id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
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|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
gt0Fz5wb4qWVaWTQXfZhTjULMmlGLZX0 | amdi3p | null | AITA my mom is constantly passive aggressively bashing my aunt | I work a high stress 50-60 hr per week job and am required to travel. I have too sweet children that I love more than anything. They are 4 soon to be 5 and 6. My amdear sweet aunt who could never have children who helped raise me babysit my kids until I am home from work and has always been a tremendous help in my life and still continues to be until this day. She is the kind of woman who would give you her last dime if you needed it. And she has always loved children, babysat when I was a kid had foster kids etc.
Well I have been feeling animosity between her and my mother for years but his week it kind of reached a head.
My sons birthday and my husband's birthday are one week apart. We are having the birthday party for him at my moms house bc there is a lot of room up there as compared to our house. Well my folding chairs were up there and I asked my aunt if she could swing up quick and grab 4 of them because my husband's birthday is today and his family and a handful of his friends were coming over. Gave my aunt-who is my dads sister and who helped raise me the key to her house to grab the chairs.
Within 15 minutes my mom who was at work is texting me.
Who did you give the key to my house ? Someone was in ?
I was getting some chairs out dropped the drink thing off
You ?
Con. Why?
My mom ( my gram) went to check it. Said someone was in there wet tracks on the floor. How about you just use the key then we will have no more issues !
(There were no wet tracks on the floor. The chairs were right inside the front door next to the rug that my aunt wiped her feet on. Did I also mention my aunt is like the cleanest person on the face of the planet ?)
If people respected other people we would not have this
Then my mom proceeded to text my aunt and told her
That Emily (thats me) is the only one to be using the key to her house.
Who is the ass hole here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HcAzwMsh2n1EeRz5VNdgq86I2r4ao2cx | aql2fp | {
"description": "ordering stuff online",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ordering stuff online? | So recently I've received some student loans and have been using this money to buys stuff online, books usually. It's interest free and I don't need to pay it back until I earn a certain amount so what I buy really doesn't matter. I go through books really quickly and order new ones every couple days. My older brother is at home and he's usually the one that has to take them in. Recently he and my older sister have been commenting on the sheer volume of stuff I've ordered in an attempt to shame me. My brother has been saying that he "knows all the delivery drivers because they're here every single day" and that it is an "inconvenience in his life". He also states that the mail man has been getting pissed off with me, but when is spoke to him today he seemed pretty chill. Today when my sister came home from work and she found out that I had another delivery today she said that I was being "selfish" and that I need to stop "breaking the mail man's back with some many books" (they aren't that heavy). My brother then said that it is an "inconvenience" in his life that he has to answer the door and put whatever I got in my room. I brought up the fact that back in summer I slept in and missed a package for my sister and that they yelled at me for it, but they said "that was different. You should have been up." (they also shame me for how much I sleep and have done for the past couple of months, but that's a different story). After they said that I walked away and told them to shut the fuck up. I should also add that whenever I get something my brother like to hide it and not tell me it's arrived.
I know this I really petty but I honestly need to know if I'm the bad guy here. I feel that since the mail man is already delivering letters to our house that it really doesn't matter if he has to carry a book or two. Am I wrong for thinking this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
06SoPwqRfii12FVA2w3QDRNQD51uPykK | aem36i | {
"description": "thinking there would be communication between managers",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking there would be communication between managers? | AITA, or more accurately is my friend the asshole, she needs to know if she’s the asshole for thinking there would be communication between managers?
She’s currently working in a quick-service restaurant and recently she’s been dealing with some mental health issues. She had made her managers aware of the situation at the beginning of her employment. Lately, her attendance has been faltering. She made sure to provide the requested doctor’s notes for each absence.
As the anniversary of a traumatic incident approached, she requested to be taken off the schedule that week prior to it being made. Her request was honored. The scheduling manager requested a doctor’s note upon her return, one that explained that she was stable enough to return to work.
Two days before she was to return to work the general manager contacted her trying to figure out what was going on. My friend explained the situation and confirmed she would have the required doctor’s note. The manager’s response was to demand a doctor’s note stating the reason for her absence in addition to the date she’d be cleared to return to work.
Is she the asshole for thinking that her general manager is being unprofessional? She feels the general manager should’ve communicated with the scheduling manager rather than contact her directly. She is frustrated that multiple people have to know about her personal business. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
A5M7ijwHMsWc5ndbrMH1NTL5rxaZlVWP | antxxq | {
"description": "suggesting my husband sleep on the couch if he's going to fart all night",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for suggesting my husband sleep on the couch if he's going to fart all night? | Just by the title alone I can imagine most people would say that I'm the asshole, but you have not smelled his farts. They are Chernobyl-levels of toxic clouds that no one should have to simmer in.
So last night it was one fart after another and I was trying to sleep. Just when I felt myself drifting off, another wave of miasma would hit me and I would have to turn over and filter the air through my pillow until it was safe to breathe normally again.
At one point I said "I'm about to go sleep on the couch" because I would never suggest he have to leave the bed. I am more than capable of removing myself from the situation.
I think that offended him because he just said "goodnight" and got up and left.
The title says that I "suggested he sleep on the couch" because I think that's how he saw the situation when I said I was going to leave, so in his mind, I suggested he sleep on the couch rather than myself.
Now, he's being very short with me and sort of giving me the cold shoulder. I know he's mad at me, but it was his decision to go sleep on the couch, no? No one forced him to do anything or leave the room. Should I apologize? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
ArrivTGLOyniF5ksr7pRRuUfTDKAYD9E | ajmo5g | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my man because of his housemates",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my man because of his housemates? | AITA for not wanting to visit my man because of his housemates?
The guy I’ve been seeing for about a year and a half invited my roommate and I over to his house for game night with his roommates. He’s known these people for about 6 months and there are a total of 3 guys (including him) and 1 girl. They had never met my roommate until that night and they barely know me.
Towards the end of the night, his female roommate mentioned that New Year’s Eve was a rough night because all she could hear from downstairs was the squeaking of someone’s bed, and while she was walking back to her room, she could hear someone “making noises.” There was an awkward silence before his housemate’s were laughing, my roommate was confused, and I was covering my face out of embarrassment.
I have explained my perspective to him about it and he thinks “well, we are loud” which I understand. And he also explained that his housemates all have an open dynamic about their sex lives with each other - which I also understand but pointed out that that’s their dynamic and it should not be displayed in front of me and my roommate who had met them only 3 hours before. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
NYnoNInEqR7LLDTluhG3Yic9tATUtq4A | 9t4mgu | {
"description": "kissing the friend of a girl who I had been talking to",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for kissing the friend of a girl who I had been talking to? | Some context- I'm a college student at a college where hookup culture is very prevalent.
​
I met two girls at a football game a couple weeks ago. I got one of their numbers - call her "A" - and we've been texting back and forth. However, we haven't hung out again.
​
A few days ago, I saw the other girl - call her "B" - at a bar. We hit it off pretty well and ended up making out. I'd had plans to get dinner with "A" over the weekend; however, she texted me the next day and canceled rather brusquely. I gathered that "B" had spoken with her about our encounter. AITA for making moves on "B," despite the fact that we were at a bar which is a well-known student hookup spot, and I haven't seen "A" since our initial contact at the football game? I thought this was okay since I'd literally only seen "A" once. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | RIGHT |
1icgJdqWRQQIIli6LGlGU2xGmcEGRPEW | acadx6 | {
"description": "squealing on my friend to his Parole Officer",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA: Squealing on my Friend to his Parole Officer | TLDR: friend of mine and I got arrested because he had drugs, I'm getting punished, he is ignoring it and I have every intention of squealing on him.
\-----
​
​
I was driving his car across country, pulled over for speeding, he had drugs, but since I was driving, I got hit with felony possession as well. Despite him telling the cops it was his. ( Reason why I was driving was because he was too fucked up from the night before ) When the cops asked me, I said 'No', and the cop said 'Sounds like a yes to me' and cuffed me.
​
Drugs really aren't my thing, I've tried them sure, but that was limited to pot, which was only when other people had it, never even bought any for myself before.
​
We both took a plea deal, 2 years probation and dropped from felony charges to misdemeanor. part of the deal we both got into was that we had to report in person to the city we got busted in, a 10+ hour drive from where we both live.
​
I do my part, stay sober, pay my fines, play by the rules, check in when i'm supposed to, keep my head low.
​
My friend, drunk every weekend, Continues to do drugs, gets angry and mutters about how he wants nothing more to see that cop dead, dumb shit like that. Has all but told me it was my fault we got arrested. Constantly says one of us should have took the blame and claimed the drugs, heavily implying that I should do it, because now he is worried about losing his government job, and "it doesn't really matter" if I get arrested and stuck with felony charges. Even has told me that if his boss discovers his record ( apparently they do regular background checks ), and contacts me, that I should say it was all mine and he didn't do anything wrong.
​
My friend makes 6 figures and doesn't take anything seriously, I make a salary that would make a science teacher in a oklahoma public school feel rich. All this has cost me my entire savings, cleaned out 10 years of 401k investing, maxing out credit cards, and i'm still in debt to the tune of several thousand dollars. Living paycheck to paycheck previously now has me considering selling my car to help pay for some of this.Each visit cost me an additional $400 in flying to the city, hotels, fines, etc. I could drive, but that would require at least an extra day off work, that I don't have the vacation time for. Life hasn't been easy, while my friend bitches harder than I does, but the financial punishment is nothing for him.
​
I get a call to go up to meet with my Probation Officer, make the arrangements, and go up. My friend never heard from them. My probation officer has no idea what crime I did to end up there, I tell them what happened. They scheduled me for my next visit. Keeping pretty quiet and not giving any more info than asked about, I play my hand and I ask my PO why my friend hasn't had to come up yet. They tell me they have no idea who he is, despite us both having the same PO. some time goes by and he has never heard from them. All while continuing his behaviour, saying how lucky he is that he doesn't have to go up there, continuing his current behaviour, and being a dick to me for suggesting that he contact them because they can easily fuck him over if they see he hasn't checked in like he was supposed to.
​
Yes I understand that by knowingly driving a car with drugs in them I committed a crime. Not disputing that. But I am 100% bitter about it, and hate that my friend is effectively getting off scott free and continues to imply its my fault, and rubs it in my face that I have to spend the time and money to go visit when he does not all while he is constantly breaking the conditions of parole and is even stupid enough to continue to do drugs all this time.
\-----
Next time I go up I have every intention of being more direct asking why my friend hasn't had to come up, why I have to when he doesn't, knowing full well it could cost him his job, his income, and possibly even face serious felony charges facing 5-20 years.
If I do this, am I the asshole?
​
EDIT: I'm using the term 'friend' very loosely now. We text in a group chat but that's about it.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
N3d0k3Pp7dXiEIeEV5JcFtZGzIRL7gcd | b09vfq | {
"description": "making a joke about a place with a lot of crime",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making a joke about a place with a lot of crime? | In class, we were discussing life expectancy. There is a place in South Africa (where I live) called Mbekweni. There's a lot of crime there. So I made a joke saying that tge life expectancy there is very low. I feel really bad after making that joke because someone in my class lives there. She doesn't seem to be offended by the joke (if she was she would say it) but I still feel bad about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
f3jewoCzX886iAQYVJ5xYi4rWUZgiPpl | acs59h | {
"description": "not being willing to change in my RP group",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being willing to change in my RP group? | (This will most likely be different than what you usually see but please bear with me)
​
So for some background, I've been roleplaying with this group (of eight) for about 3ish years now and the problem was indeed something that was going on for a while, but only with these past months have things gotten worse. For the entire duration of our time together, myself and I believe a few others, considered each other to be friends. And for a while we have had a problem with OP(overpowered) characters in our group and we've come to the conclusion that they're fine as long as they don't ruin anyone's fun/mess with other people. We also have run into the problem have having different styles of roleplaying(the ways people approach things while roleplaying) conflict with one another. Usually things can be resolved and forgotten. We "try" our best to treat everyone equally.
​
The problem with me however is that my "roleplay style" and character are disliked by "everyone" but in reality it's only hated by two people who have taken it upon themselves to "be the leaders" who both greatly hate me. They constantly bring it up and demand I change my roleplay style and character or else they'll kick me from the group, BUT one of them interferes with my ideas or action with their own "op character" and another member does almost the same things as me and yet they get next to no warnings/demands like I get.
​
Admittedly these problems of my characters being "broken"(too strong) have been going on for a while but the same problem has been happening for a while for everyone and I was a much bigger asshole in the past but have gotten in better and some of them have admitted that. At this point whenever they bring it up or complain about it I will just ignore them, give them the bare minimum response, or in rare occasions try and hold a conversation which ends in a large argument that makes me not want to change even more because I see it as them being unfair.
​
I have gotten better and tried to change the way I roleplay and my character to best suit them in the past but now I'm done.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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sNDvPG9qz1F0mHFKIbZ7LiQubqVmaOFc | azmux5 | {
"description": "getting mad because no one ever seems to remember what I like and don't like",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for getting mad because no one ever seems to remember what I like and don't like? | This isn't anything new. I'm used to people never remembering what I like or don't like because it's been like that my whole life.
I don't know why this is what made me react, but my sister ordered subway sandwiches for me, my brother, and my mom but she put things my brother likes on mine, even though I always tell them I don't like balsamic vinegar or onions.
So when I got the sandwich I wasn't able to eat it because the onions were so strong that they over powered anything else. At first I said it was fine, but after a few minutes I got incredibly mad, threw the sandwich in the fridge, and said I wasn't going to eat it because I hate onions.
Now everyone is mad at me because of this. But I'm not mad over just a sandwich. I'm mad because they do this stuff all the time and I always have to act like its fine or I'm "overreacting" and "being rude." I went off on fb about it, which I know I shouldn't have done, but I don't think it's fair that I'm expected to be calm and not bothered by anything all the time.
My sister claims that I wasn't clear in my texts and that I didn't seperate the orders for me and my brother, but I absolutely did seperate them!
I told her that I wanted a BMT. And in the text after that, after a few texts from her confirming my order, I said "[insert brothers name here] wants blahblahblah." After that I asked for a dr pepper with no ice. But I know for a fact that I seperated the orders just fine. She just didn't want to be blamed for getting it wrong and even tried to blame it on the staff at Subway, saying "They would have gotten it wrong anyway" which just pissed me off even more.
I'm not the type who shows emotions much because whenever I do they act like I'm being overly sensitive.
Am I the asshole for refusing to eat the sandwich and getting mad over this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
KVmf7skl1QC03oxxkb1K3JcahAGW2jSR | b3jfe3 | {
"description": "not letting someone use my locker",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting someone use my locker? | Sorry for the odd writing style, I just write better when I format it like a book.
So I play soccer. We had a game one day, and Junior Varsity and Varsity use the same locker room.
I’m on JV. I like to get there a little early so I have more time to warm up. I set my things in my usual locker, one that I use for practice. I start changing, and pretty soon the Varsity players start trickling in.
Suddenly, a guy stands beside me.
“Excuse me, that’s my locker.” He talked with a middle-Eastern accent.
I didn’t know if he was joking or not. “Uh, I was here first.” He looked around a little bit, but still stood there.
I decided to clarify. “I use this locker for practices.” What I forgot then was that JV practices before Varsity, so our practice is done by the time Varsity is there.
“Are you JV?” The dude asked. I nodded.
“I am Varsity.” He said. He started to move towards the locker, but I said, “I was here first.” That seemed to make him move, but I definitely felt bad afterwards. I wished I had clarified things more.
So, AITA? Or was I justified to move him along? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
i2JMEBvSXEi7ZJaCc5X37kvnJSuQ6VQ5 | b48nkb | {
"description": "helping my brother financially, and not expect to get the money back",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for helping my brother financially, and not expect to get the money back? | Ok. So the title says it all but heres a little backstory, so bear with me.
My brother is 6 years older than me (27M). I am currently working abroad and supporting my mother and little brother with what I am capable of.
My brother has had it rough for a long time now, he got a divorce last year, and is barely making ends meet. Now to add to that, he hasn’t been the most responsible person - so here is where my girlfriend thinks I should not take it lightly.
3 months ago he messaged me and asked me to lend him some money because he wrecked his friends car and needs to fix it. And his friend really needed the car and hence he was facing a big problem. He said he will pay me back come March and I said ok and sent him the money. I honestly do not expect to be paid back, so it is all forgotten. Please keep in mind that I do what I can and I do not make crazy money that I can just dispose of; as I mentioned earlier, I support my mom and my little brother (15M) monthly.
My girlfriend was against this idea because she believes that he should be responsible for his own actions and when she asked me if he paid me back, I said no and I am not expecting it either. She thinks that this whole act of “jumping to the rescue and helping out of goodwill” isn’t cute. Bare in my mind that she totally supports the fact that I support my mom and brother.
So to conclude, AITA for taking this lightly and holding my brother to his word? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
ZOMkUZqYy6qOeB0Y4gUTK9nV6evrZXUk | ay4330 | {
"description": "telling a girl I won't date her because of her height",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling a girl I won't date her because of her height | Bear with me please I am on mobile
So I recently made a friend in university and she's really fun, but we are just that friends.. or so I thought. Lately she has been very flirty and very clingy (although I hate using this word), I never flirted back and generally replied late because I don't use my phone much during the day.
She would send small quirky remarks about how I reply late, but it started as remarks and soon begun as her complaining to me about not replying fast. I confronfed her about this and told her that even if I had a girlfirend, I am simply too busy in the day to reply fast to her.
This started her asking me if I like her and I told her not that way...just as a friend. This started a lot of fights between us for a few days and in the end I got fed up and told her the real reason i won't date her. She is 144 cms and I really do not like dating a girl who is that much shorter than me (180), it's just my preference and I was always sure to not flirt or lead her on.
I confessed to her that I do not like to date girls on the shorter side, she got really offended and yelled at me for not dating her only because she is short. She won't talk to me now.
