post_text stringlengths 0 10k | post_title stringlengths 8 313 | chosen stringlengths 1 39.5k | rejected stringlengths 1 13.8k |
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[WP] A genie is accidentally released when a cat rubs up against its lamp. Compelled to grant their 3 wishes, The genie starts losing their mind trying to figure out what the cat wants. | The cat wandered in again, as it has for the last few nights. It was the same one. Fat, and brown and grey with spots of black and cleft lip. We'd started calling him Haremaw to play, but the grown ups took that up soon themselves and they said that with reverence. We scowled at the thing and gave it a bit of dried fis... | **LISTEN WELL, YOUNGLINGS! THIS IS THE STORY OF HOW OUR ETERNAL EMPEROR MR.FUZZYBOTTOM CAME TO BE!**
Few may remember that our emperor was once a mere house cat. Yes, I understand how ridiculous this sounds that our emperor, the eternal enslaver of worlds, was once a weakling like us.
It started as a normal day for ... | |
[WP] You are a time traveler who can only travel forwards in time. | #I just want to go home.
I've been here for days. Dad told me before my 18th, that on my 18th I would be able to travel forward in time. He said I should stop when I find my soulmate, but didn't explain much after that, or at least, I wasn't listening.
I was daydreaming.
On my birthday, he gave me his watch. it ... | Jerry took a deep breathe. The machine was fully functional. Years of isolated work, theories and rebuilds and the day was finally here. He took out the photograph from his coat pocket. He stared at the picture of him and Anna. Anna his angel, the one that had slipped through his fingers. The thought of how he co... | |
[WP] You live in a world where the concept of "theft" is not known. There are no security measurements, no locks, no passwords and leaving your belongings in the open is normal. You just realized you can take someone elses money as the first human ever. | We all stood there, admiring the dagger with our hands pressed up against the glass. Laying in the silk below our nostrils, it gleamed against the sparse light that broke through our huddled bodies.
James pushed out his arms and forced us into stepping back as he grabbed the case and pried it open.
*"Hey, we're not ... | To my dearest love, Christina.
When you find this, I will be gone.
That phrase is incessantly used in notes such as this, but I am not partaking in suicide. I am partaking in discovery.
You see, I noticed something last night while I was at Marlas. I was walking through the courtyard to the pool and something ca... | |
[WP] You live in a world where the concept of "theft" is not known. There are no security measurements, no locks, no passwords and leaving your belongings in the open is normal. You just realized you can take someone elses money as the first human ever. |     *I'm so hungry.*
    This isn't a surprise. I've known my entire life that this day was coming. It's how my mother, father, my brothers and sister died.
    *Just one more day.*
  &n... | To my dearest love, Christina.
When you find this, I will be gone.
That phrase is incessantly used in notes such as this, but I am not partaking in suicide. I am partaking in discovery.
You see, I noticed something last night while I was at Marlas. I was walking through the courtyard to the pool and something ca... | |
[WP] Every dog is able to speak perfect English exactly once, for one sentence, in their lifetime. You're on trial for a murder you didn't commit, and your dog is the only one who could possibly exonerate you. There's just one problem: you weren't a very good owner. | Judge Graham allowed himself to soak in a moment’s peace as he rearranged his papers. The courtroom, an arena where explosive outbursts now passed for normal conversation, had fallen unusually silent as they waited for him to make the ruling. But decorum demanded that he press on, and Judge Graham steeled himself menta... | Jerry cleared his throat.
The jury stared at the wise-looking golden retriever in anticipation. This was it, and they knew it. He would speak his one sentence today. This was it.
Jerry licked his lips and his ears twitched.
The jury leaned forward.
Jerry said, "On October 8th, 2014, Brad Johnson spread peanut bu... | |
[WP] Every dog is able to speak perfect English exactly once, for one sentence, in their lifetime. You're on trial for a murder you didn't commit, and your dog is the only one who could possibly exonerate you. There's just one problem: you weren't a very good owner. | The A/C was roaring, casting translucent waves of sweat frost across the bench, the Jury box, and both the prosecution and the defense's table. Judge Reynard McClellin's sloppy, white comb-over shimmied like a drunken inflatable tube man.
"Bailiff...the serum, if you please," drawled the honorable judge, scratching hi... | Jerry cleared his throat.
The jury stared at the wise-looking golden retriever in anticipation. This was it, and they knew it. He would speak his one sentence today. This was it.
Jerry licked his lips and his ears twitched.
The jury leaned forward.
