18 and is almost finished her online high courses,and has started looking for a job but is considering trade school (so proud of her!) She will be staying with me until she can afford to move out; my wife and I have agreed to that and have no problem with that. In NY, child support can be received up to age 21. So, I filed a petition for child support for Mom and for Dad through NY State and the county court here sent out notices to them to appear for a court date.
Dad received his yesterday and called me up, asked me why I was doing this to him, told me I need to drop the case because it's going to ruin him financially and that "technically what you did was kidnapping" because nobody asked him permission when my sister was moving from CT to NY to live with me when the court order still says she's supposed to live with him but that he didn't want to go down that route because it's "low" but that it's low of me to bring him to court about child support.
So, my question is: Do I need to worry about being arrested for kidnapping? Would I be better off dropping the child support case?
TLDR: Filed for child support against both parents after taking in my little sister, Dad said to drop the case and he'll overlook the "kidnapping".
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9ar7q9/update_i_allowed_my_sister_to_move_in_with_me_dad/)
So, I had my day in court today for the child support hearing. Dad actually showed up for court instead of using the option of conference call like my mother did. My sister (let's call her Valerie) wanted to sit in the courtroom in case the judge had any questions for her in particular (he didn't, but I'm proud of how brave my sister is for going to court when she didn't have to) because I could feel my heart beating in my throat the entire time.
The judge started out by saying he was unsure if a support order could be issued today given that Valerie is now 18 and in CT would be ineligible but in NY would be eligible until 21 but then began asking some some questions.
Dad did a lot of talking at first, mostly saying how he had a court order that gave him full custody of Valerie and that Mom was supposed to be paying him child support. Then he said how Valerie dropped out of high school and left the state to live with me without telling him or getting his permission and how he didn't know for a month after the fact. he complained that Mom never speaks to him about anything, that I make no effort to have a relationship with him and that Valerie doesn't either. Boo-hoo, we're all ganging up on him and he doesn't know what he did to deserve it, etc. Sure enough, as a few of you kind folks mentioned, the judge asked him "Why didn't you know where she was for a month if she was supposed to be in your custody?"
He then says that she was staying with her mother at the time but that she would've had a place with him and still does have a place with him if she had asked. At that point, sick of hearing him play the victim, I piped up and asked as calmly as I could manage "Why didn't she have a place with you 9 years ago when you dropped her off at Mom's house, didn't tell her you weren't coming back for her and then got rid of all her belongings?"
My mother on the phone confirmed what happened and said that she asked me if I could take in my sister because of my brother's violent behavior early in 2017. Valerie was 17 at the time she moved to NYS and is still attending high school to earn her diploma (better late than never) and I've been her sole source of support ever since.
The judge then reviewed the guidelines for monetary support. My mother, being disabled and on social security, was to pay no more than $50 per month for support. Dad was to pay no more than 17% of his income, which translated to to roughly $800 per month. The judge asked me what amount I was looking for. My answer was that I just wanted some help with the groceries and her medical bills so I asked for a total of $250 from Dad and the max $50 from Mom. Dad tried to haggle me down to $200 per month because he just bought a house last year (you should've seen the look on the judge's face). The judge reminded him that the guidelines recommended $800 a month and I held firm on $250. Dad sighed and said he'll have to give up smoking to afford it (this is supposed to make me feel bad?).
The judge made the order for support, effective until age 21 AND I never did get in trouble for allegedly "kidnapping" my little sister.
Thank you to everyone here that gave me encouragement to see this through and not fall for Dad's intimidation tactics. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gvapxa/i_allowed_my_17_year_old_sister_to_move_in_with/ | gvapxa | 6,144 | 139 | [
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2020-06-03T20:38:57 | My daughter lost my brand new wedding ring and I’m at an all time low | r/Parenting | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/fj751w/my_daughter_lost_my_brand_new_wedding_ring_and_im/) by u/Cuntdracula19*
&nbsp;
So a while back my original wedding set broke a prong and I lost a diamond. I was devastated. My husband just bought me a new ring on Friday as an early birthday gift, we picked it out together I was so elated and happy. Well it needs to be resized because I have skinny ass alien fingers, so I kept it in the box way up high where My daughter could never get to it. Or so I thought
We just transitioned her into a toddler bed this weekend cause she was climbing out of her crib. Every morning she comes into our room and hangs out with us/wakes us up. Well this morning she brings us the ring box. No ring. I’ve torn the entire house apart, put my arm down the vents, down the toilets, looked everywhere. Fucking. Everywhere. The garbage. The garbage disposal. Shoes. Turned every bed upside down. Turned every drawer in the house out. I am absolutely devastated and haven’t stopped crying all morning, now all day. I’ve been screaming and crying. Said things I already regret.
