post_text stringlengths 0 10k | post_title stringlengths 8 313 | chosen stringlengths 1 39.5k | rejected stringlengths 1 13.8k |
|---|---|---|---|
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | I stared at the shelf, pointing at the trash can. It shined, obviously some type of metal. I couldn't identify it, however.
"That is our MJÖSA trashcan."
"Oh." I nodded slowly, as she lead me further down the aisles, pointing out different things in my price range. I couldn't pay attention however, as I kept mumbling... | I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow.
I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame.
I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end.
With one swif... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Greetings master... it has been many years since I last was required..."
A Goliath of a beast stirred amid the smoke and smog that clogged the air in my now shattered study, desk pieces and my newly built chair's legs strewn everywhere.
"What the fuck dude," I replied upset that my chair was broken, "that took like ... | I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow.
I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame.
I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end.
With one swif... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | 'Why have you summoned me, mortal?'
Simon stood dumbfounded in a swirl of quickly dissipating but still acrid smoke, Allen key hanging loosely from his fingers.
A terrible visage stood before him. A creature of unrelenting force and presence stood before him, all muscle, claws and teeth and ...horns. It reared up o... | I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow.
I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame.
I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end.
With one swif... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "God dammit!" he cried. He had a strong Boston accent.
He looked like a cross between Danny De Vito and the devil emoji. He stood two foot high and only had on a pair of khaki shorts on.
There had been a crack of lightening and a little poof. The demon was not impressed at his summoning...
"I told those guys five ti... | I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow.
I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame.
I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end.
With one swif... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | “So you’re telling me you blew this month’s rent on a new entertainment system for the living room, and now you expect *me* to put it together?” My fist crinkles around the encyclopedia of an instruction manual that my darling husband tossed to me only moments prior.
“You know I’m no good at these slow, meticulous pro... | I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow.
I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame.
I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end.
With one swif... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Wergle-Shergle," attempted Harry.
"No, there are umlauts," said Sally. "It should be more like Weurgle-Sheurgle."
"Worgle-Shorgle."
The credenza glowed. Its cabinet door swung open and closed. An inexpensive yet tacky rug span with colors and patterns. A figure appeared in the demonstration bedroom, black-horned a... | I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow.
I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame.
I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end.
With one swif... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | You sigh, scratching your stomach absently. There aren't nearly enough meatballs in one plate to satisfy. Two plates might make a decent snack, but it would take at least ten to even begin to dull the aching edge of hunger. She always insists it's not healthy for you to have so many, smiling sweetly as she orders you o... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "I'm sorry," I said, for what had to be the tenth time since the interview started. "What am I here to do, again? Exactly?"
The manager of the IKEA, a pugnacious and pot-bellied little man settling unpleasantly into middle age, turned his head to glare back at me. "Get rid of the pests!" he repeated, clarifying abs... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | And there it was, my new bookshelf, a few days too early. You see, my husband was away on business, and as much as I don't want to subscribe to gender stereotypes, he was the one who usually handles these sort of things.
The doorbell rang. It was my nosy neighbour Francine.
"Was that a delivery truck I spotted earl... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | Let's sing a song about a kid
Lost and found is where his ends meet
Wanted to show the whole world how cool he is
By buying the best shit money can get, why not just stick with meat?
So he went to a mall open for all
Trying to find the coolest thing to buy, coolest sounding of all
Bumping his head phones up, he ... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | My man. Let me tell you a story. A true story, about a brotha being jumped by a demon at the local IKEA. It's absolutely true and y'all better sit down and listen.
I was strolling through the IKEA, looking for gardening tools to maintain my wife's garden. She was the type of woman to go off on someone hard if they did... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | I stared at the shelf, pointing at the trash can. It shined, obviously some type of metal. I couldn't identify it, however.
"That is our MJÖSA trashcan."
"Oh." I nodded slowly, as she lead me further down the aisles, pointing out different things in my price range. I couldn't pay attention however, as I kept mumbling... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Greetings master... it has been many years since I last was required..."
A Goliath of a beast stirred amid the smoke and smog that clogged the air in my now shattered study, desk pieces and my newly built chair's legs strewn everywhere.
"What the fuck dude," I replied upset that my chair was broken, "that took like ... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | 'Why have you summoned me, mortal?'
Simon stood dumbfounded in a swirl of quickly dissipating but still acrid smoke, Allen key hanging loosely from his fingers.
A terrible visage stood before him. A creature of unrelenting force and presence stood before him, all muscle, claws and teeth and ...horns. It reared up o... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "God dammit!" he cried. He had a strong Boston accent.
He looked like a cross between Danny De Vito and the devil emoji. He stood two foot high and only had on a pair of khaki shorts on.
There had been a crack of lightening and a little poof. The demon was not impressed at his summoning...
"I told those guys five ti... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | “So you’re telling me you blew this month’s rent on a new entertainment system for the living room, and now you expect *me* to put it together?” My fist crinkles around the encyclopedia of an instruction manual that my darling husband tossed to me only moments prior.
“You know I’m no good at these slow, meticulous pro... | ...look, that's great and all but could you and your nine arms PLEASE help me get this fucking huge ass box up to the register!?! Sorry to yell l, but my kids a driving me crazy today. Btw nice hairdo. Wait, Kyle? Where's fucking Kyle...that kid! Kyyyyyle!!! There he is, you get over here mister and stay by me. Sorry a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | You sigh, scratching your stomach absently. There aren't nearly enough meatballs in one plate to satisfy. Two plates might make a decent snack, but it would take at least ten to even begin to dull the aching edge of hunger. She always insists it's not healthy for you to have so many, smiling sweetly as she orders you o... | My family was having fun following a few drunk college kids through IKEA. They were loudly mispronouncing every item they could find. Our laughter added to their enjoyment. After several rooms of these antics I noticed a door that I swear didn't exist moments before.
This isn't really an uncommon occurrence in IKEA a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "I'm sorry," I said, for what had to be the tenth time since the interview started. "What am I here to do, again? Exactly?"
The manager of the IKEA, a pugnacious and pot-bellied little man settling unpleasantly into middle age, turned his head to glare back at me. "Get rid of the pests!" he repeated, clarifying abs... | My family was having fun following a few drunk college kids through IKEA. They were loudly mispronouncing every item they could find. Our laughter added to their enjoyment. After several rooms of these antics I noticed a door that I swear didn't exist moments before.
This isn't really an uncommon occurrence in IKEA a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | And there it was, my new bookshelf, a few days too early. You see, my husband was away on business, and as much as I don't want to subscribe to gender stereotypes, he was the one who usually handles these sort of things.
The doorbell rang. It was my nosy neighbour Francine.
"Was that a delivery truck I spotted earl... | My family was having fun following a few drunk college kids through IKEA. They were loudly mispronouncing every item they could find. Our laughter added to their enjoyment. After several rooms of these antics I noticed a door that I swear didn't exist moments before.
This isn't really an uncommon occurrence in IKEA a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | 'Why have you summoned me, mortal?'
Simon stood dumbfounded in a swirl of quickly dissipating but still acrid smoke, Allen key hanging loosely from his fingers.
A terrible visage stood before him. A creature of unrelenting force and presence stood before him, all muscle, claws and teeth and ...horns. It reared up o... | My family was having fun following a few drunk college kids through IKEA. They were loudly mispronouncing every item they could find. Our laughter added to their enjoyment. After several rooms of these antics I noticed a door that I swear didn't exist moments before.