Jerry said, "On October 8th, 2014, Brad Johnson spread peanut bu... | |
[WP] Every dog is able to speak perfect English exactly once, for one sentence, in their lifetime. You're on trial for a murder you didn't commit, and your dog is the only one who could possibly exonerate you. There's just one problem: you weren't a very good owner. | I knew Honey wasn't going to say anything. They had her at the table, read her a long list of rules and information I'm sure she couldn't understand, and all waited. It was hard to believe that anyone expected her waste her one sentence on me.
My dog was going to outlive me, I realized. Once I was convicted, that wou... | Jerry cleared his throat.
The jury stared at the wise-looking golden retriever in anticipation. This was it, and they knew it. He would speak his one sentence today. This was it.
Jerry licked his lips and his ears twitched.
The jury leaned forward.
Jerry said, "On October 8th, 2014, Brad Johnson spread peanut bu... | |
[WP] Every dog is able to speak perfect English exactly once, for one sentence, in their lifetime. You're on trial for a murder you didn't commit, and your dog is the only one who could possibly exonerate you. There's just one problem: you weren't a very good owner. | I knew Honey wasn't going to say anything. They had her at the table, read her a long list of rules and information I'm sure she couldn't understand, and all waited. It was hard to believe that anyone expected her waste her one sentence on me.
My dog was going to outlive me, I realized. Once I was convicted, that wou... | Judge Graham allowed himself to soak in a moment’s peace as he rearranged his papers. The courtroom, an arena where explosive outbursts now passed for normal conversation, had fallen unusually silent as they waited for him to make the ruling. But decorum demanded that he press on, and Judge Graham steeled himself menta... | |
[WP] Every dog is able to speak perfect English exactly once, for one sentence, in their lifetime. You're on trial for a murder you didn't commit, and your dog is the only one who could possibly exonerate you. There's just one problem: you weren't a very good owner. | I knew Honey wasn't going to say anything. They had her at the table, read her a long list of rules and information I'm sure she couldn't understand, and all waited. It was hard to believe that anyone expected her waste her one sentence on me.
My dog was going to outlive me, I realized. Once I was convicted, that wou... | The A/C was roaring, casting translucent waves of sweat frost across the bench, the Jury box, and both the prosecution and the defense's table. Judge Reynard McClellin's sloppy, white comb-over shimmied like a drunken inflatable tube man.
"Bailiff...the serum, if you please," drawled the honorable judge, scratching hi... | |
[WP] To travel the stars, humanity has built a teleportation device: two doors must be built, and a portal opens linking them when both are turned on. We've sent instructions to build the second door in a radiowave broadcast into space. For decades we have waited for the portal to open... until now. | "The next step for humanity!" That is what they called the teleporter when they built it. That was almost five hundred years ago though and now it just sits in a field. Cole likes to come here and just look at it. He likes to imagine what it would be like if it ever actually opened. There used to be guards posted at th... | My grandfather original came up with the idea, he was a genius and worked out all the math and whatever else was needed to get it to work. Then he tested out his theory and proved that he could teleport matter from Earth to the moon. He then came up with the crazier idea that this teleportation device could be used to ... | |
[WP] To travel the stars, humanity has built a teleportation device: two doors must be built, and a portal opens linking them when both are turned on. We've sent instructions to build the second door in a radiowave broadcast into space. For decades we have waited for the portal to open... until now. | Gus ran his hands over the thick brown folder. *Top Secret*, it read in bright red letters on the cover. Flipping it open he scanned the pages. The Humvee hit a bump in the road as Gus clung to the papers. Dirt clouds wafted behind the military vehicle illuminated by a full moon. Gus peered out from the window at ... | My grandfather original came up with the idea, he was a genius and worked out all the math and whatever else was needed to get it to work. Then he tested out his theory and proved that he could teleport matter from Earth to the moon. He then came up with the crazier idea that this teleportation device could be used to ... | |
[WP] To travel the stars, humanity has built a teleportation device: two doors must be built, and a portal opens linking them when both are turned on. We've sent instructions to build the second door in a radiowave broadcast into space. For decades we have waited for the portal to open... until now. | 100 years.
That's how long it's been since the project.
Everybody thought the project was a complete failure. Nobody pursued the project at all. The second door hasn't been opened in 100 years. I, myself, thought that was not enough time to judge, but people don't change.
No one thought about the project anymore. It... | My grandfather original came up with the idea, he was a genius and worked out all the math and whatever else was needed to get it to work. Then he tested out his theory and proved that he could teleport matter from Earth to the moon. He then came up with the crazier idea that this teleportation device could be used to ... | |
[WP] To travel the stars, humanity has built a teleportation device: two doors must be built, and a portal opens linking them when both are turned on. We've sent instructions to build the second door in a radiowave broadcast into space. For decades we have waited for the portal to open... until now. | 100 years.
