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`` but- '' `` i 'm not here to save you from emerson , '' my dad goes on , `` i 'm here to save you-try and save you-from yourself . '' | [
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`` you 're gon na have to drop a few more bread crumbs if you expect me to follow this , '' i tell him , crossing my arms . | [
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`` i know this is going to sound insane , coming from me , '' my dad says , struggling with his heart-to-heart dynamic . | [
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`` but when your grandpa told me what the situation was , it 's like i knew what you 'd be thinking . | [
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you 'd be thinking , 'i should just give up on emerson , ' and 'it 's too hard , ' and 'it 's not right to let someone help me , i need to go it alone ' . '' | [
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i stare at him across the room , flummoxed by how spot-on he is . | [
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my dad and i have never once understood each other . | [
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he 's never even made the attempt to understand my experiences . | [
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we do n't talk . | [
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we especially do n't listen . | [
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but here he is now , speaking to what i actually have been thinking and feeling . | [
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what the hell am i supposed to do with that ? | [
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`` dad ... '' i say slowly , `` are you telling me that i should stay with emerson ? '' | [
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`` i think i am , '' he says , as if surprised by the conclusion . | [
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`` but you hate emerson , '' i remind him , `` you two nearly killed each other that day- '' `` please , '' dad says , holding up his hands for me stop , `` let 's not go there . '' | [
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`` sorry , '' i backtrack , `` i 'm just a little confused , here . '' | [
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`` i never knew how to do right by you , abby , '' my dad says quietly , lifting his eyes to mind , `` but that 's not your fault . | [
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it 's on me . | [
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when you were growing up , i never gave your needs the same weight as mine . | [
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never thought about how things would effect you . | [
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i was totally blindsided by how much emerson came to mean to you back then . | [
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i did n't even stop to consider how wonderful it was that you 'd found someone you could talk to , share things with . | [
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god knows i was n't helping you on that front . '' | [
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`` do n't say that , '' i reply , a knot forming in my throat . | [
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`` i 've always loved you , dad . | [
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you have to know that . '' | [
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`` and i love you , '' he says , crossing the room tentatively toward me . | [
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`` i 've just been pretty terrible at letting you know that . '' | [
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with great care , dad takes my hands in his . | [
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he looks at me intently , and for the first time in my life i feel like he 's actually seeing me . | [
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`` abby , '' he says , `` do you love emerson as much as you did when you were a kid ? '' | [
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`` no , '' i whisper hoarsely , `` i love him so much more , now . '' | [
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`` then do n't run away , '' he says , squeezing my hands , `` stay and work through this with him . | [
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do n't refuse him out of pride , or some idea of propriety . | [
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it 's ok to let people help you . | [
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especially the people who love you more than anything . '' | [
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`` but what if something goes wrong ? '' | [
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i ask earnestly , `` what if we start to resent each other , or feel tied down , or change our minds- '' `` then at least you 'll know for sure where you stand , '' my dad cuts me off . | [
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`` i know you 've been in pain since you and emerson were forced apart . | [
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it was my fault that happened . | [
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mine and deb 's . | [
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but can you honestly tell me you have n't spent the past decade wondering what would have happened between you and emerson 'if only ' ? | [
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i ca n't let you spend the next ten years wondering . | [
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hurting . | [
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i need you to hear me now , abby . '' | [
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`` i hear you , '' i tell him , and it 's true . | [
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`` i know it 's scary , sweetheart , '' dad says , resting his hands on my shoulders , `` but you 've got to jump , now . | [
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it 's time . '' | [
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`` ok , '' i whisper , `` ok , dad . '' | [
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`` ok , you 'll jump ? '' | [
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he presses . | [
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`` i 'll jump , '' i tell him , `` but i may fall , you know . '' | [
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`` there 's always that chance , '' he says sadly , `` trust me , i know . | [
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but you know what 'll happen if you do n't fall ? | [
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you 'll fly . '' | [
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he kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me . | [
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i hug him back , ferociously . | [
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i think this might be the first honest moment we 've ever shared together . | [
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and all i had to do was let my life get almost entirely derailed to bring it about . | [
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life 's funny , is n't it ? | [
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my dad and i both look up as the front door swings open and a small bundle of fur bounds into the loft . | [
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roxie runs right up to me , whiny with delight to find me still here . | [
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when emerson steps into the loft after her , the same look of relief floods his eyes . | [
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he was worried i 'd be gone by now . | [
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that relief gives way to surprise as he recognizes my dad standing next to me . | [
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`` bob ? '' | [
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emerson says , looking back and forth between us . | [
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`` hi , emerson , '' my dad replies , going to shake emerson 's hand . | [
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`` sorry to drop in unannounced , i just needed to have a word with my daughter . '' | [
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`` oh . | [
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sure , '' emerson says , giving my dad 's hand a firm shake . | [
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`` you guys have a lot to talk about . | [
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i 'll get out of your hair , '' dad says . | [
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`` but , emerson ... i know i have no right to ask anything of you , given how i 've treated you in the past . | [
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it 's just-be good to her . | [
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be better to her than i ever was . '' | [
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`` i intend to be , '' emerson says , training his eyes on my dad . | [
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`` whatever she decides that means to her . '' | [
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my dad smiles , faintly but resolutely , gives me a final wave , and sees himself out . | [
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emerson and i stare after him as the door closes quietly in his wake . | [
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for a moment , the only movement in the room comes from roxie 's exuberant tail-wagging . | [
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when emerson finally swings his gaze my way , his eyes are full of cautious hope . | [
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`` so ... '' he begins , `` did your dad have any good advice ? '' | [
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`` you know what ? '' | [
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i laugh softly , `` he really did . '' | [
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`` did that advice involve getting as far away from me as humanly possible ? '' | [
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emerson asks , taking a step forward . | [
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`` not at all , '' i tell him , countering his step , `` in fact , it was just the opposite . '' | [
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`` huh , '' emerson replies , as we slowly move toward each other in a dance of barely-contained desire . | [
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`` does that mean ... you 've come to some kind of decision ? | [
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about what you want to do happen next ? '' | [
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`` it means that i 'm ready to ask for what i 've wanted for the last ten years , '' i reply , as we meet in the center of the loft . | [
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i take his hands , take a breath , and take that final leap . | [
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`` i want to be with you , emerson . | [
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now and always . | [
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i know that what we have is unconventional , and that it 's not going to be an easy journey . | [
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but there 's no one else i 'd rather be on my journey with . | [
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so if you 'll still have me , i 'd like to stay here . | [
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with you . '' | [
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`` if i 'll still have you ? '' | [
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