I have been having a really really hard time with my daughter lately. She will be 3 at the end of May and is SUPER “that age.” And super “that kid.” Defiant. Doesn’t listen. Smart as a whip, gets into everything. Nothing is safe from her. I really truly thought I had put it where she couldn’t get to it. I know that this is really my fault, but goddamn I am mad at her. She’s with her godmother right now because I told my husband to get her out of the house and away from me because I am not in the mental state to be around her and I feel awful for admitting that but it’s true.
I get that it’s just a ring at the end of the day but goddamn. The price, omg. I don’t even want to say the price. I love my daughter but omg. I feel like the worst mother, the worst wife, the worst human being in the entire world.
Edit: I just wanted to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the outpouring of advice, support, help, everything. I’m a CNA working in Washington state right now, In the middle of this pandemic crisis, I’m in the middle of finals at school (which now all has to be changed and done online somehow), I just have had SO MUCH on my plate. It broke me today, and I’ve been at work and work is crazy today too.
I want everyone to know I didn’t scream and yell at my daughter, I sent her away when I knew I couldn’t control my emotions, the things I said I regret I said to MYSELF and my husband, and I said I didn’t really mean it. I’ve since called my daughter twice and talked to her on the phone and told her I love her and im so sorry I was so sad today but that it doesn’t mean I don’t love her. I also told her sometimes mommies and daddies need time outs too! Everyone please keep your fingers, toes, legs, tits crossed for me that I can fine this ring haha. But at the end of the day it’s just an object. I have my family and we all have our health. That’s what matters.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/fk0908/update_my_daughter_lost_my_brand_new_wedding_ring/)
I found the ring!! It ended up underneath my bed, on its side, wedged between part of the bed frame and a piece to drawers built into my bed frame (it’s really hard to describe). It was in a SUPER weird spot, laying up on its side, not flat, so it was almost impossible to see, I just had my flashlight on and caught a glimmer.
You guys, thanks for being so supportive. It was kind of a “straw that broke the camels back” situation. I’m a CNA in Washington state in the middle of finals too (that have been moved online ugh). I don’t think I need to say anymore, I’ve been overwhelmed at best. I also want people to know that I have been loving on my daughter so much and apologizing for getting upset the other day, and she doesn’t even know what I’m talking about lol she’s off into something else.
So everything ended up okay in the end :). Thanks again for being there for me. It’s tough when your kid does something that you can’t and don’t blame them for but you’re still out of your mind upset about. That’s all! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gw24iy/my_daughter_lost_my_brand_new_wedding_ring_and_im/ | gw24iy | 4,197 | 95 | [
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2020-06-04T18:21:04 | UPDATE: Date Ideas for Wheelchair User | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gvvj07/update_date_ideas_for_wheelchair_user/) by u/ThrowRAschnubliboo*
&nbsp;
I've started dating this amazing girl (both of us F20's) who happens to be in a wheelchair. I don't know any other wheelchair users so my experience is pretty limited in this regard. Recently as the world has begun opening up again, we are talking about going out on a more 'official' type of date, as now when we hang out it's usually at her place just talking, playing games and watching TV. Thing is the city we live in is NOT designed with wheelchair users in mind, every place I like going is five steps up or five steps down. I really want to take her out on a date where she doesn't have to do all the planning, so, any ideas?
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
First I would like to say thank you to all the wonderful people who commented and gave me so many great ideas, especially the one who suggested the 4wheeler, as that was hilarious. However, for the many people who thought it was a fantastic idea to pm me unsolicited sex advice, first off, I'm concerned for your reading level as I pretty clearly stated we were both women. Second of all, whoever you are who suggested that thing with the three chairs, I... I can never unread that. (Also I will take the three chairs thing to the grave, I will however say that you would need a better sense of balancing and flexibility to pull it off)
Now on to the update!