That's how long it's been since the project.
Everybody thought the project was a complete failure. Nobody pursued the project at all. The second door hasn't been opened in 100 years. I, myself, thought that was not enough time to judge, but people don't change.
No one thought about the project anymore. It... | Gus ran his hands over the thick brown folder. *Top Secret*, it read in bright red letters on the cover. Flipping it open he scanned the pages. The Humvee hit a bump in the road as Gus clung to the papers. Dirt clouds wafted behind the military vehicle illuminated by a full moon. Gus peered out from the window at ... | |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I know what I am to you. I am a cow.
Not a literal one, to be sure. I'm an average human just like you. Well, I guess not in your eyes.
I know it when you look at my body. The disgust at the excess weight and and flappy rolls. The mockery of my sweat that a little walking could muster. The repulsion at my fast food c... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Mooooooooooooo, moo. Moooo! Eat grass. Chew, chew. Other cows all around. Grass to chew. Fart. Moooo. Hello cow friend. Hello baby cow. Moo! Take a few steps. More moo. More grass. Chew and eat. Fly on my butt. Tail swat. Fart. Moooooo! Mooooo! Hot sun in the sky. Drink of water. Lay under a tree. Moo. Hot sun going do... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Oft overlooked, we cows truly possess a great deal of intellect. So our countless hours spent grazing in a field do little outside of bore us half to death. As a result, when I was finally loaded up into a trailer pulled by a large truck and a road went speeding by, excess exhilaration exploded inside of me. My excitem... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | Obviously not an original idea from me, but your prompt sent me barreling down memory lane.
_______________
Moo.
Moo.
I said moo.
Look, I'm just a cow okay?
All right, all right. I'm not really a cow. I don't normally go around like this; but, I was sitting at home minding my own business and all of a sudden thes... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I know what I am to you. I am a cow.
Not a literal one, to be sure. I'm an average human just like you. Well, I guess not in your eyes.
I know it when you look at my body. The disgust at the excess weight and and flappy rolls. The mockery of my sweat that a little walking could muster. The repulsion at my fast food c... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Mooooooooooooo, moo. Moooo! Eat grass. Chew, chew. Other cows all around. Grass to chew. Fart. Moooo. Hello cow friend. Hello baby cow. Moo! Take a few steps. More moo. More grass. Chew and eat. Fly on my butt. Tail swat. Fart. Moooooo! Mooooo! Hot sun in the sky. Drink of water. Lay under a tree. Moo. Hot sun going do... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | I am a cow, my owner left me on my own when I stopped making him money. I wander on streets eating anything I find, plastic bags or stale food, anything will do. Yet I am safe, unlike my brethren in other parts of world, I will not be sold for meat. For the love of blood is not bovine, it's the humans they poach, who d... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I know what I am to you. I am a cow.
Not a literal one, to be sure. I'm an average human just like you. Well, I guess not in your eyes.
I know it when you look at my body. The disgust at the excess weight and and flappy rolls. The mockery of my sweat that a little walking could muster. The repulsion at my fast food c... | MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOoooOOOooooooOoOOooooooooOOOOOooo
(I'm 72 in cow years now, my father died 62 I feel like so much of the life is wasted on grazing and staring at cars driving by and looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer, so it is, ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... | MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOoooOOOooooooOoOOooooooooOOOOOooo
(I'm 72 in cow years now, my father died 62 I feel like so much of the life is wasted on grazing and staring at cars driving by and looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer, so it is, ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... | MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOoooOOOooooooOoOOooooooooOOOOOooo
(I'm 72 in cow years now, my father died 62 I feel like so much of the life is wasted on grazing and staring at cars driving by and looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer, so it is, ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOoooOOOooooooOoOOooooooooOOOOOooo
(I'm 72 in cow years now, my father died 62 I feel like so much of the life is wasted on grazing and staring at cars driving by and looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer, so it is, ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... | MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOoooOOOooooooOoOOooooooooOOOOOooo
(I'm 72 in cow years now, my father died 62 I feel like so much of the life is wasted on grazing and staring at cars driving by and looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer, so it is, ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOoooOOOooooooOoOOooooooooOOOOOooo
(I'm 72 in cow years now, my father died 62 I feel like so much of the life is wasted on grazing and staring at cars driving by and looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer, so it is, ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOoooOOOooooooOoOOooooooooOOOOOooo
(I'm 72 in cow years now, my father died 62 I feel like so much of the life is wasted on grazing and staring at cars driving by and looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer grazing staring at the cars looking at the farmer, so it is, ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I know what I am to you. I am a cow.