I feel bad for confessing to her why I do not like her but I feel like nothing else would have have stopped these arguments and I wanted to save the friendship (haha). Was I an asshole for telling her why I would not date her?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
MD2jodAvK4c6t0CvcceZzh8BE05VpCY4 | aejw7i | {
"description": "leaving my girlfriend of two weeks",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for leaving my girlfriend of two weeks. | Me (24m) moved out of my mothers home and into my girlfriends (22)f)moms/grandmothers home after we've been talking for almost a year. Neither of us work and well we've mostly kept to her room. Now this is what's been going on I guess you could say im sheltered and most common sense things go over my head and she's clear to point it out seeing how she gets so upset at me. Be it little things like if I use a broom facing the bristles the wrong way or if I microwave my food differently then hers. She constantly asks me to do things for her which I don't mind but then she gets mad because she has to ask me to do them. In my opinion I expect her to do them until she asks me. Also I'm slower than most people (physically and verbally) I don't pronounce things correctly and sometimes she makes fun of me for it which hurts my feelings. I can't go fast because of my weight and I try to but every time I do I get clumsy. Maybe I'm overreacting but it feels like the right thing to dom because I'm unhappy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
vTPGvpkEMLFjMHvBFUQOT2NHpsNE08DW | 9wm9l6 | {
"description": "expecting a graduation gift",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for expecting a graduation gift? | This May, I became a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. For those of you who don’t know, that degree can cost up to 300K. I’m pretty much drowning in student loan debt, but it’s all mine, my parents did not help whatsoever. I became pregnant last year and took some time off to have my daughter. She’s the light of my life and I don’t regret my decision for a second, but completing my clinical year with a child under the age of one was fucking grueling. But I did it. I didn’t yet mention that I went to school in Ireland, so I had no family to help through the year, no car, and a shitty one bedroom with your typical predatory Dublin landlord.
I’m proud of myself and my accomplishments. I don’t think a lot of people could have persevered like I did. I’m grateful that I was able to achieve my dreams and overcome so many obstacles. It just sucks that no one in my family seems to give a flying fuck.
I got back to the states after my finals and started my new job as a veterinarian after a two week break. I didn’t even get to walk at my graduation because I couldn’t afford the round trip flight to Dublin. I’ve been an associate vet for almost 6 months and my parents have yet to even come visit my office.
My parents wanted me to become an MD. A veterinarian has a silly job to them because they feel that animals don’t matter as much as people do. My older brother is the hero in the family, an Iraq veteran turned hometown cop. We took trips all over the states to visit whatever base he was stationed at when he was in the army.
Recently I kind of lost it on my mom. I don’t even remember how the subject came up, probably because it’s constantly in the back of my mind. I broke down about how I felt like my becoming a doctor went largely unacknowledged. She asked me what I wanted, and said that she “didn’t have a party because she knows I hate being the center of attention.” I told her that I just wanted money, if they weren’t going to give a shit then I wanted money so I wouldn’t feel so financially suffocated.
She gave me a check. It felt gross. I feel like I emotionally blackmailed my parents into giving me 3K. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
iW03yV8KL1SkPfpUP5ldjMbk0Zz8Iv4V | a13f8b | {
"description": "just breaking up with my long time gf and rebounding with a pycho chick on accident now she's claiming she's pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA I just broke up with my Long time gf and rebounded with a pycho chick on accident now She’s claiming she’s pregnant. | AITA? Welp I know one thing I fucked up big time. I hooked up with an old high-school friend a month after my break up. She became attached almost immediately which I had not planned on. Any way we had unprotected sex but I trusted her to take care of it which didn’t work out. I never came in her but pre-cum is a bitch so. Any way I finally broke it off and she is furious because she realized I rebounded. She texted me that she might be pregnant and I don’t know if she’s trying to get me tied down. Now I’m just going to have to wait until she is actually pregnant. Also 18 M and a throw away. Any advice, thoughts or clever insults or puns are accepted and encouraged.
Edit: She was never pregnant, I have learned from my mistakes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
NojqmaWLrWEoBRNrmlQeZVEfGce8svoS | al5rsi | {
"description": "not wanting to work for the same company as my partner",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to work for the same company as my partner? | My SO is currently going through a disciplinary process at her current job for misuse of company property (using a company messenger platform to moan about other team members).
She’s accepted her fate there may be dismissal and has started looking for other jobs. I’m currently a student at university I’m the president of the students union and governor on the board.
We have a vacancy for a job role that’s suit her through it is only 3 month fixed term apparently she feels it’s better than staying where she is now. I have said I don’t want her to go for it as it would cause conflict for me with my current role since we regularly have to make complaints about that dept.
Also I said that I don’t want to work at the same place she does as we’d have nothing to talk about when we get home other than the same stuff we deal with each day. We both like venting our issues at home and I don’t feel this is something we could do if she took the job nor would I be able to switch off and forget about everything when home.
Finally somewhat selfish but I like having that break from each other in the day. I know it’s not healthy for us to be together 24/7 and love the freedom having separate jobs has. AITA for saying I don’t want her to go for the job?
TL;DR: SO wants to work at my company and I don’t want her to take the job as we’d practically live work and breathe together. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Ps3R0gF2Z96yyTfmatYCRAB84Xhdk5j2 | b0g3yy | {
"description": "publically calling out my ex-partner's abusive boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for publically calling out my ex-partner's abusive boyfriend? | I'm in my final year of high school, about three months away from graduation. In September I met a student now attending my school. We had a really, truly lovely relationship for a good long time. Unfortunately, I was manipulated into not being faithful with my partner and we eventually split. However, we remained friends and they made sure to inform me of goings on with them. There was a person who we'll call John who we had both agreed to avoid after he inappropriately touched them in school, and some time later, inappropriately touching them in his house without consent. In fact, when we were together John would frequently message my partner, saying how pretty she was, how he was struggling with depression and send them photographs of his self inflicted wounds. He didn't approve of us being together and it was his mission to split us apart.
Four weeks ago, my ex began a romantic relationship with John. I don't know whether it was out of pity, or if he had done something to manipulate them, or if they actually developed feelings for each other.
I tried to not let it bother me, but I kept thinking of all the conversations that we had. About what a bad person John was. This really wasn't about jealousy, rather keeping my friend safe. Had they forgotten about what we talked about? Seeing my ex and John together became very trying, so much so that I fell into a serious bout of depression. This all boiled down to one lunch hour two weeks ago. John and I were arguing about how he likes to ruin people's food. It's regular for John to throw people's food that they're eating, or put gross things into it so they don't want to finish it. Everyone gives John shit for it and he just cackles. He responded to me, **"Well, at least I didn't ruin somebody's life."** I responded **"Well, at least I'm not an abuser."** This shut John right up. The room was completely silent. My ex was visibly angry and left the room to talk to someone. When they returned, I made a big show of talking to them. I said **"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you look very pretty today, but I'm very sad. Do you want to see my scars?"** This was obviously way too far over the line, considering what I had just said. My ex-partner told me to go fuck myself.
​
I'm ignoring both of them. I'm honestly just not interested in their drama, but they keep trying to involve me in it even though I've stepped out. I have deleted all my social media, but life at school is proving to be very difficult, even if I graduate soon. John and my ex have broken into my locker to leave a bag of yogurt, and are consistently saying very mean things behind my back. Even when admin intervened to talk to John about his crimes, he is still as smug and rude as ever. I don't even want my friend back. I've said my piece and whatever they do isn't my business. I just want to graduate.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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k7kgh8EBA6E4hLS9DT0x7U9r5CdvtBam | 9yh1jd | {
"description": "not going to my grandparents remembrance mass/church remembrance",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA: For not going to my grandparents remembrance mass/church remembrance | Mass is what we call going to church here.. I just didn't really know how to word it.
​
Okay, so I'm 21, I'm not religious, I'm between agnostic and atheist.. in one way I just don't know and in another I don't think I would want to get into heaven on gods terms.. (supposing there was a heaven and a hell)
​
My parents wanted me to go to my mothers parents remembrance mass.
It's basically church and at one point they do an offertory, which is usually done by family members and the priest says 'we remember .... on this day'
Other than that it's just church as usual, but the priest is an ass who'll talk to the family afterwards and mention about their lack of attendance or how 'since you know where we are I guess we'll be seeing you same time next week!'
​
My family is not religious, we had our communion and confirmation because that was the done thing in school.
So technically religious but so is everyone else in Ireland.
​
My parents wanted me to go because it would be nice for my mother.. it would but at the same time it's an excuse to hold a mass.
I never met my grandparents (one died a year before I was born and the other died when my mother was little), but I still love them the same regardless..
​
So TL:DR - I'm not religious, my family isn't either, but my parents wanted me to go to church for a remembrance for my grandparents, that's just an excuse for a mass, there's no real time dedicated to the remembrance..
​
Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
kArX9JXLyq4M25nblYJjjT4EzoPQm4VL | a7dyjy | {
"description": "continuing to be upset",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For continuing to be upset | Hey guys, first time OP here.
So my SO (25f) had her Christmas party this past weekend. When she found out about it, she was excited and wanted me to go. I too was excited because I finally get to meet all the people shes always talking about and it's nice to get out and be social.
Leading up to the Xmas party, her work had an employee dinner the week prior. Now, I know she hangs out with a group at work and said that she was going to be late, which is fine. But that whole day, she hardly messaged me at all until way later in the evening, Which is odd for her since we generally text throughout the day. She had left around 2-3, I texted her at about 6:30pm just asking how dinner was and didnt get a reply till 9. She said she ended up at her work with the girls and they started drinking and that she wanted to as well. She asked if it was okay to stay the night. I told her that I hadn't heard from her all day and I had to be at work for 7am. Since she drove my car, I said it's not the best idea because I work early and that she cant just ask me last second to stay somewhere when you cant even communicate with me in a reasonable fashion. She continued to lose it on me and said I ruined her night.
The next day, she made a big deal out of her dinner. I explained that I just needed to be told a little in advance, so just in case she drank too much, that i could make arrangements for someone to watch our 4 year old and i can get to work on time. She called me controlling and manipulative and said it's probably best I didnt come. Well, she goes without me, essentially does the same thing and doesnt talk to me. I told her that I was really hurt that I was uninvited because I was supposed to be included and was excited about going. She tells me she did nothing wrong and that she uninvited me because she wanted to have a good time with her friends and thought I'd ruin it.
Since that day, I have hardly talked to her and refuse to engage her in a meaningful way. I think it's not okay to disregard your SO feelings and she has to make reasonable effort to apologize, which she hasn't. She expects me to act like everything fine when it's not. I'm pissed off and hurt and I refuse to pretend like things are cool between us. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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N50u7cPfRJQPkHou7V0cXAO2RLLVLHvQ | ao5j4c | {
"description": "criticizing my friends art",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I criticize my friends art? | Here’s some backstory on this: I(ME) and my close friend(CF) were friends with this girl(G).
This happened last year. All of us like to draw, and not to brag but I thought I was the best of the class. CF was just a rookie and G was straight up copying from mangas. I’m also a people pleaser and I’m kinda sensitive. G also likes Undertale, talks back to the teacher, criticizes my art when hers is worse and acts ‘depressed’. In reality, she draws sharp-ass chins and twig-like bodies but she thinks she’s ‘the best’ at drawing. We’re all Asian in an English course I can’t tell you about, which means we eat and sleep in our class. G wants to be a manga artist in Japan some day.
So, one day when I wasn’t friends with G yet, I saw G’s drawing cuz she was showing it off, it looks weird and copied but I ignored it. This continues but I didn’t care at first cuz loads of my past classmates and present classmates do this.
Next, I saw CF showing everyone a drawing her friend (not from class) made. The next day, G comes to school with the same looking picture but it’s badly drawn, I start to get annoyed and made some lightly critical comments. G receives it and said she’ll fix her drawing, but she didn’t.
Then, I talk to G about OC’s(Original Characters for non-artists) and she showed her’s to me. She had 3 OCs and all of them were too OP and Mary Sueish like one was a demon assasin with a deep backstory, one was an angel loved by everyone and they’re gay and they like each other and can genderbend and bla bla bla... stuff like that. I criticize her art and her OC, she says she’ll fixed it but absolutely nothing was changed except that they had a child who is half-demon, half-angel and can genderbend and the angel was now a half-forest nymph half-angel. (Sorry if this is long, it just stress me out as an artist.)
After that, I talk to CF and another art friend about G’s ‘art’. They completely agree with me and made some comments like: ‘She doesn’t receive criticism well.’ or ‘Her OC’s are too OP.’
One day, I finally snap because she just showed me a notebook full of copied drawings, I finished my lunch and approach G, who was sitting on the floor talking to CF about anime, I sit next to them. I can feel the uncomfortableness oOzInG from G because she doesn’t like me nearing CF cuz CF was the only one who actually wants to talk to her. We talk for awhile cuz I didn’t wanna be aggressive, I wanted to help G. I then bring up the topic of art. I lightly mention a sentence about G’s art and how she should stop copying but she heard it. She stood up and talks about how she’s ‘referencing’ and getting ‘inspiration’ from other people’s art.
This was my first time dealing with someone like this because Asians are actually very nice and sucks at drawing. I stood up, CF awkwardly watches in the background but at least I have a witness. I confront her about the fact that she’s straight up copying other people’s art and that she didn’t accept criticism. She starts to yell and everyone around us walks away or ignore us. The teacher wasn’t here, she would often come late so no one stopped us.
G: It’s not copying! I’m just (heavily) referencing from other people because it improves my art!
ME: No it doesn’t, I’ve seen your art and it doesn’t look like the copied art.
G: IT’S NOT COPIED!! IT DOES IMPROVE MY ART BECAUSE IN 4TH GRADE, I DREW SO BAD BUT WHEN I START REFERENCING, MY ART WAS BETTER!!
(yeah right, your OCs hair looks like a fake anime wig stick together poorly by used glue, the head is bigger than the body so it’s starting to look like Stewie from Family Guy but bigger and uglier, the joints are so thin I dunno how the character supports itself with that big-ass head, the eyes are just fully black with two white dots lolololololololol, I didn’t actually say that cuz I’m afraid to hurt her feelings)
ME: It doesn’t look the same, y’know? If ya don’t believe me, you can compare your OCs with your copied notebook.
G: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT WASN’T COPIED! YOU HAVE NO PROOF!
G storms out the class room. I sat down on the floor and look at CF.
CF: Yeah, her art is copied from mangas cuz she wants to be a comic creator or something in Japan, but I doubt she’ll even survive a day in Japan, due to her Japanese being only from anime and that her art is copied, everyone will certainly call her out.
ME: I know, and if no one calls her out, she’ll still receive some criticism, she doesn’t take criticism well and her only plan was to be a manga designer, nothing else.
CF: She doesn’t like criticism because she’s too proud of her art...
We continue rant about G until she came back. The next day, we were all buddies again but I still despise her art.
I know that there was a happy end and all that but I feel guilty about insulting someone’s art, even if their copying. That’s why I came to Reddit to ask you, Am I The Asshole?
Plot: A girl from my class starts stealing art and I confronted her about it with support from CF. She got angry and had a little tantrum. We all became friends after that but I still feel guilty.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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QSQhhgPex8UoJs9ykRB0xJkgEK65ykNd | b1oyes | {
"description": "telling my \"friend\" to stfu and stop sucking his own dick when playing a game",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my "friend" to stfu and stop sucking his own dick when playing a game | He is a mutual friend but always been a dick. We used to play League together back during Team Speak used to be the main form of communication and hell was he mean. Say anything or have a differing opinion of him, he'll ban or time you out from speaking.
The moment Discord was gaining traction I quickly made a server and gathered my friends to use that instead. I was actually quite chill and never timed anyone out and always just asked who joined the server and that's it. He joined the server and noticed the server is to spite him (making fun of him and his ways, childish but he did pissed me off enough to make my own server).
So I was playing with my mates but he gives the shittiest advice and always sucked his own dick. Like "you should have gone back the same time as me."
"I did"
"You should have gone back earlier than me because I am *faster*"
He is sucking his own dick and doesn't let anyone else have a word in. I just had enough after that encounter and just memeing him after he was having a bad time in game, quoting his past lines such as "I'm going to be in diamond in a month.... it's been 6 months since he said that and still silver 4" and "lowest on the damage charts again, you sure you dont want to play a solo game?" And ofc "maybe if you stfu and stop telling me how to play based on bad advice and stop sucking your own dick for each thing you do that's semi decent , maybe you'll get better at the game and make us actually like playing with you."
Friend said I might have gone on the asshole way about this but he is starting to irritate me when he opens his mouth. AITA for saying this? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
AazHQAzcHowBM2AHF6gGRDwyTDyczSmh | aaso0b | {
"description": "\"ruining\" a board game for my friend's family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for “ruining” a board game for my friend’s family? | So I have a friend who I go way back with. I’m at his house almost every week. Last time I was there, his mom mentioned that they got a new board game. Having played the game, I told them I’d love to play it with them, however I also mentioned that there was one flaw in the game that was overpowered for anyone who knew it. I didn’t tell them what the trick was, I just let them know that it existed. My friend’s mom was very angry with me for letting them know there was a flaw with the game. I spent over an hour explaining them the game and played a practice game with them. The friend’s mom claims that I ruined a game that she spent 45 USD on in order to spend quality time with her family. She says that the family can’t truly enjoy the game now, knowing that there’s a trick that is overpowered. The family discovered the trick from playing pretty quickly. My friend told me that his Mom wants an apology for ruining a game they spent hard earned money on. I apologized, but I’m not so sure that what I did was soooo wrong, and I think her reaction was a bit extra. Am I the asshole, or is she overreacting? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
5ec26PZllkeXYihdvowKlOzWZTYq1NhZ | aas5yq | null | AITA: Intrusive Family Friend Edition | Hey all. First timer here; was enjoying the posts and figured I’d throw my own.
I’m an adult woman living at home w/ family because of the mutual benefits (I help with bills and have a nicer standard of living for what I pay than if I lived alone). My fam is pretty close and we all work FT + I’m in school so all three of us are rarely home together. However, recent issue has me wondering AITA?
Backstory: My mother has what I perceive to be several REALLY intrusive friends (I not so jokingly call her “the patron saint of lost causes” for this reason)—but one in particular really grinds my gears. First, she is LOUD as all get out. Second, she NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. Third, she is always here, so I never get a chance to miss her volume and loquacity.
Anyway, we’ve all been off for Christmas and I’ve been looking forward to spending some QT with mom—grabbing breakfast, laying around watching movies, etc. I should also add that my mother is a homebody to the nth degree; I’ve never met someone more content to stay in the house ALL OF THE TIME. It just so happens that Annoying Friend moved to a new place this week. She came over after Christmas dinner and talked incessantly (I left and went to the movies, but not before my grandfather and my aunt pulled me aside to ask who this woman was and if she ever stopped talking). Everyday this week, my mother—the one who neverrrr goes anywhere—has been preoccupied with helping AF w/packing and moving. On Thursday, I asked mom to go to breakfast and she blew me off because she wanted to be around in case AF called for more help. I blew up—I know I did. I lost my cool and told her that I wasn’t asking for a lot, just a quick breakfast, and was there literally no one else in this entire universe who could befriend this woman and help her pack because I really wanted face time with my mother. She told me that AFs kids weren’t helping and she was alone and I was being ugly. I told her that she was trying to guilt me into caring for this person that I have expressed drives me up a wall and she said I was attempting to guilt her because this lady needs help and we needed to talk about this later. Told her I wasn’t interested in talking, grabbed my wallet, slammed the door behind me and went to breakfast solo. Since then, she’s been gone all day most days (presumably helping AF) and we’ve shared very few words. It’s tearing me up because I really do love my mom but I dislike feeling like I have to beg for her time. She knows AF’s annoying—when she’s here all day or talking constantly, she’ll often shake her head slightly or remark when she’s gone about how much she talks, but yet she’s always here because my Mom always offers.
