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### Human: ### Assistant: What's wrong with us?! |
### Human: Ohh, I don't like the looks of this. ### Assistant: You don't? 'Cause that's what I said! Tell her, Bart. |
### Human: Let's see... Crusty sores... ### Assistant: Yes... |
### Human: ... Horrible wailing... ### Assistant: Yes! Yesssss! |
### Human: Aahhh! Unclean! Unclean! ### Assistant: Help us, Virtual Doc! Look at me! I'm on my knees! |
### Human: Excellent. ### Assistant: Leprosy? I can't believe it! That fortune cookie was right. |
### Human: Now guys, leprosy thrives in filthy conditions, so your only chance is to clean up the house. I'll get you a couple of mops. ### Assistant: Mops? The cure sounds worse than the disease. |
### Human: Yeah, that sounds right. ### Assistant: Well, I think we're on the outs with Him, but I know someone who's even holier than Jesus. |
### Human: Hi-didly-ho, I... ### Assistant: |
### Human: Brains... Brains... ### Assistant: Use your brains to help us. Your delicious brains. |
### Human: Oh, those poor souls. What's the Christian thing to do? ### Assistant: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! You wonderful man! |
### Human: All right, food! ### Assistant: Bart! Leave some for Rod and Todd! |
### Human: All right, food! ### Assistant: Here you go, lad. |
### Human: Uh, listen, Homer, we'd love to help you, but we're not really set up for lepers. ### Assistant: So you're shunning us. |
### Human: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just thinking we could send you to a better place... you know, a place where they can really take care of you. ### Assistant: Oh, thank you good sir. |
### Human: Whoa! This is a hospital? ### Assistant: That it is. We'll take the cure, bag a few lobsters, then watch some gay guys get married. |
### Human: Ah, you must be the Simpsons. ### Assistant: Howdy. And thanks for not recoiling in horror. |
### Human: Oh, you'll have a great view of the whole beach... from the electric needle room. ### Assistant: Really? The whole beach? |
### Human: Yes, from the electric needle room. ### Assistant: Electric needle room?! |
### Human: Yeah, we know. ### Assistant: I figured it out after I ate one of my chest sores. |
### Human: No way. We scored a free Hawaiian vacation. ### Assistant: This place is a blast. All we have to do is endure two hours of blinding pain, then it's nothin' but shopping and surfing. |
### Human: Well, it all sounds lovely, but... ### Assistant: Come on, loosen up. This is paradise. |
### Human: Number one, report to the Dermabrasion Hut. ### Assistant: That's me! |
### Human: Number one, report to the Dermabrasion Hut. ### Assistant: Aloha / Aloha Until we meet a- |
### Human: Dad, you only took one course. ### Assistant: Remember my love affair with Ali McGraw? She used to call me "Preppy." Then she died. |
### Human: There's a homecoming parade, a cocktail party... ### Assistant: Then the big game between Springfield U. and Springfield A & M. I hate Springfield U. so much. |
### Human: You went to Springfield U. You hate A & M. ### Assistant: So much. |
### Human: Or a ski hat if you've got a picture of a girl. ### Assistant: My old roommates, the nerds. Ya workin'? |
### Human: Does anybody need that much porno? ### Assistant: One million times... |
### Human: Yes. Thank you, Anton. Now folks, a seven and five football season doesn't come cheap, and this is a fund raiser. ### Assistant: |
### Human: All right now, let's empty our pockets. ### Assistant: Make me. |
### Human: Professor Rocco, Chancellor Knuckles? ### Assistant: Okay. All right. Okay. |
### Human: We look like slobs. ### Assistant: I'm beginning to think this alumni party was just a ruse to get our money. |
### Human: My computer has 512 shades of red. ### Assistant: Have you nerds forgotten everything I taught you? This calls for a prank. I see a bucket... |
