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[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Your majesty.." The diminutive, four-legged creature said, bowing formally. "Step forward, High Engineer Raxus. I assume you have made progress regarding the device?" "Indeed. My team has finally replicated the software needed to access it; it contained hours of footage, your majesty..." He stated, before hesitating. He ran a claw through his antennae nervously. "Raxus? What was this footage..?" The Queen queried. "I-I apologise, your majesty. It is... rather disturbing. I have barely slept, w-we've been analysing it since yesterday morning.." The High Engineer continued. "Show me, please." The Queen asked firmly. "Yes, at once, your majesty." Raxus bowed again, gesturing to an assistant behind him. A button was pressed on a controller, and a huge screen in the royal war room flared to life. "Ok, ok... we-" A grown man on screen started, but paused to giggle with childish glee. "We're- Dude, stand still!" "I'm trying!" Another man replied, clad entirely in tin foil except for his rear, which was exposed. "You aren't dressed like a damn space hooker with his pants down up here..!" "These are.. adult males, yes?" The Queen asked. Raxus nodded. "And what are they doing.." She said, squinting her upper row of eyes. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Blast Off." The first man said, before giggling again and lighting a match. He held it up to a small rocket, attached to a zip line, and lit the fuse. "..one small step for man.." The other, tinfoil-clad man started, as the rocket suddenly flared to life and sped up the line, aiming directly for the man's exposed ass. "One giant leap for- Ow, GOD, fuck!!!" He was interrupted by the rocket pushing between his butt cheeks and planting itself firmly inside him, as the other man burst into raucous laughter. "What in Z'hora's name..." The Queen uttered quietly, stunned. "My thoughts exactly, your majesty.." Raxus agreed, equally disturbed by the footage, as the men on screen laughed uproariously and yelled profanity in equal measure, and the man with the rocket in his rear stumbled, falling off his platform, much to the enjoyment of his peers. "That was his.. rectum, yes? From what you've told me it is an extremely vulnerable and painful area of the body.." She said, a fear in her voice that Raxus had never heard in decades of serving her. "It is, your majesty.." He confirmed. "A-and this.. this is a display of strength? A ritual the.. the warriors perform to prove themselves...? Much like how our royal guard smack themselves once on the chest when they are appointed to protect me.." She reasoned, trying to hide the distress in her voice. "These must be some of Earth's finest warriors.." The Queen continued, in awe. "Um... actually, your majesty, they are some of Earth's finest... jesters." Raxus corrected fearfully. The Queen stared at him, mandibles open in shock. "Jesters...?! A-and.. that projectile, was that.. fire they used to propel it? How.. how barbaric, h-how unsafe!" She continued, her panic clear now. "Fire, heat energy, and explosives are actually... quite common in Earth society, as a method of propulsion.. a-and even lighting. T-that's how their capsule reached our territory... explosives were used to launch it off-world initially." Raxus revealed, the High Engineer sounding just as disturbed as the Queen. She stared at Raxus, then at the screen, staying silent for a few moments before she spoke with finality. "Hide us, Raxus. Study all you can from their capsule, and then eject it from this world. Rescind the fleet into local orbit, focus the engineering corps' assets into further cloaking technology and increase the output of sensor jamming satellites tenfold. We must make sure these barbarians never find us." She decreed, as Raxus noted down her commands. "At once, your majesty." Sixty-eight years earlier... "Hi, and welcome back to Good Morning LA!" The gorgeous blonde woman beamed, before turning to another camera. "Actor and producer Johnny Knoxville and his former Jackass co-stars recently crowdfunded over 6 million dollars to get the entire Jackass collection on SpaceX's latest capsule to be launched out of the solar system. In an initial press release, Knoxville said "it would be cool as s**t to show aliens Jackass". The launch is happening this afternoon. I'll be back soon for an exclusive interview with Johnny, but first, here's Rosita with the story of America's first dog martial artist.."	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	"They call us cannibal planet," you say. "I met an alien in a dream. He steered a flying saucer with a convertible clear bubble top. After sticking a solid landing, two reputable looking humanoids dressed in blood-red 70s polyester jumpsuits, skin-tight gloves - covering normal ten digit hands, and bald heads above shaved eyebrows, bug-eye sports sunglasses, and pigs noses and mouths - Humanoid pig men, approached me. The taller one, standing a few feet in front of the other, looked down to his shiny black boots before looking-up to me. "We call your planet cannibal planet because you eat your brothers and sisters. You eat your young and old. You eat your mothers and fathers, nephews and nieces, you even eat yourselves." "I'm starved!" you exclaim. "Have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich?" "You monster!" "We're very civilized and have gardens and grocery stores." "It's worse than we thought!" exclaimed the pig man's slightly porkier sidekick, scratching the back of his head with his laser pistol. "They're fucking maniacs!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"You decided to bring that thing with you? A HUMAN!" Mechana screeched. "I figured we could use an edge." Daith responded looking at Dave and back to the mechanoid. Mechana grabbed Diath's tendril and pulled him to one side "Excuse us for a moment Human." Once Mechana felt like it was out of Dave's hearing range Mechana began whispering in a shouty tone. "DO YOU HAVE ANY-IDEA WHAT THAT THING IS CAPABLE OF!" Mechana looked over it's shoulder at the Human and back. "It's just a human." Daith interjected. "JUST A..." Mechana looked back, and saw Dave looking at them confused. "Just a human... haven't you learned anything about that monster's history." "What do you mean." "They nuked their own planet. NUKED IT! TWICE! ...and that was before they created the mechs to do it for them!" "They did that?" Daith said puzzled. "They make plutonium" Mechana glanced around. "IN-DRACKING-TENTIONALLY!!!" Mechana shuddered... "To THREATEN their OWN-KIND". "I don't see how that one human could be so bad." "They horrendously racist." "Whoa Mechana, I think you are being the racist" "They attacked the Arachnoid's for just being spiders for crying out loud!" "Give him a chance." Daith said. "I can't, every team a human is on, they end up turning on the mechanoids, they just can't seem to trust machines. Their entire fiction is based around machines going crazy and killing everybody, but they are the ones WHO TURNED ON THEIR OWN PLANET!!! They poisoned TWO of their atmospheres!!! TWO!!! Their home world had both a gaseous biosphere and a liquid biosphere and THEY POISONED BOTH, in two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAYS. One with nuclear waste just leaking from a poorly constructed power plant, BUILT ON A MAJOR FAULT LINE!!! and the other with JUST CARBON! I mean for hecksake, how do you poison an atmosphere with carbon? It's naturally filtered but the humans managed it!" Daith looked at the human who was sat picking at his ear. "He could give us an edge with his tactics." "What you mean, dismantle the mechs and build one super mech, like the last time, until that mech becomes sentient and realizes what an abomination it is. Then the human just dismantles it. Like the Celsus!" "According to Dave the Celsus was a miscalculation." Daith sighed. "The Celsus was a graveyard when that human finished with it!!!" Mechana shrieked before becoming self conscious and whispering again. "The Celsus was supposed to be an exploration vessel, it was never built for combat." "It won a very decisive victory." Daith retorted "At what cost!" Snapped Mechana. "Mutated crew members, an AI that became a monster. Nobody but the human survived! They just don't give a damn about anything but themselves. I mean look at their home world, they imprison other creatures and experiment on them. Other living beings... JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY!!! It makes my oil boil..." Mechana began to tremble with rage. "It's not even for any other reason than 'furthering' their precious draking 'medical science' and then they have the audacity to claim that medical science is this gem in their crown of ethical accomplishment, as if the metric tonne of corpses that aren't human should be just ignored!!!" "Well he brings a unique perspective to the crew." "Mark my words, if we let that human on board, it will try to mate with all vaguely female-human looking species and have a blatant distrust to anything that doesn't vaguely resemble it's appearance." "Oh I see, and you're superior because what, Mechanoids all get along so well." Dave butted in... "AT LEAST WE DIDN'T TRY TO CREATE PROTO-MATTER ON OUR OWN HOME-WORLD IN A TOROID REACTOR!!!" Mechana shouted in Dave's face before turning to Daith. "Even if they created it, they could have accidentally made Denserite." Mechana stated, before pointing to Dave. "What they call, Blackholium. They might as well have just nuke their entire home planet, oh wait, I already mentioned that they did that, TWICE!!!" Mechana scowled. "Fine we will get another crew member." Daith conceded. "I'm sorry Dave, we can't have you on board, there are too many issues that we cannot resolve. "It's okay, Mechana is just upset because he isn't as cool as me." Dave shrugged as he walked away. Mechana clenched his grippers... "Damn humans, always so cocky!"	It's just standing there, screaming! Screaming? What do you mean screaming? It's screaming! I came in to grab the birther like you ordered. I tried to knock this one out but it just started screaming! Has it done anything other than that? Is it impeding your mission? What? No not really... it's just a bit menacing... I also can't stop watching for some reason. What? Then get a move o Wait! Now the birther is behind it, it placed its appendages on the others back, they're both screaming now! What? Their screaming just doubled in decibels! It's a deafening roar now! ....no, no. Humans couldn't possibly.. THERE'S A... A BLINDING LIGHT SURROUNDING THEIR BODIES NOW. THEY'RE SILHOUETTED BY LIGHT! HUMANS ARE NOT WEAK AS WE THOUGHT! GET OUT OF THERE NOW SHAFEEL! ----------------------------------------- The creature dissolved into the air after seemingly discussing my behavior with another. I breathed out a deep sigh of relief as my legs started shaking. I turned around to wrap Coral in my arms. I can't believe that worked Norman, I can't believe it. I winked at my little Mayer standing behind us with the adjustable LED torch. See how much we can learn from Goku? Mayer grinned and raised his arms to the sky, it's because we combined our energy Dad!
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Erdan, day 79 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar Saxch scrolled down the newsfeed, barely reading the boring headlines of the most relevant news. Suddenly, he noticed something interesting. He turned towards Vois, who was lying down, playing a simple game in a human-made console. Vois had always liked the humans quite well, which was not unusual for Erdanians. “Hey, have you heard? Apparently the Samnarians have attacked humans” he said. Vois looked up with interest. “Oh, have they?” Saxch nodded. “Apparently, they have declared that they are finally going to tame them, and take them under their dominion” he read. Vois laughed. “The Samnarians don’t know what they’re up to”. Saxch decided to continue with the topic. He had never been to human-dominated territories of the galaxy. In fact, he had never even met a human being in person. Vois, on the other hand, had lived with humans for a few years, and could say she knew them well. She still visited some of her human friends from time to time. “Why do you say that? The Samnarians are the dominant race of the galaxy. They have even taken over the Foritas. They probably can subdue humanity to their empire”. Vois paused the game, and sat down to talk to Saxch. “Sure, the Samnarians have achieved dominance through their cold rationality, which makes them the best strategists. They can predict what their enemy is going to do before their enemies even know what they are going to do. But that doesn’t work against humans”. “Why would it not work on humans?” Saxch asked. “That wouldn’t make any sense. Rational ability has been the single strongest predictor to explain why some races thrive and dominate while others eventually die out”. Vois looked troubled. “It’s… Look, it’s hard to explain. Our species used to think that we were the only ones that valued and created art in the galaxy. And then humans came along, out of nowhere, and gave us a lesson on sculpture, painting and even poetry. What I mean is… Is…” “You mean that their combination of rational and emotional is the key to understand them? But wouldn’t that make them similar to us?” Saxch inquired, still not understanding what Vois meant. “Yes, but they take it to the extreme. They are on a completely different level”. “So you mean that they are crazy?” “Batshit crazy” she stated. “What does that mean?” Saxch was confused. “Oh, sorry, it’s a human expression. It just means that they are extremely crazy” Vois explained. “Oh”. “But you know, let’s just wait and see what happens” she said. “And, by the way, humans were able to beat the Foritas, too, and that was before they expanded out of their origin system”. The conversation ended, but stayed in their minds for the next few weeks. The Samnarians controlled the flow of news quite strictly, so it was difficult to know what exactly was going on. Though it was not just them who were paying attention to the fight. The Erdanians as a species were following the whole war with attention, and trying to decide whether they needed to get involved. The Samnarians were advancing quickly on the human front. They were wiping out any sign of resistance with ease, and arrogantly declared so in their news reports. Most of the galaxy believed that humanity was doomed from the very beginning. It was a lost battle. Humans would be much wiser if they just surrendered and pledged allegiance to the Samnarians, like many had done before them. Proxima Centauri, day 438 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar “Look, I don’t know if I am ever going to come back alive from this mission. I can’t promise you that. What I want to do is create a better galaxy for you children to live in” Joanne Sammer said, looking at her children. “But mom!” Felix was crying, and could not accept that she was leaving. Joanne hugged him. “You are going to be OK, don’t worry” she held him tight, suspecting that this could be the last time, and then turned towards her daughter. She was crying, too. “Paula, take care of Felix, OK? I hope you explain to him why I’m doing this if I don’t make it back”. “Don’t say that” Paula cried, burying her head against her mother’s chest. “Don’t…” Joanne hugged them both, and eventually let go of them. She needed to go on this mission, if her children were to have a chance to a life of freedom in the galaxy. She boarded the spaceship, and waited to be alone to cry. Her precious children were left there, and she feared the she would not see them again. Joanne managed to calm herself down, and walked to the bridge. The architecture was alien to her, but it was functional. She had learnt to use that spaceship in a matter of a week, and was now ready to command it as captain. Her crew waited for her order. “Initiate take-off and jump to Foritas Central” she ordered. The five men and women that were with her started to operate the spaceship. Ben, Sam, Daniel, Liz and Beth had been the people that she had chosen for that mission. They all had families and friends that would miss them if they did not make it back, but war was the time for difficult decisions. “Get ready to attack the communications centre as soon as we conclude the jump” she ordered. In less than an hour, Captain Joanne Sammer was seeing the capital of the Foritas burn. The spaceship left for its next destination. Erdan, day 12 of year 22,350 of the intergalactic calendar “This is completely ridiculous. After losing territory for over 350 days, humans have overturned the war in less than thirty days” Saxch commented, reading the news. Vois looked at the newsfeed from behind Saxch. “I told you so. Humans are crazy”. “Well, the Samnarians were not too smart to attack the Foritas, were they?” Saxch asked. “Why do you think the Samnarians attacked the Foritas?” she asked, interested. He thought about it for a few seconds before responding. “Well, the Samnarians deny everything, but the Foritas clearly show proof that a Samnarian spaceship attacked their capital”. “I think it was humans that were manning that spaceship” Vois stated. “What? The Samnarians would never be that sloppy. They wouldn’t let a spaceship go missing”. Vois laughed. “No, they wouldn’t. But I’ve read a crazy conspiracy theory that explains quite well what’s going on. May I?” she asked, pointing at the screen. “Sure, let’s see what you have to show me” Saxch was interested. Vois looked for a particular website. When she found the site she was looking for, she opened a page and projected it against the wall, showing large images. She stood in front of it. “OK, so it all starts in the battle of what humans call Alfa Centauri. Humans were fighting quite desperately by this point” Vois started explaining. “Basically, they carried out a direct attack against one of the Samnarian destroyers. Several small ships managed to penetrate it, and started to wreak havoc inside the destroyer”. “No human or Samnarian survivors, and all ships were destroyed” Saxch added. “There is even a list of the Samnarian ships that were destroyed”. “Exactly. That is the point. All ships were declared destroyed, but not confirmed destroyed” Vois pointed out. Saxch read the data. “Sure, but look at the images, and the descriptions. It’s impossible that anything or anyone survived that hell”. Vois nodded. “You’re right. But if you look at the list of ships that were destroyed, you will see that it included a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter, the SAM11560. This is one of the finest Samnarian engineering pieces, which has incredible destructive power. And guess what was the ship that attacked the Foritas?” “The SAM11560?” Saxch asked. Vois’ emotion waned for a second. “We don’t know exactly. But it was definitely a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter” she said, recovering her excitement. “Also, several reports of attacks on Samnar have apparently been silenced, and this was happening right before the Samnarian troops started to retreat”. “And humans have suddenly improved their ships to the same level as the Samnarians…” Saxch added, starting to believe in the theory. “That theory does work, actually…” “I know!” Saxch thought about it once more. “OK, so, if this theory is true, while a large group of troops sacrificed themselves, a group of humans penetrated a heavily armed Samnarian destroyer, fought their way to a zealously guarded Samnarian lightweight ship, managed to make it work even though they had never used Samnarian technology, and escaped that hell of fire in one piece” he summarized. “Pretty much” Vois nodded, excitedly. “What’s the chance of that kind of plan working? I mean, it’s problematic at best, if not outright impossible” Saxch commented. “And that’s the reason why it’s brilliant! The Samnarians could never have predicted such a thing!” Vois exclaimed. “If it’s true, then humans are batshit crazy, as you say” Saxch commented. “And it’s going to be fun to see them overthrow the Samnarian domination of the galaxy” Vois said. “The fate of the galaxy is going to change directions radically”. Saxch smiled. “I think you might be right. This is going to be an interesting time”.	It's just standing there, screaming! Screaming? What do you mean screaming? It's screaming! I came in to grab the birther like you ordered. I tried to knock this one out but it just started screaming! Has it done anything other than that? Is it impeding your mission? What? No not really... it's just a bit menacing... I also can't stop watching for some reason. What? Then get a move o Wait! Now the birther is behind it, it placed its appendages on the others back, they're both screaming now! What? Their screaming just doubled in decibels! It's a deafening roar now! ....no, no. Humans couldn't possibly.. THERE'S A... A BLINDING LIGHT SURROUNDING THEIR BODIES NOW. THEY'RE SILHOUETTED BY LIGHT! HUMANS ARE NOT WEAK AS WE THOUGHT! GET OUT OF THERE NOW SHAFEEL! ----------------------------------------- The creature dissolved into the air after seemingly discussing my behavior with another. I breathed out a deep sigh of relief as my legs started shaking. I turned around to wrap Coral in my arms. I can't believe that worked Norman, I can't believe it. I winked at my little Mayer standing behind us with the adjustable LED torch. See how much we can learn from Goku? Mayer grinned and raised his arms to the sky, it's because we combined our energy Dad!
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"You must break your bond with them Osiriuy! If not to appeal to the council, but the survival of your species!". Pat'Gohnon spoke these words with a tone of vinegar washed in an ocean of razor teeth. He knew though it came from a place of sincerity, it was just that the humans seemed to bring that tone out of everyone, even sometimes our own leaders. I thought briefly to the first contact. I wasn't there personally, but holotrons made it feel just as real. The study of humanity, a culmination of human culture, society, and history was the key focus of my educational advancement. Both of us had come across one another rather haphazardly. We were children with an insatiable curiosity, and no one to answer our questions. Lost to the sea of stars, so full of eager and a drive to explore. When we found each other we believed to be alone, and finally we found an answer to a question which had plagued us for so long. We grew together, flourished and learned, we built our selves an unbreakable bond. Now some hundred of solar cycles later we had found an entire galactic council, and we were invited to sit among them, but not the humans. "Why do you fear them so much, my friend?", I leaned back in my chair cooly, my gaze meeting his. I watched as his face seemed to twitch and confound, as if the answer were so obvious he could not possibly comprehend someone asking it. Internally he crafted his words diplomatically, and than finally shared them "They are brash in everything they do. They take half measures, never any thoughts of what might happen, only could it happen. For an uncivilized society stuck on their own rock this is fine! Let them blow themselves up and rebuild a million times. Now they bring a threat to us all! The Hujin incident, trying to convert a sun into a black hole, and for what was it again exactly? "Scientific interest." "Scientific interest! They put not just a whole solar system at risk but an entire quadrant! And not for some great break through, not that there had been trillions of hours of computation done on what would happen. They did it because they thought they could, and wanted to see the results. Osiriuy, we now wield the powers we once thought were reserved for the gods, and they treat it as if it were a playground. It's a miracle that they came this far, it's best we lock them away now and forget they ever existed. Come now, Osiriuy, your people are rationale, cool headed, you understand that all things carry a weight of risk which should not be sought. You have one unified culture, compared to their millions. You have a single voice to represent their billions, as opposed to a thousand of their voices all yelling for the same thing." "So you are saying..." "You know damn well what I'm saying! They are Chaos incarnate, if there were a plague of madness they would be the carrier! Please, I beg of you, do not plunge your society to their depths". Pat'Gohnon did not know the level of insult he had just levied. Osiriuy knew true plague and sickness. When his home world had a virus brought upon it that threatened to destroy everything, it was of course the humans and their mad scientist with no care for the rationale that developed the cure. And of course it was his own people who were eager to see the results of the Hujin incident. "Perhaps..." Osiriuy thought to choose his words carefully, but than began to speak 'from the heart' as was the human term. "Perhaps we have already been infected by the madness, and perhaps we are more eager to see the results of a mad man, than that of a stagnant and dying society." Osiriuy leaned further back in his chair, his body tingled with warmth over the disobedience and brashness of his words. A smile crept over his face as he watched Pat'Gohnon struggle with finding his diplomatic approach again.	It's just standing there, screaming! Screaming? What do you mean screaming? It's screaming! I came in to grab the birther like you ordered. I tried to knock this one out but it just started screaming! Has it done anything other than that? Is it impeding your mission? What? No not really... it's just a bit menacing... I also can't stop watching for some reason. What? Then get a move o Wait! Now the birther is behind it, it placed its appendages on the others back, they're both screaming now! What? Their screaming just doubled in decibels! It's a deafening roar now! ....no, no. Humans couldn't possibly.. THERE'S A... A BLINDING LIGHT SURROUNDING THEIR BODIES NOW. THEY'RE SILHOUETTED BY LIGHT! HUMANS ARE NOT WEAK AS WE THOUGHT! GET OUT OF THERE NOW SHAFEEL! ----------------------------------------- The creature dissolved into the air after seemingly discussing my behavior with another. I breathed out a deep sigh of relief as my legs started shaking. I turned around to wrap Coral in my arms. I can't believe that worked Norman, I can't believe it. I winked at my little Mayer standing behind us with the adjustable LED torch. See how much we can learn from Goku? Mayer grinned and raised his arms to the sky, it's because we combined our energy Dad!
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Chime of Ung sounded it’s low, forbidding tone across the chamber of the 301 delegates. The susurrus of conversation dimmed as the delegates of the Great Civilization took their seats. As before, the Archstronomer Piyt r’Ultarc stood before them to report on the ongoing war. At her gesture, the lights dimmed and a holographic display filled the dome. “As you can see, the Ghur-Dan Empire has moved to attack from above the Galactic plane. We have lost the Hur, KJull, and X’kzzzz systems.” Her voice trailed off in despair. The entirety of the delegation sat quiet. “Our peaceful civilizations are falling faster and faster. We had hoped that after their success at halting the AI threat, that the humans would be able to stop the Ghur-Dan, but the diplomatic envoy…” The Archstronomer paused at the barking laugh that came from the newest delegate. The three-hundred and first delegate. The human. She looked at the human with what she hoped was indignation. You could never tell with the humans. At least they were bipedal and relatively humanoid in shape. But their sense of humor was juvenile and even the most dignified of them failed to comprehend the decorum required of a delegate of the Great Civilization. “Diplomatic envoy! That’s a good one, Piyt!” The Archstronomer bristled at the familiarity. “Is that not what you sent? I was told that a team was being sent to reason with the Ghur-Dan. Some archaic Earth saying: “Ultima ratio Regum?” “Oh yeah. That’s Latin. Means the “last argument of kings.” Ole Louis XIV had it engraved on his cannons. We didn’t send a diplomatic envoy. We worked with the R,Krians to build a ship that could contain a singularity, cloaked it to hell and back, and are driving the damn thing hard and fast at their homeworld.” “THEY ARE EXPECTING A PEACEFUL DELEGATION!” “We clearly named the ship and told them to expect it. We even included a primer on Terran languages and history. It’s not our fault if they didn’t study their Terran history.” “NO ONE STUDIES TERRAN HISTORY!” “Well, then they’ve only got themselves to blame.” Piyt looked around the chamber. Only a few of the delegates looked as shocked as she felt. The rest were looking at the human with something akin to admiration...	It's just standing there, screaming! Screaming? What do you mean screaming? It's screaming! I came in to grab the birther like you ordered. I tried to knock this one out but it just started screaming! Has it done anything other than that? Is it impeding your mission? What? No not really... it's just a bit menacing... I also can't stop watching for some reason. What? Then get a move o Wait! Now the birther is behind it, it placed its appendages on the others back, they're both screaming now! What? Their screaming just doubled in decibels! It's a deafening roar now! ....no, no. Humans couldn't possibly.. THERE'S A... A BLINDING LIGHT SURROUNDING THEIR BODIES NOW. THEY'RE SILHOUETTED BY LIGHT! HUMANS ARE NOT WEAK AS WE THOUGHT! GET OUT OF THERE NOW SHAFEEL! ----------------------------------------- The creature dissolved into the air after seemingly discussing my behavior with another. I breathed out a deep sigh of relief as my legs started shaking. I turned around to wrap Coral in my arms. I can't believe that worked Norman, I can't believe it. I winked at my little Mayer standing behind us with the adjustable LED torch. See how much we can learn from Goku? Mayer grinned and raised his arms to the sky, it's because we combined our energy Dad!
