id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
K1G6qsrVW6qycRjpi6YciGimbB9uhyii | ajlvxt | {
"description": "getting mad at my husband for wanting to buy my friend's smut",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting mad at my husband for wanting to buy my friend's smut? | Okay, so a little bit of backstory.
I've been a model for 4 years (this year will make my 5th) and I've always wanted to do artistic nudes. My husband however is against it and out of respect, I haven't done them even though I know nude models get paid more. It wasn't a big deal at first until I was offered a gig with my favorite photographer (guy has been published MULTIPLE times and his work is timeless). Husband's ex was also a nude model and he supported her well into our relationship (long story, have to get into that later). So I have to tell this big photographer that I can't work with him because of my husband, which is a big douche move in the art community. My work has suffered since.
Fastfoward to this year: I've decided that I'm going to do what I want with my modeling. It's something that I may want to do as a career and I don't necessarily have a say-so in my husband's day to day work, so why should he with me?
He gets upset, we argue, I cry, whatever. He never shows support for my work, never has, and now a model friend of mine that he bought a shirt from once is selling her smut to make ends meet and he literally says that he would buy it. I get pissed right the fuck off and mention that I view this woman almost as a mother (she's an older, amazing model). He says he doesn't, mentions that he finds her hot, and continues to joke about it. Tries to make me feel like the asshole for getting mad at a simple joke. AITA for flying off the handle at him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
zwgmEBWAyU7YvfhN2F2MiP4LRO2hJcAi | aymomm | {
"description": "moving out because my boyfriends dog is going to live with him",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for moving out because my boyfriends dog is going to live with him? | Hear me out Ik it’s just a dog but truth is I don’t like his dog and he’s very different around his dog. When I say different I mean he doesn’t cuddle with me. Makes conversation with the dog more of a priority than talking with me. I don’t hate dogs I love them just I’m not a fan of his and I don’t think I should feel forced to live with a dog that I prefer not to live with. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
xHugmnZCsboG0GWe9xj28MVEDJ9cOmvH | b2o9jy | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my cousin's wedding across the country",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my cousin’s wedding across the country? | My cousin is getting married in early june, and it is in the state of washington, while i live in PA. my main reason for not wanting to go is because i want to focus on getting a job back home and take college classes during the summer, yet my family is kinda pressuring me into going. i am a really passive person and i feel bad that i will miss it, but my cousin did not come out for either of my brothers’ weddings, and she was in the same situation i am in. my family out in washington understand the reasons that i don’t want to go out, but my parents just seem disappointed. so, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iMEDVMXnJDzs7r7iRQcNhbvGUUiuHjnK | aq5uok | {
"description": "not wanting to sell my dad's precious car to help my sister",
"pronormative_score": 98,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to sell my dad's precious car to help my sister ? | Hello reddit, this is my first and last post in the website, I saw it on yputube a though this would be a good place, but first a back story. Last year my father died at the age of 63, I'm still not that good, and he 'left' us a couple of things, but the problem here is the car that he left to me, an old BMW 328i. And it was a special car for him and me, I remember 'helping' him with maintenance when I was a kid, he even thaught me how to drive on that car. I know it's not an unicorn car, you can find them cheap on ebay and craiglist, but it's special to me, it is one of the only things he left here, and the problem starts there. My sister is going to study abroad, and we were raising money, when father died we stopped for a while and restarted and now my family is trying to convince me to sell it, because it is in registered in my name, to help my sister. So, people, Am I being an asshole? Am I being an egoistical prick only because I want to maintain his memory here ? Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and I want her to be a sucessful person, but I don't think it's right doing that. I don't know, am I wrong ?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 93,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 98,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jYUFt4BquuVDdQLvloAwXgBjRw2MHaFW | aj4ojm | {
"description": "getting my coworker's $2,000 vacation taken away",
"pronormative_score": 404,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for getting my coworker’s $2,000 vacation taken away? | Some background, my little sister is in the Army. I haven’t seen her since August for a funeral. She hasn’t really been able to take leave because she was flagged for her weight. Finally, she tells me in early December that she got approved to go on leave at the end of January, so I immediately went and put in for my vacation time at work. I haven’t stopped talking about it and made everyone aware that I was taking this time to see my sister.
My job has a super strict first come, first served policy about taking vacations. My department only has 8 people and it’s considered a trade so you can’t just pull anyone off the street to cover for one of us, so only one person is allowed to take vacation at a time.
This past week, one of my coworkers asks off for the *exact same* week as me, saying he already spent $2,000 to go out of the country and our bosses “better approve the time off because of how expensive it was.” Our boss sees the request and pulls him aside telling him that he can’t have it because I asked for it. Coworker cries to the big boss and big boss gives it to him, telling my boss to tell me to take my vacation “some other time.” I went to the big boss explaining the situation, he didn’t do anything, so I went over his head. The DM was appalled and basically took away my coworker’s vacation, wrote my store manager for breaking policy and told my coworker if he calls in more than once that week to go on said vacation, he’ll get fired.
I didn’t mean to get everyone in trouble, but I asked for it over a month ago and I want to see my sister. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 400,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 404,
"WRONG": 21
} | RIGHT |
wSzijDPFiV1ykHYiZLmZwqBJdL2Bkhpi | ajq4rt | {
"description": "slut shaming a girl who virgin shamed me",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 103
} | AITA for slut shaming a girl who virgin shamed me? | Hear me out...
I [17M] am in high school and I have a few friends. Generally I DON'T have issues with people. I am quite nerdy and a bit reserved and keep to a few close friends. Anyway there is a girl in my class [17F] who is a total bitch, she is a bit nasty to people and stuck up.
However she never really spoke directly to me before (though I'm willing to bet she has said things about me, as she does with many people). Anyway one day in class last week she decides to talk me and out of nowhere she says ''You are quite a weirdo aren't you, if you keep playing video games all day you will stay a loser virgin''.
My initial response in my head was WTF? Who even says shit like that? But after that initial response I just went full savage and said ''Yeah but at least I'm not a filthy whore like you. Imagine what your dead dad must think of you being the school slut? Go suck a dick''.
Yeah, it was completely savage...and I have an anger problem sometimes. Generally I AM a quite person, however there have been instances in the past when people keep prodding me I just explode. This was no exception...it is known in the school that her dad died last year, and that she is also known for being quite promiscuous.
After I said that, everyone went quiet...she burst into tears and the teacher comes in and freaks out, he asks what happened and I get sent to head office. I was given detention and ordered to apologize. I said ''I'm sorry for expressing my opinion'' and I was given detention AGAIN for not giving a real apology.
Afterwards, quite a lot of people came up to me and gave me high fives...they were all happy that I ''tore her down a peg'' and some even invited me to parties (I'm not even interested in going to them, but feels weird...). However some of her friends (mostly all guys) came up to me and said I am a horrible misogynist douche for saying what I said and that I owe her a real apology, I just told them to fuck off as well.
This has caused some tension with some of her female friends too, who said I am being evil.
Was I wrong here? I thought what I did was justified given the circumstances for what I did but it has caused some issues with people.
**TLDR - Called a girl bully a slut and that her dad would be ashamed of her after SHE sexually shamed me for being a virgin loser who plays video games...given detention because I didn't apologize, tensions with school mates.** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 72,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 103
} | WRONG |
alPGPoBrbmhzRiilk4rpsBfxAjWG6HMf | awkq7n | {
"description": "not wanting my dad to get a tattoo of the date we lost our baby",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my Dad to get a tattoo of the date we lost our baby? | My wife and I were scheduled to have a baby late last year. It would have been our first child and we were on top of the world. The pregnancy, however, was a traumatic experience. It was a high risk pregnancy and my wife dealt with health issues throughout. As the pregnancy went on, my wife's health continued to deteriorate badly. Things did not improve over time, and the doctor had concerns about my wife's health and the condition of the baby. We made the devastating decision to terminate the pregnancy, and it absolutely crushed us.
This whole situation just destroyed us completely. The procedure had complications and my wife made it through some very tense moments, but she ultimately recovered. It's weird because people mourn in different ways. I've had friends who've lost babies and have memorialized them very publicly. I love it and have never had a problem with that. The thing is, with the way this pregnancy went, it's not really something we wanted to revisit with others. We privately made a decision that we will always love honor, and respect what we had, but we would keep it in our hearts and not display anything (like a memorial wall or a picture) Again, others may do this, but this was our private decision based on how we felt.
My dad has a tattoos of the names of all his kids and grandchildren. After the pregnancy, my dad asked me if we had picked a name out for our baby and we told him we had not decided on one. He then told me he had planned of getting a tattoo of the baby's name, but since we did not have a name picked out, he would like to tattoo the date that the pregnancy was terminated, as a tribute. Now I understand my dad's motive here. He is doing this from a place of love and feels he is doing the right thing to honor our baby. However, my first thought was "oh God please no Dad" and my wife's face told me the same story. I didn't say anything back to my dad, but simply nodded when he told me his plan. My wife later told me that she really does not want him to get the tattoo and doesn't think it is appropriate. This is not something she wants to re-live on a daily basis or every time she sees it on my dad's arm. I love my dad and I love him for wanting to do something, but is that the most appropriate way to do it? If we are at a social gathering and someone asked my dad about the tattoo, the last thing my wife is going to want is for him to flag her down and have her re-live that day. We just want to mourn privately. We do not want to re-tell the story and re-live the trauma. Don't we have that right? It's no one else's business. I've talked to my mom and she says it's a wonderful tribute and that I should be grateful. I haven't said anything to my dad yet because I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. It's his body and he can do whatever he wants, but AITA if I tell my dad we would really prefer that he did not get the tattoo? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 37,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AafvCUdkS1zaI3TqYFwo23zB6VuJni3K | b89bca | {
"description": "kind of lying to girls by saying I'm an artist",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for kind of lying to girls by saying I'm an artist? | Kind of is a really subjective word, so I'll try to explain what I mean here. I'm [24M] a PhD student in economics, but I just feel like that's not really a 'sexy' or 'cool' career. So whenever I'm talking to a girl I'm interested in, I always introduce myself as an artist. This isn't completely true, but not completely false either: I am a hobby artist- I paint, take photos, write poetry, design clothes, and love architecture- but it's not my career. So it's kind of a lie, I guess?
Anyway, my friends always get on my case about this, saying I should be more honest. That begs the question, aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
fTioKGWfeYk6suCW6h02fPuX2RiEXtlV | b8mmmi | {
"description": "being upset about my fiance for saving someones life",
"pronormative_score": 85,
"contranormative_score": 125
} | AITA for being upset about my fiance for saving someones life? | Super short background: So I am 6 months pregnant with me and my husbands first child. I work but he is definitely the primary bread winner and we are reliant on his income not mine.
Me and my husband were sitting in traffic on a 2 lane highway. The lane going our direction was all the way backed up and at a standstill. The lane in the other directions was empty flowing freely. The driver 2 cars ahead of us tries to flip around and go the other way to get out of the traffic. But as she is doing that a car comes around the corner and she t-bones him off the road. He goes slightly down the embankment and crashes into a tree and gets knocked unconscious. The car almost immediately catches fire under the hood and my husband jumps out and runs to the car. The passenger door is blocked by the tree and the drivers door handle is broken from being hit. My husband breaks the window with his elbow and peels the glass back with his hands (the glass is that beaded safety glass stuff) so he can pry the door open.
He did this got the guy out and shortly after the whole vehicle goes up in flames. So he definitely saved the guys life and is definitely a hero. Because of that his elbow and hands are all cut up and can't work for a few weeks but that is the absolutely best news. He could have got himself killed.
I haven't said anything to him because I probably shouldn't feel that way but he has a wife and child that depend on him and I feel like he should think about that and not put his life on the line. Making sure he is there for his child should be his first priority. Am I as much of an asshole as I think I am for thinking this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 125,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 78,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 85,
"WRONG": 125
} | WRONG |
idnWHZv5Kfl0ZLkFNm7fJmTDA5R8UVwr | axdz2z | {
"description": "sending the guy my gf was talking shit about behind my back to a message outlining her lies",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for sending the guy my gf was talking shit about behind my back to a message outlining her lies | My girlfriend has a close guy friend who she has texted quite a few times talking shit about me and things that she was upset about, but were actually untrue accounts of my character. I sent the guy a message explaining my side, and called her out for being manipulative and gaslighting me, told him to just be aware that she does that kind of stuff and has been lying about what she tells him about me. AITA for sharing my side? I showed her the message and she feels attacked and I kind of feel like shit but Im not sure if being honest about what really happened is an attack or just fair. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MVTJZKUGbQlyPdJzxr5OtgUob2fucBIz | ablsnk | {
"description": "not being happy that my sister is pregnant because she owes me over 5 grand",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being happy that my sister is pregnant because she owes me over 5 grand? | After my sister got married last year, she and I planned our first out of country trip that we took 3 months ago. She also invited 4 of her friends (who Im not close with, but r familare with) to join us, and we all started to save money. I had no trust in my sister/BIL to save money because they are terrible with money, so I offered to hold their share and store it so they wouldn't spend it. I even "scheduled" bi-weekly payments so the stay on track. Knowing their finances they would have no problem saving. At the final months leading to our date, she had excuse after excuse for giveing me less to save. I offered to loan them $3500 (because I didn't want to go to a foreign country with only her friends) and continued to save.
By the time it came to pay for the flight and tour ect., I later found out that they both quit their jobs (at the same company) 3 months earlier and both took a month to find a new one. I was furious but we were at the home stretch and I didn't want it ruining the other people's vacation so I bit the bullet and paid for their flight, one person's tour, and their share of the apartment we stayed in for 4 days. I live alone in an apartment and handle money much better and even did OT before the trip so I wouldn't come back broke (that was the idea). So I was financially able to help which came to over 5k. We made a schedule together of how and when they'd pay me back after the trip which was supposed to start a month after the trip but is now pushed back to Feb.
My sister announce she was pregnant just 3 weeks ago and all I could think about was the money that she owe me. Now I dont care how she wants to live her life but she knows they are not financially stable (plus other conserns the rest of the family has). And it turns out she got pregnant during the trip no less! Which makes it worst because they were fighting during the trip on multiple days to the point she was thinking about divorce already! And it left me not wanting to associate with my BIL for how he acted for those 2 weeks.
AITA for allowing money to get in the way of family for me. If it were like $1000, I don't think I'd care as much. This baby will be the first grandchild for my parents and will make me an aunt. And I do feel bad. But I also have to take care of myself. I worked hard to earn that savings and I think I'll never see it again. I do, however, acknowledge that I was stupid to lend them that much knowing how they are but I was so starry-eyed with my first real travel I let it distort my logic.
TL;DR: I loan 5k for my BIL/sister's share to go out of the country for 2 weeks so I wouldn't go alone with her friends. They got pregnant during the trip and all I thought about was the money they owe. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qjigaVHX5F4WLWNbeFNdSElri9q1PGxN | 9uc1me | {
"description": "not giving money to the homeless",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I don’t give money to the homeless? | Guam, USA. Our culture here doesn’t actually let the homeless be home-less. I always see money/food etc be given to those on the streets but I personally stopped giving. ( to certain individuals) its more often than not when at any stop light they’re standing there but the thing is- is that almost every single person I see standing at the corner I have seen them buy cigarettes, booze, and at gambling machines. I always have an internal battle whenever I see them so I end up just pretending to scratch my back or change the radio. I do in fact give to any new person I see in case it was a recent event that effectively made them homeless. Anything helps right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9ud64kNaK63oUgSPpX5UcVyGj7TUdPq3 | b3oz8h | {
"description": "making my special needs friend cry over a prank",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for making my special needs friend cry over a prank? | Okay so this happened about 7 years back at school and I still kinda feel bad, found this sub and decided to make this post. My friends still talk about it. I made friends with this weird kid at school (didnt know he had aspergers and might have been autistic), and in class one time I thought it would be funny to prank him, as a friend thing, didnt think it would go that far. My thumb is what you would call a hitchhikers thumb (bends back far, nobody knew), so I decided to make some magic trick up that he couldnt push my thumb back with all his strength. He tried and as he pushed it i let it give out bent it as far back as I could, I yelled in agony pretending he broke my finger and I held it up and said you broke my finger arghhhh.
Next thing he did was burst out crying, and I kinda sat there like what the fuuuuuck. I didnt know what happened, he kept crying and kept saying he broke my thumb and I was like no man I was kidding its not broken look. And he kept going on freaking out and apologizing and crying and the teacher talked to me after class and was really fucking angry at me. I had no idea, we were like 13 and he probably knew he was special, I knew something was up with him but didnt know he was like that.
He's a great friend, was part of my friend group from year 9 to year 13 and we still play halo together all the time, we are adults now but hes still alot like a kid. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
EetlNnQTKEEvpDudJxvAe7YFeM8Lqmwh | apzgrd | {
"description": "confessing to my best friend/crush",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for confessing to my best friend/crush | To preface this, I have known this girl for about 4 years up till my confession, and liked her for about 2 of those years. So my best friend and I had been getting really close over the past 2 months or so, and getting far more touchy as a result of this. I had chosen to keep my feelings at bay in the past, but as things escalated my feelings became too strong to hold back. I began to feel like I was betraying her trust by being as touchy as I was with her, although most of the time I was not the one who initiated this. Eventually, I decided enough was enough and decided to confess to her how I feel.
Sadly, she did not feel the same way for me, which I was fine with and began the process of moving on. The next time I saw her though, she began immediately talking about other guys she was either talking with or trying to have sex with, and this felt very cruel to me. I had just poured my heart out to this girl and it felt like she was intentionally trying to hurt me. After this, I asked if she could refrain from talking about guys for the time being, as I needed a lil bit of time to recover before I could only see her as a friend again.
This is where the potential assholery comes in. My statement resulted in a small argument where she essentially stated she didn’t want to talk about the fact that I had confessed to her. She said it made her extremely uncomfortable and honestly angry. For some reason, this really upset me and confused me, considering in the moment she was relatively understanding. I tried to get her to talk about it more, so I could understand where she was coming from and potentially work this out, but she continued wanting to avoid that topic in its entirety.
Later, I texted her essentially saying that until we can talk about what happened as adults, I would like to take a break from speaking. She never responded to this text and I’m kinda feeling like I may be the bad guy here.
So, Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pbnNVPj1UWL9xsZTu1cI9Xi9Gv1n9gfi | a15rje | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone after they were in an abusive relationship",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone after they were in an abusive relationship |
TL;DR at bottom
Hey all. This has been going on for the past few weeks and I’m feeling really shaken and guilty. Sorry for the bad grammar and stuff.
So my previous good friend of many years is Tina (not her actual name). We were reasonably different, but complimented each other. She’s had some serious family troubles that I’ve helped her with. We’ve never been in the same social circles, but still made time for each other.