This isn't really an uncommon occurrence in IKEA a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | You sigh, scratching your stomach absently. There aren't nearly enough meatballs in one plate to satisfy. Two plates might make a decent snack, but it would take at least ten to even begin to dull the aching edge of hunger. She always insists it's not healthy for you to have so many, smiling sweetly as she orders you o... | It was my first time buying from Ikea. It was also the last time buying from Ikea.
My friend TJ and I had gone to Ikea to pick up a desk, a kitchen table, and a few other things we needed for our apartment. We decided to tackle the kitchen first.
"Hey Rod, how do you say this name here? I guess their all funky, but t... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "I'm sorry," I said, for what had to be the tenth time since the interview started. "What am I here to do, again? Exactly?"
The manager of the IKEA, a pugnacious and pot-bellied little man settling unpleasantly into middle age, turned his head to glare back at me. "Get rid of the pests!" he repeated, clarifying abs... | It was my first time buying from Ikea. It was also the last time buying from Ikea.
My friend TJ and I had gone to Ikea to pick up a desk, a kitchen table, and a few other things we needed for our apartment. We decided to tackle the kitchen first.
"Hey Rod, how do you say this name here? I guess their all funky, but t... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | And there it was, my new bookshelf, a few days too early. You see, my husband was away on business, and as much as I don't want to subscribe to gender stereotypes, he was the one who usually handles these sort of things.
The doorbell rang. It was my nosy neighbour Francine.
"Was that a delivery truck I spotted earl... | It was my first time buying from Ikea. It was also the last time buying from Ikea.
My friend TJ and I had gone to Ikea to pick up a desk, a kitchen table, and a few other things we needed for our apartment. We decided to tackle the kitchen first.
"Hey Rod, how do you say this name here? I guess their all funky, but t... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "I'm sorry," I said, for what had to be the tenth time since the interview started. "What am I here to do, again? Exactly?"
The manager of the IKEA, a pugnacious and pot-bellied little man settling unpleasantly into middle age, turned his head to glare back at me. "Get rid of the pests!" he repeated, clarifying abs... | "Nömona..." I quietly said
"What now honey?" My wife replied
As a giant flash of light blasted from the box.
All I heard was the scream of my wife, then I was gone.
-End of story-
| |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | And there it was, my new bookshelf, a few days too early. You see, my husband was away on business, and as much as I don't want to subscribe to gender stereotypes, he was the one who usually handles these sort of things.
The doorbell rang. It was my nosy neighbour Francine.
"Was that a delivery truck I spotted earl... | "Nömona..." I quietly said
"What now honey?" My wife replied
As a giant flash of light blasted from the box.
All I heard was the scream of my wife, then I was gone.
-End of story-
| |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | 'Why have you summoned me, mortal?'
Simon stood dumbfounded in a swirl of quickly dissipating but still acrid smoke, Allen key hanging loosely from his fingers.
A terrible visage stood before him. A creature of unrelenting force and presence stood before him, all muscle, claws and teeth and ...horns. It reared up o... | Let's sing a song about a kid
Lost and found is where his ends meet
Wanted to show the whole world how cool he is
By buying the best shit money can get, why not just stick with meat?
So he went to a mall open for all
Trying to find the coolest thing to buy, coolest sounding of all
Bumping his head phones up, he ... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Greetings master... it has been many years since I last was required..."
A Goliath of a beast stirred amid the smoke and smog that clogged the air in my now shattered study, desk pieces and my newly built chair's legs strewn everywhere.
"What the fuck dude," I replied upset that my chair was broken, "that took like ... | My man. Let me tell you a story. A true story, about a brotha being jumped by a demon at the local IKEA. It's absolutely true and y'all better sit down and listen.
I was strolling through the IKEA, looking for gardening tools to maintain my wife's garden. She was the type of woman to go off on someone hard if they did... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | 'Why have you summoned me, mortal?'
Simon stood dumbfounded in a swirl of quickly dissipating but still acrid smoke, Allen key hanging loosely from his fingers.
A terrible visage stood before him. A creature of unrelenting force and presence stood before him, all muscle, claws and teeth and ...horns. It reared up o... | My man. Let me tell you a story. A true story, about a brotha being jumped by a demon at the local IKEA. It's absolutely true and y'all better sit down and listen.
I was strolling through the IKEA, looking for gardening tools to maintain my wife's garden. She was the type of woman to go off on someone hard if they did... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "God dammit!" he cried. He had a strong Boston accent.
He looked like a cross between Danny De Vito and the devil emoji. He stood two foot high and only had on a pair of khaki shorts on.
There had been a crack of lightening and a little poof. The demon was not impressed at his summoning...
"I told those guys five ti... | My man. Let me tell you a story. A true story, about a brotha being jumped by a demon at the local IKEA. It's absolutely true and y'all better sit down and listen.
I was strolling through the IKEA, looking for gardening tools to maintain my wife's garden. She was the type of woman to go off on someone hard if they did... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | “So you’re telling me you blew this month’s rent on a new entertainment system for the living room, and now you expect *me* to put it together?” My fist crinkles around the encyclopedia of an instruction manual that my darling husband tossed to me only moments prior.
“You know I’m no good at these slow, meticulous pro... | My man. Let me tell you a story. A true story, about a brotha being jumped by a demon at the local IKEA. It's absolutely true and y'all better sit down and listen.
I was strolling through the IKEA, looking for gardening tools to maintain my wife's garden. She was the type of woman to go off on someone hard if they did... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Greetings master... it has been many years since I last was required..."
A Goliath of a beast stirred amid the smoke and smog that clogged the air in my now shattered study, desk pieces and my newly built chair's legs strewn everywhere.
"What the fuck dude," I replied upset that my chair was broken, "that took like ... | I stared at the shelf, pointing at the trash can. It shined, obviously some type of metal. I couldn't identify it, however.
"That is our MJÖSA trashcan."
"Oh." I nodded slowly, as she lead me further down the aisles, pointing out different things in my price range. I couldn't pay attention however, as I kept mumbling... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | 'Why have you summoned me, mortal?'
Simon stood dumbfounded in a swirl of quickly dissipating but still acrid smoke, Allen key hanging loosely from his fingers.
A terrible visage stood before him. A creature of unrelenting force and presence stood before him, all muscle, claws and teeth and ...horns. It reared up o... | I stared at the shelf, pointing at the trash can. It shined, obviously some type of metal. I couldn't identify it, however.
"That is our MJÖSA trashcan."
"Oh." I nodded slowly, as she lead me further down the aisles, pointing out different things in my price range. I couldn't pay attention however, as I kept mumbling... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "God dammit!" he cried. He had a strong Boston accent.
He looked like a cross between Danny De Vito and the devil emoji. He stood two foot high and only had on a pair of khaki shorts on.
There had been a crack of lightening and a little poof. The demon was not impressed at his summoning...
"I told those guys five ti... | I stared at the shelf, pointing at the trash can. It shined, obviously some type of metal. I couldn't identify it, however.
"That is our MJÖSA trashcan."
"Oh." I nodded slowly, as she lead me further down the aisles, pointing out different things in my price range. I couldn't pay attention however, as I kept mumbling... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | “So you’re telling me you blew this month’s rent on a new entertainment system for the living room, and now you expect *me* to put it together?” My fist crinkles around the encyclopedia of an instruction manual that my darling husband tossed to me only moments prior.
“You know I’m no good at these slow, meticulous pro... | I stared at the shelf, pointing at the trash can. It shined, obviously some type of metal. I couldn't identify it, however.
"That is our MJÖSA trashcan."
"Oh." I nodded slowly, as she lead me further down the aisles, pointing out different things in my price range. I couldn't pay attention however, as I kept mumbling... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | 'Why have you summoned me, mortal?'
Simon stood dumbfounded in a swirl of quickly dissipating but still acrid smoke, Allen key hanging loosely from his fingers.
A terrible visage stood before him. A creature of unrelenting force and presence stood before him, all muscle, claws and teeth and ...horns. It reared up o... | "Greetings master... it has been many years since I last was required..."
A Goliath of a beast stirred amid the smoke and smog that clogged the air in my now shattered study, desk pieces and my newly built chair's legs strewn everywhere.
