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i head back to the office after lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in an awkward silence with constance . | [
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i try to get her to engage about online shopping , but she only offers me one-word responses . | [
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later in the day i meet another intern named greg , a cute , strawberry-blonde guy who blushes when i look him in the eye . | [
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he is more the kind of person i should be looking to date . | [
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i just wish i felt that same rush that i do whenever i 'm around nate . | [
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i drive home just after six in the old audi that was just sitting in the thornhill 's garage . | [
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it 's definitely the most expensive car i 've ever driven , and it 's fun to really let out the engine on the short stretch of the beltway on my way back to potomac . | [
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i park in the garage and let myself in to the small anteroom off the kitchen , where i kick off my shoes . | [
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`` mom ? '' | [
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i call out , before spotting her outside on the back lawn , talking on the phone as the sun sets behind her . | [
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i head upstairs with my tote bag still over my shoulder . | [
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the huge house is silent as i walk up the steps and down the hallway . | [
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nate must still be at his internship . | [
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my mom told me he got one at some think tank downtown . | [
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i drop my bag as i walk into my bedroom and push the door almost closed behind me with my foot . | [
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i ca n't wait to get this skirt off . | [
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it 's my one pencil skirt , and it 's a little itchy around my waist . | [
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i step into the bathroom and turn on the elegant faucet in the sink . | [
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i tie my hair behind my head with a loose elastic and splash some cool water on my skin . | [
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first days are always exhausting , but i think today was unusually so . | [
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as i look back up to my reflection , dripping with water , i see something move in the mirror . | [
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i stare at it blankly , not understanding what i 'm seeing . | [
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the mirror above the sink is reflecting the mirror above my vanity in the bedroom , which is in turn reflecting an image from my partially open bedroom door . | [
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it 's nate , i realize . | [
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he 's standing outside my door , and he does n't realize i can see him . | [
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i look down at the sink , pretending to watch the last of the water as it swirls down the drain . | [
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a shiver of excitement runs through me at the idea that nate could actually be interested in me-i mean , he 's there , right now , watching me . | [
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before i process what i 'm doing , before i can think of all the reasons not to , i slowly move my hands to my lower back and undo the clasp at the top of the zipper , then unzip my skirt . | [
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i let it fall in a pile at my feet , then step out of it . | [
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i look up carefully and nate is still there in the double reflection . | [
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allison 's warning echoes through my mind but i keep going . | [
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i feel high , high on the feeling that i 'm actually desired . | [
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i catch hold of the back of my rather shapeless blouse in my hands and pull it up over my head , then toss it onto the floor . | [
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as i look back in the mirror , i try to imagine what someone else might see when they look at me , without my constant negative interior monologue telling me nasty things about myself . | [
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do i have the kind of body that someone like nate could find attractive ? | [
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now down to my bra and underwear , i begin to feel nervous , but i reach up to unclasp my bra . | [
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i feel the straps loosen on my shoulders and bring my hands forward to catch it as it falls . | [
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`` brynn ? | [
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you home ? '' | [
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i hear my mom call from the foyer . | [
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i freeze , holding the bra against my breasts . | [
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i glance up . | [
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nate is gone . | [
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`` yup , i 'm home ! '' | [
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i yell back . | [
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`` i saw your shoes ! | [
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i 'm coming up-i want to hear all about your first day . '' | [
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i hear her footsteps on the staircase and hurriedly refasten my bra . | [
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nothing like your mom 's voice to kill your libido . | [
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chapter eight the next couple weeks of my new life seem to pass rather quickly , mostly due to the fact that nate is always out with his friends after work , and our run-ins have been few and far between . | [
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i 've settled into a routine of sorts , even if i still do n't feel like i 'm at home here . | [
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i 'd gone to bed early last night , with the intention of sleeping in this morning before visiting museums with allison later in the day . | [
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however a loud noise from downstairs awakens me-i stare bleary eyed at my alarm clock , it 's only 6:15am . | [
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who 'd be awake this early on a saturday morning ? | [
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i get out of bed and tiptoe to my door . | [
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i open it a little and hear something shuffling around downstairs . | [
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] |
i tiptoe out into the hallway and see everyone 's bedroom doors are closed . | [
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i know there 's an alarm system-i had to memorize the passcode . | [
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maybe an ungainly mouse is exploring ? | [
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i creep down the staircase and through the dining room . | [
