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### Human: Oh man. Now you gotta eat that, too. ### Assistant: |
### Human: You got anything else with our logo on it? ### Assistant: Caps and frisbees, sir. |
### Human: You gotta eat them, too. ### Assistant: And some pogs. |
### Human: Yeah, it's part of being a lowlife. ### Assistant: Hello, police? Can you send a SWAT team to 742 Evergreen Ter... |
### Human: Forget it, Simpson. Those pig noises you made really hurt my feelings -- looking like a pig as I do. ### Assistant: But you have so much inner beauty. |
### Human: Hey! Hey! That's a leave-in conditioner! ### Assistant: You're done. Next! |
### Human: No, we're not. ### Assistant: Okay, bikers, that's it. Benjamin Franklin once said that house guests are like fish at... huh? They're gone! Woo hoo! |
### Human: No, we're not. ### Assistant: ... And those bikers saw that hard look in my eye -- you know that hard look I get sometimes? -- and they ran away like schoolgirls with their tails between their legs. |
### Human: And why aren't I at school? ### Assistant: Yeah, someone really dropped the ball here. Marge? Marge?! |
### Human: Dad, there's a note on the back of your head. ### Assistant: Really? Read it. |
### Human: Hm. "Thanks for letting us crash in your pad. We had a very nice time." ### Assistant: Oh, that's sweet. |
### Human: "P.S. We've taken your old lady." ### Assistant: |
### Human: "Korean Love Brides"?! ### Assistant: I just don't want to be alone. |
### Human: Yeah, I did see some bikers ride by here with a blue-haired woman, 'bout ten minutes ago. Said they were gonna spend the night at Crystal Lake Campground, Section K, Space 217. I'm sorry I can't be of more help. ### Assistant: I guess I'll never find her. |
### Human: Excellent, Ramrod. Civilized people solve their disputes with words. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Homer, Homer, stop it! We've given up our violent ways. We just want to live peacefully, with your wife. ### Assistant: No! My wife is not a doobie, to be passed around. I took a sacred vow on my wedding day, to bogart her forever. |
### Human: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! ### Assistant: Uh-oh. |
### Human: We both knew it would come to this. ### Assistant: You and me, chopper to chopper. |
### Human: You know what I'm gonna do after I kill you? ### Assistant: |
### Human: Take your wallet. ### Assistant: Never! It was a gift from Newsweek! |
### Human: Homer! ### Assistant: Give me back my wife! |
### Human: Hey, can we at least keep her till the orgy in San Berdoo? ### Assistant: Whaddaya say, honey? |
### Human: No! ### Assistant: No dice! |
### Human: Why are we stopping here? ### Assistant: Taking care of some unfinished business. |
### Human: Hey! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Hey! ### Assistant: Go! Go! Go! |
### Human: Sis-ters are doin' it for themselves! ### Assistant: Hey, why is this door locked? |
### Human: ### Assistant: What's going on? And I want the non-gay explanation. |
### Human: Uh, we're drunk. Really drunk! ### Assistant: Oh, thank God. |
### Human: What will become of our kids? ### Assistant: Where are the refreshments? |
### Human: I've got a motorhome I never use. Maybe we should raffle it off. ### Assistant: Maybe you should shut up. |
### Human: What about Mr. Burns? Maybe he'll help us out. ### Assistant: Forget it. He releases the hounds on every charity that comes to his door: Feed the Children, Save the Whales, even Release the Hounds. |
### Human: Check it out. I'm breaking books at a sixth-grade level. ### Assistant: Get 'em, boy. Hit those smart-ass books. |
### Human: This broom closet is not what it seems. It's a secret surveillance room, guarded by a tiny, evil robot. ### Assistant: Uhh. Is this gonna be like one of those horror movies where we open the door and everything's normal, and we think you're crazy, but then there really is a killer robot and the next morning you find me impaled on a weather vane? Is that what this is, Lisa? |
### Human: Thus saving Christmas. ### Assistant: Now, let's see. This will make three Christmases I saved versus eight I ruined... two were kind of a draw... |
### Human: ### Assistant: Sorry. |
### Human: Yes. The madness ends here. ### Assistant: Hah! If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that... |
### Human: Well, what do we have here? Looks like the biggest rip-off since "Webster." ### Assistant: Please, Mr. Coleman. We can explain. |
### Human: No, Bart, he's right. I did oversimplify. ### Assistant: Perhaps, but let's not get bogged down in semantics. |
### Human: No, Bart, he's right. I did oversimplify. ### Assistant: I think what Lisa meant to say is... |
### Human: Well, there's something you don't see every Christmas. ### Assistant: Hey, it is Christmas. We'd better get home. |
### Human: Hey, Dad... What if we... ### Assistant: Um, uh... Mr. Coleman, I've been thinking... My wife always makes too much stuffing and sweet p'taters and all, and... Aw, heck! Would you like to spend Christmas with us? |
### Human: Cloning is a troubling issue. ### Assistant: I like the ones where the mouse kills the cat. |
### Human: Well, anyone would be nervous with all the economic turmoil you read about in the... ### Assistant: Get her! She's doing something! |
### Human: Well, anyone would be nervous with all the economic turmoil you read about in the... ### Assistant: |
### Human: She cleaned out the attic! ### Assistant: Our junk! |
### Human: She cleaned out the attic! ### Assistant: And the exits are sealed! Go to plan B! |
### Human: / Push! / ### Assistant: Come on! |
### Human: I'll never get rid of this useless junk. ### Assistant: Useless? This flash cube has two flashes left! |
### Human: Look at these. You bought them after the Nagano Olympics, and never skied once. If you would just stop being so impulsive, maybe... ### Assistant: Hey, let's go skiing right now! |
### Human: Yeah! Let's go skiing! / Yeah, Dad. Let's go! ### Assistant: Woo hoo! |
### Human: Look Dad, it's the drummer from Bread! ### Assistant: Where?! |
### Human: Look Dad, it's the drummer from Bread! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Look Dad, it's the drummer from Bread! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Look Dad, it's the drummer from Bread! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Look Dad, it's the drummer from Bread! ### Assistant: |
### Human: I'm sorry! ### Assistant: Hmmm... "The Widowmaker," Oh, that one's for the ladies. "Spinebuster," boring. Ooh, "Colostomizer." |
### Human: I'm sorry! ### Assistant: Don't hurt me! Here's my wallet. |
### Human: Hi-didly-ho, Schuss in Boots. ### Assistant: Flanders! |
### Human: Hi-didly-ho, Schuss in Boots. ### Assistant: That suit's a little revealing, isn't it? |
### Human: Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all! ### Assistant: Quit it! Must wash eyes! J-- |
### Human: Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all! ### Assistant: Uh-oh. |
### Human: Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all! ### Assistant: Okay, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said... |
### Human: Feels like I'm wearin' nothin' at all. Nothin' at all, nothin' at all... ### Assistant: Stupid sexy Flanders! |
### Human: Feels like I'm wearin' nothin' at all. Nothin' at all, nothin' at all... ### Assistant: Ow, my legs! This is the worst pain ever... |
### Human: Feels like I'm wearin' nothin' at all. Nothin' at all, nothin' at all... ### Assistant: |
### Human: Feels like I'm wearin' nothin' at all. Nothin' at all, nothin' at all... ### Assistant: Single. |
### Human: Have you been in here all day? ### Assistant: You missed all the fun. |
### Human: That oughta hold it. ### Assistant: I want my wife to get the best treatment money can buy. |
### Human: That oughta hold it. ### Assistant: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Don't go nuts. |
### Human: That oughta hold it. ### Assistant: Uh... better than that. |
### Human: That oughta hold it. ### Assistant: Perfect. |
### Human: I can't be in the hospital! Tomorrow is laundry day. And I've gotta de-meat Lisa's baloney. ### Assistant: We'll be fine, honey. The main thing is for you to get better. |
### Human: No they won't. We'll all pitch in on the housework, right guys? Guys...? ### Assistant: Take that! Woo! Woo! H-Hey! Hey! |
### Human: Oh, really? Well, knock yourself out. Just don't expect any miracles from those two. ### Assistant: Gotcha! Gotcha! / I'll show you! |
### Human: Good Lord! You're wasting thousands of dollars worth of Interferon. ### Assistant: And you're "interferon" with our good time! |
### Human: Good Lord! You're wasting thousands of dollars worth of Interferon. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Dad, where are your clothes? ### Assistant: I don't know. |
### Human: Don't tell me Mom dresses you. ### Assistant: I guess, or one of her friends. |
### Human: Okay, now we're gonna draw jobs from the chore hat. ### Assistant: Come on, "bikini inspector!" "Scrub toilet?" Okay, that was a practice. Practice... Practice... Okay, here we go. "Feed fish." |
### Human: You know, the reason for the hat... ### Assistant: Oh, it's a great hat. No one's questioning the hat. |
### Human: Will you at least do the dishes? ### Assistant: Lisa, I'll do the dishes when I pick it out of the chore hat, and it's not a practice. See, there it is. But that was a practice. The system works! |
### Human: Will you at least do the dishes? ### Assistant: C'mon, eat, you lazy fish. |
### Human: Here are your lunches. And no trading your fruit for firecrackers. ### Assistant: Oh, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets. |
### Human: ### Assistant: That's not true, he left it on the bus. |
### Human: You're dead, squealer. ### Assistant: Lisa, help! |
### Human: Oop, the cheese isn't quite melted. Let me just pop it back in the... ### Assistant: |
### Human: No it's not! ### Assistant: I got the groceries! |
### Human: Good. Maple soda?... A cell phone full of candy?... Astronaut bread? ### Assistant: It's the bread of astronauts. |
### Human: Dad, I gave you a list! ### Assistant: Oh yeah. You were way off. |
### Human: Dad, I gave you a list! ### Assistant: Hello, Lollipop Island? There's a little girl here who had too many sourballs. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Anyway, where were we? Hello? Hello? They hung up. |
### Human: Oh, couldn't be better. ### Assistant: Marco! |
### Human: Polo! ### Assistant: Marco! |
### Human: Polo! ### Assistant: Marc-- |
### Human: You hit her pretty hard there, Rick. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Will you guys turn that thing down? ### Assistant: Sweetie, if we didn't turn it down for the cops, what chance do you have? He hit her again. |
### Human: Will this do? ### Assistant: Jesus? |
### Human: Wait until they fall asleep, then you sneak into their rooms, and make sure they're fast asleep because of... ### Assistant: |
### Human: ### Assistant: Lisa, help! |
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