Fast forward to the last two years and in comes John. From the first time I meet him, I sensed some kinda bad vibes, but I ignored it (stupid me) and was happy that she was in a relationship with someone she loved. I tried to joke around with John, but he just kinda stared at me so I stopped. We still occasionally hung out and chatted online, but I understood that she needed to cut a bit of our time to develop her relationship.
I don’t know when it started, but Tina started to become a bit more distant. She’d sometimes leave me on read, or say that she can’t make meetups and always make some vague excuse. At first I let it slide, but when it started getting worse, I asked her what’s up and why are you becoming more distant. She just said “sorry, work’s getting real busy” or something along the lines of that, which I thought “that’s fair”.
One thing I still remember today is when I meet her boyfriend by chance at a supermarket. I was shopping in an aisle which he happened to also be in. I smiled and said “hey”. He just scowled at me, with this look of disgust then walked away. Even now I wish that I had gone up to him and asked, “what was that for, bitch?” But at the time, I just stood there.
I guess I figured out what the scowl was for when one of Tina’s friends asked me “hey, do you know that Tina has been talking shit about you?” This shocked me. She said “yeah, her and her boyfriend have been calling you slut and stuff. I’m all for gossip and stuff, but it was just really toxic.” I was extremely upset. I used to use have sex and do drugs throughout middle school and high school because I was dealing with some really bad shit and Tina knew that. People have called me slut behind my back, but to know that Tina was the one that said it hurt me so much.
I consulted with another one of my friends and she agreed to come with me and confront Tina about it. I asked her if we could meet up and surprisingly she agreed. So we meet up, sat down and did a bit of small talk. Then I asked “is it true that you’ve been calling me a slut behind my back?” I’ve always been direct. She seemed shocked and quickly denied it. I said that her friend told me that and she immediately asked “which one?” It didn’t matter and I told her that. She seemed really uncomfortable so my friend stepped in and asked the questions again, but a bit softer. Tina’s always been a bad liar so her face said it all.
I wasn’t really too angry, just mostly sad. Actually scratch that, deep down I was pissed. I asked her why did you do that. She didn’t really say anything. When I asked if her boyfriend made her say it she said no. I remember her shoulders were super hunched over and she was shaking a bit. I admit that this should have been a warning sign to stop but I was to upset to consider that. I asked her what’s going on and she said nothing. I replied something along the lines of “you, knowing my history, called me a slut. That’s not nothing.”
She then told me “well you kinda were.” My friend told me that, when Tina said that, my face looked so angry, especially after she continued “I told John about it and he agreed.”
I exploded. I’ve been known to have somewhat of a nasty temper (I’ve been going to therapy to help reduce that), so the next five minutes were us screaming at each other, with most of what I said summarising into “what the fuck is wrong with you.” At one point, Tina accused me of being a Lesbian that was obsessed with her. My friend tried to calm us down, but that didn’t work so she half dragged me out of the building and into her car. I don’t remember most of this, most of it is my friend telling me what happened. I do remember breaking down in the car though.
A year and a bit past since then. Tina blocked me on all social media. Her friend told me that John and Tina still talked shit about me until that friend stopped hanging out with her. Due to our social groups not overlapping there wasn’t any friend drama, but I still felt empty. When I thought of Tina, I choked up on fury and sadness.
I got a text from Tina a couple of weeks ago asking if we could meet up. When I asked her “why?, she said “to apologise”
So I meet up with her and she explained that her boyfriend was verbally and emotionally abusive, bordering on Narcissism. She said that he was so nice at first and then turned toxic. That he talked shit about most of her friends (especially me for some reason) and eventually she kinda believed that. It took a lot of self-reflection and help from others to realise what was going on. Even then he tried to keep them together.
She told me this and apologised and I just remember sitting there, saying nothing. I couldn’t bring myself to forgive her. I’ve always been one to hold a grudge, so many be that’s why. I understand that maybe I should have tried to reach her, but part of my was furious that she told someone I didn’t know that well personal stuff like that. I might be overreacting. It’s just I feel so guilty because she went through hell and I’m basically telling her to piss off. It’s just I don’t trust her enough now for this not to happen again. I feel so bad and don’t really know if I’m being dick.
TL;DR: Good friend of mine dated a narcissist, became really toxic and called me slut behind me back. When I confronted her we had a screaming match and didn’t talk for a year and a half. She apologised but I can’t forgive her. | HISTORICAL | {
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vzVXSJ46V8ZbMuiVGwqfaa04YeedyYs8 | b5yg0v | {
"description": "reminding my mom that I can't stay late at a family wedding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for reminding my mom that I can't stay late at a family wedding | Long story short my relative is having a wedding on Fri and I have work at 9:30 on Sat. In my culture weddings start late like at 10pm and don't finish till well into 3-5 in the morning. I kept on reminding my mom I can't stay there super late so she would get the memo but today she said I was "bitching" for reminding her too many times and that I was treating my family like a menace. I was hurt by what she said as I didn't even say anything negative about them.
​
So, AITA for this reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
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gGqlUHSl9t0CVI9T3KOlMJkwBsHLONkw | ax478y | {
"description": "wanting to buy a motorcycle with MY saved up money",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to buy a motorcycle with MY saved up money? | I am 20M, and I live with my parents. I commute to community college, Monday-Thursday, and I will be graduating after this semester. I have wanted a motorcycle since I was a kid, when my mom had one. I always thought it was super cool, and I wanted to get one when I was older
Starting my freshman year of high school, I started working summers, and saving up money. By the time senior year ended, and I was ready to go to college, I had about $11.000 saved up, between working and birthday/christmas money. (I rarely spend money) Going into college, I knew I had enough money to buy all my courses, and books for the 2 years I was attending college. (This college is one of the cheapest in NE) My parents had to worry about nothing.
My car was paid for by my family, and they pay for my insurance, but other than that, all expenses are me. I pay for gas, fixes and oil changes, and anything else. Now I am on my last semester of college, and after the 4 semesters, I have about $8,500 saved up. I have a tax return coming in of about $2,000, and leftover christmas/birthday money of about $500. This puts me at a total of about $11,000. I plan on going to work right after school, and I want to get a motorcycle because, 1) I have the money, and 2) I have always wanted one.
My buddy has a motorcycle, and is willing to sell it to me for about $3,300. After this purchase, my savings would be at about $7,700. My mother’s arguement, is that I should establish myself, before I spend money on a luxury item. My arguement is, she wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I would pay for it, pay for insurance, and pay for any maintenence. My mom says that I still live under her roof, and I would be keeping it in her garage. She even threatened to kick me out. (I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not...)
AITA for wanting to buy a motorcycle, with my saved up money that I earned, and not having my parents worry about anything changing expense wise. Or is my mom right and I should get more ahead in life, before I buy something like this?
Thanks for any responses. First time posting here, and I’m also on mobile. | HISTORICAL | {
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LyPOpWOzoXQ5pvhB3E6eVGxTkjNmHmlQ | b2jvnu | {
"description": "wanting a girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for wanting a girlfriend? | Friend A wants me to meet this girl that's a friend of his step sister
But Friend B used to date friend A's sister and they broke up a few months ago but it was not bad at all and they're on fine terms
So what was set up was both of our friend groups were gonna meet up this Friday.
But now Friend C is saying we aren't gonna do that because he doesn't want Friend A to be near his ex and he finds that more important then me meeting with the new girl. He assumes I only want to hookup and not have a relationship. They also all know I've really been trying to find a new girlfriend because I'm pretty lonely. So am I the asshole for wanting to spend time getting to know this girl or is friend C? This is a confusing situation so I can clear up anything if you have any questions.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
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"WRONG": 0
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pZ30VouKoWxqnWWvnRgdhWCSld56XeiZ | aoqfdn | {
"description": "refusing to offer my English student some advice",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to offer my English student some advice? | I'm an English tutor working in Russia. A couple of months back, I was contacted by a businessman looking for "four two-hour classes a week," who wanted to get his level up high enough to live abroad in the foreseeable future. We had some meetings and they went pretty well, but he had a pretty hectic schedule; always having to take calls during classes, etc.
After a brief pause in studies because of some traveling, he started having to cancel the odd class, then only had time for 1-2 a week. Then he started forgetting and my wife and I decided to label him as "somewhat unreliable."
Two weeks ago he had a class but then didn't come... I texted him to ask if something is wrong and he replied "I'm in St. Petersburg." I fought back the urge to write a sarcastic "thanks for telling me."
The issue is that my time is a bit of a premium; if I've a free evening I will usually hire myself out to an English school with which I confirm a timetable every week. So last minute cancellations both rob me of the money I'd have made had the lesson taken place, but also potential earnings I might've made had I instead worked at a school that evening.
Then last week he did it again. Once again in SPB while I'm waiting for him. Luckily this time I texted him the evening before.
So my wife and I decide to discount him altogether; we don't chase him up about any future classes and he ceases contacting us from that point on.
Now to today. I'm sitting at home, enjoying my half day off, when he writes me on WhatsApp to ask how to translate a Russian slogan for his canteen business into English. Figuring it'd be petty of me to outright ignore him, I translate it for him and deliver said translation as a sole message, he asks if it's good for food, so I change one word. He then says it's too long. He asks if "Always hot feelings" works as a slogan... at this point I'm somewhat miffed that this is evolving into a free consultation of my expertise and that he's dragging me into a creative process; especially if it means I have to explain why some things works when pertaining to food while other things don't. So I simply write "nope."
He starts sending me pictures of MacDonalds and says "I want a slogan like MacDonald's and their 'I'm lovin' it.'" So I simply reply with "We can discuss it in our next lesson)"
This is the first time in dealing with a client that I've "gone catty." I almost always try to walk the higher road and avoid being petty, but it felt somewhat warranted here. Was that unprofessional of me? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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BNANJqQ2i4Cwg5WOmq3JM1VkHvMwv7iz | aoc0nm | {
"description": "lashing out at my duet partner because she didn't learn her part and got us pulled",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lashing out at my duet partner because she didn’t learn her part and got us pulled? | I’m in highschool rn but not gonna release more than that but I am 18, and this girl is a sophomore. We are in choir together and we were really close, I would get her things she needed that she was too shy to buy, we would talk about our significant others, stuff like that. She says she’s great at piano and that she’s a Coloratora Soprano. She also says she’s very great and proficient at learning music.
Soon enough enrolling for Solo & Ensemble in our districts MPA (music performance assessment) comes up, and I throw out the idea of us being the first duet for my director in like, almost a decade. She obviously is excited and I tell her it’s gonna be difficult but I have faith in her, oh boy was that the most terrible mistake I’ve made in my musicianship. I go to my director who has full faith and trust in my ability to work my ass off to get what I want. I tell him I’d like to do a duet with her, me being the Alto, and her being the Soprano.
Note: I can sing in either range but I prefer alto because it’s more comfortable AND I’m really good at doing harmonies, humble brag over
He says yes, which I was NOT expecting. I was so excited I immediately run out and tell her. Of course I give her a great song for starters and she gives me a musical song in return, big red flag I missed. I showed her Domine Deus by JS Bach, a beautiful piece that I’ve done in a duet before and it’s relatively easy once you figure out the patterns. I try to practice with her but she always says she’s busy... but then comes to me later saying:
“By the way.... can you get me a pregnancy test? I ran out of the condoms you gave me and he accidentally came inside”
I was furious and disappointed in her. My paycheck hadn’t come in so I wasn’t able to buy it for her but a week later she got her period so she was fine. Then it sorta hit me that when I asked her if we could practice she said no so she could go “hang out” with her boyfriend. I was fine with this as we had months to learn.
Fast forward a bit to when we finally get the sheet music for her song of choice, a french song (my director hates them because he says the proper diction isn’t good for your vocal chords and he doesn’t have time to teach us how to sing it properly/safely either). Keep in mind this is a musical theater song and this is a classical music “competition”. I tell her I’m fine with the song but she has to get it approved by the Mullet (our choir director has a mullet so we call him the mullet). She says she’s too afraid to talk to him so I have to do this for her too. Are you noticing a pattern?
I show him the music and he says no, I predicted it but she had NO OTHER MUSIC CHOICES, she straight up told me she only thought of that song because she really liked it and didn’t know any other duets. As a classical music student that’s as “proficient” as she claims to be I find this very... suspicious. I brush it off and let our Mullet man pick our piece. He gets it to us three weeks before the duet is supposed to happen and I’m fine with that since it’s an easy song and all, but I’m also a little frustrated because he wants it memorized the next day. I get my shit together and deal with it and memorize my part overnight. She doesn’t. He doesn’t ask us to practice it until a week and a half later and I come to find out, SHE STILL HASNT LEARNED IT. Now at this point I’m like, okay we have a good week to learn this before we get cut. Spoiler alert: We get cut two days before the performance. I create an audio file for her to listen to in her free time hoping she’s learned the other piece. She says she has, but when our accompanist plays it she doesn’t know ANYTHING. I have my parts down but because she’s messing up so much I get a little thrown off and mess up too, not great etiquette for music but I couldn’t help it, I was shocked.
I decided to make an audio file of that piece too. Now here is where I explain how I make the audio files so you know how painstakingly long this took. I use a program called muse score because I’m cheap and music is a hobby of mine. I transpose music from paper onto the program for audio files all the time, but my program can’t just read the PDFs I upload to them because they have overlapping rhythms. I also can’t just grab recordings because it’s either in a different key or I can’t separate the voice parts. Tough luck. But on average transposing ONE part in any music takes me about an hour and a half for a 3 minute piece. So if we go by roughly 30 minutes a part per piece, and one of our pieces has three instruments plus two voices, and is 4 minutes long. That’s about 10 hours put into one piece. The other piece only has a piano plus our voices and is about a minute and a half, with no overlapping piano rhythms so I got it done in free time during classes (yes I can bring in my laptop to school, yes I can work on my personal things in class, yes my school is weird but shhhhh moving on).
Then the beast comes in. I’m nervous to start touching this piece because it’s massive and even though it’s repetitive it’s always modulated (key change) or slightly different to the point where I can’t just copy and paste. For singers it’s easy to change, for transposing.... it’s hell.
So I get all these done and send them to her over the weekend. I literally spent my entire weekend working on these and declined to hang out with my friends and family just for this. This duet meant the world to me. She comes to me and tells me she’s super busy because she’s doing solo for S&E (solo and ensemble) and that she’s in the women’s ensemble, both of which I am doing too. I tell her it’s fine then she cuts me off and says:
“I’m also in musical theater so I don’t have time to practice”
At this moment I realize I might be fucked. I try to brush off my nervousness as my anxiety coming through the depths of medication and trying to murder me again. Boy was I wrong. Earlier today is the reason I’m typing this. After some ensemble practice I talk to the mullet about the duet and he straight up says:
“It’s cancelled. You’re not doing it. You guys haven’t practiced.”
Me: “but I know my part!”
Mullet: “yeah but she doesn’t and it’s a...” he waits for me to finish his sentence.
Me: “duet...”
He then tells me to go practice my solo because I’m shaky on the diction and pronunciation of the Italian song, I speak French so it’s weird to change some of my habits. My friend is sitting there and he jokingly laughs at me, “you’re doing a solo, a duet, and an ensemble? Girl you can’t even sing!” I nervously laugh and walk out the door to tell her our duet was cancelled. She says: Good.
FUCKING GOOD. I learned later that she thought us practicing was cancelled. I’ll attach my dms with her if asked, but I’m fuckin pissed dude. Am I the asshole for lashing out at her and being pissed she didn’t learn her part? | HISTORICAL | {
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IdIPxof4bxGAQgxvJZ8YSMXBY9ctBaAV | ayx0y6 | {
"description": "being sad with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being sad with my ex? | pretty sure I am, but just want to make sure
So, I knew this girl for about 2 years, and we started dating last year, in september. They were mine and her's best months of our lifes, but she suffers from anxiety, and she Always thought that it was just too perfect, and something would go wrong anytime, so she broke up. It was weird, because we still loved each other, saying I love you more, angel, cute nicknames, and we hugged a lot in front of people. friends even started thinking we were together again, it was weird. Anyway, carnival came up, and im brazilian, so its pretty chaotic. It made 1 month from when we broke up, and we were good friends. Then i noticed something was odd, she was making a lot of questions about if I would be sad if I saw her kissing another guy, and I told yeah, I still got feelings for her anyway, i would be lying if I said no, but I just want the best for her, even though it would hurt inside. 1 week later, I found out she kissed a guy in the pool for about 10 minutes, and she didnt tell me that. Man, that made me so sad. Knowing that she couldnt trust me, or that she thought that talking about love things with me would make me sad, and was better to hide. kissing for 10 minutes, it wasnt even a big deal, why hiding? We broke up, I wouldnt be sad with her for going on with her life, I was sad by the fact she kept it to herself. We argued a lot about that, and we are really distant at this moment. She told WAY more serious things about what she did, so I think that she doesnt want to tell me only because im her ex. AITA for being so mad at she not telling me about her life, even though im her best friend and she used to do that a lot? sorry for bad english too, im brazilian as I said before.
(I know that she doesnt have the obligation to tell me everything about her life, but she told that to a bunch of friends she doesnt even talk a lot, and that made me feel like shit)
I am 100% sure she didnt broke up because she was cheating, trust me on that one. 100%. | HISTORICAL | {
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LJDXU4d8y3vu9kRNlQxgetd4vFGntQeH | axpo27 | {
"description": "not going on a second date with a larger lady because she doesn't match her tinder pics",
"pronormative_score": 145,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I don't go on a second date with a larger lady because she doesn't match her Tinder pics? | I'll try to keep this short.
I'm on Tinder and I see a cute chick so I swipe right. In two of her pics it's clear she has a twin. Cool. Not identical, but close enough. They were both above the shoulder shots. We start talking and she's ramping up to be perfect, you know how crushes are yadda yadda.
This last weekend we had our first date. I get there early and wait for her outside and she shows up much larger than in her pics, but she's still cute and I'm not a picky man (plus tmi... dat ass). I figured that the pictures she'd used were from last year and that's fine. Not all my pics are recent either, I just threw up my best.
The date was actually awesome. The crush is still strong even as I'm typing it but... fuck I was suspicious, alright? That whole twin thing was a weird red? yellow? flag, especially how she talked about her sis. Nothing bad, just... dismissive? Idk how to describe it. Anyways, so I check Facebook and the pictures she had used were from her sister's profile (not fully public but one was her profile pic and another one was visible on there so I'm guessing the rest are hers too). And I'm not sure how to feel now. On one hand, I like her. On the other, she's using her sisters pics to get dates and that's... weird?? But they're twins so she legit would look just like her sis if she lost a bit of weight so it's not really lying??? And I get why she did it, we all got flaws we wanna pretend aren't there, but????