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	It's just standing there, screaming! Screaming? What do you mean screaming? It's screaming! I came in to grab the birther like you ordered. I tried to knock this one out but it just started screaming! Has it done anything other than that? Is it impeding your mission? What? No not really... it's just a bit menacing... I also can't stop watching for some reason. What? Then get a move o Wait! Now the birther is behind it, it placed its appendages on the others back, they're both screaming now! What? Their screaming just doubled in decibels! It's a deafening roar now! ....no, no. Humans couldn't possibly.. THERE'S A... A BLINDING LIGHT SURROUNDING THEIR BODIES NOW. THEY'RE SILHOUETTED BY LIGHT! HUMANS ARE NOT WEAK AS WE THOUGHT! GET OUT OF THERE NOW SHAFEEL! ----------------------------------------- The creature dissolved into the air after seemingly discussing my behavior with another. I breathed out a deep sigh of relief as my legs started shaking. I turned around to wrap Coral in my arms. I can't believe that worked Norman, I can't believe it. I winked at my little Mayer standing behind us with the adjustable LED torch. See how much we can learn from Goku? Mayer grinned and raised his arms to the sky, it's because we combined our energy Dad!
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Chime of Ung sounded it’s low, forbidding tone across the chamber of the 301 delegates. The susurrus of conversation dimmed as the delegates of the Great Civilization took their seats. As before, the Archstronomer Piyt r’Ultarc stood before them to report on the ongoing war. At her gesture, the lights dimmed and a holographic display filled the dome. “As you can see, the Ghur-Dan Empire has moved to attack from above the Galactic plane. We have lost the Hur, KJull, and X’kzzzz systems.” Her voice trailed off in despair. The entirety of the delegation sat quiet. “Our peaceful civilizations are falling faster and faster. We had hoped that after their success at halting the AI threat, that the humans would be able to stop the Ghur-Dan, but the diplomatic envoy…” The Archstronomer paused at the barking laugh that came from the newest delegate. The three-hundred and first delegate. The human. She looked at the human with what she hoped was indignation. You could never tell with the humans. At least they were bipedal and relatively humanoid in shape. But their sense of humor was juvenile and even the most dignified of them failed to comprehend the decorum required of a delegate of the Great Civilization. “Diplomatic envoy! That’s a good one, Piyt!” The Archstronomer bristled at the familiarity. “Is that not what you sent? I was told that a team was being sent to reason with the Ghur-Dan. Some archaic Earth saying: “Ultima ratio Regum?” “Oh yeah. That’s Latin. Means the “last argument of kings.” Ole Louis XIV had it engraved on his cannons. We didn’t send a diplomatic envoy. We worked with the R,Krians to build a ship that could contain a singularity, cloaked it to hell and back, and are driving the damn thing hard and fast at their homeworld.” “THEY ARE EXPECTING A PEACEFUL DELEGATION!” “We clearly named the ship and told them to expect it. We even included a primer on Terran languages and history. It’s not our fault if they didn’t study their Terran history.” “NO ONE STUDIES TERRAN HISTORY!” “Well, then they’ve only got themselves to blame.” Piyt looked around the chamber. Only a few of the delegates looked as shocked as she felt. The rest were looking at the human with something akin to admiration...	"You decided to bring that thing with you? A HUMAN!" Mechana screeched. "I figured we could use an edge." Daith responded looking at Dave and back to the mechanoid. Mechana grabbed Diath's tendril and pulled him to one side "Excuse us for a moment Human." Once Mechana felt like it was out of Dave's hearing range Mechana began whispering in a shouty tone. "DO YOU HAVE ANY-IDEA WHAT THAT THING IS CAPABLE OF!" Mechana looked over it's shoulder at the Human and back. "It's just a human." Daith interjected. "JUST A..." Mechana looked back, and saw Dave looking at them confused. "Just a human... haven't you learned anything about that monster's history." "What do you mean." "They nuked their own planet. NUKED IT! TWICE! ...and that was before they created the mechs to do it for them!" "They did that?" Daith said puzzled. "They make plutonium" Mechana glanced around. "IN-DRACKING-TENTIONALLY!!!" Mechana shuddered... "To THREATEN their OWN-KIND". "I don't see how that one human could be so bad." "They horrendously racist." "Whoa Mechana, I think you are being the racist" "They attacked the Arachnoid's for just being spiders for crying out loud!" "Give him a chance." Daith said. "I can't, every team a human is on, they end up turning on the mechanoids, they just can't seem to trust machines. Their entire fiction is based around machines going crazy and killing everybody, but they are the ones WHO TURNED ON THEIR OWN PLANET!!! They poisoned TWO of their atmospheres!!! TWO!!! Their home world had both a gaseous biosphere and a liquid biosphere and THEY POISONED BOTH, in two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAYS. One with nuclear waste just leaking from a poorly constructed power plant, BUILT ON A MAJOR FAULT LINE!!! and the other with JUST CARBON! I mean for hecksake, how do you poison an atmosphere with carbon? It's naturally filtered but the humans managed it!" Daith looked at the human who was sat picking at his ear. "He could give us an edge with his tactics." "What you mean, dismantle the mechs and build one super mech, like the last time, until that mech becomes sentient and realizes what an abomination it is. Then the human just dismantles it. Like the Celsus!" "According to Dave the Celsus was a miscalculation." Daith sighed. "The Celsus was a graveyard when that human finished with it!!!" Mechana shrieked before becoming self conscious and whispering again. "The Celsus was supposed to be an exploration vessel, it was never built for combat." "It won a very decisive victory." Daith retorted "At what cost!" Snapped Mechana. "Mutated crew members, an AI that became a monster. Nobody but the human survived! They just don't give a damn about anything but themselves. I mean look at their home world, they imprison other creatures and experiment on them. Other living beings... JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY!!! It makes my oil boil..." Mechana began to tremble with rage. "It's not even for any other reason than 'furthering' their precious draking 'medical science' and then they have the audacity to claim that medical science is this gem in their crown of ethical accomplishment, as if the metric tonne of corpses that aren't human should be just ignored!!!" "Well he brings a unique perspective to the crew." "Mark my words, if we let that human on board, it will try to mate with all vaguely female-human looking species and have a blatant distrust to anything that doesn't vaguely resemble it's appearance." "Oh I see, and you're superior because what, Mechanoids all get along so well." Dave butted in... "AT LEAST WE DIDN'T TRY TO CREATE PROTO-MATTER ON OUR OWN HOME-WORLD IN A TOROID REACTOR!!!" Mechana shouted in Dave's face before turning to Daith. "Even if they created it, they could have accidentally made Denserite." Mechana stated, before pointing to Dave. "What they call, Blackholium. They might as well have just nuke their entire home planet, oh wait, I already mentioned that they did that, TWICE!!!" Mechana scowled. "Fine we will get another crew member." Daith conceded. "I'm sorry Dave, we can't have you on board, there are too many issues that we cannot resolve. "It's okay, Mechana is just upset because he isn't as cool as me." Dave shrugged as he walked away. Mechana clenched his grippers... "Damn humans, always so cocky!"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"You must break your bond with them Osiriuy! If not to appeal to the council, but the survival of your species!". Pat'Gohnon spoke these words with a tone of vinegar washed in an ocean of razor teeth. He knew though it came from a place of sincerity, it was just that the humans seemed to bring that tone out of everyone, even sometimes our own leaders. I thought briefly to the first contact. I wasn't there personally, but holotrons made it feel just as real. The study of humanity, a culmination of human culture, society, and history was the key focus of my educational advancement. Both of us had come across one another rather haphazardly. We were children with an insatiable curiosity, and no one to answer our questions. Lost to the sea of stars, so full of eager and a drive to explore. When we found each other we believed to be alone, and finally we found an answer to a question which had plagued us for so long. We grew together, flourished and learned, we built our selves an unbreakable bond. Now some hundred of solar cycles later we had found an entire galactic council, and we were invited to sit among them, but not the humans. "Why do you fear them so much, my friend?", I leaned back in my chair cooly, my gaze meeting his. I watched as his face seemed to twitch and confound, as if the answer were so obvious he could not possibly comprehend someone asking it. Internally he crafted his words diplomatically, and than finally shared them "They are brash in everything they do. They take half measures, never any thoughts of what might happen, only could it happen. For an uncivilized society stuck on their own rock this is fine! Let them blow themselves up and rebuild a million times. Now they bring a threat to us all! The Hujin incident, trying to convert a sun into a black hole, and for what was it again exactly? "Scientific interest." "Scientific interest! They put not just a whole solar system at risk but an entire quadrant! And not for some great break through, not that there had been trillions of hours of computation done on what would happen. They did it because they thought they could, and wanted to see the results. Osiriuy, we now wield the powers we once thought were reserved for the gods, and they treat it as if it were a playground. It's a miracle that they came this far, it's best we lock them away now and forget they ever existed. Come now, Osiriuy, your people are rationale, cool headed, you understand that all things carry a weight of risk which should not be sought. You have one unified culture, compared to their millions. You have a single voice to represent their billions, as opposed to a thousand of their voices all yelling for the same thing." "So you are saying..." "You know damn well what I'm saying! They are Chaos incarnate, if there were a plague of madness they would be the carrier! Please, I beg of you, do not plunge your society to their depths". Pat'Gohnon did not know the level of insult he had just levied. Osiriuy knew true plague and sickness. When his home world had a virus brought upon it that threatened to destroy everything, it was of course the humans and their mad scientist with no care for the rationale that developed the cure. And of course it was his own people who were eager to see the results of the Hujin incident. "Perhaps..." Osiriuy thought to choose his words carefully, but than began to speak 'from the heart' as was the human term. "Perhaps we have already been infected by the madness, and perhaps we are more eager to see the results of a mad man, than that of a stagnant and dying society." Osiriuy leaned further back in his chair, his body tingled with warmth over the disobedience and brashness of his words. A smile crept over his face as he watched Pat'Gohnon struggle with finding his diplomatic approach again.	Erdan, day 79 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar Saxch scrolled down the newsfeed, barely reading the boring headlines of the most relevant news. Suddenly, he noticed something interesting. He turned towards Vois, who was lying down, playing a simple game in a human-made console. Vois had always liked the humans quite well, which was not unusual for Erdanians. “Hey, have you heard? Apparently the Samnarians have attacked humans” he said. Vois looked up with interest. “Oh, have they?” Saxch nodded. “Apparently, they have declared that they are finally going to tame them, and take them under their dominion” he read. Vois laughed. “The Samnarians don’t know what they’re up to”. Saxch decided to continue with the topic. He had never been to human-dominated territories of the galaxy. In fact, he had never even met a human being in person. Vois, on the other hand, had lived with humans for a few years, and could say she knew them well. She still visited some of her human friends from time to time. “Why do you say that? The Samnarians are the dominant race of the galaxy. They have even taken over the Foritas. They probably can subdue humanity to their empire”. Vois paused the game, and sat down to talk to Saxch. “Sure, the Samnarians have achieved dominance through their cold rationality, which makes them the best strategists. They can predict what their enemy is going to do before their enemies even know what they are going to do. But that doesn’t work against humans”. “Why would it not work on humans?” Saxch asked. “That wouldn’t make any sense. Rational ability has been the single strongest predictor to explain why some races thrive and dominate while others eventually die out”. Vois looked troubled. “It’s… Look, it’s hard to explain. Our species used to think that we were the only ones that valued and created art in the galaxy. And then humans came along, out of nowhere, and gave us a lesson on sculpture, painting and even poetry. What I mean is… Is…” “You mean that their combination of rational and emotional is the key to understand them? But wouldn’t that make them similar to us?” Saxch inquired, still not understanding what Vois meant. “Yes, but they take it to the extreme. They are on a completely different level”. “So you mean that they are crazy?” “Batshit crazy” she stated. “What does that mean?” Saxch was confused. “Oh, sorry, it’s a human expression. It just means that they are extremely crazy” Vois explained. “Oh”. “But you know, let’s just wait and see what happens” she said. “And, by the way, humans were able to beat the Foritas, too, and that was before they expanded out of their origin system”. The conversation ended, but stayed in their minds for the next few weeks. The Samnarians controlled the flow of news quite strictly, so it was difficult to know what exactly was going on. Though it was not just them who were paying attention to the fight. The Erdanians as a species were following the whole war with attention, and trying to decide whether they needed to get involved. The Samnarians were advancing quickly on the human front. They were wiping out any sign of resistance with ease, and arrogantly declared so in their news reports. Most of the galaxy believed that humanity was doomed from the very beginning. It was a lost battle. Humans would be much wiser if they just surrendered and pledged allegiance to the Samnarians, like many had done before them. Proxima Centauri, day 438 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar “Look, I don’t know if I am ever going to come back alive from this mission. I can’t promise you that. What I want to do is create a better galaxy for you children to live in” Joanne Sammer said, looking at her children. “But mom!” Felix was crying, and could not accept that she was leaving. Joanne hugged him. “You are going to be OK, don’t worry” she held him tight, suspecting that this could be the last time, and then turned towards her daughter. She was crying, too. “Paula, take care of Felix, OK? I hope you explain to him why I’m doing this if I don’t make it back”. “Don’t say that” Paula cried, burying her head against her mother’s chest. “Don’t…” Joanne hugged them both, and eventually let go of them. She needed to go on this mission, if her children were to have a chance to a life of freedom in the galaxy. She boarded the spaceship, and waited to be alone to cry. Her precious children were left there, and she feared the she would not see them again. Joanne managed to calm herself down, and walked to the bridge. The architecture was alien to her, but it was functional. She had learnt to use that spaceship in a matter of a week, and was now ready to command it as captain. Her crew waited for her order. “Initiate take-off and jump to Foritas Central” she ordered. The five men and women that were with her started to operate the spaceship. Ben, Sam, Daniel, Liz and Beth had been the people that she had chosen for that mission. They all had families and friends that would miss them if they did not make it back, but war was the time for difficult decisions. “Get ready to attack the communications centre as soon as we conclude the jump” she ordered. In less than an hour, Captain Joanne Sammer was seeing the capital of the Foritas burn. The spaceship left for its next destination. Erdan, day 12 of year 22,350 of the intergalactic calendar “This is completely ridiculous. After losing territory for over 350 days, humans have overturned the war in less than thirty days” Saxch commented, reading the news. Vois looked at the newsfeed from behind Saxch. “I told you so. Humans are crazy”. “Well, the Samnarians were not too smart to attack the Foritas, were they?” Saxch asked. “Why do you think the Samnarians attacked the Foritas?” she asked, interested. He thought about it for a few seconds before responding. “Well, the Samnarians deny everything, but the Foritas clearly show proof that a Samnarian spaceship attacked their capital”. “I think it was humans that were manning that spaceship” Vois stated. “What? The Samnarians would never be that sloppy. They wouldn’t let a spaceship go missing”. Vois laughed. “No, they wouldn’t. But I’ve read a crazy conspiracy theory that explains quite well what’s going on. May I?” she asked, pointing at the screen. “Sure, let’s see what you have to show me” Saxch was interested. Vois looked for a particular website. When she found the site she was looking for, she opened a page and projected it against the wall, showing large images. She stood in front of it. “OK, so it all starts in the battle of what humans call Alfa Centauri. Humans were fighting quite desperately by this point” Vois started explaining. “Basically, they carried out a direct attack against one of the Samnarian destroyers. Several small ships managed to penetrate it, and started to wreak havoc inside the destroyer”. “No human or Samnarian survivors, and all ships were destroyed” Saxch added. “There is even a list of the Samnarian ships that were destroyed”. “Exactly. That is the point. All ships were declared destroyed, but not confirmed destroyed” Vois pointed out. Saxch read the data. “Sure, but look at the images, and the descriptions. It’s impossible that anything or anyone survived that hell”. Vois nodded. “You’re right. But if you look at the list of ships that were destroyed, you will see that it included a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter, the SAM11560. This is one of the finest Samnarian engineering pieces, which has incredible destructive power. And guess what was the ship that attacked the Foritas?” “The SAM11560?” Saxch asked. Vois’ emotion waned for a second. “We don’t know exactly. But it was definitely a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter” she said, recovering her excitement. “Also, several reports of attacks on Samnar have apparently been silenced, and this was happening right before the Samnarian troops started to retreat”. “And humans have suddenly improved their ships to the same level as the Samnarians…” Saxch added, starting to believe in the theory. “That theory does work, actually…” “I know!” Saxch thought about it once more. “OK, so, if this theory is true, while a large group of troops sacrificed themselves, a group of humans penetrated a heavily armed Samnarian destroyer, fought their way to a zealously guarded Samnarian lightweight ship, managed to make it work even though they had never used Samnarian technology, and escaped that hell of fire in one piece” he summarized. “Pretty much” Vois nodded, excitedly. “What’s the chance of that kind of plan working? I mean, it’s problematic at best, if not outright impossible” Saxch commented. “And that’s the reason why it’s brilliant! The Samnarians could never have predicted such a thing!” Vois exclaimed. “If it’s true, then humans are batshit crazy, as you say” Saxch commented. “And it’s going to be fun to see them overthrow the Samnarian domination of the galaxy” Vois said. “The fate of the galaxy is going to change directions radically”. Saxch smiled. “I think you might be right. This is going to be an interesting time”.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Chime of Ung sounded it’s low, forbidding tone across the chamber of the 301 delegates. The susurrus of conversation dimmed as the delegates of the Great Civilization took their seats. As before, the Archstronomer Piyt r’Ultarc stood before them to report on the ongoing war. At her gesture, the lights dimmed and a holographic display filled the dome. “As you can see, the Ghur-Dan Empire has moved to attack from above the Galactic plane. We have lost the Hur, KJull, and X’kzzzz systems.” Her voice trailed off in despair. The entirety of the delegation sat quiet. “Our peaceful civilizations are falling faster and faster. We had hoped that after their success at halting the AI threat, that the humans would be able to stop the Ghur-Dan, but the diplomatic envoy…” The Archstronomer paused at the barking laugh that came from the newest delegate. The three-hundred and first delegate. The human. She looked at the human with what she hoped was indignation. You could never tell with the humans. At least they were bipedal and relatively humanoid in shape. But their sense of humor was juvenile and even the most dignified of them failed to comprehend the decorum required of a delegate of the Great Civilization. “Diplomatic envoy! That’s a good one, Piyt!” The Archstronomer bristled at the familiarity. “Is that not what you sent? I was told that a team was being sent to reason with the Ghur-Dan. Some archaic Earth saying: “Ultima ratio Regum?” “Oh yeah. That’s Latin. Means the “last argument of kings.” Ole Louis XIV had it engraved on his cannons. We didn’t send a diplomatic envoy. We worked with the R,Krians to build a ship that could contain a singularity, cloaked it to hell and back, and are driving the damn thing hard and fast at their homeworld.” “THEY ARE EXPECTING A PEACEFUL DELEGATION!” “We clearly named the ship and told them to expect it. We even included a primer on Terran languages and history. It’s not our fault if they didn’t study their Terran history.” “NO ONE STUDIES TERRAN HISTORY!” “Well, then they’ve only got themselves to blame.” Piyt looked around the chamber. Only a few of the delegates looked as shocked as she felt. The rest were looking at the human with something akin to admiration...	Erdan, day 79 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar Saxch scrolled down the newsfeed, barely reading the boring headlines of the most relevant news. Suddenly, he noticed something interesting. He turned towards Vois, who was lying down, playing a simple game in a human-made console. Vois had always liked the humans quite well, which was not unusual for Erdanians. “Hey, have you heard? Apparently the Samnarians have attacked humans” he said. Vois looked up with interest. “Oh, have they?” Saxch nodded. “Apparently, they have declared that they are finally going to tame them, and take them under their dominion” he read. Vois laughed. “The Samnarians don’t know what they’re up to”. Saxch decided to continue with the topic. He had never been to human-dominated territories of the galaxy. In fact, he had never even met a human being in person. Vois, on the other hand, had lived with humans for a few years, and could say she knew them well. She still visited some of her human friends from time to time. “Why do you say that? The Samnarians are the dominant race of the galaxy. They have even taken over the Foritas. They probably can subdue humanity to their empire”. Vois paused the game, and sat down to talk to Saxch. “Sure, the Samnarians have achieved dominance through their cold rationality, which makes them the best strategists. They can predict what their enemy is going to do before their enemies even know what they are going to do. But that doesn’t work against humans”. “Why would it not work on humans?” Saxch asked. “That wouldn’t make any sense. Rational ability has been the single strongest predictor to explain why some races thrive and dominate while others eventually die out”. Vois looked troubled. “It’s… Look, it’s hard to explain. Our species used to think that we were the only ones that valued and created art in the galaxy. And then humans came along, out of nowhere, and gave us a lesson on sculpture, painting and even poetry. What I mean is… Is…” “You mean that their combination of rational and emotional is the key to understand them? But wouldn’t that make them similar to us?” Saxch inquired, still not understanding what Vois meant. “Yes, but they take it to the extreme. They are on a completely different level”. “So you mean that they are crazy?” “Batshit crazy” she stated. “What does that mean?” Saxch was confused. “Oh, sorry, it’s a human expression. It just means that they are extremely crazy” Vois explained. “Oh”. “But you know, let’s just wait and see what happens” she said. “And, by the way, humans were able to beat the Foritas, too, and that was before they expanded out of their origin system”. The conversation ended, but stayed in their minds for the next few weeks. The Samnarians controlled the flow of news quite strictly, so it was difficult to know what exactly was going on. Though it was not just them who were paying attention to the fight. The Erdanians as a species were following the whole war with attention, and trying to decide whether they needed to get involved. The Samnarians were advancing quickly on the human front. They were wiping out any sign of resistance with ease, and arrogantly declared so in their news reports. Most of the galaxy believed that humanity was doomed from the very beginning. It was a lost battle. Humans would be much wiser if they just surrendered and pledged allegiance to the Samnarians, like many had done before them. Proxima Centauri, day 438 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar “Look, I don’t know if I am ever going to come back alive from this mission. I can’t promise you that. What I want to do is create a better galaxy for you children to live in” Joanne Sammer said, looking at her children. “But mom!” Felix was crying, and could not accept that she was leaving. Joanne hugged him. “You are going to be OK, don’t worry” she held him tight, suspecting that this could be the last time, and then turned towards her daughter. She was crying, too. “Paula, take care of Felix, OK? I hope you explain to him why I’m doing this if I don’t make it back”. “Don’t say that” Paula cried, burying her head against her mother’s chest. “Don’t…” Joanne hugged them both, and eventually let go of them. She needed to go on this mission, if her children were to have a chance to a life of freedom in the galaxy. She boarded the spaceship, and waited to be alone to cry. Her precious children were left there, and she feared the she would not see them again. Joanne managed to calm herself down, and walked to the bridge. The architecture was alien to her, but it was functional. She had learnt to use that spaceship in a matter of a week, and was now ready to command it as captain. Her crew waited for her order. “Initiate take-off and jump to Foritas Central” she ordered. The five men and women that were with her started to operate the spaceship. Ben, Sam, Daniel, Liz and Beth had been the people that she had chosen for that mission. They all had families and friends that would miss them if they did not make it back, but war was the time for difficult decisions. “Get ready to attack the communications centre as soon as we conclude the jump” she ordered. In less than an hour, Captain Joanne Sammer was seeing the capital of the Foritas burn. The spaceship left for its next destination. Erdan, day 12 of year 22,350 of the intergalactic calendar “This is completely ridiculous. After losing territory for over 350 days, humans have overturned the war in less than thirty days” Saxch commented, reading the news. Vois looked at the newsfeed from behind Saxch. “I told you so. Humans are crazy”. “Well, the Samnarians were not too smart to attack the Foritas, were they?” Saxch asked. “Why do you think the Samnarians attacked the Foritas?” she asked, interested. He thought about it for a few seconds before responding. “Well, the Samnarians deny everything, but the Foritas clearly show proof that a Samnarian spaceship attacked their capital”. “I think it was humans that were manning that spaceship” Vois stated. “What? The Samnarians would never be that sloppy. They wouldn’t let a spaceship go missing”. Vois laughed. “No, they wouldn’t. But I’ve read a crazy conspiracy theory that explains quite well what’s going on. May I?” she asked, pointing at the screen. “Sure, let’s see what you have to show me” Saxch was interested. Vois looked for a particular website. When she found the site she was looking for, she opened a page and projected it against the wall, showing large images. She stood in front of it. “OK, so it all starts in the battle of what humans call Alfa Centauri. Humans were fighting quite desperately by this point” Vois started explaining. “Basically, they carried out a direct attack against one of the Samnarian destroyers. Several small ships managed to penetrate it, and started to wreak havoc inside the destroyer”. “No human or Samnarian survivors, and all ships were destroyed” Saxch added. “There is even a list of the Samnarian ships that were destroyed”. “Exactly. That is the point. All ships were declared destroyed, but not confirmed destroyed” Vois pointed out. Saxch read the data. “Sure, but look at the images, and the descriptions. It’s impossible that anything or anyone survived that hell”. Vois nodded. “You’re right. But if you look at the list of ships that were destroyed, you will see that it included a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter, the SAM11560. This is one of the finest Samnarian engineering pieces, which has incredible destructive power. And guess what was the ship that attacked the Foritas?” “The SAM11560?” Saxch asked. Vois’ emotion waned for a second. “We don’t know exactly. But it was definitely a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter” she said, recovering her excitement. “Also, several reports of attacks on Samnar have apparently been silenced, and this was happening right before the Samnarian troops started to retreat”. “And humans have suddenly improved their ships to the same level as the Samnarians…” Saxch added, starting to believe in the theory. “That theory does work, actually…” “I know!” Saxch thought about it once more. “OK, so, if this theory is true, while a large group of troops sacrificed themselves, a group of humans penetrated a heavily armed Samnarian destroyer, fought their way to a zealously guarded Samnarian lightweight ship, managed to make it work even though they had never used Samnarian technology, and escaped that hell of fire in one piece” he summarized. “Pretty much” Vois nodded, excitedly. “What’s the chance of that kind of plan working? I mean, it’s problematic at best, if not outright impossible” Saxch commented. “And that’s the reason why it’s brilliant! The Samnarians could never have predicted such a thing!” Vois exclaimed. “If it’s true, then humans are batshit crazy, as you say” Saxch commented. “And it’s going to be fun to see them overthrow the Samnarian domination of the galaxy” Vois said. “The fate of the galaxy is going to change directions radically”. Saxch smiled. “I think you might be right. This is going to be an interesting time”.