Lay it on me—AITA? And how do I apologize for the blowup without apologizing for the content? I meant what I said but not the emotional meltdown I said it with. | HISTORICAL | {
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0wz3dE5bnARaCBZDSot64hzKKdMwRPhO | aj08nc | {
"description": "not eating",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA?for not eating? | So I’ve been I was sick last Friday and I don’t wen to school and my dad decided to take my PS4 away,(more on this later)
So it’s been a few day since my dad took my PS4 so I decided to ask my dad to give it back to me and he said not because apparently “you play too much video games you’re going to be sterilized for so much video games I’ve seen it on the news” and I was fed up with that bullshit because I have to got to work from 3 to 8 and do my homework’s then I play but they just don’t listen what I had to say so I decided not to eat my lunch to protest and few minutes later he got mad at me for not eating (I’ve ate a sandwich before coming home from school so I was full any way)he started to cuss and scream at me so I being a teen I screamed back at him and then my mom joined him and they both started screaming at me so I just closed the door few seconds later my dad came in to my room and took my keys and told me to get the fuck out and so I did and now I’m going to crash at my brothers house AITA?
tldr:my dad took my PS4 to protest I decided not to eat and my parents started to cuss at me then they took my keys and kicked me out AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
csssaSq94FGC8w8bSxW8UBxPZ9yO0dCX | b4r6d4 | {
"description": "fighting my family reconciling with my relatives",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for fighting my family reconciling with my relatives | My family is having lunch with my aunt and uncle who have been estranged from us for two years now because the last time we saw them they called myself and my sister mentally disabled (in less kind words) and blamed my mother for us turning out that way needless to say i kicked them to the curb and haven't seen them since, cz gt | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
K1ZJI0Odrk1OnsuFzgfyIfIfq8kwktUc | aqwy1w | {
"description": "ignoring my friend and flipping her off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for ignoring my friend[13f] and flipping her off? | My[14] birthday was yesterday so last weekend me and two friends(A&B) got together to hang out eat.
The day after that, we were at a meeting thing for an after school activity and B told me that as soon as he got home, his brother ate his leftovers. My other friend(C) asked about the leftovers, and I told her that it was nothing. She asked again so I told her that B was talking about leftovers from Olive Garden. She got kinda upset and asked more about it, so I told her about the day before. She acted fine until ten minutes later, she started crying. This kinda annoyed me (being honest) because she pestered me about details so I had to tell her. (I was planning on not telling her because she wasn’t invited, didn’t want to be a douchebag)
She asked me why she wasn’t invited and I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it in the middle of this meeting in front of the entirety of my friend group. A few minutes later she got up and left the room, I figured she went to the bathroom, but after like ten minutes, it was obvious she didn’t.
I asked one of the (3) leaders where she went and no one knew, so for the next fifteen minutes we had to pause the meeting and look for her. C was nowhere to be found in the building, and I was the only one who had her number. She said that she was fine and she went home. After one of the leaders called her ma, it was discovered that C had texted one of the leaders who didn’t have their phone with them, then texted her ma and got a ride home.
Later that night C texted me asking why she wasn’t invited, all that stuff. I just said that she wasn’t invited because there weren’t enough seats in our car. C said that she didn’t believe that was the reason why, so I asked her what reason it was, and she didn’t text me back.
The next day at school, I didn’t talk to her more than I had to until lunch, when she mentioned she was pissed at me to another friend. I didn’t say anything and just read some book until the bell.
The next day after that, in choir I leaned my head back to talk to the people behind me and C flicked my neck. If you’ve never been flicked on the neck while you’re leaning back in a chair, it really freaking hurts. I yelled at her but didn’t get her trouble. Literally everyone else was laughing except for the other altos because they were the only ones close enough/ paying attention to know what happened. In lunch, C asked me to do something so I flipped her off and started talking to my other friend (A) next to me. She got up at left and apparently, (I learned this like two periods later while getting ready for gym) sat down and started telling a whole bunch of girls from our school how pissed she was at me. I try to have good relations with people from my school, so this kinda made me mad.
That pretty much brings us to the present. I was just wondering AITA because she quit one of the after school things three days before state competition. So, am I? | HISTORICAL | {
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lSndB9p15sJ9gFzR3sqhbbtP7dPJqAsa | a9yfrj | {
"description": "getting mad over a drunken comment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting mad over a drunken comment? | My boyfriend has a very close-knit group of friends that I’ve also grown to love. One of the members, we’ll call her A, lives in another part of the country, so we don’t see her as often.
This past weekend was the first time we went out after drinking as a group with A.
She was belligerently drunk and behaved pretty embarrassingly. I was also pretty upset that I was left to be her caretaker, since my boyfriend and his friends had the attitude that “it’s just how A gets sometimes.”
I’m working to try to resolve those issues now, but I realized a comment made that night bothers me a lot more now than it did initially when it was said.
That night, amidst her harassment of the other bar patrons, she said she would sleep with my boyfriend (“would” as I understand theoretically, not as though she would try to) but that their “relationship” could probably only last about two months.
I’ve never been black-out drunk before, and I believe getting there is typically a cognizant choice. I’ve also always been of the mindset that drinking just gives you more confidence, but doesn’t make you say things you don’t typically already mean.
I want to let this go and am being pressured to by my boyfriend, who’s saying that I’m being too harsh on his friend and that I’d just be “the girlfriend causing problems” and getting in the way of their friendship.
Am I the asshole for not ignoring the comment?
TLDR: Boyfriend’s friend made a comment about sleeping with my boyfriend while black-out drunk. I’m having issues letting it go. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
S9QybcAj04Q4dj1d7PvpaupwRpI9xO4A | b72djy | {
"description": "telling my bfs ex that we're together",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my BFs ex that we're together | So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year. He broke up with his ex two years ago, after he cheated on her with me (it was a one time thing, not a long-term affair). I know, asshole move from both of us. It sucked, they split. After about a year, BF and I reconnected and decided to start over and date. We have been serious for almost a year now and are very happy. We don't live together, he has a apartment, that he shares with two roommates.
One of his roommates had planned a birthday party for this weekend. A couple of days ago she told my BF that she had invited his ex. He was pretty surprised, but apparently the roommate had kept it secret that she was still good friends with her (she is super non-confrontational and avoids uncomfortable talks if she can manage). She asked whether my BF had told her about our relationship and he said no. Neither had she (avoiding the unpleasant topic). So she told my boyfriend: "Then make sure that "dirtysecret" doesn't show up, I don't want any drama."
BF told her that he really didn't want to hang out with his ex to which she said:" Well, you could sort it out beforehand." He said, he wasn't interested and he would rather stay away that night after which she joked: "At least, you don't have to get a hotel, you can stay at "dirtysecret" 's house. "
Ever since then me and my boyfriend have been feeling pretty uncomfortable around his apartment. It feels like our relationship is some dirty secret that she has to hide from our friends. As the person, BF once cheated with, I am admittedly pretty sensitive about that. I know, it was a shitty thing to do but I feel like we moved past that. I don't want to her to make me feel like some slut that hangs around her apartment makes her friends uncomfortable by my sheer presence.
This is why I want this secrecy to stop. She made it clear that she doesn't want to bring it up to the ex (I personally would absolutely tell my friend something like that so she doesn't get in a really awkward situation if she finds out some other way) . My BF is not in contact with her anymore and doesn't want to contact her just to tell her this. So I wanted to do it. I told my boyfriend and asked him to give me her number. He was hesitant at first but then said: "Whatever, do what you think is right."
So I sent her a message yesterday. She just responded that she doesn't give a fuck and the conversation ended with that. But my boyfriend is upset now that I actually went through with it. He thinks, I should have waited until after the party. He fears, I might have ruined the evening for his roommate and now the mood in the apartment will be even worse. I just didn't want to be treated like the dirty secret any longer. I really don't think she will care after two years. The party isn't until tomorrow, so she has two days to get over it and neither me and my boyfriend will even be there to trigger any unpleasant situations.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
GQR2R5xeMjKS3WzLkizuQXjlAQk6jcJi | ak339g | {
"description": "wanting to address my bosses bad habits",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For wanting to address my bosses bad habits | I work in a government office and have a director of the Department as well as a someone below her who has a senior level position above me. He brings great experience to the field and is a valued asset to the departnent.
The issue is that he has some bad habits that really aren't bad but can be easily fixed. It's the winter, he snorts the mucus up his nose instead of using tissues which gets annoying if he does it all day Constantly interrupts or talks over people. Uses "you know what I mean?" instead of fully explaining a point multiple times on a single topic.
I want to start small like coming in early and leaving tissues on his desk. But it's something I don't think I can address his behavior to my director. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
YghotpXuwf5BnZFoOWZMCkjolOe8YXet | 9y642o | {
"description": "cutting my girlfriend off financially",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for cutting my girlfriend off financially? | We (26M, 21F) met last year and fell in love/moved in together. She had ran away from home and was supporting herself financially but had stopped going to school. She hated her job and was always getting sick due to it.
I asked her what she really wanted to do and she said she wanted to go back to school. So I told her I was going to pay for her school + all other expenses (It wasn't a big deal at the time).
Recently, I've come to realise that it's a big chunk of my income and I can't invest/save/further my career/help out back at home as much as I'd like.
Today I told her that I'd be cutting her off next year, starting with expenses at the beginning and then school fees at the end of the year.
She's working on getting an income by selling stuff online but also she's been doing that since we met and hasn't made a dime.
I'll still pay for shared bills since we're living together but eventually I'd like us to cost share that as well.
Am I the asshole for cutting her off? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
vwTUHKGGScLmkXMcmuWBNSy45oYRvQGJ | b1s2kf | {
"description": "not going to my friend's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not going to my friend's birthday? | It's her 29th birthday, she wants to go to a dinner, bar hopping and some clubbing. I'm not a drinker, hate crowds and can't dance. I didn't want to be rude, so I lied and said I was sick. Am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
cJGo5XlWaRyTL8XpqkhGdZouJdBfMQAc | a4owtf | {
"description": "keeping arguing with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if i kept arguing with my dad | I know more about youtube then my dad and we were talking about bikes and i said that someone said something about bikes on youtube (it was one of the more trusted youtubers with 1million subs) and my dad says that people can do what ever they want and i said no because of guidelines. He keeps arguing about it and he started yelling and saying that ohh blah blah blah ik more about bikes then you blah blah and it got to the point were i started crying and he said yeah go run away | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
m77J00UHCkJT0w9vEQ5o4co2faNY2HQe | abuujc | {
"description": "skiing or not skiing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA To ski or not to ski? | Not sure how to feel about this...
Single Dad, joint custody. My ex and I have a strained, but cordial relationship and try to put our two boys first.
Simple fact is, she makes more money than I do.
I’m in a new relationship now and everyone has met.
Situation now:
My girlfriend is over for dinner. Ex drops off boys as planned and comes in to have a quick chat about things before she goes. Normal.
She brings up that friends of my 13yo are going skiing Friday and invited him. If we don’t have plans already, he’d like to go.
Right away she says, “I can cover the cost ($150) if that’s an issue(it is). Just let me know.”
A little bit later she leaves.
I’m not sure how I’m feeling about this. I’m not against him going. We don’t specifically have plans... it was the announcement that she’d pay in front of everyone.
I can’t decide if this was an inappropriate (ie dick) move or not.
I definitely feel pinned into letting him go AND asking her to pay.
... or am I the dick and should just get over it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
maholN88AHBi76w9waJXvyVvsLTFVfft | ajolqq | {
"description": "misreading a '9' as a '6'",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for misreading a '9' as a '6'? | My wife and I needed to get some new shoes for my 3-year-old son, so she wanted to order some online. She asked me to check his size, so I picked up one of his shoes, looked inside, saw '6' printed on the insole, and so told her to order '7' so that he'd grow into it.
The shoes arrive, and the '7' was too small. Turns out his size is '9' and I had been reading it upside down (though of course it's hard to know which way to hold a shoe to read the size printed on the insole). So of course I felt silly, and was about to offer up a simple mea culpa to my wife, when she blasted me for 'not checking more closely' and complaining about 'hating to waste money' on the return postage fee (it might cost us around $10 USD or something). Then we got into a spat about it because I thought she was over-reacting.
Should I have looked more closely, or should this be seen as a simple, easily-forgiveable mistake? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
A9QoIp1elw3QaXQlQVIYu7NtyDgudhQm | asi996 | {
"description": "yelling at my parents and not saying goodbye when my dad was leaving",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for yelling at my parents and not saying goodbye when my dad was leaving??? |
A background: my parents have been in a long term relationship since I was 11, my dad lives in our native country and i had to move back in with my mom and sister here in the US.
I hold a lot of resentment towards my dad because he was mostly absent and when he was around he would only “discipline” me. some of the ways he would punish me:he caught me eating his chocolates, so he sat me down and started shoving chocolate, after chocolate in my mouth until I started chocking. Other times he would hit my sister in front of me until I started crying and apologizing for whatever minor thing I did. Both my parents were extremely verbally abusive.
Fast forward to 2019.My dad is visiting and on Tuesday last week, my mom berated me for not being as good as my sister, I called the Suicide hotline because it really got to me. The next morning I woke up my son early to study, he had to retake a test after getting a 0. My son didn’t want to study, after lots of pleading, I lost my temper and yelled “sit down and study” my parents then started yelling across the house telling me to shut up which I ignored, when we finished studying, he went to get ready. I went into the kitchen and told both my parents firmly that They needed to stop saying things like that in front of my son, my dad told me that I shouldn’t talk to my son like that, this struck a nerve because of the night before, I told him neither of them even showed respect to me even as a child, I reminded them of how my mom used to keep a belt by her side when we studied, and how she would hit me for giving the wrong answers, and that I would never do that to my son, yelling wont hurt him. We had a lot of back and forward until my dad just told me to leave cause he didn’t have time for this, and I yelled at him and told him I want to talk, I’m done with you guys always telling me I’m a fuck up, you guys are terrible parents and I really only want to have what my friends have with their parents” he rolled his eyes and started laughing at me. I took my son(who by this point was in the kitchen hugging me, telling me it was ok) and didn’t come back home until my SO was out of work. I didn’t talk to my dad after that, he went back to our country and my mom has only talked to me to let me know how much of a bitch I am for not saying goodbye to my dad, and that I should be grateful to my dad as he has worked so hard to give us a what we have. and that she wasn’t kicking me out because she didn’t want my son to suffer but she was done with me too.
So AITA for my outburst and for not saying goodbye?? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
QoUpck5pGrLCDFGYW0CWClb5kzxwfI6g | ap0hxa | null | AITA cause my brother left? | I'm close to tears now, my older brother and my mother got into an argument causing him to get a backpack and walk out into the freezing cold. It all started because he asked mom where to put the water and I said "on the bottom shelf" this set him off to blow up at me saying "I wasn't fucking asking you was I?" My mom told him to stop and he kept saying that it was him who she hated and was choosing me over him and said said things like "she says stuff like *mocking noises* but when I do I get my ass whooped" and when he went in his room to pack his things I said to mom "You know we can report him to the police because of what he did to Delilah" delilah is is dog who I love but our whole family hates and he has a previous habit of beating her. And now that I realize what I said was wrong and to which my mom replied "This is your fault this happened because you couldn't keep your mouth shut."
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
WLey3Xc7PtjjW04UutP9R9l5LlKDBlmC | a9xv0a | {
"description": "blocking a close sibling over a minor incident",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for blocking a close sibling over a minor incident? | This happened fairly recently. My sibling and I live together, and we live with our parents. Neither of us have house keys and my parents are very strict about locking the doors at night before going to sleep. We used to be pretty close before the incident, hanging out, playing together and ragging on and chatting with each other. Fast forward a few years later and we're in our 20s, somewhat drifted apart but we still have a very good relationship.
A few months ago I got myself a gym membership and it was great. I'd sometimes go after my classes were over or late at night (the gym is open 24/7) when everybody else was sleeping. One day, while I was at the gym late at night, I got a message from my sibling asking about my whereabouts. So I tell them I that I'm at the gym, and they get angry that I'm out and left the house unlocked at this very late hour demanding that I come back immediately. I, too, get angry over what I thought was unreasonable because we live in a very safe neighborhood so leaving the house unlocked for a few hours is a non-issue, and refuse their demand. They tell me that they'll lock me out of the house, and I respond that they're being silly, and that's the end of the conversation. When I return home, I discover that they were not messing around as they did indeed lock me out of the house. I'm shocked because I didn't really think they would go through with it, and hurt because I thought our bond was better than that. Now it's about 3 AM, everybody home is asleep, and I don't have keys to the house. I could ring the doorbell or call someone inside the house to open the door for me but I figured it's really shitty to wake them up at this hour so I just sleep in my car for few hours until morning.
That day I decided to block this sibling from a chat app that we were very active over. The next day, they ask me about why they couldn't contact me and I told them that I blocked them and that was that. In person, we're still friendly to each other in our conversations, but in a more strict way and we stopped hanging out together so there is very clearly a new boundary between us. A month passed and my sibling sends me a text message accusing me of being childish for still blocking them.
I realize this is a very minor incident in the grand scheme of things, but my feelings are still hurt over it because it came from someone I value dearly, and I'm not sure when I'll let bygones be bygones. Am I an asshole for still blocking them even after a long time has passed?
TLDR: Blocked a close sibling over locking me out of the house, they think I'm being petty. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
bvOgalqscQEbtleL5z8GKw0jWKIqiD5U | b3isjp | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend pay all of his rent",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA (21F) for wanting my boyfriend (21M) pay all of his rent? | Sorry I’m on mobile.