I asked my coworker's their opinion and it's divided as fuck (one lad said I was fat-shaming/lacking empathy), so since I found this sub recently I figured I'd ask here. WIBTA for canceling our second date because her pics don't match? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 138,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 145,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
6HtOqIVLVcAlv5xR0eUtxKzY4IcXD3k9 | b5jppn | {
"description": "messaging my landlord about my roommate bringing over his uncle's dog",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for messaging my landlord about my roommate bringing over his uncle's dog? | My roommate for the past 2 months has been inviting his uncle over every other day (and he often stays the night) and the uncle brings his dog. I didn't think anything of it first but one day the landlord came over midday and got super pissed because apparently he'd already told him not just no dogs inside, but no dogs on the property. Just last week the landlord (who is also a friend I've known for 2 years) told me to text him if ever the dog comes back. So today the dog was here, and after an hour I texted the landlord. Now my roommate is pissed at me.
AITA for doing what my friend/landlord asked me to do? Is this a case of I should have talked to the roommate first and hidden this from the landlord? I don't believe that is fair to expect that of me, I could be wrong though, what do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
RN5tWfTOowMLXAFwA3VylZFGVA1zYSOw | av6cdx | {
"description": "giving someone the middle finger",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for giving someone the middle finger? | A little prep on the story - I live in a downtown area that is about 12 square blocks. There is parallel parking on the streets that is constantly filled.
​
Now for the situation. Earlier this year, I was looking for street parking. I found a singular open spot that I could park in. I come to a four-way stop as another car pulls up to the opposite stop sign (we are facing each other). The spot that I want is on my side of the street so all I have to do is pull through the intersection and pull into the spot. The person that I am at the intersection decides to pull a U-turn in the intersection and take the spot that I wanted. [Here's a diagram to help understand.](https://imgur.com/gallery/w4oTLbX) Being furious at the situation, I gave him the middle finger as I drove past.
This was the last block before the residential district started, so I had to loop around the block to get back to downtown. as I am getting back to the same intersection, He is waiting for me and starts taking pictures of me and my car. I had my windows down, so he came over to yell at me. As I drove away, He put a dent in my truck. [Here's another diagram to help understand.](https://imgur.com/a/oPxmv9N)
​
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
fq3sn2WRMn8m1JDIEJFouBprgP0L1Pqi | awqor7 | {
"description": "telling my boss that my coworker has been lying about her hours after she's been super nice to me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my boss that my coworker has been lying about her hours after she’s been super nice to me? | People keep telling me I’m NTA, but I really feel like I am.
I am a college student who works as a writing tutor. It’s a pretty chill job, and we have a lot of free time. We aren’t required to clock in or out; we just have to write our hours on a timesheet that gets processed each pay period.
I have one coworker (who I’ll call C) who is supposed to work with me on Fridays, but rarely shows up for her shifts. The other week she admitted she had been struggling a bit, and I felt sorry for her, but I still felt frustrated because I would be the only tutor in the room when she didn’t show up. One Friday, there were two people in the writing center at once; I’m just lucky one didn’t need help immediately because, if they did, I would have been screwed.
C has always been super kind to me, and we honestly have had some pretty good conversations. I like her as a person but not so much as a coworker. I really don’t think she’s a bad girl or anything.
This past week one of my other coworkers informed me that C had been lying about the amount of hours she had been working on her timesheet. The timesheets are left in a binder in the room, so everyone can see everyone’s. I looked at hers (shouldn’t have snooped probably), and she had put more hours on her timesheet that she had actually worked. I know this for a fact because I work 5/6 hours the writing center is open on Fridays, and C lied about her hours on a Friday.
When I learned about this, I got irrationally angry. I’ll admit that I took it way too personally, even though it wasn’t about me. But I felt like I was being taken advantage of. I tried to think of any reason someone might do it beyond entitlement, desperation, or thinking they could get away with it and genuinely couldn’t come up with anything. I also tried to ask others if they could come up with a reason, too, because I’m autistic and admit that I’m not good at understanding why people do the things they do.
My other coworkers have been having problems with her, so they were complaining about C to me. This made me even more angry and totally ready to call her out. We have another coworker who has problems similar to C’s, but the reason she’s never been fired was because she didn’t put her CONSTANTLY missed shifts on her timesheet.
My other coworkers (who were also having problems with her) encouraged me to inform our boss, and because I was as frustrated as they were, I did. My boss’s reaction was just “Ok, I’ll look into it.” And I really don’t anticipate anything substantial coming from it aside from: “Hey. Don’t do that again.”
This Friday, she was super nice to me yet again. She gave me fries and said various other nice things to me that kind of touched me, to be honest.
Now.... I just feel like a dick for snitching. People are telling me I’m justified, but I just feel like an ass and that I did something I shouldn’t have. I’d love some input, so I can figure this out for myself.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
j6AYvFWuTtQVnyRMsPFAp1BtY4G3BClM | aob6pm | {
"description": "cleaning my brother's room without his permission when he is out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I clean my brother's room without his permission when he is out. | Both still living with parent because yay, no job! Brother gets SSI cause handicapped from waist down, so wheelchair.
He never cleans his room, he usually has a huge pile of clothes next to an overfilled diaper pail. (He usually wants me to take that out, but I make him do that), that gets taken care of super late, so its usually a stench of dirty laundry and used diapers. He usually shuts the door when he heads out, but when he comes back the door comes open and there's the stench again! I've asked him to take his diaper pail out earlier, but he always waits til garbage day or when it gets really overfilled. I've asked him to take the laundry to the hallway (we put laundry baskets there) to reduce the stink in his room, but he always tells me "It will still stink!" It will, but it won't be overpowering.
He has piles of stuff everywhere in his room, most of it is Magic the Gathering cards, plastic bags and recyclables.
I told him of an idea, "Why don't we sort out the Magic the Gathering cards, anything we have more than a playset of (4 of the same card) we take the rest and you sell them to a store (they give $5 per 1000)" at some point I might just start sorting when he's out. He constantly gets cards from his friends that they don't need, so it's only gonna add up.
Plastic bags and recyclables I can remove quickly.
He basically has a bunch of mess and he has empty floor leading straight from his computer to his bed.
If I suggest it when he's home, he gets mad and says he'll do it He has never done anything like that for the past year. The only time he has cleaned his room was when he had an aide and was basically forced to clean his room.
If he won't do it, maybe I will, and if I start, maybe he might too. Usually he complains about the process of doing things, "It would be hard for me to do."
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aD5I7THlgeEuD4XUkxLAS9ZBJtbJ4R1I | ace2k6 | {
"description": "not wanting the father of my unborn baby around until after the pregnancy",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting the father of my unborn baby around until after the pregnancy? | I dated a man for a month and had the unlucky draw of getting pregnant(we used protection). Before I knew I was pregnant, I ended things with him because I found out that he cheated towards the end. I'm not going to lie, while me and him were together, I talked to my ex but never did anything or said anything beyond the point of "I miss being around you". Me and my other ex were together for nearly two years. Granted it was shitty of me to say something like that while with someone else and I regret it, he actually cheated. Like went out with another woman and fucked her. Then after we split he sent me screenshots of explicit messages between them, followed by him saying "I just wanted to get back at you." A few weeks later the doctor tells me I'm pregnant. I tell the father and he insists on trying to be together again. I told him I didnt want to be with him because he made me feel really shitty in general. I cant stand being around him anymore. Everything he does gets on my nerves.
Anyways, after telling him I didnt want to be with him, he responded with "well the kid probably isnt even mine and I hope it isnt because then I dont have to deal with your lying ass." There was a point I wanted to try making it work with him but after realizing how much i despise him, I didnt want to anymore. So I suppose thats why he called me a liar. One of the red flags that he showed was when I didnt want to have sex with him and told him he was being creepy when he wouldnt stop, so he said "well its not my fault I want to have sex with you! I mean look at you." I know he meant it as a compliment but as a victim on rape and sexual assault before, it made me feel unsafe and depressed.
After all these awful things were said from him, I told him I dont want him around and I dont want to contact him during this time. I also told him any efforts to make contact with me wont be considered until after the baby arrives.
I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. I am now 15 and have yet to say anything to the father. I dont want him around during the pregnancy because of the blatant disrespect he has shown for me and my body. I dont want him around daily telling me how I'm a bitch and bad person because of how I refused to be with him and called him predatory. He still tried to message me on new accounts but the messages are never about the baby. Theyre always about how I did him dirty and how I am being a bad mother by not letting him around. He hasnt asked about the baby or its state yet. Only messages slandering me.
My brother tells me that it isnt about the relationship between me and the father but between him and his child. Which has made me feel guilty and post this. I feel that I'm doing him wrong by preventing him around me while pregnant with his child. I told him I'd consider letting him around after labor so he can meet his kid but only if he has a job and offers help with the baby(diapers, wipes, clothes, the basics). I also told him he can care for the baby when he gets his own place. He currently lives with his mom and shes a hoarder with 17 cats. Yes you read that right, 17. I know I'm going to hear the classic, "why did you let yourself get pregnant by someone so scummy?/ why did you date him in the first place?" And honestly, I saw something in him and he wasnt always rude to me. In the begining he was sweet and respected my space. He told me how he would do anything for me and take care of me no matter what happened. He told me a woman has never stuck around for him when he struggled, which made me want to be that woman.
This whole thing stresses me out. Especially when people ask about the father. I cant just tell them the truth because most would think I'm keeping a man away from his kid. I cant tell them I dont know because theyll think Im a whore. And i cant tell them he doesnt want to be involved because thats not the complete truth either. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
4emFzO4NytdTr4BQvRIV5nzYJ77qNOPT | b6gdcc | null | AITA for a story I shared about experiencing prejudice? | AITA for a story I shared about experiencing prejudice?
So I'm white, like, see my veins through my skin levels of pale. I'm also double majoring in Criminology and Communications. I want to work within the (US) justice system to help make it better, I think it's currently dysfunctional. Because of all this I took a class on Oppression and Privilege in the USA.
In comes a friend who I share the class with. She is biracial and a Social Science major. When I found out we had such similar interests I was so excited, someone to talk to, yay!
But today she told me that I had been racist, and that something I said was insulting to her as a POC. I've prided myself on being *not* prejudiced, but if I had been insensitive or racist in some way I didn't realize, I wanted to stop, no *way* would I let that nonsense continue. So I asked her what I had said or did. What she described I feel torn on, I honestly don't think what she pointed out *is* insulting her.
What she brought up as an example was a story I shared in class about how a few students were spewing Neo-Nazi hate at a cross-cultural event I was at. It had made me feel like I was at risk for a moment, because myself and my family are Jewish. My great grandparents were the only ones of their family to escape being sent to concentration camps and ran to the US. And *here* I was, eating my kosher hotdog with a bunch of paraphernalia from the Judaism booth while some kids *cheered* about committing hate crimes.
For me it was shocking. I've faced prejudice and mistreatment before for having a single parent and for being poor and a girl, but it was *never* a threat to my life, you know? And I knew these kids were never going to *actually* do anything to me, it was all bravado, but *still*. There was this moment where I thought- "What if they saw me? Would they actually try something?" It was eye opening. Because for just a few seconds I actually felt fear because of how others perceived my *"race"*. And I had thought, "If that is how I feel for even a moment, *knowing* all the privilege I have, how does it feel to be someone who lives with this regularly?" I knew then that I would never *really* understand how those who felt systematic oppression and hate felt, no amount of classes or graphs would be able to explain the *fear* one lived with because of being born with the 'wrong' kind of skin or religion or citizenship.
It was pretty humbling, and for a time made me feel bad for wanting to *'fix'* what I couldn't even get. But I decided that this was even *more* reason to continue as I had been, because I have privilege that I can use to be an ally and bridge that 'gap'. The story was shared for an assignment.
But she said this story is insensitive to POCs and such. That I ignored the privilege I have and made myself a victim when nothing even happened to me. That it was racist because I didn't face any hate. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
352ImHnbJE8uxTRQC6RMqyrbvbVh6xhD | al6ost | {
"description": "taking my things back after my roommate doesn't help me care for them",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking my things back after my roommate doesn't help me care for them? | I've lived with my roommate before in college, and now we are living together as young professionals. We've been living in an okay, but very small apartment; she got the bigger room, but we share rent equally (that was D U M B). She works from home for most of the week, which I thought was going to be great living with her again because she was pretty anal about keeping our college apartment clean.
​
While, this year, even though she's at home all day, she's been bad about cleaning up after herself. She rarely wipes down our kitchen counters or the stove after cooking and has vacuumed our apartment once, and just the main area. She hasn't cleaned the bathroom floor that I know of, and it gets pretty dirty-looking due to white tiles. I used to keep white rugs in the bathroom, but they got super dirty from admittedly both of us walking on them with our shoes on. However, I am the only one who cleaned them. She claims to have cleaned them but she has a weird fear of bleach, so even if she has cleaned them, they never came out "white." (I also am convinced her BF has bad aim, so really don't want them out when he's around) So the last time I washed the rugs, I folded them up and put them under my bed in a garment bag with the rest of my bedding. I also put most of my dish towels in there too, due to the same reason for me being the only person to ever clean them.
​
She texted me today asking about the rugs, and I told her that I didn't want them to get ruined and that I was the only person taking care of them, and she asked me to put them back in the bathroom, and "why would you have things you don't use?" Followed by: you know I don't use bleach, and they are just white rugs. This is coming from a girl who hoards all of her nice things in her room and only uses her nice purses/shoes/whatnot when her bf is around. She also frequently leaves wet rags on my wooden cutting board, left boot marks on my nice runner for the hallway, and almost broke my Dyson vacuum cleaner by trying to pry it apart to release the debris in the container.
AITA wanting to keep things, even simple white rugs, nice and away from her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dTmTnxT06oOqFdmuuJ26Uo3YXwbJC6qL | b6nqj7 | null | AITA for how I moved a trailer that was in my way | I own a 50ft trailer capable of hauling up to 4 cars that I use to support the small used car lot I own as well as to take my jeep and friends on off road excursions. I rent a spot in a storage lot down the street from my office to keep it in, as well as 2 cars I keep behind it. The spots are probably 10ft wide and about 80 ft deep. Next to my trailer and cars is a guy renting 2 spots to keep a bunch of junk (IMO) such as a dead jet ski, crappy rv trailer missing windows, a dead diesel truck, and a couple trailers they use for their tree business. I came back from a long day at the auction looking forward to parking my trailer and heading home to rest. I pulled out at 530am and was returning at 4pm, while dealing with a severe hemorrhoid all day. Needless to say I was not a happy man. Upon arriving to my storage lot I spotted an 18ft single car trailer parked right where my big 50ft is supposed to go, right in front of my other 2 cars. I had no way to physically move the trailer out of my way, which meant driving back to my office, leaving truck and 50ft trailer behind, and going back over to the storage lot with a jeep to move the little trailer in my way. I hooked up and pulled it straight out, did a u turn, and pulled the trailer into the spot next to me, front end first. I then unhooked it, made a 3 point turn using the space next to it where my trailer will be parked, and left. I came back, parked my big trailer, and finally went home to rest. All of that took over an hour because of traffic as we approached 5:00.
​
So basically, with my trailer in its spot, his trailer is pulled in and no way to get a vehicle in front of it to hook up to. It will either have to be pushed out by hand and turned, or hook up a rope and drag it backwards out into the open before you're able to hitch it to a truck.
​
​
Summary: trailer parked in my spot, my trailer too big to go anywhere else so I had to go back to office, grab another vehicle to move mystery trailer. I moved mystery trailer over an left it pulled in rather than backed in, making it difficult for whoever goes to hook up to it next. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
NaFgOhdLolTyGTatsQthbaSWq4x3Ap9M | a59l6v | null | AITA Am I the Xmas Asshole? | AITA I live several hundred miles from parents with my partner (30M) and two dogs. We bought our house last year. Parents due to come to us for Christmas this year but my youngest sister (21F) unexpectedly (for parents, I knew) came home from Australia for Christmas (she's been there just over a year).
Partner really doesn't want to go to parents for Christmas, I'm working til at least midday on Christmas eve, sister won't even consider coming with parents to my house and it's a nearly 6 hour drive to them. Parents are vaguely saying "oh well we'll come to you but you won't see your sister for 18 months"
Am I the Asshole for not wanting to change my plans? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YlMIm5Y278CPzvPtJlexPoOGqUmLx5mh | avu1gi | {
"description": "telling my gf she couldn't hangout with someone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my GF she couldn't hangout with someone? | Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend that I dont want her going to her girlfriends house because her friends boyfriend is abusive towards her friend?
My girlfriends bestfriend is dating a man that is, allegedly, taking steroids and very emotionally unstable.. She tells me all the time how this man is abusive towards her, emotional and physically, and very controlling. He also has a drinking problem which, probably, makes things all the worse. I feel very bad for her and have told my gf to tell her friend she needs to leave this man immediately and that's all we both can do for her. I've told my girlfriend that I don't feel comfortable her being there, just the two of them, with him. I told her that I dont want her being there with him and I dont trust him. I also told her that I would be okay if she goes out in public, to bars or restaurants, with other people around just for the safety of both of them in case he shows up. He has apparently followed her friend around to make sure she is not doing anything behind his back? She thinks I'm being unreasonable and he would never hurt my GF. I dont trust this man around my girlfriend, who knows what he is capable of.
Am I the asshole for telling her this and not believing my gf can handle herself?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
oQWtnh65NJgqeUV4Ein0oMptma1GHppD | aqz05m | {
"description": "spending valentine's day at the gym instead of with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 99
} | AITA for spending valentine's day at the gym instead of with my girlfriend? | I am a guy who has a committed workout routine, and I go on the same 5 days a week, and my girlfriend knows this. I never skip a workout, and the only reason I would ever miss a scheduled workout is if there were some sort of family emergency.
Anyways, my GF and I have been together for 10 months, and this is our first valentine's day together as a couple. I guess she expected that we'd be spending it together, but when I told her I can't hang out because I have to go to the gym, she got very upset and said that I can afford to miss a day of the gym for this special occasion. I let her know that the gym is incredibly important to me, and I treat it as a mandatory part of my life that I must do, just like waking up and going to work in the morning. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time, but she isn't returning my calls or texts, so I think she's pretty pissed off. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 98,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 99
} | WRONG |
SFCeRuYXeR2IqWVVT0gb8WKIQIgbF11g | 9wkq7r | {
"description": "asking a girl who turned me down to set me up with her friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking a girl who turned me down to set me up with her friend? | Ok so I met this girl at collage and she was cool so I asked her out. She said she wasn't interested but she wanted to be friends so we hung out. While we were hanging out we talked about her friend who was in the same class but dropped it early in the semester and she sounded cool and that we had some stuff in common.
