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the tee shirt cuts off just above his bulging , perfect biceps . | [
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i spot a few new tattoos on his arms , too . | [
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guess there 's still a bad boy mixed in with that tech billionaire . | [
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`` no literal whips on hand , sorry to disappoint you , '' i laugh , moving aside to let him in . | [
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`` what a shame , '' he sighs , taking a look around the apartment . | [
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i 'm suddenly self-conscious of the ornate , elegant decor . | [
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i know emerson has money now and everything , but the decadence of my grandparents ' apartment still has me feeling very uncool . | [
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`` i know , this place is a bit much , '' i say nervously , watching his blue eyes rove around the space . | [
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`` but , you know , it 's my grandparents ' . | [
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they 're not exactly hip to the whole minimalism , eco-friendly movement . | [
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actually , they 're stopping by soon for a little birthday celebration . '' | [
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`` frank and jillian ? '' | [
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emerson asks , laying on a parody of his most proper , upper-class voice . | [
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`` what a delight ! '' | [
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`` yeah . | [
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not my idea of a good time , but they 're family . | [
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and they 've also been supporting me my entire life . | [
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so i can handle a bit of waspy tension once in a while , '' i reply . | [
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`` i 'll be sure to get out of here before they show up , '' emerson says , `` would n't want anyone to have a heart attack on your birthday . '' | [
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`` i 'm sure they 'd be happy to see you , '' i offer . | [
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we look at each other for a moment before busting out laughing . | [
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emerson is the last person on the planet my grandparents would want to run into , billionaire or no . | [
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`` i doubt they 'd be impressed by something as gauche as 'new money ' , '' emerson chortles , settling down on the couch . | [
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`` yes , how dare you be successful in this economy , young man , '' i reply , doing my best frank rowan impression as i settle down beside emerson . | [
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we sit next to each other and lapse into silence . | [
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i guess this is the moment where we 're supposed to address what went down last night , but it 's always hard to start . | [
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`` i hope you do n't mind my swinging by , '' emerson begins , `` i know it 's an uninvited visit , but i wanted to talk to you before we got back into the office on monday . '' | [
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`` right , '' i laugh , `` yeah , that might have been awkward . '' | [
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`` i also did n't want to let the day pass without wishing you a happy birthday , '' he goes on , training those gorgeous eyes on me . | [
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`` oh , '' i breathe , very aware of the slender space between us . | [
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`` thanks , emerson . '' | [
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`` has it been a good one so far ? '' | [
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he asks softly . | [
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`` it just got a lot better , to tell you the truth , '' i reply , my voice low and quiet . | [
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i feel that panicked resistance rising in me the more my want of him grows , but i force myself to get through it . | [
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deal with it . | [
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i wo n't let my own fears fuck this moment up . | [
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`` i 'm glad to hear it , '' emerson smiles , `` and i hope this is n't too forward , but i also wanted to make sure to give you your birthday present before the day was out . '' | [
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`` what ? '' | [
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i laugh , turning to face him on the couch . | [
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`` what do you mean , present ? | [
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we only just ran into each other two days ago . | [
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how did you already- ? '' | [
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`` let 's just say i 've been holding onto it for a while , '' he says , reaching into the pocket of his jeans . | [
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`` about eight years , as a matter of fact . '' | [
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the world grinds to a halt around me as he produces a simple black ring box . | [
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i stare at the tiny gift , my mind and heart making the obvious leap . | [
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emerson watches my jaw hit the floor and rushes to assure me . | [
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`` oh god . | [
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do n't worry . | [
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i would n't do that to you , '' he laughs . | [
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`` right , '' i breathe , `` of course . '' | [
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he goes to hand me the box , but at the last second holds it up over his head , out of my reach . | [
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his favorite old joke from when we were kids . | [
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and given that he 's got even more height on me now , the joke holds . | [
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i give him a playful shove , and he finally hands the box to me . | [
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my hands tremble as i force a placid smile onto my face and open the ring box . | [
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am i relieved that he did n't just whip out an engagement ring , or was some ridiculous little corner of my mind hoping that he was going to ? | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
whatever the case may be , the question fades out of my mind as i lift the lid of the box and see what 's inside . | [
101,
3649,
1996,
2553,
2089,
2022,
1010,
1996,
3160,
26784,
2041,
1997,
2026,
2568,
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6336,
1996,
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3482,
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2054,
1005,
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102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
it 's a delicate silver ring , set with one gleaming freshwater pearl . | [
101,
2009,
1005,
1055,
1037,
10059,
3165,
3614,
1010,
2275,
2007,
2028,
18242,
12573,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i know i 've seen this ring before . | [
101,
1045,
2113,
1045,
1005,
2310,
2464,
2023,
3614,
2077,
1012,
102
] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
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1,
1,
1,
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] |
but where ? | [
101,
2021,
2073,
1029,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` when we were at the beach for our birthdays , all those years ago , '' emerson says , watching me intently , `` we stopped at that one shop you liked so much in town , with all those handmade crafts and things . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2043,
