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Shit! Yeah, Grandma. Me and the squad. |
Are you girls talking about boys? Practicing kissing your hands? |
Oh yeah, you caught us... |
Oh well, then I'll put some cookies at the top of the stairs for you gals. |
Thanks! That'd be great. |
You got that big retarded girl down there? |
Uh...Yeah, Grandma. She doesn't mean that. Kinda lost the old filter with her last stroke. |
Then I'll throw a few more treats on the plate. Where's my smokes? |
I'll get them before "Touched by an Angel," don't worry. |
You damn well better... |
... Jack Bartlett... Is Jack Bartlett interested in me? |
II'm sorry can someone else please run the Ouija board? It's creepy, it's wrong and it goes against the teachings of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. |
II didn't mean to say "whore," Diane. I just hear it so much at church it kinda came flying out of my head. |
I know, Hannah. Look, I'm not going to get an abortion. I mean, I always planned to get married and have kids I'm just going a little out of order. Kinda reminds me of another young lady who found herself "with child," unmarried, on a long road, with no place to sleep. 'Course, that was a longlong time ago. But no matter what, she held her head high and said... "Pappa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep. Pappa don't preach, 'cause I'm keepin' my baby. Hey. I'm gonna keep my baby." The great one... |
You want us to help you pick up? |
Don't MarthafuckingStewart me! If you don't like it you try being a pregnant teen! |
And Hannah, you could give your share to your church or maybe buy one of those hungry little kids Sally Struthers advertises. |
Or, I could get my own horse... |
Or that! Look, you guys, I just want to provide a future for my baby. I know my bank branch like the back of my puffy little hand. I could open that safe in my sleep! |
Look, maybe I can watch a PG movie... I'll just say I'm counting dirty words for Sunday School. |
That's okay, Hannah. It was silly to think we could learn to rob a bank from watching movies. Sex you can learn from movies. But robberies? There's no way. |
Hello? |
We're dead! They showed this prison movie to my youth group on Sunday. |
Hannah, we've... |
It wasn't like the prison we saw all these women had to shave their heads because they got lice from the filthy lives they'd lived! Oh Gd, I'm gonna be someone's bald bitch! |
Ooops, hold on a sec. |
...my Sunday School teacher says that in prison, women shove broom sticks up your... |
Hold on... |
Yeah? |
I guess there's an exception to every rule. |
Well, we'll each probably want one so let's make it five. Five should do it. |
Okay. How much ammo you reckon you'll need? |
Ammo? |
Bullets. |
Bullets? No bullets! Oh my gosh, these are just to scare people. Kinda like roundoff, back handspring, whip back, double full. You never really use it you just want the opposing squad to know you've got it. |
Right. That'll be fifteen hundred cash. |
Hey, hey, hey. C'mon you guys. Obviously that's a little more than our budget will allow. Basically, we're looking for something around twohundred dollars. |
Oh, why didn't you say. For twohundred I got a nice rubber band and a real sharp nail in back... I'll gift wrap it for you. The deal is fifteen hundred. Cash. Take it or leave it. |
My daughter's always dreamed of bein' a cheerleader. Put her on your squad and I'll give you the guns. |
You're kidding. |
Fern! C'mere! She's siphoning tanks takes a sec to cap off the cyanide hose. |
Yeah? |
Oh thank Buddha it's you, KimLo, I'm being held against my will, my civil rights have been violated and it took four days to make this one phone call... |
Hello? |
KimLo? |
No. This is Diane. I think you have the wrong number. |
Ooops, that's me gotta run! |
Wrong number Nooooooo! |
Anyway, last time I checked, you still had to have sex to have an orgasm. And I know she ain't seen the lord on all fours so I'm just saying. |
Well, I want to know what happened |
Nope. Sounds more like the first. |
I'll just ask the question myself... "Is Jack Bartlett interested in me?" |
Madonna. |
We're here for you, Diane. |
Hattrick? |
He is the Great One... |
"No" you're not sure or "No" I'm not fat? |
Uh, "no"... You're not fat. |
You sure I'm not fat? |
Listen, Kansas, I know you dream of springing your mom some day... |
Stop, you're gonna make me cry. |
And if the O.J. trial taught us anything, it taught us that in America, you can cut off someone's head and still be found innocent if you have enough money. Your mom only shot a guy... |
Shut up. |
Lucy, do you know for sure you're going to get that scholarship? |
Kansas! |
I'm sorry, Diane, but I'm not gonna watch my dreams fade away 'cause the Virgin Mary here thinks she's gonna get ideas from kiddie movies |
It's all my fault. I'm sorry I ever started this... |
Di, it's not your fault. We all wanted to do this for you... for ourselves. |
Oh, thank Gd! I'm not just super fat! |
Oh okay, we ain't done with this... Those babies are gonna get a good start in life with a real crib one that costs a shitload! We're gonna learn how to rob a bank from the only people who really know how to do it criminals! I'm gonna visit my mom! |
NO! Wait...um... We're the Asquad from Lincoln High? So, uh... |
We were told you could "fix us up." |
Hey. Eyes on your own belly! |
Heeheehwait a minute. Hold on, now. What do we do before a big game? |
Oh no... |
He Ikea'd us. |
It was Lucy! Lucy went to the cops! |
Remember, Kansas, every time you point a finger you've got three more pointing back at you. |
She's been the weak tit on this mama cat since the beginning. |
That you? |
Yeah, hold on. |
Just call me later. I gotta get some smokes for Grandma. |
Don't use big bills! |
For a pack of cigs? I use her food stamps. |
I'm sorry. |
What?! But all our paperwork's there. My school records, Jack's football records... |
Let me explain something... |
No. Wait! Did I say Promise! Crossmy heart and hopetodie, stickaneedlein myeye we'll never miss a payment?! |
Uh, yes. Yes you did. |
...do not accept charity. We are two young, ablebodied Americans. We do not want a handout. We want a handup. Give us food and we will be hungry tomorrow. Give us corn the kind you plant, not eat and we'll grow our own food and... and, uh, then cut it, and uh, y'know eat it! Now, if you're interested in giving us a home loan, I will sit back down. If not, have a nice day, Ma'am. |
Sorry. My hands are tied. |
Hi, Jack. |
Excuse me, Vendela, have you seen Diane? We're supposed to go to the homecoming dance tonight. |
... so when your dad said, "I never want to see your "f'in' faces again!" do you think he meant forever or just until your mom wakes up? |
I don't know... And what the hell was that sound she made right before she hit the coffee table. |
Well, if I had to guess... I'd say that was the sound of a mother saying goodbye to her little boy and hello to a young man who's going to be a daddy of his own... Jack, do you know what I see here? |
Spit from your dad? |
I see a flower. And y'know, even the most beautiful flowers still grow from dirt. |
Yeah. |
So, while we're knee deep in right now and things seem pretty "stinky" in the long run, we're going to grow strong from this. |
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