So a couple of weeks later I ask her if her friend is single and if she could set us up. She responds saying that I was disrespectful and told me to fuck off.
I thought we were just friends so why is she upset if I want to date her friend. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
KYgkjwUKEhoJ6azyZ1VnYVtOWppsltXu | acepen | {
"description": "not letting my mother come with me to my surgery",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my mother come with me to my surgery? | This is really weighing on my shoulders and was hoping Reddit could help. Throwaway to maintain privacy.
​
Background: I'm in my mid/late 20's, haven't lived at home in 10 years, financially independent, great relationships with both parents who are friends but no longer together.
​
I have recently learned that I have to get a small surgery *on my face* to remove a growth. I have never had surgery before, never had local anesthesia and I'm terrified. I have told my parents that I am not scared. Tried the route of if I pretend I'm fine, I will be fine.
My mother has been depressed lately, unsure of what she wants to do with her life, wants to move but does not know where. She up and left for a three week trip to Florida right after I got the news of my upcoming surgery and I took her car and our shared dog to babysit.
It is now four days into her trip and she's booked a last minute flight back for my surgery against my wishes. I told her that I don't want her to come. If she does come, I requested she does not stay with me and does not come with me to surgery.
My reasons:
\-She will make (and already has made) this into a bigger deal than it is, I'm already scared and it will make (and has made) me feel even more stressed out and scared than I have to be.
\-Even just talking on the phone about it, she cries and makes me panic. Can't even imagine what it will be like in person.
\-She will baby me and try to stop me from going to work, doing work, feeling like an adult or feeling brave at all.
\-I have a small apartment, we share a bed when she visits, she sleeps in the middle with the dog, they push me off the bed and wake me up with her night terrors. I want to have a good night sleep before and after surgery.
\-I want to be alone the nights before and after, stick to my morning routines, get work done, meditate and get myself in a good head space as best I can.
\-I don't want her to cut her much needed vacation short for my sake. This is extra stress on me, making me feel guilty when I want to be focused on my health.
\-My dad lives and works close to where my doctor is and will be able to pick me up so she is not logistically needed.
​
But the flip side is, she is depressed. This is her moment to feel needed, like a mother, and I am denying her of that for my own reasons. I am letting her needs take the back seat to my mental state.
So, AITA for not letting my mother be a mother? I feel like I am. But maybe I'm not? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DCRzZByhGYcMB57v2oSUCMycK00Qt5RD | aj6b1c | {
"description": "continuing to go after an achievement/mount after being almost begged not to",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for continuing to go after an achievement/mount after being almost begged not to? | So my best mate and I both play World of Warcraft. I've never been level enough to do raids and things but with BFA I got that boost and have been running current content until recently. He introduced me to Mount Grinding and I'm having a good time.
One that I'm running a lot right now, mostly to spite another friend who's been trying to get Invincible's reins since the expansion was first released is Icecrown Citadel. This is where it all started.
I'm a completionist. I've been working on the Loremaster achievements for a while just to feel complete. Like I've achieved something and that everything is complete.
He introduced me to the "Glory to the Raider" achievements and when I was first raiding brought up the "Glory to the Icecrown Raider" mount and said it's another I can go after.
Fast forward to last night, he was getting upset and saying I can do anything BUT "Glory for the Icecrown Raider" he said he's 'unique' in his group and the undead dragon is aestheticly perfect for his deathknight and if I get it then he's going to be pissed and have to find a new mount.
Now
Am I the asshole if I still do the raids and get Glory of the Icecrown Raider?
I'm not doing it primarily for the mount but for the achievement and having done it. The mount is secondary to me.
We also play different factions(I play alliance, he plays horde) so we never play with each other and I don't know if I'm even considered a part of his friend group that he wants to be special in.
Personally I think his argument is a bit childish and stupid to get mad at me for doing it too. If I do do it I don't plan on using the mount just so he can still be 'special' and feel 'unique' and because like I said. As cool as the mount is, it's secondary to me just wanting to complete things.
Am I the asshole if I still do it even after he practically begged to me last night not to do it so he's still 'special'?
TLDR: Boyfriend wants to stay 'special' in his group with his raid mount. Said he'll get pissed if I run the raids to get the achievement since I'll get the mount out of it. AITA if I still run the raids for the achievement but never use the mount so he can still be 'special'?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mVI6gCpB6IdvSBrLBek4sPdOOjHPmN57 | ae7kta | {
"description": "bringing home a puppy one day without warning my husband",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA if I brought home a puppy one day without warning my husband? | So the husband and I have been talking about getting a puppy and I’ve been really excited about it so I’ve been the one doing research and trying to find the best fit for us. Well I found what I believe to be the perfect litter to choose a puppy from so I show my husband all the information I’ve gathered. He didn’t seem crazy about the conclusion I’ve come to so I thought ok, he’s looking for something different than I in regards to this puppy. So I go back to doing research and looking for available puppies. I found another that fits almost all of our parameters so I show my husband again. He’s a little more enthusiastic about this one and says if I want it I should go get it. Which is great but I can still sense apprehension from him. I decided to ask him about this apprehension that he has surrounding a new puppy. He comes back saying he doesn’t want a 10 year commitment only to end in heartbreak when the dog dies (his parents had to put down one of the dogs he grew up with about a year ago) and that he would have most of the responsibility. Now, I disagree because I’m a SAHM and I’m home all the time so really I’d be the one to take care of it most. I felt really let down when he tells me all of this because just a few weeks ago we are both talking how we want a dog.
So would I be the asshole if I just brought home a dog?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
W8aAxf8zOKRSZtLLoIRiGOriwoCppGSe | azpvlv | {
"description": "telling my roommate to stop masturbating at night",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my roommate to stop masturbating at night? | So here’s my dilemma. I live in a college dorm with my roommate. Most every night when he thinks I’m asleep I can hear him masturbating. It’s really hard to tone out without exposing yourself as being awake. I’m not sure if I should say anything or if its any of my business.
Something I should point out is that my roommate deal heavily with depression and I feel mentioning this would just make it worse.
So WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NhNMhKKkuyM38MtOluKtM4OLUYo9gNx0 | at0mgp | {
"description": "kicking out gross roomates",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA kicking out gross roomates | So here's the thing, where I live rent is 450, Internet is 50, and all the utilities together at most is 350. So roughly 850. Between two people it should be about 425. Well, we had to kick him out because he told everyone he had to pay too much and we were lying to him about rent/utilities. He's lived with us for over a year and we only ever actually had him pay 300 instead of 425 because he had a shit job. He never paid on time and spent his money on stupid things before paying bills. He blocked everyone in the house even though he owes partial rent (125) because he moved out on the 15th. We even let his girlfriend live there too. Our friends are mad at us for kicking him out and keeping his furniture, but he owes us money so am I the asshole here? And how am I supposed to give him his crap back if he's blocked us all? Not to mention he didn't even clean his room and the room was so disgusting there was mold and nats everywhere that I had to clean. 🤷 | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bhrynL0pkdZF99a4zdYDdsnIuheENlNj | al427p | {
"description": "wanting to leave my wife of a few years because I'm not attracted to her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for wanting to leave my wife of a few years because I'm not attracted to her? | When we got together (dating) she was a little chubby and I was up front that I wanted her to slim down and she said yeah Ive always wanted to get real fit so it was cool. The plan was to work out together, get ripped.
Didnt go that way. We both gained weight together sitting around binge eating/watching netflix then I lost about 60 lbs over a year with a diet and she didnt eat any different.
She kept gaining and now her body shape is totally different and Im not into it, shes heavy enough that I get a gust of wind when she sits on the couch and shes always out of breath when she eats.
Every time I bring it up she says oh yeah Im going to, just waiting for this or that but lately I feel like thats just something she says, and 3 years seems like a long enough time to find some kind of way.
Ive told her up front "if you want this to work I need to be attracted to you" but her habits never change.
Every other part of our relationship is going well and I think were great friends but the attraction is really going away. She makes most of the money and works really hard to make us comfortable, which I thought might be too much pressure so I said Id take over all my expenses but she fought me, saying she wanted to stay a team.
At this point its not about how things are right now as much as me not knowing if shes ever going to do what she says or just keep getting bigger.
Am I the asshole for being so focused on her body? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
uEhmTMgE5tB1VApPgRTAOisEMLcUu666 | b974ip | {
"description": "getting jealous at my brother for him breaking three pairs of my earbuds and getting two pairs for going to Chicago",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting jealous at my brother for him breaking three pairs of my earbuds and getting two pairs for going to Chicago. | So some context. My school has a big field trip where they go to a big city. It is only for band choir or orchestra. Sorry for spelling and formatting. I'm on mobile.
Up at my family's camper my brother kept using my earbuds and breaking them. He broke three fucking pairs.
My parents bought him two pairs of earbuds and I asked why he needs two pairs. He said that if one broke the othor will be useful. So my mom said to my brother that I was trying to steal a pair of his earbuds. I then stormed off.
I was slightly angry that my brother got two pairs of earbuds after breaking three of mine. I was more angry that he got the earbuds for a stupid reason.
AITA for being angry at my brother for breaking my earbuds or is it just childish? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bBhJzO3xC2ffBsgYMccObuaPAgS1OS4e | aot6xs | {
"description": "completely losing it with a lady who tried to cut in front of me TWICE at a large grocery store",
"pronormative_score": 509,
"contranormative_score": 94
} | AITA because I completely lost it with a lady who tried to cut in front of me TWICE at a large grocery store? | I was at a large grocery store yesterday and I walked up to the butcher area to ask for assistance but there was one person ahead of me. When the person finished, I was just about to ask the butcher my question when a woman cut in front of me and asked him, "Hi, can you please help me in the freezer aisle?" The butcher said "yes" and was about to follow her when I interjected, "Sir, I was here first." I swear I saw an eye roll on his part but whatever.
Moving on. I had a cart full of groceries and I stood in line to check out. There was a woman who was unloading her packed cart so I waited a few feet behind her because had I moved my cart forward, I would have been blocking the traffic for other customers to walk through. Then, I see the same woman, who cut me off in the butcher station, nonchalantly walk in front of me and then she proceeded to unload her items onto the conveyor belt. I told her, "Excuse me, ma'am, I've been waiting here. I'm next in line." She gave me a smug look and said, "Ha, if you're next, then why are you standing back there and not here??" So I told her, "Because I don't want to block the flow of traffic walking by but I AM NEXT."
Guys, she continued to argue with me saying, "Well....you should've moved forward" and then she proceeded to start unloading her groceries. Keep in mind that I am not a confrontational person. In my 44 years on this planet, I have never been in a fist fight, In fact, I used to be a major pushover. If I was 18, I may have told her, "You're right, go ahead." Well, that's not what happened.
I. SAW. RED. I YELLED at her, "Listen lady, I'm a civilized person who takes others into consideration UNLIKE YOU who would have most likely not give two $hits and would've blocked this entire area. Now put your $hit back into your cart NOW or I'm going to go over there and do it for you!" Then, the kind lady that was about to pay told her, "Seriously? You need to move because she has been waiting." You'd think that she would have backed off? Nope. She continued to unload her groceries muttering that I should've been closer and not standing so far in the back.
I'm ashamed to say that I made a scene. Again, I yelled, "I'm NOT going to tell you again. Get your $hit and put it back into your effing basket or I'll go and do it myself. NOW." She then took a good look at me and started putting her things back in her cart and walked away. I would imagine that by this point, my eyes were crossing and my head was two seconds from spinning like the kid from the Exorcist. I can't remember the last time I've felt so angry.
She finally moved but she kept staring me down and I'm ashamed to tell you guys that I screamed "WHAT THE F\*\*K ARE YOU LOOKING AT????????" She finally looked away and as quick as this started, it ended. The nice lady that was in front of me patted me on my back and told me that she was impressed how I defended myself but to please calm down because I looked like I was about to pass out.
To be honest, at this point in my life, I've let people walk all over me. If this had happened ten years ago, I would've let her go on ahead of me. Not now. I'm a jaded, middle aged woman who is not the one. Don't get me wrong, what came out of me yesterday felt like an out of body experience. I'm not a mean person. She just sparked something in me that threw me over the edge.
Edit: This may or may not be relevant, but I'm a Mexican American and all of this occurred in Spanish. I am a fluent bilingual speaker but I usually speak English. I didn't even know that I could fight the way I did in Spanish. Believe me, if you guys knew how to speak Spanish, I would've written the exact exchange I had with this entitled twit. I don't know why but when arguments happen in Spanish, it looks like a much bigger deal!! ha!
So be honest, I'm a big girl. Was ITA?
TL;DR: A lady cut line in front of me twice and I lost my marbles. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 35,
"OTHER": 502,
"EVERYBODY": 59,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 509,
"WRONG": 94
} | RIGHT |
flgZllNJpFtRVgnWcd4latTBquUvVOkB | apnukn | {
"description": "playing this chick that was using me as a free babysitter",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for playing this chick that was using me as a free babysitter. | Backstory: we were froemds for a year. During the end we often saw eachother when she needed a free baby sitter.
One day back in May '16 I was supposed to have her 1 year old sleep over for the whole weekend. She dropped him off Friday night and I watched him till Sunday morning. She picked him up and was going to drop him off Sunday evening so she could go get lit with some friends. All day Sunday I was doing landscaping work and gardening with my son and husband. I started to feel sick so I took a pregnancy test and suprise suprise! I was pregnant! I told my dad and husband, and my dad offered to take me out to dinner and my husband was to stay home with our son; something that had NEVER happened.
Anyway, I called my friend and apologized to her that I couldn't watch her 1 year old for 72 hours, and I told her that I hoped the 36 hour break she had was enough time to recharge.
It wasn't. She blocked everything from me and told me I was an awful person for wanting to celebrate my pregnancy with a nice dinner and early night.
Fast forward to recently, she called me out of the blue asking to talk. She needed a sitter for her 2 kids. I obliged and met her for coffee.
I bought my coffee and sat down with her. Assured her that I wasnt mad for the past etc, and i wanted to hear her conditions.
She wanted me to babysit both her kids from 730am-930 pm Mon-Fri she would bring snacks with them and I could watch them at my place or hers, and she wanted to "help me" by paying me $600 a month for that.
After we discussed all the details around homeschooling (we both homeschool so she wanted me to be a teacher as well)
I calmly got up and told her.
"How fucking stupid do you think I am? I just came here to see you aplologize for throwing me to the curb when I found put I was pregnant."
And I left the coffee shop. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NSLANTShk0yNiWv82VSlSMCgQCZheTUC | amva3z | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for sleeping in bed with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend for sleeping in bed with her ex? | Some backstory. Last Saturday my girlfriend went out to drink with her friends and ended up at her ex’s house. No big deal, I’ve met him and up until then wasn’t worried about him. Flash forward a few hours and she’s been drinking. I get a FaceTime from her where she’s frantically looking for her contact in his bed. She tells me flat out that she made him leave the room so we could talk. I hang up to process what I just heard. I text her asking why the fuck she’s in his bed and she said that they aren’t doing anything and she’s just trying to sleep. That’s a huge red flag for me. I tell her to get out of his room and to sleep on a couch, which she does, and I tell her goodnight. Flash forward to last night. She texts me to tell me that she’s going to play beer pong at his house with her friends again. I tell her I’m not comfortable with that because we still haven’t gotten through what happened the week before. She tells me that he’s her friend and she wants to see her friends tonight. I tell her that if she wants to go there she can be single because I can’t trust her with him at this point. She tells me she’s going anyways and then we break up. I told her this is a direct result of her actions from the following week and my inability to trust her drinking in his house. So Reddit, am I the asshole here?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sdVPOcLCs3amNkMXGutoAbuQdMjzPcFX | ay8der | {
"description": "getting upset",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset? | A coworker of mine got mad at me for not working fast enough. While I would have taken the criticism had it been dropped after talking about it, he continued to complain and make off-handed remarks about how slow or sluggish I was today. I was working in his department for the third time changing displays, I worked by myself, and I had only gotten in at 9:00 AM while he had been there since 7. Our displays needed to be up by 10, but I had no idea because again, I'm still a greenhorn with no help.
He continued to be rude and dragging on the problem for another two hours before dismissing me for a break when I got upset and went to my OG boss. I'm only in his department to help him and my friend when it's needed, not to get treated like a burden. I'm only there to help on my good graces, not because it is my job or expected of me.
I went to my home department crying and my OG boss went to HR, who came to calm me down and get this settled. I left early and I assume they handled things from there. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
613XqciF9wXNcBejW2c89qB6Ol6ieZtl | b7rp8t | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend I have no desire to meet her friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend I have no desire to meet her friend? | So my gf (22f) and I (23m) have been together for about a year and a half, and have been long distance for almost a year. She's in her last year of school so when she graduates in a month we won't be doing long distance anymore. We live about two hours apart so we still see each other about once a week.
Back in the fall she became friends with this guy from one of her classes. One night back in November she went out with a group of her friends and him and a couple of his friends. She ended up going back to his house to postgame (her friends went home). She ended up staying there until about 4am and would periodically post snapchat stories of him and his friends singing and playing guitar (the guy and his friends are in a band) and the whole time she was ignoring my texts. This lead to us getting into several fights over the next two weeks and we came very close to breaking up.
Since then things between us have been great. We worked out a lot of issues that had arose from being long distance. She is still friends with this guy but they don't hang out as often. What does kind of bug me is that they're best friends with each other on snapchat, and the two of us don't snapchat very often (I know that sounds kind of immature but whatever it bugs me I can't help it).
Every once in a while she will say something like "oh this guy might come out with us tonight, he's so nice I really want you to meet him"or "I really think you Guys would be good friends you're very similar". Stuff like that.
I trust my girlfriend and since nothing like that night in November has happened again I'm not gonna try to interfere with their friendship because she's her own person and I can't control who she's friends with. However, the other night she said that he really wants to meet me and I told her I'm sorry but I have no desire to meet this guy, which she said was mean.
I felt like this was fair given the fact that they graduate in a month so I likely won't really build a friendship with him at this point, and because of the stuff that I pointed out already this just isn't someone I'm particularly fond of.
Am I an asshole for telling her I have no desire to meet this guy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MHXSiJKeCnbEx6xFNZpbDyRMadrn20PW | a9qfq2 | {
"description": "occasionally saying \"Mate\"",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for occasionally saying “Mate”? | Let me start this off by saying that I don’t use it all the time, it’s normally just things like “Thanks mate” or “Have a great day mate” something along those lines. It’s simple to say and sounds better than man or dude.
