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7,309,501 | mommit | Your are going to be ok. It's a nightmare for now. But in time. It's going to be ok. Get your self support. Friends, family, tharipist and lawer. Bit by bit you'll figure it out. I'm so sorry |
7,309,502 | mommit | You will get through it. It will be ok. It will be hard but eventually it can be even better than it was. He is clearly having issues if he just picked up and left. And if he is struggling, then he needs to get himself some help. And if he truly doesn’t want to be there, it is better for you and your child that he isn’... |
7,309,503 | mommit | Sounds like he needed to go. Good for him. You are better off girl! |
7,309,504 | mommit | My husband separated from his wife when they had a small toddler. For a while he had sole custody. It was hard but he made it through and ultimately even got remarried and had another kid. You are definitely not alone. |
7,309,505 | mommit | Thank you all again - I truly never expected random internet strangers to care or even make me feel as comforted as you all have. I met with a lawyer. I know my daughter and I will be okay. So much more has come out and this is going to be a really hard year but she deserves nothing but love and stability. Her father i... |
7,309,506 | mommit | This happened to me but he took SD with him. My life sucked at first but then it started to get better. 6 months later a stranger broke into my home and sexually assaulted me. After that I reached out to my husband to come back just so I could feel like someone was around to make sure the rapist didn't return. 8 months... |
7,309,507 | mommit | I feel like - and this is my opinion - that there are likely three things going on 1) being a parent was too much and he wants out, 2) he's cheating and wants to be with the other person - like where did he stay? or 3) he's tried communicating and gave up. I mean that does happen more to men because typically women ove... |
7,309,508 | mommit | What he did was cruel. You don't deserve that. Your child doesn't deserve that. |
7,309,509 | mommit | Do you have a lawyer yet? It not, please message me! |
7,309,510 | mommit | [removed] |
7,309,511 | mommit | He definitely took the cowardly way out and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My only advice is to be happy it happened sooner rather than later. He clearly has some emotional turmoil he isn’t dealing with and now you’re left with the pieces he left behind. Has he reached out to you or your daughter since? Or is ... |
7,309,512 | mommit | You will be okay, I promise. I went through my divorce right after my son was born. It was terrible and I thought things would never get better. It’s been 2 years now and I’m more excited about life than ever. My son is thriving and so am I. I’m now 30 and don’t miss my marriage ever. |
7,309,513 | mommit | Yes. The trash took itself out. Reach out to family and friends for support. Lean on them. Figure out child support. Are you working? Can you maintain the mortgage on your own? |
7,309,514 | mommit | I love this advice, and I'd only add, talk to your daughter about it. Ask her how it makes her feel, and validate her feelings. It's going to be hard on her too. (If she's old enough to talk) |
7,309,515 | mommit | Same here! My mom is amazing and I will never forget that. I call her every day and I will be there for her whenever she needs. My dad has pretty much no one. He did it to himself. He has tried recently to make up for it but it’s been too long. I hope for OPs kid sake that he realizes much sooner and fixes what he ... |
7,309,516 | mommit | Yes! My dad leaving gave me the opportunity to see how amazing my mother could be. She was a teacher making $20k and responsible for two children under 10 and also my dad’s hospital bills. She got a second and then third job and got her masters degree over the following two years. She still made sure we had time with h... |
7,309,517 | mommit | I hope my son will one day talk about me like that. |
7,309,518 | mommit | Same, my mom is my absolute HERO. I'm constantly in awe of how well she has done raising 4 kids and keeping a roof over our head. |
7,309,519 | mommit | Damn. Sorry. Steel Magnolias forever |
7,309,520 | mommit | Yeah, until there is a custody order in place, I wouldn’t give her to him. There would be nothing to stop him from keeping her. Police would have no recourse. If he’s being cold and cruel, it may be the sort of thing he does to hurt you. |
7,309,521 | mommit | When “one day at a time” is too overwhelming, it’s okay to take things one HOUR at a time. One step. One deep breath. One long hug with your little girl. Just know you can do this, because you already are. |
7,309,522 | mommit | Wait, wait.. so he walked out on your daughter and you and is now demanding alone time with her without answering any questions? What an entitled POS. The balls that some people have is dumbfounding to me. |
7,309,523 | mommit | No. No alone time with your daughter. That's be the first thing I would bring up with the lawyer. I'd be worried about him absconding with her or trying to use her as a bargaining chip. |