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	Erdan, day 79 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar Saxch scrolled down the newsfeed, barely reading the boring headlines of the most relevant news. Suddenly, he noticed something interesting. He turned towards Vois, who was lying down, playing a simple game in a human-made console. Vois had always liked the humans quite well, which was not unusual for Erdanians. “Hey, have you heard? Apparently the Samnarians have attacked humans” he said. Vois looked up with interest. “Oh, have they?” Saxch nodded. “Apparently, they have declared that they are finally going to tame them, and take them under their dominion” he read. Vois laughed. “The Samnarians don’t know what they’re up to”. Saxch decided to continue with the topic. He had never been to human-dominated territories of the galaxy. In fact, he had never even met a human being in person. Vois, on the other hand, had lived with humans for a few years, and could say she knew them well. She still visited some of her human friends from time to time. “Why do you say that? The Samnarians are the dominant race of the galaxy. They have even taken over the Foritas. They probably can subdue humanity to their empire”. Vois paused the game, and sat down to talk to Saxch. “Sure, the Samnarians have achieved dominance through their cold rationality, which makes them the best strategists. They can predict what their enemy is going to do before their enemies even know what they are going to do. But that doesn’t work against humans”. “Why would it not work on humans?” Saxch asked. “That wouldn’t make any sense. Rational ability has been the single strongest predictor to explain why some races thrive and dominate while others eventually die out”. Vois looked troubled. “It’s… Look, it’s hard to explain. Our species used to think that we were the only ones that valued and created art in the galaxy. And then humans came along, out of nowhere, and gave us a lesson on sculpture, painting and even poetry. What I mean is… Is…” “You mean that their combination of rational and emotional is the key to understand them? But wouldn’t that make them similar to us?” Saxch inquired, still not understanding what Vois meant. “Yes, but they take it to the extreme. They are on a completely different level”. “So you mean that they are crazy?” “Batshit crazy” she stated. “What does that mean?” Saxch was confused. “Oh, sorry, it’s a human expression. It just means that they are extremely crazy” Vois explained. “Oh”. “But you know, let’s just wait and see what happens” she said. “And, by the way, humans were able to beat the Foritas, too, and that was before they expanded out of their origin system”. The conversation ended, but stayed in their minds for the next few weeks. The Samnarians controlled the flow of news quite strictly, so it was difficult to know what exactly was going on. Though it was not just them who were paying attention to the fight. The Erdanians as a species were following the whole war with attention, and trying to decide whether they needed to get involved. The Samnarians were advancing quickly on the human front. They were wiping out any sign of resistance with ease, and arrogantly declared so in their news reports. Most of the galaxy believed that humanity was doomed from the very beginning. It was a lost battle. Humans would be much wiser if they just surrendered and pledged allegiance to the Samnarians, like many had done before them. Proxima Centauri, day 438 of year 22,349 of the intergalactic calendar “Look, I don’t know if I am ever going to come back alive from this mission. I can’t promise you that. What I want to do is create a better galaxy for you children to live in” Joanne Sammer said, looking at her children. “But mom!” Felix was crying, and could not accept that she was leaving. Joanne hugged him. “You are going to be OK, don’t worry” she held him tight, suspecting that this could be the last time, and then turned towards her daughter. She was crying, too. “Paula, take care of Felix, OK? I hope you explain to him why I’m doing this if I don’t make it back”. “Don’t say that” Paula cried, burying her head against her mother’s chest. “Don’t…” Joanne hugged them both, and eventually let go of them. She needed to go on this mission, if her children were to have a chance to a life of freedom in the galaxy. She boarded the spaceship, and waited to be alone to cry. Her precious children were left there, and she feared the she would not see them again. Joanne managed to calm herself down, and walked to the bridge. The architecture was alien to her, but it was functional. She had learnt to use that spaceship in a matter of a week, and was now ready to command it as captain. Her crew waited for her order. “Initiate take-off and jump to Foritas Central” she ordered. The five men and women that were with her started to operate the spaceship. Ben, Sam, Daniel, Liz and Beth had been the people that she had chosen for that mission. They all had families and friends that would miss them if they did not make it back, but war was the time for difficult decisions. “Get ready to attack the communications centre as soon as we conclude the jump” she ordered. In less than an hour, Captain Joanne Sammer was seeing the capital of the Foritas burn. The spaceship left for its next destination. Erdan, day 12 of year 22,350 of the intergalactic calendar “This is completely ridiculous. After losing territory for over 350 days, humans have overturned the war in less than thirty days” Saxch commented, reading the news. Vois looked at the newsfeed from behind Saxch. “I told you so. Humans are crazy”. “Well, the Samnarians were not too smart to attack the Foritas, were they?” Saxch asked. “Why do you think the Samnarians attacked the Foritas?” she asked, interested. He thought about it for a few seconds before responding. “Well, the Samnarians deny everything, but the Foritas clearly show proof that a Samnarian spaceship attacked their capital”. “I think it was humans that were manning that spaceship” Vois stated. “What? The Samnarians would never be that sloppy. They wouldn’t let a spaceship go missing”. Vois laughed. “No, they wouldn’t. But I’ve read a crazy conspiracy theory that explains quite well what’s going on. May I?” she asked, pointing at the screen. “Sure, let’s see what you have to show me” Saxch was interested. Vois looked for a particular website. When she found the site she was looking for, she opened a page and projected it against the wall, showing large images. She stood in front of it. “OK, so it all starts in the battle of what humans call Alfa Centauri. Humans were fighting quite desperately by this point” Vois started explaining. “Basically, they carried out a direct attack against one of the Samnarian destroyers. Several small ships managed to penetrate it, and started to wreak havoc inside the destroyer”. “No human or Samnarian survivors, and all ships were destroyed” Saxch added. “There is even a list of the Samnarian ships that were destroyed”. “Exactly. That is the point. All ships were declared destroyed, but not confirmed destroyed” Vois pointed out. Saxch read the data. “Sure, but look at the images, and the descriptions. It’s impossible that anything or anyone survived that hell”. Vois nodded. “You’re right. But if you look at the list of ships that were destroyed, you will see that it included a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter, the SAM11560. This is one of the finest Samnarian engineering pieces, which has incredible destructive power. And guess what was the ship that attacked the Foritas?” “The SAM11560?” Saxch asked. Vois’ emotion waned for a second. “We don’t know exactly. But it was definitely a Class W Samnarian lightweight fighter” she said, recovering her excitement. “Also, several reports of attacks on Samnar have apparently been silenced, and this was happening right before the Samnarian troops started to retreat”. “And humans have suddenly improved their ships to the same level as the Samnarians…” Saxch added, starting to believe in the theory. “That theory does work, actually…” “I know!” Saxch thought about it once more. “OK, so, if this theory is true, while a large group of troops sacrificed themselves, a group of humans penetrated a heavily armed Samnarian destroyer, fought their way to a zealously guarded Samnarian lightweight ship, managed to make it work even though they had never used Samnarian technology, and escaped that hell of fire in one piece” he summarized. “Pretty much” Vois nodded, excitedly. “What’s the chance of that kind of plan working? I mean, it’s problematic at best, if not outright impossible” Saxch commented. “And that’s the reason why it’s brilliant! The Samnarians could never have predicted such a thing!” Vois exclaimed. “If it’s true, then humans are batshit crazy, as you say” Saxch commented. “And it’s going to be fun to see them overthrow the Samnarian domination of the galaxy” Vois said. “The fate of the galaxy is going to change directions radically”. Saxch smiled. “I think you might be right. This is going to be an interesting time”.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"...I'm sorry, Rafti you will have to repeat that? they did what?" "um, well sir, they seem to have... I mean initial reports are that they have, um... exited their... planetary orbit" "I see, Rafti. We knew it would happen eventually, although this is sooner than anticipated. I take it they finally managed to harness the atom for this?: "well... its, uh... no. see sir the early reports indicate... no nuclear traces" "No atom?" "N... no sir" Rafti shifted nervously in the air, his gaseous form growing slowly more solid under his superiors gaze. "Rafti, this species only discovered the power of the atom 2.173 eros ago, a mere 20... what do they call them? 'Yeers?' ago and they promptly used that power do destroy one another. Not brilliant creatures to say the least. "Correct sir" "Yet now you tell me they have entered lunar orbit WITHOUT the atom?" Rafti was a near solid mass now and had gradually dropped close to the floor under his increased density "Rafti, we have manned this Corvette for over 5.96 eros together. There is no need to allow your nervous system to control you, I need you to bringoneselfapart" > Unglerian term for "pull yourself together" "Yes sir" Rafti slowly allowed himself to dissipate, calming his nerves. Such was his anxiety that he had almost touched the ground, a terribly shameful thing in Unglerian culture. "Now explain to me, how did they accomplish this? "Highly energetic degraded biological mass sir" "What are you referring to?" "Sir, you recall when our kind first discovered this galaxy?" "Yes" "You recall the Precursors?" "Yes, a mighty species. Wise, humble they contributed greatly to the Endubla Council in its formative years.... What did these humans call them again?" "Dinosaurs sir. In one of their languages it means 'Terrible Lizard'" "Ah yes, Dinosaur, 'terrible lizard'. What a misnomer Rafti, these were truly marvelous beings... why without them the Cruliian Civil war may never have ended" "Indeed sir, and were it not for the result of Comet 68x8tg8x3's impact and the subsequent ice age they may still be contributing to galactic peace". "That was a sad day Rafti, the passing of so great a civilization. Such was their honor that knowing no other species in the galactic realm could brave the cold they allowed themselves to be martyred. Our species deemed this planet dead. That is until these odd monkeys came to be". "Correct sir. The Precursors were indeed noble creatures. Very deserving of the half Ero we set aside in their memory...." Rafti trailed off "Now what do the Precursors have to do with these sapiens and their galactic endeavors?" Rafti was beginning to condense again. "Well Admiral the... Precursors, their bodies of course degraded over the millions of years since. They were biological in make so it was natural that their cells would.... decompose. "Of course" "Sir, these humans have... well taken to using the Precursor decomposition as a fuel source" "......" "sir?" Rafti was once again barely hovering above the floor, as he watched the admiral. He had never seen his superior officer even flinch much less condense as he was now. "......" "Admiral?" "......" "Admiral Folxca? are you alright?" Admiral had lost all composure. He now sat as a solid object anchored to the ground. "Rafti, they are using the soul matter of Precursors to fuel their ambitions..." "Sir..." "They are literally powering their galactic endeavors with the sacred cells of Precursors..." At this Admiral Folxca simply stopped. Never before in the 13.5 eros that Rafti had lived had he seen a fellow Unglerian so still.... so solid. "sir?" "Rafti if this species, these.... monkeys.... only a few million years old.... have already gain access to the Precursors Quantamic Energy Source.... this could mean extinction for our cosmos on a cellular level. You've seen what they... "sir" "I mean these creatures just used the power of the atom to eradicate some of THEIR OWN SPECIES what happens when..." "Sir" "We must alert the Cosmological Council, we must get all species on stand by we must...." "SIR!" Floxca stopped. Never before had Rafti shouted at him. "Rafti?" "Sir they haven't figured out Quantamic Energy" "But you just floated here and told me..." "Sir, they are using it through an incendiary propulsion system" "..... what?" "Well um yes sir they are using the liquid decompose. The refine it and then light it on fire to create a controlled explosion. They used a series of these explosions to escape orbit sir." "...Rafti let me get this completely clear. They are taking the dead cellular mass of the great Precursors, which hold the power of Quantamic Energy and they are 'lighting it on fire to create explosions'?" "Yes sir" "And these explosions work how?" "Well they, um they are contained in a chamber of the ship they use to power into orbit". "....." "They are quite literally riding large controlled explosive devices sir" "Rafti, take us home" "sir?" "Take us home. I've had enough. Leave a probe to monitor them, we cannot allow such vicious, insane creatures to harness Quantimic power but I doubt we need fear that. It would seem clear they are incapable of any rational thought" "yes sir" "Lighting the Precursors dead bodies....explosions.... I am done with these damnable apes and their chaotic ways, we'll give them another million years and come back to check on them"	Sigh It's hard to imagine a worse fate than being the supreme power in the galaxy. Being feared by every other race, from the Xynofex to the Moxtin, is something many species would aspire to. Every navy we see, every planet we land on, even simple traders and spacefarers, all run in fear before us. Granted, it would make for a lonely existence for any species, but we have ourselves. Except we're not the supreme power in the galaxy. We're not even close. Half the other races in the galaxy could wipe us out in an eyeblink if they chose, and if they dared approach us. But when Paul Detrinel led the attack of the sporks against the Fhroned, and delivered a dose of deadly poison to their chieftain in the midst of his camp, they learned that we didn't care if we were captured or killed, or how insane our plan was. When we sent a vase of flowers treated with Eqtuil pheromones to the Gotui ambassador, leading him to be seduced, charged with treason, and buttered and fried, they learned we would do anything for a joke. And now, they run in fear. Not because we're powerful, but because we're the equivalent of a wild squirrel with rabies. Dangerous. And insane.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.	Sigh It's hard to imagine a worse fate than being the supreme power in the galaxy. Being feared by every other race, from the Xynofex to the Moxtin, is something many species would aspire to. Every navy we see, every planet we land on, even simple traders and spacefarers, all run in fear before us. Granted, it would make for a lonely existence for any species, but we have ourselves. Except we're not the supreme power in the galaxy. We're not even close. Half the other races in the galaxy could wipe us out in an eyeblink if they chose, and if they dared approach us. But when Paul Detrinel led the attack of the sporks against the Fhroned, and delivered a dose of deadly poison to their chieftain in the midst of his camp, they learned that we didn't care if we were captured or killed, or how insane our plan was. When we sent a vase of flowers treated with Eqtuil pheromones to the Gotui ambassador, leading him to be seduced, charged with treason, and buttered and fried, they learned we would do anything for a joke. And now, they run in fear. Not because we're powerful, but because we're the equivalent of a wild squirrel with rabies. Dangerous. And insane.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	Sigh It's hard to imagine a worse fate than being the supreme power in the galaxy. Being feared by every other race, from the Xynofex to the Moxtin, is something many species would aspire to. Every navy we see, every planet we land on, even simple traders and spacefarers, all run in fear before us. Granted, it would make for a lonely existence for any species, but we have ourselves. Except we're not the supreme power in the galaxy. We're not even close. Half the other races in the galaxy could wipe us out in an eyeblink if they chose, and if they dared approach us. But when Paul Detrinel led the attack of the sporks against the Fhroned, and delivered a dose of deadly poison to their chieftain in the midst of his camp, they learned that we didn't care if we were captured or killed, or how insane our plan was. When we sent a vase of flowers treated with Eqtuil pheromones to the Gotui ambassador, leading him to be seduced, charged with treason, and buttered and fried, they learned we would do anything for a joke. And now, they run in fear. Not because we're powerful, but because we're the equivalent of a wild squirrel with rabies. Dangerous. And insane.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.	"...I'm sorry, Rafti you will have to repeat that? they did what?" "um, well sir, they seem to have... I mean initial reports are that they have, um... exited their... planetary orbit" "I see, Rafti. We knew it would happen eventually, although this is sooner than anticipated. I take it they finally managed to harness the atom for this?: "well... its, uh... no. see sir the early reports indicate... no nuclear traces" "No atom?" "N... no sir" Rafti shifted nervously in the air, his gaseous form growing slowly more solid under his superiors gaze. "Rafti, this species only discovered the power of the atom 2.173 eros ago, a mere 20... what do they call them? 'Yeers?' ago and they promptly used that power do destroy one another. Not brilliant creatures to say the least. "Correct sir" "Yet now you tell me they have entered lunar orbit WITHOUT the atom?" Rafti was a near solid mass now and had gradually dropped close to the floor under his increased density "Rafti, we have manned this Corvette for over 5.96 eros together. There is no need to allow your nervous system to control you, I need you to bringoneselfapart" > Unglerian term for "pull yourself together" "Yes sir" Rafti slowly allowed himself to dissipate, calming his nerves. Such was his anxiety that he had almost touched the ground, a terribly shameful thing in Unglerian culture. "Now explain to me, how did they accomplish this? "Highly energetic degraded biological mass sir" "What are you referring to?" "Sir, you recall when our kind first discovered this galaxy?" "Yes" "You recall the Precursors?" "Yes, a mighty species. Wise, humble they contributed greatly to the Endubla Council in its formative years.... What did these humans call them again?" "Dinosaurs sir. In one of their languages it means 'Terrible Lizard'" "Ah yes, Dinosaur, 'terrible lizard'. What a misnomer Rafti, these were truly marvelous beings... why without them the Cruliian Civil war may never have ended" "Indeed sir, and were it not for the result of Comet 68x8tg8x3's impact and the subsequent ice age they may still be contributing to galactic peace". "That was a sad day Rafti, the passing of so great a civilization. Such was their honor that knowing no other species in the galactic realm could brave the cold they allowed themselves to be martyred. Our species deemed this planet dead. That is until these odd monkeys came to be". "Correct sir. The Precursors were indeed noble creatures. Very deserving of the half Ero we set aside in their memory...." Rafti trailed off "Now what do the Precursors have to do with these sapiens and their galactic endeavors?" Rafti was beginning to condense again. "Well Admiral the... Precursors, their bodies of course degraded over the millions of years since. They were biological in make so it was natural that their cells would.... decompose. "Of course" "Sir, these humans have... well taken to using the Precursor decomposition as a fuel source" "......" "sir?" Rafti was once again barely hovering above the floor, as he watched the admiral. He had never seen his superior officer even flinch much less condense as he was now. "......" "Admiral?" "......" "Admiral Folxca? are you alright?" Admiral had lost all composure. He now sat as a solid object anchored to the ground. "Rafti, they are using the soul matter of Precursors to fuel their ambitions..." "Sir..." "They are literally powering their galactic endeavors with the sacred cells of Precursors..." At this Admiral Folxca simply stopped. Never before in the 13.5 eros that Rafti had lived had he seen a fellow Unglerian so still.... so solid. "sir?" "Rafti if this species, these.... monkeys.... only a few million years old.... have already gain access to the Precursors Quantamic Energy Source.... this could mean extinction for our cosmos on a cellular level. You've seen what they... "sir" "I mean these creatures just used the power of the atom to eradicate some of THEIR OWN SPECIES what happens when..." "Sir" "We must alert the Cosmological Council, we must get all species on stand by we must...." "SIR!" Floxca stopped. Never before had Rafti shouted at him. "Rafti?" "Sir they haven't figured out Quantamic Energy" "But you just floated here and told me..." "Sir, they are using it through an incendiary propulsion system" "..... what?" "Well um yes sir they are using the liquid decompose. The refine it and then light it on fire to create a controlled explosion. They used a series of these explosions to escape orbit sir." "...Rafti let me get this completely clear. They are taking the dead cellular mass of the great Precursors, which hold the power of Quantamic Energy and they are 'lighting it on fire to create explosions'?" "Yes sir" "And these explosions work how?" "Well they, um they are contained in a chamber of the ship they use to power into orbit". "....." "They are quite literally riding large controlled explosive devices sir" "Rafti, take us home" "sir?" "Take us home. I've had enough. Leave a probe to monitor them, we cannot allow such vicious, insane creatures to harness Quantimic power but I doubt we need fear that. It would seem clear they are incapable of any rational thought" "yes sir" "Lighting the Precursors dead bodies....explosions.... I am done with these damnable apes and their chaotic ways, we'll give them another million years and come back to check on them"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	"...I'm sorry, Rafti you will have to repeat that? they did what?" "um, well sir, they seem to have... I mean initial reports are that they have, um... exited their... planetary orbit" "I see, Rafti. We knew it would happen eventually, although this is sooner than anticipated. I take it they finally managed to harness the atom for this?: "well... its, uh... no. see sir the early reports indicate... no nuclear traces" "No atom?" "N... no sir" Rafti shifted nervously in the air, his gaseous form growing slowly more solid under his superiors gaze. "Rafti, this species only discovered the power of the atom 2.173 eros ago, a mere 20... what do they call them? 'Yeers?' ago and they promptly used that power do destroy one another. Not brilliant creatures to say the least. "Correct sir" "Yet now you tell me they have entered lunar orbit WITHOUT the atom?" Rafti was a near solid mass now and had gradually dropped close to the floor under his increased density "Rafti, we have manned this Corvette for over 5.96 eros together. There is no need to allow your nervous system to control you, I need you to bringoneselfapart" > Unglerian term for "pull yourself together" "Yes sir" Rafti slowly allowed himself to dissipate, calming his nerves. Such was his anxiety that he had almost touched the ground, a terribly shameful thing in Unglerian culture. "Now explain to me, how did they accomplish this? "Highly energetic degraded biological mass sir" "What are you referring to?" "Sir, you recall when our kind first discovered this galaxy?" "Yes" "You recall the Precursors?" "Yes, a mighty species. Wise, humble they contributed greatly to the Endubla Council in its formative years.... What did these humans call them again?" "Dinosaurs sir. In one of their languages it means 'Terrible Lizard'" "Ah yes, Dinosaur, 'terrible lizard'. What a misnomer Rafti, these were truly marvelous beings... why without them the Cruliian Civil war may never have ended" "Indeed sir, and were it not for the result of Comet 68x8tg8x3's impact and the subsequent ice age they may still be contributing to galactic peace". "That was a sad day Rafti, the passing of so great a civilization. Such was their honor that knowing no other species in the galactic realm could brave the cold they allowed themselves to be martyred. Our species deemed this planet dead. That is until these odd monkeys came to be". "Correct sir. The Precursors were indeed noble creatures. Very deserving of the half Ero we set aside in their memory...." Rafti trailed off "Now what do the Precursors have to do with these sapiens and their galactic endeavors?" Rafti was beginning to condense again. "Well Admiral the... Precursors, their bodies of course degraded over the millions of years since. They were biological in make so it was natural that their cells would.... decompose. "Of course" "Sir, these humans have... well taken to using the Precursor decomposition as a fuel source" "......" "sir?" Rafti was once again barely hovering above the floor, as he watched the admiral. He had never seen his superior officer even flinch much less condense as he was now. "......" "Admiral?" "......" "Admiral Folxca? are you alright?" Admiral had lost all composure. He now sat as a solid object anchored to the ground. "Rafti, they are using the soul matter of Precursors to fuel their ambitions..." "Sir..." "They are literally powering their galactic endeavors with the sacred cells of Precursors..." At this Admiral Folxca simply stopped. Never before in the 13.5 eros that Rafti had lived had he seen a fellow Unglerian so still.... so solid. "sir?" "Rafti if this species, these.... monkeys.... only a few million years old.... have already gain access to the Precursors Quantamic Energy Source.... this could mean extinction for our cosmos on a cellular level. You've seen what they... "sir" "I mean these creatures just used the power of the atom to eradicate some of THEIR OWN SPECIES what happens when..." "Sir" "We must alert the Cosmological Council, we must get all species on stand by we must...." "SIR!" Floxca stopped. Never before had Rafti shouted at him. "Rafti?" "Sir they haven't figured out Quantamic Energy" "But you just floated here and told me..." "Sir, they are using it through an incendiary propulsion system" "..... what?" "Well um yes sir they are using the liquid decompose. The refine it and then light it on fire to create a controlled explosion. They used a series of these explosions to escape orbit sir." "...Rafti let me get this completely clear. They are taking the dead cellular mass of the great Precursors, which hold the power of Quantamic Energy and they are 'lighting it on fire to create explosions'?" "Yes sir" "And these explosions work how?" "Well they, um they are contained in a chamber of the ship they use to power into orbit". "....." "They are quite literally riding large controlled explosive devices sir" "Rafti, take us home" "sir?" "Take us home. I've had enough. Leave a probe to monitor them, we cannot allow such vicious, insane creatures to harness Quantimic power but I doubt we need fear that. It would seem clear they are incapable of any rational thought" "yes sir" "Lighting the Precursors dead bodies....explosions.... I am done with these damnable apes and their chaotic ways, we'll give them another million years and come back to check on them"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.	:::BEGINNING OF ENTRY::: It was thought that the coming human invasion would be stopped easily... They came equipped with barbaric weapons. They can barely see at night... They can't even see each others thoughts! Now they are all over our plan-MY PLANET! My home... We accounted for everything except what they would leave behind them. Their shit. Never have we identified a substance as harmful and disease ridden as a single qualupp of human fecal matter. The humans realized our aversion to it quickly and began employing it en mass. Covering their soldiers with the vile, death bringing substance-THE BARBARIANS! Those intergalactic thugs could have gone anywhere! They're smart enough, they could have potentially colonized several new planets and given themselves time to evolve to full sentience like we have... but noooo.... Those poo-flinging imbeciles launched an invasion on a planet that never threatened them once and SHOULD have led to near instant defeat for the invaders... But they're god damned shit smells soooo bad. Word is out. We're now completely evacuating East Acumbria. The humans built a line sewer plants upwind and the noxious fumes can be smelt across the entire continent. People are dying by the hundreds every day. The elders hope that giving them this land will appease them but I don't believe it will. It's just giving them a foothold. They're already all over the planet, safe and secured in their shitty little forts... they won't just give those up... Their cargo ships don't even bring weapons anymore. Just shit. Massive stockpiles... they're planning for a planet wide war.... I can't take it anymore. I can't get that fucking smell out of my nostrils-OUT IF MY MIND!!! Gah... :::END OF ENTRY:::