I did like many of you suggested and we went for a picnic in the park, where I had bought us ice cream and we just hung out, played games and chilled with her dog. Which was absolutely lovely. Now the thing is I'm absolutely incapable of keeping my own secrets, so I pretty much immediately told her about the post, which we had a laugh about. She thought it was pretty cute, and we basically came up with a bunch of great date ideas together, though I do plan on keeping some ideas up my sleeve for a later surprise.
Now we have a date planned where we will make her favorite food (lasagna) and buy some cheap wine and do an amateur wine tasting. Down the road I really wanna take her to this fancy restaurant where I plan on visiting ahead of time to make sure everything is accessible as many of you suggested. All in all I just can't wait to spend more time with her, as she truly is amazing. The last few days I have been really stressed about exams and how the world is falling apart, so she bought me flowers and made banana bread, so yeah, she is absolutely the best.
Hope you all are doing well, and once again thanks for the amazing advice!! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gwmyxl/update_date_ideas_for_wheelchair_user/ | gwmyxl | 2,638 | 91 | [
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2020-06-05T17:52:27 | 'My grandmother turns 85 tomorrow. My mom and me joined forces to make this tree with birds for her. Very excited to see her reaction!' | r/crochet | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/comments/gokzcq/my_mom_and_me_joined_forces_to_make_this_tree/) & comments by u/durpdurpdudu*
&nbsp;
https://i.redd.it/8uzt02v30c051.jpg
My mom and me made this tree for grandma to make her lock down a bit more bearable, hence also spreading the gifts over the coming 2 weeks!
This tree was a lot of work haha. When it was finished I told myself, never again xD you have to crochet all the branches around metal wire, it took a lot of time, but for a good cause! :D
Unfortunately I cannot be there myself because of covid19 but my mom will videocall when they give it to her!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/comments/gp49ms/update_on_the_tree_grandma_loves_it_she_happily/)
She turned 85 today! Unfortunately not a big party due to covid, but she is happy with the tree. She first got the bare tree and immediately said: "I should have had this with Easter so I could put eggs in it." Then she got the leaves and flowers and was confused for a bit, before realizing they were meant for the tree. Haha it was adorable when she realized and started decorating!
https://i.redd.it/ljjagrhjfi051.jpg
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/comments/grm8ts/update_2_on_the_tree_grandma_she_had_a_wonderful/)
grandma is happy!
All the patterns are from https://www.miekscreaties.nl/ I think she also has them translated in English!
https://i.redd.it/cz0gqgxjxb151.jpg | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gx9e5m/my_grandmother_turns_85_tomorrow_my_mom_and_me/ | gx9e5m | 1,486 | 61 | [
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2020-06-06T03:44:06 | My [36M] wife [34F] keeps tying my boots after I've told her to keep her hands off of them. I tried to teach her a lesson and really hurt her feelings. | Relationship_Advice | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gxjppc/my_36m_wife_34f_keeps_tying_my_boots_after_ive/ | gxjppc | 9 | 115 | [
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2020-06-07T18:34:50 | My Parents Are Getting A Divorce Because Of My Brother Jerking Off In Our Living Room | r/teenagers | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/fvpfh1/my_parents_are_getting_a_divorce_because_of_my/)*
&nbsp;
My younger brother who is 13 has been wandering in my room and taking stuff from me recently. It started with small things like pens, couple dollars and then a couple days ago, a condom i had lying in my drawer. Apparently, my brother took this condom i had and beat off into it while my family and i where out of the house. When we came back we heard him scrambling and quickly running into his room.
Later that day my mom was shouting at my dad very loudly and calling him unfaithful. My mom found a used condom stuffed in between the couch cushions. My mom basically thinks my dad is having an affair. I was super confused and then my brother fessed up to me, but he doesn't have the courage to tell my mom.
I felt like stopping this situation right in its tracks but for some reason my father is not denying the claims. So i think my brother just lit the match on my parents marriage. I am starting to believe my dad really might have had a broad over because this is not passed his character. I told my brother if guilt eats at him he can fess up, but im out of the house in a couple months anyways, and i know my mom had suspicion of my dad previously. My dad is probably like "fuck, i knew i got rid of that thing"...
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
Talked to my mom about it, apparently they are still a little sour at each other, but i doubt my parents will split because of THIS SITUATION exactly. My mom is grossed out and especially with the health concerns going on right now. My brother is pretty embarrassed and took his dinner to his room. My father basically said he didn't deny my moms accusations because hes not a lair or adulterer. Whatever.
