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### Human: Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp! ### Assistant: "The Rolling Stones Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp!!" But I thought you guys were mad at me. For once in my life, I'm confused. |
### Human: We had a family meeting and decided that even though what you said about us was incredibly thoughtless and hurtful, you had a point. ### Assistant: Damn straight. |
### Human: And even though you knew I ratted you out to the IRS, you never busted me on it. ### Assistant: You what? |
### Human: So to say thank you for all your sacrifices, we spent our family vacation fund on something that's just for you. Do you like it? ### Assistant: You guys are the best. I love you, I love you, I love you... |
### Human: So to say thank you for all your sacrifices, we spent our family vacation fund on something that's just for you. Do you like it? ### Assistant: I'm okay. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you... |
### Human: I don't know, but it's starting to get dark. ### Assistant: What was that? |
### Human: How ya doin'? ### Assistant: Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! It's Mick Jagger and Keith Richards... |
### Human: Welcome to Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp, where you'll experience the complete rock 'n' roll lifestyle, without the lawsuits and STD's. ### Assistant: Woo! STD's! |
### Human: Now you're all here for one reason... ### Assistant: To rock! |
### Human: ### Assistant: Are you ready...to receive professional training in rock?! |
### Human: Have you been awake all night? ### Assistant: I am so excited I couldn't fall asleep! I even took some pills I found on the floor and still nothing! |
### Human: You took pills you found on the floor? ### Assistant: Uh-huh. Now I'm afraid that if I stop talking, I'll die. Isn't Mick cool? I thought he'd be all like, "I'm a rock star. Aren't I great?" But he's just like you or me or Jesus over there. |
### Human: Come on, who'd like to be a bass player? ### Assistant: Out of my way, Nerdlinger. |
### Human: My image! ### Assistant: Here you go. |
### Human: I'm telling Mr. Jagger. ### Assistant: Ooh, I'm telling Mr. Jagger. |
### Human: The clothes you wear on stage should be a defiant statement of individuality. ### Assistant: Like this, Mr. Kravitz? |
### Human: Fire! / Yes! / All right! Fire! / Hey! ### Assistant: Mr. Seltzer? |
### Human: Setzer. ### Assistant: No, I think it's Seltzer. |
### Human: What is it, Homer? ### Assistant: I came up with a stage move I feel is very cool. |
### Human: What is it, Homer? ### Assistant: Baby, baby, baby, baby! |
### Human: We've gotta start using a cheaper oatmeal. ### Assistant: Sorry Mick! |
### Human: Look everyone, Homer's got it. ### Assistant: I'M SO HOT FOR ME, I'M SO HOT FOR ME / I'M SO COLD... |
### Human: Lyrics are the hardest part of songwriting. But when you come up with something meaningful and heartfelt... ### Assistant: Bor-ing. |
### Human: Will you stop saying that? ### Assistant: But rock stars are supposed to be about drinking and getting drunk and boozing it up. |
### Human: You just want mindless generic rock? ### Assistant: Precisely. |
### Human: Paparazzi to the left! ### Assistant: I got 'em! |
### Human: Paparazzi to the left! ### Assistant: I'm entitled to a private life! I'm not a role model! And so forth. |
### Human: They're bloody cardboard! ### Assistant: We know! |
### Human: ### Assistant: Well, whaddaya think? |
### Human: Uh, you rock, Homer. ### Assistant: Really? You really think I'm better than you? |
### Human: That was great, Homie. ### Assistant: What the hell are you doing here? |
### Human: Camp is over, Homer. ### Assistant: It's been a week already? |
### Human: Come... on... Dad... ### Assistant: No! No, I won't go! You can't make me! |
### Human: Dad, you knew this day was coming. ### Assistant: I knew nothing! |
### Human: Stop kicking me, Dad! ### Assistant: Never! |
### Human: Stop kicking me, Dad! ### Assistant: My dream has been shattered into shards of a broken dream. I was so close to being a rock star, but now there's a chance it might not happen. I'll just have to settle for being a fat, bald, fat nothing. |
### Human: No, I'm fine. ### Assistant: I'm so despondent. |
### Human: Cheer up, Homer. It's only rock 'n' roll camp. ### Assistant: But I like it... |
### Human: Tell you what. We're doing a benefit gig before we leave town. How would you like to join us on stage? ### Assistant: For serious? |
### Human: For serious, Homer. ### Assistant: Can I have forty guest passes? |
### Human: For serious, Homer. ### Assistant: Woo hoo! |
### Human: Sir, you can't... ### Assistant: All-access. |
### Human: ### Assistant: All-Access. |
### Human: Wow Homer, I ain't had front row seats since my Moonie wedding. ### Assistant: And after the show, you can come backstage for pizza and pop. |
### Human: Lenny, don't you have a crotch to stuff? ### Assistant: Evening, fellow rockers. |
### Human: There you are. We thought we were going to have to go on without you. ### Assistant: I'm ready. Just give me a guitar. How many solos should I do? Four? |
### Human: There you are. We thought we were going to have to go on without you. ### Assistant: I'll do four. |
### Human: Uh, Homer, you didn't think you were gonna be playing with-- ### Assistant: My official tour jacket! |
### Human: Uh, Homer, you didn't think you were gonna be playing with-- ### Assistant: Look at-- Wait, they misspelled "Guitar Hero." |
### Human: Look, sorry if there's been a misunderstanding, Homer. We really just need you to tap the mics and say "test, test." ### Assistant: Can't you do it? |
### Human: Look, sorry if there's been a misunderstanding, Homer. We really just need you to tap the mics and say "test, test." ### Assistant: Oh. Okay. So I'll, uh... okay. |
### Human: I'm his groupie! Am I saying that right, "groupie?" ### Assistant: Test, test... |
### Human: Why is he performing the duties of a roadie? Am I saying that right, "roadie?" ### Assistant: Test, test. Check, check. |
### Human: Hey, he's not rocking out at all. ### Assistant: Test... "TEST TEST, YOU'RE TESTIN' MY LOVE FOR YOU, CHECK CHECK, YOU'RE CHECKIN' TO SEE IF I'M TRUE..." |
### Human: ### Assistant: "TEST ONE-TEST TWO-TEST THREE-TEST FOUR YOU TEST ME LIKE THE WATER IN EL SALVADOR..." |
### Human: Not on my shift. ### Assistant: BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY... Uh-oh. |
### Human: Not on my shift. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Did you know it was going to turn into a riot, Dad? ### Assistant: Oh, yeah... When you've been in as many as I have, you can sense them coming. |
### Human: Did they ever find Tom Petty's toe? ### Assistant: What am I, the lost and found? |
### Human: No, sorry. ### Assistant: There's no need for apologies, guys. You're rock stars! You're supposed to be reckless and destructive, and be celebrated for behavior that would land normal people in jail. |
### Human: We're doing a gig tomorrow to benefit the victims of tonight's gig, and we'd consider it an honor if you'd join us. ### Assistant: Well, you're very sweet, Mick, but the only rocking I want to do is in my living room chair, surrounded by the world's greatest back-up group, my family. |
### Human: Are you sure you don't miss hanging out with your rock star friends, Dad? ### Assistant: Nah, I've got something to remember 'em by. |
### Human: Are you sure you don't miss hanging out with your rock star friends, Dad? ### Assistant: Have fun at school, kids. |
### Human: Mr. Simpson, this zone is for school buses only. ### Assistant: Rock and Roll! Woo hoo! |
### Human: A year ago you said they were the greatest thing that ever happened to us. ### Assistant: I've grown, you haven't. |
### Human: ### Assistant: I can't take any more of these shows. If I wanted reality, I'd finally have this lump looked at. |
### Human: Networks love reality shows because they don't have to pay writers or actors. ### Assistant: Stupid writers and actors, priced