Not a literal one, to be sure. I'm an average human just like you. Well, I guess not in your eyes.
I know it when you look at my body. The disgust at the excess weight and and flappy rolls. The mockery of my sweat that a little walking could muster. The repulsion at my fast food c... | 'Chomp chomp motherfuckers, The Sickleman's on break again!'
That's Vache, my best friend. The others cows nod briskly and get to work chewing the delicious cud momentarily left exposed. Vache trundled over to my patch of grass and nudged me somewhere between my fourth and eight nipple. Vache liked nudging me there.
... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | 'Chomp chomp motherfuckers, The Sickleman's on break again!'
That's Vache, my best friend. The others cows nod briskly and get to work chewing the delicious cud momentarily left exposed. Vache trundled over to my patch of grass and nudged me somewhere between my fourth and eight nipple. Vache liked nudging me there.
... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | 'Chomp chomp motherfuckers, The Sickleman's on break again!'
That's Vache, my best friend. The others cows nod briskly and get to work chewing the delicious cud momentarily left exposed. Vache trundled over to my patch of grass and nudged me somewhere between my fourth and eight nipple. Vache liked nudging me there.
... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I know what I am to you. I am a cow.
Not a literal one, to be sure. I'm an average human just like you. Well, I guess not in your eyes.
I know it when you look at my body. The disgust at the excess weight and and flappy rolls. The mockery of my sweat that a little walking could muster. The repulsion at my fast food c... | The morning light woke me. It was still early, but you could tell already that it would be a beautiful day. I rose from the ground, and saw that a few of my cow friends were already awake.
I had always loved the summers. Fresh air, being able to move freely, eating fresh grass, sleeping beneath the stars. What more co... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | The morning light woke me. It was still early, but you could tell already that it would be a beautiful day. I rose from the ground, and saw that a few of my cow friends were already awake.
I had always loved the summers. Fresh air, being able to move freely, eating fresh grass, sleeping beneath the stars. What more co... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | The morning light woke me. It was still early, but you could tell already that it would be a beautiful day. I rose from the ground, and saw that a few of my cow friends were already awake.
I had always loved the summers. Fresh air, being able to move freely, eating fresh grass, sleeping beneath the stars. What more co... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | I know what I am to you. I am a cow.
Not a literal one, to be sure. I'm an average human just like you. Well, I guess not in your eyes.
I know it when you look at my body. The disgust at the excess weight and and flappy rolls. The mockery of my sweat that a little walking could muster. The repulsion at my fast food c... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | I know what I am to you. I am a cow.
Not a literal one, to be sure. I'm an average human just like you. Well, I guess not in your eyes.
I know it when you look at my body. The disgust at the excess weight and and flappy rolls. The mockery of my sweat that a little walking could muster. The repulsion at my fast food c... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | As I stared aimlessly forwards, I contemplated life. My surroundings had the potential to be beautiful, but I could not see it. My frustrations limited my sight drastically. I can only see the reasons for my frustrations.
That tree isn't there to provide shade, nourishment and beauty, it is there to encroach upon my ... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Mooooooooooooo, moo. Moooo! Eat grass. Chew, chew. Other cows all around. Grass to chew. Fart. Moooo. Hello cow friend. Hello baby cow. Moo! Take a few steps. More moo. More grass. Chew and eat. Fly on my butt. Tail swat. Fart. Moooooo! Mooooo! Hot sun in the sky. Drink of water. Lay under a tree. Moo. Hot sun going do... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Oft overlooked, we cows truly possess a great deal of intellect. So our countless hours spent grazing in a field do little outside of bore us half to death. As a result, when I was finally loaded up into a trailer pulled by a large truck and a road went speeding by, excess exhilaration exploded inside of me. My excitem... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Mind you put on your best behavior when we meet the king," Master Hniu said from my side. "Any disrespect like that time with the Burned God, and we might both be skewered on a spit."
I snorted in reply. It was enough to set him chuckling. If not for the fact that my shoulders towered over most grown men, and my hide... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Moo (Hi)
Moo moo moo.(I am Cow)
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo(I do whatever a cow should and could do every day.)
Moo moo, moo, moo, moo moo.(I eat, rest, walk, and sleep.)
Moo moo moo moo(my parents are great)
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo(my mother is a good mother and my father is br... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | joyce called me moocow
i thought that was
quite cute
i am a moocow
my skin is a moosuit
i eat grass and pass gas
the hindus
love dat ass
and if you got beef then
my gais got my back
and
my loins, and my chucks, and my ribs, and my brisket,
i'm tastiest rare
but most don't want to risk it | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am a cow, I am the cow, I am not a cow, I will be the last cow.