"What the fuck dude," I replied upset that my chair was broken, "that took like ... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | “So you’re telling me you blew this month’s rent on a new entertainment system for the living room, and now you expect *me* to put it together?” My fist crinkles around the encyclopedia of an instruction manual that my darling husband tossed to me only moments prior.
“You know I’m no good at these slow, meticulous pro... | The fluorescent lights flickered, I felt The linoleum soften under my tasseled loafers. The combination desk, Murphy bed and closet rattled and began to emit a sickly red light. Suddenly a great cloud of smoke burst forth, and standing before me was a terrible demon. It spoke, her maw gaping with razor sharp teeth.
"... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Wergle-Shergle," attempted Harry.
"No, there are umlauts," said Sally. "It should be more like Weurgle-Sheurgle."
"Worgle-Shorgle."
The credenza glowed. Its cabinet door swung open and closed. An inexpensive yet tacky rug span with colors and patterns. A figure appeared in the demonstration bedroom, black-horned a... | The fluorescent lights flickered, I felt The linoleum soften under my tasseled loafers. The combination desk, Murphy bed and closet rattled and began to emit a sickly red light. Suddenly a great cloud of smoke burst forth, and standing before me was a terrible demon. It spoke, her maw gaping with razor sharp teeth.
"... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | “So you’re telling me you blew this month’s rent on a new entertainment system for the living room, and now you expect *me* to put it together?” My fist crinkles around the encyclopedia of an instruction manual that my darling husband tossed to me only moments prior.
“You know I’m no good at these slow, meticulous pro... | "I want this one! Did you hear me?" I pointed towards the same product and said its name. "Ofelia! This one!" I was starting to get frustrated when a booming voice sounded.
"Yes? You called, my disciple?" saod a demon, rising from the shadows. "I am Ophelia, master of this place. What is it that you want? I would do a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Delicious," Robert groaned. "Delicious and delectable," he mumbled to himself. A hallow mantra predicated on the promise of meatballs after a day out with Alice.
It had been three hours, twenty-two minutes and roughly forty seconds since Robert had agreed to "stop off at IKEA" on the way home from church in exchange... | "I want this one! Did you hear me?" I pointed towards the same product and said its name. "Ofelia! This one!" I was starting to get frustrated when a booming voice sounded.
"Yes? You called, my disciple?" saod a demon, rising from the shadows. "I am Ophelia, master of this place. What is it that you want? I would do a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | Feeman blag? Doomes? Skannka? Did someone at Ikea dip their spoon in alphabet soup?
My lips contorted in an attempt to read the last name: riahc?
During an off semester and in desperate need of money, my wife made Swedish Fish on a conveyor belt. If the horror stories were true, she could tell the quality of a fish b... | "I want this one! Did you hear me?" I pointed towards the same product and said its name. "Ofelia! This one!" I was starting to get frustrated when a booming voice sounded.
"Yes? You called, my disciple?" saod a demon, rising from the shadows. "I am Ophelia, master of this place. What is it that you want? I would do a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Wergle-Shergle," attempted Harry.
"No, there are umlauts," said Sally. "It should be more like Weurgle-Sheurgle."
"Worgle-Shorgle."
The credenza glowed. Its cabinet door swung open and closed. An inexpensive yet tacky rug span with colors and patterns. A figure appeared in the demonstration bedroom, black-horned a... | "I want this one! Did you hear me?" I pointed towards the same product and said its name. "Ofelia! This one!" I was starting to get frustrated when a booming voice sounded.
"Yes? You called, my disciple?" saod a demon, rising from the shadows. "I am Ophelia, master of this place. What is it that you want? I would do a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "FÖLJSAM."
"Fool...jam?"
"No, FÖLJSAM."
"Ohhh, you like in Skyrim. Fus roh dah..."
I could tell the store manager was getting impatient, but I had to entertain myself somehow. My wife and I arrived two hours ago to pick up a new dining room table, yet somehow we'd become mired in the kitchen section. I couldn't ... | "I want this one! Did you hear me?" I pointed towards the same product and said its name. "Ofelia! This one!" I was starting to get frustrated when a booming voice sounded.
"Yes? You called, my disciple?" saod a demon, rising from the shadows. "I am Ophelia, master of this place. What is it that you want? I would do a... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | Feeman blag? Doomes? Skannka? Did someone at Ikea dip their spoon in alphabet soup?
My lips contorted in an attempt to read the last name: riahc?
During an off semester and in desperate need of money, my wife made Swedish Fish on a conveyor belt. If the horror stories were true, she could tell the quality of a fish b... | "Delicious," Robert groaned. "Delicious and delectable," he mumbled to himself. A hallow mantra predicated on the promise of meatballs after a day out with Alice.
It had been three hours, twenty-two minutes and roughly forty seconds since Robert had agreed to "stop off at IKEA" on the way home from church in exchange... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Wergle-Shergle," attempted Harry.
"No, there are umlauts," said Sally. "It should be more like Weurgle-Sheurgle."
"Worgle-Shorgle."
The credenza glowed. Its cabinet door swung open and closed. An inexpensive yet tacky rug span with colors and patterns. A figure appeared in the demonstration bedroom, black-horned a... | "Delicious," Robert groaned. "Delicious and delectable," he mumbled to himself. A hallow mantra predicated on the promise of meatballs after a day out with Alice.
It had been three hours, twenty-two minutes and roughly forty seconds since Robert had agreed to "stop off at IKEA" on the way home from church in exchange... | |
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names. | "Wergle-Shergle," attempted Harry.
"No, there are umlauts," said Sally. "It should be more like Weurgle-Sheurgle."
"Worgle-Shorgle."
The credenza glowed. Its cabinet door swung open and closed. An inexpensive yet tacky rug span with colors and patterns. A figure appeared in the demonstration bedroom, black-horned a... | Feeman blag? Doomes? Skannka? Did someone at Ikea dip their spoon in alphabet soup?
My lips contorted in an attempt to read the last name: riahc?
During an off semester and in desperate need of money, my wife made Swedish Fish on a conveyor belt. If the horror stories were true, she could tell the quality of a fish b... | |
[WP] you spouse jokingly says and asks for a codeword/response every time he/she goes to work in the morning. Through the years you just go with it thinking it's a harmless fun. Today your spouse comes back from work not knowing the correct codeword. | ***This is my first time responding... be gentle...***
My wife made up crap all the time. She was quirky, imaginative, and just all around goofy; but that was part of what made me love her. There was one habit she had that annoyed the ever-loving crap out of me. First thing in the morning, she'd give me a code-phrase ... | Every time Liz left for work, she always asked for a password. The first time she asked, John laughed. Seeing the determined look in her eyes, he realized she wouldn't leave without one. He gave in, gave her the word buffalo. That evening, she came back, saying buffalo before coming in.
John found it amusing. His wi... | |
[WP] you spouse jokingly says and asks for a codeword/response every time he/she goes to work in the morning. Through the years you just go with it thinking it's a harmless fun. Today your spouse comes back from work not knowing the correct codeword. | ##Fortnight
“I’m home!”
“Hey, hun.” I said, turning my attention away from the carrot I was dicing. “You’re home a bit early. How was your day?”
Daniel placed his hat on the coat rack and shrugged. “Good a day as any. We’ve finished up pouring over the anomaly data, and there was a technical malfunction in the lab s... | Every time Liz left for work, she always asked for a password. The first time she asked, John laughed. Seeing the determined look in her eyes, he realized she wouldn't leave without one. He gave in, gave her the word buffalo. That evening, she came back, saying buffalo before coming in.
John found it amusing. His wi... | |
[WP] you spouse jokingly says and asks for a codeword/response every time he/she goes to work in the morning. Through the years you just go with it thinking it's a harmless fun. Today your spouse comes back from work not knowing the correct codeword. | ##Fortnight
“I’m home!”
“Hey, hun.” I said, turning my attention away from the carrot I was dicing. “You’re home a bit early. How was your day?”
Daniel placed his hat on the coat rack and shrugged. “Good a day as any. We’ve finished up pouring over the anomaly data, and there was a technical malfunction in the lab s... | “Blueberry!” Jason exclaimed with his usual glee as his wife, Marlene walked through the door.
With a quizzical look on her face, she replies, “Yeah, sure? How was your day, honey?”
Jason laughed and continued, “No seriously, Blueberry!” with a more forced smile this time.
And again, with more confusion on her face... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | My son, my son,
Don't cry to sleep
Your mother is here,
Her songs are sweet
My son, my son,
Don't carry a frown
Your father is here
To drag you down
My son, my son,
Just listen to me,
You're my boy, just my boy
Lay back and dream
My son, my son,
Look what shes done!
She wronged me again,
And her time ... | There are three lonely birds that nest,
Beneath the old church tower.
Each takes a feather from its breast,
To build a sturdy bower.
 