yourselves right out of the business. Nice going, geniuses. |
### Human: Get back, honky cat! Those systems are too expensive. ### Assistant: Marge, we can't pinch pennies on the machine that's going to be raising our children. |
### Human: Get back, honky cat! Those systems are too expensive. ### Assistant: Come on, kids. Daddy knows a way to get the money... with no risk. |
### Human: And the winner by a nose is "No Risk"! ### Assistant: Woo hoo! |
### Human: Okay, now all we have to do is install your satellite dish. Can you be home from eight AM Monday morning, through June? ### Assistant: No problem. |
### Human: Boy, that's Jim Dandy roof candy! I'd love to come over some time and watch that Church Channel. ### Assistant: I bet you would. |
### Human: Oh, you'd win that bet. Seems like I'm spending all my money on religious pay-per-view. Or as I like to call it, "pray-per-view." ### Assistant: Damn your sparkling wordplay! |
### Human: Cool! It's the NBC news feed! ### Assistant: Mmm... feed... |
### Human: It's Wednesday night! ### Assistant: Kids, kids, you're both right. |
### Human: Why don't you turn off the TV and join us for dessert? I made a pie. ### Assistant: Put pie here. |
### Human: Sucker. ### Assistant: Homicidal robots... so like us. |
### Human: "To Fraternal Love". ### Assistant: The status quo. |
### Human: Got it. ### Assistant: Hey, you can't fool us. We're from the "Learn to Fart" state. |
### Human: I'm so sorry. Lisa's a very special little girl, and we'll spare no expense in finding her. ### Assistant: Well, what about Bart? |
### Human: The plastic casing from the tip of Bart's shoelace! A mother knows! ### Assistant: Well, he's not gonna get very far without that. |
### Human: The plastic casing from the tip of Bart's shoelace! A mother knows! ### Assistant: Bart, is that you? |
### Human: Oh my special little guys. You're okay, you're okay! ### Assistant: And Maggie, you no longer have to live with the burden of replacing Bart and Lisa. |
### Human: The headlines proclaim "Dewey Defeats Truman." ### Assistant: Woo hoo! I win the bet! Who's your Daddy? |
### Human: ...but the headlines are dead wrong. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Harry Truman triumphs by two million votes. ### Assistant: Not if I can stop that inauguration! |
### Human: I win, Dad. That means I get to choose today's father-daughter activity! ### Assistant: Let's hear it. |
### Human: We're building homes for the homeless. ### Assistant: You know it's gonna be bad, but you just can't prepare yourself. |
### Human: Dad, what is that? ### Assistant: Well, if Bart can be "El Barto"... |
### Human: Oh. If only I had your courage, Señor. ### Assistant: Oh, thanks... |
### Human: Dad, you're getting paint on your wedding ring. ### Assistant: Huh? Oh, right. Can you hold it? |
### Human: This is a Band-Aid wrapped in tin foil. ### Assistant: My real ring's inside a turtle. |
### Human: Well, he's not much to look at...but he is a good father...Hel-lo, ring tan line! He's new on the market! ### Assistant: Can I help you? |
### Human: Sign here... sign here... kiss me here... initial there. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Well, I've read enough articles about flirting to know it when I see it. ### Assistant: ... And that's how my beautiful wife brought our son Bart into the world. |
### Human: Ah, Homie, are you as attracted to me as you were when we met? ### Assistant: Sure, why not? |
### Human: Sometimes I worry you might think about other women. ### Assistant: Hey, why would I want Purina when I've got Fancy Feast right here? |
### Human: That doesn't sound very convincing. ### Assistant: Aw, it sounds like all you're looking for is a little reassurance. Well... |
### Human: Not feeling well. Going to bed. Dinner and breakfast are on the table. ### Assistant: Did you label the meals so I can tell which is which? |
### Human: ### Assistant: What's this? It's enormous! Oh my God, there's another one! |
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