My boyfriend and I live together and share the $1000 rent, half and half. We also share grocery expenses. All of this money goes into a shared bank account which he has the debit card for. Last month, the card was lost. I don’t blame him for this, it was an accident. So, we transferred the landlord the rent on February 1st and then just used our personal bank cards for groceries and whatnot. We recently got the replacement card for our shared account, which is great. Today, we were grocery shopping and our shared card was declined. I was confused because we each usually put in a few hundred for groceries and definitely haven’t spent it all. I ask him what was up and he said he didn’t put any money into the shared account (rent, groceries, nothing) because he used his personal card for groceries when the shared card was lost. I asked him to please put rent in for March, because it seemed pretty unfair that we both paid for groceries on our personal cards (he says that he spent more on groceries, which is fair, but he also makes more money than I do), and that it was March 20th and still hadn’t put in March rent. He said he’d have to calculate how much he spent from his personal account and then pay the rest. I say pay all $500 rent and don’t bother with grocery money, but he says he shouldn’t have to pay all $500 in rent.
We are university students with part time jobs so while it may not seem like a lot in rent, I think it’s unfair I have most of the rent on my shoulders.
His edit: I admit I forgot to do the calculation when I got the card so I know how much to put. What if I spent over $500 on groceries when I usually only put $100-$200 for groceries.
I’m sorry this is confusing
TL;DR. Boyfriend spent personal money on groceries, says he shouldn’t pay all his share of rent as compensation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
nyxztJRt3TgHlZX5bOXKhe7AMpGgdjQq | a3vi1s | {
"description": "asking my husband to get a job near our home",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my husband to get a job near our home | Some back story: my husband works about an hour commute away, each way, while I now work 10 minutes from home. However, he typically stays awake until 1-2am playing video games, after getting home around 6. (He leaves for work between 7-8 am). With work/gym, I’m home around 7 (I leave between 6-7am). For reference, I go to bed around 9-10.
My question: am I the asshole for berating him about getting a closer job or getting up earlier and getting home sooner to work out? He’s gained weight, which does not bother me, but it bothers him and it is affecting our love life. I’m not trying to cut down on his video game time-we all need to relax- but I feel that maybe 2 of those 6-7 hours could be working out/finding a job nearer to home. I’ve tried bringing it up, he agrees, but then the same old keeps happening. I’m in a highly stressful PhD program working 9-14 hours a day in research, so while I don’t begrudge “me” time, I only have sympathy for so much. We maybe are intimate every other week, and when I try and initiate, he’s playing games with friends or too drunk.
Am I the asshole asking too much? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
gcADAn3IkVR75dD62aT05rFOLAKD7bN8 | aiiutg | {
"description": "not giving boyfriend my phone account password for him to pay my phone bill",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not giving boyfriend my phone account password for him to pay my phone bill | My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months now. He’s wonderful, and I love him, and I hope this relationship continues the way it has been, until tonight.
I recently switched jobs, and have gone about three weeks without pay (I have a job now, waiting for my first real paycheck Friday). I wasn’t in the best financial position after leaving my last job, and haven’t had the money to pay my phone bill.
My generous, loving boyfriend offered to pay my bill today, knowing I will pay him back Friday when I get paid (my phone has been shut off). We are at his apartment, and he offered to let me log into my account on his laptop. This may seem dumb, or childish, whatever, but I didn’t want to. I have had awful experiences in past relationships with men breaching my trust and manipulating me.
He gets annoyed with me (which he never does, which is why it’s disturbed me to the point to see if I really am being an asshole) after I refused to log in, and is offended that I don’t trust him enough to log on on his computer. I explained that I don’t really understand computers that well, and I didn’t want it to save it. He said that’s not how it works and then explained why it doesn’t work, but i don’t understand, so who am I to know what he’s saying?
Anyways, he thinks that I don’t trust him, and I’m concerned that he’s not respecting the fact that I have trust issues. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
62CoDNigFYKodMB69cNV9RilLPaeeNBM | ayvqtv | {
"description": "wanting to rest in my room when I my sister wants me to sit downstairs with her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to rest in my room when I my sister wants me to sit downstairs with her | I just got home and I’m really sore from sports and I just overall had a pretty shit day. I am in the kitchen about to walk up stairs when my sister says “hey stay down here” I tell her that I’m in a lot of pain and I just need to lay down, to which she proceeds to whine and complain that I haven’t really seen her in 2 days (she’s 20) and that I need to come down and sit with her. I told her to please just let me rest and I’ll come down later and she got very angry at me. Am I the ass? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cAPmlZrTz7IitjmEEFGcyH2ePUbcuT4z | arta0t | {
"description": "forgetting to keep up with housework",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for forgetting to keep up with housework | So I've (F/21) been neglecting or putting off doing housework when I get home. My boyfriend (M/29) and I share an apartment and we split everything 50/50 including housework which means taking turns doing different rooms in our place every week and ordering food. I bought a calendar for us to keep track of who is doing what each week. I chose a specific day of the week and he didn't choose one but we both know that we have to have everything done by Sunday. I've missed my designated day for 3 weeks in a row now but I always have it done by Sunday. My boyfriend gets upset when I don't have it done by X day because I always put things off. This week it was my turn to have groceries in by Sunday which I forgot to order, and I was called a " selfish stupid bitch" for not having it in because he specifically said he would be at home all day to pick up the groceries since it's his day off, and because my boyfriend went and bought spaghetti sauce and waited to make it for us when I got home (so he didn't eat all day). I forgot to tell him that I had already eaten at work because someone brought me a sandwich and salad at work since a coworker called off and I ended up doing an 11 hour shift. I'm constantly putting things off because by the time I get home I'm DEAD tired. I go to school full time (two in person, two online), I work full time, and I have a 20 hour a week internship, my boyfriend does have a full time job as well but he's graduated and that's his only obligation. I feel like shit because I know he relies on me for keep our place afloat, but when I miss out on my deadlines I'm hit with the "this is why I can't live with you" and "you need to find a new place to live". Am I the asshole for not keeping up with my end of our agreement?
​
TLDR: I live with my boyfriend and he hates when I miss deadlines for my housework. I work full time, go to school full time and have a 20 hr internship, he only has his full time job. AITA for not keeping up with our schedule? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
g748lL2RmIPZ5N8NprnDu23nuhOFXo06 | ask02t | {
"description": "hooking up with a friend after turning him down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for hooking up with a friend after turning him down? | Was friends with a guy for a few months there was always a lot of sexual tension but he was involved with someone else. He breaks up with his girlfriend and after a week confesses having feeling for me. I shoot him down and we act like it never happens.
A week later I have a terrible day (going through psychosis) and ask him to stay the night with me (not unusual). I ask if he wants to have sex and he agrees.
All my other friends say I'm a dick for this am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Fka1v3gUpBO2W5mzRk7Vek5wazNBJzUp | b5cvft | null | AITA : Cousins mom “making” her go to Disney world instead of to big concert we already have tickets for | Ok this one is hard for me to even sort out. A little backstory: uncle and soon to be ex-aunt are in the middle of a nasty divorce(it’s been almost 2 years now) because she’s insane and manipulative. I’m not just saying that to make me look better, regardless of this situation she’s a nut bag. She hates everyone on our side of the family just for the fun of it- although it seems that she doesn’t hate me all that much because I spend time with their kids (14,12,7) and they like me so she tolerates me.
So around Christmas time my little cousin (14) was talking about how much she loves this specific singer and so I suggested she ask for tickets to one of her concerts since she would be in our area on tour. She said that was a great idea and asked for a ticket for herself and for me so I could take her/chaperone. I enjoy this artist’s music so I didn’t mind, I’m actually very excited to go. Her little sister (12) got wind and wanted to come along as well, same thing with one of my friends (22). SO we plan it out with a family member and end up getting $150 each tickets for the concert as Xmas gifts and oh happy day everyone is exited to go.
So fast forward a couple months and my little cousin’s (14) friend offered for her to go to Disney world with her family. (Apparently the friend and her bf broke up so they had an extra ticket). But the trip they had already planned was planned over the date of the concert. So I asked my cousin what she wanted to do and she said she would rather go to the concert with us and just go to Disney world another time.
My cousin has repeatedly told her mother that she would rather go to the concert but her mother insists that she go with her friend to Disney world instead and that I can take her to a concert on a different date. (Which I have not agreed to or been asked about by her mother).
We then find out that my cousins friend and family will only be at Disney world a few days and will actually be leaving Disney world a day before the concert to go visit with other family, so my cousin COULD fly home after Disney world by herself and make it back in time for the concert (she has flown by herself before). And that’s what she would prefer to do. She asked and her mother apparently refused this idea because “it’s (cousins friends) family vacation!”
I’m so fucking annoyed with this entire situation. My cousin is the biggest fan of this signer in the group of us that’s going, if she doesn’t go it just won’t be as much fun. But I know she’s wants to go to Disney world and that she will have fun if she goes on that trip. But I will also feel bad because then the person who bought us the concert tickets will be hurt that my cousin isn’t going anymore. This is such a cluster fuck. Am I the asshole for making it a bigger deal than it is?
TLDR: cousins mom insists she go to Disney world with a friend instead of going to concert we paid $150 pp to go to together because it’s her favorite artist.
| HISTORICAL | {
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DSQEsq2VglSMAUcEiBbN3V7ly4aS2Bk1 | awb9pv | {
"description": "making my roommate late for work due to no awareness",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making my roommate late for work due to no awareness? | I pay 250 a month to cover up some agreements, to give me a ride to work and back until i can get my car. he got mad at me out of no where because i woke up on time for work, and not early as she had things to do, which he NEVER told me about. I got yelled at, and held my arguement back because i believe in peace and not argueing with people I'm certain will get to no where. Was I the asshole? Surely not, right??? I know it's a small situation, but it really did make me upset. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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k3EOJXSaFshvX4qQdgjdYlDA7D6PhRjx | aesvfr | {
"description": "not helping my ex pay back our paypal credit debt",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not helping my ex pay back our paypal credit debt? | So, backstory first: This was my (28M) first truly abusive relationship. She was manipulative, bi-polar, a liar, and I have reasonable proof that she was attempting to sleep with other guys while I was living with her, and at the least emotionally cheating by talking terribly about me to these men and how she needed a man to “put her in line” which I confronted her about because she’s a grown woman and I’m not her goddamn father.
Anyways, on to the debt. During this time, I moved back to Austin, Texas without a car. I was in the northern part, and I’m a bartender by trade, so I knew I could find something in my area. I found a job that was decently south, maybe 8 miles by freeway, but of course I didn’t have a vehicle so I didn’t want to take her. She is like “well, let’s just work it around our schedules and we’ll give each other rides”. So that’s what we do, she works mornings, I work nights, and during the day I was using her car to do Postmates delivery to make extra cash. I offered to pay for gas and give her a flat % of the pay but she was like “nah babe it’s your money just pay the gas it’s fine.” Also, need to add that I was doing postmates on her account because I didn’t have a car, so the money went into her account and I could track it and ask for her debit card and get it out when needed.
Ok cool. Well, at night she would have to pick me up from my second job at 11pm. So I’m working basically 10am-4pm, pick her up, she drops me off, work 5-11pm, get picked up, rinse and repeat 5-6 days a week. She’s working max 35 hours a week, I’m working closer to 60-70. She would consistently fall asleep when she had to pick me up and leave me stranded at work where I had to call an Uber. It was normally $15-20 every time she forgot. This happened several times a week. She told me to just put it on her paypal credit and pay it off as time went on, and I was gonna use the postmates money to do that.
Then, she lost her job, and had rent and health and car insurance. Suddenly, all that postmates money was disappearing. Wasn’t consulting me about it, just using it on her own bills even though I earned it and was filling her gas and buying dinner etc. I was constantly anxious and miserable, and her bi-polar attitude led me to move out and break up.
Now, afterwards she wanted me to pay back the $700 credit bill. I felt bad, but at the same time she easily took over $1500 or more of that postmates money for herself for bills when she was broke. I paid $50 for 2 months before my best friend talked to me and told me I was still being emotionally manipulated and it’s not my problem. I still feel like it is, but I understand where he’s coming from. Either way, I cut all contact with her because after I didn’t pay her one month she went ballistic and tried guilting me and saying “I make way more money than her and it’s you’re responsibility.” Even though it was her laziness that led to the paypal bill. Oh I’m sorry you can’t work 6 hours without going home and sleeping most of the day. I blocked her and haven’t paid her a penny in 3 months but i know she’s going to be struggling with the bills.
Sorry for the long story, I hope I explained it coherently. AITA for leaving her high and dry, even if she took advantage of my trust in our finances? I feel like that $1500+ easily takes care of the bill she has currently and she’d of been evicted and lost her car without me working 70 hours a week for us. | HISTORICAL | {
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XdI23UFahRA3iE1QKOa8RLxiv3MS3EE0 | aqk4q8 | {
"description": "seeing a movie my friend really wants to see without her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for seeing a movie my friend really wants to see without her? | Shortly after movie pass shut down, my local theater chain came out with their own subscription. For $18 a month, you can see three movies at any time. Me and my two friends (who are sisters) all signed up with the idea that we could see movies together.
​
I cannot cancel the subscription until March and I've literally seen two movies in a three month span. My two friends keep seeing movies with their family and none of my other friends want to go because I'm getting tickets "cheaper." I'm fine seeing movies alone, but other people always want to see the same movies, and it takes two weeks to arrange a time to go. I keep ending up in the same situation where I have a week to see three movies (by myself) because no one can get their shit together when we plan to go.
​
One of the sisters really wants to see the Lego Movie 2. I'm the only other person remotely interested in seeing it and I know for a fact she won't go alone. She flaked on me twice so I went to see the movie without her. I half feel like an asshole but I also don't because I've literally paid $54 for three movie tickets ($18 a ticket) because of this exact situation. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
aaJrYzHNkrP4LgLhtsKcZFCEPonmtEV0 | awi6hk | {
"description": "asking my fiancée and her family to invite my aunts to her bridal shower after they invited my mother, sister, and my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my fiancée and her family to invite my aunts to her bridal shower after they invited my mother, sister, and my grandmother? | So my fiancée is having her bridal shower at the end of the month, and invitations were sent out. My mom, sister, and grandma on my dad’s side received invitations (my other grandmother passed away a few years ago). I got a call later from my dad asking if his sister or sister-in-laws were expecting invitations as well. I was not informed on who was receiving invitations to the bridal shower, so I asked my fiancée. She said that none were sent to them, as typically there are two bridal showers: one thrown by her mother and they invite their family, my mom, and my grandmothers, and the other thrown by my mom who invites our side of the family, her mother, and sister.
My first reaction was, “Really? I’ve never heard of two bridal showers. That sounds excessive.” But I guess for where they are from, it is a thing. My mother isn’t in a financial situation where she can throw a bridal shower for her, and all of my family is scattered across the states, while my fiancée family all live in or around the same small town. My fiancée told me she doesn’t expect another shower, but her mother is hesitant at send more invitations, even though I’ve pointed out how bad and inconsiderate this looks from my side of the family.
So AITA for asking them to send another, or is having two bridal showers an actual thing that I or my family have never heard of? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
v2lKiCaW2gWuC0VSCRCzAdRDC01grNIa | at2qwy | {
"description": "asking my partner not to go out with his work friends",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I ask my partner not to go out with his work friends? | Throwaway because of normal reasons.
Some background for this first, my partner and I have been together for a while (like over 5 years). We live together, but the last few months have been tough. We've been having a few issues and we've both been working together to hopefully change our relationship for the better and get past this.
​
Also relevant is the fact that I had substantial disabilities, physical and mental. I don't use the mental ones to excuse bad behaviour, but it means sometimes I have to do some damage control if I feel like something will cause a flare up of symptoms (I'm in therapy to try to manage it the best I can). The physical disabilities mean that I can't do some things that other people would do without thinking, like cooking food.
One of the changes we have made is for him to go out with his work friends whenever they have plans. As long as I have enough notice to sort out something to eat, I try to have it as a rule that I'll never say no to any of these plans. If I can make it work I will, because I understand that he needs his space and some freedom.
Last week I had to break the rule. He scheduled something for thursday. Valentines Day. Once I realised it was Valentines Day I brought it up, and he said he didn't realise that it was Valentines on thursday, but he still wanted to go. I put my foot down and asked him to reschedule, feeling that as a couple we should be spending Valentines together and that sitting at home alone on Valentines would be a magnet for mental health issues, and would be very upsetting. I asked him to reschedule it (since apparently nobody in the group realised the date) and he did so.
​
They rescheduled it into two separate meet ups. Both this week, Wednesday and Friday. Not the easiest thing but I thought manageable.
Then Tuesday night my grandpa died. It hit me hard. I was close to him and loved him very much and he deserved much better than the end he got.
​
My brother came around Wednesday so my partner still went out. He told me it wouldn't be a late night, but he ended up later home than expected, so I was on my own for a few hours. It was bad. I always find my mental health symptoms are worse at night, which combined with exhaustion and grief left me a wreck. It was incredibly distressing and I wish he had been there for me.
He's meant to be going out again Friday, and this time my brother won't be there. It'll just be me, on my own all evening. I know these evenings are important for him, and I already said no the first time. I also know that the group probably won't reschedule it for him (bit different to valentines when a lot of the group couldn't make it). But I'm hurting so much and I don't want to be on my own. WIBTA if I asked him to cancel and stay with me?
​
If I am the asshole, please be a little gentle, I will accept it but it's been a rough few days. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
llfkP1FY1zvelbcvgwfLCh3b2tb2ZvmN | b3ayh6 | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend not to smoke/vape/do drugs",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend not to smoke/vape/do drugs? | So my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now and a while ago we both agreed that neither of us would do drugs or smoke (that includes vaping).
I have personal reasons for specifically hating drugs and smoking so I followed this rule easily but she however did not. We got into a fight the other day because I found out that for the past year she had constantly been smoking behind my back with her friends and asking them not to tell me. When they inevitably told me and I confronted her she immediately denied it but once I told her I have proof she admitted it. We then got into an argument where she told me I’m too controlling and that I can’t not let her smoke. She also then said she did it behind my back and told people not to tell me because she knew I would be mad (of course I’d be f-ing mad). I think this was unfair what she said because we had both promised each other that we wouldn’t do it then when she does it she blames it on me. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
0E836SglcA4haasu2UVjsHBKXM1CAGxy | b2jzm2 | {
"description": "making my dad mad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for making my dad mad? | A little background info, I moved to the U.S when I was 10 about 15 years ago. If you ask me, my mom and dad don’t really know/speak English well, so they go to me for anything English language related. They make me call places to deal with issues for them. This has been going on my entire life ever since I learned the language. I know they speak English sometimes at work and communicate with people it’s just pretty poor, and they don’t seem to want to get better. Usually when my mom and dad ask me to call or do something I ask them or tell them to try it first before I do anything. This usually makes my mom or dad mad as they say I’m never helping them or that if they ask me to do anything I always get mad and hate doing it.
