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he 's cooking me dinner , after all . | [
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clearly , miracles do happen . | [
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i scroll through dozens upon dozens of movies as emerson cooks . | [
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the savory fragrance of his recipe makes my stomach growl in eager anticipation . | [
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`` jesus . | [
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was that you ? '' | [
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he calls from the kitchen . | [
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`` not very ladylike , sis . '' | [
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`` what do you want from me ? '' | [
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i grin back . | [
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`` your gourmet masterpiece is taking forever . | [
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i 'm starving in here . '' | [
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`` i could always just scrap it and make you some easy mac instead , '' he teases . | [
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`` you 're not that inhumane , '' i shoot back . | [
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`` that is true , '' he chuckles , filling two bowls with the steamy , decadent meal he 's prepared . | [
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`` besides , this looks too good to waste . '' | [
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emerson walks over to the deep sectional couch where i 've made myself a nest of pillows and blankets . | [
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i let out a low moan as i smell the garlicky , mushroomy goodness of the food . | [
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emerson hands me a heaping bowl topped with a mound of parmesan cheese and plops down onto the couch beside me , kicking his feet up onto the coffee table . | [
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almost reverently , i scoop a bite of risotto onto my gigantic silver spoon and raise it to my mouth . | [
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emerson watches expectantly out of the corner of his eye as i sample his cooking . | [
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`` oh my god , '' i mumble around a mouthful of rice , `` i think i just came . '' | [
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emerson lets out a bark of surprised laughter at my crass joke . | [
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`` so you like it then ? '' | [
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i nod eagerly , burrowing into the couch while i take bite after delicious bite of the food he 's prepared . | [
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it occurs to me , as i nosh , that i have n't had an honest-to-god home cooked meal since my mom died . | [
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that awareness only makes this gesture of emerson 's that much more meaningful to me . | [
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`` so , what 're we watching ? '' | [
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he asks , taking a bite of risotto for himself . | [
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i grab the remote and click through to the film of my choice . | [
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it 's an old favorite of mine . | [
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`` ta-da ! '' | [
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i say happily . | [
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`` the fuck ? '' | [
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emerson scoffs as he sees what movie i 've picked out for us tonight . | [
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`` i thought you were gon na go for something with super heroes . | [
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or vampires . | [
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] | [
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anything but this . '' | [
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`` what ? '' | [
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i reply . | [
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] | [
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`` dr. zhivago is a classic ! '' | [
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`` classically depressing , '' he says . | [
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`` have you ever even seen it ? '' | [
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i press . | [
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] | [
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`` well . | [
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] | [
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] | [
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no , '' he admits , `` but look at all that snow and shit on the poster ! | [
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unless we 're talking about snow dogs , that 's never a sign of a cheerful movie . '' | [
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`` cheerful is overrated , '' i tell him , `` and this movie is fantastic . | [
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1
] |
just give it a chance . | [
101,
2074,
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2009,
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] | [
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i promise , you 'll love it . '' | [
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1045,
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1012,
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he raises an eyebrow at my fervid vow . | [
101,
2002,
13275,
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2012,
2026,
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2099,
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`` well ... '' i amend , `` i promise you wo n't absolutely despise it , anyway . '' | [
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] |
if it were any other day , i 'm sure emerson would never submit to watching an old , tragically romantic movie with me . | [
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2065,
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i can practically see him swallowing his pride like a big old bite of mushroom risotto as he says , `` fine . | [
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1
] |
put it on . | [
101,
2404,
2009,
2006,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
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] |
i 'll try not to fall asleep . '' | [
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1045,
1005,
2222,
3046,
2025,
2000,
2991,
6680,
1012,
1005,
1005,
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] | [
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] |
with a gleeful squeak , i queue up the film and settle back against the couch . | [
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2007,
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3993,
29552,
1010,
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] |
as the opening theme swells to fill our living room , emerson eases over on the couch so that our bodies are almost , almost touching . | [
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] |
his closeness , his kindness , and his understanding very nearly erase the upsetting events of this afternoon . | [
101,
2010,
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1010,
2010,
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1010,
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] |
