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i say , tearing away from his grasp . | [
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`` i 've loved you for the better part of a decade , but we 're not kids anymore , emerson . | [
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we ca n't just throw caution to the wind , you live in europe , and- '' `` we 're twenty-five ! '' | [
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he laughs , incredulously , `` we can do whatever we like . '' | [
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`` you 're twenty-six , '' i remind him , `` and i 've spent the last eight years picking up the pieces of my life on my own . | [
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i 'm not about to let you shatter them again . '' | [
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`` is that what you think i 'd do , if you gave me another chance ? '' | [
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he asks , his voice hard . | [
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`` no , '' i reply , feeling my bottom lip begin to tremble , `` i know it 's what you 'd do . '' | [
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his eyes flash with wounded sorrow as i barrel past him . | [
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this time , he lets me go . | [
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i charge away , back up to my haven on the upper west side , struggling to hold it together . | [
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i manage to make it all the way home before my own grief spills over . | [
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by the time i glance at my bedside clock , i see that it 's after midnight . | [
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it 's officially my own twenty-sixth birthday . | [
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and would you look at that ? | [
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i 'm lying here alone , miserable as ever . | [
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`` see , this is why i hate birthdays , '' i mutter to myself , surrendering to sleep at last . | [
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chapter fourteen it seems that emerson has taken the hint . | [
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there are n't a thousand voicemails and texts waiting on my phone in the morning , and he does n't appear out of thin air all day during my birthday . | [
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riley , unable to contain herself , wakes me up with a wonderful breakfast spread to start the day off right . | [
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one look at my face and she does n't press for details about the night before . | [
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she 's a saint , that woman . | [
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we take our time waking up , head out for a hot yoga class , and take a nice long walk along the hudson river together . | [
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eventually , i fill her in on what went down at drinks last night . | [
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she listens pensively as i give her the scoop . | [
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`` you may not want to hear this , '' she begins , glancing at me as we stroll by the water . | [
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`` that probably means i need to hear it though , right ? '' | [
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i sigh , `` go ahead . | [
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shoot . '' | [
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`` it sounds like you 're scared by how much you still care about him , '' riley says , laying a hand on my shoulder . | [
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`` and you 're terrified of history repeating itself . '' | [
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`` i do still care about him , '' i admit , surprised by the knot in my throat . | [
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`` i never stopped caring about him . '' | [
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`` i know , '' riley smiles sadly , `` i 've been with you these last eight years since he disappeared from your life . | [
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but abby ... you have to remember that there 's one huge difference between then and now . '' | [
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`` his pecs ? '' | [
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i offer . | [
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`` you should see them , ri- '' `` not what i meant , '' she laughs . | [
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`` i was going to say , you were kids when everything went wrong before . | [
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you had to answer to your horrible , selfish parents . | [
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now , you have no one to answer to but yourselves . '' | [
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`` maybe that 's what 's freaking me out , '' i say softly , `` there 's no one to blame if things go wrong again . | [
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if we mess it up this time ... it 's because we 're not actually right for each other . '' | [
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`` being a grownup sucks , do n't it ? '' | [
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riley laughs , shaking her head . | [
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`` but you know what else sucks ? | [
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squandering a wonderful relationship with someone you 're nuts about , just because you 're scared . '' | [
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`` how can you always know the right thing to say ? '' | [
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i ask her , amazed . | [
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`` i 'm just a genius , '' she sighs , as we turn toward home , `` nbd . '' | [
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my grandparents are swinging by the apartment to check up on the place and have drinks before we go out to dinner , but that wo n't be until early this evening . | [
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i have the whole lazy late afternoon to myself . | [
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which would be fine and dandy if i could do anything but lay around thinking about emerson . | [
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i need to check in with him about last night and explain my freak out . | [
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but every time i reach for my cell , something stops me . | [
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`` come on , miss 26-year-old , '' i mutter sternly , staring down at my phone , `` put on your big girl panties and give him a- '' i let out a very undignified yelp as the phone begins to vibrate in my hands . | [
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dropping the device onto my bed in surprise , i peer down at it and feel my stomach flip . | [
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there 's a text on my screen that simply reads : hey abby , it 's emerson . | [
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i grab up the phone and text back before i lose my nerve . | [
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me : hey , i was just about to call you . | [
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i want to talk . | [
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him : so do i . | [
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how do you feel about doing it in person ? | [
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me : oh , i do n't think i have time to come all the way back downtown before my plans tonight . | [
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him : you do n't have to come downtown . | [
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me : no ? | [
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] | [
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i jump a foot in the air as my apartment buzzer rings . | [
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another text arrives in its wake : him : nope . | [
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`` are you expecting a package ? '' | [
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riley calls from the living room . | [
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`` no , ri , it 's him ! '' | [
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i gasp , yanking open my bedroom door . | [
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`` emerson is here ? | [
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at our apartment ? ! '' | [
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she breathes excitedly , `` well , what are you waiting for ? | [
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buzz him up ! '' | [
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`` but . | [
101,
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2021,
1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
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i . | [
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1012,
102
] | [
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what if- '' i stammer , biting my lip . | [
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`` oh , for christ 's sake , '' riley groans . | [
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she marches across the room and pushes the `` door '' button on the buzzer , granting emerson access to our building . | [
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] |
`` you 're welcome , '' she grins , marching toward her room , `` i 'll be in my boudoir . | [
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call if you need any further intervention , yeah ? '' | [
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`` thanks , '' i say weakly , paralyzed as i stare at the front door . | [
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at least i made an effort to look presentable today . | [
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i 've got my favorite pair of skinny jeans on , a slouchy white tee with a charcoal cardigan , and some eclectic pieces of jewelry i 've picked up at the brooklyn flea market . | [
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my blonde hair hangs in loose , easy waves , and my favorite red matte lipstick finishes off the look . | [
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still , even knowing that i look my millennial-chic best , my heart nearly bursts out of my chest as i hear a knock on the door . | [
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he 's here . | [
101,
2002,
1005,
1055,
2182,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
0,
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] | [
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] |
`` answer it or i will ! '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
3437,
2009,
2030,
1045,
2097,
999,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
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1,
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] |
riley trills from the other room . | [
101,
7546,
13012,
12718,
2013,
1996,
2060,
2282,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
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] | [
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1,
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1
] |
`` ugh . | [
101,
1036,
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fine , '' i mutter , going to the door . | [
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`` quit crackin ' the whip , would you ? '' | [
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`` what 's that about whips ? '' | [
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emerson grins , as i swing the door open . | [
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`` oh , '' i stammer , taken aback by his perfect appearance yet again . | [
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he 's wearing a black v-neck and gray jeans , and the smattering of stubble on his jaw is as sexy as ever . | [
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the glasses are nowhere to be seen , which means his vibrant blue eyes are on full , gorgeous display . | [
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