Yesterday my dad has a problem with his card and I told him to try calling the bank first. He calls them and listens to the options. He then gives me the phone for which one he should press, I feel like at that point he didn’t even bother listening and just expected me to do it. I was playing a video game and got mad that I pressed the wrong button, and made like a hand gesture. He then got mad at me, saying I don’t help my parents at all and they do all this stuff for me, which they do a lot for me.
AITA for this? I’ve always hated doing things like this and I feel like after 15 years they should be able to do simple tasks, like calling a bank for an error or the cable company. I know I should help them but I feel like they need to try and help themselves with stuff like this before I do it for them. To at least attempt it, and not just call the place and come over by me to do everything. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
sU50KURmzF2joiFXvNWeywmZVxzQuQDz | b6xnp1 | {
"description": "refusing to leave the gym",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I refuse to leave the gym? | TL;DR at bottom
So I'm a big basketball person, and I decided recently that I'd try to get back into playing shape. I renewed my membership at the local sports center and today was my first day back. Now, the multi-purpose room, which is essentially just an indoor basketball courts with dumbbell racks and a badminton net you can set up, is open use from 6-8:30 am. My plan was get in as early as possible so I'd be able to play without bothering anyone/being bothered, for maybe an hour or so until I can go longer. Today at around 6:40 these 2 guys came in with badminton equipment and asked how much longer I'd be staying, saying there's a group that usually plays from 6-6:30 and maybe I should join them. I just shrugged and said something along the lines of " Oh maybe, I'll think about it", and then left. Now, the badminton setup takes up the whole room basically because of how much space you need to move around, and I feel like taking up a whole room for two people is kinda selfish. At least what I'm doing only takes up half and can involve 5 other people. WIBTA if I go back some other day and refuse to leave until I want to?
TL;DR I go in early at a gym to play basketball, two guys ask me to leave before I want to so they can play badminton even though the room is free use. WIBTA if I refuse to leave next time? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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Kd93J7vJZzOZz23hSz7MEvxQZ2Iei9tv | afo39h | {
"description": "not wanting to spend my 18th birthday with any friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to spend my 18th Birthday with any friends? | I’ll get straight to the point - I have [Aspergers Syndrome ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome), because of this I dislike being surrounded by people, and I really don’t like being the centre of attention.
My 18th Birthday is in March, and I don’t plan on doing anything special, It’ll probably be just another typical day in my weekly schedule (College... *yay*).
My Mom constantly asks me what I want to for my birthday, she’s making 18 years out to be such a big deal (which I guess it kinda is, especially in the UK), and suggests inviting (my 3) friends over for a mini party at my house (I hate party’s - haven’t been to one since Primary School). I was not a fan of this idea and turned it down instantly, as soon as I did that she started to have quite an attitude with me, saying stuff like “you can’t spend the rest of your life distancing yourself from other people”, and basically called me a ‘boring anti-social person’, which made me feel kinda bad (on the inside, I don’t express emotion).
Am I am asshole for not wanting to do anything with people on my birthday, or does my mom have a point? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
9OW0TSwTqnTkk2jn3byGheV3ivjLCUOA | a4k40g | {
"description": "almost starting a fight at my friend's workplace",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for almost starting a fight at my friend’s workplace? | Last night I visited a friend of mine (who we’ll call FF) at her workplace (where I used to work, as well)
I’m standing with FF and talking when two boys (who we will refer to as B1 and B2). They were 14 and 15, so a few years younger than my coworker (18). These two boys had been around before and were sexually harassing other workers there, asking them for sex and even grabbed a female worker’s ass (which went unreported).
I’m talking to FF when B1 interrupts and asks “why are you talking to my girlfriend?” Which is whatever, I ignore him and move on. But eventually they come back around and begin trying to antagonize the both of us. When I’m standing with FF, this is the conversation that ensues:
B2: “Is that your girlfriend?”
Me and FF: “No”
B2: “let’s pretend she is. Are you gonna punish her?”
Me: “For what?”
B2: “She said she wants to hug me.”
B1: “yeah she’s been texting me nonstop. She said she wants to suck my dick.”
B2: “she wanted to hug my dick with her mouth.”
They both made comments like this for a few more seconds, talking over each other. My blood was at a boil. I got up from my leaning position and stood upright to confront both of them. Mind you, these kids are pretty big for their size, at the time I thought they must’ve been 16 or 17.
Me: “okay that’s enough why don’t you both just leave?”
B1: “why? She’s the one who wants to blow me.”
Me: “I said that’s enough. Just go.”
At this point I’m trying to usher them away from FF, pointing in the direction to go and going as far to give a small shove when they were resisting. They eventually go, but bring back their older brother (BB) and his friends. They call FF over and begin talking to her in a group. I see this and step into the group.
BB: “What’re you doing stepping up?” (I ignored this comment)
BB: “We’re not doing anything bad we’re just-“
Me: “No, these two kids right here are sexually harassing this girl. I don’t fuck with that. You guys should just leave.”
BB perked up and raised his voice, FF walks away
BB: “Do you work here? What authority do you have?”
Me: “No, but you need to shut the fuck up, or I’ll beat your ass.”
BB: “You’re talking about these two kids? They’re 14 and 15, you’re really gonna punch them?”
Me: “Hell no, I’m not getting arrested for assaulting a minor. But you’re borderline, and the authority figure for them.”
At this point FF is calling me over and calls for management. The management collects the group of boys and talks with them. They are threatened to be kicked out permanently and go home. Management is really cool with me because I know everyone, but warn me that they just don’t wanna kick me out, either.
I know Reddit is very anti-white knighting and stuff like that, but I just feel like this was a situation where I was right in my intentions, but just let it get too big. I’ve felt bad ever since, because last night was supposed to be a fun happy night.
Tl;dr: two kids sexually harass a friend of mine at her workplace, I get in their brother’s face and threaten to beat his ass in place of them.
| HISTORICAL | {
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cThLLBA2K2OCGUwBBRm73CAzCttfqTvk | a731hu | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend's guy friend to respect boundaries",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend's guy friend to respect boundaries? | We went out a few nights ago to a bar. We were there with mostly her family and a group of her friends show up. Later on the evening we start leaving the bar and go next door to an outdoor pizza place, as we are waiting for some people to get their food, her guy friend (i use friend loosely since they dont ever hang out since hes actually her best friends brother) started do some "quick little wrestling moves" as she put it. I waited to see if she was going to say anything like "hey, im with my boyfriend" or something, but no. So talked to her on the side and told her I didnt like it all and if she was going to say anything, if not I was going to say something. She refused so I walked up to him and told him I know that they are friends but to please respect boundaries. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
stiB4vlBcuOc79ETsNf2kC9mA5by1MSv | a1za17 | {
"description": "being rude to my addicted brother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being rude to my addicted brother? | He is not addicted to drugs but rather videogames. He is 20, I am 13. I am male as well. The problems started far too long ago to say, but it has escalated as of late. He is selfish. He has almost no friends. He doesn't care about others and babies our dog that needs training. We share a Nintendo Switch. He is in community college. He doesn't have a job. He is constantly rude. He almost always has his headphones on and can't go 10 minutes without his goddamn phone. He has no inspiration. He doesn't have a driver's license. He has submitted ONE job application and didn't get it, which doesn't surprise me. He swears A LOT. He is worse with chores than I am.
After all that background information, I feel the need to point out one specific thing. He had bought a game and wanted to play it first because it was his, which makes complete sense. He is seldom not home before me and complains about not having any free time to play. This is horseshit. He has more time than me, his younger brother. I had confronted him many times about the issue because I wanted to play it to and he was being selfish and controlling. One day, a few weeks before Thanksgiving, I asked it I could have a date to play because I was done with his shit. We agreed on Thanksgiving of that year. He didn't hand it over until I called out mom down (we don't live with our dad) and she talked about it. In one week I had played 18 hours, which I felt was a really long time.
Here's where it gets good though. He has played for at most 3 days and has around the same amount of time, let's say 15 hours. I used ~1/9 of my total time in that week playing. He has used ~1/5 of his time in those three days. I talked to him about it and he blew up in my face and started cussing me out.
I would generally say I am rude to him, not nearly as much however. My mother does not want to buy him a PS4 for Christmas because he wastes his time enough as it is. I agree with her concern.
Now people of this subreddit, AITA and do you have any advice for me on my situation? | HISTORICAL | {
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uRlDYio81DWN3kGt113KwxqgGjmja0oC | awd90b | {
"description": "only wanting sex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For only wanting Sex? | Is a Summer "friends with benefits" okay? So my ex and I used to date over the period of a summer. We weren't arguing 24/7 or anything but it was a fairly normal relationship except we mightve gotten a bit attached. We were pretty intoxicated by each other and began to have frequent "sleep overs" it was pretty much whenever we could; in movie theaters, at her house etc. We ended on slightly awkward terms but nevertheless good terms. I feel guilty for thinking of asking her to be friends with benefits and don't want to date seriosly again, my problem is should I ask now that she will be back in town over this upcoming summer? I can't help but feel guilty to only want to ask her for a purely "recreational" relationship is it wrong of me to want that? If not how should I approach this?
I feel like shit knowing perfectly where my intentions are but I'm still conflicted to wether its taboo to even mention the topic or if its something plenty of people ask for
I patiently await your opinion, youraveragedumbass9
| HISTORICAL | {
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tJhFyFdDqm7rcHnSu3MYZIM7UIbEvpbe | b4t6mv | null | AITA? Made joke and friends blew up over it | ok.. hi.. this only happened a couple mins ago and the tears still won't stop. This happened all on discord and I only have a summary of what happened in the group since I left before taking any screenshots to remind me of convos.
So, this starts with a joke. My two friends who we will be calling River and Edge, were having a drinking party while me (Kenny, yes this is my real name that i am not afraid to share. i am trans so i will be using terms like "dead name") and another friend (Gay best friend (THIS IS A JOKE)) were at home on the server
​
Me: Wow i feel so b e t r a y e d. i wasn't invited to the partyyy (etc, again this is recollection after a crying fit)
​
Edge: Fuck off
​
Me: damn, it was a joke. sorry
​
​
​
Edge: I dont give a shit, stop being a prude.
​
At this point i was getting a bit angry when i shouldn't have. I was telling him to "write his fucking wall of text" and all this shit, i did get a bit out of hand and i regret it. Gay Best Friend is just reacting to everything while River is ya know being drunk and just saying stuff as another reaction. Edge blows up and here's a summery
​
Edge: I'm done with your childish and stupid behavior \[DEAD NAME\]. You have caused me and River so much stress and we are both done. You caused her to fail a semester because of your behavior. and by the way, its RIVER, not \[Nickname\]
​
Now at that point i just said ok ill leave then, and left the group. now here's where the dms come into play.
​
Me: Do you really hate me?
​
River(Edge on her phone): Yes. Now Leave. From yours truly, Edge.
​
Me: I'm talking to River right now
​
River(has her phone back): he took my phone
​
Me: ok, am i really a bad person? did i really cause you to fail. Tell the truth
​
River: Yes, Kenny. I have had enough with the drama and childish behavior from you. You have seriously caused Edge and I tremendous amounts of stress and problems.
​
Me: Then why didn't you talk to me about this earlier? Iv only been trying to be a good friend
​
River:I didn't wanna make you upset.
​
Me: so basically what your saying is that if you came to me and talked to me about my behaviour in person I would cry my eyes out. I have only tried to be a good friend and tried to act like someone you would wanna be friends WITH. I pushed everyone else away so i could hang out with you. To be honest, your jokes about me being "lesser than all of you and an inconvenience" had made me break down crying. I've wanted to leave many times because of that but i didn't because YOU were still my friends in the end.
​
River: If you wanted to leave, you should have
​
Me: I didn't WANT to cause you were still my friend and those were just JOKES
and the conversation ended there. Am i the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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6zJa8rAXaF0wRfqJErxeTnWrWLETN1mC | b6smcs | {
"description": "not tipping the attendant at my monthly parking garage",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not tipping the attendant at my monthly parking garage? | I live in a big city and am paying $200 for a monthly parking spot in a garage.
It works like a valet, so a guy gets my car and pulls it to the entrance, then parks it when I return it.
I've tipped valets in the past at restaurants and hotels, but I feel like it's different with this. I'm paying a significant amount of money, and tipping every time I get the car makes it even more expensive. And tipping sporadically is hard because there are different attendants.
I don't think this is a situation that deserves tipping. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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vmJd0BFkHoHsbfRPHE9nmeoMmUW1hGnv | b7qqkh | {
"description": "setting my water on some car",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for setting my water on some car | So I work at a bar and grill type place and I usually get off before it gets super crazy. I don't live that far away, so I usually walk home most nights when it's warm enough.
Last night though, when I was walking home, I stopped to get my earbuds out of my pocket, I usually listen to music on the short walk. I had a cup of water, and I hadn't even gotten past the parking lot, so I set it on the car next to me.
That's when this guy pulls up next to me.
"Hey, is that your car?"
"Uh, no."
"Then get your f | HISTORICAL | {
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6Hr5ZKNzrdyN6KrJKrQSy7kCgHoEbrdG | a9sqsw | {
"description": "not wanting to move to another state in a house my girlfriend bought without my input",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to move to another state in a house my girlfriend bought without my input? | For context, I am a mid 20’s male who went to school late so hasn’t graduated yet, and I live with my parents.
She is in her mid 20’s, is about to finish up get bachelors, has a 10 year old boy, and lives with her mom.
We had dated in 2013 for a year before falling out of contact and reconnecting in 2017. We fell in love again and everything was good for a while. Around mid summer 2018 she floated the idea of moving back to Arizona (having lived there in HS) because it is cheaper than California. It is and I agreed and said I would love to in a few years when we have our finances in order. (I don’t even make enough to live on my own right now).
One day I get a call for a really decent paying position in a good school district. It could potentially set up a life where we would be OKAY if she didn’t work and comfortable if she did. I nail the interview and so the district said they would contact me about a second interview. Well that week, before the district called, my SO finds out her mom is getting payed some 60 grand for a disability case she won in addition to my SO getting a hefty 10 grand tax refund. (Mine was about 1 grand if that reflects my financial situation). She decides she wants to go to Arizona for a few days to just look at houses. I say sure that sounds like fun.
I’d like to also add in here that she never said to me “I am going to move to Arizona this summer” but instead used language like “I want to move” or “I’d really like to”. To me, this is fantasizing and not a concrete plan of action.
The plans are made, and we are to stay with her child’s blood relatives.
However I receive that second interview scheduled for the day after we are to leave. I say I’m sorry but this is really big and, seeing as I didn’t have a job at the time, felt as if I had no choice but to go for it. She was livid saying I flaked on our plans. We didn’t talk much when she was over there.
Long story draggged out, she ended up buying the house with a combination of her own + her mother’s lawsuit money, and co-signed with her uncle. I have no hand in the property.
I don’t know how to feel about this. She needs me to move over there because she did all this for “us”.
I kept defending my stance saying I never asked for this, I never expected this, this was all her actions and if it was for “us” then I would’ve played a bigger role in the buying process. She says I’m ungrateful and can’t appreciate what she’s doing for me.
Granted, she shared a small 1 bedroom garage-to-apartment with her son and mother. It was becoming cramped and her son does need his own space. They all do. I get it. I understand why she would make that move for her mother, her son, and even herself.
But I personally never wanted to move to another state. I could only see myself doing so when
1. I am financially stable
2. I’m so in love with the person that it didn’t matter where we were.
Only the second condition was met.
This has become one of the major issues in my life right now. I feel like my options are to drop my life here and go move with her (which I can’t even afford)
Or to end it.
AITA for not moving in with my girlfriend? | HISTORICAL | {
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vryif5DUvZK21lRFe8tnsIBbhmfP0TGL | aitub5 | {
"description": "calling my ex out because I thought she was lying about her friends killing themselves",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling my ex out because I thought she was lying about her friends killing themselves | Not even joking. At least once a week or every two weeks one of her friends would “kill themselves” she’d message me saying another one of her friends had committed suicide and she didn’t even seem that all bothered about it. She’d make jokes about it too. Obviously it’s a taboo subject but it got to the point where since being with her, at least 4 of her friends had supposedly killed themselves. I told her I thought she was lying and that maybe she shouldn’t have as much suicidal friends | HISTORICAL | {
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6wEWSg4hyZ8Kj88kVjIdnnB96mUNijav | 9vq4tc | {
"description": "not wanting to share my ps4 controllers with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to share my ps4 controllers with my brother? | We have 4 controllers, 2 are mine, 1 is his and the other is the one that comes with the console, we've had the console for 2 years now and my 2 controllers are the newest, 1 is 1 year old and the other some months old.
Since the start of this year the shared controller has started to have a big problem with it's left stick(it doesn't register movement correctly), and around the same time I bought my second controller my brother's started to have a similar problem.
You would ask, what is the problem with sharing your controllers? it's not that big of a deal.
Well, it actually is, my brother has a history of not giving a fuck about how he treats electronics, from bending cables on headphones without caring (he broke our 'shared'(it was mine) gaming headset like that last year) to treating controllers like if they were unbreakable (pushing the buttons too hard or moving the sticks much more than necessary hitting them against the boundaries).
This wouldn't be a problem if I had to just do it for some weeks or a month or two until he got himself a controller, but he won't, and just plans on using my controllers when inviting his friends over or if we play a co-op game.
Since he doesn't plan on fixing his problem I won't share them unless they are necessary (he doesn't have battery and is charging)
AITA?
English isn't my first language so if anything isn't clear just say so, I'll try to fix it. | HISTORICAL | {
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whGudRKTxLMhSDBszXRO9Kw5hMfH8jYb | ar5pvi | {
"description": "throwing away the backpack that my ex had me purchase online for her",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 34
} | AITA for throwing away the backpack that my ex had me purchase online for her? | A few months ago my girlfriend asked me to buy a backpack for her mom online, as she doesn't want to use her credit card on the internet. She gave me the cash and I purchased it for her via Paypal.
Since then, she decided to end our relationship and I received said bag one month after the end of her relationship. I told her it had arrived, and that she could come pick it up whenever she wants. She said that because we live an hour in car from each other, we should meet halfway because she doesn't want to travel 2 hours for a bag.
I refused, and said that it would be waiting at my place. She started throwing a tamper tantrum, so I said that it would instead be waiting in the recycling bin outside in front of my porch. Since then, I think a homeless person (my area has a lot of homeless folks) came by and took it, because it's not in my recycling bin anymore.