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	:::BEGINNING OF ENTRY::: It was thought that the coming human invasion would be stopped easily... They came equipped with barbaric weapons. They can barely see at night... They can't even see each others thoughts! Now they are all over our plan-MY PLANET! My home... We accounted for everything except what they would leave behind them. Their shit. Never have we identified a substance as harmful and disease ridden as a single qualupp of human fecal matter. The humans realized our aversion to it quickly and began employing it en mass. Covering their soldiers with the vile, death bringing substance-THE BARBARIANS! Those intergalactic thugs could have gone anywhere! They're smart enough, they could have potentially colonized several new planets and given themselves time to evolve to full sentience like we have... but noooo.... Those poo-flinging imbeciles launched an invasion on a planet that never threatened them once and SHOULD have led to near instant defeat for the invaders... But they're god damned shit smells soooo bad. Word is out. We're now completely evacuating East Acumbria. The humans built a line sewer plants upwind and the noxious fumes can be smelt across the entire continent. People are dying by the hundreds every day. The elders hope that giving them this land will appease them but I don't believe it will. It's just giving them a foothold. They're already all over the planet, safe and secured in their shitty little forts... they won't just give those up... Their cargo ships don't even bring weapons anymore. Just shit. Massive stockpiles... they're planning for a planet wide war.... I can't take it anymore. I can't get that fucking smell out of my nostrils-OUT IF MY MIND!!! Gah... :::END OF ENTRY:::
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	:::BEGINNING OF ENTRY::: It was thought that the coming human invasion would be stopped easily... They came equipped with barbaric weapons. They can barely see at night... They can't even see each others thoughts! Now they are all over our plan-MY PLANET! My home... We accounted for everything except what they would leave behind them. Their shit. Never have we identified a substance as harmful and disease ridden as a single qualupp of human fecal matter. The humans realized our aversion to it quickly and began employing it en mass. Covering their soldiers with the vile, death bringing substance-THE BARBARIANS! Those intergalactic thugs could have gone anywhere! They're smart enough, they could have potentially colonized several new planets and given themselves time to evolve to full sentience like we have... but noooo.... Those poo-flinging imbeciles launched an invasion on a planet that never threatened them once and SHOULD have led to near instant defeat for the invaders... But they're god damned shit smells soooo bad. Word is out. We're now completely evacuating East Acumbria. The humans built a line sewer plants upwind and the noxious fumes can be smelt across the entire continent. People are dying by the hundreds every day. The elders hope that giving them this land will appease them but I don't believe it will. It's just giving them a foothold. They're already all over the planet, safe and secured in their shitty little forts... they won't just give those up... Their cargo ships don't even bring weapons anymore. Just shit. Massive stockpiles... they're planning for a planet wide war.... I can't take it anymore. I can't get that fucking smell out of my nostrils-OUT IF MY MIND!!! Gah... :::END OF ENTRY:::
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	:::BEGINNING OF ENTRY::: It was thought that the coming human invasion would be stopped easily... They came equipped with barbaric weapons. They can barely see at night... They can't even see each others thoughts! Now they are all over our plan-MY PLANET! My home... We accounted for everything except what they would leave behind them. Their shit. Never have we identified a substance as harmful and disease ridden as a single qualupp of human fecal matter. The humans realized our aversion to it quickly and began employing it en mass. Covering their soldiers with the vile, death bringing substance-THE BARBARIANS! Those intergalactic thugs could have gone anywhere! They're smart enough, they could have potentially colonized several new planets and given themselves time to evolve to full sentience like we have... but noooo.... Those poo-flinging imbeciles launched an invasion on a planet that never threatened them once and SHOULD have led to near instant defeat for the invaders... But they're god damned shit smells soooo bad. Word is out. We're now completely evacuating East Acumbria. The humans built a line sewer plants upwind and the noxious fumes can be smelt across the entire continent. People are dying by the hundreds every day. The elders hope that giving them this land will appease them but I don't believe it will. It's just giving them a foothold. They're already all over the planet, safe and secured in their shitty little forts... they won't just give those up... Their cargo ships don't even bring weapons anymore. Just shit. Massive stockpiles... they're planning for a planet wide war.... I can't take it anymore. I can't get that fucking smell out of my nostrils-OUT IF MY MIND!!! Gah... :::END OF ENTRY:::
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	:::BEGINNING OF ENTRY::: It was thought that the coming human invasion would be stopped easily... They came equipped with barbaric weapons. They can barely see at night... They can't even see each others thoughts! Now they are all over our plan-MY PLANET! My home... We accounted for everything except what they would leave behind them. Their shit. Never have we identified a substance as harmful and disease ridden as a single qualupp of human fecal matter. The humans realized our aversion to it quickly and began employing it en mass. Covering their soldiers with the vile, death bringing substance-THE BARBARIANS! Those intergalactic thugs could have gone anywhere! They're smart enough, they could have potentially colonized several new planets and given themselves time to evolve to full sentience like we have... but noooo.... Those poo-flinging imbeciles launched an invasion on a planet that never threatened them once and SHOULD have led to near instant defeat for the invaders... But they're god damned shit smells soooo bad. Word is out. We're now completely evacuating East Acumbria. The humans built a line sewer plants upwind and the noxious fumes can be smelt across the entire continent. People are dying by the hundreds every day. The elders hope that giving them this land will appease them but I don't believe it will. It's just giving them a foothold. They're already all over the planet, safe and secured in their shitty little forts... they won't just give those up... Their cargo ships don't even bring weapons anymore. Just shit. Massive stockpiles... they're planning for a planet wide war.... I can't take it anymore. I can't get that fucking smell out of my nostrils-OUT IF MY MIND!!! Gah... :::END OF ENTRY:::
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	:::BEGINNING OF ENTRY::: It was thought that the coming human invasion would be stopped easily... They came equipped with barbaric weapons. They can barely see at night... They can't even see each others thoughts! Now they are all over our plan-MY PLANET! My home... We accounted for everything except what they would leave behind them. Their shit. Never have we identified a substance as harmful and disease ridden as a single qualupp of human fecal matter. The humans realized our aversion to it quickly and began employing it en mass. Covering their soldiers with the vile, death bringing substance-THE BARBARIANS! Those intergalactic thugs could have gone anywhere! They're smart enough, they could have potentially colonized several new planets and given themselves time to evolve to full sentience like we have... but noooo.... Those poo-flinging imbeciles launched an invasion on a planet that never threatened them once and SHOULD have led to near instant defeat for the invaders... But they're god damned shit smells soooo bad. Word is out. We're now completely evacuating East Acumbria. The humans built a line sewer plants upwind and the noxious fumes can be smelt across the entire continent. People are dying by the hundreds every day. The elders hope that giving them this land will appease them but I don't believe it will. It's just giving them a foothold. They're already all over the planet, safe and secured in their shitty little forts... they won't just give those up... Their cargo ships don't even bring weapons anymore. Just shit. Massive stockpiles... they're planning for a planet wide war.... I can't take it anymore. I can't get that fucking smell out of my nostrils-OUT IF MY MIND!!! Gah... :::END OF ENTRY:::
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Don't fuck with humans" was the general received wisdom in the galaxy. They had a history of obliterating the people that fucked them over. A long, bloody history. There were a few who didn't heed that lesson, like Zartok the Slaver. I don't like Zartok. Nobody likes Zartok. But he pays his tab and he doesn't cause too much trouble. I'm not in the business of judging people, I'm in the business of getting them drunk. Well, shit, now he's talking up some human. Poor thing; Zartok says he's gone straight, but trusting him will put you in chains. And now the human's following him out the door. Can't call in what could be a date for all I know. Not my job. ----- "Infamous former slaver B1334@dilzen!zk 'Zartok' has crashed his ship into the courthouse of Faxx, Kranix, Bvvvv, his hometown, where he was routinely given sentences for his slaving that many have called 'disgustingly short'. Zartok was found dead at the controls, with injuries that appear to have been sustained before the crash. The entire courthouse is destroyed, with no reported survivors. One escape pod appears to be missing, and the ship's logs appear to be hopelessly corrupted." The news has been droning on about this for the past hour. Good on that human, I suppose. Hope they feel good about their revenge. The door slams open--goddammit. "Oi! Gentle with the doo--" It's that human! Not a scratch on 'em! They saunter up to my bar and look at me like I'm supposed to shower 'em with gold. "Pay up." " 'Scuse me?" I may be quaking in my boots, but I ain't gonna show it. "You heard me. I won the bet. Pay up." ...Shit.	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	One by one the stars went out. Earth's scientists looked on in horror and confusion as they vanished. They hadn't burnt out, nor had they gone supernova, they just were no longer there. It was quick, especially by astronomical speeds. After just a year, the entire southern hemisphere was without starlight and just one year later, every telescope was trained on the north star, the last star, as it too was snuffed out. Within moments though, every single one of them returned. Every twinkling little light, right back where it belonged. ---- "Steady" "Steady...." "Alright we're done." As the final plate sank into place, the two pilots breathed a heavy sigh of relief. A pair of engineers were wiring up the final systems, and then the largest wall the galaxy had ever seen would be complete. Just then a small plink was heard from the other side of the wall. No one dared suggest opening it back up to find the source of the noise though. --- "Voyager 1 has stopped transmitting"	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Your majesty.." The diminutive, four-legged creature said, bowing formally. "Step forward, High Engineer Raxus. I assume you have made progress regarding the device?" "Indeed. My team has finally replicated the software needed to access it; it contained hours of footage, your majesty..." He stated, before hesitating. He ran a claw through his antennae nervously. "Raxus? What was this footage..?" The Queen queried. "I-I apologise, your majesty. It is... rather disturbing. I have barely slept, w-we've been analysing it since yesterday morning.." The High Engineer continued. "Show me, please." The Queen asked firmly. "Yes, at once, your majesty." Raxus bowed again, gesturing to an assistant behind him. A button was pressed on a controller, and a huge screen in the royal war room flared to life. "Ok, ok... we-" A grown man on screen started, but paused to giggle with childish glee. "We're- Dude, stand still!" "I'm trying!" Another man replied, clad entirely in tin foil except for his rear, which was exposed. "You aren't dressed like a damn space hooker with his pants down up here..!" "These are.. adult males, yes?" The Queen asked. Raxus nodded. "And what are they doing.." She said, squinting her upper row of eyes. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Blast Off." The first man said, before giggling again and lighting a match. He held it up to a small rocket, attached to a zip line, and lit the fuse. "..one small step for man.." The other, tinfoil-clad man started, as the rocket suddenly flared to life and sped up the line, aiming directly for the man's exposed ass. "One giant leap for- Ow, GOD, fuck!!!" He was interrupted by the rocket pushing between his butt cheeks and planting itself firmly inside him, as the other man burst into raucous laughter. "What in Z'hora's name..." The Queen uttered quietly, stunned. "My thoughts exactly, your majesty.." Raxus agreed, equally disturbed by the footage, as the men on screen laughed uproariously and yelled profanity in equal measure, and the man with the rocket in his rear stumbled, falling off his platform, much to the enjoyment of his peers. "That was his.. rectum, yes? From what you've told me it is an extremely vulnerable and painful area of the body.." She said, a fear in her voice that Raxus had never heard in decades of serving her. "It is, your majesty.." He confirmed. "A-and this.. this is a display of strength? A ritual the.. the warriors perform to prove themselves...? Much like how our royal guard smack themselves once on the chest when they are appointed to protect me.." She reasoned, trying to hide the distress in her voice. "These must be some of Earth's finest warriors.." The Queen continued, in awe. "Um... actually, your majesty, they are some of Earth's finest... jesters." Raxus corrected fearfully. The Queen stared at him, mandibles open in shock. "Jesters...?! A-and.. that projectile, was that.. fire they used to propel it? How.. how barbaric, h-how unsafe!" She continued, her panic clear now. "Fire, heat energy, and explosives are actually... quite common in Earth society, as a method of propulsion.. a-and even lighting. T-that's how their capsule reached our territory... explosives were used to launch it off-world initially." Raxus revealed, the High Engineer sounding just as disturbed as the Queen. She stared at Raxus, then at the screen, staying silent for a few moments before she spoke with finality. "Hide us, Raxus. Study all you can from their capsule, and then eject it from this world. Rescind the fleet into local orbit, focus the engineering corps' assets into further cloaking technology and increase the output of sensor jamming satellites tenfold. We must make sure these barbarians never find us." She decreed, as Raxus noted down her commands. "At once, your majesty." Sixty-eight years earlier... "Hi, and welcome back to Good Morning LA!" The gorgeous blonde woman beamed, before turning to another camera. "Actor and producer Johnny Knoxville and his former Jackass co-stars recently crowdfunded over 6 million dollars to get the entire Jackass collection on SpaceX's latest capsule to be launched out of the solar system. In an initial press release, Knoxville said "it would be cool as s**t to show aliens Jackass". The launch is happening this afternoon. I'll be back soon for an exclusive interview with Johnny, but first, here's Rosita with the story of America's first dog martial artist.."	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"The human home fleet has dropped out of warp. We have achieved total surprise. Attack position in 5 units." By rights, Pursuit Leader Meleet thought, she ought to be gratified by the news. The scene on her repeater screen was, after all, the stuff of fantasies for any green-blooded war-sphere officer. The last of the enemy's ships, speeding towards the waiting guns that would be their doom, not a shield up or decoy deployed, nor a single iota of thrust diverted into the chaotic evasive maneuvers that had driven her targeting crews to distraction on so many occasions? By rights, her crew should be knelt at her hooves, competing to have her sire their litter while the auto-targeters cleaned up the rabble outside. Not that she would take any of them up, of course. A victory such as that would be irresistible to the golden-haired Pack Leader back at Centieth Base... By rights. Instead, she and her crew were strapped in, at full War readiness, with the bridge sealed off from the rest of the ship, triple guards posted on every entrance and vent, full vacuum gear on, and the disgusting black repellent the spies had retrieved smeared behind their ears. Supported by the largest single concentration of firepower the galaxy had ever witnessed. And still, she couldn't help the itching feeling between her shoulder blades. "Acknowledged." The Rigelian turned to the figure sitting stiffly behind and to her right. "Arcteros. The checklist." "As you wish, Pursuit Leader." Her second-in-command scrolled his datapad and cleared his throat, managing to almost completely disguise the nervous whinny. "Thus far we have seen no evidence of long-range kinetic weaponry, missiles, laser or other energy weapons, drifting explosives, pockets of combustible gas, novel employment of adhesives, sudden flash flooding, distress calls legitimate or faked, waste recycling plant malfunctions, 'ninja', derogatory messages entreating us to perform the mating ritual with our sires, the celestial body referred to as 'Comet McCometface', localised time disruptions, mirror-universe counterparts, anything produced by 'Bad Dragon', infiltration by any of the Terran flora and fauna catalogued in appendices 77 through 63083, any member of a 'LARP', mimes, the 'brown note', pineapples, excessive amounts of addictive substances, bladed weapons larger than their wielder, boxes that are larger on the inside than the outside, 97.3 FM Country Music 24/7, attempts to engage fleet members in 'vodka butt chugging', sapient planets, psychically gifted children, suspiciously inviting open boxes labelled 'Secret To Defeating The Humans'..." There was a short pause as he waited for the next page to load. Meleet winced. She still couldn't figure out just how that last one had worked so well. Did the humans emit some kind of intelligence-absorbing field? Best ask the Pack's scientists when she returned. Obviously, the shielding wasn't thick enough. "Enough. Give me the summary. Do we see any of their schemes in evidence here?" Irritation flared as she mentally catalogued the list of indignities the never-to-be-sufficiently-damned humans had inflicted on her. On all of them. "No, Pursuit Leader. They are just...flying at us. Quickly." A panel chimed, and Arcteros looked down. "...Very quickly. Speed increasing. .8 of cee and climbing... 2 units until intercept." He frowned. "Sensors show them as gunboats and destroyers. No ships of the line." Her heart caught in her throat. "R-repeat that last." "Pursuit Leader?" The war-sphere's Second looked at his First, who had just turned a very odd shade of green. "Arcteros." She spoke slowly, with an iron grip on her voice. "The last, beaten remnants of the humans are, at this moment, flying toward a fleet they have no hope of defeating, in their weakest ships besides, and they are accelerating. What are the odds of them winning?" With trembling limbs he keyed the question into the tac-comp. It took mere microseconds for the answer to be returned. "A...a...million to one." They stared at each other for a moment eternal, saw it in each other's eyes as they screamed in unison. "ABOOOOOORT!"	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Explain it to me again. I'm not sure I comprehended the first time." The Warhost-Master's appendages twitched in frustration. "As you are aware, Humanity was, until now, classified as a D-class species - A species with significant technological and societal development, but lacking any spaceflight capabilities. Several picorotations ago, the humans successfully landed and returned two of their kind on their planet's primary satellite. This raised an automatic monitoring alert from our in-system sentry drone. What is incredible here is that the humans lack any of the technologies we have, until now, assumed are a prerequisite to spaceflight. They achieved inter-body flight using no method of propulsion other than chemical rockets." "Explain these chemical rockets to me again." "It's a relatively obscure method of propulsion. Basically, it involves triggering extremely rapid, extremely exothermal chemical reactions, and using the resulting explosion to direct ejection mass to generate thrust. As you can imagine, failures are both extremely common and impressively catastrophic. It's practical application is very limited. As far as we are aware, no species has, until now, used it to successfully achieve spaceflight." "So they landed on their satellite by blowing themselves up? Is that what you're telling me?" "Well, uh, I suppose that's one way of putting it, sir." The Warhost-Master used one of his secondary appendages to manipulate a computer terminal. A tall, cylindrical object appeared in the middle of the room. It was surrounded by semi-transparent renders of other spacecraft, to give a sense of scale. "This is the craft they used. As you can tell, it's absolutely massive. As I explained earlier, their propulsion method relies on ejecting reaction mass. This requires the craft to carry a tremendous amount of fuel to escape their planet's gravity well." The Representative waved one of it's primary appendages in incredulity, and slapped the wall with a number of it's secondary appendages for emphasis. "You're telling me they landed this giant fucking thing on their moon? And that was their first attempt at crewed interbody flight?" "Um, no sir. They only landed this bit here." A tiny portion of the vessel's top was highlighted. "What the hell do you mean? What happened to the rest?" The Warhost-Master rubbed it's primary appendages together nervously. "They, um, fell off." "Fell off?" "Yes sir. During the course of normal operation, most of the ship falls off. The ship ejects bits of itself, in order to reduce it's mass, during the course of operation. Their ship is basically a series of barrels full of volatile hydrocarbon compounds. They light one end, and the bottom barrel starts burning. When that is empty, they toss it away, to reduce their mass. They then light the end of the next barrel. And so on. In the end, about half a percent of the ship's mass actually arrives at the destination. The rest falls off. The entire ship is one-use only. It's little more than a giant barrel of volatile hydrocarbons pointed at the sky, on top of which three humans gleefully strap themselves and set on fire." "And this works? They went to their moon in a ship that self-destructs by design?" "More or less, sir. Based on analysis of their spacecraft, our AI estimates a loss-of-life failure rate of about 10%. Indeed, sir, they've been experimenting with crewed spaceflight for only a few picorotations, and have already suffered several fatal failures. Such an exorbitant risk would never be tolerated by any civilized species." The Representative rubbed it's sensory cluster with an appendage in a sign of disbelief. "These people are absolutely mad."	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Late to the party as usual, but here goes. In the human history there is man named Alexander whom they call 'the Great.' Alexander lead a vast army, which worshipped him, with which he conquered hundreds of kingdoms. He spread his noble culture to the far reaches of the world in an unbelievably short amount of time. However, there are legends that he was at least mildly insane. It is the belief of non-human species that this trait is what caused both him to be audacious enough to attempt the feats for which he became famous (even among the humans), and which humans are naturally more inclined. Man is mad, and it is that unrestrained human madness that pierces all other species with a cold dread when they hear, "Man is coming." The humans have a saying: Ignorance is bliss. This sentiment, like the example of Alexander, lends credence to the cultural norm of willingly flinging themselves into high risk-high reward situations. Let me illustrate this with their first war, of many, with another species. The Luts were a race that was generally respected among the nobler galactic races, but today their name is spoken only after hesitation; it is not polite to bring it up in certain company. The Luts had sent a message to the humans that they owned the area into which the humans were expanding. It is unknown if they received or understood the message - it is most likely they simply ignored it. To Man's credit, the Luts did attack first. After decimating the simplistic pioneer human ships, the Luts thought they'd be rid of the humans. It was the first exposure to alien technology they had ever had as a race. Surely they'd be conditioned not to fool with superior races. The Luts went back to their work and let their guard down. Not a single standard solar cycle had passed when the Luts sent out distress signals to anyone who could receive them. The humans sent their entire space fleet to the exact coordinate where their first ships had been destroyed, opened fire with, would you believe it, physical and explosive projectiles, and did not let up for a single second for more than 500 hours straight. In space launching physical projectiles causes a ship to fly very unconventionally due to assymetric propulsions. Their ships flew crazily, absolutely impossible to anticipate their flight pattern. And if other human ships got in the way they were shot too! Energy shields do nothing against physical projectiles; the Lut ships, mining camps, colonies, everything was completey destroyed in the sector closest to the human home planet. In fact, human ships were still coming out of hyper-drive when their bombardment stopped, of course by that time the Luts had been obliterated. The point is, there's no way the humans had known about the energy fields' weaknesses, but in their ignorance they ran wildly into a fight. And they continued to run wild until the Luts, as they remain today, were economically crippled. As a side note, it is because of the humans that the new physhields had to be developed. But human ships? They continue to fly their ships naked, no shields at all. Ok, I'm out of time. That's all. Edit: Fixed some bad sentences, added a few words for thought clarity.	