My sister came back from college for Christmas break and absolutely despises me using it for some reason. She’s saying that it sounds like I’m pretending to be Australian, but I’m not doing an accent or anything, I’m literally just saying mate.
So I used to say it all the time, and I don’t intend to stop using it unless I come off as an asshole. I get that I should respect my sister’s wishes, but I also think it’s ridiculous and childish to prevent me from saying a word I like that’s not offensive in any way. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4yC9hbR3mpCyVPUQY0k27WA56GlO0dpO | ay5tow | {
"description": "kidding kind of bummed out my husband god a vasectomy like last minute without my knowledge",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTAH for kidding kind of bummed out my husband god a vasectomy like last minute without my knowledge? | I get that it’s his body his choice but I still wanted to have kids. Wish I was in on it and didn’t have it dropped on me last minute. Am I the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
W9cF7iFK0jz9qrfgsW5H2IGtIVb7IxAn | 9xcin3 | {
"description": "kind of ditching a person with a mental disability on the bus",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for kind of ditching a person with a mental disability on the bus? | so the other day i was waiting for a bus and someone who clearly had some sort of disability started waiting with me. when he first arrived he asked if he had missed the bus, and i had told him no and then he just kept chatting my ear off. the bus ended up being an hour late (!!!!!) and it was cold so i caught myself getting annoyed (not with him at all) but i didn’t want him to take it the wrong way so i happily engaged in conversation with him while we waited (we spoke about his plant collection, build-a-bear and his birthday plans)
the bus finally arrived and it was ridiculously crowded, by far one of the busiest busses i have ever been on. he kept trying to chat with me on the bus but we both had to stand and with the volume of people we were slowly getting separated. a few stops down me and about 6 other passengers (he was not one of them) had to get off the bus to make room for a stroller getting off. behind the very crowded bus was the same bus with no one on it, so instead of getting back on the crowded bus i grabbed a transfer and got on the other bus.
now this is where i am conflicted on whether i ata or not. i didn’t say goodbye, or say anything. i can guarantee if this was someone with no kind of disability i wouldn’t have thought twice about (i am not great with speaking to strangers) - and i almost wonder if that in itself makes me an asshole? all i keep thinking about is if that were my son i would just want people to be kind and considerate with him.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qXw1J7cuu5I1bTyvKX4dSMFrszAb5YSH | b98we0 | {
"description": "saying that I am better than my friends at video games",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for saying that I am better than my friends at video games? | I got into a huge argument with a group of friends about a video game (first person shooter) I was trying to explain to them that I didn’t want to possibly lose my rank because I didn’t trust them to perform well at a higher rank. (Rainbow six siege: I am in platinum ranks, they are low gold/silver. *SIGNIFICANT SKILL GAP*)
I am not a cocky person where I try to tell others that I am better/try to 1 up them. They got angry and me because I didn’t want to possibly jeopardize my rank. It always sounds bad, but should it of been better to risk the rank and play with them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
V7svHNOnhwlYZcuoLbKAtBAFQVV5yp3e | aud4wy | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend and starting to date her best friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend and starting to date her best friend? | We'll call my current gf A and the girl I want to be with B.
I've been with my A for 5 months and met B during Christmas break and we really hit it off. We have so much in common, we're studying the same thing, we both are going to intern at the same company this summer, we like the same TV shows, etc. She's like my soulmate and my god she is soo attractive.
Anyway I've been spending a lot more time with B recently and A has started to notice and is getting upset because she says that I'm 'dating' B (which is technically true), but I think she's just being jealous and getting angry because I have female friends which isn't fair.
This weekend I spoke to B about our feelings for each other and she told me that she likes me aswell and that I should break up with A before getting with her which I agree with. I also slept with B the next day which confirmed that I 100% want to end it with A and start something with B but my problem is that I don't know how to do it without breaking A's heart and having her friends/family think the worst of me. Especially becuase I'll be with B. I don't want to look like a scumbag or anything, I just want to do me and be chill but it's hard because A is definitely the type to tell everyone that I'm a bad person.
But I don't think I'm the asshole here? It's not fair to A to stay in a relationship where I don't love her - so I'm a good guy by breaking up with her. I'm also getting in a relationship with B and making her happy - so I'm also a good guy by dating B. Why am I an asshole?? Because it's her best friend, is that the only reason? I just don't see it because at the end of the day it's a net positive for everyone involved, and if A wants she can still be friends with B there's no problem with that.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
D7Rl9XIKO4O1lV25pdB45W7MwPplKsgq | ap8hro | {
"description": "wanting to be paid back",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to be paid back? | Hi all, throwaway account here.
My friend (19) recently talked to me (18) and asked me to stop talking to them about money. They said it makes them uncomfortable since I grew up with a lot more than them. This is regarding conversations about houses, cars, apartments, loans, etc. (However, they began a couple conversations since- me: "My bike is old" them: "oh, mine's nice! It was a gift awhile ago." me: "Mine too, my aunt bought it \[a mountain bike\] for a couple hundred in 1996 and handed it down when she stopped using it. It's worth like 50 now, lol" them: "ha, our house was like a couple hundred! Well, a couple thousand"- that I just have to listen to since I was asked not to contribute).
They don't leave the dorm after class much so when I go to the markets on campus I offer to pick something up for them. My other friends (19 and 20) do this as well/with vending machines, and never ask to be paid back. They both grew up with less than me; one has worked on campus last semester-now, one just started, and the main friend does not work while at school.
So here's the thing: My family's upper middle class, but I don't get an allowance, didn't get a new car when I turned 16 (reasonably nice hand-me-down at 17), and all college loans are in my name (parents do contribute to my tuition though). I pay about $25-30,000/year for this school (out of state, no financial aid, loans), main friend only pays $2-4,000 (in state, plus financial aid and maybe? a loan). I work off-campus several hours/week plus my courseload for all my spending/saving money. I hate my job but it pays 9.35/hour (which I worked for 2 years to get, up from under 8). (Main friend works for minimum wage only at home.) I've earned myself over $2,000 (plus all my saved birthday/xmas checks since childhood). Main friend talks often about moving money from their savings to checkings to afford basic stuff like a bus ticket home, food, etc and makes jokes about having only a couple hundred dollars.
AMITA for wanting to be paid back if I get something for my friend (more than a few dollars)? I want to be a good friend so I offered to pick up some meds for them while I'm out tomorrow but I wouldn't spend over $5 on medicine for myself and they want name-brand stuff, $10+. I know they likely won't have it in cash and I don't want to ask for their card. It's really bugging me because they're a good friend and I don't want this to come between us, but I feel it's unfair to continually buy them stuff. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xYW4N3Z34rbApqWudsPZz75ZnaVwv0Ic | b0lm9h | {
"description": "blocking my bf",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking my bf? | When I was 14(F) I had a friend (15F) that we'll call Susie, whom I met online through some mutual friends.
We soon became bf, and I was very happy.
I almost worshipped her, 'cause I'm not very good at social interaction and she was the only bf I had had in my entire life.
Two years later, we talk to each other almost every single day, we're inseparable.
Mutual friends joke about us being a couple, and so do we.
It's a funny thing, until a few months later I realize that I like her.
(I know, cliché)
It's June, there's this comicon both Susie and I are going to.
The joke of us being a couple still goes on, and I bought 'fake' wedding rings to gift her, along with other silly stuff, and she's super happy about it.
We're alone, and sit down to rest a bit, it's some kind of garage that's been closed and nobody's there, except for us.
She sits down and so do I, resting my head on her lap, when she kisses me.
It was my first kiss and from the person I liked.
She pulls away chuckling and kisses me again.
I was in heaven and thought maybe she felt the same way.
Later on, we're with our friends, it's time to leave for me and they accompany me to the station.
As we regrouped, a friend of Susie's approached her and they kissed.
I was devastated by that, but decided not to make a scene right there (I'm shy, I couldn't even if I wanted to).
Back home I decide to ask Susie about the kiss, what she meant with that, and she tells me that for her kisses are not a big deal, she wanted to do that, it seemed cute.
I was really sad by reading that.
It meant so much to me but it was nothing for her and I cried. I wanted to tell her about my feelings but decided not to, still wanted to continue that friendship.
Months later, in September, she tells me that she was friends with benefits with that guy for all summer, but now she wanted to end it and he didn't agree.
I couldn't care less.
My feelings were still there, less intense but still hurting.
Also, I felt betrayed by her, because she never told me about that guy, while I shared with her every aspect of my life, but maybe that was the younger me overreacting.
It's December, my friendship with Susie is wracked.
I can't talk to her without feeling sad, so I skip several days before answering her texts, which are more small talks rather than the heartful conversations we had before.
In the end, she got together with that guy and posts pics everywhere, and I can't stand it.
I decide to wrap up my courage and write a text explaining to her why I acted certain ways, how I felt about the kiss, about everything.
I write to her that I can't stand it anymore and that I wanted everything to go back to normal, to us just being regular friends again.
But now everything is awkward, I don't know how to talk to her, she doesn't either, we text less and less often, until I decide to block her, because this situation is hurting me and I have to let go.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mu4rS5gG3cLsOTkkhJtWPKLnY2A0l0Ax | 9xsqt6 | {
"description": "hanging out with my cousin's \"ex\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hanging out with my cousin's "ex"? | I'm sorry if this is so confusing. I've made up a few names to talk about who's involved in this situation. I'm 19 and have a cousin 1 year older called Mary. A few weeks ago Mary was asked out by Joe. Joe later said it was stupid of him to ask her out because he doesn't have any feelings towards her and he just jumped the gun because they had so much in common. She rejected him, of course. But now she says it's super awkward and she hates him. By the way she acts it feels like Joe is Romeo pondering over his lost love and crying at night over Mary's rejection, but he truly doesn't seem to care and still considers her a good mate and has nothing but nice things to say about her, though she tells me she goes out of her way to avoid him. He actually asked me out as well. I rejected him too (although I might actually see what dating him is like since I do fancy him and only rejected him because my cousin told me I had to) I guess he's just desperate for a girlfriend. Anyway me and my mates are going to a local concert next Thursday and my best mate and I asked him to come as well which he said yeah. But Mary, who also planned to go is super pissed at me. She says it'll be so awkward because he asked her out and he's practically her "ex" that we're choosing him over her. I told her she can uninvite him if she truly wants but she said no, I should be the one to do it. I told her to grow up, but now I feel guilty because I feel like I am choosing him over her. Should I uninvite him? AITA for hanging out with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1JXCzggDZKYs7pzeMiGvb2OlfBGLpach | a286i6 | {
"description": "handmaking everyone's Christmas gifts this year",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for handmaking everyone's Christmas gifts this year? | My husband and I are really short on money so i decided to use my hobbies (crochet, cross stitch and baking) to make gifts for everyone. I have spent the last couple of months making personal gifts, mostly consisting of patterns I have designed myself, to include the receivers interests (such as D&D for my brother). I will be finishing off with making cakes and Christmas cookies. There are some certain people who aren't as understanding (or sentimental) and I'm worried they will cause a fuss that I've been "cheap". I almost feel like not giving them anything at all, but then I'd feel bad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8rNcVX19xGV4atRpCDMdJUrMB9Qjyi4m | an1i81 | {
"description": "not having a strong opinion on anything",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not having a strong opinion on anything? | So a friend of mine got into an argument with a friend of hers. They argued about whether or not they would break up with someone for what they did in their past. Eventually they came to the agreement that there are limits to each of them.
However they decided to drag me into it and asked me as well. I tried to decline because I knew it would be a shitshow but they insisted.
So I said I don't really care about anything.
Then they started to give me examples to force an answer out of me. After a few 'tamer' questions it came down to:
"What if they murdered anyone?"
If they served their time and don't do it again I don't care.
"What if they are a pedophile?"
As long as they don't act out on it I don't mind.
Apparently that wasn't what they wanted to hear and got quite mad at me. "Do you even care about anything!?" Well... I don't for the most part.
"How can you lack any sort of opinion on things that bad?" They left shortly after.
AITA for not having a strong opinion on those things?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fZjm0xLT4FDHvQ7PoRT9FBwMbvBzcQVl | arsexa | {
"description": "not wanting to have combative arguments in a graduate course",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to have combative arguments in a graduate course? | I have been with the same cohort of graduate students for 3 years. This is our last semester and we should in my opinion be cruising to the finish line. This semester we are taking a course together that runs from 9am to 3:30pm because of our professors wishes not to meet on separate days.
Starting last semester my colleagues and I have noticed aggression from one of our colleagues. They aren't physically harming us but their comments are combative and are accompanied by a noticeable frustration and hostility. Several times now the class environment has degraded from an amicable exchange of ideas to an outright argument.
During our last meeting this individual directed his venom at me. I tried different tactics to avoid escalation but I ended go having to walk out of the classroom. I tried diffusing with jokes, with silence, with agreeableness but the professot insisted on continuing an uncomfortable exchange. After I left 2 out of the students in class sent me texts acknowledging the situation asking if I was ok and noting how intense the exchange had become.
I have 3 emails which I have sent to my professor and she is aware of the students rude /foul behavior. She has promised me she will intervene next time but never actually does.
It has gotten so bad that 4 of us have requested we change the format of the class from a seminar style to individual meetings with our professor.
Our professor has denied our requests and has emailed us telling us she will absolutely not intervene in any discussions/arguments and that she refuses to change the format. We are all uncomfortable and the class has become tedious and dreadful. She has told us this is a character building process.
I have considered filing a formal complaint but am worried about the academic repercussions.
I refuse to argue with the hostile person for several reasons. I dont think it's healthy. I suffer from anxiety and do not fare well in combative situations. I am comfortable discussing and defending my position but this person raises their voice, has told me to be quiet and wait my turn to speak, gets visibly angry, and will not be reasoned with. I am not sure what is expected from me.
AITA?
TL:DR - there is an asshole getting hostile in our class and our professor is validating their behavior by taking a hands off approach. I am thinking of filing formal complaints.
UPDATE: My colleagues met outside of class and thought up some strategies to controlling the dialog going forwards. We will not tolerate yelling, screaming, or disrespectful behavior by basically shutting the class down.
I confronted the rude student in person and that seemed to work well, they were no where near as aggressive when alone. This makes me believe the behavior is some sort of insecurity and not actual aggression.
The professor should be prepared for some rather harsh end of term reviews. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bCuZaPWSQ627m56gvK7MjldmSz9nxpEi | b8eq5x | {
"description": "getting mad at my mom for losing my dog",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For getting mad at my mom for losing my dog? | So this just happened and I'm still pretty ticked about it. I was at my mom's and had my dog with me, she's likes having my dog over.
I was talking on my computer when I get a random call. I pick up and I hear a stranger say "Hi, I think we have your dog". He's a street over so I run and get him.
This happened once before in -30°c weather where she let my dog out in her backyard (that doesn't have a fence) and just forgot about him. Luckily I was in the house and noticed him. I told her to only let him out if she will watch him carefully.
Fast-foward and the exact same thing again. Let's him out and completely forgets. She doesn't apologize and I confront her telling her he is my dog and to never do anything with him again without my consent. She replies "Well if he looks like he wants to go out then you should be there, I don't want a mess"... I walk him 3 times a day and he's never had an accident. She refused to admit she royally screwed up and almost lost my dog. I tell her I'm never bringing my dog over again because I can't trust her with him.
I own him to clarify. All bills, food, tags and papers are under my name.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
KSTzjkCqonc2NgkOmk3h4WE35OxiwRK8 | a6u4iz | {
"description": "quitting because I was scheduled for Boxing Day",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for quitting because I was scheduled for Boxing Day? | So I work at a jewelry store and while I enjoy the product and the people, I've had a few issues there that have all lead to this moment. This will be quite long as there's a lot of backstory so TLDR at the end.
I'm a university student, and have been in school full time up until this point, and working at this store for the past year and a little bit. I am now going to be taking a couple of semesters off because I have some health issues that need to be dealt with and my body really needs a break... I've definitely been pushing too hard for a while. And a lot of my health issues (the main one being chronic severe ulcers) stem from stress and anxiety, which this job doesn't exactly help with.
At this job, they heavily stress numbers. ADS (average dollar sale), UPT (units per transaction), AUR (average unit retail), conversion (how many people who come in buy) are all looked at for each individual several times a day. It's very high pressure and they set some very unrealistic goals for us every week. At the end of every week your stats are posted and ranked with other employees. Beyond that there are a LOT of other jobs that need to be done and basically if you aren't constantly moving, you aren't doing enough. One of these jobs is visuals and there are a LOT of displays which are constantly being changed. Our store sells charm bracelets (I'm sure you can guess from that where I work) and so a lot of time and effort goes into styling a display. It was noticed fairly early into my time here that I'm very fast and efficient at creating displays and can get one up in about half the time of any other employee without sacrificing the quality of the designs. And so while this job used to be given out equally to all employees, and a lot of it was done by a girl who's a team lead but also the visuals manager... for a long time now, these jobs have been given almost exclusively to me, to the point where I have often been responsible for almost every unit in the store and the girl who's actually getting paid for this job does almost none of it. I am also the one who entirely maps out the entire store for inventory and basically have to make what I call the scrapbook from hell... a book with a picture of and barcode for every item in display, in order, so that they don't have to take anything off display to count for inventory. This is a mind numbing job that takes days and always leaves me as basically a zombie.
Because of this, and the constant pressure they are always putting on us, this job has always caused me a lot of stress and caused some issues with my health... but despite all of that, I've always loved working here. It should also be noted that I make minimum wage, and there is no commission. Just a really poorly thought out incentives program that nobody really benefits from. So I'm getting paid a pittance to do a lot more work than I would be doing at any retail job and its wrecking my health to boot.
Now this summer I got married, and this has been amazing but also difficult at times because just after getting married, my husband started working graveyards... this severely cuts into the time we spend together, even if it's just sleeping together... we've been doing our best but me taking time off school definitely had the added benefit of allowing us more time together... or so we thought. You see up until now, my availability has always been respected because I'm in school. Now however, they've basically told me that my availability is merely a suggestion and they'll schedule me when they want and I have to be there. I had told them for the holidays that I would work Thu-Mon anytime, just not Tue/Wed because those are my husbands days off and we want to make the most of them. I actually feel this is quite generous of me because this means that when my manager shifts me to close on any days DH is working, then I dont see him for 48 hours or sometimes more. I've been dealing with this because it's the holiday season and we get obscenely busy and I want to be of as much help as possible, even though this really does take a toll on our relationship. The plan was to make myself only available until about 6:30 after the holidays so we always got at least an hour or two together every day. Now I feel as though I can't do that because they won't even respect the two days I said I can't work so why would they respect my preferred hours? They know my situation and that for the sake of this stupid store I have actually gone nearly 4 days straight without seeing him, but the dont seem to give a shit.