7,309,524 | mommit | Time alone with the daughter he just abandoned?! What a dumb twat, absolutely fucking not. I’m so sorry you’re going through this especially now, I’m glad you have family with you! I can’t imagine what you’re going through and I’m sure it’s super tough right now, but like everyone else is saying, the trash took itself ... |
7,309,525 | mommit | Get a lawyer asap even for consultation. Money is joint after marriage ( why being legally Married actually matters) The lawyer will tell you what steps next etc. consult I f you even need to give him visitation until you guys go to family Court. Document everything via text / email for paper Source. Sending you hug... |
7,309,526 | mommit | I am just so sorry you're going through this. You *WILL* be OK, though it may take a bit to get there. I'm really glad your parents are there with you, don't be afraid to lean on them and the rest of your family as much as possible. You'll get through this - one step and breath at a time. |
7,309,527 | mommit | I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What a massive gut punch. He is not required alone time with your daughter right now. He is the one who up and left. Talk with lawyer about financials and custody. He put you and your kid in this situation and until agreements are made, he doesn’t have the right to make demands. ... |
7,309,528 | mommit | Record those texts & save back-ups! Make sure your lawyer has them too! |
7,309,529 | mommit | Trust your instincts. Absolutely don’t hand your child over. Talk to a lawyer first to figure out if there’s any reason that you have to. Most likely there isn’t, until a legal custody agreement is in place. |
7,309,530 | mommit | I am so sorry that he is continuing to treat you so cruelly after leaving you and your daughter in the manner that he did. I definitely would insist on supervised visits until he can prove that he is able to meet her basic needs, especially if she has strong allergies. I'm glad that you have your parents there for su... |
7,309,531 | mommit | DO NOT give your daughter over until a custody order is in place. |
7,309,532 | mommit | File for emergency custody immediately. Tomorrow. |
7,309,533 | mommit | Like other people have said DO NOT let him have your child alone! Right now he has so much control over everything and given how he walked out on you I would worry he might take her and then use your not working as an excuse for full or main custody. Document everything you can, ask your family for help hiring a lawyer... |
7,309,534 | mommit | You gave already been subject to financial abuse since you don’t have oversight or access to your household finances. Your lawyer will need to access all of that. Can you return to the workforce? |
7,309,535 | mommit | I feel this so much. My daughters dad got 50/50 custody right away when she was a year and a half and she didn’t know him at all at this point. He was married with another kid and she was forced by the court to start overnights with him right away and it was so scary. 7 years later i am still confident he and his wife ... |
7,309,536 | mommit | Oh my gosh yes, just wanted to echo what everyone said. DO NOT leave him alone with your daughter, not for one minute. You can’t trust him right now. |
7,309,537 | mommit | This! I went through a nasty divorce right when I turned 28 and felt so alone, but it all turned out ok and was for the better. It didn't feel like it at the moment but it made room for someone who swept me off my feet and is now my husband and father of our two children. There is a light at the end of the tunnel even ... |
7,309,538 | mommit | Happened to me too. But also if he's stupid and or OP is lucky he's too busy with AP to get the lawyer yet. Take screenshots if all your Financials RIGHT NOW. hugs |
7,309,539 | mommit | [removed] |
7,309,540 | mommit | I’m glad you commented because when someone leaves you like this, you do grieve them the way you would if they would have passed. It’s very very painful. |
7,309,541 | mommit | And in some ways there are upsides to single parenthood. I enjoyed the freedom to run my house and also the lack of worrying about which of us was handling what. It was still overwhelming but those aspects I enjoyed tremendously. |
7,309,542 | mommit | I was wondering this too. This could be concerning behavior. |
7,309,543 | mommit | This is what I was thinking. Like wtf, even if he was completely selfish (which he evidently is) would he not have wanted one more family Christmas with his daughter? One more damn week. Also OP saying she is the primary caregiver for her daughter makes me think that she has probably done most of the Christmas prepara... |
7,309,544 | mommit | >ANYONE that leaves you high and dry like that is trash. Anyone that leaves their wife and BABY (and omg pets???) is ABSOLUTE garbage. There is no excuse for him walking away like that, especially when his child is involved. Seriously, THIS. The kind of person to do what that guy did to OP makes me absolutely shudde... |
7,309,545 | mommit | WORD TO THIS ^^^^^ |
7,309,546 | mommit | Good point! Drop your dynamic from being a family of 3 and just go with your gut for being a nuclear of two. She's going to be grieving, too. Don't worry about being emotional in front of her. Try to have the big break downs behind closed doors from her. But, don't worry about shedding some tears in front of her. It'... |