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the noises sounded like they were coming from the kitchen . | [
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the swinging door is open , and i peak my head around it , my heartbeat blasting in my ears . | [
101,
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11820,
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1010,
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suddenly , nate steps out in front of me . | [
101,
3402,
1010,
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1997,
2033,
1012,
102
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`` fuck ! '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
6616,
999,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
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he exclaims , and i jump back , startled . | [
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`` oh , god , i thought you were a burglar . '' | [
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`` then you should have called 911 , '' he retorts brusquely , turning his back to me and walking to the island . | [
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] |
`` well , you should be glad i did n't . '' | [
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sheesh , does he have to find something wrong with everything i say ? | [
101,
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`` what are you doing up so early anyway ? '' | [
101,
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] |
`` i was just working out . '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
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1012,
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102
] | [
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] |
`` wow . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
10166,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
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] |
this early ? '' | [
101,
2023,
2220,
1029,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
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1,
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1
] |
i ask , moving around him . | [
101,
1045,
3198,
1010,
3048,
2105,
2032,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
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] | [
1,
1,
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1,
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] |
he 's fiddling with something in front of him . | [
101,
2002,
1005,
1055,
10882,
21814,
2007,
2242,
1999,
2392,
1997,
2032,
1012,
102
] | [
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1,
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1,
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1
] |
`` yeah , every morning . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
3398,
1010,
2296,
2851,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
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0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i need to stay in shape during the off-season . '' | [
101,
1045,
2342,
2000,
2994,
1999,
4338,
2076,
1996,
2125,
1011,
2161,
1012,
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] |
`` i 'd be exhausted if- '' i break off , as i see blood dripping from his palms onto the granite countertop . | [
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1036,
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2022,
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2065,
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1,
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1
] |
`` oh my god , you 're bleeding ! '' | [
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2821,
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2643,
1010,
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] |
i gasp . | [
101,
1045,
12008,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
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] |
`` yeah , i just ca n't get this fucking tape to ... '' he struggles to wind a bandage around his palm . | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
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1,
1,
1
] |
`` let me , '' i say , spying a first aid kit on the counter by the window . | [
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2033,
1010,
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1005,
1045,
2360,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
from the blood smeared on it , i can see nate 's already gone through it . | [
101,
2013,
1996,
2668,
25400,
2006,
2009,
1010,
1045,
2064,
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1,
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1,
1,
1,
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1
] |
`` you do n't have to , '' he protests . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2017,
2079,
1050,
1005,
1056,
2031,
2000,
1010,
1005,
1005,
2002,
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1,
1,
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1
] |
`` come over here . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2272,
2058,
2182,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
the light 's better , '' i instruct him . | [
101,
1996,
2422,
1005,
1055,
2488,
1010,
1005,
1005,
1045,
16021,
18300,
2032,
1012,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` do you know what you 're doing ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2079,
2017,
2113,
2054,
2017,
1005,
2128,
2725,
1029,
1005,
1005,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
he asks , less than thrilled to accept my help . | [
101,
2002,
5176,
1010,
2625,
2084,
16082,
2000,
5138,
2026,
2393,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
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0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` more than you , '' i reply with a smile , nodding at the mess of tape around his palm . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2062,
2084,
2017,
1010,
1005,
1005,
1045,
7514,
2007,
1037,
2868,
1010,
11863,
2012,
1996,
6752,
1997,
6823,
2105,
2010,
5340,
1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
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1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i wash my hands in the sink and then open up the kit . | [
101,
1045,
9378,
2026,
2398,
1999,
1996,
7752,
1998,
2059,
2330,
2039,
1996,
8934,
1012,
102
] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i take a pair of surgical scissors and cut off the tape that he 's already applied . | [
101,
1045,
2202,
1037,
3940,
1997,
11707,
25806,
1998,
3013,
2125,
1996,
6823,
2008,
2002,
1005,
1055,
2525,
4162,
1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
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1,
1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
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i glance up slightly , and for the first time it hits me that he 's shirtless , wearing only a pair of gym shorts and sneakers . | [
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he 's covered in sweat . | [
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`` how 'd this happen ? '' | [
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`` i over-trained a little . | [
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got dizzy , tripped on a rock and held out my hands to break my fall , '' he replies , eyes downcast as he watches me work . | [
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`` over-training for what ? | [
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lacrosse or crew ? '' | [
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i ask as i pull out a piece of gauze and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide . | [
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`` both . | [
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