The robin feather's red as blood,
The robin robs his friends,
The robin builds its nest of buds,
And feathers that portend.
 
The nickthwit's wings are tur... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Half a pound of tuppenny rice
 
Half a pound of treacle
 
That’s the way the money goes
 
Pop! goes the weasel.
 
 
Up and down the City road
 
In and out the Eagle
 
That’s the way the money goes
 
Pop! goes the weasel..
&nbsp... | There are three lonely birds that nest,
Beneath the old church tower.
Each takes a feather from its breast,
To build a sturdy bower.
 
The robin feather's red as blood,
The robin robs his friends,
The robin builds its nest of buds,
And feathers that portend.
 
The nickthwit's wings are tur... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Im here baby
Don't you fear
Don't you cry
A single tear
Remember the fields
Of grass so green
Of flowers so bright
And colors so clean
Remember your mother
And her smile so kind
Holding you tenderly
Even though she was blind
Her eyes were gouged
And bleeding too
See, I had just beat her
Like ... | There are three lonely birds that nest,
Beneath the old church tower.
Each takes a feather from its breast,
To build a sturdy bower.
 
The robin feather's red as blood,
The robin robs his friends,
The robin builds its nest of buds,
And feathers that portend.
 
The nickthwit's wings are tur... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Jack, Jack the silly rabbit
Took my hat just to say he had it
And when I asked for its return
Jack the rabBIT MADE IT BURN!
IN MY ANGER, IN MY SPITE
I HAD TO KILL HIS KIDS AND WIFE
Jack, Jack the broken rabbit
Finally kicked his thieving habit | There are three lonely birds that nest,
Beneath the old church tower.
Each takes a feather from its breast,
To build a sturdy bower.
 
The robin feather's red as blood,
The robin robs his friends,
The robin builds its nest of buds,
And feathers that portend.
 
The nickthwit's wings are tur... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
Would you like them here or there?
I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere.
Would you, could you in the rain?
I would not, could not in the rain.
Not in the dark, not on a train,
not ev... | There are three lonely birds that nest,
Beneath the old church tower.
Each takes a feather from its breast,
To build a sturdy bower.
 
The robin feather's red as blood,
The robin robs his friends,
The robin builds its nest of buds,
And feathers that portend.
 
The nickthwit's wings are tur... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Im here baby
Don't you fear
Don't you cry
A single tear
Remember the fields
Of grass so green
Of flowers so bright
And colors so clean
Remember your mother
And her smile so kind
Holding you tenderly
Even though she was blind
Her eyes were gouged
And bleeding too
See, I had just beat her
Like ... | Hair so black; Eyes so wide
Beautiful smile; What a lovely bride
Dirty hair; Squinty eyes
Ugly face; Small in size
How could this be the groom?
I love her. I loathe him.
I love her. I HATE HIM!
I love her. I WILL KILL HIM!
I WILL KILL HIM! HE MUST DIE!
I WILL KILL HIM! HE WILL DIE! | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Im here baby
Don't you fear
Don't you cry
A single tear
Remember the fields
Of grass so green
Of flowers so bright
And colors so clean
Remember your mother
And her smile so kind
Holding you tenderly
Even though she was blind
Her eyes were gouged
And bleeding too
See, I had just beat her
Like ... | My son, my son,
Don't cry to sleep
Your mother is here,
Her songs are sweet
My son, my son,
Don't carry a frown
Your father is here
To drag you down
My son, my son,
Just listen to me,
You're my boy, just my boy
Lay back and dream
My son, my son,
Look what shes done!
She wronged me again,
And her time ... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Im here baby
Don't you fear
Don't you cry
A single tear
Remember the fields
Of grass so green
Of flowers so bright
And colors so clean
Remember your mother
And her smile so kind
Holding you tenderly
Even though she was blind
Her eyes were gouged
And bleeding too
See, I had just beat her
Like ... | Half a pound of tuppenny rice
 
Half a pound of treacle
 
That’s the way the money goes
 
Pop! goes the weasel.
 