Now the difficulty comes from the fact that boxing day is a Wednesday. I literally have no problem with the fact that I'm working Christmas Eve, I only care about boxing day because it's one of his only days off and I am genuinely not open to work those days. I told my manager this and she took the shift down and then a couple of hours later put it back up and told me higher ups said she had to because it's a holiday so availability means shit right now.
I told her that I will likely have to look for work elsewhere where my availability will be respected, and that I'm tired of just being a number in this company that cares so little about its employees. What I didnt say is that I think with how hard I work and how little I work for I deserve at least the courtesy of observing the days I'm unable to work. I do way more than the average sales associate in this store and worlds more work than the average retail worker because this crazy company thinks they're some sort of high end store and that we should be grateful to be doing twice the work for minimum freaking wage. Also our previous manager actually hired enough seasonal workers last year that I didn't even have to work Christmas Eve so I'm pretty annoyed that my manager being so picky has put me in this position.
I told her I would stick around until Christmas Eve because the last thing I want to do is leave her in a tight spot, and that we can talk about it when I see her next but at the end of the day, my marriage comes first. She saw the message (through our work app) but hasn't responded.
Am I The Asshole? Am I at least justified in wanting to find other work? They're definitely making me feel like the bad guy here...
TLDR My store refuses to respect my availability (which is quite reasonable, and I'm already making many sacrifices for them) despite the fact that my husband works night shifts and I sometimes go days without seeing him due to them not caring about the availability I've given. Boxing day is one of his days off and I've basically been told they don't care what the situation is, they can do whatever they want because it's a holiday. I've said I'll stay until Christmas Eve for their sake and then I'll be finding other employment. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
b8gY396JzPxlXs13syl05UCtYatDbYuj | 9uzbml | {
"description": "making my mom pay full price at a spa",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my mom pay full price at a spa? | I was about 10 yo when it happened and there was a discount in the spa that said: under 10 yo the price is half. I was above 10 so the discount wouldn't apply to me. But back then I watched a lot of cartoons and stuff when they said a lot of things about honesty and things like that. And I thought I did the right thing telling the cashier my real age because my mom said I was 9 or so. The difference was like 10-15 euros. My mom was really upset about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QDe1oGvHNJcauCkVWreikWCo33LbN5hA | b7qe07 | {
"description": "hating my friend and refusing to help her because she's been lying to me and having sex with her husband",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 39
} | AITA for hating my friend and refusing to help her because she's been lying to me and having sex with her husband? | I have a young friend who has several tiny toddlers including an infant. Because I feel bad for her being stuck at home, whenever she tells me she wants to go clothes shopping or furniture shopping I occasionally babysit all of them, even though they're so little. I'm well enough compensated for it, and I enjoy children so I don't really mind it.
However I found out recently that even when she tells me she's going to a certain place, she's actually been going to her husband's work to make out/have sex with him there. When I ask her where all she went, because I'm curious about her shopping as a friend, she would outright lie to me like "Ohhh there was a lot of traffic that's why it took so long" or "I actually spent a long time walking around in that store and looking at everything haha".
I don't mind that she feels a need to spend time with her husband, and I've even babysat when they've gone out on dates late into the night.
However, I feel extremely insulted and grossly taken advantage of because she's been so dishonest especially ABOUT sexual stuff, so I told her I won't babysit again without telling her the reason. I feel like if she's using my time and energy of babysitting to be out and about, the least humanly decent thing would be to be honest if I ask how she spent that time. Or at least say "I'd rather not let you know" instead of full blown-out lies.
Should I not care so much? Would I be an asshole if I called her out on her actions directly? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 37,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 39
} | WRONG |
xbVMw6u4mPKUnVPEJIUW9zH24rZ7UdJb | anx3tf | {
"description": "denying someones love",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for denying someones love? | So this is a short AITA . Oh and the formatting and stuff is for mobile so just and FYI.
Simple put me and a girl I see every week went on a couple dates and it didn't really click due to conflict in interests. I like video games and western culture and she like art and Korean culture to the point it conflicts. But recently I've seen that she has actually noticed everything I do and what I wear complimenting how I dress and overall just being that nice person she is. Also I should point out she doesn't do this to any other guy just me even going out of her way to walk across the room to say hello. My problem is that I've tried to take her on dates and we just don't stick.
So here's the AITA I've actively avoided her advances but in a passive way, like with dry answers and such because she is still my friend but I don't know should I try it out I mean worse comes to worse I break her heart if it doesn't work out or I could just live with it. Now keep in mind it is hard for my 300 pound ass to find a girl so there's the desperation talking as well. So AITA what do you guys think I can do to not be the Ass if so? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
minffl906nfx2dRFfDRYjMMLjaarCbtw | a1ruqw | {
"description": "not standing the sight of my mother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA. I cant stand the sight of my mother. |
i cant stand the sight of my mother. I cant look at her face without feeling ill. It ruins my whole day. I dont even think that i have recovered in the next day. I dont know what she did. This was not always the case. I geuss that stranger things have happend. She does not need me. We have our own lives. Is anyone else like this?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 8
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
fg5YwiR4RLsP2cuDLbnsVbS9KWCY0Of0 | ap0fye | {
"description": "being angry at my sister for drinking in front of our alcoholic mom, despite me drinking as well",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being angry at my sister for drinking in front of our alcoholic mom, despite me drinking as well? | Ive been called an asshole and a hypocrite over this so lets see what you guys think.
My mother is an alcoholic, and a bad one. Shes done terrible things to me and my sister, and we've each experienced emotional, rarely physical abuse from her. My father is a weak man who allowed his drunk wife to abuse his kids because hes afraid of conflict. So with that recipe for success we've had 20+ years of bullshit.
My mom has gone in and out of programs and supposedly went to a rehab at some point, but she fell off the wagon. Hey cycle is a week of no issues, then one day a week where shes a drunken blabbering fool. She knows that when she drinks she hurts other people, but she does it anyway so I resent her for this. Now she dissapears for days on end then reappears randomly again like nothing happened. This also annoys me because I feel like if she dies on one of these trips ill blame myself, so im more angry at her.
But im also an adult now and im through trying to fix people. I can only control myself and my mom is her own person, and i cant help her. Its a tough thing to admit but its the truth. I just try to enjoy the good times we have left.
So anyway thats the backstory. My sister is a drama queen. Idk if my moms alcoholism really affected her since my mom favored her for years as shes a girl and im a guy. I guess she related better with my sister so i got the brunt of it, but my sister also saw some bad shit no question.
My sister likes causing fights. She will routinely degrade my brother in law verbally in ways not even our drunken mother did to us, but shes sober.
My brother in law is my best friend so i have to see my sister still. She has recently been publicly drinking in front of my mother when we're all out to dinner. She knows that its tempting to my mom. I know that if my mom sees booze shes going to want to go on a bender and it bothers the fuck out of me that my sister does this.
The moments when mom is with us and happy are so rare, why ruin that? So i told her in private to cut it out. She then brings up my own drinking, which i do with my brother in law at restaurants some times.
I enjoy whiskey and ive been drunk once before. Idk maybe its not good for me given my family history but i dont let anyone know, especially my mom. I dont feel like an alcoholic since I only drink casually with friends or on special occasions.
The main difference imo is not doing it in front of mom. I would never drink with family. But she thinks im being a hypocrite. Am i? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
G2WckxZzjBCsAQXnmPgGpAK6AMYvRucE | ae9duc | {
"description": "wanting to end a friendship over being lazy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to end a friendship over being lazy? | I've had a friend for about 13 years. The entire time he has basically been a bum, working off and on, and has quit jobs because child support caught up with him, because he didn't feel like driving, cause it was too hot, cause it was too windy, because he just didn't want to work their anymore.
At one point he was going good, was able to finance a car and was working and being a better father. Then his job made him mad, he quit, car got repossessed.
At one point he was supposed to be going back to school and after a wk a past school debt stopped him from continuing. He had to pay 600.00. I told him to get a job and pay it so he can go back. He decided that he was gonna wait for his GF to get her taxes/school check so she can pay for it. Its been over a year and this still hasn't happened.
Recently, their landlord ended their lease (probably due to constant late payment and complaints from the neighbors about weed smoke coming into their kids room) and he asked if him, his GF and her kid and her GF can stay with me. The good in me said yes, the real in me wanted to say HELL NO!!
Long story shorter...the lease ended at the end of oct. That means they had 30 days to find a place and have the money together. If you were planning on paying rent the next month, then that means you just need to save a security deposit. November came and they decided they weren't moving because the landlord didn't give them enough time. So that is now Two months where you did not pay any rent. They came to my house the beginning of December and I told them do not pay me rent, save so you can get out you have 30 days with a 7 days grace period due to the holidays.
A few days before he is supposed to be out he say, well we gonna start applying for places next week. um excuse me?? you should already be out by the time you can start applying and you are just now saying something. I told them they could stay a few more days but they have to leave.
Put my foot down and now they found a place.
AITA asshole for not wanting to be his friend anymore? He is older than me and has a GF. Im a single mom of 3. They have 4 adults who are all working age in their home and only 2 work.
His irresponsibility landed his family in my home. I know I didn't have to say yes, but I feel like I just don't wanna be his friend anymore.
He is worthless and there is really no point in our friendship. I cant take him seriously when he cant even take care of himself or his family or the kids he created.
When he leaves im planning on telling him until he becomes a productive member of society we cant be friends and if he doesn't want to be my friend even after than, Im willing to take that loss. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
a91pZLHSnxWPTCanpDiO9Cu9vNulkPNL | 9xtdi5 | null | AITA: My sister refuses to pay for her own controller. I also refuse to pay the full cost but I'm ok with sharing the cost. She still refuses. | So, I only have one controller. I paid for this and the Xbox console myself, with my own savings in full. However, I dont mind my family using the console when I'm not using it.
Recently, I suggested the idea that we should buy another controller for my sister so that we can play co-op games together. At first, she was thrilled by it and wanted to build our relationship. (We were quite distant)
Then, we went to discuss about the price. I refused to pay the entire $70 for a controller that I dont even use, that I dont even need. I suggested sharing the cost between me and her. She suddenly refused, saying that she didnt need it either and refused.
I know that this might be quite petty but yeah. Please tell me what I should do. I might just help her pay in full. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
04AtHF734tlSay1UJ45jGmHZYEOcbKU5 | ayi78a | {
"description": "not wanting to keep in touch with my ex after we broke up",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to keep in touch with my ex after we broke up? | A little background, I'm a college freshman in the Midwest US and I met this girl at the start of last semester. We hit it off and after being friends for a while we started dating. I thought we both loved eachother but in January she asked for a break because she didn't know if she wanted a relationship at that time, she still wanted to spend time together like when we were friends and get back together after a week or 2, I was okay with that so we went on a break. We kept talking but one day when we were laying together in my bed, cuddling (we didn't have sex while we were on our break), I noticed she was talking a lot about a new coworker, I jokingly said 'man, he's gonna be dissapointed when he finds out you don't want a relationship right now' and she got this really guilty look on her face and said 'I actually have some strong feelings for him'. I was silent for a second and said 'I think we had different ideas of what was going on between us' and asked her to leave and give me a few days to clear my head so I could think of what I'm gonna do next.
She left me alone for a few weeks but lately she's been kinda playfully bugging me in our mutual classes, taking my hat, smiling and waving at me when we're sat apart, shit like that. I know things didn't work out with her coworker, and I feel like she may have been trying to win me back by acting like she did before we were together. I was fucking pissed, I asked her verbatim 'Please leave me alone, with the way things ended I'm not comfortable around you anymore and I'm trying to move on with my life'. And so she stopped. Earlier today I was at the dining hall with my roommate and I saw her from across the room, we made eye contact and she immediately started crying and left.
I feel awful that she's upset, I may not love her anymore but I still care about her well being and want to see her happy. Did I handle things wrong? How can I make sure she knows that I don't resent her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aF0LhNbyLREe4TenldZ9jNAdobHfy8d6 | b9xesz | {
"description": "asking a girl to prom that I know my friend wants",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA For asking a girl to prom that I know my friend wants? | We both want to ask the same girl, I've wanted to for a few months, but neither of us knew the other wanted to until yesterday. When we talked about it, we both kind of just brushed it off like "rip, I should've told you" and "what? I thought you liked someone else" then I had to leave. Thing is, he's my friend, but he's not a super close friend. I had already told all my close friends I wanted to ask this girl over a month ago.
So I don't know where we stand. But in the event that neither of us backed down, WIBTA to just ask the girl as early as possible? I'm really not trying to hurt my friend's feelings but I've wanted to ask this girl for months | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
s4mrZRMabsNYNBNkbEVw2GumlGjJkk6O | ay0jk1 | {
"description": "telling a girl that she's weirdo",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a girl that she's weirdo | 19(M),
A while ago some random girl added me on facebook. im kind of person that dont really add people who i dont know even if they were elon musk or my dream girl. so i kindly asked her if she needs something and why she added me. Later i found out that shes a schoolmate 2yrs below my class, however she didnt never talked to me or anything so i had no particular reason to chat with her. however i aint that mean so when she texted me i answered and had a lil chat with her.
after few weeks her friend texted me saying "i just wanted to know whether you r really that rude from what i heard". I was confused and dunno what i could come from but after few minutes i realized the only source... so after that i told the one that added me that she's really dumb and weird cause i was nice to her and shes basically gossiping me. kinda told her to fuck off and ended all convo with her.
AITA?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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RGloFGaJTJUYxQpohrUkjhZUbgRLJSv7 | ao5jz0 | {
"description": "not returning a lost pet to an incompetent owner",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not returning a lost pet to an incompetent owner? | I found a lost cat in my neighborhood a few days ago that exactly matches a cat who was reported lost the same day (very recently)
However, this cat has all kinds of untreated health issues that go back several weeks at LEAST. The gender of the cats does not match, but other than that they’re identical... same neighborhood, same dates, same markings... but if it IS the same cat and the owner has the gender wrong, it must have never received veterinary care. That in addition to the many issues he is having makes me think that this owner must be completely oblivious to his needs or maybe just doesn’t care.
If I don’t pursue this further and keep him, potentially separating a loving owner and pet .... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
dfHCyk2wU8Lhzra93ax7HYwmUlin1iLs | 9zlbiy | {
"description": "leaving my friend at the club despite being his DD",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my friend at the club despite being his DD? | A few of my friends and my brother and our mutual friends went out to a club one night. My brother and his friends begged me to DD them so I did. Everything was going really well and the club was closing at 2:00am. At 1:30am all my friends were ready to leave and I was ready to go home. I let my brother know I would be outside making sure my other friends got into cabs and that I was ready to leave right after.
It takes a while to round up drunk people so at 1:45am they finally come out and me, my brother, and my brothers two friends are all walking to the car. My brother and one of our friends, let’s call him Alex, were having some sort of argument. I didn’t really think anything of it because they’re drunk. We get to my car and my brother is visibly more upset so I finally ask him what’s wrong. He says Alex’s girlfriend was talking crap about me the whole night about a plethora of things as well as me wanting to leave early.
Alex and I have been friends since childhood so I was pretty shocked by this. Alex’s girlfriend has never really been nice to any of the friends and the whole night didn’t talk to me but I didn’t think she hated me. The general consensus among all the friends is she’s pretty rude and unfriendly.
I asked if this was true and the other friend, let’s call him John, confirmed it. I asked Alex and he’s said yes and I asked him if he told her off or stuck up for me considering we are friends and he said no. So I asked him why would I do him a favour if he can’t even stick up for me and that he could cab, walk home or get a ride with his gf if we weren’t actually friends. He got upset and said “fine I will” and walked away and I took everyone else home.
Of course my brother and I received nasty text messages from Alex’s girlfriend who claimed she was “sober” and I was being a “dumb bitch” to which I replied “if you’re sober drive him home then” and then I blocked her. Alex cabbed home just fine but I can’t help feeling bad about leaving him stranded and basically punishing him for the actions of his gf.
Alex and my brother are no longer friends and obviously neither am I. We are both just letting him ride this relationship out without being involved anymore.
Anyways, TLDR: AITA for not dd-ing my friend home after I said I would because their SO talked shit about me and they didn’t stick up for me? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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eTrHlHi9H9QpR6cJLN3TSDXq9ONZ99Vk | ajzerb | {
"description": "criticizing my friends relationship on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for criticizing my friends relationship on her birthday? | So my friend (F16) has been dating this emotionally abusive guy (M22) since she was 14. The age gap is already weird and creepy but i could look past that if it wasn't for the fact that he's really obsessive, mean, jealous, toxic and treats her like shit most of the time, not to mention he doesn't have a job and dropped out of highschool.
This relationship has caused me and my friend to drift apart, because any time we would hang out she was on her phone texting hil constantly, because if she didn't reply to him within 5 mins then he would blow up her phone and harass her. i've tried talking her out of it several times but she just won't listen.
Her birthday came around, and we didn't see each other like we usually do, as she was spending the day with, you guessed it, her boyfriend. instead of posting a public "happy birthday" snap on my snapchat story (like i usually do with close friends) i simply texted her "happy birthday ❤️" . She proceeded to act really weird and when i asked her what's wrong, she first ignored me, then she said it felt weird that i congratulated her the way i did. i then explained to her that we aren't as close anymore because of her toxic relationship and that i still think it's dissapointing that she's with him after everything he's done to her and all the countless hours i spent comforting her when she was upset about something he did. She then says that i just don't support her life choices and that she doesn't wanna hear any of this on her birthday. Am i the asshole?
tl;dr : friend who's in toxic relationship didn't think me texting her happy birthday was enough. i proceed to explain that we're not as close anymore because of her toxic relationship and that i don't support it on her birthday. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
KSN4Sa1bQVg6anDhMOLui2NmWQiSkZO5 | b99oza | {
"description": "sending photos of me and my ex's now deceased cat",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I send photos of me and my ex's now deceased cat? | I just got off the phone with her mum, and I have a bunch of photos and videos of the guy when we were together for those years.
I want to share the good memories of the little guy but I don't want to come off as a wrong/insensitive gesture.
Would I potentially be an asshole if I did this?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kNG4k2d4vGnuRIuCaGYwM4mUfytATRLz | b1kvtk | {
"description": "seriously hating my step daughter",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for seriously hating my step daughter | You'll most likely think i am so here's the back story:
Partner and his ex have child together almost 15 years ago. Only child is spoilt rotten, never told no, given everything she wants and waited on hand and foot. Child is a brat from a very young age, never disciplined, never punished for bad/rude behaviour, never called out for her lies or for setting things up so they fight so she benefits.