i let myself get swept up in the film , in his company , in the wonderful , unprecedented feeling of comfort that 's wrapped around me like so many blankets . | [
101,
1045,
2292,
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7260,
2039,
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] |
as we fill our bellies and turn our attention toward the movie , i 'm amazed at how normal this all feels . | [
101,
2004,
2057,
6039,
2256,
4330,
3111,
1998,
2735,
2256,
3086,
2646,
1996,
3185,
1010,
1045,
1005,
1049,
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2012,
2129,
3671,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
spending time with emerson feels natural . | [
101,
5938,
2051,
2007,
12628,
5683,
3019,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
easy . | [
101,
3733,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
maybe there was a little silver lining to being so vulnerable in front of him earlier today , scary as it was . | [
101,
2672,
2045,
2001,
1037,
2210,
3165,
14834,
2000,
2108,
2061,
8211,
1999,
2392,
1997,
2032,
3041,
2651,
1010,
12459,
2004,
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2001,
1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
of their own accord , our bodies drift closer together over the course of the long film . | [
101,
1997,
2037,
2219,
15802,
1010,
2256,
4230,
11852,
3553,
2362,
2058,
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2607,
1997,
1996,
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1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
the big meal has made me happy and sleepy , and i can feel my eyelids growing heavy . | [
101,
1996,
2502,
7954,
2038,
2081,
2033,
3407,
1998,
17056,
1010,
1998,
1045,
2064,
2514,
2026,
16544,
3652,
3082,
1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
emerson 's long , built body relaxes next to mine . | [
101,
12628,
1005,
1055,
2146,
1010,
2328,
2303,
9483,
2229,
2279,
2000,
3067,
1012,
102
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1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
and as we both lose ourselves in epic story , he casually encircles me with a strong , muscular arm . | [
101,
1998,
2004,
2057,
2119,
4558,
9731,
1999,
8680,
2466,
1010,
2002,
13217,
4372,
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21769,
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2033,
2007,
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1010,
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i 'm elated to be close to him , but more surprised at how effortlessly our bodies fit together . | [
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i snuggle against his side , resting my head on his shoulder . | [
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the warmth of his body is like a balm to my frayed nerves , and we stay cozied up for the duration of the film . | [
101,
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at long last , when the final credits roll , i 'm reluctant to reach for the remote , to let reality come sweeping into this perfect , suspended moment . | [
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2012,
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i think i can sense hesitation in him too , but that could just be a lot of wishful thinking . | [
101,
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2032,
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at long last , the screen goes black . | [
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the house is almost entirely dark without the blue glow of the tv . | [
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1996,
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but even so , neither of us makes the first move to disentangle our bodies . | [
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if there was any question before , i know that this embrace is more than merely platonic . | [
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emerson 's hand moves slowly along my side , sending sensation sparking along each nerve he brushes . | [
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i turn my face gently toward his , peering up in the dim light . | [
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his blue eyes gleam even in the darkness , and his caring expression gives me the courage to rest a hand on the firm panes of his chest . | [
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2130,
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4768,
1010,
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11922,
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i take a deep , steadying breath , willing myself to be strong . | [
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steady . | [
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`` thank you for this , '' i say , unsurprised to find that my voice has slipped low in my register with wanting him . | [
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`` i know you were out to make me feel better after this afternoon , and ... well . | [
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it worked . | [
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2009,
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1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
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this was exactly what i needed . '' | [
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2023,
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2734,
1012,
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1005,
102
] | [
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`` i 'm glad , '' he says , tugging me just a hair tighter against him . | [
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`` i hated seeing you so upset back at the restaurant . | [
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6283,
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i figured dinner and a movie was the least i could do . | [
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was that a panic attack , or- ? '' | [
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2001,
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1010,
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`` anxiety attack , yeah , '' i reply , scooting up so that our faces are level . | [
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`` i 've been having them for a few years now . '' | [
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2310,
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`` did they start when your mom passed away ? '' | [
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1029,
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he asks . | [
101,
2002,
5176,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
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0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
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] |
`` um . | [
101,
1036,
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8529,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
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1
] |
no , '' i say , averting my eyes , `` not exactly . '' | [
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] |
`` you do n't have to tell me anything you do n't want to , '' emerson insists . | [
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`` no . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2053,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
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0,
0
] | [
1,
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] |
i do want to . | [
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1045,
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1012,
102
] | [
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i want you to know what today was about , i just ... '' i sigh , trying to find the right words . | [
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