Was I born and sent to the wrong place? Was I really here as a cow? Why are we cows? We didnt choose our name, they did. And they kept us, and held us, and use us. Right now we are not even an animal, we are something else, something lesser. Kept in cap... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | **Off-Topic Discussion**: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
#####Reminder for Writers and Readers:
* Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
* Please remember to [be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | I am a cow. Sometimes I'll escape from my pen after dark. It's easier when there are clouds; it's darker, and I can move unseen. But occasionally, if I feel daring, I'll do it on a moonlit night. The shadows seem deeper then, but in open land I could be spotted at any time. It's so exciting to be where I shouldn't be.
... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | I am cow, hear me moo. I weigh twice as much as you, and I look good on the barbecue. Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's made from liquid from my udders. I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass. Methane gas comes out my ass, and out my muzzle when I belch. Oh the ozone layer is thinner from the o... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... | Mooooooooooooo, moo. Moooo! Eat grass. Chew, chew. Other cows all around. Grass to chew. Fart. Moooo. Hello cow friend. Hello baby cow. Moo! Take a few steps. More moo. More grass. Chew and eat. Fly on my butt. Tail swat. Fart. Moooooo! Mooooo! Hot sun in the sky. Drink of water. Lay under a tree. Moo. Hot sun going do... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | Mooooooooooooo, moo. Moooo! Eat grass. Chew, chew. Other cows all around. Grass to chew. Fart. Moooo. Hello cow friend. Hello baby cow. Moo! Take a few steps. More moo. More grass. Chew and eat. Fly on my butt. Tail swat. Fart. Moooooo! Mooooo! Hot sun in the sky. Drink of water. Lay under a tree. Moo. Hot sun going do... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | Mooooooooooooo, moo. Moooo! Eat grass. Chew, chew. Other cows all around. Grass to chew. Fart. Moooo. Hello cow friend. Hello baby cow. Moo! Take a few steps. More moo. More grass. Chew and eat. Fly on my butt. Tail swat. Fart. Moooooo! Mooooo! Hot sun in the sky. Drink of water. Lay under a tree. Moo. Hot sun going do... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | Mooooooooooooo, moo. Moooo! Eat grass. Chew, chew. Other cows all around. Grass to chew. Fart. Moooo. Hello cow friend. Hello baby cow. Moo! Take a few steps. More moo. More grass. Chew and eat. Fly on my butt. Tail swat. Fart. Moooooo! Mooooo! Hot sun in the sky. Drink of water. Lay under a tree. Moo. Hot sun going do... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | Oft overlooked, we cows truly possess a great deal of intellect. So our countless hours spent grazing in a field do little outside of bore us half to death. As a result, when I was finally loaded up into a trailer pulled by a large truck and a road went speeding by, excess exhilaration exploded inside of me. My excitem... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | ^Moo.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
Can you not see.
that I live?
.
in the country.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
The hills are high.
The grass is green.
.
I am headed to be a fat holstein.
.
^Moo.
I am a cow.
.
I chew my cud.
I eat my hay.
.
It is the same.
Old.
Damned.
Thing.
Every.
Day.
.
Farmer... | Oft overlooked, we cows truly possess a great deal of intellect. So our countless hours spent grazing in a field do little outside of bore us half to death. As a result, when I was finally loaded up into a trailer pulled by a large truck and a road went speeding by, excess exhilaration exploded inside of me. My excitem... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | Oft overlooked, we cows truly possess a great deal of intellect. So our countless hours spent grazing in a field do little outside of bore us half to death. As a result, when I was finally loaded up into a trailer pulled by a large truck and a road went speeding by, excess exhilaration exploded inside of me. My excitem... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Look at them all, filthy pink blobs of flesh ploughing their fields and planting their corn. Bah ! Ignorant fools! Little do they know, that I, Adolf Hitler have been reincarnated as a cow.
I sit here day after day eating my weight in grass, mooing every so often but all the while planning. When I was alive I believe... | "Quack......quack quack quack.......quack quack"
"Moooooo.....mooooooooo......"
"Quack quack quack"
"Mooooooooo......"
It had been six weeks since the vet had diagnosed Laurence with Mad Cow Disease. Phillip had yet to give up hope and figured it was a 90's phase that he was going through.
"Mooooooo....."
"......... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Moo (Hi)
Moo moo moo.(I am Cow)
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo(I do whatever a cow should and could do every day.)
Moo moo, moo, moo, moo moo.(I eat, rest, walk, and sleep.)