 
Up and down the City road
 
In and out the Eagle
 
That’s the way the money goes
 
Pop! goes the weasel..
&nbsp... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Im here baby
Don't you fear
Don't you cry
A single tear
Remember the fields
Of grass so green
Of flowers so bright
And colors so clean
Remember your mother
And her smile so kind
Holding you tenderly
Even though she was blind
Her eyes were gouged
And bleeding too
See, I had just beat her
Like ... | "And now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take."
"Again" he said softly.
"And now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take."
"AGAIN" he repeated.
"And now I lay ... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Jack, Jack the silly rabbit
Took my hat just to say he had it
And when I asked for its return
Jack the rabBIT MADE IT BURN!
IN MY ANGER, IN MY SPITE
I HAD TO KILL HIS KIDS AND WIFE
Jack, Jack the broken rabbit
Finally kicked his thieving habit | "And now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take."
"Again" he said softly.
"And now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take."
"AGAIN" he repeated.
"And now I lay ... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
Would you like them here or there?
I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere.
Would you, could you in the rain?
I would not, could not in the rain.
Not in the dark, not on a train,
not ev... | "And now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take."
"Again" he said softly.
"And now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take."
"AGAIN" he repeated.
"And now I lay ... | |
[WP] Write a children's poem that slowly devolved in an insane persons chantings. | Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
Would you like them here or there?
I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere.
Would you, could you in the rain?
I would not, could not in the rain.
Not in the dark, not on a train,
not ev... | Quiet as the church mouse,
The children run downstairs
To play a game of hide and seek,
A way from all their cares.
Suzy hides behind the curtain,
Johnny's under the sheets.
Tommy counts to ten out loud,
But where, oh where is Pete?
Tommy looks, and he sees Suzy!
Her feet she could not hide.
He heard some... | |
[WP] The mining town was long abandoned, but the church bell still rang the same hour every night; we could hear it from our home across the valley. | I grew up in a mining town, an old one. Not as old as the one across the valley, the one that had to be moved, more than once, due to the growth of the mine. It was referred to as New Preston even though no one had lived there in half a century.
Yet the mine was still active, it employed half of my town's work force a... | My step-sister and I, we could hear the church bell ringing at two in the morning beginning that September. It was an early fall that year. At that time of night, the cold seeped in from the window's glass (the coming inescapable frost) and we were both bundled up in the bedroom we shared, in separate cots. The dolorou... | |
[WP] The mining town was long abandoned, but the church bell still rang the same hour every night; we could hear it from our home across the valley. | Eleven o’clock. Every night, on the dot like, well, like clockwork. We had all heard the stories. The tall tales spun for us by our parents and friends. We too had even told several of them, embellishing where we saw fit. Ghosts of miners killed in a collapse, goblins who lived down in the mines, even an old lunatic pr... | My step-sister and I, we could hear the church bell ringing at two in the morning beginning that September. It was an early fall that year. At that time of night, the cold seeped in from the window's glass (the coming inescapable frost) and we were both bundled up in the bedroom we shared, in separate cots. The dolorou... | |
[WP] A dejected man who has just come home from another terrible first date is desperate for someone to love him. Dating sites haven't worked and he is willing to do anything. As a last ditch attempt at love, he closes himself in the bathroom and begins to speak. "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary..." | There was no flash of light, no dramatic sign that anything had changed but there was a sudden presence in the cramped and dirty bathroom. In the darkened mirror a silhouette slowly resolved into the form of a bloody and disheveled woman. As her features solidified a maniacal glint was obvious in her dark eyes.
And t... | I shuffle my feet as I trudge down the sidewalk. Yet another date gone awry. Why had I even thought that Ashley would like me? She's definitely an 8, and I'm lucky to hit 3.
I shake my head as I review the date in my head. Nothing was held back; I told all my best jokes, all my most interesting stories, and even menti... | |
[WP] Someone has hired an assassin to kill you. What they didn't know was that you and the assassin went to the same high school, and you know all the tricks up his sleeve. | "This ain't gonna work and you know it, dude." I sighed as I plucked the battery out of its slot, and the winking light of the sensor went off.
"Whatever do you mean by that?" Jordan's voice had a hint of a smile to it. Of course he's that type of guy, they kind who didn't talk much but is perfectly capable of long h... | Cars all over the city were locked in a crawl as usual. It was about 1 pm and I sat there outside the cafe sipping on my tea beacuse the coffe here was terrible beyond compare, but the food , the food was heavily.
"Here you are sir." The waiter placed the chicken breast on salad I had ordered briefly before I sat down... | |
[WP] It's year 2100 and you casually play The Sims 57. But one day something strange happens. Your Sim asks you a question. | I had had a long day at my soul-crushing job and wanted nothing more than to get home and play the new game I had purchased. I quickly changed into more comfortable clothes before picking up my VR headset.
The developers of The Sims 57 had claimed that their game was the most realistic game ever to come to market. I ... | "how don't you know you aren't the next layer in another simulation, playing a simulation" asked the Sim to the Sim in Sims 56 who was playing Sims 55 making it's Sim commit child abuse in Sims 54. "at what point does this stop being simulation? And when is it real world, in theory once we hit this point the chances th... | |
[WP] You dropped a penny and picked it up, and you led a normal life. After your death, Satan shows you what happens if you didn't pick that penny up. | "This is it" - I'm thinking to myself.
Here on my dead bed, alone with no one by my side, reflecting life. I had more downs than up, much frowns and little smile. Yet, I'm content with the experiences I had. Life wasn't great but it was mine. Maybe its sad that I have no children or spouse to mourn my death but my de... | The lake of fire was hot. That's a hell of an understatement, if you'll pardon the pun. All of hell is hot, but the lake is like liquid agony. It's a special place, reserved for special sinners. Each of us committed different sins. Some of us sinned lightly, but very often, like me. Others sinned greatly, but only once... | |
[WP] You dropped a penny and picked it up, and you led a normal life. After your death, Satan shows you what happens if you didn't pick that penny up. | "This is it" - I'm thinking to myself.
Here on my dead bed, alone with no one by my side, reflecting life. I had more downs than up, much frowns and little smile. Yet, I'm content with the experiences I had. Life wasn't great but it was mine. Maybe its sad that I have no children or spouse to mourn my death but my de... | It is dark, so dark that even the brightest light cannot light up this room. Suddenly I hear a voice coming from the distance.
"July 15 1987, 10:42. This moment could have changed your life."
I obviously could not remember what had happenend at that time, but then the wall started to light up. It showed a video of... | |
[WP] You dropped a penny and picked it up, and you led a normal life. After your death, Satan shows you what happens if you didn't pick that penny up. | And Emily awoke again, damn, she really shouldn't have trusted that burrito, or eat that since she's well advanced in her years, now her death certificate would have the embarrassing words of "death by shitting".
Well, then why was she awake?
