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i 've never been very good with heights , so this is not exactly my idea of a good time . | [
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`` oh , for fuck 's sake , '' i groan , as the breeze lifts up my skirt . | [
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`` what 's that ? '' | [
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emerson asks , one eye almost cracking open . | [
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`` no ! '' | [
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i screech , my stomach dropping at the thought of him getting an eyeful of my cooch from down below . | [
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in a desperate , unthinking moment , i try and smooth down my skirt , losing my grip on the flimsy trellis . | [
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i feel my body pitching backward , plummeting through the air . | [
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i brace myself for the impact , waiting to hear my bones crackling as i hit the ground . | [
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but in the next moment , i feel two thick arms wrap firmly around my small body . | [
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i blink up at emerson from where i lay cradled in his grasp . | [
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he did n't even stagger when i fell into his embrace , he 's that much bigger than i am . | [
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for a moment , it 's all we can do to stare at each other in wonder . | [
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we 're closer than we 've ever been before . | [
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so , so close ... | [
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i glance down at my legs and see that one of emerson 's hands is gripping my bare ass , full on-the tips of his fingers dangerously close to my exposed sex . | [
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`` oh , '' i say faintly . | [
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`` oh ... '' he replies , realizing what it is that he 's got a handful of . | [
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he lowers me unceremoniously to my feet , brushing himself off brusquely . | [
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am i crazy , or is that a slight blush creeping into his cheeks ? | [
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`` let 's get out of here , '' he says gruffly , shoving my panties back into my hands and taking off at a jog . | [
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i stare at his retreating back for a long moment before coming to . | [
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with trembling hands , i step back into my lacy underwear and set off in his wake . | [
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no way is he going to wait around for me-i should know that much by now . | [
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chapter two we spend the next hour darting through the thick , shadowy woods that blanket the town , slowly making our way home . | [
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barely a word is spoken by either of us as we make our way along , pausing whenever we hear a siren in the distance . | [
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by the time we stumble through the brush and land in our backyard , i 'm covered in scrapes and dirt . | [
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emerson , for his part , seems to be mostly unscathed . | [
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but of course he is . | [
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the lights are all out as we tiptoe into my childhood home-a stately but relatively modest tudor house . | [
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dad and deborah must be asleep by now . | [
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it is , after all , past two in the morning . | [
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hopefully dad wo n't ask too many questions about what i 'm doing home in the morning-i told him i 'd be sleeping over at riley 's . | [
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but he 's not exactly the type to check up , and i doubt that deborah even goes through the motions of keeping tabs on emerson anymore . | [
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with a little bit of luck , we 'll be in the clear . | [
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emerson and i slip through the back doors and plod up the carpeted staircase , skipping the creaky stair , coming at last to the second story landing . | [
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there are three bedrooms in my dad 's house : the master bedroom just off the landing , which he and deborah are sharing now , and two smaller rooms at either side of the hall . | [
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my room is down to the right , emerson 's is to the left . | [
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he does n't even bother saying goodnight before turning away and slipping into his room . | [
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with a sigh , i trudge back to my own quarters at the opposite end of the hall . | [
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closing the door gently behind me , i belly flop onto my bed , burying my face in the fluffy pillow and fighting the urge to scream . | [
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i ca n't sort through everything that happened between emerson and i tonight . | [
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between the tense moments during seven minutes of heaven to his accidental but steamy caress after i took a tumble off the trellis , i 'm totally at a loss . | [
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tonight was the first time we 've seen each other outside of school and home since he and deborah moved in . | [
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and it 's certainly the first time anything so ... charged has passed between us . | [
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i flip over onto my back , staring up at the ceiling . | [
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the glow-in-the-dark stars i put up as a kid still hang overhead , despite my near-adult status . | [
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with a pang of heartache , i realize that emerson and i are bound to part ways once we turn eighteen and graduate high school . | [
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i 'll never know what could have been between us , if our parents had n't ruined everything by getting together . | [
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then again , he probably never would have even learned my name if not for them . | [
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so i guess i should be somewhat grateful . | [