Moo moo moo moo(my parents are great)
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo(my mother is a good mother and my father is br... | "Mind you put on your best behavior when we meet the king," Master Hniu said from my side. "Any disrespect like that time with the Burned God, and we might both be skewered on a spit."
I snorted in reply. It was enough to set him chuckling. If not for the fact that my shoulders towered over most grown men, and my hide... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | "Mind you put on your best behavior when we meet the king," Master Hniu said from my side. "Any disrespect like that time with the Burned God, and we might both be skewered on a spit."
I snorted in reply. It was enough to set him chuckling. If not for the fact that my shoulders towered over most grown men, and my hide... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | Moo (Hi)
Moo moo moo.(I am Cow)
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo(I do whatever a cow should and could do every day.)
Moo moo, moo, moo, moo moo.(I eat, rest, walk, and sleep.)
Moo moo moo moo(my parents are great)
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo(my mother is a good mother and my father is br... |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | I am a cow, I am the cow, I am not a cow, I will be the last cow.
Was I born and sent to the wrong place? Was I really here as a cow? Why are we cows? We didnt choose our name, they did. And they kept us, and held us, and use us. Right now we are not even an animal, we are something else, something lesser. Kept in cap... | joyce called me moocow
i thought that was
quite cute
i am a moocow
my skin is a moosuit
i eat grass and pass gas
the hindus
love dat ass
and if you got beef then
my gais got my back
and
my loins, and my chucks, and my ribs, and my brisket,
i'm tastiest rare
but most don't want to risk it |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | joyce called me moocow
i thought that was
quite cute
i am a moocow
my skin is a moosuit
i eat grass and pass gas
the hindus
love dat ass
and if you got beef then
my gais got my back
and
my loins, and my chucks, and my ribs, and my brisket,
i'm tastiest rare
but most don't want to risk it |
[removed] | [WP] You are a cow. | Grass is food. I eat grass and I not die.
Farmer is friend. I not kill farmer and farmer take me to new grass. I eat new grass and I not die.
Sometimes farmer take me to milk square and invisible calves feed, sometimes farmer take me to bed square and visible calves feed.
When visible calves grow they go away. Invis... | I am a cow, I am the cow, I am not a cow, I will be the last cow.
Was I born and sent to the wrong place? Was I really here as a cow? Why are we cows? We didnt choose our name, they did. And they kept us, and held us, and use us. Right now we are not even an animal, we are something else, something lesser. Kept in cap... |
[WP] In the near future, mass surveillance makes detective work so easy that the police have forgotten how to do it | "Alrite Pirlo, you're our chief detective here and I need you on this case immediately."
"You got it boss, what's gone wrong?"
"Our surveillance systems, they've gone off - all of them."
"And how's that happened?"
"We suspect someone's managed to discover the location of our facility here, and hidden a network dis... | "What do you mean there's no ID?"
I walk over to my rookie, Jackie, who's standing by the body.
"I've never seen anything like it," she says, kneeling next to the body, poking around with latex gloves.
I roll my eyes. She hasn't been on the job long enough to be able to say stuff like that.
"Fingerprints?"
"Nope."... | |
[WP] The day when you realize the Earth is actually flat. | I rowed, rowed, rowed my boat
Gently down the sea
And suddenly
No crocodile
But still, oh yes, I screamed.
I fell, fell, fell to my death
So dramatically
The world ain't round
It's all a lie
Science is a dream.
~~yay~~
Edit: Formatting
| It doesn't matter. I mean, not really.
How many of us use the shape of the earth in our day to day lives? We make dioramas of the Solar System in third grade and look at pictures from NASA's satellites, and that's about it.
Finding out the earth was flat is about on the same level as figuring out that Santa Claus is... | |
[WP] The day when you realize the Earth is actually flat. | I rowed, rowed, rowed my boat
Gently down the sea
And suddenly
No crocodile
But still, oh yes, I screamed.
I fell, fell, fell to my death
So dramatically
The world ain't round
It's all a lie
Science is a dream.
~~yay~~
Edit: Formatting
| The numbers simply didn't add up. The first gravitonic survey data had finally returned in, and researchers at NASA Langley were busy pouring over terabytes of heretofore inaccessible data on the Oort cloud and other far flung features of the solar system. Everyone was ecstatic, except for me. I saw the error, the flaw... | |
[WP] This morning, someone stole your clothes at the laundromat. Ten hours later, you've just shot a mob boss in your underwear. It's been a long day. | Living a bachelor's life at 40 is not easy. Some days are tough and then others even tougher. The horizons of the toughness were to be exceeded to a point of no return today though.
As I woke up in a rush, only just now remembering to wash my clothes for my interview tomorrow, I almost forgot to carry change with me. ... | Hour One:
An elderly lady has just stepped outside of the laundromat with my clothes. I chase her down, running up to her back before realizing I had been caught into a trap that was explicitly planned out.
