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shadowy to be black, had a slant that was almost Oriental. Apart from
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her eyes she was neither pretty nor ugly—just insignificant-looking,
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she concluded bitterly. How plain the lines around her eyes and mouth
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were in that merciless light! And never had her narrow, white face
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looked so narrow and so white.
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She did her hair in a pompadour. Pompadours had long gone out of
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fashion, but they had been in when Valancy first put her hair up and
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Aunt Wellington had decided that she must always wear her hair so.
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“It is the _only_ way that becomes you. Your face is so small that you
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_must_ add height to it by a pompadour effect,” said Aunt Wellington,
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who always enunciated commonplaces as if uttering profound and
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important truths.
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Valancy had hankered to do her hair pulled low on her forehead, with
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puffs above the ears, as Olive was wearing hers. But Aunt Wellington’s
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dictum had such an effect on her that she never dared change her style
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of hairdressing again. But then, there were so many things Valancy
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never dared do.
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All her life she had been afraid of something, she thought bitterly.
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From the very dawn of recollection, when she had been so horribly
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afraid of the big black bear that lived, so Cousin Stickles told her,
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in the closet under the stairs.
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“And I always will be—I know it—I can’t help it. I don’t know what it
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would be like not to be afraid of something.”
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Afraid of her mother’s sulky fits—afraid of offending Uncle
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Benjamin—afraid of becoming a target for Aunt Wellington’s
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contempt—afraid of Aunt Isabel’s biting comments—afraid of Uncle James’
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disapproval—afraid of offending the whole clan’s opinions and
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prejudices—afraid of not keeping up appearances—afraid to say what she
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really thought of anything—afraid of poverty in her old age.
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Fear—fear—fear—she could never escape from it. It bound her and
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enmeshed her like a spider’s web of steel. Only in her Blue Castle
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could she find temporary release. And this morning Valancy could not
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believe she had a Blue Castle. She would never be able to find it
|
again. Twenty-nine, unmarried, undesired—what had she to do with the
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fairy-like chatelaine of the Blue Castle? She would cut such childish
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nonsense out of her life forever and face reality unflinchingly.
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She turned from her unfriendly mirror and looked out. The ugliness of
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the view always struck her like a blow; the ragged fence, the
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tumble-down old carriage-shop in the next lot, plastered with crude,
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violently coloured advertisements; the grimy railway station beyond,
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with the awful derelicts that were always hanging around it even at
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this early hour. In the pouring rain everything looked worse than
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usual, especially the beastly advertisement, “Keep that schoolgirl
|
complexion.” Valancy _had_ kept her schoolgirl complexion. That was
|
just the trouble. There was not a gleam of beauty anywhere—“exactly
|
like my life,” thought Valancy drearily. Her brief bitterness had
|
passed. She accepted facts as resignedly as she had always accepted
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them. She was one of the people whom life always passes by. There was
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no altering that fact.
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In this mood Valancy went down to breakfast.
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CHAPTER III
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Breakfast was always the same. Oatmeal porridge, which Valancy loathed,
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toast and tea, and one teaspoonful of marmalade. Mrs. Frederick thought
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two teaspoonfuls extravagant—but that did not matter to Valancy, who
|
hated marmalade, too. The chilly, gloomy little dining-room was
|
chillier and gloomier than usual; the rain streamed down outside the
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window; departed Stirlings, in atrocious, gilt frames, wider than the
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pictures, glowered down from the walls. And yet Cousin Stickles wished
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Valancy many happy returns of the day!
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“Sit up straight, Doss,” was all her mother said.
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Valancy sat up straight. She talked to her mother and Cousin Stickles
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of the things they always talked of. She never wondered what would
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happen if she tried to talk of something else. She knew. Therefore she
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never did it.
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Mrs. Frederick was offended with Providence for sending a rainy day
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when she wanted to go to a picnic, so she ate her breakfast in a sulky
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silence for which Valancy was rather grateful. But Christine Stickles
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whined endlessly on as usual, complaining about everything—the weather,
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the leak in the pantry, the price of oatmeal and butter—Valancy felt at
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once she had buttered her toast too lavishly—the epidemic of mumps in
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Deerwood.
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“Doss will be sure to ketch them,” she foreboded.
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“Doss must not go where she is likely to catch mumps,” said Mrs.
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Frederick shortly.
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Valancy had never had mumps—or whooping cough—or chicken-pox—or
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measles—or anything she should have had—nothing but horrible colds
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every winter. Doss’ winter colds were a sort of tradition in the
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family. Nothing, it seemed, could prevent her from catching them. Mrs.
|
Frederick and Cousin Stickles did their heroic best. One winter they
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kept Valancy housed up from November to May, in the warm sitting-room.
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