On par with her thoughts, a loud and ethereal voice, but laced with a demon... | It is dark, so dark that even the brightest light cannot light up this room. Suddenly I hear a voice coming from the distance.
"July 15 1987, 10:42. This moment could have changed your life."
I obviously could not remember what had happenend at that time, but then the wall started to light up. It showed a video of... | |
[WP] You dropped a penny and picked it up, and you led a normal life. After your death, Satan shows you what happens if you didn't pick that penny up. | It was all too surreal. The tall man in front of me led me through an arching doorway. Above the frame it read *"Reflection & Regret."* I enter the room and see a massive mirror. I stare at myself, still not sure if this place is real.
Lucifer chuckled, "You like what you see? Check this shit out."
He tapped the ... | It is dark, so dark that even the brightest light cannot light up this room. Suddenly I hear a voice coming from the distance.
"July 15 1987, 10:42. This moment could have changed your life."
I obviously could not remember what had happenend at that time, but then the wall started to light up. It showed a video of... | |
[WP] You dropped a penny and picked it up, and you led a normal life. After your death, Satan shows you what happens if you didn't pick that penny up. | "This is it" - I'm thinking to myself.
Here on my dead bed, alone with no one by my side, reflecting life. I had more downs than up, much frowns and little smile. Yet, I'm content with the experiences I had. Life wasn't great but it was mine. Maybe its sad that I have no children or spouse to mourn my death but my de... | The piano player's skin was pure white and thin, stretched over black and purple veins. His gaunt fingers moved unnaturally, more like caterpillars than digits, over the dirty keys of the piano. The melody was in tune but hollow and unrecognizable. A deep red evening light filtered in through the dust-frosted windows o... | |
[WP] You dropped a penny and picked it up, and you led a normal life. After your death, Satan shows you what happens if you didn't pick that penny up. | It was all too surreal. The tall man in front of me led me through an arching doorway. Above the frame it read *"Reflection & Regret."* I enter the room and see a massive mirror. I stare at myself, still not sure if this place is real.
Lucifer chuckled, "You like what you see? Check this shit out."
He tapped the ... | And Emily awoke again, damn, she really shouldn't have trusted that burrito, or eat that since she's well advanced in her years, now her death certificate would have the embarrassing words of "death by shitting".
Well, then why was she awake?
On par with her thoughts, a loud and ethereal voice, but laced with a demon... | |
[WP] As it turns out, the monsters of the week that the magical girls were fighting don't stand up terribly well against modern military power. | Ruby yelled, “Let’s go, Gem Girls!” Around her, her sisters leaped to the air. Below, the cameras flashed, documenting the flight into battle of the city’s darling superheroines. Ruby flew at the lead, as always, checking on her sisters. Diamond was on her right, glittering blade already drawn. Sapphire flew close... | Magical girls just don't possess the power of brrrt.
---
Deafening sound struck Rapid City. A monster was attacking. This time, though, it was enormous. Easily overtaking tallest skyscrapers, it stridden across the shoreline making ruin in its path. Massive claws tore open one of the office building, revealing people... | |
Be creative or scary. | [WP] "I know this is confusing and scary, but please listen. Hide, just hide. No matter what, don't let them see you." | I scowl, irritated, and eye the homeless man up and down. He looks like he hasn't had a bath in weeks, and I can't tell if his tangled hair is naturally grey or just covered in dried mud.
"Don't let who see me?" I ask, smothering my impatience to humour him; if I go along with his fantasy for a bit, I can get away and... | All my life we lived by darkness and shadows. Never by the light of day. My mother was terrified by the day time. I never knew why. I asked her once or twice but she would pretend to not hear me. By day we would sleep and night we would wake and eat and then travel. We never stayed in the same place more than one night... |
Be creative or scary. | [WP] "I know this is confusing and scary, but please listen. Hide, just hide. No matter what, don't let them see you." | The door flung wide, rebounding off my wall with a bang. My father's face was one of intense fear. I was alarmed – I'd never seen him with anything but a stoic grin on his face, even at the worst of times.
“John, he whisper-shouted urgently, “Quick, we have to get you out.”
He grabbed my dressing gown and thrust it... | My mother had brought me into her bedroom after violently shaking me awake. She shoved me under the and leaned forward to kiss my forehead.
"I know this is confusing and scary, but please listen. Hide, just hide. No matter what, don't let them see you."
The last image of her I had was the tears coming from her eyes ... |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | First writing prompt! Hope y'all enjoy. Apologies for errors, I'm not great with spotting them.
----
Atlantis disappeared a millennium, five centuries, three decades and two years ago, never to have contact with civilization again. The Atlanteans knew this because their data slates told them so, because all of Atlantea... | There was a loophole in their plan to save the humans. While they protected the largest internet from attack, they forgot to include the smaller internets that cropped up in fringe societies like the ever- freaky North Korea. Their psycho information club kept it at just under 15 total websites in the entire country. W... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | I heaved a sigh and wiped the sweat from my brow. All twenty of my generals were here, awaiting my orders.
"Ladies, gentlemen....we've been on the defensive for far too long. These arrogant little men above...the North Koreans, hated even by their fellow surface ones...tonight they *will* die."
I looked to the man on... | There was a loophole in their plan to save the humans. While they protected the largest internet from attack, they forgot to include the smaller internets that cropped up in fringe societies like the ever- freaky North Korea. Their psycho information club kept it at just under 15 total websites in the entire country. W... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | First writing prompt! Hope y'all enjoy. Apologies for errors, I'm not great with spotting them.
----
Atlantis disappeared a millennium, five centuries, three decades and two years ago, never to have contact with civilization again. The Atlanteans knew this because their data slates told them so, because all of Atlantea... | "Commander...you can't be serious!"
The words floated into deaf ears.
"Release. The. Kraken." the commander slowly intoned.
"But sir-"
"But nothing. We have to end this conflict swiftly. Millions of lives are at stake...not just our own."
The commander walked briskly out of the room, leaving Legate Perseus du... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | The sirens finally ended after 14 hours straight. Our shelter doors opened and we were released. There was a somber mood in the water tonight. We all knew that the time had come for Kim to face the fist of Atlantis. For years our land operative, Dennis Rodman, had been feeding us the intel central to our mission. We no... | "Commander...you can't be serious!"
The words floated into deaf ears.
"Release. The. Kraken." the commander slowly intoned.
"But sir-"
"But nothing. We have to end this conflict swiftly. Millions of lives are at stake...not just our own."
The commander walked briskly out of the room, leaving Legate Perseus du... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | I heaved a sigh and wiped the sweat from my brow. All twenty of my generals were here, awaiting my orders.
"Ladies, gentlemen....we've been on the defensive for far too long. These arrogant little men above...the North Koreans, hated even by their fellow surface ones...tonight they *will* die."
I looked to the man on... | "Commander...you can't be serious!"
The words floated into deaf ears.
"Release. The. Kraken." the commander slowly intoned.
"But sir-"
"But nothing. We have to end this conflict swiftly. Millions of lives are at stake...not just our own."