A laser dot hovered on my forehead, as if there was a sniper in the vicinity. The senile lady turned around, a... | |
[WP] Magic is real, but casting spells requires reciting the whole word. The longer the word, the more powerful the spell is. The strongest spells can take hours (or even decades) to cast, and the strongest wizards are either really fast speakers or have great foresight. | The demons weight was crushing me, pushing the life force out of me with every pound on my chest. I was gasping for air, trying to get a taste of its coolness but all I got was lungs filled with hellish ash and smoke. Ever since the demons had poured from the super volcano in Yellowstone there had been no rest for the ... | "ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM"
No sooner had the word left the man's lips when an almighty crash of thunder rolled across the sky, strong enough to blow out the windows for many miles around. Strangely enough, only the windows in the Catholic churches seemed to be damaged, whilst other buildings seemed unscathed, sav... | |
[WP] Magic is real, but casting spells requires reciting the whole word. The longer the word, the more powerful the spell is. The strongest spells can take hours (or even decades) to cast, and the strongest wizards are either really fast speakers or have great foresight. | "He... he is too strong..." Harry breathed, struggling with each syllable.
Ron and Hermione knew that the dark lord had finally got the better of them. Even Dumbledore couldn't cast a spell like that.
'"Sup bitches!!!" A voice from the courtyard was heard. "What ya'll playin' at!?"
Ron turned around and saw a ski... | I opened the doors.
“Wow,” breathlessly my friend Tomas spoke.
We entered the library, situated at the back corner of the house. The room’s expanse was enormous, the space of two homes could fit in here. Plain wood floors, well-high ceiling, and dozens upon dozens of bookshelves filled the heart of the room as well a... | |
[WP] Magic is real, but casting spells requires reciting the whole word. The longer the word, the more powerful the spell is. The strongest spells can take hours (or even decades) to cast, and the strongest wizards are either really fast speakers or have great foresight. | Jenny’s eyes fluttered open. While her mind got its bearings she heard a groan and thud. She looked around and saw a head of neatly combed, silver hair laying on the top of a desk. She was on a bed. She moved to get out of the bed, but struggled. Her body felt stiff. She needed deliberate effort to move her arms and le... | I opened the doors.
“Wow,” breathlessly my friend Tomas spoke.
We entered the library, situated at the back corner of the house. The room’s expanse was enormous, the space of two homes could fit in here. Plain wood floors, well-high ceiling, and dozens upon dozens of bookshelves filled the heart of the room as well a... | |
[WP] Magic is real, but casting spells requires reciting the whole word. The longer the word, the more powerful the spell is. The strongest spells can take hours (or even decades) to cast, and the strongest wizards are either really fast speakers or have great foresight. | What I held in my hands had the power to change the world. Of course, I realized that.
The young man with glimmering eyes across from me leaned in eagerly. "Right now it can go at a rate of about four hours of speech a second. I think with the kinks worked out I can probably triple that, but this is just a prototype a... | I opened the doors.
“Wow,” breathlessly my friend Tomas spoke.
We entered the library, situated at the back corner of the house. The room’s expanse was enormous, the space of two homes could fit in here. Plain wood floors, well-high ceiling, and dozens upon dozens of bookshelves filled the heart of the room as well a... | |
[WP] Magic is real, but casting spells requires reciting the whole word. The longer the word, the more powerful the spell is. The strongest spells can take hours (or even decades) to cast, and the strongest wizards are either really fast speakers or have great foresight. | What I held in my hands had the power to change the world. Of course, I realized that.
The young man with glimmering eyes across from me leaned in eagerly. "Right now it can go at a rate of about four hours of speech a second. I think with the kinks worked out I can probably triple that, but this is just a prototype a... | Jenny’s eyes fluttered open. While her mind got its bearings she heard a groan and thud. She looked around and saw a head of neatly combed, silver hair laying on the top of a desk. She was on a bed. She moved to get out of the bed, but struggled. Her body felt stiff. She needed deliberate effort to move her arms and le... | |
[WP] "I don't hate you. I just hate every single thing you do." | "It's weird, no?
Everything you do irks me, the way you talk, your misanthropic behavior, the fact that you don't even take care of yourself.
I hate your habit of replacing your glasses on your nose like this guy in One Piece just because you think it's cool.
I hate the fact that you procrastinate a lot. Always tomor... | The words whipped me across the face, and I stared at her. She gazed through me, as if I was hardly a person. It was almost enough to cause me to shudder, but I gazed back.