What was really funny after dinner my mom said something like "your still sleeping on the couch"
and my dad said "i'm not sleeping on that fucking thing ever again".
| bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gyho0r/my_parents_are_getting_a_divorce_because_of_my/ | gyho0r | 1,969 | 76 | [
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2020-06-08T18:36:11 | My Roommate's(21F) Parents keep letting themselves into my (21 F) apartment with the spare key my roommate gave them. | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bl31eh/my_roommates21f_parents_keep_letting_themselves/) from 2019 by u/ughhhelpmepleaseee*
&nbsp;
Backround: my parent's are family friends with my roommate's parents. I was never really friends with my roommate in high school, but got to know her from living with her in a dorm. Recently, MY PARENTS got ME an apartment and pay RENT every month. So pretty much, roommate's parent's don't pay
Over the past few months when we come home from class, we have walked in on 1. Her mom doing our laundry almost every week. 2. Her mom cooking food and cleaning for us 3. HER MOM CLEANING MY FUCKING CLOSET and calling me a slut for having tube tops and mini skirts, etc 5. Her Mom and dad chillin at the apartment Friday nights to make sure we don't party.
I just can't deal anymore. I told my roommate to tell them to stop, but she said I'm overreacting. Am I overreacting? Should I tell my parents?
I have lost my mind. Literally. Udhdudbdu helpppp.
Edit 2: Imma tell my parents about it. I just didn't want to ruin their friendship as they were close friends for a lonnggggg time.
Mini update: I told my older brother about what happened, emailed my building manager, and was able to get a response from him saying I can put a lock on my bedroom door. Me and my brother went to home depot and got a basic lock. Her mom is currently cooking in the kitchen and watching my brother fix the lock. She doesn't look too happy. I'll update you all again when I tell my parents.
The reason my roommate isn't paying rent is cause her parents hit a tough spot financially last winter, and my dad wanted to ease the burden on them a little. He said he would help out by giving my roommate a place to stay so her parents could just worry about her tuition and not room/board.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/blf7xp/update_my_roommates_21f_parents_keep_letting/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
RM= roommate's mom R=Roommate
I came back from my morning run around 7 am this morning, and RM and R were in the kitchen making some coffee. She has never been there this early before.
I decided to talk to them about everything prior to going to class. I atarted off with "hey auntie, can we talk?" (In brown culture everyone is called an aunt) and these are some points I listed:
1. I appreciate that she has been cooking and cleaning, but I want to do that on my own. I love to cook and felt that I was never allowed in my own kitchen. I also told her that I want to do my own laundry and clean my room myself.
1. I don't want her in my room. I reminded her that I talked to her about this when it first happened, and that's why I put the lock on the door.
1. I told her that if she wants to be with R, to let R text me and lmk that RM would be in the apartment.
They expressed understanding and I hugged it out with RM.
Before going to class, I put a load of laundry. My friend is having a birthday dinner today, and I decided to wear this cute white dress with an open back (my mom even got me this dress since she thought it was so cute) and tossed it in the washer so it could be fresh for tonight. I asked RM multiple times if she was planning on doing laundry today, and she said no. I told her that I would be back around 1, and she can do laundry when I finish mine later this afternoon if needed (I didn't want her touching my clothes). She was okay with it and said R didn't have laundry today. Cool. I left feeling really relieved, but I still locked my bedroom door.
I got back to my apartment about half hour ago, and I couldn't find my white dress. As soon as I came home, R looked nervous. My clothes were in the dryer, and I didn't do that for a fact. RM states that I put them in the dryer and just forgot. Ughhh. I locked myself in my room, and I know she probably took the dress as it was something she wouldn't approve of.
When I was in my room, I heard RM talking to R in our language, she told her daughter something along the lines of "idk why she's freaking out about that dress. In India, escorts and prostitutes wear those kinds of clothing." And she went on to tell R that I won't find a husband wearing stuff like this.
I honestly think she wanted me to hear all that. is she is seriously just being a passive aggressive bitch to me rn? I'm trying so hard not to break down and cry.
I'm heading over to my parents right now and I'm telling them everything when they come back home tonight. I'll keep you posted.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bm1ivc/update_2_my_roommates_21f_parents_keep_letting/)
TLDR: My family helped and we're getting her evicted.
I THINK RM IS CRAZY and needs a MH checkup. Seriously. I am very worried for her wellbeing.