The commander walked briskly out of the room, leaving Legate Perseus du... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | Charles slammed his forehead on the desk, pulling his hair and moaning. This was his breaking point. He'd served as a diplomat for the United Kingdom for over twenty years now, and none of his training, none of his experience and education had prepared him for a situation of this scale, of this magnitude, of this... ab... | "Commander...you can't be serious!"
The words floated into deaf ears.
"Release. The. Kraken." the commander slowly intoned.
"But sir-"
"But nothing. We have to end this conflict swiftly. Millions of lives are at stake...not just our own."
The commander walked briskly out of the room, leaving Legate Perseus du... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | I heaved a sigh and wiped the sweat from my brow. All twenty of my generals were here, awaiting my orders.
"Ladies, gentlemen....we've been on the defensive for far too long. These arrogant little men above...the North Koreans, hated even by their fellow surface ones...tonight they *will* die."
I looked to the man on... | The sirens finally ended after 14 hours straight. Our shelter doors opened and we were released. There was a somber mood in the water tonight. We all knew that the time had come for Kim to face the fist of Atlantis. For years our land operative, Dennis Rodman, had been feeding us the intel central to our mission. We no... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | I heaved a sigh and wiped the sweat from my brow. All twenty of my generals were here, awaiting my orders.
"Ladies, gentlemen....we've been on the defensive for far too long. These arrogant little men above...the North Koreans, hated even by their fellow surface ones...tonight they *will* die."
I looked to the man on... | "Another one. ANOTHER!" the king roared in anger. The palace square was in perennial maintenance and the palace itself was in disarray. The pillars broken and the residences in shambles, the once proud capital of the sea was destroyed entirely. The rage of the citizens had risen exponentially since the first blast. Eve... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | "It is time." I said, my voice echoing throughout the chambers of the great atlantean hall.
"For years they have struck at us. Taunting us. Belittling us with their weaponry." I gazed out at all of atlantean councilmen and council women gathered around me.
"But no more." I said, my voice transcendant.
"Today, we fi... | "Another one. ANOTHER!" the king roared in anger. The palace square was in perennial maintenance and the palace itself was in disarray. The pillars broken and the residences in shambles, the once proud capital of the sea was destroyed entirely. The rage of the citizens had risen exponentially since the first blast. Eve... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | Charles slammed his forehead on the desk, pulling his hair and moaning. This was his breaking point. He'd served as a diplomat for the United Kingdom for over twenty years now, and none of his training, none of his experience and education had prepared him for a situation of this scale, of this magnitude, of this... ab... | "Another one. ANOTHER!" the king roared in anger. The palace square was in perennial maintenance and the palace itself was in disarray. The pillars broken and the residences in shambles, the once proud capital of the sea was destroyed entirely. The rage of the citizens had risen exponentially since the first blast. Eve... | |
[WP] After enduring years of missile bombardment, the once peaceful and solitary kingdom of Atlantis has had enough and is now mobilizing to attack North Korea | Charles slammed his forehead on the desk, pulling his hair and moaning. This was his breaking point. He'd served as a diplomat for the United Kingdom for over twenty years now, and none of his training, none of his experience and education had prepared him for a situation of this scale, of this magnitude, of this... ab... | "It is time." I said, my voice echoing throughout the chambers of the great atlantean hall.
"For years they have struck at us. Taunting us. Belittling us with their weaponry." I gazed out at all of atlantean councilmen and council women gathered around me.
"But no more." I said, my voice transcendant.
"Today, we fi... | |
[WP] You die and go to hell. There you are greeted by 3 demons. They ask you which one of them do you want to torture you for the rest of eternity. Feeling regret for your sin you pick the scariest one but he decides not to torture you because no one have ever picked him before. | "So, you're not going to torture me?"
"No. There's no point."
"At the risk of looking a gift horse in the mouth, why do you say that?"
"Look, those other two, Fek'lar and Balobra, they're good du...bad dudes? Whatever. The point is they only earned their demon status a few thousand years ago. They haven't realized t... | Hell wasn’t like I had imagined it at all. No flame-engulfed landscape of cracked red rock with magma flowing beneath. If heaven was a wide-open space in the sky, then surely hell was a narrow underground cavern riddled with jagged red hot glowing stalactites and stalagmites. No, instead hell was more like a BDSM dun... | |
[WP] You die and go to hell. There you are greeted by 3 demons. They ask you which one of them do you want to torture you for the rest of eternity. Feeling regret for your sin you pick the scariest one but he decides not to torture you because no one have ever picked him before. | /// sorry for formatting. I'm on mobile ///
-----
I died from old age. I died in my sleep. My death was pretty anticlimactic for I had imagined differently. The only thing that told me I was dying was the flashes of my life before all the lights were out and my breath stopped. My life always seemed ordinary. I alway... | Hell wasn’t like I had imagined it at all. No flame-engulfed landscape of cracked red rock with magma flowing beneath. If heaven was a wide-open space in the sky, then surely hell was a narrow underground cavern riddled with jagged red hot glowing stalactites and stalagmites. No, instead hell was more like a BDSM dun... | |
[WP] You die and go to hell. There you are greeted by 3 demons. They ask you which one of them do you want to torture you for the rest of eternity. Feeling regret for your sin you pick the scariest one but he decides not to torture you because no one have ever picked him before. | *Drip*
The droplet of sweat cascaded from my forehead and down onto my cheek before dripping from my chin. As it landed onto the simmering red brimstone, it immediately sizzled before evaporating into thin air.
"So, did you come to a decision yet?" the pot-bellied imp questioned as he rubbed his stub of a horn impati... | “You,” Lora said. “I want you to torture me.”
That was not a sentence she expected herself to say, ever. But, given the circumstances, she had no choice.
The demon was taken aback. “Why I—I didn’t expect this!” he said. “Very well, I will ensure that you’ll suffer for a long time.”
The other two demons shrugged in d... | |
[WP] You die and go to hell. There you are greeted by 3 demons. They ask you which one of them do you want to torture you for the rest of eternity. Feeling regret for your sin you pick the scariest one but he decides not to torture you because no one have ever picked him before. | I regretted it as soon as I said it.
"Number two."
Demon number two was by far the most terrifying of the three.
"I deserve this," I told myself. "I hit a man with my car. I didn't even stop to see if he needed help."
Demon number two had a jagged gash for a mouth that curled into a sinister grin. He cackled, and... | “You,” Lora said. “I want you to torture me.”
That was not a sentence she expected herself to say, ever. But, given the circumstances, she had no choice.
The demon was taken aback. “Why I—I didn’t expect this!” he said. “Very well, I will ensure that you’ll suffer for a long time.”
The other two demons shrugged in d... | |
[WP] You are a time-traveler mistakenly trapped in an insane asylum. You slowly start to realize that everyone else in the asylum is also a Time Traveler. | I've been trapped here and I can't get out. I've been trapped here and I can't get out.
As often as I tried, the door is still there. Behind it, the same guard, night after night, protecting me from the outside world. He knows why I'm here, why we're ALL here.
They're all me.