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Field medic? Why are we humouring the new prospect anyway? We have body labs." Muttered Zelska. Zelska was what the humans would call "A fucking idiot." Jorax reflected. "Well," Jorax began "Aahii are the greatest builders and engineers in the universe,right?" "Of course!" Snapped Zelska. "But, Aahii don't repair anything, ever. The idea that they could craft something that does. Not. Work. Is impossible to contemplate...Humans make trash, they are ugly and backwards, lumbering idiots with no understanding of design or even the principles upon which all great devices work. You've seen it though, heard rumours of humans re-purposing derelict Aahii craft. Making gateways out of purifiers! Human engineers get you home when the gods spit upon your fate and shatter your drive..." Zelska cut him off, near frothing with impatient rage "We all know the importance of a human engineer on staff, but why do we need this bloody medic!" Jorax shifts his tunic, revealing a jagged mess of scarring.A near impossible amount of his lower abdomen missing. "It's not just ships a human can hold together when the gods turn their back on you..."	Captain of NA Drial to Federation HQ I am afraid, scared and motivated, I know its odd way to put it but we may win the war against the Empire with the humans. I mean, since humans first made contact they remained neutral, in their tiny solar system. They had so much battle experience that we thought that humans maybe were empire species, but turns out they were fighting each other all along. To classify the humans are reckless, suburb and brave. They did not like it when the Empire order them to surrender and give them an ultimatum of 48 hours to surrender, humans instead of surrender, every planet in their solar system started to go in lockdowb, Earth the center of human power and the home world issued order 450, an order that other species said that was to crazy go against the empire like that. The order 450 was simple, boost power to Earth's mighty iron shields, by using the planets raw core, they were sucking the planets thermal energy to power a shield, that amount of energy disturbed all sensor in the solar system, they hold the 48 hours like that until the Empire invaded, turn out the humans were not in the mood to go on the defense, they hidden an entire space ship fleet beside the solar system star, Earth's shields were not protecting Earth's but were protecting an enormous fleet from the star heat. Has soon the empire was in Earth's defense weapons a barrage of shots started to hit the empire ships, and then they warped all of the fleet be hide the empire ships. They destroy, captured all empire ships, nothing was left of the empire. Earth's alone fleet and power won an entire invasion force more than a million empire ships more than 30 million soldiers either dead or captured, but the amazing part was that human fleet damage was 15 ships, a battalion that sacrifice them self to save the crown of the Earth's power the mighty, USS Helena, after that battalion fall the USS Helena shot a full range and power, a barrage of shots that alone killed more than 150 ships. Humans are crazy, have a lot of power and they are not afraid to fight until the last man. Has of right now the Redjop have joined the human fleet, but not with man but with ships, turns out that humans did not have enough ships to carry the military, 459 million, a single species has enough personal has the Empire combine. In this report I ask mercy to creator because, humans will most likely to use the Empire home solar system star has a bomb, I mean I hope they get some sense what they are doing.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	The highest Generals of the United Human Systems sat in their chambers, a dark and rather cramped room in the back of the Capital Parliament. They were comprised of many generals from across Human worlds. Three from Earth, one from Mars, another four from orbital colonies, and the other seven from a number colonised star systems. They squabbled as their leader, General Hou Shan sat awaiting the arrival of their Chief Strategist, Nathaniel Howler, a former front-line commander against the Neo-Libertarian Revolutionaries in the Beta Centauri system. Shan didn't believe in luck and willpower like Howler, and was rather traditional with his methods. Having trained to originally be naval officer, he was forced into ground forces on Earth during the Maqri Invasion, the first extraterrestrial threat to Earth and Humankind. It was luckily prevented by the Interstellar Confederation, which Humanity had unwillingly joined two decades ago, forcing them into trade deals and opening up to the xenos. Shan now knew with the civil war erupting within the Confederation, now was the time to consolidate their power and ensure human survival in the future years of desperate conflict. Howler entered the room and gained the attention of the generals, bringing in a pistol and shooting it at the roof. This made them scramble to their seats and for them to start asking him for his plans. Howler smirked and lay down his files, and loaded up his long awaited presentation. "As you all know, we are currently threatened by imperialist Xenos that call themselves the 'Elected Government of the Confederation', who are really just puppets of the Kasire Empire...", Howler begun, noting the fact that they all accepted. Humanity was severely threatened by an invasion from another xeno empire, and it was only a matter of time before they struck. "Do you all know of Operation Barbarossa?", Howler asked. Yes they had be trained in the strategies of past Earth Wars, which most tacticians regarded as relics of stupidity and arrogance that had plagued human existence for so many generations. Shan replied, "Yes, Barbarossa was the invasion of the Soviet Union by Nazi Germany, was it not?". Howler nodded, "And what did the Nazis do? They made a surprise attack and drove their tanks into the heart of Russia!". One of the generals piped up, "Are you saying we follow in the footsteps of Napoleon and Hitler and try to make an unfathomable invasion of the insurmountable enemy?". Howler almost spat on the General, lifting his head as if he was some wise monarch, "Unlike the Nazis we aren't looking to defeat Communism or take land, we are looking annihilate our enemies for the sake of our survival!". Shan smirked, "And how exactly would you propose we achieve that? It's not like we're the most well equipped and prepared group in the Confederation, the puppets are! That's why they're in power!". "You may say that, but we have something they don't.", Howler chuckled. "And what would that be?", almost all the generals asked in unison. "We have our own insanity. It's the capability to still attack them in the most convoluted ways, destroy their fleets and break their supply lines that will win us a war. Enough will die that we can pull systems to our side and surmount victory!". "This is preposterous! It will never work!", one of the generals called out in protest. "It's not just if it can work, sir. It has to work. The survival of our species depends on it!", Howler finished. The generals sat bewildered, but they all knew he was right. They were insane to even think it would work, but that was the point. Be stupid enough to be smart, and maybe they'd win a final war.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Don't fuck with humans" was the general received wisdom in the galaxy. They had a history of obliterating the people that fucked them over. A long, bloody history. There were a few who didn't heed that lesson, like Zartok the Slaver. I don't like Zartok. Nobody likes Zartok. But he pays his tab and he doesn't cause too much trouble. I'm not in the business of judging people, I'm in the business of getting them drunk. Well, shit, now he's talking up some human. Poor thing; Zartok says he's gone straight, but trusting him will put you in chains. And now the human's following him out the door. Can't call in what could be a date for all I know. Not my job. ----- "Infamous former slaver B1334@dilzen!zk 'Zartok' has crashed his ship into the courthouse of Faxx, Kranix, Bvvvv, his hometown, where he was routinely given sentences for his slaving that many have called 'disgustingly short'. Zartok was found dead at the controls, with injuries that appear to have been sustained before the crash. The entire courthouse is destroyed, with no reported survivors. One escape pod appears to be missing, and the ship's logs appear to be hopelessly corrupted." The news has been droning on about this for the past hour. Good on that human, I suppose. Hope they feel good about their revenge. The door slams open--goddammit. "Oi! Gentle with the doo--" It's that human! Not a scratch on 'em! They saunter up to my bar and look at me like I'm supposed to shower 'em with gold. "Pay up." " 'Scuse me?" I may be quaking in my boots, but I ain't gonna show it. "You heard me. I won the bet. Pay up." ...Shit.	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	One by one the stars went out. Earth's scientists looked on in horror and confusion as they vanished. They hadn't burnt out, nor had they gone supernova, they just were no longer there. It was quick, especially by astronomical speeds. After just a year, the entire southern hemisphere was without starlight and just one year later, every telescope was trained on the north star, the last star, as it too was snuffed out. Within moments though, every single one of them returned. Every twinkling little light, right back where it belonged. ---- "Steady" "Steady...." "Alright we're done." As the final plate sank into place, the two pilots breathed a heavy sigh of relief. A pair of engineers were wiring up the final systems, and then the largest wall the galaxy had ever seen would be complete. Just then a small plink was heard from the other side of the wall. No one dared suggest opening it back up to find the source of the noise though. --- "Voyager 1 has stopped transmitting"	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Your majesty.." The diminutive, four-legged creature said, bowing formally. "Step forward, High Engineer Raxus. I assume you have made progress regarding the device?" "Indeed. My team has finally replicated the software needed to access it; it contained hours of footage, your majesty..." He stated, before hesitating. He ran a claw through his antennae nervously. "Raxus? What was this footage..?" The Queen queried. "I-I apologise, your majesty. It is... rather disturbing. I have barely slept, w-we've been analysing it since yesterday morning.." The High Engineer continued. "Show me, please." The Queen asked firmly. "Yes, at once, your majesty." Raxus bowed again, gesturing to an assistant behind him. A button was pressed on a controller, and a huge screen in the royal war room flared to life. "Ok, ok... we-" A grown man on screen started, but paused to giggle with childish glee. "We're- Dude, stand still!" "I'm trying!" Another man replied, clad entirely in tin foil except for his rear, which was exposed. "You aren't dressed like a damn space hooker with his pants down up here..!" "These are.. adult males, yes?" The Queen asked. Raxus nodded. "And what are they doing.." She said, squinting her upper row of eyes. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Blast Off." The first man said, before giggling again and lighting a match. He held it up to a small rocket, attached to a zip line, and lit the fuse. "..one small step for man.." The other, tinfoil-clad man started, as the rocket suddenly flared to life and sped up the line, aiming directly for the man's exposed ass. "One giant leap for- Ow, GOD, fuck!!!" He was interrupted by the rocket pushing between his butt cheeks and planting itself firmly inside him, as the other man burst into raucous laughter. "What in Z'hora's name..." The Queen uttered quietly, stunned. "My thoughts exactly, your majesty.." Raxus agreed, equally disturbed by the footage, as the men on screen laughed uproariously and yelled profanity in equal measure, and the man with the rocket in his rear stumbled, falling off his platform, much to the enjoyment of his peers. "That was his.. rectum, yes? From what you've told me it is an extremely vulnerable and painful area of the body.." She said, a fear in her voice that Raxus had never heard in decades of serving her. "It is, your majesty.." He confirmed. "A-and this.. this is a display of strength? A ritual the.. the warriors perform to prove themselves...? Much like how our royal guard smack themselves once on the chest when they are appointed to protect me.." She reasoned, trying to hide the distress in her voice. "These must be some of Earth's finest warriors.." The Queen continued, in awe. "Um... actually, your majesty, they are some of Earth's finest... jesters." Raxus corrected fearfully. The Queen stared at him, mandibles open in shock. "Jesters...?! A-and.. that projectile, was that.. fire they used to propel it? How.. how barbaric, h-how unsafe!" She continued, her panic clear now. "Fire, heat energy, and explosives are actually... quite common in Earth society, as a method of propulsion.. a-and even lighting. T-that's how their capsule reached our territory... explosives were used to launch it off-world initially." Raxus revealed, the High Engineer sounding just as disturbed as the Queen. She stared at Raxus, then at the screen, staying silent for a few moments before she spoke with finality. "Hide us, Raxus. Study all you can from their capsule, and then eject it from this world. Rescind the fleet into local orbit, focus the engineering corps' assets into further cloaking technology and increase the output of sensor jamming satellites tenfold. We must make sure these barbarians never find us." She decreed, as Raxus noted down her commands. "At once, your majesty." Sixty-eight years earlier... "Hi, and welcome back to Good Morning LA!" The gorgeous blonde woman beamed, before turning to another camera. "Actor and producer Johnny Knoxville and his former Jackass co-stars recently crowdfunded over 6 million dollars to get the entire Jackass collection on SpaceX's latest capsule to be launched out of the solar system. In an initial press release, Knoxville said "it would be cool as s**t to show aliens Jackass". The launch is happening this afternoon. I'll be back soon for an exclusive interview with Johnny, but first, here's Rosita with the story of America's first dog martial artist.."	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"The human home fleet has dropped out of warp. We have achieved total surprise. Attack position in 5 units." By rights, Pursuit Leader Meleet thought, she ought to be gratified by the news. The scene on her repeater screen was, after all, the stuff of fantasies for any green-blooded war-sphere officer. The last of the enemy's ships, speeding towards the waiting guns that would be their doom, not a shield up or decoy deployed, nor a single iota of thrust diverted into the chaotic evasive maneuvers that had driven her targeting crews to distraction on so many occasions? By rights, her crew should be knelt at her hooves, competing to have her sire their litter while the auto-targeters cleaned up the rabble outside. Not that she would take any of them up, of course. A victory such as that would be irresistible to the golden-haired Pack Leader back at Centieth Base... By rights. Instead, she and her crew were strapped in, at full War readiness, with the bridge sealed off from the rest of the ship, triple guards posted on every entrance and vent, full vacuum gear on, and the disgusting black repellent the spies had retrieved smeared behind their ears. Supported by the largest single concentration of firepower the galaxy had ever witnessed. And still, she couldn't help the itching feeling between her shoulder blades. "Acknowledged." The Rigelian turned to the figure sitting stiffly behind and to her right. "Arcteros. The checklist." "As you wish, Pursuit Leader." Her second-in-command scrolled his datapad and cleared his throat, managing to almost completely disguise the nervous whinny. "Thus far we have seen no evidence of long-range kinetic weaponry, missiles, laser or other energy weapons, drifting explosives, pockets of combustible gas, novel employment of adhesives, sudden flash flooding, distress calls legitimate or faked, waste recycling plant malfunctions, 'ninja', derogatory messages entreating us to perform the mating ritual with our sires, the celestial body referred to as 'Comet McCometface', localised time disruptions, mirror-universe counterparts, anything produced by 'Bad Dragon', infiltration by any of the Terran flora and fauna catalogued in appendices 77 through 63083, any member of a 'LARP', mimes, the 'brown note', pineapples, excessive amounts of addictive substances, bladed weapons larger than their wielder, boxes that are larger on the inside than the outside, 97.3 FM Country Music 24/7, attempts to engage fleet members in 'vodka butt chugging', sapient planets, psychically gifted children, suspiciously inviting open boxes labelled 'Secret To Defeating The Humans'..." There was a short pause as he waited for the next page to load. Meleet winced. She still couldn't figure out just how that last one had worked so well. Did the humans emit some kind of intelligence-absorbing field? Best ask the Pack's scientists when she returned. Obviously, the shielding wasn't thick enough. "Enough. Give me the summary. Do we see any of their schemes in evidence here?" Irritation flared as she mentally catalogued the list of indignities the never-to-be-sufficiently-damned humans had inflicted on her. On all of them. "No, Pursuit Leader. They are just...flying at us. Quickly." A panel chimed, and Arcteros looked down. "...Very quickly. Speed increasing. .8 of cee and climbing... 2 units until intercept." He frowned. "Sensors show them as gunboats and destroyers. No ships of the line." Her heart caught in her throat. "R-repeat that last." "Pursuit Leader?" The war-sphere's Second looked at his First, who had just turned a very odd shade of green. "Arcteros." She spoke slowly, with an iron grip on her voice. "The last, beaten remnants of the humans are, at this moment, flying toward a fleet they have no hope of defeating, in their weakest ships besides, and they are accelerating. What are the odds of them winning?" With trembling limbs he keyed the question into the tac-comp. It took mere microseconds for the answer to be returned. "A...a...million to one." They stared at each other for a moment eternal, saw it in each other's eyes as they screamed in unison. "ABOOOOOORT!"	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Hold my beer." I moaned silently to myself as the icy fear climbed my spine. It was always like this: The ship would get into trouble, usually because of the Captain. The crew would try all kinds of solutions that inevitably failed, usually because of the Captain. We'd be up against the wall, no possible way out, no possible hope... usually because of the Captain. And then we'd hear those words, from the Captain: "Hold my beer." We were supposed to have been delivering a shipment of Anduvian wool to the Monks of Patience. Now the Monks were all trapped at the event horizon of a black hole, the wool had gotten lost somewhere along the way and our ship was spiraling out of control through an asteroid field with warships of three different species trying to get a weapons lock on our engines. I reached out and took the sweating can from the Captain. "I really need a new job." I thought for the thousandth time. But the money was good, and somehow when it was all over we were still here and everyone else, well... wasn't. "Watch this!" the Captain said; I closed my eyes and shuddered. A Human. I had sign on with a Human.	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Explain it to me again. I'm not sure I comprehended the first time." The Warhost-Master's appendages twitched in frustration. "As you are aware, Humanity was, until now, classified as a D-class species - A species with significant technological and societal development, but lacking any spaceflight capabilities. Several picorotations ago, the humans successfully landed and returned two of their kind on their planet's primary satellite. This raised an automatic monitoring alert from our in-system sentry drone. What is incredible here is that the humans lack any of the technologies we have, until now, assumed are a prerequisite to spaceflight. They achieved inter-body flight using no method of propulsion other than chemical rockets." "Explain these chemical rockets to me again." "It's a relatively obscure method of propulsion. Basically, it involves triggering extremely rapid, extremely exothermal chemical reactions, and using the resulting explosion to direct ejection mass to generate thrust. As you can imagine, failures are both extremely common and impressively catastrophic. It's practical application is very limited. As far as we are aware, no species has, until now, used it to successfully achieve spaceflight." "So they landed on their satellite by blowing themselves up? Is that what you're telling me?" "Well, uh, I suppose that's one way of putting it, sir." The Warhost-Master used one of his secondary appendages to manipulate a computer terminal. A tall, cylindrical object appeared in the middle of the room. It was surrounded by semi-transparent renders of other spacecraft, to give a sense of scale. "This is the craft they used. As you can tell, it's absolutely massive. As I explained earlier, their propulsion method relies on ejecting reaction mass. This requires the craft to carry a tremendous amount of fuel to escape their planet's gravity well." The Representative waved one of it's primary appendages in incredulity, and slapped the wall with a number of it's secondary appendages for emphasis. "You're telling me they landed this giant fucking thing on their moon? And that was their first attempt at crewed interbody flight?" "Um, no sir. They only landed this bit here." A tiny portion of the vessel's top was highlighted. "What the hell do you mean? What happened to the rest?" The Warhost-Master rubbed it's primary appendages together nervously. "They, um, fell off." "Fell off?" "Yes sir. During the course of normal operation, most of the ship falls off. The ship ejects bits of itself, in order to reduce it's mass, during the course of operation. Their ship is basically a series of barrels full of volatile hydrocarbon compounds. They light one end, and the bottom barrel starts burning. When that is empty, they toss it away, to reduce their mass. They then light the end of the next barrel. And so on. In the end, about half a percent of the ship's mass actually arrives at the destination. The rest falls off. The entire ship is one-use only. It's little more than a giant barrel of volatile hydrocarbons pointed at the sky, on top of which three humans gleefully strap themselves and set on fire." "And this works? They went to their moon in a ship that self-destructs by design?" "More or less, sir. Based on analysis of their spacecraft, our AI estimates a loss-of-life failure rate of about 10%. Indeed, sir, they've been experimenting with crewed spaceflight for only a few picorotations, and have already suffered several fatal failures. Such an exorbitant risk would never be tolerated by any civilized species." The Representative rubbed it's sensory cluster with an appendage in a sign of disbelief. "These people are absolutely mad."	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Late to the party as usual, but here goes. In the human history there is man named Alexander whom they call 'the Great.' Alexander lead a vast army, which worshipped him, with which he conquered hundreds of kingdoms. He spread his noble culture to the far reaches of the world in an unbelievably short amount of time. However, there are legends that he was at least mildly insane. It is the belief of non-human species that this trait is what caused both him to be audacious enough to attempt the feats for which he became famous (even among the humans), and which humans are naturally more inclined. Man is mad, and it is that unrestrained human madness that pierces all other species with a cold dread when they hear, "Man is coming." The humans have a saying: Ignorance is bliss. This sentiment, like the example of Alexander, lends credence to the cultural norm of willingly flinging themselves into high risk-high reward situations. Let me illustrate this with their first war, of many, with another species. The Luts were a race that was generally respected among the nobler galactic races, but today their name is spoken only after hesitation; it is not polite to bring it up in certain company. The Luts had sent a message to the humans that they owned the area into which the humans were expanding. It is unknown if they received or understood the message - it is most likely they simply ignored it. To Man's credit, the Luts did attack first. After decimating the simplistic pioneer human ships, the Luts thought they'd be rid of the humans. It was the first exposure to alien technology they had ever had as a race. Surely they'd be conditioned not to fool with superior races. The Luts went back to their work and let their guard down. Not a single standard solar cycle had passed when the Luts sent out distress signals to anyone who could receive them. The humans sent their entire space fleet to the exact coordinate where their first ships had been destroyed, opened fire with, would you believe it, physical and explosive projectiles, and did not let up for a single second for more than 500 hours straight. In space launching physical projectiles causes a ship to fly very unconventionally due to assymetric propulsions. Their ships flew crazily, absolutely impossible to anticipate their flight pattern. And if other human ships got in the way they were shot too! Energy shields do nothing against physical projectiles; the Lut ships, mining camps, colonies, everything was completey destroyed in the sector closest to the human home planet. In fact, human ships were still coming out of hyper-drive when their bombardment stopped, of course by that time the Luts had been obliterated. The point is, there's no way the humans had known about the energy fields' weaknesses, but in their ignorance they ran wildly into a fight. And they continued to run wild until the Luts, as they remain today, were economically crippled. As a side note, it is because of the humans that the new physhields had to be developed. But human ships? They continue to fly their ships naked, no shields at all. Ok, I'm out of time. That's all. Edit: Fixed some bad sentences, added a few words for thought clarity.	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Field medic? Why are we humouring the new prospect anyway? We have body labs." Muttered Zelska. Zelska was what the humans would call "A fucking idiot." Jorax reflected. "Well," Jorax began "Aahii are the greatest builders and engineers in the universe,right?" "Of course!" Snapped Zelska. "But, Aahii don't repair anything, ever. The idea that they could craft something that does. Not. Work. Is impossible to contemplate...Humans make trash, they are ugly and backwards, lumbering idiots with no understanding of design or even the principles upon which all great devices work. You've seen it though, heard rumours of humans re-purposing derelict Aahii craft. Making gateways out of purifiers! Human engineers get you home when the gods spit upon your fate and shatter your drive..." Zelska cut him off, near frothing with impatient rage "We all know the importance of a human engineer on staff, but why do we need this bloody medic!" Jorax shifts his tunic, revealing a jagged mess of scarring.A near impossible amount of his lower abdomen missing. "It's not just ships a human can hold together when the gods turn their back on you..."	