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### Human: Hey, boat twenty-eight, stop splashing! ### Assistant: Uh-oh. |
### Human: Hey, boat twenty-eight, stop splashing! ### Assistant: Leeches! |
### Human: It's okay, but it's missing a piece. ### Assistant: Welcome to real life, Lisa. You can't fight city hall, AKA Blockoland. So don't even try. |
### Human: What kind of a thing is that to tell your children? ### Assistant: It's what I always tell them. I told them that twice yesterday. And then again as they were going to sleep. |
### Human: I'm sure the gift shop will replace the missing piece. ### Assistant: You're right, honey. Hear that, kids? The Simpsons are going to Blockoland! |
### Human: Yaaayy! ### Assistant: 'Scuse me. |
### Human: Hey, tough luck, pal. You can't fight the Souvenir Industry. We're too powerful. ### Assistant: Yeah, you're right. |
### Human: Hey, tough luck, pal. You can't fight the Souvenir Industry. We're too powerful. ### Assistant: But before I go, I'm gonna give you a little souvenir of my own. |
### Human: Thank you, Dad. ### Assistant: Hey, any friend of Marge is a friend of mine. |
### Human: Great! ### Assistant: You know, standing up for the little guy felt good. I'm gonna do it more often. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Those bullies are gone now! |
### Human: You idiot. They were beating out my shirt fire! ### Assistant: My heart was in the right place, jerk! |
### Human: Thanks again, Dad. ### Assistant: Well, you're welcome, honey. Now, I'm gonna spend the whole day helping shmoes with their problems. Got a problem, Bart? |
### Human: Bart's got a problem! ### Assistant: Don't worry, son. I'll handle this. |
### Human: He's a smelly ugly dork. ### Assistant: Please, ugly is such a smelly word. Who would you rather go out with? |
### Human: Tommy. ### Assistant: Well duh! He's breathtaking, but Bart has inner beauty... like you'd find in a rodent. |
### Human: Tommy. ### Assistant: And face it, you're no prize either. You wear braces, you dress like a kid and you're not gettin' any younger. Take what you can get. |
### Human: They wouldn't honor my coupon for two free streaks. ### Assistant: They wouldn't? Well I'll go to bat for you, honey. |
### Human: Yes, may I help you? ### Assistant: Nice place you got here. Ooh look, a hair net. Be a shame if it was hurled to the ground! |
### Human: Yes, may I help you? ### Assistant: Oh, how clumsy of me? And... |
### Human: Yes, may I help you? ### Assistant: Oops! |
### Human: Why are you doing zese things? ### Assistant: Either you honor my wife's coupon, or a lot more lids will be unscrewed. |
### Human: I cannot streak that much hair. Think of the cost. I'd be ruined! ### Assistant: Oh, really... |
### Human: I cannot streak that much hair. Think of the cost. I'd be ruined! ### Assistant: Boy, you weren't kidding. Your profit margins are razor-thin. |
### Human: You see? Zees is what I'm... ### Assistant: Wait a minute. Four hundred a month for loafer lightener? |
### Human: But we must have it. It is ze lifeblood of ze industry. ### Assistant: You get the same results with a mincing gel. |
### Human: Oh, Homie, I love them. I can't thank you enough. ### Assistant: The satisfaction of helping another human being is all the thanks I et cetera. |
### Human: Oh, Homie, I love them. I can't thank you enough. ### Assistant: And I gave that man directions, even though I didn't know the way. 'Cause that's the kind of guy I am this week. |
### Human: I tried to return my season ticket, but they wouldn't give me my money back. They said they wanted it. ### Assistant: Say no more. I'll help you, Lenny. |
### Human: Nope. This is the equipment shed. ### Assistant: Oh. |
### Human: Nope. This is the equipment shed. ### Assistant: Well, is that it? |
### Human: That's where we keep the water heater. ### Assistant: Is... |
### Human: That's a tractor. ### Assistant: I see. |
### Human: Sir, we can't give your friend a refund just because the team is losing. ### Assistant: I'm sorry to hear that. |
### Human: Spin that back to where it was. ### Assistant: Yes, sir. |
### Human: This meeting is over. ### Assistant: Okay. So, uh, you wanna go get something to eat? |
### Human: No, no, not that door! ### Assistant: Albuquerque Isotopes? What is all this stuff? |
### Human: It's not anything. It has no purpose. ### Assistant: What a crazy room. There's no Albuquerque Isotopes. It's the Springfield... Ohhhh. |
### Human: No, no. There's no 'ohhhh.' ### Assistant: You're moving the team to Albuquerque, aren't you? |
### Human: No, no, we would never abandon our loyal Springfield fans. By the way, all this barging into rooms marked "PRIVATE" must have made you thirsty. Would you like a beer? ### Assistant: Well, okay. But you can't silence Homer Simpson. I'm the friend of the downtrodden. And I'm not gonna forget what I saw here today. |
### Human: Now, Homer, we've developed this additive that makes beer super, super malty. Care to try it? ### Assistant: Wait a minute. Will this erase my memory? |
### Human: Good grief. ### Assistant: Oh, my head. How long have I been out here? |
### Human: All night. You were yelling at the swing. ### Assistant: I was? But I love the swing. |
### Human: Dad, you were nuts. ### Assistant: You know me. Occasionally, I'll be quirky. "I'll be quirky..." Albuquerque! I'll be right back! |
### Human: He's right, folks. The only story here is the rich, smooth taste of Duff. ### Assistant: Yes, that is an important story. But so is this! |
### Human: Well, Homie, I believe you're telling the truth about the Isotopes. ### Assistant: I don't mind