My mom was home, along with my brother, my brother's girlfriend, and her parents. I told them everything that happened, and no one liked what they heard. My mom called my dad to tell him what happened.
When my dad came home, he hugged me immediately and started crying. Me being called a prostitute and a slut was too much for him to handle. I've never seen dad cry before, and it hurt me so so bad. My mom called RM and RD and R to come over to talk. They came over immediately (they probably knew something was up from the tone of my mom's voice, she was so close to growling).
Mom was being petty though, when they came home, she didn't allow them inside. She made them stand on the doorstep the whole time, and I could tell this was pissing RM off. Some points of the confrontation:
1. Why are you calling my daughter these names? RM: I didn't say anything. She's making up lies.
1. Why are you even in the apartment that much? You told us that you go there once a month to check on R. You also said she visits you every weekend? RM: The kids don't know how to cook, so I help. Also kids are busy studying so they need it.
1. Why is a 50 year old man in my daughter's apartment? -no answer-
1. Why are you going through my daughter's stuff? Why does she need a lock? Why are YOU limiting my daughter's times with her friends? -no answer-
I shall also mention that Roommate's dad was SITTING IN THEIR CAR ON THE DRIVEWAY DURING THIS WHOLE CONFRONTATION
But things got heated up really quickly. RM started insulting my parents:
* She said my mom is a bad mom because she never disciplined her children.
* she said I am unruly and that the clothes I wear are despicable (she brought up clothes a shit ton, like this lady is really offended by my fashion sense). This annoyed my brother, and he showed RM IG pictures of R wearing more revealing clothing than me, and sitting on boys laps. RM shut her mouth about my clothes immediately.
* She then proceeded to try to insult my parent's professions by saying they have "God Complexes". This pissed my brother off to the brink, and he replied with " you own 3 subways and are almost broke, but we never say anything about it." This pushed RM OFF THE EDGE, and she leaned in closer to my brother and attempted TO SLAP HIM.
This lady tried to SLAP my 24 y/o brother IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS.
They argued more, and my mom asked where the dress was again. This time, she walked away to their car, and pulled my dress out of her purse. She came back to where we were standing AND LITERALLY THREW THE DRESS IN MY FACE.
My mom had no more patience left, and back Slapped RM across her face. I've never seen my mom raise her hand on anyone, and I burst out laughing. Even my dad had to walk back inside to keep himself from laughing in front of RM. RM started crying and said she was going to call the cops on us.
When they left we had a big discussion:
My parents were angry that I never told them about this before. They said that they got me that apartment so I could do what I wanted. They wanted me to be able to have friends over, have a place to chill, and have a place without parental influence. However, they are very proud and happy with the way I dealt with the situation, and said calling the cops would unnecessarily escalate the situation that could be solved by talking. Thank you all for the advice. I appreciate it alot. ❤
They were mad at my brother cause they said he shouldn't have shown those pictures of R cause now she has to deal with that trouble at home.
My parents agreed that letting R live in my apartment without consulting me first was wrong on their part. My parent's started the eviction process today.
Anyways, it may be hard to believe, but I do stand up for myself a lot. It's just that in this situation, I didn't want to do anything that would offend my parents because I had respect for their friendship and I didn't want to ruin it or do something that would embarrass my parents. I learned from this, and I have growing up to do, but now that I know I have support, I won't worry about petty shit like this later.
I also don't want to live alone so one of my best friends from high school is gonna be my new roommate. No one is living rent free in this situation.
I would also like to say that even though I wasn't friends with R in high school, living with her for 2 years did help me make a bond with her. Idk if we can be friends after this, but it feels bad losing a friend.
Also my parents are liberal ass Indians. They have lived here in America for over 40 years. They didn't want to spy on me at all. They don't mind me wearing skirts or tube tops or having guy friends over.
Edit: GUYS WE FORGOT TO ASK FOR THE KEY BACK. FUCKING DAMN ITTTT - nevermind, roommate's dad dropped them off at my parent's this morning. False alarm. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gz50zi/my_roommates21f_parents_keep_letting_themselves/ | gz50zi | 9,715 | 167 | [
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2020-06-09T22:22:56 | Ladies wish me luck- taking on my partners sexist friend | r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/gvs3sf/ladies_wish_me_luck_taking_on_my_partners_sexist/) by /u/killerwheelie*
&nbsp;
So my partner has this friend who is fine most of the time but from time to time will make super sexist comments (he isn’t afraid to call women fat and make fun of them for it shit like that) and I decided that I wanted to be strong and stand up for what I believe in and have a talk with him the next time he’s over.