She wouldn't leave. I knew she wouldn't. She had to prove she was stronger, always in control.
I closed my eyes and for a moment ... | |
[WP] You have a superpower: you can tell what anyone's biggest insecurity is just by looking at them | Depression. Clingy. Doesn't show emotion. Too short. Paranoid. Overzealous. Not well endowed. Lack of self esteem.
*I fucking hate this, why did I agree to a bar?* I take another swig of my drink, letting the hops wash over my tastebuds. My date was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, my date and I were supposed to be... | It was six years into it. Six years since I discovered my power. Six years since I realized just how much power I had. I was ready.
It started out simple, just learning what people are self- conscious about. I tried to help them overcome them, to become better people. I tried. I really did. But then I realized, peop... | |
[WP] You have a superpower: you can tell what anyone's biggest insecurity is just by looking at them | Depression. Clingy. Doesn't show emotion. Too short. Paranoid. Overzealous. Not well endowed. Lack of self esteem.
*I fucking hate this, why did I agree to a bar?* I take another swig of my drink, letting the hops wash over my tastebuds. My date was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, my date and I were supposed to be... | The sun didn't shine bright as usual that morning, *an omen, black clouds are unusual this time of the year,* I thought, scratched my beard and relaxed on my office's chair.
Tranquility and peace didn't last for long, the thoughts of tempest began to flood my mind and frown my stare. *I have never seen such dark cloud... | |
[WP] You are on your way to prison to visit the inmate that killed your father. Even though you loved your father, your intention is to thank the killer. | "What do you want?"
The man behind the reinforced window sneered at Tate as if he was looking at some roach he'd just stepped on. The distaste of his voice was quite evident even hearing it through the phones connecting attached to the sides of their booth.
"Do you... know who I am?" Tate asked nervously.
"I don't c... | I loved my father. But I love money.
As the sole heir to a rich family business, I would have been able to inherit my father's positions and power after his retirement. But who likes to play second fiddle to their father?
If it so happened that an "accident" happened to occur... Would it really be so wrong to claim ... | |
[WP] You are on your way to prison to visit the inmate that killed your father. Even though you loved your father, your intention is to thank the killer. | The prison was a squat gray structure silhouetted against the bright blue of the afternoon sky. I had been watching it for what my heart said was an eternity but my wristwatch said had only been about five minutes as the bus rolled lazily towards the structure that commanded so much of the otherwise empty country lands... | I loved my father. But I love money.
As the sole heir to a rich family business, I would have been able to inherit my father's positions and power after his retirement. But who likes to play second fiddle to their father?
If it so happened that an "accident" happened to occur... Would it really be so wrong to claim ... | |
[WP] You challenged Death to a game of chess, in exchange for his banishment from this mortal plane. You won. For 250,000 years, Death has not returned. | "Every day I think about the Game. I was young and foolish then, seeing Death as an end to the cycle, unnecessary. In all honesty, I didn't even win fair and square, Death became offended by some of my cruder remarks on his character and quit to teach me a lesson...and what a lesson its been.
252,017 years since a si... | You set the black knight down with a final *clack.*
(The sound echoes, hollowly. You do not know what these chess pieces are made of – you do not *want* to know, but you have a good guess nevertheless.)
"Checkmate," you say in a voice too rarely used, and you know without looking up that your opponent's face is turni... | |
[WP] You challenged Death to a game of chess, in exchange for his banishment from this mortal plane. You won. For 250,000 years, Death has not returned. | "Every day I think about the Game. I was young and foolish then, seeing Death as an end to the cycle, unnecessary. In all honesty, I didn't even win fair and square, Death became offended by some of my cruder remarks on his character and quit to teach me a lesson...and what a lesson its been.
252,017 years since a si... | While it is generally pretty nice to effectively be immortal it has its fault as well.
To start of money is kind of an issue. You might think that just becuase I am old as shit I know a lot. Which granted is true. BUT, I can not really put that on display can I? I have to pick a career or a couple and stick to them un... | |
[WP] You run a bar that exists on the edge of reality. Your usual patrons include cosmic horrors, eldritch abominations and elder gods. | Our shitters are gender neutral. Well, let’s just say neutral since most of these lowlifes have too many holes and parts to be useful for anything resembling sex. When these jerks come in from the bar, all semblance of civility goes right down the commode with their excretions when they manage to get it in the actual c... | "Yeah, so I hear it's harder to make people go mad," the bartender says.
"Gurgle Gurgle Blah," a slightly drunk elder god says.
"Politics ruin everything, man but how about we change the topic, your drink seems to be empty, want another one," the bartender hates talking about politics, he hated it in a normal bar an... |
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