I told her. Apparently her mom wants my head on a stick now (that's literally the words she used: "I want his head on a stick."). She also blocked me on social media and on her phone. I think she's overreacting. She could have just come to pick it up anytime she wanted, I would have gladly given it to her without causing any drama or argument. | HISTORICAL | {
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e7lamITfrHkbikElqr7cQZrWwUz6ISke | a4s7u0 | {
"description": "breaking up with my long distance boyfriend of a year, because of him controlling what I do and being too anxious of me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with my long distance boyfriend of a year, because of him controlling what i do and being too anxious of me. | I've been friends with him for 11 years now. We first met on the xbox 360 in 2007 and had a group of me, him, and another friend.
after i built my computer in 2016 the friend we would talk to would start to slowly talk less and less with my ex boyfriend. and now he completely stopped talking to him because everytime we would talk or play my ex would become upset and negative for really small reasons, like getting killed in a game, or because i would talk with my friend and he felt excluded, i would try to make him talk and include him in everything we would do because i know how it feels to be left out.
in 2017 he asked me out and i said yes. for the next 2 months it was great, sometimes he would break down, or his mom would become hostile towards him for something really minor, like he would clean his room but he missed a dust spot behind a desk. i didn't mind and understood that he had some problems, and that his parents could be abusive at times, i would comfort him and tell him that what his parents were doing are wrong. and to keep seeing his therapist so he can manage and improve himself.
As a kid he would get constantly spoiled by his mom, She would get him whatever he wanted, he would occasionally brag about what he had when we were on Xbox and since me and my friend were poor we would tell him we can't, but he would keep doing that. i admit that i was mean to him on the Xbox and used to make him rage since it was funny when i was 11 at the time and didn't know he had Aspergers. i feel bad about doing that now and have said sorry for it, he forgives me and said that he would've done the same if he was me.
As we were dating i was always a yes man to everything, and if he had an opinion that i didn't agree with i would lie and go along with it because i was afraid to lose him. if i was feeling depressed or anxious i would lie and said that i was okay because i didn't want him to be sad or worried about me, he figured out that i was lying and got really mad at me and would yell at me because i lied. after that i would stop being so much of a yes man, and slowly started to improve myself, i still have trouble being honest about my feelings and would still sometimes lie because most of the time i'm sad, and scared about my future. i told him this and he understood, but to be honest to him and to be more open.
Since he was young he had to move state to state because of his parents and he never really developed any long lasting friendships with kids at school because of it. and when he did he made friendships with some girls when he was younger and would tell me that after he asked some out, they would eventually stop talking to him, and one even becoming hostile to him too. He told me that his worst nightmare was if i were to leave him like my friend left him after almost a decade of talking to him, and that he doesn't want to lose me because of his disabilities. after he told me this he started to become more and more anxious about me. and this is about the time he slowly started to try and control me.
About 4 months in he would start to become upset and breakdown almost every single night for about 3 months, I would help him for as long as he was upset because i deeply care about him, he would get upset because of his family and because of his friend leaving him and how he has mental issues. no matter how late or long it took i was there for him and he was grateful for that. and when i got upset or scared he would help me too and be there for me. but then he just started to get upset over me saying cute things to my cat. or because my family started to talk to me for 3 minutes. he started to breakdown and cry and called me the worst girlfriend because i had to rake the leaves for 5 minutes.
One night he was upset for over 3 hours because he wanted me to love him as much as i used to when we first started to date, he wanted me to stay home all the time and say cute things to him constantly. and if i went out to get dinner, or if i wanted to talk to my friend he would cry and beg me not to. and when i had to go to the doctors for a checkup he almost broke down because i had to enter the office and he wanted to keep talking to me. through the months i have been giving him chances and telling him that i can't take the controlling aspect of the relationship, and how he would get upset over literally nothing sometimes. he understood and started to work on himself because he was afraid of losing me like he lost his friends. i would still get annoyed from him getting upset when i was just playing with my cat for 5 minutes while he was making himself food.
About a year in i started to not be as affectionate as i used to, i would still say cute things because i cared and would try my best to help him when he was upset, but i felt so tired of it. i tried my hardest to be affectionate but i was drained. at this point i've been only texting my friend for about 8 months and he was about to end our friendship because of my ex. i didn't want that because he has been the only one that i know of to never get mad, or cry over something small. he helped me through everything that happened between me and my ex.
I have made mistakes and have gotten annoyed too in the past, and i have been unfair. but i couldn't take his stress and anxiety and yelling anymore. before we started to date i was depressed, stressed, and scared for the future, i still am but i tried my best to make him happy and to help him out. but when i wanted to talk to my sister or go get a coffee i would be too afraid to ask him because i didn't want him to cry, or beg me not to.
Over the months my own family started to notice the stress and how everytime i wanted to go somewhere i couldn't because he would get upset. they didn't think it was a healthy relationship. even his own friends would notice, like when i had to rake the leaves i said i would be back but he started to get anxious and he didn't want me to go. his friend said that it would be okay and that i would be back and to calm down. or when me and my ex were playing fortnite and he was mad, one of his friends started to discuss politics and he thought we excluded him, even though he didn't want to say anything because he was mad i would still ask his opinion on topics because i didn't want him to be and then he still got upset.
The night i broke up with him he broke down. he has told me in the past that if i were to break up with him he would commit suicide and has cut himself on the thumb for very minor things in the past. So i waited for his parents to come home to say it to him. He didn't do anything that night but got upset because my sister said hi and how is it going, and that is when i had enough.
He became delusional on the same night, he called me at about 3 am because he couldn't fall asleep and i tried to help him. but when i told him that i broke up with him he would say that we were not and that i was 'just taking a break' i told him that he can find someone better than me and that he deserves someone better than me but he said 'why would i cheat on you since we are still together'
I feel bad for breaking up with him because i still care for him and know that he has problems, but he has had so many months and chances to fix himself. I told him that i still want to be his friend and that i still care about him, but that i want my own freedom and to be able to talk to my sister.
I feel like i have been going insane for the past 8 months and i don't know who is wrong. i think its both our fault and i want to know what you guys think. I'm still trying to improve my self and im starting to look up therapist to go to. Sorry for the long post but i wanted to make sure everything was explained to the best of my abilities.
please tell me if i could improve on anything so that i way i know in the future.
thank you for reading. | HISTORICAL | {
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CjLlTN9T6EbnHqXnFOlfOaMsQOWnYPca | b8upbo | {
"description": "not being sad during my school farewell",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being sad during my school farewell? | well to begin with , i am a 16 yo kid who studies in grade 10 from a CBSE board. well in india the grades 10 and 12 are very crucial as they allow you to choose a stream{ science , commerce , art and so on } the papers got over on the 29 of march and it had been 2 or more months i didn't meet my friends , our school decided to keep the farewell after the papers so as we can enjoy without being stressed , the date was 2 april and all of us were excited that we will get to meet each other after working like dog for a year now we all knew each other for nearly 2 to 4 years . this was the last time we will be meeting each other for the last time . we didn't want to leave each other after so many years spent together.
my username was also because of my friends calling me the same . during the events climax, everyone was sad and few even cried even teachers shed a few tears and i didnt , i felt the pain of separation but was not much sad and didn't feel that i should cry.we all met in the afterwards and everyone again cried and were sad but not me and right now i am feeling guilty about it was not able to sleep properly the previous night .AITA?? pls help !
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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6PJZovwAWpDRsmdDApHGFloW9TKVH1Iv | af1wr9 | {
"description": "smoking weed when my roommate hates the smell",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA (26F) for smoking weed when my roommate (29M) hates the smell? | Living together for 5 months, friends for over a year. Separate rooms.
I bought pot a week ago and self medicate. (Please, let’s not drug shame. It’s legal, this isn’t my first time, I know how to handle it, yes it’s necessary.) The first day I had my small piece out in the kitchen. Roommate comes home, sees the weed (he knows I smoke), we talk for a bit, joke around, everything’s fine. He goes into his room. Comes out 10 minutes later completely different person, with a deadpan look. He says “NO smoking in the apartment... You can smoke in your room, but not out here.”
I was so caught off guard by how authoritative and aggressive it was, it took me a moment to respond properly. Like a “hey man could you do that in your own room” would’ve worked. But of course I was super embarrassed and apologized and reassured him that he had every right to ask that of me.
So now I smoke in my room, but I guess you can still smell a little in the hallway. I never noticed anything, but roommate has completely iced me out so I can assume the smell is there. Not only that, but his entire attitude towards me has changed even when I’m sober. He’s always been judgmental and hypercritical of me, but now it feels even more so. When he’s angry it is frightening. He shows it, like slamming doors, death stares, those sharp exhales through the nose every time he walks by you, etc. I’ve tried to make normal conversation with him these days. He either just stares back and then ignores me completely, or sometimes responds condescendingly. Tonight he came home right after his gf confirmed how pissed he still was because of the smell, even though we all obviously knew. I started to say “hey, sorry I opened some windows and bought some room spray” but he just angrily said “yup” without looking at me, stormed into his room, and slammed the door.
It’s felt like walking on eggshells around him since day 1 of living together (even before weed was in the picture) and I’m honestly sick of the treatment. I’m sure he’s unaware that he does this (because he has a good heart) but he’s just always in a bad mood and has to suck everyone into it too. The second he walks into the room, the vibe changes. There’s so much tension and anger with him, I’m literally scared to be in my own home these days. It’s like a psychic attack every time I see him.
Seems like the only solution is to not smoke in the apartment at all? Which I would’ve happily agreed to, if he had just asked me himself instead of hiding behind angry attacks all week. His behavior and attitude are so disgusting I don’t really feel like changing my lifestyle for him either.. but I do believe in being respectful of shared space at the same time? He has a big reputation for being the stereotypical “angry negative French man” so he obviously needs to learn how to manage his emotions and communicate like a grown ass adult.
Mixed reasoning. Genuinely wondering AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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NAH2CozO0nZmfiUrW0Zmjb8rmNRuptPQ | acozrp | {
"description": "not wanting to participate in my close friend's baby shower",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to participate in my (27F) close friend’s (27F) baby shower? | Hi guys, I’m looking for some outside perspective on this.This post is probably going to be long but it is important I don’t leave any important details out. Let me start off by giving you a little bit of background:
Me and my close friend Camila met in our freshman year of high school and ever since then we’ve been great friends and have gone through multiple milestones together.
During junior year I befriended this other girl, Daniela (26F) and me and her shortly became best friends. A couple of years later, I introduced my friend Camila to my bff Daniela and they hit it off right away. They also became good friends and the three of us became inseparable.
Camila has a couple of other close friends and all of us would hang out sometimes but they were mainly her friends. Anyways, I moved to a different state in my early 20’s and during that time Daniela and Camila grew even closer. Daniela also ended up moving to a different state a little while later and so did one of other Camila’s close friends (Felipe / 27m). We all ended up in different states but that didn’t stop us from staying really good friends and we all kept in touch online.
Me, Daniela and Camila got into very serious relationships around the same time and we all bonded over the fact that we had new relationships. We all made a few trips together and hung out with our SOs and they all got along really well, especially because our bfs were very similar in the sense that they are all very chill, homey people that rather stay home than go out.
My bff Daniela has been doing really well financially so she’s been able to travel to our hometown a lot more frequently and has been able to hang out with our friend Camila more than I have.
About 3 years ago, Camila’s bf proposed to her but she didn’t tell me anything. I actually had to find out through public announcements. She later got married at court but I only found out through Daniela the day before. I started to feel a bit left out, especially because I started noticing that Daniela was more aware about what was going on in her life than I was. A few months later, Daniela got proposed to by her bf as well and got married soon after.
During that time (about 2 years ago) me and my bf at the time were talking about the future and we found out we wanted completely different things: I wanted to get married one day and have kids. He did not. Also, I started to feel bored in my relationship because we would never do anything exciting and I wanted more out of life. I decided we needed to go our separate ways because we were not longer compatible. I told both of my friends about it and even though they were supportive of my decision of breaking up, I could tell Camila wasn’t really about it, especially because my ex and her husband got along well and she really liked my ex as a person.
A couple of months after my breakup, I met a new person and we connected so well we started dating almost right away. My curren bf is a musician and because of him my life became a little bit more exciting. I started going out to shows and concerts and going on tour with his band. My life changed completely, I became a lot more outgoing and extroverted because of him.
I dont know how to describe this, but I had a feeling Camila was not a big fan of my new lifestyle. Or my new relationship. She started becoming more and more distant and would only reply to my messages days later or sometimes not reply at all. Her and her other friends, including my bff, started taking trips together without even asking me if I wanted to join them and I would later see pictures of them together which made me feel very left out.
Regardless of this situation, I tried my best to not take anything personal and never stopped trying to be involved in their lives and made a constant effort to stay in touch.
Daniela still checks up on me regularly and has been there for me, especially during a really rough time in my life last year when I was dealing with really bad depression and kind of having an ‘existential crisis’ (which I’ve finally recovered from). Camila was not there for me at all. She also failed to wish me a happy birthday the past couple of years, even though I know she was aware of it this past on because I saw she watched my stories on Instagram celebrating it with my boyfriend.
So basically, I feel completely excluded from Camila’s close circle of friends and even though I understand we have changed a lot and become completely different people, I can’t help but feel, idk, ‘judged’ by her ? Like it almost feels as if she looks down on me for not being married and for still wanting to go out and maybe not having a more ‘stable’ life. Or maybe that’s all in my head, but that’s just how it feels.
Me and my bf are very much in love and are talking about marriage and kids but aren’t ready for that just yet, we just want to enjoy our 20’s being childfree a little longer.
This is where the last straw comes in though:
A couple of days ago, I was added to a group chat named ‘Camila’s baby shower’. And it had Camila’s closest friends it it. Her friend Felipe wrote in it “as you all know, Camila is pregnant...” and I was completely caught off guard because I had NO idea. Nobody mentioned anything to me. Felipe was throwing ideas for the baby shower, and they are planning on doing it in Orlando (which is far from me) and rent a very big and expensive airbnb for the weekend. This trip with airfare and everything else would cost me close to 1k.
When I expressed I was not aware of her pregnancy (she’s almost 3 months into it), she kind of responded in like an annoying tone like ‘yeah, Im pregnant but I want to keep it in DL for now’. Everyone went silent on the group chat and I could feel a sense of awkwardness at the fact she had not tell me about it yet. It was also very obvious she wasn’t expecting Felipe to make that group chat and that I’d be in it.
Now, this is very important and Im beyond happy for my friend and I don’t want to make this about me at all, which is why I haven’t said anything to anyone about how I feel. But I was wondering, WIBTA if I don’t spend all that money to go to an event I don’t really feel welcomed to? Am I making this too much about myself? Do you guys think I’m just reading too much into it and she’s just too busy with her life to be catching up with me? Please, I need any kind of perspective on this.
Thanks in advance for your replies.
| HISTORICAL | {
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X7VzgO9nomR3Ib9ekjEY1AjkyYisfXKx | b44boz | {
"description": "trashing my employee's wife on my company Twitter page",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for trashing my employee's wife on my company Twitter page? | I have an employee who I will call Kevin. He's great! He really gets my management style and works with me all hours of the day, weekends, to help keep this boat sailing. His wife, not so much. She recently posted an unflattering picture of me on her Twitter page and said I was exploitative and selfish. Since she called me out, I thought it would be fair to call her out, so I said some unflattering things about her on my Twitter page, which I normally use to talk about my company and how things are going on it. Now I'm being told that was inappropriate, even though I've posted about people I don't like in my Twitter feed before. Kevin doesn't seem to care one way or the other. Personally I think, if anything, Kevin's wife should apologize for putting Kevin into this situation (and if you ask me I think Kevin should divorce her and I'm not afraid to let the world know that).
im curious what people who aren't involved one way or the other think. Obviously I'm not going to post the tweets involved. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
VErBI2SpV53Hq1EpZ61O2F6Yx9NmgV4N | aqznq1 | {
"description": "not telling my cousin his wife wanted to have sex with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my cousin his wife wanted to have sex with me | Not much of a plot to this one but here we go all the same.
I have 2 cousins.One works abroad and the other recently finished college with flying colors.
My family decided to go to his ceremony for a couple of days except me and his brother's wife.My excuse was that i needed to study for the entrance exams but in reality i just wanted to stay home.I'm more of an indoor type, you see....Anyway, her excuse was something among those lines as she also had an exam coming.
The first day she asked me if i wanted her to cook something for me but i declined saying that i got it covered.Later on she kept bugging me asking me if i am studying .I lied that i was so that she would leave me alone.I never liked her because she enjoyed teasing me about the fact that i never had a girlfriend and so on.
About halfway through the next day i get the message telling me she had a weird dream in which we got caught by my father sleeping in the same bed instead of studying.I point blank asked her if she drank something , she said no and then stopped sending texts.Haven't told anyone about this because i thought it was not my business to interfere in a marriage.She and my cousin are living abroad now.
Now i might be a 19 year old virgin but i don't think i'm overthinking this one...
Or am I?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
jzImfAY7sehN444tLtXQa8Qgai6QUI5o | atr0tr | {
"description": "being mad I was woken up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being mad I was woken up? | Hey Everyone. This is going to have typo's, since I'm very sleep deprived. But it's short an sweet.
​
AITA? so I have pretty significant insomnia, this is self induced from when I was younger and was dependent on pot for a bit. So this morning my bf lost his phone, and couldn't find it. So naturally, he climbed on top of me and starting screeching like a child making me wake up. I instantly was livid and threw him off me. He claims that he didn't know I had trouble sleeping that night, so I have no right to be mad. I'm still so fucking mad because I just want to sleep and I can't. I can't put into words how angry I am, he knows that is have insomnia.. I apparently don't have permission or the right to be mad because he didn't know I had trouble that specific night, apparently I have to communicate and wake him up and let him know I'm having trouble sleeping. AITA for being mad I was woken up?