### Human: Good evening, gentlemen. ### Assistant: Oh, that's it. You're through, dean! |
### Human: Good evening, gentlemen. ### Assistant: Now who's the dean? |
### Human: I tried greasing the bucket with bacon fat but your father kept eating it. ### Assistant: Oh, couldn't you try a non-delicious fat? Oh, there's no such thing. |
### Human: Sorry, but these guys crack me up. ### Assistant: What guys? I wanna see the freaks. |
### Human: Okay. Hang on, Homer. Two eye holes coming up! ### Assistant: Easy... easy... |
### Human: Okay. Hang on, Homer. Two eye holes coming up! ### Assistant: Too far. |
### Human: Homer, maybe I should drive. ### Assistant: What? I can see fine. |
### Human: Homer, maybe I should drive. ### Assistant: That had nothing to do with the bucket. |
### Human: Wow! Is there anything he can't do? ### Assistant: Cure me! Cure me! |
### Human: Brother, I sense you are feeling trapped and desperate. ### Assistant: Yeah. And I got a bucket on my head! |
### Human: I have the power! ### Assistant: I see the light! It burns! |
### Human: Hallelujah! ### Assistant: Uh, Miracle Boy? |
### Human: Hallelujah! ### Assistant: I believe I had hair. Oh, here they are. |
### Human: What have you got so far? ### Assistant: Look at Moe dance! ALOHA MOE... |
### Human: That's nice, but maybe your Homecoming float should have something to do with college. ### Assistant: Yeah, you're right. |
### Human: I think Godzilla's bigger than Superman. ### Assistant: It's not to scale. |
### Human: No, really. It can be a crazy party, with clouds and lasers and miracles. ### Assistant: And chili fries! |
### Human: Ah, yeah, I, I couldn't help but notice you, you picked pretty much all of my flowers. ### Assistant: Can't make a float without flowers. |
### Human: Oh-ho, true enough. But, uh, did you have to salt the earth so nothing would ever grow again? ### Assistant: Yeah. |
### Human: My thesaurus... You'll lose more than that. In preparation for the big game, Springfield Stadium has caught additional-seating-capacity fever. ### Assistant: Woo hoo! Go S.U.! |
### Human: A & M is gonna kick your ivy-covered butts! ### Assistant: Yeah, well you went to a cow college! |
### Human: Whoa Nelly, we have ourselves a barnburner here today! Welcome to the 117th dust-up between the Snortin' Swine of Springfield A & M and the Springfield University Nittany Tide. Ohhh, doctor! Break out the hickory switch! ### Assistant: Okay, who needs another lamb rack? |
### Human: Whoa Nelly, we have ourselves a barnburner here today! Welcome to the 117th dust-up between the Snortin' Swine of Springfield A & M and the Springfield University Nittany Tide. Ohhh, doctor! Break out the hickory switch! ### Assistant: Lisa? Ham hock? Tri tip? |
### Human: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered? ### Assistant: Well, I think the veal might have died of loneliness... |
### Human: Wow! He should have his foot insured by Lloyds of London! ### Assistant: Oh, you just know what everyone should do, don't you, Marge? |
### Human: Now, ladies and gentlemen, pour a little cider on those peepers, 'cause here comes the half-time parade! ### Assistant: I forgot my float! |
### Human: Now, ladies and gentlemen, pour a little cider on those peepers, 'cause here comes the half-time parade! ### Assistant: Quick, pass me down! |
### Human: Now, ladies and gentlemen, pour a little cider on those peepers, 'cause here comes the half-time parade! ### Assistant: |
### Human: And as those lumbering ships of the gridiron sail off into our memories, the players return to the field. ### Assistant: Wait! Hang on! |
### Human: Then, what's this? ### Assistant: Wait! Wait! I got a float too! Listen up, 'cause I gotta explain a lot of it! |
### Human: Then, what's this? ### Assistant: Boo? |
### Human: Hey, look out! / Look out! ### Assistant: Out of the way, Baryshnikov! |
### Human: Just a simple yes or