Honestly I’m so nervous but I wanted to prove to myself I can walk the walk. I wanted to be part of the solution going forward and not excuse this behavior just because it’s a friend or they’re just kidding around. Wish me luck xo!
Edit: all of you wonderful ladies encouraged me to talk to my partner. I kind of realized through all of this I dont want to be with someone who can’t stand up for what’s fundamentally right even though it can be hard, I expressed that and he was actually super receptive and agreed to be better, he even offered to talk to said friend. I told him that this was something I wanted to do for myself but I know he’ll stand up for what’s right in the future. Thanks all!
Also for all of you fixated on the fat thing in this post it’s not just that there a loads of other examples that was just the one that came to mind. (Also talking to him tonight wish me luck ugh)
&nbsp;
**MORE OF AN UPDATE:** YALL I did it. I was so nervous and practically shaking but I’m so glad I did. Said human was very kind about it and told me they had no idea that their comments could normalize a narrative that could lead to womxn oppression and that they needed to be checked every now and again. It just reminded me to be BOLD!
To have the talks I’m scared of and while some of these talks will backfire and not go as planned it’s important to have them and hold people accountable. Couldn’t have done it without y’all love this sub very much.
But even more of that I’m really proud of myself for finding my voice and being able to stand up and stand strong for womxn everywhere. (Also trying time use womxn more in my language sorry if I didn’t earlier)
Xo! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gzxrrp/ladies_wish_me_luck_taking_on_my_partners_sexist/ | gzxrrp | 2,176 | 63 | [
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2020-06-10T17:23:04 | "My husband won't stop pulling stupid pranks on me and I'm almost at my limit" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gwoc94/my_27f_husband_29m_wont_stop_pulling_stupid/) by u/throwRA_weirdproblem*
&nbsp;
It all started on April 1st when we had some friends over and we were all playing jokes on each other and laughing, all in good fun. I honestly thought it would stop there.
Days after, he was still doing it —stuff like toothpaste in Oreos, Nutella all over the bathroom floor, hiding a whoopee cushion in strategic places, typical prank stuff. I thought most of it was kind of funny and we both had a laugh over it.
However, it just kept going weeks and weeks after. Almost every day, there was a prank. I started getting tired of it and nicely asked him to stop. He agreed to stop, but a couple days after the discussion, he started doing the stupid pranks again.
At one point these past couple weeks, I got extremely ticked off at how long this has been going on despite me asking him to stop several times and told him as calmly as I could that he needed to stop this immediately before I lost my mind. He just giggled as though it were funny and winked as he agreed to stop. Again, he has not stopped.
It especially frustrates me that some of his pranks involve wasting food, which he knows I hate doing. He has done things like switching similar-looking spices to different jars with different labels, which at one point ruined our dinner. I can't eat or use anything in the kitchen without checking if it's been tampered with.
Keep in mind that we've been married for five years and this is the first time anything like this has happened. Usually when we have discussions about things that bother us, we both try to work on stopping said thing.
TL;DR: My husband won't stop pranking me no matter how many times I tell him to stop.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gy2qgj/update_my_27f_husband_29m_wont_stop_pulling/)
Thank you all so much for your comments.
I took some of the advice I saw and had another chat with my husband. I made sure to make it very serious and told him that I was no longer feeling comfortable in my own home, and that constantly dreading what prank would be next was making it miserable to live with him. At first he was somewhat goofy like before, but when I said how on edge I was every day because of his pranks, how much trust in him I had lost, and that I would leave the house if his pranks didn't stop, he immediately sobered up and apologized. He said he'd had no idea how strongly I'd felt about it, and that he wouldn't do it anymore. He seemed 100% serious and remorseful, unlike the other conversations where he had just laughed it off. He told me that he had never intended to push me away and had just thought of it as a funny game between us while in quarantine. He apologized several times and even seemed close to tears when I mentioned leaving.
After the conversation was over and we'd cleared everything up, he immediately went to go clear a couple of booby traps he'd set up prior to the convo. I really don't think he'll do it again.
TL;DR: We worked everything out
Anyway, thanks again to everyone who offered advice! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/h0fgol/my_husband_wont_stop_pulling_stupid_pranks_on_me/ | h0fgol | 3,200 | 114 | [
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