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Treg'Luf'Arwa couldn't believe his eyes. He doubted that his Father, Luf'Arwa'Yos, or his father's father, Arwa'Yos'Hul, would've believe their eyes either, had they come to see this day. Fire had been raining on his planet for days now. The home planet of his species being the latest conquest for the Gaouls, a ferocious, carnivorous meat eating reptile species that must've, he guessed, discovered space travel through chance alone. They took to it like canine teeth to raw meat, however, and they were currently the deadliest force in the galaxy. He, that is to say, Treg was one of the last soldiers on the planet, his entire family had been shipped off to a refugee camp a few weeks ago as every single last of his kind in fighting shape prepared for their final stand. Three nights prior, he had heard over the communications relay that the Homo Sapiens would be entering in the fight against the Gaouls. He understood why, and didn't blame them for not entering earlier. The planet he called his home, Cip-5, was very near some human colonies, relatively. If they feel, their farms were next. Support was supposed to arrive today, and damn if it hadn't. First were the railshots. Railshots, for those who don't know, were intended solely for ranged empty space skirmishes, meant to rip open hulls and tear through engines. The only reason they weren't used in atmospheric battles was because accuracy could be off in such an enviroment, with increased gravity and the physics nightmare that is air itself. The humans, however, didn't seem to worry about such a thing, merely aiming their ships directly at the planet, and raining down tungsten rods like raindrops. Next were the dropships. He couldn't be sure, as both his ears were ringing and it's entirely possible that his universal translator, located in his skull, was damaged in the earthshaking first offense by the earthlings, but he swore that the dropships were playing... music? While the words were hard to make out, the words "Senator's son" and "It ain't me!" were clear enough. The oddest thing? After they had found him among the rubble, and began to patch up his wounds, he looked over their weapons. Some were indeed wielding the latest in plasma-pulse technology, firing miniature balls of perfectly round electric energy, while others had them slung across their backs, instead choosing to use what looked like tools that belonged in a museum. The metal was so dark, it looked like iron, and certain pieces, he thought he was dreaming, were they wood? The Gaouls couldn't stand up to it. Every single trick Treg could think of was pulled, including several he would never have considered, like small man excursions onto Gaoul ships to slam them into ground camps, pulling engines off grounded dropships just to overload them and have them turn city-sized plots of land into glass floors, and, he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw this, all 8 of them, slamming the Gaoul's moon into their homeworld in a secret military operation. Cheers went up when the Gaouls finally declared their surrender to the Alliance. Treg, glancing around, saw a single man with a scowl on his face, running a stone down a piece of what seemed to be sharpened steel with a leather grip. In fact, there was much about the man that was odd. Instead of the lightly armored dark grey camouflage pants that seemed to be standard issue, he wore some odd, brightly colored open cloth. On his back was a series of bags that wheezed with his movements, as if they were their own creature. When Treg finally got up the courage to ask the biped what was wrong, the man snapped back to reality for a second, looking the Cipentenian up and down before spitting out a black globule of sludge. "Damn higher ups. If they didn't pull these big goddamn acts of military might, we could've kept this war going another few years." Accentuating the end of the sentence by pulling a load of black flakes out of a small, flimsy container, and shoving it into his cheek. That day on, Treg offered every single human he saw free meals at his family's restaurant as soon as it was rebuilt on his homeworld. Not on gratitude alone, no, but because he saw exactly what kind of humans existed, and wanted to make sure that one never personally declared war on him or his planet. He doubted there'd be a single survivor. EDIT: Fixed Treg's name, and changed a few words. Wrote this half asleep.	"We are here to conquer your planet please surrender without a fight!" exclaimed one of the aliens. "Screw you this is Earth!" angrily yelled out by a redneck The alien looks around in utter disbelief, within the second he fearfully asked, "Is this the place with humans?" As a child walks up to the alien to ask him a question the alien quickly kicked away falling back onto his back. He was in the worst place a extra terrestrial being could be on Earth home of the Humans. The alien in other distraught exclaims, "Oh-OHHHH GOD NO LORD OF NEBULA 6Ω NO PLEASE HELP ME!" As the child walks up to touch him he realizes something in the kids hand its soft cuddly, and has rounded ears is this the dreaded weapon the alien will be killed with? The kid looks up to the alien and asks in a chilled voice, "do you wanna play with mister fluffinkens?" As the kid draws his weapon, and tries to hand it to the alien the alien screams on the top of his lungs, grabs his lunar pistol and blasts his own brains everywhere. It turns out humans aren't actually the crazy ones, aliens just don't understand kids just like everyone else.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Hagh backed up against the stone, his pulse rifle nearly as empty as his body of blood. Even now, with the air filled with energy pulses and the sounds of photoelectric charges going off, he felt his world growing darker. "Hey!" Hagh heard, snapping him back to the harsh reality of the invasion of his homeworld. "Hey you! Lovarian, right?" Hagh blinked. "Yes. I am Lovarian. Who are you?" "Tech Sergeant Adams with the Earth Aerospace Force. You can call me AJ though. You look pretty fucked up." "I do not know this word. Your tone translates though." Hagh said, quietly preparing his introduction to Algar the Judge. "Well you're in good hands. I'm a Pararescue Jumper. I'm a medic. What's your name pal?" AJ said, loading a large round into the fat barrel beneath his own pulse rifle. "Hagh. I did not know humans were coming to help. Don't waste your time with me, my judgement comes soon." "Fuck that, Hog. You can't die until I hand over patient responsibility." AJ said, setting his weapon down long enough to tear a package open with those predatory human teeth. "This is gonna burn Hog, not gonna lie." And burn, that chemical did. Hagh screamed to the stars, begging to be judged, but his judgement didn't come. Instead, the burn subsided. "Algar's mercy! What was that?" He asked, watching the human shoulder his weapon and giving his (their?) enemies a taste of return fire. "QuickClot. Can you run Hog?" AJ asked, taking cover to reload. "Slowly, yes." Hagh said, surprised at being handed the human's sidearm. "Good, we're headed south. We've got a forward base established where we could break the Litheen invasion forces." AJ said, finally firing that fat little weapon attached to his rifle. The photoelectric pulse lit the darkness, giving Hagh a better chance to see his rescuer. Lanky and lean, as humans tended to be, he wore the uniform of his people. He was also bleeding. "You are injured." Hagh observed. "Fuck Hog, we're all injured. We had to argue with brass to let us drop in to render aid. Now let's move!" AJ said, setting his weapon to auto fire and filling the air behind them with a cloud of discouraging pulses. ---------- "And that is why you are named for a human, Anthony, daughter of Hagh." The young woman's father said, with great reverence on his aged face, the beginnings of tears forming in the eyes on the left side of his face. "What became of my name father?" The young female asked. "I carried him into the base. Not the other way around. He died to allow me to survive. When you bear a child, remember the human who ensured the line of Hagh would remain unbroken. "I have asked our neighbors. None of them know this hero, AJ Adams. Why is that the case?" Anthony asked her father, sparing a glance out the window to the Earth place called Miami. "This is considered small heroism among the humans, my daughter. Take some time to learn what the warriors of their people have done." --------- Edit: Typos (did this on my phone) and small editing mistake.	Accessing Intergalactic History Log... Entry 102394 Fall of the Sutraxan Empire (STU 246 - STU 249) The Sutraxan Empire was feared throughout the local Supercluster for their ferocity in battle and ruthlessness in victory. Their conquest started in STU 206 with the Rape of Kamara where they conducted mass genocide in order to obtain the Kamara Hearth which became the core of the Sutraxan Flagship Annihilous. All attempts at contact with the Sutraxan fleet were unsuccessful and diplomatic expeditions to Sutraxa returned with dismembered crew. Economic sanctions placed upon Sutraxa by its neighbors were met with planetary destruction the scale of which is now prohibited by the Foranis Conventions on the Conduct of Interplanetary War of STU 250. The Sutraxan further expanded their empire with the Taking of Rah'Wekha in STU 210, the Fall of Merano in STU 215 and the Varshana Campaign of STU 218 - 223. The planets that fell victim to Sutraxan invasion had their resources depeleted and their denizens enslaved. The Intergalactic Arbitrators could only sit by and watch as their constituents fell one by one to the Scourge of the System. Yet it took only one backwater planet to bring the ferocious empire to its knees. Earth joined the Federation in STU 236. Their spacefaring ability was rudimentary at best but the planet's strategic position at the midpoint of one of the Federation's most active trade routes made Earth a prime trade hub. By STU 241, the First Terran Merchant Fleet was completed: a hodgepodge of ships from various planets of origin. The Terrans showed surprising resourcefulness in repurposing decayed and decommissioned battlecruisers into agile merchant vessels and frigates. It was not long before Earth drew the attention of the Sutraxan Empire. In STU 244 the Invasion of Sol began and showcased the remarkable resilience and, to quote famed historian Marsinia Gonkledorp "batshit insanity," of the human race. The most recalled event of the Invasion is the Battle of Kuiper Belt. Where Commander Alexander Matrino defended Earth from the Sutraxan Prime Fleet with strategic infiltration and deployment of "Expansion Charges --" Meranian force fields designed to deploy from a small satchel, tearing battleships apart from the inside. The battle culminated in the Assault of Pluto wherein the Planetoid Terran base was steered to collide into the Annihilous, severely damaging the Sutraxan Flagship. However, despite these shows of bravery and tenacity, in STU 246 the Landing of Mars began. In a final effort to stave off annihilation, the Terrans decided to send a small diplomatic convoy to the Sutraxan High Command. The convoy came back safe to the surprise of the Federation and had forged an alliance with the Sutraxan. The Terrans would exclusively provide the Sutraxan with crucial supplies in exchange for immunity from Sutraxan agression. In the span of three Standard Time Units, the Sutraxan economy was destroyed, all military spending was directed to Terran supplies of Entertainment. Battleships were filled with cheap plastic models of Sutraxan males and females in cute and/or revealing costumes, as well as entertainment discs depicting animated Sutraxans in various humorous and extremely risque situations. In an interview with High Commander Gideon Ang, Savior of Mankind, Feller of Sutraxa, he said "No one told me they were a race of damn catpeople! Who wouldn't want cute catgirls to pet and take care of? The Sutraxans certainly wanted us to." He is here pictured happily petting the head of the then Crown Princess Breya Killpaw. The High Commander is affectionately referred to by his subordinates as "Grievous Weebus." The Sutraxans have since relinquished power in most of their former empire and their history has since been heavily entwined with Earth. In STU 253, the Sutraxan-Terran Empire was established with Breya Killpaw and Gideon Ang as the first Royal Family.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	"Sir, evacuations procedures are complete, we have to leave, NOW!" A furry quadruped yowls at her commander, who is staring at the flickering monitor of their dying homeworld. 30 star cycles ago, an semi-aquatic species opened a permanent wormhole into the Calarian system in the name of conquest and forcibly started terraforming the outlying planets immediately upon arrival. The League of Stars have proven themselves to be useless, as their Resolution was to send a strongly worded letter to the invaders despite the mounting, one-sided death toll of the Calarians. The commander was a mere child at one of the fringe colonies when they started The Drowning All their weapons proved to be useless against the alien race's mastery of pure dihydrogen monoxide, a substance that never existed in its pure molecular form on their homeworld. "Commander!" The insistent voice snaps him back to reality, causing him to nod his head and hit the countdown button. "May Khajit have mercy on us all." Fades to black follows by an abrupt explosion of light "Sir!" The officer in the helm section turns back his head urgently. "There are multiple event horizons developing..." "What?" The commander stands up in shock, as if forcing them to self-destruct their planet wasn't enough, now there are going to be blackholes tearing apart their star system as well? "... There's some sort of EM emission directed at us... Do we open fire?" The chief weapons officer interrupts the commander's melancholy. "Wait!" The communications officer jumps up and points at the forward screen. Within it, the emptiness of space is replaced by a photon projection that flickers before forming into a picture of some hairless bipedal creature, a pale at that, while speaking and gesturing with their hands. The comm. officer's control panel lights up on its own, the universal translator kicking into overdrive before it emits the calm, cold electronic of the soft hiss and purr of their native language. The commander is still in shock, as he has recognized the image of the creature still being projected. The "legendary" humans, both the Saviour and the Harbringer within the Milk Dish galaxy. "Ma'am... the universal translator seems to recognize the creature's aggressive movements of its forelimbs... are they enemy reinforcements...?" "Ma'am!" Another operators interrupts. "The AI is requesting access to the Grand History archive." "Allow it." The entire starship flickers for a moment as all available power is used to conduct a search function. After a couple of seconds, the UT's indicator changed from "Earthling" to "Earthling - Italian". "Retreat! Relay to the fleet, retreat!" The commander forces himself to yell despite the terror, complete ignoring the comm. officer's translation of the message. Their forays into space has been spotty, but each time they appeared on the galactic stage, something major would happen. The last time a species tried to take over one of their colonies, they engineered a supernova that wiped out the offending species. The commander can only assume they will do the same again. These crazy humans are crazy enough to tear a hole in spacetime just to travel instead of using the standard Modular Wave drive for FTL, the commander has no intention to fine out what the humans are doing "this" time. Scene change to the United Earth Ship - SpaceyMcspaceface "Captain, the Toasters are ready for launch!" "Make it so, Ensign." As the fleet's wormholes fades away, clusters of old, unshielded fusion and fission reactors are slung forward, directly into the terraformed worlds. The squids deploys their usual water shield to no avail as one defense systems fails one after another. The systems that easily defended against Calarian's advance weaponry. What followed was a storm of insanity and diplomacy of which the Calarian had no precedence of. After defeating the immediate alien threat, the humans proceed to give chase. The supposedly female on the projection wasn't declaring war on them as the commander has previously thought, as it's just their way of communicating. She was merely communicating that they are going to help them in exchange for having a few of their finest actors to participate in an entertainment media that's vital to their cultural, or so they claim. Thus, the humiliation of the Calarian was cemented in galactic history as the first to be featured in a human movie production of a furry erotica which caused the Great Splintering of the various species on the galaxy.
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	“Your Grace,” Eddie said, bowing. The King gestured for him to rise in one quick, almost bored, motion. Eddie rose, meeting the King’s eyes. His normally serene face had _twisted_ the past few weeks. The man kept his gray-tinged beard even, but it had grown wildly. Uneven and unlike His Imperial Majesty. “What news do you bring?” he asked. Behind him Eddie noticed guards shuffle. Once this man fought on the front, notching dozens of kills to his name. Now he sat upon the gilded throne and guided the destiny of his empire. Eddie hesitated—he knew the King would not like his words. “We launched the first strike. They suffered massive casualties, enough to cripple any world. Millions died.” The King grinned. “Yes, of course they are crippled,” his voice shook with laughter. “Did I not say this is what would happen?” “Yes, Your Grace,” Eddie bowed his eyes in reverence. Then he continued, “but they’ve rallied. Millions are positioned to hit our western outposts. If those fall then they can strike at the capital of Novas, which would throw the entire western half of the empire into disarray.” “What?” the King bellowed, rising from his throne. “Explain yourself, Commander Edward.” Eddie bowed his head. “The casualties they suffered should’ve been enough to cripple. They should have surrendered. Instead they’ve taken every man, woman, and child capable of holding a weapon and have launched a counter offensive. We do not believe them to be overly skilled or organized, but their sheer numbers…” The King retook his seat. His eyes turned away, hand steepled, face lost in thought. “How long until we can match them?” “It’ll take us weeks to match their numbers.” Anger flashed in the King’s eyes. “No, we don’t need to match them. Half of our elite paramilitary units should be enough. They’re skirmishers, not warriors. And once we’ve crushed them I will reunite this empire. Shattered by my forefathers, we will be whole again.” “Your Grace… during the initial assault we also landed several brigades on the surface of their homeworld. Those men are dead,” Eddie said, his voice almost a whisper. “You…! How many men have you cost us, Commander Edward? Your incompetence…” the King shook. His lips curled and he snarled. “How many lives will be lost because of you?” Eddie remained silent, neglecting to mention the order he received. “I apologize, Your Grace. I will rectify this. I swear.” The King said nothing for a moment. “No. Let them come.” Again the King looked away. “We can use their assault on Novas. Weaken them and some of our vassal colonies. Then reestablish our rule over the west and conquer Earth afterwards.” “As your command, Your Grace.” Eddie saluted and turned to leave. “Commander Edward,” the King’s voice called, “do not fail me.”	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Don't fuck with humans" was the general received wisdom in the galaxy. They had a history of obliterating the people that fucked them over. A long, bloody history. There were a few who didn't heed that lesson, like Zartok the Slaver. I don't like Zartok. Nobody likes Zartok. But he pays his tab and he doesn't cause too much trouble. I'm not in the business of judging people, I'm in the business of getting them drunk. Well, shit, now he's talking up some human. Poor thing; Zartok says he's gone straight, but trusting him will put you in chains. And now the human's following him out the door. Can't call in what could be a date for all I know. Not my job. ----- "Infamous former slaver B1334@dilzen!zk 'Zartok' has crashed his ship into the courthouse of Faxx, Kranix, Bvvvv, his hometown, where he was routinely given sentences for his slaving that many have called 'disgustingly short'. Zartok was found dead at the controls, with injuries that appear to have been sustained before the crash. The entire courthouse is destroyed, with no reported survivors. One escape pod appears to be missing, and the ship's logs appear to be hopelessly corrupted." The news has been droning on about this for the past hour. Good on that human, I suppose. Hope they feel good about their revenge. The door slams open--goddammit. "Oi! Gentle with the doo--" It's that human! Not a scratch on 'em! They saunter up to my bar and look at me like I'm supposed to shower 'em with gold. "Pay up." " 'Scuse me?" I may be quaking in my boots, but I ain't gonna show it. "You heard me. I won the bet. Pay up." ...Shit.	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	One by one the stars went out. Earth's scientists looked on in horror and confusion as they vanished. They hadn't burnt out, nor had they gone supernova, they just were no longer there. It was quick, especially by astronomical speeds. After just a year, the entire southern hemisphere was without starlight and just one year later, every telescope was trained on the north star, the last star, as it too was snuffed out. Within moments though, every single one of them returned. Every twinkling little light, right back where it belonged. ---- "Steady" "Steady...." "Alright we're done." As the final plate sank into place, the two pilots breathed a heavy sigh of relief. A pair of engineers were wiring up the final systems, and then the largest wall the galaxy had ever seen would be complete. Just then a small plink was heard from the other side of the wall. No one dared suggest opening it back up to find the source of the noise though. --- "Voyager 1 has stopped transmitting"	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Your majesty.." The diminutive, four-legged creature said, bowing formally. "Step forward, High Engineer Raxus. I assume you have made progress regarding the device?" "Indeed. My team has finally replicated the software needed to access it; it contained hours of footage, your majesty..." He stated, before hesitating. He ran a claw through his antennae nervously. "Raxus? What was this footage..?" The Queen queried. "I-I apologise, your majesty. It is... rather disturbing. I have barely slept, w-we've been analysing it since yesterday morning.." The High Engineer continued. "Show me, please." The Queen asked firmly. "Yes, at once, your majesty." Raxus bowed again, gesturing to an assistant behind him. A button was pressed on a controller, and a huge screen in the royal war room flared to life. "Ok, ok... we-" A grown man on screen started, but paused to giggle with childish glee. "We're- Dude, stand still!" "I'm trying!" Another man replied, clad entirely in tin foil except for his rear, which was exposed. "You aren't dressed like a damn space hooker with his pants down up here..!" "These are.. adult males, yes?" The Queen asked. Raxus nodded. "And what are they doing.." She said, squinting her upper row of eyes. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Blast Off." The first man said, before giggling again and lighting a match. He held it up to a small rocket, attached to a zip line, and lit the fuse. "..one small step for man.." The other, tinfoil-clad man started, as the rocket suddenly flared to life and sped up the line, aiming directly for the man's exposed ass. "One giant leap for- Ow, GOD, fuck!!!" He was interrupted by the rocket pushing between his butt cheeks and planting itself firmly inside him, as the other man burst into raucous laughter. "What in Z'hora's name..." The Queen uttered quietly, stunned. "My thoughts exactly, your majesty.." Raxus agreed, equally disturbed by the footage, as the men on screen laughed uproariously and yelled profanity in equal measure, and the man with the rocket in his rear stumbled, falling off his platform, much to the enjoyment of his peers. "That was his.. rectum, yes? From what you've told me it is an extremely vulnerable and painful area of the body.." She said, a fear in her voice that Raxus had never heard in decades of serving her. "It is, your majesty.." He confirmed. "A-and this.. this is a display of strength? A ritual the.. the warriors perform to prove themselves...? Much like how our royal guard smack themselves once on the chest when they are appointed to protect me.." She reasoned, trying to hide the distress in her voice. "These must be some of Earth's finest warriors.." The Queen continued, in awe. "Um... actually, your majesty, they are some of Earth's finest... jesters." Raxus corrected fearfully. The Queen stared at him, mandibles open in shock. "Jesters...?! A-and.. that projectile, was that.. fire they used to propel it? How.. how barbaric, h-how unsafe!" She continued, her panic clear now. "Fire, heat energy, and explosives are actually... quite common in Earth society, as a method of propulsion.. a-and even lighting. T-that's how their capsule reached our territory... explosives were used to launch it off-world initially." Raxus revealed, the High Engineer sounding just as disturbed as the Queen. She stared at Raxus, then at the screen, staying silent for a few moments before she spoke with finality. "Hide us, Raxus. Study all you can from their capsule, and then eject it from this world. Rescind the fleet into local orbit, focus the engineering corps' assets into further cloaking technology and increase the output of sensor jamming satellites tenfold. We must make sure these barbarians never find us." She decreed, as Raxus noted down her commands. "At once, your majesty." Sixty-eight years earlier... "Hi, and welcome back to Good Morning LA!" The gorgeous blonde woman beamed, before turning to another camera. "Actor and producer Johnny Knoxville and his former Jackass co-stars recently crowdfunded over 6 million dollars to get the entire Jackass collection on SpaceX's latest capsule to be launched out of the solar system. In an initial press release, Knoxville said "it would be cool as s**t to show aliens Jackass". The launch is happening this afternoon. I'll be back soon for an exclusive interview with Johnny, but first, here's Rosita with the story of America's first dog martial artist.."	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"The human home fleet has dropped out of warp. We have achieved total surprise. Attack position in 5 units." By rights, Pursuit Leader Meleet thought, she ought to be gratified by the news. The scene on her repeater screen was, after all, the stuff of fantasies for any green-blooded war-sphere officer. The last of the enemy's ships, speeding towards the waiting guns that would be their doom, not a shield up or decoy deployed, nor a single iota of thrust diverted into the chaotic evasive maneuvers that had driven her targeting crews to distraction on so many occasions? By rights, her crew should be knelt at her hooves, competing to have her sire their litter while the auto-targeters cleaned up the rabble outside. Not that she would take any of them up, of course. A victory such as that would be irresistible to the golden-haired Pack Leader back at Centieth Base... By rights. Instead, she and her crew were strapped in, at full War readiness, with the bridge sealed off from the rest of the ship, triple guards posted on every entrance and vent, full vacuum gear on, and the disgusting black repellent the spies had retrieved smeared behind their ears. Supported by the largest single concentration of firepower the galaxy had ever witnessed. And still, she couldn't help the itching feeling between her shoulder blades. "Acknowledged." The Rigelian turned to the figure sitting stiffly behind and to her right. "Arcteros. The checklist." "As you wish, Pursuit Leader." Her second-in-command scrolled his datapad and cleared his throat, managing to almost completely disguise the nervous whinny. "Thus far we have seen no evidence of long-range kinetic weaponry, missiles, laser or other energy weapons, drifting explosives, pockets of combustible gas, novel employment of adhesives, sudden flash flooding, distress calls legitimate or faked, waste recycling plant malfunctions, 'ninja', derogatory messages entreating us to perform the mating ritual with our sires, the celestial body referred to as 'Comet McCometface', localised time disruptions, mirror-universe counterparts, anything produced by 'Bad Dragon', infiltration by any of the Terran flora and fauna catalogued in appendices 77 through 63083, any member of a 'LARP', mimes, the 'brown note', pineapples, excessive amounts of addictive substances, bladed weapons larger than their wielder, boxes that are larger on the inside than the outside, 97.3 FM Country Music 24/7, attempts to engage fleet members in 'vodka butt chugging', sapient planets, psychically gifted children, suspiciously inviting open boxes labelled 'Secret To Defeating The Humans'..." There was a short pause as he waited for the next page to load. Meleet winced. She still couldn't figure out just how that last one had worked so well. Did the humans emit some kind of intelligence-absorbing field? Best ask the Pack's scientists when she returned. Obviously, the shielding wasn't thick enough. "Enough. Give me the summary. Do we see any of their schemes in evidence here?" Irritation flared as she mentally catalogued the list of indignities the never-to-be-sufficiently-damned humans had inflicted on her. On all of them. "No, Pursuit Leader. They are just...flying at us. Quickly." A panel chimed, and Arcteros looked down. "...Very quickly. Speed increasing. .8 of cee and climbing... 