​
TLDR; OP has insomia and child-like boyfriend. Boyfriend wakes OP up after a long sleepless night and said it's not his fault she has no right to be mad. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | RIGHT |
W0Bfh1nqIsRxsnR4J31VBF6IXm3OmyCA | b4vsyt | {
"description": "standing up for myself",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for standing up for myself? | Sorry this is going to be a long one. So my friend let’s call him Noah has a YouTube Chanel and one day on Minecraft introduces to me his friend let’s call him Bobby. After some gameplay he goes on about how annoying Bobby and I are and says that I stole his stuff even though I found everything and when I asked for it back he just would go in creative and give it to me. Now some background knowledge I always tell him how I want achievements and don’t want to cheat and his response is always “WHO CARES?” Obviously I do but he thinks my opinion doesn’t really matter except if the situation isn’t as critical. I also don‘t really stand up for my self until I have reached Middle School and grew up. Back to the story so Bobby and I make a new world called “No Noah’s Allowed” and Noah gets mad at the name and he goes on about how annoying Bobby and I are. I then ask him to make a list of how annoying I am and he does one for Bobby too. So when he tells Bobby he just ignores Noah so Noah goes to me. He then goes on about How annoying I am and How I loud to him even tho the list is supposed to be how I am annoying and I only was loud because of my mom couldn’t here me or it was by accident. My iPhone then loses battery since my brother is using the charger so I go get it. When I get back on discord he gets even madder and goes on about how I spam him and how I’m never serious even though I can be it just depends on my mood and he knows that. Suddenly Bobby texts in a different group chat if I wanted to play and I said not now. Noah then says for me not to get out of the situation by talking to Bobby and I show him a screenshot of him talking to someone else while he was arguing with me. He claims that he was talking to his other friend before he talked to me and I show him the 5 hour time difference in the texts. I then call him a hypocrite since he does all the things that he thinks is annoying. He then calls me a nuisance and goes on about how I can only joke and what I say is a joke so then I say Noah. He then says and I quote ,”Alright I’m gonna go u go play with bobby maybe two nuisances can handle each other” | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
pewgOV1xitZysx4b2Eu2kZoqjt1rJoJE | b56q1a | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend to call me later so I can hang out with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I ask my boyfriend to call me later so I can hang out with my friend? | My boyfriend and I are long distance, and we're both busy a lot of the time, so I usually can't talk to him until 4pm or so, and it's even later on days I have classes (I go Mondays and Wednesdays). Besides him, I really don't have anyone to talk to. Sure, I have friends, but I don't really talk to them on a regular basis- maybe 2 or 3 times a month.
I've recently made a friend in one of my classes. He wasn't flirtatious but did buy me a drink, so I let him know that I have a boyfriend in case I just wasn't picking it up. The way he talked to me didn't change at all, so I trusted that he was just trying to get to know me as a friend. Now we hang out after class from about 11-12:30pm, and besides the class we share that's the only time we see each other. We also call and text each other occasionally.
The problem with that is the only time I can talk to my boyfriend before a much later time is 11-11:40am, so the past 2 times I've hung out with this guy include talking to my boyfriend for half an hour or so, and if | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
4jVIHjsnXRiBKl3l4IhrCzFyuHsEe49w | alf4aj | {
"description": "not wanting a Snow Day due to a phobia despite the fact that my brothers are practically praying for one",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For not wanting a Snow Day due to a phobia despite the fact that my brothers are practically PRAYING for one? | I want to get this out of the way. I have a phobia of snow, specifically icy roads. This is because of an incident last year when our neighbourhood froze over and my mum's car got stuck in the ice when she was lifting me and my brothers from school. Our car was 11 years old with worn down tires and my mum nearly broke the engine trying to get traction on the ice. She even crashed the car TWICE on this occasion. Once into another car and once into the pavement. She just couldn't get up the hill and we were stuck for an hour circling the neighbourhood trying to gain enough momentum to get up the hill to our house.
Because of this, whenever the weather forecast predicts temperatures below freezing, I get into a panic. I live in Ireland, where it rains 75% of the year, so the ground is always wet, which then freezes over. Also, the roads in my area are never salted since they are the suburbs and not the main roads.
This day last week, we got stuck in another ice patch because some idiot tried to melt the ice on the roads by throwing hot water onto it. Which is the WORST way to melt ice. It's like trying to put out a fire with fire. It just creates more fire.
I'm very open about my fear of snow and ice and always pray for none of it during the winter. My brothers mock me for this, calling me a 'fun sponge' and saying things like 'Only demons don't like snow. They constantly call me 'paranoid' as well. They want as much snow as possible so they can get a day off from school and are always praying for the roads and pavements to be caked in the white stuff.
I think this is a terrible idea. Why? BECAUSE OUR SCHOOLS DON'T CLOSE IN COLD WEATHER. The last snow day we had was in 2015 which was 4 years ago. Last year, the snow was so bad that people living up in the Sperrin Mountains and other higher places couldn't even leave their homes because the roads were covered in so much ice and snow that their cars couldn't get through. My friend who lives up there missed all of her Mock GCSE Exams because she was snowed in. Not me though. I had to come in through the ice and snow and sit through three exams a day for a week because the school didn't want to close despite half of their teachers and countless students being unable to come to school.
My point of view is that if we do get enough snow to close most of the schools in Northern Ireland, my school and my brothers' wouldn't close because they are stubborn b\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*. And then we would have to come to school anyway through the horribly icy roads with a car that can't handle it. (Old, weak engine, tires with no grips)
And yet my brothers insist that I'm ruining their excitement and that I'm just paranoid.
Am I?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | RIGHT |
cGJgEGE0IfC7GuvofLJYLPn7V5t290Ao | b3d5wb | {
"description": "stoping inviting a friend to hangout with our friend group",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for stoping inviting a friend to hangout with our friend group. | I’m on mobile(sorry for the bad formatting).
Friend constantly tries to exclude people and get people to leave when they were there first. Then when that doesn’t work he starts berating them with insults. I stop inviting him because of this and he is now insulting me behind my back. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4EUZrAgsgoEvcpv3DMzL6TIsqPRgY77V | ag6o00 | {
"description": "defending this family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for defending this family? | AITA? I saw this post on Facebook and since I'm also trans I know how hard this time can be for defending a trans family, I might have jumped the gun a little bit so I'm just trying to find out if i am indeed the asshole.
​
here's a rundown on what happened, I was browsing Facebook as I normally do when I have nothing better to do, when I see a post sharing a news article saying "Britain's first Transgender family reveals son is also transitioning" so me also being tansgender I was pissed reading the text they shared with the link was as follows
"Tax-payer funded child abuse"
"the next stonen generation"
"The parents should be put down"
​
after reading this I wasn't very happy to say the least, so after I read the article I jumped into the comments and this is what unfolded there,
Me: I really don't understand why this make's news, it's not uncommon for kids to understand who they really are, I identify as transgender and I've felt this way since I was 7, so there is no way people can start saying this is a bad thing or that the parents are doing anything wrong.
​
OP: it's happens more often than it used to. Maybe the parents should seek therapy for their child so he can crow to be happy and grateful in the body that god gave him.
​
Me: or maybe god doesn't have anything to do with it.
OP: Doesn't He? Or is that just your opinion?
Me: I don't see why "God" would have made us able to feel this way if it isn't natural , and honestly is's disgusting that people are putting shit on them I know how fucking hard this can be to go through
​
and then they simply replied with "If you have a problem you can delete me" which I promptly blocked them, hopefully this is enough to go on, for you to judge if I was the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | WRONG |
JA3Yd5DY0oMXpf1CBp10nwpEGCRnvXGY | b2gan3 | {
"description": "not doing a great job on an assignment for a friend that caused her to lose an a",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not doing a great job on an assignment for a friend that caused her to lose an A? | So I’m close friends with this girl. We’re both university students. But because she’s not that good in English but is studying in English, she usually sends me pages of her text books for me to paraphrase them for her in our language (write the translated thing in a document and send her to read). She also gives me her assignments to do, like a 16 question paper on a documentary, essays, etc. I even did two of her sister’s assignments because she’s not good either. Now I do all of that happily and it’s my pleasure to help. And yes they take time, but my English is fair so I can get things done, and I know she doesn’t have someone else to return to.
The last assignment was to write a ~750 words critique on a research paper, she sent me the paper, the guidelines for writing one and what I should include in my paper. I did everything that was asked for, or at least that’s what I think. I really did my best. But to be honest, I sent it an hour late after the due time, and she said she will loose 5 marks because of that but said it’s okay and thanked me. Now she messaged me saying that in that critique assignment I did, she got a 78/100, and this assignment counts as 20% of the total mark (which is 100). I told her so that’s a 15.6/20, not that great but not that bad either, I guess. She said no it’s a 14/20, and I was still in the A range, and this ruined my grades and I’m not getting an A. I told her I’m sorry and she said it’s okay, but her tone the whole time wasn’t really implying that, and it seemed she’s upset.
Now guilt is eating me out. AITA for accepting to it when apparently I’m not qualified to do it the right way, instead of telling her from the beginning that I cannot write this one? Note that if I had rejected it, she would’ve written in it on her own; and judging by her language as I mentioned above, I doubt she will be getting higher than a 10/20. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
UswCHECf1HpKqa6lWQ12B9sG2SKTH8xe | ay5cz6 | {
"description": "cutting off family",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting off family? | A little background:
I'm mixed race and culture. I grew up in the States, first of my family on one side to be born here, my house while I was a child was the landing point for dozens of immigrating family. Upon finding out I was pregnant, Baby's Father (white American. I love him, he is fantastic) and I didn't know anything else, but decided I would be nanay (mommy-equivalent), and he would be daddy. Easy enough, right?
The actual problem:
Well, turns out Baby's Father comes from an anti-immigration, staunchly monolingual home (this is AMERICA we talk ENGLISH). They both refused to say "nanay" because it's "too hard" (NAHN-eye. not hard.) when what they mean is "too not-white" and "they can't remember" they've had 3 years now. The Grandmother especially insists on calling me mommy, goes out of her way to do it, and follows up with and eye-rolling "ohhh I forgoooot" when I call her out. It's microaggression and passive-aggressive behavior, obviously not forgetfulness.
These people also love to post and say their opinions about immigrants, stating that immigrants and children of immigrants should be deported citing random made-up numbers and pseudo-statistics to back up their claims. When I've called them out on it, "oh we didn't mean YOUUuuuuu".
I've taught the miniature creature how to count in multiple languages, he's barely 3 and has at least 1-10 in English, Tagalog, Spanish, and German. They both came around about multiple languages when they learned German was being introduced and very strongly encourage German (especially the grandfather), while giving me the "this is AMERICA" speech about Tagalog and Spanish. It's clearly racism, I have examples for days. I decided they are not allowed to be close enough to him to speak to him. They only get a visual of him if there is supervision, and under NO circumstances are they allowed to talk or touch (no head pats, no hugs), and they are especially not be left alone with Baby because I will not introduce my child to the normalization of hypocrisy or bigotry.
The problem is, though, it's putting a strain on Baby's Father. When there's a family gathering or a birthday, it makes the situation extremely stressful for all of us, but I'm the one who made the decision. He didn't have much room for a say in it, but did agree that his family is toxic to a toddler (note, I would *nev.er* say he can't see or be with his family, just that I would be staying home with Baby when he does). I know I'm not the asshole for seeing this behavior and calling it out, or even not wanting to be around it myself. But, am I the asshole for completely cutting off contact like that, and putting that kind of stress on Baby's Father? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
RWa6XM1eSuZ5CJIsnTcPwTfoWdhHhNLT | al4to8 | {
"description": "not confronting trust fail",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not confronting trust fail | tldr;Trusted relative with personal information with agreement that it was between us; She broke deal;Probably should confront, but would rather just distance myself.
​
I recently found myself in a spot where I had to share some very personal information with an older relative. I was very clear that this had to stay between the two of us, and she agreed. I specifically stated that this information was not for my mother. I had shared minor personal info with her in the past, and she had never violated my trust so far as I am aware. This was a much bigger topic however.
​
Within a week I got a call from my mother who said she just got off the phone with this relative, and within minutes she starts asking a number of questions about this topic. Something she would never do prior. I knew my relative told her.
​
AMTA for ignoring what I think is the more common advice stating that I should confront my relative about the issue. Maybe learn why she did it. But, I really don't want to do that. I am not mad so much as really disappointed in her. I plan on simply distancing myself from this person, without confrontation. I really don't want to talk about the subject anymore with her. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PGA0xY6lLbXMEwZulEaof6iPtZTW6J4Q | aqlwu1 | {
"description": "being annoyed my friends changed their plans",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being annoyed my friends changed their plans | So this has just happened and I’m feeling pretty annoyed about the whole situation.
My close friends and I said we were going to go for a meal together this evening with the plan being to leave at 6, which would give me enough time to go and then get back for an appointment that I CANNOT be late for at 8.
We invited another girl who gets along with our group and she in turn asked if she could invite two of her friends, the only issue being that they couldn’t come for 6, and instead would have to leave at 7.
Unfortunately this means that I can no longer make it as I wouldn’t be able to get back for my thing at 8.
I was pretty annoyed by the fact that my group basically just said “Okay fine we’ll go at 7 so that these two guys we don’t know that well can come”. And when I kicked up a bit of a fuss and essentially said “Cmon this was our idea and now the extras are changing the time and I can’t come” I was told to stop being an asshole as there’s two of them and only one of me.
So... am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
hVNTH3zHKAX4Gjd1MwRz8YFT3uaM9SBR | b8n2e0 | {
"description": "telling my ex she should stop seeing a guy with sociopathic tendencies",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for telling my ex she should stop seeing a guy with sociopathic tendencies? | My ex dumped me a while back. I was heartbroken, but we ended on mostly good terms and we remained close afterwards. I started dating again a week after she started dropping hints that she was moving on/not looking to reconcile. She was aware of this because, again, we remained close and we have a lot of mutual friends, but she seemed happy I was moving on.
What I wasn't aware of was that around the same time, my ex started seeing an acquaintance/ex-friend of mine. On the surface, he's good looking, nice, and charming, but he has a history of backstabbing friends if it benefits him even slightly and preying on emotionally vulnerable women without remorse. Based on timing, his history, and my ex's account of everything, I'm 100% certain that he targeted her at a social gathering at his earliest opportunity after hearing news of our breakup.
They both kept it a secret from me until I saw them together at a social event (later I found out he was one of the organizers, and he volunteered to handle the invitations so that he could sabotage my invitation/keep me from finding out about the event, but I found out anyway because another person organizing it asked me personally if I was going).
When I saw them together, I was visibly upset and went silent for a long time. It was so noticeable that I had a couple friends try to console me. One of them told me some of the details of what's been going on between them, how they'd been seeing each other for a few weeks now. After that, I confronted both of them, called them out for being cowards, broke off my friendship with my ex, etc.
My ex felt bad afterward, so she reached out to me apologizing for being secretive and hurting my feelings. She asked if there was a way to make me feel better, to which I told her I'd feel better if she stopped seeing him, something I wouldn't have said if she hadn't asked outright. She was understandably angry about this, saying we're broken up and she has every right to date him. But then I explained to her that if it were someone other than him, I'd be a bit jealous, but I wouldn't have anywhere close to this kind of reaction. I explained to her the sort of person he is (an opportunistic weasel who lies, backstabs, and preys on people's weaknesses), that one day he's going to betray her the same way he betrayed me and so many other people. She eventually understood where I was coming from, but told me she'd take the risk on him anyway.
Was I the asshole for telling her this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
TbpTlNrzcvemfAhXebPYF2Awjec2iao3 | b54561 | {
"description": "commenting to a friend about charging me for a drink",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for commenting to a friend about charging me for a drink? | I visited one of my haunts, and the bartender and I have been friends for at least five years now (prior to ever being a patron of hers while she’s working). During my visit, she asked if I wanted to do a shot with her; I obliged (naturally).
Upon receiving the check, I was a bit taken aback to see she charged me for the shot. When a bartender (a friend, no less) invites me to do a shot with them, I anticipate it being on the house.
I went ahead and paid it without saying anything at the time. I doubt I’ll mention it at this point and just resolve to not take up a bartender on an offer like that in the future; but would I be the asshole if I were to comment on it? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MyTRrCoUURwNuaRgs1cCCBn8pkmEGDiv | awrooz | null | AITA: Tried to stick up for friends and decorum at friend's art "thing" | I am curious if I was the asshole or my friends blew it out of proportion to avoid confrontation.
​
I have a very good friend who is a hair stylist. There was this art thing that was hosted, and he did all the models' hair. It was really well done for our medium sized town.
​
Of course they were serving booze. About 5 of my friends are standing in line to order some booze. Some jerk cuts in the line to the front and orders. I confront him, and tell him he is an asshole. He tries to act like he is innocent, I kept saying you cut in line you are a piece of shit. My friends step in, apologize to this guy and tell me to calm down. I am shocked by their behavior. In my mind, I was defending us. In their mind, I was causing a scene?
​
INFO: I had nothing drink yet, so alcohol could not be blamed on my part.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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AH7kZd9X26mn9Hto6tmP5gc8sbfL4dFj | aryz9u | null | AITA for not givin up my seat for an autistic boy when there were plenty of available seats | It was like 2014 and my class was coming back from our eigth grade trip in New York City, which was about 40 minutes from our school. So after a long day of walking around and doing some sort of scavenger hunt to make the field trip somewhat educational, we all make our way back to the bus. I am one of the first people on the bus so I help myself to a seat in the back, not too close to the bathroom as to where it smelled but far enough from the front as to not be bothered by any teachers. And with no assigned seats what could go wrong. I take out my phone and begin to scroll through as the bus fills up, as the bus is nearing capacity when I see the boy in my grade who has autism, we’ll call him Scott, making his way to towards me and the full back of the bus. Scott is normally accompanied by a student aid but she had taken a seat near the front of the bus and let Scott do his own thing, he then locks eye contact with me and approaches me. Scott starts to say how he wants to sit in my seat. I politely explained how I was already sitting there and that there were plenty of empty seats near the front. Scott then says he was sitting in my seat on the way there so he should get it for the way back. Trying to be nice and diffuse the situation quietly so I could remain near my friends I explained how there were still no assigned seats and that basically everyone was in a new seat. At this point Scott is standing there not having any of it and the back half of the bus is now fully involved in the conversation and even some of my friends were yelling at me. “Just get up, he’s... ya know!” was just one of the things I can vividly remember hearing, along with a number of dirty looks. Was I the asshole for not getting up right away? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 10,
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yWoCWTfXmwbIKG733MCCeJDskiFvoLaI | a06h7l | {
"description": "wanting a foreign exchange student to not participate in the group project",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA to want a foreign exchange student to not participate in the group project? | I know it's ironic but: Forgive my poor English. It's not my native language.
I'm having a group project in my college with four other students. One of them is a foreign exchange student who's not that fluent in the language of my country. Let me call her Y here.
Y hasn't contributed at all since the beginning of the semester(for about 2 months). Not that she's a bad person imo, but she's not that trying hard either.
Every time we have a discussion, she just sits around there idly. I know it could be hard enough for her to just catch up with conversation; so I constantly ask her questions and opinions. But she never answers the question. She just shrugs no matter what I ask(her language skill is good enough to understand the short sentences I organized to be as simple as possible).
Last week, we set up a meeting to discuss one of the most important interim report of the semester. It'd be a long meeting so it was a little hard to find out when would be ok for everyone. Since it was impossible for everyone to meet up the same time, we set up the meeting for the day when Y wasn't available and told her we'd share the meeting result to her via email.