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emphasis on somewhat . | [
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knowing that i 'll never fall asleep with all this tension built up inside of me , i roll over and slide open the top drawer of my night table . | [
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there , hidden among a jumble of makeup and jewelry , is a tiny device disguised to look like a tube of lipstick . | [
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its actual purpose is a whole lot more in line with what i need right now . | [
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i press a hidden button on the little bullet and smile as it whirs to life . | [
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my reliable vibrator-the best battery-operated boyfriend around . | [
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laying back , i bring the vibrator down between my legs , slipping it beneath the lace panties that emerson held in his hands not hours ago . | [
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the mere thought of his broad , capable hands is enough to get me off almost at once . | [
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swallowing a low moan , i come into that black lace g-string , with emerson 's face suspended in my mind 's eye all the while . | [
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`` hopefully that wo n't make breakfast too awkward , '' i whisper to myself , savoring the relaxing wave that washes over me as i drift into a deep , satisfied sleep . | [
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the silence that first fell between emerson and i after he saved me from breaking my neck persists for the better part of the next two weeks . | [
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my handsome housemate may as well be a ghost , for all i see of him . | [
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he leaves for school early in the morning , stays out late at night , and generally avoids me like the plague . | [
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did i totally wig him out that night at the party ? | [
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i could have sworn that he was sending me some flirtatious signals , but maybe i totally misread him . | [
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maybe he just thinks i 'm an incest-loving freak show now . | [
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i 've never been the best flirt , i guess . | [
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riley almost dies when i give her all the juicy details a few days after the party . | [
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turns out she let us get separated when the cops showed up , so that emerson and i could have an `` adventure '' all on our own . | [
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`` so , he basically took off your panties and finger-banged you , '' she sums it up as we head off on a coffee run during our school lunch hour . | [
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`` that is a very liberal translation , '' i say , blushing like crazy as i stare out the passenger side window . | [
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`` he is so into you , '' riley grins . | [
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`` i ca n't believe it , after all this time . '' | [
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she catches my frown and backtracks . | [
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`` i mean , i can totally believe why he 'd be into you , it 's just- '' `` i know that 's he a bit above my pay grade , ri , '' i tell her , leaning back against my seat . | [
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`` i 'm not exactly up to par with the girls he usually hangs out with . '' | [
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without preamble , riley swerves violently onto the shoulder of the main road , causing me to yelp in abject terror . | [
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`` listen to me , '' she says firmly , taking my face in her hands . | [
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`` you are every bit as sexy and bitchin ' as emerson sawyer . | [
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he 'd be lucky to have you , abby . '' | [
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`` you do n't have to do that , '' i insist . | [
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`` he 's the badass , gorgeous lacrosse star , i 'm the weird , short , artsy girl . | [
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if this were a teen movie , maybe we 'd stand a chance . | [
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but i know my place on the food chain . | [
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guys like emerson do n't go for girls like me . '' | [
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`` oh please , '' riley moans , rolling her eyes , `` in a few months ' time , we 're all gon na be out in the real world . | [
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you could take your high-waisted shorts and dark lipstick-wearing self to any major city and be an 'it girl ' in three second flat . | [
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the rest of these assholes will have already peaked in high school , so count your blessings that you 're a weirdo now . '' | [
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`` thanks ? | [
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i think ? '' | [
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i laugh , `` really , ri . | [
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you always know how to cheer me up . '' | [
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`` damn straight i do , '' she says , tossing her black curls over her shoulder . | [
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`` that 's what best friends are for-assuring you that boning your maybe-someday-stepbrother is totally chill as long as your dad does n't put a ring on it first . '' | [
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i shake my head as riley laughs , pulling back onto the road with the radio blasting . | [
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i try my best to keep riley 's words of encouragement close to my heart as the silence between me and emerson continues on . | [
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you 'd think we were locked in a nuclear arms race , for how cold things have become between us . | [
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i catch glimpses of him at school , and have the unfortunate experience of watching courtney try to stick her tongue down his throat on more than one occasion . | [
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but as the days until my eighteenth birthday tick away , the silent treatment goes on . | [
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