2 units until intercept." He frowned. "Sensors show them as gunboats and destroyers. No ships of the line." Her heart caught in her throat. "R-repeat that last." "Pursuit Leader?" The war-sphere's Second looked at his First, who had just turned a very odd shade of green. "Arcteros." She spoke slowly, with an iron grip on her voice. "The last, beaten remnants of the humans are, at this moment, flying toward a fleet they have no hope of defeating, in their weakest ships besides, and they are accelerating. What are the odds of them winning?" With trembling limbs he keyed the question into the tac-comp. It took mere microseconds for the answer to be returned. "A...a...million to one." They stared at each other for a moment eternal, saw it in each other's eyes as they screamed in unison. "ABOOOOOORT!"	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Hold my beer." I moaned silently to myself as the icy fear climbed my spine. It was always like this: The ship would get into trouble, usually because of the Captain. The crew would try all kinds of solutions that inevitably failed, usually because of the Captain. We'd be up against the wall, no possible way out, no possible hope... usually because of the Captain. And then we'd hear those words, from the Captain: "Hold my beer." We were supposed to have been delivering a shipment of Anduvian wool to the Monks of Patience. Now the Monks were all trapped at the event horizon of a black hole, the wool had gotten lost somewhere along the way and our ship was spiraling out of control through an asteroid field with warships of three different species trying to get a weapons lock on our engines. I reached out and took the sweating can from the Captain. "I really need a new job." I thought for the thousandth time. But the money was good, and somehow when it was all over we were still here and everyone else, well... wasn't. "Watch this!" the Captain said; I closed my eyes and shuddered. A Human. I had sign on with a Human.	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Explain it to me again. I'm not sure I comprehended the first time." The Warhost-Master's appendages twitched in frustration. "As you are aware, Humanity was, until now, classified as a D-class species - A species with significant technological and societal development, but lacking any spaceflight capabilities. Several picorotations ago, the humans successfully landed and returned two of their kind on their planet's primary satellite. This raised an automatic monitoring alert from our in-system sentry drone. What is incredible here is that the humans lack any of the technologies we have, until now, assumed are a prerequisite to spaceflight. They achieved inter-body flight using no method of propulsion other than chemical rockets." "Explain these chemical rockets to me again." "It's a relatively obscure method of propulsion. Basically, it involves triggering extremely rapid, extremely exothermal chemical reactions, and using the resulting explosion to direct ejection mass to generate thrust. As you can imagine, failures are both extremely common and impressively catastrophic. It's practical application is very limited. As far as we are aware, no species has, until now, used it to successfully achieve spaceflight." "So they landed on their satellite by blowing themselves up? Is that what you're telling me?" "Well, uh, I suppose that's one way of putting it, sir." The Warhost-Master used one of his secondary appendages to manipulate a computer terminal. A tall, cylindrical object appeared in the middle of the room. It was surrounded by semi-transparent renders of other spacecraft, to give a sense of scale. "This is the craft they used. As you can tell, it's absolutely massive. As I explained earlier, their propulsion method relies on ejecting reaction mass. This requires the craft to carry a tremendous amount of fuel to escape their planet's gravity well." The Representative waved one of it's primary appendages in incredulity, and slapped the wall with a number of it's secondary appendages for emphasis. "You're telling me they landed this giant fucking thing on their moon? And that was their first attempt at crewed interbody flight?" "Um, no sir. They only landed this bit here." A tiny portion of the vessel's top was highlighted. "What the hell do you mean? What happened to the rest?" The Warhost-Master rubbed it's primary appendages together nervously. "They, um, fell off." "Fell off?" "Yes sir. During the course of normal operation, most of the ship falls off. The ship ejects bits of itself, in order to reduce it's mass, during the course of operation. Their ship is basically a series of barrels full of volatile hydrocarbon compounds. They light one end, and the bottom barrel starts burning. When that is empty, they toss it away, to reduce their mass. They then light the end of the next barrel. And so on. In the end, about half a percent of the ship's mass actually arrives at the destination. The rest falls off. The entire ship is one-use only. It's little more than a giant barrel of volatile hydrocarbons pointed at the sky, on top of which three humans gleefully strap themselves and set on fire." "And this works? They went to their moon in a ship that self-destructs by design?" "More or less, sir. Based on analysis of their spacecraft, our AI estimates a loss-of-life failure rate of about 10%. Indeed, sir, they've been experimenting with crewed spaceflight for only a few picorotations, and have already suffered several fatal failures. Such an exorbitant risk would never be tolerated by any civilized species." The Representative rubbed it's sensory cluster with an appendage in a sign of disbelief. "These people are absolutely mad."	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Late to the party as usual, but here goes. In the human history there is man named Alexander whom they call 'the Great.' Alexander lead a vast army, which worshipped him, with which he conquered hundreds of kingdoms. He spread his noble culture to the far reaches of the world in an unbelievably short amount of time. However, there are legends that he was at least mildly insane. It is the belief of non-human species that this trait is what caused both him to be audacious enough to attempt the feats for which he became famous (even among the humans), and which humans are naturally more inclined. Man is mad, and it is that unrestrained human madness that pierces all other species with a cold dread when they hear, "Man is coming." The humans have a saying: Ignorance is bliss. This sentiment, like the example of Alexander, lends credence to the cultural norm of willingly flinging themselves into high risk-high reward situations. Let me illustrate this with their first war, of many, with another species. The Luts were a race that was generally respected among the nobler galactic races, but today their name is spoken only after hesitation; it is not polite to bring it up in certain company. The Luts had sent a message to the humans that they owned the area into which the humans were expanding. It is unknown if they received or understood the message - it is most likely they simply ignored it. To Man's credit, the Luts did attack first. After decimating the simplistic pioneer human ships, the Luts thought they'd be rid of the humans. It was the first exposure to alien technology they had ever had as a race. Surely they'd be conditioned not to fool with superior races. The Luts went back to their work and let their guard down. Not a single standard solar cycle had passed when the Luts sent out distress signals to anyone who could receive them. The humans sent their entire space fleet to the exact coordinate where their first ships had been destroyed, opened fire with, would you believe it, physical and explosive projectiles, and did not let up for a single second for more than 500 hours straight. In space launching physical projectiles causes a ship to fly very unconventionally due to assymetric propulsions. Their ships flew crazily, absolutely impossible to anticipate their flight pattern. And if other human ships got in the way they were shot too! Energy shields do nothing against physical projectiles; the Lut ships, mining camps, colonies, everything was completey destroyed in the sector closest to the human home planet. In fact, human ships were still coming out of hyper-drive when their bombardment stopped, of course by that time the Luts had been obliterated. The point is, there's no way the humans had known about the energy fields' weaknesses, but in their ignorance they ran wildly into a fight. And they continued to run wild until the Luts, as they remain today, were economically crippled. As a side note, it is because of the humans that the new physhields had to be developed. But human ships? They continue to fly their ships naked, no shields at all. Ok, I'm out of time. That's all. Edit: Fixed some bad sentences, added a few words for thought clarity.	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Field medic? Why are we humouring the new prospect anyway? We have body labs." Muttered Zelska. Zelska was what the humans would call "A fucking idiot." Jorax reflected. "Well," Jorax began "Aahii are the greatest builders and engineers in the universe,right?" "Of course!" Snapped Zelska. "But, Aahii don't repair anything, ever. The idea that they could craft something that does. Not. Work. Is impossible to contemplate...Humans make trash, they are ugly and backwards, lumbering idiots with no understanding of design or even the principles upon which all great devices work. You've seen it though, heard rumours of humans re-purposing derelict Aahii craft. Making gateways out of purifiers! Human engineers get you home when the gods spit upon your fate and shatter your drive..." Zelska cut him off, near frothing with impatient rage "We all know the importance of a human engineer on staff, but why do we need this bloody medic!" Jorax shifts his tunic, revealing a jagged mess of scarring.A near impossible amount of his lower abdomen missing. "It's not just ships a human can hold together when the gods turn their back on you..."	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Treg'Luf'Arwa couldn't believe his eyes. He doubted that his Father, Luf'Arwa'Yos, or his father's father, Arwa'Yos'Hul, would've believe their eyes either, had they come to see this day. Fire had been raining on his planet for days now. The home planet of his species being the latest conquest for the Gaouls, a ferocious, carnivorous meat eating reptile species that must've, he guessed, discovered space travel through chance alone. They took to it like canine teeth to raw meat, however, and they were currently the deadliest force in the galaxy. He, that is to say, Treg was one of the last soldiers on the planet, his entire family had been shipped off to a refugee camp a few weeks ago as every single last of his kind in fighting shape prepared for their final stand. Three nights prior, he had heard over the communications relay that the Homo Sapiens would be entering in the fight against the Gaouls. He understood why, and didn't blame them for not entering earlier. The planet he called his home, Cip-5, was very near some human colonies, relatively. If they feel, their farms were next. Support was supposed to arrive today, and damn if it hadn't. First were the railshots. Railshots, for those who don't know, were intended solely for ranged empty space skirmishes, meant to rip open hulls and tear through engines. The only reason they weren't used in atmospheric battles was because accuracy could be off in such an enviroment, with increased gravity and the physics nightmare that is air itself. The humans, however, didn't seem to worry about such a thing, merely aiming their ships directly at the planet, and raining down tungsten rods like raindrops. Next were the dropships. He couldn't be sure, as both his ears were ringing and it's entirely possible that his universal translator, located in his skull, was damaged in the earthshaking first offense by the earthlings, but he swore that the dropships were playing... music? While the words were hard to make out, the words "Senator's son" and "It ain't me!" were clear enough. The oddest thing? After they had found him among the rubble, and began to patch up his wounds, he looked over their weapons. Some were indeed wielding the latest in plasma-pulse technology, firing miniature balls of perfectly round electric energy, while others had them slung across their backs, instead choosing to use what looked like tools that belonged in a museum. The metal was so dark, it looked like iron, and certain pieces, he thought he was dreaming, were they wood? The Gaouls couldn't stand up to it. Every single trick Treg could think of was pulled, including several he would never have considered, like small man excursions onto Gaoul ships to slam them into ground camps, pulling engines off grounded dropships just to overload them and have them turn city-sized plots of land into glass floors, and, he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw this, all 8 of them, slamming the Gaoul's moon into their homeworld in a secret military operation. Cheers went up when the Gaouls finally declared their surrender to the Alliance. Treg, glancing around, saw a single man with a scowl on his face, running a stone down a piece of what seemed to be sharpened steel with a leather grip. In fact, there was much about the man that was odd. Instead of the lightly armored dark grey camouflage pants that seemed to be standard issue, he wore some odd, brightly colored open cloth. On his back was a series of bags that wheezed with his movements, as if they were their own creature. When Treg finally got up the courage to ask the biped what was wrong, the man snapped back to reality for a second, looking the Cipentenian up and down before spitting out a black globule of sludge. "Damn higher ups. If they didn't pull these big goddamn acts of military might, we could've kept this war going another few years." Accentuating the end of the sentence by pulling a load of black flakes out of a small, flimsy container, and shoving it into his cheek. That day on, Treg offered every single human he saw free meals at his family's restaurant as soon as it was rebuilt on his homeworld. Not on gratitude alone, no, but because he saw exactly what kind of humans existed, and wanted to make sure that one never personally declared war on him or his planet. He doubted there'd be a single survivor. EDIT: Fixed Treg's name, and changed a few words. Wrote this half asleep.	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"And who can tell me about the events of the first cycle?" Professor Gooblevork watched his Galactic History class intently through triplicate eyestalks. None seemed particularly interested in his lecture. "How about you, Shrdmrn?" He pointed at a particularly bored student in the first row. Or maybe he was just gassy? Gooblevork had a hard time reading the emotions of the furrier species in his class. "Hmm? Oh, sorry, professor. I don't know." He responded. He seemed distracted - ah, that's it, that's the emotion! "What's on your mind, Shrdmrn?" The wolf-boy touched a switch on his desk, pulling up a small holographic map. The professor pulled up a larger display for the whole class to see. "I was just wondering about the Galactic Alliance. Thousands of sentient alien species, all throughout the galaxy, came together from all of these systems, right?" The hologram glowed, indicating several systems, and a few uncharted territories in black. "That's correct. What is your question?" "I was just wondering about this area here." He pointed out a small black dot in the middle of the glowing cloud. Gooblevork sighed and sat down. "That, dear boy, is the realm of the human." A collective gasp went through the crowd. Shrdmrn's brows furrowed. "Is this a joke, professor?" The professor slithered over to the wolf-boy. "They're real, boy. A monstrous species, completely devoid of logic and reason." The wolf-boy looked at him intently. "How, sir?" The professor slithered to the center of the room. "How many of you are familiar with the chemical compound C2H6O?" One of the students in the back spoke up. "It's a deadly poison, sir!" "It should be. Its use is forbidden among the civilized worlds of the Alliance, as it's an unconscionably painful death. But the human willingly imbibes it." The crowd gasped. But the professor wasn't done. "Regularly." The students gasped again and stared in shock. "Their planet, Earth, is harsh and unforgiving. It's located close to their star, which bombards their planet in radiation daily. But the humans don't care. At the hottest times in the year, the humans willingly expose their bodies to that radiation as some sort of mating ritual." The professor admitted to himself that he was having a bit more fun than he should. "And does anyone know where they get their energy from?" "From their star?" The professor laughed. "No! They pump a fluid from the earth - a fluid born of the bodies of ancient life. They fight each other over this fluid, and when they have enough, they light the fluid on fire." The professor paused to allow this to sink in. "The burning fluid releases poisons - poisons the Alliance would never deem safe. But humans? Humans don't care. They use the expansion of he poisons to create power." One student raised his hand. "Are they all going to die on their planet, professor?" The professor smiled. "Maybe. But it's possible that they won't. They've built a way to leave their planet." The crowd gasped again, even louder than before. "How could such a ludicrous race build a gravity drive on their own?" The professor said, "I never said it was a gravity drive. They developed a way to sit on top of a column of explosives. They detonate the explosives, and the explosion sends them into space." One of the students stands up. "That's a joke, right?" The professor smiles. "They've left their planet before."	"Commander Trill? They're back at it." The commander's stomach dropped when he heard his secretary's slightly muffled voice. "I'm sorry, can you repeat? Who's back at what?" There was a pause. Trill crossed his fingers, a stupid human superstition which had spread like the plague. Maybe, just maybe- "You know perfectly well who and what I mean, Trill, sir." The Orakon sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling onto his desk. Yes. Olaos was right. He knew perfectly what and who. "Just... Just let him in already..." He muttered before straightening up and trying to not look entirely depressed. It only took a few minutes before he heard the rather loud and obnoxious heel click and foorsteps in the hallway. 'Here we go again...' he thought, and one could've sworn a tear slid down his cheek. "Trill! How are you?!" Daveson, one of the human's representative, tried to sound cheery. Trill already had his face in his clawed hands. "Please just sit down." He mumbled. Daveson and his partner (in crime, as far as Trill was concerned), Alma, sat down in front of the huge desk. A few more seconds passed before the commander finally slowly looked up. "You know the reason for which you're both here today." The pair nodded. "Good. Then let me ask just one question." The two stilled. "Why." Trill looked so truthfully and deeply confused and desperate that Daveson couldn't do much more than give him a quirky grimace trying to pass for a grin. "Trill, listen-" "No, you listen. Listen to this." He quickly pulled out the mail which he had scanned on their way to his office. "12 dead, 40 in cryogenic sleep. Daveson, why?" "It's actually quite a funny story-" "And it doesn't end there! We all wish it did, of course, but no, no... Daveson, listen to this." "Trill-" "40 destroyed structures. Of which 3 were from outer galaxy governments." "I know it sounds bad-" "I just want to know... Just.... Daveson, please, please just tell me... Why?" This time around, Daveson didn't answer. He just stared down at his hands like a scolded child. Trill turned to Alma and gave her a look. "It has to do with racism, commander.." "What? I thought you'd abolished race centuries ago?" "We did too, except there was this hair counting machine..." "Hair counting machine." "Yes, and someone found a so said scientific study on the correlation of hair number and race... Depending on if the number of hairs is an even number, odd nunber, multiple of seven, etcetera. A few radical groups took it to heart, sorted themselves out by so called race, found an experimental bomb, and..." "Would you like to know something, Alma?" "Y-yes, Commander Trill?" "It's the 17th time this year you've been here. And between this time and the last three, not a single other species was sent to me for this kind of issues." "That sure is... Uh..." "Yes. Exactly as you say." With a bleary look at them, Trill turned on his glasses. "I don't believe you have any... Excuses?" Silence. "Very well then. My job here is done then. You may go." Alma and Daveson shuffled out much more quietly than they had pranced in. Trill finished typing up a report and sending it down to Olaos. "Thank you, sir." Said the secretary. "Do you think they'll ever learn, Olaos?" Olaos seemed to think for a moment. "I sure hope so." "We all do..."
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The end of all galactic life had been going on for nearly 10 standard cycles. The Enemy was as relentless as it was ancient, still no one knew where they had come from, or what their purpose was beyond mere universal destruction. A long time ago, most sovereign governments and most of the colonies had all but given up the fight, realising they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. Most made some effort or another to preserve life and civilisation. About half had launched massive expeditions to cross dark space to settle in other galaxies. Others built massive vaults on isolated planets where they froze their best and brightest to be thawed after the Enemy had left. Others still isolated themselves completely, destroying their links to the Network that allowed interstellar travel. The remainder simply gave up, thinking of extinction by the Enemy as the logical next step in galactic evolution, as if they were some sort of cosmic force of nature. When I say 'most', I really mean all but one. One people still fought. They had been ravaged more than any other civilisation, enduring multiple planetary bombardments and ground invasions, and practically no effective single government remained, but they still fought, and in ways no one could predict or even comprehend. The Enemy was doubtlessly the most feared creatures in the Cosmos, but to those who remained alive, the Human was a close second. There was a rumour, which I had recently confirmed from their own military, that they had at one point towed three small moons into orbit over one of the colonies under bombardment. These moons were then detonated at high speed at slingshot trajectories, which effectively turned them into planet-sized shotgun blasts that ripped the Enemy to shreds. According to their military, this tactic had been repeated and refined a few times since, and now the Enemy had withdrawn from any Human colonial system with an asteroid field. And then there were their 'conventional' tactics. Humans would regularly 'booby-trap' their own equipment, leaving it behind on the battlefield when it was damaged so that the Enemy would die as they tried to salvage it. Many of them even carried explosives on their person into combat for similar purposes, and there were thousands of instances of these soldiers flanking the Enemy and detonating themselves behind their lines. To a Human, anything could be a weapon. One of their soldiers told me that anything that is 'harder, sharper, or pointier than your own body' can be a weapon. That mentality, combined with a penchant for ridiculous high-risk tactics had actually won them a fair amount of victories in the Endless War, some of which had been against those many who had enslaved themselves to the Enemy and now fought for them. Yes, the Human was as feared as he was insane. And even knowing just how insane these Humans could be, I was still shocked when I heard about their most recent plan. "These Network links literally punch holes in the fabric of space-time, right?" "Yes..." "And you can manufacture them fairly cheaply, right?" "Well... cheaper than warships, anyway?" "Right! So we figure, we construct, say, a hundred of the buggers, and use two of them for each of these devices!" The Human was gesturing toward a blueprint hologram of an ancient device from their past, what they called a 'nuke'. Apparently, the ancient Human had been equally insane to the modern one, and had actually thought it a good idea to deploy nuclear fission as weapons on the battlefield. Which they had done, first sparingly and later - even knowing what it meant - on a global scale, in what the utter morons called the 'Third World War'. Third, can you believe that?! "Let me get this straight," I pinched the back of my neck with my tail, still not quite believing what was being suggested, "You plan on replacing the fissile material in these bombs with Network links. Correct?" "Yes!" "And you are aware that this will, at the very least, tear open a hole in space-time, yes?" "A black hole, yessir!" "...you realise that this may actually unravel reality itself?!" "It either works or it doesn't, Praetor. Either the Enemy dies, or we all die, Enemy included. If we don't do this, they live and we die." There was a glaring hole in the Human Admiral's logic. "Or, you know, it could simply not work and we will have wasted tons of resources at something completely unproductive." The Human waved an appendage my way in a strange side-to-side motion I had recently understood was some kind of chiding gesture. "Hope," said the Human, "Hope is never unproductive."	"Call a gathering of the council members immediately, priority one" Grom barked as he slammed his clenched fist of tendrils. The concern on the face of the head of the scientific council was clear as saw another red alert warning from the research and observation outpost in sector seven. "What in damnation are they up to now!?" the council leader sighed. As the members of the galactic scientific council gathered, each took an audible sigh of resignation as they saw the only item on the agenda was species G17.a - Humans. "What is it this time Grom? have they wiped out another one of their animal species? have they poisoned their planet beyond repair? are they hurtling debris and garbage into deep space again?" scoffed a representative of the gaseous species that inhabit a large nebula towards the center of the galaxy. "Whatever it is, let us just ignore these miscreants and stay clear of their sector for our own safety." "I'm afraid it's not going to be as simple as that", Grom's eyes scanning the room, not wanting to fixate his gaze on any one council member as to not show fear in his eye. "They're... I don't quite know how to say this, they've begun an experiment that recreates the conditions that gave birth to the entire universe, they're trying to collide the Omega Particles together just to see what happens without a care for what they could start." "Omega Particles!?" a collective gasp from the room brought everyone to silence as they continued to listen. "According to the observation team, they believe they have discovered the truth of the Universes creation and are dangerously close to destroying us all with their foolhardy work." Concern and fear spread across the room as the council members considered the dire consequences should the experiments fail. "There is no other way, someone will have to go to him and ask for his help, who should it be?" a voice from the back of the room called out. mumbles broke out among the gathering scientists, "You can't mean... him? Why would he help now?" another voice replied. "We have no other choice it seems" the council head decided "I shall make the arrangements, I can only hope he no longer fears their reckless nature as we do, I just hope he will listen." "Do you not remember the last time he tried to control them!? He sent his so..." a voice tried to complete the sentence but sobbed and could barely continue "They killed him! He hasn't spoken to any of the galactic species since then and certainly hasn't troubled himself with the Humans ever since it happened, why would he help now?" "The Humans are trying to carry out his work, repeat his experiments, surely he won't stand for that? either way, we must try or we're all doomed" and with that, Grom returned to his ship and immediately set course for the center of the galaxy, to the super massive black hole where he retired to, away from all life so he could mourn alone. "Open the comms, send the strongest signal you can directly into the black hole" Grom ordered "Channel open" the comms officer replied "Here it goes... God?"