7,309,547 | mommit | I approached him about cheating three days ago he just seemed…off…nothing serious but my gut was saying something was up. He vehemently denied it and denied it when he hit me with divorce yesterday. But who knows. |
7,309,548 | mommit | Jesus. I didn't know that was real thing people would do. I thought that just happened on Sex and the City. I'm so glad you are doing well now. Living well is the best revenge. Truly. |
7,309,549 | mommit | I have even asked for all of the documentation to get into the accounts, tax records, all of it…he won’t provide me with it which is just even more worrisome. |
7,309,550 | mommit | There is truly no background story that in any way pointed to divorce. At all. Truly. This is so shocking. And scary. It feels like he woke up and decided he didn’t want a family anymore. |
7,309,551 | mommit | I don’t think so. I feel like his family would have contacted me or convinced him this wasn’t the right move. He also works a big job and has been completely capable of maintaining that and traveling for work. |
7,309,552 | mommit | I didn’t know there was a way to look into criminal cases and things of that nature. That is really helpful - thank you! His family has always treated me poorly. He comes from wealth in a big city. I come from blue collar small town stock. |
7,309,553 | mommit | Correction: foreclosure suit was listed and as he controlled all their accounts she had zero clue |
7,309,554 | mommit | also- a word of advice- START A CUSTODY/DIVORCE JOURNAL NOW. Try to stick to only facts and no emotions. Document EVERYTHING. Start a PDF document that you can add screenshots of texts to- if you don't start now, you'll end up having to take a few days to do it eventually for your attorney. |
7,309,555 | mommit | I have a meeting with my lawyer in the morning. He keeps trying to set up visitation with our daughter and asking that I vacate our home during that time. I’m standing my ground of being here and waiting to see what my legal rights are. I want to do all of this by the book. His whole family is made up of lawyers. I am ... |
7,309,556 | mommit | I absolutely think it could be. It’s either that or he is a sociopath who has been lying and planning this. We both see therapists and actively work on ourselves but he has started a new form of therapy recently and I just wonder if that is what’s causing this. |
7,309,557 | mommit | I do but I don’t have my big sit down until tomorrow morning |
7,309,558 | mommit | Fuck off |
7,309,559 | mommit | Record everything! Him being cold and cruel will help your case for full custody. |
7,309,560 | mommit | This is super important OP! |
7,309,561 | mommit | This. |
7,309,562 | mommit | Great advice. Sometimes we forget how long the day is. |
7,309,563 | mommit | This. And know you are strong AF. I walked out on an abusive marriage and it was in that moment that I realized the strength we have within. It is not easy, but know you will look back on this and celebrate this moment for yourself and your daughter. (One thing that helped me with the grieving/broken/overwhelmed feel... |
7,309,564 | mommit | He is moderately uninterested in her in general. I always assumed it was because she is young and some people struggle with playing with or connecting with really little kids but I can’t imagine leaving her with him at this point. I do not know this person - who he is now - and I do not trust him. I am meeting with my ... |
7,309,565 | mommit | I have been sticking to that party line. Hard. I do not want to withhold her but I also do not want him alone with her. I have not wavered from this. Every fiber of my being wants to protect her and ensure her well-being is my number one priority. |
7,309,566 | mommit | Are we the same person? |
7,309,567 | mommit | Mine did all kinds of illegal things like drain our joint accounts and kick me off the insurance, phones, etc *before* he even walked out. Straight men seem to only want to share "their" resources with the vagina they are currently interested in. My ex-husband wouldn't even comply with standard divorce procedures like... |
7,309,568 | mommit | Yup. And another reason he shouldn’t be allowed beer the kid without a court order. |
7,309,569 | mommit | Not even just that, but (at least around here) the courts aren’t hearing things between Christmas and New Years. So it’s not even like he’s going to scoot off and get a divorce right now, he’s going to fuck over their holiday just to end up with a court date in probably April. So even if he didn’t care about a las... |
7,309,570 | mommit | WORD!!!! Like what the fuck!!? It’s one thing to no longer be happy/in love/etc. and to want to work on things or go separate ways, BUT like this? Hell no. You’re right, this is not normal behavior (and I really typically hate the word normal). Yikes. OP, you are far better than he will ever be. |
7,309,571 | mommit | Unless he is with a family or friend he has certainly gone somewhere and it's probably not a hotel or similar. I suspect he has gone to his affair partner's home. I of course have no way of knowing this, but I feel like when someone abruptly ends a relationship AND moves out (absent abuse or other circumstances explai... |
7,309,572 | mommit | If your name is also on the account you are entitled to access of that information. If you have the account info you can pop on down to the bank and get yourself your own login. |