being called a liar when I'm lying, or about to lie, or just finished lying. But not when I'm telling the truth. |
### Human: There's all kinds of ways to get the public on your side. Bob Dylan wrote songs. Cesar Chavez staged hunger strikes. ### Assistant: That's it! I'll go on a hunger strike. |
### Human: Oh, Homie, you couldn't keep up a hunger strike. You eat while you brush your teeth. You're eating a huge sausage right now. ### Assistant: So? I can stop. And I will stop. I'm on a hunger strike, starting right... now! |
### Human: You're really not gonna eat anything? ### Assistant: My hunger strike will not end until Duff admits they're moving the team. Bart, my chains. |
### Human: You're really not gonna eat anything? ### Assistant: Now it begins. |
### Human: Dad, I'm so proud of you. If you need some inspiration, here's a book of Mike Farrell's core beliefs. ### Assistant: Man, he really hates Wayne Rogers. |
### Human: Goodbye, Homie. Here's Dr. Hibbert's number if you feel weak. ### Assistant: Don't worry. Duff's not gonna let me waste away to nothing. |
### Human: Uh, Dad? ### Assistant: |
### Human: Stop calling me that. ### Assistant: Hey kid and man! |
### Human: Stop calling me that. ### Assistant: Don't support a team run by liars! |
### Human: Liars? ### Assistant: They're secretly planning to move to Albuquerque. |
### Human: Yeah! ### Assistant: Why you little... |
### Human: ### Assistant: Oh, so hungry... Can't give up... Must continue fighting evil corporation. |
### Human: Oh, Seymour! ### Assistant: Nice try, God. |
### Human: Oh, Seymour! ### Assistant: But Homer Simpson doesn't give in to temptation that easily... Hey! |
### Human: Oh, Seymour! ### Assistant: Stop that! |
### Human: Yeah, but his weary shuffling makes my heart smile. ### Assistant: I'm soooo hungry. |
### Human: ### Assistant: What?! That's not why I'm here! |
### Human: ### Assistant: They're moving the team to Albuquerque! |
### Human: ### Assistant: All this hunger for nothin'. |
### Human: Yeah, duck man! Over here! ### Assistant: Do they have to chew so loud? |
### Human: The spirit of Cesar Chavez. ### Assistant: Why do you look like Cesar Romero? |
### Human: Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like. ### Assistant: Why are you here? |
### Human: To tell you not to give up. ### Assistant: But I wanna! |
### Human: Okay, Skinny, on your feet. ### Assistant: What's happening? Did I crush your corporation? |
### Human: Well, Homer. Your hunger strike lasted twelve amazing days. ### Assistant: Me so hungee. |
### Human: Of course you are, Hungry Hungry Homer. So why not break your fast with our brand new Isotope Dog Supreme? ### Assistant: So hard to resist. Mesquite-grilled onions... jalapeño relish... Wait a minute, those are Southwestern ingredients! |
### Human: ### Assistant: Mango-lime salsa?! That's the kind of bold flavor they enjoy in... Albuquerque! |
### Human: Now, now, now, now see here, people... Let's not be too hasty. ### Assistant: Tell the truth! C'mon, everybody! |
### Human: Get him out of here. ### Assistant: Don't listen to him, Duffman. For once in your life, stand up for the little guy! |
### Human: Oh, yeah! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat! ### Assistant: The truth never tasted so good! |
### Human: That ad campaign may have crossed a line. ### Assistant: What can you do? Sex sells. |
### Human: Homer, you're still here? You should've left for work an hour ago! ### Assistant: They said if I come in late again, I'm fired. I can't take that chance. |
### Human: Yep. It's great to have some time just to ourselves, huh? ### Assistant: You read my mind. Sooo... |
### Human: Yep. It's great to have some time just to ourselves, huh? ### Assistant: This coffee's good, huh? |
### Human: Yeah. The uh... the milk really takes the edge off. ### Assistant: You know, I think our marriage is... |
### Human: I got it! ### Assistant: I got it! |
### Human: No, I got it! ### Assistant: No, I do! |
### Human: Your baby is dead. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Your baby is dead. ### Assistant: Okay, now. Put... |
### Human: "Springfield Baby-Proofing"? ### Assistant: You...you really scared us. |
### Human: Sorry about that. But the truth is, your baby, Maggie Simpson, is dead! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Goo goo. Me wike to expwore. ### Assistant: That's a pretty big caboose for a baby. |
### Human: Similac Baby Formula. ### Assistant: Noooo! |
### Human: Similac Baby Formula. ### Assistant: This is such an eye-opener. I always pictured the kids dying in the living room. |
### Human: Okay, with the window bars, toilet latches, dingo alarm, and grapefruit-squirt shield, your total cost would be... Wow, I'm rich! ### Assistant: Three dollars? That doesn't seem so bad. |
### Human: Here's your estimate. ### Assistant: Mm hm. Hmmmm. |
### Human: Here's your estimate. ### Assistant: We don't need your high-priced safety junk! |
### Human: Here's your estimate. ### Assistant: Thank you. |
### Human: She's not afraid of bunnies. ### Assistant: She will be. |
### Human: No, no, no. Oh, Homie! ### Assistant: Now do you realize how unsafe the American home is? Baby accidents occur every three minutes. |
### Human: I'm the one who told you that. ### Assistant: Yeah, but this is me talking. Look, I already encased the telephone in concrete. |
### Human: How are you supposed to dial? ### Assistant: Reach into these holes. I use a carrot. |
### Human: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous? ### Assistant: Baby could order poison. |
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