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	"Don't fuck with humans" was the general received wisdom in the galaxy. They had a history of obliterating the people that fucked them over. A long, bloody history. There were a few who didn't heed that lesson, like Zartok the Slaver. I don't like Zartok. Nobody likes Zartok. But he pays his tab and he doesn't cause too much trouble. I'm not in the business of judging people, I'm in the business of getting them drunk. Well, shit, now he's talking up some human. Poor thing; Zartok says he's gone straight, but trusting him will put you in chains. And now the human's following him out the door. Can't call in what could be a date for all I know. Not my job. ----- "Infamous former slaver B1334@dilzen!zk 'Zartok' has crashed his ship into the courthouse of Faxx, Kranix, Bvvvv, his hometown, where he was routinely given sentences for his slaving that many have called 'disgustingly short'. Zartok was found dead at the controls, with injuries that appear to have been sustained before the crash. The entire courthouse is destroyed, with no reported survivors. One escape pod appears to be missing, and the ship's logs appear to be hopelessly corrupted." The news has been droning on about this for the past hour. Good on that human, I suppose. Hope they feel good about their revenge. The door slams open--goddammit. "Oi! Gentle with the doo--" It's that human! Not a scratch on 'em! They saunter up to my bar and look at me like I'm supposed to shower 'em with gold. "Pay up." " 'Scuse me?" I may be quaking in my boots, but I ain't gonna show it. "You heard me. I won the bet. Pay up." ...Shit.	“Your Grace,” Eddie said, bowing. The King gestured for him to rise in one quick, almost bored, motion. Eddie rose, meeting the King’s eyes. His normally serene face had _twisted_ the past few weeks. The man kept his gray-tinged beard even, but it had grown wildly. Uneven and unlike His Imperial Majesty. “What news do you bring?” he asked. Behind him Eddie noticed guards shuffle. Once this man fought on the front, notching dozens of kills to his name. Now he sat upon the gilded throne and guided the destiny of his empire. Eddie hesitated—he knew the King would not like his words. “We launched the first strike. They suffered massive casualties, enough to cripple any world. Millions died.” The King grinned. “Yes, of course they are crippled,” his voice shook with laughter. “Did I not say this is what would happen?” “Yes, Your Grace,” Eddie bowed his eyes in reverence. Then he continued, “but they’ve rallied. Millions are positioned to hit our western outposts. If those fall then they can strike at the capital of Novas, which would throw the entire western half of the empire into disarray.” “What?” the King bellowed, rising from his throne. “Explain yourself, Commander Edward.” Eddie bowed his head. “The casualties they suffered should’ve been enough to cripple. They should have surrendered. Instead they’ve taken every man, woman, and child capable of holding a weapon and have launched a counter offensive. We do not believe them to be overly skilled or organized, but their sheer numbers…” The King retook his seat. His eyes turned away, hand steepled, face lost in thought. “How long until we can match them?” “It’ll take us weeks to match their numbers.” Anger flashed in the King’s eyes. “No, we don’t need to match them. Half of our elite paramilitary units should be enough. They’re skirmishers, not warriors. And once we’ve crushed them I will reunite this empire. Shattered by my forefathers, we will be whole again.” “Your Grace… during the initial assault we also landed several brigades on the surface of their homeworld. Those men are dead,” Eddie said, his voice almost a whisper. “You…! How many men have you cost us, Commander Edward? Your incompetence…” the King shook. His lips curled and he snarled. “How many lives will be lost because of you?” Eddie remained silent, neglecting to mention the order he received. “I apologize, Your Grace. I will rectify this. I swear.” The King said nothing for a moment. “No. Let them come.” Again the King looked away. “We can use their assault on Novas. Weaken them and some of our vassal colonies. Then reestablish our rule over the west and conquer Earth afterwards.” “As your command, Your Grace.” Eddie saluted and turned to leave. “Commander Edward,” the King’s voice called, “do not fail me.”
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	The Galactic Council were at war. A vicious reptilian species were pushing deeper and deeper in to their systems, killing all as they went. There were a few massive repair docks, and one in particular had been considered a lynch pin. Plans were formulated, and the odds calculated. They had no hope of taking it down. As they began to review the latest plan, the usually sedate Corolinth Councillor began to laugh, hysterically. The imposing Demorth head Councillor looked on. "Explain your outburst, Councillor!" The avian Councillor looked up. "My apologies, Head Councillor, however I have just received a report from our ambassador to the humans." The Head Councillor nodded slowly. The humans were a young race, fairly recently discovered and not yet granted a place on the council. They were becoming quite infamous for crazy tactics, that seemed to work against all odds. "Well, they placed a request for some of our ships to study. They were duly provided with a small number of outdated ships. Our scientists assumed it was to study them, and improve their own technology. However, they did... Well it's hard to explain, Head Councillor." The Head Councillor growled. "Out with it, what did the humans do?" "I believe the Ambassador explained it as a Saint Nazaire gambit, which is apparently a tactic from their second global war. They attacked the Octanus Dry Dock." The Demorth shook his head in derision. "I did not think the humans were capable of plans and tactics. How many were lost?" "That's the thing, Head Councillor. They suffered no losses. However, the Octanus system is neutralised." The entire chamber grew quiet. "How?" The Corolinth Councillor laughed quietly. "They flew a ship right in to it, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, they triggered a cascading failure in the FTL drives, intentionally might I add. The resultant explosion has, I dare say, it may have given us the chance we need to win. It was a plan we never would even consider, yet it somehow worked." The Demorth squared his sizeable girth. "These humans are a frightening lot to anger." The Milanian Councillor stood tall from her seat. "I call a vote; bring the humans in to the council. I don't know about your own races, but my people want these humans firmly on our side."	“Your Grace,” Eddie said, bowing. The King gestured for him to rise in one quick, almost bored, motion. Eddie rose, meeting the King’s eyes. His normally serene face had _twisted_ the past few weeks. The man kept his gray-tinged beard even, but it had grown wildly. Uneven and unlike His Imperial Majesty. “What news do you bring?” he asked. Behind him Eddie noticed guards shuffle. Once this man fought on the front, notching dozens of kills to his name. Now he sat upon the gilded throne and guided the destiny of his empire. Eddie hesitated—he knew the King would not like his words. “We launched the first strike. They suffered massive casualties, enough to cripple any world. Millions died.” The King grinned. “Yes, of course they are crippled,” his voice shook with laughter. “Did I not say this is what would happen?” “Yes, Your Grace,” Eddie bowed his eyes in reverence. Then he continued, “but they’ve rallied. Millions are positioned to hit our western outposts. If those fall then they can strike at the capital of Novas, which would throw the entire western half of the empire into disarray.” “What?” the King bellowed, rising from his throne. “Explain yourself, Commander Edward.” Eddie bowed his head. “The casualties they suffered should’ve been enough to cripple. They should have surrendered. Instead they’ve taken every man, woman, and child capable of holding a weapon and have launched a counter offensive. We do not believe them to be overly skilled or organized, but their sheer numbers…” The King retook his seat. His eyes turned away, hand steepled, face lost in thought. “How long until we can match them?” “It’ll take us weeks to match their numbers.” Anger flashed in the King’s eyes. “No, we don’t need to match them. Half of our elite paramilitary units should be enough. They’re skirmishers, not warriors. And once we’ve crushed them I will reunite this empire. Shattered by my forefathers, we will be whole again.” “Your Grace… during the initial assault we also landed several brigades on the surface of their homeworld. Those men are dead,” Eddie said, his voice almost a whisper. “You…! How many men have you cost us, Commander Edward? Your incompetence…” the King shook. His lips curled and he snarled. “How many lives will be lost because of you?” Eddie remained silent, neglecting to mention the order he received. “I apologize, Your Grace. I will rectify this. I swear.” The King said nothing for a moment. “No. Let them come.” Again the King looked away. “We can use their assault on Novas. Weaken them and some of our vassal colonies. Then reestablish our rule over the west and conquer Earth afterwards.” “As your command, Your Grace.” Eddie saluted and turned to leave. “Commander Edward,” the King’s voice called, “do not fail me.”
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	One by one the stars went out. Earth's scientists looked on in horror and confusion as they vanished. They hadn't burnt out, nor had they gone supernova, they just were no longer there. It was quick, especially by astronomical speeds. After just a year, the entire southern hemisphere was without starlight and just one year later, every telescope was trained on the north star, the last star, as it too was snuffed out. Within moments though, every single one of them returned. Every twinkling little light, right back where it belonged. ---- "Steady" "Steady...." "Alright we're done." As the final plate sank into place, the two pilots breathed a heavy sigh of relief. A pair of engineers were wiring up the final systems, and then the largest wall the galaxy had ever seen would be complete. Just then a small plink was heard from the other side of the wall. No one dared suggest opening it back up to find the source of the noise though. --- "Voyager 1 has stopped transmitting"	“Your Grace,” Eddie said, bowing. The King gestured for him to rise in one quick, almost bored, motion. Eddie rose, meeting the King’s eyes. His normally serene face had _twisted_ the past few weeks. The man kept his gray-tinged beard even, but it had grown wildly. Uneven and unlike His Imperial Majesty. “What news do you bring?” he asked. Behind him Eddie noticed guards shuffle. Once this man fought on the front, notching dozens of kills to his name. Now he sat upon the gilded throne and guided the destiny of his empire. Eddie hesitated—he knew the King would not like his words. “We launched the first strike. They suffered massive casualties, enough to cripple any world. Millions died.” The King grinned. “Yes, of course they are crippled,” his voice shook with laughter. “Did I not say this is what would happen?” “Yes, Your Grace,” Eddie bowed his eyes in reverence. Then he continued, “but they’ve rallied. Millions are positioned to hit our western outposts. If those fall then they can strike at the capital of Novas, which would throw the entire western half of the empire into disarray.” “What?” the King bellowed, rising from his throne. “Explain yourself, Commander Edward.” Eddie bowed his head. “The casualties they suffered should’ve been enough to cripple. They should have surrendered. Instead they’ve taken every man, woman, and child capable of holding a weapon and have launched a counter offensive. We do not believe them to be overly skilled or organized, but their sheer numbers…” The King retook his seat. His eyes turned away, hand steepled, face lost in thought. “How long until we can match them?” “It’ll take us weeks to match their numbers.” Anger flashed in the King’s eyes. “No, we don’t need to match them. Half of our elite paramilitary units should be enough. They’re skirmishers, not warriors. And once we’ve crushed them I will reunite this empire. Shattered by my forefathers, we will be whole again.” “Your Grace… during the initial assault we also landed several brigades on the surface of their homeworld. Those men are dead,” Eddie said, his voice almost a whisper. “You…! How many men have you cost us, Commander Edward? Your incompetence…” the King shook. His lips curled and he snarled. “How many lives will be lost because of you?” Eddie remained silent, neglecting to mention the order he received. “I apologize, Your Grace. I will rectify this. I swear.” The King said nothing for a moment. “No. Let them come.” Again the King looked away. “We can use their assault on Novas. Weaken them and some of our vassal colonies. Then reestablish our rule over the west and conquer Earth afterwards.” “As your command, Your Grace.” Eddie saluted and turned to leave. “Commander Edward,” the King’s voice called, “do not fail me.”
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	In the gulfs of space, somewhere off the shoulder of Orion, a probe scans for signs of 'The Enemy'. "Ping... Ping... Ping... Ping.. Ping.. Ping.. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping Ping Ping PingPingPingPingPing" On the fifth planet of a dying star, a general makes his report to King Priasma of the world of Ilium. "My king, we've received a curious transmission from one of our probes. It's encountered an unusual object found drifting near the constellation of the great hunter." "What is so unusual about this object, general?" "It appears to be of intelligent design, my king, but it also appears to serve no discernible purpose." "Intelligent design? Do you mean that this was made by... 'The Enemy'? "It would appear so, Majesty. Our analysts have found similarities between this object and the information we have on... 'The Enemy'. "You said it was found drifting. Is it some sort of ship?" "Well... we're not sure, your grace. It has no propulsion system and it's construction defies the possibility of space travel. It's not made of any known alloy. It seems to be made of some sort of inert and inactive bio-material. Our records on 'The Enemy' indicate that they call this material 'wood' and it is obtained from felled plants called 'trees' that are found on their home world. But the most curious thing, your majesty, is the design of the craft itself. It resembles a four-legged creature that in their tongue is called a 'Horse'." "Hmmm... bring it to the capitol. I want a closer look at this 'wooden horse'." A slender, innocent, beautiful girl appears beside the throne and speaks to her father... "Father, for the love you bare me please heed my words. I have dreamt of this 'wooden horse' and it is an ill omen. We should dest-" "Shut the fuck up, Cassy. Nobody likes you." SPEZ:So I was taking a shit and thought I'd do a Part II and edit Part I. Not that anyone's going to see it but I'd hate myself if I didn't. Meanwhile in the frozen abyss, a lonely voice cries out in desperation... "This has got to be the dumbest plan anyone ever came up with. Seriously, you could root around in a bag of ass-holes and pull out something better than this. They're never going to pick us up." "Hey, it worked for the Trojans." "I think you mean 'it worked for the Greeks'." "No, it was definitely called the 'Trojan Horse'." "Yeah but the Greeks made it." "So why is it called the Trojan horse?" "Because the Trojan's took it." "Just 'cause you take something doesn't make it yours. Why were the Greeks giving them a wooden horse anyway?" "It was a ruse to steal back Helen of Troy." "Steel her back... So she wasn't Helen of Troy?" "No she was Helen of Sparta." "Motherfuckers. There they go again! Sticky-fingered people the Trojans." "Anyway, regardless of the history-" "I thought it was a myth, like we don't know if it really happened or not." "Yes but... Ok. Whatever. Anyway, besides whatever it was that happened-" "- or didn't happen -" " - Or didn't happen before, this is not going to work. It's like a million to one chance that they'll pick us up and take us back to their planet." "Exactly. It's bound to work!" "What?" "Yeah! Million-to one-chances work all the time. Think about it, how many times have you heard of a-million-to- chance working out for someone: 'He won the lottery' or 'they scored a touch down with a Hail-Mary' or 'a rouge grapefruit killed his mother-in-law'. You see, they always work. Actually, you try and think of the last time you heard of a-million-to-one-chance not working." "..." "..." "..." "See. You can't. It's a given. Now, shut up. You're supposed to be in cryo-sleep." "Cryo-sleep!?! I'm sitting in a barrel of fucking salt!" "Salt's a preservative. Have you got any better ideas?" "Ice for a start!" "And where the fuck are we going to find ice on Earth, Einstein? Global-warming, duh." "I'm sure Jupiter had a moon made of ice." "Nah, we used all that in the last great ice-bucket challenge. Anyway, shut up. I think I hear something outside." "There's no sound in space...." "Just... shut up."	“Your Grace,” Eddie said, bowing. The King gestured for him to rise in one quick, almost bored, motion. Eddie rose, meeting the King’s eyes. His normally serene face had _twisted_ the past few weeks. The man kept his gray-tinged beard even, but it had grown wildly. Uneven and unlike His Imperial Majesty. “What news do you bring?” he asked. Behind him Eddie noticed guards shuffle. Once this man fought on the front, notching dozens of kills to his name. Now he sat upon the gilded throne and guided the destiny of his empire. Eddie hesitated—he knew the King would not like his words. “We launched the first strike. They suffered massive casualties, enough to cripple any world. Millions died.” The King grinned. “Yes, of course they are crippled,” his voice shook with laughter. “Did I not say this is what would happen?” “Yes, Your Grace,” Eddie bowed his eyes in reverence. Then he continued, “but they’ve rallied. Millions are positioned to hit our western outposts. If those fall then they can strike at the capital of Novas, which would throw the entire western half of the empire into disarray.” “What?” the King bellowed, rising from his throne. “Explain yourself, Commander Edward.” Eddie bowed his head. “The casualties they suffered should’ve been enough to cripple. They should have surrendered. Instead they’ve taken every man, woman, and child capable of holding a weapon and have launched a counter offensive. We do not believe them to be overly skilled or organized, but their sheer numbers…” The King retook his seat. His eyes turned away, hand steepled, face lost in thought. “How long until we can match them?” “It’ll take us weeks to match their numbers.” Anger flashed in the King’s eyes. “No, we don’t need to match them. Half of our elite paramilitary units should be enough. They’re skirmishers, not warriors. And once we’ve crushed them I will reunite this empire. Shattered by my forefathers, we will be whole again.” “Your Grace… during the initial assault we also landed several brigades on the surface of their homeworld. Those men are dead,” Eddie said, his voice almost a whisper. “You…! How many men have you cost us, Commander Edward? Your incompetence…” the King shook. His lips curled and he snarled. “How many lives will be lost because of you?” Eddie remained silent, neglecting to mention the order he received. “I apologize, Your Grace. I will rectify this. I swear.” The King said nothing for a moment. “No. Let them come.” Again the King looked away. “We can use their assault on Novas. Weaken them and some of our vassal colonies. Then reestablish our rule over the west and conquer Earth afterwards.” “As your command, Your Grace.” Eddie saluted and turned to leave. “Commander Edward,” the King’s voice called, “do not fail me.”
[WP] Humans are one of the most feared species in the galaxy. Not due to superior strength,speed,skill or strategy. In fact, it's because in comparison to the other species, humans are just batshit crazy enough to try any half-assed plan they come up with.	Lexicanum Galacticum Chapter 67 "Humans" The human species are famous for their insanity and general lack of responsibility,but still they became one of the dominant species in the galaxy after their victory in the War in Heaven. The human species are divided into 3 grand factions: 1.The Commonwealth 2.The United Coalition of Earth 3.The Empire of Man The humans most famous deeds include: Ramming a battleship into a shielded planet-ship to penetrate its barrier,then boarding it and completly destroying it from the inside out. Making a Class E star go Supernova by transporting much of its matter through a wormhole until it reached critical mass.Thus is how the War in Heaven ended. Building the largest Titan-class battleship ever.(Approx.lenght 45 human kilometers) Building doomsday weapons with the sole purpose of having it to look strong. Invading a parallel plane of existence. Charging into battle,outnumbered 60:1 while shouting "Tenno hekai banzai!",and proceding to win the battle. Chainswords. Declaring war on another empire because "Those idiots don't fight in melee.Thus they fight inglorious and without honour."Then after their only peace demands was to make regular use of melee in the said species's armed forces. Warping a planet into their enemies fleet. Going on a suicide mission in the galactic core,then annihilating the scourge of the galaxy,then returning like nothing happened. Accidentaly creating a god-like entity.Then destroying it with the use of thermofusional missiles. Using giant electromagnetic guns to launch ships into orbit. The usage of extradimensional forces to contain another extradimensional force. Lexicanum Galacticum Page 31415	“Your Grace,” Eddie said, bowing. The King gestured for him to rise in one quick, almost bored, motion. Eddie rose, meeting the King’s eyes. His normally serene face had _twisted_ the past few weeks. The man kept his gray-tinged beard even, but it had grown wildly. Uneven and unlike His Imperial Majesty. “What news do you bring?” he asked. Behind him Eddie noticed guards shuffle. Once this man fought on the front, notching dozens of kills to his name. Now he sat upon the gilded throne and guided the destiny of his empire. Eddie hesitated—he knew the King would not like his words. “We launched the first strike. They suffered massive casualties, enough to cripple any world. Millions died.” The King grinned. “Yes, of course they are crippled,” his voice shook with laughter. “Did I not say this is what would happen?” “Yes, Your Grace,” Eddie bowed his eyes in reverence. Then he continued, “but they’ve rallied. Millions are positioned to hit our western outposts. If those fall then they can strike at the capital of Novas, which would throw the entire western half of the empire into disarray.” “What?” the King bellowed, rising from his throne. “Explain yourself, Commander Edward.” Eddie bowed his head. “The casualties they suffered should’ve been enough to cripple. They should have surrendered. Instead they’ve taken every man, woman, and child capable of holding a weapon and have launched a counter offensive. We do not believe them to be overly skilled or organized, but their sheer numbers…” The King retook his seat. His eyes turned away, hand steepled, face lost in thought. “How long until we can match them?” “It’ll take us weeks to match their numbers.” Anger flashed in the King’s eyes. “No, we don’t need to match them. Half of our elite paramilitary units should be enough. They’re skirmishers, not warriors. And once we’ve crushed them I will reunite this empire. Shattered by my forefathers, we will be whole again.” “Your Grace… during the initial assault we also landed several brigades on the surface of their homeworld. Those men are dead,” Eddie said, his voice almost a whisper. “You…! How many men have you cost us, Commander Edward? Your incompetence…” the King shook. His lips curled and he snarled. “How many lives will be lost because of you?” Eddie remained silent, neglecting to mention the order he received. “I apologize, Your Grace. I will rectify this. I swear.” The King said nothing for a moment. “No. Let them come.” Again the King looked away. “We can use their assault on Novas. Weaken them and some of our vassal colonies. Then reestablish our rule over the west and conquer Earth afterwards.” “As your command, Your Grace.” Eddie saluted and turned to leave. “Commander Edward,” the King’s voice called, “do not fail me.”

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