7,309,573 | mommit | Message him explicitly that you’d like access to account information for you and your child’s needs over the next little bit. When he refuses, in writing, you’ll have that to argue for full custody later. |
7,309,574 | mommit | I’m so so so sorry that’s devastating :( if you’re close with your in-laws I’d reach out and see if they have any more information but if not then just cling to your family for support! I’m really sorry. |
7,309,575 | mommit | I’m not sure what it’s called in your state but here is ours in Maryland. https://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/casesearch/ |
7,309,576 | mommit | Do not vacate your house. |
7,309,577 | mommit | Whatever you do do not vacate. I’ve read it has fucked over some people depending on your state |
7,309,578 | mommit | Is the house in both of your names?? |
7,309,579 | mommit | You’re not the underdog. Are there any centers in your area that help women who have been in abusive relationships? They may be an excellent resource for you too. What he is doing is incredibly abusive and in my gut, I just feel you’re in a scary situation with him trying to get time alone with your daughter, demanding... |
7,309,580 | mommit | Ask your lawyer about filing for emergency custody immediately. Tomorrow if you can, before the holiday. |
7,309,581 | mommit | I didn’t know this until I joined Reddit and heard horror stories about dads taking kids and moms not being able to get them back. Terrifying. |
7,309,582 | mommit | Can you change the locks and unplug the cameras? |
7,309,583 | mommit | Great, the fact that you describe him as disinterested and him just fucking bailing on his kid is insane. I described your situation to my spouse who has worked with people with mental health issues and he's like "what the fuck is wrong with someone like that, is he a sociopath? That isn't normal behavior to just up an... |
7,309,584 | mommit | We just might be!! |
7,309,585 | mommit | He may be doing it now on purpose so that he can try to get away with things before there are any court orders. |
7,309,586 | mommit | I have. He won’t respond. He is just leaving us out to dry. |
7,309,587 | mommit | It is |
7,309,588 | mommit | I changed the password to my daughters nanny cam and he freaked out. I don’t want to mess with the locks and main system until I’ve consulted my lawyer. I would love to change them all but I also don’t want to give him any fodder. |
7,309,589 | mommit | Even your avatars look the same |
7,309,590 | mommit | All the same. It’ll still show his negligence and indifference to his child’s well-being. |
7,309,591 | mommit | IANAL, but I’ve read posts over on daddit about when the wives ask the husbands for a divorce. All the advice there is always not to move out of the house. So definitely check with your lawyer about the fact that he left on his own. |
7,309,592 | mommit | If you know where the cameras are inside the house, put some tape over them. It's not a permanent thing and can be removed without damaging the equipment, but will definitely give you more privacy. Try and get the microphones too if your cameras also have audio options. |
7,309,593 | mommit | Idk if this is like, dramatic, but are you safe? That behavior is alarming. If my husband all the sudden started acting like that I think I’d be considering a protection order and he is straight up not a violent person. But my mom was also a victim of DV so I’m biased. |
7,309,594 | mommit | Yeah he left of his own free will and if you mention that in your texts to him you have a record of you stating that he left. I would have no problem getting the locks changed so he can't come back and take whatever he wants. |
7,309,595 | mommit | I absolutely feel this way. This behavior is so unlike him and so bizarre. And I just found out we have a tremendous mountain of debt. He is not a violent person but I know people who have become violent over less. He doesn’t know I’m getting an attorney involved tomorrow morning. I’m nervous about that. He has all the... |
7,309,596 | mommit | I did mention it to him. I even purposefully mentioned that I never asked him to leave nor did I want him to leave. |
7,309,597 | mommit | Please change the passwords and codes now. He’s behaving in a way that puts you and your daughter in danger. If he gets angry, you might not be able to meet with lawyer tomorrow morning. |
7,309,598 | mommit | I second the recommendation to change the passwords to the security cameras, and notify him via email that you are doing this out of concerns for your privacy and safety. Email is FAR more admissible in court than texts. Try your best to keep everything to email, don’t talk to him on the phone if you don’t have to. If ... |
7,309,599 | mommit | I'd say in that case change what you need to, if this is a sudden and irrational act on his part and given he is being cold to you I'd do this as a protective measure. Especially if family are coming and going and while you talk to people like lawyers so he can't see anything you are doing via camera or uncover this in... |
7,309,600 | mommit | Yes!!! I’ll also take a cookie. Give me a damn break and a delicious cookie. |
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