Fast forward from birth to sd age 11. Partner and ex have split (found out ex cheated and sd isn't even his) and sd is playing the daddy ran away from me card and constantly baiting him into arguments so that he feels bad and buys her what she want. Months after their breakup we meet, hit it off and start dating. Sd is pissed - how dare her dad be with anyone else (mum had someone else before they even broke up but thats ok), how dare her spend time with anyone but her.....really normal shit for a kid after parents split.
After a few months we move in together and everything is great between us. Sd stays with us and we try to week on/week off with her mum.....sd doesn't like this and wants to be with us full time until we ask her to do something and then she runs off to mum.
Anyway, i am a child of, to a degree, tough love/responsible parents - you make a mess, you clean it up. You fuck up, you face the consequences. Now my sd won't do anything for herself and after 3 years i am over it. She wants slaves and servants not parents. I'm sick of it. I refuse to pick up after her or be dictated to by her. When we ask her to clean her room she is straight on the phone to her mum saying i am mean (it stinks in there and she leaves dirty pads laying around). She gets pissy when her clothes aren't clean but she hasn't actually put them with the dirty washing - again i'm mean. I don't make what she wants for dinner every night- she only wants junk food and because there is no junk i the cupboard she tells people i don't feed her at all.
She constantly creates friction within the household. If she doesn't like what we tell her to do, shhe instantly starts with the "i'm going back to mum" crap (there is an avo between tne two so she cant actually go there and her mums family wont have her)
Its at a point now where i hate being in her vicinity because shes just causing trouble or creating a mess she expects me to clean up. Shes lazy and filthy and i hate it. I hate her for all the trouble she's caused.
I know alot of her behaviour is learnt/conditioned from her childhood, but after 3 years she should be able to do something for herself. I am sick of constantly putting her first and she throws it back in my face.
We also put off having our own child so as not to upset her but how is that fair to us.
Am i an arsehole for hating her? Am i an arsehole for wanting her to be an independent person who can actually care for herself? Am i an arsehole for not wanting to be a slave to a 15 year old?
There is so much more to this story but just can't fit it all in | HISTORICAL | {
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R6e9xVvKtX6kEIKBv3iCkHCAWBmWCFNm | b5mb3z | {
"description": "contacting my father I've never met, recently discovered through ancestry dna testing",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA For contacting my father I've never met, recently discovered through ancestry DNA testing? |
So will try to keep it brief. This is my wife's dilemma. She's not on here but wanted me to ask reddit for advice and if she WBTA if she does what shes thinking. wife age 30 for reference.
So she grew up without ever knowing who her dad was. Mom claims she was (the R word) and never knew who he was. Now, we and other family are very skeptical of this claim. The mother is a really terrible person all around, terrible parent, chronic liar, lifelong alcoholic, abuse, all around very very not great. Would regularly bring guys home etc. type of Guys that would abuse the mothers other daughters etc. This is corroborated by her much older siblings. She had many kids with a few different men, last child being my wife with this unknown guy.
i just want to get the point across that its something she would easily lie about and that there is no discussion on whether she is a terrible person and would easily lie, that's fact.
The mom was 40 when she had her last child. Putting this perspective dad at about 70 now or thereabouts.
She took a DNA test through ancestry website. It matched her with a first cousin (high chance) on the would be dad side of the family. So this cousins father is her uncle. He Only has 1 brother. We conclude this must be her father. Can't find much on the potential father like pictures, but have his contact info and think we have his home address. But found some pics of other relatives and grandfather and they look so much like my wife its crazy.
Now, she would like to contact him for a couple reasons. She would like to know if she has any other half siblings, do any live in our area etc. also would like to ask about any health issues that run in the family, that kind of thing.
Some potential issues. We don't think so, but what if the mom was indeed (the R word)? What if the guy just cheated way back then but is still with his wife now? you can see these issues and there are potentially more scenarios you could think of.
If she contacts him, and he has been married 40 years and she's still around, that may create problems for him. Which isn't what she wants to do. Those kind of issues is what we are worried about.
So Reddit, my wife wants some advice.
WIBTA for contacting my dad, knowing it has potential to cause him a great deal of stress? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
mwbOe94Go8FLzUFrwU3IDw5krJBvzQIm | aqr7gb | {
"description": "forcing my brother to follow an established system",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for forcing my brother to follow an established system? | My family has had a system for as long as I can remember that works as follows:
On a communal device, one can limit the current user's turn to 30 more minutes by giving a warning.
My brother is now refusing to follow this system, going so far as to lie and state that the communal device is his personal PC.
I do have a personal PC, but the crux of the argument is that this communal PC is the only one with a VR system hooked up and the only one that could have one hooked up to it due to space constraints.
Admittedly I'm not totally blameless: his argument is that he's playing with a friend who has a 2 hour limited timespan, however I gave the warning coincidentally 30 minutes before they got on. Rather than give me my 30 minutes immediately and then explaining the situation, he chose to play solo for that 30 minutes and THEN complain when I returned to claim my turn. He then proceeded to argue for a full hour claiming that he had an inherent right to use my *personal* PC to play his game. During this tine, I could have gotten my half hour and then he'd have the entire remaining timespan to play with his friend. Despite this, he has refused to admit his own lack of foresight so I'm settling this once and for all: AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
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cXNsLOwb3Bf6JHxvjaY0kaf8ll9m48xo | 9xrqv9 | {
"description": "breaking up with boyfriend post major operation",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for breaking up with boyfriend post major operation (and not seeing him if he wants me to see him)? | (Obligatory apology for the long post, ended up being a cathartic release to type it all out)
Open relationship of 2 months, been relationship like and had sex most of the year. Met all his family etc, basically live with him. I help with house chores and our laundry, etc. He is 25. I'm 21. Incoming third person (Lana) is 23. I get along with my bfs family so well, his mum considers me as her own daughter and I go to extended family dinners and events. Lana and my bf work together.
We are in an open relationship because he has commitment issues after ending a 7 year relationship with the girl he thought was the one. Basically he wanted to buy a house, join bank accounts, have kids, and she wasn't ready. They also didn't make each other happy and were really codependent. Bf moved back home after the breakup at the end of last year. He said he isnt fucking anyone else and doesnt want to, and I believe him. It's okay with me if he does, just as long as it's not Lana (you'll see why below haha).
He was happy to be more affectionate, emotional, and boyfriend like, but to him a commitment is serious like you're either casual and not in a relationship or seriously thinking about a future together and working towards that. So this is what we ended up with.
He had an ACL and meniscus tear. Had surgery for it 2 days ago. Essentially, bed rest and crutches for at least the first two weeks. Intense rehab. No sport for 12 months, no gym for 2, etc. Very rough.
When he got out of surgery and woke up from the meds, he was like "hey, Lana is coming to visit in her study break. But I'm so keen to see you. You're so beautiful" etc etc.
Lana is his best friend, they used to be fwb. They are two peas in a pod and understand each other in an uncanny, mind connected way. Lana is in love with him and has issues with me, eg, she wasnt comfortable with me being there at the same time. She was the first one to see him after surgery, and the last one to see him before visiting hours closed. I visited in between with his mum and dad.
I took him home the next day. Lana and my bf made plans to hang out then, so I disappeared but in an emotional huff. Basically I asked bf where I should put his stuff before leaving, he said bedroom, I put it in the bedroom, and he got annoyed because it wasnt upstairs. He dramatically expressed this. Tried to cut him slack because of painkillers and he just went through a major operation, but basically left in an emotional huff. Didnt stay to resolve it because if Lana saw my car there, she would irrationally lose her shit. It's happened before. He said he was disappointed and I responded with, I stay and I'm in the wrong, I go and I'm in the wrong.
He also said (when I pressed him) he prefers her company because I'm serious and argumentative. (I am, except he was bringing up Lana for no reason and knew it would push my buttons, and I said so and asked him to stop, he didnt, and then he got mad that I was annoyed and sad. He also ended up fighting, separately, with his ex, Lana, and myself on the day of his surgery. I feel like that's more indicative of him just being an emotional mess and arguing.) He was talking about how we should break up because he cant cope with Lana and I not being ok with each other, and because if we will work it will be after a break from this because it's too much right now. I agree. I'm in love, he doesn't know that, and it's hard as fuck, but I agree.
He texted me yestersay saying he felt terrible about it all and that he would call when Lana left. He never called. He said he fell asleep. This morning I asked if Lana stayed over and he said yes. This cut me so deep because, again, he chose her over me. He swaps between saying how I feel (really fucking upset) is valid and this is all fucked up, and then saying it's not a competition with Lana. I agree it's not a competition, but I shouldnt always be second to her. It makes me feel shit as his gf, it makes my confidence take a big hit, I feel insecure and not good enough, and sad/depressed. This has only emerged over the last few days with his surgery stuff. I am not ok with feeling like this. Also feel preemptively embarrassed because she was there, not me, and his family might think I just dont give a shit when I've done everything I can for him including moving my flight dates so I can be here. (Surgery was planned for a different date but there was a last minute change.)
This is exacerbated, I think, because we broke up around 3 weeks ago because Lana was way too irrationally upset and was saying stuff like "I will quit, I cant handle seeing you" and "we cant be friends" etc and being verbally abusive to him. He isnt willing to quit, and isnt willing to give up his friendship. That's fine, I've never asked him to. It's not my place to do that. He ended up saying fuck it, no, this isnt right, she cant keep controlling this. I think this history just makes it harder for me emotionally.
This morning he said he doesnt want to talk, and that if I genuinely care, I would first want to make sure he's okay. He wants me to come over for company while Lana is there. He said Lana is ok with this. I would have been, but for her staying over last night instead of me. I cry or feel really sad when I hear her name or think about her. I'm not angry anymore, just really sad. Like I've spent a fair bit of my alone time crying. Cried on his surgery day when I wasnt the first to see him, after I left when Lana was coming to see him, yesterday arvo and then went out with friends to a bar, came back at 2am and cried myself to sleep. Cried when I woke up after hearing she slept at his. I'm exhausted and drained.
I've gone through a lot of family issues (parents on off divorcing my whole life, and mum abusing me emotionally and verbally). Been through therapy for a while, but my therapist just moved countries. If I was healthy, i probably would have left a while ago. But things were improving, and i used it as a healthy way to learn about emotions and relationships through discussing things with my therapist. I never thought I could fall in love in my entire life, and yet I have. Even through the worst of it all, I've grown and have learned how to deal with my emotions better (still obviously needs work haha). Just putting this here because I'm hoping it'll make the story make more sense and give context.
Tldr; WIBTA if I breakup with a guy I'm in love with 3 days post his ACL and meniscus surgery if I feel really sad because he doesnt prioritise me? Not looking for advice, just very morally conflicted. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 10,
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} | RIGHT |
ojrT5NsjKpnngv09sygA5eqZaPBeqWg4 | alf8z0 | {
"description": "reporting a close friend for drug use on the job",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for reporting a close friend for drug use on the job? | Throwaway since I don't want to be connected to this if I do report her.
I'm having a small dilemma about reporting a close friend for her use of weed on the job.
​
My friend Ally has a private Snapchat story that's only available to close friends, people she sells weed to, etc. On this story, she often posts videos of her smoking, which is whatever to me (I smoke sometimes myself). However, there was a snap on her story the other day that clearly showed that she was at work; and on her break she was shown smoking a blunt, and then returned to work.
​
Now, this wouldn't be as big of a deal to me if she had a run of the mill job. But she works at a small private daycare, so she's around children from the ages of >1-4 years of age. It immensely bothered me and a few other of my friends who also have the ability to see her private snapchat story. From this inquiry, she's probably frequently high around other people's children, who have entrusted in her for the wellbeing of their kids. Also, Ally isn't the most functional when she's high (she also smokes everyday). I've been around her when she's only has two hits of a blunt, and she becomes lucid and can't carry on a full conversation.
She's a frequent seller and smoker, and the fact that she's bringing this around other people's kids when she has no right to do so is disrespectful and dangerous in my eye.
My potential plan is to email the daycare anonymously and make them aware of her behavior and make it clear that this is purely for the wellbeing of the kids, and not a malicious intent towards her or weedsmokers in general. She is a very close friend that I see semi-often, and she isn't in the best place financially, so losing her job would be a large issue. I don't want to see her financially struggle again. So, I'm asking, Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 13,
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} | RIGHT |
ukdfKcUgZVYWrLdfK2pjtBTUn4XUsCfd | b67vov | {
"description": "asking my roommate to not microwave smelly foods in the room",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I asked my roommate to not microwave smelly foods in the room? | So my roommate and I live in a small, single room dorm. I purchased a microwave and fridge in the beginning of the school year and allowed my roommate to use them. However, my roommate eats a lot of foods with \*very\* strong smells. Stuff like fishy smelling ramen, frozen Indian food, tamales, etc.. She is also just... sort of dumb??? and burns stuff in the microwave. Like one time she put chocolate chip cookies in the microwave for three minutes and our room smelt like burnt chocolate for DAYS (along with our hall).
Anyway, when she makes these foods, our room smells like her food all day. Also, the microwave is right next to my closet so my clothes end up smelling like her food for a while. There \*is\* a microwave that she can use in the dining hall so I wouldn't be completely depriving her of her frozen smelly foods, she just wouldn't be making it in the room.
So would I be the asshole if I asked her not to make her food in our room anymore (just food that leaves a strong smell)? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
gDJs6k6sDetoWDpIvyRn0mgW90zUMm1x | 9t75g2 | {
"description": "cutting ties with a girl that's madly in love with me, even though I think I might feel something for her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for cutting ties with a girl that’s madly in love with me, even though I think I might feel something for her? | Allow me to elaborate. So I’ve been talking to this girl for about 2 months now, and all I can say is I just feel lost with it. She’s absolutely beautiful, like she’s stunning. And on top of that, she has a great personality. We started as FWB, but I don’t know what I’m feeling right now and feel lost. I’ve told her I have feelings and she feels the same, but I don’t feel like it’s the same feelings I’ve had for other girls. The recent girls I talked to felt too perfect for me so I was obsessed, while with this one, it actually feels realistic, but the feelings feel more grounded in a way. Like, I don’t want to talk to her 24/7, but I just don’t know. I want to love her, but I don’t know if I can so far. I actually really like talking to her and she likes talking to me. We worry about each other, but I don’t think we’re on the same level of feelings about each other. I wanna be with her, but part of me just doesn’t. I never been on a date with her because we haven’t seen each other awhile, but knew each other forever. This girls is nuts for me and I wanna be nuts for her, but I don’t know. I don’t wanna lead her on, and hurt her, but fuck, I don’t wanna lose her. She’s so amazing, but I just don’t know if I can see myself with her. Is this what it feels like to have an actual girlfriend? Every other previous girl lead me on and broke my heart. A date doesn’t really excite me to be honest, but having her by my side sounds so nice right about now. I really don’t wanna hurt her. She’s so precious. I think one part of me feels like I should cut ties, while the other part of me would hate myself for letting her go. WIBTA if I just ended everything here? What should I do? I really hope I can love her she’s so fucking awesome, I don’t know where to start, we just click. Ughhhhh, please help me... | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2bHAMTbM2ofNxXxnSZQjPCop77scWEqP | a8nden | {
"description": "moving on without telling my effective-then ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for moving on without telling my effective-then ex-girlfriend? | My previous girlfriend and I met in college. We were together for a little over a year and a half.
I ended up landing a career job that I really enjoyed; I worked in the city, she lived in the suburbs (my actual home was about an hour drive away). We agreed that I'd stay at her apartment a night during the week and spend a day together on the weekends. Even with this, she felt we weren't spending enough time together and seemed to still be used to how it was in college: we saw each other 3-4 times a week. I started hanging around more on the weekends for us to do things but after a while I started to feel like I had no time for myself to unwind or hang out with my other friends. Every night was a request to facetime/talk on the phone, which I was fine with most of the time but certain nights I just wanted to unwind and focus on Netflix, a game, or something else.
Then my dad got extremely sick. He's been battling cancer for 11 years, but around the beginning of August he was the sickest he has ever been - to the point that my mother and I needed to have conversations that I hoped we never would've had to. He could no longer work and honestly could barely move without a walker, so I started doing a lot more around the house to help my mom as well as just wanting to spend more time with my family because I didn't know how much time he had left. I told my ex-girlfriend I'd only be able to see her on weekends because of the above.
I was incredibly drained. So one night she comes over and tells me that she thinks it best for us to split up because I "could not satisfy her emotional needs as well as take care of my own" and I "clearly needed to be with my family more". I was really caught off guard and agreed that we go our separate ways and maybe re-assess when my father's health improves.
I spent the next couple weeks really thinking about this and ultimately decided that I didn't want to be with someone that couldn't sacrifice the slightest to be with me in honestly the most difficult stretch of my young life so far (even told her at one point that I didn't know when I could see her next because there's a chance in a week my dad was no longer going to be alive)
Fast forward 4 months. My dad was in and out of the hospital for most of September-November, I posted updates regularly on Facebook for our family and close friends to stay in the loop - not one text message, nothing.
Anyway, I started seeing someone new and we really hit it off and I feel like we will likely end up entering into a relationship very soon, and I have no intention of sharing this information with my ex-girlfriend. We effectively did split up, but some mutual friends seemed to think that I "could've done more" during the stretch where I was caught between my family and her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2vzhgUDkkfRIVZXziLXoptkrX70s8eaE | b40r1s | {
"description": "snitching on a drug addict",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA If I snitched on a drug addict? | We’re in 9th grade, and I heard a rumor about that he did a ton of drugs so I asked him about it, and he spent about 10 minutes describing how he does adderall and lsd and he smokes weed. He wasn’t really discrete about, just instantly said it. Afterwards he asked me not to snitch because somebody already had once before and he had to say it was a joke.
Thing is, he doesn’t have his shit together at all, he’s never got anything done and I’m pretty sure he’s failing a few classes. I want him to get help, but I’m not sure if snitching would get him help or just ruin his life. WIBTA if I snitched? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
JaxuiR6dGbWlxzS8fnyoxqbScxUhVga5 | b0w9yo | {
"description": "not helping someone save money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not helping someone save money. | So a guy was selling a piece of equipment that I was interested in buying due to hydraulic line failures causing a large (10+k)enviro cleanup cost. He was upfront and honest wth me about cost, issues, etc and This was a problem I’m familiar with. The problem can be solved by using enviro friendly oil instead of the regular oil as there’s no reporting requirements for spills.