no. ### Assistant: Oh, I only wanted to show my school spirit. |
### Human: I wagered a large sum on the performance of that scholar-athlete. ### Assistant: No, wait! I got a kid who's a miracle worker! He'll heal him up real good. |
### Human: Well he'd better, or else! ### Assistant: Or else what? |
### Human: Well he'd better, or else! ### Assistant: Oh, right. The ice pick. |
### Human: Well he'd better, or else! ### Assistant: Bart, I need a miracle! |
### Human: Sorry, Dad. I can't just magically cure a broken leg. ### Assistant: Please, Bart. You've gotta use your powers! I'm beggin' ya! |
### Human: I know, is phony major. Lubchenko learn nothing. Nothing! ### Assistant: Bart, do your thing! |
### Human: Yes! ### Assistant: Poor guy. He lost his leg. |
### Human: Springfield Community! ### Assistant: This is my year, Marge. Everyone knows I'm what makes this city great. |
### Human: A man who brings laughter and joy to the children of Springfield... ### Assistant: |
### Human: Hey hey! ### Assistant: Wha...?! |
### Human: Hey hey! ### Assistant: Who are you? |
### Human: Seat filler. ### Assistant: Everyone gets an award but me. |
### Human: I can't help it if I donated the most blood. Oh, I'm feeling kinda woozy. ### Assistant: Oh, why won't anyone give me an award? |
### Human: You won a Grammy. ### Assistant: I mean an award that's worth winning. |
### Human: Homer, sit down. ### Assistant: What's that, sonny? |
### Human: "Thank you all so much. I love Springfield, from the cuddliest infant to th... ... puppies... patriotism... bluebirds..." I'm not reading this drivel. This speech is over. ### Assistant: Well, that was a great night for us all. |
### Human: That's not an award, that's part of the set. ### Assistant: Nothing you can say will diminish this honor. |
### Human: Don't worry about a thing. We'll take good care of your house! ### Assistant: Look at me, I'm a billionaire! |
### Human: Good Lord! This bedroom is as big as our house! ### Assistant: And the bed never needs to be made. Check it out. |
### Human: Seems a little wasteful. ### Assistant: Wasteful AND practical. |
### Human: Seems a little wasteful. ### Assistant: A mechanical dressing dealy! Watch this, Marge. |
### Human: Seems a little wasteful. ### Assistant: Now I'm ready to hit the town. |
### Human: I'm Princess Margaret! ### Assistant: I'm drunk! |
### Human: Mom! Bart's making faces at me. I think. ### Assistant: Look how loud I have to yell! |
### Human: Hmm, I know what the other eleven forks are for, but what do you do with this one? ### Assistant: Why, Marge, I believe you're supposed to scratch your ass with it. |
### Human: Stop that! Cigars are for rich people and legendary comedians, like Bill Crosby and David Letterson. ### Assistant: Oops, forgot to swirl it. |
### Human: Homer, did you jimmy open Mr. Burns' liquor cabinet? ### Assistant: Jimmy is such an ugly word, Marge. Unless you're talking about Jimmy Smits. |
### Human: Stop swirling, Homer! ### Assistant: Listen, I worked long and hard for this place. And no one's going to take it away from me. Not you, not its rightful owner, not anybody. |
### Human: Stop swirling, Homer! ### Assistant: And another thing: If I ev... |
### Human: Stop swirling, Homer! ### Assistant: Operator, get me Thailand. T...i... and so on. |
### Human: Homer, who are you calling? ### Assistant: Everybody. I found Burnsie's address book. I called the New York Yankees and told them to bunt, and then I called the Queen of England and asked her how it was going, and then I... |
### Human: Well, don't run up Mr. Burns' phone bill. ### Assistant: Just a second, Marge. Hello! Thailand? How's everything on your end? Uh-huh. That's some language you got there. And you talk like that twenty-four seven, huh? |
### Human: Well, don't run up Mr. Burns' phone bill. ### Assistant: Hey! |
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