I'm not sure how did she feel about that. Anyway the meeting was successful; the hardest part was to decide which assignment should we give to Y(She gotta do something we can write down on the report). We made up an easy assignment that we don't really need to avoid any trouble in case she screws up.
Now I want to tell Y that she doesn't have to waste her time texting to her friends while other teammates discuss and we won't tell the professor. I don't dislike her or anything. She's a lovely person and must be really smart to study college level books in foreign language. But literally no one is benefiting here in my eyes. | HISTORICAL | {
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LM1rA9mCFxZbMWSApnfAI05sEIX7ytQA | a5bwkf | {
"description": "calling the cops on my boyfriend because of his questionable porn stash",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for calling the cops on my boyfriend because of his questionable porn stash? | Using a throwaway for obvious reasons.
This morning I needed to print something out and my iPad was freezing up on me so I called my boyfriend and asked him for his password.
He reluctantly gave it to me, scrutinizing why I needed it.
I logged in and printed what I needed to but then I wondered like why TF is he so defensive about his computer? 🤔
It didn’t take long to find a folder in windows\system32 where he was keeping his porn.
Almost all of it was really creepy pork involving girls of questionable ages. When I say questionable, I mean girls that look like they could be advanced developed 15 year olds to young looking 19 year olds.
I’d say about half the porn was of Asian women so that of course made it harder for me to decipher.
I decided to call the police and have them check to make sure he doesn’t have anything illegal and they took his computer and will scan it.
In the meantime, he is asking me where his computer went and I’m giving him excuses but he’s getting more frustrated.
Did I do the right thing? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
M4w4Rq6sLp1oWbvnVYUSPBORKUeAohop | a8plnm | {
"description": "not wanting to babysit my \"first time skier\" friend on an expensive trip to Vermont",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA if I don't want to babysit my "first time skier" friend on an expensive trip to Vermont? | So every year my friends and I plan a destination ski trip. Most of us are experienced skiers / snowboarders and can ride the entire mountain. All of us only get to go a few times a year so we like to go pretty hard. I didn't invite my one friend (call her Lucy) because she has never skied before in her life. Lucy over hears our conversation about the ski trip and strongly insists on attending. She says that she is a fast learner and will take a lesson.
​
Lessons are only 2 hours long so I expressed my concerns about having to babysit her the rest of the day. I'm paying good money on this trip! Why should I have to follow Lucy around on the bunny slopes? I also offered to teach her on the local mountain some other time that would be conducive to here skill level but she got upset and cried.
​
Also important to note that all of us are probably skiing two days but i think Lucy is only skiing one day. Not confirmed yet.
​
Anyways, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | WRONG |
phjpQsuhOZpa8H3NN0BXRZJBLlQuZaVI | aio9as | {
"description": "not playing Destiny 2 alone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not playing Destiny 2 alone? | Myself and my girlfriend recently got into a rather harsh verbal debate last night.
She had bought me destiny 2 and the DLCs for it, and wanted to play it with me, so I do. Whenever she's online, I play it with her.
The problem is, she's not always online; when she isn't, I play other multiplayer games. Destiny 2 isn't really a game that I enjoy alone; it's a game I like to play with others. As a result, I don't really play it when I'm alone, because I'll get bored of the game and write it off. There's always someone to play with on overwatch, and the community is much less toxic.
Am I the asshole for trying to play with only her so that I don't get bored of the game? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
dJTLQSl6P1FXR0jIwiLUEdLPmYl3AYIs | a4y3ec | {
"description": "not accepting an apology for a gross breech of privacy",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not accepting an apology for a gross breech of privacy? | I'm currently living with an ex (we're basically now in an open relationship as we've figured out that we do not meet each other's needs n a committed monogamous relationship) and his mother. I have recently bought a house and am working on it to get it move in ready, I will be in by the new year. While I have lived there, his mother has never asked me for rent (which I would be glad to pay, but she's the type that would be offended if I offered) so I pick up extra groceries (I do not eat hardly any of their food even though I'm welcome to it, but I buy extra things that I'm already getting and things specifically for them when I'm out) and I try to help out around the house and do some chores. I am not really there very often, I mostly just sleep there. All in all I cost them virtually nothing, which is the only reason I'm ok not paying rent and pitching in with other things.
His mother has made it abundantly clear that she does not come into the bedroom. She only does so occasionally to drop laundry off (rare occasion as I do my own laundry, but sometimes a shirt or hoodie gets mixed in with hers) or to ask her son for weed. When I initially moved in she put an extra nightstand in the bedroom for me to use- I would have gotten one myself if she hadn't already put it in there. Over the weekend (I was out of town) she came in to drop laundry off and the drawer was open halfway, I keep a limited amount of things in there, mainly sex toys, hard candy, and weed. She saw the bag of weed and said (according to the ex) "Why is this in her drawer? It should be in yours!". He was in the room at the time.
I don't pay for the weed (though I would, but their policy is that if you're smoking it in the house, no worries). Even though I smoke every evening to help me sleep, I do not smoke very much in quantity- just a small hit. Nothing compared to what his friends smoke when they come over (which is almost every day). I have a small bag of weed in my drawer because the ex was tired of me asking for it every night after he was high and relaxed and didn't want to go get the main stash. It's an efficiency thing on his part, I never asked to have the weed, he said here, keep this in your drawer. She reached into the drawer past all the sex toys to grab the weed and took it out and put it where ever. I don't know where it is, I haven't seen it.
I noticed it was gone last night when I tried to do my bedtime routine, the ex wasn't in the room as he had company downstairs, but told me what happened when he came up to go to bed and mentioned it.
Not only do I see this as a gross violation of my privacy, but I also see it as evidence that she doesn't trust me and thinks I'm a mooch, which I am not. I would have left weeks ago and lived in my unfinished house if not for her insistence that I stay with them until it's actually move in ready. She also routinely suggests that I just rent the new house and live with them as she'll miss me sooooooooo much and I'm family.
Am I the asshole for not immediately accepting her half hearted apology via text and thinking that the ex should have had my back (and his own) by telling her how inappropriate she was being in the moment? I no longer feel comfortable there and will be completely moving out this week as a direct result of this incident.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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dk8hex0y9lHKPYKeCOtu5gbfHRH2ZZNi | b9juas | {
"description": "telling my roommate she jacks off too loudly",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my roommate she jacks off too loudly? (NSFW) | I live in a college dorm with two other girls; there’s only our small bedroom which we all share, and a connected private bathroom. One of my roommates is maintaining a long distance, long term relationship. At least once a week, she goes into our tiny bathroom with unbelievably thin walls and has phone sex with her boyfriend. My other roommate isn’t around as often as I am, so I don’t think she knows about it, and I don’t want to tell her if it’s spreading her private life around.
For the first half of the year, when I first heard it, I couldn’t believe it. I thought if I was feeling this embarrassed, she would be even more embarrassed if I told her. So I just put earbuds in or tried to go to sleep and endured it. But recently it’s gotten more and more frequent, and louder too. It’s impossible to ignore. They’ve started dirty talk too and I can hear it clear as day. It makes me really uncomfortable but I don’t want to make her go out to the communal bathrooms or mess up her relationship with her boyfriend. WIBTA if I told her I could hear her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
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} | RIGHT |
u6wiRwQJO8QzBeHajpFX5zUkf0CBbpcS | ahq52z | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone at work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone at work? | So there's this guy at work who's pushy about being friends and always wants to throw get-togethers outside of work. He invites everyone and then expects them to show up and gets upset if you don't, taking it really personally. If I see him in the office he expects me to stop for 5 minutes and talk regardless of how busy I am and it's really starting to get on my nerves. If I just try to say hi and keep walking he'll get offended and say something like "That's not the proper way to greet someone." I have a very busy job and can't stop to talk all the time. I definitely don't want my boss to find me standing around on the clock.
He only ever talks about sports even though I've made it clear I have no interest, and will just talk about "last night's game" over and over. We don't have anything in common and he's very clearly trying to force being friends. I feel bad because he thinks he's trying to be nice, but it's the same thing every single day. He does this to everyone else at work and it's very obvious that they're being too polite to say no.
He doesn't seem to take hints. Am I the asshole for wanting to tell him I'm not interested in being friends? | HISTORICAL | {
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kyeVdoVRGqmmmbh4Xcv5bx2pIiBK6vXB | ar2xch | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend I liked kissing another in my dream and telling my gf about it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA For telling my girlfriend I liked kissing another in my dream and telling my GF about it? | Last night I had a dreamt I kissed a girl I went to high school with. IRL we've went on a couple dates and I HAD feelings for her but that's as far as it went. In the dream I really enjoyed the kiss in the moment but very quickly that turned in to guilt and discomfort and then woke up after that. I told her exactly how it went and now she's absolutely furious. Am I the asshole or is she over reacting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
GtMvqIfHy9zV6JThEXZCxGfx6kMXTKDK | ao80hq | {
"description": "not wanting to go to my uncles funeral",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to go to my uncles funeral? | So, my uncle recently died at age 58 after battling with some disseases (not sure which).
And now they are planning a funeral and I don't feel like going, as I have never felt like he was my uncle, he was just some random guy that was in my family to me, he was also depicted as a leech to me (lent money from my grandma alot, which he apparently never gave back), and my mother was also not that close with him.
​
Now that he died, i understand my mother is very upset, as it is her brother afterall, and I kinda want to go to his funeral, but also don't, as again, i've never thought of him as family, and I very much dislike funerals and that stuff (too boring for me)
​
Now am I the asshole for not wanting to go to his funeral, or not?
​
(throwaway as my family knows my normal account) also, not English so grammar/spelling might be off.
Thanks for reading. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
OwRtd6ooc6T5Oy7oHfJBWEd2ON1AwYf6 | a7ucb3 | {
"description": "not wanting to go to a birthday dinner early and leave early because my bf is so tired from night shift",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to go to a birthday dinner early and leave early because my bf is so tired from night shift? | So this may seem like a small thing but it feels like a big deal, and it’s not the first time we’ve had this argument. I’d love for us to be able to work this out better.
His POV, as best as I can understand and represent it: he works in a hospital in a stressful role and does night shift once a week. He absolutely hates it and it exhausts him. He tries so hard to limit the impact with a strict routine which includes sleeping the day before. One closest friends, someone he really likes, has a birthday today and the friend’s new gf has organised a surprise dinner at a nearby restaurant. He’s very tired and feels he is not good company and this is one of the only things he cares enough about to go out for (usually he takes it easy and has difficulty functioning the day after night shift). So he wants to arrive half an hour early and order food, eat and leave around half an hour after everyone else arrives. He says he thinks people will understand when he explains he’s tired from night shift.
My POV: I feel SUPER uncomfortable at the thought of doing this. I feel like people really don’t understand and will judge us both or think we are strange. When we have had similar situations in the past I feel he has been really inflexible and I feel other people think it’s rude. I think it is rude to arrive early and leave early, and suggests a lack of respect, and comes across as somewhat rude and selfish. I don’t want to go separately and be there on my own, either, as I will probably only know the friend (and I don’t know him that well). In some ways I think he should just suck it up, make an effort, and he should sleep more today and tomorrow and at least wait until others arrive (7:30pm) before ordering. In other ways I can see his POV and recognise I’m responding to fears about what others will think, and that I’m being pretty shallow. But this doesn’t affect my feelings. I would probably rather just say I’m sick and not go rather than be seen with him if he goes ahead with what he wants to do.
I haven’t said much to him - we agreed to talk about it later. AITA? Any suggestions about how I/we can move past this argument and others like it are VERY welcome. Thank you for reading this far! | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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Zjg4MgMDV2vwO8H4VCV99DrlfpAtAFeE | b0gn98 | {
"description": "not talking to my roommate anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA if I don't talk to my roommate anymore? | So I'm a freshman in college right now. When I came here, I wanted to room with someone for the traditional college feel. We met in the summer by going to lunch with our moms. She seemed pretty cool to me at first. I was still nervous that we'd end up not being friends. We moved in for a summer camp in August but spent no time together that week bc we were in diff groups and our activities ran all day long.
Now during school, we STILL barely did anything together. Every time I'd ask if she wanted to do anything she either ended up being busy or she generally wasn't interested. So I was like 'okay' and shrugged it off. She never really asked me to go anywhere with her either. Eventually I just gave up on trying to do things with her bc I thought that if she really wanted to be friends with me, she'd actually try to hang out. I'm honestly a pretty chill person when it comes to my personality, you just have to get to know me first and then I'm a lot more outgoing.
In between those mixed feelings, some things happened during the first semester that made me all the more realize that I didn't want to be friends with her. First, she texts me that I sprayed too much perfume in the room and she has allergies. I say sorry I'll try not to use so much. Weeks later, same thing happens but she sounds a bit more annoyed in her text. Sounded like she was implying that I needed to go somewhere else to use it. I'm like okay..? Cool. I'll try not to do it again (EXACT words).
Next thing happens near the end of semester. I'm on the phone with my bf and we're talking like we normally do. So one night she's asleep and we get a fire drill. We come back and she lays down to sleep again. I respect that so I try to be fairly quiet in the room. It's kinda late but I call my bf again when we get back. Note: Me and my roommate followed each other on insta, so then I see a post from her saying that I was too loud on the phone and I needed to go to sleep. I'm in an ldr (3 hrs apart) so it's hard to call at a decent time based on our lives so night works best for us. I stay chill and hang up 20 mins later. The problem is that I don't say anything when she's talking to her bf late at night, AND I can hear him on speaker every time they talk. So why is it just me that's the problem?
So I blocked her # and unfollowed her. Idk if that was too much but why do you have to complain on social media instead of telling ME what's wrong? She wrote that she KNEW I'd see it and that "I could feel any way about it." I didn't know wth that meant but I just left it at that.
So idk what to feel now. Am I an asshole for feeling like this? I'm not gonna lie, I probably won't be making amends with her at this point. But I honestly don't hate her. What bothers me is that she only texted me when she had issues. I like talking things out to solve problems. I've just come to terms that I had an awkward first roommate experience. 🤷🏾 | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
vPUCT7NHFQvSPEFd31Rrh09uS1mU6k62 | 9y4f9q | {
"description": "friendzoning my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for friendzoning my coworker | Hi so there’s this girl at work let’s name her v. She’s 21. She’s a pretty new hire at work and I’ve been talking to her a lot and actually really liked her till I founding out she has a boyfriend. All my coworkers say just steal her but I felt bad. I turned 18 last week and she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend to be with me now since I’m “not a case” in her words. She asked me out as we were both clocking out. I naturally said “ are you joking? I don’t date dummies” this is literally how I talk to girls though and is typical between us but when I said this she got really sad and stormed off. She later messaged me apologizing but that she was serious and I pretty much friend zoned her. I pretty much told her it’s hard enough being in high school with college classes and going to work to try to help pay bills. She read it but hasn’t responded but has posted stuff on snap and insta stating how sad she is and hinting me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
OqUldNyn4ZyQBvvQ5eip56AkUSHCu8Hi | b371tg | {
"description": "blowing up at neighbor for not preventing our child from going missing",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 39
} | AITA for blowing up at neighbor for not preventing our child from going missing? | Yesterday our 3 year old went on a little adventure. My husband came home from doing some errands, we chatted for a bit in our kitchen, leaving our son to play on his own like we always do in an adjacent-but-not-in-eyesight room. He usually watches TV for a bit after his snack, it's been the routine for a year now. Color us surprised when he managed to unlock the front wooden door, open it, unlock the front glass door, and open it, get down our porch all without us noticing. We noticed after about 10min and we freaked out. 911 and 3hr later, he's brought home from a few blocks away: full of mud but otherwise O.K.
I'm not asking if we were the assholes for not paying attention, because I know we full well were. I do want to ask about our neighbor though and if me blowing up at her was justifiably assholish. After we had our baby back, she piped in to the police officers with us in earshot "oh I saw him running across the street, I thought he was playing so didn't do anything". She detailed she knew our kid got out unattended (and did nothing), what direction he went in (and told no one), and previously said she had no idea about anything (lying to cops and us).
I don't get along with my neighbor. She somehow has four cars to their household and frequently parks in our driveway. We don't have a car ourselves. It's been a constant battle over the last five years to get her to stop. She's retaliated, too, but I think this time goes too far. I exploded at her and would have got physical were the police not there.
While I know we should have been more attentive, what my neighbor did was outright malicious. AITA for exploding at her? Is she TA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 39
} | WRONG |
7JpUHekO8HW83S3nCJwvqRFNwdlNLkPx | b0teh2 | {
"description": "being mad at my friends family for changing their plans last minute",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being mad at my friends family for changing their plans last minute? | Context-
So my friend (we’ll call him M) is one of my closest friends, we’ve been friends all our life even thought he moved to a town 5 hours away. I see him every time he come to town and recently I got the word that he’ll be down for the next few days. His mom is my moms friend that’s how I knew.
Story -
So I heard that he was coming to town from my mom. I was surprised he hadn’t told me but I realized he might be busy so I went with it and texted him. M answers and I learn he’s supposed to be coming down on a Wednesday morning spending a day here then going an hour away to my mom’s boyfriend’s house that he’s letting her use (he’ll stay with us) for few days skiing. I think that this is awesome because my conference swim meet is that Thursday and I’d really love if he could come watch. M says he might be able to come and he’d love to.
We live in a place with really bad road condition so the next day (Wednesday) I’m coming back from swim practice and my mom tells me that because they were supposed to get heavy snow they came down a day early and were already here. Again I’m surprised M didn’t tell me, I think they got here late and he must have been really tired so I drop it.
Later the same day I hear (from my mom again) that since they came here a day early they are heading up skiing Wednesday night instead. I get kind of angry, it’s not just that M can’t go to my swim meet but that he didn’t even bother to tell me.
This also effects my whole family, my mom’s boyfriend now has to come down a day early messing with his schedule and it ruins the dinner my mom and M’s were supposed to have at the local Pub.
AITA for being mad that not only did they change plans last minute but M didn’t even bother to tell me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9GqSqJ15C8Wxygrv80KEzWjzCp50OxS3 | b4le31 | {
"description": "calling people out on exaggerated stories",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for Calling People Out on Exaggerated Stories? | Ive always been one to think that a person should stay true to their experience when telling a story. If you have to go out of your way to exaggerate or lie about parts of the story, then the story clearly wasnt interesting enough to tell.
So, in a recent instant where my gf was telling a story, it made me cringe when she felt the need to lie about details to "make it more interesting". I confronted her about this after, alone, in private, sharing my thoughts, as above. She did not take it well and is mad, when in truth i feel that she is actually the one at fault for, in my eyes, essentially lying.
Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
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