I didn’t tell him this information and feel like ITA because then he could have kept his equipment and not HD to sell it (to me) at a loss. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
UrXfhRxaeDeWH2AQmUb6T1FQ5RFrpfOh | b2mbsr | {
"description": "making fun of my girlfriend's unhealthy food cravings",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA: For making fun of my girlfriend's unhealthy food cravings? | My girlfriend will sometimes want unhealthy food like Taco Bell and McDonald's. It has gotten to the point that she will cry probably once a month if we don't get a shamrock shake or a big mac. Recently, I have been making fun of fast food restaurants for her health (we can afford healthier food). For example, I sent her a picture of the pink Mcnuggets goo from Super Size Me and she was really upset at me. Should I stop? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
zqNLrJcBtlLkRx7y5l2oaRVXiHFwAW2s | b6rrff | {
"description": "telling my roommate to pay more in rent if his girlfriend sleeps over frequently",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for telling my roommate to pay more in rent if his girlfriend sleeps over frequently? | My roommate and I have a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment. Recently, his girlfriend has been sleeping over almost every night and I can't help but feel a little salty.
Anyways, I jokingly told him (back in the beginning when it was once a week) that I have to charge him for her staying over. He argued that: (1) she was in his room all day anyways, (2) she barely uses any common space like the living room, (3) she only comes out to use the bathroom or shower which is like 5 minutes or so. I don't want to look petty and say she has to chip in for electricity (he would probably say they share the same lights) or water because it would be a couple dollars extra probably.
AITA, or maybe I am just salty she is taking away time from me hanging out with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
tAYuFeoVnLh7xG3pXy16PITRKwyclgr6 | aktqxx | {
"description": "getting my younger daughter massages",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting my younger daughter massages? | I have two daughters, one is 4 years older than the other. The younger one had back issues which made it really easy for her to pull muscles in her back and neck. The doctor basically said that massage therapy once a week would help, or she could get surgery. I didn't like the idea of my 4 year old getting major surgery, so we opted for massages. These continued until she grew out of her back problems when she was 13 or so.
My older daughter felt like we were playing favorites by getting her sister massages but not her. Yes, we could've afforded massages for both but it seemed like spoiling her to get her massages without a medical need. During her sister's appointments, we would usually take her to get some food and hang out.
The kids are grown now, but my older daughter recently said that our younger daughter is clearly our favorite because we got her massages as a kid and didn't get them for our older daughter. Are we assholes for not treating them completely equally in this respect? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CGScX7uqQ4ggeIKPkRV5PsqRifwUmTTG | b6c9ii | {
"description": "not involving my fiancee's family in the proposal",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not involving my fiancee's family in the proposal | Months before I proposed, I told my fiancee's family that I was ready to propose to her and the day I was planning to do it. On that day my fiancee's mom asked me to include her younger daughter, my fiancee's sister (in her 20s), in the proposal. I said something like "Okay, I'll get in touch with her."
Months pass and for various reasons I decided not to include either family in the proposal, but instead just include friends. I propose on the day I had planned to do it. My fiancee was super happy and said yes and frankly it was perfect. Then, on our way to our post-proposal lunch, she called her family to share the exciting news, and they were extremely cold and negative. They tend to be melodramatic, so she just tried to ignore it and enjoy our lunch and time with friends and she called other family in other countries etc, who were all warm and positive.
We decided to try to meet up with both sets of parents for dinner (they live only an hour away). My family agrees instantly. Her family absolutely refuses to meet for dinner or after dinner saying that we took this experience away from them, they feel completely blindsided and angry, they feel like they are being cut out of their daughters life, and basically that I have intentionally offended and excluded them. My fiancee basically begged them saying, okay can we just come see you for 10 minutes because I just got engaged today and I'd like to share this big day with you, and they said no. Not only that, but they then send pictures on a group chat showing them eating dinner <15 minutes away from where we live, and just by themselves, so it was not like they had other commitments or plans.
Same behavior continued the next morning. We then decided to just go over whether they like it or not because at the least she wanted to see her grandparents who were visiting from another country. When we were there, they said I violated their wishes, that the younger daughter had kept the day free and was waiting for a call about it for months, that we were starting our marriage in a way that offended everyone, and basically that we were terrible people for not thinking about them. I apologized for not communicating back to the sister that she didn't need to keep the whole day free, but frankly other than that I didn't think I did anything wrong and so I didn't apologize more.
Now several months later, the family is still not over it. They don't want us to use the proposal photos for anything because it hurts their feelings, they keep saying that the proposal day was their dream and we ruined it, and they're mad at my fiancee for taking my side.
I'm just so confused. I felt like I put my fiancee first and planned the proposal that way. And immediately post-proposal we tried to plan dinner with them to celebrate. Clearly they don't think so and are driving us crazy. AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
AEyZCKhL8Epi0pykTKSTGrKfBZvtyzXH | ax2hjz | {
"description": "telling the bride I'm having trouble affording her wedding",
"pronormative_score": 132,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling the bride I'm having trouble affording her wedding? | So I am a bridesmaid in a wedding party of two. Now I've never been to a wedding, let alone been in a wedding so I didn't know what it all involved. Long story short bride has expensive taste due to wealthy fiancé, and I am in the poor income range. So far I have had to pay for half of a bridal shower plus take home gifts for the people that came, and prizes etc and then I had to pay for my portion of her Bachelorette (300$) as well as pay for half the brides portion. The wedding is about a 10 hr drive from home and the room is around 600$ a night so x2 because I have to be there for rehearsal dinner. Plus bridesmaids dress (400$), alterations, hair and makeup which I'm being forced to have done (250$). In total the wedding is going to cost me around $2000 if not more.
When I tried telling her that I was having trouble affording all this she told me that I've had 7 months to save so it's not an excuse. Living paycheck to paycheck its not easy to save 300$ a month...
Was it wrong of me to mention this to her? At this point i regret saying yes, but I feel it is to late to back out now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 130,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 132,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
oa0swKvcyES7SbxUWPsM8713uAz480Ur | aklq3m | {
"description": "always keeping money found on the ground",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for always keeping money found on the ground | Of course, this isn't a regular occurrence. But whenever I see money on the ground it's going straight in my pocket, no second thoughts. Finders keepers, right? One of my mates is a real hard-core ethical type and he says it's wrong. So, I figure I'd make a quick throwaway post to settle it - AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XxSfUGr7Qs3hqaORoZY1emScF26bNkwO | az02xa | {
"description": "moving away from home",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for moving away from home? | I left home to go to college in another state. I ended up marrying someone I met there, and we made our home in that state. We now have children. We visit my family twice a year for holidays. It is hard to go more often because traveling with children is hard and expensive.
My uncle passed away recently. After he passed away, his entire family (wife and kids) are angry at me. They removed me on Facebook, did not answer any of my texts or calls, and told my other Aunt to tell me we were not invited to the funeral. I've been told they are angry because I didn't move my family home to support them when he was sick.
I didn't realize they expected me to move my children and leave our jobs to move back to their state. Even if I had known they wanted me to, realistically I wouldn't have done it.
I did visit him three months ago and regularly texted. I sent gift packages. I have not offered financial support, but now that they are angry I am afraid that they would see an offer as an attempt to buy my way back into the family.
Is their expectation that I should have moved home a normal expectation? If so I guess I'm a jerk. I am doing some soul searching. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
a6VVXU7IQwx8vqsaSOmj2gHFXZ996DuE | 9xknjs | {
"description": "going to the Camp fire in Paradise, CA to do some amateur photography",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I went to the Camp fire in Paradise, CA to do some amateur photography? | It’s a hobby of sorts and the wife and I always love a little trip but the optics feel a little bad.. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
NhRElO4S1O82ut2Tqk1Lpjqf3NpKpRVD | a5hx1y | {
"description": "burning my house down",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for burning my house down | I consider myself a religious person who believes there is a spiritual side to our world beyond nature. But **I don't believe in ghosts**. Once a person dies, they go onward, they do not remain earthbound. Yet this is why I am still left searching for an explanation to a series of strange encounters my family experienced 44 years ago. When I was about 9, **my family and I moved** into a three-bedroom bungalow in Central California. Besides it being small, and my brothers and sisters and me having to share bedrooms, the only really unusual feature of that house was that standing at the front door, you could see all the way through the living room, kitchen, back hall, and out the back door. Not long after moving in, **we began to see glimpses of an elderly man**. I still remember him vividly: He had white hair and was always was wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans. Sometimes we'd be in the living room and see a glimpse of him at the back door. Or one of us would be walking down the back hallway and spot him in the living room. It was always just a momentary glimpse. If you looked again, nothing would be there. One night, it was just Mom and me at home. My brother, John, with whom I shared a bedroom, was away with my grandparents. When it was time for bed, I hugged my mom goodnight and went to my room without bothering to turn on the light. I could hear Duchess, our little black mutt, thumping her tail. When I hopped into bed, I patted the foot of my bed and called to Duchess to come join me. **I could hear her nails click on the floor** as she walked across the room and felt her weight as she jumped onto the foot of the bed. Immediately, though, the weight became unbearably heavy. It was so heavy that my feet were bent backward and downward. It was also extremely hot. **I was suddenly very afraid.** I shouted at the dog to get off and I sat up to push her with my hands. Nothing was there. The weight and heat were immediately gone. I ran out to my mom to discover Duchess had been outside the entire time with our two other dogs. Mom said I must have had a bad dream, but even she admitted that I hadn't been in my room long enough to fall asleep. The whole episode lasted for less than a minute. Even though the dog never visited me again, the fear from that night stayed with me. I grew to hate that house. I started having a lot of nightmares. We all continued to see the old man quite often, but it was weird -- those visions weren't scary. Still, I did not want to be alone in that house, or my room, again. Years later, long after we'd all moved out and had kids of our own, we went on a big family camping trip with our parents. It was my mom, my sisters, me, and the kids back at camp -- the guys were out. Somehow we got to talking about that house. I shared how I always hated it and told the story of the dog. **That's when my sister, Birdie, started freaking out.** When our sister Deb had moved out, Birdie moved into my room with me and John moved into hers. Birdie explained that once, when I was spending the night at a friend's, the same exact thing happened to her. Something she thought was a dog in the room, walking across the floor, jumping on the bed, and then an immediate sense of heavy weight, extreme heat, and fear. As we talked, the men returned and we filled them in on our creepy tale. Sure enough, John had the same ghostly encounter when he'd been alone in the room. Suddenly, we noticed mom and dad giving each other a look. We demanded to know what it was about. Our parents had rented the house from a man who'd inherited it from his father. **His father had been murdered in the house.** His dog was killed trying to protect him. They had never said anything to us because they didn't want to frighten us. I have come to believe that the old man is what is known as a "residual haunting," sort of a loop in time. A common event that happened so often in life that, even after death, it still takes place. The dog, though, continues to baffle me. Although I believe that animals have souls, I don’t believe they have spirits that travel onward after their bodies die. **So the dog must have been something entirely different, not a dog at all.** Maybe an evil spirit that became attached to the dog’s body during the murderous act against him and his master. I still don’t really know, but I do know that I have no desire to go back to that house to find out. So, to make sure this never happened to me or anybody again, I struck a match in the house and left to go sleep at a motel with my family for the night. They never discovered it was me, but i'm feeling guilty.
AITA for burning down a house with an evil spirit attached? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
xtVcX3Xz7mKpVrFTp4ezdTdqGTysR3x1 | b8fays | {
"description": "moving out because my roommate is self destructive",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I move out because my roommate is self destructive? | I don't know if this breaks the rules or not, but here it goes anyway.
Also sorry if I make mistakes, I am not natively English.
I live with a friend of mine that I have known for about 4 years. We have now been living as roommates for 2 years. But ever since we moved in together, she had started to become more and more self destructive. It started with her just scratching her arm, but eventuslla she started using markers on her arms and thighs.
But, turns out that very recently, she did scratch herself with scissors, and tried to break her skin but wasn't able to.
I don't want to just stand here and watch this happen. It causes me anxiety, it drains me mentally and she does not accept my help. I can't do anything about it. I don't want to one day find her with open wrists and dead.
I don't want her to harm herself. I care about her very much. But I don't think it should be my respobsibility to care for her, especially when she doesn't even accept my help. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pRRVr88EAHkHKI0H9ADXg9lRQ8yOam3N | aisrrt | {
"description": "telling my coworkers not to touch me",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my coworkers not to touch me? | I'm just some dude who works at a place. I'm mildly attractive, I work out, but I absolutely HATE being touched. I'm not autistic or OCD I just like my personal space very much. If I'm in a committed relationship then of course I like to be touched by my SO and that's it.
Well where I work, years ago, a co workers tried to give me a high five and I said no thank you. I wasn't a dick or a jerk I just mentioned I don't really like touching other people or being touched. Well, this opened the flood gates because that coworker told everyone about my "phobia" to where coworkers turned it into a game to touch me. It has NEVER been sexual, but its still very unwelcomed.
I had a coworker pat me on the back and I immediately shrugged and moved away and said in an angry tone "Don't touch me!" To which I figured he would apologize, but he didn't. He turned in to a victim right away and was like "Wow, its not like I'm raping you, calm down." And everyone sort of sided with him saying my response was a bit overreaction.
Am I the asshole here?
I figured it was common courtesy/sense to NOT touch coworkers. Sexual or not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
hgJLERti2BLG3tY8b0AihHEA0DSmuCdS | azfgup | {
"description": "not wanting kids in my realm",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting kids in my realm? | So recently a few friends and I got a realm for Minecraft (I pay for it) and I don’t really like inviting kids as we are all older and they don’t really fit in due to the age gap. Anyway I added someone’s brother to give him a chance as all kids can’t be that bad. Wrong, first place he saw he completely destroyed and took everything. I told his brother he needs to control him or he will either be put in adventure mode indefinitely or removed from the realm completely. The other people want to be more lenient and let him continue with what he’s doing because it hadn’t been their base. AITA for not wanting this behavior at my realm? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
N0E23v0y5mqQrvlMSTJRYZwCn8sSTRpj | asj4pn | {
"description": "leaving my mom and my sisters to go live on my own",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I leave my mom and my sisters to go live on my own? | God I have a couple of AITA's so here's one of them.
A little context. My mom (44) recently exited a very toxic relationship with my dad that lasted for a little over 22 years, and when I was around 16 I told her that as soon as I was of age I'd work and get her out of there since she never worked because of her being a house wife.
When I turned 18 I got a serious job and started making some money, so I got my mom out of there and started technically, becoming her provider. I understand that it's a little harder for her to get a job because of her age, and I did tell her that as soon as she got a job I'd go on my way, since I was only there to help her get OUT of that shitty situation.
It's been two years now and while she has gotten a couple of short lived jobs she hasn't gotten a serious job, I think it's because I've been enabling her, giving her the same life than my dad gave her but even better without the toxicity,
but it's been taking a toll on me emotionally and financially, I'm living paycheck to paycheck paying rent and utilities for me and my sisters, and while my older one is helping I make more money therefore I put more money towards the house and it doesn't help that my mom is a little bit... mean? She doesn't
think what she says and ends up insulting me without noticing, telling me things that hurt me, (specially coming from my mom)and making decisions for me and keeping tolls on me. So I technically haven't had a proper teenage life and now I'm 20, work 9 hours a day to support my family and I've been diagnosed with dysthymia (Which is technically, high functioning depression).
I've tried to tell my mom about how much this is affecting me and telling her that I want to leave and she always becomes overly defensive, telling me that "I'd be abandoning her" and my sisters to go live with my dad since I always "liked him better" and ends up crying and calling me, well, an asshole. Am I? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IsRW9cXBHWJh3U0afeAbBkKVdvdQODO1 | b7izag | {
"description": "not giving up my seat to a parent on the train",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving up my seat to a parent on the train? | I'm not sure if anyone has posted this one here before but here goes. So I'm on the train and there's a 2 seater seat which is empty. I go sit in the inner seat so there's an empty seat beside me. The next stop loads of people get on and a mother daughter duo comes up and the girl sits on the empty seat beside me. She's I wld say 7 or 8 years old. And the mom now just stands in front of us. I continue seated till my stop. Should I have given up my seat to her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Q8q5XuxSlmroWzKvCrNGazt0ihvgxBnE | a8s4m5 | {
"description": "thinking Chris Benoit deserves to be in the hall of fame",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for thinking Chris Benoit deserves to be in the hall of fame? | Okay so I know what he did was absolutely abhorrent, but I personally believe that the hall of fame should be about CAREER ACHIEVEMENTS only. Not what one does in their personal life. I’ve been called an asshole for being able to look past his actions to see what he did for the wrestling business. I know he’ll never actually be inducted, but AITA for thinking he still deserves to be in the wrestling history books for his in ring work even though he’s a murderer? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
kQlQjWRmCrfcumhM6PzdLM4s0Wr3szSb | b6meto | {
"description": "not coming back to care for my parents",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn’t come back to care for my parents? | Ok, so this will be in the very very very very far future.
I’m currently studying to become an English teacher in a foreign country. Once I have my degree and TEFL certificate, etc, I plan on finding a teaching job in a foreign country, moving there, and staying for at least a while, if not the rest of my life.
I have been to this country multiple times, and while the stays varied in lengths, I am ABSOLUTELY sure this is what I want.
Although they were opposed to begin with, my parents are finally beginning to accept that this is what I want, and this is what I am going to do.
However, my mother recently told me that should they ever “need” me to, I “will come back to England to care for us from then on.” (I.e if they developed dementia, etc) She said it like I had no choice in the matter. Of course I disagreed with this - by that time, I plan to have a career and possibly a family in this foreign country, and she can’t expect me to just drop everything and become some stay at home nanny for her. At least, that’s what I think.
She was appalled, accused me of not caring about her or my father, and stormed off.
Of course, I would definitely come back to England to visit them whenever I could if they were ill - hell, I want to visit them and vice versa as much as I can every year regardless of their health.
I just think that if they were to get ill, it is both unfair and irresponsible to expect me to drop my life in order to become their full time caregiver. I am not and will not be trained for that, and I wholeheartedly believe they would be better off in an old person’s home should they need to be in one.
I love them both and care for them greatly so it sucks that my mother thinks I don’t.
WIBTA if I stuck to this viewpoint? Is it rational? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WEBn96nODakA9h6i9sQ6iUG9lfk1QhXt | akdba4 | {
"description": "not wanting to help my girlfriend clean up her room in her apartment",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to help my girlfriend clean up her room in her apartment? | My girlfriend isn’t the most organized. She’s absolutely brilliant, she is one hell of a hard worker, and she makes my heart so happy, but she is very messy.
I’ve helped her clean her room to pristine condition two previous times, and told her that if she let it get to the way it was again I wouldn’t help her, and she promised to keep it clean the second time. I don’t want to help her now because I don’t want to waste time doing something she’s going to allow to go back to the way it used to be.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
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