We're the ones that screwed up- the one... | At this point, everyone in this hellhole of a place (with the exception of myself) had given up. For some reason, approximately three decades ago, we all believed that we were "Time Travelers". However, when so much time passes with a person being confined in such an institution without proof of their so-called "time m... | |
[WP] You post a picture on reddit of the stick your daughter found and is using as a magic wand. It is actually an ancient, powerful wand, and you just alerted the wizarding community to its presence. | "DEFCON 1! DEFCON 1!"
Wizard General Alexander Cooper sighed as he turned to the Wizard Apprentice, already exasperated at his new subordinate's enthusiasm after only three hours on the job. "What is it now, Riley? And stop using that Muggle slang about DEFCONs and such."
"Yes sir, General Cooper, sir," said Riley ob... | -Hm... Joe might... Joe! Come here!
-Yes? A cat again?
-Not this time. On r/whatisthisthing, do you recognize that?
-The kid?
-The stick.
-The sti... oh.
-Do you?
-Do we know where she is?
-Hm... Nothing on the title or the comments. Do I message the person?
-Hm... It would be best to shut.. How many upvotes? ... | |
[WP] You're the grim reaper, and must arrange people's deaths. You're always given a few starting items, such as a car or a knife, but one day you're given a humpback whale. | This had to be a mistake. A damn humpback whale. I went to my Boss wanting to check if this was real. How the hell could I possibly kill this guy with a whale.
I went to the pearly gates where this dude called Peter was sitting.
"Hey Petey, how's it going."
"It's St. Peter please. Hello Shinigami. How can I help you... | The first few years my job was pretty cool. Every morning I went to the mailbox and saw what the gods had given me to kill someone for that day. Most times it was something obvious like a bottle of pills or a gun, sometimes I even got a noose, that’s when I got to be real creative. Well, today was really interesting. M... | |
[WP] You're the grim reaper, and must arrange people's deaths. You're always given a few starting items, such as a car or a knife, but one day you're given a humpback whale. | *You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This is a joke right?*
A humpback whale. They had given me a fucking whale.
I stormed up the Stairway to Heaven (oh so aptly named) and up to the Pearly Gates. If I was going to have to do this, Peter was going to look me in the eye and tell me himself.
Ah there he was, lookin... | The first few years my job was pretty cool. Every morning I went to the mailbox and saw what the gods had given me to kill someone for that day. Most times it was something obvious like a bottle of pills or a gun, sometimes I even got a noose, that’s when I got to be real creative. Well, today was really interesting. M... | |
[WP] You're the grim reaper, and must arrange people's deaths. You're always given a few starting items, such as a car or a knife, but one day you're given a humpback whale. | *Oh man...a story that finally lives up to my username? Oh wait, shit, the story's begun already. Um...in a land far far away...nope, sounds cheesy. Whatever, I'll just start it as per normal.*
I walked over to the chair where my tools usually were. Tools for the final rest of souls. Even though I wasn't a real Grim R... | He stood there for a long while, really taking in the object in front of him. He said nothing, his human like facial features giving nothing away. His hand was covering his mouth and his elbow was resting on his other arm which he had across his stomach. The way one does when they're crossing their arms. The angel God ... | |
[WP] You're the grim reaper, and must arrange people's deaths. You're always given a few starting items, such as a car or a knife, but one day you're given a humpback whale. | *Oh man...a story that finally lives up to my username? Oh wait, shit, the story's begun already. Um...in a land far far away...nope, sounds cheesy. Whatever, I'll just start it as per normal.*
I walked over to the chair where my tools usually were. Tools for the final rest of souls. Even though I wasn't a real Grim R... | I've seen it all. And I mean *it all*. Erotic death (One of my faves), death by electrocution, death by shark even death by turtle. But never have I ever seen death by humpback whale. But I'll have to make it do.
I start making plans. People think death just comes up to you when it's "your" time. But in actuality I do... | |
[WP] You're the grim reaper, and must arrange people's deaths. You're always given a few starting items, such as a car or a knife, but one day you're given a humpback whale. | "*A whale?!*"
My boss stared back dispassionately, clearly not seeing anything unusual with the request.
"That's right - a humpback, preferably. If you can manage it, that is."
I tugged at my cowl, pulling the hood a bit tighter around my head. Things always look peaceful, up there above the clouds, but it does get ... | I've seen it all. And I mean *it all*. Erotic death (One of my faves), death by electrocution, death by shark even death by turtle. But never have I ever seen death by humpback whale. But I'll have to make it do.
I start making plans. People think death just comes up to you when it's "your" time. But in actuality I do... | |
[WP] You're the grim reaper, and must arrange people's deaths. You're always given a few starting items, such as a car or a knife, but one day you're given a humpback whale. | "End-Maker, there has been a mistake."
A booming voice echoed back in the blackness. "The Sisters make no mistakes, O Bringer of Emptiness. Engage the mortal, and escort her to the Place of the Dead."
The End-Maker has spoken. I arise, and my black robes cast dew on the morning world and give chills to the mountain... | I've seen it all. And I mean *it all*. Erotic death (One of my faves), death by electrocution, death by shark even death by turtle. But never have I ever seen death by humpback whale. But I'll have to make it do.
I start making plans. People think death just comes up to you when it's "your" time. But in actuality I do... | |
[WP]You are The Bartender. You consoled everyone who set foot in your bar at a time of need, but now you are not sure you can help. | At the edge of the Milky Way, there is a bar hidden away in a little fold of spacetime, like a pocket of air underwater, offering a brief respite from the inexorable march of time. You can only find it if you know where to look.
It was past closing time. Sol kept the bar open when he was awake, and when he grew tired,... | "John, don't do it man, don't do it! If you do you wouldn't be able to come to my bar." I pleaded.
"Plus, it's not a big deal, you knew she was a cheating slut, I mean for fuck's sake, you started dating while she was dating another guy."
"I don't care! I loved her, when Tom never did. It's not fair. I was a good husb... | |
[WP] A knight, a wizard, an archer and a troll gather together in order to play the most exciting role-playing game in recent history: Offices & Humans | "Okay, Mira. You're dead broke, what do you want to do?"
"Well, I'll declare bankruptcy." She smiles and scatters the dice across the table.
"Damn it! Another four."
The OM smiles. "Michael, with almost no experience or skills in intelligence, you wander out and loudly yell to the office, 'I... DECLARE... BANKRUPT... | "Do you understand why you are here today?" Inquired the man; glaring from behind his horn-rimmed glasses.
"....i..." stammered Adam, as though he was trying to find his own charisma. The faint hit of a die against the ground broke him from his peevishness
"Because Amanda is an uppity cunt and can't handle the minim... | |
[WP] A knight, a wizard, an archer and a troll gather together in order to play the most exciting role-playing game in recent history: Offices & Humans | "It's your turn" said Lenny, brandishing his robes a little impatiently to Ugnak.
Ugnak roared and pounded the table, causing *Jenny from HR* to fall over onto *Matt from Accounting*. Florian made a gesture to reset the pieces, but Lenny shook his hand away.
"No no leave it, it counts as a move and otherwise it just ... | “Clearly, we have come with purpose burning in our hearts,” said Sir Mirewell, finally breaking the silence. “I assume the rest of you are here to fulfil your extraplanar destinies, as am I.”
His temporary companions merely looked askance at him. “I’m not sure what you think you’re doing here,” said the archer, haught... |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.