2057,
2020,
2012,
1996,
3509,
2005,
2256,
5798,
2015,
1010,
2035,
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3283,
1010,
1005,
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2758,
1010,
3666,
2033,
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1010,
1036,
1036,
2057,
3030,
2012,
2008,
2028,
4497,
2017,
4669,
2061,
217... | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
you stared at this ring for a good five minutes , just admiring it . | [
101,
2017,
3592,
2012,
2023,
3614,
2005,
1037,
2204,
2274,
2781,
1010,
2074,
24588,
2009,
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102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
you did n't say anything , of course , but i knew you loved it . | [
101,
2017,
2106,
1050,
1005,
1056,
2360,
2505,
1010,
1997,
2607,
1010,
2021,
1045,
2354,
2017,
3866,
2009,
1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i waited until you were trying things on in the dressing room and bought it for you . | [
101,
1045,
4741,
2127,
2017,
2020,
2667,
2477,
2006,
1999,
1996,
11225,
2282,
1998,
4149,
2009,
2005,
2017,
1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
for your eighteenth birthday . | [
101,
2005,
2115,
12965,
5798,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
but with everything that actually ended up happening that day ... i never got a chance to give it to you . | [
101,
2021,
2007,
2673,
2008,
2941,
3092,
2039,
6230,
2008,
2154,
1012,
1012,
1012,
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1037,
3382,
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1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
well . | [
101,
2092,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
until now , that is . '' | [
101,
2127,
2085,
1010,
2008,
2003,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` you 've ... held onto this the whole time ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2017,
1005,
2310,
1012,
1012,
1012,
2218,
3031,
2023,
1996,
2878,
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102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i whisper , looking up at him in wonder , `` you 've had this ring for eight years , emerson ? '' | [
101,
1045,
7204,
1010,
2559,
2039,
2012,
2032,
1999,
4687,
1010,
1036,
1036,
2017,
1005,
2310,
2018,
2023,
3614,
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2809,
2086,
1010,
12628,
1029,
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1005,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` i guess some part of me always hoped i 'd have the chance to give it to you someday , '' he says softly . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1045,
3984,
2070,
2112,
1997,
2033,
2467,
5113,
1045,
1005,
1040,
2031,
1996,
3382,
2000,
2507,
2009,
2000,
2017,
13834,
1010,
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1005,
2002,
2758,
5238,
1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` and would you look at that ? | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1998,
2052,
2017,
2298,
2012,
2008,
1029,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
here you are . '' | [
101,
2182,
2017,
2024,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` here i am , '' i smile . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2182,
1045,
2572,
1010,
1005,
1005,
1045,
2868,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
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0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` i never forgot about you , abby , '' he says , resting a hand on mine , `` not for a second . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1045,
2196,
9471,
2055,
2017,
1010,
9460,
1010,
1005,
1005,
2002,
2758,
1010,
8345,
1037,
2192,
2006,
3067,
1010,
1036,
1036,
2025,
2005,
1037,
2117,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
through every other relationship , and date , and fling , i always had you at the back of my mind . | [
101,
2083,
2296,
2060,
3276,
1010,
1998,
3058,
1010,
1998,
27655,
1010,
1045,
2467,
2018,
2017,
2012,
1996,
2067,
1997,
2026,
2568,
1012,
102
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
no one ever measured up to you . | [
101,
2053,
2028,
2412,
7594,
2039,
2000,
2017,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i 'm not blaming you for my lack of committed relationships , of course . | [
101,
1045,
1005,
1049,
2025,
24114,
2017,
2005,
2026,
3768,
1997,
5462,
6550,
1010,
1997,
2607,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
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0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
it 's just ... i never wanted to settle down with anyone else . | [
101,
2009,
1005,
1055,
2074,
1012,
1012,
1012,
1045,
2196,
2359,
2000,
7392,
2091,
2007,
3087,
2842,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
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0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
because the person i really cared about was still out there . | [
101,
2138,
1996,
2711,
1045,
2428,
8725,
2055,
2001,
2145,
2041,
2045,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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0,
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0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
only , i 'd already met and lost her . '' | [
101,
2069,
1010,
1045,
1005,
1040,
2525,
2777,
1998,
2439,
2014,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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0,
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` you did n't lose me , '' i whisper , lacing my fingers through his . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2017,
2106,
1050,
1005,
1056,
4558,
2033,
1010,
1005,
1005,
1045,
7204,
1010,
18749,
2075,
2026,
3093,
2083,
2010,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
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0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` we just ... misplaced each other for a while . '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2057,
2074,
1012,
1012,
1012,
28616,
22829,
2169,
2060,
2005,
1037,
2096,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` i 'll take that , '' he smiles , inching toward me . | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1045,
1005,
2222,
2202,
2008,
1010,
1005,
1005,
2002,
8451,
1010,
4960,
2075,
2646,
2033,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i force myself to take a deep breath as we move closer , and closer . | [
101,
1045,
2486,
2870,
2000,
2202,
1037,
2784,
3052,
2004,
2057,
2693,
3553,
1010,
1998,
3553,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
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] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
the heat and nearness of him are making my head spin , and that 's not all . | [
101,
1996,
3684,
1998,
2379,
2791,
1997,
2032,
2024,
2437,
2026,
2132,
6714,
1010,
1998,
2008,
1005,
1055,
2025,
2035,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
0,
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] | [
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i clench my thighs together , acutely aware of the throbbing need building between my legs . | [
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just being close to him , alone in this room , is enough to turn me on . | [
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it dawns on me , for the first time , that i do n't have say `` no '' in this moment . | [
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nothing is stopping me from being with emerson the way i want to be . | [
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`` god , i 've missed you , '' emerson murmurs fiercely , catching my face in hands . | [
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`` well . | [
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you know how i feel about showing and telling , sawyer , '' i whisper , my voice low and rasping with want . | [
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`` that i do , '' he grins , those blue eyes mere inches from mine . | [
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and with that , he tugs me tightly against him and brings his mouth to mine . | [
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i bend my body to his , opening myself without a second thought . | [
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the familiar taste of him , still the same after all these years , sets the synapses of my brain sparking , dredging up a million memories . | [
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my every barrier and defense goes crumbling down as i run my fingers through his now-cropped brown hair . | [
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